1
00:00:02,081 --> 00:00:05,334
SCULLY: [SCREAMS] No, no, no!

2
00:00:05,418 --> 00:00:07,878
You can't take her from me! You bastard!

3
00:00:07,962 --> 00:00:11,048
Don't do this, Scully.
You have to be strong for her right now.

4
00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:12,216
What's going on?

5
00:00:12,508 --> 00:00:13,593
Unit's being replaced.

6
00:00:13,677 --> 00:00:14,928
-PERALTA: Come on!
-WOMAN: No!

7
00:00:15,012 --> 00:00:16,137
That machine's been here forever.

8
00:00:16,221 --> 00:00:18,765
It's basically part of the force.
Take Scully instead.

9
00:00:18,849 --> 00:00:21,392
Yes, please, take me to
the land of vending machines.

10
00:00:21,476 --> 00:00:24,326
Can we at least have five
minutes to say a proper goodbye?

11
00:00:24,438 --> 00:00:25,731
Whatever.

12
00:00:26,398 --> 00:00:27,857
Let me just start by saying

13
00:00:27,941 --> 00:00:30,693
that this machine is the
best restaurant in Brooklyn.

14
00:00:30,777 --> 00:00:32,153
And it always had a table for me.

15
00:00:32,237 --> 00:00:34,364
I knew just where to
punch it to get free food.

16
00:00:34,448 --> 00:00:35,823
Now, I have to go back
to punching Hitchcock.

17
00:00:35,907 --> 00:00:39,203
Look, she still has the bags of
baby carrots I requested they put in.

18
00:00:39,287 --> 00:00:40,788
They're black now, but they're there.

19
00:00:40,872 --> 00:00:44,459
Goodbye, beautiful machine.
Thank you for your service.

20
00:00:45,126 --> 00:00:46,169
Okay.

21
00:00:46,961 --> 00:00:48,087
Squad, salute.

22
00:00:48,171 --> 00:00:49,714
[BAGPIPE PLAYING]

23
00:00:53,676 --> 00:00:55,303
You can take her away now.

24
00:00:57,388 --> 00:00:59,849
Well, I think we
handled that with dignity.

25
00:01:02,602 --> 00:01:04,479
Free candy!

26
00:01:05,689 --> 00:01:07,691
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

27
00:01:26,418 --> 00:01:27,586
PERALTA: Okay, Nine-Nine.

28
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,755
Say hello to Michael Augustine,

29
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:32,216
Brooklyn's most prolific identify thief.

30
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,135
Last week, he walked
into a government building

31
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,386
and stole a computer containing over

32
00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,221
100,000 social security numbers.

33
00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:40,308
My CI says that tonight, Augustine
will be handing off the laptop

34
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:44,186
to a buyer from China,
aka "The Land of Dragons."

35
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:46,272
Make sure that phrase is
not in your official report.

36
00:01:46,356 --> 00:01:48,816
Okay, sorry. "The Country of Dragons".

37
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,360
I want you and Santiago to tail Augustine

38
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,321
until he makes the drop,
then arrest him and the buyer.

39
00:01:53,405 --> 00:01:56,324
Sounds good.
Although I could probably just take Boyle.

40
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,108
I know Amy has a ton of work. So…

41
00:01:58,411 --> 00:01:59,578
No, I don't.

42
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,913
Really? I could have sworn
I overheard you telling Rosa,

43
00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:04,666
"Girlfriend, please, I
got hella open cases!"

44
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,001
That's something you think I said?

45
00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:08,211
Word for word. No diggity, no doubt.

46
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:09,338
HOLT: That's enough.

47
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,423
Peralta and Santiago will tail Augustine.

48
00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:14,676
Boyle and Diaz will join
them in a surveillance van.

49
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,136
Unless you have a problem with that.

50
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:18,096
Sounds great. In the immortal words

51
00:02:18,180 --> 00:02:21,434
of Amy Santiago, "Girlfriend, please!"

52
00:02:23,478 --> 00:02:26,189
Hey, did I do something to you?
Are you mad?

53
00:02:26,690 --> 00:02:28,608
Is this because I brushed
all the crumbs off your desk?

54
00:02:28,692 --> 00:02:30,527
What? No, I don't care about that.

55
00:02:30,861 --> 00:02:32,612
Do you know where they are? In the trash.

56
00:02:32,696 --> 00:02:35,448
All right. If it's not that, then why are
you trying to keep me off this case?

57
00:02:35,532 --> 00:02:37,033
Oh. That.

