1 00:00:02,819 --> 00:00:05,155 Gather around, glorious turd monsters, 2 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:08,325 and feast your eyes on what I hold in this hand. 3 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,620 The future of movement. A hoverboard. 4 00:00:10,704 --> 00:00:11,996 I don't understand those things. 5 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,748 Is walking really so hard for you? 6 00:00:13,832 --> 00:00:16,042 Oh, Ames, walking's a nightmare. 7 00:00:16,126 --> 00:00:17,211 Yeah, Amy. 8 00:00:17,295 --> 00:00:18,880 Now, friends, 9 00:00:19,047 --> 00:00:21,341 -eat my space dust. -[BEEPS, WHIRRS] 10 00:00:21,758 --> 00:00:23,009 [GROANS] 11 00:00:23,469 --> 00:00:25,846 Okay, a little harder to control than I thought. 12 00:00:25,971 --> 00:00:28,598 [SIGHS] Okay, there we go. Whoo! 13 00:00:28,682 --> 00:00:29,892 Think I'm getting the hang of it. 14 00:00:29,976 --> 00:00:31,311 -No, I'm not! -[ALL GASPING] 15 00:00:31,686 --> 00:00:32,687 [LAUGHS] 16 00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,022 [YELLS] 17 00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:35,899 I'm all right. 18 00:00:36,359 --> 00:00:37,360 [GROANS] 19 00:00:37,568 --> 00:00:38,569 [PERALTA GROANS] 20 00:00:38,819 --> 00:00:40,195 [YELLING] No! 21 00:00:40,279 --> 00:00:41,280 -[CRASHES] -[GROANS] 22 00:00:41,364 --> 00:00:43,366 -I'm doing it! -[APPLAUSE] 23 00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:44,659 I'm doing it! 24 00:00:44,743 --> 00:00:45,785 You got this? 25 00:00:45,869 --> 00:00:47,203 No, I do not got this, Terry. 26 00:00:47,287 --> 00:00:48,496 Don't let go of me! 27 00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:51,501 The future of movement is now! Whoa! 28 00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,753 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 29 00:01:14,318 --> 00:01:15,486 There he is. 30 00:01:15,570 --> 00:01:17,823 All hail the birthday boy. 31 00:01:18,657 --> 00:01:20,366 Oh! What the hell was that? 32 00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:22,495 Charles, probably shouldn't have done that in a police station. 33 00:01:22,579 --> 00:01:24,455 And not celebrate your birthday properly? 34 00:01:24,539 --> 00:01:25,581 I'd rather get shot. 35 00:01:25,665 --> 00:01:26,707 You do you, Boyle. 36 00:01:26,791 --> 00:01:27,917 I'm doing me. 37 00:01:28,001 --> 00:01:29,085 What's this case? 38 00:01:29,169 --> 00:01:30,253 SANTIAGO: Oh, this isn't work. 39 00:01:30,337 --> 00:01:32,714 It's research on your mom since we're finally meeting. 40 00:01:32,798 --> 00:01:34,132 It's very thorough. 41 00:01:34,216 --> 00:01:36,010 Just relax. She's gonna love you. 42 00:01:36,094 --> 00:01:37,595 You're both strong, accomplished women 43 00:01:37,679 --> 00:01:38,763 that have seen me naked. 44 00:01:38,847 --> 00:01:40,897 I used to be so good at meeting grownups. 45 00:01:41,182 --> 00:01:43,393 I'd just sing Itsy Bitsy Spider flawlessly 46 00:01:43,477 --> 00:01:45,396 and ride that wave till bath time. 47 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,273 But now… It's anybody's guess. 48 00:01:48,357 --> 00:01:49,526 All right, what I am about to say 49 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,610 will make you very horny, 50 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:51,778 but you have to try and remember that 51 00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:52,946 we're still at work. 52 00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,781 Do you want me to quiz you? 53 00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,200 Oh, God, yes. 54 00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,910 Wow. Okay, great. 55 00:01:57,994 --> 00:01:59,620 What is my mother's favorite drink? 56 00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:00,788 Red wine over ice. 57 00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:03,083 Just like Diane Keaton, or so she always says. 58 00:02:03,167 --> 00:02:04,543 Favorite topics of conversation? 59 00:02:04,627 --> 00:02:06,127 Jimmy Carter was underrated. Hmm. 60 00:02:06,211 --> 00:02:07,879 How beautiful some front doors are. 61 00:02:07,963 --> 00:02:09,715 What's Jane Seymour up to? 62 00:02:09,799 --> 00:02:11,008 And how cool is it that the ladies 63 00:02:11,092 --> 00:02:12,260 across the street are lesbians. 64 00:02:12,344 --> 00:02:14,470 Great. Nice work. Topics to avoid. 65 00:02:14,554 --> 00:02:16,640 How my dad left us and ruined our lives, 66 00:02:16,724 --> 00:02:18,684 how my dad got remarried twice and ruined our lives, 67 00:02:18,768 --> 00:02:19,810 how my dad moved to Canada 68 00:02:19,894 --> 00:02:20,894 and ruined our lives. You know what? 69 00:02:20,978 --> 00:02:22,814 I'm just gonna steer clear of your dad entirely. 70 00:02:22,898 --> 00:02:25,108 Smart. You're gonna be fine, all right? 71 00:02:25,192 --> 00:02:26,609 She's gonna totally love you. 72 00:02:26,693 --> 00:02:27,778 [INHALES SHARPLY] 73 00:02:28,070 --> 00:02:29,864 Are those her dental records? 74 00:02:30,281 --> 00:02:32,157 Gina, are you excited for our 75 00:02:32,241 --> 00:02:34,285 "Escape the Room" team-building exercise? 