1
00:00:04,744 --> 00:00:05,869
-Greg.
-Larry.
2
00:00:05,953 --> 00:00:06,994
What's going on?
3
00:00:07,078 --> 00:00:09,372
Any idea why Marshal Haas
called this special meeting?
4
00:00:09,456 --> 00:00:11,749
I don't know. Do you think she
saw the video we put on the Internet
5
00:00:11,833 --> 00:00:13,668
to lure Jimmy Figgis down here?
6
00:00:13,752 --> 00:00:15,836
"Corn Dog pewned by Go Kart"?
7
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,381
It's "pwned," but that was
really adorable. [CHUCKLES]
8
00:00:18,465 --> 00:00:22,593
Well, if she has, it would ruin
our entire plan. Here she comes.
9
00:00:22,801 --> 00:00:24,261
[MOVIE PLAYING]
10
00:00:26,221 --> 00:00:27,555
Gentlemen. What's up?
11
00:00:27,639 --> 00:00:29,015
So, how's it going?
12
00:00:29,099 --> 00:00:30,558
It's good. It's really good.
13
00:00:30,642 --> 00:00:33,352
Uh, keeping a low prof.
No contact with Brooklyn.
14
00:00:33,436 --> 00:00:34,812
No one's questioned our identities.
15
00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:37,439
Definitely staying off the Net,
[CHUCKLING] right, Greg?
16
00:00:37,523 --> 00:00:38,900
-Right.
-KAREN: That's it?
17
00:00:39,609 --> 00:00:40,901
That's all you have to say to me?
18
00:00:40,985 --> 00:00:42,236
Yeah, I think we're good.
19
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,404
So, nobody's going to
ask me how I'm doing?
20
00:00:44,488 --> 00:00:45,947
Oh, I didn't think this was
a personal conversation.
21
00:00:46,031 --> 00:00:49,534
It's not. Turn back around and watch
the movie. This is official business.
22
00:00:49,618 --> 00:00:52,412
I was just testing you, because
Greg is the kind of person
23
00:00:52,496 --> 00:00:54,080
who cares about his friends
24
00:00:54,164 --> 00:00:56,915
and can sense when
something is off with them.
25
00:00:56,999 --> 00:00:59,543
Is something off with you, Marshal Haas?
26
00:01:00,753 --> 00:01:05,090
I don't know.
I mean, I met someone, okay, and, um…
27
00:01:05,174 --> 00:01:06,299
I mean, it's not my husband.
28
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:08,926
I mean, nothing's happened yet,
29
00:01:09,010 --> 00:01:11,012
but my entire body is on fire.
30
00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:12,680
He's Cuban.
31
00:01:12,764 --> 00:01:13,931
Is this still official business?
32
00:01:14,015 --> 00:01:15,099
Of course it is.
33
00:01:15,183 --> 00:01:16,642
Shut up and watch the movie. Yep.
34
00:01:16,726 --> 00:01:20,270
Pop quiz. If Larry were
married, and everything was fine,
35
00:01:20,354 --> 00:01:21,396
and I mean, honestly,
36
00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:23,356
everything is totally fine… Sure.
37
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,151
But he knew that one
night with this person
38
00:01:26,235 --> 00:01:29,335
could give him everything he
needed for the rest of his life…
39
00:01:29,446 --> 00:01:30,572
Would he do it? Yes?
40
00:01:30,656 --> 00:01:32,198
Yes? Good.
41
00:01:32,448 --> 00:01:34,158
What if this person that
Larry met was young?
42
00:01:34,242 --> 00:01:36,285
I mean, really young.
43
00:01:36,369 --> 00:01:38,162
Well, I don't think Larry
would do anything illegal.
44
00:01:38,246 --> 00:01:41,415
You know, it seems to me Larry has needs
45
00:01:42,291 --> 00:01:45,001
and deserves to have those needs
46
00:01:46,211 --> 00:01:47,254
met.
47
00:01:48,672 --> 00:01:53,217
Greg, you're really great at being
undercover. You both passed the test.
48
00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:55,011
Marco, vámonos!
49
00:01:56,054 --> 00:01:58,097
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
50
00:02:16,114 --> 00:02:18,866
Guys, guys, the Marshal
gave me good news about Jake.
51
00:02:18,950 --> 00:02:20,201
Jake's back. Jake's back!
52
00:02:20,285 --> 00:02:22,535
Oh, we're not ready.
We need gummy worms. We need them now!
53
00:02:22,619 --> 00:02:23,661
No, Charles.
54
00:02:23,745 --> 00:02:25,747
Jake is still wherever he is,
55
00:02:25,831 --> 00:02:27,707
but since it's been six months,
56
00:02:27,791 --> 00:02:30,043
the Marshal is letting me
write a one-page letter to Jake
57
00:02:30,127 --> 00:02:32,545
which she will read to
him and then set on fire.
58
00:02:32,629 --> 00:02:33,754
Is there anything you
guys want me to write?
59
00:02:33,838 --> 00:02:36,173
You have to tell Jake
about my new son, Nikolaj.
60
00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,300
That he's four years
old, he's from Latvia,
61
00:02:38,384 --> 00:02:40,928
he calls me "comrade,"
and I love him so much.
62
00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:43,680
Will do.
Rosa, anything you want to tell Jake?
63
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,432
Yeah. Tell him I said…
64
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,893
You want me to write
that you nodded slightly?
65
00:02:48,977 --> 00:02:50,102
He'll know what it means.
66
00:02:50,186 --> 00:02:52,104
I would like you to tell Jacob
67
00:02:52,188 --> 00:02:55,191
that I'm thinking about him
and hoping that he's safe.
68
00:02:55,775 --> 00:03:00,779
What? Meet the new Gina, who
always puts others before herself.
