1 00:00:02,275 --> 00:00:03,276 [TRIANGLE CHIMES] 2 00:00:04,860 --> 00:00:06,611 Attention, squad. 3 00:00:06,695 --> 00:00:08,905 Hmm. Pretty dainty way to make an announcement. 4 00:00:08,989 --> 00:00:10,782 It's a workplace. I want to be respectful. 5 00:00:10,866 --> 00:00:13,701 Well, as someone at a high risk for a spook-related death, thank you. 6 00:00:13,785 --> 00:00:17,580 As I was saying, it's time for round four of the Halloween Heist. 7 00:00:17,914 --> 00:00:19,514 -[AIR HORN SOUNDING] -[EXCLAIMING] 8 00:00:21,374 --> 00:00:22,792 If I don't make it, tell Gina I love her! 9 00:00:22,876 --> 00:00:24,502 What's up, Nine-Nine? 10 00:00:24,586 --> 00:00:28,797 Jake Peralta here to tell you that tonight is the night for the Halloween… 11 00:00:28,881 --> 00:00:31,133 Heist. Amy already went over this. 12 00:00:31,217 --> 00:00:32,676 What? Ames, what are you doing? 13 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:33,802 I always announce the heist. 14 00:00:33,886 --> 00:00:35,386 Yeah, Amy, what the hell are you doing? 15 00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:38,890 Exercising my right to announce the heist as the defending champion. 16 00:00:39,015 --> 00:00:40,057 "Defending champion." 17 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,642 The only reason you won is 'cause no one knew you were even playing. 18 00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:45,103 It was a pathetic act of pure cowardice. 19 00:00:45,187 --> 00:00:46,479 Whoa. She's your girlfriend, Peralta. 20 00:00:46,563 --> 00:00:47,814 Not tonight, she isn't. 21 00:00:47,898 --> 00:00:49,815 Although, don't kiss anyone else. I love you so much. 22 00:00:49,899 --> 00:00:52,484 Now, then, this one's for all… 23 00:00:52,568 --> 00:00:54,368 [BAND PLAYING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES"] 24 00:01:01,785 --> 00:01:02,827 Such a dork. So cool. 25 00:01:02,911 --> 00:01:05,120 Attention, squad. Tonight… Nope. 26 00:01:05,204 --> 00:01:07,456 Y'all three really should have coordinated. 27 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:09,541 What? I really should be the one to introduce the heist, 28 00:01:09,625 --> 00:01:11,793 as the last legitimate champion. 29 00:01:11,877 --> 00:01:14,795 Peralta hasn't won since the first year. He's a has-been. 30 00:01:14,879 --> 00:01:18,424 Yeah, well, this has-been has been with yo' mama all week. 31 00:01:18,508 --> 00:01:20,341 Sorry, I feel like I crossed a line. I apologize. 32 00:01:20,425 --> 00:01:21,468 [SIREN WAILING] 33 00:01:21,552 --> 00:01:22,802 Attention, everyone! 34 00:01:22,886 --> 00:01:24,804 Enough. We know. The heist is happening. 35 00:01:24,888 --> 00:01:29,392 No! My ex-wife just died. No more alimony, baby! 36 00:01:29,517 --> 00:01:31,519 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 37 00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,745 This year's Halloween Heist is a three-way tiebreaker 38 00:01:52,829 --> 00:01:54,497 to determine the champion of champions. 39 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,915 We'll be playing for this, 40 00:01:55,999 --> 00:01:58,917 a plaque that reads, "The Ultimate Detective/Genius." 41 00:01:59,001 --> 00:02:00,752 You and Santiago should quit now. 42 00:02:00,878 --> 00:02:02,588 I'm going to stomp on your dreams. 43 00:02:02,754 --> 00:02:04,130 It's fun to see you so passionate. 44 00:02:04,214 --> 00:02:07,714 I will slit you both open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets. 45 00:02:08,050 --> 00:02:10,344 Ha. Is it weird that that turned me on a little bit? 46 00:02:10,428 --> 00:02:12,638 Doesn't matter. But let's move on. 47 00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:14,931 The plaque will be held in this. 48 00:02:15,015 --> 00:02:17,058 Is that my childhood caboodle? It most certainly is. 49 00:02:17,142 --> 00:02:20,092 But don't worry, I removed the scrunchies, old report cards, 50 00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,729 and photos of young Al Gore. I'm better-looking than him, anyway. 51 00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:25,232 We're talking a young Al Gore? [CHUCKLES] 52 00:02:26,483 --> 00:02:27,943 Peralta, you do make me laugh. 53 00:02:28,027 --> 00:02:29,443 Okay, stings a little bit. 54 00:02:29,527 --> 00:02:31,737 It will be secured with this brand-new lock. 55 00:02:31,821 --> 00:02:35,575 Hitchcock, if you would do the honors. There you are. 56 00:02:36,992 --> 00:02:38,201 You can have that back in three… 57 00:02:38,285 --> 00:02:39,494 No, don't ever need it back. 58 00:02:39,578 --> 00:02:41,914 PERALTA: Now, then, locking the caboodle. 59 00:02:42,789 --> 00:02:45,916 The ca-boo-dale will be placed in the center of the bullpen. 60 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,417 Right, and what is the name of the store at the mall 61 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,544 that sells the sticky pastries? 62 00:02:48,628 --> 00:02:49,670 You mean the "See-nay-bone"? 