76 00:02:34,369 --> 00:02:35,370 I told you, sir, 77 00:02:35,454 --> 00:02:36,496 it would be far more effective 78 00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:37,831 for the squad to go to Vegas, 79 00:02:37,915 --> 00:02:39,541 and you give us each $5,000. 80 00:02:39,625 --> 00:02:41,001 No, I see no value in that. 81 00:02:41,085 --> 00:02:42,169 But nine coworkers 82 00:02:42,253 --> 00:02:43,462 forced to riddle their way free 83 00:02:43,546 --> 00:02:44,755 from a locked room… 84 00:02:44,839 --> 00:02:48,427 I would spend my $5,000 to buy backstage passes to Britney, 85 00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:50,554 and then I'd ask her one question. 86 00:02:51,597 --> 00:02:53,473 You think you're a better dancer than me? 87 00:02:53,557 --> 00:02:54,809 We are not going to Las Vegas. 88 00:02:54,893 --> 00:02:55,893 We're going to Long Island City 89 00:02:55,977 --> 00:02:57,604 and we will bond meaningfully, 90 00:02:57,688 --> 00:03:00,440 and that is a direct order. I'll see you at 8:00 tonight. 91 00:03:00,524 --> 00:03:01,859 Tonight? Mmm. 92 00:03:01,943 --> 00:03:04,529 Um… Okay, great. 93 00:03:04,904 --> 00:03:06,280 Jake. Jakester. 94 00:03:06,364 --> 00:03:07,823 Remember when I did not email you 95 00:03:07,907 --> 00:03:09,659 about Captain Holt's Escape the Room thing tonight? 96 00:03:09,743 --> 00:03:11,161 No, and I can't go. 97 00:03:11,245 --> 00:03:13,330 Amy and I are going to my mom's house for my birthday. 98 00:03:13,414 --> 00:03:15,458 Adults don't care about their birthdays. 99 00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:17,084 You came to work last year on a horse. 100 00:03:17,168 --> 00:03:18,919 Man, forget you. Where's Charles? 101 00:03:19,003 --> 00:03:20,546 On a stakeout with Rosa and Terry. 102 00:03:20,630 --> 00:03:23,259 Police work? What a waste of time. [GROANS] 103 00:03:23,426 --> 00:03:26,637 So no Jake, no Amy, no Charles, no Rosa, no Terry. 104 00:03:27,096 --> 00:03:30,350 That leaves me with… Aah. Ooh! 105 00:03:30,434 --> 00:03:31,852 Aah. Aah. 106 00:03:32,436 --> 00:03:33,979 Oh, dear God. 107 00:03:34,312 --> 00:03:37,733 Okay, this is the block our boy Tommy Tran does his drops. 108 00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,485 Before we do anything else, 109 00:03:39,569 --> 00:03:41,279 are your body cams turned on? 110 00:03:41,363 --> 00:03:43,114 Why are you so obsessed with these things? 111 00:03:43,198 --> 00:03:45,033 It's like your stupid babies all over again. 112 00:03:45,117 --> 00:03:48,621 My babies are not stupid. Cagney can write a lowercase "L." 113 00:03:48,830 --> 00:03:50,039 It's just a line, right? 114 00:03:50,165 --> 00:03:51,166 [GRUNTS] 115 00:03:51,624 --> 00:03:54,753 Look, I worked hard to get us included in that pilot program. 116 00:03:54,837 --> 00:03:58,340 Body cams are important, and I need these field tests to go well. 117 00:03:58,632 --> 00:04:00,259 I'm gonna go take my position. 118 00:04:00,802 --> 00:04:03,002 -"Just a straight line." Come on. -[DOOR OPENS] 119 00:04:03,388 --> 00:04:06,767 SANTIAGO: Unique New York. Unique New York. 120 00:04:07,184 --> 00:04:09,436 I took a Toastmasters class to prepare for tonight. 121 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,771 Seriously, it's gonna be fine. 122 00:04:10,855 --> 00:04:12,815 We're just gonna have some dinner, eat dessert, play charades, 123 00:04:12,899 --> 00:04:15,193 and then talk for half an hour about which of her friends are sick. 124 00:04:15,277 --> 00:04:16,486 -We're gonna play charades? -[DOORBELL RINGS] 125 00:04:16,570 --> 00:04:18,822 You wait until T-minus two seconds to tell me that? 126 00:04:18,906 --> 00:04:21,200 Okay. Movie. Book. 127 00:04:21,284 --> 00:04:22,910 What's the thing for song? I don't know the thing for song. 128 00:04:22,994 --> 00:04:23,994 [SMOKE ALARM BEEPING] 129 00:04:24,078 --> 00:04:27,124 Hi, birthday boy. Hi. 130 00:04:27,208 --> 00:04:29,418 Mom, is something on fire? Yeah. 131 00:04:30,127 --> 00:04:33,214 Okay. You must be Amy. 132 00:04:34,049 --> 00:04:35,299 Let me take you in. 133 00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:37,010 Okay. Oh. 134 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,389 I'll just take in this gorgeous front door of yours. 135 00:04:40,473 --> 00:04:42,273 Mom, seriously, the fire? It's fine. 136 00:04:42,558 --> 00:04:43,976 Things don't burn down like they used to. 137 00:04:44,060 --> 00:04:45,728 I'm just gonna put it out. 138 00:04:46,103 --> 00:04:48,732 Well, you know, it's good enough for Diane Keaton. 139 00:04:48,816 --> 00:04:49,983 It's good enough for me. 140 00:04:50,067 --> 00:04:53,070 I love her. I mean, she's no Jane Seymour. 141 00:04:53,696 --> 00:04:55,614 Where is Jane Seymour now, anyway? 142 00:04:55,698 --> 00:04:58,117 She makes jewelry, and it's beautiful. 143 00:04:58,201 --> 00:05:01,163 I just bought two brooches for the lesbians across the street. 