1 00:00:02,286 --> 00:00:05,186 Okey doke, the car is picking me and Amy up in two minutes. 2 00:00:05,288 --> 00:00:06,956 You sure you're cool keeping tabs on my cases 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,040 while I'm on the cruise? 4 00:00:08,124 --> 00:00:09,917 You bet. I hope you have a great time. 5 00:00:10,001 --> 00:00:12,127 Hey, don't make any new best friends. 6 00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:13,212 [BOTH LAUGH] 7 00:00:14,088 --> 00:00:15,589 Oh. Maybe you shouldn't go. 8 00:00:15,673 --> 00:00:18,215 Are you kidding? I am psyched to go on this week-long cruise, 9 00:00:18,299 --> 00:00:19,883 just sitting around doing nothing. 10 00:00:19,967 --> 00:00:21,969 Straight up living that slug life, y'all. 11 00:00:22,053 --> 00:00:24,220 Cruise itineraries, hot off the laminator. 12 00:00:24,304 --> 00:00:26,889 Who's ready for some nonstop totally scheduled fun? 13 00:00:26,973 --> 00:00:30,142 Oh. I actually thought we could just sit by the pool, 14 00:00:30,226 --> 00:00:32,603 eat unlimited shrimp and see what it does to our bodies. 15 00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:33,854 That's cute. 16 00:00:33,938 --> 00:00:35,230 I don't know if there's gonna be time, though. 17 00:00:35,314 --> 00:00:37,148 The cruise offers 77 activities, 18 00:00:37,232 --> 00:00:39,234 and I signed us up for 76 of them. 19 00:00:39,734 --> 00:00:41,444 Speed dating for widows seemed like a bummer. 20 00:00:41,528 --> 00:00:45,071 Okay, so slightly different perspectives going into this cruise. 21 00:00:45,155 --> 00:00:47,407 Call it the slug life talking, but I think it's gonna work itself out. 22 00:00:47,491 --> 00:00:50,284 Goodbye, coworkers, or as they like to say at sea… 23 00:00:50,493 --> 00:00:51,893 [IMITATES SHIP HORN BLOWING] 24 00:00:53,037 --> 00:00:55,039 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 25 00:01:12,846 --> 00:01:13,971 SANTIAGO: This is so great. 26 00:01:14,055 --> 00:01:15,056 PERALTA: Yeah. 27 00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,556 Seagulls, check. 28 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,016 The ocean, check. 29 00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:20,018 A gang of oldies in short shorts, 30 00:01:20,102 --> 00:01:21,436 check, check, check. [CHUCKLES] 31 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:22,978 We are definitely on a cruise. 32 00:01:23,062 --> 00:01:24,063 Welcome aboard. 33 00:01:24,313 --> 00:01:27,358 Say, "I love Carousel Cruises International Ltd." 34 00:01:27,442 --> 00:01:29,359 I love Carousel Cruises International Ltd. 35 00:01:29,443 --> 00:01:31,069 I don't want to say that. 36 00:01:31,528 --> 00:01:32,612 All right. 37 00:01:32,696 --> 00:01:36,657 So, the Sail Away party is in an hour, 38 00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:38,200 and until then, I have us scheduled 39 00:01:38,284 --> 00:01:39,284 to take in live music 40 00:01:39,368 --> 00:01:41,036 at the all-ages piano lounge. 41 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:42,119 Okay, okay. 42 00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,829 Or we could just head straight to the room. 43 00:01:43,913 --> 00:01:46,207 I brought a plastic tarp so we can eat shrimp in bed. 44 00:01:46,291 --> 00:01:48,042 But the all-ages piano lounge 45 00:01:48,126 --> 00:01:49,752 has bottomless margaritas. 46 00:01:50,127 --> 00:01:52,677 Eh. They also have a drink with a potato skin in it. 47 00:01:52,796 --> 00:01:56,507 Oh! To the all-ages piano lounge, milady. 48 00:01:56,591 --> 00:01:57,592 Mmm-hmm. 49 00:01:58,551 --> 00:01:59,375 [KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING] 50 00:01:59,459 --> 00:02:01,220 MAN: Welcome aboard, ladies and gentlemen, 51 00:02:01,304 --> 00:02:02,720 but especially ladies. 52 00:02:02,804 --> 00:02:03,846 [WHISPERS] I know that voice. 53 00:02:03,930 --> 00:02:06,391 Get ready. It's time for some smush songs. 54 00:02:08,309 --> 00:02:09,434 [GASPS] Doug Judy. 55 00:02:09,518 --> 00:02:10,519 The Pontiac Bandit. 56 00:02:10,603 --> 00:02:11,603 He's here. 57 00:02:11,687 --> 00:02:13,230 We got songs about smushing, 58 00:02:13,314 --> 00:02:15,064 songs for smushing to, 59 00:02:15,815 --> 00:02:17,192 songs for the kids. 60 00:02:17,859 --> 00:02:20,153 This is the all-ages piano lounge. 61 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:21,361 I can't believe he's here. 62 00:02:21,445 --> 00:02:22,487 I've been hunting him for years, 63 00:02:22,571 --> 00:02:23,988 and now fate has dropped him right into my lap. 64 00:02:24,072 --> 00:02:26,241 He's gonna be so surprised when he sees me. 65 00:02:26,325 --> 00:02:28,201 Hey, Peralta, you made it. 66 00:02:28,826 --> 00:02:30,160 What took you so long, brother? 67 00:02:30,244 --> 00:02:31,912 Okay, seems like he's playing it pretty cool. 68 00:02:31,996 --> 00:02:33,372 Probably more surprised on the inside. 69 00:02:33,456 --> 00:02:34,457 Uh-huh. 70 00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:39,461 Sir, Gina and I are worried about you. 71 00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:41,753 You're drinking a second can of seltzer. 72 00:02:41,837 --> 00:02:43,422 I need this, to settle my nerves. 73 00:02:43,506 --> 00:02:45,508 Hurricane Debbie is approaching. 74 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:49,385 My little sister Debbie, she's a real drama queen. 