1 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,104 "An open letter to the management 2 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,189 of Ocean View Golf Club. 3 00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:25,984 I'm writing this letter to address numerous complaints. 4 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,360 The food is not good. 5 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:30,405 We get packaged turkey roll instead of real deli turkey. 6 00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:33,158 Never had a piece of bread in this club that wasn't stale. 7 00:00:33,158 --> 00:00:35,076 Shirts have to be tucked in at all times." 8 00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:36,494 - Oh, I hate that. - Come on. 9 00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:39,831 "And your management style leaves something to be desired." 10 00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,124 - Seriously. - Wow. 11 00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,417 Unbelievable. 12 00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,336 "Shame. Shame on you." 13 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:46,004 - It's true. - Yeah. 14 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,214 Signed, "Disgruntled." 15 00:00:49,382 --> 00:00:51,634 Takahashi! Quiet. 16 00:00:58,725 --> 00:01:00,310 Who wrote this? Huh? 17 00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,645 I don't know. Wasn't me. 18 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,647 Who doesn't like turkey roll? 19 00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:08,401 Who don't like tucking shirt? Huh? 20 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,695 Who is Disgruntled? 21 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:15,909 Is it you, funny guy? 22 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,251 I will find 23 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,379 who is "Disgruntled." 24 00:01:28,838 --> 00:01:30,215 Baka. 25 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:36,096 Takahashi, he ripped it right off the bulletin board 26 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:37,889 and then accused me. 27 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,516 - Was it you? - No. 28 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,226 It is something you would kinda do, 29 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,310 you have to admit. 30 00:01:42,310 --> 00:01:43,728 I am not Disgruntled. 31 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:47,399 I mean, I'm disgruntled, but I'm not Disgruntled. 32 00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:48,733 - Hey. - Yeah? 33 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:52,654 Great news. Willie Geist wants to do a profile of you. 34 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,572 - No kidding. - Yeah, the Sunday morning show. 35 00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:55,740 Oh, that's a good show, 36 00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,575 - that Sunday morning show. Yeah. - Wow, yeah! 37 00:01:57,575 --> 00:02:00,161 Atlanta. Because of Atlanta, everyone wants you. 38 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:02,330 - The cause célèbre. - Yeah. You know what? 39 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,290 - I will-- I'll-- I'll do that. - Great. 40 00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,875 - I really like him. - Big show. 41 00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:07,252 - Hello, everybody. - Oh, hi. 42 00:02:07,252 --> 00:02:09,004 I will be your server for today. 43 00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,588 What can I get started for you guys? 44 00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:11,923 I'm thinking scrambled eggs. 45 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:13,049 Yes, me too. 46 00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,509 - Ah... - I will have pancakes. 47 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:17,929 - We are actually already on to the lunch menu. Yeah. - What? 48 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:21,307 - Eleven o'clock, we switch over to the lunch menu, so... - No! 49 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:22,892 I mean, it's 11:10. 50 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:24,936 That's not 11:00. 51 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,605 What are you-- What's the difference? It's just eggs. 52 00:02:27,605 --> 00:02:29,274 You know, I mean, those are the rules. 53 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:30,400 What am I supposed to do? 54 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,110 What's going on in the kitchen after 11:00? 55 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,945 What-- what happens in those ten minutes? 56 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:34,988 What are they doing? 57 00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,614 We have to draw the line somewhere, so... 58 00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:37,866 Such a limited menu. 59 00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:40,410 It's like a Broadway play where they have to put in a new set. 60 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,579 And so now they're putting in the lunch set. 61 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:44,497 Yeah. It's just those are the rules, so... 62 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,751 I can't eat a beet pear salad at 11:00 a.m. 63 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,669 - Yeah. - Okay, you know what? 64 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,880 I see there's a Cobb salad on the menu, right? 65 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:52,756 Right. 66 00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,382 Yeah, there are eggs in the Cobb salad? 67 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:56,051 - Correct. - Okay, so take the eggs 68 00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,218 from the Cobb salad, 69 00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,220 take the bacon from the Cobb salad, 70 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,388 and put it on some toast. 71 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,015 Yeah, I see what you're trying to do there. 72 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,892 You're looking for a breakfast loophole. 73 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:04,934 It's not gonna work. 74 00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,811 And you're not the first person to try. 75 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,064 - Do you need a little more time? - I'm not the first person to try the breakfast loophole. 76 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:10,440 It was Five Easy Pieces, remember? 77 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,983 - With Jack Nicholson. - Yes, yes, yes. 78 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,985 Do me a favor. Will you just ask? 79 00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:15,278 I can ask. I will. 80 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,905 Thank you. And as long as you're asking, 81 00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:19,282 - I brought my own eggs. Yeah. - This is kind of rude. 82 00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:20,742 Could you give these to the chef? 83 00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,203 - You brought these from home? - Yes, 'cause they're organic. 84 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:26,831 The ones you have are full of antibiotics. 85 00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,291 They've done it for me before. 86 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,085 Okay, the chef knows that our eggs 87 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,753 - are not good enough for you? - Yeah. 88 00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,673 And he knows that you like eating breakfast after 11:00? 89 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:35,674 Yeah. 90 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,343 I will go and see what he says about all that. 91 00:03:38,343 --> 00:03:39,594 - Thank you. - And I'll report back. 92 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,513 Thank you very much. Do your best. 93 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,390 Most restaurants have an omelet on the menu for lunch. 94 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:44,683 - Yes, yes. - Exactly. 95 00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,726 This should have been in the Disgruntled letter. 96 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,603 Yes, that should've been in the letter. 97 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:50,689 You know what else Disgruntled missed? 98 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:51,690 The bad eggs. 99 00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,525 They-- they inject them with antibiotics. 100 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:56,528 - Yeah, antibiotics. - And then it gives men breasts. 101 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,530 You know, Larry could grow breasts. 