58
00:02:38,744 --> 00:02:42,246
All right, look. The reason that I
didn't want to work with you is…

59
00:02:42,330 --> 00:02:44,374
Should I do this in an
accent so that I can undercut

60
00:02:44,458 --> 00:02:45,500
some of the awkwardness I'm feeling?

61
00:02:45,584 --> 00:02:46,626
No. Good call.

62
00:02:46,710 --> 00:02:49,660
Remember when you told me
that you didn't want to date cops?

63
00:02:50,506 --> 00:02:53,133
[JAMAICAN ACCENT] That
really bummed me out, man.

64
00:02:53,217 --> 00:02:54,259
Jamaican?

65
00:02:54,343 --> 00:02:56,970
Yeah, it was a bad choice.
I'm much better at German.

66
00:02:57,054 --> 00:03:00,725
[SIGHS] All right, fine. I was kind
of thinking about asking you out.

67
00:03:01,392 --> 00:03:03,310
Oh. Okay.

68
00:03:03,394 --> 00:03:05,104
But I know that that's not what you want.

69
00:03:05,188 --> 00:03:06,230
And I totally get it.

70
00:03:06,314 --> 00:03:09,214
I think it just took me a
while to totally, totally get it.

71
00:03:09,484 --> 00:03:11,027
And now, I totally get it.

72
00:03:11,569 --> 00:03:13,237
Jake, this is weird.

73
00:03:13,321 --> 00:03:14,864
The whole point of me not dating cops

74
00:03:14,948 --> 00:03:16,449
is so it wouldn't be weird at work.

75
00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:18,827
Okay, so, let's just make it not weird.
Right?

76
00:03:19,036 --> 00:03:21,287
This is a case.
We work cases together all the time

77
00:03:21,371 --> 00:03:22,539
and we're really good at it.

78
00:03:22,623 --> 00:03:25,083
So, you know, we're professionals.

79
00:03:25,209 --> 00:03:27,293
That's all I want.
For us to be professional.

80
00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:28,503
We're in agreement.

81
00:03:28,587 --> 00:03:31,757
[GERMAN ACCENT] It will
be good and professional!

82
00:03:33,884 --> 00:03:35,184
Come in and shut the door.

83
00:03:36,053 --> 00:03:38,138
I have some news, which you
must promise to keep secret.

84
00:03:38,222 --> 00:03:40,433
Madeline Wuntch is making
me head of public relations

85
00:03:40,517 --> 00:03:41,809
for the NYPD.

86
00:03:41,893 --> 00:03:43,769
I'm being forced out of the Nine-Nine.

87
00:03:43,853 --> 00:03:45,479
I don't wish to make a big deal of it,

88
00:03:45,563 --> 00:03:48,190
so please limit your
reactions to one second. Go.

89
00:03:48,274 --> 00:03:50,192
-[BOTH SHOUTING]
-That's plenty.

90
00:03:50,276 --> 00:03:51,610
You can't leave us.

91
00:03:51,694 --> 00:03:52,987
I'm not going anywhere.

92
00:03:53,071 --> 00:03:55,322
Madeline is not some invincible succubus.

93
00:03:55,406 --> 00:03:57,783
She's a regular succubus,
and she can be defeated.

94
00:03:57,867 --> 00:03:59,994
We just need to find the letter.

95
00:04:00,078 --> 00:04:01,120
What letter?

96
00:04:01,246 --> 00:04:03,664
Before our current police
commissioner was hired,

97
00:04:03,748 --> 00:04:05,875
a mutual friend told me
Madeline wrote a letter

98
00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:08,087
to the mayor telling
him it was a mistake.

99
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:13,175
She apparently called her now-boss
a, quote, "Simpering buffoon", un-quote.

100
00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:16,928
Amateur. Always say your insults
to someone's face. No paper trail.

101
00:04:17,012 --> 00:04:19,931
A copy of that letter exists
in the mayor's archives.

102
00:04:20,015 --> 00:04:22,684
I can't go snooping around
without alerting Madeline.

103
00:04:22,768 --> 00:04:25,312
So, it won't be easy.
And we don't have much time.

104
00:04:26,272 --> 00:04:30,567
But I need you to find that letter.
Are you with me?

105
00:04:30,651 --> 00:04:32,236
Oh, hell, yeah!

106
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,113
I'm turning my phone into airplane mode.

107
00:04:34,197 --> 00:04:36,658
Oh, my God.
She doesn't even do that on airplanes.

