1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,560 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,480 [pastoral music] 3 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:42,560 [Jeremy] The day after the cows arrived, I went to check on them with Kaleb, 4 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,080 who was actually quite excited. 5 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,000 [Jeremy] How old were you when you started as a cowman? 6 00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:49,680 -[Kaleb] Thirteen. -Thirteen? 7 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:50,640 [Kaleb] Thirteen. 8 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,640 -[Jeremy] You love them, don't you? -Oh a hundred percent. 9 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:57,120 [Jeremy] Look at that. This is exactly what we need for the soil. 10 00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:59,840 Now that is full of nitrogen. 11 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,800 That goes into the soil, and that is good. 12 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:02,760 Yeah. 13 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,160 And saves us having to put nitrogen on. 14 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,120 -Chemicals on. -Chemicals, yeah. 15 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:11,080 -Look who's here. Stranger. -[Kaleb] Here she is, back. 16 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:14,200 [Jeremy] Back from Ireland, over to see the mother. 17 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,760 [Kaleb] Come and look at this turd. 18 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,560 -Welcome back. -[laughs] 19 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:19,760 [Kaleb] Cow pat. 20 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,960 You know when they get really hard you can frisbee them. 21 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:24,800 Is that a game you play in your rural... 22 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,920 -Yeah. We actually did. -Oh! 23 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,640 When they get hard, you can pick them up and frisbee 24 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:30,440 and whoever chucks it the furthest wins. 25 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:31,880 How was Ireland? 26 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:33,360 -It was so good. -Good. 27 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,360 -I hadn't seen my mum for two years. -I know. 28 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:39,400 -I'm so sorry about your dog, Kaleb. -Oh yeah, yesterday. 29 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:40,520 I'm so sorry. 30 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,280 Cancer all down the side of his face. Put him down yesterday. 31 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:44,400 I've never put down a dog 32 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,080 that is running around and trying to play. 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,080 It was horrible. He was just... it was horrible. 34 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,560 -[Lisa] I'm so sorry. -He's in a better place now. 35 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:53,600 And we'll cheer him up 'cause he likes cows. 36 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:56,480 [Jeremy] Cows! 37 00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,000 [Lisa] No, don't scare them. 38 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,120 [Jeremy] I'm not gonna scare them. I'm just saying "cows." 39 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:02,880 There they are. 40 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,480 [mooing] 41 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,400 -[Lisa] Oh. -[Jeremy] Ow. 42 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,480 [Lisa] Oh, hello. 43 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,480 They smell divine. 44 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,560 [soft music] 45 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:16,360 [Jeremy] Whilst Lisa and Kaleb were introducing themselves... 46 00:02:16,520 --> 00:02:18,320 [Kaleb] Look at them, they're so relaxed. 47 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:19,400 Hey ! 48 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,880 [Jeremy] ...Dilwyn the vet arrived. 49 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,320 -[Jeremy] How've you been? -Yeah, not too bad. 50 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,120 Just sort of having to fight all the autograph hunters away 51 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,040 and all that type of stuff, but... 52 00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:30,880 [Kaleb calls the cows] 53 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,600 [Dilwyn] Where are we here? 54 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:34,720 [Lisa] Jeremy? They're trying to get over the fence. 55 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:35,680 [Jeremy] What? 56 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:37,400 [mooing] 57 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,440 -[wood cracking] -[Kaleb] Oh fucking hell! 58 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,080 [Lisa] Now through the fence. 59 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,760 -[Kaleb] Cows are out! -[Lisa] Jeremy. 60 00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,320 [Jeremy] Oh shit! They'll be on the road. 61 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,400 [Lisa] Oh my God. 62 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,720 The road is up there and there's no fence. 63 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,200 -[Kaleb] Go on! -[Jeremy] For heavens... Please stop. 64 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:53,480 [Kaleb] Go on! 65 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:56,040 Lisa, come that side! 66 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,800 [Jeremy] No, they're going back, they're just... 67 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,920 Oh for fucking hell! 68 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,160 [Kaleb] There's a gate in that corner. We'll walk them down there. 69 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,360 -Jeremy, go and open that gate. -Yeah. 70 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,320 [Kaleb] If one goes through, they'll all go through it. 71 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,880 We just slowly take them down there, really slowly. 72 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,400 [Jeremy] Got you. 73 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,520 Come on, cows. 74 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:15,880 [Kaleb] Steady. 75 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,040 Steady. 76 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,640 [Jeremy] Good girls. 77 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,040 [Dilwyn] Yeah, they're going through. 78 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,120 [Kaleb] Good girls, come on. 79 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,560 We've had them a day. 80 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,000 One day. 81 00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,720 [Jeremy] Having got the cows back in their field and mended the fence, 82 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,840 I was worried that they'd be just as unruly as the sheep, 83 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:42,320 but Dilwyn explained what was going on. 84 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,200 There's a hierarchy. 85 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:45,800 -[Jeremy] Really ? -Yeah, there is. 86 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,720 So there'll be a chief cow in there? 87 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:48,680 Oh absolutely. 88 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:49,960 The one that broke through the fence. 89 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,720 -Probably was. -Probably was. 90 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,280 And they all know where they are in the... 91 00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,040 -Pecking order? Really ? -Yeah. 92 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,400 And they don't tend to argue then, 93 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,320 and everything goes really, really nicely. 94 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:02,600 I never knew that. 95 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:05,480 So with cows, whichever one leads, 96 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,480 like when they first get here, "I'm in charge." 97 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,000 -[Dilwyn] Yeah. -And they just go "OK." 98 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,200 Yeah. And the others are quite happy to follow. 99 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,760 That's what cattle are like, that's the herd instinct. 100 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:18,800 You know, even down to sort of zebus jumping off a cliff, 101 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,600 or trying to cross the Zambezi, or whatever. 102 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,920 They'll all stand there saying "You go first, you go first." 103 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,760 And then somebody says: "Right, I'm going." 104 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:26,240 And the whole bloomin' lot go. 105 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,360 So that's why, it's hardwired into them. 106 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,240 [Jeremy] They go under the trees because? 107 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,080 [Dilwyn] They feel safe under there. 108 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,360 They're away from the predators. 109 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:40,200 [Lisa moos] 110 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,360 [Jeremy] This is Pepper. The white one. 111 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,240 This is my pet. 112 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,920 The little five-year-old girl, Rosie, from the farm we bought them from, 113 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,200 that was her favourite. 