1
00:00:02,786 --> 00:00:03,828
Listen up, everyone.
2
00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,663
While Captain Holt's out of town
3
00:00:05,747 --> 00:00:07,249
at his conference, I'm in charge.
4
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:08,375
Which means, Jake,
5
00:00:08,459 --> 00:00:10,253
I order you to throw out
that gingerbread house.
6
00:00:10,337 --> 00:00:11,838
It's from Christmas. Fine.
7
00:00:11,922 --> 00:00:13,882
But you're gonna be leaving
a lot of ants with no home.
8
00:00:13,966 --> 00:00:17,511
Check it out, losers.
Guess who got their dealer?
9
00:00:17,595 --> 00:00:19,014
Nice! How'd it go down?
10
00:00:19,181 --> 00:00:20,557
We chased him through a subway tunnel,
11
00:00:20,641 --> 00:00:21,684
back up through the storm drain,
12
00:00:21,768 --> 00:00:22,810
Adrian and I got engaged,
13
00:00:22,894 --> 00:00:26,481
and then we busted him with
a half kilo of coke in his sock.
14
00:00:26,565 --> 00:00:27,608
Wait, wait, wait.
15
00:00:28,567 --> 00:00:30,403
What'd you just say? It was in his sock.
16
00:00:30,487 --> 00:00:32,113
These dummies, they never think
17
00:00:32,197 --> 00:00:33,490
we're gonna check their socks.
18
00:00:33,574 --> 00:00:34,950
No, before that, weirdo.
19
00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,452
The "getting engaged" part?
20
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:37,579
Oh, yeah, we got engaged.
21
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,997
"Engaged" engaged? Yeah.
22
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:40,373
As in, to be wed? Yeah.
23
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,557
-Seriously?
-BOTH: Yeah.
24
00:00:41,918 --> 00:00:43,836
Amazing. We want deets.
25
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,630
Tell us everything.
26
00:00:45,714 --> 00:00:47,132
I don't want to toot my
own horn or anything,
27
00:00:47,216 --> 00:00:49,719
but it was super romantic.
28
00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:55,642
You follow.
I'll cut him off in the alley.
29
00:00:55,726 --> 00:00:57,062
Okay, wait. You want to get married?
30
00:00:57,146 --> 00:00:58,188
Yep.
31
00:00:58,272 --> 00:01:00,274
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
32
00:01:19,214 --> 00:01:21,342
Jake, can I talk to you about
my wedding for a second?
33
00:01:21,426 --> 00:01:22,843
Need help choosing a dress?
34
00:01:22,927 --> 00:01:24,679
Big puffy bow in the
back, can't go wrong.
35
00:01:24,763 --> 00:01:25,806
No to all of that.
36
00:01:25,890 --> 00:01:27,933
Look, Adrian is about to
ask you to be his best man.
37
00:01:28,017 --> 00:01:30,353
I need you to say yes and
I need you to act surprised.
38
00:01:30,437 --> 00:01:31,855
No problem. Check this out.
39
00:01:33,274 --> 00:01:36,194
[STAMMERING] What? What?
40
00:01:36,612 --> 00:01:38,238
Best man?
41
00:01:38,447 --> 00:01:39,989
All right, I'll work on it. Okay.
42
00:01:40,073 --> 00:01:41,700
Sarge does not approve of the wedding,
43
00:01:41,784 --> 00:01:43,411
and honestly, it is killing me.
44
00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,545
I'm sure you're just reading into it. No.
45
00:01:46,081 --> 00:01:48,418
What are you doing? Pimento is nuts.
46
00:01:48,668 --> 00:01:50,504
Ah. So not reading into it at all.
47
00:01:50,712 --> 00:01:52,423
He thinks we're rushing
into things, but we're not.
48
00:01:52,507 --> 00:01:55,592
I love Adrian. Every time I
see him, my heart just explodes.
49
00:01:55,676 --> 00:01:57,971
Wow. That's, like, some
Lionel Richie-grade love stuff.
50
00:01:58,055 --> 00:01:59,472
Anyway, I think Sarge would like him
51
00:01:59,556 --> 00:02:01,600
if he actually got to know him,
so during the bachelor party,
52
00:02:01,684 --> 00:02:03,477
I need you to show him the real Adrian.
53
00:02:03,561 --> 00:02:05,314
Rosa Diaz, I promise you this.
54
00:02:05,689 --> 00:02:06,940
I will make sure Sarge loves him.
55
00:02:07,024 --> 00:02:09,026
Great. Crap, here comes Adrian.
56
00:02:09,110 --> 00:02:10,194
You never saw me. All right.
57
00:02:10,278 --> 00:02:11,446
Act surprised.
58
00:02:11,530 --> 00:02:13,949
Hey, Jake, come here.
I got a question for you.
59
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:15,201
[CLEARS THROAT] Sure.
60
00:02:15,743 --> 00:02:17,203
Oh, that's very close for a question.
61
00:02:17,287 --> 00:02:22,126
Jake Peralta, will you do me
the honor of being my best man?
62
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,545
[AWKWARDLY] Best man?
63
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:26,340
[FAKE LAUGHS] Adrian,
this is all so sudden!
64
00:02:26,590 --> 00:02:27,884
Rosa told you? Yeah.
65
00:02:27,968 --> 00:02:30,136
[CLEARS THROAT] But I would be honored.
Thank God.
66
00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:31,972
I'm gonna kiss you now.
Oh, you don't have to.
67
00:02:32,056 --> 00:02:33,515
Already did it. Ha! That seals it.
68
00:02:33,599 --> 00:02:35,476
So who you thinking about
inviting to the bachelor party?
