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[GROANS]
2
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Parenting is exhausting.
3
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You're tired because you
were up until 5:00 in the morning
4
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playing a game on your phone.
5
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It's not a game.
It's a realistic pizza parlor simulator.
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[SCOFFS] It's very
different, there's no winning.
7
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Then why do you play?
8
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To ear pizza points
to get better toppings.
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What's up, Peralta?
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PERALTA: Hey, Trudy Judy and Dog Judy.
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What's going on?
Are you puppy sitting for Doug?
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Well, I was, but I need
you to take him for me,
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because I'm going on a
little vacay, and let's just say
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there's going to be some activities
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that aren't suitable for a little dog.
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Mmm!
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Like parasailing.
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Thought you were building to
something much more sexual.
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Nope. Just really pumped for parasailing.
20
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Also, there's gonna be a lot of [BLEEP].
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But the dog's okay with that. Here.
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Oh! As much as we would love to take
of this extremely un-neutered animal,
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we can't, because I'm too allergic.
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Wait, why isn't Doug Judy
taking care of Dog Judy?
25
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Is he out of town or something?
26
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Oh, no! You didn't hear.
27
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Doug got arrested. He's going to prison.
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Wait, what?
29
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Doug got arrested. He's going to prison.
30
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Yeah, no, I heard you.
I was just processing.
31
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Aww. You wanna hug a dog?
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Oh, my God. It's like a third of him.
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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DOUG JUDY: Sup, Peralta?
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Hey, what's going on?
Why didn't you tell me you were in jail?
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Did you not want me to
find out who arrested you?
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Is there another cop in your life?
38
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No, none of these pigs mean jack to me.
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No of fence, Davin,
you've been great this week.
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I don't understand.
I thought you went straight.
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I did. I got a job, I have a wife.
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But the other day I was
driving to the new mega Target
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in South Orange, New Jersey,
44
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because they have 50% off
whole home mesh wireless systems.
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With a rebate? No.
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Discount taken at register.
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Oh, you gotta hit that.
48
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I know.
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But on my way over
there, a guy rear ended me,
50
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and the cops showed up.
Turns out had a warrant out for my arrest.
51
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But we wiped your criminal record.
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You wiped my New York record.
53
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I stole a car in Trenton five years ago.
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Well, you still should've called me.
I could've helped you out.
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Wouldn't have mattered.
There's a lot of evidence against me.
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I left a picture of me at
the scene of the crime
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with a note bragging about how I did it.
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Ah. Well…
Yes, that would make it difficult.
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Impossible. They're moving me
to South Woods Prison tomorrow.
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Tomorrow? I know.
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But you know what really bums me out?
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I had no warning.
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Only wish I had known
it was gonna happen,
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so I could have one last moment
of joy before I get taken to jail.
65
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But alas. 'Tis not to be.
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Wait a minute. What if it 'tis to be?
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What if I drive you to prison?
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We could have one more adventure.
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Honestly, Jake, I don't
see how it's possible
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to have fun on a trip to prison.
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Yeah. It sucks.
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But…
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I don't know, maybe for just a few
hours you could focus on the journey.
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And not the destination.
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Focus on the journey,
not the destination.
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I like that.
Did you steal it from a car commercial?
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No, it was an Instagram
ad for a travel bidet.
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Look, I know it's not perfect,
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but if you say yes,
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I promise I will plan
some sexy-ass surprises.
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How sexy we talking?
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How sexy you got?
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Is that a '79 Pontiac Trans Am?
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Sexy-ass surprise number one.
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We're riding in style.
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Can't believe the
Department of Corrections
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was cool with you taking
your friend to prison.
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Well, I can be very persuasive.
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I got the guy and his family a 6-day
pass to Pirate's Cove Waterpark.
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So many days in the water.
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The family is gonna be pruney.
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Yeah, it wasn't a good bribe.
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Well, let's hit the road.
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Before we do that,
there's another surprise.
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But I'm gonna need your
hands free for this one.
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Whoa, wait. You got a pen?
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I wanna show you a little
trick I learned from a magician
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who, for legal purposes,
shall remain nameless,
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but is unquestionably
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a mind freak.
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[WHISPERS] Cries Angel.
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I can neither confirm nor deny. Bam!
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Your cuffs and your pen, sir.
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That was incredibly fast.
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Consider my mind freaked.
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On that note, it is time
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for sexy-ass surprise number two.
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A classic Jake and Judy outfit change.
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[BOTH VOCALIZING]
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I'm feeling this print.
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I thought you might.
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We got tigers and toucans.
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Tigers and toucs!
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Ooh. And now for the piece de resistance.
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[CHUCKLES EXCITEDLY]
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A little French.
I like where this is going.
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Et voilà.
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"PB and & J"?
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Pontiac Bandit and Jake
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go together like peanut butter and jelly.
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It's never coming off.
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Except in a couple of hours when I
have to check into prison for five years.
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Bup-bup-bup.
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Journey, not the destination.
It's never coming off.
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That's the spirit. Let's ride.
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Mind if I DJ? I was counting on it.
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Bust out those banging
bat mitzvah beats, bruv.
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Let's see what you've got.
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Kendrick Lamar, Meek Mill.
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Really a lot of Taylor Swift.
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I'm over her.
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I barely even memorized
all the lyrics to Folklore.
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What's SAF30?
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I'm glad you asked, mon frère.
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That track is sexy ass
surprise number three.
