1
00:00:02,742 --> 00:00:04,826
Cluck, cluck! Gobble, gobble!
2
00:00:04,951 --> 00:00:09,454
Guess who just came from the
PS 321 Thanksgiving Parade?
3
00:00:09,538 --> 00:00:10,622
Charles, you actually might…
4
00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:12,916
Who's Charles? I'm Tommy Gobbler,
5
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,252
and I'm stuffed with
Thanksgiving happiness!
6
00:00:16,336 --> 00:00:17,378
Gobble, gobble!
7
00:00:17,462 --> 00:00:19,505
Seriously, Charles… Uh-uh, I warned you!
8
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I'm Tommy Gobbler, you silly pilgrim.
9
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Okay, Tommy Gobbler. There you go!
10
00:00:25,427 --> 00:00:27,011
These are the Davidsons.
11
00:00:27,637 --> 00:00:30,637
They want to know what happened
to their missing grandmother.
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I have some deeply tragic news for you.
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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Listen up. Diaz and I are going to Rikers
15
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to interview a guy we think has info
16
00:00:58,413 --> 00:00:59,963
on the Douglass Street murders.
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Also, IT says the Internet is down.
18
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What? No!
19
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I had just clicked a link that said
20
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"Balloon Boy Grew Up Hot."
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Now I will never see those pictures.
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Can't you just use the
Internet on your phone?
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Bitch, you know I'm out of data.
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Jake, can I speak to you for a minute?
In private.
25
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Ooh, someone's in trouble.
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It's me. I don't know why I did that.
27
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So, Sharon will be here in an hour.
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We're driving up to
the Berkshires to spend
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one last weekend alone
before the baby comes.
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Yeah! Somebody's gonna get it!
31
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She's 37-weeks pregnant, man.
We're gonna eat pie in bed.
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Yeah. I just wanted to ask…
33
00:01:36,485 --> 00:01:38,737
If Sharon gets here
before I'm back from Rikers,
34
00:01:38,821 --> 00:01:40,072
can you make sure she's comfortable?
35
00:01:40,156 --> 00:01:41,238
And also, um…
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00:01:41,322 --> 00:01:42,922
Keep Captain Holt away from her.
37
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Really? Why?
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He's always weird around
her and it stresses her out.
39
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She says he reminds her of those
40
00:01:49,121 --> 00:01:50,747
judgmental trees from Lord of the Rings.
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00:01:50,831 --> 00:01:53,082
[SCOFFS] They're called Ents.
Get a life, dweeb.
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I don't care. Okay.
43
00:01:54,667 --> 00:01:55,709
Can you handle it?
44
00:01:55,793 --> 00:01:57,127
Yes, I can totally handle it.
45
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I will take care of Sharon.
46
00:01:58,503 --> 00:02:01,173
As long as she's carrying
my godchild inside of her,
47
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I am her god-husband. She is my god-wife.
48
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,552
And I will god-love her forever.
Come on, man.
49
00:02:06,844 --> 00:02:07,928
Don't say stuff like that.
50
00:02:08,012 --> 00:02:09,595
Which part? All of it?
51
00:02:09,679 --> 00:02:11,180
I'm going to assume it's all of it,
52
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and just make my exeunt.
53
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Okay. Don't hurt me.
54
00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:15,433
Happy Thanksgiving, sir.
55
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This year, I'm more thankful than
ever to have you as my captain.
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00:02:18,479 --> 00:02:20,605
And I'm thankful for
the low price of gasoline.
57
00:02:20,689 --> 00:02:21,772
And I'm thankful for the friendship…
58
00:02:21,856 --> 00:02:22,940
I think there's been a misunderstanding.
59
00:02:23,024 --> 00:02:24,942
There's no time for
everyone to have a turn.
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00:02:25,026 --> 00:02:27,476
But I'm the only one that didn't get to..
. Boyle.
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00:02:27,736 --> 00:02:29,320
Now, with the Internet being down,
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we'll have to do all
the paperwork by hand.
63
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Would you two be okay
with staying late tonight?
64
00:02:32,990 --> 00:02:34,741
Well, I was gonna slow-cook a goose,
65
00:02:34,825 --> 00:02:37,035
but I guess I could normal-cook her.
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00:02:37,119 --> 00:02:38,786
Great.
The bullpen is getting overcrowded,
67
00:02:38,870 --> 00:02:40,705
and I don't want the
situation to deteriorate.
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00:02:40,789 --> 00:02:42,665
I'm sorry if this ruins your holiday.
69
00:02:42,749 --> 00:02:43,957
Nonsense.
70
00:02:44,041 --> 00:02:46,501
I'm thankful that you trust us
with such an important task.
71
00:02:46,585 --> 00:02:48,503
And I am thankful to have
such a dedicated employee.
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00:02:48,587 --> 00:02:49,837
And I'm thankful… Dismissed.
73
00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:50,922
Yep.
74
00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:53,466
Hey, Gina.
75
00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:55,092
I need a top-secret favor.
76
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,593
Sharon is coming to the
precinct and I need your help.
77
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:01,179
Uh, it better not be pregnancy-related,
'cause that crap is nasty.
78
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:02,347
The miracle of life?
79
00:03:02,431 --> 00:03:04,015
Dress it up however you want,
80
00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:06,518
that's some disgusting
animal kingdom nonsense.
81
00:03:06,602 --> 00:03:08,018
Okay, don't worry about Sharon.
82
00:03:08,102 --> 00:03:10,229
I'll take care of her.
I've got everything she needs.
83
00:03:10,313 --> 00:03:12,440
Pillow, blanket,
84
00:03:12,524 --> 00:03:14,023
copy of Breast-Feeders magazine…
85
00:03:14,107 --> 00:03:17,152
Which, now that I say it out
loud, sounds like porn. Yep, it is.
