1 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,040 [opening theme music playing] 2 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:14,800 [Jeremy] It's peak summer 3 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:18,199 and a normal day on the farm now looks like this. 4 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:21,679 [rock music playing] 5 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:24,920 I get up at 6:30 and after a hit of coffee, 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,960 set off to let the hens out of their houses. 7 00:00:28,039 --> 00:00:29,039 Morning. 8 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:32,840 On the way back, I pick some mushrooms for my lunch. 9 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:35,439 And then it's off to feed the fish. 10 00:00:37,759 --> 00:00:40,960 Back at home, I start work on the tomato sauce recipe 11 00:00:41,039 --> 00:00:43,359 I'm working on for the farm shop. 12 00:00:43,439 --> 00:00:45,920 I add a few chilies and some fresh coriander 13 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,000 and leave it on a low heat to simmer... 14 00:00:49,079 --> 00:00:51,719 while I mend a fence that the hunt says 15 00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:53,799 it didn't knock over back in the winter. 16 00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,280 I then mow the wildflowers I sowed 17 00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:59,359 because that's what all gardeners do, 18 00:00:59,399 --> 00:01:01,520 wait till the plants are looking at their best 19 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:04,879 and then prune them, so they don't look so good anymore. 20 00:01:06,079 --> 00:01:09,000 After this, I pick some vegetables for Lisa to sell 21 00:01:09,079 --> 00:01:10,920 to some customers we have in Atlanta, 22 00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:14,920 and I've even found a patch of rhubarb, so I pick that, too. 23 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,280 And I rush it to the shop. 24 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,640 This is the rhubarb that needs washing. 25 00:01:20,719 --> 00:01:23,920 Where I throw away all the stuff I'd picked the day before, 26 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,280 because it doesn't sell, because no one 27 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:27,599 likes vegetables these days. 28 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:28,640 [country music playing] 29 00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:29,640 [horn honks] 30 00:01:38,719 --> 00:01:41,479 I then stir the tomato sauce 31 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,560 before heading out to check on the bees. 32 00:01:44,599 --> 00:01:46,280 Come on, off you go. 33 00:01:47,359 --> 00:01:49,120 And the sheep, and the lambs. 34 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,640 And then I begin the big job of the day. 35 00:01:53,719 --> 00:01:55,439 There's always one. 36 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,280 Today, I've gotta clear all the straw 37 00:01:57,319 --> 00:01:59,920 and the sheep feces out of the barn. 38 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,000 But as I don't have a bucket for the front of the tractor, 39 00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:06,319 I have to ask Kaleb to get the snowplow out of the other barn. 40 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,400 Why can't you do it? 41 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,919 Because the Lamborghini won't fit in here. 42 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,319 Right away, I could tell he wasn't happy, 43 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,520 because he thinks my tractor's too complicated. 44 00:02:15,599 --> 00:02:16,960 Your tractor's crap. 45 00:02:17,039 --> 00:02:20,079 And then, when I'm having the mushrooms, 46 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:21,280 which I'd picked earlier 47 00:02:21,319 --> 00:02:24,520 and cooked in a cream sauce and served on sourdough toast, 48 00:02:24,599 --> 00:02:26,120 with some parsley from the garden... 49 00:02:26,159 --> 00:02:27,159 [cell phone rings] 50 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,599 ...I get a call from my associates 51 00:02:28,719 --> 00:02:32,000 who say that the sheep have escaped and are on the road. 52 00:02:32,079 --> 00:02:33,439 [rock music playing] 53 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:37,400 So, I drive over there to find the sheep haven't escaped. 54 00:02:38,439 --> 00:02:40,560 But at least the plow is now fitted 55 00:02:40,599 --> 00:02:42,439 to the front of the tractor, 56 00:02:42,439 --> 00:02:44,800 so I head to the lambing barn and straightaway, 57 00:02:44,879 --> 00:02:47,439 I discovered it wouldn't fit in there either. 58 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,960 -[thud] -Oh, shit. 59 00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:52,599 I then fit an 80-year-old deathtrap 60 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,879 to the back of Lisa's tractor and use that instead. 61 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,680 It's getting late now, so I rush home 62 00:02:59,719 --> 00:03:02,639 to add some seasoning to the tomato sauce, 63 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,159 before heading out to feed the fish again, 64 00:03:06,199 --> 00:03:07,439 and collect the eggs. 65 00:03:08,599 --> 00:03:11,840 And then I hit the sack, knowing that soon... 66 00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:15,719 things are gonna get really busy. 67 00:03:18,079 --> 00:03:19,840 [country music playing] 68 00:03:30,039 --> 00:03:32,759 One of the extra jobs in our new busier lives 69 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:37,199 was doing a daily moisture test of the crops. 70 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:42,400 And with Charlie on holiday, that task fell to Kaleb and me. 71 00:03:42,479 --> 00:03:45,079 -Now, a seasoned old farmer... -[Kaleb] Yeah. 72 00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:47,960 ...can tell how moisture is in the pod 73 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,639 just by biting it, can't they? 74 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:50,960 Yeah, they go like this. 75 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,079 They open it up, I've seen them do it. 76 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,800 They open it up, they're very serious when they do it. 77 00:03:55,879 --> 00:03:57,400 Go like that and they go... 78 00:03:59,319 --> 00:04:00,560 "That's 12." 79 00:04:00,639 --> 00:04:02,199 -And they're right. I mean, they know? 80 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,759 -Yeah, absolutely. 81 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,759 But I can't do that, 'cause I'm not a seasoned old farmer. 82 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:06,960 -No. 83 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,280 -And you can't, 'cause you're a fetus. 84 00:04:09,319 --> 00:04:10,759 So, we've got the machine. 85 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,240 [Kaleb] You ever used one of these? 86 00:04:12,319 --> 00:04:14,560 Uh... let me think. 87 00:04:14,639 --> 00:04:16,120 [Kaleb] See that bit there, look, 88 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:18,240 we wanna fill that with rape. 89 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:22,759 [Jeremy] Fill it? 90 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,360 Can we have a caption now, saying, "Several hours later"? 91 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,360 You got a bit more? 92 00:04:35,199 --> 00:04:37,600 And you do that, look. And then... 93 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:40,800 [Jeremy] So, if this says less than six, 94 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,120 we're in deep trouble, we can't harvest it. 95 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:44,759 -Yeah. -If it's more than... 96 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,240 -Nine. -...nine. 97 00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,120 It's too wet and they won't take it. 98 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:50,920 Are you ready? Right, it's testing. 99 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,759 -Dun, dun, dun. -[beep] 100 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,000 [Jeremy] So, that's... 101 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:55,360 -[Kaleb] Eight. 102 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,439 -...eight percent moisture, which means? 103 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,480 We're perfect, we need to get out here. 104 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,639 Let's do this! 105 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,000 [dramatic music playing] 106 00:05:04,079 --> 00:05:07,439 But, actually, we couldn't do this. 107 00:05:08,639 --> 00:05:10,680 To harvest the rape, 108 00:05:10,759 --> 00:05:14,120 I need a combine harvester, and I haven't got one 109 00:05:14,199 --> 00:05:16,680 because they're a quarter of a million pounds, 110 00:05:16,759 --> 00:05:18,360 so I'm gonna have to rent one. 111 00:05:19,199 --> 00:05:22,240 And the trouble is that every other farmer in the area 112 00:05:22,319 --> 00:05:23,680 will have been out this morning 113 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,800 in the fields, testing the moisture 114 00:05:25,879 --> 00:05:28,560 and they'll all be coming to the same conclusions 115 00:05:28,639 --> 00:05:30,800 and they'll be trying to rent one as well. 116 00:05:34,319 --> 00:05:37,759 Back at the office, my worst fears were realized. 117 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:40,240 Three days? 118 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,759 You can't do anything before that? 119 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,560 No, no, I've got his number. 120 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:45,879 [sighs] 121 00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,480 Yep, you've guessed correctly. 122 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:49,879 No, I know. 123 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:51,759 [sighs] 124 00:05:52,079 --> 00:05:55,199 He's doing his own... He's doing his own farm first. 