WASHING THE DOG
Okay. Comfy, Mr. Swinerton?
Oh, yes, I'm fine. I'm...
That guy is old.
You're just being nice to my rich husband
so he'll put you in his will.
Tune in tomorrow for another episode of "The Rich And The Horny".
Hey Butt-Head, do we know any old guys?
Mr. Anderson.
Yeah.
We're there.
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Hey Mr. Anderson, are you gonna die pretty soon?
Yeah, and leave all your money to someone?
That would be cool.
Boys, every man faces death.
Lord knows I've faced it many times.
I took lead at Anzio.
I was napalmed in Korea.
And boy, that little filly in Paris
put an awful strain on my ticker, I tell you what.
On your what?
Yep boys, I've arm-wrestled with death all my life.
But it's been a good life,
and when the Grim Reaper comes a-knockin',
this van will stop rocking.
So, are you gonna die soon?
- Yes boys, I'm afraid it's inevitable. - Cool.
So... you got any, like, chores you want us to do?
Yeah. We won't charge you nothing.
Well, that's mighty nice of you boys. Let's see here.
Well, you could give Colette here a bath.
She ain't been feeling well lately.
She's been rolling around in her own sick.
Smells like teen spirit.
Smells like your butt.
Okay dude, we'll be back.
- This is gonna be cool. - Yeah.
- What's with all these squares? - Yeah.
Orange squares suck.
If I wanted to learn about geometry, I'd go to school.
Geometry's not about squares. It's about triangles and stuff.
- I meant advanced geometry. - Yeah.
These guys sure got wimpy.
Shut up, fartknocker! These guys are cool!
Oh yeah.
- Check out this old dude. - Yeah.
Hey old dude, there is a duck after you.
- That wasn't funny, Beavis. - Oh yeah.
Check it out, there is something cool coming up.
Yeah.
That's not it.
- That's not it. - Yeah, that's not it.
- That's it! - Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah.
That's cool.
- That's it again! - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah.
It says "load".
Hey Butt-Head, these things cost money.
That sucks!
Boys, would you do me a favor
and watch my laundry while I go to the store?
Are you gonna die pretty soon?
I'm sorry son, I can't hear you. You'll have to speak up.
Never mind. We'll watch your stuff.
Look, an old lady's panties.
It's a poodle. Set it on "delicate".
This is gonna be cool.
- Washing the dog! Washing the dog! - Washing the dog! Washing the dog!
You think she's clean yet?
Yeah. Take her out.
Whoa! Check it out, she's stoned.
Yeah.
Whoa.
- Hey! - Cool.
Hey Beavis,
I just made my pants dirtier.
Hey, look out the window.
Those people can see us.
Yeah.
To them, my face looks like a sock.
I barfed on the dog.
I barfed on you.
That was cool.
Let's go.
Doing chores wipes me out.
You said "wipe".
Yes!
It's about time they play something cool.
Yeah.
This guy kicks-ass!
- This guy looks like Jesus. - Yeah.
Christ is cool.
Whoa, Seattle kicks-ass!
Yeah. Is everybody in Seattle cool?
Yeah, if you go to Seattle anybody you see is cool.
- We should go, dude. - Yeah, yeah.
That's that dude from the Spin Doctors.
He jams with Soundgarden sometimes.
She smells worse than when I gave her to you.
I don't smell nothing.
We used a special new dog detergent,
lemon scented chunks.
Well, detergent ain't enough, boys.
You gotta use good old elbow grease.
We used,
stomach grease.
You know, it's like the story of the two frogs
who fell in a pan of boiling milk.
One of them said: "I'm done for", and he gave up and died.
The other one started flapping his little froggy arms,
flapping his arms, flapping his arms,
'till finally he was standing on a big chunk of cheese.
Whoa! We gotta try that.
Yeah. Got any milk?
All's I'm saying is, you boys have to get up off your butts
and work harder.
Hey, it was free, ass wipe.
That's it. Get your worthless hides off my property
and don't ever come back.
Okay, but,
we got just one question.
Get out!
Can we be in your will?
Hey Beavis,
- where's Vanilli? - Yeah.
That is Vanilli. Where is Milli?
Set me free, Beavis.
Set me free.
Hey Butt-Head, change it or kill me.
That's Billy Idol?
This is a story.
Yeah.
The story is:
"Once upon a time, Fonzie dyed his hair blond,
- and got on his motorcycle". - Yeah.
And, uhh... uh,
then he started singing, and this woman dropped this TV out of her window.
No way. Then he got in a motorcycle accident.
And there was blood. The end.
Whoa! It's that Weird Al dude!
- There's gonna be a fight? - Yeah.
It's gonna be one of those girl fights.
Fight! Fight!
Whoa! He's gonna get some 'cause he's Weird Al.
Yeah.
If you're famous, all you have to do is just walk up to chicks and say:
- "Give me some". - Yeah.
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