86
00:03:17,236 --> 00:03:18,819
So what do you need me for?
87
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Keeping Captain Holt away from her.
88
00:03:20,655 --> 00:03:22,698
Terry says he gets very
awkward near Sharon.
89
00:03:22,782 --> 00:03:24,533
Hmm. That's one way to put it.
90
00:03:24,783 --> 00:03:26,242
Ah, Sharon, nice to see you.
91
00:03:26,326 --> 00:03:28,495
You look so big. Like a mighty truck.
92
00:03:29,412 --> 00:03:31,163
I can help you avoid Captain Holt.
93
00:03:31,247 --> 00:03:33,957
I'll keep you apprised of
his location at all times.
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00:03:34,041 --> 00:03:35,708
Gina. Peralta. He's behind me.
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Yeah.
96
00:03:37,544 --> 00:03:38,545
[THUDDING]
97
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,838
I love paperwork, but this is crazy.
98
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:43,882
There isn't even time to savor it.
99
00:03:43,966 --> 00:03:46,384
Charles, you're going so fast.
100
00:03:46,468 --> 00:03:49,261
I don't have a choice. We can't
let this place fill up with perps.
101
00:03:49,345 --> 00:03:51,221
Yeah, but you're gonna cramp.
102
00:03:51,305 --> 00:03:52,598
[CHUCKLING] Are you kidding, baby?
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I've been cramping
for the past 20 minutes.
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00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:57,185
I'm so attracted to you right now.
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[ELEVATOR DOOR PINGS]
106
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Sharon.
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00:03:59,979 --> 00:04:01,730
Mrs. Sarge, how are you?
108
00:04:01,814 --> 00:04:04,315
Very pregnant. Is Terry back yet?
109
00:04:04,399 --> 00:04:06,150
Not yet, but he will be back any minute,
110
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and in the meantime,
I will take great care
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00:04:08,194 --> 00:04:10,237
of my godchild and my god-wife.
112
00:04:10,571 --> 00:04:13,949
Oh, yes. Terry did tell me that
you might be calling me that.
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Aw, you guys talk about me?
114
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HOLT: Sharon!
115
00:04:17,034 --> 00:04:19,745
Hello. Oh, Raymond. Hi.
116
00:04:20,121 --> 00:04:23,456
Um, Captain, I need you
to sign this here and here.
117
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Excuse me, everyone.
We got to keep this area clear.
118
00:04:25,917 --> 00:04:29,711
If you could all proceed in a
wall-like fashion to the briefing room.
119
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Oh, oh, oh. That's it.
120
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Also, right here and here.
Human blockade style.
121
00:04:33,007 --> 00:04:34,965
And here, and here, and here.
122
00:04:35,049 --> 00:04:37,899
Give me one second, Gina, I
just want to say hi to Sharon.
123
00:04:39,052 --> 00:04:42,890
Just, um… Sharon is gone.
124
00:04:43,223 --> 00:04:44,515
Gina…
125
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Is also gone.
126
00:04:50,229 --> 00:04:51,854
Well, Sharon is happy,
127
00:04:51,938 --> 00:04:54,148
and Captain Holt has
no idea where she is.
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Damn, we are good at
stashing pregnant ladies.
129
00:04:56,525 --> 00:04:57,985
[GRUNTS] Guys?
130
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My water just broke.
131
00:05:00,404 --> 00:05:03,104
Don't worry about that,
we'll just get you another one.
132
00:05:03,323 --> 00:05:04,824
Oh, you mean your body water!
133
00:05:04,908 --> 00:05:06,117
That's much worse.
134
00:05:07,868 --> 00:05:09,202
Okay, Terry.
135
00:05:09,286 --> 00:05:11,079
I love you. Just hurry back.
136
00:05:11,163 --> 00:05:13,748
I love you too, baby. Put Jake on, okay?
137
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:17,084
Hey there, Sarge.
Everything is totally under control.
138
00:05:17,168 --> 00:05:20,169
As you know, her water broke and
she's had a couple of contractions.
139
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,880
And…
Hey, Sharon, how are you doing vaginally?
140
00:05:22,964 --> 00:05:25,048
What? Don't ask her that! Okay.
141
00:05:25,132 --> 00:05:27,676
Jake, all you have to do
is keep her comfortable.
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00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,678
I'm on my way. Okay, sounds good.
143
00:05:29,762 --> 00:05:31,262
And do you want to just
meet us at the hospital or…
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-No hospital!
-JEFFORDS: No hospital!
145
00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:34,723
Okay. Got it. Got it.
Cool, cool, cool. No hospital.
146
00:05:34,807 --> 00:05:36,349
I am picking up what
you're screaming down.
147
00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:38,893
We had a terrible experience
when Cagney and Lacey were born.
148
00:05:38,977 --> 00:05:40,311
Last time we went to the hospital,
149
00:05:40,395 --> 00:05:42,271
they pushed me to have a C-section,
150
00:05:42,355 --> 00:05:43,564
didn't have enough rooms,
151
00:05:43,648 --> 00:05:46,024
and the anesthesiologist
was a med student
152
00:05:46,108 --> 00:05:48,317
who stabbed me in the spinal cord
153
00:05:48,401 --> 00:05:50,278
10 times before he got it right!
154
00:05:50,362 --> 00:05:52,238
See? Needles in your spine?
155
00:05:52,322 --> 00:05:54,072
Childbirth is a horror movie.
156
00:05:54,156 --> 00:05:55,156
That is not helping.
157
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,993
Jake, there's a copy of
our birth plan on my desk.
158
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,201
Call the doula.