125 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,720 All right, okay, no, thanks for your time. 126 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:02,040 [sighs] 127 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,720 [dramatic music playing] 128 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,120 I went outside and wherever I looked, 129 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,600 there was a glaring reminder 130 00:06:10,639 --> 00:06:14,040 that I really was the new boy on the block. 131 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:17,839 Look, there's a combine there and there. 132 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,360 Yeah, there's another. 133 00:06:21,439 --> 00:06:23,759 Every farm's got a combine on it. 134 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,439 [dramatic music playing] 135 00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:30,120 By late afternoon, I'd got nowhere. 136 00:06:30,199 --> 00:06:32,319 37, 42... 137 00:06:32,399 --> 00:06:34,439 But then Kaleb hit the jackpot 138 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,439 with a mate of his I shall call "Jesus." 139 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,560 Even though his real name is Simon. 140 00:06:40,639 --> 00:06:43,040 -...this afternoon. -If it comes down, I'll try-- 141 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,560 I've only got two fields left to do, 142 00:06:44,639 --> 00:06:46,879 so ideally, I can get mine done this evening. 143 00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:48,000 [Kaleb] Yeah. 144 00:06:48,079 --> 00:06:50,040 And then get up to you, sort of like, tomorrow. 145 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:52,159 Tomorrow, and then we can start cutting. 146 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,680 [country music playing] 147 00:06:54,759 --> 00:06:56,079 [Jeremy] The next morning, 148 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,959 with the combine sorted, it was action stations. 149 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,399 -This is perfect. -Yeah, look at the day. 150 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:04,319 I know. 151 00:07:04,399 --> 00:07:06,199 [country music playing] 152 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,879 Right, the tractors are gonna be coming through here all day, 153 00:07:10,959 --> 00:07:14,040 so I'm gonna try and move this gatepost to make life easier. 154 00:07:14,439 --> 00:07:15,720 [grunts] 155 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,920 It is quite a-- Yeah, that's what I meant. 156 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:21,959 -I don't think you did any of that. 157 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,800 -I did... 158 00:07:23,839 --> 00:07:25,560 [breathes heavily] 159 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,480 Right, this is your big day, Lambo. 160 00:07:30,759 --> 00:07:32,920 This is what we've been looking forward to. 161 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:37,000 [dramatic music playing] 162 00:07:41,159 --> 00:07:42,480 8.9. 163 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,759 I'm gonna go and hook up. 164 00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:48,759 [Jeremy] After a whole year 165 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,600 of watching Kaleb attach things to tractors, 166 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,639 I figured I'd have no problems 167 00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,800 hitching my Lambo to a trailer I'd rented. 168 00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,680 Um... 169 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,600 I do that, then that, then not that. 170 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,160 Um... 171 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,279 [dramatic music playing] 172 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,800 Right, that is definitely not coming out. 173 00:08:14,879 --> 00:08:17,160 Well, there must be something else I've forgotten to do. 174 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:18,399 What have I forgotten? 175 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,879 Um... 176 00:08:19,959 --> 00:08:20,839 Not that. 177 00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,439 There was only one solution. 178 00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:25,959 Get Kaleb to do it. 179 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,279 Actually, wait! Wait, wait, whoa! 180 00:08:30,439 --> 00:08:32,440 Right, you are all set. 181 00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:37,000 [Jeremy] With that, we headed off to the farm shop 182 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,720 to rendezvous with Jesus. 183 00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:46,639 It's now Friday, twenty to twelve. 184 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:50,159 We have a weather front moving in Sunday morning. 185 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,720 So, we've got to try and do 186 00:08:51,759 --> 00:08:55,480 four days' harvesting in a day and a half. 187 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,840 This could be a long day. 188 00:08:58,879 --> 00:09:01,360 [dramatic music playing] 189 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,960 Me aircon stopped working. 190 00:09:10,039 --> 00:09:12,840 And I'm too tight to get it fixed at the minute. 191 00:09:12,879 --> 00:09:15,240 It's either there, or there. 192 00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,279 That's nice there. 193 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,720 [tense music playing] 194 00:09:25,759 --> 00:09:30,360 So, we're going all night tonight probably, yeah. 195 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,600 In there, there's some toilet roll. 196 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:35,720 All right, if you get short, let me know, all right? 197 00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:37,120 -You've actually brought bog roll? 198 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:38,240 -Yeah. 199 00:09:38,279 --> 00:09:40,600 Wouldn't be the first time I get caught out. 200 00:09:41,279 --> 00:09:42,200 Look! 201 00:09:43,519 --> 00:09:45,639 We have a combine harvester. 202 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,639 [country music playing] 203 00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:51,639 It's here. 204 00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:56,480 -That's Simon. -[Kaleb] That's Simon. 205 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,240 [harvester beeping] 206 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,840 Has he briefed you on how to do this? 207 00:10:10,879 --> 00:10:12,039 Are we doing this on the move? 208 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,639 -Unloading on the move? -[all] Yeah. 209 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:16,159 [Jeremy] We then discussed an issue 210 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,759 that would add yet more pressure. 211 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:22,639 This is an unusual year for the barley and the rape 212 00:10:22,759 --> 00:10:24,440 to be ready at exactly the same time. 213 00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,960 -Yes, very. -Very unusual. 214 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,159 -Almost unique, I would say. 215 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,000 Normally, the barley's ready much-- 216 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,879 Normally ready two or three weeks earlier, yeah. 217 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,519 -[Jeremy] And then the rape's... -[Simon] Yeah. 218 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,039 -...it's just that dry spring then? 219 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:35,840 -[Simon] Yes. 220 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,399 [engine whirring] 221 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:44,759 [classical music playing] 222 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:53,759 [Jeremy] Here it comes. 223 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,600 [Kaleb] And we're away. 224 00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:10,919 My first harvest. 225 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,919 They are bloody clever, combines, aren't they? 226 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,159 [Kaleb] They're wicked. 227 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,759 You're right, I mean, to be able to chop the thing, 228 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,200 open the pod, take those tiny-- 229 00:11:23,279 --> 00:11:26,000 That massive machine take those tiny seeds out and go, 230 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:26,960 "Don't need that, don't need that, 231 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,000 don't need that. But do need that." 232 00:11:30,039 --> 00:11:33,440 And it measures how much seed is taken out. 233 00:11:33,519 --> 00:11:37,080 It's just-- Oh, farming is amazing, isn't it? 234 00:11:37,159 --> 00:11:39,279 Adrenaline's buzzing, I am buzzing. 235 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,919 You know, come three 'clock tonight, 236 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,000 in the morning, I'll be still going. 237 00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:44,600 You're gonna be hanging. 238 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,399 [gentle music playing] 239 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,360 [Jeremy] When the combine was close to full, 240 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,559 Kaleb maneuvered into position. 241 00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,519 Okay, hold it about there. 242 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:05,519 That's the first lot coming out. 243 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,320 [Western-style music playing] 244 00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:10,679 And once he'd filled up 245 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,320 with two payloads from the combine... 246 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,759 he headed to the barn to unload. 247 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:28,000 And whilst he was grappling with my 19th-century trailer... 