1
00:00:02,667 --> 00:00:04,752
Good morning, Boyle. It's Halloween,
2
00:00:05,795 --> 00:00:07,254
I'm surprised you
didn't put on a costume.
3
00:00:07,338 --> 00:00:10,883
I was going to, sir, but then
I decided, screw that jazz.
4
00:00:11,592 --> 00:00:14,719
Well, I'm the only one who ever
dresses up, no one ever gets my costume,
5
00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:16,847
and they make fun of me, so I'm done.
6
00:00:17,431 --> 00:00:19,766
These people don't
deserve my dress-up gifts.
7
00:00:20,475 --> 00:00:23,603
Charles, seriously? No costume?
8
00:00:23,687 --> 00:00:24,812
What the hell, Charles?
9
00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:26,189
Where's your Halloween spirit?
10
00:00:26,273 --> 00:00:28,650
But you guys always make fun of me.
11
00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:32,195
I have never once
insulted you in my life,
12
00:00:32,279 --> 00:00:34,614
especially vis-à-vis your appearance.
13
00:00:34,698 --> 00:00:36,157
Yeah, man, we always love your costumes.
14
00:00:36,241 --> 00:00:38,617
Remember last year, when you came as that
15
00:00:39,535 --> 00:00:40,869
person and/or thing?
16
00:00:40,953 --> 00:00:42,538
Yes, I do remember!
17
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:46,375
Sir, permission to sprint to my car
and get my emergency costume?
18
00:00:46,459 --> 00:00:47,668
Does it matter if I say "no"?
19
00:00:47,752 --> 00:00:49,044
No!
20
00:00:52,631 --> 00:00:53,632
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
21
00:00:54,550 --> 00:00:56,218
Bam, bam, boom.
22
00:00:58,804 --> 00:00:59,805
BOYLE: What the…
23
00:00:59,889 --> 00:01:01,263
Why are you dressed up?
You look like an idiot.
24
00:01:01,347 --> 00:01:02,431
But… But…
25
00:01:02,515 --> 00:01:04,725
Yeah, what are you supposed
to be, a sassy car mechanic?
26
00:01:04,809 --> 00:01:08,396
No, come on, he's clearly
the rejected Pop-Tarts mascot,
27
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:09,605
Harry Pop-Tart.
28
00:01:09,689 --> 00:01:11,732
I am not! You know who I am!
29
00:01:11,816 --> 00:01:14,402
Squad, that's enough, you're
making Boyle feel bad on purpose.
30
00:01:14,486 --> 00:01:15,736
He's Elvis. Yes!
31
00:01:15,820 --> 00:01:17,613
Elvis Stojko, the Canadian figure skater.
32
00:01:17,697 --> 00:01:18,781
No!
33
00:01:18,865 --> 00:01:20,867
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
34
00:01:38,842 --> 00:01:40,093
Attention, squad.
35
00:01:40,177 --> 00:01:43,096
Today is the most important
day in the history of this precinct.
36
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:47,142
For today is Halloween!
37
00:01:47,226 --> 00:01:48,727
I thought we were
going to say it together.
38
00:01:48,811 --> 00:01:50,060
I never agreed to that. All right.
39
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,562
As you may know, for the past two years,
40
00:01:51,646 --> 00:01:53,188
Captain Holt and I have engaged
41
00:01:53,272 --> 00:01:54,690
in an epic battle of wits.
42
00:01:54,774 --> 00:01:57,192
The goal, to determine
who must call the other
43
00:01:57,276 --> 00:01:59,486
an amazing detective/genius.
44
00:01:59,570 --> 00:02:01,822
The first year, by sheer, dumb luck,
45
00:02:01,906 --> 00:02:03,532
Jake eked out a feeble victory.
46
00:02:03,616 --> 00:02:05,659
And last year, I let the captain win,
47
00:02:05,743 --> 00:02:07,035
because he's old and sad.
48
00:02:07,119 --> 00:02:08,787
Sad because the
competition was so dismal.
49
00:02:08,871 --> 00:02:10,164
Is this meeting about something?
50
00:02:10,248 --> 00:02:11,623
It's about everything.
51
00:02:11,707 --> 00:02:12,791
HOLT: This year's the tie-breaker,
52
00:02:12,875 --> 00:02:14,876
a final heist to decide once and for all
53
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,878
the true king of the Nine-Nine.
54
00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:20,047
Halloween Heist III: The Heistening.
Tagline?
55
00:02:20,131 --> 00:02:22,091
This year we both attempt
to steal the same object
56
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,551
instead of Jake attempting
to steal one from me.
57
00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:26,304
I gave you one direction
on the tagline, snappy.
58
00:02:26,388 --> 00:02:29,599
But yes, we will be attempting
to steal the same item,
59
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,683
this.
60
00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:32,393
The crown will be
locked in this briefcase,
61
00:02:32,477 --> 00:02:35,230
which in turn will be locked
in the interrogation room.
62
00:02:35,564 --> 00:02:39,941
♪ And so unto the
briefcase goes the crown ♪
63
00:02:40,025 --> 00:02:41,175
Didn't sing it with me.
64
00:02:42,069 --> 00:02:44,654
We will need help, so to
be fair, we're holding a draft.
65
00:02:44,738 --> 00:02:46,114
The Captain and I have
given up our overtime,
66
00:02:46,198 --> 00:02:48,408
so everyone who participates
will get the night off. Captain?