69
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,855
Maybe, like, Terry, or, I
don't know, Terry's great.
70
00:02:38,939 --> 00:02:41,442
Or probably Terry is
available, we could ask him.
71
00:02:41,526 --> 00:02:43,068
Sure, nah, I was thinking
all the guys from work.
72
00:02:43,152 --> 00:02:45,155
Except Chuck. Rosa called dibs on him.
73
00:02:45,239 --> 00:02:48,868
Maid of honor? Yes, a million times, yes.
74
00:02:48,952 --> 00:02:50,579
[GASPS] It would be an honor.
75
00:02:50,912 --> 00:02:52,831
Oh, my God, that's why they call it that.
76
00:02:52,915 --> 00:02:55,835
Great, but I specifically
said, co-maid-of-honor,
77
00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,714
because I am also asking Amy and Gina.
78
00:02:59,757 --> 00:03:02,927
I guess that's okay, if you want
to water down your Charles Boyle
79
00:03:03,011 --> 00:03:04,221
with a couple of ice cubes.
80
00:03:04,305 --> 00:03:06,890
Count me in as long
as I get eight plus-ones.
81
00:03:06,974 --> 00:03:11,020
Guys, focus. We need to start planning.
So when's the wedding?
82
00:03:11,104 --> 00:03:12,356
Next summer, next fall, next winter?
83
00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:13,649
Next week.
84
00:03:13,733 --> 00:03:14,858
Next what? Next week?
85
00:03:14,942 --> 00:03:16,194
That is not enough time to plan
86
00:03:16,278 --> 00:03:18,112
a bridal shower, an engagement brunch,
87
00:03:18,196 --> 00:03:20,491
a papier-mâché sculpture
of you two kissing.
88
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:21,742
Don't worry about that stuff.
89
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,454
The one dumb wedding
thing I've always wanted
90
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:25,997
was a bachelorette party.
91
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,291
BOYLE: Ah, so, cool, cool, cool.
92
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:30,169
All the pressure's on that
one event, cool, cool, very cool.
93
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,256
Super excited for the big night.
94
00:03:32,548 --> 00:03:34,466
SANTIAGO: Well, I'm happy she's excited.
95
00:03:34,550 --> 00:03:36,594
I'm not sleeping for the next 24 hours.
96
00:03:36,678 --> 00:03:39,641
Amen, sister. Amen.
97
00:03:40,058 --> 00:03:43,270
All right, gents, Pimento's
bachelor party is tomorrow night.
98
00:03:43,354 --> 00:03:47,275
I've gotten us a party bus,
reservations at a delightful steakhouse,
99
00:03:47,359 --> 00:03:50,236
and a DVD copy of American
Beauty to watch at midnight.
100
00:03:50,946 --> 00:03:52,698
That last thing was his only request.
101
00:03:52,782 --> 00:03:54,032
I'm not sure if it's his favorite movie
102
00:03:54,116 --> 00:03:55,243
or if he's just never seen it.
103
00:03:55,327 --> 00:03:57,370
I'm surprised he didn't
want us all to get drunk
104
00:03:57,454 --> 00:03:58,956
and slash each other with machetes.
105
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,625
He's not exactly stable.
106
00:04:01,042 --> 00:04:02,418
Die, bug! [GRUNTING]
107
00:04:03,212 --> 00:04:06,256
Oh, no, he's dead. Oh, what have I done?
108
00:04:06,382 --> 00:04:07,425
[SOBBING]
109
00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:10,136
That was 18 days ago.
He's getting saner by the minute.
110
00:04:10,220 --> 00:04:12,139
In a month, he'll
basically just be Frasier.
111
00:04:12,223 --> 00:04:13,640
Don't use Frasier's name in vain.
112
00:04:13,724 --> 00:04:14,976
-Copy that.
-SCULLY: Yeah, Sarge.
113
00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,979
If Jake wants to pay for us to have
a fun night out, let's not stop him.
114
00:04:18,063 --> 00:04:19,481
I'm not paying for it.
We're splitting it.
115
00:04:19,565 --> 00:04:21,400
Well, then, I'm with Terry.
This wedding's a sham.
116
00:04:21,484 --> 00:04:24,738
I'm looking out for Rosa, like I'd
look out for anyone in my squad.
117
00:04:24,822 --> 00:04:25,989
I get it, but you're just saying that
118
00:04:26,073 --> 00:04:27,742
'cause you don't know the real Adrian.
119
00:04:27,826 --> 00:04:30,120
And this bachelor party
is gonna change all that.
120
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,080
We're gonna eat steaks,
we're gonna smoke cigars.
121
00:04:32,164 --> 00:04:33,624
We're gonna look at naked ladies.
122
00:04:33,708 --> 00:04:35,001
No, Hitchcock, we're keeping it classy.
123
00:04:35,085 --> 00:04:37,337
Right, just their boobs. No, no boobs.
124
00:04:38,005 --> 00:04:40,215
Look, Sarge, Rosa loves him.
125
00:04:40,299 --> 00:04:41,885
Will you at least promise
me you'll keep an open mind?
126
00:04:41,969 --> 00:04:44,679
Fine, mind open. But for the record,
127
00:04:44,763 --> 00:04:46,057
I think they're making a mistake,
128
00:04:46,141 --> 00:04:48,184
and this whole thing is gonna blow up.
129
00:04:48,268 --> 00:04:50,771
Fun attitude. Save it for the party bus.
130
00:04:51,272 --> 00:04:53,357
Rosa, we could really use your input
131
00:04:53,441 --> 00:04:54,651
on the bachelorette party.
