1 00:00:02,112 --> 00:00:03,112 Ladies and gentlemen, 2 00:00:03,196 --> 00:00:05,740 we are gathered here today to answer an age-old question. 3 00:00:05,824 --> 00:00:07,867 Right, what's Amy's deal? She single? 4 00:00:07,951 --> 00:00:09,702 No, we're dating. Come on. 5 00:00:09,786 --> 00:00:13,331 The question is, who here does the best impression of Captain Raymond Holt? 6 00:00:13,415 --> 00:00:16,876 You'll be judged on voice, body language, and overall lack of flair. 7 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,544 Everyone will perform the same scenario, 8 00:00:18,628 --> 00:00:21,589 Captain Holt eating a marshmallow for the very first time. 9 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,925 Let the Holt-off begin! 10 00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:27,887 What is this glutinous monstrosity before me? 11 00:00:28,013 --> 00:00:29,680 The sugar in this is quite sweet. 12 00:00:29,764 --> 00:00:33,184 Ooh, mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm-hmm-hmm! 13 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,644 That's your Holt impression? I can hear him doing that. 14 00:00:35,728 --> 00:00:38,439 Looks like a sticky pillow. 15 00:00:38,564 --> 00:00:40,524 I don't care for it, classical music. 16 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:41,650 [LAUGHTER] 17 00:00:41,734 --> 00:00:43,151 What's going on here? What are you doing? 18 00:00:43,235 --> 00:00:46,780 Captain, hey, nothing, just eating some marshmallows. Care for one? 19 00:00:46,864 --> 00:00:48,324 Marshed-mallow. 20 00:00:50,743 --> 00:00:55,080 Hmm. Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm! [LAUGHING] 21 00:00:55,164 --> 00:00:56,206 I knew it! 22 00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,292 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 23 00:01:16,268 --> 00:01:17,686 HOLT: That concludes our briefing. 24 00:01:17,770 --> 00:01:19,271 And now, on a personal note, 25 00:01:19,355 --> 00:01:21,815 I have some thoughts about Beyoncé's Lemonade I'd like to share. 26 00:01:21,899 --> 00:01:24,276 Oh, my God, sir, as much as I want to hear those thoughts, 27 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,113 and it is so, so much, I think we should probably let Amy speak. 28 00:01:29,615 --> 00:01:33,368 Oh, Santiago, the floor is yours. Thank you. 29 00:01:33,452 --> 00:01:37,122 Okay, here's everyone's itineraries for Thanksgiving at my place. 30 00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:40,041 I know a lot of your families are out of town, and you just want to relax, 31 00:01:40,125 --> 00:01:43,211 but I think we'll all enjoy ourselves more if we rigidly stick to the schedule. 32 00:01:43,295 --> 00:01:45,838 Whoa, did you assign us individual bathroom break times? 33 00:01:45,922 --> 00:01:48,424 Keep asking questions about it, Sarge, and your slot is after Scully's. 34 00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,801 All right, Santiago, damn. It's your toilet. 35 00:01:50,885 --> 00:01:53,470 Sorry, it's just that my dad is coming into town, 36 00:01:53,554 --> 00:01:55,931 and he can be a little uptight. 37 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:58,517 Uh-oh. Santiago's calling someone uptight. That can't be good. 38 00:01:58,601 --> 00:01:59,685 He's not crazy. 39 00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:01,895 He's just the kind of guy who arranges the money in his wallet 40 00:02:01,979 --> 00:02:03,230 according to serial number. 41 00:02:03,314 --> 00:02:04,690 Yeah. That kind of guy. 42 00:02:04,774 --> 00:02:05,899 Boyle, are you set on the turkey? 43 00:02:05,983 --> 00:02:08,777 This year's bird will be as moist as.. . Nope. 44 00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:10,571 As juicy as… Nope. 45 00:02:10,655 --> 00:02:12,114 As wet as you can… 46 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:16,201 Boyle, just say it'll be good, man. It'll be good, man. 47 00:02:16,285 --> 00:02:18,579 Well, I gotta go start getting ready. 48 00:02:18,663 --> 00:02:21,123 Don't be late or I'll slit your throats. [LAUGHS] 49 00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:22,875 You don't have to fake laugh. We know you mean it. 50 00:02:22,959 --> 00:02:24,043 Good. 51 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,715 So, meeting Amy's dad for the first time, huh? 52 00:02:29,298 --> 00:02:31,383 You nervous? Yeah, a little. 53 00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:34,178 I was talking to Jake. No, Sarge, I am not nervous. 54 00:02:34,262 --> 00:02:36,555 I'm confident that I'll make a great first impression on… 55 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:39,099 [BRITISH ACCENT] Mr. Victor Santiago. 56 00:02:39,183 --> 00:02:40,434 Why'd you do it with a British accent? 57 00:02:40,518 --> 00:02:42,645 I felt like doing the Cuban accent would be a little dicey for me. 58 00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:43,812 Very good call. Yeah. 59 00:02:43,896 --> 00:02:45,230 My advice, don't be overconfident. 60 00:02:45,314 --> 00:02:49,819 The first time I met Kevin's parents, I called Brahms' Fünf Gesänge, opus 106, 61 00:02:50,611 --> 00:02:54,781 when it is obviously opus 104. They haven't spoken to me since. 62 00:02:54,865 --> 00:02:56,991 Really? Just for that? Yes. 63 00:02:57,075 --> 00:02:58,451 Also, because they're huge homophobes 64 00:02:58,535 --> 00:03:01,162 who think that I made Kevin gay with my magic genitalia. 