69
00:03:00,863 --> 00:03:03,313
Can you make the whole
letter about me doing that?
70
00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:06,535
Yeah, I'll just tell him that
everything's exactly the same.
71
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,913
Guys, briefing room, five minutes.
72
00:03:09,038 --> 00:03:11,331
We're getting a new captain. Again!
73
00:03:12,457 --> 00:03:14,625
Hello, Larry. It's your neighbor, Greg.
74
00:03:14,709 --> 00:03:18,338
Can I try your hot tub out?
I'm thinking of getting one.
75
00:03:18,463 --> 00:03:21,756
Of course, that's a totally normal
thing to do in 100-degree weather.
76
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:23,174
Come on in and hop in the tub.
77
00:03:23,258 --> 00:03:24,718
Thank you.
78
00:03:26,386 --> 00:03:28,221
We need to talk without being overheard.
79
00:03:28,305 --> 00:03:29,905
Turn on the bubbles. You got it.
80
00:03:30,474 --> 00:03:31,934
[WHIRRING, BUBBLING]
81
00:03:32,142 --> 00:03:35,227
Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis saw our video.
How do you know?
82
00:03:35,311 --> 00:03:37,896
A man with a thick New Jersey
accent called the Fun Zone,
83
00:03:37,980 --> 00:03:40,691
asking to meet the guys
from "the corn-dog video."
84
00:03:40,775 --> 00:03:42,651
Figgis is coming to kill us.
85
00:03:42,735 --> 00:03:44,069
We should call the Nine-Nine for backup.
86
00:03:44,153 --> 00:03:45,445
Oh, absolutely not.
87
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:46,988
That might alert the marshals.
88
00:03:47,072 --> 00:03:49,699
We can take Figgis and
his men down on our own.
89
00:03:49,783 --> 00:03:53,536
Right. Okay. Let's go arm up.
90
00:03:53,954 --> 00:03:56,957
Figgis has no idea
what's about to hit him.
91
00:03:57,165 --> 00:03:58,623
Also, it probably goes without saying,
92
00:03:58,707 --> 00:04:00,542
but it's chill to whiz in this thing.
93
00:04:00,626 --> 00:04:03,795
I mean, I have been. You can if you want.
I haven't been if you haven't.
94
00:04:03,879 --> 00:04:06,340
Have you? I haven't. Have you?
95
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,050
We can't just waltz in there
and buy whatever we want.
96
00:04:09,134 --> 00:04:10,593
They'll do a federal background check
97
00:04:10,677 --> 00:04:12,303
on Greg Stickney and Larry Sherbert,
98
00:04:12,387 --> 00:04:14,513
and that will set off alarms
in the marshals' office.
99
00:04:14,597 --> 00:04:18,976
No, we'll have to bribe the gun store
owner, so he doesn't run our names.
100
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:20,311
But we don't have any money.
101
00:04:20,395 --> 00:04:24,064
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
I'm the bribe, aren't I?
102
00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:26,024
You're not the bribe.
Why, what's wrong with my body?
103
00:04:26,108 --> 00:04:28,985
Actually, I borrowed $3,000 from
my walking-group friend, Ruth.
104
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:30,153
Ruth, I'm going to be straight with you.
105
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:31,863
I accidentally knocked up a woman.
106
00:04:31,947 --> 00:04:33,907
Greg! You know me.
107
00:04:33,991 --> 00:04:36,491
I see a pair of thick, weighty breasts,
108
00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:38,536
and all logic flies out the window.
109
00:04:39,203 --> 00:04:41,497
Heterosexual you is such a dog.
110
00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:43,665
[SIGHS]
111
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:46,043
Can I help you?
Oh, no, thanks, just browsing.
112
00:04:46,127 --> 00:04:49,003
Although, you know what, since
I'm here, why don't I grab, like,
113
00:04:49,087 --> 00:04:50,713
eight handguns, couple of shotguns,
114
00:04:50,797 --> 00:04:53,133
and, I don't know, three more handguns.
115
00:04:53,258 --> 00:04:54,300
Can I see some ID?
116
00:04:54,384 --> 00:04:58,512
Yes, of course, of course.
Ah, would you look at that?
117
00:04:58,596 --> 00:05:01,014
I forgot my license,
but I do happen to have
118
00:05:01,098 --> 00:05:03,225
this big old wad… No problem.
119
00:05:03,392 --> 00:05:04,517
Hmm? I don't need your ID.
120
00:05:04,601 --> 00:05:06,979
Federal database is down, anyway.
Wink-wink.
121
00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:09,481
Ah. So, how do you like your
ammo, by the box, or by the bucket?
122
00:05:09,565 --> 00:05:11,190
Cool, cool, cool. Our country is broken.
123
00:05:11,274 --> 00:05:12,358
What? Uh, bucket!
124
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:16,111
I'll just take your biggest bucket
of bullets. [CLICKS TONGUE]
125
00:05:16,195 --> 00:05:19,031
Okay, everyone.
We've been assigned a new commander.
126
00:05:19,115 --> 00:05:20,950
Please give him a warm welcome.
127
00:05:21,993 --> 00:05:24,994
Hey, guys. Uh, I'm Captain Stentley.
128
00:05:25,078 --> 00:05:27,372
Ah, yuck, that sounds so formal.
129
00:05:29,082 --> 00:05:32,586
Um, "Captain Jason." No. Call me C.J.
130
00:05:32,711 --> 00:05:35,545
Okay, so, that's all I got, unless
you guys have any questions.
131
00:05:35,629 --> 00:05:37,172
Yeah, you wearing sweatpants?
132
00:05:37,256 --> 00:05:40,634
No. Oh, yes. [LAUGHS] Yes, I am.
133
00:05:40,718 --> 00:05:43,053
I, um, had some hot cocoa this morning,
134
00:05:43,137 --> 00:05:44,554
-and I totally biffed it.