67
00:02:48,492 --> 00:02:50,494
With the first pick of
the draft, I choose…
68
00:02:50,578 --> 00:02:51,704
Terry.
69
00:02:52,037 --> 00:02:54,206
Okay, brawns over brains.
70
00:02:54,290 --> 00:02:55,624
All right, I take Charles.
71
00:02:56,250 --> 00:02:57,584
I get it. Close friend.
72
00:02:57,668 --> 00:02:59,044
I pick Gina. Gina?
73
00:02:59,128 --> 00:03:00,879
I take Rosa. What?
74
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:03,672
Okay, all right. Well, Captain,
75
00:03:03,756 --> 00:03:04,965
that leaves me with you.
76
00:03:05,049 --> 00:03:07,092
Let's do this. Hang on, Santiago.
77
00:03:07,176 --> 00:03:08,344
I'm not sure I can trust you.
78
00:03:08,428 --> 00:03:11,263
You're Peralta's paramour.
79
00:03:11,347 --> 00:03:12,765
Maybe you should be on his team.
80
00:03:12,849 --> 00:03:14,642
No, no, no. Amy would do anything
81
00:03:14,726 --> 00:03:16,477
to win your approval,
82
00:03:16,561 --> 00:03:18,229
including pretending to
be in a relationship with me
83
00:03:18,313 --> 00:03:20,731
for the past few weeks
only to betray me now.
84
00:03:20,815 --> 00:03:22,858
Jake, you are majorly overthinking this.
85
00:03:22,942 --> 00:03:25,611
Maybe, but it's a risk
I'm not willing to take.
86
00:03:25,695 --> 00:03:26,779
You're not on my team, Amy.
87
00:03:26,863 --> 00:03:28,864
Yeah, Amy's out.
88
00:03:29,281 --> 00:03:31,574
By midnight, whoever has the crown
89
00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:33,744
will be the king of the Nine-Nine.
90
00:03:34,161 --> 00:03:36,411
Uh, Hitchcock and I
still haven't been chosen.
91
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,081
I'm good. Me too.
92
00:03:40,292 --> 00:03:44,630
So, I see you've been assigned
to guard the briefcase too.
93
00:03:44,922 --> 00:03:48,591
Yeah, I'm not supposed to
let it or you out of my sight,
94
00:03:48,675 --> 00:03:50,469
if that even is you. [CHUCKLES]
95
00:03:51,303 --> 00:03:52,928
Ow, that's my face!
96
00:03:53,012 --> 00:03:55,362
Oh, sorry.
I thought it was a cheap rubber mask.
97
00:03:56,474 --> 00:03:58,100
Well, I have exciting news.
98
00:03:58,184 --> 00:04:00,311
I found the perfect
guy to set you up with.
99
00:04:00,770 --> 00:04:04,314
After zero consideration,
I'm happy to say, "hard pass."
100
00:04:04,398 --> 00:04:06,692
Come on, our parents are married.
101
00:04:06,776 --> 00:04:08,235
Genevieve and I are dating.
102
00:04:08,486 --> 00:04:10,571
I want you to have someone too. [EXHALES]
103
00:04:10,655 --> 00:04:13,490
You shouldn't have to slow-dance
alone after family dinner.
104
00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:15,075
How did my life come to this?
105
00:04:15,159 --> 00:04:19,161
Charles, it's very sweet that you
want to set me up with someone,
106
00:04:19,245 --> 00:04:21,789
but I do not trust your
taste in guys at all.
107
00:04:21,873 --> 00:04:23,959
I have spectacular taste in men.
108
00:04:24,292 --> 00:04:25,418
You would love Nadia.
109
00:04:25,502 --> 00:04:26,795
His name is Nadia?
110
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:29,673
Oh, all of a sudden
Nadia's not a cool name?
111
00:04:30,131 --> 00:04:32,008
[SCOFFS] You are impossible.
112
00:04:32,258 --> 00:04:34,594
Here, got it? Got it.
113
00:04:38,306 --> 00:04:40,390
Hey, Jake. Can we talk?
114
00:04:40,474 --> 00:04:41,516
Yeah.
115
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,852
You really hurt my feelings
by leaving me off your team.
116
00:04:43,936 --> 00:04:46,563
Oh, I had no idea you felt that way.
117
00:04:46,647 --> 00:04:48,565
Well, it doesn't feel
great to be left out.
118
00:04:48,649 --> 00:04:50,901
Right, totally, I get it. I'm sorry.
119
00:04:51,402 --> 00:04:52,485
Captain Holt!
120
00:04:52,569 --> 00:04:54,571
What? Why are you yelling at my boobs?
121
00:04:54,655 --> 00:04:56,156
Because that's where the camera is.
122
00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:57,741
Nice try, Ray-Ray!
123
00:04:57,825 --> 00:05:00,410
There's no camera, Jake.
I was being serious.
124
00:05:00,494 --> 00:05:03,371
Okay, fine. If you're telling the truth,
125
00:05:03,455 --> 00:05:04,914
then I sincerely apologize.
126
00:05:05,832 --> 00:05:08,793
But since you're not, I will defeat you!
127
00:05:09,127 --> 00:05:10,128
[CHUCKLES]
128
00:05:11,129 --> 00:05:13,213
-[LAUGHS]
-[YELLS]
129
00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:15,174
Scary witch! Scary, so scary!
130
00:05:15,258 --> 00:05:16,550
Amy, don't feel bad.
131
00:05:16,634 --> 00:05:18,093
You can get in on my bet with Scully.