63 00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:51,213 Yeah, that was it. Thanks. Continue. 64 00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:54,340 Whoever possesses the plaque at sunup wins. 65 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,176 Now, let's pick teams. 66 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:59,351 I've got a ton of work. You could just leave me out this year. 67 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,055 Interesting. Interesting. Terry, Terry, Terry… 68 00:03:02,139 --> 00:03:03,181 What? 69 00:03:03,265 --> 00:03:04,599 How naive do you think we are? 70 00:03:04,683 --> 00:03:06,560 You're "not participating" so you can 71 00:03:06,685 --> 00:03:08,561 sneak under our noses and steal a victory, 72 00:03:08,645 --> 00:03:10,271 like Santiago did last year. 73 00:03:10,355 --> 00:03:12,815 I'm going to my desk. Heists are dumb. 74 00:03:12,899 --> 00:03:15,149 If you have nothing to hide, then I'm sure you won't mind me asking 75 00:03:15,233 --> 00:03:17,026 Hitchcock and Scully to keep an eye on you. 76 00:03:17,110 --> 00:03:20,029 Whatever. My eyes will be glued to that ass. 77 00:03:20,113 --> 00:03:22,739 Great! It's now time to choose from the remaining players. 78 00:03:22,823 --> 00:03:25,325 Amy, since you're last year's champion, you go first. 79 00:03:25,409 --> 00:03:26,827 I choose Rosa. Dope. 80 00:03:26,911 --> 00:03:28,537 I select Charles Boyle. 81 00:03:28,621 --> 00:03:29,663 What? 82 00:03:29,747 --> 00:03:30,955 What's the matter, Peralta? 83 00:03:31,039 --> 00:03:33,583 Were you expecting to have Detective Boyle on your team? 84 00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:35,794 Have I thrown a wrench into your plans? 85 00:03:36,294 --> 00:03:38,336 Absolutely not. I'm just surprised, because you have 86 00:03:38,420 --> 00:03:39,754 such a strong connection with Gina. 87 00:03:39,838 --> 00:03:43,676 But I'm glad she's on my team. I had absolutely nothing planned for Charles. 88 00:03:43,926 --> 00:03:46,510 I totally planned everything for Charles. This is a nightmare! 89 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:49,013 Ew. What can Charles Boyle do that I can't? 90 00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:50,389 Roller-skate like an angel. 91 00:03:50,473 --> 00:03:52,183 Whore, I'm great on skates. 92 00:03:52,308 --> 00:03:55,059 Or are you forgetting Jenn Sutton's fourth-grade birthday party? 93 00:03:55,143 --> 00:03:56,519 I have definitely forgotten that. 94 00:03:56,603 --> 00:03:58,605 Well, I skated like a pro, 95 00:03:58,689 --> 00:04:02,608 and then I spent seven minutes in heaven with the Todd Cohen. 96 00:04:02,692 --> 00:04:05,944 It was dope. My point is, I can do anything Charles can. 97 00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,446 Except look exactly like the body double I got for him. 98 00:04:08,530 --> 00:04:10,365 Bill, you can come out now. 99 00:04:12,409 --> 00:04:13,451 Hi. 100 00:04:13,535 --> 00:04:16,787 Okay, yeah, this pasty white guy is going to be a problem. 101 00:04:17,204 --> 00:04:19,289 So, I believe the key to good teamwork 102 00:04:19,373 --> 00:04:20,832 is an equal exchange of ideas… 103 00:04:20,916 --> 00:04:23,959 Stop. I know you already have a plan, and I want to win. 104 00:04:24,043 --> 00:04:27,193 So, for the next eight hours, I'm down with all your nerdy crap. 105 00:04:27,463 --> 00:04:29,632 Come on, Amy. Show me the binder. 106 00:04:29,757 --> 00:04:31,883 Okay, but it's not a binder. 107 00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:35,637 It's a virtual binder, and it's encrypted on this flash drive. 108 00:04:35,721 --> 00:04:38,680 That's my girl. Now, where's the 3D model of the precinct? 109 00:04:38,764 --> 00:04:40,265 Inside the key chain. 110 00:04:40,349 --> 00:04:41,851 It's a frickin' hologram. 111 00:04:41,976 --> 00:04:43,436 Yes. 112 00:04:43,561 --> 00:04:47,230 I'm so excited, Captain. So, how are we going to do it? 113 00:04:47,605 --> 00:04:49,355 Here's everything you need to know. 114 00:04:55,571 --> 00:04:56,738 It's blank. It's a metaphor. 115 00:04:56,822 --> 00:04:59,283 You get nothing. You lose. Good day, sir. 116 00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:01,367 But we're teammates. You chose me. 117 00:05:01,451 --> 00:05:03,827 You're too close with Peralta. I don't trust you. 118 00:05:03,911 --> 00:05:06,455 I only chose you to disrupt his plans. 119 00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:09,739 And now that you've served your purpose, you're no longer needed. 120 00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:11,752 I feel so used. 121 00:05:11,918 --> 00:05:13,169 Am I just a piece of meat to you? 122 00:05:13,253 --> 00:05:14,379 Yes. 123 00:05:14,463 --> 00:05:16,589 Now, put on a smile, Pork Chop. 124 00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:20,049 So, what are you planning for the heist? 125 00:05:20,134 --> 00:05:22,511 The only thing I'm planning is getting my work done. 126 00:05:22,595 --> 00:05:23,720 HITCHCOCK: Sure you are. 127 00:05:23,804 --> 00:05:26,765 Come clean, or we'll tell everybody about your mistress. 