-[LAUGHING]
135
00:05:44,638 --> 00:05:45,806
I like this guy.
136
00:05:45,890 --> 00:05:46,974
SANTIAGO: Uh, if I may ask,
137
00:05:47,058 --> 00:05:52,062
how did you become captain?
You just seem a little, uh…
138
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,066
Unqualified? No. No, no, no. [CHUCKLES]
139
00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:59,818
It's because I am, actually.
Here's how it happened.
140
00:05:59,902 --> 00:06:04,239
I had an appointment at my
dermatologist at 4027th Avenue.
141
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:07,951
But I went to 204 7th Avenue by mistake.
142
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,078
It's like numbers are
so crazy, am I right?
143
00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,204
Amen. Not really.
144
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,372
Anyway, there was this
big drug bust going down.
145
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:15,582
I showed up, spooked the kingpin.
146
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:18,252
He darts for the front door, trips,
147
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,504
shoots himself in the
stomach accidentally,
148
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:23,549
and then after that, everybody
pretty much surrendered very quickly,
149
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,258
and they made me a
captain about a week later.
150
00:06:25,342 --> 00:06:27,760
But didn't you have to pass the exams?
151
00:06:27,844 --> 00:06:31,889
Like, wasn't there, like, an
interview where they met you and…
152
00:06:31,973 --> 00:06:33,850
Heard you speak? Presumably.
153
00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:35,309
Look, I'm going to be honest.
154
00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:37,853
Between you and me, I
don't fully know what I'm doing,
155
00:06:37,937 --> 00:06:39,271
but it seems like you guys do,
156
00:06:39,355 --> 00:06:41,064
so I'm just going to stay out of the way
157
00:06:41,148 --> 00:06:42,774
and give you guys whatever you need.
158
00:06:42,858 --> 00:06:44,693
Ceej? Hi, Gina Linetti here.
159
00:06:45,027 --> 00:06:47,195
What I need is an assistant of my own,
160
00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:49,238
just to do my paperwork
and all my other work.
161
00:06:49,322 --> 00:06:50,823
Work is the worst. I get it.
162
00:06:50,907 --> 00:06:53,951
Oh, hire whoever you want.
I just want you guys to be happy.
163
00:06:54,035 --> 00:06:56,078
And I will help you with that. Great!
164
00:06:56,162 --> 00:06:58,622
We should do a hang
sesh like this every morning.
165
00:06:58,706 --> 00:07:01,542
This is amazing. Where do you..
. Where's my office?
166
00:07:01,708 --> 00:07:06,255
[EXCLAIMING] I love him. He's the
best captain we've ever had, hands down.
167
00:07:06,505 --> 00:07:09,132
PERALTA: We're going
to get out of Florida!
168
00:07:09,216 --> 00:07:10,592
I don't know what
you're so excited about.
169
00:07:10,676 --> 00:07:12,526
We have a dangerous task ahead of us.
170
00:07:12,636 --> 00:07:14,636
Wait, I thought you said
we didn't need backup.
171
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:16,388
Are you worried?
Do we need to call the Nine-Nine?
172
00:07:16,472 --> 00:07:20,142
No, no, no. We have the drop
on Figgis, we're fully armed up,
173
00:07:20,226 --> 00:07:22,352
and we have plenty of time to lay a trap.
174
00:07:22,436 --> 00:07:25,605
Well, okay, then.
See you around, Coral Palms.
175
00:07:25,856 --> 00:07:28,441
Adiós, constant pool
of sweat in my taint!
176
00:07:28,608 --> 00:07:30,651
You do one, Greg. All right.
177
00:07:30,735 --> 00:07:34,030
See you never,
drive-through vape station.
178
00:07:34,114 --> 00:07:35,990
Adiós, weird Juggalo encampment!
179
00:07:36,074 --> 00:07:38,117
Bye-bye, slightly askew stop sign.
180
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,743
-[SIREN BLARING]
-Uh-oh.
181
00:07:40,119 --> 00:07:41,969
Oh, come on, for running a stop sign?
182
00:07:42,121 --> 00:07:45,121
We just passed someone driving
with both feet out the window.
183
00:07:45,249 --> 00:07:47,042
Just be cool, Larry.
184
00:07:47,751 --> 00:07:51,051
Gentlemen, I am going to need to
see your license and registration.
185
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:52,922
Yeah. Whoa, hold on.
186
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,756
What do we got going on back there?
187
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:57,635
Oh… Uh, yesterday's newspaper.
188
00:07:57,719 --> 00:08:00,179
No, I'm talking about the pile of
guns and the bucket of bullets.
189
00:08:00,263 --> 00:08:03,098
Right, right.
Bucket of bullets, sure, sure. Right.
190
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,682
I need you both to
step out of the vehicle.
191
00:08:04,766 --> 00:08:06,466
Yeah, it'd be weird if you didn't.
192
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:10,563
This is a little bit weird.
Never been arrested before.
193
00:08:10,647 --> 00:08:13,858
I mean, I was "detained" once
by Taylor Swift's security team,
194
00:08:13,942 --> 00:08:15,692
but that was a misunderstanding.
195
00:08:15,776 --> 00:08:17,319
She's probably going
to write a song about me.
196
00:08:17,403 --> 00:08:20,656
We got to get out of here.
Figgis could show up at any minute.
197
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:23,200
Don't worry.
We can outsmart some small-town sheriff.
198
00:08:23,284 --> 00:08:24,451
We're NYPD detectives.
199
00:08:24,535 --> 00:08:27,120
We caught the Son of Sam.
Ice-T plays us on TV.
200
00:08:27,204 --> 00:08:28,538
We keep the Tonys safe.
201
00:08:28,788 --> 00:08:31,707
Hey, fellas.
