1 00:00:05,987 --> 00:00:07,738 Jake, will you join me in Terry's office? 2 00:00:07,822 --> 00:00:09,824 Oh, private rendezvous, huh? 3 00:00:09,949 --> 00:00:11,158 This whole trying to make a baby thing 4 00:00:11,242 --> 00:00:12,492 has got you super freaky… 5 00:00:12,576 --> 00:00:13,976 Hey, Terry! What's up, dude? 6 00:00:14,285 --> 00:00:15,369 What did you think was happening? 7 00:00:15,453 --> 00:00:17,871 He clearly thought you were gonna have secret sex in here. 8 00:00:17,955 --> 00:00:19,956 [SCOFFS] What? Inappropes, much? 9 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,167 I did not think that. Amy did. 10 00:00:22,251 --> 00:00:23,417 She texted me about it. See? Proof. 11 00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:24,501 Anyway, what's up, Lieutenant? 12 00:00:24,585 --> 00:00:25,586 Santiago and I 13 00:00:25,670 --> 00:00:28,463 are going to an administration workshop for the NYPD. 14 00:00:28,547 --> 00:00:31,466 And it's voluntary, so only the cool kids are going to be there. 15 00:00:31,550 --> 00:00:32,634 I love you so much. Continue. 16 00:00:32,718 --> 00:00:34,593 Anyways, you're in charge for the day. 17 00:00:34,677 --> 00:00:35,802 Oh, boy. Here comes the lecture. 18 00:00:35,886 --> 00:00:38,262 "Be responsible, Jake. Don't do anything crazy or fun." 19 00:00:38,346 --> 00:00:40,264 There's no lecture. I trust you. 20 00:00:40,348 --> 00:00:41,891 Well, but there always used to be a lecture. 21 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:43,433 Yeah, well, you're not the same 22 00:00:43,517 --> 00:00:45,561 immature, rebellious kid you used to be. 23 00:00:45,853 --> 00:00:47,312 Didn't you and Amy just buy 24 00:00:47,396 --> 00:00:48,854 a family-friendly midsize sedan? 25 00:00:48,938 --> 00:00:50,356 In a rebellious color, champagne, 26 00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:51,440 which is an alcohol. 27 00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:53,858 And let's not forget, I wanted to have sex in your office just now. 28 00:00:53,942 --> 00:00:55,610 Yeah, to have a baby and become a father! 29 00:00:55,694 --> 00:00:56,694 Yeah, he turned it around on me. 30 00:00:56,778 --> 00:00:58,863 It's not bad that I trust you more now. 31 00:00:59,113 --> 00:01:01,573 Plus, there's not even that much for you guys to do today. 32 00:01:01,657 --> 00:01:04,033 I mean, the squad is on reserve parade duty. 33 00:01:04,117 --> 00:01:05,701 -Your job is to sit around. -PERALTA: Good point. 34 00:01:05,785 --> 00:01:08,828 Besides, what's the worst thing a responsible guy like me could do? 35 00:01:08,912 --> 00:01:10,455 Buckle your butts, everyone! 36 00:01:10,539 --> 00:01:12,207 The Jimmy Jab Games are back! 37 00:01:12,374 --> 00:01:13,708 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 38 00:01:32,599 --> 00:01:34,683 Squad, today we write a new chapter 39 00:01:34,767 --> 00:01:35,850 in the history of the Nine-Nine. 40 00:01:35,934 --> 00:01:37,644 And that chapter begins with the word "Jimmy," 41 00:01:37,728 --> 00:01:39,019 and ends with the word "Jab." 42 00:01:39,103 --> 00:01:40,270 That chapter's only two words long. 43 00:01:40,354 --> 00:01:41,772 No, there's a lot of words in between. 44 00:01:41,856 --> 00:01:42,981 It's a long chapter. The point is, 45 00:01:43,065 --> 00:01:44,524 today we compete against one another 46 00:01:44,608 --> 00:01:46,609 in a series of games, and this year's winner 47 00:01:46,693 --> 00:01:49,361 receives one day's paid vacation, 48 00:01:49,612 --> 00:01:50,821 courtesy of Officer Mark. 49 00:01:50,905 --> 00:01:52,906 You said you needed that day for a private matter. 50 00:01:52,990 --> 00:01:54,281 You know what? You shouldn't even be here. 51 00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:55,491 Everyone say, "Thank you, Officer Mark. 52 00:01:55,575 --> 00:01:57,410 -"Bye, Officer Mark." -ALL: Thank you, Officer Mark. 53 00:01:57,494 --> 00:01:58,576 Bye, Officer Mark. 54 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,870 -Now, who's ready to compete? -HOLT: Count me in. 55 00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,122 I could really use this day off 56 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:03,789 to spend some time with my husband. 57 00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:04,957 Oh, please. We all have loved ones. 58 00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,667 You're not getting any sympathy just because you're gay. 59 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:07,918 Rosa, I don't think he was… 60 00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,836 No, I was. She saw right through me. 61 00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:13,714 Nevertheless, I will destroy you all. 62 00:02:13,798 --> 00:02:15,048 PERALTA: Copy that. I love your intensity. 63 00:02:15,132 --> 00:02:16,842 Now, Gina is gone, so we're out of a host. 64 00:02:16,926 --> 00:02:18,052 Me! Please, me. 65 00:02:18,177 --> 00:02:19,301 It's my time to shine. 66 00:02:19,385 --> 00:02:20,761 It's my Greatest Showman moment. 67 00:02:20,845 --> 00:02:21,887 Charles, you can't. 68 00:02:21,971 --> 00:02:23,430 You know who else they told "You can't"? 69 00:02:23,514 --> 00:02:25,057 Lettie Lutz, the bearded lady. 70 00:02:25,224 --> 00:02:27,726 But then, Mr. Barnum gave her a stage. 71 00:02:28,143 --> 00:02:29,309 Give me my stage, Jacob. 