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[LAUGHS] Ooh!
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Okay, so I know this audio engineer,
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who's friend with a guy,
who's roommates with a guy,
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who gets lunch for a guy,
who's friends with a guy,
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who knows Drake.
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And he laid down a beat
for us to write a song to.
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Drake laid down a beat for us?
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What? No, no, the friend did.
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The Drake thing was just
to establish his credentials.
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And it worked!
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That dude's like six
parts removed from Drake.
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He's the real deal. Mm.
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[HIP-HOP INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
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Uh. Uh.
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Lot of room for "Uhs." I like that.
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I thought you would.
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♪ Doug and Jake rollin' down the street ♪
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♪ PB&J, a tasty li'l treat ♪
154
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♪ Two cool dudes makin'
sandals for your feet ♪
155
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What? I was going for the rhyme.
156
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But now I kinda feel
like it's a good idea.
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Love it.
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♪ Making sandals that last
Is our ideology ♪
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♪ Made real by our patented
strapless technology. ♪ It's magnets
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Okay!
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♪ Yo! You can wear 'em, on the beach ♪
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♪ Wear 'em on a hike ♪
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♪ Wear em on a Peloton exercise bike ♪
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BOTH: ♪ Doug and Jake, two best friends ♪
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♪ With the premium
open-toed shoes for men ♪
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[GRUNTS]
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That was crazy!
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We never even rehearsed it.
Just did it perfectly.
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It was like Jackson Maine and Ally.
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I call Ally. Aww, I wanted Ally.
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Okay. It's time for sexy-ass
surprise number four.
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Let me ask you this.
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If you could eat any meal
on earth, what would it be?
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Cheeseburger Cracker-flavored Combos,
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Philly cheese steaks from Pat's,
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Popeyes' biscuits, McDonald's fries,
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Wendy's nuggets, Sonic tots,
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fountain Coke, and of course,
my mama's sweet potato pie.
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Oh.
Wow, that's actually a very tall order.
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Which I completely filled!
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What! You smorgasborded it?
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I smorgasborded it!
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[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]
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You know what this calls for?
What's that?
185
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Foot slap!
186
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Whoo! Whoo!
187
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How did you find
Cheeseburger Cracker Combos?
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Weren't they discontinued?
Tell me the whole story.
189
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A bodega in Queens had an old box.
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Wow. Yeah.
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Kinda makes me sad though.
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How come?
One day it's out in the world, thriving,
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and then poof,
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it's pulled off the streets.
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Well, I mean, it's not
like it's gone forever.
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You know, it'll be
back in circulation soon.
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Maybe.
198
00:06:29,145 --> 00:06:31,439
But sometimes when a
product is taken off the shelves,
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it never returns.
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It's gonna be okay. I promise
I'll visit the Combos every month.
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Combos will be very grateful for that.
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00:06:38,737 --> 00:06:40,447
They're lucky to have a friend like you.
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00:06:40,531 --> 00:06:41,991
[HORN TOOTING]
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00:06:44,909 --> 00:06:46,702
Charles? Yeah.
205
00:06:46,786 --> 00:06:48,496
What are you doing? What are you doing?
206
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:51,624
Why are you alone with a criminal
who's escaped you multiple times?
207
00:06:51,708 --> 00:06:52,957
Seems like a loaded question.
208
00:06:53,041 --> 00:06:54,125
That's not even half my load.
209
00:06:54,209 --> 00:06:56,127
Okay. Oh, my God. I'm too late.
210
00:06:56,211 --> 00:06:58,379
You're already seduced
by Doug Judy's wiles.
211
00:06:58,463 --> 00:07:00,714
Okay, I appreciate the
concern, but Doug has changed.
212
00:07:00,798 --> 00:07:02,883
This was an old crime and
he's already owned up to it.
213
00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:04,051
He's not trying to escape.
214
00:07:04,135 --> 00:07:05,302
He's already out of his handcuffs.
215
00:07:05,386 --> 00:07:07,137
Just so that we could do
our sweet-ass outfit change.
216
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Tigers and Toucans!
217
00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:11,265
Obviously, they're fantastic. But Jake,
218
00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:13,476
by trusting him, you're
putting your job on the line,
219
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,394
which means you're also
putting my job on the line.
220
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,937
How so? Because if you get fired,
221
00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:19,397
I will swim out into the ocean
until I'm too tired to swim back,
222
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:21,274
and I will sink to the bottom
and then I won't have a job.
223
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,901
Oh, my God.
Well, I'm already driving him to prison,
224
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,694
so there's nothing I can do about it now.
225
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:26,905
Oh, yes, there is.
226
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,864
Welcome to the Boyle Bus.
227
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,449
Why we getting into this wack ride?
228
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:32,951
Charles refuses to accept
what close friends we are.
229
00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:34,285
He thinks you're trying to escape,
230
00:07:34,369 --> 00:07:36,162
and that your crew's on
the lookout for the Trans Am,
231
00:07:36,246 --> 00:07:38,498
so he insisted we switch
into his weird family bus.
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DOUG JUDY: That's ridiculous.
233
00:07:39,916 --> 00:07:42,000
Isn't it?
It doesn't matter what vehicle we're in.
234
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That's what I said.
I'm gonna escape from you either way.
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Exactly. Wait, what was that?
236
00:07:48,131 --> 00:07:49,131
PERALTA: I still don't understand.
237
00:07:49,215 --> 00:07:50,258
What do you mean you're escaping?