114 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,920 So she said: "Will you ask Jeremy to really look after Pepper for me?" 115 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,440 -[Lisa] Ha. -I don't know. So I said I would. 116 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:01,240 [upbeat music] 117 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,800 [Jeremy] I'd bought the cows to reinvigorate my soil. 118 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,800 But because such a small flock would not be profitable 119 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,880 if I sold it to a butcher, 120 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,520 I'd come up with the idea of selling the meat 121 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,640 in my own restaurant. 122 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,800 And on that front, I'd had another brainwave... 123 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:20,920 chilis! 124 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,560 -Right over here. -[Lisa] Oh, oh... 125 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:27,240 [Jeremy] My plan was to grow them so I could sell chili chutney 126 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:30,080 in both the restaurant and the farm shop. 127 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,200 [Jeremy] Clever, eh? 128 00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:35,760 That'll do. 129 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,840 [Kaleb] I'd say it goes like that. 130 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:39,360 There. 131 00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:44,320 [Jeremy] So Kaleb and I built two polytunnels. 132 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,360 [upbeat music continues] 133 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:54,400 And then I had to choose what sort of chilies to grow in them. 134 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,240 This is a habanero, 135 00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,080 which on the Scoville heat scale scores... 136 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,800 between 150,000 and 325,000, 137 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,040 which means it's pretty damn hot. 138 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:16,160 Hmm... 139 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,120 That's pretty nice, actually. 140 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,640 Now that was 150,000, thereabouts, on the Scoville scale. 141 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,760 This one, this is a Naga. 142 00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,840 This is 1.3 million. 143 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,920 Oh... OK. 144 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:36,400 Right. 145 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,080 Hmm... 146 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:41,600 Hmm... 147 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,320 Oh! 148 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,400 Holy shit! 149 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:52,960 That's really hot. 150 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,800 Ah! Fucking hell! 151 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,200 [burps] 152 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,120 Oh, excuse me. 153 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:05,040 That's just some sick coming up. 154 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:06,880 Oh dear. 155 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,440 Oh my God, what are you doing? 156 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:12,480 What have you got? 157 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,320 [Jeremy] That might be a bit too hot. Do you want to try a bit? 158 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,040 [Lisa] Go on then. 159 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,480 What's it called? 160 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,200 -[Jeremy] Naga. -Naga. 161 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,360 You've got to chew it ten times before you swallow it, 162 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:23,960 otherwise it burns your stomach. 163 00:07:25,720 --> 00:07:27,920 Yeah. Oh fuck, that's hot already. 164 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,240 [laughs] 165 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:32,800 Bit of a kick, hasn't it? 166 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,160 [Jeremy laughs] 167 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,000 Your arse in the morning is going to look like the Japanese flag. 168 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:44,000 [upbeat music] 169 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,720 [Jeremy] In the end, we planted a selection. 170 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:52,200 Mild, Hungarian habaneros, 171 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:54,520 eye-watering Nagas, 172 00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:01,040 and completely volcanic Carolina Reapers. 173 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:07,440 Then, with a bag of ripened Nagas in the boot, 174 00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:12,320 I went off to create a Diddly Squat chili chutney. 175 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,440 Sadly I'm not able to do the cooking in my own kitchen 176 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:20,240 because the kitchen police haven't inspected it. 177 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,640 And that's why I've come here. 178 00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,080 This is where my boy used to play. 179 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,920 Every Sunday I'd come and watch him for eight years. 180 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,880 [Jeremy] In the rugby club kitchen, which had passed the police exam, 181 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,640 I met up with two chili cooking experts. 182 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,280 -[Jeremy] Greetings. -Tomasz. 183 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,040 -[Jeremy] Tomasz. Polish. -Yes. 184 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:46,280 Joanna. 185 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:47,880 -How are you? -I'm doing fabulous. 186 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,760 So we're gonna make, I think, for you, 187 00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,720 a tomato-based chili sauce 188 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,200 with chunky Naga in it 189 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,880 and some chunky tomatoes, 190 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:58,240 chunky onions. 191 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,520 -So not completely pureed. Yeah. -OK. 192 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,400 -So there's a crunch to it. -[Joanna] Yeah. 193 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,160 We like the flavour of the malt vinegar with tomatoes. 194 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,160 It just goes so well together. 195 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:10,720 -What we-- -[coughs] 196 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,640 [Jeremy] Fucking hell! [coughs] 197 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,160 [Joanna] These chilies are really, really hot. 198 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,240 Shall we put the extractor fan on? 199 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,840 It is a bit noisy. 200 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,320 [Jeremy coughs] 201 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,320 [Joanna coughs] 202 00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:26,640 [they laugh] 203 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,880 I'm ten feet away from them. 204 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:32,520 Oh my giddy aunt. 205 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:34,360 [Joanna] OK. 206 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:37,000 You're managing to do very well there. 207 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,600 -You're not coughing. -I know. 208 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,400 Because you're close, you don't cough as much. 209 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,520 -Really? It's just that I'm far away? -Try. 210 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:47,040 [Joanna] What do you think of this... 211 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,000 [coughs] 212 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,720 What we've done is, we've taken the jars out of the oven 213 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,760 and they're nice and sterile now. 214 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,640 How long does chili sauce keep for? 215 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,720 -So... -[coughs] 216 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:02,520 The... [she coughs] 217 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,040 roughly one year. 218 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,480 [they cough] 219 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,320 [Joanna] OK, more chilies. 220 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,760 -[Joanna] More Naga. -[Tomasz] More cough. 221 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,880 [Jeremy] How long have you been here, Tomasz? 222 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,000 Nine years. [coughs] 223 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,840 Sorry, it's because of the chili. 224 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:24,040 [laughs] 225 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,880 [Jeremy] How many Poles do you get through in a year? 226 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,200 -[laughs] -[Tomasz coughs] 227 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,520 -He's very good. -And bad. 228 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,040 Sorry. 