128 00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:28,057 I don't have a mistress. 129 00:05:28,141 --> 00:05:31,436 You don't? But you're so good-looking. What's the point? 130 00:05:33,771 --> 00:05:37,900 As expected, all eyes are on the caboodle. It's go time. Now, Gina. 131 00:05:38,025 --> 00:05:39,068 Whoopsie. 132 00:05:39,942 --> 00:05:41,360 GINA [WHISPERING]: Bill, but you got to stand like me. 133 00:05:41,444 --> 00:05:44,572 I'm kind of like a young Brando, so give it that energy. 134 00:05:45,656 --> 00:05:46,740 Okay, yeah. 135 00:05:46,824 --> 00:05:48,700 You're doing the best you can with the tools that you have. 136 00:05:48,784 --> 00:05:50,684 Looks like nobody's onto us. Go, Gina. 137 00:05:52,788 --> 00:05:55,247 So, Bill, do you have a real job or… 138 00:05:55,498 --> 00:05:57,040 I'm the third in a lot of marriages. 139 00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,024 I got a nice soft face, so I don't intimidate the husbands. 140 00:06:00,211 --> 00:06:03,212 Hm. Strange. The random person I hired off the streets of Brooklyn is a weirdo. 141 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,339 What? Hmm? Nothing. 142 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:05,882 There she goes. 143 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,427 Now, Bill, the key here is that I came in before work 144 00:06:09,511 --> 00:06:12,811 and replaced the door handles with ones that lock from the outside. 145 00:06:13,013 --> 00:06:14,515 Pretty smart. 146 00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,766 All right, Bill. The time is now. 147 00:06:17,850 --> 00:06:20,561 Show your face. Show your face to the world. 148 00:06:23,314 --> 00:06:24,607 What the hell? Amy! 149 00:06:26,983 --> 00:06:28,985 Pick your jaws up off the floor, ladies. 150 00:06:29,069 --> 00:06:30,111 Where did Gina come from? 151 00:06:30,195 --> 00:06:32,947 And here comes Jake! 152 00:06:33,239 --> 00:06:34,281 [WHOOPS] 153 00:06:34,657 --> 00:06:38,493 Welcome to the big show. 154 00:06:38,577 --> 00:06:41,203 I was going to sneak the plaque out without anybody knowing, 155 00:06:41,287 --> 00:06:44,082 but then I thought, so much more fun to make you watch. 156 00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:48,002 Now, enjoy, as I steal the plaque of destiny. 157 00:06:51,338 --> 00:06:52,881 Trying to pick the lock, el Capitán? 158 00:06:52,965 --> 00:06:54,382 That'll take at least three minutes, 159 00:06:54,466 --> 00:06:56,550 by which time I will have hidden this plaque 160 00:06:56,634 --> 00:06:58,636 somewhere you will never find it. 161 00:07:02,348 --> 00:07:03,389 Voilà. 162 00:07:03,473 --> 00:07:05,475 Of course, you could break the window, 163 00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:09,229 but you would never knowingly destroy government property, would you? 164 00:07:09,354 --> 00:07:13,065 Well, misread that one. Gina, skate! Skate like the wind! 165 00:07:15,359 --> 00:07:18,362 GINA: So long, suckers… [GRUNTS] 166 00:07:20,321 --> 00:07:21,656 Gina, are you okay? 167 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:25,243 It's cool. I'm fine. Ain't no thang. 168 00:07:25,368 --> 00:07:29,079 Totally, girl! You look good! 169 00:07:31,165 --> 00:07:35,835 Ooh. It hurts so bad. I hope to God I'm not humbled by this. 170 00:07:36,169 --> 00:07:39,088 I'm so sorry, Gina. It should have been Charles on those skates. 171 00:07:39,172 --> 00:07:40,756 This is why you should always roller-skate 172 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:42,340 with a helmet and a mouth guard. 173 00:07:42,424 --> 00:07:43,800 Don't blame the victim. 174 00:07:43,884 --> 00:07:46,719 I'm just so sick of roller skating's dangerous image. 175 00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:47,953 We're not all bad boys. 176 00:07:48,054 --> 00:07:49,137 Yeah, none. 177 00:07:49,221 --> 00:07:51,181 All right, Gina, get your stuff. I'm taking you to the dentist. 178 00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:55,435 No, no, no. I'll go alone. I don't need anyone's help. 179 00:07:55,519 --> 00:07:57,478 Just order me an UberSELECT or better. 180 00:07:57,562 --> 00:08:00,898 And despite our natural desire to stop everything, 181 00:08:00,982 --> 00:08:03,442 you'd like us to soldier on in your absence and keep the heist going? 182 00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:04,567 Yeah, that's fine. 183 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,528 Well, you heard the lady. She insists we continue. 184 00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,530 Let's mop up this blood and get back at it. 185 00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:11,616 With all due respect, sir, I don't think that's the best idea. 186 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,659 The blood is dry. We could just clean it up after. 187 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:14,785 Ah, agreed. 