102 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,490 The thought of Larry with breasts, I can't. 103 00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:03,201 - I'd be pretty cute. - It's not good for you. 104 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:07,414 Pretty, pretty, pretty cute. 105 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,457 So, how've you been since you stopped working? 106 00:04:09,457 --> 00:04:11,334 Oh, well, yeah, it's a struggle, you know? 107 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,544 But I go to the meetings, 108 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:14,462 and Cyrus is incredible, my sponsor. 109 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:16,131 - Ah. - Big bear of a man. 110 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,299 - Looks like Hoss from Bonanza. - Oh, really? 111 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:21,553 And he thinks we should go to couples therapy. 112 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,054 - What? - He suggested it. 113 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,347 - Interesting. - Yeah. 114 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,932 What do you think? You ever been to couples therapy? 115 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:29,394 No, we haven't really needed it. Although it can't hurt. 116 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,604 I want to do it very, very badly. 117 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,732 - Larry, I think it's a great idea. - No, it's a horrible idea. 118 00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,567 - It's a terrible idea. - Why is it a horrible idea? 119 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,318 - Why? - Because it's a wa-- It's a-- 120 00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,695 It doesn't do anything. It's a waste of time. 121 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:40,405 What-- It does! It does something. 122 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,907 I need it... for my recovery. 123 00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,576 I need it. I really need it. 124 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,120 I think it's a really crucial part of my recovery. 125 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,539 Please, let's do the therapy. 126 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:53,585 No changes for six months. Can you promise me that, Larry? 127 00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,670 Six months? 128 00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,255 ...important for me. So would you just-- 129 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,341 - All right! - Good. 130 00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,176 - Look at you, huh? - Look at the tension. 131 00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:03,553 All right, I have-- I have a referral. 132 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,680 Saved the Janowitzes' marriage, this woman. 133 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,058 That's what you need, is to be like the Janowitzes. 134 00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:09,559 You know what? You should be so lucky 135 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:11,144 to be as happy as the Janowitzes. 136 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,271 - The eggs have arrived, everybody. - Oh! 137 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,981 - Thank you. - Here we go. 138 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:15,940 Here they are. 139 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,317 - So it wasn't that difficult. - Excuse me. 140 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,693 Eggs after 11:00? What is this? 141 00:05:18,693 --> 00:05:21,029 Um, I will be right with you. Sorry. 142 00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,989 - I'd like some eggs. - Just give me one second. 143 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,616 Well, if he's getting eggs, I want an omelet. 144 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,701 - Is there a different menu? - See what you did? 145 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:29,245 - What? - This is what happens when you break the rules. 146 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,455 Yeah. Well, it's a stupid rule. Okay? 147 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:31,790 - Is it? - Eggs are an all-day food. 148 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,459 - Oatmeal! - By the way, I ordered pancakes. 149 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,960 Yeah, your wife actually changed your order 150 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,796 - while you were in the restroom. - What the fuck? 151 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,255 - Much healthier. - Thank you. 152 00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:41,299 Thank you, once again. Everyone wants breakfast! 153 00:05:41,299 --> 00:05:42,884 - Breakfast burrito! - Oh. 154 00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:44,594 Why does he get breakfast food? 155 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:45,679 Some butter? 156 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,138 Pancakes. Is that so hard? 157 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,473 I want scrambled eggs too! 158 00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:52,060 The caftan business. You got to be A.D.A. compliant. 159 00:05:52,060 --> 00:05:53,436 You know what? 160 00:05:53,436 --> 00:05:56,064 I think this Willie Geist thing is gonna be good for you. 161 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,816 - Really? - I really do. 162 00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,484 Hold on. 163 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,820 I got to tell you something. 164 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,615 I'm Disgruntled. 165 00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,827 It's me. 166 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:11,663 - I'm Disgruntled. - You're kidding. 167 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,581 - You wrote that shit? - I wrote it. 168 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,834 Did you notice it was all the stuff we've talked about? 169 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,169 You tacked that thing up like you were Martin Luther. 170 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,463 But no one can ever know. I'll get kicked out of the club. 171 00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:21,756 Don't worry, I'm not gonna say a word. 172 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:23,717 Oh, I'm not worried about you. I'm just saying no one. 173 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,510 It's the best thing you've ever done in your life. 174 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:26,970 - You think so? - Yeah, I do. 175 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,514 - Have I done any other good things? - No. 176 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:31,683 - So this is the only one? - This is the only decent thing. 177 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:33,309 - I've ever done? - You've ever done. 178 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:34,519 Yeah. 179 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,937 Well, I'm Disgruntled. 180 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:37,689 What are you guys talking about? 181 00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,316 - None of your business! - Yeah, what is that? 182 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:41,693 Come on! 183 00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:42,861 - You know what? - Hmm? 184 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:44,779 That should be on your tombstone, 185 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,197 "I'm Disgruntled." 186 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:53,371 So, I took in this Black family after Hurricane Katrina, 187 00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,582 and the guy's still-- he's still living there. 188 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,666 - Still here? - Yeah. 189 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,585 I-- I'm sure he's around somewhere. 190 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,045 Well, that was really big of you, Larry. 191 00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,714 You've become a... kind of a liberal darling. 192 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:04,466 - Oh-ho! - They love you on MSNBC, 193 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:05,759 - I'll tell you that. - Liberal darling. 194 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,886 - Get the hell out of here. - Huh? Huh? 195 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:08,928 So you knew, Larry, 196 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,930 when you handed out that bottle of water, 197 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,015 you were breaking the law? 198 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,558 Yeah, of cour-- 199 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,101 What, are you kidding? Of course, yeah. 200 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,436 And you're gonna plead not guilty? 