1
00:00:05,867 --> 00:00:08,977
Do you ever wonder what
happens to all our rubber bands ..

2
00:00:08,977 --> 00:00:10,777
..and paper clips you lose?

3
00:00:10,929 --> 00:00:15,000
I think they go into some
alternate lair of the universe.

4
00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:20,070
You ever notice these warning
labels on shaving cream cans?

5
00:00:20,250 --> 00:00:22,850
They say "do not use near open flame"..

6
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:25,938
Now, I know whenever I go to shave..

7
00:00:26,157 --> 00:00:30,000
I like to fire the old bunsen burner,
you know what I mean?

8
00:00:32,506 --> 00:00:35,483
Coming up next - the comedy superstar..

9
00:00:35,483 --> 00:00:39,233
..who rolled with a punches and
laughed all the way to the bank.

10
00:00:39,258 --> 00:00:44,211
Join us for the inside look
Dan's luxurious lifestyle.

11
00:00:48,624 --> 00:00:52,624
Hey, Bevis. I got an idea.

12
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Yeah, me too. Let's go over to
Steward's house and burn something.

13
00:00:57,782 --> 00:00:59,059
No, dumbass..

14
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,701
..let's become one of those stand-up
chameleons and make a lot of money.

15
00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:07,219
Yeah, money rules!

16
00:01:07,829 --> 00:01:09,828
We're there, dude!

17
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today

18
00:01:24,165 --> 00:01:25,786
We're gonna be rich.

19
00:01:56,837 --> 00:01:58,845
That look's like that
dude from Deliverance.

20
00:01:58,845 --> 00:01:59,845
Yeah.

21
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,453
Remember that part
when he said 'pig'?

22
00:02:04,423 --> 00:02:07,110
That wasn't a pig, Beavis..

23
00:02:07,135 --> 00:02:09,236
..That was Ned Beatty.
- Oh, yeah.

24
00:02:10,852 --> 00:02:14,535
- I watched that movie 7 times.
- Me too.

25
00:02:14,535 --> 00:02:15,535
Me too.

26
00:02:16,524 --> 00:02:19,940
- "Squeal like a pig, boy."
- Yeah.

27
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Spit! Cool.

28
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,417
- That's cool.
- Yeah.

29
00:02:32,001 --> 00:02:34,888
- Woah, fat people!
- Yeah, yeah.

30
00:02:36,299 --> 00:02:39,293
- They don't have enough fat people in videos.
- Yeah

31
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And more spit in videos.

32
00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:46,242
- Like people hacking loogies
- Yeah, yeah.

33
00:02:46,729 --> 00:02:50,000
- More spit and more fat people.
- Yeah.

34
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,359
- Fat people are cool.
- Yeah.

35
00:03:19,001 --> 00:03:20,000
*chainsaw revving*

36
00:03:21,884 --> 00:03:25,939
Okay, I'd like to remind everybody
that I am a professional, okay?

37
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,739
So, don't try this at home.

38
00:03:32,001 --> 00:03:35,000
Hey, sorry folks, they
told me my time is up.

39
00:03:35,001 --> 00:03:38,000
Y'all have been great. Thanks.

40
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:43,000
Okay. How about it for Wild Dog Bill, huh?

41
00:03:44,001 --> 00:03:49,493
Okay. Our next comedian is a young man.
In fact he is really young.

42
00:03:49,518 --> 00:03:54,517
He calls himself Butthole.
Let's hear it for him!

43
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:01,000
Uhhh

44
00:04:02,001 --> 00:04:05,110
What's green and red and
goes 100 miles an hour?

45
00:04:08,071 --> 00:04:11,000
Uhh.. a frog in a blender.

46
00:04:11,782 --> 00:04:13,760
- Get it?
- Yeah.

47
00:04:16,399 --> 00:04:19,193
Uh.. okay.

48
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,193
Here's one.

49
00:04:22,516 --> 00:04:26,366
How do you keep a moron in suspence?

50
00:04:33,001 --> 00:04:34,597
Uhh..

51
00:04:34,597 --> 00:04:35,717
..I don't know

52
00:04:41,922 --> 00:04:43,921
This is cool.

53
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:46,847
Uhh.. so..

54
00:04:46,847 --> 00:04:48,730
..this guy says to the bartender..

55
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:52,977
"i'll bet you 50 dollars I can pee in that
glass and you'll clean it up laughing."

56
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,000
*audience booing*

57
00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:58,308
No, wait. I mean he says

58
00:04:58,308 --> 00:05:00,774
"i'll bet you can pee in this..." uhh

59
00:05:02,192 --> 00:05:02,977
No way..

60
00:05:03,235 --> 00:05:08,234
..he pees on the bar and pays
these people at the table to clean it up.

61
00:05:09,036 --> 00:05:09,843
No way.

62
00:05:12,001 --> 00:05:14,481
Are you gonna finish all those nachos?

63
00:05:15,228 --> 00:05:17,227
Can I have some?

64
00:05:17,376 --> 00:05:18,375
-[audience] Get off!