65 00:03:01,246 --> 00:03:04,123 That's super sad, but I do like hearing you say the word "genitalia." 66 00:03:04,207 --> 00:03:05,792 Well, I am ready for this. 67 00:03:06,835 --> 00:03:10,755 I pulled a full Amy and researched the crap out of him. Made this sweet binder. 68 00:03:10,839 --> 00:03:15,093 Just a couple of factoids about Victor, he's an ex-cop, 65 years old, 69 00:03:15,177 --> 00:03:18,262 married for 36 years, Cuban, his favorite food… 70 00:03:18,346 --> 00:03:19,973 Flavor First beefy dog food. 71 00:03:20,223 --> 00:03:22,725 Wait, no, sorry. That's his dog's favorite food. 72 00:03:22,809 --> 00:03:26,312 His favorite food is corn. 73 00:03:26,396 --> 00:03:28,564 Makes more sense. Dog food's not in the name. 74 00:03:28,648 --> 00:03:29,857 I know everything about him, 75 00:03:29,941 --> 00:03:32,485 therefore, I know exactly the type of person I need to be 76 00:03:32,569 --> 00:03:34,070 in order for him to think I'm good enough for Amy. 77 00:03:34,154 --> 00:03:35,697 No, Jake, you're fine. 78 00:03:35,781 --> 00:03:38,700 Just flash him your baby browns, he'll love it. Just be yourself. 79 00:03:38,784 --> 00:03:41,285 Be myself? Charles, I have one day to win over Amy's dad. 80 00:03:41,369 --> 00:03:43,204 How long did it take before you guys started liking me? 81 00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:44,414 Couple weeks. Six months. 82 00:03:44,498 --> 00:03:46,332 Jury's still out. See, Charles? 83 00:03:46,416 --> 00:03:48,251 "Be myself," what kind of garbage advice is that? 84 00:03:48,335 --> 00:03:50,628 I hope you're not telling Nikolaj that crap. "Nikolaj." 85 00:03:50,712 --> 00:03:51,755 Ugh. 86 00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:54,257 [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 87 00:03:54,341 --> 00:03:56,217 Okay, we're running out of time. 88 00:03:56,301 --> 00:04:00,513 What do you guys like better, classic Bishop Hat fold or Crown fold? 89 00:04:00,597 --> 00:04:04,057 Now, the Crown is more showy, but the Bishop Hat has a certain dignity. 90 00:04:04,141 --> 00:04:06,226 I'll kill myself if it's not the Crown fold. 91 00:04:06,310 --> 00:04:08,521 Oh, okay, thanks. 92 00:04:09,104 --> 00:04:11,398 Sometimes, you have to pretend to care about napkins 93 00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:13,734 to stop hearing about napkins. 94 00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:17,654 Sorry I'm late, guys. Had to get my ax sharpened. 95 00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:19,614 Why do you have an ax? Also, nice ax. 96 00:04:19,698 --> 00:04:21,116 Thank you. It's for the turkey, 97 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:22,576 so, I can chop its head off when it gets here. 98 00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:24,786 Chop its head off? I ordered a live turkey. 99 00:04:24,870 --> 00:04:27,080 It's being delivered. Because you know what they say, 100 00:04:27,164 --> 00:04:29,916 the yummiest turkey is the one that just died in your hands. 101 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,835 Charles, you can't kill an animal in here. 102 00:04:31,919 --> 00:04:33,128 That's horrible. It's disgusting. 103 00:04:33,212 --> 00:04:34,671 We won't let you do it, right, Amy? 104 00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:36,256 It's getting late. Don't make a mess. 105 00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:39,843 Relax. It's not the first turkey I've killed in a friend's bathtub. 106 00:04:39,927 --> 00:04:41,011 It isn't? 107 00:04:41,095 --> 00:04:44,431 ANNOUNCER: And now, back to the Lexington Thanksgiving Day Dog Show. 108 00:04:44,515 --> 00:04:47,851 Oh, look at her. Sloping, clean-cut forequarters, cocksure gait. 109 00:04:47,935 --> 00:04:50,353 She's majestic, and she knows it. 110 00:04:50,437 --> 00:04:51,637 PIMENTO: Pimento's here. 111 00:04:51,772 --> 00:04:55,818 Ah, Adrian. So, you made it. Happy Thanksgiving. 112 00:04:55,943 --> 00:04:57,027 Is it? 113 00:04:57,111 --> 00:05:00,071 Something wrong? Feel no pressure to talk about it. 114 00:05:00,155 --> 00:05:01,698 Brass says I can't rejoin the force. 115 00:05:01,782 --> 00:05:05,410 Some crap about, "You can't just disappear from your job for seven months." 116 00:05:05,494 --> 00:05:06,828 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 117 00:05:06,912 --> 00:05:09,623 Oh, well, that's unfortunate. I know how much being a cop meant to you. 118 00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:12,375 I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess I could be a teacher. 119 00:05:12,459 --> 00:05:15,836 "Sorry, Travis, the answer's obviously Istanbul. What did you say to me? 120 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,840 "No, maybe you're wasting your life! 121 00:05:19,299 --> 00:05:20,966 "Sorry, Principal Ramos, I didn't see you there. 122 00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:22,927 "Wait, Travis is your son? 123 00:05:23,011 --> 00:05:25,262 [SCOFFS] "Oh, well, I guess you're just going to have to fire me. 124 00:05:25,346 --> 00:05:29,099 "Fired? Me? How dare you, sir? 125 00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:31,060 "We will settle…" See, it just wouldn't work. 126 00:05:31,144 --> 00:05:34,730 Hmm. You know, I had a friend that had to retire from the force. 127 00:05:34,814 --> 00:05:36,732 He became a private investigator. 