72 00:02:29,393 --> 00:02:30,853 Wait, so you're the bearded lady? 73 00:02:30,937 --> 00:02:33,354 No! I'm Barnum, you're Zac Efron, 74 00:02:33,438 --> 00:02:34,939 and everyone else is one of my freaks. 75 00:02:35,023 --> 00:02:36,357 PERALTA: Look, I would love to give you the hosting duties 76 00:02:36,441 --> 00:02:38,442 so you can work through whatever weird fantasy this is 77 00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:39,818 but we need at least six players 78 00:02:39,902 --> 00:02:40,902 and the host can't play. 79 00:02:40,986 --> 00:02:42,654 Then I'll find someone to replace me. 80 00:02:42,738 --> 00:02:45,197 I promise you will have your circus, Mr. Barnum. 81 00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:46,699 I thought you were Barnum. No! 82 00:02:46,783 --> 00:02:48,326 I'm the greatest showman! 83 00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,245 Isn't that Barnum? 84 00:02:51,537 --> 00:02:53,829 Debbie, ah, just who I was looking for. 85 00:02:53,913 --> 00:02:56,039 Oh, no. Am I in your seat? I'll sit on the floor. 86 00:02:56,123 --> 00:02:57,792 Wh… what? No. No, don't do that. 87 00:02:58,209 --> 00:02:59,667 No, I was just wondering 88 00:02:59,751 --> 00:03:01,169 if you would like to take my place 89 00:03:01,253 --> 00:03:02,837 in a little squad competition today. 90 00:03:02,921 --> 00:03:05,673 Mm. I can't do competitions. I'm anti-dexterous. 91 00:03:06,006 --> 00:03:07,466 Hmm? It's when neither hand 92 00:03:07,550 --> 00:03:10,343 is good at anything. Oh, Debbie. 93 00:03:10,885 --> 00:03:12,095 I was once like you. 94 00:03:12,470 --> 00:03:15,180 A bashful beat cop with long, curly hair 95 00:03:15,264 --> 00:03:16,639 and no confidence at all. 96 00:03:16,723 --> 00:03:19,517 That's impossible. You're so suave. 97 00:03:19,642 --> 00:03:20,768 Sure, now I am. 98 00:03:20,935 --> 00:03:22,686 But I came a long way, 99 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,854 and I did it by challenging myself 100 00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,788 to do things I never thought I could. 101 00:03:27,148 --> 00:03:29,232 This is your chance to find that confidence. 102 00:03:29,316 --> 00:03:30,860 I don't know. Debbie 103 00:03:31,652 --> 00:03:32,653 trust me. 104 00:03:33,611 --> 00:03:34,654 Okay. 105 00:03:34,988 --> 00:03:37,323 But only because I trust everyone. 106 00:03:38,241 --> 00:03:40,742 So, Diaz, I've never been more excited. 107 00:03:40,909 --> 00:03:42,577 My first time playing the Jimmy Jabs, 108 00:03:42,661 --> 00:03:43,861 and I'm destined to win. 109 00:03:43,953 --> 00:03:44,953 Look at my competition. 110 00:03:45,037 --> 00:03:46,205 Little Miss Hay For Brains. 111 00:03:46,289 --> 00:03:49,248 The Hay Brains, and King Brain Made of Hay. 112 00:03:49,332 --> 00:03:50,500 Well, you're forgetting about me. 113 00:03:50,584 --> 00:03:51,751 I'm also your competition. Yes, 114 00:03:51,835 --> 00:03:53,752 but you don't normally care about games like these. 115 00:03:53,836 --> 00:03:55,504 Well, I do care about this game. 116 00:03:55,588 --> 00:03:56,588 And you're gonna lose 117 00:03:56,672 --> 00:03:58,507 because my brains aren't made of hay. 118 00:03:58,591 --> 00:04:00,091 My brains are made of brains. 119 00:04:01,426 --> 00:04:02,552 Oh, ho. 120 00:04:03,177 --> 00:04:04,469 The perfect retort. 121 00:04:05,262 --> 00:04:07,138 PERALTA: Gather up, it's Jimmy Jab time! 122 00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:09,056 Ooh, are you doing opening ceremonies? 123 00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:10,474 Yeah, and you might wanna leave 124 00:04:10,558 --> 00:04:11,892 before things get too crazy. 125 00:04:11,976 --> 00:04:13,684 A little plausible deniability. 126 00:04:13,768 --> 00:04:15,218 Actually, I wanna record 'em. 127 00:04:15,395 --> 00:04:16,854 May you can teach other precincts 128 00:04:16,938 --> 00:04:18,688 how to throw their own versions to boost morale. 129 00:04:18,772 --> 00:04:19,898 No, I'm not a teacher. 130 00:04:19,982 --> 00:04:22,025 I'm a class clown/bad boy with a heart of gold. Whatever. 131 00:04:22,109 --> 00:04:23,193 Charles, just start. 132 00:04:23,652 --> 00:04:26,154 Ladies and gentlemen. 133 00:04:27,113 --> 00:04:28,531 The moment you've been waiting for. 134 00:04:28,615 --> 00:04:30,157 Wow, he went full Showman. 135 00:04:30,407 --> 00:04:32,784 I present to you six freaks… Yeah. 136 00:04:32,868 --> 00:04:34,827 …who, through a series of elaborate games, 137 00:04:34,911 --> 00:04:37,120 will be eliminated one by one 138 00:04:37,204 --> 00:04:39,288 until a champion is crowned. 139 00:04:39,372 --> 00:04:41,583 And that champion shall 140 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:43,875 inherit my circus. 141 00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:45,544 And get a day off. I was getting there, Ro-Ro. 142 00:04:45,628 --> 00:04:47,796 Let me have my fun. Yeah, Ro-Ro, let him have his fun. 143 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,297 As always, we start the games 144 00:04:50,381 --> 00:04:53,967 by lighting the ceremonial bagel of destiny. 145 00:04:54,051 --> 00:04:58,137 Ah, it's actually the baguette of destiny 146 00:04:58,221 --> 00:05:01,057 because this year, we're throwing caution to the wind. 147 00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:02,934 Charles, flame me. 148 00:05:03,434 --> 00:05:09,563 SCULLY: Jimmy Jabs Jimmy Jabs Jimmy Jabs 149 00:05:09,772 --> 00:05:12,232 And with that, we commence 150 00:05:12,358 --> 00:05:14,525 my ten minute opening performance. What? 151 00:05:14,817 --> 00:05:17,737 The crowd is ready The freaks are here 152 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:20,697 Wow, this is a really long performance. 