1 00:00:04,902 --> 00:00:11,902 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:12,043 --> 00:00:13,678 LEON BLACK: Whoo-wee! 3 00:00:14,879 --> 00:00:16,111 (GROWLS) 4 00:00:16,111 --> 00:00:18,080 These fresh meatballs in here? (CHUCKLES) 5 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:19,843 Gotta get that corn on the cob. 6 00:00:19,843 --> 00:00:21,617 On the cob, off the cob, it don't matter. 7 00:00:21,617 --> 00:00:25,220 Y'all ain't playing around this motherfucker, huh? 8 00:00:25,220 --> 00:00:27,890 What the fuck is this right here? 9 00:00:27,890 --> 00:00:29,287 (URINATING) 10 00:00:29,287 --> 00:00:30,159 (SIGHS) 11 00:00:30,159 --> 00:00:33,466 ♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪ 12 00:00:36,267 --> 00:00:38,234 You guys don't have the lobster bibs no more? 13 00:00:38,234 --> 00:00:41,103 - WAITRESS: Sorry, hon. - (CHUCKLING) Oh, my God. 14 00:00:41,103 --> 00:00:43,872 Another plate? Are you out of your mind? Huh? 15 00:00:43,872 --> 00:00:46,109 It says all you can eat, right? So you fucking eat. 16 00:00:46,109 --> 00:00:48,110 Yeah, I know, but still. 17 00:00:48,110 --> 00:00:49,812 You are really going at it, man. 18 00:00:49,812 --> 00:00:51,646 LEON: Mm-hmm. Whoo! 19 00:00:51,646 --> 00:00:54,316 Let me ask you this question. Have you ever considered 20 00:00:54,316 --> 00:00:58,486 how much time you've wasted in your life urinating? 21 00:00:58,486 --> 00:01:00,289 - Hundreds of hours. - You're fucking right. 22 00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:01,991 I mean, you could be learning something 23 00:01:01,991 --> 00:01:03,259 in that time, you know? 24 00:01:03,259 --> 00:01:04,927 Mm-hmm. You know who's gonna be a billionaire? 25 00:01:04,927 --> 00:01:08,630 Motherfucker who's gonna, uh, create a car that runs on piss. 26 00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,632 - Yeah. You know what? - No more time wasted. 27 00:01:10,632 --> 00:01:13,502 Now that idiotic brain of yours has finally... 28 00:01:13,502 --> 00:01:15,065 You're driving across country-- 29 00:01:15,065 --> 00:01:16,472 LARRY DAVID: You've landed on something. Yeah. 30 00:01:16,472 --> 00:01:17,872 You drink water and Gatorades and shit, 31 00:01:17,872 --> 00:01:20,175 - fucking coffees and shit the whole fucking trip. - Yeah. 32 00:01:20,175 --> 00:01:22,311 You pull over, take your dick out, 33 00:01:22,311 --> 00:01:24,847 put it in that little hole where the gas goes, 34 00:01:24,847 --> 00:01:26,049 and fill that motherfucker up. 35 00:01:26,049 --> 00:01:28,283 You're on your merry way. The Peeus. 36 00:01:28,283 --> 00:01:30,352 That's what it's fucking called. The Peeus. 37 00:01:30,352 --> 00:01:32,955 - Fantastic idea. - You know another good idea? 38 00:01:32,955 --> 00:01:34,056 LARRY: Hmm? 39 00:01:34,056 --> 00:01:35,991 Me getting up and getting another plate. 40 00:01:35,991 --> 00:01:37,359 Oh, God. No, don't. Don't. 41 00:01:37,359 --> 00:01:39,262 - (SMACKS LIPS) Whew. - Leon, come on, man. 42 00:01:39,262 --> 00:01:41,430 - And once I undo these pants... - LARRY: Oh, jeez. 43 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:43,966 - ...and this top buckle... - LARRY: You're gonna get sick. 44 00:01:43,966 --> 00:01:45,134 Watch my smoke. 45 00:01:45,134 --> 00:01:46,502 LARRY: Huh? What's wrong with you? 46 00:01:46,502 --> 00:01:48,603 (LAUGHS) I'm going in, Larry! 47 00:01:48,603 --> 00:01:52,175 - LARRY: Oh, Jesus. - LEON: Whoo! Oh, yeah. 48 00:01:52,175 --> 00:01:53,342 Those snow crab legs. 49 00:01:53,342 --> 00:01:54,676 - Hey, these fresh? - SERVER: Yes, sir. 50 00:01:54,676 --> 00:01:57,213 It's enough already. Sit down and eat it. 51 00:01:57,213 --> 00:01:59,615 Whoo-wee! (GROANS) 52 00:01:59,615 --> 00:02:01,216 - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Hey! 53 00:02:01,216 --> 00:02:03,086 We're done. That was your last plate for today. 54 00:02:03,086 --> 00:02:04,486 You have four plates. Too much food. 55 00:02:04,486 --> 00:02:06,316 I'm cutting you off. That's all! 56 00:02:06,316 --> 00:02:08,524 Wait. You got a sign outside that says, "all you can eat." 57 00:02:08,524 --> 00:02:10,626 You mean to tell me, I can't eat all the fuck want to eat? 58 00:02:10,626 --> 00:02:12,494 All you can eat if you are reasonable. 59 00:02:12,494 --> 00:02:14,663 You've already ate, my friend. I've been counting. 60 00:02:14,663 --> 00:02:17,767 Five pound short rib, ten pound prawns. 61 00:02:17,767 --> 00:02:20,169 - Who are you, by the way? - I'm Shimon. 62 00:02:20,169 --> 00:02:21,870 - LEON: You're Shimon? - I am Shimon. 63 00:02:21,870 --> 00:02:23,739 Oh, so you're the Wendy's of this motherfucker. 64 00:02:23,739 --> 00:02:26,308 I'm fucking Wendy. You want me to put on a little red wig and freckles? 65 00:02:26,308 --> 00:02:27,409 - LEON: Yeah. Yeah. - How 'bout this? 66 00:02:27,409 --> 00:02:28,945 - LEON: How 'bout you do that? - I do that 67 00:02:28,945 --> 00:02:30,146 after you get the fuck out! 68 00:02:30,146 --> 00:02:32,114 You're banned forever. Lifetime ban. 69 00:02:32,114 --> 00:02:33,749 - Lifetime. - That's not-- that's not fair. 70 00:02:33,749 --> 00:02:35,284 Oh. You, my friend. 71 00:02:35,284 --> 00:02:36,685 You still can come when you want 72 00:02:36,685 --> 00:02:38,554 because you eat like reasonable person. 73 00:02:38,554 --> 00:02:40,489 Yeah. Yeah, I had one plate. You know why? 74 00:02:40,489 --> 00:02:42,391 - 'Cause the food stinks. - You stink! 75 00:02:42,391 --> 00:02:43,459 - No, you stink! - No, you stink! 76 00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:44,493 - You stink! - LEON: You stink! 77 00:02:44,493 --> 00:02:45,628 - You stink! - You fucking stink. 78 00:02:45,628 --> 00:02:47,096 - You stink, Shimon! - SHIMON: No, you stink. 79 00:02:47,096 --> 00:02:48,397 Get out. Both of you out. 80 00:02:48,397 --> 00:02:49,564 Both of you out. You, forever. 81 00:02:49,564 --> 00:02:50,700 You, maybe-- maybe you have a chance. 82 00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,401 - Fuck you, Wendy. - Lifetime ban! 83 00:02:52,401 --> 00:02:54,904 Only person besides you, Gary Busey. 84 00:02:54,904 --> 00:02:57,272 If this was a brothel, I'd be fucking pissed. 85 00:02:57,272 --> 00:02:59,075 Lifetime ban. You're gone. 86 00:02:59,075 --> 00:03:01,043 - (QUIETLY) I'm still good? - SHIMON: You're still fine. 87 00:03:01,043 --> 00:03:03,179 - You're still fine. Go. - ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 88 00:03:03,179 --> 00:03:05,847 He did me dirty. He did me fucking dirty. 89 00:03:05,847 --> 00:03:09,652 - Yeah, he really did. - Wow, man. Now I need dessert. 90 00:03:09,652 --> 00:03:12,055 What, are you nuts? You had four plates of food. 91 00:03:12,055 --> 00:03:13,089 - You want something? - No. 92 00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:15,058 No? Okay. Don't fucking leave me. 93 00:03:15,058 --> 00:03:16,358 Hurry up. 94 00:03:16,358 --> 00:03:18,423 - ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ - (CAR LOCK BEEPS) 95 00:03:18,423 --> 00:03:19,328 Hey! 96 00:03:19,328 --> 00:03:22,431 Look at this. Huh? Wow. 97 00:03:22,431 --> 00:03:24,500 You know something? This is-- This is perfect. 98 00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,402 I have a favor to ask you. 99 00:03:26,402 --> 00:03:28,403 - I'm doing-- - Oh, boy, that's a horrible way 100 00:03:28,403 --> 00:03:29,804 - to introduce a sentence. - TED DANSON: No, no. 101 00:03:29,804 --> 00:03:32,275 I'm doing a play. It's called House Divided. 102 00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:34,477 - Yeah? - Yeah. I get to play Lincoln. 103 00:03:34,477 --> 00:03:36,580 - Wh-- You're playing Lincoln? - (CHUCKLING) Yeah. 104 00:03:36,580 --> 00:03:37,613 What fun. 105 00:03:37,613 --> 00:03:41,250 And Lori Loughlin is playing my wife, Mary Todd. 106 00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:43,285 - Lori Loughlin? - Yeah, Lori Loughlin. 107 00:03:43,285 --> 00:03:44,620 - Oh. - And here's-- here's the thing. 108 00:03:44,620 --> 00:03:46,890 She loves to play golf, and I was just hoping 109 00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:48,890 that maybe you could sponsor her at the club. 110 00:03:48,890 --> 00:03:50,992 - There's nobody else who could sponsor her? - No. 111 00:03:50,992 --> 00:03:54,998 Because of that whole college admissions scandal thing, 112 00:03:54,998 --> 00:03:56,465 no club will touch her. 113 00:03:56,465 --> 00:03:58,734 - That's not fair. - No. She's a lovely lady. 114 00:03:58,734 --> 00:04:00,536 - Yeah, I'll bet she is. - And that's why I'm coming-- 115 00:04:00,536 --> 00:04:02,705 - She's being blackballed from the clubs? - Yes. Yes. 116 00:04:02,705 --> 00:04:04,769 Terrible. That's-- I'll sponsor her. 117 00:04:04,769 --> 00:04:06,542 Oh, Larry. Thanks, man. 118 00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:08,511 - I really appreciate that. - Yeah. Happy to do it. 119 00:04:08,511 --> 00:04:10,146 You know I'm a champion of the underdog. 