128 00:05:36,816 --> 00:05:39,986 -Ooh, PI, huh? I like that. -[LAUGHS] Mmm-hmm. 129 00:05:40,570 --> 00:05:41,695 "Hello, Mr. Branville, 130 00:05:41,779 --> 00:05:43,447 "I found out where your wife's been going tonight. 131 00:05:43,531 --> 00:05:46,910 "Have a seat, you're not going to like this. She's cheating on you. 132 00:05:47,035 --> 00:05:48,202 "What do you mean, you knew that already? 133 00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:51,163 "You killed her? And are framing me for the murder? 134 00:05:51,247 --> 00:05:53,415 "I just left my prints all over the crime scene! 135 00:05:53,499 --> 00:05:57,462 "Oh, you are an evil…" This I could get on board for. 136 00:05:57,754 --> 00:06:00,589 Hmm. Only problem is, PI license is, like, two grand. 137 00:06:00,673 --> 00:06:01,799 I could lend you the money. 138 00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:05,386 Think of it as an investment from someone who believes in you. 139 00:06:05,470 --> 00:06:06,512 Wow, thanks, Captain. 140 00:06:06,596 --> 00:06:10,391 That means every… Whoa, hang on, you carry a checkbook with you? 141 00:06:10,516 --> 00:06:12,476 Of course, you never know when you're going to need groceries. 142 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:13,894 So cool. 143 00:06:13,978 --> 00:06:15,396 -[BEEPING] -Where are you? 144 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,064 Picking up Amy's dad at the airport. 145 00:06:17,148 --> 00:06:18,941 Ooh, that's a strong move. 146 00:06:19,025 --> 00:06:21,735 Have you successfully changed everything about yourself as planned? 147 00:06:21,819 --> 00:06:22,944 Oh, yeah, you wouldn't recognize me. 148 00:06:23,028 --> 00:06:25,280 I'm wearing a sweater, I bought new shoes, 149 00:06:25,364 --> 00:06:28,199 I put something on my face called "moisturizer." It's amazing. 150 00:06:28,283 --> 00:06:30,076 Did you clean your car? I did, but it didn't really take, 151 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,202 so I just rented a new one. 152 00:06:31,286 --> 00:06:32,370 But here's the best part, 153 00:06:32,454 --> 00:06:37,083 I printed out a sign especially for him using his favorite font, Garamond. 154 00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:38,251 Who has a favorite font? 155 00:06:38,335 --> 00:06:40,587 The Santiagos do. All of them. 156 00:06:40,671 --> 00:06:42,321 Oh, here he comes. Gotta go, bye. 157 00:06:42,673 --> 00:06:45,884 Hey, Mr. Santiago. I am Jake Peralta, Amy's boyfriend. 158 00:06:45,968 --> 00:06:48,261 Jake, nice to finally meet you. You, too. 159 00:06:48,345 --> 00:06:50,722 Ah, look at that. You're a Garamond man, huh? 160 00:06:50,806 --> 00:06:53,558 Of course, what other font would I use, Cambria? 161 00:06:53,642 --> 00:06:54,726 [BOTH LAUGH] 162 00:06:54,810 --> 00:06:57,812 Amy said you were a crack-up, but, uh, I had no idea. 163 00:06:57,896 --> 00:07:00,023 Oh, it's working. What? 164 00:07:00,148 --> 00:07:01,232 Excuse me? Shall we? 165 00:07:01,316 --> 00:07:03,068 Let me get your bag. Sure. 166 00:07:06,071 --> 00:07:08,782 The two hunks have arrived! Hi. 167 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:11,868 So glad to have you here, Dad. 168 00:07:11,952 --> 00:07:13,536 Happy to be here, darling. [CHUCKLING] 169 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:14,662 How was your flight? 170 00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:16,831 Oh, good, good, you know, I did The Times crossword. 171 00:07:16,915 --> 00:07:18,166 Oh, great puzzle today, right? 172 00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:19,667 Oh, my God, 17 down? 173 00:07:19,751 --> 00:07:21,127 Oh, I know, what about 16 across? 174 00:07:21,211 --> 00:07:22,670 What about 34 across? 175 00:07:22,754 --> 00:07:24,005 Oh, what about 45 down? 176 00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:25,840 What about 20 across? What about 20 across? 177 00:07:25,924 --> 00:07:26,966 [BOTH LAUGH] 178 00:07:27,050 --> 00:07:28,301 I also did it. Yeah. 179 00:07:28,385 --> 00:07:31,095 So, Jake and I had a great conversation on the way here. 180 00:07:31,179 --> 00:07:33,472 You didn't tell me he was so interested in mutual funds. 181 00:07:33,556 --> 00:07:34,598 Uh… 182 00:07:34,682 --> 00:07:38,018 Yeah, ugh, Amy is so bored of hearing me talk about allocation, 183 00:07:38,102 --> 00:07:40,062 asset mix, attribution analysis. 184 00:07:40,146 --> 00:07:42,105 These are just terms I throw around all the time. 185 00:07:42,189 --> 00:07:44,441 In alphabetical order. That's just how my brain works. 186 00:07:44,525 --> 00:07:46,324 I mean, how would you list financial terms, 187 00:07:46,408 --> 00:07:48,028 in random order? What are you, crazy? 188 00:07:48,112 --> 00:07:49,947 He's got a point. I like this guy. 189 00:07:50,031 --> 00:07:51,531 [LAUGHS] Yeah. 190 00:07:51,615 --> 00:07:54,368 Oh! Captain Holt. Uh, this is my dad. 191 00:07:54,452 --> 00:07:56,078 Captain, heard a lot about you. And I, you. 192 00:07:56,162 --> 00:07:58,372 Do you mind passing me those crab puffs? Oh, certainly. 193 00:07:58,456 --> 00:07:59,999 There you go. Thank you. 194 00:08:00,124 --> 00:08:01,167 Yeah. 195 00:08:03,252 --> 00:08:05,796 That was everything. 196 00:08:05,921 --> 00:08:07,047 Yeah, pretty big night, 197 00:08:07,131 --> 00:08:09,383 the three most important men in your life under one roof. 198 00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:10,717 Well, Will Shortz isn't here. 199 00:08:10,801 --> 00:08:14,179 Oh. Burn on Holt, probably. That's the one you were talking about. 