132
00:04:54,735 --> 00:04:58,197
See, we all have different ideas
and no one is compromising.
133
00:04:58,281 --> 00:05:01,533
I would compromise,
but I refuse to not do mine.
134
00:05:01,617 --> 00:05:03,953
Whose idea is best? Excellent question.
135
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,539
Here's a rundown of mine,
136
00:05:05,623 --> 00:05:07,223
the elevator pitch, if you will.
137
00:05:08,126 --> 00:05:09,418
Has this ever happened to you?
138
00:05:09,502 --> 00:05:11,171
You show up at a bachelorette party…
139
00:05:11,255 --> 00:05:12,839
Ding, the elevator doors closed.
140
00:05:12,923 --> 00:05:15,343
No one can hear you.
We cannot hear you. [GROANS]
141
00:05:15,802 --> 00:05:19,474
Now before I tell you my idea,
are you allergic to dolphins?
142
00:05:19,974 --> 00:05:21,393
Why don't we just do all three parties?
143
00:05:21,477 --> 00:05:25,063
Ooh, and then you pick your
favorite at the end. I.e., mine.
144
00:05:25,147 --> 00:05:26,732
Sounds good. Sounds great.
145
00:05:26,816 --> 00:05:28,359
May the best maid win.
146
00:05:29,612 --> 00:05:30,654
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING VIA SPEAKERS]
147
00:05:30,738 --> 00:05:31,947
PERALTA: Wow, how cool is this?
148
00:05:32,031 --> 00:05:34,409
A TV on a bus?
I never thought I'd see that.
149
00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:35,702
JEFFORDS: Where's the groom already?
150
00:05:35,786 --> 00:05:37,913
Who doesn't show up on
time for their own party?
151
00:05:37,997 --> 00:05:39,206
You mean, besides Gina?
152
00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:41,210
Every year without fail. Yeah.
153
00:05:41,752 --> 00:05:43,837
Look, you said you'd keep
an open mind for Pimento.
154
00:05:43,921 --> 00:05:45,297
He'll show. Just give him a shot.
155
00:05:45,381 --> 00:05:46,757
Is everybody comfortable back there?
156
00:05:46,841 --> 00:05:48,300
-Does anybody need any… [GRUNTS]
-[BUS DOOR OPENS]
157
00:05:48,384 --> 00:05:49,803
PERALTA: Sir, are you okay?
158
00:05:49,887 --> 00:05:51,138
Hello?
159
00:05:51,222 --> 00:05:53,057
We need to go now!
160
00:05:53,141 --> 00:05:55,059
-Okay, just keep that mind open.
-[ENGINE STARTS]
161
00:05:55,143 --> 00:05:57,980
I'm sure there's a perfectly
stable explanation for this.
162
00:05:58,064 --> 00:05:59,565
Someone's trying to kill me.
163
00:05:59,649 --> 00:06:01,902
Mind closed, Jake. Mind closed.
164
00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:03,195
[TIRES SCREECHING]
165
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,738
Yep.
166
00:06:14,751 --> 00:06:17,671
Look, I know you're upset because
Pimento seems a little amped up.
167
00:06:17,755 --> 00:06:19,673
We were going 90 with the headlights off.
168
00:06:19,757 --> 00:06:22,093
But please just give
him a chance to explain
169
00:06:22,177 --> 00:06:25,139
before getting all angry
and yelling, "Hey, man!"
170
00:06:25,557 --> 00:06:27,558
Hey, man! What the hell were you doing?
171
00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:30,020
Great, Sarge, can I just talk
to you outside for one moment?
172
00:06:30,104 --> 00:06:31,813
BRB. BRB. BRB.
173
00:06:31,897 --> 00:06:33,524
Sarge, he's a good cop. [SIGHING]
174
00:06:33,608 --> 00:06:34,984
If you ask him in a supportive,
175
00:06:35,068 --> 00:06:36,194
non-confrontational manner,
176
00:06:36,278 --> 00:06:38,178
he'll give you a calm, logical answer.
177
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,117
Fine. Why do you want to know?
178
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:42,619
Who are you working for?
179
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:45,039
I will cut you, little man.
180
00:06:45,123 --> 00:06:46,499
Cool. Hey, uh, Adrian?
181
00:06:46,583 --> 00:06:47,708
Can I borrow you for one sec?
182
00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:49,586
Look, we're all on
your side here, Pimento.
183
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:51,588
We all want to believe that
you're about to be murdered.
184
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:52,716
Thanks, man.
185
00:06:52,841 --> 00:06:54,342
But you got to lay out some facts
186
00:06:54,426 --> 00:06:56,136
and you got to do it calmly.
187
00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:57,971
Okay, here's everything I know.
188
00:06:58,055 --> 00:07:00,005
It all started… Jake, a word, please.
189
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:01,351
What? I don't know.
190
00:07:01,435 --> 00:07:02,894
Everybody else got to go outside.
191
00:07:02,978 --> 00:07:04,355
Get back on the bus.
192
00:07:04,439 --> 00:07:06,190
Sorry. Adrian, you were saying?
193
00:07:06,733 --> 00:07:08,360
Someone's been following me for two days.
194
00:07:08,444 --> 00:07:10,905
White guy, svelte, thick brown hair,
195
00:07:11,447 --> 00:07:13,116
piercing blue eyes.
196
00:07:13,617 --> 00:07:16,667
I don't know, I guess you'd
consider him classically handsome.
197
00:07:16,787 --> 00:07:17,913
Is that weird to say? No.
198
00:07:17,997 --> 00:07:19,999
I mean, is it? No, I don't think so.