153 00:05:20,781 --> 00:05:22,156 Charles pulled off a costume change. 154 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,283 PERALTA: I wouldn't say he pulled it off. 155 00:05:23,367 --> 00:05:25,409 He accidentally got bottomless in front of all of us. 156 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,493 -Yeah. -HITCHCOCK: Peralta, 157 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,245 how about we make these games a little more exciting 158 00:05:28,329 --> 00:05:29,829 with a wager? Ooh, interesting. 159 00:05:29,913 --> 00:05:31,664 What'd you have in mind? If you win, 160 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,124 I'll do your paperwork for a year. 161 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,125 Go on. If I win, I get your new car. 162 00:05:35,209 --> 00:05:36,251 [SCOFFS] You're joking, right? 163 00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:37,460 Why? Because you can't imagine 164 00:05:37,544 --> 00:05:40,170 someone bitchin' like me driving a lame family sedan? 165 00:05:40,254 --> 00:05:42,464 No, because Jake would never bet our car. 166 00:05:42,548 --> 00:05:43,966 Yeah, I would never do that. 167 00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:45,258 But also, it's not lame. 168 00:05:45,342 --> 00:05:47,051 It's the color of an alcohol. Everyone's talking about it. 169 00:05:47,135 --> 00:05:49,637 No, Jake, it's a super lame car. But I don't mind. 170 00:05:49,887 --> 00:05:51,263 My ex-step-son kicked me out of the house, 171 00:05:51,347 --> 00:05:53,140 and I needed a place to crash with air conditioning. 172 00:05:53,224 --> 00:05:54,599 Look, the bet is not happening. 173 00:05:54,683 --> 00:05:56,559 Sorry, Amy, but this is between Jake and me. 174 00:05:56,643 --> 00:05:58,352 Dude, what happened to the cool guy 175 00:05:58,436 --> 00:06:00,686 that liked to make fun bets with his best bud? 176 00:06:00,896 --> 00:06:02,314 SANTIAGO: Okay, Hitchcock, drop it. 177 00:06:02,398 --> 00:06:05,107 Jake doesn't do that kind of thing anymore. He's an adult now. 178 00:06:05,191 --> 00:06:06,233 Hitchcock, you're on! 179 00:06:06,317 --> 00:06:07,318 He is? I am? 180 00:06:07,402 --> 00:06:09,819 I don't know. Yes! Yes, you are. 181 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,154 BOYLE: Damn it, my pants. 182 00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,281 Sorry, everyone. Look away, look away. 183 00:06:13,365 --> 00:06:14,364 Oh, damn. 184 00:06:14,448 --> 00:06:15,700 Wow, who knew? 185 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:17,910 He really is the greatest showman. 186 00:06:22,122 --> 00:06:23,122 What the hell are you doing? 187 00:06:23,206 --> 00:06:24,581 Why did you just bet our new car? 188 00:06:24,665 --> 00:06:25,790 Because it's fun. 189 00:06:25,874 --> 00:06:27,083 And because it's who I am. 190 00:06:27,167 --> 00:06:28,209 I mean, remember all those crazy bets 191 00:06:28,293 --> 00:06:29,501 we used to make when you were falling in love with me? 192 00:06:29,585 --> 00:06:31,754 I remember the bets we made when I found you obnoxious 193 00:06:31,838 --> 00:06:33,130 and difficult to be around. 194 00:06:33,214 --> 00:06:34,756 Yes, those bets. See, you remember. 195 00:06:34,840 --> 00:06:37,008 This is just like that. Hey, Santiago, it's time to head out. 196 00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:38,134 Actually, I'm not leaving. 197 00:06:38,218 --> 00:06:39,468 I'm gonna stay for the games. 198 00:06:39,552 --> 00:06:41,595 Oh, look who's coming around already. 199 00:06:41,679 --> 00:06:43,729 We're gonna have fun. No, this isn't fun. 200 00:06:43,848 --> 00:06:45,848 A voluntary administration workshop is fun. 201 00:06:45,932 --> 00:06:48,351 Yeah, I hear it ends with a six page self-assessment. 202 00:06:48,435 --> 00:06:50,644 Oh, come on, Terry! You don't have to rub it in! 203 00:06:50,728 --> 00:06:52,688 Welcome to the first competition. 204 00:06:52,855 --> 00:06:56,024 Which one of you will meet your maker? 205 00:06:56,190 --> 00:06:58,693 Be sure not to fowl out, 206 00:06:58,943 --> 00:07:01,027 or you will meet your end. 207 00:07:01,111 --> 00:07:02,111 We don't know what the game is, 208 00:07:02,195 --> 00:07:03,237 so these puns don't work. 209 00:07:03,321 --> 00:07:04,696 It's a meat throwing challenge. 210 00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:08,034 All of the expired cold cuts from the kitchen refrigerator 211 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,451 are under this tarp. 212 00:07:10,535 --> 00:07:11,535 Voila! 213 00:07:11,619 --> 00:07:14,205 You will toss a meat of your choosing 214 00:07:14,289 --> 00:07:17,499 at the break room window from ten feet away. 215 00:07:17,833 --> 00:07:20,125 If it sticks to the glass, well, then you move on. 216 00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:22,259 If it doesn't, then you're a.. . Cold cut? 217 00:07:22,462 --> 00:07:24,612 Yes, now you're getting it. Thank you, Rosa. 218 00:07:25,297 --> 00:07:27,299 Yah! Jake sticks it. 219 00:07:27,674 --> 00:07:29,051 Amy sticks it. 220 00:07:29,468 --> 00:07:30,760 Scully sticks it. 221 00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:32,511 Hitchcock sticks it. 222 00:07:33,429 --> 00:07:35,221 Holt old school sticks it. 223 00:07:35,472 --> 00:07:36,598 Ro-Ro sticks it. 224 00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,058 Debbie… where's Debbie? 