MEET GOD
And now back to the late late movie: "Screwing Total Strangers".
We are in the middle of nowhere, with no money.
How are we gonna meet girls?
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Hey boys, how'd you like to come over to my place
for a pointless coming of age sexual experience?
All right!
Hitchhiking is cool.
That gives me an idea.
- What? - Let's hitchhike.
Is that the Great Pumpkin?
What's the Great Pumpkin from again?
It's from that Charlie Brown thing. That show about that bald kid.
It's that kid with the blanket that believes in the Great Pumpkin.
That's... Penis?
His name's not "Penis". It's "Anus".
Yeah, Anus.
You're getting him mixed up with that dude Choder who plays the piano. He's a penis.
Shut up, Butt-Head! That's not cool to call someone
a "penis" just because they play the piano.
No, Beavis, that's what you call someone who plays the piano. You call them a penis.
Really? That's cool.
You know what we should do? We should go to that piano store in the mall
and just start saying "Penis! Penis! Penis!"
That's a good idea, Beavis.
So, like, like, what happens with that Great Pumpkin?
Like, what's he supposed to do?
He, like comes out of the pumpkin patch at night, and he...
You can see up that chick's dress!
So, anyways...
what was I talking about?
You were talking about seeing up that chick's dress.
Hey Butt-Head, this isn't working.
Are you using your thumb?
I think there's needs to be like, cars and stuff.
- Hey, here comes someone! - Cool!
Welcome, brothers.
- You're lucky we found you. - We are?
Yes, for you have found God. Would you like to meet him now?
- Who? - God.
You know, like, the main reason that this video sucks?
It is, like, it reminds me of other stuff that sucks.
Really.
Is this, like, "Jeopardy"?
I'll take "Stuff That Sucks" for 500, Alex.
What is John Cougar Mellencamp?
You're supposed to form your question in the phrase of an answer.
You are now "discolorfied".
It's that dude who likes all those prostitutes!
Check this out, Beavis.
"I have sinned against you!"
That was cool.
Is this CNN?
How come they never show reruns on the news?
They do. That's why it sucks.
Every time you see something, it's already happened.
That would be cool if, like, there was an explosion...
and they would tell you where it's gonna happen so you could go check it out.
That would be great.
Here's the Lord, thy God. You can call him Hank.
Our Lord? Lord? Lord!
Lord, lord, here are brothers Beavis and Butt-Head.
- Yeah. Right. - You doubt Him?
Like, if you're God, then what's the name of that guy who built that ark?
Noah!
This sucks!
It's like, it sucks.
This is horrible!
And it sucks too.
Beavis, "sucks" isn't even strong enough word
to describe this crap.
It's like, it's like it sucks… a lot!
Cool! This sounds pretty cool.
It kicks butt!
Hey, check out the skull.
That's not a skull, Beavis. That's just like, a really ugly dude.
This kicks ass!
I wish, like, in school, they would teach something practical, like, heavy metal.
They should have, like, "Heavy Metal Choir".
This is cool!
This video has cool looking stuff in it.
Even though it's not on the screen long enough
to see what it is, you can still tell it's cool.
- You know what makes this band cool? - Yeah! I mean, what?
They have two dudes who are good screamers, and they like, take turns screaming.
Screaming is cool.
And Moses said to Pharaoh...
"Let my people go, let's fire rain on Egypt!"
And Nefertite said...
"Moses, Moses can you not feel my breast? Aren't they not full"?
- He is good. - He is God!
And Charlton Heston did say: "Let me, Ben-Hur, ride the chariot!"
And Tony Curtis did say: "I am Spartacus!"
Welcome to my breakdown I hope I didn't scare you.
You dont scare me.
I'm scared.
Hey Butt-Head, doesn't Slash wear a hat like that?
But he doesn't wear all that clown makeup.
This is awful!
This is old!
Hey Butt-Head, does this suck?
Well...
They're playing in the sewer. That's pretty cool.
Maybe they show some fecal matter.
What's that?
It's a word that means, like, turds.
I learned it when I did my report on feces.
Oh yeah. I remembered now.
So where were the spiders?
This song is about, like, spiders.
They should have some spiders in this video.
- Like some tarantulas would be cool. - Yeah. And some daddy long legs.
Cool!
He's in a body bag.
- He was injured stage diving. - Stage diving is cool!
Here is your new home.
What? Hey, where's the TV?
- TV is the devil's tool. - Yeah. Where is it?
You don't need it anymore. Good night, brothers.
Let's beat it.
Yeah. This sucks!
We gotta find a TV, dude.
Hey, I hear something.
Check it out!
I want my mounds!
- I can see her whole butt! - How about her butthole?
That's cool.
She's got a small, furry animal in her mouth.
That's cool.
This chick was married to that dude who would punch you if you took his picture.
That... Woody Allen dude?
No, assmunch! Woody Allen's the dude that went out with his daughter.
Hey Butt-Head. If you were, like, a chick
- would you go out with your stepdad? - Not if his name was Woody.
What if his name was Stiffy?
Well, maybe.
Stiffy Allen.
Woodrow Allen.
That was cool.
She's almost naked!
That gives me a special feeling on my Woody Allen.
Look at her thingies!
I like when they push together really close.
That's pretty cool.
Check it out dude. She's filthy!
Hey Hank, so like, why did you create this?
- It's a little over your head. - Yeah. Like, all over.
Sorry we can't stay and worship you.
- Gotta go. - So let it be written, so let it be done.
What ever.
"Moses, Moses let's see your people make bricks without straw!
Bricks without straw?"
Here comes someone.
Hitchhiking is cool.
Is this Wilson Phillips?
Yeah. This is back when they were cool.
I'm your Beavis!
Hey Beavis, what rhymes with "Venus"?
Venus Flytrap.
- These chicks should marry GWAR. - Yeah, yeah! That would be cool!
They would have offspring that would be the coolest people that have ever lived.
- And they would rule Antarctica. - They would rule the entire world!
Satan's got back!
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