199
00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:23,211
Anyway, this morning I turned
the tables, followed him home.
200
00:07:23,295 --> 00:07:24,463
We need to get there now,
201
00:07:24,547 --> 00:07:25,798
so we can get the drop on him.
202
00:07:25,882 --> 00:07:28,260
Smart, sane, rational.
Sarge, what do you think?
203
00:07:28,344 --> 00:07:29,928
Fine, we can go.
204
00:07:30,012 --> 00:07:33,015
But only to prove he's making this all up.
Okay, okay.
205
00:07:33,099 --> 00:07:34,600
The important thing is,
you agreed we can go
206
00:07:34,684 --> 00:07:37,334
and you and Pimento are best friends now.
Let's do it.
207
00:07:38,356 --> 00:07:40,191
All right, who's up first?
208
00:07:40,275 --> 00:07:43,946
Party number one will be
brought to you by Gina Linetti.
209
00:07:44,030 --> 00:07:46,198
And good times.
210
00:07:46,282 --> 00:07:47,951
Where exactly are these good times?
211
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:49,786
Because so far, the first six seconds
212
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,620
of your party are a big old snooze.
213
00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,461
Tonight we will be attending my
nephew Anthony's 13th birthday party.
214
00:07:56,545 --> 00:07:58,964
Sounds awful. Teenage boys are the worst.
215
00:07:59,048 --> 00:08:02,886
But shooting them with
paintballs in the behind is the best.
216
00:08:03,554 --> 00:08:04,722
Which is what we're gonna do.
217
00:08:04,806 --> 00:08:05,848
It's a paintball party.
218
00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:07,976
Nice. Let's go shoot my nephew.
219
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:10,813
Gina, do you have any
idea what you're getting into?
220
00:08:11,356 --> 00:08:12,649
We play in a league.
221
00:08:13,191 --> 00:08:14,234
A league.
222
00:08:14,567 --> 00:08:16,070
Ow! Oops.
223
00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:21,284
You're all gonna die tonight!
224
00:08:21,576 --> 00:08:22,976
-[GUN FIRING]
-[BOTH GROANING]
225
00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:26,249
DIAZ: Unleash hell.
226
00:08:27,251 --> 00:08:28,293
[GROANING]
227
00:08:30,421 --> 00:08:33,925
Well, well, well, guess I nailed it.
Pressure's on, guys.
228
00:08:34,009 --> 00:08:36,095
Good. Pressure's my jam.
229
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:39,349
DIAZ: I'm engaged!
230
00:08:39,599 --> 00:08:40,767
[ALL YELLING]
231
00:08:43,104 --> 00:08:45,606
Okay, now the guy's in
that building right there.
232
00:08:46,232 --> 00:08:48,986
If Figgis hired him, that
means he's highly trained,
233
00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:51,281
armed, and very dangerous.
234
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,074
The only problem is,
none of us are packing.
235
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,200
Oh. Not a problem.
236
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,135
I've got an arsenal in my pants.
237
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:00,625
BOTH: Damn.
238
00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:02,378
Guys, game faces on.
239
00:09:02,462 --> 00:09:04,338
I don't know what's on
the other side of that door,
240
00:09:04,422 --> 00:09:05,547
but I know it's gonna be brutal.
241
00:09:05,631 --> 00:09:06,967
And it's empty.
242
00:09:07,092 --> 00:09:08,692
No one's been in here for years.
243
00:09:08,802 --> 00:09:11,138
I can't believe I was wrong. I can.
244
00:09:11,222 --> 00:09:12,265
Okay, look,
245
00:09:12,390 --> 00:09:14,226
this was maybe a weird
way to start the night,
246
00:09:14,310 --> 00:09:15,560
but the good news is,
247
00:09:15,644 --> 00:09:18,022
we can still make our dinner
reservation and no one got hurt.
248
00:09:18,106 --> 00:09:20,608
Actually, I cut myself real bad.
249
00:09:20,692 --> 00:09:21,860
Of course you did.
250
00:09:22,403 --> 00:09:24,822
SANTIAGO: Party round two, the quiz.
251
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,450
Winner gets a "question mark" crown.
252
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:28,577
So cool.
253
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,914
Um, I'll take Lonely
Arts and Crafts for 800.
254
00:09:31,998 --> 00:09:35,043
First of all, I've made many
friends through arts and crafts.
255
00:09:35,127 --> 00:09:37,171
And how many of them are googly eyes?
256
00:09:37,588 --> 00:09:39,841
And secondly, it's a drinking game.
257
00:09:40,217 --> 00:09:42,428
Get a question wrong, do a shot.
258
00:09:42,512 --> 00:09:43,637
Oh, and the questions?
259
00:09:43,721 --> 00:09:44,763
They're all about Rosa.
260
00:09:44,847 --> 00:09:46,683
But none of us know anything about Rosa.
261
00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:48,667
Everyone's about to get real hammered.
262
00:09:48,811 --> 00:09:50,061
What is my favorite soup?
263
00:09:50,396 --> 00:09:51,647
Chicken noodle.
264
00:09:51,731 --> 00:09:53,065
Potato leek.
265
00:09:53,149 --> 00:09:56,570
Corn frickin' noodle. Argh.
I mean, chowder, damn it.
266
00:09:56,654 --> 00:09:57,864
You're all wrong. I've never had soup.
267
00:09:57,948 --> 00:10:00,492
Don't bother. They all suck. Drink.
268
00:10:02,787 --> 00:10:04,371
Battle Axe.
269
00:10:04,455 --> 00:10:05,582
Upper cut.
270
00:10:06,083 --> 00:10:07,125
Disembowelment.