225 00:07:40,267 --> 00:07:42,895 I can't do this, Charles. I didn't even grab a meat. 226 00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:46,146 I'm not some expert cold cut thrower like all of you. 227 00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:49,025 Everyone, I need a second for a freak in trouble. 228 00:07:49,233 --> 00:07:51,484 Debbie, I once stood here in front of this squad 229 00:07:51,568 --> 00:07:52,902 and felt like I didn't belong. But… 230 00:07:52,986 --> 00:07:54,195 But nothing. This is your chance 231 00:07:54,279 --> 00:07:55,379 to do something great. 232 00:07:55,488 --> 00:07:56,655 Debbie, this is your moment. 233 00:07:56,739 --> 00:07:59,533 Take it, and stick this meat. 234 00:08:00,408 --> 00:08:01,409 Is this turkey? 235 00:08:01,493 --> 00:08:02,493 Yes. 236 00:08:02,577 --> 00:08:03,661 I'm very allergic to turkey. 237 00:08:03,745 --> 00:08:05,036 [INDISTINCT SHOUTING] 238 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,621 -Hold her down! -[YELLS] 239 00:08:06,705 --> 00:08:07,706 [SCREAMS] 240 00:08:08,123 --> 00:08:09,207 So Debbie's out. 241 00:08:09,291 --> 00:08:11,000 But she'll be fine, thanks to her purse 242 00:08:11,084 --> 00:08:12,251 full of EpiPens. 243 00:08:12,335 --> 00:08:14,294 And now, that brings us to the end of round one, 244 00:08:14,378 --> 00:08:17,422 which mean it is time for another song. 245 00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:20,716 ♪ It was the meet of the moment ♪ 246 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,384 ♪ Meat, meat, meat of the moment ♪ 247 00:08:22,468 --> 00:08:23,510 Yeah, we'll be back in five. 248 00:08:23,594 --> 00:08:26,262 ♪ Throw, throw, throw it at the window, window, window ♪ 249 00:08:26,429 --> 00:08:28,305 So I bet you're wondering how I did so well 250 00:08:28,389 --> 00:08:30,473 in that last competition. Actually, I was impressed 251 00:08:30,557 --> 00:08:31,641 you didn't eat any of the meat. 252 00:08:31,725 --> 00:08:32,809 Well, I don't deserve all the credit. 253 00:08:32,893 --> 00:08:34,644 Scully, show 'em what we're working with. 254 00:08:34,728 --> 00:08:36,979 This is Dorothy, my pill box. 255 00:08:38,856 --> 00:08:40,189 -Good God. -HITCHCOCK: My friend here 256 00:08:40,273 --> 00:08:42,900 has dozens of medications prescribed for all of his ailments. 257 00:08:42,984 --> 00:08:44,068 They make him normal. 258 00:08:44,152 --> 00:08:45,861 They make me limitless. 259 00:08:46,237 --> 00:08:48,364 This blood thinner can suppress appetite. 260 00:08:48,656 --> 00:08:51,324 This eczema pill can cause extreme muscle spasms. 261 00:08:51,449 --> 00:08:52,533 HITCHCOCK: Which is pretty inconvenient, 262 00:08:52,617 --> 00:08:54,618 unless you need to hurl meat across the room. 263 00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:57,037 My God. He's doping. 264 00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,596 Welcome to the big leagues. 265 00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:02,500 Well, looks like things just got a little more interesting. 266 00:09:02,750 --> 00:09:04,084 No, they got worse. 267 00:09:04,168 --> 00:09:06,044 Amy, it's like Torrance from Bring It On says, 268 00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:08,337 "You'll never be the best until you win against the best." 269 00:09:08,421 --> 00:09:09,589 Didn't they lose in the end? 270 00:09:09,673 --> 00:09:10,881 Yeah, but this is different. 271 00:09:10,965 --> 00:09:13,050 Hitchcock isn't nearly as good as the East Compton Clovers. 272 00:09:13,134 --> 00:09:15,385 [LAUGHS] It's like, where's your head at? 273 00:09:15,677 --> 00:09:17,636 It's gonna be fine. It might not be fine. 274 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,555 Diaz, congratulations on moving on 275 00:09:19,639 --> 00:09:22,558 to the second round, said I, sarcastically. 276 00:09:22,724 --> 00:09:23,850 Oh, you're still in this. 277 00:09:23,934 --> 00:09:26,351 I knew a uniformed officer had been eliminated, 278 00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:27,895 I just couldn't remember which one. 279 00:09:27,979 --> 00:09:30,438 Okay, we're both great at insults. Let's move on. 280 00:09:30,730 --> 00:09:33,441 Tell me, why do you wanna win this game so badly? 281 00:09:33,692 --> 00:09:36,485 Honestly… I guess I still feel like 282 00:09:36,569 --> 00:09:38,445 my parents don't accept my sexuality. 283 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,072 And winning this will let me prove to myself 284 00:09:41,156 --> 00:09:43,366 that as long as I feel good about who I am, 285 00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,317 that's all that matters. 286 00:09:46,326 --> 00:09:47,786 That's a load of dung. 287 00:09:47,870 --> 00:09:49,788 You processed that parent stuff a year ago. 288 00:09:49,872 --> 00:09:52,122 You're right, we're going to drag brunch this Sunday. 