200 00:08:14,263 --> 00:08:16,102 ANNOUNCER: The Cairn Terrier is intelligent 201 00:08:16,186 --> 00:08:17,975 and inquisitive with a bold personality. 202 00:08:18,059 --> 00:08:19,768 [CHUCKLES] "A bold personality." 203 00:08:19,852 --> 00:08:22,062 We know what that's code for, she's a bitch. 204 00:08:22,146 --> 00:08:24,899 Pimento is back. How's the dog show going? 205 00:08:25,066 --> 00:08:26,358 Well, it's not without its drama. 206 00:08:26,442 --> 00:08:27,609 Whoever groomed the Irish Setter 207 00:08:27,693 --> 00:08:29,569 might want to think about blowing his brains out. 208 00:08:29,653 --> 00:08:32,364 Yeah, yeah, how's that Wire Fox Terrier? Still in the lead? 209 00:08:32,448 --> 00:08:33,490 In the lead? 210 00:08:33,574 --> 00:08:36,368 I doubt she even wins her group. What? 211 00:08:36,452 --> 00:08:39,288 Oh, no, no, no, don't say that! 212 00:08:39,497 --> 00:08:41,915 What? She's not going to win? 213 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:45,543 [GROANS] I bet the check you gave me on the Wire Fox Terrier to win. 214 00:08:45,668 --> 00:08:48,879 Why would you do that? That money was to help you get a PI license. 215 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,715 Yeah, but I wanted to pay you back fast. 216 00:08:50,799 --> 00:08:52,717 You made it sound like the terrier was a sure thing. 217 00:08:52,801 --> 00:08:53,884 You said she was majestic! 218 00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:57,138 They're all majestic! This is a nationally-televised dog show. 219 00:08:57,222 --> 00:08:58,222 This is the big time. 220 00:08:58,306 --> 00:09:00,182 Listen, mister, I didn't give you that money 221 00:09:00,266 --> 00:09:02,059 so you could throw it away. I want it back. 222 00:09:02,143 --> 00:09:03,602 We're going to pay your bookie a visit. What? 223 00:09:03,686 --> 00:09:05,229 And so help me God, you better hope 224 00:09:05,313 --> 00:09:06,981 I don't miss the "in memoriam." 225 00:09:07,107 --> 00:09:11,068 If it's dead dogs you want to see, I know where to get my hands on dozens of them. 226 00:09:11,152 --> 00:09:12,653 All right. Choo-choo! 227 00:09:12,737 --> 00:09:15,156 Here comes the veggie train, leaving the station. 228 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:16,907 Next stop, a healthy body. 229 00:09:16,991 --> 00:09:18,993 Terry has kids. Just carrots for me. 230 00:09:19,077 --> 00:09:20,619 I don't eat celery, hate the stuff. 231 00:09:20,703 --> 00:09:21,912 Oh, that's funny. Me, too. 232 00:09:21,996 --> 00:09:24,123 Really? Get out of town. Even though everybody says… 233 00:09:24,207 --> 00:09:26,125 BOTH: "They're basically the same thing." 234 00:09:26,209 --> 00:09:27,418 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 235 00:09:27,502 --> 00:09:28,919 I'm going to go get a refill. 236 00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,047 Do you want something? Oh, you know, if they have it, 237 00:09:31,131 --> 00:09:32,798 maybe, like, a dry Riesling? 238 00:09:32,882 --> 00:09:35,218 Excellent choice. Thank you. 239 00:09:35,718 --> 00:09:37,618 They definitely have it. I brought it. 240 00:09:37,846 --> 00:09:39,930 Wow, you are really pulling this off. 241 00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:42,564 I know, all this research is actually going to work. 242 00:09:42,725 --> 00:09:43,934 Should I prepare for things all the time? 243 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,102 Yeah. No, that's crazy. 244 00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:48,606 Look, I can't believe you memorized that whole, huge binder. 245 00:09:48,731 --> 00:09:51,192 Oh, I didn't. I brought it with me and hid it out on the stoop. 246 00:09:51,276 --> 00:09:52,901 So, do you have a favorite watchmaker? 247 00:09:52,985 --> 00:09:56,280 I do, but I actually have to run to the bathroom real quick. 248 00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:00,492 Watches. Gotcha. 249 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:03,453 I guess if I had to pick one watch, it would be NOMOS Glashütte. 250 00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,437 It's a German company based in Saxony. 251 00:10:05,581 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaking of which, I think I just dropped 252 00:10:07,124 --> 00:10:09,793 a bit of a Glashütte in the baño. Steer clear. 253 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,878 The only downside is, I've told him I have to pee so much, 254 00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:13,112 he thinks I have a UTI. 255 00:10:13,297 --> 00:10:14,798 I wonder if he's ever had a UTI. 256 00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:18,802 You know what, I'm going to sneak outside and get the 411 on the UTI. BRB. 257 00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,036 He loves abbreviations. 258 00:10:23,348 --> 00:10:26,268 Hey, Jake. You looking for this? 259 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:28,896 [SQUEAKILY] What? Oh, no. 260 00:10:29,146 --> 00:10:30,814 DIAZ: Boyle, your turkey's here. 261 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:34,818 All right, let's do this. Pretty cool, huh? 262 00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:38,238 I feel like Dexter, I think. I never actually saw the show. 263 00:10:38,322 --> 00:10:39,697 Billboard gave me nightmares. 264 00:10:39,781 --> 00:10:41,991 Charles, are you crazy? 