271
00:10:07,209 --> 00:10:11,214
Guys, I was a baby.
My first word was "Da-da." Drink.
272
00:10:11,422 --> 00:10:12,549
[GROANING]
273
00:10:14,593 --> 00:10:15,636
Hoo.
274
00:10:17,806 --> 00:10:21,435
Wrong! I can totally do a handstand.
275
00:10:21,769 --> 00:10:22,895
-Ha.
-SANTIAGO: Ooh.
276
00:10:23,771 --> 00:10:26,191
Oh… Told ya.
277
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:29,571
Good luck following this party, ya bish.
278
00:10:30,280 --> 00:10:31,530
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING VIA SPEAKERS]
279
00:10:31,614 --> 00:10:34,201
I'd like to make a toast
to the groom-to-be,
280
00:10:34,285 --> 00:10:35,368
Adrian Pimento.
281
00:10:35,452 --> 00:10:37,246
Don't bother, Jake.
Everybody's pissed at me.
282
00:10:37,330 --> 00:10:39,540
No, no, we're not.
We're all supporting you.
283
00:10:39,624 --> 00:10:40,876
We're doing separate checks, right?
284
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,503
I told you, we're splitting it.
285
00:10:42,587 --> 00:10:45,757
All right, sure, tonight got
off to a weird, rocky start,
286
00:10:45,841 --> 00:10:48,051
but you know what else
got off to a weird, rocky start?
287
00:10:48,135 --> 00:10:51,055
America, and we all
love America now, right?
288
00:10:51,139 --> 00:10:52,348
Well, it's no Amsterdam.
289
00:10:52,557 --> 00:10:54,267
And you know who else we also love?
290
00:10:54,351 --> 00:10:55,477
Rosa Diaz.
291
00:10:55,561 --> 00:10:56,896
Some of us even love her so much
292
00:10:56,980 --> 00:10:58,773
that it makes us act a
little crazy sometimes.
293
00:10:58,857 --> 00:11:01,152
You're talking about me, right? Yeah.
294
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,960
I would kill all of you for her.
295
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:04,656
That's sweet. Right?
296
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,950
-So let's all raise our glass.
-ALL: Cheers.
297
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,536
Cheers. Cheers.
298
00:11:08,703 --> 00:11:09,913
[CLINKING GLASS RAPIDLY]
299
00:11:12,165 --> 00:11:13,375
I'd also like to make a toast.
300
00:11:13,459 --> 00:11:15,710
Easy on the dings, man. One ding'll do.
301
00:11:15,794 --> 00:11:18,464
Thank you guys so much for this party.
302
00:11:18,548 --> 00:11:20,133
It means everything to me.
303
00:11:20,217 --> 00:11:23,017
And I'm sorry that earlier
I went a little off the rails,
304
00:11:23,179 --> 00:11:24,389
hijacked the bus,
305
00:11:24,473 --> 00:11:26,474
stole all of your wallets to
double check your identities.
306
00:11:26,558 --> 00:11:27,601
What?
307
00:11:27,726 --> 00:11:29,026
But with friends like you,
308
00:11:29,562 --> 00:11:31,397
I'm finally starting to feel like…
309
00:11:31,898 --> 00:11:33,359
There he is!
310
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:35,194
[GRUNTING]
311
00:11:35,694 --> 00:11:37,196
I got him down! I got him down!
312
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,406
Somebody check his pockets!
313
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,450
What the hell? Man, this is crazy!
314
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:41,619
Sarge, look.
315
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,706
A gun and a picture of Pimento.
316
00:11:45,457 --> 00:11:46,857
What do you have to say now?
317
00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:50,338
I guess someone's trying to kill him.
318
00:11:50,713 --> 00:11:54,218
That's right. In your face.
Someone's trying to kill him.
319
00:11:54,385 --> 00:11:55,427
Whoo!
320
00:11:55,636 --> 00:11:58,264
[SIGHS] I mean, a
man's life is in danger.
321
00:11:58,348 --> 00:11:59,948
Probably shouldn't be so pumped.
322
00:12:02,186 --> 00:12:03,520
Look, I'm sorry I doubted you.
323
00:12:03,604 --> 00:12:05,356
I'm also sorry that
someone's trying to kill you,
324
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,567
but I can really only take
ownership for the first part.
325
00:12:07,651 --> 00:12:09,737
It's okay, Sarge.
I would've doubted me too.
326
00:12:09,821 --> 00:12:11,823
I mean, you guys probably
haven't noticed anything,
327
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:14,076
but I've been acting
pretty unstable lately.
328
00:12:14,285 --> 00:12:17,455
Well, personally, I think I
also deserve an apology.
329
00:12:18,456 --> 00:12:20,918
No? Okay, that's totally cool.
So what's our plan?
330
00:12:21,002 --> 00:12:23,295
Okay. I'm gonna make this guy talk.
331
00:12:23,379 --> 00:12:25,256
Okay, all I need is a car battery,
332
00:12:25,340 --> 00:12:27,509
jumper cables, and
unfettered access to his nips.
333
00:12:27,593 --> 00:12:28,886
As much as I'd like to see that,
334
00:12:28,970 --> 00:12:30,596
I think you might be
a little too close to this.
335
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:31,848
Maybe I should ask the questions.
336
00:12:31,932 --> 00:12:34,382
Hey, Jakie, if you're
asking the waiter questions,
337
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:36,187
find out when the mashed
potatoes are coming.
338
00:12:36,271 --> 00:12:38,356
He's not a real waiter, man.
339
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,150
Hang on, we don't know that for sure.