289 00:09:52,206 --> 00:09:56,668 No. There's something private that is fueling you. 290 00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:58,461 And when I find that private fuel, 291 00:09:58,545 --> 00:10:00,671 I will extract it to use as my private fuel 292 00:10:00,796 --> 00:10:02,089 in my private fuel tank. 293 00:10:02,173 --> 00:10:04,591 Then I will have a full tank of private fuel, 294 00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:07,177 and you will have an empty tank of private… 295 00:10:07,510 --> 00:10:08,594 Rosa. 296 00:10:08,678 --> 00:10:11,013 Welcome to K-9 Hide-and-Seek. 297 00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:13,181 You'll be given five minutes to hide, 298 00:10:13,265 --> 00:10:14,933 during which time Officer Frisbee 299 00:10:15,017 --> 00:10:16,417 will be learning your scent. 300 00:10:16,517 --> 00:10:18,017 Whoever he finds first is out. 301 00:10:18,186 --> 00:10:19,770 How'd you get our clothes? Doesn't matter. 302 00:10:19,854 --> 00:10:20,978 BOYLE: Now, hide, freaks! 303 00:10:21,062 --> 00:10:23,607 Hide from the society that shunned you! 304 00:10:26,817 --> 00:10:28,527 What? Why aren't you hiding? Are you quitting? 305 00:10:28,611 --> 00:10:30,196 Oh, no, quite the opposite. 306 00:10:30,612 --> 00:10:32,738 This little guy keeps Scully's liver from imploding, 307 00:10:32,822 --> 00:10:34,156 but it has a neat side effect. 308 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,199 It also masks your natural odor 309 00:10:36,283 --> 00:10:38,133 and makes you smell like a dead fish. 310 00:10:38,285 --> 00:10:40,036 SANTIAGO: Ew. Who's got two stinky thumbs 311 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:41,662 that stink like rotten salmon? 312 00:10:41,996 --> 00:10:43,372 This stinky guy. 313 00:10:43,497 --> 00:10:44,665 You suck. 314 00:10:44,749 --> 00:10:48,418 Ready or not, here comes my hellhound! 315 00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:03,513 I'm a mop. 316 00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,015 -[BARKING] -[SHUSHES] 317 00:11:05,556 --> 00:11:07,808 The flattop has left the big top. 318 00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:09,518 Uh, wait, where's Jake? 319 00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:10,601 Well, there's a TV cart 320 00:11:10,685 --> 00:11:12,145 suspiciously in the middle of the room, 321 00:11:12,229 --> 00:11:13,271 that ceiling tile's out of place, 322 00:11:13,355 --> 00:11:15,605 and he said he was going to hide somewhere reckless, 323 00:11:15,689 --> 00:11:17,607 so I'm guessing he's up there. 324 00:11:17,691 --> 00:11:20,027 That's right, Amy. I'm in the ceiling. 325 00:11:20,152 --> 00:11:21,944 Unlike you boring, old fogies, 326 00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:24,446 I found the craziest… [GRUNTS] 327 00:11:24,530 --> 00:11:25,781 [ALL GASP] 328 00:11:25,906 --> 00:11:26,990 [GROANS] 329 00:11:27,324 --> 00:11:28,533 Don't worry. 330 00:11:29,117 --> 00:11:31,327 My bones and ribs broke my fall. 331 00:11:34,038 --> 00:11:35,621 BOYLE: Time for our next competition, 332 00:11:35,705 --> 00:11:36,790 The Hellevator. 333 00:11:37,082 --> 00:11:40,709 You see, normally, our elevator can hold up to 12 freaks. 334 00:11:40,793 --> 00:11:42,419 But what if it's filled with boxes, 335 00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:44,296 and those freaks are wearing bomb suits? 336 00:11:44,380 --> 00:11:46,547 Well then, its capacity drops to four. 337 00:11:46,714 --> 00:11:49,967 Oh, but Mr. Barnum, there are five freaks here. 338 00:11:50,051 --> 00:11:51,885 Whatever shall we do? 339 00:11:51,969 --> 00:11:53,011 That's the twist. 340 00:11:53,220 --> 00:11:54,971 You have to fight for your spot. 341 00:11:55,055 --> 00:11:57,222 And once those elevator doors close, 342 00:11:57,306 --> 00:11:58,849 one of you will be out. 343 00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:02,810 Oh, did I mention, you have to do it all in bomb suits? 344 00:12:02,894 --> 00:12:04,562 Yes, that was one of the first things you mentioned. 345 00:12:04,646 --> 00:12:06,730 Oh, sorry. I was thinking of my next song. 346 00:12:07,106 --> 00:12:09,483 Anyway, suit up, freaks! 347 00:12:09,608 --> 00:12:12,026 [SIGHING, STRAINING] 348 00:12:12,235 --> 00:12:13,735 You're pretty hurt, huh? Yeah. 349 00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,070 It's very exciting. 350 00:12:15,154 --> 00:12:16,696 I'm the underdog now, like Seabiscuit. 351 00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:17,906 I mean, sure, I can't lift my arms, 352 00:12:17,990 --> 00:12:20,140 but Seabiscuit won without even having arms. 353 00:12:20,409 --> 00:12:22,284 What are you talking about? I don't know. I fell. 354 00:12:22,368 --> 00:12:23,535 We're already married. It doesn't matter. 355 00:12:23,619 --> 00:12:24,745 Well, you guys are in for a beating. 356 00:12:24,829 --> 00:12:26,662 What, is that some kind of kidney pill? 357 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:28,247 It's to reduce my various swellings. 358 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:29,332 Basically, it's just speed. 359 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,292 That's illegal, and… [TUTS] 360 00:12:31,458 --> 00:12:33,002 Okay, here we go, everyone. 361 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:36,462 The game begins when the elevator doors ding. 362 00:12:36,546 --> 00:12:39,090 Are you ready for the Hellevator? 363 00:12:39,257 --> 00:12:41,466 Buckle up. The juice is loose! 