65
00:05:19,001 --> 00:05:23,000
- Is that what she said?
- Okay, how about it for Butthole?

66
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:29,555
Hey, wait a minute folks. Don't leave yet.
We're just getting started.

67
00:05:29,688 --> 00:05:34,687
We've got a great act up next.
His name is Beavis.

68
00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:39,508
This guy is fantastic.
Let's hear it for him.

69
00:05:47,641 --> 00:05:50,640
You ever wonder why so much stuff sucks?

70
00:05:54,914 --> 00:05:59,913
Sometimes I look at these
little straws and I go "this sucks".

71
00:06:02,001 --> 00:06:03,730
This is cool!

72
00:06:10,758 --> 00:06:13,807
One thing about a gym class..

73
00:06:14,432 --> 00:06:15,432
..it sucks!

74
00:06:17,524 --> 00:06:18,812
Okay..

75
00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,684
..now I'm gonna like.. juggle.

76
00:06:20,812 --> 00:06:22,616
Go for it, Beavis.

77
00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:25,000
This is gonna be cool.

78
00:06:45,001 --> 00:06:48,609
- This is mall music.
- Yeah.

79
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:52,376
She has to play in the
mall, because she sucks.

80
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,412
Yeah.

81
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:06,062
Hey, Beavis..

82
00:07:06,062 --> 00:07:10,606
Who do you think would win in a fight
between Tiffany and Debby Gibson?

83
00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:14,268
Debby Gibson would kick her butt.

84
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:21,000
She should join a
gang like Wilson Phillips.

85
00:07:22,357 --> 00:07:26,446
Who do you think would win in a fight
between Wilson Phillips and The Bangles?

86
00:07:29,001 --> 00:07:31,076
Uhhhh..

87
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,943
..you're the expert, Beavis.

88
00:07:33,896 --> 00:07:34,977
Shut up, Butthead.

89
00:07:35,678 --> 00:07:40,001
One chick from L7 could
kick all their asses combined.

90
00:07:40,695 --> 00:07:42,694
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

91
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:50,000
Woah, cool, fire, fire, fire!

92
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:54,641
What's wrong with you, Beavis? This sucks.

93
00:07:55,001 --> 00:07:57,673
Just because you have fire in
your video doesn't mean you're cool.

94
00:07:57,673 --> 00:08:00,714
Yeah, but the fire itself is pretty cool.

95
00:08:01,001 --> 00:08:05,000
- No way, Beavis! Vince Neil was a wuss.
- Oh, yeah.

96
00:08:10,001 --> 00:08:15,000
- Molly Cruz fired this dude.
- Yeah, he fired it.

97
00:08:15,102 --> 00:08:16,101
Fire, fire, fire!

98
00:08:16,993 --> 00:08:20,303
Tommy Lee should've
shove drumstick up his butt.

99
00:08:20,303 --> 00:08:22,936
Yeah, yeah. That would be cool.

100
00:08:25,523 --> 00:08:28,100
Woah!

101
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:31,364
that chick's got middle
pointy things on her boobs.

102
00:08:33,563 --> 00:08:36,562
- That's pretty cool.
- Yeah.

103
00:08:46,001 --> 00:08:50,000
She's a knock down, 
drag it out, lick it up, do it again.

104
00:08:50,262 --> 00:08:51,637
What does that mean?

105
00:08:51,637 --> 00:08:53,317
Who writes this crap?

106
00:08:55,485 --> 00:08:56,584
Yeah, it sucks.

107
00:09:06,501 --> 00:09:09,000
- We're pretty funny, huh, Beavis.
- Yeah.

108
00:09:12,829 --> 00:09:14,828
We should be on TV.

109
00:09:16,946 --> 00:09:19,531
How come that clubowner
dude didn't like us?

110
00:09:20,218 --> 00:09:21,658
Maybe he's stupid.

111
00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:23,497
Yeah

112
00:09:24,305 --> 00:09:27,205
..not everybody can be cool like us.
- Oh yeah.

113
00:09:34,376 --> 00:09:36,375
- Trees.
- Yeah.

114
00:09:37,376 --> 00:09:41,375
I don't think I shall ever see
anything as stupid as a tree.

115
00:09:49,868 --> 00:09:51,859
Do you like her hair
up or down, Beavis?

116
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,827
I think with this particular
outfit it looks better up.

117
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:12,446
Do you think it's this band is 
playing in the forest..

118
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:15,112
and a tree fell on him, cause they suck?

119
00:10:16,727 --> 00:10:19,419
Do you think anybody
would be there?

120
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:22,256
No one would hear 'em..
because they would be dead.

121
00:10:23,992 --> 00:10:27,974
Yeah, but what if like, the tree fell
and hit a couple of them and then..

122
00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:30,964
..hey, Beavis. What are your
hands doing in your pocket?

123
00:10:32,625 --> 00:10:34,535
I'm just looking for my lighter.

124
00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:36,344
Uh, uh..

125
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,681
..you've been looking for about 15 minutes.
- Yeah.

126
00:10:39,305 --> 00:11:39,913
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