340
00:12:40,234 --> 00:12:41,652
Are you a waiter as well?
341
00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:43,363
Mmm-mmm. No.
342
00:12:43,488 --> 00:12:45,532
Yeah, Terry was right. Yeah.
343
00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:49,370
So, you had a picture of
my friend and a loaded gun.
344
00:12:49,454 --> 00:12:52,457
Can't wait to hear what crazy
story you tell to justify that.
345
00:12:52,541 --> 00:12:55,127
I'm a contract killer who was
hired to kill Adrian Pimento.
346
00:12:55,211 --> 00:12:56,254
Oh.
347
00:12:56,463 --> 00:12:58,563
That went much easier
than I was expecting.
348
00:12:58,798 --> 00:12:59,841
Still gonna brag.
349
00:12:59,925 --> 00:13:01,260
[CLEARS THROAT] I did it, guys.
350
00:13:01,344 --> 00:13:03,179
I broke him. Who wants me dead?
351
00:13:03,263 --> 00:13:04,764
Someone in Figgis's organization?
352
00:13:04,848 --> 00:13:06,307
I don't know. I haven't met the guy.
353
00:13:06,391 --> 00:13:09,353
Once I finish the job, I'm supposed
to text him a photo of the body.
354
00:13:09,437 --> 00:13:10,688
Then we meet up and I get the money.
355
00:13:10,772 --> 00:13:13,817
Interesting.
So he has no clue what you look like.
356
00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:15,236
Mmm-mmm. Gentlemen,
357
00:13:16,237 --> 00:13:17,487
I just thought of a plan.
358
00:13:17,822 --> 00:13:20,325
Stage Pimento's death and
go to the meet-up ourselves.
359
00:13:20,409 --> 00:13:22,119
Great plan, Sarge.
360
00:13:22,244 --> 00:13:23,955
No, I was gonna say it first.
361
00:13:24,498 --> 00:13:26,082
I thought of it before you did.
362
00:13:26,166 --> 00:13:28,627
You know, whatever, let's
just do Sarge's thing, I guess.
363
00:13:28,711 --> 00:13:30,797
All right, Boyle, you're up.
Where we goin'?
364
00:13:30,881 --> 00:13:32,007
BOYLE: A restaurant.
365
00:13:32,091 --> 00:13:34,928
Specifically, Le Petit Colon.
366
00:13:35,345 --> 00:13:36,679
It means "small intestine,"
367
00:13:36,763 --> 00:13:37,972
'cause that's all they serve.
368
00:13:38,056 --> 00:13:39,641
Oh, man, I was rootin' for you.
369
00:13:39,725 --> 00:13:41,101
Ah… I don't think I can eat that.
370
00:13:41,185 --> 00:13:44,606
Neither can anyone else,
which is why they shut it down.
371
00:13:44,856 --> 00:13:50,614
We are not eating at this restaurant.
We are demolishing it.
372
00:13:51,365 --> 00:13:54,661
Damn! Boyle's playing to win! Yeah!
373
00:13:55,328 --> 00:13:58,958
Madame, may I offer you the first whack?
374
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:03,713
I've been dreaming about
this since I was a little girl.
375
00:14:03,797 --> 00:14:04,840
[YELLS]
376
00:14:05,298 --> 00:14:06,342
[ALL GRUNTING]
377
00:14:15,395 --> 00:14:16,479
[DIAZ LAUGHING]
378
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,243
Guys, love is beautiful.
379
00:14:29,162 --> 00:14:31,498
Okay, we need to make my main man Pimento
380
00:14:31,582 --> 00:14:35,211
look super murdered, like
Tarantino disgusting murdered.
381
00:14:35,753 --> 00:14:37,171
You ready? Murder me, bro.
382
00:14:37,255 --> 00:14:38,466
Sarge, blood.
383
00:14:39,758 --> 00:14:41,427
Headshot.
384
00:14:43,597 --> 00:14:44,639
[GRUNTING]
385
00:14:45,056 --> 00:14:46,767
Damn, it feels good to be creative again.
386
00:14:46,851 --> 00:14:48,478
And here comes the brains.
387
00:14:50,939 --> 00:14:52,357
All right, now all you need to do
388
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:53,651
is put some water on my crotch.
389
00:14:53,735 --> 00:14:54,944
What? Why? Obviously
390
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,737
because everybody who
gets shot pees them self.
391
00:14:56,821 --> 00:14:57,906
No, they don't. That's not true.
392
00:14:57,990 --> 00:15:00,158
Actually, he's right. Every single time.
393
00:15:00,242 --> 00:15:02,203
I'm just gonna take the
photo from the waist up, okay?
394
00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:04,789
Fine, but for the record, I
think I should've peed myself.
395
00:15:04,873 --> 00:15:06,083
All right, noted.
396
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:08,127
Photo taken.
397
00:15:09,213 --> 00:15:12,132
And sent. Nice.
398
00:15:12,382 --> 00:15:13,426
-[PHONE CHIMING]
-Wow.
399
00:15:13,635 --> 00:15:15,886
That was a quick response.
Someone's a bit of
400
00:15:15,970 --> 00:15:17,931
-a thirsty gangster. [CHUCKLING]
-[PIMENTO LAUGHING]
401
00:15:18,015 --> 00:15:20,684
He wants to meet up.
And he wants me to bring him your tongue.
402
00:15:20,768 --> 00:15:22,979
Oh, how did I not see this coming?
403
00:15:23,063 --> 00:15:24,647
That's what Figgis does to snitches.
404
00:15:24,731 --> 00:15:27,818
Well, game over, guys.
I mean, where are we gonna get a tongue?