364 00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,717 [DINGS] 365 00:12:42,801 --> 00:12:44,970 I am Hitchcock! [GRUNTS] 366 00:12:45,512 --> 00:12:46,679 What the [BLEEP]? 367 00:12:50,474 --> 00:12:51,933 SANTIAGO: Jake, I'm in. Are you in? 368 00:12:52,017 --> 00:12:53,601 Amy, I'm not gonna make it! 369 00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:55,436 You just go for the day off. You've earned it. 370 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,728 No, we're gonna lose the car! 371 00:12:56,812 --> 00:12:58,021 Oh, crap! Right, the car. 372 00:12:58,105 --> 00:12:59,356 Oh, no, we're gonna lose the car! 373 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:00,482 Hell no, we won't! 374 00:13:00,566 --> 00:13:02,066 [BOTH GRUNT] 375 00:13:02,984 --> 00:13:04,360 You "Armageddon'd" me. 376 00:13:04,569 --> 00:13:06,194 I don't know what that means. 377 00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:10,782 A lover's sacrifice, 378 00:13:10,866 --> 00:13:12,366 and another lover reborn. 379 00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,451 These games truly have it all. 380 00:13:14,535 --> 00:13:16,285 And now, a quick intermission 381 00:13:16,369 --> 00:13:18,663 for one of my legendary costume changes. 382 00:13:20,165 --> 00:13:21,414 All right, come on, Charles. 383 00:13:21,498 --> 00:13:23,875 Quick change, no time for touch-ups. 384 00:13:23,959 --> 00:13:25,252 We're running long. 385 00:13:26,085 --> 00:13:27,962 Ow! Oh, Debbie. 386 00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:30,005 Are you okay? Yeah, I'm just recovering 387 00:13:30,089 --> 00:13:31,089 from the EpiPen. 388 00:13:31,298 --> 00:13:32,840 I'm sorry I messed everything up. 389 00:13:32,924 --> 00:13:34,842 I'm just not cut out for this high-stakes world 390 00:13:34,926 --> 00:13:36,260 of having fun with friends. 391 00:13:36,344 --> 00:13:38,804 First off, if you think you messed this up, you're crazy. 392 00:13:38,888 --> 00:13:40,055 Nothing can mess up the performance 393 00:13:40,139 --> 00:13:41,305 I'm putting on out there. 394 00:13:41,389 --> 00:13:43,641 Secondly, what you did today was incredible. 395 00:13:43,725 --> 00:13:45,727 I got disqualified immediately. 396 00:13:47,269 --> 00:13:50,188 Did I ever tell you the story of my Jimmy Jabs humiliation? 397 00:13:50,272 --> 00:13:53,023 No. You pretty much never talked to me till today. 398 00:13:53,107 --> 00:13:56,443 Well, it was 2009, it was the opening ceremonies 399 00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:58,069 and I couldn't be more excited. 400 00:13:58,153 --> 00:14:00,154 I even got my hair styled just for the event. 401 00:14:00,238 --> 00:14:01,781 Charles, flame me. 402 00:14:02,239 --> 00:14:03,824 [SCREAMS] 403 00:14:03,991 --> 00:14:05,951 I was out before the games even began. 404 00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:08,870 But I wouldn't change that moment for the world 405 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,622 because it made me realize that not even flames 406 00:14:12,706 --> 00:14:14,375 can grind me down to dust. 407 00:14:14,708 --> 00:14:17,960 There is a place for us, for we are glorious. 408 00:14:18,252 --> 00:14:21,754 You are the bearded lady. We are all the bearded lady. 409 00:14:21,838 --> 00:14:24,048 Now ask yourself what have you always wanted to do, 410 00:14:24,132 --> 00:14:25,842 but were too scared to try? Sing. 411 00:14:25,926 --> 00:14:27,134 What? I wanna sing 412 00:14:27,218 --> 00:14:29,428 in front of everyone. Okay, little lady, 413 00:14:29,512 --> 00:14:30,971 you get that voice warmed up 414 00:14:31,055 --> 00:14:33,639 because you are doing the closing ceremonies. 415 00:14:33,723 --> 00:14:35,683 I can't. I haven't prepared. 416 00:14:35,892 --> 00:14:37,142 I don't even know the song. 417 00:14:37,226 --> 00:14:40,020 Welcome to show business. It waits for no one. 418 00:14:40,229 --> 00:14:41,479 You're on in an hour. 419 00:14:41,979 --> 00:14:44,231 So Diaz, I figured out why you wanna win. 420 00:14:44,315 --> 00:14:45,816 I hacked your work calendar. 421 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,234 Those calendars are public. Everyone on the system has access. 422 00:14:48,318 --> 00:14:49,402 I hacked it. I'm a hacker. 423 00:14:49,486 --> 00:14:51,820 Anyhow, you took a vacation 14 days ago, 424 00:14:51,904 --> 00:14:54,740 and yet, you already want another day off? 425 00:14:54,824 --> 00:14:58,284 Odd, unless you need it for a unique, 426 00:14:58,368 --> 00:15:00,077 once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. 427 00:15:00,161 --> 00:15:03,414 Perhaps a proposal to your girlfriend Jocelyn. 428 00:15:04,081 --> 00:15:05,165 What? You've been dating for a year, 429 00:15:05,249 --> 00:15:06,498 you've met each other's parents, 430 00:15:06,582 --> 00:15:09,001 and you just got your nails done 431 00:15:09,085 --> 00:15:11,962 to present her with a ring. 432 00:15:13,004 --> 00:15:14,798 Jocelyn broke up with me. What? 433 00:15:14,923 --> 00:15:16,299 I want the day off so I can sit alone 434 00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:18,467 and listen to death metal and get my head right. 435 00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,351 But what about my nail polish solve? 436 00:15:20,594 --> 00:15:22,511 Getting my nails done made me feel better for a second. 