188 00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,029 PERALTA: I love tonight. 189 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,623 However, there is the small issue of me losing my partner. 190 00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:23,292 Now, Terry, I know that you were upset that no one picked you earlier. 191 00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:25,294 Not what happened. Regardless, please be my partner. 192 00:08:25,378 --> 00:08:27,045 Please, please, please. No! 193 00:08:27,129 --> 00:08:28,713 Heists are dumb, and I have work to do. 194 00:08:28,797 --> 00:08:31,550 You're dumb, and I have heist to do. 195 00:08:32,051 --> 00:08:35,345 [YELLING] Overreacted. Damn it. You know what? Forget Terry. 196 00:08:35,595 --> 00:08:37,680 At the time of the accident, my team had the plaque, 197 00:08:37,764 --> 00:08:40,474 so I will just grab it and give myself a four-minute head start. 198 00:08:40,558 --> 00:08:44,477 Not so fast, Peralta. I say we reset the plaque and start over. 199 00:08:44,561 --> 00:08:46,897 What? But my team had it. Charles, tell him. 200 00:08:49,608 --> 00:08:52,068 No, Jake. We're resetting. 201 00:08:52,193 --> 00:08:54,612 Charles, what are you saying? 202 00:08:54,737 --> 00:08:55,821 The plaque 203 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:57,323 goes 204 00:08:58,323 --> 00:08:59,407 back. 205 00:09:01,534 --> 00:09:04,246 Yes, Pork Chop. Yes. 206 00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,706 I have eyes on Kristy, Stacey and Claudia. 207 00:09:07,790 --> 00:09:09,249 You used their code names. 208 00:09:09,333 --> 00:09:11,418 You read the plans, addenda and all! 209 00:09:11,543 --> 00:09:13,593 Damn right, I did. I told you, I'm all in. 210 00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:16,338 And you didn't make fun of me for basing it all on The Baby-Sitters Club. 211 00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,966 And I even did your suggested reading of Kristy's Big Day. 212 00:09:19,050 --> 00:09:20,759 You did? Calm down. 213 00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:22,510 You're such a Mary Anne. 214 00:09:22,594 --> 00:09:24,096 I am! It's true! 215 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,723 So, Boyle, I was impressed with how you stood up to Peralta 216 00:09:26,807 --> 00:09:28,683 and demanded a reset. 217 00:09:28,808 --> 00:09:30,643 I'm Team Holt all the way, baby. 218 00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:32,352 Also, I'm pretty upset with him 219 00:09:32,436 --> 00:09:34,021 for letting Gina sweat up my skates. 220 00:09:34,105 --> 00:09:36,305 Well, perhaps I can use a teammate after all. 221 00:09:36,773 --> 00:09:38,223 Do you swear I can trust you? 222 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,152 Yes. I swear. 223 00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:46,824 Let's unleash hell. 224 00:09:47,366 --> 00:09:50,160 Thanks for coming back, Bill. I really needed a teammate. 225 00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:51,577 Hey, man, you're paying. 226 00:09:51,661 --> 00:09:54,706 Yeah. You can take the wig off if you want. 227 00:09:54,914 --> 00:09:56,665 Whatever you want, man. You're paying. 228 00:09:56,749 --> 00:09:58,875 Could you stop saying that? It's making me a little uncomfortable. 229 00:09:58,959 --> 00:10:00,335 All right, man. It's your money. 230 00:10:00,419 --> 00:10:01,712 That's the same thing. 231 00:10:01,878 --> 00:10:03,130 SCULLY: What is this? 232 00:10:03,255 --> 00:10:04,505 It's a jack-o'-lantern. Don't touch it. 233 00:10:04,589 --> 00:10:06,465 Why not, because you're hiding something in there? 234 00:10:06,549 --> 00:10:09,176 Because my daughters made it and your palms are all black. 235 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,137 What have you been touching? 236 00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,096 Well, this has got me stumped. 237 00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,056 I got a pizza here for Raymond Holt. 238 00:10:15,307 --> 00:10:16,558 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. 239 00:10:17,475 --> 00:10:20,144 Holt hates pizza. He's trying to distract us. 240 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:21,394 If I were trying to distract you, 241 00:10:21,478 --> 00:10:22,520 I would have sent you the pizza. 242 00:10:22,604 --> 00:10:24,814 This is your doing, you and your male prostitute. 243 00:10:24,898 --> 00:10:27,901 Bill is not a male prostitute, I don't think. 244 00:10:27,985 --> 00:10:29,235 I have a pizza here for Raymond Holt. 245 00:10:29,319 --> 00:10:30,569 What's going on? 246 00:10:30,653 --> 00:10:32,112 I have a pizza here for Raymond Holt. 247 00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:33,864 Which one of you bozos did this? 248 00:10:33,948 --> 00:10:35,449 Us? You know how much planning it takes 249 00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,242 to get this many pizza guys here at the same time? 250 00:10:37,326 --> 00:10:40,453 A binder full of planning. This has Amy written all over it. 251 00:10:40,537 --> 00:10:43,414 If I had done this, it would say "Captain Raymond Holt." 252 00:10:43,498 --> 00:10:44,831 I'm not going to disrespect you, sir, 253 00:10:44,915 --> 00:10:46,208 even for the sake of the heist. 