201 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,730 Absolutely. It's such a stupid law. 202 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,066 I mean, how could I do anything but that? 203 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:22,984 I'll take it to the Supreme Court if I have to. 204 00:07:22,984 --> 00:07:24,819 - Supreme Court? - Oh, yeah. 205 00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,738 All right, well, I think this is gonna work pretty well. 206 00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,365 You and I'll talk in the interview. 207 00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:29,741 Be loose like this. You tell your story. 208 00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,534 Okay, yeah, just like this. Okay. That's the-- All right. 209 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,578 I think, if it's all right with you, we can do it here. 210 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:34,662 There's a lot of beautiful space. 211 00:07:34,662 --> 00:07:36,039 - Great. - And I've been talking 212 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:37,248 to a bunch of people. 213 00:07:37,248 --> 00:07:39,042 Everybody's got something to say about you. 214 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,670 Although one person did call you an asshole. 215 00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,716 Who? Who called me an asshole? 216 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:48,301 - Huh? - Could do it in here. 217 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:52,514 - What-- Who-- Who called me an asshole? I'm curious. - Put a fire in. 218 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,391 Larry, we're not gonna do this, okay? 219 00:07:54,391 --> 00:07:55,850 I don't give up my sources. 220 00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,602 I need you to respect my journalistic integrity right now. 221 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,853 Journalistic integrity? 222 00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,438 Where's the integrity of telling me 223 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,606 that somebody called me an asshole? 224 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,857 Is there integrity there? 225 00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,609 It's a small part of a larger story. 226 00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,027 I have to tell the full picture. 227 00:08:06,027 --> 00:08:09,614 But it's a universal fact that everybody is called an asshole! 228 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:11,950 I'm sure Mother Teresa was called an asshole by someone. 229 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:14,786 - Oh, I doubt that, Larry. No. - Oh, I know I don't doubt it. 230 00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:17,455 Somebody must have said, "Oh, she's so good. She's so good. 231 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:18,665 What an asshole!" 232 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,083 - Somebody must have said that. - Larry, please. 233 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:23,044 "Oh, look at Miss Perfect helping the lepers." 234 00:08:23,044 --> 00:08:23,962 You know, come on. 235 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,547 And I'm not giving you the source, 236 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:28,049 so we can just drop it, Larry. That's it! That's it. 237 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:30,260 All right, you know what? You don't have to give me the source. 238 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,469 - I know who it was. - You don't know. 239 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:33,638 It was Ted Danson. 240 00:08:33,638 --> 00:08:35,348 I just saw that. I just saw that. 241 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,100 - No. - No? That's a tell. 242 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,143 That was a look away. I saw it. 243 00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:39,978 That's not a look away. That's a let's move along. 244 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:42,897 That's it. It's not Ted. That's all I'm gonna say. 245 00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:45,108 Oh, okay. Forget it. I know who it was. 246 00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,402 I can't believe it. 247 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,695 Who do you think it is? 248 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,322 It was Troy. The Deaf actor at the club. 249 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:54,534 - Troy Kotsur, the guy who won the Oscar for CODA? - Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 250 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,827 I hit him with a golf ball 251 00:08:55,827 --> 00:08:57,412 - because I couldn't yell "fore." - What? 252 00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:59,706 And I, I threw a bagel at him too. 253 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:02,208 What, do you think he signed to me that you're an asshole? 254 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,294 Totally. Yeah. 255 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,712 Larry, let me ask you a question, 256 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,339 as long as we're talking about the club. 257 00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:08,757 Sure, yeah. 258 00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,759 Are you Disgruntled? 259 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,594 Disgruntled? 260 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,721 - Yeah. - You know about Disgruntled? 261 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,515 When a guy puts a note on the locker room door 262 00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:18,767 and there's a fight inside the club, 263 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,310 there's something there. 264 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,646 I am most certainly not Disgruntled... 265 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,690 with a capital D. 266 00:09:25,690 --> 00:09:27,734 I'm disgruntled with a small D, Willie. 267 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,570 How could you be a human being and not be small D disgruntled? 268 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,905 Well, you're coming at me with some 269 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,199 big D Disgruntled energy right here. 270 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,450 I am not big D. 271 00:09:35,450 --> 00:09:37,285 Little D all the way. 272 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,746 You sure about that, Larry? 273 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,749 Yeah, I'm sure. 274 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,183 Okay. 275 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,900 I'm excited. 276 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:12,737 I feel happy we're doing this as a couple. 277 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:15,073 - Mm, yeah. Yeah. - Isn't it? 278 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:18,284 ♪ I have a structured settlement But I need cash now ♪ 279 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,327 All right, come on. 280 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:20,453 ♪ I have a structured se-- ♪ 281 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,246 Hey! 282 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,914 - What? - Come on, stop singing that. 283 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:24,582 - I can't stop it. - You put it in my head. 284 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,751 - I sang it yesterday in the car. - Sing it for me. 285 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,753 Do the Valk-- Do the other guy. I'll be the woman. 286 00:10:28,753 --> 00:10:31,756 ♪ I have a structured settlement But I need c-- ♪ 287 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,049 ♪ Cash now ♪ 288 00:10:33,049 --> 00:10:34,384 ♪ Call J.G. Wentworth-- ♪ 289 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,177 Okay. Hi, Larry. 290 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,972 - Oh. - Melanie? 291 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,808 - Yes! - Are you kidding me? What? 292 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,643 I didn't know I was seeing you. 293 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,937 - Oh! - I thought I was seeing Melanie Stainback. 294 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:48,606 Stainback is my maiden name, and I just kept it professionally 295 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,858 because, you know, it was too much 296 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:51,443 to change everything and confuse everybody. 297 00:10:51,443 --> 00:10:53,778 So Turner's my married name, Stainback... 298 00:10:53,778 --> 00:10:55,488 You know each other. 299 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,948 Her husband was a writer on Seinfeld. 