238
00:07:50,342 --> 00:07:51,634
DOUG JUDY: Sorry, bro.
Plan's already in motion.
239
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Trudy came to you, you took the bait.
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Come on.
241
00:07:54,095 --> 00:07:56,096
If you were really trying to
escape, why would you tell me?
242
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:58,515
Honestly? I didn't like lying to you.
You're a good friend.
243
00:07:58,599 --> 00:08:00,642
Well, if I'm such a good friend, why
are you trying to escape from me?
244
00:08:00,726 --> 00:08:01,935
I'm not trying to escape from you,
245
00:08:02,019 --> 00:08:03,270
I'm trying to escape from prison.
246
00:08:03,354 --> 00:08:05,145
Let me ask you this.
Do you know why I stole that car?
247
00:08:05,229 --> 00:08:06,814
Because you love doing crimes?
248
00:08:06,898 --> 00:08:08,774
That's me directly
quoting your catchphrase.
249
00:08:08,858 --> 00:08:10,734
First of all, my catchphrase
is, "Slurp, Slurp."
250
00:08:10,818 --> 00:08:11,860
You've never once said that.
251
00:08:11,944 --> 00:08:13,820
I say it constantly. Second of all,
252
00:08:13,904 --> 00:08:16,406
me loving crime is classic empty bravado.
253
00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:19,659
The truth is, I was arrested when
I was 22 for something stupid.
254
00:08:19,743 --> 00:08:21,076
When I got out, nobody would hire me,
255
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:22,870
because I had a criminal record.
256
00:08:22,954 --> 00:08:25,539
My dreams of being a landscape
architect went out the window.
257
00:08:25,623 --> 00:08:28,124
That was your dream? I wanted to
be the black Edward Scissorhands.
258
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,709
-[WHISPERS] Oh, that's great.
-PERALTA: I get all that.
259
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:30,918
But that's not what this is about.
260
00:08:31,002 --> 00:08:32,253
I mean, you could've escaped from anyone,
261
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:33,671
but you chose to set me up.
262
00:08:33,755 --> 00:08:36,105
And now, my job and my
name are all on the line.
263
00:08:36,215 --> 00:08:38,174
You used me, Doug. You're a bad friend.
264
00:08:38,258 --> 00:08:40,260
You're the bad friend.
I got you a tracksuit.
265
00:08:40,344 --> 00:08:41,344
Tigers and toucs.
266
00:08:41,428 --> 00:08:43,728
Might as well be a jumpsuit.
A prison jumpsuit.
267
00:08:43,846 --> 00:08:45,139
You're taking me to prison.
268
00:08:45,223 --> 00:08:47,683
The fact that you thought I'd go
willingly means you don't know me at all.
269
00:08:47,767 --> 00:08:49,852
Oh, please. I know everything about you.
270
00:08:49,936 --> 00:08:50,978
You didn't know my catchphrase.
271
00:08:51,062 --> 00:08:53,146
You have never once said,
"Slurp, Slurp," before today.
272
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:55,106
That you believe that is so hurtful.
273
00:08:55,190 --> 00:08:57,984
Okay. Well, there's clearly
only one way to settle this.
274
00:08:58,068 --> 00:08:59,611
Ignore him and take
him directly to prison.
275
00:08:59,695 --> 00:09:01,153
A high-stakes trivia contest
276
00:09:01,237 --> 00:09:02,404
to decide who's the better friend.
277
00:09:02,488 --> 00:09:03,614
BOYLE: What? If I win,
278
00:09:03,698 --> 00:09:05,032
you agree not to try and escape.
279
00:09:05,116 --> 00:09:06,700
But if I win, you agree to let me go.
280
00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:08,451
-Deal.
-BOYLE: It's a bad idea.
281
00:09:08,535 --> 00:09:10,202
I cannot let you take this risk, Jake.
282
00:09:10,286 --> 00:09:11,954
It'll just be like game night
at the Camden Senior Center.
283
00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:13,164
You can be Estelle Minderman.
284
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,498
She's my favorite emcee.
285
00:09:14,582 --> 00:09:15,709
Damn it, I'm in!
286
00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:17,209
-[HORN HONKING]
-Charles!
287
00:09:18,002 --> 00:09:19,878
The name of the game is
called, "Who Knows Mo?
288
00:09:19,962 --> 00:09:22,130
"Friend or Foe?
Are You for Real, or Just For Show?"
289
00:09:22,214 --> 00:09:23,548
-A little wordy.
-BOYLE: Each contestant
290
00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:25,674
will answer and ask
ten personal questions.
291
00:09:25,758 --> 00:09:27,551
Whoever gets the most correct answers,
292
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,345
will be crowned the better friend.
293
00:09:29,429 --> 00:09:31,804
Also there is that whole
going to prison or not thing.
294
00:09:31,888 --> 00:09:33,514
America can't relate to
the prison stuff, it's too real.
295
00:09:33,598 --> 00:09:35,391
It's a game about friendship.
296
00:09:35,475 --> 00:09:37,144
And may the better friend win.
297
00:09:37,352 --> 00:09:40,229
Jake, you will ask the first question.
Begin.
298
00:09:40,980 --> 00:09:42,648
What is my middle name?
299
00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:44,942
You tell people it's
Zach, but it's really Jeffery.
300
00:09:45,026 --> 00:09:47,027
No, it's Zach. Like Zach Morris.
