A VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS WITH BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD
I think it's, like, Christmas.
Really? That's pretty cool.
It's cool 'cause you get to sit around and watch TV.
That's what we did last year.
And the year before that too.
TV rules.
It's like, when something's cool, why change?
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Who could that be?
Whoa, it's Geraldo!
- Don't let Primus in. - Yeah, yeah, they'll trash the place.
They'll break stuff.
"My name is Mud."
My name is Mud! Mud, Mud!
And then he'd spit.
Check it out, Butt-Head.
Testie the snowman, had a carrot up his butt!
Right on, Beavis.
Yeah, thanks. Yeah.
Snow is cool.
I like to take snow
and like, roll it up into a ball and shove it down your throat.
Shut up, butthole!
Weren't these guys in Batman?
This isn't very cool.
Yeah but check this out, this part is cool.
Sounds pretty cool.
That was cool.
Who's this fartknocker?
What's wrong with him?
He should like, go to the doctor, and say:
"Doctor, I suck! You've gotta help me!"
That would be cool.
It's that dude...
It's that Boy chick.
- What a dork! - Yeah, yeah... really.
Oh, I know what this is.
This is one of those things where a bunch of rich people get together
and ask for money.
It's one of those things.
I don't think this is a video.
Really? What is it?
I don't know.
This is too cool to be a video.
I think it's one of those, uh, stool logs.
Stools are cool.
On, Dasher! On, Comet! On, Cupid!
Check it out.
- Wood. - Yeah, yeah. Wood.
Log.
- Penis. - What?
Penis. I was just, you know, making conversation.
Oh yeah.
Butt.
Wiener.
That was cool.
- Look at that guy. - Yeah. Really.
- Is he wearing a mask? - Yeah, his mask sucks.
What's this?
- This sucks! - Come on Butt-Head, keep changing it.
What the hell is this garbage?
This sucks.
How come Christmas music always sucks?
Because it's, like, not very good.
- Hey Beavis. - What?
What is Christmas?
It's the celebration of the birth of our lord Jesus Christ.
What? Hey Beavis, what did you just say?
- What? I didn't say anything. - Yeah you did!
I asked you what Christmas was and you, like, said a bunch of stuff really fast.
What are you talking about, Butt-Head? I didn't say anything.
How come that they always play this music that sucks around Christmas?
'cause, buttmunch, it's Christmas music.
So? Why do they have to play it around Christmas?
Yeah, really.
It's like, you'd think they want to play something cool at Christmas.
Yeah, yeah. Really.
But like, some of the Christmas songs have pretty cool names...
like, that thing about the "buttcracker".
And Jingle Balls.
Deck the Balls.
What's this? This is pretty cool.
- Who are these guys? - They look kinda like turds!
Turds are cool.
If turds could talk, what would they say?
They'd say: I don't like being a turd! Being a turd sucks!
It's like, you gotta, like, try to swim in the toilet,
and then you like, get flushed down,
and then you go through the pipes, and then you go out to the ocean!
- And then there's like, sharks and stuff! - Shut up Beavis!
Turds don't drown. They float!
Those giraffes are pretty cool.
I like the turds better though.
Would you feel bad about flushing a talking turd?
No way! I'd say: "Drown, you fecal matter!"
- This song is pretty cool. - Yeah, yeah, it sounds like Ozzy.
That was cool.
Yes, yes, "Christmas in Hollis"!
This is cool.
These guys are cool.
Hey Butt-Head, where is Hollis?
It's like, one of those places, like Seattle, where stuff is cool.
- Really? - Yeah.
- What's wrong with that elf? - He be illin'.
Check it out, Butt-Head:
It's Christmas time in Hollis, Queens.
Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens.
Rice and stuffing, macaroni and cheese and tacos and nachos...
Shut up Beavis, those aren't the words.
Sorry about that, I was like, hungry or something.
Hey Butt-Head, how come rappers don't wear these big gold chains anymore?
You dumbass. That's 'cause these guys are like, kicking it old school.
- Kicking it, kick him, kick, kick! Kick! - Cut it out Beavis. What are you doing?
Oh yeah, sorry man.