254 00:10:46,292 --> 00:10:47,376 I'll guard the plaque! 255 00:10:47,460 --> 00:10:48,502 You're not leaving my sight. 256 00:10:48,586 --> 00:10:49,920 Bill, can you see what's going on? 257 00:10:50,004 --> 00:10:51,255 Do you have eyes on Charles and Rosa? 258 00:10:51,339 --> 00:10:52,546 BILL: I don't know who anybody is. 259 00:10:52,630 --> 00:10:53,881 There's too much pizza! 260 00:10:53,965 --> 00:10:55,591 I see Holt. I see Charles. Where's Terry? 261 00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:58,010 Terry's leaving, because Terry's got work to do. 262 00:10:58,094 --> 00:10:59,387 Hitchcock! Scully! 263 00:10:59,678 --> 00:11:01,347 Follow Terry! On it! 264 00:11:01,555 --> 00:11:03,598 Getting bounced around like a pinball! 265 00:11:03,682 --> 00:11:04,724 This is madness! 266 00:11:04,808 --> 00:11:07,852 Who hired you? Who do you work for, pizza man? 267 00:11:08,186 --> 00:11:09,228 [AIR HORN SOUNDS] 268 00:11:09,395 --> 00:11:12,023 Everyone with a pizza, get out of here! 269 00:11:16,985 --> 00:11:18,236 The caboodle! The caboodle! 270 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:19,696 The ca-boo-dale! 271 00:11:23,115 --> 00:11:24,658 PERALTA: I know one of you took the plaque. 272 00:11:24,742 --> 00:11:26,994 And I swear on my living mother's future grave, 273 00:11:27,078 --> 00:11:28,662 I'm not going to let you get away with it. 274 00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:31,289 Or it was you, Jake. You love pizza. 275 00:11:31,498 --> 00:11:33,916 It's true. You had it for breakfast this morning. 276 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,419 When pizza's on a bagel, you can eat pizza any time. 277 00:11:36,503 --> 00:11:38,378 Well, it certainly wasn't Boyle and me. 278 00:11:38,462 --> 00:11:39,754 We were out here the whole time. 279 00:11:39,838 --> 00:11:41,047 Plus, we already ate. 280 00:11:41,131 --> 00:11:43,008 Autumn salads with farm-fresh squash. 281 00:11:43,092 --> 00:11:45,092 That's right, I'm catering for our team. 282 00:11:45,301 --> 00:11:47,261 Look who I found hiding in the interrogation room. 283 00:11:47,345 --> 00:11:48,695 This guilty son of a bitch. 284 00:11:48,805 --> 00:11:50,097 Still your sergeant. 285 00:11:50,181 --> 00:11:51,682 Look, I wasn't hiding. I was doing my work. 286 00:11:51,766 --> 00:11:53,224 Hitchcock and Scully were with me. 287 00:11:53,308 --> 00:11:57,520 Were they, or perhaps were they distracted by your brilliant pizza ruse? 288 00:11:57,604 --> 00:12:01,315 Totally distracted. I ate two whole pies. Folded 'em up like tacos. 289 00:12:01,399 --> 00:12:02,983 You're suspect number one, Jeffords. 290 00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:04,109 Whatever. 291 00:12:04,193 --> 00:12:07,112 "Whatever." Spoken like a common criminal. 292 00:12:07,196 --> 00:12:08,780 Still a long time till sunup. 293 00:12:08,905 --> 00:12:10,364 All I have to say is, 294 00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:13,993 whoever took that plaque, you better watch out. 295 00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:15,245 Come on, Rosa. 296 00:12:16,954 --> 00:12:18,372 Come on, Boyle. 297 00:12:18,497 --> 00:12:19,914 Yes, sir. 298 00:12:19,998 --> 00:12:21,041 Come on… 299 00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:24,377 Bill. 300 00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:28,131 Okay, was the operation a success? 301 00:12:29,298 --> 00:12:30,341 You tell me. 302 00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,886 Blended right in with the pizza guys. Got out my bolt cutters. 303 00:12:34,970 --> 00:12:37,638 Lock snapped on the first try. No one saw me leave. 304 00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:38,847 Got to hand it to you… 305 00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,974 Beautiful plan. Beautiful execution. 306 00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:42,684 It's kind of like we're our own baby-sitters club. 307 00:12:42,768 --> 00:12:45,229 Oh, my God, I don't want tonight to ever end. 308 00:12:45,354 --> 00:12:48,230 Did you by chance read the excerpt from The Truth About Stacey? 309 00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:49,440 The one about the rival baby-sitters. 310 00:12:49,524 --> 00:12:51,025 That get caught smoking cigarettes? 311 00:12:51,109 --> 00:12:53,444 Well, let's just say that these two baby-sitters 312 00:12:53,528 --> 00:12:55,821 aren't getting caught with squat. 313 00:12:56,780 --> 00:12:58,573 This is where I stash a few cigarettes 314 00:12:58,657 --> 00:13:00,657 on the rare occasion that I need a puff. 315 00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:04,244 DIAZ: Dope. 316 00:13:04,328 --> 00:13:07,707 The hiding place, not the smoking. Mary Anne is better than that. 317 00:13:08,207 --> 00:13:10,000 She's a work in progress. 