265 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:45,954 No, I don't want to watch a living animal die and then consume its flesh. 266 00:10:46,038 --> 00:10:48,790 How's this different than eating a turkey that's been killed in a factory? 267 00:10:48,874 --> 00:10:50,083 Because I don't have to see that. 268 00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,918 It's called living in denial, you moron. 269 00:10:52,002 --> 00:10:55,088 Gina, I know it seems cruel, but it's a swift death. 270 00:10:55,172 --> 00:10:56,798 One painless chop removes the head. 271 00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:58,007 That doesn't sound so bad. 272 00:10:58,091 --> 00:11:01,802 And then its decapitated corpse only flops around for, like, half an hour. 273 00:11:01,886 --> 00:11:03,971 You know what? You won't be able to go through with this 274 00:11:04,055 --> 00:11:07,641 if I give this little guy a name. He's now Nikolaj. 275 00:11:07,725 --> 00:11:09,184 [GASPS] That's my son's name. 276 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,979 Go ahead, cut Nikolaj's throat. 277 00:11:12,146 --> 00:11:13,981 Sorry, Gina, but we need a turkey, 278 00:11:14,065 --> 00:11:15,566 and you're the only one complaining. 279 00:11:15,650 --> 00:11:17,693 I don't like it either. It's not a fair fight. 280 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,486 Give the bird a gun, then see what happens. 281 00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:20,863 Sarge, this must bother you, too. 282 00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,490 Yeah, but eating a big drumstick on Thanksgiving 283 00:11:23,574 --> 00:11:24,783 makes Terry feel like a king. 284 00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,326 Sorry, but it's five against two. 285 00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:28,787 Wait, you assume Hitchcock and I want to eat that turkey? 286 00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:30,289 Yeah? Thank you. 287 00:11:30,414 --> 00:11:32,250 Charles, do what you need to do. 288 00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,001 Copy that. 289 00:11:34,085 --> 00:11:36,670 Uh-uh, no, hold up. Rosa, get the bird. 290 00:11:36,754 --> 00:11:37,838 On it. 291 00:11:37,922 --> 00:11:41,008 I'll stand here and sacrifice my life to Charles' bloodlust. 292 00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:42,509 I'm not going to kill you, Gina. 293 00:11:42,593 --> 00:11:45,345 Huh, then you already lost. 294 00:11:45,429 --> 00:11:48,599 No, where are you going? Hey, you can run, but you can't hide! 295 00:11:48,683 --> 00:11:51,310 The apartment will run red with the blood of Nikolaj. 296 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:53,145 Please stop calling him that. 297 00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:56,357 So, uh, what are you doing out here? 298 00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:59,443 Sneaking a cigarette. I just can't quit. 299 00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:01,821 But you knew that, didn't you? Page 136. 300 00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:05,199 What is that strange book you're holding? I've never seen it before. 301 00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:08,160 "Jake Peralta's Guide to Tricking Amy's Dad." 302 00:12:08,286 --> 00:12:10,787 What? Who put that there? Why did I use a title page? 303 00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:12,079 Relax, Jake, it's okay. 304 00:12:12,163 --> 00:12:13,915 Actually, I'm quite impressed. You are? 305 00:12:13,999 --> 00:12:16,250 You did a ton of research here. You made a binder. 306 00:12:16,334 --> 00:12:17,668 This is real Santiago stuff. 307 00:12:17,752 --> 00:12:20,421 Yeah, I guess it is. I even used tabs. 308 00:12:20,505 --> 00:12:21,547 The good ones. Yes. 309 00:12:21,631 --> 00:12:23,883 There are good and bad types of tabs, that's something we all know. 310 00:12:23,967 --> 00:12:26,427 I can't believe you did all this. You got my family tree, 311 00:12:26,511 --> 00:12:29,180 all of my case files, lot of photos. 312 00:12:29,306 --> 00:12:30,514 Yes, and might I add, 313 00:12:30,598 --> 00:12:32,642 your ponytail in the '90s puts Amy's to shame. 314 00:12:32,726 --> 00:12:34,268 They used to call me "The Lion." 315 00:12:34,352 --> 00:12:37,230 Wow, cool nickname. They call me "The Barracuda." 316 00:12:37,314 --> 00:12:39,065 Well, I call me that. I'm hoping it catches on. 317 00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:42,360 I was wondering what you thought about one of my cases, uh… 318 00:12:42,444 --> 00:12:43,778 First Essex Bank heist. 319 00:12:43,862 --> 00:12:45,321 Yes, I read that one. 320 00:12:45,405 --> 00:12:47,490 They got robbed the day before their grand opening. 321 00:12:47,574 --> 00:12:50,577 I never solved that one. That bothered me for 20 years. 322 00:12:50,869 --> 00:12:52,828 But I see that you wrote a note here that says, 323 00:12:52,912 --> 00:12:55,122 "Contractor did it. Come on, so obvious." 324 00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:59,418 Oh, what? Well, you know us millennials, we're always exaggerating. 325 00:12:59,502 --> 00:13:00,711 But what I think happened there is, 326 00:13:00,795 --> 00:13:02,213 is that I was reading that file, 327 00:13:02,297 --> 00:13:04,757 and I noticed that the contractor, Russo, was the, um… 328 00:13:04,841 --> 00:13:06,050 Obvious? Obvious suspect. 