120 00:04:10,146 --> 00:04:11,447 - You know that. - I do. I do. 121 00:04:11,447 --> 00:04:13,482 Wait a minute. You worked with her, didn't you? 122 00:04:13,482 --> 00:04:15,350 Yeah. Yeah, on-- on Seinfeld. 123 00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:17,253 No, no, that was the last two years. 124 00:04:17,253 --> 00:04:18,620 I wasn't there for that episode. 125 00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:21,794 Huh. But you did the finale, right? 126 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:26,329 - Yeah, Ted, I did the finale. - That's what I thought. 127 00:04:26,329 --> 00:04:28,597 Yeah. Anyway, thanks. I'll-- I'll let Lori know. 128 00:04:28,597 --> 00:04:30,936 Thank you so much, buddy. I got to run. 129 00:04:32,638 --> 00:04:36,109 ♪ (JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 130 00:04:43,381 --> 00:04:44,617 Voilà! 131 00:04:45,483 --> 00:04:46,582 ♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪ 132 00:04:46,582 --> 00:04:49,018 - LARRY: Wow. - SUSIE GREENE: Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 133 00:04:49,018 --> 00:04:52,817 - LARRY: Look at you. - SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan." 134 00:04:52,817 --> 00:04:55,458 My business! All mine. 135 00:04:55,458 --> 00:04:57,859 Well, I like how you plastered yourself all over 136 00:04:57,859 --> 00:05:00,329 - Santa Monica Boulevard here... - Ah, it's a sales thing. 137 00:05:00,329 --> 00:05:01,798 Like-- like Queen Nefertiti. 138 00:05:01,798 --> 00:05:03,500 You got to spend money to make money, 139 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,666 and it's an investment. 140 00:05:04,666 --> 00:05:07,131 And I think the business is just gonna take off. 141 00:05:07,131 --> 00:05:08,971 Now you see why I wanted you to come. 142 00:05:08,971 --> 00:05:11,940 All right, well, I got to, uh, I got to take off. 143 00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:17,080 - Uh, I got a big date tonight. - Wait, Irma's gone, right? 144 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:19,115 Yeah. This is my first one. 145 00:05:19,115 --> 00:05:21,450 - Anyone I know? - Oh, yeah. 146 00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:23,252 - Who? - I can't even tell you. 147 00:05:23,252 --> 00:05:24,721 - Oh, come on! It's me! - I can't, no. 148 00:05:24,721 --> 00:05:26,355 You're gonna mock me to death. 149 00:05:26,355 --> 00:05:28,127 I'm not gonna mock. Tell me. 150 00:05:29,427 --> 00:05:31,361 - Sienna Miller. - (LAUGHS) 151 00:05:31,361 --> 00:05:33,462 (LARRY WHEEZES) 152 00:05:33,462 --> 00:05:35,431 - She's going out with you? - LARRY: Yeah! 153 00:05:35,431 --> 00:05:37,666 - That gorgeous woman? - Yeah, I'm going to her, uh, 154 00:05:37,666 --> 00:05:39,468 screening for her new movie tonight. 155 00:05:39,468 --> 00:05:40,970 - Oh, get the fuck out of here. - Yes. 156 00:05:40,970 --> 00:05:42,738 - She's got a thing for me. - All right. 157 00:05:42,738 --> 00:05:44,106 - Well-- You know what it is? - You know why? 158 00:05:44,106 --> 00:05:45,908 - Yeah, I know. I know what it is. - Yeah. Atlanta. 159 00:05:45,908 --> 00:05:47,709 Listen, when you're out with Sienna, 160 00:05:47,709 --> 00:05:50,413 maybe mention the caftans, 'cause they'd look fantastic. 161 00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:51,847 She's tall, thin. 162 00:05:51,847 --> 00:05:53,616 - It would flow beautifully on her. - Are you-- (CHUCKLES) 163 00:05:53,616 --> 00:05:55,251 Think she's gonna wear that fucking thing? 164 00:05:55,251 --> 00:05:57,086 - Yes! - Get out of here. 165 00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,855 SUSIE: "Catch as Caftan." 166 00:05:58,855 --> 00:06:01,455 - Oh, I love it. - (CAR DOOR OPEN, CLOSES) 167 00:06:05,596 --> 00:06:08,234 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 168 00:06:12,103 --> 00:06:13,435 LARRY: "Fourscore..." 169 00:06:13,435 --> 00:06:14,870 - (URINATING) -"...and seven years ago, 170 00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:17,573 our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, 171 00:06:17,573 --> 00:06:19,776 - conceived in liberty..." - (CONTINUES URINATING) 172 00:06:19,776 --> 00:06:21,644 "...and dedicated to the proposition 173 00:06:21,644 --> 00:06:23,913 that all men are created equal." 174 00:06:23,913 --> 00:06:25,684 - (URINATING STOPS) - (ZIPPER CLOSES) 175 00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:27,517 (TOILET FLUSHES) 176 00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,351 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 177 00:06:29,351 --> 00:06:31,386 LARRY: "Fourscore and seven years ago..." 178 00:06:31,386 --> 00:06:32,989 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 179 00:06:32,989 --> 00:06:33,989 LARRY: By the way, 180 00:06:33,989 --> 00:06:36,259 if you think you're getting any of my popcorn, 181 00:06:36,259 --> 00:06:38,161 - you're gravely mistaken. - (LAUGHS) 182 00:06:38,161 --> 00:06:39,128 Gravely. 183 00:06:39,128 --> 00:06:40,662 If you think you can go on a date with someone 184 00:06:40,662 --> 00:06:42,364 and not share popcorn, you're gravely mistaken. 185 00:06:42,364 --> 00:06:43,999 - Oh, is this-- Is this a date? - Gravely. 186 00:06:43,999 --> 00:06:44,867 Is this a date? 187 00:06:44,867 --> 00:06:46,263 I don't know, Larry. You tell me. 188 00:06:46,263 --> 00:06:47,737 If you share the popcorn, it's a date. 189 00:06:47,737 --> 00:06:50,339 All right, well... (SIGHS) 190 00:06:50,339 --> 00:06:52,011 - Thank you. - If you must. 191 00:06:52,744 --> 00:06:54,176 I get a little bit nervous. 192 00:06:54,176 --> 00:06:55,745 Nervous? It's friends and family, 193 00:06:55,745 --> 00:06:56,980 you got nothing to worry about. 194 00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:59,014 This is the easiest thing you'll ever go through. 195 00:06:59,014 --> 00:07:01,283 And aren't you, uh, aren't you shooting another one? 196 00:07:01,283 --> 00:07:04,454 - Mm. Right now. - Very busy gal. 197 00:07:04,454 --> 00:07:05,989 - Busy gal. - Yeah. 198 00:07:05,989 --> 00:07:08,161 I'm like Rachel and the rug merchants. 199 00:07:08,894 --> 00:07:10,259 Who? 200 00:07:10,259 --> 00:07:12,494 Rachel and the rug merchants. 201 00:07:12,494 --> 00:07:14,030 - What's that? - It's like a-- 202 00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:16,865 It's a famous Old Testament Jewish parable. 203 00:07:16,865 --> 00:07:19,363 - Rachel and the rug merchants? - Have you never heard of it? 204 00:07:19,363 --> 00:07:21,103 - Never heard of it. - Call yourself a Jew? 205 00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:22,266 What's it about? 206 00:07:22,266 --> 00:07:23,805 It's about Rachel and rug merchants. 207 00:07:23,805 --> 00:07:26,475 What-- And what happened? Did she get cheated on a rug, 208 00:07:26,475 --> 00:07:27,909 and she had to return the rug? 209 00:07:27,909 --> 00:07:30,246 Did they give her the wrong rug? Was there a stain on it? 210 00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:31,813 I mean, there's many possibilities 211 00:07:31,813 --> 00:07:33,916 - for what the story... - No, no stain on the rug. Uh-uh. 212 00:07:33,916 --> 00:07:35,751 Was the rug too big for her tent, 213 00:07:35,751 --> 00:07:37,719 and she got the dimensions wrong? 214 00:07:37,719 --> 00:07:39,721 Was it about her relationship with the rug merchant? 215 00:07:39,721 --> 00:07:41,858 Did she have an affair with the rug merchant? 216 00:07:41,858 --> 00:07:44,060 What happened with her and the rug merchant? 217 00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:46,629 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING IN MOVIE) ♪ 218 00:07:46,629 --> 00:07:48,197 (DUCKS QUACKING) 219 00:07:48,197 --> 00:07:50,969 ♪ (MUSIC TURNS TENSE) ♪ 220 00:07:52,303 --> 00:07:54,807 (CHILDREN SCREAMING CHEERFULLY) 221 00:08:02,347 --> 00:08:06,152 SIENNA MILLER: (IN FILM) Johnny? Johnny, where are you? 222 00:08:08,086 --> 00:08:09,088 Johnny? 223 00:08:10,822 --> 00:08:14,793 Oh my God. Johnny! Johnny, come on! 224 00:08:17,328 --> 00:08:21,863 ♪ (SORROWFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 225 00:08:21,863 --> 00:08:24,768 I notice you like to eat a lot of fruit in your movies. 226 00:08:24,768 --> 00:08:26,669 I mean, we're only halfway through this, 227 00:08:26,669 --> 00:08:28,771 and you've already eaten a cantaloupe, a nectarine, 228 00:08:28,771 --> 00:08:30,372 and some mulberries. 229 00:08:30,372 --> 00:08:32,108 In fact, now that I think about it, 230 00:08:32,108 --> 00:08:35,148 didn't you eat a lot of fruit in Anatomy of a Scandal? 231 00:08:36,314 --> 00:08:37,379 - Uh... - What is that? 232 00:08:37,379 --> 00:08:38,914 Is that part of your process? 