132
00:05:18,177 --> 00:05:21,555
At midnight tonight, we will
steal his foot fungus cream.
133
00:05:21,639 --> 00:05:23,891
Thanks, that's very
kind of you to include me,
134
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,059
but I'll have to pass.
135
00:05:25,143 --> 00:05:26,560
The mind games have already begun.
136
00:05:26,644 --> 00:05:28,062
No, I'm not part of this.
137
00:05:28,146 --> 00:05:29,312
Oh, of course not.
138
00:05:29,771 --> 00:05:31,606
Neither am I. Wink.
139
00:05:31,690 --> 00:05:32,691
[GROANS]
140
00:05:33,525 --> 00:05:36,694
I'm not going to meet my next
boyfriend through a Charles set-up.
141
00:05:36,778 --> 00:05:39,614
I'm going to meet him in
an illegal dance competition
142
00:05:39,698 --> 00:05:41,575
in an abandoned subway tunnel.
143
00:05:43,493 --> 00:05:44,535
It's go time, Boyle.
144
00:05:44,619 --> 00:05:46,412
Holt and Terry have closed
the blinds, release the roaches.
145
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:49,207
Alternately, he could
win an illegal street race
146
00:05:49,291 --> 00:05:51,250
in which my love is the prize.
147
00:05:51,334 --> 00:05:53,461
Oh, my God! Gina, look! Roaches!
148
00:05:53,878 --> 00:05:55,379
[SCREAMS] Look!
149
00:05:56,338 --> 00:05:58,590
Ew, Charles, kill them with
whatever cologne you're wearing!
150
00:05:58,674 --> 00:06:00,258
No, I can't! They're moving too fast!
151
00:06:00,342 --> 00:06:02,552
I can't kill them! It's pandemonium!
152
00:06:02,636 --> 00:06:05,472
If I die, turn my tweets into a book!
153
00:06:05,556 --> 00:06:08,476
Commence operation,
"Oh crap, wrong vent."
154
00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:12,062
Oh crap, wrong vent.
155
00:06:12,146 --> 00:06:13,271
This was a mistake.
156
00:06:13,355 --> 00:06:15,315
Nice try, losers. You blew it.
157
00:06:15,399 --> 00:06:16,775
Yeah, we totally blew it.
158
00:06:16,859 --> 00:06:19,194
And all because Boyle
marked the wrong vent.
159
00:06:19,819 --> 00:06:22,154
BOYLE: It's not my fault, I
thought it was the right vent.
160
00:06:22,238 --> 00:06:23,572
Unbelievable, mister.
161
00:06:23,656 --> 00:06:24,865
You are, mister.
162
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:27,451
I'm having trouble even
believing you at all right now.
163
00:06:27,535 --> 00:06:30,121
That is the last time I
let Charles mark a vent.
164
00:06:30,205 --> 00:06:31,664
I'm normally great at marking vents.
165
00:06:31,748 --> 00:06:33,082
Lock picked.
166
00:06:33,166 --> 00:06:36,836
Never, ever, never, ever,
ever, never, ever, ever,
167
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,381
never, ever, will I ever,
never, ever, ever, ever,
168
00:06:40,507 --> 00:06:43,357
ever, never, never, never…
I forgive you, and goodbye.
169
00:06:46,303 --> 00:06:49,639
You should have seen us, Rosa.
Charles and I were amazing.
170
00:06:49,723 --> 00:06:51,141
I somersaulted through a window,
171
00:06:51,225 --> 00:06:52,559
cut the crown out of a briefcase,
172
00:06:52,643 --> 00:06:54,561
and replaced everything
in under a minute.
173
00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:56,479
Yeah, I guess you helped a little.
174
00:06:56,563 --> 00:06:59,315
But our fake argument
was super convincing.
175
00:06:59,399 --> 00:07:01,276
And all of a sudden,
we had to make it longer,
176
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,402
and we did.
177
00:07:03,112 --> 00:07:05,697
Anyways, now all we got
to do is guard this drawer
178
00:07:05,781 --> 00:07:07,906
until midnight, and
the best part about it is
179
00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:10,910
Captain Holt has absolutely no idea.
180
00:07:11,702 --> 00:07:14,163
He is such a fool.
181
00:07:14,914 --> 00:07:17,082
Yes, I'm the fool.
182
00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:18,584
[SCOFFS] You fool.
183
00:07:18,668 --> 00:07:20,169
So we wanted Jake to take the crown?
184
00:07:20,253 --> 00:07:23,172
Sergeant, are you familiar
with the Hungarian fencing term…
185
00:07:23,256 --> 00:07:24,339
[SPEAKING HUNGARIAN]
186
00:07:24,423 --> 00:07:25,841
You must realize my answer is no.
187
00:07:25,925 --> 00:07:27,384
It's a strategy of letting your opponent
188
00:07:27,468 --> 00:07:30,054
win points early to give them
a sense of overconfidence,
189
00:07:30,138 --> 00:07:33,640
thus exposing a much
easier target for you later.
190
00:07:34,266 --> 00:07:36,066
You think he's overconfident enough?
191
00:07:37,978 --> 00:07:40,021
PERALTA: I'm the smartest man alive.
192
00:07:40,230 --> 00:07:41,689
I'm never gonna die.
193
00:07:41,773 --> 00:07:42,774
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
194
00:07:44,526 --> 00:07:45,568
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
195
00:07:45,652 --> 00:07:46,778
Sir, do you have a minute?
196
00:07:46,862 --> 00:07:49,406
Of course.