159
00:05:59,285 --> 00:06:01,120
Copy that. I will call the doula.
160
00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:03,163
Which is a thing that I
definitely know what it is.
161
00:06:03,247 --> 00:06:04,623
A doula is someone who supports you
162
00:06:04,707 --> 00:06:07,417
emotionally and physically and
coaches you through the process.
163
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,919
Oh, I see.
So, sort of like a vaginal Gandalf.
164
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,253
JEFFORDS: Stop saying that word!
165
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,754
That's actually a pretty good analogy.
166
00:06:12,838 --> 00:06:14,631
Well, Sharon liked it, Sarge.
167
00:06:14,715 --> 00:06:16,258
All right, listen, you have
nothing to worry about.
168
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:18,342
I've got it totally under control here.
169
00:06:18,426 --> 00:06:20,303
Love you, bye. Great.
170
00:06:20,387 --> 00:06:23,972
So I'm gonna go get your birth
plan and then summon your wizard.
171
00:06:24,056 --> 00:06:26,975
Oh, Sharon, I heard you had
gone into labor in our police station.
172
00:06:27,059 --> 00:06:28,726
I hope you don't contract an infection.
173
00:06:28,810 --> 00:06:30,102
Yeah, we all hope that.
174
00:06:30,186 --> 00:06:31,562
Hey, Capitán,
175
00:06:31,646 --> 00:06:34,046
can I speak with you
outside for just one moment?
176
00:06:34,982 --> 00:06:36,316
Don't leave me.
177
00:06:36,692 --> 00:06:39,152
Listen, you've got your plate full today,
178
00:06:39,236 --> 00:06:42,946
and this whole Sharon-having-a-baby
thing is honestly beneath you.
179
00:06:43,030 --> 00:06:44,615
But I know a lot about childbirth.
180
00:06:44,699 --> 00:06:47,199
My ex-boyfriend Frederick was an ob-gyn,
181
00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:49,233
and we would often talk about his work.
182
00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,620
Before he started talking about it with…
183
00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:53,163
Dave.
184
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:54,706
Well, you should probably know that
185
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:56,957
I also have a lot of
experience with childbirth.
186
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,417
NARRATOR [ON TV]:
And, with a final grunt,
187
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:00,545
the mighty rhino expels her calf.
188
00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,046
Ugh!
189
00:07:02,838 --> 00:07:05,382
Gross! Come out of an egg next time.
190
00:07:06,216 --> 00:07:07,592
I'm gonna go check in on Sharon.
191
00:07:07,676 --> 00:07:11,011
Make sure she's not pushing
prematurely, fatiguing the uterus.
192
00:07:11,095 --> 00:07:12,972
Okay. Wait, you can't talk to her!
193
00:07:14,597 --> 00:07:16,197
Terry doesn't want you in there.
194
00:07:16,725 --> 00:07:18,075
You make her uncomfortable.
195
00:07:19,893 --> 00:07:21,228
I make her uncomfortable?
196
00:07:21,437 --> 00:07:22,437
[SIGHS]
197
00:07:22,521 --> 00:07:23,731
Well, that's ridiculous.
198
00:07:24,356 --> 00:07:26,273
I should go confront
her about this at length.
199
00:07:26,357 --> 00:07:27,733
No, wait! You could,
200
00:07:27,817 --> 00:07:29,443
but I think that would
probably stress her out,
201
00:07:29,527 --> 00:07:30,736
and we're trying to
keep her calm right now.
202
00:07:30,820 --> 00:07:31,945
So maybe just…
203
00:07:32,446 --> 00:07:33,613
Focus on work?
204
00:07:34,114 --> 00:07:35,157
Of course.
205
00:07:35,615 --> 00:07:37,699
I only want to help.
Whatever's best for Sharon.
206
00:07:37,783 --> 00:07:38,825
Really?
207
00:07:38,909 --> 00:07:39,910
You're fine with that?
208
00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:41,244
Absolutely. I don't take it personally.
209
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,913
I mean, it's about me and my
behavior specifically, nobody else,
210
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,541
not Hitchcock or Scully…
But yeah, I'm fine.
211
00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:48,834
What a joyous occasion.
212
00:07:51,628 --> 00:07:53,838
So… Sharon's water just broke.
213
00:07:53,922 --> 00:07:55,047
Are you kidding? Let's go!
214
00:07:55,131 --> 00:07:56,131
Hold up.
215
00:07:56,215 --> 00:07:58,634
This guy knows where
our murderer is hiding.
216
00:07:59,135 --> 00:08:01,135
Just give me two minutes alone with him.
217
00:08:01,386 --> 00:08:04,639
I'll let him know what's gonna
happen to him if he doesn't cooperate.
218
00:08:04,723 --> 00:08:07,141
[CRYING] I'm gonna
miss the birth of my child!
219
00:08:07,641 --> 00:08:09,351
It's a magical moment!
220
00:08:09,435 --> 00:08:10,811
[CRYING] Okay, okay!
221
00:08:11,312 --> 00:08:12,687
I'll tell you everything.
222
00:08:12,771 --> 00:08:16,066
Thank you for letting me be
part of this wonderful experience.
223
00:08:16,232 --> 00:08:19,234
You're a terrible person,
but you're welcome.
224
00:08:20,110 --> 00:08:22,487
There you go. All right.
225
00:08:22,571 --> 00:08:23,863
Safe and sound.
226
00:08:24,030 --> 00:08:26,073
So I spoke with your doily…
227
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:27,533
Doula. So close.
228
00:08:27,617 --> 00:08:29,575
And, unfortunately, she is
out of town for Thanksgiving.
229
00:08:29,659 --> 00:08:30,743
What?
230
00:08:30,827 --> 00:08:33,287
I also spoke with your
backup doula, who is in town.