300 00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,450 - Yes. - Hobie Turner. 301 00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,784 Larry and I go way back. 302 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,912 I'm sorry about this. It's a total misunderstanding. 303 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,372 We'll just-- We'll just take off. 304 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:07,375 - Oh, why? No, no, no. Let's go. - Oh, come on. 305 00:11:07,375 --> 00:11:08,752 - What? - Larry, I promise, 306 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:11,129 everything that happens in here is 100 percent confidential. 307 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,506 So awkward, though. Come-- You know. 308 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,966 Let's go! 309 00:11:14,966 --> 00:11:17,260 - Come on. - Really, are you sure? I mean, it's-- 310 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,512 - You want a mint? - No, no, no, it's gonna be fine. 311 00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,348 - You must be Irma. - I am! 312 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,975 - I love your necklace. - Oh, what a beautiful office. 313 00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:26,644 Also-- Okay. There's another thing he does. 314 00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:29,731 He has a thing about phallic-shaped vegetables. 315 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:31,316 - Get outta-- - We're in a-- We're in a market. 316 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:34,444 I see him just stroking, stroking an eggplant. 317 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:36,821 - Are you insane? - I look around, he's stroking cucumbers. 318 00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,157 Yeah, I'd eat a cucumber if it was square. 319 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,159 - I don't care that it's phallic shaped. - Bell peppers. 320 00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:43,036 - All of this thing with food. - Bell peppers? 321 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,163 - What are you bringing this up for? - She doesn't care! 322 00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,998 Larry, it's all right. This is a safe space, 323 00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:49,000 I promise you. We talked about this. 324 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:52,671 Yeah. Does your husband have a very low-hanging scrotal sac? 325 00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:53,755 A lot of guys do. 326 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:55,298 - Oh my God. - How long is it? 327 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,884 When he goes to the bathroom in the night, can I just say... 328 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,011 - No, you can't just say! - I hear them 329 00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:01,388 - slapping on his thighs. - Get-- 330 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,681 It sounds like, you know... 331 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:05,225 - Get the hell outta here. - ...a flip-flop in a Mexican resort. 332 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,894 - This is just nonsense. - Just like a boom, boom. 333 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,354 But that concerns me about you. 334 00:12:09,354 --> 00:12:11,147 - Is this why we're in therapy? - It drives me crazy. I want-- 335 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,899 So you could bring up long balls? Okay! 336 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,234 I know her husband! 337 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,236 - You know, you're embarrassing me! - Oh, no. 338 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,863 In this room, I am not your friend. 339 00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,865 I'm not your coworker's wife. 340 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,368 I am your therapist. Okay? 341 00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,620 It looks like our time is up. 342 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,122 We should go to lunch. 343 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:28,373 Great! 344 00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:30,000 I know Hobie would love to see you. 345 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,669 It's been such a long time. We could catch up, and... 346 00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,212 - How's this Sunday? - Yes! 347 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,381 You'll come to the club and be our guests. 348 00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,632 - Oh, great. - Yeah. 349 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,175 - Wouldn't that be fun? - Yeah? 350 00:12:39,175 --> 00:12:41,720 - Larry? - He's always free. 351 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,138 - Wonderful. - It's good for him too. 352 00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:45,056 You know what? I'll put us all on a text chain. 353 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,808 We'll just, you know, we'll work out the details. 354 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,101 Oh, terrific. 355 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,853 - Wonderful meeting you. So, next-- - On Tuesday. 356 00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:52,188 - Yeah. Same time next Tuesday. - Yeah, that's great for us. 357 00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:54,649 - Oh my gosh. - What are the odds? 358 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:57,944 - Huh? - What? Oh my God. 359 00:12:57,944 --> 00:12:59,404 - She's wonderful. - Good. 360 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,365 I mean, she's not a magician, what with you two, but you know. 361 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:05,201 And you two are so good, huh? What's that dig? 362 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,081 He's never fucking home. 363 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,584 I mean, he is never home. He's at the club 364 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,627 day and night, and I don't really mind. 365 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,172 I'm perfectly happy to have him gone. 366 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:20,508 But the issue is, he hates the fucking place. 367 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,843 Can I tell her about the letter? 368 00:13:21,843 --> 00:13:23,345 - He wrote a letter. - No, no. 369 00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,513 - He wrote a whole long list. - No. What the fuck are you doing? 370 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,350 - Do not go into my letter. - This is a place where you talk talk about what's private, Jeff! 371 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,185 - Yes. This is a... - He wrote a letter, 372 00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:32,187 and he won't even sign his own name! 373 00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:35,440 - He signs, "Disgruntled." - I was disgruntled! 374 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,859 And I don't want to talk about the letter anymore. 375 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,944 - No more letter. - Okay. Well, like I said before, 376 00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:41,196 this is a completely safe space, 377 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:42,739 and if Susie wants to talk about this, 378 00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:43,990 we need to talk about it. 379 00:13:46,368 --> 00:13:49,496 Anyway, I just-- You know, I'm at my wit's end, because-- 380 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,373 What's going on over there? You guys hear the sneeze? 381 00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:54,376 - Uh, I don't think so. - I just heard a sneeze. 382 00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,670 If I heard the sneeze, they can hear us. 383 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,254 - Who's-- Who's over there? - No, no. 384 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,215 Um, I think it's a doctor's office. 385 00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:02,801 And another thing. I'm all about warmth 386 00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,844 and closeness and intimacy. 387 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,930 He's a cold fucking fish. 388 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,390 He never wants to cuddle. 389 00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:10,517 I mean, what kind of person doesn't want to cuddle with me? 390 00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,019 Oh, wait, I heard that one. 391 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:26,199 What are you doing? What are you doing? 392 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,201 I don't know-- Velcheck? 393 00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:31,204 - Ugh. - What? Who is he? 394 00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,165 He's the guy in the next office! 