301
00:09:47,111 --> 00:09:48,110
Point for Doug.
302
00:09:48,194 --> 00:09:50,988
What is the name of the alter
ego I use for fancy crimes?
303
00:09:51,072 --> 00:09:53,324
Lord Poncy Cumbershot.
304
00:09:53,408 --> 00:09:54,784
'Tis correct. Point for Jake.
305
00:09:54,868 --> 00:09:57,035
What is my favorite Knicks memory?
306
00:09:57,119 --> 00:09:58,578
When they fired Phil Jackson.
307
00:09:58,662 --> 00:10:00,205
Mm, yeah.
308
00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:01,414
That was a good day.
309
00:10:01,498 --> 00:10:03,249
What's the most embarrassing
thing that has ever happened to me?
310
00:10:03,333 --> 00:10:05,709
Oh, when you were cut out of
that season of Real Housewives
311
00:10:05,793 --> 00:10:07,670
where you were dating Ramona.
I wasn't embarrassed.
312
00:10:07,754 --> 00:10:09,838
I was just disappointed in
the way it was handled. Yeah.
313
00:10:09,922 --> 00:10:12,256
What is my least favorite word?
314
00:10:12,340 --> 00:10:14,801
Buttress. It just makes me
picture a mattress with a butt.
315
00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:16,678
What is my least favorite thing?
316
00:10:16,762 --> 00:10:19,138
Meringue. Because it looks
so much better than it tastes.
317
00:10:19,222 --> 00:10:20,222
It's a trick food!
318
00:10:21,766 --> 00:10:22,766
Doug's up by one.
319
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:25,769
Jake, you need to answer the final
question correctly, otherwise he wins.
320
00:10:25,853 --> 00:10:27,396
Doug, lay it on him.
321
00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:32,317
Mm. Jake Peralta, do I have an earring?
322
00:10:33,568 --> 00:10:34,736
Um…
323
00:10:35,528 --> 00:10:36,528
What? You heard me.
324
00:10:36,612 --> 00:10:38,071
We've been in the car for three hours,
325
00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:40,032
you've known me for seven years.
326
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:43,535
Do I have an earring?
327
00:10:43,785 --> 00:10:45,635
Oh, no. I'm drawing a blank. [GRUNTS]
328
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,830
I can kind of picture a diamond stud.
329
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:49,331
That'd be a good look. Or maybe
330
00:10:49,415 --> 00:10:50,916
a gold cross, or a little hoop?
331
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,458
I do have versatile ears.
332
00:10:52,542 --> 00:10:55,169
Now I'm just seeing it
pretty clearly with no earring.
333
00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:56,796
Argh, this is hard.
334
00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:58,799
But I'm gonna go with my gut and say
335
00:10:59,466 --> 00:11:00,866
yes, you do have an earring.
336
00:11:02,343 --> 00:11:03,552
Nothing but lobe?
337
00:11:03,636 --> 00:11:06,180
This whole time? Since the day we met.
338
00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:08,814
I guess I know you better after all.
339
00:11:09,808 --> 00:11:12,226
Or… do you?
340
00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:13,561
Wait, why are you smiling?
341
00:11:13,645 --> 00:11:15,522
Because, we played you.
342
00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:17,355
If you actually knew me,
343
00:11:17,439 --> 00:11:18,982
you would've known
that I only agreed to do
344
00:11:19,066 --> 00:11:21,401
"Who Knows Mo? Friend or Foe?
Are You for Real, or Just For Show?"
345
00:11:21,485 --> 00:11:22,527
In order to stall.
346
00:11:22,611 --> 00:11:23,610
I was in on it.
347
00:11:23,694 --> 00:11:26,613
Estelle Minderman is the code
word we use for when there's a twist.
348
00:11:26,697 --> 00:11:29,199
Because when Estelle hosts
game night at the senior center,
349
00:11:29,283 --> 00:11:33,036
she always makes sure one
of the games has a sexy twist.
350
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:35,079
PERALTA: And when I was
writing my answers into my phone,
351
00:11:35,163 --> 00:11:37,165
I was secretly texting Captain Holt
352
00:11:37,249 --> 00:11:39,000
our vehicle description and location.
353
00:11:39,084 --> 00:11:40,626
Backup is already on the way.
354
00:11:41,669 --> 00:11:43,462
Wait. Why are you smiling now?
355
00:11:43,546 --> 00:11:44,629
Because I played you.
356
00:11:44,713 --> 00:11:46,465
I knew you would text for backup.
357
00:11:46,549 --> 00:11:48,507
So I changed your
contacts while I was DJing.
358
00:11:48,591 --> 00:11:50,676
Kendrick Lamar, Meek Mills.
359
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,136
Really a lot of Taylor Swift.
360
00:11:52,220 --> 00:11:53,637
So when you were texting Captain Holt,
361
00:11:53,721 --> 00:11:55,889
you were actually texting Trudy Judy.
362
00:11:55,973 --> 00:11:59,267
State troopers are on their way.
Sincerely, Raymond Holt.
363
00:11:59,351 --> 00:12:01,186
Now my crew knows exactly where we are,
364
00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:02,854
and exactly what we're driving.
365
00:12:02,938 --> 00:12:05,523
Because I know you more.
366
00:12:06,274 --> 00:12:07,316
Slurp, Slurp.
367
00:12:11,653 --> 00:12:12,653
BOYLE: What do we do?
368
00:12:12,737 --> 00:12:14,072
We can't outrun Doug's men.