248 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,000 Oh, my God. 249 00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:37,919 ...I was psyching myself up for my first run. 250 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,080 I'm just hanging back. 251 00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:44,960 His yellow light is on, 252 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:48,399 that tells me its tank is 80% full. 253 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:53,399 I'm underway. This is the moment. 254 00:12:55,519 --> 00:12:57,200 I'm coming in now, coming in. 255 00:12:57,279 --> 00:12:59,919 Not hot, no, not coming in hot. 256 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,440 [dramatic music playing] 257 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,840 I'm gonna go back further. Further back, further back. 258 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,320 Oh, that's right, I'm filling the back first, that's it. 259 00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:15,159 I need one eye there and one eye there, to see where I'm going. 260 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:16,279 I need to be a pigeon. 261 00:13:17,279 --> 00:13:18,879 [Simon over walkie-talkie] It's off. 262 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,960 [Jeremy] Oh, no, I've stopped. 263 00:13:21,039 --> 00:13:22,159 [Simon] Keep going. 264 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,000 [Jeremy] I can't do it. Oh, no. 265 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,759 I need to be at the front, I need to be at the front. 266 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,919 Wait a minute, what do I need to do? Slow down. 267 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:33,399 [Simon] Ready, steady, steady, go. 268 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,559 [Jeremy] Oh, no, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. 269 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:40,519 Well done, you got most of that in the middle. 270 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,360 [Jeremy over walkie-talkie] Jesus, that's difficult. 271 00:13:44,039 --> 00:13:46,559 Everything's reversed, so if I'm looking here, 272 00:13:46,639 --> 00:13:49,519 over my shoulder and I think, "Oh, no, it's at the back," 273 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:52,279 I have to slow down. 274 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,840 When it's at the back, slow down. 275 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:58,159 When it's at the front, speed up. 276 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:00,519 [country music playing] 277 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,559 Happily, on my next run there was no onanism. 278 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:06,759 It all went well. 279 00:14:07,799 --> 00:14:10,480 All these racing drivers talk about precision driving, 280 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,399 they do not know what the words mean. 281 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,840 I then rushed off to unload my cargo, 282 00:14:19,919 --> 00:14:22,799 fully aware that having complained for years 283 00:14:22,879 --> 00:14:25,200 about tractors holding up traffic, 284 00:14:25,279 --> 00:14:29,080 I was now in a tractor holding up traffic. 285 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,480 You should all have stopped at the farm shop, 286 00:14:32,559 --> 00:14:36,120 then you wouldn't be stuck here, would you? Mmm. 287 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,000 Back at the farm, it was 288 00:14:38,039 --> 00:14:40,879 imperative I got the seed unloaded quickly, 289 00:14:40,919 --> 00:14:43,279 so I could get back to the field 290 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,559 before the combine was full again. 291 00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:47,440 Lovely. 292 00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:51,720 Then, back up-- Wait a minute. If I swing that way. 293 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:54,559 Back up... 294 00:15:03,679 --> 00:15:04,879 Yes. 295 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,799 My angle was wrong. 296 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,120 If I back up, that way keeps it to the right. 297 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,200 Yeah, that's it. 298 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,080 God. 299 00:15:23,559 --> 00:15:26,240 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Pay attention, Jeremy. 300 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:27,840 So, if I go that way, keeping the back out. 301 00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:36,799 Oh, for heaven's sake, this is just impossible. 302 00:15:36,879 --> 00:15:38,759 After a mere six attempts, 303 00:15:38,799 --> 00:15:41,159 which could easily have been edited out... 304 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,120 the much more modern rented trailer was in. 305 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,840 Oh, yes. 306 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:58,200 Oh, shit, shit, shit. 307 00:15:58,279 --> 00:16:01,320 Jesus, that was lucky. I won't tell Kaleb about that. 308 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,799 [classical music playing] 309 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,039 With the weather holding, 310 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,360 we worked as a team 311 00:16:08,399 --> 00:16:10,639 to cover as much ground as possible. 312 00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:24,519 Right, this field, according to my map here, 54.8 acres, 313 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,919 and if we'd had good weather, 314 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,799 we could expect £23,500 worth of rape out of it. 315 00:16:31,879 --> 00:16:33,759 I don't think it'll be that much. 316 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,159 I'd like to ring Charlie and ask him, but he's on holiday. 317 00:16:40,879 --> 00:16:43,399 So, we're doing ten acres an hour 318 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:45,879 and all the Canadians have just fallen off 319 00:16:45,919 --> 00:16:47,799 their chairs laughing at us. 320 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,519 It's definitely getting rather hot in here. 321 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,720 Just turn my air conditioning up a bit. 322 00:16:55,799 --> 00:16:57,759 [laughs] 323 00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,720 Go that way... 324 00:17:02,759 --> 00:17:03,799 get that out... 325 00:17:05,039 --> 00:17:07,519 it means I go right, so I wanna be going that way. 326 00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,039 Wait, wait, I'm gonna try that again one more time. 327 00:17:14,079 --> 00:17:16,799 [classical music playing] 328 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,920 Despite the idyllic working conditions, 329 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,400 there was a nagging issue on my mind. 330 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,559 How much seed were we actually harvesting? 331 00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:30,400 [Kaleb over walkie-talkie] What's it saying 332 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:32,480 on thecomputer, Simon? 333 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,480 The yield monitor on the combine is saying 334 00:17:34,559 --> 00:17:36,680 it's running at two and a half ton to the hectare now, 335 00:17:36,759 --> 00:17:38,519 so that's a ton to the acre. 336 00:17:38,559 --> 00:17:41,640 But what we're looking for is a ton and a half an acre. 337 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,200 [Simon] It's good in patches. 338 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:54,160 [classical music ends] 339 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,799 7.3. We're all right. 340 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,400 [Jeremy] So far as I could tell, 341 00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,440 most of what we were harvesting were earwigs. 342 00:18:04,519 --> 00:18:06,880 There were thousands of them. 343 00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:11,880 But I was told this was normal, so we kept on working. 344 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,559 Right, here we go, coat on. 345 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,920 [tense music playing] 346 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:20,960 [Simon speaking on walkie-talkie] 347 00:18:21,039 --> 00:18:22,319 The second field I think yielded 348 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,200 better than the first one...definitely. 349 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,240 [Jeremy] Wait a minute. 350 00:18:31,799 --> 00:18:34,640 You kick the back out that way, yes, head it on that way. 351 00:18:39,799 --> 00:18:41,759 Oh, bloody hell, that's the wrong way. 352 00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,000 -[Kaleb] It's like a tractor meet. 353 00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:57,039 -[Jeremy] Isn't it? [Kaleb laughs] 354 00:18:57,079 --> 00:18:59,559 -So, we've done Picket's Piece. -[Kaleb] Yeah. 355 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,920 [Jeremy] We're doing Lower Washpool now. 356 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:05,559 And then we've got Bury Hill North, which is 45.7 acres. 357 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:07,519 [Kaleb] You better get going, Jeremy. 358 00:19:07,559 --> 00:19:09,000 -Oh, his light's on. -[Kaleb] Yeah. 359 00:19:09,079 --> 00:19:11,240 [country music playing] 360 00:19:31,519 --> 00:19:34,000 [guitar music playing] 361 00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:38,519 [Jeremy] The next morning, when we resumed harvesting, 362 00:19:38,559 --> 00:19:43,000 my first offload of earwigs was even trickier than normal. 363 00:19:47,319 --> 00:19:49,480 He's parked his truck in the farmyard. 364 00:19:52,079 --> 00:19:54,039 There's something wrong with him. 365 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,720 Right, he won't be finding that in a hurry. 366 00:20:06,799 --> 00:20:09,880 [Western-style music playing] 367 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,960 However, Kaleb's annoying 368 00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,559 parking was the least of my problems. 