329 00:13:06,134 --> 00:13:08,761 But only in the sense that he was the only one who could've possibly done it 330 00:13:08,845 --> 00:13:09,845 'cause he had the blueprint. 331 00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:12,014 I talked to Russo. He had an alibi. 332 00:13:12,098 --> 00:13:13,933 Of course, of course. 333 00:13:14,017 --> 00:13:15,893 But, you know, the name of the company was Russo and Sons, 334 00:13:15,977 --> 00:13:20,147 so, I figure, probably, maybe, definitely the sons did it. 335 00:13:20,231 --> 00:13:22,107 Maybe. Probably. For sure. 336 00:13:22,316 --> 00:13:25,986 Sons? Oh, my God, the sons. I think you might be on to something. 337 00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:28,196 Really? I don't know how I missed that. 338 00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,698 I bet they still live here in New York. 339 00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:31,074 We should go talk to them right now. 340 00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:33,285 I mean, if that would be okay. 341 00:13:33,452 --> 00:13:35,662 "Okay," are you kidding me? I would love to work a case with you. 342 00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:39,583 That's amazing. Looks like The Lion is going to roar again! 343 00:13:39,750 --> 00:13:43,170 And the Barracuda is going to… What? 344 00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:44,671 [FLUTTERING] 345 00:13:45,506 --> 00:13:47,048 Anyway, you get it, let's go. 346 00:13:47,132 --> 00:13:48,175 [KNOCKING] 347 00:13:48,717 --> 00:13:50,343 Your bookie lives in a college dorm? 348 00:13:50,427 --> 00:13:54,639 He's a freshman. They don't let them live off-campus first year. Doi. 349 00:13:54,723 --> 00:13:57,142 Hey, Adrian, come on in. Happy Thanksgiving, man. 350 00:13:57,226 --> 00:13:58,518 Can it, Alan. 351 00:13:58,602 --> 00:14:01,688 Listen, I need the money back, and I need it back now. 352 00:14:01,772 --> 00:14:03,523 Aw, geez, I'm sorry. I can't do that. 353 00:14:03,607 --> 00:14:05,734 I placed the bet online. It's not like I can cancel it. 354 00:14:05,818 --> 00:14:07,193 You just placed the bet online? 355 00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:09,738 Yeah. He could've done it himself. It's really easy. 356 00:14:09,822 --> 00:14:11,698 I kept telling him there's no need for bookies anymore. 357 00:14:11,782 --> 00:14:13,658 No, no, I don't mess with computers, okay? 358 00:14:13,742 --> 00:14:16,536 Ever since I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail, I was like, 359 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:18,330 "No, thank you. I'm done with this." 360 00:14:18,414 --> 00:14:20,165 Okay, look, the money's already in the Caribbean. 361 00:14:20,249 --> 00:14:24,127 There's nothing I can do. Looks like we're going to the Caribbean. 362 00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:26,171 [IMITATES GUITAR RIFF] 363 00:14:27,631 --> 00:14:29,257 You do know we're not going to the Caribbean, right? 364 00:14:29,341 --> 00:14:31,884 I didn't know that. That is a bummer. 365 00:14:31,968 --> 00:14:35,387 [GRUNTS] Come on, guys. It's getting late. Open the door. 366 00:14:35,471 --> 00:14:37,723 Not until you promise to let this little turkey live out 367 00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:39,558 the rest of his life with Rosa. 368 00:14:39,642 --> 00:14:40,893 What? Why can't it live with you? 369 00:14:40,977 --> 00:14:42,311 I'm an ideas man. 370 00:14:42,395 --> 00:14:44,695 All right, that's it. You've left me no choice. 371 00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:49,318 There we go. Thanks. 372 00:14:49,861 --> 00:14:51,821 Now, give us the bird. Gladly. 373 00:14:52,029 --> 00:14:54,073 Whoop, whoop… Not that bird. 374 00:14:54,157 --> 00:14:55,491 Don't take another step! 375 00:14:55,575 --> 00:15:00,245 This ends now. I am so sorry, girl. Great party, but… Uh-uh. 376 00:15:00,329 --> 00:15:03,374 All right, here it is. Be free, noble bird. 377 00:15:03,458 --> 00:15:06,418 Be free, fly away. Fly to freedom. 378 00:15:06,502 --> 00:15:08,128 Gina, turkeys can't fly. 379 00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:09,254 -[JAWS THEME MUSIC PLAYING] -[GINA GASPS] 380 00:15:09,338 --> 00:15:10,631 Why is he looking at me like that? 381 00:15:10,715 --> 00:15:11,882 [GOBBLING] 382 00:15:11,966 --> 00:15:13,300 Nobody make any sudden moves. 383 00:15:13,384 --> 00:15:15,135 Yeah, and those talons are super sharp, huh? 384 00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:17,096 That thing's a freaking dinosaur. 385 00:15:17,555 --> 00:15:19,140 [ALL SCREAMING] 386 00:15:23,561 --> 00:15:25,021 -[THUDS] -[TURKEY SQUAWKS] 387 00:15:25,521 --> 00:15:28,107 So, where were you the day the bank was robbed? 388 00:15:28,191 --> 00:15:30,150 I don't understand, Dad. What's going on? 389 00:15:30,234 --> 00:15:32,611 Well, honey, this man… The Barracuda. 390 00:15:32,695 --> 00:15:35,739 …wants to talk to me about something that happened 20 years ago, 391 00:15:35,823 --> 00:15:38,534 and as I said to that man… The Lion. [HISSES] 392 00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:42,954 Twenty years ago, I was in Pittsburgh, at a softball tournament. 393 00:15:43,038 --> 00:15:44,872 Oh, Pittsburgh, interesting. Home of the Bengals. 394 00:15:44,956 --> 00:15:47,875 Home of the Steelers! No, this is the home of the stealers. 