231
00:08:33,371 --> 00:08:35,497
Oh, thank God.
But is assisting with another birth.
232
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:38,291
Ugh! Should not have paused
between those two sentences.
233
00:08:38,375 --> 00:08:40,167
Yeah. Jake, where's Terry?
234
00:08:40,251 --> 00:08:42,712
I don't know exactly,
but everything is okay.
235
00:08:42,796 --> 00:08:45,673
I have familiarized myself with the
soothing section of your birth plan,
236
00:08:45,757 --> 00:08:48,884
and I will now speak in a low,
calming, Barry White voice.
237
00:08:49,134 --> 00:08:52,011
[IMITATING BARRY WHITE] Oh, yeah.
Just breathe, baby.
238
00:08:52,095 --> 00:08:53,303
You're making me more tense.
239
00:08:53,387 --> 00:08:54,763
Yeah, I get why.
240
00:08:54,847 --> 00:08:57,765
I'm doing a bad, bad job, girl.
241
00:08:57,849 --> 00:08:59,892
How about we put on some relaxing music?
242
00:08:59,976 --> 00:09:01,978
I think that Terry's got
some CDs on his desk.
243
00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:03,562
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, great.
Hey, Gina, can you grab those?
244
00:09:03,646 --> 00:09:06,606
I have made the mistake
of looking at the birthing plan
245
00:09:06,690 --> 00:09:09,150
and just learned what an episiotomy is.
246
00:09:09,234 --> 00:09:11,027
I'm gonna need 90 minutes.
247
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:13,738
Okay. I'll grab the CDs.
248
00:09:13,822 --> 00:09:14,863
Be right back.
249
00:09:16,073 --> 00:09:18,658
Oh, hey, sir, thank you again
for letting us use your office.
250
00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:20,951
I'm fine. I'm getting a lot of
work done here at Gina's desk.
251
00:09:21,035 --> 00:09:23,746
It's wonderful.
She has all my favorite chewing gums.
252
00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,497
Okay, well, I'm just getting some CDs
253
00:09:25,581 --> 00:09:27,206
from Terry's desk to help relax Sharon.
254
00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:29,042
I don't know why you're telling me.
I'm not involved.
255
00:09:29,126 --> 00:09:31,628
You made that very clear.
256
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,007
All right.
257
00:09:37,091 --> 00:09:38,507
Do you work here? I do.
258
00:09:38,591 --> 00:09:40,509
My son was arrested six hours ago,
259
00:09:40,593 --> 00:09:42,636
and nobody can tell me
when he's getting out.
260
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:44,596
-What is going on?
-[CROWD ARGUING]
261
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,307
What is going on? My son…
262
00:09:47,391 --> 00:09:49,683
Yup. My son… Great question.
263
00:09:49,767 --> 00:09:51,602
I will be right with you folks.
264
00:09:52,812 --> 00:09:54,687
Guys, we have to clear
some of these people.
265
00:09:54,771 --> 00:09:57,106
I'm trying to keep things calm
for Sharon, and this is not helping.
266
00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:58,191
I don't know what to tell you.
267
00:09:58,275 --> 00:10:00,026
I'm already writing dangerously fast.
268
00:10:00,110 --> 00:10:02,194
It's Smudge City here, Jake. Smudge City!
269
00:10:02,278 --> 00:10:03,945
I mean, the problem is, we
only have one fax machine,
270
00:10:04,029 --> 00:10:05,822
and it takes four minutes per page.
271
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,157
It's Logjam City, Jake. Logjam City!
272
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,117
Well, Sharon is about
to have a baby, all right?
273
00:10:10,201 --> 00:10:13,328
So I need it to be Calm City in here.
Calm City!
274
00:10:13,453 --> 00:10:15,163
Hey, if you need more fax machines,
275
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:17,956
there's a ton of them in that
storage room where I go to take a nap.
276
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:19,083
What? What?
277
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:20,417
Why didn't you say something?
278
00:10:20,501 --> 00:10:23,003
And once again, Hitchcock
and Scully save the day.
279
00:10:23,087 --> 00:10:24,837
You didn't do anything.
It was all Scully.
280
00:10:24,921 --> 00:10:26,971
We're a package deal,
everyone knows that.
281
00:10:27,340 --> 00:10:29,591
Why is this train stopped?
I'm freaking out!
282
00:10:29,675 --> 00:10:30,801
ANNOUNCER [OVER PA]:
Sorry for the delay,
283
00:10:30,885 --> 00:10:32,761
but it turns out there's
an exciting reason.
284
00:10:32,845 --> 00:10:34,596
The train in front of us has
a pregnant woman on board,
285
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:35,846
and she's giving birth.
286
00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:36,931
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
287
00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:38,724
Oh, don't applaud that!
288
00:10:38,808 --> 00:10:40,185
Hey, this is terrible!
289
00:10:41,018 --> 00:10:44,563
I'm sorry, but my wife is
giving birth right now, too!
290
00:10:44,897 --> 00:10:45,939
[WEAK APPLAUSE]
291
00:10:46,023 --> 00:10:49,108
No, that's not what I want!
It feels real forced.
292
00:10:49,192 --> 00:10:50,359
Move this train!
293
00:10:51,277 --> 00:10:55,404
All right, so I was
unable to get the CDs,
294
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:58,281
however, I can sing
you a very soothing tune.
295
00:10:58,365 --> 00:10:59,574
Something like…
296
00:10:59,658 --> 00:11:01,576
♪ When I get that feeling ♪
297
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,953
♪ I need sexual healing… ♪
298
00:11:04,037 --> 00:11:05,079
[ALARM BLARING] Oh boy.
299
00:11:05,163 --> 00:11:07,206
What is that? Is there a fire?