369 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,319 Because, unlike yesterday, the sky was overcast 370 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,960 and that didn't bode well 371 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,319 for the mid-morning moisture test. 372 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:24,880 [beep] 373 00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:27,240 -Ten. -[Simon] Ten. 374 00:20:29,559 --> 00:20:31,400 Yeah. 375 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,680 That's too much. Two percent over. Why has it got wet? 376 00:20:34,759 --> 00:20:36,880 It hasn't rained. 377 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,200 Is it just moisture in the atmosphere? 378 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:39,680 [Kaleb] It's probably the moisture in the air. 379 00:20:39,759 --> 00:20:41,720 [Simon] 'Cause actually, it's damper now 380 00:20:41,759 --> 00:20:42,680 than it was at seven o'clock this morning. 381 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:43,640 Yeah, yeah. 382 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,000 Well, what do we do? 383 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,559 [Jeremy] Happily, there was one thing we could do. 384 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:50,759 Go and test the barley 385 00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:53,400 to see if we could harvest that instead. 386 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,079 -What's the news, mate? -14.7. 387 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,519 -What's the limit for that? -15. 388 00:21:01,559 --> 00:21:04,559 -So, it's good enough to go? -We could go. Yeah. 389 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,160 [rock music playing] 390 00:21:21,319 --> 00:21:21,799 [Simon over walkie-talkie] Right, 391 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,039 I'd say that was pretty successful. 392 00:21:24,079 --> 00:21:28,799 Oh-hoo. Did you hear that, fetus boy? It was successful. 393 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,880 Simon, don't give him a big head. 394 00:21:33,519 --> 00:21:35,519 [Jeremy] What I've got in the trailer right now 395 00:21:35,559 --> 00:21:38,680 will keep Wetherspoon's going for about a year. 396 00:21:38,759 --> 00:21:40,799 That is beer seeds. 397 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,960 However, when I got to the barn, 398 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,400 I realized I had another problem. 399 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:52,079 All right, what have we got left on rape? 400 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,079 We've got about, big field, 401 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,880 about 40 or 50 tons of rape still to go. 402 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:02,640 So, where do I put the barley? 403 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,279 [phone ringing] 404 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:07,880 Hello. 405 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:10,880 Where the bloody hell am I gonna store this barley? 406 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,880 Because the barn's all full, we can't mix them up, can we? 407 00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,519 No, no, you'll have to store it up the airfield. 408 00:22:17,599 --> 00:22:19,160 That bunker I built, 409 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,000 we can probably store about 400 tons of barley up there. 410 00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:24,160 Yeah, but we can't, 'cause it's gonna rain. 411 00:22:24,240 --> 00:22:26,720 If it does rain, we can't just leave it outside, can we? 412 00:22:26,759 --> 00:22:28,920 No, it will get wet and then they will reject it. 413 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,880 You'll have to just sell it straightaway. 414 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:31,960 What do you mean? 415 00:22:32,039 --> 00:22:34,599 Well, you can't store it, 416 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,440 you'll have to just literally dump it up there, 417 00:22:36,519 --> 00:22:38,279 then sell it straightaway. 418 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,359 What, today? 419 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,640 Well, yeah, ideally, today, yes. 420 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,960 [suspenseful music playing] 421 00:22:44,839 --> 00:22:46,359 [Jeremy] Back in the office. 422 00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,119 Okay, grain merchants. 423 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,440 Yeah, hi. 424 00:22:50,519 --> 00:22:53,000 Really, I need a wagon today. 425 00:22:53,079 --> 00:22:55,240 So, you can't help at all? 426 00:22:55,319 --> 00:22:59,559 After a few calls, I finally got a result. 427 00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:02,920 Oh, you're playing music in my ear. 428 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,759 Cheers, bye, bye. 429 00:23:04,839 --> 00:23:07,079 Wagon on its way. 430 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,880 [country music playing] 431 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:12,240 I then drove to the storage facility that Kaleb had rebuilt 432 00:23:12,319 --> 00:23:16,720 after some lockdown agri-yobs had burnt the old one down. 433 00:23:16,799 --> 00:23:18,519 [country music continues] 434 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,880 This is like being nine, playing sandcastles. I like it. 435 00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:37,480 Then, Kaleb arrived with his load. 436 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,480 Followed shortly afterwards by the lorry I'd ordered. 437 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:46,640 -That is a smart lorry. -[beeping] 438 00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:48,680 -Will it weigh what we put in there? 439 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:49,119 -Yeah. 440 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,799 -Will it? Epic. -Yeah. 441 00:23:56,839 --> 00:23:59,160 However, as the loading began, 442 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,160 I got a terrible hot-neck feeling 443 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,359 as I realized that the grain 444 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:05,839 from the ten acres we'd harvested 445 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:08,279 would completely fill the lorry. 446 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:13,880 And we still had 140 acres to go. 447 00:24:17,759 --> 00:24:21,480 My only hope was that Kaleb wouldn't notice. 448 00:24:21,559 --> 00:24:23,319 Twenty lorries you should have organized. 449 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:24,799 -Twenty lorries? -Twenty lorries. 450 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,000 They should have been coming back and forth, back and forth. 451 00:24:27,079 --> 00:24:28,240 -What, 29 tons in each one? -Yes. 452 00:24:28,319 --> 00:24:30,200 It's six o'clock on a Saturday night. 453 00:24:30,279 --> 00:24:33,160 We're not gonna get any more now and it's Sunday tomorrow. 454 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,319 And it's gonna rain tonight. 455 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:37,599 Are we completely stuck then? 456 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:38,799 Yes. 457 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:42,319 Completely stuck, we can't cut any more barley now, because... 458 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,720 you fucked up. All you had to do 459 00:24:45,759 --> 00:24:47,319 was get your phone out and go, "Hiya." 460 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:48,519 -No. -Yeah. Yes, it is. 461 00:24:48,599 --> 00:24:51,680 Wrong, no, I made the mistake about nine months ago. 462 00:24:51,759 --> 00:24:52,599 What? 463 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:53,960 When I went, "That barn's big enough." 464 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,960 I was in full Yorkshire mode. 465 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,160 "No, I'm not spending more than 22 grand, 466 00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,839 that barn's perfectly big enough, 467 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:00,880 everything will go in there." 468 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:03,240 I thought we'd have little bays with rape would go there, 469 00:25:03,319 --> 00:25:04,920 the wheat would go there, the barley would go there. 470 00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,279 They never said to me, you never said to me, if I'm honest-- 471 00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:09,799 I did say, "Your barn's small." 472 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,640 Yes, I know, but you should have said, 473 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:12,960 "You do realize that that barn 474 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,000 will be totally filled by your rape." 475 00:25:15,039 --> 00:25:16,279 -I did! -You didn't say that. 476 00:25:16,359 --> 00:25:19,640 I did. You just don't listen. You do not listen. 477 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,240 No, [laughs] you switch off. 478 00:25:21,319 --> 00:25:22,559 You'll probably switch off now, 479 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,160 you don't even know what I'm saying now, probably. 480 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:26,599 What did I just say? 481 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,480 -Something about switching off. -See? 482 00:25:28,559 --> 00:25:30,440 [laughs] This is my point. 483 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,160 [wistful music playing] 484 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,359 [Jeremy] So, thanks to me, all work ground to a halt. 485 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,160 And Kaleb headed for home. 486 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:54,480 Where's my fucking car? 487 00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,839 Ah, I see it. I see the tailgate. 488 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:25,559 [Jeremy] As it turned out, 489 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,880 the next morning, I didn't need my tractor keys. 490 00:26:42,799 --> 00:26:45,640 Obviously, we couldn't harvest in the rain. 491 00:26:47,519 --> 00:26:49,319 And even when the downpour stopped, 492 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,880 we couldn't restart until the crops had dried out. 493 00:26:54,279 --> 00:26:55,720 So, while we were waiting, 494 00:26:55,799 --> 00:26:58,519 we used the time to get another job out of the way. 495 00:27:01,279 --> 00:27:03,319 [upbeat music playing] 496 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,960 Starting the lambs on their journey 497 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,880 to the Sunday lunch table. 