Jeffords, we'll rendezvous later.
197
00:07:56,412 --> 00:07:58,330
Sir, I want to talk about Jake.
198
00:07:58,455 --> 00:08:00,624
Okay… Amy! Help!
199
00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:02,626
Our foot fungus heist has gone sideways!
200
00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:04,211
Hitchcock, not now.
201
00:08:04,295 --> 00:08:05,462
Scully doesn't know I'm in here.
202
00:08:05,546 --> 00:08:07,631
I stole his foot cream,
but then I lost it.
203
00:08:07,715 --> 00:08:09,966
Amy, you're the only
hope I have of finding it.
204
00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:11,051
You're a detective.
205
00:08:11,135 --> 00:08:14,304
You're a detective! Get out of here!
206
00:08:14,388 --> 00:08:15,723
Go!
207
00:08:16,891 --> 00:08:19,017
Sir, Jake really pissed me off,
208
00:08:19,101 --> 00:08:20,976
and I want to help you take him down.
209
00:08:21,060 --> 00:08:23,271
Well, that's an intriguing proposition.
210
00:08:23,771 --> 00:08:25,106
You certainly could be useful…
211
00:08:25,190 --> 00:08:26,190
Thank you.
212
00:08:26,274 --> 00:08:28,067
…to Jake!
213
00:08:28,735 --> 00:08:31,905
I got you, Peralta!
You're not fooling anyone!
214
00:08:32,322 --> 00:08:34,198
Why does everyone think
that's where a camera would be?
215
00:08:34,282 --> 00:08:37,577
Because the cleavage cloaks
the camera with its curves.
216
00:08:38,494 --> 00:08:40,455
That will be all, spy.
217
00:08:42,624 --> 00:08:44,208
Sorry I said cleavage.
218
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:48,169
Charles, that is so nasty you
put cockroaches in your pants.
219
00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:49,712
When you say it like that, yeah.
220
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,089
But Jake made it sound so cool.
221
00:08:51,173 --> 00:08:52,173
How?
222
00:08:52,257 --> 00:08:54,676
Oh, I wasn't expecting anyone.
223
00:08:57,596 --> 00:08:59,681
Come in, Nadia. Hey, Charles.
224
00:08:59,765 --> 00:09:00,974
What up, bro?
225
00:09:01,391 --> 00:09:03,852
Gina, this was the boy
I was telling you about.
226
00:09:03,936 --> 00:09:04,978
You're Nadia?
227
00:09:05,062 --> 00:09:07,564
Well, my real name's
Leo, Nadia's just my tag.
228
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,149
I don't love it, but when
Banksy gives you a nickname,
229
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:11,275
it just sticks.
230
00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:12,985
Okay, I see what's going on here.
231
00:09:13,069 --> 00:09:15,112
This isn't a setup, this is a setup.
232
00:09:15,196 --> 00:09:18,991
And all of this is supposed
to distract me from the heist.
233
00:09:19,075 --> 00:09:21,410
The heist?
234
00:09:21,744 --> 00:09:23,370
You shut your hot lips.
235
00:09:23,454 --> 00:09:24,872
Charles, I don't buy it.
236
00:09:24,956 --> 00:09:26,999
This is an obvious trap, okay?
237
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,709
Who are you, really?
238
00:09:29,794 --> 00:09:32,879
You some male prostitute
that Charles busted
239
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:35,048
out on some lonely pier somewhere?
240
00:09:35,507 --> 00:09:36,924
Well, guess what, sweetie?
241
00:09:37,008 --> 00:09:40,136
This is one trick you ain't
gonna be turning tonight.
242
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:41,345
I'm not a prostitute.
243
00:09:41,429 --> 00:09:43,098
Okay. [LAUGHS]
244
00:09:43,765 --> 00:09:45,225
Right. Bye-bye, whore.
245
00:09:46,935 --> 00:09:48,085
It's go time, Sergeant.
246
00:09:52,482 --> 00:09:53,608
Hey, Rosa.
247
00:09:54,401 --> 00:09:56,319
I'm not saying these
are from your motorcycle,
248
00:09:56,403 --> 00:09:58,904
but I found these stripped
handlebars outside.
249
00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:01,740
You better not have messed
with my bike for this heist.
250
00:10:01,824 --> 00:10:03,450
Let me remind you I'm carrying a weapon.
251
00:10:03,534 --> 00:10:05,035
We all have the same weapons.
252
00:10:05,744 --> 00:10:07,830
Damn, Rosa! Where'd you get that?
253
00:10:11,292 --> 00:10:13,335
The scorpion has left the nest.
254
00:10:23,511 --> 00:10:24,846
And…
255
00:10:25,555 --> 00:10:26,556
Ding.
256
00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:28,850
See Daddy? Come on.
257
00:10:30,268 --> 00:10:31,936
Time for the twin twist.
258
00:10:32,020 --> 00:10:33,562
Hey, Jake.
259
00:10:33,646 --> 00:10:34,730
Hey, you guys.
260
00:10:34,814 --> 00:10:36,440
We wanted to surprise
Terry, have you seen him?
261
00:10:36,524 --> 00:10:38,984
He just went downstairs for a
bit, but he should be back soon.
262
00:10:39,068 --> 00:10:40,527
Oh. Cagney? Lacey?
263
00:10:40,611 --> 00:10:42,863
Do you guys want to take
a picture with Uncle Jake?
264
00:10:42,947 --> 00:10:44,198
BOTH: Yeah!