233 00:08:38,914 --> 00:08:42,651 You take a bite, you act, you take another bite, you act. 234 00:08:42,651 --> 00:08:44,620 I'm just trying to watch, you know. 235 00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:46,122 - SIENNA: Excuse me? Excuse me? - LARRY: Oh, sorry. 236 00:08:46,122 --> 00:08:47,822 Have you seen an 11-year-old boy? 237 00:08:47,822 --> 00:08:49,658 - (DOG BARKING) - LARRY: Oh, yeah. You're doing it again. 238 00:08:49,658 --> 00:08:51,795 He's wearing like a black and green checkered shirt. 239 00:08:51,795 --> 00:08:53,829 - (SHUSHES) No, I'm sorry. - (BARKING) 240 00:08:53,829 --> 00:08:55,765 He's been missing for, like, three hours. 241 00:08:55,765 --> 00:08:58,837 DOG WALKER: I haven't seen him. Sorry. 242 00:08:59,637 --> 00:09:00,737 SIENNA: (CRYING) Oh, my God. 243 00:09:00,737 --> 00:09:02,975 - (LARRY EXHALES) - SIENNA: Johnny! 244 00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,078 Hey, chief. What's up? 245 00:09:06,077 --> 00:09:07,810 - SIENNA: Johnny! - You talking to me? 246 00:09:07,810 --> 00:09:09,712 Yeah. We got to have a little powwow. 247 00:09:09,712 --> 00:09:11,413 Look, what's your problem? 248 00:09:11,413 --> 00:09:12,982 My problem? I don't have a problem. 249 00:09:12,982 --> 00:09:15,585 Your problem is that you're way in my area 250 00:09:15,585 --> 00:09:16,952 - with your jacket. - No. No. 251 00:09:16,952 --> 00:09:19,154 That's where a jacket belongs, on the back of the chair. 252 00:09:19,154 --> 00:09:20,122 It's my chair. 253 00:09:20,122 --> 00:09:21,751 - In what world-- - So I get to put it on my back. 254 00:09:21,751 --> 00:09:23,826 - SIENNA: Just leave it alone. - This is draped beautifully 255 00:09:23,826 --> 00:09:24,994 over the back of my chair. 256 00:09:24,994 --> 00:09:26,395 - It's not disturbing anybody. - (CROWD SHUSHES) 257 00:09:26,395 --> 00:09:27,496 - It's draped... - Yes. 258 00:09:27,496 --> 00:09:28,865 ...like you're giving me a lap dance, okay? 259 00:09:28,865 --> 00:09:30,499 Oh, please. Everybody knows that a jacket 260 00:09:30,499 --> 00:09:32,067 goes on the back of the chair. 261 00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:33,102 {\an8}You drive a car, 262 00:09:33,102 --> 00:09:35,337 {\an8}you go drive into every lane on the parkway, huh? 263 00:09:35,337 --> 00:09:36,700 {\an8}- Yeah, no-- - I'm married. 264 00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:38,908 {\an8}I can't just go to the mall and fuck any woman I want. 265 00:09:38,908 --> 00:09:40,276 Excuse me. Both of you, stop it! 266 00:09:40,276 --> 00:09:42,011 ATTENDEE: Why don't you put it on the front of his chair? 267 00:09:42,011 --> 00:09:43,746 Put it on the front? What an idiot you are. 268 00:09:43,746 --> 00:09:45,481 His neck is gonna be on my jacket. 269 00:09:45,481 --> 00:09:46,949 My jacket's gonna be on his neck. 270 00:09:46,949 --> 00:09:48,317 That doesn't make any sense at all. 271 00:09:48,317 --> 00:09:50,319 - Oh, shut your fucking... - Both of you, shut up! Sit back! 272 00:09:50,319 --> 00:09:51,554 Just put it on the lap. 273 00:09:51,554 --> 00:09:52,454 That's enough! 274 00:09:52,454 --> 00:09:54,924 DOG WALKER: Well, we'll keep an eye out. 275 00:09:54,924 --> 00:09:57,296 Something's happened. I can feel it. (SOBS) 276 00:09:57,795 --> 00:09:59,032 I can feel it. 277 00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:01,900 Johnny! 278 00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:07,173 (WAILING) Johnny! 279 00:10:08,006 --> 00:10:09,505 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 280 00:10:09,505 --> 00:10:11,741 By the way, you're very good in this. 281 00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,275 ♪ (CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 282 00:10:13,275 --> 00:10:15,845 - (URINATING) - LARRY: "It is for us, rather, 283 00:10:15,845 --> 00:10:19,415 to be dedicated here to the great task 284 00:10:19,415 --> 00:10:22,118 remaining before us, 285 00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:25,654 that from these honored dead we take increased devotion 286 00:10:25,654 --> 00:10:26,989 - to that cause..." - (URINATING STOPS) 287 00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:29,124 - (TOILET FLUSHES) -"...for which they gave 288 00:10:29,124 --> 00:10:31,026 their last full measure of devotion. 289 00:10:31,026 --> 00:10:35,592 For which they gave their last full measure of devotion." 290 00:10:35,592 --> 00:10:38,100 All right, next on the agenda, we are reviewing 291 00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:42,171 the membership application of Lori Loughlin. 292 00:10:42,171 --> 00:10:45,341 (SKEPTICAL CHATTER) 293 00:10:45,341 --> 00:10:46,575 Is there anyone present 294 00:10:46,575 --> 00:10:49,011 who wishes to speak on her behalf? 295 00:10:49,011 --> 00:10:49,879 I will. 296 00:10:49,879 --> 00:10:52,248 Oh, Mr. David. (CHUCKLES) 297 00:10:52,248 --> 00:10:55,421 Nice to see you here. Floor is yours. 298 00:10:57,188 --> 00:11:00,957 Members of Ocean View, our esteemed board. 299 00:11:00,957 --> 00:11:03,058 Eighty-seven years ago, 300 00:11:03,058 --> 00:11:06,896 our fathers brought forth on this property 301 00:11:06,896 --> 00:11:10,834 a new golf club dedicated to the proposition 302 00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:15,439 that men can have fun and women can't. 303 00:11:15,439 --> 00:11:17,272 (LAUGHTER) 304 00:11:17,272 --> 00:11:21,711 But that was a long time ago, and things have changed. 305 00:11:21,711 --> 00:11:22,912 For the better. 306 00:11:22,912 --> 00:11:25,882 The world will little note nor long remember 307 00:11:25,882 --> 00:11:29,318 what we say here in the Monte Carlo room, 308 00:11:29,318 --> 00:11:33,259 but it will never forget what they did here. 309 00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,357 Men like Hiram Goldfarb, 310 00:11:35,357 --> 00:11:38,361 who started the Turkey Day best ball scramble, 311 00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:39,996 and William Jacobson, 312 00:11:39,996 --> 00:11:44,303 who donated... that parcel of land... 313 00:11:45,102 --> 00:11:46,202 ♪ (INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 314 00:11:46,202 --> 00:11:48,237 (VOICE BREAKS) ...where we play pickle ball. 315 00:11:48,237 --> 00:11:50,367 And I highly resolve 316 00:11:50,367 --> 00:11:52,845 that she shall not have served 317 00:11:53,311 --> 00:11:55,244 her time in vain, 318 00:11:55,244 --> 00:12:01,150 and that this exclusive club of specific people, 319 00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:05,154 by specific people, and for specific people 320 00:12:05,154 --> 00:12:08,191 shall have a new, specific member. 321 00:12:08,191 --> 00:12:10,592 And as much as that woman in Atlanta 322 00:12:10,592 --> 00:12:17,066 was thirsty for water, Lori Loughlin is equally thirsty 323 00:12:17,066 --> 00:12:19,335 - for membership! - (CLUB MEMBERS AGREEING) 324 00:12:19,335 --> 00:12:21,170 I say we let her drink! 325 00:12:21,170 --> 00:12:24,173 CLUB MEMBERS: (CHEERING) Yes! 326 00:12:24,173 --> 00:12:27,446 ♪ (MUSIC SWELLS TRIUMPHANTLY) ♪ 327 00:12:30,949 --> 00:12:32,318 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 328 00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:35,849 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 329 00:12:39,857 --> 00:12:41,157 - You did it! - (LAUGHS) 330 00:12:41,157 --> 00:12:42,357 LARRY: You did it? I did it. 331 00:12:42,357 --> 00:12:44,527 What do I mean, "You did it"? I did it. 332 00:12:44,527 --> 00:12:45,627 - You did! - LARRY: Ah! 333 00:12:45,627 --> 00:12:48,364 - Could have been a great lawyer. - (CHUCKLES) Oh. Larry. 334 00:12:48,364 --> 00:12:50,733 Could've been a great butcher. And I would have enjoyed it too. 335 00:12:50,733 --> 00:12:53,302 You-- you take a mallet, you pound the beef. 336 00:12:53,302 --> 00:12:55,004 - You pound it, you pound it. - Mm. 337 00:12:55,004 --> 00:12:56,938 You slice it. That's fun. 338 00:12:56,938 --> 00:13:00,309 Um, so, uh, as far as the club, what-- what next? What-- 339 00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:03,579 You have to play two rounds of golf with, uh, 340 00:13:03,579 --> 00:13:06,849 some of the committee members. And I'll be playing with you. 341 00:13:06,849 --> 00:13:08,718 - It'll be a breeze. Yeah. - Oh, great! 342 00:13:08,718 --> 00:13:10,053 Larry, I can't thank you enough. 343 00:13:10,053 --> 00:13:12,488 You know, people say that, and-- and they don't really. 344 00:13:12,488 --> 00:13:13,522 They stop thanking. 345 00:13:13,522 --> 00:13:15,959 You'll-- Probably won't thank me again after this. 346 00:13:15,959 --> 00:13:17,860 In fact, if ever get another thank you from you, 347 00:13:17,860 --> 00:13:18,962 uh, I'll be shocked. 