75 00:02:50,053 --> 00:02:51,971 [CHUCKLES] The drama queen of the Holt family? 76 00:02:52,055 --> 00:02:54,181 What, did she laugh out loud one time? 77 00:02:54,265 --> 00:02:56,057 She's laughed out loud multiple times. 78 00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:59,102 Sir, you have a pretty low bar for what you consider drama. 79 00:02:59,269 --> 00:03:01,938 Once, I used an exclamation point in an email. 80 00:03:02,146 --> 00:03:03,523 You called me Diana Ross. 81 00:03:03,815 --> 00:03:06,651 I assure you, in this case, I do not exaggerate. 82 00:03:07,109 --> 00:03:08,151 DEBBIE: Raymond! 83 00:03:08,693 --> 00:03:09,778 Here. 84 00:03:10,070 --> 00:03:11,238 Judge for yourselves. 85 00:03:11,488 --> 00:03:12,489 Here you are. 86 00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:13,698 Great. Oh, my God. 87 00:03:13,782 --> 00:03:16,242 My trip here from the train station. 88 00:03:16,534 --> 00:03:18,827 Hey, I swear to you I heard the cab driver 89 00:03:18,911 --> 00:03:21,371 mumble under his breath, "You will die tonight." 90 00:03:21,704 --> 00:03:25,791 Is that not the most insane thing you have ever heard? 91 00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:28,961 I mean, can you even, Raymond? 92 00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:32,130 I cannot even. 93 00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:36,340 I hadn't seen her in a while. She lived alone. 94 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,385 She was 89 years old. 95 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:39,512 Okay, thanks. 96 00:03:39,762 --> 00:03:43,055 There's no forced entry or visible trauma. It's probably natural causes. 97 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:44,975 We'll take a look around. Sure. 98 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,519 This huge apartment. 99 00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,438 What is this, like, 1,800 square feet? 100 00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,190 Exposed brick. 101 00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:54,732 Got tons of natural light. 102 00:03:54,899 --> 00:03:57,151 Weird. I thought you'd be most excited about the gas range. 103 00:03:57,235 --> 00:04:00,111 [GASPS] They have a gas range. 104 00:04:00,195 --> 00:04:01,446 I have to apply for this apartment. 105 00:04:01,530 --> 00:04:03,239 I mean, it just became available. 106 00:04:03,323 --> 00:04:04,532 We're the only two people to see it. 107 00:04:04,616 --> 00:04:07,951 This is an opportunity you just don't get in New York real estate, ever. 108 00:04:08,035 --> 00:04:11,247 A woman just died here. Don't be gross and disrespectful. 109 00:04:13,290 --> 00:04:14,291 [DOOR CREAKS] 110 00:04:14,875 --> 00:04:17,294 Holy crap, look at all this closet space. 111 00:04:17,919 --> 00:04:18,962 I'm applying too. 112 00:04:19,254 --> 00:04:22,423 What? You don't need closet space. You have, like, one outfit. 113 00:04:23,090 --> 00:04:24,424 Just let me have this. No. 114 00:04:24,508 --> 00:04:25,675 We saw it at the same time. 115 00:04:25,759 --> 00:04:27,218 May the best man win. 116 00:04:27,302 --> 00:04:29,220 -Game on. -[OFFICER CLEARS THROAT] 117 00:04:30,054 --> 00:04:32,890 I mean, the game of contacting the next of kin. 118 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,690 That's the game I like to play. 119 00:04:35,267 --> 00:04:37,685 Peralta, it's no coincidence you're on this ship. 120 00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,937 You won a free cruise without entering a contest. 121 00:04:40,021 --> 00:04:41,480 -How do you think that happened? -PERALTA: I don't know. 122 00:04:41,564 --> 00:04:44,149 Maybe it's because I bought Speed 2 on DVD, 123 00:04:44,233 --> 00:04:46,150 and the Internet realized that cruises were one of my interests. 124 00:04:46,234 --> 00:04:48,069 Great film. Sandy B. in a sarong. 125 00:04:48,153 --> 00:04:49,153 Damn straight. 126 00:04:49,237 --> 00:04:50,571 But the tix are all me. 127 00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:52,031 I brought you here 'cause I'm in peril. 128 00:04:52,115 --> 00:04:54,032 Pfft. Peril. Don't "pfft" my peril. 129 00:04:54,116 --> 00:04:56,785 Pfft. Somebody's trying to kill me, and I need protection, 130 00:04:56,869 --> 00:04:58,245 so I sent for my best friend. 131 00:04:58,329 --> 00:04:59,453 I am not your best friend. 132 00:04:59,537 --> 00:05:01,539 I'm your worst enemy. Get that through your head. 133 00:05:01,623 --> 00:05:03,958 It's this kind of bickering that makes us such an adorable couple. 134 00:05:04,042 --> 00:05:06,042 Whatever, Judy. You're under arrest. 135 00:05:06,126 --> 00:05:08,876 You can't arrest me, boo. We're in international waters, 136 00:05:09,046 --> 00:05:11,646 which is also why I can smoke as much weed as I want. 137 00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:13,549 Welcome to the high seas. 138 00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:15,008 No, no way that that's true. 139 00:05:15,092 --> 00:05:16,510 Amy, tell me I can arrest him right now. 140 00:05:16,594 --> 00:05:18,345 Judy's right. We have no jurisdiction. 141 00:05:18,429 --> 00:05:20,888 Technically this boat flies under the flag of Uzbekistan. 142 00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:25,017 Uh-oh! Your girl knows about the Uzbeks. Oh! 143 00:05:25,101 --> 00:05:26,977 But the captain can have him arrested. 