265
00:10:44,699 --> 00:10:45,990
You don't mind, do you?
266
00:10:46,074 --> 00:10:47,075
Um…
267
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,453
No, of course not. That would be so fun.
268
00:10:50,537 --> 00:10:51,871
What if we do it in the briefing room,
269
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:53,248
like you're assigning them a case?
270
00:10:53,332 --> 00:10:55,542
No! I mean… You know what would be fun,
271
00:10:55,834 --> 00:10:57,085
even more than that,
272
00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:59,921
is if we took a picture right here,
273
00:11:00,005 --> 00:11:02,048
and I could have my hand on this cabinet.
274
00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:03,258
Okay.
275
00:11:04,217 --> 00:11:06,178
Nailed it. Here we go.
276
00:11:07,846 --> 00:11:09,805
Oh, God, it was in video mode, sorry.
277
00:11:09,889 --> 00:11:12,307
PERALTA: Take your time.
I could do this all day.
278
00:11:12,391 --> 00:11:14,434
Matter of fact, what if we did one
279
00:11:14,518 --> 00:11:16,418
where I had both hands on the cabinet,
280
00:11:16,687 --> 00:11:19,607
one on top, and then one on the front?
281
00:11:19,815 --> 00:11:20,857
Looks good, yeah.
282
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:21,942
Yeah.
283
00:11:22,068 --> 00:11:26,280
All right, smile. Three, two, one.
284
00:11:26,364 --> 00:11:28,366
-[CAMERA CLICKS]
-Cheese! Very good.
285
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,993
Great, you guys. Let's go find Daddy.
286
00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:32,161
[CACKLING]
287
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,204
What's going on?
288
00:11:39,376 --> 00:11:40,376
What are you doing?
289
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,838
Nothing, just enjoying a
taste of my favorite beverage,
290
00:11:43,922 --> 00:11:44,964
the soda pop.
291
00:11:45,048 --> 00:11:48,760
Really? I have never seen
you enjoy soda pop before.
292
00:11:49,761 --> 00:11:51,096
Have some now.
293
00:12:00,938 --> 00:12:01,939
[EXHALES]
294
00:12:02,898 --> 00:12:04,482
It's delicious. I don't buy it.
295
00:12:04,566 --> 00:12:06,359
You're making the same
face you made when you found
296
00:12:06,443 --> 00:12:07,819
a chocolate chip in your trail mix.
297
00:12:07,903 --> 00:12:09,753
Something's up. I'm patting you down.
298
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:14,701
Damn it, nothing but a
surprisingly toned set of abs.
299
00:12:14,785 --> 00:12:16,202
Why would I have the crown, Jake?
300
00:12:16,286 --> 00:12:18,038
Isn't it still in the interrogation room?
301
00:12:18,122 --> 00:12:20,124
Yes. Yes. Of course.
302
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,334
Of course it's still in there.
303
00:12:22,418 --> 00:12:24,961
Welp, I guess I'll see you at midnight.
Hmm.
304
00:12:25,586 --> 00:12:27,254
After you. No, after you.
305
00:12:27,338 --> 00:12:28,339
I insist.
306
00:12:32,844 --> 00:12:34,303
[CACKLING]
307
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,056
You drank a soda?
308
00:12:37,140 --> 00:12:39,183
Not sure that's the
worst thing in the world.
309
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:40,893
It was the worst thing in the world.
310
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,979
Worse than a fruit-forward Riesling.
311
00:12:43,187 --> 00:12:44,981
No, I'm not exaggerating.
312
00:12:45,273 --> 00:12:48,650
Anyhow, I cleverly ditched
the crown in a trash can,
313
00:12:48,859 --> 00:12:52,320
wait a minute, so as to not arouse
suspicion and then retrieve it.
314
00:12:52,487 --> 00:12:53,697
Got it.
315
00:12:53,822 --> 00:12:56,824
Hey, while I'm in there,
should I get you a soda?
316
00:12:56,908 --> 00:12:59,608
I know you're joking, but
on the off chance you aren't,
317
00:12:59,995 --> 00:13:00,996
no.
318
00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:07,419
Hi, there. Oh, is it?
319
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:09,295
The handlebar thing was fake.
320
00:13:09,379 --> 00:13:10,588
They were trying to distract me.
321
00:13:10,672 --> 00:13:11,838
I think they made a play for the crown.
322
00:13:11,922 --> 00:13:14,049
I know, but I had my hand
on the cabinet the whole time,
323
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:17,010
so I'm pretty confident there's
no way they could have gotten it.
324
00:13:17,094 --> 00:13:18,220
They got it.
325
00:13:18,512 --> 00:13:20,013
Look at the back. Screws are loose.
326
00:13:20,097 --> 00:13:23,684
Damn it. That son of a bitch is good.
327
00:13:25,144 --> 00:13:26,395
Sir, we got a problem.
328
00:13:27,438 --> 00:13:28,939
The crown wasn't in the trash can.
329
00:13:29,023 --> 00:13:30,273
Jake must have taken it back.
330
00:13:30,357 --> 00:13:31,525
Damn it.
331
00:13:31,859 --> 00:13:34,028
That son of a bitch is good.
332
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:38,572
We have to get that crown back.
333
00:13:38,656 --> 00:13:41,367
I already changed my email
to "kingjakerulez" with a "Z."
334
00:13:41,451 --> 00:13:42,701
Everyone's going to think I'm an idiot.