348 00:13:18,962 --> 00:13:21,895 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 349 00:13:27,071 --> 00:13:29,175 (TIRES SCREECHING) 350 00:13:33,444 --> 00:13:34,947 LARRY: Oh, my God! 351 00:13:36,381 --> 00:13:40,386 (LAUGHS) 352 00:13:41,152 --> 00:13:42,518 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 353 00:13:42,518 --> 00:13:45,254 - There's a dick in my mouth? - In your mouth. 354 00:13:45,254 --> 00:13:46,856 - SUSIE: With balls? - A drawing. A drawing. 355 00:13:46,856 --> 00:13:48,190 - With balls. A drawing. - A drawing. 356 00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:50,893 - Like a graffiti dick. - It's not in your mouth. 357 00:13:50,893 --> 00:13:52,795 It's kind of grazing your lips. 358 00:13:52,795 --> 00:13:54,964 (LAUGHS) 359 00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,699 - LARRY: (LAUGHS) And... - (JEFF GREENE LAUGHING) 360 00:13:56,699 --> 00:13:59,135 They grazed your lips with a dick. 361 00:13:59,135 --> 00:14:02,505 - How hilarious is that? - They ruined my poster, 362 00:14:02,505 --> 00:14:05,174 - my billboard! They ruined it. - They did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 363 00:14:05,174 --> 00:14:07,510 I-- I have one-- one more detail to share. 364 00:14:07,510 --> 00:14:09,144 - SUSIE: What? - Uh-huh. 365 00:14:09,144 --> 00:14:10,980 You're cradling the balls. 366 00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:12,214 (BOTH LAUGH) 367 00:14:12,214 --> 00:14:14,383 - LARRY: I'm sorry. - (JEFF LAUGHS) 368 00:14:14,383 --> 00:14:16,752 - Grazing and cradling. - I'm sorry. 369 00:14:16,752 --> 00:14:19,488 - Yeah. - Oh, fuck me. (LAUGHS) 370 00:14:19,488 --> 00:14:21,390 What are you laughing at, Jeff? What's so funny, Jeff? 371 00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:23,225 - Yeah, that's not funny. - It's-- It's not funny. 372 00:14:23,225 --> 00:14:25,789 - No, it's not funny. No. - It is not. I'm... I'm shocked. 373 00:14:25,789 --> 00:14:27,229 - No, it's not funny. - It's shock laughing. 374 00:14:27,229 --> 00:14:29,032 Who the fuck would do that to me? 375 00:14:29,032 --> 00:14:30,332 (LAUGHS) I don't know. 376 00:14:30,332 --> 00:14:32,669 I don't even put a dick in my mouth. Right, Je-- Jeff? 377 00:14:32,669 --> 00:14:34,070 I don't give blowjobs. 378 00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:36,139 What, do you need-- you need me to agree with you? I know. 379 00:14:36,139 --> 00:14:38,768 Why can't-- why can't you give a blowjob every now and then? 380 00:14:38,768 --> 00:14:40,042 - Oh, Larry, come on. - Would that kill ya? 381 00:14:40,042 --> 00:14:41,276 Would that kill ya? 382 00:14:41,276 --> 00:14:42,846 - You know, it might kill me. - LARRY: Huh? Huh? 383 00:14:42,846 --> 00:14:44,046 What is this revulsion? 384 00:14:44,046 --> 00:14:45,448 SUSIE: And what difference does it make? 385 00:14:45,448 --> 00:14:46,381 You're a single guy. 386 00:14:46,381 --> 00:14:48,117 You're out there, single, hot on the town. 387 00:14:48,117 --> 00:14:49,218 - LARRY: Yeah. - JEFF: Oh, yeah, yeah. 388 00:14:49,218 --> 00:14:50,319 You probably get 'em all the time. 389 00:14:50,319 --> 00:14:51,720 - Hey. - Oh, all the time. Yeah. 390 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,917 How did it, uh, how did it go with Sienna Miller? That's-- 391 00:14:53,917 --> 00:14:55,424 - You didn't get one from her. - LARRY: Not good. 392 00:14:55,424 --> 00:14:57,392 - Not good - JEFF: Really? What happened? 393 00:14:57,392 --> 00:14:59,796 I texted her twice. She never got back to me. 394 00:14:59,796 --> 00:15:01,163 Well, it wasn't gonna work out anyway 395 00:15:01,163 --> 00:15:02,364 with an old fuck like you. 396 00:15:02,364 --> 00:15:03,765 What does she want to be with you for? 397 00:15:03,765 --> 00:15:06,301 That's what I thought, but she's the one who started it. 398 00:15:06,301 --> 00:15:08,403 Yeah, well, it looks like she ended it. 399 00:15:08,403 --> 00:15:10,172 I'm gonna go call the billboard company 400 00:15:10,172 --> 00:15:12,445 and get that dick out of my mouth. 401 00:15:13,506 --> 00:15:14,576 Speaking of Sienna, 402 00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:17,379 you know, I-- I know the director on her movie. 403 00:15:17,379 --> 00:15:19,214 - He says-- - Oh, the one she's filming now. 404 00:15:19,214 --> 00:15:21,350 Yeah. He says they're having a ton of problems. 405 00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:23,052 - What? - Yeah, they're thinking of, 406 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,120 uh, firing her. 407 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:25,658 - You're kidding. - Mm-mm. 408 00:15:26,123 --> 00:15:28,224 It's her acting. 409 00:15:28,224 --> 00:15:29,993 You know, I did make a comment to her 410 00:15:29,993 --> 00:15:32,461 about how she eats a lot of fruit in her movies. 411 00:15:32,461 --> 00:15:34,330 I wouldn't be surprised if that's affecting 412 00:15:34,330 --> 00:15:36,031 her performance in this movie. 413 00:15:36,031 --> 00:15:37,299 It's a possibility. 414 00:15:37,299 --> 00:15:38,934 (SIGHS) I'm going to the bathroom. 415 00:15:38,934 --> 00:15:40,335 - (GRUNTS) - All right. 416 00:15:40,335 --> 00:15:43,609 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 417 00:15:46,211 --> 00:15:47,977 - (URINATING) - LARRY: "Fourscore and seven years ago, 418 00:15:47,977 --> 00:15:50,741 our fathers brought forth on this continent 419 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:53,682 a new nation, conceived in liberty 420 00:15:53,682 --> 00:15:59,021 and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." 421 00:15:59,021 --> 00:16:00,589 Enough already! 422 00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:04,563 LARRY: "Now we are engaged in a great civil war." 423 00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:10,132 (LARRY MUTTERING) 424 00:16:10,132 --> 00:16:13,069 Hey, Shimon! Shimon! 425 00:16:13,069 --> 00:16:14,571 (CAR DOOR OPENING) 426 00:16:14,571 --> 00:16:16,272 - Hey. - SHIMON: Hey. 427 00:16:16,272 --> 00:16:17,940 LARRY: Can I talk to you for a second? 428 00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:19,242 What-- What is it? 429 00:16:19,242 --> 00:16:21,143 Cou... Could you stop the jogging for a second, 430 00:16:21,143 --> 00:16:22,946 - so I can talk to you? - Oh, I can't stop. 431 00:16:22,946 --> 00:16:24,047 - Huh? - Why would I stop? 432 00:16:24,047 --> 00:16:25,214 I'm in the middle of a jog. 433 00:16:25,214 --> 00:16:26,877 I know, but it's hard to have a conversation 434 00:16:26,877 --> 00:16:28,150 with somebody who's bouncing up and down. 435 00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:29,780 What is it? What do you need? 436 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,453 Well, I think it's a little harsh 437 00:16:31,453 --> 00:16:34,290 to ban my friend for life from the restaurant, 438 00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,925 - when really-- - Let me ask you a question. 439 00:16:35,925 --> 00:16:36,993 - Sure. - In your bedroom, 440 00:16:36,993 --> 00:16:38,360 you have a sign, let's say. 441 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,730 Let's say maybe you have a sign, "Masturbate all you want." 442 00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,698 - Okay. - After a while, you say, 443 00:16:42,698 --> 00:16:45,101 "No more. I can't. I don't want to do it anymore." 444 00:16:45,101 --> 00:16:46,302 Yeah, because the well runs dry. 445 00:16:46,302 --> 00:16:47,536 You know, there's no more water left. 446 00:16:47,536 --> 00:16:48,866 - You can't. - Oh, there can be water. 447 00:16:48,866 --> 00:16:50,206 There can be water, but it's a shame-- 448 00:16:50,206 --> 00:16:51,673 - You say, "That's too much!" - No, no, no, there's no-- 449 00:16:51,673 --> 00:16:53,308 If there was shame, you wouldn't have done it 450 00:16:53,308 --> 00:16:54,710 - five times to begin with. - SHIMON: Leon-- 451 00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:56,378 Why is there gonna be shame on number six? 452 00:16:56,378 --> 00:16:59,014 Shame, no shame. Leon, he is banned. 453 00:16:59,014 --> 00:17:00,750 - Okay? - You know what? I-- I can't. 454 00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:02,017 I can't. This is so rude. 455 00:17:02,017 --> 00:17:03,419 - This is rude? I think-- - This is so rude. 456 00:17:03,419 --> 00:17:04,619 - I think it is rude-- - So rude. 457 00:17:04,619 --> 00:17:06,555 I think you are rude for stopping me on my jog. 458 00:17:06,555 --> 00:17:08,457 No, you're rude for putting up a sign 459 00:17:08,457 --> 00:17:10,927 that says "all you can eat" when you don't mean a word of it. 460 00:17:10,927 --> 00:17:12,461 You don't have to worry about this 461 00:17:12,461 --> 00:17:14,029 because you are banned for life! 462 00:17:14,029 --> 00:17:15,431 - Oh, I'm banned? - You are banned now! 463 00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:17,500 - Bye-bye! (LAUGHS) - Yeah, like I give a shit 464 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,435 if I ever enter that dump of a restaurant again. 