229 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,760 [laughing and coughing] 230 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,840 [Tomasz] Yeah, and... 231 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,480 [laughing and coughing] 232 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,480 [laughing] 233 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,120 [soft music] 234 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,600 [Jeremy] After that it was a relief to get back to the cow dung 235 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,840 and my mob grazing soil rejuvenation plan. 236 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,840 Which requires not only a lot of faeces, 237 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,120 but also a lot of hens. 238 00:11:04,320 --> 00:11:06,280 Come on girls, out you all come. 239 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:07,520 Come on. 240 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,520 [Jeremy] And as my existing flock wasn't big enough, 241 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:15,200 I got more from my egg-producing neighbours, Mr and Mrs Cacklebean, 242 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:20,480 who pitched up with a mobile henhouse that was so state of the art 243 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,960 it even had alloy wheels. 244 00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:28,480 -[Steph] What do you think? -I'm amazed. 245 00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,120 So high tech. 246 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,000 -[Steph laughs] -No, but it is! 247 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:33,960 [Jeremy] So they roost... 248 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,080 [Steph] On the bars in front of the nest boxes. 249 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,520 They should lay eggs in the nest boxes. 250 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,720 [Jeremy] OK. Is this the water tank? 251 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:45,880 [Steph] Yeah, cold water, so that goes through to the nipple drinkers, 252 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,600 so they tap the nipples. 253 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,600 What man doesn't like to tap a nipple? 254 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:50,720 [Jeremy] But they're women. 255 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:52,600 Some women like to tap nipples. 256 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:53,840 I've heard! 257 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,960 Yeah, whoever wants to tap a nipple can tap a nipple. 258 00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,560 I once saw it on the internet. 259 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,440 Oh, OK. I hope you cleared your search history. 260 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,880 -What about the lighting? -All powered off the solar. 261 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,040 It's good, isn't it? 262 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:09,000 -So the whole thing is solar powered? -Yeah. 263 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,000 -Steph? -[she laughs] 264 00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,320 What's that for? 265 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,680 It's a spot for foxes. Check the outside. 266 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,480 -That's a fox spotting camera? -Fox spotting camera. 267 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,000 -Has it got laser targeting on it? -No, that's over to you. 268 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,320 [Jeremy] Could I look at this on my phone? 269 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:25,760 You can, to make sure there's nothing around. 270 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:31,920 [Jeremy] Steph's husband then arrived with my 50 new birds. 271 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,040 [shouts] 272 00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,240 [Steph] There you go, girls. 273 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,280 [Jeremy] They are beautiful looking hens, aren't they? 274 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,480 [Steph] Yeah, they are. 275 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:43,640 -OK. -That's the way it goes. 276 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,080 [Jeremy] Next we erected the fencing, 277 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:51,040 which is essential in a mob grazing enterprise. 278 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,200 [Steph] Yeah, perfect. 279 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,720 So here's the idea. 280 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:59,200 Cow shit, cow shit, cow shit, cow shit, cow shit, cow shit everywhere. 281 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,680 Hens come out, peck the worms and... What else do they eat out of that? 282 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,000 [Paddy] They eat all the bugs. 283 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,880 [Jeremy] All the bugs out of the shit, 284 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:10,400 and then trample all the cow poo and their own 285 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,600 into the soil, making it healthy and vibrant. 286 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,480 And then tomorrow, we move them there. 287 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:17,600 [Paddy] Yep. 288 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,760 [Jeremy] And bit by bit, they cover the whole field. 289 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,200 [Paddy] Yeah. 290 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,560 [Steph] It's the way forward. 291 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,200 [Jeremy] I'm gonna open the flap. 292 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:27,280 Let the eco farming begin. 293 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:30,440 [Steph] Here they come. 294 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,200 [Paddy] Here they come. See, they're already grazing. 295 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,000 [Jeremy] Look, it's doing it! 296 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,240 It's actually eating the worms out of the faeces! 297 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,200 [laughs] 298 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,680 [Jeremy] That's what we're here for. That's brilliant. 299 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,840 Look at that faeces, what a feast. 300 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,080 He's treading in it, but that's OK. 301 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,440 Tread it, squidge it into the soil. Go on, squidge. 302 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,680 [Jeremy] Paddy and Steph had actually dropped off two sheds, 303 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,760 and there was a bit of a surprise in the second one. 304 00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,520 You've got a cockerel shed as well. 305 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,840 -A what shed? -[Paddy] A cockerel shed. 306 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:04,760 A shed full of cockerels. 307 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:09,920 Why am I having cockerels when they don't produce any eggs? 308 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:12,400 So the idea is that the cockerels, 309 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,240 you give them life, which is very ethical. 310 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,520 'Cause most of the cockerels in this country get killed at a day old. 311 00:14:18,680 --> 00:14:20,200 -A day? -A day old, yeah. 312 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,520 Hours old. 313 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,120 Hours old. They're dead. 314 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,600 -What happens to them? -[Paddy] Most of them get thrown away. 315 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,400 -[Paddy] They're waste. -[Steph] Waste products. 316 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:32,480 Are these cockerels that I'm getting delicious and nutritious? 317 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,360 They're lovely. 318 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,840 -So you can eat them? -Yes. 319 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,040 You can eat cock. 320 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,960 [Jeremy] Here we go. The cockerels are arriving. 321 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,680 How many are there again? 25? 322 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:46,920 [Steph] 25. 323 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,920 Oh, look at you! 324 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:50,720 -[Steph] He's handsome, eh? -[Jeremy] Oh yeah. 325 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,840 He is walking the walk. 326 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,720 -[Steph laughs] -[cockerel crowing] 327 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,600 [Jeremy] This is going to be my new soundtrack to life, isn't it? 328 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:58,560 [Paddy] It is. 329 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:00,120 [cockerel crowing] 330 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,240 [Jeremy] Bloody hell! The racket! 331 00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:05,880 -[cockerel crowing] -[Steph] The cows are coming. 332 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:11,040 [Jeremy] Thinking: "Oh no, there's some small, feathered cows in our field." 333 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,840 [Jeremy] With all this in place, 334 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:18,360 my soil would become healthy and I'd have a steady supply of chicken, 335 00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,080 eggs and beef for the restaurant. 336 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,600 So I went to bed that night 337 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,920 feeling rather contented. 