335
00:13:42,785 --> 00:13:43,869
Hello, Peralta.
336
00:13:43,953 --> 00:13:44,995
Captain.
337
00:13:45,079 --> 00:13:46,080
Midnight nears.
338
00:13:46,164 --> 00:13:47,165
Yes, it does.
339
00:13:47,540 --> 00:13:48,833
Tick tock.
340
00:13:48,917 --> 00:13:50,084
Tick tock indeed.
341
00:13:50,168 --> 00:13:52,337
But tick tock for who?
342
00:13:52,545 --> 00:13:53,754
You know it's "for whom."
343
00:13:53,838 --> 00:13:54,880
Don't try to provoke me.
344
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:57,091
I didn't know that.
345
00:13:57,258 --> 00:13:58,717
BOTH: I'm going to get that crown back.
346
00:13:58,801 --> 00:14:00,011
Wait. What?
347
00:14:00,928 --> 00:14:02,554
Will you excuse me for just one moment?
348
00:14:02,638 --> 00:14:04,640
Yes, I too need to be excused.
349
00:14:05,849 --> 00:14:07,684
He doesn't have the crown!
What? Who has it, then?
350
00:14:07,768 --> 00:14:09,269
I don't know who has it. What do we do?
351
00:14:09,353 --> 00:14:11,453
Pull the security tape.
I'll distract them.
352
00:14:11,647 --> 00:14:13,023
Hey, look at this.
353
00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:14,650
[EXCLAIMING]
354
00:14:17,945 --> 00:14:19,404
Damn it, how did that not work?
355
00:14:19,488 --> 00:14:20,489
[SCOFFS]
356
00:14:21,031 --> 00:14:22,574
Captain Holt said you
guys stole the crown
357
00:14:22,658 --> 00:14:24,200
when Jake came through the ceiling.
358
00:14:24,284 --> 00:14:26,034
Yeah, I can't believe you fell for that.
359
00:14:26,118 --> 00:14:27,786
You really think I'd mark the wrong vent?
360
00:14:27,870 --> 00:14:29,496
I've never marked a
wrong vent in my life.
361
00:14:29,580 --> 00:14:30,664
You're very intense about vents.
362
00:14:30,748 --> 00:14:31,749
Yeah.
363
00:14:31,874 --> 00:14:34,168
Wait, so Nadia wasn't just a distraction?
364
00:14:34,252 --> 00:14:36,254
No, 100% real.
365
00:14:36,504 --> 00:14:39,423
Handsome, cool, hair
as thick as a collie's.
366
00:14:39,507 --> 00:14:41,758
I found you the perfect
guy, and you drove him off.
367
00:14:41,842 --> 00:14:45,179
[MOANS] I'm sorry.
I should have trusted you.
368
00:14:45,263 --> 00:14:46,972
Please call him and tell him I messed up.
369
00:14:47,056 --> 00:14:49,432
Fine, but only if you
agree that your first date
370
00:14:49,516 --> 00:14:51,350
will be a double date
with me and Genevieve
371
00:14:51,434 --> 00:14:52,852
on a week-long trip to Turk's…
372
00:14:52,936 --> 00:14:53,978
Forget it, no. Forget it.
373
00:14:54,062 --> 00:14:55,438
No! Okay, I'll call him.
374
00:14:55,522 --> 00:14:56,647
Please, I want this so badly.
375
00:14:56,731 --> 00:14:59,192
Fine, you may call him for me.
376
00:15:00,944 --> 00:15:02,112
Thank you.
377
00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:05,031
PERALTA: Okay, here I am
taking pictures with Terry's kids.
378
00:15:05,115 --> 00:15:07,033
Man, I look so strong
standing next to them.
379
00:15:07,117 --> 00:15:08,326
Should I have kids? Sure.
380
00:15:08,410 --> 00:15:10,036
Okay. It's Holt.
381
00:15:10,537 --> 00:15:11,871
Whoa, how did he do that?
382
00:15:11,955 --> 00:15:15,499
Guy has an insane set of abs.
Look, he's got the crown.
383
00:15:15,583 --> 00:15:17,283
And he's headed to the break room.
384
00:15:17,543 --> 00:15:19,878
He dumped it in the trash.
Did he go back and get it?
385
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,756
PERALTA: Nope,
janitor came in and took it.
386
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,090
But which janitor?
387
00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:26,124
Looks like I'm going to have to squint.
388
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:32,224
His name is Al… Al the janitor.
389
00:15:32,308 --> 00:15:34,643
All right, it's 11 p.m. now.
That means Al's long gone.
390
00:15:34,727 --> 00:15:36,061
How are we going to get his home address?
391
00:15:36,145 --> 00:15:37,728
Who's the one person you
know who's anal enough
392
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,732
to send out holiday cards
to every single employee?
393
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:42,983
Amy!
394
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,318
What do you want, Jake?
395
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,363
What?
Why would you assume that I want anything?
396
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:50,908
What I want is to apologize
to my girlfriend, who I hurt.
397
00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,076
It's "whom."
398
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,327
Why does the word "who" even exist
399
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:54,537
if you're not allowed to say it?
400
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,540
Anyways, now that I've
apologized and you've accepted,
401
00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:00,209
can you give me Janitor Al's address?
402
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,585
This is related to your heist, isn't it?
403
00:16:02,669 --> 00:16:05,296
No, no. It's about a crime.
404
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:08,299
I think Janitor Al is
going to kill the president.
405
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:10,301
Oh, Santiago. There's my protege.