395 00:15:47,959 --> 00:15:49,293 I set you up perfectly for that. 396 00:15:49,377 --> 00:15:50,753 While you were busy establishing an alibi, 397 00:15:50,837 --> 00:15:52,713 your sons were back in Brooklyn, robbing the bank. 398 00:15:52,797 --> 00:15:54,507 But we were at the softball tournament, too. 399 00:15:54,591 --> 00:15:56,467 Oh, convenient you say that now when you have no proof. 400 00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:59,512 Didn't you guys bring back a trophy? A trophy's not really proof. 401 00:15:59,596 --> 00:16:01,931 We also have a framed photograph of the team, 402 00:16:02,015 --> 00:16:04,976 a videotape of the whole event, 39 eyewitnesses, 403 00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:06,811 a newspaper article about it, 404 00:16:06,895 --> 00:16:08,396 and security footage from the gas stations 405 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,481 we stopped at on the way to and from Pittsburgh. 406 00:16:10,565 --> 00:16:14,152 Okay, I gotta say, it seems a little weird you're so prepared for these questions. 407 00:16:14,236 --> 00:16:15,361 No, it's not. 408 00:16:15,445 --> 00:16:18,531 My brother and I had to gather all that information 20 years ago 409 00:16:18,615 --> 00:16:20,950 when we got accused of the exact same stuff by him. 410 00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:22,077 Say what now? 411 00:16:22,244 --> 00:16:26,164 Captain, you seem upset. Are you mad at me about something? 412 00:16:26,248 --> 00:16:28,583 Yes, obviously. I gave you $2,000, and you threw it away. 413 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,627 Ugh, I knew that was it. Stupid, Adrian, stupid! 414 00:16:31,711 --> 00:16:32,837 And it's not just the money. 415 00:16:32,921 --> 00:16:34,714 I know. You believed in me. 416 00:16:34,798 --> 00:16:36,507 And I took that belief, and I just 417 00:16:36,591 --> 00:16:38,009 -dumped all over it. -[CELL PHONE CHIMES] 418 00:16:38,093 --> 00:16:39,844 Wait, Adrian, an SMS text alert. 419 00:16:39,928 --> 00:16:42,597 Just pulled my pants down and squatted all… 420 00:16:42,681 --> 00:16:43,723 Adrian, be quiet. 421 00:16:43,807 --> 00:16:47,059 The beagle's been eliminated. Our dog is in the top three! 422 00:16:47,143 --> 00:16:48,937 [WHEEZING] 423 00:16:51,730 --> 00:16:53,941 Put the dog show on, at once. The game's on. 424 00:16:54,858 --> 00:16:56,610 Put on the dog show, Hank! 425 00:16:56,694 --> 00:16:58,070 It's in overtime. 426 00:17:02,908 --> 00:17:04,326 So what was that? You set me up? 427 00:17:04,410 --> 00:17:05,660 You already knew they had an alibi. 428 00:17:05,744 --> 00:17:08,288 Of course, I did. I guess you must have missed that fact 429 00:17:08,372 --> 00:17:11,291 when you were putting together your sloppy, lazy, garbage binder. 430 00:17:11,375 --> 00:17:12,542 What? I thought you loved my binder. 431 00:17:12,626 --> 00:17:13,752 You said I used all the good tabs. 432 00:17:13,836 --> 00:17:16,838 Those tabs weren't even cascading. Okay. 433 00:17:16,922 --> 00:17:19,549 Oh, I see. I think I know what's happening here. 434 00:17:19,633 --> 00:17:22,511 You're upset because Amy and I have seen each other's butts. 435 00:17:22,595 --> 00:17:23,803 What? Oh, God, it wasn't that. 436 00:17:23,887 --> 00:17:25,514 Please forget I said anything about your daughter's butt. 437 00:17:25,598 --> 00:17:26,723 You know why I don't like you, Jake? 438 00:17:26,807 --> 00:17:28,058 'Cause of my binder, apparently? 439 00:17:28,142 --> 00:17:29,184 No. 440 00:17:30,227 --> 00:17:31,645 Because of my binder. 441 00:17:31,729 --> 00:17:34,064 What, you think I wouldn't do my own research, 442 00:17:34,148 --> 00:17:37,359 find out everything I could about whoever my daughter is dating? 443 00:17:37,443 --> 00:17:39,361 Okay, fine, but it's not like you found anything bad about me. 444 00:17:39,445 --> 00:17:41,530 I mean, look at this credit score. One hundred. 445 00:17:41,614 --> 00:17:43,198 Out of 850. Oh, no, really? 446 00:17:43,282 --> 00:17:47,536 This binder tells the story of a sloppy, disorganized, irresponsible individual 447 00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:50,455 who's not allowed within 500 feet of Taylor Swift. 448 00:17:50,539 --> 00:17:51,873 That was a misunderstanding. 449 00:17:51,957 --> 00:17:53,708 You're not good enough for my Amy. 450 00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:56,044 I don't want my only daughter dating a screw-up. 451 00:17:56,128 --> 00:17:59,296 Oh, yeah? Well, I don't want my only girlfriend daughtering a jerk-dad. 452 00:17:59,380 --> 00:18:00,715 Burn on you. 453 00:18:02,592 --> 00:18:03,801 [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] 454 00:18:03,885 --> 00:18:04,927 It's Amy. 455 00:18:05,011 --> 00:18:07,471 Can I answer it? Am I good enough to have a conversation with her? 456 00:18:07,555 --> 00:18:08,597 Honestly, no. 457 00:18:08,681 --> 00:18:10,558 Well, I don't care. I'm doing it, anyway. 458 00:18:10,642 --> 00:18:13,435 -Hello, lover. How's that butt? -SANTIAGO: What? 459 00:18:13,519 --> 00:18:16,397 -Are you with my dad? -I sure am, and you're on speakerphone. 460 00:18:16,481 --> 00:18:20,526 So, feel free to tell me all about your sexuality 461 00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:24,280 and the intercourse we might have together, getting it in. 462 00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,991 I was just calling to tell you there's a turkey loose in the apartment, 463 00:18:27,075 --> 00:18:30,025 but somehow that's not the weirdest part of this phone call. 464 00:18:31,371 --> 00:18:32,705 What's going on? Oh, nothing. 