465 00:17:19,435 --> 00:17:20,904 I don't care what shits you have 466 00:17:20,904 --> 00:17:22,733 because the shit is gone from my life. 467 00:17:22,733 --> 00:17:24,777 - Shalom, bitch - LARRY: Okay. 468 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:28,310 Uh, hey. Hey, hey. You're from Israel. 469 00:17:28,310 --> 00:17:30,379 Are you familiar with Rachel and the rug merchants? 470 00:17:30,379 --> 00:17:32,414 - It's a Bible thing. - I know the Bible. 471 00:17:32,414 --> 00:17:33,482 I've never heard of Rachel 472 00:17:33,482 --> 00:17:34,917 I've never heard of rug merchants. 473 00:17:34,917 --> 00:17:36,051 - Really? - SHIMON: Yeah. 474 00:17:36,051 --> 00:17:38,087 - No, you-- - Oh, oh. Uh, Rachel, yeah, yeah. 475 00:17:38,087 --> 00:17:40,555 Rachel. She looks at the rug merchants 476 00:17:40,555 --> 00:17:44,326 and says, "You're banned, bitch!" Shalom! 477 00:17:44,326 --> 00:17:48,401 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 478 00:17:50,134 --> 00:17:52,830 - Hey, hey. - (CHUCKLES) Oh, hey, Larry. 479 00:17:52,830 --> 00:17:54,236 Thank you again for all your help. 480 00:17:54,236 --> 00:17:56,205 (SCOFFS) Of course. Happy to do it. 481 00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,141 You know, we probably shouldn't take a cart today 482 00:17:58,141 --> 00:17:59,508 'cause it's cart paths only. 483 00:17:59,508 --> 00:18:01,643 We can't go on the fairway 'cause they punched the fairway. 484 00:18:01,643 --> 00:18:04,250 Oh, no, no problem, I-- I got this. 485 00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:07,616 Yeah, got the blue flag. We can drive anywhere. 486 00:18:07,616 --> 00:18:09,351 We can even drive right up to the green. 487 00:18:09,351 --> 00:18:11,954 Wait a second. You got to have a doctor's note 488 00:18:11,954 --> 00:18:14,056 - to get one of those. - Oh, yeah. 489 00:18:14,056 --> 00:18:16,092 Well, I-- I have Epstein-Barr. 490 00:18:16,092 --> 00:18:17,463 You have Epstein-Barr? 491 00:18:18,196 --> 00:18:19,765 One hematologist thinks so. 492 00:18:21,499 --> 00:18:23,498 What do the other hematologists think? 493 00:18:23,498 --> 00:18:26,201 Oh, Larry, this is gonna be so much fun. 494 00:18:26,201 --> 00:18:28,037 Isn't that a Jew disease? 495 00:18:28,037 --> 00:18:30,843 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 496 00:18:37,048 --> 00:18:38,014 - BOTH: Wow. - JEFF: Yeah! 497 00:18:38,014 --> 00:18:39,415 - What a putt. - Thank you! 498 00:18:39,415 --> 00:18:40,717 LORI LOUGHLIN: (LAUGHING) Really good. 499 00:18:40,717 --> 00:18:41,920 - Really good. - Larry. 500 00:18:42,787 --> 00:18:43,885 You got to make this putt. 501 00:18:43,885 --> 00:18:46,522 Come on, let's win some money. Let's beat these bastards. 502 00:18:46,522 --> 00:18:48,861 Let's go. You got this. Let's go. 503 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,799 (LARRY BREATHES DEEPLY) 504 00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:58,367 (SCOFFS) Ah. 505 00:18:58,367 --> 00:19:00,836 Great, Larry. Way to read a green. 506 00:19:00,836 --> 00:19:02,841 Great. (EXHALES) 507 00:19:03,503 --> 00:19:04,643 (SCOFFS) 508 00:19:05,809 --> 00:19:09,045 Oh, thank you, you guys. This was so much fun, really. 509 00:19:09,045 --> 00:19:10,179 - Oh, sure. That was great - Thank you. 510 00:19:10,179 --> 00:19:11,547 - Yeah, it was great. - LARRY: Thank you. 511 00:19:11,547 --> 00:19:14,216 You know, A House Divided, it-- it opens this weekend. 512 00:19:14,216 --> 00:19:16,118 You guys want to come? I can get you tickets. 513 00:19:16,118 --> 00:19:18,187 Oh, you and Ted? Yeah, I'll see it. 514 00:19:18,187 --> 00:19:19,688 - I'll come. - Yeah. Thank you very much. 515 00:19:19,688 --> 00:19:21,118 - All right. Great. - JEFF: Yeah, thank you. 516 00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:23,026 Oh, you gotta give the guy your valet ticket. 517 00:19:23,026 --> 00:19:26,328 Oh, no. I'm-- I'm good. I've got this. 518 00:19:26,328 --> 00:19:29,298 - A handicapped sticker? - (CHUCKLES) It's fantastic. 519 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:32,368 - I can park anywhere. - How'd you get that? 520 00:19:32,368 --> 00:19:35,908 - Oh, you know. - Oh, yeah, Epstein-Barr. 521 00:19:37,041 --> 00:19:40,109 - What? - Epstein-Barr? 522 00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:41,476 - Right. Epstein-Barr. - (LARRY CHUCKLING) 523 00:19:41,476 --> 00:19:42,944 - (CHUCKLES) Right. - LARRY: Yeah. (CHUCKLES) 524 00:19:42,944 --> 00:19:45,647 All right, you guys, enjoy the rest of your day. Bye. 525 00:19:45,647 --> 00:19:47,144 - LARRY AND JEFF: Bye. - LORI: Bye. 526 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:50,687 And, Larry, short game! Work on that short game. 527 00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:52,221 Yeah, yeah. 528 00:19:52,221 --> 00:19:54,393 (CAR ENGINE STARTS) 529 00:19:57,061 --> 00:19:58,760 Oh, my God. 530 00:19:58,760 --> 00:20:00,357 - ♪ (PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - (URINATING) 531 00:20:00,357 --> 00:20:02,831 "Fourscore and seven years ago, our fathers brought forth 532 00:20:02,831 --> 00:20:06,669 on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty 533 00:20:06,669 --> 00:20:09,805 and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. 534 00:20:09,805 --> 00:20:11,875 Now we are engaged in a great civil war, 535 00:20:11,875 --> 00:20:13,542 testing whether that nation 536 00:20:13,542 --> 00:20:17,146 or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, 537 00:20:17,146 --> 00:20:19,048 can long endure. 538 00:20:19,048 --> 00:20:20,883 We are met on a great battlefield 539 00:20:20,883 --> 00:20:21,851 of that war. 540 00:20:21,851 --> 00:20:23,920 We are here to dedicate a portion of it 541 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:25,287 as a final resting place 542 00:20:25,287 --> 00:20:27,222 for those who here gave their lives 543 00:20:27,222 --> 00:20:29,258 so that that nation might live. 544 00:20:29,258 --> 00:20:30,859 But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, 545 00:20:30,859 --> 00:20:33,296 we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground." 546 00:20:33,296 --> 00:20:34,529 (URINAL FLUSHES) 547 00:20:34,529 --> 00:20:36,899 "It is rather that from these honored dead, 548 00:20:36,899 --> 00:20:39,468 we take increased devotion to that cause 549 00:20:39,468 --> 00:20:43,072 and that we here highly resolve that these dead 550 00:20:43,072 --> 00:20:44,673 shall not have died in vain 551 00:20:44,673 --> 00:20:46,876 and that government of the people, 552 00:20:46,876 --> 00:20:48,210 by the people, 553 00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:49,578 for the people, 554 00:20:49,578 --> 00:20:52,481 shall not perish from the earth." 555 00:20:52,481 --> 00:20:53,682 - (URINATING STOPS) - (ZIPPER CLOSING) 556 00:20:53,682 --> 00:20:55,854 - ONLOOKER 1: Yeah, buddy! - ONLOOKER 2: Whoo! 557 00:20:56,253 --> 00:20:58,787 CROWD: USA! USA! 558 00:20:58,787 --> 00:21:03,029 ♪ ("THE BARBER OF SEVILLE OVERTURE" PLAYING) ♪ 559 00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:07,100 (PAINT CAN RATTLING) 560 00:21:11,302 --> 00:21:13,463 Yeah! Fuck you, Shimon! 561 00:21:13,463 --> 00:21:16,842 That's five pounds of short ribs and ten pounds of fuck you! 562 00:21:19,043 --> 00:21:20,679 Fuck you, Shimon! 563 00:21:22,513 --> 00:21:23,578 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 564 00:21:23,578 --> 00:21:25,314 Hey, you're not gonna believe this. 565 00:21:25,314 --> 00:21:27,850 I just got off the phone with my CFO. 566 00:21:27,850 --> 00:21:30,486 Business, booming. 567 00:21:30,486 --> 00:21:31,888 - Through the roof - What? 568 00:21:31,888 --> 00:21:34,823 Yeah. In the past two weeks. Unbelievable. 569 00:21:34,823 --> 00:21:37,054 - It's the penis. - SUSIE: Oh, it's not the penis. 570 00:21:37,054 --> 00:21:38,994 - It's the penis! - It's the product! 571 00:21:38,994 --> 00:21:40,396 How come it wasn't booming 572 00:21:40,396 --> 00:21:41,663 before the penis got up there? 573 00:21:41,663 --> 00:21:43,966 - It's word of mouth. - Oh, yeah, word of mouth. 574 00:21:43,966 --> 00:21:45,768 Hey, I think you're getting a post-penis bump. 575 00:21:45,768 --> 00:21:47,569 - How? - Because people are talk-- 576 00:21:47,569 --> 00:21:48,871 "Hey, did you see the woman with the billboard 577 00:21:48,871 --> 00:21:50,400 with the caftans? There's a penis in her mouth." 578 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,074 "Penis in her mouth?" "There's a penis in her mouth." 579 00:21:52,074 --> 00:21:53,175 Yeah. 580 00:21:53,175 --> 00:21:54,510 You sound like you're in a musical. 