498 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,640 We're looking at good, well-meated, uh, lambs 499 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,119 that are the right sort of weight, 44 kilos-plus... 500 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,680 that are good to go to the abattoir, 501 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,079 so we can have some good meat. 502 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:21,839 [upbeat music continues] 503 00:27:39,319 --> 00:27:42,119 So, what we got, Ellen, the right weight and the fit? 504 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,720 -Seventy-eight. -Seventy-eight. 505 00:27:50,119 --> 00:27:51,680 [Jeremy] It's like they know. 506 00:27:53,079 --> 00:27:56,440 This is a powerful advertisement for vegetarianism. 507 00:27:58,599 --> 00:28:02,839 But I've seen powerful adverts for going on a cruise, 508 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,559 and I'm still not gonna do that. 509 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,200 [Western-style music playing] 510 00:28:07,279 --> 00:28:09,279 Once the lambs had gone... 511 00:28:10,599 --> 00:28:13,200 and the fields had dried out, 512 00:28:13,279 --> 00:28:16,200 we finished off harvesting the oil seed rape 513 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,359 and the barley. 514 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,079 And then we sold what we'd got to a grain merchant. 515 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,480 [beeping] 516 00:28:29,599 --> 00:28:34,880 That just left one crop... the wheat. 517 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,559 What's the news? 518 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,400 16.6. 519 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:39,880 [Jeremy] So, still over. 520 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:42,440 Without any green in it. It wants another week. 521 00:28:42,519 --> 00:28:43,880 -[Kaleb] Without any green. -Right, we must leave it. 522 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,440 [Jeremy] Sadly, I then received a rather distressing phone call. 523 00:28:50,079 --> 00:28:51,160 Okay. 524 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:53,720 Okay. 525 00:28:55,319 --> 00:28:58,119 All right, I'll, um, I'll be back later. 526 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:00,319 [clears throat] All right, thanks. Bye. 527 00:29:06,039 --> 00:29:07,400 Wayne Rooney's dead. 528 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:18,240 How my poor ram had died was a mystery. 529 00:29:18,319 --> 00:29:21,079 So, after we'd loaded him into 530 00:29:21,119 --> 00:29:23,160 the most dignified hearse we could find, 531 00:29:25,279 --> 00:29:28,720 the vet took him away to do an autopsy. 532 00:29:31,039 --> 00:29:35,559 And rang later on to say he died from a twisted intestine. 533 00:29:46,079 --> 00:29:50,039 I'm surprised at how sad I am about the death of Wayne, 534 00:29:50,119 --> 00:29:52,519 because... I am. 535 00:29:54,119 --> 00:29:55,359 He'd become sort of part 536 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,279 of a little ritual I had in the evening. 537 00:29:57,319 --> 00:29:59,720 I'd go for a walk and bring them a bit of food 538 00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:01,160 and they'd come running up. 539 00:30:02,359 --> 00:30:03,519 I've just come down now 540 00:30:03,599 --> 00:30:07,400 because I wanted to make sure that Leo was all right. 541 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,000 But he's sort of hiding in that bush over there. 542 00:30:11,039 --> 00:30:13,240 And he won't come out, not even for the food. 543 00:30:17,359 --> 00:30:21,640 Sadly, we had to leave my only remaining ram to his grief. 544 00:30:23,279 --> 00:30:27,640 Because soon, the moisture level of the wheat was bang on. 545 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:28,880 What's the news? 546 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:30,559 14.4. 547 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,440 [Jeremy] And we were good to go. 548 00:30:33,519 --> 00:30:35,519 [dramatic music playing] 549 00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:51,119 There were 96 acres of wheat to harvest, 550 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:55,240 and its value was measured differently 551 00:30:55,279 --> 00:30:56,319 to oil seed rape and barley. 552 00:30:58,119 --> 00:31:01,319 With wheat, the volume you get... 553 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:03,880 I was gonna say it doesn't matter, it does matter, 554 00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:07,079 but it doesn't matter as much as the quality. 555 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,680 So, I've got a half a trailer load back there 556 00:31:09,759 --> 00:31:10,960 and I don't know whether I've got 557 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:14,039 half a trailer load of really good wheat 558 00:31:14,079 --> 00:31:15,880 that'll be used to make bread, 559 00:31:15,960 --> 00:31:17,559 or really terrible wheat 560 00:31:17,599 --> 00:31:19,519 that'll have to go to be animal feed. 561 00:31:19,559 --> 00:31:21,960 [dramatic music continues] 562 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,519 As we beavered away, Kaleb, 563 00:31:25,599 --> 00:31:26,559 now desperate for his 564 00:31:26,599 --> 00:31:28,720 long-awaited visit to the barber's, 565 00:31:28,759 --> 00:31:32,079 took a moment to rearrange his coiffure. 566 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:38,160 Hair. 567 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:39,519 I like it. 568 00:31:39,599 --> 00:31:40,799 [laughs] 569 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:42,640 It's out of my face at least. 570 00:31:43,519 --> 00:31:45,960 [Jeremy] Shortly after this exchange, though, 571 00:31:46,039 --> 00:31:47,160 the mood changed, 572 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,359 because Gareth Bale noticed 573 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,960 that a neighboring farmer was in trouble. 574 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:53,720 [Kaleb] Look to your left, 575 00:31:53,759 --> 00:31:56,319 Jeremy, it doesn't look very good over there. 576 00:31:56,359 --> 00:31:57,880 Something's on fire, isn't it? 577 00:32:03,759 --> 00:32:06,680 [Jeremy] This is every farmer's nightmare. 578 00:32:06,759 --> 00:32:10,400 A harvest blaze caused by malfunctioning equipment. 579 00:32:12,079 --> 00:32:13,240 [Kaleb over walkie-talkie] I'm on it now, 580 00:32:13,279 --> 00:32:15,799 just bear with me, two minutes. 581 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:20,319 I know there's two fire engines going to it now. 582 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:21,920 How does he know that? 583 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,160 How do you know that? 584 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:25,880 Got contacts everywhere. 585 00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:30,640 [Jeremy] I took a moment to thank the Lord 586 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,119 for the bulletproof reliability of the Lambo. 587 00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,039 [dramatic music playing] 588 00:32:36,119 --> 00:32:38,319 And then we got back to work. 589 00:32:39,559 --> 00:32:42,119 Just let it go back towards the back of it. 590 00:32:43,279 --> 00:32:45,160 [Jeremy] Thanks to Simon's calm 591 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,720 and clear instructions over the radio... 592 00:32:47,759 --> 00:32:49,359 That's good, now bring it forward. 593 00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,519 ...I was getting pretty good at my tractoring. 594 00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:56,240 [Simon] You're sort of 595 00:32:56,279 --> 00:32:58,400 just the front end of the middle. 596 00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,480 Turn it slightly closer to you than the middle at the moment. 597 00:33:01,559 --> 00:33:03,559 [dramatic music continues] 598 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:06,160 [Jeremy] But, later that day, 599 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:09,079 I came back from a run to the storage barn 600 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:13,359 to find Simon had been replaced in the combine by a colleague. 601 00:33:17,839 --> 00:33:20,240 [Gerald speaking indistinctly on walkie-talkie] 602 00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:29,440 I just don't know, I... I don't know. 603 00:33:29,519 --> 00:33:31,839 I don't know what he wants me to do. 604 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:32,519 [over walkie-talkie] Do you want 605 00:33:32,559 --> 00:33:35,279 me to come alongside on the next run? 606 00:33:35,319 --> 00:33:36,839 [indistinct] 607 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,359 ...as long as you don't go too fast... 608 00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:41,039 [indistinct] 609 00:33:42,359 --> 00:33:44,640 [Jeremy] He hasn't put his light on, but the spout's out, 610 00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:46,160 so I'm assuming he's ready. 611 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,559 [Gerald] As I say, if you turn... [indistinct] 612 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,319 Am I at the back? 613 00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:57,119 [Gerald speaking indistinctly on walkie-talkie] 614 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,079 I have no idea. 615 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,440 [Gerald continues speaking indistinctly] 616 00:34:02,519 --> 00:34:04,480 [Jeremy] Shit, shit, shit. 617 00:34:04,559 --> 00:34:09,039 [Gerald continues speaking indistinctly] 618 00:34:09,119 --> 00:34:10,920 Not a word, not a word. 619 00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,400 [Gerald continues speaking indistinctly] 620 00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,760 [Jeremy] Eventually, though, we got into a rhythm. 