Listen, I am sorry about the delay.
202
00:08:31,791 --> 00:08:34,002
We are overwhelmed here today.
203
00:08:35,128 --> 00:08:36,504
We hired our first woman,
204
00:08:36,713 --> 00:08:39,673
so, of course, she needs her own
bathroom and the shirt don't fit right.
205
00:08:39,757 --> 00:08:41,049
The whole thing's chaos.
206
00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:45,221
It's not a problem, Sheriff.
You have nothing to worry about.
207
00:08:45,387 --> 00:08:47,806
I think we all agree that C.J. is,
208
00:08:47,890 --> 00:08:50,016
to put it mildly, not very impressive.
209
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:53,227
I watched him try to close the
blinds in his office for 40 minutes.
210
00:08:53,311 --> 00:08:56,605
He finally just gave up and changed
his pants with the windows wide open.
211
00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:59,442
Something has to be
done, and I have a plan.
212
00:08:59,567 --> 00:09:01,402
We use mankind's greatest weapon.
213
00:09:01,486 --> 00:09:02,986
A grenade. The written word.
214
00:09:03,070 --> 00:09:05,530
Ugh, I'm out.
I drafted a letter to One Police Plaza
215
00:09:05,614 --> 00:09:06,948
saying that we think Captain Stentley
216
00:09:07,032 --> 00:09:08,533
is not a good fit for our precinct.
217
00:09:08,617 --> 00:09:10,577
If we all sign it, they'll have to act.
218
00:09:10,702 --> 00:09:12,912
Hey, guys, I'm Emily, Gina's assistant.
219
00:09:12,996 --> 00:09:14,396
Wait, she actually got that?
220
00:09:14,498 --> 00:09:16,082
"Wait, she actually got that?"
221
00:09:16,290 --> 00:09:18,167
Sorry, I'm under strict orders from Gina
222
00:09:18,251 --> 00:09:20,127
to mock you whenever I see an opening.
223
00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:21,295
Follow me, please.
224
00:09:21,504 --> 00:09:23,714
[YAWNS] Your 2:00 is here.
225
00:09:23,798 --> 00:09:25,174
Okay, thanks, Em.
226
00:09:25,258 --> 00:09:28,551
And while I'm in this meeting, will
you just shred some documents for me?
227
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,969
Anything you see. It's all garbage.
228
00:09:30,053 --> 00:09:31,137
On it.
229
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:33,139
What's going on? We were busy.
230
00:09:33,223 --> 00:09:36,142
Busy trying to ruin everything
around here with your dumb letter?
231
00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:37,894
This is a gravy train, people.
232
00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,813
Okay, C.J.
will say yes to anything we ask for.
233
00:09:41,021 --> 00:09:43,023
Rosa, dare to dream. What do you want?
234
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:44,399
For him to be gone.
235
00:09:44,483 --> 00:09:47,194
You want that more than you
want walls around your desk
236
00:09:47,278 --> 00:09:48,570
so Hitchcock can't stare at you
237
00:09:48,654 --> 00:09:50,405
with his big old Google-eyes anymore?
238
00:09:50,489 --> 00:09:51,572
C.J. stays. I love that guy.
239
00:09:51,656 --> 00:09:53,324
That's not fair! What? Come on!
240
00:09:53,449 --> 00:09:56,911
And how about you, Charles?
What do you want, baby boy?
241
00:09:56,995 --> 00:10:00,414
Well, I agree with Amy that C.J.
is totally unqualified
242
00:10:00,498 --> 00:10:01,916
and a disaster for the precinct,
243
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,500
and I would really love a treadmill desk
244
00:10:03,584 --> 00:10:05,001
so I can hit my cardio targets.
245
00:10:05,085 --> 00:10:06,253
Done. Yes!
246
00:10:06,378 --> 00:10:07,879
Boyle! I'm sorry.
247
00:10:08,046 --> 00:10:09,297
I'm doing it for Nikolaj.
248
00:10:09,381 --> 00:10:12,258
You'll understand once
you bear unto Jake a child.
249
00:10:12,342 --> 00:10:13,885
-[BOTH GROAN]
-GINA: Aw.
250
00:10:13,969 --> 00:10:17,554
Looks like you're all alone.
Em, can you go ahead and show her out?
251
00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:19,431
Right this way, please, and
can I validate your parking?
252
00:10:19,515 --> 00:10:20,766
I work here.
253
00:10:20,891 --> 00:10:22,809
So, listen, do you mind if
I ask you a few questions?
254
00:10:22,893 --> 00:10:23,936
It shouldn't take much time.
255
00:10:24,020 --> 00:10:26,521
Great, because we actually
have someplace important to be,
256
00:10:26,605 --> 00:10:27,773
so if it would speed things up,
257
00:10:27,857 --> 00:10:29,357
we're happy to waive
our right to counsel.
258
00:10:29,441 --> 00:10:32,485
Wow, "counsel." The "C" word. [CHUCKLES]
259
00:10:32,694 --> 00:10:35,154
Wait, wait, wait.
Are you guys in law enforcement?
260
00:10:35,238 --> 00:10:39,116
No, no, no. I just… I just have a
buddy who's a detective in the NYPD.
261
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,952
Ooh, I bet he's better than
me at getting people to talk.
262
00:10:42,036 --> 00:10:43,870
Everything I know about interrogation
263
00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:45,997
I learned from The Newlywed Game.
[CHUCKLES] Ah.
264
00:10:46,081 --> 00:10:49,584
So, look, why don't you just each write
down your answer to these questions.
265
00:10:49,668 --> 00:10:53,046
Okay, question one, um, what
were you going to use the guns for?
266
00:10:53,463 --> 00:10:55,673
Okay, and then read
them out when you're done.
267
00:10:55,757 --> 00:10:56,799
Hunting. Hunting.