144 00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,861 He has total authority on this boat. 145 00:05:29,021 --> 00:05:31,022 Perfect. Captains love me. 146 00:05:31,106 --> 00:05:35,234 Just wait until he or she finds out they're employing a criminal. 147 00:05:35,652 --> 00:05:38,363 Yeah, about 40% of the crew are criminals. [EXHALES] 148 00:05:38,529 --> 00:05:41,197 It's hard to find normal people who want to live on a boat. 149 00:05:41,281 --> 00:05:43,074 I, myself, am a tax evader. 150 00:05:43,158 --> 00:05:45,158 I just need him locked up till we get back to New York. 151 00:05:45,242 --> 00:05:47,035 Can't you just throw him in boat jail? 152 00:05:47,119 --> 00:05:48,203 It's called the brig. It's called the brig. 153 00:05:48,287 --> 00:05:52,123 He is my best lounge singer, and I need to keep people distracted. 154 00:05:52,248 --> 00:05:54,375 Just between us, we're nearly out of ranch dressing. 155 00:05:54,459 --> 00:05:55,459 On day one? 156 00:05:55,543 --> 00:05:56,793 These people are animals. 157 00:05:57,170 --> 00:05:59,046 Listen, as long as he's on my boat, 158 00:05:59,505 --> 00:06:01,256 Doug Judy is a free man. 159 00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:02,675 [SIGHS] 160 00:06:06,427 --> 00:06:08,846 Jake, Amy, welcome to my cabin, 161 00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:11,640 AKA the Boom-Boom Stateroom. 162 00:06:13,266 --> 00:06:14,267 [SANTIAGO GASPS] 163 00:06:14,810 --> 00:06:16,728 This is a royale level suite. 164 00:06:17,145 --> 00:06:19,095 I never thought we'd see one in person. 165 00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:22,482 Little perk of being Carousel Cruises' entertainer of the year. 166 00:06:22,566 --> 00:06:25,568 ♪ Which I am, girrr-rl ♪ 167 00:06:25,777 --> 00:06:28,027 A little pitchy. You're welcome to chill here. 168 00:06:28,113 --> 00:06:29,989 It's the least I can do to thank you for protecting me. 169 00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:32,657 Never. This protection scam is a scam. 170 00:06:32,741 --> 00:06:33,909 Do you honestly think you can fool me again 171 00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,578 just because you've successfully done it numerous times before? 172 00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:38,787 Look, my old boss wants me dead. 173 00:06:38,871 --> 00:06:40,581 I've been laying low on this ship, 174 00:06:40,665 --> 00:06:41,999 and I got word from a friend on the inside 175 00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:43,542 that they found me, and there's a hitman 176 00:06:43,626 --> 00:06:45,226 coming to end my beautiful life. 177 00:06:45,544 --> 00:06:47,504 That's why I sent you the free tickets. 178 00:06:48,505 --> 00:06:50,424 No! No, no way. I'm not buying it. 179 00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:51,798 You can't get away from me again. 180 00:06:51,882 --> 00:06:54,384 Amy and I are gonna spend every second of our romantic cruise 181 00:06:54,468 --> 00:06:56,218 watching you, assuming that's okay? 182 00:06:56,929 --> 00:06:59,513 Yep. That's what we're gonna do. Yeah. 183 00:06:59,597 --> 00:07:01,599 I'll just get rid of this itinerary. 184 00:07:01,683 --> 00:07:03,583 No, no, no, Ames, don't put that down. 185 00:07:03,685 --> 00:07:05,935 We have to find the hitman before he finds me. 186 00:07:06,186 --> 00:07:07,854 I'm guessing this'll take us all over the boat. 187 00:07:07,938 --> 00:07:10,190 Oh, yeah, that's an ENAC sitch right there. 188 00:07:10,815 --> 00:07:11,815 "Every Nook And Cranny." 189 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:15,445 Perfect. We'll just ENAC sitch, of this bitch. 190 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,779 JEFFORDS: How's it going with your sister, sir? 191 00:07:17,863 --> 00:07:19,113 Well, last night, she told me in a great detail 192 00:07:19,197 --> 00:07:20,865 about a fight she got into with her trainer, 193 00:07:20,949 --> 00:07:23,076 whom she accused of stealing a hairbrush. 194 00:07:23,452 --> 00:07:26,286 Now she's on the phone, screaming at our mother. 195 00:07:26,370 --> 00:07:27,829 We'll keep her out of your hair. 196 00:07:27,913 --> 00:07:29,373 I'm good at distracting people. 197 00:07:29,457 --> 00:07:30,790 It's what I do with my toddlers all day long. 198 00:07:30,874 --> 00:07:33,668 How does she feel about balloon animals? 199 00:07:34,210 --> 00:07:36,795 I'm sure she has a complicated relationship with them. 200 00:07:36,879 --> 00:07:38,254 DEBBIE: Ray! Here she comes. 201 00:07:38,338 --> 00:07:39,673 No balloon animals. 202 00:07:39,798 --> 00:07:41,800 You ain't gonna believe Mom's take on this. 203 00:07:41,884 --> 00:07:43,884 She thinks I'm the one who should apologize 204 00:07:43,968 --> 00:07:47,180 just 'cause it turns out the hairbrush ended up being in my car. 205 00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:49,515 Yes, I'd love to discuss your hairbrush for even more time, 206 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,808 but I have some pressing police matters to attend to. 207 00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:54,478 Look at you. Always working. 208 00:07:54,853 --> 00:07:56,729 What happened to my fun big brother? 