621 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:21,039 I tell you what, he's 72, look at him. 622 00:34:21,119 --> 00:34:22,920 He was telling me last week, 623 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:27,119 he's combined this farm every year for 50 years 624 00:34:27,159 --> 00:34:30,360 and he didn't want to miss this one, even with COVID. 625 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:31,320 And here he is. 626 00:34:35,039 --> 00:34:37,400 [over walkie-talkie] I'll wait for your light to go on, Gerald. 627 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,599 Put your light on, I'll come back. 628 00:34:39,639 --> 00:34:44,960 [Gerald] Okay, but like I said, if you just don't go too fast, 629 00:34:45,039 --> 00:34:47,320 then I can see the backof the trailer 630 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,679 and I can do the combine... [indistinct] 631 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:52,760 Okay, got you. 632 00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,199 I haven't, but-- 633 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,199 [Gerald continues speaking indistinctly] 634 00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,559 [laughs] 635 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:03,079 [serene music playing] 636 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,280 [Jeremy] By the end of August, our work was complete. 637 00:35:11,639 --> 00:35:15,280 We had harvested 546 acres 638 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,960 of wheat, oil seed rape and barley. 639 00:35:20,639 --> 00:35:24,159 And the fields were now taking a well-earned breather. 640 00:35:27,039 --> 00:35:29,599 I couldn't, though. I had to sell the wheat. 641 00:35:29,639 --> 00:35:31,119 So, I took a sample... 642 00:35:31,199 --> 00:35:33,960 [country rock music playing] 643 00:35:34,039 --> 00:35:36,679 ...and called Charlie, who, now all the work was done, 644 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,639 was back from his holiday, 645 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,800 and arranged to meet him at my local mill. 646 00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:44,639 There it is. 647 00:35:44,679 --> 00:35:46,199 [Jeremy] Sample bag. 648 00:35:51,159 --> 00:35:53,599 My hope was that my wheat would end up in here, 649 00:35:53,639 --> 00:35:56,320 being turned into flour for bread. 650 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,320 Because then I'd get top dollar for it. 651 00:36:05,119 --> 00:36:09,199 First, though, it had to pass muster with Paul the miller. 652 00:36:10,519 --> 00:36:11,880 This is your-- 653 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:14,639 Number one, Premier League... 654 00:36:14,679 --> 00:36:15,559 Premier League. 655 00:36:15,639 --> 00:36:18,039 ...milling wheat. Not Vauxhall Conference. 656 00:36:18,119 --> 00:36:18,960 No. 657 00:36:19,039 --> 00:36:22,320 We'd like a Liverpool here, you know, top of the league. 658 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:24,639 Man City at the very least. 659 00:36:24,679 --> 00:36:27,639 Right, okay. We will see what we can do. 660 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:29,800 I will go in to our lab man 661 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,679 and we will come out with the result for you. 662 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,559 -How long's it take? -Okay. Five minutes. 663 00:36:34,639 --> 00:36:37,400 [Jeremy] The make-or-break number, according to Paul, 664 00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:41,320 would be the percentage of protein in the grain. 665 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,039 -You're aiming actually for 13. -Thirteen percent. 666 00:36:44,119 --> 00:36:46,159 [Jeremy] Thirteen is the number. 667 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,199 I think it's about 13.4% protein. 668 00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,079 Right. I'll go for 12.6, 12.7. 669 00:36:52,159 --> 00:36:53,639 Paul, we want to know whether-- 670 00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:55,920 -Yeah, we need to know. -[laughs] 671 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,480 Okay. Shall I go and test it? 672 00:36:57,559 --> 00:36:59,159 -Yes. Please. -I'm-- Yeah. 673 00:36:59,199 --> 00:37:01,159 -Good. -Bye. Love your hat. 674 00:37:02,679 --> 00:37:05,760 Whilst we were waiting 675 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:06,840 for Paul's bread boffin to do his thing, 676 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:08,360 I was keen to know what success 677 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:10,800 would look like, in terms of money. 678 00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:14,079 -How much is premium wheat per ton? 679 00:37:14,119 --> 00:37:15,159 -£185. 680 00:37:15,159 --> 00:37:17,000 Right, and if it's hen food... 681 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:19,559 -how much? -150, 155 pounds. 682 00:37:19,639 --> 00:37:23,119 All right, so, £185 a ton if it's good quality. 683 00:37:23,159 --> 00:37:26,320 -Correct. -£155 if it's hen food. 684 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,440 Correct. 685 00:37:27,519 --> 00:37:29,760 [softly] So, once we've established. it's good quality, 686 00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,480 do I then start haggling with him over price? 687 00:37:32,559 --> 00:37:33,559 Well, you might sort of ask for 688 00:37:33,599 --> 00:37:35,159 an indication of what it's worth. 689 00:37:35,199 --> 00:37:38,119 Can I hit him with, "I want £200 a ton." 690 00:37:38,159 --> 00:37:40,280 I think that's a nice figure, isn't it? 691 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:41,159 Sounds round. 692 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:45,360 It does. Just-- Just say £200 a ton and then, 693 00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:47,039 "Okay, I won't sell it today," 694 00:37:47,079 --> 00:37:48,639 and get in your car and drive off. 695 00:37:48,679 --> 00:37:49,960 So, we can just say, "I'm not selling." 696 00:37:50,039 --> 00:37:52,920 "We'd like to sell it, you know, we will sell it to you, but..." 697 00:37:53,000 --> 00:37:54,320 But not necessarily now. 698 00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,159 "Not necessarily today." 699 00:37:56,280 --> 00:37:58,559 Well, he might say, "Okay, fine." 700 00:38:00,519 --> 00:38:01,559 Yeah, he might. 701 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:04,159 I'm really useless at haggling. 702 00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:07,920 The time for speculation, though, was now over. 703 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,320 Oh, he's back. He's back. 704 00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:14,519 The all-important protein, the first number is one. 705 00:38:14,599 --> 00:38:15,599 [Jeremy] Yeah. 706 00:38:15,639 --> 00:38:17,159 The second number is three. 707 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:18,679 Yes! 708 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:19,960 Then we have a point. 709 00:38:20,039 --> 00:38:21,280 Yes, zero. 710 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,159 And the next number is five. 711 00:38:23,199 --> 00:38:24,880 -Oh. -[laughs] 712 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,679 Almost like... 713 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,159 -How did you know that? -Well, it's the color. 714 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,800 This is probably as good as I've seen to now. 715 00:38:34,559 --> 00:38:36,159 -[Charlie] Very good. -Well done, Jeremy. 716 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:37,800 No, well done him and Kaleb. 717 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:41,320 Can I insist, Charlie, that we buy it to grind up in the mill 718 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:42,960 and then we can send some of the flour 719 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:44,639 back to Jeremy to sell in the shop? 720 00:38:44,679 --> 00:38:46,920 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Well, no, we've got to haggle. 721 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,880 [Paul] No, no, no, I've sorted that out. 722 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:50,760 What do you mean, you've sorted it out? 723 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:54,119 You may know about car prices, but I know about wheat prices. 724 00:38:54,159 --> 00:38:55,480 How much is it then? 725 00:38:55,559 --> 00:38:58,480 It would be around the £180, 185 mark. 726 00:38:58,559 --> 00:39:00,000 That's fantastic news. 727 00:39:00,079 --> 00:39:02,039 So, it's gold star, to be honest. 728 00:39:02,119 --> 00:39:04,039 -I'm gonna go and bathe in it. -[Paul] Mmm. 729 00:39:04,119 --> 00:39:04,960 Thanks, Paul. 730 00:39:06,519 --> 00:39:08,880 That's actually [laughs] good news. 731 00:39:10,000 --> 00:39:12,760 [country rock music playing] 732 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:13,960 [Jeremy] With the harvest done 733 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,800 and Charlie now crunching the numbers, 734 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:18,840 I caught up on the post, 735 00:39:18,920 --> 00:39:20,480 where I found the results 736 00:39:20,559 --> 00:39:23,679 from the latest tests on my bottled spring water. 737 00:39:25,159 --> 00:39:26,039 Um... 738 00:39:26,119 --> 00:39:27,199 [clicks tongue] 739 00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:32,480 "22 degrees and 37 degrees bacterial results have failed. 740 00:39:32,559 --> 00:39:35,480 So, the water is not in a sellable state. 741 00:39:35,559 --> 00:39:39,199 For your reference, the TVC count should be zero 742 00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:42,760 and they were found to be 10,000-plus." 743 00:39:44,199 --> 00:39:46,360 That's not a fail, that's a catastrophe. 744 00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:47,760 Ten thousand? 745 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:52,159 This meant I had to get to the farm shop sharpish, 746 00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:56,159 to remove the water from the shelves before anyone bought it. 747 00:39:56,199 --> 00:39:59,800 And luckily, I had just the machine for the job, 748 00:40:01,079 --> 00:40:03,159 because I'd been reunited... 749 00:40:04,679 --> 00:40:06,320 with an old friend. 750 00:40:07,159 --> 00:40:09,159 [upbeat music playing] 751 00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:15,119 Welcome, everyone, 752 00:40:15,159 --> 00:40:18,920 to the new Diddly Squat fast response vehicle. 