CANOE
I'm really glad the school psychiatrist
required you three to come on in this canoe trip.
Here in the great outdoors we're brothers and we help each other out.
You know, the Burgeoning Men's movement holds
that we spend too much time fighting each other
and not enough time loving one another.
Van Driessen is looking for love.
- He wants you. - He wants you.
Nice stroke, Beavis.
Told you, dude.
He wants to love you.
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- That dude has lettuce on his head. - His head is lettuce.
Let-us spray. Ssssspray.
Cut it out, Beavis!
- What are you doing? - I'm spraying.
That's pretty cool.
- When did you start doing that? - Just now.
Boy, this really sucks!
- Oh my God! - Oh, dear Lord!
This sucks!
Good God Almighty!
This sucks more than anything I've ever seen.
This sucks, like, like, lots and lots!
Let me count the ways in which this sucks.
One...
Two...
Four...
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
Thirteen...
Seven...
Oh wait a minute, we already counted that one.
Yeah, but if it happened again, that means it sucks again.
Eleventeen...
What comes after eleventeen?
- Thirteen. - Oh, yeah.
Fifteen. Hit him! Hit him! Hit him! Pull his hair!
Cool.
Maybe we should like, take some points off 'cause that was pretty cool.
No way, Beavis!
Just 'cause something's cool doesn't mean that something else doesn't suck.
What?
I said: just because something's cool
doesn't mean that something else doesn't suck!
What?
Nevermind, buttmunch.
Hey Butt-Head, why are we watching this?
I don't know.
This is still on?
- That pisses me off! - Yeah, that sucks.
It's bad enough when, like, stuff sucks...
but then when it's like, really long, that sucks.
Guys, I hope our little incident today shows why we never wrestle in canoes.
Luckily, and not coincidentally,
all the important gear was in my canoe.
Where's the toilet paper?
Well, that's the only thing we put in your canoe.
Fortunately Beavis, nature has its own toilet paper,
- the humble leaf. - You wiping with foliage, dude.
I gotta go too.
Now remember, Beavis: bury at least 200 yards from the campsite
away from our water and food.
Okay, Stew, let's pitch a tent.
Grab this pole, Stewart.
Stick it in the hole, Stewart! In the hole!
Stewart is the teacher's pet.
Yeah.
Ok boys, let's erect this thing!
Stay tuned to see Beavis and Butt-Head totally nude. Maybe.
It's a good thing you went far from the campsite, because that
is the biggest poison ivy patch I've ever seen.
And human spores would lure bears to the campsite, and we can't have that.
Okay guys, now it's time for the time-honored
camping tradition: the sing along.
- That's stupid! - What do you mean, Beavis?
Where are you gonna plug it in?
- That's stupid! - Boys, you're in for a treat.
Acoustic music, "unplugged".
After all, folk music began with woodland minstrels.
- What's he talking about? - Flashback.
This is a song I wrote especially for this occasion.
It's called "Men".
Men have feelings too.
May I share mine with you?
I may softly weep or cry out loud.
But either way I'll still be proud.
- This sucks!. - Yeah.
This kicks ass!
And I'm not just saying that, either.
Lemmy rules!
Hey Beavis... check this out.
I can do that too.
- That was cool. - I do it better though.
Do you know who Lemmy looks like?
He looks like that dude down the street that's always working on his car.
That guy that parks his car in the front lawn?
Yeah. That guy is cool.
How come Lemmy has those two big Coco Pops stuck to his cheek?
- Because it looks cool. - Oh yeah. I forgot.
Fartknocker.
The inner child cries from deep within
- nurture me, brother, with both hands... - This is the worst song I've ever heard.
Yeah. This sucks.
- Whoa! - Cool.
What Butt-Head? What?
- Come on Butt-Head, what? - Tweeter.
Oh yeah.
- Change it, Butt-Head. - No way Beavis.
- Something cool is gonna happen. - Oh really? Ok.
- So like, so like, what happens that's cool? - You'll see.
Come on Butt-Head, tell me. Come on, what is it?
Dammit, Beavis!
I have ever told you something cool is gonna happen in a video and it doesn't?
Yeah, you do it all the time, buttknocker!
- You mean "fartknocker", Beavis. - Oh yeah, yeah.
Ok. So like, so like, what happens?
It's, like, a surprise.
Yeah but it's like, if you tell me now then it's like, I'll be surprised right now.
Here it comes. Here comes the cool part.
Yes! Kick it! Kick it! Kick it!
So come on Butt-Head, what's the cool part?
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