318 00:13:11,501 --> 00:13:13,336 This is so frustrating. 319 00:13:13,503 --> 00:13:15,338 There's no way of knowing who has the plaque. 320 00:13:15,422 --> 00:13:17,255 Amy and Rosa have it. What? How do you know? 321 00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,757 Diaz usually favors her left leg, 322 00:13:18,841 --> 00:13:21,593 but after Zero Dark Pizza, she was suddenly favoring her right. 323 00:13:21,677 --> 00:13:26,389 Yes, yes, which means that she was… 324 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:31,533 You trailed off and didn't finish speaking. Continue. 325 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:33,770 I don't want to. 326 00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,523 Her gait was thrown off because she was carrying the plaque. 327 00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,901 And I know exactly where it's hidden, 328 00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:41,318 in Santiago's secret cigarette stash. 329 00:13:41,402 --> 00:13:42,444 How did you find that? 330 00:13:42,528 --> 00:13:44,530 Whenever she gets stressed out, she smokes. 331 00:13:44,614 --> 00:13:46,714 And it's almost too easy to stress her out. 332 00:13:46,949 --> 00:13:48,617 Santiago, I… 333 00:13:49,868 --> 00:13:50,911 Never mind. 334 00:13:51,786 --> 00:13:54,914 What is it? What? I got to go. 335 00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:00,544 Bing-pot. 336 00:14:00,711 --> 00:14:04,297 And now, it's time to send in our cute little secret weapon. 337 00:14:04,464 --> 00:14:06,465 I'm ready, Captain. I love the nickname. 338 00:14:06,549 --> 00:14:09,052 No, Charles, not you. I was talking about Cheddar. 339 00:14:09,177 --> 00:14:10,760 Oh, right, obviously. 340 00:14:10,844 --> 00:14:13,430 Over the past month, I've had him trained to retrieve plaques. 341 00:14:13,514 --> 00:14:16,099 And now, boy, it's time to make Daddy proud. 342 00:14:16,183 --> 00:14:17,225 Yes, sir. 343 00:14:17,309 --> 00:14:20,228 I could not have been more clearly talking to the dog. 344 00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:30,403 Time is running out. 345 00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:32,155 We got to stop playing by the rules 346 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:33,989 and start playing dirty. Follow my lead, Bill. 347 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:37,243 Okay, but first, I should tell you my safe word is "cabbage." 348 00:14:37,409 --> 00:14:39,661 Why? You know what, never mind. It doesn't matter. 349 00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:42,580 Hey Charles! Charles, get in here. Come on. 350 00:14:42,747 --> 00:14:44,790 What is Holt up to? Does he have the plaque? 351 00:14:44,874 --> 00:14:46,834 Does he know who does? I'm not telling you that, Jake. 352 00:14:46,918 --> 00:14:48,085 I'm Team Holt, and there's nothing 353 00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:49,252 you could say that'll change that. 354 00:14:49,336 --> 00:14:53,715 Okay, fine, then I guess I have a new best friend, and his name is Bill. 355 00:14:54,591 --> 00:14:56,675 You're not serious. He's just a prop for the heist. 356 00:14:56,759 --> 00:15:01,013 Sure, it started out that way, but you know how these things go, 357 00:15:01,097 --> 00:15:02,598 spending time together, 358 00:15:02,682 --> 00:15:06,893 sharing intimate secrets, laughing about nothing in particular. 359 00:15:06,977 --> 00:15:08,728 Cabbage. Holt has the plaque. 360 00:15:08,812 --> 00:15:10,188 It's hidden in the evidence room 361 00:15:10,272 --> 00:15:11,813 in a box marked "Cold Cases 1972." 362 00:15:11,897 --> 00:15:14,047 Thanks, bud. We will always be best friends. 363 00:15:15,776 --> 00:15:18,529 You hear that, Bill? Nobody likes you! 364 00:15:21,364 --> 00:15:22,532 Ain't she a beaut? 365 00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:23,782 Sexy. 366 00:15:23,866 --> 00:15:26,451 Immediately ruined it, Bill. Immediately. 367 00:15:26,535 --> 00:15:27,619 Here you go. 368 00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:30,455 [HOLT MAKING SWISHING SOUNDS] 369 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,041 What is happening right now? 370 00:15:33,125 --> 00:15:36,627 The last sands are running through the hourglass… [MAKING SWISHING SOUNDS] 371 00:15:36,711 --> 00:15:38,588 Because your time is running out, 372 00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:40,547 and you are never going to get the plaque. 373 00:15:40,631 --> 00:15:43,674 Captain, stop. I just can't let you embarrass yourself. 374 00:15:43,758 --> 00:15:45,259 I told Jake everything. 375 00:15:45,343 --> 00:15:48,304 He threatened to replace me, and I freaked out hard. 376 00:15:48,388 --> 00:15:49,429 I'm sorry. 377 00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,974 It's okay. I knew you would betray me. 378 00:15:52,141 --> 00:15:53,558 That's why I fed you fake intel. 