268
00:10:56,883 --> 00:10:58,717
Okay, you see, I knew
you boys were on the level.
269
00:10:58,801 --> 00:11:02,388
Okay, uh, question two, what do you hunt?
270
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:07,100
Deer. Grouse and other small fowl.
271
00:11:07,225 --> 00:11:08,810
-Oh.
-PERALTA: Yeah, we hunt everything.
272
00:11:08,894 --> 00:11:10,937
You know, deer, grouse, a horse once.
273
00:11:11,021 --> 00:11:13,607
Yes, we love killing any animal.
274
00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:16,817
[CHUCKLES] I hear you.
Okay, question three.
275
00:11:16,901 --> 00:11:20,529
Uh, you said you had somewhere
important to go, so where exactly is that?
276
00:11:24,408 --> 00:11:25,492
Dinner date. Dinner date.
277
00:11:25,576 --> 00:11:28,328
That's what mine says as well.
Sorry about the handwriting.
278
00:11:28,412 --> 00:11:30,454
[CHUCKLES] The point
is, neither of us are lying.
279
00:11:30,538 --> 00:11:32,164
Should we just pick up
our keys on the way out,
280
00:11:32,248 --> 00:11:33,875
or how do you want to do this?
281
00:11:35,627 --> 00:11:39,130
No one has ever beaten The Newlywed Game.
282
00:11:39,214 --> 00:11:40,423
No one.
283
00:11:41,174 --> 00:11:43,050
Hey, Diaz? [SIGHS]
284
00:11:43,425 --> 00:11:45,260
Right. The walls.
285
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,262
[SIGHS]
286
00:11:48,806 --> 00:11:50,015
[DOORBELL RINGS]
287
00:11:51,266 --> 00:11:53,684
Can I help you?
I need the crime stats from last month.
288
00:11:53,768 --> 00:11:55,186
Fine. One sec.
289
00:11:55,686 --> 00:11:56,729
[SIGHS]
290
00:11:58,314 --> 00:11:59,440
Some people, huh?
291
00:11:59,565 --> 00:12:01,859
Hey, I'm up to 20,000 steps.
292
00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:02,985
Seriously, Boyle?
293
00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:05,029
Oh, you don't care about my health?
294
00:12:05,113 --> 00:12:07,071
You don't care if Nikolaj
grows up without a papa?
295
00:12:07,155 --> 00:12:08,197
You want me to die?
296
00:12:08,281 --> 00:12:09,658
Honestly? A little.
297
00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:11,367
Hurts.
298
00:12:11,451 --> 00:12:15,038
I can't believe they all let C.J.
and Gina just buy them off.
299
00:12:15,122 --> 00:12:17,322
But we don't need them,
'cause we've got you,
300
00:12:17,416 --> 00:12:18,457
and you're a sergeant. [CHUCKLES]
301
00:12:18,541 --> 00:12:19,624
Did you sign the letter yet?
302
00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:21,043
Um, I…
303
00:12:21,627 --> 00:12:23,670
What did he give you?
He gave me the ability
304
00:12:23,754 --> 00:12:25,213
to continue to serve this community
305
00:12:25,297 --> 00:12:27,799
unencumbered by unnecessary oversight.
306
00:12:27,883 --> 00:12:29,426
Now, I really have to…
What did he give you?
307
00:12:29,510 --> 00:12:31,511
He gave me a yogurt fridge, all right?
308
00:12:31,803 --> 00:12:35,890
I asked for a yogurt fridge, and
I got one, right next to my desk!
309
00:12:36,141 --> 00:12:37,308
I'm only a man.
310
00:12:37,392 --> 00:12:41,812
I'm sending this letter with
or without your signature.
311
00:12:41,896 --> 00:12:43,230
Enjoy your blood yogurt.
312
00:12:44,648 --> 00:12:45,732
I will.
313
00:12:46,316 --> 00:12:48,610
Time is running out.
We have the right to a phone call.
314
00:12:48,694 --> 00:12:51,237
We need to call the Nine-Nine, so
they can sort this out with the Sheriff.
315
00:12:51,321 --> 00:12:53,740
No, they would want to get involved,
and that could endanger them.
316
00:12:53,824 --> 00:12:54,907
They'd be okay with that.
317
00:12:54,991 --> 00:12:57,409
Charles and Amy both love me.
Rosa's not scared of anything.
318
00:12:57,493 --> 00:12:58,535
I'm like a mentor to Terry.
319
00:12:58,619 --> 00:12:59,953
No, regardless, we
don't have time for that.
320
00:13:00,037 --> 00:13:01,121
We just have to tell the truth.
321
00:13:01,205 --> 00:13:03,708
Sheriff, I'm ready to talk.
322
00:13:04,292 --> 00:13:06,001
This better be good. I'm a busy man.
323
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,711
You just spent 30 minutes
trying to win a radio contest.
324
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:09,837
For my wife.
325
00:13:09,921 --> 00:13:11,589
They're giving away Swampsgiving tickets.
326
00:13:11,673 --> 00:13:14,384
I'm not really Greg,
and that's not Larry.
327
00:13:14,509 --> 00:13:18,305
We're Captain Raymond Holt and
Detective Jake Peralta of the NYPD.
328
00:13:18,555 --> 00:13:21,681
We've been targeted by Jimmy
"The Butcher" Figgis, the mafia boss.
329
00:13:21,765 --> 00:13:24,643
We're in witness protection,
and that is the full truth.
330
00:13:26,228 --> 00:13:27,270
[SIGHS]
331
00:13:27,354 --> 00:13:28,814
[LAUGHING]
332
00:13:29,231 --> 00:13:31,649
Good one. Oh, that's a good one.
333
00:13:31,733 --> 00:13:35,152
Just call the US Marshal who handles
our case. She'll explain everything.