144 00:05:01,247 --> 00:05:02,372 Mom, I keep telling you, 145 00:05:02,456 --> 00:05:05,125 if you don't rein it in a little bit, you're gonna scare them off. 146 00:05:05,209 --> 00:05:08,171 Well, that's what you said about Carla, and I ignored it, 147 00:05:08,255 --> 00:05:10,047 and now I have a friend with one arm. 148 00:05:10,131 --> 00:05:11,674 -I stand corrected. -[DOORBELL RINGS] 149 00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:14,011 Oh. Must be your birthday surprise. 150 00:05:14,095 --> 00:05:15,513 You got me the '86 Mets? 151 00:05:15,972 --> 00:05:17,848 Be warned, a lot of them turned out to be drug addicts, 152 00:05:17,932 --> 00:05:19,433 so this could be a bummer. 153 00:05:19,684 --> 00:05:20,727 You ready? 154 00:05:22,980 --> 00:05:24,022 Hey, buddy. 155 00:05:24,606 --> 00:05:25,858 Happy birthday. 156 00:05:26,818 --> 00:05:29,028 Dad? What are you doing here? 157 00:05:29,112 --> 00:05:30,780 I wanted to surprise you. 158 00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:33,533 Yeah, well, I am surprised 159 00:05:33,617 --> 00:05:35,327 that you know it's my birthday. 160 00:05:35,411 --> 00:05:37,288 Actually, Jake… 161 00:05:38,122 --> 00:05:41,793 Your father and I are, uh, seeing each other again. 162 00:05:42,252 --> 00:05:43,295 Oh! 163 00:05:43,795 --> 00:05:46,674 Wow, that's… That's so interesting. 164 00:05:47,967 --> 00:05:49,260 SANTIAGO: Oh. 165 00:05:53,390 --> 00:05:54,849 SANTIAGO: I know this isn't the best time, 166 00:05:54,933 --> 00:05:56,267 but we are in your childhood bedroom, 167 00:05:56,351 --> 00:05:57,701 and I do have one question. 168 00:05:59,062 --> 00:06:01,023 Did you have a nose ring in high school? 169 00:06:01,107 --> 00:06:03,860 Yes. Until it got infected and I almost went blind. 170 00:06:04,027 --> 00:06:05,110 Don't tell anyone. 171 00:06:05,194 --> 00:06:06,822 Cool. It's our secret. 172 00:06:07,781 --> 00:06:09,700 Just gonna check my email up high. 173 00:06:11,285 --> 00:06:13,496 No new messages. Amy, can we focus? 174 00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:16,288 What is going on here? Why is my dad dating my mom? 175 00:06:16,374 --> 00:06:17,458 What does he want? 176 00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:20,671 Money. But she's a public school art teacher. That doesn't make any sense. 177 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:21,797 [SNAPS FINGERS] 178 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:24,007 Maybe that son of a bitch wants his picture drawn. 179 00:06:24,091 --> 00:06:25,969 Jake, Karen is a grown woman 180 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:28,054 with a pretty respectable credit score. 181 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,472 I'm sure she knows what she's doing. 182 00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:30,682 Amy, I know that you have a binder, 183 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:31,850 but you don't know her like I do. 184 00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:33,727 She's too trusting for her own good. 185 00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:35,813 She's fallen for more Nigerian scams than Scully. 186 00:06:35,897 --> 00:06:38,066 She's fallen for 20 Nigerian scams? 187 00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:41,027 Twenty? That's insane. 188 00:06:41,111 --> 00:06:43,655 No, she's fallen for two. Scully's fallen for 20? 189 00:06:43,739 --> 00:06:44,823 Yeah. 190 00:06:44,907 --> 00:06:47,159 Look, all right, you know what? This is fine. 191 00:06:47,243 --> 00:06:50,329 It's just the same that it's always been. I have to protect her. 192 00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:53,166 I'm gonna go down there, and I'm going to express my concerns to her 193 00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,169 in a calm, rational manner. 194 00:06:55,419 --> 00:06:58,547 What are you doing, Mom? He's evil! 195 00:06:59,383 --> 00:07:01,384 [GRAVELLY VOICE] I'm glad we got these sweet cams. 196 00:07:01,468 --> 00:07:02,552 What is happening with your voice? 197 00:07:02,636 --> 00:07:06,098 This is Body Cam Charles. I gotta sound badass 198 00:07:06,182 --> 00:07:08,601 in case anybody watches the footage, capisce? 199 00:07:08,768 --> 00:07:09,769 [GROANS] 200 00:07:09,978 --> 00:07:11,854 [NORMAL VOICE] Oh, I just spilled soup on the cam! 201 00:07:11,938 --> 00:07:13,648 Why do you have soup on a stakeout? 202 00:07:13,732 --> 00:07:15,109 Oh, no. Crap! 203 00:07:15,651 --> 00:07:16,943 Oh, it's not turning back on. 204 00:07:17,027 --> 00:07:18,361 Do you think Sarge is gonna be mad 205 00:07:18,445 --> 00:07:20,031 that I spilled pho on the cam? 206 00:07:20,115 --> 00:07:22,366 He definitely will if you say "pho" like that when you tell him. 207 00:07:22,450 --> 00:07:23,576 I'm not gonna mispronounce it. 208 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:24,869 Not while you're rolling. 209 00:07:24,953 --> 00:07:25,954 Go get yourself cleaned up. 210 00:07:26,038 --> 00:07:27,164 [GROANS] 211 00:07:28,416 --> 00:07:30,000 -DIAZ [ON RADIO]: See anything, Sarge? -Not yet. 212 00:07:30,084 --> 00:07:32,754 Don't know why I didn't go undercover as someone wearing a scarf. 213 00:07:32,838 --> 00:07:34,381 Terry hates windchill. 