Christmas would be cool, if it was like this.
Yeah, yeah, This is cool.
- What's wrong with that guy? - He's like, a munchkin.
An assmunchkin.
An assmunchkin!
I just, like, thought up a Christmas joke.
Check this out.
How come Rudolph's nose is red?
- Why? - 'cause it's bloody.
That was pretty funny.
I got one too. Check it out.
How come Santa's outfit is red?
Why?
'cause it's bloody.
- That is not funny, Beavis. - Yeah it is!
See, it's like, it's-it's bloody because, like,
Rudolph got his nose on it
and Rudolph's nose is red 'cause it was bloody.
- That's funny. - Oh yeah.
Coming up next... Beavis and Butt-Head sharing a Christmas burrito!
Tell another one of those Christmas jokes.
Here is one...
Santa Claus has this big sack.
Look at this.
- Cool! He's singing on the toilet! - Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Whoa, check out that skull!
That skull is cool. Is that, like, the skull of Santa?
- Does that mean he's dead? - Yeah, yeah.
I wonder what they did with his other bones.
Really.
- Hey, this video sucks! - Yeah, it's sickening.
I think this is, like, a movie.
It sucks.
- I think it's pretty cool. - Yeah, it is a pretty cool movie.
It's better than most Christmas movies.
Like that one, how was it called...
"The wonderful life".
Oh yeah. That's that movie where everything sucks.
Or how about that... "The grunge that stole Christmas"?
That's pretty cool.
Yeah, except that at the end he becomes a wuss.
Oh yeah, yeah, That sucks.
You know that Christmas movie where that dude, finds that, like, gold ticket
inside that piece of chocolate, and then he like, goes to this big factory
where everything is really cool, and there's
little elves and they, like, go on go on:
That was cool.
That ruled.
Then remember there was that chick with her little dog, Scroto?
And then they like, go and they crush that wicked bitch with their house.
And they got those flying monkeys...
Then, like, that Willy Wanker dude, asks to get back to his home planet...
Then Augustus Gloop dies in that big bowl of chocolate.
Chocolate is cool.
This guy seems pretty cool.
Look at his nose.
I bet this guy could pick his nose with his big toe.
Yeah, yeah. That's cool. I do that sometimes.
Oh yeah? That's pretty cool.
- Hey Beavis. - What?
If you eat your own boogers, does that make you, like, one of those cannibists?
Yeah, it makes you one of those, one of those... cannilbulsists.
How come boogers don't, like, stink?
I mean, it's like, they look ugly, so it's like, you think they would stink.
Actually, I think they look pretty cool.
Is this Sting?
No way, Beavis. Sting sucks!
This guy's cool!
- This dude stutters! - Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
Santa Claus looks like one of those biker dudes!
Yeah, except he's got that sled and that dorky outfit.
How does Santa Claus get those reindeer to fly?
Because he beats the crap out of them with a whip!
Maybe he's pretty cool.
This guy is pretty cool.
That was co-co-co-co-co-cool!
How come Santa Claus has that stupid laugh?
Where he goes: ho-ho-ho!
Yeah, yeah. That's stupid.
That's really stupid.
People don't go: ho-ho-ho. I go: huh-huh-huh.
They don't go: ho-ho-ho. They go: heh-heh-heh-heh.
Fight! Who is he talking about fighting, Butt-Head?
- That chick. - Really? Whoa.
Hey Butt-Head, how come they're gonna fight? Fight, fight!
Because it's like, he wants her to give him something
'cause it's Christmas and everything.
- You mean like, video games or something? - No, Beavis!
Yes! Fight! Fight! Fight!
This is cool.
- They're like, choking each other. - Yeah, yeah, this is cool!
Yes, hit him! Hit him! Hey, did you see that Butt-Head? Did you see that?
It was cool.
Like, she hit him because he didn't give her anything.
Christmas specials suck.
They always make those dumb Christmas special.
And then it gets like: We're running, we're running, we're running!
I wonder if "Cops" is gonna do a Christmas special.
"You have the right to remain silent, and it'll be used against you!"
"And we have the right to kick your ass".
Christmas is cool.
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