369
00:12:14,156 --> 00:12:15,573
Boyle Bus tops out at 50.
370
00:12:15,657 --> 00:12:17,200
Shh. I'm calling Holt for help.
371
00:12:17,284 --> 00:12:18,409
-[LINE RINGING]
-Go for Trudy.
372
00:12:18,493 --> 00:12:19,576
Oh, damn it!
373
00:12:19,660 --> 00:12:20,952
Yeah, I changed all the numbers.
374
00:12:21,036 --> 00:12:22,886
Come on. Charles, give me your phone.
375
00:12:23,998 --> 00:12:25,082
All right, all right.
376
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:26,875
-[LINE RINGING]
-Peralta, what's going on?
377
00:12:26,959 --> 00:12:27,958
PERALTA: Sir, I need your help.
378
00:12:28,042 --> 00:12:30,628
Doug Judy tricked me, and
now his crew knows our location
379
00:12:30,712 --> 00:12:31,879
and are on their way to help him escape.
380
00:12:31,963 --> 00:12:33,297
Hey, Captain Holt. Doug says hi.
381
00:12:33,381 --> 00:12:35,590
How many times have I
warned you not to trust that man?
382
00:12:35,674 --> 00:12:36,716
A lot of times.
383
00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:38,885
But honestly, you tell
me not to things so often
384
00:12:38,969 --> 00:12:40,512
I kinda just tune it out.
385
00:12:40,596 --> 00:12:41,805
If Doug Judy escapes,
386
00:12:41,889 --> 00:12:43,722
I can't help you. You will be fired.
387
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:44,807
Okay, I know I messed up.
388
00:12:44,891 --> 00:12:46,183
Can you at least get us some backup?
389
00:12:46,267 --> 00:12:47,518
Send me a pin of your location.
390
00:12:47,602 --> 00:12:49,061
I'll have state troopers
rendezvous with you.
391
00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:50,687
Do Judy's men know what you're driving?
392
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:54,900
Yes, they… No, not for long.
393
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,567
What the hell is this?
394
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:58,820
This is the front of a Galaxie 500,
395
00:12:58,904 --> 00:13:00,028
welded to the back of a Datsun,
396
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,613
with half its windows and no trunk.
397
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:02,697
It's all I could afford.
398
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:04,241
You really think you're going
to make it to the prison in that?
399
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:06,076
Well, we only have 38 miles left.
400
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:09,495
So, sorry, Judy, but it looks
like I have the upper hand now.
401
00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:14,918
Door fell off.
402
00:13:16,376 --> 00:13:18,002
DOUG JUDY: So, what
do you wanna talk about?
403
00:13:18,086 --> 00:13:20,004
Nothing. We're not talking anymore.
404
00:13:20,088 --> 00:13:22,132
No. No phone call for you.
405
00:13:22,216 --> 00:13:23,216
She's calling for you.
406
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,092
Yeah, it was going to be
another fun road trip surprise.
407
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:27,052
But you don't deserve… 'Sup, Rosa?
408
00:13:27,136 --> 00:13:29,471
Judy, Judy, Judy…
409
00:13:29,555 --> 00:13:31,806
No, no. There's no singing for him now.
410
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,266
But you made me learn such a long song.
411
00:13:33,350 --> 00:13:34,934
It has 35 verses and no chorus.
412
00:13:35,018 --> 00:13:36,060
PERALTA: I know, I'm sorry.
413
00:13:36,144 --> 00:13:37,145
But plans have changed.
414
00:13:37,229 --> 00:13:38,552
Mm, let me guess. Doug wasn't excited
415
00:13:38,636 --> 00:13:40,272
about prison and now
he's trying to escape?
416
00:13:40,356 --> 00:13:41,481
You know it. Yes.
417
00:13:41,565 --> 00:13:43,108
[LAUGHING] Good luck, Doug.
418
00:13:43,609 --> 00:13:47,736
[LAUGHS] Thank you for planning that.
What's the next surprise?
419
00:13:47,820 --> 00:13:50,364
There isn't one. You ruined it.
There's no more fun.
420
00:13:50,448 --> 00:13:52,992
So that's how it is?
When it was gonna end with me in prison,
421
00:13:53,076 --> 00:13:54,243
we could have a good time.
422
00:13:54,327 --> 00:13:56,911
But now it's gonna end with
me riding off into the sunset,
423
00:13:56,995 --> 00:13:58,621
a free man, and we're all moody?
424
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:01,207
You're not escaping.
And if you did, I would lose my badge.
425
00:14:01,291 --> 00:14:02,917
Maybe it's for the best.
You'd make a dope realtor.
426
00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:04,251
I don't want to be a realtor.
427
00:14:04,335 --> 00:14:06,587
You're telling me you don't want
to sell a penthouse to Zayn Malik,
428
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,421
and then party with him afterwards?
429
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:09,715
[SCOFFS] I mean…
430
00:14:10,341 --> 00:14:11,341
That does sound kinda cool.
431
00:14:11,425 --> 00:14:13,009
Next thing you know, you're the go-to guy
432
00:14:13,093 --> 00:14:15,143
for all of One Direction's
property needs.
433
00:14:16,596 --> 00:14:19,098
No! There's too much tension
between Zayn and the others.
434
00:14:19,182 --> 00:14:20,182
You're selling me a pipe dream.
435
00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:23,059
All I'm saying is you're
more than just your job.