395 00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,835 He's best friends with Takahashi. 396 00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,878 He heard everything we said. 397 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,840 - So what? - I'm gonna be outed as Disgruntled. 398 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,092 You had to talk about the letter! 399 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:45,593 Ah! 400 00:14:45,593 --> 00:14:48,847 I thought the whole session was very helpful! 401 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:51,725 Arnold Velcheck, right there on the board, 402 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,018 next office over. 403 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:55,145 - Velcheck, from the club? - Yeah. 404 00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:59,566 And Susie yammered on and on about the Disgruntled letter. 405 00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,525 Wow. 406 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,986 Now I don't know for sure if he heard that, 407 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:06,072 but I wish I could get in there 408 00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,616 and see how much you can hear and what it's like. 409 00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:11,286 Hey. 410 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:14,372 Suppose I make an appointment for you to go to this urologist. 411 00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,207 At the same time, I'll make an appointment 412 00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,834 with my couples therapist, 413 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,210 and see if you can hear what I'm saying. 414 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,212 I'll do that shit. Of course. 415 00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:23,840 I got one question. What's a urologist? 416 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,884 Pfft. It's nothing. You pee in a cup. 417 00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:28,053 - You fill out a few forms. - Mm-hmm. 418 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:30,847 But mainly you're seeing if you can hear what I'm saying 419 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:32,057 in the office next door. 420 00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,683 I love peeing in cups. You know what I'm saying? 421 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,311 I like peeing in big-ass bowls, but I'll pee in a cup. 422 00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,063 I cannot tell you how much this means to me. 423 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,439 - I appreciate it. - I'ma show up in there-- 424 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,067 Do I gotta pre-drink water before I go over there? 425 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:44,569 I mean, usually one can urinate 426 00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:46,488 when given the cup. 427 00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:48,698 - You can pee in a cup on demand? - Anytime. 428 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:51,618 You give me a cup, I'll pee in it any time of the day. 429 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:54,079 Well, you give me a bowl, I'll do the same fucking thing. 430 00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:56,331 Yep. I'll tell you one thing. 431 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:59,834 The man that makes corn chips on the cob 432 00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:01,670 is gonna be a fucking billionaire. 433 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:05,090 - Corn chips on the cob? - Mm. 434 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,345 How long did you write on Seinfeld, Hobie? 435 00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:14,182 I wrote on the show for, uh, four seasons and, uh... 436 00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,601 Two with Larry, and then two after Larry left. 437 00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:19,979 But you came back for the finale, though, didn't you? 438 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,107 Yeah. 439 00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,234 I never watched any of them. 440 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,611 - I don't watch TV. I don't watch... - Really? 441 00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:28,613 I don't watch mov-- I've never watched the Oscars. 442 00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,448 - She's never watched the Oscars. - Never? 443 00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,783 - It's amazing. - I've never... 444 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,368 - Oh my God, what an achievement. - ...ever... 445 00:16:33,368 --> 00:16:35,912 - Good morning, everyone. - Oh. 446 00:16:35,912 --> 00:16:38,456 Oh, it's 10:50. 447 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:41,626 We're 10 minutes before the breakfast cutoff. 448 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:44,462 - You are today, Mr. David. - How 'bout that? Yeah. 449 00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:47,882 They can make a breakfast before 11:00 but not after. 450 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,802 After 11:00, the technology eludes them. 451 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,679 Can't be done. She just can't do it. 452 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,014 Are you all ready 453 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,349 - to place your orders? - No, it's too fast. 454 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,475 - Okay. - I haven't even looked. 455 00:16:57,475 --> 00:16:59,477 - No problem. - No, no, we'll order. 456 00:16:59,477 --> 00:17:01,688 - What? I'm not ready. - It's breakfast. It's just eggs. 457 00:17:01,688 --> 00:17:02,647 Pick out something. 458 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:04,399 - Okay, um... - You go. You go. 459 00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:06,609 You know what? I'll have the Belgian waffle, please. 460 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:07,527 - Got it. - Thank you. 461 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,780 Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, hash browns. 462 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,615 I'm gonna have the omelet. 463 00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,200 Ah, yes. 464 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,077 - Your eggs. - Yes, and... 465 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,830 I've got some bread back there. 466 00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,665 We're aware of your bread, Mr. David. 467 00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:22,000 And for you, ma'am? 468 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,211 Uh... I don't know. Pancakes. 469 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,963 - Yeah, uh... - Pancakes. Good choice. 470 00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,840 - Thank you. - But I'm not-- But I'm-- Ugh. 471 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,175 Pancakes. They're fine. 472 00:17:30,175 --> 00:17:32,177 I don't know. I mean, you're hurrying me. 473 00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,261 - I don't know. - Oh, stop it. 474 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,180 Once they get here, you have to order, 475 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,681 because you'll never get 'em again. 476 00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:39,059 When they're at the table, you gotta take advantage of it. 477 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:40,226 Let's have a toast. 478 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,395 - Oh, of course. Yes. - Let's-- Come on. 479 00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:45,023 Why go a meal without a toast? 480 00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:48,109 And I want to make a toast to my sobriety. 481 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:51,029 - Oh, hey. - Fifteen weeks today. 482 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,697 Nine more to go. 483 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:53,740 What? 484 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,326 Oh, um... 485 00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,204 You know, until you're in the clear. 486 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:01,873 No, it's a lifelong thing. It's a-- You know, it's a-- 487 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,667 You keep working at it. I have a disease. 488 00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,921 - I hit bottom so badly. - Yeah. 489 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,215 I walked into the council chamber naked, 490 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,635 and all I remember is the air on my nipples 491 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,428 and the looks of admiration 492 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,097 - and horror. - Yeah. We're gonna eat. 493 00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:19,974 And that was my bottom. But now, 15 weeks. 