465 00:18:32,789 --> 00:18:35,165 Just had a real eye-opening conversation with your dad. 466 00:18:35,249 --> 00:18:37,668 I wanted his approval, but he says I'll never be good enough for you. 467 00:18:37,752 --> 00:18:39,044 What the hell? I know, right? 468 00:18:39,128 --> 00:18:40,254 Tell him he's wrong. 469 00:18:40,338 --> 00:18:41,714 No, I'm upset with you. 470 00:18:41,798 --> 00:18:43,048 That's right, go get 'em, tiger. 471 00:18:43,132 --> 00:18:46,427 I'm also upset with you. What is this, 1950? 472 00:18:46,511 --> 00:18:48,887 I can't date someone unless I have my father's approval? 473 00:18:48,971 --> 00:18:50,889 Oh, obviously, you can.. . You guys act like 474 00:18:50,973 --> 00:18:52,433 this is your decision to make, 475 00:18:52,517 --> 00:18:54,727 like the woman doesn't even exist in this equation. 476 00:18:54,811 --> 00:18:55,894 Well, this woman… 477 00:18:55,978 --> 00:18:57,980 Wait, Amy, shut up. Excuse me? 478 00:18:58,064 --> 00:19:01,025 I'm so sorry, you were making a totally valid point about gender equality, 479 00:19:01,109 --> 00:19:02,401 but I just thought of something really important, 480 00:19:02,485 --> 00:19:04,570 so I'm going to hang up on you, okay? I love you, bye. 481 00:19:04,654 --> 00:19:06,322 It wasn't Russo or his sons. 482 00:19:06,698 --> 00:19:08,906 It was the daughter! It was the daughter! 483 00:19:08,990 --> 00:19:10,408 [TURKEY GOBBLING] 484 00:19:10,492 --> 00:19:12,452 All right, someone's gotta go out there 485 00:19:12,536 --> 00:19:14,086 and kill that feathery bastard. 486 00:19:14,579 --> 00:19:16,914 Rosa, you're always looking for an excuse to behead something. 487 00:19:16,998 --> 00:19:20,376 Don't look at me. Terry wastes all that time building muscles, make him do it. 488 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,754 Oh, come on, you all know these are just for show. 489 00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:24,130 Gina's the one who set him free. 490 00:19:24,214 --> 00:19:26,174 How was I supposed to know there'd be consequences 491 00:19:26,258 --> 00:19:27,843 -for my actions? -BOYLE: Enough. 492 00:19:28,135 --> 00:19:32,013 I started this. I'm going to end it. 493 00:19:40,605 --> 00:19:41,856 It's turkey time. 494 00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:43,191 [TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING] 495 00:19:45,736 --> 00:19:46,778 [TURKEY SQUAWKS] 496 00:19:46,862 --> 00:19:48,404 HOLT: This is it, the final lap. 497 00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:50,907 Bichon Frise dismissed. 498 00:19:51,032 --> 00:19:54,118 We're the top two, just us and that stupid freaking Schnauzer. 499 00:19:54,202 --> 00:19:56,371 Come on, Wire Fox Terrier. Come on, baby. 500 00:19:56,455 --> 00:19:57,664 [SHUSHES] 501 00:19:58,206 --> 00:20:00,458 The judge has made his decision. Shut up! 502 00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,085 Hold my hand, Captain. Hold my hand. 503 00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:05,713 ANNOUNCER: And the Best in Show goes to the Wire Fox Terrier. 504 00:20:05,797 --> 00:20:08,091 [YELLING, CHEERING] 505 00:20:09,593 --> 00:20:12,012 I'm going to live forever! Whoo! 506 00:20:14,598 --> 00:20:19,101 Charles? It's been quiet for a while. Everything okay? 507 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,586 I was going to chop the heck out of this bastard, 508 00:20:22,897 --> 00:20:24,774 but then he looked me in the eye, 509 00:20:25,399 --> 00:20:28,985 and I realized that nature is beautiful. 510 00:20:29,069 --> 00:20:30,404 He scratched you up real bad, didn't he? 511 00:20:30,488 --> 00:20:31,822 Yep, he got me good. 512 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,532 [ALL EXCLAIMING] 513 00:20:33,616 --> 00:20:37,327 It's okay. Once I started giving him Gouda, he showed me mercy. 514 00:20:37,411 --> 00:20:39,746 So, we're not eating the turkey then? Obviously not. 515 00:20:39,830 --> 00:20:41,791 Hello, everyone. 516 00:20:41,957 --> 00:20:44,751 Guess who just solved a 20-year-old unsolvable case? 517 00:20:44,835 --> 00:20:45,877 Wait, what? 518 00:20:45,961 --> 00:20:47,838 You guys figured out who pulled the first Essex Bank job? 519 00:20:47,922 --> 00:20:51,425 Yep. We realized we never checked the daughter's alibi. 520 00:20:51,759 --> 00:20:54,594 She wasn't at the softball trip, she had access to the plans, 521 00:20:54,678 --> 00:20:57,264 -and then she just confessed. -PERALTA: That's right. 522 00:20:57,348 --> 00:21:00,350 We arrested a woman today because we are feminists. 523 00:21:00,434 --> 00:21:02,519 So, does this mean you like each other now? 524 00:21:02,603 --> 00:21:03,645 Yep. Jury's still out. 525 00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:05,272 Uh-oh. Doesn't matter. 526 00:21:05,356 --> 00:21:08,526 It only matters what Amy thinks, and apparently, she loves you. 527 00:21:08,651 --> 00:21:09,693 I do. 528 00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:13,113 That's the first time we've ever kissed. 529 00:21:13,197 --> 00:21:17,284 Yeah! The Wire Fox boys are back! Yeah! 530 00:21:17,368 --> 00:21:19,078 [BOTH BARKING] 531 00:21:19,453 --> 00:21:20,996 PIMENTO: I just won 70 grand. 532 00:21:21,121 --> 00:21:23,582 So, Rosa, pack your bags, we're going to Tampa. 533 00:21:23,666 --> 00:21:24,750 Tight. Can't wait. 534 00:21:24,834 --> 00:21:26,710 Guys, I'm out of Gouda. 535 00:21:26,794 --> 00:21:28,002 [SQUAWKS]