108
00:04:37,284 --> 00:04:40,870
Rosa, I know you don't like
anyone wishing you a happy birthday,

109
00:04:40,954 --> 00:04:43,081
so, crappy day to you.

110
00:04:43,290 --> 00:04:44,540
Still too much.

111
00:04:44,624 --> 00:04:46,709
I assume you're not doing
anything to celebrate tonight?

112
00:04:46,793 --> 00:04:49,337
Anyone over the age of six
celebrating a birthday should go to hell.

113
00:04:49,421 --> 00:04:51,256
So, since you're free,

114
00:04:51,548 --> 00:04:54,759
I need your help moving this old
Ms. Pacman machine I just bought.

115
00:04:54,843 --> 00:04:56,636
Why are you so obsessed with that game?

116
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,140
Because it's the sexiest video game ever.

117
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:03,477
She's insatiable, Rosa.
Insatiable. Insatiable.

118
00:05:03,561 --> 00:05:05,187
Stop saying "insatiable".

119
00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,814
Anyway, I bought this
old machine from a bar

120
00:05:06,898 --> 00:05:08,848
and I was hoping you'd help me move it.

121
00:05:09,609 --> 00:05:12,361
You want me to go to a bar? Mmm-hmm.

122
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:15,447
You are obviously trying to
get me to go to a surprise party.

123
00:05:15,531 --> 00:05:16,698
Did Marcus put you up to this?

124
00:05:16,782 --> 00:05:19,493
What? No! That's crazy talking.

125
00:05:19,577 --> 00:05:22,830
We just need to be there at exactly
9:45 p.m., and not a minute earlier.

126
00:05:22,914 --> 00:05:25,814
Also, there's a particular
door I want us to enter through.

127
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:31,673
SANTIAGO: Why is he getting out here?

128
00:05:31,757 --> 00:05:33,925
I thought your CI said the
drop was happening in a park.

129
00:05:34,009 --> 00:05:35,885
Maybe he's having dinner
with his side-piece first.

130
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,805
Augustine has the laptop with him.
We should just arrest him right here.

131
00:05:38,889 --> 00:05:40,515
No, the buyer's the bigger collar.

132
00:05:40,599 --> 00:05:42,350
We've got to follow him
in and wait for the handoff.

133
00:05:42,434 --> 00:05:46,312
Okay. If you're going in, I've heard this
place has an amazing bone marrow custard.

134
00:05:46,396 --> 00:05:48,231
[LAUGHS] Not that
I've ever had a bad one.

135
00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,775
No, all right. Let's go. Ugh.

136
00:05:49,859 --> 00:05:51,485
No, wait. We look like cops.

137
00:05:51,569 --> 00:05:53,737
We're never going to
blend in dressed like this.

138
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:57,325
Um, okay. There. How's… How's that?

139
00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:58,742
Uh, I don't know.

140
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:01,245
All I see is clothes hanging
off of a genderless blob.

141
00:06:01,329 --> 00:06:03,247
You look fine. Here. Wear this.

142
00:06:03,331 --> 00:06:04,915
Jake, you need a jacket or something.

143
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:07,084
Well, Scully left his
sports coat back there.

144
00:06:07,168 --> 00:06:10,087
Oh, but it will never fit
Jake's athletic body. Unless.

145
00:06:10,171 --> 00:06:12,548
No. I don't want to do that. You have to.

146
00:06:12,632 --> 00:06:14,508
I'm not going to do it. You're doing it.

147
00:06:14,592 --> 00:06:15,760
What? What do you have to do?

148
00:06:15,844 --> 00:06:18,013
Don Johnson it. Don Johnson it!

149
00:06:25,688 --> 00:06:26,730
I look like an idiot.

150
00:06:26,814 --> 00:06:29,064
I didn't even have time
to lotion my forearms.

151
00:06:29,233 --> 00:06:31,401
It's so weird wearing Rosa's jacket.

152
00:06:31,485 --> 00:06:33,111
There's a piece of
barbed wire in the pocket.

153
00:06:33,195 --> 00:06:35,155
Cool. All right, do you have a visual on…

154
00:06:35,239 --> 00:06:36,907
[CLEARS THROAT] The hostess stand.

155
00:06:36,991 --> 00:06:39,242
Hi. Table for two, please.

156
00:06:39,326 --> 00:06:42,526
I'm so sorry. There's nothing available.
We're totally booked up.

157
00:06:43,248 --> 00:06:45,374
Oh, no. That's horrible.

158
00:06:45,458 --> 00:06:47,836
Tonight's a really
important night for us.