436
00:14:23,143 --> 00:14:25,520
It doesn't matter. It still doesn't
give you the right to get me fired.
437
00:14:25,604 --> 00:14:28,404
Honestly, seems like a small
price to pay for my freedom.
438
00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:31,150
Think about it. It's all I ask.
439
00:14:31,693 --> 00:14:33,402
-[SIREN BLARING]
-[SIGHS IN RELIEF]
440
00:14:33,486 --> 00:14:34,487
Finally.
441
00:14:34,821 --> 00:14:36,362
Captain Raymond
Holt called in for backup.
442
00:14:36,446 --> 00:14:37,864
We're supposed to
escort you to the prison.
443
00:14:37,948 --> 00:14:38,949
Copy that. Thanks.
444
00:14:39,074 --> 00:14:40,074
What are y'all wearing?
445
00:14:40,158 --> 00:14:42,744
Tigers and toucans. Yessir.
Tigers and toucans. Yessir.
446
00:14:42,828 --> 00:14:44,703
Interesting. And why isn't he cuffed?
447
00:14:44,787 --> 00:14:48,290
Don't worry about it. Peralta knows
I wouldn't physically overwhelm him.
448
00:14:48,374 --> 00:14:50,167
What's happening here is
more of a mental overwhelmsion.
449
00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:52,301
There's been no
overwhlemsion of any kind.
450
00:14:52,502 --> 00:14:55,254
And yet I just tricked you into
thinking overwhelmsion is a word.
451
00:14:55,338 --> 00:14:56,965
[SCOFFS] No.
452
00:14:57,215 --> 00:14:59,065
Stay in contact if you need anything.
453
00:14:59,217 --> 00:15:00,342
Thank you.
454
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:04,518
Hey, if we're not gonna talk,
can we at least play some music?
455
00:15:05,514 --> 00:15:06,556
[ACCORDION POLKA MUSIC PLAYING]
456
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:07,974
I can get with this.
457
00:15:08,433 --> 00:15:10,893
Oom-pah, oom-pah Oom-pah, oom-pah…
458
00:15:11,144 --> 00:15:12,228
What are you doing?
459
00:15:12,312 --> 00:15:14,480
Wow.
I can't have a diverse musical palate?
460
00:15:14,564 --> 00:15:16,814
I'm not sure what you're so happy about.
I have backup now.
461
00:15:16,898 --> 00:15:18,149
I'm choosing to focus
462
00:15:18,233 --> 00:15:20,026
on the journey, not the destination.
463
00:15:20,110 --> 00:15:21,236
Suit yourself.
464
00:15:21,403 --> 00:15:22,487
-Wait.
-[MUSIC STOPS]
465
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:24,029
Wait, this isn't part
of your plan, is it?
466
00:15:24,113 --> 00:15:25,656
Are the state troopers
actually your guys?
467
00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:27,532
Sounds like something I would do.
468
00:15:27,616 --> 00:15:29,916
I mean, how would you
even have contacted them?
469
00:15:30,286 --> 00:15:32,036
Unless somebody messed with Holt's phone.
470
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:33,246
Classic Doug.
471
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:34,372
No, that's crazy. You're just bluffing.
472
00:15:34,456 --> 00:15:35,498
Also classic Doug.
473
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:37,166
-[PHONE PINGS]
-GPS: Rerouting.
474
00:15:37,250 --> 00:15:38,251
PERALTA: Rerouting?
475
00:15:38,335 --> 00:15:40,252
It's probably nothing.
I'm sure we're going down a side road
476
00:15:40,336 --> 00:15:42,286
away from the prison for a good reason.
477
00:15:44,631 --> 00:15:45,966
Hey, this is Peralta.
478
00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:47,425
Why did you guys just turn?
Where are you going?
479
00:15:47,509 --> 00:15:49,459
OFFICER: This is the way to the prison.
480
00:15:50,887 --> 00:15:52,179
I'm heading into a trap, aren't I?
481
00:15:52,263 --> 00:15:53,681
Hard to say. But if those are your guys,
482
00:15:53,765 --> 00:15:54,932
what are they waiting for? Don't know.
483
00:15:55,016 --> 00:15:56,349
But if they're not your
guys, where are we going?
484
00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:57,883
Unclear. I'm calling Charles.
485
00:15:58,101 --> 00:15:59,602
-[LINE RINGING]
-What's up, Peralta?
486
00:15:59,686 --> 00:16:00,687
No!
487
00:16:01,313 --> 00:16:02,663
All right, Jake. Stay calm.
488
00:16:02,814 --> 00:16:03,939
This all makes sense.
489
00:16:04,023 --> 00:16:05,899
You called for backup, then
Holt said backup was coming,
490
00:16:05,983 --> 00:16:07,234
and now they're here.
These guys are real.
491
00:16:07,318 --> 00:16:09,069
If you can't trust them,
you can't trust anyone.
492
00:16:09,153 --> 00:16:11,030
You're right. That's good logic.
493
00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:12,947
I can't trust anyone.
494
00:16:14,491 --> 00:16:15,658
[TIRES SCREECHING]
495
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,622
Okay. We lost them.
496
00:16:22,831 --> 00:16:24,457
I gotta know.
Were they actually your guys?
497
00:16:24,541 --> 00:16:26,001
Nope. Damn it. I knew it.
498
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:28,377
Whatever. Doesn't matter anyway.
499
00:16:28,461 --> 00:16:30,254
We're almost there.