338 00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:38,040 [cockerel crowing] 339 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,760 [crowing continues] 340 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:49,800 The next morning, however, I wasn't feeling quite so contented, 341 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:54,920 because it turned out the cockerels were incredible escape artists. 342 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,000 You... They're all out. 343 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:58,440 All the cockerels are out. 344 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,800 -[crowing] -Fucking! 345 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,800 [Jeremy] Which meant they either ended up as fox food... 346 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,400 [Jeremy] The feathers are everywhere, look. 347 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:08,640 It's like the killing fields. 348 00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,360 [Jeremy] Or they were over at the hen house, 349 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,720 giving it the full Roger Moore. 350 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,600 Right, come on, girls, out you all come. 351 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,480 Oh look, look! What! 352 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,960 You are cornered, you're going down. 353 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,720 You're not going down. 354 00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:33,840 Where's that bloody cockerel? 355 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,680 Oh, there's two in here. 356 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:38,720 No, there's three. 357 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,480 Oh my Christ, it's an orgy! 358 00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,640 Stop it! Got it, no I haven't. Missed it. 359 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:46,960 Oh shit! 360 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,960 [Jeremy] But leaving aside the cockerel delinquency, 361 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:56,480 the cows and the hens were already making a good team. 362 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,200 Straight into the faeces. 363 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,720 Look, scratching it. Look. 364 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,360 You good hen. 365 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,560 You're gonna get an eco bronze medal you are. 366 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,800 [lively music] 367 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,240 [Jeremy] Later that day, I headed to the farm shop. 368 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:17,720 Greetings, everybody. 369 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,280 [Jeremy] My first batch of chili chutneys were ready, 370 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,880 and I wanted to do a bit of customer research. 371 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,040 Anyone here like chili? 372 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,320 -[customers] Yeah. -[man] I love chili. 373 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:29,680 Coming through. 374 00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,280 [Jeremy] It's like a 1970s Yorkshire wedding. 375 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,080 [Jeremy] First of all I asked people 376 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,960 to try the medium hot version. 377 00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,160 That's good. 378 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,880 -[Jeremy] Good. So you'd buy that? -I'd buy that. 379 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:46,800 It's all right. It's quite nice. 380 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,200 -Very nice. I would buy that. -[Jeremy] Good. 381 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,760 I think we're onto something there. 382 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,680 [Jeremy] Buoyed by this reaction, I then asked them to try 383 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,000 the not medium version. 384 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,760 Holy shit! 385 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:01,800 [he laughs] 386 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,560 Fucking hell! 387 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:05,760 [laughter] 388 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,440 [laugher] 389 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,400 It's ridiculous. 390 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,080 [Jeremy laughs] 391 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,920 Jesus Christ. Oh! 392 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,040 Drink. 393 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,000 [Lisa] I think we're gonna sell a lot of milk. 394 00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,800 [Jeremy] Oh dear. Oh dear. [laughs] 395 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,400 [Lisa] More milk's on the way. 396 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,280 [soft music] 397 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:50,720 [cockerels crowing] 398 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:55,680 [Jeremy] Our new early morning alarm system was actually coming in useful, 399 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,320 as life with the cows was getting... 400 00:18:58,520 --> 00:18:59,720 much busier. 401 00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:01,920 [upbeat music] 402 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,200 The calves, for example, were now old enough 403 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,320 to be weaned off their mother's milk, 404 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:11,080 which meant taking them to another field on the far side of the farm. 405 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,520 Look at all this new, fresh grass we have given them. 406 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:17,800 This is called Cow Ground. 407 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,800 It's one of the prettiest fields on the farm. 408 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,400 Yes, what do you think of that? 409 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,320 [mooing] 410 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:26,680 [Lisa] They seem happy enough. 411 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,920 Look at that. Isn't that a lovely sight? 412 00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,400 [Lisa] Yeah. 413 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,320 [Jeremy] Unfortunately, however, 414 00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:37,480 the youngsters didn't share this romantic view of their new home. 415 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,400 [thunder rumbling] 416 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,560 What is missing from this picture? 417 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,280 All the veals, they've escaped. 418 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,720 A neighbouring farmer has eight of them 419 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,760 in his yard, 420 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:56,880 which I've got to go and get back, 421 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,440 but one of them is missing. 422 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:01,560 And we've got to find her. 423 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:09,400 That's the veal in a neighbouring farmer's field. 424 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,040 Bad veal! 425 00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:16,560 This is our neighbouring farmer, whose fields we are ripping to shreds. 426 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,080 [Lisa] Shall I do the apologies? He doesn't look very happy... 427 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,080 [Lisa] I'm so sorry. 428 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:25,280 [Jeremy] I'm sorry about this. 429 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:29,560 [Kaleb] Sorry. I do apologise. 430 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:31,480 [mooing] 431 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:41,640 [mooing] 432 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:45,080 [Jeremy] I was hoping this would be a one-off incident. 433 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,920 [lively music] 434 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,680 But it turned out the calves were even more escape-y 435 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:52,560 than the cockerels. 436 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:55,560 Hello, the cows are out. 437 00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:04,920 Fucking hell! 438 00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,280 I'm really, really sorry. 439 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:16,720 [he whistles] 440 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:20,000 [Kaleb] Two, four, six, eight, nine. 441 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:22,240 [lively music] 442 00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,400 Good. 443 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,400 [Kaleb] I'm really sorry. 444 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,560 All right, Gerald? 445 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,080 They got out again. 446 00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,560 Now they're away from their mums, you'll have a job to keep them in! 447 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,560 [Gerald speaking indistinctly] 448 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,080 I was surprised to see they wasn't back up there with them. 449 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,120 They decide to just crack and go through it. 450 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,880 You've got three strands of bush nearly all round 451 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,120 to keep cattle in, haven't you? 452 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,360 But you know. 453 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:11,680 [Jeremy] Hold on. 454 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,520 This is their hoof marks. 