300
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:08,833
All right, I'm gonna go check this out.
301
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:11,501
Sharon, you stay here and
prepare to jump out the window.
302
00:11:11,585 --> 00:11:12,710
That came out weird.
303
00:11:12,794 --> 00:11:14,087
-[GASPS]
-[SIGHS]
304
00:11:14,379 --> 00:11:15,922
[FIRE EXTINGUISHER HISSING]
305
00:11:19,592 --> 00:11:21,634
Guys, what the hell is going on?
306
00:11:21,718 --> 00:11:23,094
Hitchcock and Scully saved the day.
307
00:11:23,178 --> 00:11:24,971
No, you plugged 10 fax machines
308
00:11:25,055 --> 00:11:26,763
into one outlet and caused a fire.
309
00:11:26,847 --> 00:11:28,682
But I pointed to the fire
extinguisher and was like,
310
00:11:28,766 --> 00:11:30,225
"The fire extinguisher's over there."
311
00:11:30,309 --> 00:11:31,768
You pointed at the toaster oven!
312
00:11:31,852 --> 00:11:33,644
You guys, the alarm
is freaking out Sharon.
313
00:11:33,728 --> 00:11:34,979
Does anyone know how to turn it off?
314
00:11:35,063 --> 00:11:37,398
There's an override switch in
my office above the thermostat.
315
00:11:37,482 --> 00:11:38,481
Oh, great. Can you turn it off?
316
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,732
Yes, I'd love to help out.
317
00:11:39,816 --> 00:11:42,652
Perhaps you'd like me to wear a
bomb suit with an opaque visor,
318
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:44,945
so Sharon doesn't know that it is I who…
319
00:11:45,029 --> 00:11:46,572
Just forget it. I'll do it!
320
00:11:47,156 --> 00:11:48,824
Oh, good. You didn't jump.
321
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:50,449
What's going on? Is everything okay?
322
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:52,326
Yes, I just need to flick this switch
323
00:11:52,410 --> 00:11:54,412
and turn off the old alarm-a-roono.
324
00:11:54,496 --> 00:11:56,037
Oh, must've been the wrong switch.
325
00:11:56,121 --> 00:11:57,289
But this one…
326
00:11:59,124 --> 00:12:00,459
Turns on the sprinklers.
327
00:12:02,293 --> 00:12:05,421
And apparently does not turn
them back off. [CHUCKLES]
328
00:12:06,839 --> 00:12:07,839
[CROWD MURMURING]
329
00:12:07,923 --> 00:12:09,549
Guys, what's going on?
330
00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:10,633
I thought you were gonna clear the room?
331
00:12:10,717 --> 00:12:12,093
They won't listen to us.
332
00:12:12,177 --> 00:12:14,303
They're hungry and pissed
and they all hate cops.
333
00:12:14,387 --> 00:12:16,263
Would you guys just fix
the paperwork problem?
334
00:12:16,347 --> 00:12:17,515
I'll take care of this.
335
00:12:18,015 --> 00:12:19,140
Excuse me, everyone.
336
00:12:19,224 --> 00:12:21,601
Everyone, I'm gonna need
you all to clear the room.
337
00:12:21,685 --> 00:12:23,853
This woman is having
vaginal contractions.
338
00:12:23,937 --> 00:12:26,605
It's just "contractions," you
don't have to add "vaginal" to it.
339
00:12:26,689 --> 00:12:29,773
Oh, sorry. This woman is
having non-vaginal contractions.
340
00:12:29,857 --> 00:12:31,234
Everyone out, please.
341
00:12:31,401 --> 00:12:33,451
-[CROWD GRUMBLING]
-That was better, right?
342
00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:35,419
Get you down… Thank you. Thank you.
343
00:12:36,029 --> 00:12:37,030
[PAINED GROANING]
344
00:12:37,114 --> 00:12:38,156
All right, Sharon.
345
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,241
Things are about to get
very calm in here, all right?
346
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:41,992
Look at me. You're gonna be so relaxed,
347
00:12:42,076 --> 00:12:43,410
that baby's gonna pop right out
348
00:12:43,494 --> 00:12:44,494
onto the floor, you won't even notice.
349
00:12:44,578 --> 00:12:45,996
Don't let my baby touch the floor!
350
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,371
Right, right! Because of the filth.
351
00:12:47,455 --> 00:12:49,832
[GRUNTING] Where is Terry?
352
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:51,042
I don't know.
353
00:12:51,126 --> 00:12:52,335
His phone's going straight to voicemail.
354
00:12:52,419 --> 00:12:53,585
Maybe we should go to the hospital.
355
00:12:53,669 --> 00:12:55,587
[SCREAMING] No hospital!
356
00:12:55,671 --> 00:12:57,672
Yeah, no hospital, baby.
357
00:12:57,756 --> 00:12:59,132
I will be right back.
358
00:13:00,174 --> 00:13:01,426
Sir?
359
00:13:01,801 --> 00:13:02,927
I need your help.
360
00:13:03,303 --> 00:13:06,679
I knew this moment would
come, and I will be the bigger man.
361
00:13:06,763 --> 00:13:08,348
I'd be happy to help. Great.
362
00:13:08,432 --> 00:13:09,891
We need a doctor here immediately.
363
00:13:09,975 --> 00:13:11,183
We have to get your ex-boyfriend.
364
00:13:11,267 --> 00:13:12,643
I will not help you.
365
00:13:12,727 --> 00:13:15,520
Things did not end well
between Frederick and me.
366
00:13:15,604 --> 00:13:16,729
Ooh, why not?
367
00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:18,940
Dish, sir, dish. Gina, no.