753 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:28,760 [laughs] It's great to have it back. 754 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,400 The fact is, if it can handle the roads of Madagascar, 755 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:37,280 it can definitely handle the 756 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:39,519 fields of Chipping Norton and it is doing. 757 00:40:50,599 --> 00:40:52,440 Weird that I've never driven this car 758 00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:54,159 at more than eight miles an hour. 759 00:40:54,639 --> 00:40:55,639 Now look at me. 760 00:41:00,559 --> 00:41:03,360 I'm literally saving lives here, doing this. 761 00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:13,480 I've come to get the water. 762 00:41:13,559 --> 00:41:14,480 Why? 763 00:41:14,559 --> 00:41:15,800 It's got shit in it. 764 00:41:15,880 --> 00:41:18,519 -Sorry, what? -It's got shit in it. 765 00:41:18,599 --> 00:41:20,480 It says it's got no shit in it. 766 00:41:20,559 --> 00:41:21,960 It says it's got no shit in it, 767 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:23,960 but that's not strictly accurate. 768 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:25,639 -It's full of it. -[Lisa gasps] 769 00:41:25,679 --> 00:41:27,199 I don't know what it is, it's bacteria, 770 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,320 it's not actual feces, it's bacteria. 771 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:31,639 But we'll flush the system out with detergent, 772 00:41:31,679 --> 00:41:32,760 get it tested again. 773 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:34,800 What are they? 774 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:36,400 Mushrooms. 775 00:41:36,480 --> 00:41:39,599 -[Jeremy] What? -Mushrooms. Big mushrooms. 776 00:41:39,639 --> 00:41:40,679 [Jeremy] Big? 777 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:43,440 -Bloody hell. -You know what you do? 778 00:41:43,519 --> 00:41:45,440 You slice them up and dip them in egg 779 00:41:45,519 --> 00:41:47,280 and you fry them and it's like a mushroom toast. 780 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,639 No, but that's a mushroom. 781 00:41:48,760 --> 00:41:50,159 Yeah, that's a big mushroom. 782 00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:52,840 Our field mushrooms here. Look at that! 783 00:41:54,119 --> 00:41:55,840 They're fantastic. 784 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:57,039 [upbeat music playing] 785 00:41:57,119 --> 00:41:59,880 Everything was fantastic at the farm shop, 786 00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:03,800 as we were finally starting to see some fruit from our labors. 787 00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:09,119 Orangutan-friendly vegetable oil made with our own oil seed rape 788 00:42:09,159 --> 00:42:11,559 was already on the shelves. 789 00:42:13,079 --> 00:42:16,639 And a couple of days later, our lambs were back. 790 00:42:18,679 --> 00:42:21,079 -Your shoulder boned and rolled. -Yeah. 791 00:42:21,159 --> 00:42:24,000 The breast, which is like your scrag for just roasting. 792 00:42:24,079 --> 00:42:27,440 Your chops. Your liver and your kidney and mince. 793 00:42:27,519 --> 00:42:31,159 So, I delivered that, reared it, fed it, nurtured it. 794 00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,639 -You did. -Loved it. 795 00:42:33,679 --> 00:42:34,920 Loved it. 796 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:36,440 You've killed it and chopped it up. 797 00:42:36,519 --> 00:42:38,039 Chopped it up for you, yes. 798 00:42:38,119 --> 00:42:39,039 Ready to eat. 799 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:45,400 [Jeremy] It had cost £5,000 to raise and butcher the lambs, 800 00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,440 but they were so popular with the locals... 801 00:42:47,519 --> 00:42:49,800 So, you want two whole lambs, basically, so it's four halves. 802 00:42:49,880 --> 00:42:51,039 Yeah, yeah. 803 00:42:51,119 --> 00:42:51,960 ...it looked like we might 804 00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,760 even get a couple of hundred quid back. 805 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,079 See you. Thank you very much. Thank you. 806 00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,840 Thank you very much for coming. Hope you enjoy. 807 00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,480 Who needs supermarkets? A thing, a thing has worked. 808 00:43:04,559 --> 00:43:05,880 Morning, morning. 809 00:43:08,840 --> 00:43:10,760 -We've got seven left. -[Lisa] Good. 810 00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:11,960 That's all we've got, seven, 811 00:43:12,039 --> 00:43:13,559 -and it's only half past 11:00. -[Lisa] Excellent, okay. 812 00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:15,599 Anyone else here for lambs? 813 00:43:17,039 --> 00:43:19,679 The shop is incredibly busy. 814 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,079 And it'll be such a shame if we have to shut it down 815 00:43:23,159 --> 00:43:25,559 because the milk is from eight miles away, 816 00:43:25,639 --> 00:43:27,320 which is in Gloucestershire 817 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,079 and we're only allowed to sell stuff from Oxfordshire. 818 00:43:32,639 --> 00:43:34,800 [serene music playing] 819 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:43,519 [Jeremy] This had been my first-ever farming year. 820 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:48,960 But even so, I decided to celebrate 821 00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:50,599 in the traditional way. 822 00:43:52,559 --> 00:43:55,360 So, I met with Kaleb in my old barn, 823 00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:59,039 to hang a wheat sheaf on one of its oak beams. 824 00:43:59,559 --> 00:44:01,760 [Kaleb] It's like a celebration. 825 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:03,719 End of harvest, hang it up. 826 00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,800 [Jeremy] And along with the hanging of the wheat, 827 00:44:06,880 --> 00:44:08,880 there was something else to celebrate. 828 00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:14,280 Did they use a pair of these to do it? 829 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:15,199 It looks good. 830 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:17,119 It doesn't look good, it looks ridiculous. 831 00:44:17,199 --> 00:44:18,599 Did you pay money for it? 832 00:44:18,679 --> 00:44:19,760 Yes. 833 00:44:19,840 --> 00:44:21,719 Oh, it's not-- How have I done that? 834 00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:23,920 How can I not even do this properly? 835 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,400 I would go up the ladder, but I can't. 836 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:27,360 Why not? 837 00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:28,760 I got shot. 838 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:31,480 What? 839 00:44:31,559 --> 00:44:33,519 I was shot in the leg. 840 00:44:33,599 --> 00:44:34,760 What, you've really been shot? 841 00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:36,119 Yeah, honestly, yeah, yeah, 842 00:44:36,159 --> 00:44:38,679 I was with a group of mates in a circle, 843 00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,960 playing footie and he got his air rifle and 844 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,440 "accidently" shot me in the leg. 845 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,400 -You're kidding? -In my shin. 846 00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:46,320 -No. -With an air rifle? 847 00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:48,280 A .22 air rifle, from about four meters away. 848 00:44:49,039 --> 00:44:50,079 [Jeremy] Bloody hell. 849 00:44:50,159 --> 00:44:52,199 [Kaleb] Scabbing over now, look, the pellet's still in my leg. 850 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:53,559 The pellet is there. 851 00:44:54,039 --> 00:44:55,840 But he was a mate who shot you? 852 00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:57,039 Yeah, a mate of mine, yeah. 853 00:44:57,119 --> 00:44:59,360 So, he got his gun out, loaded it 854 00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:00,880 and then he pointed it at you. 855 00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:02,920 -Yeah. -And what did you say? 856 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:04,719 "Don't point that gun at me, you dickhead." 857 00:45:04,800 --> 00:45:06,199 You hadn't had a row or anything? 858 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:08,960 No, no. I've been, like, best friends with him 859 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,679 since primary school. 860 00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:12,559 He said it was an accident, so it must have been. 861 00:45:12,639 --> 00:45:13,920 Well, how can it be an accident, 862 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:16,920 to point an air rifle at someone and then pull the trigger? 863 00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:18,480 Don't know. 864 00:45:18,559 --> 00:45:20,760 [Jeremy] My next conversation, I suspected, 865 00:45:20,800 --> 00:45:22,519 would be equally troubling, 866 00:45:23,880 --> 00:45:27,039 as the time had come to sit down with Cheerful Charlie 867 00:45:27,119 --> 00:45:31,280 and find out how much money the harvest had generated. 868 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:33,639 We're all-- We're all done. 869 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:34,840 End of the harvest. 870 00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:36,679 -Well done. Good. -Well, thank you. 871 00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:38,000 How's it feel? 872 00:45:38,079 --> 00:45:40,519 It's... [sputtering] It's... 873 00:45:40,559 --> 00:45:41,599 Well, I'll let you know in a minute, 874 00:45:41,639 --> 00:45:43,239 'cause you're going to tell me the figures. 875 00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,199 You're going to give me the moment of truth. 876 00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:46,199 Well, as you know... 877 00:45:46,280 --> 00:45:47,599 "As we know," here we go. 878 00:45:47,679 --> 00:45:49,559 It hasn't been a great year for... 879 00:45:51,039 --> 00:45:52,320 for farming, generally. 880 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:54,719 I read in The Times yesterday, 881 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:58,519 it's the worst year for farmers since 1976. 