209 00:07:57,146 --> 00:07:59,356 Fun? I was never fun. You take that back. 210 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,441 I'm sure she didn't mean anything by it, sir. 211 00:08:01,525 --> 00:08:03,651 When we were little, we would go down in the basement, 212 00:08:03,735 --> 00:08:05,403 and he would build us a fort. 213 00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:06,988 We would stay down there all day. 214 00:08:07,072 --> 00:08:10,824 And Ray would sing these silly little made-up songs. 215 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:14,036 George and Ira Gershwin did not compose "silly, made-up songs". 216 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:17,788 Uh, Debbie, let me show you New York, okay? 217 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,457 The buildings, the subway, the bank, the dry cleaner. 218 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,251 I got to run some errands. 219 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,793 Oh, that's a great idea, Gina. 220 00:08:23,877 --> 00:08:27,427 Debbie, I'm so sorry I won't get a chance to see you much on your visit. 221 00:08:27,714 --> 00:08:31,049 Oh. No thing but a chicken wing, 'cause I'm gonna be here for six weeks. 222 00:08:31,133 --> 00:08:33,552 I'm gonna be all up in your life, okay? 223 00:08:35,888 --> 00:08:39,265 [GASPS] I got five down. I figured out the theme. It's boats. 224 00:08:39,641 --> 00:08:41,309 Okay, I get it. 225 00:08:41,768 --> 00:08:44,394 She's smart and lovable. You're scrappy and lovable, 226 00:08:44,937 --> 00:08:46,646 together you're just lovable and lovable. 227 00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:48,773 Okay, so where's this hitman, Judy? 228 00:08:48,857 --> 00:08:52,151 Look, I don't know who they sent, but he's on the boat. 229 00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:53,569 Check out this manifest. 230 00:08:53,653 --> 00:08:56,488 Somebody boarded in San Juan named Henry Coles. 231 00:08:57,114 --> 00:08:58,823 Henry Street and Coles Street, 232 00:08:58,907 --> 00:09:00,908 that's the corner of your old chop shop in Brooklyn. 233 00:09:00,992 --> 00:09:02,576 This is an alias. Mmm-hmm. 234 00:09:02,827 --> 00:09:04,202 And my porter buddy checked out 235 00:09:04,286 --> 00:09:05,787 Henry Coles' cabin, he hasn't been in it yet. 236 00:09:05,871 --> 00:09:07,497 He's hiding somewhere on this boat 237 00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,290 ready to jump out and kill me at any moment. 238 00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:10,666 Probably creepin' around in my closet. 239 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:11,751 Or stowed away in a lifeboat. 240 00:09:11,835 --> 00:09:12,835 Or hiding in a wall. 241 00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:14,128 Or holed up in the engine room. 242 00:09:14,212 --> 00:09:15,712 Camouflaged in the shrubbery. 243 00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:17,213 Predator style! Predator style! 244 00:09:17,297 --> 00:09:18,882 No. We are not having fun. 245 00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,510 You will not suck me in with your wily charms. 246 00:09:22,844 --> 00:09:26,973 [BOTH SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 247 00:09:27,348 --> 00:09:30,141 Hola, Mr. Gotaro. Good to see you. 248 00:09:30,225 --> 00:09:32,435 Can I talk to Rosa for a quick sec 249 00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:34,646 about some super serious police work? 250 00:09:34,938 --> 00:09:36,313 I know what you're trying to do. 251 00:09:36,397 --> 00:09:37,689 You brought him in here to butter him up. 252 00:09:37,773 --> 00:09:41,068 Yeah, and I've been laying it on real thick. 253 00:09:42,610 --> 00:09:43,611 Mint? 254 00:09:43,695 --> 00:09:46,114 Okay, but you're making a big mistake. 255 00:09:46,364 --> 00:09:47,991 Nobody sucks up like a Boyle. 256 00:09:48,282 --> 00:09:51,082 Of course, you knew that already because you're so smart. 257 00:09:51,451 --> 00:09:52,703 I just did it to you. 258 00:09:52,828 --> 00:09:54,912 [GRUNTS] Fine, little man. 259 00:09:55,204 --> 00:09:56,831 Bring it. Okay. 260 00:09:57,165 --> 00:10:00,876 Looks like you and I are in a good, old-fashioned suck-off. 261 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,126 Don't call it a suck-off. 262 00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,920 Why not? Why shouldn't… 263 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,465 Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally, yep. Mmm-hmm. Right. Smart. Good. 264 00:10:09,425 --> 00:10:10,967 You brought your own shuffleboard stick? 265 00:10:11,051 --> 00:10:12,803 Mmm-hmm. They're called tangs. 266 00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,678 You should be glad she has her own. 267 00:10:14,762 --> 00:10:16,430 You don't want her messing with another man's tang. 268 00:10:16,514 --> 00:10:18,140 There is no way they're called tangs. 269 00:10:18,224 --> 00:10:21,019 It's true. They are. And the disks are called biscuits. 270 00:10:22,811 --> 00:10:23,812 Yes. 271 00:10:23,896 --> 00:10:24,896 Tangs and biscuits? 272 00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:26,106 That is so dumb. 273 00:10:26,607 --> 00:10:28,157 I officially love shuffleboard. 274 00:10:28,858 --> 00:10:31,777 Clear a path! I'm about to whip my biscuit! 