455 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,760 They've come through here. 456 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:19,920 Two o'clock this morning, 457 00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:21,000 I get the alarm on the phone, 458 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:24,480 hen houses have gone wrong, happens every night at two. 459 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,760 And then six o'clock, 460 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:28,640 the man operating that camera's on the phone. 461 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,080 "Your cows are out, again." 462 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,520 God, where are you? Fern! 463 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:39,080 Cow pat. Faeces. Cow faeces. 464 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:41,520 There they are. 465 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,360 [soft music] 466 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,640 [Jeremy] Come on, cows. 467 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,800 [Jeremy] There was no doubt that the early morning cow round-up 468 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,840 was a lovely way to start the day. 469 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:55,440 [soft music continues] 470 00:22:58,920 --> 00:22:59,720 [Jeremy] Good cows. 471 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,400 [Jeremy] But this was the fourth escape in ten days. 472 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:09,840 So I had to do a proper job of mending the fence in their field. 473 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,800 [Kaleb] Did you repair that? 474 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:17,040 It wasn't me! 475 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,680 That was you, wasn't it? 476 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,080 That's fucking appalling! Look at it! 477 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:26,440 I'll grant you it's not aesthetically pleasing. 478 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,080 [Jeremy] Kaleb then instructed me 479 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,600 on how farmers would typically deal with this problem. 480 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,560 -That's it and then you hold it... -You want me to do this? 481 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:38,040 [Kaleb] Yeah. And then get a post and hold the post as well there, 482 00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,800 and then I'll push that post in behind this one. 483 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,080 -That make sense? -No. 484 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:43,120 It's easy. 485 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,080 There you go. 486 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:47,480 -Right, and that's gonna go behind... -This post here. 487 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:48,480 -That one. -Yeah. 488 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,800 [Jeremy] So I hold the fence up with two arms 489 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,360 and then with my other arm I pick up that new post 490 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,560 and then measure it with my other arm. 491 00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:57,920 Yeah, it's not hard. 492 00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,880 [engine] 493 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:00,840 [grunts] 494 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:01,800 There it is. 495 00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:06,640 No. You don't... 496 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,800 fucking hell, mate. 497 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:18,600 This is totally safe, isn't it? Yeah. 498 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,480 I'm sure this is in every manual 499 00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:24,160 on how to stay safe on the farm. 500 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:27,680 Shit, don't lower it now, you'll break my arm off. 501 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,320 [Kaleb] I'll hold it with this. 502 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:32,080 No, Kaleb, I don't like... That's ridiculous. 503 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,800 [Kaleb] It's fine. Now get the post. 504 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,160 [Kaleb] You ready to hold this fence? 505 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,920 -What? -[Kaleb] Hold the fence. You ready? 506 00:24:43,360 --> 00:24:45,120 [Jeremy screams] 507 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:50,960 Ah, fucking hell! 508 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,080 Shit! 509 00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:58,480 Fuck! 510 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,800 -[Kaleb] You all right? -No. 511 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:04,600 Oh, hang on. 512 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,480 [shouts in pain] Oh fuck no! I'm not sure this is good. 513 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,600 [groans] 514 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:13,000 [pants] 515 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,480 [Jeremy pants] 516 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,280 [Kaleb] Do you want me to ring Lisa for a bag of peas? 517 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,000 [Jeremy] No. 518 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:26,880 [Jeremy] This incident reminded me that it was time to do something 519 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,760 that I'd been putting off forever. 520 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,080 [woman] Hello, and welcome to Agriculture Health and Safety. 521 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,720 This Lantra course, developed with HSE assistance, 522 00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,360 will help you identify and manage safety risks. 523 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:40,440 If you control or manage the farm, 524 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:42,400 you are legally responsible for your safety 525 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,200 and that of your employees, contractors, visitors 526 00:25:45,360 --> 00:25:46,720 and anyone affected by... 527 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,240 ...so that lower supporting bails are stabilised 528 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,320 by overlapping and interlocking upper bails... 529 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:56,240 If you're a self-employed farmer, safety law applies to you. 530 00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,040 Compliance with the law protects you, 531 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,440 -makes you much less likely to be hurt... -[yawning] God. 532 00:26:02,360 --> 00:26:06,680 [woman] ...your boundaries and mark them on a map. 533 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:08,200 Do a risk assessment. 534 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,920 You and the contractor should be aware of these findings. 535 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,560 Provide information, instruction and training to your employees 536 00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:17,640 if they are involved in any work with the contractor. 537 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,680 You should also provide any information to... 538 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,120 [Jeremy] Mercifully, Kaleb eventually rescued me 539 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,720 from the torture of Health and Safety instructions 540 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:30,120 by calling to say our giant new water tank had arrived. 541 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:35,280 [Jeremy] 20,000 litres of water. 542 00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:36,240 [Kaleb] Yeah. 543 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,200 Free oxygenated soft rainwater 544 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,760 will come off that roof and into here. 545 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,000 [back-up beeper] 546 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:49,280 [laughs] 547 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:50,280 Clown. 548 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:51,800 [Jeremy] Right. 549 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:57,440 Just lower that down and let's see what the levels do. 550 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:00,800 [Kaleb] Too much. 551 00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,960 You reckon that's too much of a lean? 552 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,480 -I don't think it's gonna work. -What isn't? 553 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,200 We're gonna have to put a concrete pad down. 554 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000 [Jeremy] Dream on. 555 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:16,120 Every bit of concrete in the country is currently being used by HS2. 556 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,160 They're building a railway 557 00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,120 that goes from London to Liverpool or Manchester or something, 558 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,160 about 12 minutes faster. 559 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,160 It's costing billions of pounds 560 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,440 and it's using every bit of concrete in Britain. 561 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,080 I mean, who needs a railway? 562 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,600 I've never been on a train, so I don't need a railway. 563 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:36,600 -What? -I've never been on a train. 564 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:37,920 Never. 565 00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:41,840 -That's not possible. -Prove it. How... 566 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:44,560 Have you lived me? 567 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:46,760 Have you been me? No. 568 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,720 [Jeremy] I couldn't argue with that, but I wasn't wrong about the concrete. 