882 00:45:58,599 --> 00:46:00,639 Dry summer. I know, I remember it well. 883 00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,199 It was the year of my O Levels. It's why I haven't got any. 884 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:06,639 So, we're just gonna look at these top boxes. 885 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:07,760 Look at the blue. 886 00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,000 And now I'm gonna frighten you. 887 00:46:09,079 --> 00:46:12,320 Last year, we made £226,000 from crop sales. 888 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:13,639 That's before any costs. 889 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:16,239 So, £226,000. 890 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,039 -Yeah. -And this year's 137. 891 00:46:20,119 --> 00:46:23,360 So, £90,000 lower from the same area. 892 00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:24,760 It is nine-- 893 00:46:26,559 --> 00:46:28,760 -Which is quite incredible. So, you know. 894 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:30,400 -Well, "incredible" is one word. 895 00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:32,880 -That is £90,000 down. -Yeah. 896 00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:35,719 It's-- It's enormous. Forty percent lower. 897 00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:38,519 £90,000 gone because of the weather. 898 00:46:39,599 --> 00:46:42,400 So where are the costs, because how much-- 899 00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:44,679 -Here are the costs then, so we spent-- 900 00:46:44,719 --> 00:46:45,280 -We spent-- 901 00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,360 -£14,000 on seed. -On seed. 902 00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:53,280 £34,000 on fertilizer and £20,000 on sprays. 903 00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:56,119 So, £68,601. 904 00:46:56,199 --> 00:47:01,559 And then there's £68,457 of costs. 905 00:47:01,639 --> 00:47:05,000 That's Kaleb, that's the machinery. 906 00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:10,320 So, you've made £144 profit from the arable farm. 907 00:47:19,320 --> 00:47:21,760 So, the fact of the matter is this, 908 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:26,119 farming seven days a week for a year, on a 1,000-acre farm, 909 00:47:26,199 --> 00:47:30,960 has generated an income of £144? 910 00:47:31,039 --> 00:47:32,280 Correct. 911 00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:33,559 Fortunately, at the moment, 912 00:47:33,599 --> 00:47:35,719 we have this subsidy. When that goes... 913 00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:38,719 What are farmers going to do? 914 00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,679 I mean, honestly, what are they going to do? 915 00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:43,400 The ones who don't have Amazon film crews following them around 916 00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:44,960 and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 917 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:46,280 to top up the income? 918 00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:51,199 I mean, what do you do when the subsidy starts to go down? 919 00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:53,800 There will be... there's gonna be a sea change 920 00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:56,000 to the, rurally, you know, the countryside. 921 00:47:56,079 --> 00:47:58,480 There'll be 30 percent less farmers, probably. 922 00:47:58,559 --> 00:48:01,840 But that's where we are with farming in this day and age. 923 00:48:01,920 --> 00:48:04,519 And the next time a farmer moans about the weather... 924 00:48:07,079 --> 00:48:09,199 put your arm round him and buy him a pint, 925 00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:12,079 because he's not moaning about it 926 00:48:12,159 --> 00:48:13,960 'cause it's a bit miserable working in the rain, 927 00:48:14,039 --> 00:48:16,360 he's moaning about it 'cause it's crucifying. 928 00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:20,679 [mournful music playing] 929 00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,800 I was now in a quandary. 930 00:48:24,199 --> 00:48:26,679 I'd worked bloody hard all year 931 00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:30,400 and my reward was £144. 932 00:48:31,679 --> 00:48:34,280 Even with the grants and subsidies added in, 933 00:48:34,360 --> 00:48:36,920 I'd have been far better off selling up, 934 00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:40,360 putting the money in the bank and living off the interest. 935 00:48:43,159 --> 00:48:48,719 And yet the past year had been absolutely brilliant. 936 00:48:50,239 --> 00:48:54,760 I'd done so many things I didn't think that I'd be able to do. 937 00:48:56,679 --> 00:48:58,639 I'd become a shepherd. 938 00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:02,039 A tractor driver. 939 00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:06,119 A shopkeeper. 940 00:49:06,199 --> 00:49:07,880 [imperceptible] 941 00:49:09,519 --> 00:49:10,840 A midwife. 942 00:49:12,679 --> 00:49:14,079 A key worker. 943 00:49:14,159 --> 00:49:15,559 [imperceptible] 944 00:49:15,639 --> 00:49:17,239 An engineer. 945 00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:21,559 And a conservationist. 946 00:49:30,039 --> 00:49:32,599 All in the company of Diddly Squat's 947 00:49:32,679 --> 00:49:37,159 endlessly happy, endlessly dysfunctional family. 948 00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:41,079 [imperceptible] 949 00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:58,039 But could I really go through the whole cycle again... 950 00:50:00,320 --> 00:50:02,559 for less than 40 pence a day? 951 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:10,039 It's a question that crops up almost immediately 952 00:50:10,119 --> 00:50:12,480 at our harvest festival picnic. 953 00:50:14,079 --> 00:50:15,840 If there's anything I'm gonna go for, it's one of 954 00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,440 them whatsanames. 955 00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:18,760 No, those. 956 00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:20,400 -[Charlie] One of these. -That's the one, yeah. 957 00:50:21,599 --> 00:50:24,599 [Jeremy] So, is it a year and a day since we started farming? 958 00:50:24,679 --> 00:50:26,960 [Charlie] It is. Just over. 959 00:50:27,039 --> 00:50:29,440 [Jeremy] So, the big thing I've got to work out now is, 960 00:50:29,519 --> 00:50:32,199 I've got a choice, realistically. 961 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:36,679 I can either go back to London and resume my old life-- 962 00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:37,840 Yeah, do that. 963 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:40,559 [laughs] 964 00:50:40,639 --> 00:50:41,800 You haven't heard the "or." 965 00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:43,760 No, no, no. Do that. 966 00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,159 I think I don't want to go back to London now. 967 00:50:47,239 --> 00:50:49,239 -Ever? -No, I'm happy here. 968 00:50:49,320 --> 00:50:51,440 You like London, let's just-- You know, you love London. 969 00:50:51,519 --> 00:50:52,440 [Jeremy laughs] 970 00:50:52,519 --> 00:50:54,760 And London suits you. 971 00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:56,960 -And, um... -You've got friends in London. 972 00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:57,960 [Kaleb] Yeah, you've got friends in London, 973 00:50:58,000 --> 00:50:59,639 you know loads of people. 974 00:50:59,679 --> 00:51:00,800 [Charlie] You've got loads of friends here. 975 00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:02,639 Mmm. 976 00:51:03,599 --> 00:51:04,599 He wants me to stay. 977 00:51:06,199 --> 00:51:08,239 Because I am a cash cow to him. 978 00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:09,840 [laughs] 979 00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,760 If you weigh it up, weigh-hey-hey, I'd go farm. 980 00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:15,079 I think you're happy here. 981 00:51:15,159 --> 00:51:17,559 You're right, I am happy here. 982 00:51:17,639 --> 00:51:19,559 I said, back when we were lambing, 983 00:51:19,599 --> 00:51:21,280 that I've never been happier. 984 00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:22,199 Remember, we had all the lambs coming 985 00:51:22,239 --> 00:51:23,880 and it was quite a nice day, 986 00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:24,679 I went, "I've never been 987 00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:26,480 happier at work than I am now." 988 00:51:26,519 --> 00:51:27,960 -[Lisa] Really? -No. 989 00:51:28,039 --> 00:51:29,199 -Look at the colors. 990 00:51:29,239 --> 00:51:31,000 -[Lisa] It is stunning. - Autumn's coming. 991 00:51:31,039 --> 00:51:33,679 It's always stunning on the farm, actually. 992 00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:34,760 Whatever the day, there's 993 00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,000 always something that's absolutely beautiful. 994 00:51:38,039 --> 00:51:41,960 The thing is, the show's now over. 995 00:51:43,039 --> 00:51:44,280 This one. 996 00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:45,599 -Cheers, guys. -Which is sad. 997 00:51:45,679 --> 00:51:46,719 But thank you very much 998 00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:48,800 for all your help over the last year. 999 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:49,840 Cheers. 1000 00:51:49,920 --> 00:51:52,079 [Jeremy] All of you, thank you very, very much. 1001 00:51:52,159 --> 00:51:53,920 Thank you for being so patient with me. 1002 00:51:54,000 --> 00:51:55,440 -I'm gonna get in that tractor now. 1003 00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:56,360 -[chuckles] 1004 00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:58,920 You're gonna come back with me and put the cultivator on it 1005 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,679 and I'm gonna go cultivating now. 1006 00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,320 I thought you was going to a party tonight, you said. 1007 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,000 [laughter] 1008 00:52:05,079 --> 00:52:07,000 [Lisa laughs] In London. 1009 00:52:07,679 --> 00:52:09,840 [laughter] 1010 00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:13,840 [music playing] 1011 00:52:22,079 --> 00:52:23,519 [imperceptible]