334
00:13:35,236 --> 00:13:36,904
"She"? [LAUGHING]
335
00:13:36,988 --> 00:13:39,907
Come on, this is getting
crazier by the second.
336
00:13:39,991 --> 00:13:43,119
But I'll tell you, I kind of
want to see how it plays out.
337
00:13:43,327 --> 00:13:44,369
Uh-huh.
338
00:13:44,578 --> 00:13:46,705
Right. Okay, will do.
339
00:13:47,414 --> 00:13:50,792
Well, it's a guy, and he says he's
never heard of either one of you.
340
00:13:50,876 --> 00:13:52,826
That's impossible. Listen for yourself.
341
00:13:53,504 --> 00:13:56,046
-Hello?
-[OVER PHONE] It's Figgis.
342
00:13:56,130 --> 00:13:58,549
I have your marshal,
and I'm coming for you.
343
00:13:58,674 --> 00:13:59,925
See you soon, Jake.
344
00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:01,209
-Wait.
-[LINE DISCONNECTS]
345
00:14:05,515 --> 00:14:09,518
Great news. I found Figgis.
346
00:14:11,144 --> 00:14:14,897
This is bad. Figgis has the Marshal,
and now he knows where we are.
347
00:14:14,981 --> 00:14:17,150
We're sitting ducks.
That's the worst kind of duck.
348
00:14:17,234 --> 00:14:18,985
Tell that to the Dutch Hookbill.
349
00:14:19,069 --> 00:14:20,569
Look, the clock is ticking.
350
00:14:20,653 --> 00:14:23,488
We only have one option. Jailbreak.
351
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,365
And how do you propose to pull that off?
352
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:28,368
By using this ragtag team of inmates.
353
00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:31,372
Our very own Suicide Squad.
354
00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,080
All right, let's rally the troops.
355
00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:36,000
Hey, fellow prisoners. Hi, there.
356
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,960
Everyone, look, we haven't connected
357
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:39,044
as much as maybe we should have.
358
00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,129
That's our fault.
359
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,131
Why don't I just kick things off?
360
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,549
I'm Jake, uh, and I like baseball.
361
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,342
Now, you say something about yourself.
362
00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:48,595
I'm Raymond. I don't care for baseball.
363
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:51,348
Great, so, now, that
we're all vibing at 100,
364
00:14:51,598 --> 00:14:55,477
quick question, if there were
to a be a jailbreak "of sorts,"
365
00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:57,769
how many of you guys
would be interested in that?
366
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,605
Obviously, if you have
any moral objection…
367
00:14:59,689 --> 00:15:01,064
Okay, your hands are already all up,
368
00:15:01,148 --> 00:15:02,608
so I say we hop on this pony. Great.
369
00:15:02,692 --> 00:15:04,234
Now, do any of you
have any special skills,
370
00:15:04,318 --> 00:15:05,652
maybe the ability to pick a lock?
371
00:15:05,736 --> 00:15:07,321
Uh, I'm Mitch.
372
00:15:07,405 --> 00:15:09,864
-I have a glass eye.
-PERALTA: Glass eye?
373
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:12,617
We'll definitely find some use for that.
374
00:15:12,826 --> 00:15:13,951
How about you, sir? I'm Evan.
375
00:15:14,035 --> 00:15:15,995
I've been arrested for
a lot of different stuff.
376
00:15:16,079 --> 00:15:19,665
Uh, public urination,
urinating on private property…
377
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:21,666
Uh-huh. Urinating 25 feet from a school…
378
00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:23,585
Okay. Urinating out of a moving truck.
379
00:15:23,669 --> 00:15:25,295
I don't think Evan gets
what we're doing here.
380
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:26,922
Oh, doesn't he? He's been here for weeks.
381
00:15:27,006 --> 00:15:28,965
He knows the guard's comings and goings.
382
00:15:29,049 --> 00:15:31,176
Thank you for sharing, Evan.
You are valued here.
383
00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:32,302
Your turn, old-timer.
384
00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:34,929
It's always guys like this that
unlock the entire operation.
385
00:15:35,013 --> 00:15:36,055
What do you bring to the table?
386
00:15:36,139 --> 00:15:39,225
I'm Tito. I'm great at smoking meth.
387
00:15:39,684 --> 00:15:41,477
And? Snorting meth.
388
00:15:42,186 --> 00:15:44,188
And? I haven't spoken to my daughter
389
00:15:44,314 --> 00:15:45,564
in a couple of years.
390
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:48,233
Ah, that's so sad.
Okay, so, find something for Tito to do.
391
00:15:48,317 --> 00:15:50,485
So, I heard from One Police Plaza.
392
00:15:50,569 --> 00:15:51,736
They received my letter,
393
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:53,279
and, apparently, they also received
394
00:15:53,363 --> 00:15:55,532
hundreds of others in support of C.J.
395
00:15:55,616 --> 00:15:58,450
Yeah, Emily and I sent those in, so…
396
00:15:58,534 --> 00:16:01,537
Emily, what was that burn I
had you write down for Amy
397
00:16:01,621 --> 00:16:02,871
because I didn't want to forget it?
398
00:16:02,955 --> 00:16:04,581
"Why so sad? Did you just find out
399
00:16:04,665 --> 00:16:06,833
"American Girl doesn't
make clothes in adult sizes?"
400
00:16:06,917 --> 00:16:07,918
No.
401
00:16:08,002 --> 00:16:09,961
"Steven Seagal called and
he wants his ponytail back"?
402
00:16:10,045 --> 00:16:12,088
Uh-uh. "Gina: Hey, Amy,
403
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:14,549
"what did one graphing
calculator say to the other one?
404
00:16:14,633 --> 00:16:15,633
"Amy: What?