275 00:10:33,321 --> 00:10:34,487 Whoo. [CHUCKLES] 276 00:10:34,988 --> 00:10:37,449 About time you smiled, Jake. 277 00:10:37,991 --> 00:10:39,617 You've been a real tang in the mud. 278 00:10:39,701 --> 00:10:41,301 All right. Hey, a little advice. 279 00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:42,828 Amy is great. 280 00:10:42,912 --> 00:10:45,789 You want to keep her, be more receptive to her interests. 281 00:10:45,873 --> 00:10:47,790 All right, now you're taking it too far, Judy. 282 00:10:47,874 --> 00:10:50,918 I don't need relationship advice from my criminal arch nemesis. 283 00:10:51,002 --> 00:10:52,128 Look, I just want to see you two happy. 284 00:10:52,212 --> 00:10:55,255 No. This is just another one of your lies, just like your fake hitman. 285 00:10:55,339 --> 00:10:56,756 There is a hitman on this boat. 286 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,490 Henry Coles is coming to kill me. 287 00:10:58,842 --> 00:11:00,093 Excuse me? 288 00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,636 What? You said my name. 289 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:03,804 I'm Henry Coles. 290 00:11:03,888 --> 00:11:04,930 You're Henry Coles? 291 00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:06,723 According to my medical alert bracelet. 292 00:11:06,807 --> 00:11:08,107 Well, this is interesting. 293 00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:10,476 This is Henry Coles. Let's just take a look at that. 294 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,313 Oh. It says, "Doug Judy is a liar." 295 00:11:13,687 --> 00:11:16,065 Actually, it says I'm a fall risk. 296 00:11:16,357 --> 00:11:18,757 Okay, you're kind of ruining my burn here, Henry. 297 00:11:20,194 --> 00:11:23,571 I knew it. I knew Henry Coles was a 90-year-old man 298 00:11:23,655 --> 00:11:25,072 with type 1 diabetes and emphysema. 299 00:11:25,156 --> 00:11:27,615 Obviously, I didn't know those specifics, but I knew you were lying. 300 00:11:27,699 --> 00:11:29,742 So Henry Coles wasn't the guy. My bad. 301 00:11:29,826 --> 00:11:32,036 There's still somebody on this boat who wants to kill me. 302 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,246 You're trying to get away, and it's not gonna happen. 303 00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:36,165 We're spending the rest of this trip in your cabin. 304 00:11:36,249 --> 00:11:37,416 Amy and I will take sleep shifts 305 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,959 to make sure someone's always watching you. 306 00:11:39,043 --> 00:11:41,336 Thank you. That makes me feel super safe. 307 00:11:43,171 --> 00:11:43,723 [LOCK BEEPS] 308 00:11:43,807 --> 00:11:45,548 And if you want to smush, I have a sleep mask 309 00:11:45,632 --> 00:11:47,182 and noise canceling headphones. 310 00:11:48,425 --> 00:11:50,177 Can't we just lock him up in there? 311 00:11:50,261 --> 00:11:52,095 Do we really have to trade off sleep for the next six nights? 312 00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,470 I know. I'm sorry. 313 00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:56,354 But he did say that he'd wear a mask if we want to smush. 314 00:11:57,141 --> 00:11:59,477 Fine. I get it. He's the Pontiac Bandit. 315 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:00,810 You take the first shift. 316 00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:02,896 Thank you so much. You're the best. 317 00:12:03,605 --> 00:12:04,731 -[GLASS SHATTERING] -[GASPS] 318 00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,773 Hey, NYPD! Let him go! 319 00:12:06,857 --> 00:12:07,858 [BOTH GRUNT] 320 00:12:08,776 --> 00:12:09,777 [GROANS] 321 00:12:10,319 --> 00:12:12,654 Now do you believe me? That guy was trying to kill me. 322 00:12:12,738 --> 00:12:15,782 All right, fine! Someone wants you dead! You win. 323 00:12:18,243 --> 00:12:21,829 ♪ Smush, smush ♪ 324 00:12:22,788 --> 00:12:25,207 Ooh, I still sound like an angel. You sure? 325 00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:27,082 Thank God you were there, Peralta. 326 00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:28,667 I knew you wouldn't let your best friend die. 327 00:12:28,751 --> 00:12:30,628 I'm still gonna arrest you. I just can't do that if you're dead. 328 00:12:30,712 --> 00:12:32,362 Whatever you gotta tell yourself. 329 00:12:32,463 --> 00:12:35,007 Baby steps. It's hard getting him out of his shell. 330 00:12:35,257 --> 00:12:36,591 [SIGHS] Tell me about it. 331 00:12:36,675 --> 00:12:39,593 Every time we get emotional, he's like, "Noice, smort." 332 00:12:39,719 --> 00:12:41,553 Okay, can we focus up here? Hmm. 333 00:12:41,637 --> 00:12:42,804 We still don't know what your hitman looks like, 334 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,473 so we're gonna have to flush him out. 335 00:12:44,557 --> 00:12:45,640 Wait a minute. 336 00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:46,807 Where do the toilets on this boat go? 337 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,601 You don't want to know. [GASPS] 338 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,810 The pool? 339 00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,938 Ocean. Oh, that's even worse. 340 00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,313 That's where my shrimp live. 341 00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:56,483 Anyways, he'll probably try to hit me at my show this afternoon. 