581 00:21:54,510 --> 00:21:55,878 Yeah, well, to me, it's real life. 582 00:21:55,878 --> 00:21:58,882 - And I want it down. - No. In fact... 583 00:21:58,882 --> 00:22:00,984 - You know what you should do? - What? 584 00:22:00,984 --> 00:22:02,519 You need a second dick. 585 00:22:02,519 --> 00:22:03,885 - Second dick. - No. 586 00:22:03,885 --> 00:22:06,355 You think I'm gonna get more business from two dicks? 587 00:22:06,355 --> 00:22:08,157 - (STAMMERS) It'll double! - JEFF: Uh, yeah. 588 00:22:08,157 --> 00:22:10,226 You know what I'm thinking? 589 00:22:10,226 --> 00:22:11,961 - Dick up the ass. - SUSIE: Oh, stop it. 590 00:22:11,961 --> 00:22:13,530 - You're disgusting. - JEFF: So, two dicks up front, 591 00:22:13,530 --> 00:22:14,663 - dick up the ass. - Yeah. 592 00:22:14,663 --> 00:22:16,332 - And how 'bout some jizz on ya? - LARRY: Yeah 593 00:22:16,332 --> 00:22:17,400 You know what? Let me tell you-- 594 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:18,800 I mean, you will sell out. Sell out. 595 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:20,735 Little jizz. Jizz will knock it out of the park. 596 00:22:20,735 --> 00:22:22,871 Warren Buffett never made a business plan 597 00:22:22,871 --> 00:22:24,773 having jizz on the face. All right. Trust me on that. 598 00:22:24,773 --> 00:22:26,508 Yeah, I'm just saying as a businesswoman, 599 00:22:26,508 --> 00:22:28,544 it's incumbent on you to consider this thing. 600 00:22:28,544 --> 00:22:31,314 - I'll think about it. - Stick with the dicks! 601 00:22:31,314 --> 00:22:34,448 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 602 00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:44,059 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 603 00:22:44,059 --> 00:22:46,095 - SIENNA: Go away! - LARRY: Sienna, it's Larry. 604 00:22:46,095 --> 00:22:48,297 - I-- I need to talk to you. - SIENNA: Larry, not now. 605 00:22:48,297 --> 00:22:49,831 It's a really bad time, Larry. 606 00:22:49,831 --> 00:22:52,805 It-- It'll only take a few minutes. It's important. 607 00:22:56,207 --> 00:22:57,710 LARRY: Yeah, uh... 608 00:22:58,242 --> 00:22:59,342 What's up? (SIGHS) 609 00:22:59,342 --> 00:23:01,176 Uh, well, first of all, 610 00:23:01,176 --> 00:23:05,181 I-- I just wanted to apologize, uh, for the other night. 611 00:23:05,181 --> 00:23:07,483 You know, I put the coat on the back of the chair. 612 00:23:07,483 --> 00:23:08,917 - That's where coats go. - (SCOFFS) 613 00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:11,120 LARRY: That's where coats have gone for forever. 614 00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:12,088 Even in Shakespeare's time, 615 00:23:12,088 --> 00:23:14,256 they put the capes and doublets on the back. 616 00:23:14,256 --> 00:23:15,524 - Yeah. - You know. 617 00:23:15,524 --> 00:23:17,526 It's the least of my worries right now, Larry, 618 00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:20,199 the coat, but thank you for the apology. 619 00:23:21,532 --> 00:23:23,633 How's everything going with the filming? 620 00:23:23,633 --> 00:23:27,203 (EXHALES) It's not good. 621 00:23:27,203 --> 00:23:30,576 No matter what I do, I just can't get a handle on it. 622 00:23:31,242 --> 00:23:32,607 I'm really sorry to hear that. 623 00:23:32,607 --> 00:23:34,580 It's a nightmare. They're gonna fire me. 624 00:23:35,980 --> 00:23:38,414 You know, uh, I'm looking around this trailer, 625 00:23:38,414 --> 00:23:42,651 and I notice there's no fruit. 626 00:23:42,651 --> 00:23:44,487 I don't even-- I don't like fruit. 627 00:23:44,487 --> 00:23:46,055 I don't even-- I don't-- What do you mean? 628 00:23:46,055 --> 00:23:48,724 Oh. Uh-huh. Oh, you don't-- You don't like fruit. 629 00:23:48,724 --> 00:23:50,126 - No, I don't like fruit. - LARRY: Oh, sure. Yeah. 630 00:23:50,126 --> 00:23:51,693 I don't care for fruit, particularly, so... 631 00:23:51,693 --> 00:23:52,929 You don't care for it? You don't like it? 632 00:23:52,929 --> 00:23:55,497 - You don't eat it? - Mm-mm. Larry, I don't need it. 633 00:23:55,497 --> 00:23:58,071 I don't care for it, particularly. I-- 634 00:24:04,003 --> 00:24:05,211 I got you a pear. 635 00:24:08,212 --> 00:24:11,214 ♪ (SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 636 00:24:11,214 --> 00:24:12,918 I'll make some coffee. 637 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:14,951 (SNORES) 638 00:24:14,951 --> 00:24:17,286 - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - (BIRDS CHIRPING) 639 00:24:17,286 --> 00:24:18,824 SIENNA: Who could that be? 640 00:24:20,391 --> 00:24:21,490 SOLDIER: Hello, ma'am. 641 00:24:21,490 --> 00:24:24,558 - Are you Tanya Barstow? - Yes. 642 00:24:28,699 --> 00:24:31,304 SIENNA: (BREATHES SHAKILY) Harold. 643 00:24:33,539 --> 00:24:35,204 His plane was shot down. 644 00:24:35,204 --> 00:24:37,802 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 645 00:24:37,802 --> 00:24:38,944 He's dead. 646 00:24:43,581 --> 00:24:45,347 He said we'd sail to the islands, 647 00:24:45,347 --> 00:24:46,919 just the two of us. 648 00:24:49,354 --> 00:24:51,190 "I won't be long," he said. 649 00:24:51,690 --> 00:24:53,322 (INAUDIBLE) 650 00:24:53,322 --> 00:24:55,628 "When I get back," he said. 651 00:24:58,624 --> 00:25:01,667 "We have the whole world in front of us," he said. 652 00:25:02,633 --> 00:25:04,801 (SOBBING) But time doesn't listen, 653 00:25:04,801 --> 00:25:06,839 and the world doesn't wait. 654 00:25:09,940 --> 00:25:13,810 I begged him! I begged him not to go to the Air Force. 655 00:25:13,810 --> 00:25:15,381 I begged him not to fly. 656 00:25:18,516 --> 00:25:19,849 It's your fault. 657 00:25:19,849 --> 00:25:22,318 You encouraged him to go to flight school. 658 00:25:22,318 --> 00:25:24,314 You wanted him to die! 659 00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:26,316 You're the one who should be dead. 660 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:30,426 - (SNIFFLES) I hate you! - (WHIMPERS) 661 00:25:30,426 --> 00:25:32,698 - I hate you! - (WHIMPERS) 662 00:25:33,398 --> 00:25:34,564 (SOBS FAINTLY) 663 00:25:34,564 --> 00:25:35,865 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 664 00:25:35,865 --> 00:25:37,066 - DIRECTOR: Cut! - (BELLS RING) 665 00:25:37,066 --> 00:25:38,967 - (ALL APPLAUD) - DIRECTOR: That's great. 666 00:25:38,967 --> 00:25:41,940 - Sienna, oh, that was beautiful. - DIRECTOR: Yeah, that was amazing. 667 00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:43,842 (EXCLAIMS) 668 00:25:45,309 --> 00:25:46,242 How great was that? 669 00:25:46,242 --> 00:25:49,312 - That was sensational. - (LAUGHS) Thank you. 670 00:25:49,312 --> 00:25:51,113 - You were amazing. - Oh, my God. 671 00:25:51,113 --> 00:25:52,415 - LARRY: Wow. - Sienna, that was great. 672 00:25:52,415 --> 00:25:53,615 I'm just thrilled. We got it, right? 673 00:25:53,615 --> 00:25:54,850 - Yes, absolutely. - LARRY: Got it. 674 00:25:54,850 --> 00:25:56,753 - You saved my fucking ass. - DIRECTOR: Moving on! 675 00:25:56,753 --> 00:25:58,287 - SIENNA: Come on. - Come on, huh? 676 00:25:58,287 --> 00:25:59,689 - Come on. - Come on. Come on. 677 00:25:59,689 --> 00:26:00,923 - Come on. - (LAUGHS) 678 00:26:00,923 --> 00:26:02,491 I cannot believe that you did that. 679 00:26:02,491 --> 00:26:05,027 - (SCOFFS) - You figured it out for me. 680 00:26:05,027 --> 00:26:05,929 (CHUCKLING) 681 00:26:05,929 --> 00:26:07,596 I'll tell you what I can't figure out. 682 00:26:07,596 --> 00:26:09,831 - SIENNA: Mm-hmm. - Uh, uh-- (CHUCKLES) 683 00:26:09,831 --> 00:26:12,901 I tried doing some research on Rachel and the rug merchants, 684 00:26:12,901 --> 00:26:16,109 and I can't-- I can't come up with anything. I can't find it. 685 00:26:17,103 --> 00:26:18,240 - Weird. - Yeah. 686 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,042 SIENNA: Of all the stories that I read in your religion, 687 00:26:20,042 --> 00:26:22,411 she was the one that really, like, spoke to me. 688 00:26:22,411 --> 00:26:25,014 You're sure you read it? Is it possible you dreamed it? 689 00:26:25,014 --> 00:26:26,682 Okay, look, I don't-- (BLOWS A RASPBERRY) 690 00:26:26,682 --> 00:26:28,851 I don't know where I read it. I don't-- I can't remember where I read it, 691 00:26:28,851 --> 00:26:30,352 but I know it definitely exists. 692 00:26:30,352 --> 00:26:31,553 - Okay? Yeah. - LARRY: Okay. 693 00:26:31,553 --> 00:26:34,651 You know what else I tried to find was the word schmeitz, 694 00:26:34,651 --> 00:26:37,126 which... (CHUCKLES) ...I couldn't find that either. 695 00:26:37,126 --> 00:26:39,061 Schmeitz exists. 696 00:26:39,061 --> 00:26:40,762 - Schmeitz? - Schmeitz is a real word 697 00:26:40,762 --> 00:26:43,132 for "I've got to go." "I got to schmeitz." 698 00:26:43,132 --> 00:26:45,735 - (TONGUE CLICKS) - This wig is killing me. 699 00:26:45,735 --> 00:26:46,802 It's so uncomfortable. 700 00:26:46,802 --> 00:26:49,105 I think I have to go get it adjusted. 701 00:26:49,105 --> 00:26:51,944 Do you wear a different wig in every movie? 