406
00:16:10,385 --> 00:16:12,512
Let me guess, you want
the janitor's address.
407
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:15,474
Janitor? Address? Al?
408
00:16:15,932 --> 00:16:17,100
I never said his name.
409
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,852
Hmm. Well, isn't this rich.
410
00:16:19,936 --> 00:16:21,729
After being excluded by both of you,
411
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:23,565
here I am with the power to decide
412
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,525
who wins and who loses your little heist.
413
00:16:26,609 --> 00:16:29,987
I wouldn't have it any other way.
You are my wisest detective.
414
00:16:30,071 --> 00:16:33,366
Pathetic. She can't be manipulated, sir.
415
00:16:33,783 --> 00:16:35,200
Amy, we are in love.
416
00:16:35,284 --> 00:16:36,868
I know we've never said it before,
417
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,370
but I think this is the
perfect time, don't you?
418
00:16:38,454 --> 00:16:39,580
Love?
419
00:16:39,664 --> 00:16:42,708
What's love compared to the
respect of a workplace superior?
420
00:16:42,792 --> 00:16:45,711
Amy Santiago, will you… Enough! Okay.
421
00:16:45,795 --> 00:16:48,631
Pretending to be nice to
me is worse than being mean.
422
00:16:49,715 --> 00:16:51,633
You know what? You want the address?
423
00:16:52,967 --> 00:16:55,970
Here, you can both have it.
424
00:16:57,472 --> 00:17:00,100
Hope you're happy, you selfish monsters.
425
00:17:01,309 --> 00:17:03,227
I feel terrible. We should apologize.
426
00:17:03,311 --> 00:17:04,562
Yes, I agree.
427
00:17:04,646 --> 00:17:06,689
You definitely should now.
I'll do mine later.
428
00:17:06,773 --> 00:17:07,773
Fat chance.
429
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:09,692
Charles, I need your butt.
Meet me downstairs.
430
00:17:09,776 --> 00:17:11,319
Alpha Team, this is the Golden Sparrow.
431
00:17:11,403 --> 00:17:13,237
Rendezvous at Drop Zone Yankee.
432
00:17:13,321 --> 00:17:15,447
When did you come up
with those code names?
433
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,200
Okay, he lives on the sixteenth floor.
434
00:17:19,284 --> 00:17:20,285
I think we beat Holt here.
435
00:17:20,369 --> 00:17:21,411
Or did you?
436
00:17:21,495 --> 00:17:22,595
I'll get the elevator.
437
00:17:23,539 --> 00:17:25,589
Crap! Looks like we're taking the stairs.
438
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:28,892
All right, it's sixteen
floors, pace yourselves.
439
00:17:29,837 --> 00:17:31,537
Forget it. Run as fast as you can!
440
00:17:35,342 --> 00:17:37,469
[GROANING]
441
00:17:40,179 --> 00:17:41,180
Ha-ha!
442
00:17:41,514 --> 00:17:43,433
I win. I knocked first.
443
00:17:44,934 --> 00:17:46,185
You're not Al.
444
00:17:46,686 --> 00:17:47,770
You're looking for Al?
445
00:17:47,854 --> 00:17:50,439
Of course we're looking
for Al, you imbecile!
446
00:17:50,523 --> 00:17:51,649
Sorry.
447
00:17:52,233 --> 00:17:53,692
He's having a cigarette on the roof.
448
00:17:53,776 --> 00:17:55,069
The roof?
449
00:17:57,947 --> 00:17:59,323
[GROANING]
450
00:18:00,491 --> 00:18:02,535
Yes. I did it.
451
00:18:03,035 --> 00:18:05,328
I am the greatest athlete in the world.
452
00:18:05,495 --> 00:18:06,496
[RETCHING]
453
00:18:06,705 --> 00:18:08,415
Al? Al?
454
00:18:08,999 --> 00:18:10,375
Where's Al?
455
00:18:11,376 --> 00:18:13,044
There he is. There he is!
456
00:18:13,128 --> 00:18:15,505
I did it. I did it.
457
00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:18,008
[RETCHING] Good God.
458
00:18:18,759 --> 00:18:20,719
Are you Al the janitor?
459
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:23,555
Nope. I'm your worst nightmare.
460
00:18:24,473 --> 00:18:25,849
Amy Santiago.
461
00:18:26,057 --> 00:18:28,559
Oh, no.
462
00:18:32,855 --> 00:18:35,566
I don't understand what is happening.
463
00:18:35,733 --> 00:18:37,526
Allow me to explain.
464
00:18:38,444 --> 00:18:41,363
Amy and I were ahead
of you the whole time.
465
00:18:41,530 --> 00:18:43,448
No, you weren't part of this.
466
00:18:43,532 --> 00:18:45,617
Get back over to the loser side, loser.
467
00:18:45,701 --> 00:18:46,702
All right. Worth a shot.
468
00:18:46,786 --> 00:18:47,911
So how'd you pull it off?
469
00:18:47,995 --> 00:18:51,832
Well, it all started when I went to tell
Jake how badly he hurt my feelings,
470
00:18:51,916 --> 00:18:53,666
and he yelled at my breasts.
471
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:56,085
Oh, boy, I am not going to
come off well in this story.
472
00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:57,169
Nope.
473
00:18:57,253 --> 00:18:59,046
Remember when you set off the witch?
474
00:18:59,130 --> 00:19:01,590
You made Captain Holt
flinch, which was weird,
475
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,134
since his door was closed,
476
00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:05,720
but not weird, since he
actually heard it over a bug
477
00:19:05,804 --> 00:19:07,054
he planted at your desk.