342 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,367 At least I'll die doing what I love. 343 00:12:58,610 --> 00:12:59,777 Getting people horny at sea. 344 00:12:59,861 --> 00:13:01,612 Yeah. Yeah. That's gross. 345 00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:02,696 All right, here's the plan. 346 00:13:02,780 --> 00:13:04,949 We're gonna leave you alone on stage and dangle you as bait. 347 00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:06,532 Damn! Bait dangling? 348 00:13:06,616 --> 00:13:08,618 If we're up on stage with you, it could spook him. 349 00:13:08,702 --> 00:13:09,702 We'll blend into the crowd, 350 00:13:09,786 --> 00:13:12,079 and we'll take him down before he even gets to you. 351 00:13:12,163 --> 00:13:14,248 [SIGHS] All right, I'll trust you. 352 00:13:14,540 --> 00:13:15,990 But if you're gonna blend in, 353 00:13:17,001 --> 00:13:18,001 you got to blend in. 354 00:13:18,085 --> 00:13:20,544 If you like piña coladas 355 00:13:20,628 --> 00:13:23,757 And getting caught in the rain 356 00:13:25,341 --> 00:13:26,508 You two are looking good. 357 00:13:26,592 --> 00:13:29,636 Really? I kind of feel like I'm Jimmy Buffett's tennis coach. 358 00:13:29,928 --> 00:13:31,137 No, it's working. 359 00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:33,371 You know I had a major crush on Magnum P.I.? 360 00:13:33,473 --> 00:13:34,474 Major. 361 00:13:34,682 --> 00:13:36,016 Oh. Should I grow a mustache? 362 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,518 Yeah, you should. 363 00:13:37,602 --> 00:13:39,519 Actually, I can't. I'm physically incapable. 364 00:13:39,603 --> 00:13:42,003 I shouldn't have suggested that. Should we go in? 365 00:13:43,940 --> 00:13:44,982 HOLT: You found me. 366 00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:48,069 Drinking seltzer in the shadows. 367 00:13:48,611 --> 00:13:52,061 I still can't believe Debbie's gonna be staying with me for six weeks. 368 00:13:52,322 --> 00:13:55,491 Sir, when your neighbor is playing their terrible music too loud, 369 00:13:55,575 --> 00:13:56,993 do you ask them to be quiet? 370 00:13:57,452 --> 00:13:58,576 Hell no. 371 00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:01,538 You blast your garbage, and you drown 'em out. 372 00:14:01,747 --> 00:14:04,707 You got to fight drama with drama. 373 00:14:06,542 --> 00:14:07,543 [HOLT SIGHS] 374 00:14:08,544 --> 00:14:10,171 Debbie, it's just too much. 375 00:14:10,463 --> 00:14:11,754 What happened? Wait till you hear. 376 00:14:11,838 --> 00:14:15,592 Kevin is all, "Hey, man, I'm leaving for Paris," 377 00:14:15,967 --> 00:14:19,011 and I said, "Then go already. 378 00:14:19,512 --> 00:14:21,012 "I don't care," but I do care, 379 00:14:21,514 --> 00:14:24,099 and now I'm like, "Where's Kevin?" 380 00:14:24,183 --> 00:14:26,309 Well, I didn't know y'all had all of that going on. 381 00:14:26,393 --> 00:14:29,229 Ugh, no one understands me. 382 00:14:30,105 --> 00:14:31,905 And now you're here, and I love you, 383 00:14:32,481 --> 00:14:34,691 but, like, it's a lot. 384 00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:38,444 Everything in my life is a hot mess right now. 385 00:14:38,528 --> 00:14:39,570 Damn. 386 00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,448 Captain, the commissioner called again. 387 00:14:42,532 --> 00:14:44,532 He wants to know when crime will be down. 388 00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:47,116 Are you kidding me? What am I supposed to tell him? 389 00:14:47,577 --> 00:14:48,927 I'm under so much pressure. 390 00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:50,122 I just can't even. 391 00:14:50,746 --> 00:14:52,998 You got a lot on you. 392 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,042 And I don't want to overstay my welcome 393 00:14:55,126 --> 00:14:56,585 if that's gonna stress you out. 394 00:14:56,669 --> 00:15:00,171 It will, especially with Mercury in 395 00:15:01,047 --> 00:15:02,090 retrograde. 396 00:15:02,715 --> 00:15:04,383 I am sorry. 397 00:15:04,633 --> 00:15:07,177 I didn't know. I mean, the only reason I came is… 398 00:15:08,637 --> 00:15:09,847 'Cause Gary left me. 399 00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:11,847 What? 400 00:15:11,931 --> 00:15:14,183 He was cheating on me. 401 00:15:14,475 --> 00:15:16,809 But you know what? No. No, no, no. 402 00:15:16,893 --> 00:15:18,978 I'm not gonna burden you with that, okay? 403 00:15:19,062 --> 00:15:20,605 I will deal with that myself. 404 00:15:21,898 --> 00:15:24,984 There has been a jailbreak, and the Mafia's at it again. 405 00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:28,127 -[LAUGHTER] -Hey, what's going on here? 406 00:15:28,571 --> 00:15:31,489 I didn't realize we had more questions to ask Mr. Gotaro together. 407 00:15:31,573 --> 00:15:33,950 Oh, we don't. I asked Mr. Gotaro all of them. 408 00:15:34,868 --> 00:15:37,202 Wait. Hold on. "Gotaro." 409 00:15:37,619 --> 00:15:39,621 Isn't that an Andalusian name? 410 00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:42,248 Yeah. What a weird coincidence. 411 00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:43,332 Pardon me, Detective Diaz. 412 00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:47,462 Last night, I cooked up a ton of Andalusian baby eels. 413 00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:49,463 -[DRAWER BANGS] -Unbelievable. 414 00:15:49,547 --> 00:15:51,422 MR. GOTARO: I love angula. 