405
00:15:27,902 --> 00:15:29,863
Relax, I'm just gonna text Boyle.
406
00:15:30,489 --> 00:15:32,699
He's always eating
weird stuff like tongues
407
00:15:32,783 --> 00:15:33,909
-and chicken faces.
-[PHONE BEEPING]
408
00:15:33,993 --> 00:15:37,206
Oh, and he's already texted
me back with a top-10 list.
409
00:15:38,123 --> 00:15:39,249
[MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
410
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:41,210
Well, the groomsmen
are having a great time.
411
00:15:41,294 --> 00:15:43,894
Jake just texted me about
where to get a veal tongue.
412
00:15:44,674 --> 00:15:46,216
Tonight was amazing,
413
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,427
which I didn't think was
possible with you guys.
414
00:15:48,511 --> 00:15:50,305
I don't know why we were competing.
415
00:15:50,430 --> 00:15:52,223
If you ask me, what
we're doing right now,
416
00:15:52,307 --> 00:15:55,102
just hanging out, is the
best part of the whole night.
417
00:15:55,186 --> 00:15:56,897
I don't even care who won. Charles won.
418
00:15:56,981 --> 00:15:58,064
What? Huh?
419
00:15:58,148 --> 00:16:00,526
Yeah, he had the best party.
We broke so much stuff!
420
00:16:00,610 --> 00:16:01,653
Whoo!
421
00:16:01,778 --> 00:16:03,696
You guys,
422
00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:06,951
I cannot wait to spend the rest
of my life with Adrian Pimento.
423
00:16:08,077 --> 00:16:12,207
My heart is so full. Mamma mia.
424
00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:15,378
To Rosa and Pimento.
425
00:16:16,547 --> 00:16:18,299
ALL: Rosa and Pimento.
426
00:16:19,091 --> 00:16:21,636
Guys, I really don't want to
hold this tongue much longer.
427
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,054
It's weirdly heavy.
428
00:16:23,179 --> 00:16:24,681
You're in luck. Car just pulled in.
429
00:16:24,765 --> 00:16:26,726
I think it's our guy. Copy that.
430
00:16:34,235 --> 00:16:37,197
Oh, same ski mask. That's awkward.
431
00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:39,324
Don't worry about it.
Happens all the time.
432
00:16:39,408 --> 00:16:40,910
You have the tongue?
433
00:16:41,036 --> 00:16:43,162
Yeah, this guy won't
be snitching in heaven.
434
00:16:43,246 --> 00:16:44,790
I mean, hell, obviously,
he's going to hell.
435
00:16:44,874 --> 00:16:47,042
We all are, we're bad guys.
Anyway, here's his tongue.
436
00:16:47,126 --> 00:16:48,545
It's all there.
437
00:16:53,051 --> 00:16:54,510
Jimmy Figgis thanks you.
438
00:16:54,844 --> 00:16:56,180
[TIRES SCREECHING]
439
00:16:58,724 --> 00:17:00,774
Yeah, he's on the move.
I'm coming to you.
440
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:05,232
Where's this sicko leading us now?
441
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,192
Lightbulb Hut? All About the Bagel?
442
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,028
Bill's Pools? Stop reading signs.
443
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,196
Can't. I'm too amped up.
444
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,322
I didn't recognize this guy.
445
00:17:11,406 --> 00:17:13,158
If he works for Figgis, he's new.
446
00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:15,662
In fairness, there's probably a
lot of turnover in his line of work,
447
00:17:15,746 --> 00:17:17,539
what with the constant
death and everything.
448
00:17:17,623 --> 00:17:18,999
Where's he going now?
449
00:17:19,751 --> 00:17:21,252
Oh, what the hell?
450
00:17:22,545 --> 00:17:24,382
PIMENTO: That's the FBI building.
451
00:17:27,134 --> 00:17:28,178
[CONSOLE BEEPS]
452
00:17:28,970 --> 00:17:30,263
He's an agent.
453
00:17:30,889 --> 00:17:34,477
Oh, Adrian.
Your bachelor party sucks butt.
454
00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,693
Oh, I'm freaking out, man.
I'm freaking out!
455
00:17:39,901 --> 00:17:42,153
Just stay calm and be methodical.
456
00:17:42,237 --> 00:17:43,655
Right? What do we know?
457
00:17:43,739 --> 00:17:45,824
Jimmy "The Butcher"
Figgis has a man in the FBI.
458
00:17:45,908 --> 00:17:47,327
And he tried to have Pimento killed.
459
00:17:47,411 --> 00:17:48,745
And I cut my other cheek.
460
00:17:49,162 --> 00:17:51,332
How? I took the knife away from you.
461
00:17:51,457 --> 00:17:52,583
Oh, man.
462
00:17:53,459 --> 00:17:56,463
That's it. I got to completely disappear.
It's not safe for me here.
463
00:17:56,547 --> 00:17:58,214
And what if Rosa gets
caught in the crossfire?
464
00:17:58,298 --> 00:18:00,760
No, no, no. Listen.
We're gonna protect you guys,
465
00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:02,888
and we're gonna take these guys down.
466
00:18:02,972 --> 00:18:04,306
Right, Sarge? Absolutely.
467
00:18:04,390 --> 00:18:06,266
No, no, no, don't you see?
468
00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:07,900
Right now, they think I'm dead.
469
00:18:08,395 --> 00:18:10,355
This is my only chance to get away safe.
470
00:18:10,439 --> 00:18:13,484
Jake, I need you to
tell Rosa that I love her.
471
00:18:13,985 --> 00:18:16,905
Okay? Do that for me.