214 00:07:35,132 --> 00:07:37,134 Wait, here's our guy. Got him. 215 00:07:38,301 --> 00:07:40,013 Crap. I think he made me. 216 00:07:41,597 --> 00:07:42,890 He's headed toward the restaurant! 217 00:07:42,974 --> 00:07:44,874 You follow. I'll cover the back alley! 218 00:07:47,855 --> 00:07:49,505 -[TIRES SCREECHING] -[HORN HONKING] 219 00:07:52,569 --> 00:07:54,269 BOYLE: Someone's in here! [GRUNTS] 220 00:07:56,156 --> 00:07:57,365 [GRUNTS] 221 00:07:58,909 --> 00:08:00,870 BOYLE: Rosa? Charles. 222 00:08:01,996 --> 00:08:03,196 You're completely naked. 223 00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:08,086 You have the right to remain silent. 224 00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:09,870 You have the right to an attorney. 225 00:08:10,547 --> 00:08:11,549 [SIGHS] 226 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,842 Where is everyone, Gina? 227 00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:16,261 Perhaps that's tonight's first puzzle. 228 00:08:16,345 --> 00:08:17,889 I forgot to send the invitations. 229 00:08:17,973 --> 00:08:21,685 But I was able to rally the best and brightest of those available. 230 00:08:22,144 --> 00:08:23,144 [PANTS] 231 00:08:23,228 --> 00:08:24,270 Oh, dear God. 232 00:08:24,354 --> 00:08:25,481 Sorry we're late. 233 00:08:25,565 --> 00:08:27,358 Turns out the front door was a push, not a pull. 234 00:08:27,442 --> 00:08:28,693 Well, maybe we should just reschedule. 235 00:08:28,777 --> 00:08:29,778 [ALARM BLARES] 236 00:08:31,572 --> 00:08:33,991 MAN [ON SPEAKER]: You have three hours to find the four keys 237 00:08:34,075 --> 00:08:35,492 that will prevent the apocalypse 238 00:08:35,576 --> 00:08:36,910 and release you from this room. 239 00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:38,413 Your time starts now. 240 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:41,374 Well, this is a sobering reality. 241 00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:45,462 Okay, I got your favorite cake. 242 00:08:45,546 --> 00:08:47,465 Blue. I'm not hungry. 243 00:08:47,924 --> 00:08:50,592 It's a figure of speech. Obviously I'll have some. 244 00:08:50,676 --> 00:08:52,846 KAREN: You know, I don't think our guest Amy 245 00:08:52,930 --> 00:08:55,098 really wants to talk about this, Jake. 246 00:08:55,182 --> 00:08:56,599 Can we just move on? 247 00:08:56,683 --> 00:09:00,271 Yes. Maybe we could talk about someone we all admire, 248 00:09:00,355 --> 00:09:03,441 President Jimmy Carter. When I think of the great… 249 00:09:03,525 --> 00:09:05,361 So, how serious is it, hmm? 250 00:09:05,736 --> 00:09:07,863 Have you guys kissed? Has he stayed the night? 251 00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:10,282 Has he brought you a chocolate orange from the airport? 252 00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,659 'Cause that's his big move. 253 00:09:11,743 --> 00:09:12,869 Jake, your mother and I have been 254 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,620 seeing each other for three months. 255 00:09:14,704 --> 00:09:17,290 Oh, you know what? I ought to throw up in your face. 256 00:09:17,375 --> 00:09:20,127 I know that you're angry, 257 00:09:20,211 --> 00:09:21,795 but when I was here last year, 258 00:09:21,879 --> 00:09:24,799 you really showed me what a selfish jerk I was. 259 00:09:24,883 --> 00:09:27,469 You're the reason that all of this is happening. 260 00:09:27,553 --> 00:09:29,554 Yeah, but I didn't want this. 261 00:09:29,638 --> 00:09:32,516 I just wanted you to text me a dumb dad joke every six months. 262 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,934 I can do that. Just give me your number. 263 00:09:34,018 --> 00:09:35,561 You didn't save my number? 264 00:09:35,645 --> 00:09:36,979 KAREN: Now, Jake, look. [SCOFFS] 265 00:09:37,063 --> 00:09:39,232 I know every mistake your father has made, 266 00:09:39,316 --> 00:09:41,569 and he says they're all in the past. 267 00:09:42,194 --> 00:09:44,072 Now just blow out your candles. 268 00:09:45,532 --> 00:09:47,409 Okay, great. Great idea, Mom. 269 00:09:47,742 --> 00:09:50,413 I'll blow out my birthday candles. 270 00:09:50,663 --> 00:09:52,039 [INHALES DEEPLY] 271 00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,627 I wished that you would leave. 272 00:09:57,754 --> 00:10:00,048 Damn it, I shouldn't have said that aloud. Now it won't come true. 273 00:10:00,132 --> 00:10:04,178 Okay, we have maps, a pantry, beds, a desk. 274 00:10:04,262 --> 00:10:05,362 Where should we begin? 275 00:10:05,930 --> 00:10:07,348 Do you have any experience with puzzles? 276 00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:09,559 Yes. I've never solved one. 277 00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:11,467 This says we have three questions. 278 00:10:12,229 --> 00:10:13,230 -No. -GINA: Uh-oh. 279 00:10:13,314 --> 00:10:14,856 -How do we get out of here? -WOMAN: Can't tell you. 280 00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:16,024 -HITCHCOCK: Really? -Yes. 281 00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:17,402 HOLT: That's enough! 282 00:10:18,153 --> 00:10:20,863 Sorry about that. Uh, can we please have our questions back? 283 00:10:20,947 --> 00:10:22,449 WOMAN: No. And that's three. 