415 00:15:51,506 --> 00:15:52,757 I mean, it's impossible to find here. 416 00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:56,591 Oh! Not if you have a ton of disposable income and great credit, like I do. 417 00:15:57,011 --> 00:15:59,763 I think you're gonna love these. I really buttered them up. 418 00:15:59,847 --> 00:16:02,349 Well, thank you so much. 419 00:16:03,016 --> 00:16:06,144 Uh, before I leave, um, I should tell you, 420 00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:07,770 you're both great applicants, 421 00:16:07,854 --> 00:16:10,564 but I've decided to rent the apartment to someone else. 422 00:16:11,899 --> 00:16:13,275 I smiled at you. 423 00:16:14,359 --> 00:16:15,360 For what? 424 00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:17,820 -[KEYBOARD PLAYING] -Ladies and gentlemen, 425 00:16:17,904 --> 00:16:19,280 widows and widowers, 426 00:16:19,614 --> 00:16:22,616 welcome to the all-ages piano lounge adults only show. 427 00:16:23,617 --> 00:16:25,160 I'm Horatio Velveteen. 428 00:16:25,327 --> 00:16:26,327 Dope name. Hmm. 429 00:16:26,411 --> 00:16:27,912 This little song I wrote myself, 430 00:16:27,996 --> 00:16:30,206 called "Rosa, Rosa, Rosa." 431 00:16:30,789 --> 00:16:31,916 Goes like this. 432 00:16:32,666 --> 00:16:37,045 ♪ Rosa, Rosa, Rosa ♪ 433 00:16:37,712 --> 00:16:40,047 -♪ Rosa ♪ -It's so crowded in here, 434 00:16:40,131 --> 00:16:41,298 and the lighting is way too sexy 435 00:16:41,382 --> 00:16:42,382 to see anything. 436 00:16:42,466 --> 00:16:44,176 Come on. Okay. 437 00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:46,720 ♪ Right there on the floor ♪ 438 00:16:47,262 --> 00:16:49,222 ♪ Is the man you're looking for ♪ 439 00:16:49,597 --> 00:16:51,516 ♪ He's right in front of you ♪ 440 00:16:52,350 --> 00:16:54,352 ♪ A little bit to the left ♪ 441 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,479 ♪ My left, my left, my left, my left ♪ 442 00:16:59,231 --> 00:17:00,649 ♪ Come on this way ♪ 443 00:17:01,066 --> 00:17:02,525 ♪ He's in a red shirt ♪ 444 00:17:02,942 --> 00:17:04,735 ♪ No, not the Asian dude ♪ 445 00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:07,321 ♪ I'm talking about a bright red shirt ♪ 446 00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:10,656 ♪ That's the man you're looking for ♪ 447 00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:12,992 ♪ That's the man you've been looking for ♪ 448 00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:15,702 I got him. Follow me. Come on. 449 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:19,289 -♪ This is still a love song ♪ -Where'd he go? 450 00:17:19,373 --> 00:17:21,540 Well, that ends my show, all of a sudden. 451 00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,924 You've been a great crowd. 452 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,043 Thank you very much. 453 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,452 -Think of me when you smush. -[CROWD MURMURING] 454 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,880 Jake, help me. I don't want to die. 455 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,590 I'm still on second season of Game of Thrones. 456 00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:32,508 All right, let's just put the knife down, okay? 457 00:17:32,592 --> 00:17:34,885 There's no murder in the all-ages piano lounge. 458 00:17:34,969 --> 00:17:36,178 Screw you, pig. 459 00:17:36,262 --> 00:17:38,013 That is not a very all-ages thing to say. 460 00:17:38,097 --> 00:17:40,098 You just don't get the vibe here at all. 461 00:17:40,182 --> 00:17:41,349 -[GRUNTS] -[GRUNTS] 462 00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:43,101 Whoo! 463 00:17:43,268 --> 00:17:44,602 Nice, grab that cord. 464 00:17:44,686 --> 00:17:46,520 Let's get his arms. Come here. 465 00:17:46,604 --> 00:17:48,689 You just got tanged by my girlfriend. 466 00:17:49,231 --> 00:17:50,607 Sorry, I know that sounded really gross, 467 00:17:50,691 --> 00:17:51,774 but it was actually awesome. 468 00:17:51,858 --> 00:17:53,308 -You okay, Judy? -[DOOR CLOSES] 469 00:17:53,527 --> 00:17:54,610 Judy! 470 00:17:54,819 --> 00:17:57,321 No. No, no, no. 471 00:17:59,574 --> 00:18:01,574 Bye, Peralta. Thanks for saving my life. 472 00:18:01,658 --> 00:18:04,202 No. Judy! Don't do this! 473 00:18:04,369 --> 00:18:05,495 No, not again! 474 00:18:05,579 --> 00:18:08,789 Judy! Judy! 475 00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:13,126 Where is Judy? I've looked everywhere. 476 00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:15,010 He has to be somewhere on this boat. 477 00:18:15,545 --> 00:18:16,670 DOUG JUDY: Peralta! 478 00:18:16,754 --> 00:18:17,839 No, he doesn't. 479 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:20,300 Sorry to do this to you, man. 480 00:18:20,592 --> 00:18:22,133 I saw an opening, and I had to take it. 481 00:18:22,217 --> 00:18:24,052 I can't go to jail. I'm too cool. 482 00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:25,762 You'll never get away from me, Judy! 483 00:18:25,846 --> 00:18:27,638 DOUG JUDY: I can't hear what you're saying. 484 00:18:27,722 --> 00:18:28,889 You're real far away. 485 00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,892 I'll just assume you're finally admitting we're best friends. 486 00:18:31,976 --> 00:18:33,352 No, that is not what I'm saying! 