405
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:18,761
"Gina: Why does this sad lady
own two of us?" …Own two of us!
406
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:20,096
That's it! [LAUGHING]
407
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:22,681
Hey, Amy… You know what? Congratulations.
408
00:16:22,765 --> 00:16:24,266
You just made sure
that a terrible captain
409
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,142
will be sticking around
here indefinitely.
410
00:16:26,226 --> 00:16:29,354
Come on, Santiago.
We're just trying to make the best of it.
411
00:16:29,438 --> 00:16:30,522
Yogurt? Never!
412
00:16:30,606 --> 00:16:32,190
-[BEEPING]
-BOYLE: Yes! Forty-thousand steps!
413
00:16:32,274 --> 00:16:34,858
Boyle! I can't talk.
I got to keep my heart rate up.
414
00:16:34,942 --> 00:16:37,570
Hey. Can you guys keep it down?
Need a roof on this thing.
415
00:16:37,654 --> 00:16:38,654
Gina, I need a roof.
416
00:16:38,738 --> 00:16:39,780
Emily. On it.
417
00:16:39,864 --> 00:16:41,782
Listen, you selfish jerks,
418
00:16:41,866 --> 00:16:45,536
that guy in there, the one
playing the bongos right now,
419
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,037
he thinks we're killing it,
420
00:16:47,204 --> 00:16:48,663
so he's just staying out of our way.
421
00:16:48,747 --> 00:16:50,039
Well, the only reason we're killing it
422
00:16:50,123 --> 00:16:52,959
is because Captain Holt never
let us be satisfied with ourselves.
423
00:16:53,043 --> 00:16:56,796
He always inspired us to work
harder and smarter, to be better.
424
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,590
And if he were here right
now, he'd be ashamed of us.
425
00:16:59,674 --> 00:17:01,258
Amy, wait!
426
00:17:01,509 --> 00:17:03,386
[EXCLAIMS, GRUNTS]
427
00:17:04,887 --> 00:17:06,805
You swear this guy's about
to meet up with his mistress?
428
00:17:06,889 --> 00:17:10,017
Yep. Tuesday at 5:00. It's Tanya time.
429
00:17:10,975 --> 00:17:12,476
PERALTA: Wow. There he goes.
430
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:14,687
Okay, now, we got to
get rid of the other deputy.
431
00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:16,439
Glass Eye, you're up.
432
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:18,774
Ugh.
433
00:17:18,858 --> 00:17:21,569
So much drier than I would have thought.
Did I want it to be wet?
434
00:17:21,653 --> 00:17:22,902
Jake. Right. Sorry.
435
00:17:22,986 --> 00:17:25,948
Just holding an eyeball in my hand.
No big deal. Here we go.
436
00:17:26,907 --> 00:17:27,950
[EXCLAIMS]
437
00:17:29,284 --> 00:17:30,577
What the hell?
438
00:17:30,953 --> 00:17:32,370
Must have gotten too hot.
439
00:17:32,454 --> 00:17:34,706
-Sheriff, I'm going to go get a mop.
-SHERIFF: Okay.
440
00:17:34,790 --> 00:17:37,374
And… Great. Now, we stage a fight.
441
00:17:37,458 --> 00:17:40,127
When the Sheriff comes in to
break it up, we take him down.
442
00:17:40,211 --> 00:17:42,588
ALL: Fight! Fight! Fight!
443
00:17:43,256 --> 00:17:44,882
-[GRUNTS]
-[CHUCKLING] Ooh!
444
00:17:45,007 --> 00:17:46,801
We got us a jail fight.
445
00:17:47,175 --> 00:17:48,176
[GRUNTS]
446
00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:49,302
[LAUGHING]
447
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:52,639
HOLT: Why isn't he coming in?
448
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:55,373
I don't know. Maybe he's not buying it.
Hit me harder.
449
00:17:56,768 --> 00:17:57,810
[GRUNTS]
450
00:17:57,894 --> 00:17:59,729
Damn, you knocked him!
451
00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:01,439
[GRUNTS]
452
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,441
What would it take for him to intervene?
453
00:18:04,525 --> 00:18:05,567
Do I actually have to kill you?
454
00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,819
No, he'd probably love that. [GRUNTS]
455
00:18:07,903 --> 00:18:09,488
But you know what he would hate?
456
00:18:09,572 --> 00:18:11,622
Okay, just go with me on this, all right?
457
00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:15,577
I can't stay mad at you.
458
00:18:17,912 --> 00:18:20,039
Oh! Oh, no! No!
459
00:18:20,123 --> 00:18:21,832
Is it working? I think so.
460
00:18:21,916 --> 00:18:24,752
Not in my jail. No, no. Break it up!
461
00:18:25,169 --> 00:18:26,587
[GROANS, PANTING]
462
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:29,089
-Stop it! What are you doing?
-[LOCK CLANGS]
463
00:18:29,339 --> 00:18:31,842
It's 2016, man. This is on you.
464
00:18:32,468 --> 00:18:35,637
Hey! Wait a minute!
You didn't give me anything to do.
465
00:18:35,721 --> 00:18:37,805
You have the most important job of all.
466
00:18:37,889 --> 00:18:39,723
Tell everyone what you saw here today.
467
00:18:39,807 --> 00:18:41,058
Oh, God bless you.
468
00:18:41,142 --> 00:18:44,311
You're giving an old meth head
a reason to live forever and…
469
00:18:44,395 --> 00:18:46,397
We don't have time for this, Tito!
470
00:18:48,648 --> 00:18:50,692
Hey, Santiago, come with me a sec.
471
00:18:50,776 --> 00:18:54,696
Why, so you could show off some
new cool thing that C.J. got you?
472
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:56,782
Let me guess, golden suspenders?
473
00:18:56,948 --> 00:18:59,909
Can you imagine? I would look amazing.