284 00:10:23,116 --> 00:10:24,327 You're done. [BEEPS] 285 00:10:24,952 --> 00:10:26,621 Oh, Captain, how could you? 286 00:10:27,371 --> 00:10:28,372 [DOOR OPENS] 287 00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:29,540 Hey. 288 00:10:29,832 --> 00:10:31,376 You didn't come back down. 289 00:10:31,627 --> 00:10:33,962 I had to talk to your parents for, like, an hour, 290 00:10:34,046 --> 00:10:35,839 and I ran out of stuff from the binder, 291 00:10:35,923 --> 00:10:37,823 and then I did something really weird. 292 00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:42,180 ♪ The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout ♪ 293 00:10:42,388 --> 00:10:43,682 ♪ Down came… ♪ 294 00:10:43,849 --> 00:10:46,685 So, do you know where the nearest train station is? 295 00:10:47,144 --> 00:10:50,273 I know it sucks that I did that, but think about how I feel. 296 00:10:50,565 --> 00:10:52,733 My stupid parents are borking each other. 297 00:10:52,817 --> 00:10:55,528 And my mom thinks she knows all the worst things that my dad did, 298 00:10:55,612 --> 00:10:56,738 but she has no idea. 299 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,490 She doesn't even know that he cheated on her 300 00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,450 with her best friend, Sheila Bodden. 301 00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:01,577 Oh, my God. 302 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,703 Yeah, I saw them. 303 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,666 They were in our car in the garage having sex. 304 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,668 It's the whole reason I can't have sex in cars in garages. 305 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,921 That's a very specific sexual hang-up. 306 00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:13,132 I mean, has it really held you back? 307 00:11:13,216 --> 00:11:15,926 Well, are we having sex in a car in a garage right now? 308 00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:18,060 No. So, yeah, big time it's held me back. 309 00:11:18,264 --> 00:11:19,264 I never told her about it 310 00:11:19,348 --> 00:11:22,017 'cause I didn't want to crush her heart, but… 311 00:11:22,184 --> 00:11:23,687 Now I have to use it. 312 00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,564 I'm gonna tell my dad, if he doesn't do the decent thing 313 00:11:26,648 --> 00:11:28,066 and leave my mom again… 314 00:11:28,817 --> 00:11:30,569 I'm dropping the Sheila bomb. 315 00:11:31,237 --> 00:11:32,238 Whoa. 316 00:11:33,239 --> 00:11:34,615 I know this is a really big deal, 317 00:11:34,699 --> 00:11:36,159 but I have to ask. 318 00:11:36,576 --> 00:11:38,077 Did you wear this hat in high school? 319 00:11:38,161 --> 00:11:39,204 Amy! 320 00:11:41,415 --> 00:11:43,000 PERALTA: There's only one way I'm gonna get my dad alone. 321 00:11:43,084 --> 00:11:45,502 You have to tell my mom that you need to speak with her in private. 322 00:11:45,586 --> 00:11:47,171 About what? I barely know her. 323 00:11:47,255 --> 00:11:48,256 Uh… 324 00:11:48,381 --> 00:11:50,008 Tell her you're plugged up and you need a laxative. 325 00:11:50,092 --> 00:11:52,594 What? No! What? I'm not gonna say that. 326 00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:55,472 Okay, here's the plan. I'll drop the bomb during charades. 327 00:11:55,556 --> 00:11:58,810 I'll just tell him I know about Sheila.. . With my body. 328 00:11:59,394 --> 00:12:00,687 ROGER: Um… 329 00:12:00,895 --> 00:12:03,441 Fast. Uh, Fast and Furious? [CHUCKLES] 330 00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,401 Magic Mike? 331 00:12:06,652 --> 00:12:07,861 I don't know. 332 00:12:07,945 --> 00:12:08,947 Uh, Crying Game? 333 00:12:09,364 --> 00:12:10,406 -I don't know. -KAREN: Time. 334 00:12:10,490 --> 00:12:11,491 [GROANS] 335 00:12:14,119 --> 00:12:15,119 BOTH: Oh! 336 00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:16,497 [STUTTERS] I didn't… No, no, no. 337 00:12:16,581 --> 00:12:18,040 [STUTTERS] It's fine… Now I'm… 338 00:12:18,124 --> 00:12:19,917 Uh, right, why would you be? 339 00:12:20,126 --> 00:12:21,418 Yeah, it's not like I'm always, uh… 340 00:12:21,502 --> 00:12:22,602 -Naked. -[EXHALES] Yeah. 341 00:12:24,173 --> 00:12:26,466 Look, man, no one's ever gonna see that footage. 342 00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:27,926 The case was cut and dried. 343 00:12:28,218 --> 00:12:29,845 It's not like I'm dying to tell anyone I saw your… 344 00:12:29,929 --> 00:12:31,222 "Bennie and the Jets." [CHUCKLES] 345 00:12:31,306 --> 00:12:32,848 Sure. Whatever. 346 00:12:32,932 --> 00:12:34,809 JEFFORDS: Hey, I've been looking for you guys. 347 00:12:34,893 --> 00:12:36,561 I just talked to our perp's attorney. 348 00:12:36,645 --> 00:12:40,065 He's claiming the drugs you seized in the bathroom weren't his. 349 00:12:40,149 --> 00:12:42,986 What? But we saw him throw them in the garbage. 350 00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:45,697 Yeah. Normally, it'd be your word against his. 351 00:12:45,781 --> 00:12:48,576 But lucky for us, you were wearing body cams! [CHUCKLES] 352 00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,786 Yeah, but the thing about cameras 353 00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:53,747 is that they don't really tell the full objective truth. 