368
00:13:19,024 --> 00:13:20,983
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but we simply don't have time
369
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,984
to hear about the Captain's
sordid romantic past.
370
00:13:23,068 --> 00:13:24,527
What have you become?
371
00:13:24,611 --> 00:13:26,280
A hero in a time of crisis.
372
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,197
You stay here and take care of Sharon.
373
00:13:28,281 --> 00:13:30,491
Ugh. What if she's still
pregnant when I get in there?
374
00:13:30,575 --> 00:13:31,742
Then you'll deal with it.
375
00:13:31,826 --> 00:13:34,077
Sir, we're going to
get Frederick right now.
376
00:13:34,161 --> 00:13:36,811
I'm sure he's over whatever
little fight you guys had.
377
00:13:38,457 --> 00:13:40,124
Frederick? Happy Thanksgiving.
378
00:13:41,459 --> 00:13:42,460
Huh.
379
00:13:42,752 --> 00:13:44,835
Six more miles. Run, Terry, run!
380
00:13:44,919 --> 00:13:46,869
Think of your wife in the care of Jake!
381
00:13:48,006 --> 00:13:49,257
Sarge, look!
382
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,675
Aw, hell yeah!
383
00:13:51,842 --> 00:13:52,843
[ENGINE REVVING]
384
00:13:54,470 --> 00:13:55,520
[MOTORCYCLE RUMBLING]
385
00:13:58,139 --> 00:13:59,140
[WHEELS SCREECHING]
386
00:14:01,142 --> 00:14:02,142
[SCREAMING]
387
00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:04,644
Terry is terrified!
388
00:14:05,354 --> 00:14:06,355
[GROANING]
389
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,563
It's no use, they're all ruined.
390
00:14:08,647 --> 00:14:11,359
No email, now no fax.
What're we gonna do?
391
00:14:11,609 --> 00:14:13,442
I'll tell you what my
dad used to tell me.
392
00:14:13,526 --> 00:14:14,876
"When the going gets tough,
393
00:14:14,986 --> 00:14:17,697
"the pill bug curls into a
ball and pretends to be dead."
394
00:14:17,781 --> 00:14:19,614
You think we should pretend to be dead?
395
00:14:19,698 --> 00:14:22,159
You asked for a solution, I gave you one.
[GROANS]
396
00:14:22,326 --> 00:14:24,160
Hitchcock, Scully, how
did you get things done
397
00:14:24,244 --> 00:14:25,869
before the Internet and faxing?
398
00:14:25,953 --> 00:14:27,830
Cocaine? Right.
399
00:14:27,914 --> 00:14:29,123
And also the tubes.
400
00:14:29,207 --> 00:14:31,082
There's 27 miles of pneumatic tubes
401
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,917
under the city, connecting
all the precincts.
402
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:34,127
Guys.
403
00:14:34,211 --> 00:14:35,911
You really think these still work?
404
00:14:36,088 --> 00:14:38,130
Oh, I think they still… [YELLS]
405
00:14:38,214 --> 00:14:39,548
Help! Help!
406
00:14:39,632 --> 00:14:41,050
-[AIR WHOOSHING]
-[SCREAMING]
407
00:14:41,509 --> 00:14:43,426
Okay, I found you a pillow.
408
00:14:43,510 --> 00:14:45,720
Full disclosure, it's
Scully's hemorrhoid donut.
409
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:47,596
I don't want that near my baby.
410
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,264
Yeah, that's the right call.
411
00:14:49,348 --> 00:14:51,558
Okay, I'm gonna go
Howard Hughes my hands.
412
00:14:51,642 --> 00:14:52,935
I am so uncomfortable.
413
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:55,902
Can we please try one of my
positions from my birth plan?
414
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,272
Okay.
415
00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:00,065
Think positive thoughts.
416
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:04,485
You're in a Channing Tatum movie.
417
00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:05,819
I don't like Channing Tatum.
418
00:15:05,903 --> 00:15:07,446
I'm not talking to you.
419
00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:08,989
[KNOCKING]
420
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:12,074
Please don't slam the door again.
421
00:15:12,158 --> 00:15:13,826
We have a bit of a medical situation.
422
00:15:13,910 --> 00:15:14,910
Well, I wish I could help,
423
00:15:14,994 --> 00:15:18,413
but unfortunately, I have a
bit of a wooden duck situation.
424
00:15:18,497 --> 00:15:19,748
Excuse me, what now?
425
00:15:19,832 --> 00:15:21,458
Still on about the duck, Frederick?
426
00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:23,334
Years ago, when we moved in together,
427
00:15:23,418 --> 00:15:26,503
an antique duck decoy
of his was misplaced.
428
00:15:26,587 --> 00:15:28,421
It wasn't misplaced.
429
00:15:28,505 --> 00:15:30,173
You threw it in the trash.
430
00:15:30,257 --> 00:15:32,342
And with it, our relationship.
431
00:15:32,426 --> 00:15:33,717
Oh, please.
432
00:15:34,093 --> 00:15:37,637
We had other problems.
Or have you forgotten about…
433
00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:38,764
Dave?
434
00:15:38,931 --> 00:15:41,891
Dave and I were
co-workers and nothing more.
435
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:43,601
Nothing more. Right?
436
00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:46,394
Problem solved, everybody's friends.
Let's go help Sharon.
437
00:15:46,478 --> 00:15:47,979
I will be happy to assist you
438
00:15:48,063 --> 00:15:49,564
if you will just admit, Raymond,
439
00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,523
that you threw my decoy in the garbage.
440
00:15:51,607 --> 00:15:53,901
That will never happen,
because it's not true.
441
00:15:53,985 --> 00:15:55,695
Thank you for nothing. Good day.