Also, tell her this.
472
00:18:17,906 --> 00:18:18,992
[INDISTINCT]
473
00:18:19,159 --> 00:18:20,201
Oh…
474
00:18:20,493 --> 00:18:21,578
Oh, my.
475
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:23,664
Ew…
476
00:18:24,665 --> 00:18:26,333
That is very graphic, Adrian.
477
00:18:27,419 --> 00:18:29,969
Got it? I don't think I can
say any of that to Rosa.
478
00:18:30,172 --> 00:18:32,508
And also, you can't leave
without saying goodbye to her.
479
00:18:32,592 --> 00:18:33,760
You owe her that much.
480
00:18:34,511 --> 00:18:37,973
No can do. It's just too dangerous.
481
00:18:39,267 --> 00:18:40,435
[SIGHS]
482
00:18:41,352 --> 00:18:42,438
Goodbye, Nine-Nine.
483
00:18:42,813 --> 00:18:45,107
And with that, I left.
484
00:18:51,616 --> 00:18:53,784
Oh, sweet, sweet coffee.
485
00:18:53,868 --> 00:18:55,412
Come to mama.
486
00:18:55,537 --> 00:18:57,080
Shut your loud mouth, Amy.
487
00:18:57,164 --> 00:18:58,457
Some of us have a hangover.
488
00:18:58,541 --> 00:18:59,584
[LAUGHING]
489
00:18:59,709 --> 00:19:01,211
Man, last night was dope.
490
00:19:01,544 --> 00:19:04,894
Wait, did Gina really go to Puerto
Rico with that drugstore cashier?
491
00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:08,094
Yeah. They seemed really happy.
492
00:19:08,178 --> 00:19:09,679
They really did. Yeah.
493
00:19:10,348 --> 00:19:11,390
Huh.
494
00:19:11,849 --> 00:19:13,350
Hey, man. How'd it go last night?
495
00:19:13,434 --> 00:19:14,602
Sarge cool with Adrian now?
496
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:17,523
Oh, so you haven't seen him, huh? No.
497
00:19:18,316 --> 00:19:19,984
I figured he just passed out
at your place or something.
498
00:19:20,068 --> 00:19:22,530
Why? What's going on? [EXHALES] Oh, man.
499
00:19:23,239 --> 00:19:24,532
Let's go for a walk.
500
00:19:28,912 --> 00:19:30,789
He wanted me to tell
you that he loves you.
501
00:19:30,873 --> 00:19:32,723
Is that it? Did he say anything else?
502
00:19:32,917 --> 00:19:33,961
Uh…
503
00:19:34,211 --> 00:19:36,011
PIMENTO: "May the lord be with you."
504
00:19:36,755 --> 00:19:37,799
Adrian. [CHUCKLING]
505
00:19:37,924 --> 00:19:39,074
[SOFTLY] Oh, thank God.
506
00:19:42,555 --> 00:19:43,597
Whoa.
507
00:19:43,681 --> 00:19:46,184
You scared me. I thought you left. I did.
508
00:19:47,018 --> 00:19:50,522
I was burning my fingerprints
off at a gas station bathroom
509
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,406
when I thought about what Jake said.
510
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:55,058
I couldn't leave without
seeing you one last time.
511
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:56,488
[SIGHS]
512
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:59,450
I want to lick your whole
body clean like a kitty cat.
513
00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,584
And I'm gonna give
you two a little space.
514
00:20:02,454 --> 00:20:03,622
I have to go.
515
00:20:04,373 --> 00:20:06,293
But I'll be back for you. I'll wait.
516
00:20:07,168 --> 00:20:10,255
And while I'm waiting,
I will find that FBI agent
517
00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:11,507
and I will rip his head off
518
00:20:11,591 --> 00:20:12,633
with my bare hands.
519
00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:15,637
That is the sweetest thing
anybody's ever said to me.
520
00:20:15,721 --> 00:20:17,390
I love you. I love you.
521
00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:35,078
-You okay?
-[VOICE BREAKING] Yeah, I will be.
522
00:20:35,954 --> 00:20:37,873
I watched you guys kiss.
I didn't know where to look.
523
00:20:37,957 --> 00:20:39,607
All right, let's go inside. Okay.
524
00:20:41,128 --> 00:20:43,630
Sergeant Jeffords briefed
me about the Pimento situation.
525
00:20:43,714 --> 00:20:45,550
Sounds like I missed a hell of a week.
526
00:20:45,634 --> 00:20:47,552
We need to bring Figgis to justice
527
00:20:47,677 --> 00:20:49,555
and find whoever is
helping him in the FBI.
528
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:52,057
As of right now, we
have very little to go on.
529
00:20:52,141 --> 00:20:53,518
Yeah, the guy was wearing a ski mask,
530
00:20:53,602 --> 00:20:56,063
but he had a large
scar on his right palm.
531
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:00,986
I have a similar scar on my back.
532
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:04,030
Banged into Amy's kitchen cabinet.
No big deal. Continue.
533
00:21:04,114 --> 00:21:05,283
This mission is top secret.
534
00:21:05,367 --> 00:21:07,326
No one can know what we're doing.
535
00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:10,080
Detective Pimento's a
good man and he's one of us.
536
00:21:10,164 --> 00:21:11,915
So let's catch these bastards
537
00:21:11,999 --> 00:21:13,669
for him and Rosa.
538
00:21:14,461 --> 00:21:16,422
Nine-Nine. Discretely, Jacob.
539
00:21:16,506 --> 00:21:19,056
-[WHISPERING] Nine-Nine.
-ALL [WHISPERING]: Nine-Nine.