354 00:12:53,831 --> 00:12:56,502 Images can be distorted. People often seem naked. 355 00:12:56,794 --> 00:12:58,253 Boyle, what are you talking about? 356 00:12:58,337 --> 00:13:00,171 Boyle is fully nude in the footage. 357 00:13:00,255 --> 00:13:01,591 [SHOUTS] Why? 358 00:13:03,093 --> 00:13:04,927 The whole thing? [CLEARS THROAT] 359 00:13:05,011 --> 00:13:06,053 No, no, no. Not the whole thing. 360 00:13:06,137 --> 00:13:07,221 Okay. [PANTING] 361 00:13:07,305 --> 00:13:09,766 It doesn't matter how much humping I do. He's still not getting it. 362 00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:11,476 -[KAREN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] -Okay. 363 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,938 -[KAREN LAUGHS] -Well, then this is happening. 364 00:13:17,234 --> 00:13:19,110 Hey, Karen, can I talk to you for a second in private? 365 00:13:19,194 --> 00:13:20,394 I'm a little plugged up. 366 00:13:21,071 --> 00:13:26,494 Oh, well, say no more. I have an entire cabinet devoted just to that. 367 00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:29,581 Wow. TMI, you guys. [LAUGHS] 368 00:13:29,706 --> 00:13:30,916 [MOUTHING] Thank you. 369 00:13:31,458 --> 00:13:33,210 Oh, man, this is so much fun. 370 00:13:34,002 --> 00:13:36,965 Thanks for giving me a second chance, buddy. 371 00:13:37,090 --> 00:13:38,382 Second chance? 372 00:13:38,466 --> 00:13:41,511 Are you seriously not getting what I'm charades-ing down at you? 373 00:13:41,595 --> 00:13:43,472 That was you and Sheila Bodden 374 00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,015 humping it up in the back of our car. 375 00:13:45,099 --> 00:13:46,391 What? I… Yeah, that's right. 376 00:13:46,475 --> 00:13:48,811 I saw you. I saw your weird dad butt, 377 00:13:48,895 --> 00:13:50,521 and I saw her aquamarine leotard 378 00:13:50,605 --> 00:13:51,647 bunched up around her ankles. 379 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,149 It scarred me for life. I'm sorry. 380 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:54,526 I didn't know you saw that. 381 00:13:54,610 --> 00:13:56,779 Yeah, well, I did, and I never told Mom about it, 382 00:13:56,863 --> 00:13:59,531 but I swear to you, I will, unless you leave right now. 383 00:13:59,615 --> 00:14:01,743 Should be easy for you since it's your favorite thing to do 384 00:14:01,827 --> 00:14:03,677 aside from humping it up with ladies. 385 00:14:04,121 --> 00:14:07,165 You think I'm way more sexually active than I am. 386 00:14:07,249 --> 00:14:09,668 I mean, I've only had sex with, like, 400 women. 387 00:14:09,752 --> 00:14:12,254 What? 400? Oh, my God. 388 00:14:12,338 --> 00:14:14,674 Is that a lot? I mean, all my friends are pilots. 389 00:14:14,758 --> 00:14:16,427 I'm on the low end of average. 390 00:14:16,552 --> 00:14:19,346 Ugh. Listen. I don't want to hurt your mother. 391 00:14:19,430 --> 00:14:22,600 Please don't tell her about Sheila. 392 00:14:22,684 --> 00:14:23,684 Fine, 393 00:14:23,768 --> 00:14:26,730 I won't, provided you leave right now. 394 00:14:28,316 --> 00:14:30,651 Your move, white devil. 395 00:14:31,277 --> 00:14:34,615 So, if I'm correct, this should contain… 396 00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:36,866 Key number one! 397 00:14:36,950 --> 00:14:38,701 Yay. Open the door. 398 00:14:38,785 --> 00:14:40,120 We need to find four keys. 399 00:14:40,204 --> 00:14:42,039 And it took half our time just to find this one 400 00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:43,874 because I had to do it completely alone. 401 00:14:43,958 --> 00:14:44,959 You're all useless. 402 00:14:45,043 --> 00:14:46,877 GINA: Sorry. I've been a little busy 403 00:14:46,961 --> 00:14:50,799 trying to solve the puzzle of how does one man chew so loud 404 00:14:50,883 --> 00:14:52,467 -with just one mouth. -[THUD] 405 00:14:52,551 --> 00:14:53,552 Sorry. 406 00:14:53,636 --> 00:14:55,680 Could you stop kicking that thing for one minute, Hitchcock? 407 00:14:55,764 --> 00:14:57,098 The TV's being a dick. 408 00:14:57,182 --> 00:14:58,516 You got to turn it, like, four times 409 00:14:58,600 --> 00:14:59,976 just to change the damn channel. 410 00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:01,395 Four times? 411 00:15:04,315 --> 00:15:05,816 Try turning it to 412 00:15:06,150 --> 00:15:08,486 22, 18, 81, 17. 413 00:15:08,570 --> 00:15:10,370 The coordinates for the Bay of Pigs. 414 00:15:11,031 --> 00:15:12,032 [KNOB CLICKING] 415 00:15:13,158 --> 00:15:14,494 And the military… 416 00:15:15,036 --> 00:15:16,745 HITCHCOCK: Nice job. You broke the TV. 417 00:15:16,829 --> 00:15:19,665 No, I found another key, you dolt. 418 00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:21,835 So one was in a knight, 419 00:15:21,919 --> 00:15:25,214 the basketball teams were the Mustangs and Stallions. 