We're just taking a different route.
500
00:16:30,338 --> 00:16:32,756
GPS: At the next intersection, turn left.
501
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:33,966
Wait. This doesn't look right.
502
00:16:34,050 --> 00:16:36,592
Sure it does. We just took a
different route, like you said.
503
00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:38,052
Came in the back way.
504
00:16:38,136 --> 00:16:39,971
Yeah, but, prison should be visible.
505
00:16:40,055 --> 00:16:42,005
GPS: You have reached your destination.
506
00:16:43,974 --> 00:16:44,975
Uh-oh.
507
00:16:45,101 --> 00:16:47,060
[LAUGHS] Slurp, Slurp, Peralta.
508
00:16:47,144 --> 00:16:48,312
Slurp, Slurp!
509
00:16:48,396 --> 00:16:49,438
[SLURPS]
510
00:16:51,856 --> 00:16:53,482
I don't understand. How did this happen?
511
00:16:53,566 --> 00:16:55,359
Remember when I
switched out your contacts?
512
00:16:55,443 --> 00:16:57,904
I also changed the
destination on your GPS.
513
00:16:58,238 --> 00:17:00,322
So we've been driving to the
wrong place this whole time?
514
00:17:00,406 --> 00:17:02,324
Everything else was just a distraction?
515
00:17:02,408 --> 00:17:04,659
I wanted you to focus on the
journey, not the destination.
516
00:17:04,743 --> 00:17:06,786
-Oh.
-DOUG JUDY: Yeah. Got that from you.
517
00:17:06,870 --> 00:17:08,454
-Dumbass.
-DOUG JUDY: He's not a dumbass, Trudy.
518
00:17:08,538 --> 00:17:09,580
It was a brilliant plan.
519
00:17:09,664 --> 00:17:10,998
Yeah, hinged on him handing you his phone
520
00:17:11,082 --> 00:17:13,167
and not noticing that he
was driving directly to us.
521
00:17:13,251 --> 00:17:15,918
Yeah, but there was also
some mental misdirection.
522
00:17:16,002 --> 00:17:17,587
It was a bit of a chess match, it's true.
523
00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:19,672
Yeah. Chess match with a dumbass.
524
00:17:19,756 --> 00:17:21,883
All right, we gotta move.
Judys, you get in the SUV.
525
00:17:21,967 --> 00:17:23,267
I'll take care of the cop.
526
00:17:23,427 --> 00:17:25,260
What do you mean, "take care of him"?
527
00:17:25,344 --> 00:17:26,762
-Shoot him in the face.
-PERALTA: What!
528
00:17:26,846 --> 00:17:27,971
Doug, who are these guys?
529
00:17:28,055 --> 00:17:29,806
I don't know. Trudy, who are these guys?
530
00:17:29,890 --> 00:17:31,432
Well, you're old crew
split when you went legit.
531
00:17:31,516 --> 00:17:33,017
So I put an ad for goons on the Internet.
532
00:17:33,101 --> 00:17:34,226
TaskRabbit? Craigslist.
533
00:17:34,310 --> 00:17:36,270
Trudy! Never contact Craigslist crooks.
534
00:17:36,354 --> 00:17:37,605
He's a cop, he's seen our faces.
535
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,773
It's okay, he doesn't care about you.
He doesn't even know your name.
536
00:17:39,857 --> 00:17:41,483
It's Vince Thompson. Don't tell him.
537
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:43,068
Look, I'm just after Doug. That's it.
538
00:17:43,152 --> 00:17:44,527
Yeah. He's gonna forget all about you,
539
00:17:44,611 --> 00:17:46,237
guy whose name I can't even remember.
540
00:17:46,321 --> 00:17:47,404
It's Vince Michael Thompson.
541
00:17:47,488 --> 00:17:48,489
What is wrong with you?
542
00:17:48,573 --> 00:17:50,324
Look, you can let us do
what you hired us to do,
543
00:17:50,408 --> 00:17:52,242
or you can join your buddy in a ditch.
544
00:17:52,326 --> 00:17:53,476
DOUG JUDY: Fair enough.
545
00:17:53,578 --> 00:17:54,620
Fair enough. Enjoy the ditch, Jake.
546
00:17:54,704 --> 00:17:55,871
"Enjoy the ditch"?
547
00:17:56,288 --> 00:17:57,538
Those are your final words to me?
548
00:17:57,622 --> 00:18:00,522
Hey man, this is not a game.
And I'm not Estelle Minderman.
549
00:18:00,667 --> 00:18:02,717
Life is about choices, difficult choices.
550
00:18:02,836 --> 00:18:03,886
And sometimes… Now!
551
00:18:05,838 --> 00:18:07,839
All right. Nobody move.
Stay where you are.
552
00:18:07,923 --> 00:18:09,550
TRUDY: See you later, dumbass.
553
00:18:13,928 --> 00:18:14,929
I'll take the prisoner.
554
00:18:15,013 --> 00:18:16,764
Oh. Can you actually give me one second?
555
00:18:16,848 --> 00:18:19,766
Thanks. Look, Doug.
I'm sorry it's gotta be like this.
556
00:18:20,392 --> 00:18:21,935
If you're mad at me, I get it.
557
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:24,145
DOUG JUDY: I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at myself.
558
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:26,231
I should've never
become friends with a cop.
559
00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:27,773
I mean, how did I expect this to end?