487 00:18:33,436 --> 00:18:35,895 Thank you. It means a lot to me. 488 00:18:35,979 --> 00:18:37,479 Enjoy the rest of your cruise. 489 00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:41,400 Just remember, you got a fine lady. Don't be a tang in the mud. 490 00:18:42,067 --> 00:18:43,068 Check your pockets! 491 00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:46,405 Boom-Boom Stateroom, baby! 492 00:18:47,238 --> 00:18:48,239 Awesome. 493 00:18:48,781 --> 00:18:50,032 But this isn't over! 494 00:18:50,116 --> 00:18:51,867 I will hunt you to the ends of the Earth! 495 00:18:51,951 --> 00:18:53,328 I love you, too! 496 00:18:53,827 --> 00:18:56,038 I'm so proud of us for being able to say it. 497 00:18:56,204 --> 00:18:57,956 What are you still standing there for? 498 00:18:58,040 --> 00:18:59,666 Go smush! Judy! 499 00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:01,500 No! 500 00:19:02,335 --> 00:19:05,003 Well, okay, but my train is in 45 minutes. 501 00:19:05,087 --> 00:19:06,213 I don't have to say goodbye to Ray. 502 00:19:06,297 --> 00:19:07,588 I don't want to stress him out. 503 00:19:07,672 --> 00:19:09,672 No, he specifically asked us to get you. 504 00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:12,844 Hello, Debbie. 505 00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:15,804 You made a fort? 506 00:19:15,929 --> 00:19:17,629 I thought we could talk under here 507 00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:18,891 about you and Gary. 508 00:19:22,810 --> 00:19:23,811 Uh… 509 00:19:24,312 --> 00:19:25,962 I'm sorry I was pushing you away. 510 00:19:27,022 --> 00:19:29,065 I want you to know that I'm here for you, 511 00:19:29,149 --> 00:19:30,651 and I would love to be 512 00:19:31,068 --> 00:19:32,319 all up in your life. 513 00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:34,195 Aw. You… [CLICKS TONGUE] 514 00:19:34,403 --> 00:19:36,003 Give me a hug. [CHUCKLING] Okay. 515 00:19:36,113 --> 00:19:37,114 Oh. 516 00:19:38,991 --> 00:19:40,450 Mr. Gotaro. 517 00:19:41,451 --> 00:19:43,286 You're under arrest for the murder of your tenant, 518 00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:44,579 Shirley Crouch. 519 00:19:44,954 --> 00:19:46,330 What are you talking about? 520 00:19:46,580 --> 00:19:48,123 Is this because I didn't rent to you? 521 00:19:48,207 --> 00:19:49,407 -[HANDCUFFS RATTLING] -No. 522 00:19:49,917 --> 00:19:50,917 But that was suspicious. 523 00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:52,002 Why wouldn't you want cops with great credit 524 00:19:52,086 --> 00:19:53,127 living in your building? 525 00:19:53,211 --> 00:19:54,628 Great credit and an eel hookup. 526 00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:55,713 Because you murdered her. 527 00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,548 Toxicology report says the old lady was poisoned. 528 00:19:57,632 --> 00:19:58,757 Her apartment was rent controlled, 529 00:19:58,841 --> 00:19:59,841 and you couldn't jack up the price 530 00:19:59,925 --> 00:20:01,092 until she was out of there. 531 00:20:01,176 --> 00:20:02,676 I just have one last question. 532 00:20:03,929 --> 00:20:06,597 If you go to jail, who makes the rental decisions in the building? 533 00:20:06,681 --> 00:20:07,890 It'll pass to a trust. 534 00:20:08,015 --> 00:20:09,065 The bank controls it. 535 00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:10,726 Game back on? If you have to ask, 536 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:12,360 you're already one step behind. 537 00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:15,605 I should help bring him back in. We're still police officers. 538 00:20:15,689 --> 00:20:16,690 Yeah. 539 00:20:19,066 --> 00:20:20,400 Hey, can I ask you something? Hmm. 540 00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:21,901 If the toilets drain into the ocean, 541 00:20:21,985 --> 00:20:25,113 does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt? 542 00:20:25,197 --> 00:20:27,407 No, not at all. Pfft. 543 00:20:27,824 --> 00:20:28,907 Lame. Look. 544 00:20:28,991 --> 00:20:30,993 I know you're bummed about the Pontiac Bandit 545 00:20:31,077 --> 00:20:32,493 so if it's any consolation, 546 00:20:32,577 --> 00:20:35,539 we could spend the rest of the cruise eating shrimp in bed. 547 00:20:35,664 --> 00:20:37,915 That is incredibly sweet, but no way. 548 00:20:37,999 --> 00:20:40,793 We have too many activities to do. Huh? 549 00:20:41,085 --> 00:20:42,711 You'll never guess what starts in three minutes. 550 00:20:42,795 --> 00:20:44,755 Salsa dancing. Oh. So you can guess. 551 00:20:45,047 --> 00:20:46,214 [SALSA MUSIC PLAYING] 552 00:20:47,382 --> 00:20:48,550 [INDISTINCT TALKING] 553 00:20:49,968 --> 00:20:51,218 Thank you for doing this. 554 00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:53,095 I love you. 555 00:20:54,263 --> 00:20:56,765 Noice. Smort. 556 00:21:00,685 --> 00:21:01,686 I love you too. 557 00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:09,651 Also, I think this is definitely 558 00:21:09,735 --> 00:21:11,069 a dance class for widows. 559 00:21:11,652 --> 00:21:13,904 No, I don't think so. No? 560 00:21:13,988 --> 00:21:15,405 MAN: Now turn to your partner, 561 00:21:15,489 --> 00:21:17,115 and tell them how your spouse died. 562 00:21:17,199 --> 00:21:18,240 Yeah, we should get out of here. 563 00:21:18,324 --> 00:21:20,160 Are you sure? Okay. Yes.