420 00:15:25,714 --> 00:15:28,718 We only need two more keys. This just might work out after all. 421 00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:32,430 You're damn right it will, 'cause we're a ragtag, scrappity, 422 00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:36,060 fart-dumb, moron parade, smart-ass team! 423 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:39,271 Okay, we're all good. 424 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:41,191 Raw garlic. Cures everything. 425 00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:43,694 It sure does, and it's so delicious. 426 00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:46,446 Uh… Where's your father? 427 00:15:47,115 --> 00:15:50,701 Oh, Roger, you mean? He left very suddenly. 428 00:15:50,785 --> 00:15:53,122 Said something about being the worst. 429 00:15:53,872 --> 00:15:55,123 What did you say to him, Jake? 430 00:15:55,207 --> 00:15:56,791 What? Why do you assume that I said something? 431 00:15:56,875 --> 00:15:59,795 He's a leaving jerk, so he left like a jerk. This is what he does. 432 00:15:59,879 --> 00:16:01,255 He's not a monster. Yeah, well, 433 00:16:01,339 --> 00:16:03,132 you wouldn't say that if you knew everything that he's done. 434 00:16:03,216 --> 00:16:04,425 What did he do, Jake? 435 00:16:04,509 --> 00:16:08,431 Nothing. You know, just, like, super-awful life-changing things. 436 00:16:08,598 --> 00:16:09,681 No follow-up questions. 437 00:16:09,765 --> 00:16:12,815 Is it worse than the time he cheated on me with Sheila Bodden? 438 00:16:13,478 --> 00:16:14,479 Ah. 439 00:16:14,563 --> 00:16:15,688 You knew about that? 440 00:16:15,772 --> 00:16:18,066 Yeah. I knew about that. 441 00:16:21,446 --> 00:16:24,156 ♪ The itsy bitsy spider ♪ 442 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,327 ♪ Went up the water spout ♪ 443 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,020 I can't believe you knew about Sheila. 444 00:16:31,415 --> 00:16:33,501 I also knew about Wendy. 445 00:16:33,585 --> 00:16:34,627 And Bonnie. 446 00:16:34,711 --> 00:16:35,962 Bonnie who wears a wig? 447 00:16:36,046 --> 00:16:39,215 She left it in our bathroom. That's how I found out. 448 00:16:39,884 --> 00:16:42,678 And also, remember your turtle, Graham Crackers? 449 00:16:42,762 --> 00:16:44,429 Dad had sex with my turtle? 450 00:16:44,513 --> 00:16:47,392 No, no, no, but he stepped on it getting out of bed. 451 00:16:47,476 --> 00:16:49,185 But you said Graham Crackers got married 452 00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,619 and moved in with his wife. 453 00:16:50,729 --> 00:16:53,107 How did I not know any of this stuff? 454 00:16:53,191 --> 00:16:55,401 Well, because you were a kid, 455 00:16:55,568 --> 00:16:58,738 and kids don't actually know a lot about their parents. 456 00:16:59,114 --> 00:17:00,240 Jake, 457 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,994 I've dated a lot of men in the last 20 years. 458 00:17:04,286 --> 00:17:06,163 You have? A lot. 459 00:17:06,247 --> 00:17:08,082 Okay, you don't have to put so much mustard on it. 460 00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:11,670 And I haven't met anyone I like. But I like your father. 461 00:17:12,212 --> 00:17:16,217 And I know he has been a selfish jerk, but he really has changed. 462 00:17:16,550 --> 00:17:18,385 Last month when I had bronchitis, 463 00:17:18,469 --> 00:17:21,807 he flew in on his day off just to bring me soup. 464 00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,310 It was this weird Canadian soup. 465 00:17:25,394 --> 00:17:27,814 I think it was just all cheese. 466 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,108 But it was really nice. 467 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,569 [SIGHS] Man, I feel stupid. 468 00:17:32,653 --> 00:17:33,903 I was just trying to protect you, 469 00:17:33,987 --> 00:17:35,572 but I clearly made everything worse. 470 00:17:35,656 --> 00:17:38,618 You have been protecting me since you were a kid. 471 00:17:39,828 --> 00:17:43,080 Sometimes I think you got so good at it, 472 00:17:43,164 --> 00:17:45,835 you decided to become a cop and protect everyone. 473 00:17:46,001 --> 00:17:49,251 Oh, that's a cool thought, but I became a cop because of Die Hard. 474 00:17:49,964 --> 00:17:52,217 I love you. I love you, too, Mom. 475 00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:54,010 Come here. 476 00:17:55,846 --> 00:17:56,847 [SIGHS] 477 00:17:57,139 --> 00:17:58,474 You know, I'm probably remembering 478 00:17:58,558 --> 00:18:00,643 a lot more nakedness than there actually was. 479 00:18:00,727 --> 00:18:01,769 No, you're not. 480 00:18:01,853 --> 00:18:04,480 Also, no one's gonna see it on that little TV. 481 00:18:05,023 --> 00:18:06,107 Great news. 482 00:18:06,191 --> 00:18:09,611 We were able to snag the new flat screen. 4K, baby! 483 00:18:09,695 --> 00:18:13,866 Your Honor, Mr. Tran claims that he had no narcotics on him. 484 00:18:13,950 --> 00:18:16,953 Fortunately, our detectives were equipped with body cams. 485 00:18:18,706 --> 00:18:20,415 -BOYLE: Someone's in here! -[DOOR OPENS] 486 00:18:20,499 --> 00:18:21,500 [THUD] 487 00:18:22,126 --> 00:18:23,127 [ALL GROANING] 488 00:18:24,086 --> 00:18:27,423 I think we all clearly saw where Mr. Tran threw the drugs in the trash 489 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,008 right before he was apprehended. 