474
00:18:59,993 --> 00:19:01,868
But that's not what I came here for.
475
00:19:01,952 --> 00:19:04,204
Just follow me to the Captain's office.
476
00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:06,123
Hey, guys, if Pac-Man were a stapler,
477
00:19:06,207 --> 00:19:09,209
he'd look a little something like this.
478
00:19:09,293 --> 00:19:12,443
Okay, so, we wanted to talk to
you, Captain Stentley, because…
479
00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:14,505
Uh-oh. "Captain Stentley"?
480
00:19:14,589 --> 00:19:15,881
Am I in trouble? No.
481
00:19:15,965 --> 00:19:18,134
You're our boss. Oh, right.
482
00:19:18,218 --> 00:19:19,760
Are you in trouble? No, sir.
483
00:19:19,844 --> 00:19:22,847
It's just that the squad feels
we've been taking advantage of you,
484
00:19:22,931 --> 00:19:24,807
and it has to stop, so…
485
00:19:25,390 --> 00:19:26,725
I returned my yogurt fridge.
486
00:19:26,809 --> 00:19:28,477
I gave my treadmill desk back.
487
00:19:28,644 --> 00:19:30,228
DIAZ: I took down my desk walls.
488
00:19:30,312 --> 00:19:34,441
And I have agreed to fire
my assistant's assistant, Dana.
489
00:19:34,525 --> 00:19:35,734
Dana? Who's Dana?
490
00:19:35,818 --> 00:19:36,900
Emily had a lot on her plate.
491
00:19:36,984 --> 00:19:39,778
I don't understand. I mean, I'm
just trying to make you guys happy.
492
00:19:39,862 --> 00:19:43,157
Well, if you want to do that,
start acting like a real captain.
493
00:19:43,324 --> 00:19:46,077
Make tough choices.
Tell people "No" sometimes.
494
00:19:46,536 --> 00:19:50,705
Okay, if you think I need to stop
doing whatever you guys want,
495
00:19:50,789 --> 00:19:51,832
then I will.
496
00:19:52,082 --> 00:19:53,833
Yeah, that's progress.
497
00:19:53,917 --> 00:19:55,084
If that's what you guys want.
498
00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:56,544
I've got to go. Good talk.
499
00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:59,338
My door's always open,
except when it's closed.
500
00:19:59,422 --> 00:20:01,272
But you can open it when it's closed.
501
00:20:01,423 --> 00:20:02,758
[SIREN BLARING]
502
00:20:03,968 --> 00:20:07,888
Ugh, I can't believe we're fugitives
on the I am, falsely accused of a crime.
503
00:20:07,972 --> 00:20:09,431
There's nothing false about it.
504
00:20:09,515 --> 00:20:11,850
We committed several
felonies and escaped from jail.
505
00:20:11,934 --> 00:20:13,768
Yeah, but we were just
doing what we had to do.
506
00:20:13,852 --> 00:20:17,396
We're the good guys.
[GASPS] This is what they all think.
507
00:20:17,480 --> 00:20:20,107
Figgis is in town, and we
have no car, no money, no guns.
508
00:20:20,191 --> 00:20:22,610
We can't go back to our houses
because the police are looking for us.
509
00:20:22,694 --> 00:20:25,044
It's time to call the Nine-Nine.
Absolutely not.
510
00:20:25,238 --> 00:20:26,738
What is going on with you?
511
00:20:26,822 --> 00:20:29,116
Nothing, I just think
that we can do it alone.
512
00:20:29,408 --> 00:20:33,036
Sir, we just shared one of
the longest kisses of my life.
513
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:35,170
I think we can be honest with each other.
514
00:20:36,331 --> 00:20:37,541
All right.
515
00:20:38,416 --> 00:20:40,918
The Nine-Nine bailed me out once before
516
00:20:41,002 --> 00:20:43,754
when I was taken hostage by
Bob, a man I had put my trust in,
517
00:20:43,838 --> 00:20:45,255
like a fool.
518
00:20:45,339 --> 00:20:48,718
I don't want them to rescue me again.
It's embarrassing.
519
00:20:48,843 --> 00:20:50,593
I need to clean up my own mess.
520
00:20:50,677 --> 00:20:52,595
Captain, it's the Nine-Nine.
521
00:20:52,679 --> 00:20:54,263
There's nothing wrong
with asking for help
522
00:20:54,347 --> 00:20:55,947
from people that care about you.
523
00:20:58,268 --> 00:20:59,477
[PHONE RINGING]
524
00:20:59,686 --> 00:21:02,229
This is Sergeant Terry Jeffords.
525
00:21:02,313 --> 00:21:03,355
Captain Holt!
526
00:21:03,439 --> 00:21:05,024
Sir. Captain Stentley.
527
00:21:05,149 --> 00:21:08,944
There's an urgent situation, and
we need 72 hours off to go to Florida.
528
00:21:09,028 --> 00:21:11,030
Now, I can't say why… Absolutely not.
529
00:21:11,363 --> 00:21:12,405
What?
530
00:21:12,489 --> 00:21:15,282
Uh the Eight-Six said they would
cover for us, and this is very important!
531
00:21:15,366 --> 00:21:16,575
That's enough!
532
00:21:16,659 --> 00:21:20,830
Someone once told me that being
a captain means telling people "No."
533
00:21:21,873 --> 00:21:24,373
Oh, wait, that was you guys.
You guys told me that.
534
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:27,502
-Anyway, you were right. You can't go.
-[DOOR SHUTS]
535
00:21:27,711 --> 00:21:30,755
Sorry, guys.
I kind of feel like this is my fault.
536
00:21:30,839 --> 00:21:32,674
"I kind of feel like this is my fault."
537
00:21:32,758 --> 00:21:33,842
Not now, Emily.