442
00:15:56,945 --> 00:15:58,529
Hi. Would you mind just standing there
443
00:15:58,613 --> 00:16:00,031
with your glorious beard for one moment?
444
00:16:00,115 --> 00:16:01,158
I'll be right back.
445
00:16:02,117 --> 00:16:04,201
What the hell?
Just tell him what he wants to hear.
446
00:16:04,285 --> 00:16:05,285
But it's a lie.
447
00:16:05,369 --> 00:16:07,121
I don't give a crap, sir.
448
00:16:07,246 --> 00:16:09,246
Sharon needs a doctor,
so get over yourself.
449
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:10,998
Tell him you threw away his stupid duck,
450
00:16:11,082 --> 00:16:12,416
then give him 20 bucks to buy a new one.
451
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,709
It cost $740. What?
452
00:16:14,793 --> 00:16:17,879
That is an insane price for a duck!
That's way too much!
453
00:16:17,963 --> 00:16:19,755
All right, now I'm angry
about the wrong thing.
454
00:16:19,839 --> 00:16:21,841
Look, just fix this for Sharon.
455
00:16:26,803 --> 00:16:29,389
Frederick, the duck was ugly and
gross and I threw it in the garbage.
456
00:16:29,473 --> 00:16:32,724
Wow. Well, I know what I'm
thankful for this Thanksgiving.
457
00:16:32,808 --> 00:16:33,851
The truth.
458
00:16:34,059 --> 00:16:35,644
[MOTORCYCLE RUMBLING]
459
00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,354
-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-My phone's ringing!
460
00:16:38,438 --> 00:16:40,899
Oh! Oh, no! No!
461
00:16:41,065 --> 00:16:42,150
[MOTORCYCLE RUMBLES]
462
00:16:42,858 --> 00:16:43,900
[SIGHS]
463
00:16:43,984 --> 00:16:45,902
Terry's still not answering his phone.
464
00:16:45,986 --> 00:16:48,029
Why am I the only one
who cares about this baby?
465
00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:49,530
[FREDERICK LAUGHING]
466
00:16:50,156 --> 00:16:51,907
Hey, what took so long? Is she okay?
467
00:16:51,991 --> 00:16:54,283
Yeah, I was just telling
her the entire duck story,
468
00:16:54,367 --> 00:16:56,828
now that it finally has
a satisfying ending.
469
00:16:56,995 --> 00:16:58,079
No, everything's fine,
470
00:16:58,163 --> 00:17:00,914
but I am a little concerned
about Sharon's blood pressure.
471
00:17:00,998 --> 00:17:02,875
And this is a terrible environment.
472
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,167
I wouldn't call it terrible.
473
00:17:04,251 --> 00:17:05,751
We're surrounded by criminals,
474
00:17:05,835 --> 00:17:07,837
there's no bed, and you
can hear the faint sound
475
00:17:07,921 --> 00:17:09,880
of someone screaming
through all the vents.
476
00:17:09,964 --> 00:17:11,049
That's Hitchcock.
477
00:17:11,174 --> 00:17:13,299
His arm's stuck in a pneumatic tube.
478
00:17:13,383 --> 00:17:14,884
It's hilarious. [CHUCKLING]
479
00:17:14,968 --> 00:17:16,177
In my professional opinion,
480
00:17:16,261 --> 00:17:18,304
Sharon should go to the hospital.
481
00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:22,765
Hey.
482
00:17:22,849 --> 00:17:27,186
So, the doctor thinks we
should go to the hospital.
483
00:17:27,270 --> 00:17:28,478
No hospital! No hospital!
484
00:17:28,562 --> 00:17:29,896
Yup, I thought you might say that.
485
00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:31,940
Look, I can't get a hold of Terry.
486
00:17:32,024 --> 00:17:33,651
[GROANS] That one was rough.
487
00:17:34,442 --> 00:17:36,442
Oh, maybe I should listen to the doctor.
488
00:17:37,028 --> 00:17:38,071
What do you think?
489
00:17:38,196 --> 00:17:39,613
Sharon, it doesn't matter what I think.
490
00:17:39,697 --> 00:17:41,156
You and the Sarge have a plan.
491
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,242
Yeah, but the plan changed,
like, five horrible things ago.
492
00:17:44,326 --> 00:17:45,493
I'm in a lot of pain.
493
00:17:45,577 --> 00:17:47,627
I mean, I know we said no hospital, but…
494
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,920
I don't want to risk anything
by making a stupid mistake.
495
00:17:51,623 --> 00:17:53,041
Look, you're my god-husband.
496
00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:55,168
We both know that's a fake position.
497
00:17:55,252 --> 00:17:56,419
[SIGHS] Not anymore.
498
00:17:57,254 --> 00:17:58,420
What would you do?
499
00:17:59,046 --> 00:18:00,047
[SIGHS]
500
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:04,800
Where is she? Where's Sharon?
501
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:05,885
Room 41B.
502
00:18:05,969 --> 00:18:07,178
Look, I'm sorry. I know you said…
503
00:18:07,262 --> 00:18:08,429
Don't go to the hospital!
504
00:18:08,513 --> 00:18:09,971
I tried calling you, you didn't pick up.
505
00:18:10,055 --> 00:18:11,055
So you decided to do
506
00:18:11,139 --> 00:18:13,516
the exact opposite of
the one thing I told you?
507
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,184
I thought it was the
right thing to do, Terry.
508
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,478
Look, she's in there with Captain
Holt's ex-boyfriend right now,
509
00:18:17,562 --> 00:18:20,229
but don't worry, I made him
promise to stop bringing up the duck.
510
00:18:20,313 --> 00:18:21,606
What the hell are you talking about?
511
00:18:21,690 --> 00:18:23,399
I… You know what?
I'll deal with you later.