490 00:18:29,092 --> 00:18:30,802 -At least it's over now. -CELINE: Really? 491 00:18:30,886 --> 00:18:33,222 How do we know those were drugs? Please back that tape up. 492 00:18:33,306 --> 00:18:34,473 No! Objection. 493 00:18:34,557 --> 00:18:36,934 On what grounds? That's my penis? 494 00:18:37,101 --> 00:18:38,228 Overruled. 495 00:18:38,896 --> 00:18:41,398 Hey, man, look at that and tell me what you see. 496 00:18:41,690 --> 00:18:42,982 BOYLE: A naked fool. 497 00:18:43,066 --> 00:18:45,111 No. Between the thighs 498 00:18:45,195 --> 00:18:48,239 and under the testicles, there's a bag of cocaine. 499 00:18:48,406 --> 00:18:50,866 A bag of cocaine that's gonna get us a conviction 500 00:18:50,950 --> 00:18:52,787 and prove the value of body cams. 501 00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:55,623 You know what I see? A naked hero. 502 00:18:55,873 --> 00:18:58,000 You're right, Sarge. Thank you. 503 00:18:58,084 --> 00:18:59,168 CARL: Now let's zoom in. 504 00:18:59,252 --> 00:19:00,253 [ALL GROAN] 505 00:19:00,420 --> 00:19:01,421 Whoop! Over-zoomed. 506 00:19:02,339 --> 00:19:05,801 Well, well, well. Look who's trying to skip town. 507 00:19:05,885 --> 00:19:06,886 You told me to. 508 00:19:07,345 --> 00:19:08,429 Right. 509 00:19:08,846 --> 00:19:12,476 Look, I talked to Mom, and I just want her to be happy. 510 00:19:13,894 --> 00:19:15,994 So can we go back to my birthday party now? 511 00:19:16,104 --> 00:19:17,816 I'd love that, son. 512 00:19:20,276 --> 00:19:21,569 This is nice. 513 00:19:21,778 --> 00:19:23,863 [WHISPERS] If you screw this up and hurt her in any way, 514 00:19:23,947 --> 00:19:25,782 I will throw you in jail for the rest of your life, 515 00:19:25,866 --> 00:19:28,452 and I can do that now, Dad, so do not test me. 516 00:19:29,203 --> 00:19:30,353 [PERALTA CLEARS THROAT] 517 00:19:30,621 --> 00:19:31,748 Okay. 518 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,050 I still liked the hug, even though you used it to threaten me. 519 00:19:37,254 --> 00:19:38,464 Yeah, well… 520 00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,676 I kind of liked threatening you, so… 521 00:19:42,510 --> 00:19:43,594 Come on. 522 00:19:44,763 --> 00:19:48,475 Okay, so we found key number three, thanks to Scully. 523 00:19:48,559 --> 00:19:50,059 I was gonna eat those peaches anyway. 524 00:19:50,143 --> 00:19:51,771 That leaves just one more key. 525 00:19:51,855 --> 00:19:54,607 Team, what in this room is speaking to you right now? 526 00:19:54,691 --> 00:19:56,609 Um, I'm intrigued by the phone. 527 00:19:56,943 --> 00:19:59,029 It looks like it would be fun to call a friend on it 528 00:19:59,113 --> 00:20:01,364 and talk about a third friend behind their back. 529 00:20:01,448 --> 00:20:02,533 Interesting. 530 00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,288 The dial tone's not steady. 531 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,372 I think it's Morse code. 532 00:20:08,456 --> 00:20:09,457 I know Morse code! 533 00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:12,211 My dad was a prisoner of war in Korea, 534 00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,213 -and I could only talk to him… -GINA: Shut up. 535 00:20:14,297 --> 00:20:16,549 Who cares? Just decode the message. 536 00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,886 It's a phone number. 537 00:20:23,641 --> 00:20:24,642 SCULLY: Oh! 538 00:20:27,312 --> 00:20:28,605 Booyakasha. 539 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,566 Ready? 540 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:37,114 One, two, three, four. 541 00:20:37,198 --> 00:20:38,783 [TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING] 542 00:20:44,248 --> 00:20:45,582 Congratulations. We did it. 543 00:20:45,666 --> 00:20:48,002 And we did it together because we're a team. 544 00:20:48,210 --> 00:20:50,060 Should we do it again next week, sir? 545 00:20:50,297 --> 00:20:51,757 No. I would hate that. 546 00:20:53,717 --> 00:20:54,843 [SIGHS] Hey, honey. 547 00:20:55,177 --> 00:20:56,554 Thanks for bringing Roger back. 548 00:20:56,638 --> 00:20:57,847 You're very welcome. 549 00:20:58,056 --> 00:20:59,348 Hey, by the way, 550 00:20:59,432 --> 00:21:00,975 Amy was really nervous to meet you, 551 00:21:01,059 --> 00:21:02,059 so don't judge her too harshly 552 00:21:02,143 --> 00:21:03,144 for all the weird singing. 553 00:21:03,228 --> 00:21:06,106 Oh, no. I'm dating my son-of-a-bitch ex-husband. 554 00:21:06,190 --> 00:21:07,566 Who am I to judge? 555 00:21:08,901 --> 00:21:10,528 I think she's really great. 556 00:21:10,612 --> 00:21:11,779 -[CHUCKLES] -[WINDOW ROLLS DOWN] 557 00:21:11,863 --> 00:21:13,531 I think you're really great, too! 558 00:21:14,199 --> 00:21:15,867 She's very good at lip reading. 559 00:21:15,992 --> 00:21:17,452 I wouldn't say I'm very good. 560 00:21:17,536 --> 00:21:20,581 I mean, deaf people, they're the real talents. 561 00:21:21,374 --> 00:21:22,375 Just can't stop. 562 00:21:22,708 --> 00:21:25,058 I'll let you guys talk. I'll just close my eyes.