379 00:15:53,642 --> 00:15:54,684 BOTH: What? 380 00:15:54,768 --> 00:15:57,895 The plaque was never in "Cold Cases 1972." 381 00:15:57,979 --> 00:16:00,079 As if I'd just put it in a box, unattended. 382 00:16:00,898 --> 00:16:02,650 But you did. No, I didn't. 383 00:16:02,734 --> 00:16:05,026 Then how do you explain this? 384 00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:08,989 I have no idea. I put the plaque in my office. Cheddar? 385 00:16:10,198 --> 00:16:11,241 Come here. Come here, baby. 386 00:16:11,325 --> 00:16:12,366 What the hell? 387 00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:14,827 Yeah, thank you. Return to my office, please. 388 00:16:14,994 --> 00:16:18,580 What's up, you little turds? Wait, what is going on? We have the plaque. 389 00:16:18,664 --> 00:16:21,040 Yeah, I just got it out of the vent to rub it in your faces. 390 00:16:21,124 --> 00:16:22,708 "I Just Got It Out of the Vent to Rub It in Your Faces." 391 00:16:22,792 --> 00:16:24,377 Name of your sex tape. What? 392 00:16:24,461 --> 00:16:28,130 Something strange is afoot. Which of these is real? 393 00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:29,756 Black lights. What the hell? 394 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,634 Oh, my God. Our precinct is disgusting. 395 00:16:32,718 --> 00:16:33,760 Dear God! 396 00:16:33,844 --> 00:16:36,595 Hitchcock and Scully's desk. 397 00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:38,013 Wait. Look at the plaques. 398 00:16:38,097 --> 00:16:39,348 "Are…" "Heists…" 399 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:40,474 "Dumb." 400 00:16:40,558 --> 00:16:43,434 Are heists dumb? Of course not. That was a stupid question. 401 00:16:43,518 --> 00:16:46,854 No, Jake, it says, "Heists are dumb." 402 00:16:46,938 --> 00:16:48,315 ALL: Terry! 403 00:16:51,859 --> 00:16:54,695 The Oscar for Best Liar goes to you! 404 00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:57,531 That's not an Oscars category. What's going on? 405 00:16:57,615 --> 00:16:58,948 Not to be harsh, Sarge, 406 00:16:59,199 --> 00:17:01,242 but you're setting a terrible example for your daughters, 407 00:17:01,326 --> 00:17:03,578 and they're going to grow up to be total failures. 408 00:17:03,662 --> 00:17:04,870 You take that back. 409 00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:07,163 No, she's right, Jeffords. Your children are doomed. 410 00:17:07,247 --> 00:17:08,290 Where's the plaque? 411 00:17:08,374 --> 00:17:10,417 For the last time, I don't know! 412 00:17:10,542 --> 00:17:12,544 I've been working here the whole time. 413 00:17:12,628 --> 00:17:13,669 Ask them. 414 00:17:13,753 --> 00:17:15,588 Well, actually, we both fell asleep. 415 00:17:15,713 --> 00:17:17,506 And Jeffords never woke us up. 416 00:17:17,590 --> 00:17:18,925 Coincidence? 417 00:17:19,050 --> 00:17:20,426 I don't need this. 418 00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:22,010 You're not going anywhere. 419 00:17:22,135 --> 00:17:23,595 Damn, Rosa! 420 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:24,804 BOYLE: He's trying to get away! 421 00:17:24,888 --> 00:17:25,972 Everyone start panicking! 422 00:17:26,056 --> 00:17:27,506 He had someone lock the door. 423 00:17:28,557 --> 00:17:30,559 'Sup, losers? 424 00:17:30,643 --> 00:17:32,186 I have the real plaque! 425 00:17:33,771 --> 00:17:35,523 Gina! Of course! 426 00:17:35,690 --> 00:17:38,190 It all makes sense, except for the parts I don't understand 427 00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,192 and the fact that I still kind of think Terry did this. 428 00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,529 Nope, it was all me. 429 00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:43,695 Three weeks ago, 430 00:17:43,779 --> 00:17:46,740 Captain Holt asked me to order a plaque that read, 431 00:17:46,865 --> 00:17:49,660 "The Ultimate Detective/Genius." 432 00:17:49,952 --> 00:17:52,369 I did it, and I ordered three copies 433 00:17:52,453 --> 00:17:55,039 and a statue of Tyrese riding a dolphin. 434 00:17:55,164 --> 00:17:56,249 Is that relevant? 435 00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:57,417 To my life, yes. 436 00:17:57,542 --> 00:18:00,501 Once I had the plaques, I manipulated Captain Holt 437 00:18:00,585 --> 00:18:03,212 into choosing Boyle as his partner. 438 00:18:03,296 --> 00:18:06,133 All it took was six bottles of dish soap. 439 00:18:06,258 --> 00:18:09,551 See, this is what happens when Jake tries to wash dishes by himself. 440 00:18:09,635 --> 00:18:11,679 It's like he's helpless without Boyle. 441 00:18:11,971 --> 00:18:16,141 Yes. He is helpless without Boyle. 442 00:18:16,433 --> 00:18:19,685 And you fell for my trap like a greedy little rat. 443 00:18:19,769 --> 00:18:20,853 Easy. 444 00:18:20,937 --> 00:18:25,107 Yes, it was easy. And the next phase of my plan, 445 00:18:25,399 --> 00:18:27,985 a "skating accident." 446 00:18:28,152 --> 00:18:30,194 But you knocked out your two front teeth. 447 00:18:30,278 --> 00:18:31,528 False teeth. 