512
00:18:23,483 --> 00:18:24,609
Seems like you already dealt with me.
513
00:18:24,693 --> 00:18:26,193
I got the gist, we're good.
514
00:18:26,443 --> 00:18:30,239
Peralta, can I confess something to you?
515
00:18:30,781 --> 00:18:32,448
I didn't throw Frederick's
duck in the garbage.
516
00:18:32,532 --> 00:18:33,908
Yes, I know, sir.
517
00:18:33,992 --> 00:18:37,142
I didn't throw the duck in the garbage.
I threw it off a bridge.
518
00:18:41,248 --> 00:18:42,248
Why would you do that?
519
00:18:42,332 --> 00:18:43,707
Well, Frederick and I
were having problems.
520
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:46,001
He knew I disliked the duck
because of its weak beak,
521
00:18:46,085 --> 00:18:48,085
but he insisted on displaying it anyway.
522
00:18:48,296 --> 00:18:51,506
I acted out in a petty manner.
523
00:18:51,590 --> 00:18:52,799
Just as I did today.
524
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:55,008
I'm sorry that I wasn't more helpful.
525
00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:56,885
It's fine, I understand.
526
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:58,345
You might find this hard to believe,
527
00:18:58,429 --> 00:19:01,639
but I can be a little
childish sometimes, myself.
528
00:19:01,848 --> 00:19:02,849
Yes.
529
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,517
You have gum in your hair right now.
530
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,102
-Noted.
-SANTIAGO: Hey!
531
00:19:06,268 --> 00:19:07,811
Hey! You guys came.
532
00:19:07,936 --> 00:19:09,979
What about all the paperwork?
We got it all in.
533
00:19:10,063 --> 00:19:12,982
Filed 900 forms by
hand in under 12 hours.
534
00:19:13,107 --> 00:19:15,275
It was tough, but worth it.
We wouldn't have missed this.
535
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:16,985
Also, we had to go to the ER anyway.
536
00:19:17,069 --> 00:19:18,569
Hitchcock's arm was mangled by the tube.
537
00:19:18,653 --> 00:19:20,989
I'm in unspeakable pain. Oh.
538
00:19:22,824 --> 00:19:23,907
Ugh, this is agonizing.
539
00:19:23,991 --> 00:19:25,575
It's been over an hour.
540
00:19:25,659 --> 00:19:28,370
This has to be a record
for longest childbirth.
541
00:19:28,871 --> 00:19:30,371
It's a girl!
542
00:19:30,538 --> 00:19:32,081
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
543
00:19:33,791 --> 00:19:34,874
All right.
544
00:19:34,958 --> 00:19:36,751
Her name is Ava Jeffords.
545
00:19:36,835 --> 00:19:39,504
She's 14 pounds, 6 ounces. Whoa.
546
00:19:39,671 --> 00:19:41,713
Oh, yeah, Terry Jeffords
makes big babies.
547
00:19:41,797 --> 00:19:44,591
Guys, I just want to
say thanks to all of you.
548
00:19:44,675 --> 00:19:47,135
Charles and Amy, filling out forms.
549
00:19:47,344 --> 00:19:50,429
Rosa, I'm so thankful you
got me here on that bike.
550
00:19:50,513 --> 00:19:51,681
I'm thankful I could help.
551
00:19:51,765 --> 00:19:52,806
I'm thankful that I'm…
552
00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:54,891
Boyle, this is clearly a
moment between him and Diaz.
553
00:19:54,975 --> 00:19:57,102
Captain Holt, you brought me the doctor
554
00:19:57,186 --> 00:19:58,986
that brought my girl into the world.
555
00:19:59,395 --> 00:20:02,398
And Gina, I know you got past
your fears and helped Sharon out.
556
00:20:02,482 --> 00:20:03,773
I'm so happy for you
557
00:20:03,857 --> 00:20:06,734
and I never want to see your
daughter or remember this day.
558
00:20:06,818 --> 00:20:08,278
And Hitchcock and Scully,
559
00:20:08,362 --> 00:20:10,529
I assume you're here
for some unrelated injury.
560
00:20:10,613 --> 00:20:11,697
That's correct.
561
00:20:12,198 --> 00:20:14,200
Jake, can I see you for a minute?
562
00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:16,368
Oh. Yeah.
563
00:20:17,744 --> 00:20:18,870
It's a girl.
564
00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:20,538
Ouch! Worth it.
565
00:20:20,872 --> 00:20:25,501
Sharon and I wanted you to
be the first person to meet Ava.
566
00:20:27,752 --> 00:20:29,212
Oh, wow.
567
00:20:30,004 --> 00:20:31,381
She's beautiful.
568
00:20:33,048 --> 00:20:34,966
I'm sorry I got angry earlier.
569
00:20:35,050 --> 00:20:36,342
You did a great job today.
570
00:20:36,426 --> 00:20:38,260
Hospital was the right decision.
571
00:20:39,011 --> 00:20:41,097
I'm so glad you're Ava's godfather.
572
00:20:41,597 --> 00:20:43,890
I'm so glad you're Sharon's god-husband.
573
00:20:44,265 --> 00:20:45,850
I'm so glad you're my god-wife.
574
00:20:46,434 --> 00:20:48,728
I have no idea what
I'm saying at this point.
575
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,104
Thank you, Jake.
576
00:20:51,522 --> 00:20:52,648
You want to hold her?
577
00:20:52,815 --> 00:20:53,816
Oh, um…
578
00:20:54,191 --> 00:20:55,608
Yeah, sure, that'd be great.
579
00:20:56,109 --> 00:20:57,192
The baby, Jake!
580
00:20:57,276 --> 00:20:59,126
Yeah! Right, right, the normal thing.