569 00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:56,880 So the next day we decided to relocate the water tank 570 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,360 to the other side of the barn. 571 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,120 [Jeremy] You've got that 572 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,080 but then there's a thing that goes on top of it, yeah? 573 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,840 I think I've worked it out. 574 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:09,840 [Jeremy] Job one was to fit all the components 575 00:28:10,000 --> 00:28:11,960 which go on the top of the tank. 576 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:16,080 So Kaleb suggested I fire up the farm's scissor lift. 577 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:18,400 [back-up beeper] 578 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,560 I once went up in one of these-- Oh fucking hell! 579 00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,920 [woman] Welcome to module two. Falls from height. 580 00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,280 [snoring] 581 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:29,400 No ! 582 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:31,680 -[Jeremy shouts] -[Kaleb laughs] 583 00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:34,760 -[alarm] -It's not gonna let you down now. 584 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,320 -It's made-- Stop doing that! -[alarm] 585 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:38,280 [Kaleb laughs] 586 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:40,240 [Kaleb] Now go up! 587 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,280 No, down! Why won't it go down anymore? 588 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:46,360 -[Kaleb] I got you, go back up. -Oh fuck off! 589 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,640 [Kaleb laughs] 590 00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,040 Go and get a ladder. 591 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,200 -This is fine, look. -It's not fine! 592 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,200 -[clanking] -[Jeremy] Ow! 593 00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:58,080 I hate this thing. 594 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:01,040 -[Jeremy] Are you sure you've got it? -Yeah, yeah. 595 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:03,880 [Kaleb] You get that end and I'll get this end. 596 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,080 [Jeremy] Moaning about the weather. 597 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:10,160 Stop it, stop being a twat. Back up. 598 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:11,440 Forwards. 599 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:12,560 [Kaleb] What do you mean, forwards? 600 00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:13,560 Is that it? 601 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:15,480 It's not on yet. One minute, I've got it. 602 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:18,560 There you go, that's on. I'm on. 603 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:20,640 -Come on, push. -I am pushing. 604 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:24,400 No, push like a man, not like some little baby goat. 605 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:26,160 Get this off first of all. 606 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:30,360 Have you... 607 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,080 Oh fucking hell! 608 00:29:33,280 --> 00:29:35,120 -[Kaleb groaning] -You in? 609 00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:36,080 [Kaleb] Yeah. 610 00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,120 -Don't knock me off. -[Kaleb laughs] 611 00:29:39,440 --> 00:29:41,320 -[Jeremy] There. -There, we're on. 612 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,080 [Jeremy groans] Fucking hell. 613 00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:47,840 61 years old, having to do something... 'Cause how old are you? 23. 614 00:29:48,040 --> 00:29:49,800 -It's your show. -[Jeremy laughs] 615 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:52,720 [Jeremy] Oh, is it? Everyone get that? 616 00:29:52,880 --> 00:29:55,440 -Everyone hear that? -[Kaleb laughs] 617 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,160 [cockerels crowing] 618 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,760 [upbeat music] 619 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,800 [Jeremy] It was now time to ensure 620 00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:15,560 a steady supply of beef for the restaurant, 621 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,840 which meant getting the cows that weren't pregnant... pregnant. 622 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,760 And since this would mean inserting things in them, 623 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:27,040 Kaleb said I'd need to invest in a contraption called a "crush". 624 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,840 -So the cow goes in... -This side. 625 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,240 -Goes in there. -Yeah, walks through. 626 00:30:34,400 --> 00:30:36,480 And then its head come... Where does its head go? 627 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:40,200 -Oh, it's in there. -There, look. That comes out, actually. 628 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,160 -[Kaleb] That bar there, yeah? -Yeah? 629 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:44,360 [Kaleb] That goes in here to jam their arse up. 630 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,040 [Jeremy] Holy shit... 631 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:50,200 Max Mosley would have paid a fortune to have a go in this. 632 00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,400 And then that comes in like that and jams their head in. 633 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,240 What? How much does this weigh? Is it very heavy? 634 00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,240 You need the loader. 635 00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,600 Here's the thing, if I'm gonna set this up, 636 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,040 it's gonna take me half an hour. 637 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,720 And then if you're gonna help, it's gonna take us an hour. 638 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:06,960 -It won't take you an hour. -[Kaleb] It will. 639 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,440 I'm going to use the loader this morning. 640 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:12,040 [Kaleb] Gently. 641 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,640 [Jeremy] Once I'd got the crush into position, 642 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:22,200 we had to build the pen that attaches to it. 643 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,800 Ready ? 644 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,480 Fuck! 645 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:28,920 Ow, fucking hell. 646 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:29,960 [Kaleb] Such a wimp. 647 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,640 What do you mean? I'm carrying on with my work. 648 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,080 [upbeat music] 649 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:41,960 -Is this big enough? -Yeah. 650 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:45,200 We don't want them too spaced out. You want them all crunched together. 651 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:50,600 This is quite cool. You've actually got a good one here. 652 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,520 -Good. -[Kaleb] How much did it cost? 653 00:31:52,720 --> 00:31:54,520 [Jeremy] £10,000 this was. 654 00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:55,600 Fucking hell! 655 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:56,760 I know, I know. 656 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,680 [Jeremy] With the pen assembled, we went off to round up the cows. 657 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,840 Dunno how I feel about you walking with a stick. 658 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,120 [Jeremy] I like it. 659 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:12,280 It makes me look like a... I'm starting to feel farmish. 660 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:16,400 You know, I'm starting to understand little things about the countryside now. 661 00:32:16,560 --> 00:32:18,480 That's the problem. You only understand little things. 662 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,360 [Jeremy] Aha, I've found them. 663 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:24,600 I love this. 664 00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,320 They don't look surprised or frightened, 665 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:30,920 or intimidated in any way when you approach. 666 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:34,640 They just stare. Look at Pepper over on the left there. 667 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:38,520 They're like six-year-old kids when you walk into a classroom. 668 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:42,280 You know a six-year-old kid, and a grown-up walks in... 669 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:45,160 They're not frightened. Exactly that. 670 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,400 -That's Kaleb's cow impression. -Ready? 671 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:49,680 Here we go. 672 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:53,120 [Kaleb] So let's just gently walk them round. 673 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:54,920 Come on then, steady. 674 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,520 [Jeremy] Go on, Mooties. 675 00:32:56,720 --> 00:32:58,680 [Kaleb calls the cows] Steady. 676 00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,280 [Jeremy] Go on. 677 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,520 -Ah, Dilwyn! -[Dilwyn] Yeah. 678 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,320 [Jeremy] They actually want to go in the crush. 