448 00:18:31,612 --> 00:18:33,072 Fake blood. 449 00:18:33,156 --> 00:18:35,533 I lost my real teeth at Jenn Sutton's 450 00:18:35,658 --> 00:18:38,076 birthday party in fourth grade. 451 00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,203 You made sure I didn't remember that! 452 00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:43,456 It was minute five of seven minutes in heaven with Todd Cohen 453 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:46,166 when he bumped the wall and the bowling ball fell on my face. 454 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,918 Maybe I just wasn't at that party. 455 00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:49,711 Once I had faked the skating mishap, 456 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:52,797 I swapped out a dummy plaque for the real one. 457 00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:54,382 Then I left to go to the dentist. 458 00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:57,385 And you convinced your dentist to help you carry out the rest of the heist. 459 00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:58,844 No. Of course not. Go ahead. 460 00:18:58,928 --> 00:19:01,138 I came back, wearing the perfect disguise 461 00:19:01,305 --> 00:19:03,473 to make sure I was never noticed by anyone. 462 00:19:03,557 --> 00:19:06,226 Something so drab and uninspiring… 463 00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,893 This feels like it's going to be a dig on me. 464 00:19:07,977 --> 00:19:09,677 I wore Amy's clothes. There it is. 465 00:19:09,812 --> 00:19:11,939 This is your doing, you and your male prostitute. 466 00:19:12,023 --> 00:19:14,484 Bill is not a male prostitute, I don't think. 467 00:19:14,650 --> 00:19:17,527 That suit is not drab. It has a fun salmon lining. 468 00:19:17,611 --> 00:19:19,445 No, Amy, it made me invisible. 469 00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:21,030 And now that I had that power, 470 00:19:21,114 --> 00:19:24,658 every time one of you stole a plaque, I replaced it with a fake. 471 00:19:24,742 --> 00:19:27,911 And no one had any idea until the lights went out, 472 00:19:27,995 --> 00:19:30,955 revealing a secret message, "Heists are dumb." 473 00:19:31,039 --> 00:19:33,874 Then we raced in here to blame Terry, and you trapped us. 474 00:19:33,958 --> 00:19:36,127 But how did you know he was going to say, "Heists are dumb"? 475 00:19:36,211 --> 00:19:37,586 Terry says that about everything. 476 00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:38,920 Everyone should wear suspenders. 477 00:19:39,004 --> 00:19:40,046 Belts are dumb. 478 00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:41,256 People should swim forward. 479 00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,507 The backstroke is dumb. 480 00:19:42,591 --> 00:19:43,925 Thirty grams of fat? 481 00:19:44,009 --> 00:19:45,176 Hummus is dumb. 482 00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:47,428 And now, here you all are, 483 00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:51,516 locked up behind the glass like a bunch of loser fish. 484 00:19:51,682 --> 00:19:53,433 I bet you're wondering why I did it. 485 00:19:53,517 --> 00:19:54,600 Because you wanted to win? 486 00:19:54,684 --> 00:19:57,229 No! I had a loftier goal in mind. 487 00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:59,772 Can you do me a favor and tell me what that says right there? 488 00:19:59,856 --> 00:20:01,565 "The Ultimate Detective/Genius." 489 00:20:01,649 --> 00:20:02,691 "Detective." 490 00:20:03,025 --> 00:20:04,651 Can you imagine what that word sounds like 491 00:20:04,735 --> 00:20:06,361 to someone who's not a detective? 492 00:20:06,445 --> 00:20:10,073 Discriminatory. It's worse than segregation. 493 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,282 BOTH: Uh-uh. 494 00:20:11,366 --> 00:20:14,369 Too far? I'm sorry. But I think I've proved a point. 495 00:20:14,494 --> 00:20:17,120 And that's why we're changing the name of the plaque forever! 496 00:20:17,204 --> 00:20:18,497 To what? 497 00:20:18,622 --> 00:20:22,876 ALL: Gina Linetti is the Ultimate Human/Genius. 498 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,669 Thank you. And now, I'd like to say a few words. 499 00:20:25,753 --> 00:20:27,004 You talked for an hour when you had us 500 00:20:27,088 --> 00:20:28,297 locked in that interrogation room. 501 00:20:28,381 --> 00:20:30,924 I'm a fair ruler. Your comment has been heard. 502 00:20:31,008 --> 00:20:33,634 But seriously, you guys, I just want to say, 503 00:20:33,718 --> 00:20:36,847 I friggin' love you losers. Happy Halloween. 504 00:20:36,972 --> 00:20:39,431 Happy Halloween! 505 00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:41,099 Take out your teeth. Yeah. 506 00:20:41,183 --> 00:20:44,353 ALL: Take out your teeth! Take out your teeth! 507 00:20:44,728 --> 00:20:46,230 Take out your teeth! 508 00:20:46,355 --> 00:20:47,397 [ALL CHEERING] 509 00:20:47,522 --> 00:20:49,065 I'm invincible!