494 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:21,142 That's so good to hear. 495 00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:23,395 Well, Larry, how are you hitting 'em these days? 496 00:18:23,395 --> 00:18:26,147 You know what? Great off the tee. 497 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,857 I'm really hitting it long. 498 00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,901 That's why they call him Long Ball Larry. 499 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,571 - Just kidding, Larry. - That's a good one. 500 00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:35,615 That's gonna stick. Long Ball Larry. 501 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:44,374 Ugh. This is like sort of cotton wool with sugar. 502 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,669 - Pancakes. - Mm. It's not what I wanted. 503 00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:50,755 I should've gotten the eggs. I was rushed into pancakes. 504 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:53,008 - I didn't rush you into pancakes. - You rushed me into pancakes. 505 00:18:53,008 --> 00:18:54,175 - I did not. - You did. 506 00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:56,553 I'll trade with you if you want. I don't mind. 507 00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:58,805 - No, you don't have to. - No, it's nothing. 508 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,598 - It's nothing. - Okay. 509 00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:03,101 - He's happy to do it. - Oh, thank you. 510 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:04,352 - Yeah. - That's nice. 511 00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,770 - So nice. - Oh. 512 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,230 It's the least I can do. 513 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,190 Mm. 514 00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,109 So I'm happy now! 515 00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,402 It is really good. 516 00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:13,653 - Yeah. - Yeah, this is. 517 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,864 Something's off with these eggs. They're not my eggs. 518 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,449 - What? - No, I know my eggs. 519 00:19:17,449 --> 00:19:19,909 My eggs are organic. These are not organic eggs. 520 00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,119 Well, hey, I'm not switching with you. 521 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,330 Miss, excuse me. 522 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,167 Yes, Mr. David? 523 00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,794 Something's amiss with the eggs. 524 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,338 What-- what do you mean? 525 00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:33,381 I mean, they don't taste like my eggs. 526 00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:35,884 I can assure you those are your eggs. 527 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,345 I know that you were a little upset the other day 528 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,181 when I got breakfast after 11:00. 529 00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,640 Maybe you got a little breakfast grudge? 530 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,434 - No, I can assure you... - Oh, really? 531 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,186 I do not have a breakfast grudge. 532 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,146 The chef does not have a breakfast grudge. 533 00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:49,814 I feel like you got a little breakfast grudge. 534 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,318 Sorry, Mr. Takahashi. 535 00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:56,488 Hey, funny guy, don't bring your own eggs here. 536 00:19:56,488 --> 00:19:58,406 Your eggs are just-- They're not organic. 537 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,784 - Eggs are eggs. - Eggs are not eggs. 538 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:02,369 Oh. 539 00:20:03,161 --> 00:20:05,330 Are you Disgruntled? 540 00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,290 No, I am not Disgruntled. 541 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:08,792 - Oh, yes. - No. 542 00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:11,628 - You always walk around with scowl on your face... - Oh, yeah. 543 00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,505 - ...and mumbling to yourself. - Yeah. Oh. 544 00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,382 Yeah. Oh, yeah. 545 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,343 - Yeah, that's you. - Yeah. I do scowl. 546 00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:21,012 - And I will admit to muttering. - Yeah. 547 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,932 But I am not Disgruntled. 548 00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:35,819 And don't bring bread! 549 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:38,988 Hold on. Hey, come on. What are you doing? 550 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,366 You're gonna get kicked out of your club over a couple eggs? 551 00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:43,535 Excuse me, ma'am. Sorry to stop you. 552 00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:45,286 - My name's Willie Geist. - Yes. 553 00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,705 Be right back. 554 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,543 What about the facilities? Is the building holding up? 555 00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:54,295 - Well, as long as the ladies' card room is-- - Excuse me. Excuse me. 556 00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,381 Can I talk to Willie for a second? 557 00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:57,674 - Well, we're-- - Hey, Larry. 558 00:20:57,674 --> 00:21:00,385 - Uh, it's kind of important. - He was just getting-- 559 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,721 Sorry, I wanted a selfie, but never mind. 560 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,390 What are you talking to Nora about? 561 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:08,184 Just a little background, a little color for the story. 562 00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:09,978 Is she the one who called me an asshole? 563 00:21:09,978 --> 00:21:13,231 Larry, don't ask me to give away my sources. 564 00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:14,691 You know I'm not gonna do it. 565 00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,526 If I were you, I wouldn't believe a word she says. 566 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:17,736 She's been divorced four times. 567 00:21:17,736 --> 00:21:19,571 - She's a pathological liar. - Oh, come on, Larry. 568 00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:21,072 And she burned down her house 569 00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:23,658 - to get the insurance money. - She's a very nice woman. 570 00:21:23,658 --> 00:21:26,411 And matter of fact, Larry, the more I talk to her 571 00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:28,038 and the membership of this club, 572 00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:29,414 the more I think there is a story here. 573 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,583 This Disgruntled thing. It's big. 574 00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:32,876 Let me tell you something, Willie. 575 00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:35,128 The people in this club don't appreciate some reporter 576 00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:36,921 coming from New York with their fancy shoes 577 00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:38,757 and 100-dollar haircut 578 00:21:38,757 --> 00:21:41,134 - and, uh, asking... - This is 21 dollars at Supercuts. 579 00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:42,260 ...asking a lot of questions. 580 00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:45,096 Disgruntled has everything. It's juicy. 581 00:21:45,096 --> 00:21:46,431 You're looking for juicy? 582 00:21:46,431 --> 00:21:49,309 - I got juicy for you. - What do you got? 583 00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:50,560 Follow me. 584 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,939 And they switch my eggs. 585 00:21:54,939 --> 00:21:57,192 - This is the story? In here? - Because-- Because I-- 586 00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:58,568 - I had breakfast after 11:00. - Whoa! Hey! 587 00:21:58,568 --> 00:22:00,278 Sorry, members can't be in the kitchen. 588 00:22:00,278 --> 00:22:01,780 Hey, no members in the kitchen, please. 