679 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:06,320 [Kaleb] Oh my God! 680 00:33:07,960 --> 00:33:09,120 [Jeremy] That is easy. 681 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,040 We never managed this with the sheep, did we? 682 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:14,800 [Jeremy] Even though we'd rounded up all the cows, 683 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:16,600 it was just the two young heifers 684 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,120 that Dilwyn would be artificially inseminating. 685 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:23,640 And today was just part one of the procedure. 686 00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,160 So it's just Deeny and Pepper that you need? 687 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:28,360 Yeah, I'm bringing them on heat, basically. 688 00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:33,400 I'm gonna put a progesterone-releasing intra-vaginal device 689 00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:35,240 into the vagina, 690 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:37,440 and then, when we take it out, 691 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:41,440 that'll bring them on heat and then you can serve them with AI after that. 692 00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:43,120 [lively music] 693 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,040 [Jeremy] Dilwyn said the easiest way of tackling the job 694 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,880 was to run all the cows through the Max Mosley machine 695 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:52,920 until we got to the heifers. 696 00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,600 [Jeremy] Go on, in you go. 697 00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,160 [Kaleb] Go on. Give it one. 698 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:58,320 Come on. 699 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:00,600 It's like working with Gandalf. 700 00:34:00,760 --> 00:34:02,200 [Kaleb laughs] 701 00:34:02,360 --> 00:34:03,640 [Jeremy] Come on. 702 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:05,280 [Kaleb] Go on then. Go on! 703 00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,240 [Jeremy] Come on, in you go. 704 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:09,400 No. Now they've all escaped. 705 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,640 Oh, on the head. 706 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:12,800 Bring them all round again. 707 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:13,960 [Kaleb] Go on! 708 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:16,560 Stop him. 709 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,800 [Jeremy] Come on. No. 710 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,000 Not that way. Wrong, wrong... 711 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,680 [Jeremy] Go on. Go on! 712 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,880 -[Kaleb] Go on. -[Jeremy] Go on cows! 713 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:39,160 Go on! That way. 714 00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:41,440 Go on! Go on! 715 00:34:41,640 --> 00:34:43,800 [mooing] 716 00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:46,200 Bribery. 717 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,640 We've tried the stick. Now we're using the carrot. 718 00:34:51,760 --> 00:34:53,800 [Jeremy] Backing up. It's backing up. 719 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,120 Yeah, it's now fully reversed back where it came from. 720 00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:58,640 They don't like the crush. 721 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,080 What about money? 722 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:03,160 -What? -Oh, I don't know. 723 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:06,760 I mean... I'm so cold and wet 724 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:08,480 and unhappy. 725 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:09,760 I can't... 726 00:35:12,080 --> 00:35:14,040 [Jeremy] My cows are as disobedient as my sheep, 727 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:16,120 it's pouring with rain, 728 00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:17,760 my shoes are covered in excrement. 729 00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,440 I don't know why I find this funny. [laughs] 730 00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:24,200 It's because you've never experienced boating in the Mediterranean 731 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,760 or eating an agreeable pasta... 732 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:30,640 Let's just make this a bit smaller. Grab that one there. 733 00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:32,160 Jeremy, grab that. 734 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,280 -[Jeremy] Go on! -[Kaleb] Go on! 735 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:37,000 Go on! 736 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,840 [Jeremy] Mercifully we finally got Deeny into the crush. 737 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:47,160 So I've gotta put my hand in her, just to check that she's all there. 738 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:52,520 [Jeremy] I wouldn't do it now. She's cleaning the... What do you mean? 739 00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,080 [Dilwyn] That she's got a womb and ovaries. 740 00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,880 [Kaleb] That sounds like a balloon, and I'm terrified of balloons. 741 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:01,280 [Jeremy] Terrified? 742 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:04,320 Massive fear. You have no idea. 743 00:36:04,480 --> 00:36:06,360 Wouldn't go in a room if there was a balloon there. 744 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,200 -[Jeremy] Really ? -Yeah. 745 00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,520 Shit scared. Like... 746 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:13,040 Don't tell anyone that. 747 00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:16,800 [Dilwyn] I'll see if she's all there. 748 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,360 [Jeremy] This is like a prostate but on an industrial level. 749 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,320 [Dilwyn] All about... 750 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:25,760 [Jeremy] Holy mother... 751 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,160 There's a womb. 752 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:32,960 Which is good. 753 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:34,280 She's fine. 754 00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,040 She's got all the bits? 755 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:37,640 [Dilwyn] Yeah, she has. 756 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:39,440 [Jeremy] What the hell's that? 757 00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:40,960 [Dilwyn] That's the shit. 758 00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,600 [Jeremy] I thought you went in its vagina. 759 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,480 [Dilwyn] I did it rectally. So basically I go in rectally. 760 00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:49,560 And I can feel the uterus from the outside. 761 00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:52,600 -So you've got to go up the back door? -[Dilwyn] Yes. 762 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,880 [Dilwyn] So now I'm gonna put the pred in. 763 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,320 That's impregnating the progesterone. 764 00:36:58,520 --> 00:36:59,920 It's one of the sex hormones. 765 00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,000 So this will cause the ovulation to start? 766 00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:03,680 Well, taking it out will. 767 00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:05,440 That will start the next cycle. 768 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:07,200 And how long is it gonna be in for? 769 00:37:07,400 --> 00:37:09,360 -A week. -OK. 770 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:13,200 [Jeremy] Here we go, the triangle of procreation is on its way. 771 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:15,800 [Dilwyn] Yeah. I would have thought so. 772 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:18,520 [Dilwyn] Wow wow... 773 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:21,680 There you go. Go on. 774 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:25,040 [Jeremy] Go on! Go on, yes! 775 00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,040 [Jeremy] Finally it was Pepper's turn. 776 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:32,760 Calm down, Pepper, there's a good cow. I like this one. 777 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,320 [Dilwyn] There. Yeah, she's fine. 778 00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:38,280 Right, release the cows. 779 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,200 So we've herded them all the way round here, 780 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,640 put them in here, shouted at them for an hour 781 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,920 and then released them and they've got to think, "Why?" 782 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,920 [Jeremy] Look, she's holding her tail up. 783 00:37:54,480 --> 00:37:56,160 Oh, Pepper! 784 00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,040 [Jeremy] As we now had to wait a week 785 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,880 until the artificial insemination could happen... 786 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:04,400 [upbeat music] 787 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:05,640 [Kaleb] Ready ? 788 00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:07,680 [Jeremy] ...Kaleb and his brother Kieron 789 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:11,400 set about repairing the cow fence properly... 790 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:18,400 whilst I decided to catch up on some maintenance jobs. 791 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:20,400 Right, now then. 792 00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,880 Up, up and away. 793 00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:27,280 [Jeremy] Starting with the unruly hedge opposite Gerald's house. 