702 00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:54,443 (CHUCKLES) Now that I think about it, 703 00:26:54,443 --> 00:26:56,379 I don't think I've ever seen you 704 00:26:56,379 --> 00:26:58,981 with the same hair. In fact, 705 00:26:58,981 --> 00:27:00,917 I don't know if I've ever seen your real hair. 706 00:27:00,917 --> 00:27:02,586 Are you blonde? Are you brunette? 707 00:27:02,586 --> 00:27:04,153 Are you redhead? What-- 708 00:27:04,153 --> 00:27:06,993 I-- I don't even know what your hair looks like. 709 00:27:08,592 --> 00:27:12,265 I have alopecia, you fucking asshole. 710 00:27:13,030 --> 00:27:14,296 ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 711 00:27:14,296 --> 00:27:17,303 - I didn't know you had alopecia! - Asshole! 712 00:27:18,469 --> 00:27:21,703 Don't schmeitz! Don't schmeitz! 713 00:27:21,703 --> 00:27:24,741 I didn't know she had alopecia. Did you know? 714 00:27:24,741 --> 00:27:26,643 - I had no idea. - LARRY: Yeah, who knew? 715 00:27:26,643 --> 00:27:28,545 - How can you tell? - You can't. 716 00:27:28,545 --> 00:27:31,614 Larry! Hey! You ready? 717 00:27:31,614 --> 00:27:32,815 You feeling like a winner? 718 00:27:32,815 --> 00:27:34,150 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, good. 719 00:27:34,150 --> 00:27:36,219 - Feeling like a big winner. - LORI: Good, Larry, good, 720 00:27:36,219 --> 00:27:38,420 - 'cause I do not like to lose. - LARRY: Hmm. 721 00:27:38,420 --> 00:27:42,925 By the way, how did you get the tee time switched to 10:45? 722 00:27:42,925 --> 00:27:46,429 - I couldn't get the 10:45. - Oh, crazy thing. 723 00:27:46,429 --> 00:27:49,532 Starter just likes me. Weird. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 724 00:27:49,532 --> 00:27:50,834 All right, I'm gonna go to the range. 725 00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:51,935 - Okay. - LORI: Wanna go to the range? 726 00:27:51,935 --> 00:27:53,169 I'll-- I'll meet you there. 727 00:27:53,169 --> 00:27:55,771 All right. Less chit chatting and more chipping. 728 00:27:55,771 --> 00:27:57,006 - Okay. - Let's go. All right. 729 00:27:57,006 --> 00:27:58,575 - Okay. - We're gonna win, Larry. 730 00:27:58,575 --> 00:28:00,213 Take some money today! 731 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,713 - Have fun. - Hey, Daveed. 732 00:28:03,713 --> 00:28:05,048 Hey. How you doing? 733 00:28:05,048 --> 00:28:06,550 - LARRY: Good morning - Morning. 734 00:28:06,550 --> 00:28:08,521 Um, I'm just curious. 735 00:28:09,487 --> 00:28:12,856 How did Lori get that tee time moved to 10:45? 736 00:28:12,856 --> 00:28:16,562 (CHUCKLES) I can think of 50 reasons. 737 00:28:17,462 --> 00:28:21,030 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Wow. 738 00:28:21,030 --> 00:28:22,901 Yeah. She's quite a gal, huh? 739 00:28:24,635 --> 00:28:26,002 Yeah, she's quite a gal. (SIGHS) 740 00:28:26,002 --> 00:28:28,032 - DAVEED: Yes, she is. - All right. Thank you. 741 00:28:28,032 --> 00:28:29,175 (CHUCKLES) 742 00:28:32,510 --> 00:28:33,876 (MATT GROANS) 743 00:28:33,876 --> 00:28:36,011 - Okay. That's good. - MATT: Oh, really? 744 00:28:36,011 --> 00:28:38,781 - LARRY: Yeah. I'm gonna give you that. - That is five. 745 00:28:38,781 --> 00:28:41,350 I got a five also, so we're up by one. (CHUCKLES) 746 00:28:41,350 --> 00:28:42,952 - MATT: That's true. Right. Yes. - That's right. 747 00:28:42,952 --> 00:28:44,653 - You're going down, Matt. Yeah. - Okay. 748 00:28:44,653 --> 00:28:47,457 - LARRY: Hey, you left your club over there. - MATT: Oh, thank you, Larry. 749 00:28:47,457 --> 00:28:48,791 You got a five? 750 00:28:48,791 --> 00:28:52,828 - Yeah. - How did you get a five? 751 00:28:52,828 --> 00:28:55,198 - I found my ball. - You found that ball? 752 00:28:55,198 --> 00:28:57,667 - I found that ball. - How'd you get it out of the woods? 753 00:28:57,667 --> 00:28:59,502 You were pretty deep in there. 754 00:28:59,502 --> 00:29:01,040 I had a good lie. 755 00:29:03,141 --> 00:29:05,874 Yeah, you had a good lie all right. 756 00:29:05,874 --> 00:29:08,381 - ♪ (LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ - (SCOFFS SOFTLY) 757 00:29:18,456 --> 00:29:19,958 LARRY: (LAUGHING) Holy shit! 758 00:29:21,693 --> 00:29:27,400 (LAUGHS) 759 00:29:29,968 --> 00:29:31,233 {\an8}♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 760 00:29:31,233 --> 00:29:33,035 SUSIE: Where's Larry? Where the fuck is he? 761 00:29:33,035 --> 00:29:34,336 - He said he'll be-- - Late again? 762 00:29:34,336 --> 00:29:36,139 - No, he'll be here. Trust me, he'll be here. - Jesus. 763 00:29:36,139 --> 00:29:37,406 - I don't even really-- - ATTENDEE: Hey! 764 00:29:37,406 --> 00:29:40,744 Hey. You're that lady with the dick in her mouth. 765 00:29:40,744 --> 00:29:43,949 - (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS, SIGHS) 766 00:29:46,851 --> 00:29:48,054 Really? 767 00:29:52,658 --> 00:29:54,891 Hey! Hey! 768 00:29:54,891 --> 00:29:56,459 - Whoa, whoa. - Look, I'm sorry for doing this. 769 00:29:56,459 --> 00:29:58,560 My wife wants me to do this, so just go along with it. 770 00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,797 On the count of three, turn your head to the right. 771 00:30:01,797 --> 00:30:03,733 One, two, three. 772 00:30:03,733 --> 00:30:05,434 - (GRUNTS) - (CROWD GASPS) 773 00:30:05,434 --> 00:30:09,872 Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And keep my wife's business 774 00:30:09,872 --> 00:30:11,674 out of your motherfucking mouth! 775 00:30:11,674 --> 00:30:12,909 (CROWD MURMURING) 776 00:30:12,909 --> 00:30:14,844 (MOUTHS SILENTLY) 777 00:30:14,844 --> 00:30:17,146 You are really something, boy. 778 00:30:17,146 --> 00:30:19,381 - Oh, that was hot, baby! - LARRY: Hey. 779 00:30:19,381 --> 00:30:20,984 Oh, Larr, you're not gonna believe this. 780 00:30:20,984 --> 00:30:22,646 Oh, no, no, you're not gonna believe this. 781 00:30:22,646 --> 00:30:24,990 I drove by the billboard this afternoon. 782 00:30:25,823 --> 00:30:27,891 There's a second dick in your mouth! 783 00:30:27,891 --> 00:30:29,628 You're gonna make a fortune! 784 00:30:30,829 --> 00:30:32,862 Wow. Second dick. 785 00:30:32,862 --> 00:30:34,363 Oh, God. 786 00:30:34,363 --> 00:30:37,136 LARRY: You should see this one. It's huge! 787 00:30:38,136 --> 00:30:41,470 So, so sorry. So sorry. 788 00:30:41,470 --> 00:30:44,507 You-- you could've gotten up. It wouldn't've killed you. 789 00:30:44,507 --> 00:30:47,143 - Oh, hey. - Hey. 790 00:30:47,143 --> 00:30:50,580 Well, they're good seats. It's nice to see you. 791 00:30:50,580 --> 00:30:51,715 Yeah. 792 00:30:51,715 --> 00:30:53,016 I'm excited about this. 793 00:30:53,016 --> 00:30:56,052 - Are you excited to see this? - Yeah, I am. 794 00:30:56,052 --> 00:30:57,820 CHERYL DAVID: I really like Lori Loughlin. 795 00:30:57,820 --> 00:30:59,725 LARRY: Oh, yeah. Quite a gal. 796 00:31:04,396 --> 00:31:07,030 Hey. I know you. 797 00:31:07,030 --> 00:31:09,626 You're a waiter at that Chinese restaurant, right? 798 00:31:09,626 --> 00:31:12,635 Oh, yes. I work at Sun Wah Palace. 799 00:31:12,635 --> 00:31:14,303 How's the dead fish? 800 00:31:14,303 --> 00:31:15,939 - WAITER: He-- - Still dead? 801 00:31:15,939 --> 00:31:19,576 Oh. You the fish guy? No. We no have dead fish. 802 00:31:19,576 --> 00:31:20,642 Eh... 803 00:31:20,642 --> 00:31:23,179 We-- Visit downtown restaurant. You see fish there. 804 00:31:23,179 --> 00:31:25,047 - Very happy. Doing better there. - Ah, I'm... I'm gonna go-- 805 00:31:25,047 --> 00:31:26,481 - I'm gonna go this weekend. - Okay. 806 00:31:26,481 --> 00:31:28,651 Yeah, what, are you a big history buff? 807 00:31:28,651 --> 00:31:29,985 - You like Lincoln? - Oh, yes. 808 00:31:29,985 --> 00:31:31,387 One of favorite president. 809 00:31:31,387 --> 00:31:33,122 You know, if Lincoln had a fish tank 810 00:31:33,122 --> 00:31:35,592 and a fish got stuck in the filter, 811 00:31:35,592 --> 00:31:38,194 Lincoln would've freed the fish. 812 00:31:38,194 --> 00:31:41,397 Uh, fish not stuck, so Lincoln no have fish to free. 813 00:31:41,397 --> 00:31:44,333 It's a hypothetical. Lincoln would free fish. 814 00:31:44,333 --> 00:31:46,335 Uh, why you care so much about fish? 815 00:31:46,335 --> 00:31:50,006 - Why you no care about fish? - Maybe you worry about yourself. 816 00:31:50,006 --> 00:31:51,941 - LARRY: Yeah. - You have problem, sir. 817 00:31:51,941 --> 00:31:53,308 No, you have problems. You pathological liar. 818 00:31:53,308 --> 00:31:55,344 - You pathological liar. - Hey. 819 00:31:55,344 --> 00:31:57,947 - No. Fish sick. - Yeah. Fish stuck. 820 00:31:57,947 --> 00:32:01,217 - No, fish move. - Fish dead. Fish dead. 821 00:32:01,217 --> 00:32:05,121 What are you doing? We're here to watch a play. 822 00:32:05,121 --> 00:32:06,592 - Yeah. - Okay. 823 00:32:08,059 --> 00:32:10,326 - TED: Mary. - LORI: Yes, Abe. 824 00:32:10,326 --> 00:32:13,596 Have you seen my red stockings? 