589 00:22:01,780 --> 00:22:05,283 - This is Willie Geist from NBC News. - Big fan, man. 590 00:22:05,283 --> 00:22:06,451 We have a couple of questions 591 00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:07,660 - we'd like to ask you. - He does. 592 00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,788 - He's got some questions. - Okay. 593 00:22:09,788 --> 00:22:11,623 Are you making the eggs I bring in? 594 00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:13,958 Oh, you're, yeah, breakfast-at-11:30 guy. 595 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,168 - I know you. Yeah. - Yeah. 596 00:22:15,168 --> 00:22:16,836 I used your eggs. And you know what? Just so you know, 597 00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:19,464 breakfast at 11:30 kinda screws everything up back here for us. 598 00:22:19,464 --> 00:22:21,758 So what's so hard about making an egg after 11:00? 599 00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:24,094 You crack an egg, you break it, and then you cook it. So what? 600 00:22:24,094 --> 00:22:26,471 If it's so easy, put on the little hat and get back here then. 601 00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:28,223 - I can make an egg, I know that. - Oh, you can? 602 00:22:28,223 --> 00:22:29,474 Then why do you come in here? 603 00:22:29,474 --> 00:22:31,142 Are you writing this down? Where's your pad? 604 00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:32,227 - Me? No. - Yeah. 605 00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:33,311 - No, I'm... - No? 606 00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:36,189 - Nothing. Not a word. - Thank you, Willie. Goodbye. 607 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:38,066 What is that? Those are my eggs. 608 00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:40,193 Those are not your eggs. They're just other eggs. - Those are not my eggs? 609 00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:42,278 What are they doing? Two eggs off to the side like that. 610 00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,114 Willie, you seeing this? There's two stray eggs. 611 00:22:44,114 --> 00:22:46,408 - Two egg-- What's a stray egg? - Look. 612 00:22:46,408 --> 00:22:48,660 Oh, you can't just-- Hey, pal. 613 00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:50,787 - What are you doing? - Okay. 614 00:22:50,787 --> 00:22:52,539 Okay, these are not the same color eggs. 615 00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:53,665 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 616 00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:55,333 This one's caramel colored, 617 00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:56,668 and this one has an almond sheen. 618 00:22:56,668 --> 00:22:58,962 - You see this, Willie? - Yeah. Two brown eggs. 619 00:22:58,962 --> 00:23:00,005 No, not just two brown eggs. 620 00:23:00,005 --> 00:23:01,840 One's caramel colored. One's an almond sheen. 621 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,466 A sheen? I don't see a sheen on this. 622 00:23:03,466 --> 00:23:04,718 There's a sheen. Yeah. 623 00:23:04,718 --> 00:23:06,344 - Eggs don't even have a sheen. - Eggs have a sheen. 624 00:23:06,344 --> 00:23:08,179 - No sheen here. - There's a sheen, Willie! 625 00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:09,848 All right, thank you. Goodbye. 626 00:23:09,848 --> 00:23:11,641 - What? Oh, that's it? - Goodbye. That's it. 627 00:23:11,641 --> 00:23:12,726 - Okay, fine. - That's it. 628 00:23:12,726 --> 00:23:14,185 You're gonna be on television, okay? 629 00:23:14,185 --> 00:23:17,355 Oh yeah, what were you filming with, your handkerchief? 630 00:23:17,355 --> 00:23:18,648 We'll be back. Willie. 631 00:23:18,648 --> 00:23:20,025 - Sorry about all this. - We're coming back. 632 00:23:20,025 --> 00:23:22,152 And by the way, by the way, 633 00:23:22,152 --> 00:23:23,445 I'd like my bread. 634 00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,738 Takahashi threw that away. 635 00:23:24,738 --> 00:23:26,489 - Takahashi threw it away? - Yeah. 636 00:23:26,489 --> 00:23:27,907 Okay, I'm not leaving until I get my bread. 637 00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:30,035 - Get out of the kitchen! - Okay, I'm leaving. 638 00:23:30,035 --> 00:23:32,078 That was the story? 639 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:34,164 - Yeah! What do you mean? - Larry, there's no story there. 640 00:23:34,164 --> 00:23:35,498 Don't you see what's going on! 641 00:23:35,498 --> 00:23:37,917 - There's no story. - They're not making my eggs! 642 00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:41,421 And, you know, can I say something? 643 00:23:41,421 --> 00:23:43,214 Your husband's wonderful. 644 00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:45,675 That he would just give me his eggs. 645 00:23:45,675 --> 00:23:47,719 - You have a lovely relationship. - Oh, thank you. 646 00:23:47,719 --> 00:23:50,138 I noticed how he cared about you, 647 00:23:50,138 --> 00:23:51,389 how considerate he was. 648 00:23:51,389 --> 00:23:53,725 I wasn't enjoying my meal, 649 00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:56,311 my pancakes, because I was rushed into pancakes. 650 00:23:56,311 --> 00:23:57,437 It wasn't what I wanted to choose. 651 00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:58,688 I didn't rush you into the pan-- 652 00:23:58,688 --> 00:24:00,482 - You did rush me into pancakes. - No, I did not. 653 00:24:00,482 --> 00:24:03,401 And it wasn't up to him to give her his eggs. 654 00:24:03,401 --> 00:24:06,488 It would've been up to me. It wasn't his business... 655 00:24:06,488 --> 00:24:07,781 Mr. Black. 656 00:24:07,781 --> 00:24:10,992 - I'm Dr. Velcheck. How are you? - Dr. Velcheck. 657 00:24:10,992 --> 00:24:13,328 Yeah. So, what brings you in here today? 658 00:24:13,328 --> 00:24:16,581 Well, you're an expert on pee. 659 00:24:17,374 --> 00:24:19,459 That's what a urologist is, yeah. 660 00:24:19,459 --> 00:24:21,836 What do you know about, uh, urine? 661 00:24:21,836 --> 00:24:24,089 An awful lot. It's pretty much the same thing. 662 00:24:24,089 --> 00:24:25,090 Mm. 663 00:24:25,090 --> 00:24:27,175 Are you having any trouble urinating at night? 664 00:24:27,175 --> 00:24:28,343 Hell no. 665 00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:30,178 Sometimes I get a little lazy once in a while. 666 00:24:30,178 --> 00:24:31,471 Sometimes I pee right in the condom, 667 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:32,597 and I'll just take it off, 668 00:24:32,597 --> 00:24:33,890 tie a little knot in that motherfucker 669 00:24:33,890 --> 00:24:36,101 and throw it in the trash, and keep on fucking. 670 00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:38,186 Okay. Well, Larry, 671 00:24:38,186 --> 00:24:39,729 Hobie was trying to extend a courtesy 672 00:24:39,729 --> 00:24:41,606 that wasn't being extended by anyone else, 673 00:24:41,606 --> 00:24:43,024 - specifically you. - I know what he was trying to do 674 00:24:43,024 --> 00:24:44,693 but it wasn't right for him to do that. 675 00:24:44,693 --> 00:24:47,737 It wasn't his place. He overstepped his bounds. 676 00:24:47,737 --> 00:24:50,448 It was your place, and you weren't doing it. 677 00:24:50,448 --> 00:24:52,450 Yeah! That's right, I wasn't doing it. 678 00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:54,369 I think Hobie wanted pancakes! 679 00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:56,454 All right, Mr. Black, time to start the exam. 680 00:24:56,454 --> 00:24:58,289 - Yeah. - Pull your pants down. 681 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:00,208 What? 682 00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:01,543 I think you're upset with Hobie 683 00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:03,169 because he's a better person than you. 684 00:25:03,169 --> 00:25:05,171 - Is that what you think? I'll tell you what. - I think so. Because he-- 685 00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:06,840 - I'm upset with Hobie... - Because he is a gentleman. 686 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,633 - ...'cause he's full of shit! - And because he respects women! 687 00:25:08,633 --> 00:25:09,801 'Cause he wanted pancakes, 688 00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:11,553 and he was jealous of her pancakes, 689 00:25:11,553 --> 00:25:13,680 and when she didn't want the pancakes, 690 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,266 he couldn't wait to get his hands on them! 691 00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:19,936 Motherfucker! 692 00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:22,480 Don't move! Get back down! 693 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,690 What the fuck are you doing, man? 694 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:24,941 I'm checking your prostate! 695 00:25:24,941 --> 00:25:27,944 You ain't no piss doctor! You a ass doctor! 696 00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:29,070 Mr. Black, out, please. 697 00:25:29,070 --> 00:25:30,905 You don't do that shit to people, man! 698 00:25:30,905 --> 00:25:32,991 I feel like we're not alone. 699 00:25:32,991 --> 00:25:35,285 The fuck are you doing? 700 00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:39,914 You know, I wasn't afraid to give that woman the water. 701 00:25:39,914 --> 00:25:42,125 I don't live in fear, Willie. 702 00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:45,670 I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm not afraid of the cold. 703 00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:48,673 Say I'm gonna take a shower and there's no hot water. 704 00:25:48,673 --> 00:25:51,676 Yeah, I'll take the cold shower. I'll get in there. 