560
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:30,234
[SIGHS] Well, regardless,
561
00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,278
thanks for saving me back there
with the Estelle Minderman thing.
562
00:18:33,362 --> 00:18:35,762
Wasn't gonna let them hurt you, Jake.
We're PB&J.
563
00:18:36,573 --> 00:18:37,741
We're PB&J.
564
00:18:39,534 --> 00:18:42,287
I wanna hug you, but… you're cuffed.
565
00:18:43,621 --> 00:18:44,830
You can hug me.
566
00:18:54,797 --> 00:18:56,382
[SIGHS] Okay.
567
00:18:57,675 --> 00:18:58,718
You can take him.
568
00:19:00,093 --> 00:19:01,094
I'll see you soon.
569
00:19:07,517 --> 00:19:08,976
Peralta. There's a call for you.
570
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,686
Oh, is it a casting
agent from Double Dare?
571
00:19:10,770 --> 00:19:13,105
I submitted as a kid. Maybe they're
finally calling to put me on the show.
572
00:19:13,189 --> 00:19:14,773
You think they'd be
calling 30 years later?
573
00:19:14,857 --> 00:19:16,774
All right, fine.
I also submitted to the reboot.
574
00:19:16,858 --> 00:19:17,859
It's not Double Dare.
575
00:19:17,943 --> 00:19:20,093
It's an inmate from
South Hill State Prison.
576
00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:22,781
Doug Judy.
577
00:19:25,533 --> 00:19:27,367
Hello? Hey, Peralta, what's good?
578
00:19:27,451 --> 00:19:29,703
Hey, Doug. Are you okay?
579
00:19:29,787 --> 00:19:32,204
I wanted you to know, and
I've been thinking about it a lot.
580
00:19:32,288 --> 00:19:35,041
I didn't mean what I said.
I'm glad I met you.
581
00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:36,792
Sure, it ended badly,
582
00:19:36,876 --> 00:19:38,752
but we had some good
times along the way, too.
583
00:19:38,836 --> 00:19:40,128
We went on a cruise together.
584
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:41,588
We flew on Mark Cuban's jet.
585
00:19:41,672 --> 00:19:43,965
We ate at a restaurant
next to Gail from Top Chef.
586
00:19:44,049 --> 00:19:46,801
And then you got so mad at
her about Last Chance Kitchen.
587
00:19:46,885 --> 00:19:50,053
I wasn't mad. I just think it's insane
that they make you go online to watch it.
588
00:19:50,137 --> 00:19:53,140
The point is, I wouldn't trade
those moments for anything.
589
00:19:53,474 --> 00:19:55,933
I'm choosing to focus on the journey.
590
00:19:56,017 --> 00:19:57,644
[MAN SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
591
00:19:57,936 --> 00:19:59,687
Wait a minute. What language was that?
592
00:19:59,771 --> 00:20:02,273
I don't know. Maybe Dutch.
There's a lot of that in here.
593
00:20:02,357 --> 00:20:04,733
You know how active the
Dutch mafia is in Jersey.
594
00:20:04,817 --> 00:20:06,569
Judy. Okay, fine.
595
00:20:06,902 --> 00:20:09,196
Surprise! I'm in Amsterdam.
596
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:10,822
I escaped from prison.
597
00:20:10,906 --> 00:20:12,698
My wife and I are
living the life here now.
598
00:20:12,782 --> 00:20:13,991
Amsterdam is great.
599
00:20:14,075 --> 00:20:16,285
Jake, they got universal healthcare,
600
00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:17,786
legalized marijuana,
601
00:20:17,870 --> 00:20:19,871
and the workers are
treated so much better,
602
00:20:19,955 --> 00:20:21,206
but you know what the best part is?
603
00:20:21,290 --> 00:20:22,665
That you're a free man again.
604
00:20:22,749 --> 00:20:23,959
No. Stroopwafels.
605
00:20:24,251 --> 00:20:26,419
They're like these wafer
cookies with caramel in between.
606
00:20:26,503 --> 00:20:28,754
Oh, yeah, I think I've
seen those at Trader Joe's.
607
00:20:28,838 --> 00:20:32,216
Well, look.
I guess I'm happy that you're happy.
608
00:20:32,508 --> 00:20:33,926
Well, I owe it all to you.
609
00:20:34,010 --> 00:20:35,551
What do you mean?
I think you know what I mean.
610
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:37,386
Uh, nope. No idea.
611
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:39,555
Really? Because after we hugged goodbye,
612
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,974
I noticed your pen was in my pocket.
613
00:20:42,058 --> 00:20:44,392
Oh. That's weird. It was?
614
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,978
Uh-huh.
And then I used it to mind freak myself
615
00:20:47,062 --> 00:20:49,564
out of my cuffs and then out of jail.
616
00:20:49,648 --> 00:20:52,983
Well, then I guess it's certainly
lucky that it ended up in your pocket.
617
00:20:53,067 --> 00:20:54,819
I wonder how it got there.
618
00:20:54,944 --> 00:20:57,905
Yeah, well… I guess we'll never know.
619
00:20:58,865 --> 00:21:01,867
Well, however it got
there, I'm glad it did.
620
00:21:03,285 --> 00:21:04,286
I love you, Peralta.
621
00:21:05,245 --> 00:21:06,246
I love you too, Judy.
622
00:21:06,330 --> 00:21:07,331
Tigers and toucs!
623
00:21:09,165 --> 00:21:10,499
[SOFTLY] Tigers and toucs.