825 00:32:13,596 --> 00:32:16,435 You mean the ones that were riddled with holes? 826 00:32:17,068 --> 00:32:18,167 TED: I hadn't noticed. 827 00:32:18,167 --> 00:32:21,036 I had, and I had Miranda throw them out. 828 00:32:21,036 --> 00:32:23,806 Or to put it a way you might appreciate, 829 00:32:23,806 --> 00:32:25,508 they've been emancipated. 830 00:32:25,508 --> 00:32:26,742 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 831 00:32:26,742 --> 00:32:29,812 TED: Perhaps we should arrive a little later to the Sewards' 832 00:32:29,812 --> 00:32:31,012 than we planned. 833 00:32:31,012 --> 00:32:34,117 Punctuality is the politeness of kings. We shan't be late. 834 00:32:34,117 --> 00:32:37,653 Ah. If he talks about wanting to purchase Alaska 835 00:32:37,653 --> 00:32:41,591 one more time, I will join the Confederacy. 836 00:32:41,591 --> 00:32:43,926 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 837 00:32:43,926 --> 00:32:45,895 LORI: Frances Seward thinks I'm dirt. 838 00:32:45,895 --> 00:32:47,362 - If she looked down her nose... - Hey. 839 00:32:47,362 --> 00:32:50,867 ...any further at me, I swear her eyes would fall out. 840 00:32:50,867 --> 00:32:53,102 - What? - You have not draped the coat 841 00:32:53,102 --> 00:32:54,671 over the back of the seat properly. 842 00:32:54,671 --> 00:32:56,039 - My coat fine. - Coat long. 843 00:32:56,039 --> 00:32:57,476 Coat fine. 844 00:32:58,643 --> 00:33:01,477 Coat long. And fish dead. 845 00:33:01,477 --> 00:33:04,648 ♪ (SOMBER PATRIOTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 846 00:33:04,648 --> 00:33:08,787 (APPLAUSE) 847 00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:14,323 Fourscore and seven years ago, 848 00:33:14,323 --> 00:33:19,095 our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, 849 00:33:19,095 --> 00:33:22,832 conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition 850 00:33:22,832 --> 00:33:26,435 that all men are created equal. 851 00:33:26,435 --> 00:33:29,871 Now we are engaged in a great civil war, 852 00:33:29,871 --> 00:33:34,839 testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived... 853 00:33:34,839 --> 00:33:36,612 - (LARRY GROANS) - ...and so dedicated, 854 00:33:36,612 --> 00:33:37,546 can long endure. 855 00:33:37,546 --> 00:33:40,684 (SIGHS) Hey. I have to go to the bathroom. 856 00:33:40,684 --> 00:33:42,117 - No. - I have to pee. 857 00:33:42,117 --> 00:33:43,786 - (SHUSHES) - No-- 858 00:33:43,786 --> 00:33:44,720 He's in the middle-- 859 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,756 I've been memorizing the Gettysburg Address 860 00:33:46,756 --> 00:33:47,656 every time I pee, 861 00:33:47,656 --> 00:33:49,325 and I'm conditioned to pee when I hear it. 862 00:33:49,325 --> 00:33:52,228 For those who here gave their lives... 863 00:33:52,228 --> 00:33:54,297 - This-- - It's like a Pavlovian response. 864 00:33:54,297 --> 00:33:55,364 Okay, that's ridiculous. 865 00:33:55,364 --> 00:33:56,927 - No, it's not ridiculous - He-- Hey. 866 00:33:56,927 --> 00:33:59,135 - He's in the middle of it. - I understand. 867 00:33:59,135 --> 00:34:00,604 You're just gonna have to hold it. 868 00:34:00,604 --> 00:34:01,537 - Yeah. - Okay. 869 00:34:01,537 --> 00:34:05,574 But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, 870 00:34:05,574 --> 00:34:09,507 we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground. 871 00:34:09,507 --> 00:34:10,379 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 872 00:34:10,379 --> 00:34:12,481 TED: The brave men, living and dead... 873 00:34:12,481 --> 00:34:15,017 - (GASPS) - ...who struggled here have consecrated it... 874 00:34:15,017 --> 00:34:16,619 I can't-- (STAMMERS) 875 00:34:16,619 --> 00:34:17,586 It's bad. It's bad. 876 00:34:17,586 --> 00:34:20,155 (GRUNTS) Get this coat out of the way! My foot! 877 00:34:20,155 --> 00:34:21,490 - WAITER: What are you doing? - Foot stuck! 878 00:34:21,490 --> 00:34:22,959 - WAITER: Foot not stuck. - Foot stuck! 879 00:34:22,959 --> 00:34:25,394 - WAITER: Foot not stuck. - Foot... stuck! 880 00:34:25,394 --> 00:34:27,797 - (GASPS) - (AUDIENCE GASPING) 881 00:34:27,797 --> 00:34:28,931 ATTENDEE: Is he okay? 882 00:34:28,931 --> 00:34:30,699 - (URINATING) - Oh, boy. 883 00:34:30,699 --> 00:34:32,901 - AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Ew! - And that government 884 00:34:32,901 --> 00:34:38,941 of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish 885 00:34:38,941 --> 00:34:40,009 from the earth. 886 00:34:40,009 --> 00:34:41,844 (AUDIENCE MURMURING, APPLAUDING) 887 00:34:41,844 --> 00:34:44,013 Larry, come on, man, what the-- 888 00:34:44,013 --> 00:34:45,551 What the fuck! 889 00:34:47,351 --> 00:34:52,055 (WHISTLING FAINTLY) 890 00:34:52,055 --> 00:34:55,328 Huh? (CHUCKLES) Oh, my God. 891 00:34:56,761 --> 00:34:58,194 Wha-- (GASPS) 892 00:34:58,194 --> 00:35:00,899 (CHUCKLES) Oh, Sienna. Oh, my God. 893 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,303 (LAUGHS) Oh, boy. 894 00:35:05,636 --> 00:35:08,237 - (POLICE SIREN WAILING) - Heh? Huh? 895 00:35:08,237 --> 00:35:10,243 Oh, come-- Me? 896 00:35:10,742 --> 00:35:13,579 What? Oh, please. 897 00:35:15,479 --> 00:35:17,179 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 898 00:35:17,179 --> 00:35:19,315 - Good evening, sir. - Hey, good evening. 899 00:35:19,315 --> 00:35:21,516 You realize you made an illegal U-turn back there? 900 00:35:21,516 --> 00:35:24,653 (CHUCKLES) Honestly, officer, had I known it was illegal, 901 00:35:24,653 --> 00:35:26,722 would I have done it? Of course, not. 902 00:35:26,722 --> 00:35:29,025 Is there any reason that you weren't paying attention? 903 00:35:29,025 --> 00:35:30,793 You see that billboard up there 904 00:35:30,793 --> 00:35:32,028 with Sienna Miller? 905 00:35:32,028 --> 00:35:33,528 You see what's going on up there? 906 00:35:33,528 --> 00:35:36,665 You do know we've had a rash of these penises on billboards 907 00:35:36,665 --> 00:35:38,300 - all over this neighborhood? - Terrible. Terrible. 908 00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:39,401 (CHUCKLING) The thing is, 909 00:35:39,401 --> 00:35:41,437 I saw that billboard, and I went, 910 00:35:41,437 --> 00:35:43,539 "Oh, my God, I got to get a picture of this. 911 00:35:43,539 --> 00:35:45,675 It's Sienna Miller." I had a date with her. 912 00:35:45,675 --> 00:35:47,309 - We had a-- Yeah. - OFFICER: You? 913 00:35:47,309 --> 00:35:48,577 Sir, you're-- you're like 50 years 914 00:35:48,577 --> 00:35:49,878 - older than she is. - Yes, yes, 915 00:35:49,878 --> 00:35:52,448 I am considerably older, but she pursued me, actually. 916 00:35:52,448 --> 00:35:54,283 To tell you the truth. I know it's hard to believe, 917 00:35:54,283 --> 00:35:55,418 - but she did. - (SCOFFS) 918 00:35:55,418 --> 00:35:57,220 By the way, that movie's gonna do gangbusters 919 00:35:57,220 --> 00:35:59,422 - with those penises up there. - Sir, that's sick. 920 00:35:59,422 --> 00:36:00,857 No, my friend's wife had a caftan business, 921 00:36:00,857 --> 00:36:02,624 and she had a billboard, and somebody drew dicks 922 00:36:02,624 --> 00:36:04,093 in her mouth and business took off. 923 00:36:04,093 --> 00:36:05,461 OFFICER: Uh, Mr. David, 924 00:36:05,461 --> 00:36:07,931 can you explain to me why you have a box of spray paint 925 00:36:07,931 --> 00:36:08,831 in the back of your car? 926 00:36:08,831 --> 00:36:10,432 I'm gonna be perfectly honest with you. 927 00:36:10,432 --> 00:36:12,268 My friend and I went to this all-you-can-eat restaurant. 928 00:36:12,268 --> 00:36:14,670 He ate too many crabs, and they banned us. 929 00:36:14,670 --> 00:36:16,806 And so we went back and spray painted, 930 00:36:16,806 --> 00:36:17,673 "Not all you can eat." 931 00:36:17,673 --> 00:36:19,107 You just admitted to another crime. 932 00:36:19,107 --> 00:36:21,443 - Step out of the car, sir. Sir. - But it's not all you can eat. 933 00:36:21,443 --> 00:36:22,644 - It's bullshit. - OFFICER: Now. 934 00:36:22,644 --> 00:36:24,547 - It's not all you can eat. - Out of the car now. 935 00:36:24,547 --> 00:36:26,515 - Oh, I didn't do that. - That's disgusting. 936 00:36:26,515 --> 00:36:28,417 You think I drew those dicks up there? 937 00:36:28,417 --> 00:36:29,885 - Yeah. - I can't even draw a dick. 938 00:36:29,885 --> 00:36:30,787 I don't know how to draw. 939 00:36:30,787 --> 00:36:32,421 I can draw-- I can draw a breast maybe. 940 00:36:32,421 --> 00:36:33,490 - Yeah. - I can't draw a dick. 941 00:36:33,490 --> 00:36:34,689 - That-- that's-- - Yeah. 942 00:36:34,689 --> 00:36:36,058 - I would never draw a dick. - Still disgusting. 943 00:36:36,058 --> 00:36:37,593 I didn't know she had alopecia! 944 00:36:37,593 --> 00:36:40,933 ♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 945 00:37:46,397 --> 00:37:48,101 ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