437 00:15:22,595 --> 00:15:24,555 [MOCKING TONE] 438 00:15:24,639 --> 00:15:26,349 This is a trick to throw me off. 439 00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:28,583 I bet things are better than ever and you… 440 00:15:28,851 --> 00:15:29,893 Oh. 441 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,311 You really are crying. 442 00:15:32,478 --> 00:15:35,648 Welcome to my most sadistic creation. 443 00:15:35,857 --> 00:15:38,649 The tangled nightmare of extension cords 444 00:15:38,733 --> 00:15:40,360 that lives in our supply closet. 445 00:15:40,569 --> 00:15:44,696 Your mission is to untangle your lamp's cord, plug it in, 446 00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:47,823 and then pull yourself to it on your dolly and turn it on. 447 00:15:47,907 --> 00:15:50,307 Oh, nice. Hitchcock's coming down from the speed. 448 00:15:50,535 --> 00:15:51,534 I have a chance. 449 00:15:51,618 --> 00:15:53,203 Freaks, begin! 450 00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,330 [PERALTA GRUNTING] 451 00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,373 SANTIAGO: Jake! 452 00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:00,751 What is that? Grab the top one 453 00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:02,460 and yank the bottom one! Oh, thank God 454 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:03,544 that's what you meant. 455 00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:05,088 Although, I'm open to whatever you wanna try. 456 00:16:05,172 --> 00:16:06,214 Here we go. 457 00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,665 Diaz, I wanna apologize. 458 00:16:08,424 --> 00:16:09,717 I'm not talking to you. 459 00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:11,842 [GRUNTS] Oh, oh, Amy, it worked! 460 00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:13,719 The pegging worked! What? No! 461 00:16:13,803 --> 00:16:15,013 Here we go. 462 00:16:15,221 --> 00:16:16,514 Go. 463 00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:20,976 Gotcha. 464 00:16:21,393 --> 00:16:22,559 You're never gonna catch me. 465 00:16:22,643 --> 00:16:25,730 [GRUNTING] Yes, I did it! 466 00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,247 And Hitchcock's gonna lose! 467 00:16:27,355 --> 00:16:28,856 Rosa and Holt are gonna beat him. 468 00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,442 HOLT: Rosa, stop. I give up. 469 00:16:30,650 --> 00:16:32,651 I want you to know I'm sorry for prying. 470 00:16:32,735 --> 00:16:34,486 Win this thing, and enjoy your day off. 471 00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:36,405 And if you ever want a friend to sit with you 472 00:16:36,489 --> 00:16:38,865 and silently listen to death metal, 473 00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,659 just know I'm always here. 474 00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,119 Okay. I'd like that. 475 00:16:45,621 --> 00:16:47,454 Ah, no! What are you freaks doing? 476 00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:48,622 HOLT: We're leaving the competition. 477 00:16:48,706 --> 00:16:51,041 Some things are more important than a game. 478 00:16:51,125 --> 00:16:53,126 No, they're not! Wait, where are you going? 479 00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:54,660 Don't leave! We need you to… 480 00:16:55,879 --> 00:16:57,171 [PEOPLE GASPING] 481 00:16:57,588 --> 00:16:59,048 [GROANS] 482 00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:02,425 Why does the ceiling hate me? 483 00:17:05,094 --> 00:17:06,720 I don't get it. Why did you make this bet 484 00:17:06,804 --> 00:17:08,764 in the first place? I don't know. 485 00:17:08,931 --> 00:17:10,974 Terry kept saying all that stuff about how I matured, 486 00:17:11,058 --> 00:17:12,933 and I got worried I was becoming a boring adult. 487 00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:14,518 You are not a boring adult. 488 00:17:14,602 --> 00:17:16,687 No. I am. 489 00:17:17,354 --> 00:17:19,689 You wanna know why I really wanted that year of no paperwork? 490 00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:20,857 It's so if we did get pregnant, 491 00:17:20,941 --> 00:17:23,141 I would have more time to help with the baby. 492 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:24,943 Aw. No, save your "aw." 493 00:17:25,027 --> 00:17:27,319 I don't deserve it. I'm just some boring, responsible guy 494 00:17:27,403 --> 00:17:28,779 that's about to lose our car. 495 00:17:28,863 --> 00:17:31,323 -You're still pretty irresponsible. -[CLICKS TONGUE] Aw. 496 00:17:31,407 --> 00:17:33,199 You're just saying that 'cause you're my wife. 497 00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:34,576 No, I'm not. 498 00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:36,202 Yesterday, you took the batteries 499 00:17:36,286 --> 00:17:37,494 out of our smoke detector 500 00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:39,497 to put in your Big Mouth Billy Bass. 501 00:17:39,705 --> 00:17:41,249 You noticed. Yeah. 502 00:17:41,666 --> 00:17:43,250 In a bad way. Yeah. 503 00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:46,002 Now get up, and win this bet. 504 00:17:46,086 --> 00:17:47,962 You can do this. Yeah, you're right. 505 00:17:48,295 --> 00:17:49,796 I can do this. Yeah. 506 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,382 [YELPS] 507 00:17:52,757 --> 00:17:54,049 Yeah, I maybe can't do this. 508 00:17:54,133 --> 00:17:56,135 The time has come for the grand finale, 509 00:17:56,219 --> 00:17:57,302 the obstacle course. 