794 00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:29,040 Hedge clipping. 795 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,000 Yes. 796 00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,360 Lovely, lovely. 797 00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:40,400 All right Gerald. 798 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:44,640 The G-dog is going to be dead chuffed 799 00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:48,640 that I've been out and sorted his hedge out for him. 800 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,640 [Gerald] Jesus fucking Christ. 801 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,160 Oh Jeremy! 802 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,280 Christ now turn that machine off or else it's gonna take that hedge out, 803 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,280 for God's sake. 804 00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:10,120 That wasn't the hedge that... [indistinct] 805 00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:12,560 [Gerald speaks indistinctly] 806 00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:14,480 [Kaleb] Fucking hell! 807 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,040 What the fuck is he doing? 808 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:19,120 Look at that. He's missed all the brambles! 809 00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:21,960 I told him to start from the bottom and then work up. 810 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,200 [Gerald] That's like putting a tee-shirt on your back 811 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:27,640 to make some bloody holes... [indistinct] 812 00:39:27,840 --> 00:39:31,200 If you was a pigeon... [indistinct] 813 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:36,680 Here you are, mate, tell him off. 814 00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:44,960 I said... [Gerald speaks indistinctly] 815 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:51,000 [Gerald continues speaking indistinctly] 816 00:39:58,440 --> 00:39:59,360 You're not happy, then? 817 00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,760 Right, well that's me sacked then. 818 00:40:11,360 --> 00:40:14,440 I honestly didn't think I was doing that bad a job. 819 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,160 [lively music] 820 00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:19,640 [Jeremy] Seven days after Dilwyn's visit, 821 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:23,920 it was pretty clear that the heifers were now on heat. 822 00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,360 [lively music continues] 823 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:27,640 [mooing] 824 00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:34,840 [Jeremy] Don't do that, it's disgusting! 825 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:40,960 I know some of you 826 00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:44,040 will have been concerned the other day, 827 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:47,840 when Dilwyn the vet put his entire arm inside... 828 00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,520 inside the heifers, but really, 829 00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:54,400 there's no need to worry because the next morning 830 00:40:54,560 --> 00:40:58,080 I got a photograph, not a very good one, but a photograph nevertheless, 831 00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,840 of Deeny the heifer who was... 832 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,120 touched. 833 00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:04,440 And... 834 00:41:06,160 --> 00:41:07,320 There's a photograph. 835 00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,480 She just walked into the crush all by herself. 836 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:11,600 [laughs] 837 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:16,080 "Where's that Welshman with the glove? Where is he? 838 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,840 If you stand here it's quite nice." 839 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,520 Anyway, we've gotta make them pregnant now. 840 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,360 Come on cows, time to be made pregnant. Well, two of you. 841 00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,160 Go on. Go on. 842 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:28,160 Go on. 843 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,840 [Jeremy] That meant once more herding them towards the crush. 844 00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:34,920 Go on. No, no, no, no. 845 00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,200 Stop it! 846 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:38,800 Go on. 847 00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:43,280 [Lisa] Come on, girlies. 848 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:47,640 [Jeremy] Have you seen the amount of sex that's going on? 849 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,280 It's like being at a sixth form party, this is. 850 00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:53,840 Oh shit, did you see that? 851 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:56,120 They're being driven mad by lust. 852 00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,960 [Jeremy] As we finished getting them into the pen, 853 00:41:59,920 --> 00:42:04,000 Charlie, Dilwyn and Tim the cowman arrived with the gentleman juice. 854 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:08,160 -Is that seriously all sperm? -No. 855 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:10,160 [Charlie] There's liquid nitrogen in there as well. 856 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,480 -[Jeremy] Oh, so keeping it cool. -[Tim] To keep it cool. 857 00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:15,880 [Jeremy] After once more demonstrating my new herding skills... 858 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:18,160 No, stop. 859 00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:20,520 Stop. 860 00:42:21,320 --> 00:42:25,480 [Jeremy] We got Pepper into the crush for her semen injection. 861 00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:26,760 [Dilwyn] That's a straw. 862 00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:30,000 [Jeremy] That's a straw. I don't know what a straw is. 863 00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:31,760 -[Lisa] Syringe. -[Jeremy] One syringe. 864 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,000 It doesn't look like there's that much sperm. Is it just that tiny bit? 865 00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,120 [Jeremy] Is it 10cc? 866 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:38,280 [Dilwyn] Less than that. 867 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,640 No, it's the average amount a man ejaculates. 868 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,160 That's why the band was called 10cc. Did nobody know that? 869 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:45,160 [Charlie] No. 870 00:42:45,760 --> 00:42:47,160 [Tim] Then your straw goes in the gun. 871 00:42:47,880 --> 00:42:48,920 [Charlie] In the gun? 872 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:50,560 -[Tim] In the AI gun. -[Charlie] AI gun. 873 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,560 This is actually quite an exciting moment. 874 00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:55,200 And you put it down your back to keep it warm. 875 00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:56,560 What? 876 00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,640 [Jeremy] I see, while you put on the Heriots. 877 00:42:59,800 --> 00:43:01,760 [Tim] You put on the Heriots. 878 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:03,320 Then... 879 00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:06,640 [Lisa] What are you feeling for? 880 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:09,960 [Tim] Right, I've got the cervix in my hand now. 881 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,360 Now she's straining on my hand. 882 00:43:12,560 --> 00:43:14,880 -So it's gotta to through the cervix? -[Lisa] Yeah, right in. 883 00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,440 [Tim] And then, as it come through her cervix there 884 00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:19,360 and just slowly let it go. 885 00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:20,320 [Lisa] Release. 886 00:43:20,520 --> 00:43:22,200 [Tim] Go on, girl. 887 00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:24,040 -[Charlie] Good. -[Jeremy] Come on Deeny, in you go. 888 00:43:24,160 --> 00:43:25,440 You like it in there. 889 00:43:25,640 --> 00:43:29,520 [Jeremy] So, my beef supply was now up and running... 890 00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:31,320 [Dilwyn] Two heifers potentially pregnant. 891 00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:32,480 [Charlie] Thank you very much. 892 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:33,960 [cockerel crowing] 893 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,040 [Jeremy] ...the eggs were coming thick and fast... 894 00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,960 [Jeremy] It's a good haul this morning. 895 00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:43,560 [Jeremy] ...and the chili chutney was in production. 896 00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,280 So things were looking good 897 00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:49,560 for my new low-miles, eco-friendly restaurant. 898 00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:55,600 All I had to do now was win over the locals. 899 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,720 Didley Squat sponsors Chadlington Football Club. 900 00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:04,120 It's a small village and I just thought rather than have them all gossiping, 901 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,160 I'd go down and explain what we're doing. 902 00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:08,240 [man] You described us as morons. 903 00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:11,200 You said "Every village has one moron, I have six." 904 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:12,720 [laughter] 905 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:14,920 [theme music playing]