705 00:25:52,135 --> 00:25:53,136 Am I disappointed? 706 00:25:53,136 --> 00:25:54,888 Yeah, of course. Of course I'm disappointed. 707 00:25:54,888 --> 00:25:57,932 Still, I'm gonna get wet. I'm gonna go under. 708 00:25:57,932 --> 00:26:00,185 A lot of people won't go in that cold shower. 709 00:26:00,185 --> 00:26:02,020 And this applies to the story 710 00:26:02,020 --> 00:26:04,064 with the bottled water in Atlanta... 711 00:26:04,939 --> 00:26:05,815 how? 712 00:26:05,815 --> 00:26:07,359 Willie, let me ask you a question. 713 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:08,568 Have you ever had a fresh egg 714 00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:10,070 - from a chicken? - I have. 715 00:26:10,070 --> 00:26:12,572 Ah. Have you ever had a fresh peach off the tree? 716 00:26:12,572 --> 00:26:15,533 I have. So, in Atlanta, you see the line of voters, 717 00:26:15,533 --> 00:26:18,703 - you get the water... - Yeah, I wanna tell you a story. I wanna tell you a story. 718 00:26:18,703 --> 00:26:20,538 My whole life, I hated strawberries. 719 00:26:20,538 --> 00:26:22,040 - Hated 'em. - Strawberries? 720 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,376 Strawberries. Hated 'em. Wouldn't eat 'em. Couldn't eat 'em. 721 00:26:24,376 --> 00:26:25,585 And then one day, 722 00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:28,046 I had a fresh strawberry right from the ground. 723 00:26:28,046 --> 00:26:29,047 Mm-hmm. 724 00:26:29,047 --> 00:26:31,591 Changed my life. Never tasted anything like it. 725 00:26:31,591 --> 00:26:33,343 I was judging strawberries, 726 00:26:33,343 --> 00:26:35,428 but I didn't know the strawberry. 727 00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:37,222 It's like people, Willie. 728 00:26:37,222 --> 00:26:40,684 You don't really know them until you taste them. 729 00:26:41,976 --> 00:26:44,062 That's great, Larry. Uh, thank you so much. 730 00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:45,814 I think we have what we need on the strawberries. 731 00:26:45,814 --> 00:26:47,357 Yeah, you good? How 'bout a boysenberry? 732 00:26:47,357 --> 00:26:48,566 You ever had a boysenberry? 733 00:26:48,566 --> 00:26:49,776 There's a lot of fruit out there, 734 00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:51,444 and I think we're bumping up against our time, 735 00:26:51,444 --> 00:26:53,822 and I kind of see us going all the way down the produce aisle, 736 00:26:53,822 --> 00:26:55,031 so I'm gonna stop you there. 737 00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:56,157 Where'd you have that boysenberry? 738 00:26:56,157 --> 00:26:58,118 It's not interesting. I had a boysenberry. 739 00:26:58,118 --> 00:26:59,744 - I don't remember where it was. - Maybe Vermont? 740 00:26:59,744 --> 00:27:01,496 - Vermont? New Hampshire? - I don't-- Maybe. 741 00:27:01,496 --> 00:27:02,706 They're big on boysenberries over there. 742 00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:04,082 Okay, enough with the fruit. 743 00:27:04,082 --> 00:27:05,125 I think I had... 744 00:27:05,125 --> 00:27:06,710 I do have one last question for you, Larry, 745 00:27:06,710 --> 00:27:08,628 - before I let you go. - Sure. 746 00:27:09,421 --> 00:27:11,840 Are you, Larry David... 747 00:27:13,091 --> 00:27:14,134 Disgruntled? 748 00:27:15,427 --> 00:27:17,012 Sorry to disappoint you, man. 749 00:27:18,263 --> 00:27:19,889 I'm not Disgruntled. 750 00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:21,599 I think we have what we need. Yeah? 751 00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:23,601 - Great. This was great. - Oh, oh! Yeah. 752 00:27:23,601 --> 00:27:25,228 All right. 753 00:27:26,730 --> 00:27:28,023 You think I can use the bathroom, Larry? 754 00:27:28,023 --> 00:27:30,066 - Of course. Yeah. Right there. - Yeah? 755 00:27:30,066 --> 00:27:31,985 Between us, and I'll spare you the details, 756 00:27:31,985 --> 00:27:34,529 I'm having a little... ...you know... 757 00:27:34,529 --> 00:27:36,072 You know a good urologist in town? 758 00:27:36,072 --> 00:27:38,491 I'd love to see him before I head out. 759 00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:39,993 You know, as a matter of fact, I do. 760 00:27:39,993 --> 00:27:41,745 - You'd connect us? - Absolutely. 761 00:27:41,745 --> 00:27:43,913 Okay, great. Thanks, Larr. Appreciate it. 762 00:27:43,913 --> 00:27:46,583 Willie, what other fruits, uh, come from the ground 763 00:27:46,583 --> 00:27:47,584 besides strawberries? 764 00:27:47,584 --> 00:27:49,294 Oh, thank you, Larry. 765 00:27:49,294 --> 00:27:50,170 Thank you. 766 00:27:50,170 --> 00:27:52,505 Strawberries, is that the only one? 767 00:27:52,505 --> 00:27:54,174 Huh? Is tomato a fruit? 768 00:27:57,344 --> 00:27:59,137 Hey, how'd the interview go? 769 00:27:59,804 --> 00:28:01,473 You know. Okay. 770 00:28:01,473 --> 00:28:02,932 - Let me ask you a question. - Yeah. 771 00:28:02,932 --> 00:28:05,143 Have you ever eaten a strawberry from the ground? 772 00:28:05,143 --> 00:28:06,853 No, I get 'em at the grocery store, 773 00:28:06,853 --> 00:28:08,772 - I wash 'em. - Hey, Larry. 774 00:28:09,481 --> 00:28:10,607 What the hell? 775 00:28:10,607 --> 00:28:11,983 You can't talk to my wife like that. 776 00:28:11,983 --> 00:28:13,401 Talk to your wife like what? 777 00:28:13,401 --> 00:28:15,153 You can't give her a hard time in your sessions. 778 00:28:15,153 --> 00:28:16,821 I hear you're busting her balls all the time. 779 00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:19,199 It's very unethical for her 780 00:28:19,199 --> 00:28:21,326 to be talking about something private 781 00:28:21,326 --> 00:28:22,702 that I said to her with you. 782 00:28:22,702 --> 00:28:24,913 She's my wife. Of course she's gonna talk to me. 783 00:28:24,913 --> 00:28:26,831 You're not entitled to that information! 784 00:28:26,831 --> 00:28:28,291 Oh, she doesn't tell me everything. 785 00:28:28,291 --> 00:28:29,334 She tells me certain things. 786 00:28:29,334 --> 00:28:30,502 She shouldn't tell you anything! 787 00:28:30,502 --> 00:28:32,337 And matter of fact, she did tell me a little something 788 00:28:32,337 --> 00:28:35,006 about how you didn't like the fact that I gave my eggs 789 00:28:35,006 --> 00:28:36,383 to your girlfriend the other day. 790 00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:37,425 What the hell's with that? 791 00:28:37,425 --> 00:28:39,302 We know you wanted the pancakes. 792 00:28:39,302 --> 00:28:42,180 - I know you wanted the pancakes. - I didn't. I could care less. 793 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:45,016 - You wanted the pancakes, Hobie. - Okay, you know what? 794 00:28:45,016 --> 00:28:47,477 You're just being this Disgruntled dick right now. 795 00:28:47,477 --> 00:28:48,687 I'm getting a lot of... 796 00:28:48,687 --> 00:28:51,106 big D Disgruntled energy from you. 797 00:28:51,106 --> 00:28:53,191 No. You're getting small D disgruntled energy. 798 00:28:53,191 --> 00:28:56,027 - Larry David's Disgruntled, everybody. - Hey, can you shut up about-- 799 00:28:56,027 --> 00:28:58,363 - Larry David's Disgruntled! - Hey. 800 00:28:58,363 --> 00:29:01,783 I knew it! Ha! I knew it! 801 00:29:02,450 --> 00:29:04,661 You are in big trouble, 802 00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:07,455 because you are Disgruntled! 803 00:29:10,333 --> 00:29:12,293 I'm Disgruntled! 804 00:29:12,293 --> 00:29:14,254 - What, you? - Yes. 805 00:29:14,254 --> 00:29:17,090 - I'm Disgruntled. - I'm Disgruntled. 806 00:29:17,090 --> 00:29:18,216 I'm Disgruntled. 807 00:29:18,216 --> 00:29:20,343 - I'm Disgruntled. - I'm Disgruntled. 808 00:29:20,343 --> 00:29:21,594 I'm Disgruntled. 809 00:29:21,594 --> 00:29:23,346 I'm Disgruntled, too. 810 00:29:23,346 --> 00:29:25,390 I'm Disgruntled. 811 00:29:26,516 --> 00:29:28,935 Baka! 812 00:29:38,862 --> 00:29:40,905 - Oh, hi, honey. - Hey. You ready to grab a bite? 813 00:29:40,905 --> 00:29:42,741 Uh, yeah, and a bourbon. 814 00:29:42,741 --> 00:29:44,868 I have Jeff and Susie Greene coming in at 2:00 p.m., 815 00:29:44,868 --> 00:29:46,244 and they are a shit show. 816 00:29:46,244 --> 00:29:48,371 Speaking of shit shows, I just came from Ocean View. 817 00:29:48,371 --> 00:29:50,957 It's getting fucking weird over there, all right? 818 00:29:50,957 --> 00:29:52,334 I don't know what's going on, 819 00:29:52,334 --> 00:29:54,419 but everybody's walking around going, "I'm Disgruntled!" 820 00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:55,587 "No, I'm Disgruntled!" 821 00:29:55,587 --> 00:29:57,797 Oh my God. But Jeff is Disgruntled. 822 00:29:57,797 --> 00:29:59,382 No, everybody over there is saying it. 823 00:29:59,382 --> 00:30:00,884 No, but I mean, Jeff caused it. 824 00:30:00,884 --> 00:30:03,053 He wrote a letter listing all of his complaints 825 00:30:03,053 --> 00:30:05,096 about the club and signed it "Disgruntled." 826 00:30:05,096 --> 00:30:06,931 Jeff Greene is Disgruntled? 827 00:30:06,931 --> 00:30:09,059 Yes. 828 00:30:09,059 --> 00:30:12,270 Shit! Are you serious? You're sitting on a gold mine. 829 00:30:12,270 --> 00:30:14,606 - Jeff Greene... - You have no idea. 830 00:30:14,606 --> 00:30:16,274 - ...is Disgruntled. - Wow. 831 00:30:16,274 --> 00:30:18,943 - I thought it was Larry David. - Me too. 832 00:30:18,943 --> 00:30:20,945 Are you serious? 833 00:30:20,945 --> 00:30:22,155 The chef at the club 834 00:30:22,155 --> 00:30:25,367 is eating all of Larry's organic fucking eggs? 835 00:30:25,867 --> 00:30:27,118 I knew it!