478
00:19:07,138 --> 00:19:09,557
It was in an old muffin that
you never threw in the trash.
479
00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:11,517
That's why people throw away garbage.
480
00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:12,685
How are we together?
481
00:19:13,436 --> 00:19:17,397
Anyway, I tapped into the bug's
frequencies, so I had ears on Jake.
482
00:19:17,481 --> 00:19:19,023
I needed to know what Holt was up to.
483
00:19:19,107 --> 00:19:20,859
That's where Hitchcock came in.
484
00:19:20,943 --> 00:19:23,027
I masterminded the entire plan.
485
00:19:23,111 --> 00:19:26,661
You did one small thing, and I had
to explain it to you, like, 45 times.
486
00:19:26,949 --> 00:19:28,408
He left a tiny crack in the blinds,
487
00:19:28,492 --> 00:19:30,118
so I could read the Captain's lips.
488
00:19:30,202 --> 00:19:32,412
"Sharon and your kids will distract Jake.
489
00:19:32,496 --> 00:19:34,205
"They'll be here at 9:30 sharp.
490
00:19:34,289 --> 00:19:36,791
"My waffle xylophone on the cheese man."
491
00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:37,876
What?
492
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,335
My lip-reading is not flawless.
493
00:19:39,419 --> 00:19:41,795
Now that I knew your
plan, it was simple to disrupt.
494
00:19:41,879 --> 00:19:43,714
While Scully gracefully moved the witch,
495
00:19:43,798 --> 00:19:45,090
I got into character.
496
00:19:45,174 --> 00:19:47,718
Holt triggered the witch, which
brought Jake into the room.
497
00:19:47,802 --> 00:19:49,762
And I threw the crown in the trash can.
498
00:19:49,846 --> 00:19:51,514
Exactly as I planned.
499
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:54,933
Then I sent you all here,
placed an out-of-order sign
500
00:19:55,017 --> 00:19:57,144
on the perfectly functional elevator,
501
00:19:57,228 --> 00:20:00,731
made you all walk up 31
flights of stairs and vomit twice.
502
00:20:00,815 --> 00:20:04,318
Actually, it was four times, if
you count all the stairwell stuff.
503
00:20:04,402 --> 00:20:06,360
You thought I was just Holt's lackey.
504
00:20:06,444 --> 00:20:08,738
And you thought I was
just Jake's girlfriend.
505
00:20:08,822 --> 00:20:12,825
Well, I'm my own person, capable
of making my own decisions,
506
00:20:12,909 --> 00:20:14,994
and I decided to humiliate you both.
507
00:20:15,078 --> 00:20:19,082
Well, you did, and it was awesome.
508
00:20:19,749 --> 00:20:22,085
One last question, where's the crown?
509
00:20:22,335 --> 00:20:23,837
Oh, it's at Shaw's Bar,
510
00:20:24,045 --> 00:20:26,214
the official site of my coronation.
511
00:20:26,590 --> 00:20:28,675
All hail the crown of destiny.
512
00:20:28,842 --> 00:20:30,192
[ALL WHOOPING, CHEERING]
513
00:20:32,011 --> 00:20:36,891
And all hail she who
wears it, Amy Santiago, the…
514
00:20:37,641 --> 00:20:40,019
Queen. …Queen of the Nine-Nine.
515
00:20:42,146 --> 00:20:43,980
I believe there's something
else you both need to say.
516
00:20:44,064 --> 00:20:45,232
HOLT: Gladly.
517
00:20:45,316 --> 00:20:49,028
BOTH: Amy Santiago is
an amazing detective/genius.
518
00:20:49,528 --> 00:20:50,612
Drinks are on us.
519
00:20:50,696 --> 00:20:51,696
Nope.
520
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:52,781
Drinks are on me.
521
00:20:52,865 --> 00:20:54,282
Yeah!
522
00:20:56,701 --> 00:20:57,869
Hey.
523
00:20:58,870 --> 00:21:00,371
I'm glad you showed up.
524
00:21:00,747 --> 00:21:02,790
Sorry I was acting so weird earlier.
525
00:21:02,874 --> 00:21:05,877
Hey, I don't blame you.
Sagittarius, right?
526
00:21:06,127 --> 00:21:07,545
With Saturn where it is,
527
00:21:07,629 --> 00:21:09,630
you're right to be wary
of new relationships.
528
00:21:09,714 --> 00:21:13,259
How is it possible that
a spirit such as yourself
529
00:21:13,343 --> 00:21:14,802
even knows Charles?
530
00:21:14,886 --> 00:21:16,846
I did an art show at Genevieve's gallery.
531
00:21:16,930 --> 00:21:19,389
Oh, right, so you're not really friends,
532
00:21:19,473 --> 00:21:22,141
you know his girlfriend
through the art world.
533
00:21:22,225 --> 00:21:24,644
Yeah, plus, she's my twin sister.
534
00:21:24,728 --> 00:21:25,770
What?
535
00:21:25,854 --> 00:21:27,689
Hi, Leo. A kiss for my bro.
536
00:21:27,773 --> 00:21:29,232
And a kiss for my boo.
537
00:21:29,316 --> 00:21:30,316
No.
538
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:31,776
A kiss for my boo.
539
00:21:31,860 --> 00:21:33,152
And a kiss for my sis.
540
00:21:33,236 --> 00:21:34,404
No!