510 00:17:57,594 --> 00:17:58,845 This is gonna be rough. 511 00:17:58,929 --> 00:18:00,889 Turns out, taking a ton of random pills 512 00:18:00,973 --> 00:18:02,223 is really bad for you. 513 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:03,682 Everything hurts. 514 00:18:03,766 --> 00:18:05,976 Yeah, I'm like 50/50 gonna die. 515 00:18:06,060 --> 00:18:08,895 On your mark, get set, dazzle me, freaks! 516 00:18:08,979 --> 00:18:10,062 [BOTH GRUNTING] 517 00:18:10,146 --> 00:18:13,773 BOYLE: First, you must make your way past the barricade hurdles. 518 00:18:13,857 --> 00:18:15,568 -[GRUNTS] -After the hurdles, 519 00:18:15,693 --> 00:18:18,152 you must fish a dollar coin out of our gross, 520 00:18:18,236 --> 00:18:20,529 clogged-up sink of nightmares. 521 00:18:20,613 --> 00:18:21,989 [BLUBBERING] 522 00:18:22,073 --> 00:18:23,115 [EXCLAIMS] Ew. 523 00:18:23,865 --> 00:18:25,825 You use that money to buy a hot dog. 524 00:18:25,909 --> 00:18:27,201 After you eat the entire dog, 525 00:18:27,285 --> 00:18:28,744 you'll return to the break room, 526 00:18:28,828 --> 00:18:29,995 where you must extract an olive 527 00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:32,581 from the windpipe of a Heimlich practice dummy. 528 00:18:33,081 --> 00:18:34,999 Why are you using your mouth for everything? 529 00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,709 The winner will be the first person 530 00:18:36,793 --> 00:18:38,794 to sit in the Ringmaster's throne. 531 00:18:39,336 --> 00:18:41,338 Uh-oh, surprise twist! 532 00:18:41,422 --> 00:18:43,547 To get to the throne, you must break through 533 00:18:43,631 --> 00:18:45,382 a breach training door. What? 534 00:18:45,466 --> 00:18:47,051 Why are you making this so hard on me? 535 00:18:47,135 --> 00:18:48,384 BOYLE: It's all for the show, Jake. 536 00:18:48,468 --> 00:18:49,844 The greatest show on Earth! 537 00:18:49,928 --> 00:18:51,638 All right, fine. I can do this. 538 00:18:52,555 --> 00:18:53,848 For my wife. 539 00:18:55,016 --> 00:18:57,184 [SCREAMS IN SLOW MOTION] 540 00:18:59,311 --> 00:19:03,772 [WHIMPERS, GRUNTS NORMALLY] 541 00:19:03,856 --> 00:19:05,232 PERALTA: Ah, it didn't work. 542 00:19:05,316 --> 00:19:07,025 My skeleton feels like it's made of Skittles. 543 00:19:07,109 --> 00:19:09,694 I can't do it, Amy. Yes, you can, okay? 544 00:19:09,819 --> 00:19:11,319 You just need a little energy. 545 00:19:11,446 --> 00:19:12,946 And Debbie's EpiPens are full of adrenaline. 546 00:19:13,030 --> 00:19:14,572 Is that a smart thing to do? Probably not, 547 00:19:14,656 --> 00:19:16,574 but sometimes it's good to be a little irresponsible. 548 00:19:16,658 --> 00:19:17,699 That could make me sick. 549 00:19:17,783 --> 00:19:19,034 It's better than losing our car. 550 00:19:19,118 --> 00:19:21,454 I mean, is it? 'Cause… [SCREAMS] 551 00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:24,080 I will never die! 552 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,874 Yeah! Whoo! Whoo-hoo! 553 00:19:27,958 --> 00:19:30,043 Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hoo! Jake is champion! 554 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:32,212 Congratulations, you inherit the circus! 555 00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,922 I did it! I don't want the circus. 556 00:19:39,635 --> 00:19:40,718 [DEATH METAL PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES] 557 00:19:40,802 --> 00:19:41,886 You like it? Not at all. 558 00:19:41,970 --> 00:19:43,370 You can leave. Not a chance. 559 00:19:45,681 --> 00:19:48,975 The show is over, lessons were learned, tears were cried. 560 00:19:49,059 --> 00:19:50,435 Just remember, freaks, 561 00:19:50,644 --> 00:19:53,270 the real freak is the freak inside. 562 00:19:53,562 --> 00:19:56,607 And now, ladies and gentlemen, Debbie Fogel. 563 00:20:01,694 --> 00:20:05,781 And now our games come to an end 564 00:20:05,906 --> 00:20:09,784 We started as freaks but now we're friends 565 00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:13,536 And we'll all be friends forever 566 00:20:14,037 --> 00:20:15,580 Forever 567 00:20:16,414 --> 00:20:22,419 Forever 568 00:20:27,298 --> 00:20:29,257 Well, that was weird. 569 00:20:29,508 --> 00:20:31,551 Whoa-ho-ho, you hear that? 570 00:20:31,885 --> 00:20:34,011 It's the total silence of people reeling 571 00:20:34,095 --> 00:20:35,679 from the performance of a lifetime. 572 00:20:35,763 --> 00:20:37,264 How does it feel? Incredible. 573 00:20:37,348 --> 00:20:40,016 I've never been that loud. That's what most singing is. 574 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:42,018 And with more practice, you'll only get louder. 575 00:20:42,102 --> 00:20:43,518 Do you really think they liked it? 576 00:20:43,602 --> 00:20:45,652 It doesn't matter what other people think. 577 00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:48,147 What matters is that you can do anything 578 00:20:48,231 --> 00:20:49,773 you put your mind to, because in the end, 579 00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:53,193 my bearded lady, the beard was under you, 580 00:20:53,652 --> 00:20:55,696 the greatest showman. [CHUCKLES] 581 00:20:56,446 --> 00:20:59,073 You're right. I can do anything. 582 00:21:06,913 --> 00:21:08,914 Anything I put my mind to. 583 00:21:10,499 --> 00:21:12,835 Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, oh…