159
00:06:48,461 --> 00:06:50,087
Johnny and I just got engaged.

160
00:06:50,171 --> 00:06:52,757
And this is where our first date was.

161
00:06:52,841 --> 00:06:55,927
Oh, yeah.
It would mean so much to Dora and me.

162
00:06:56,011 --> 00:06:57,595
I would have made a reservation,

163
00:06:57,679 --> 00:06:59,931
but I didn't know if she
was going to say yes.

164
00:07:00,015 --> 00:07:03,309
Aw, I love how nervous
you were, you little goose.

165
00:07:03,977 --> 00:07:05,603
You are just so sweet together.

166
00:07:05,687 --> 00:07:08,815
You know, I'm sure I can
find room for two young lovers.

167
00:07:08,899 --> 00:07:11,443
Mmm. Yeah. We are lovers.

168
00:07:11,527 --> 00:07:12,903
Together.

169
00:07:12,987 --> 00:07:14,864
In bed. Okay.

170
00:07:16,574 --> 00:07:18,784
Thank you so much for waiting.
Your table is almost ready.

171
00:07:18,868 --> 00:07:19,910
Thanks. Great.

172
00:07:20,119 --> 00:07:22,955
Sorry about springing the
engagement and romantic stuff on you.

173
00:07:23,039 --> 00:07:26,039
No, no, no. That was great.
I mean, it's what got us in here.

174
00:07:26,208 --> 00:07:28,335
The cheek kiss was a bit much. Very wet.

175
00:07:28,419 --> 00:07:30,504
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
Dora's sloppy.

176
00:07:30,588 --> 00:07:32,465
Okay, and if you'll just follow me.

177
00:07:33,425 --> 00:07:35,259
Well, the honeymoon's over, Dora.

178
00:07:35,343 --> 00:07:36,844
We're back to being Jake and Amy,

179
00:07:36,928 --> 00:07:38,805
two normal cops working a job.

180
00:07:38,889 --> 00:07:40,556
-All right. There you go.
-PERALTA: Thanks.

181
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:43,142
[GASPS] You're the
couple that just got engaged.

182
00:07:43,226 --> 00:07:45,729
That's us. Johnny and Dora.

183
00:07:46,229 --> 00:07:48,315
A couple for sure. Mmm-hmm.

184
00:07:51,401 --> 00:07:54,445
Okay. According to my sources
in the assistant community,

185
00:07:54,529 --> 00:07:58,116
the letter is right here in
the fourth floor archives,

186
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,285
cabinet J-13.

187
00:08:00,369 --> 00:08:02,162
Nice job. What's the plan?

188
00:08:02,246 --> 00:08:03,330
You sneak in and get the letter.

189
00:08:03,414 --> 00:08:05,165
I'll distract the file clerk.

190
00:08:05,249 --> 00:08:07,793
Apparently, he's very into bird watching

191
00:08:07,877 --> 00:08:10,295
so talking to a woman
should blow his mind.

192
00:08:10,379 --> 00:08:12,256
And talking to this woman?

193
00:08:12,799 --> 00:08:14,258
[WHISPERS] It could kill him.

194
00:08:14,592 --> 00:08:16,593
Here.
Can you look at this map of the park

195
00:08:16,677 --> 00:08:18,679
and tell me where
them hot birds hang out?

196
00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:22,641
Well, you're going to want to,
uh, avoid the, uh, Great Lawn.

197
00:08:22,725 --> 00:08:24,727
Because, uh, it's
basically just grackles.

198
00:08:24,811 --> 00:08:26,771
Ugh, grackles? Yeah.

199
00:08:26,855 --> 00:08:29,315
GINA: I hate grackles. They're the worst.

200
00:08:29,399 --> 00:08:33,486
Well, a lot of people think grackles
are a, uh, just a common bird up here.

201
00:08:33,570 --> 00:08:36,531
But you know what? On the
West Coast, they don't get grackles.

202
00:08:36,615 --> 00:08:41,453
Can you give some more info for a
novice birdwatcher such as myself?

203
00:08:41,537 --> 00:08:44,537
You have got to know the
difference between your water birds.

204
00:08:44,748 --> 00:08:46,833
I mean, so many people
don't know the difference

205
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:49,586
between an anhinga and a
snakebird and a swamp hog.

206
00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:52,298
A lot of people don't know
they're all the same bird.

207
00:08:52,382 --> 00:08:53,799
[BOTH LAUGHING]

208
00:08:53,883 --> 00:08:57,011
Are those the ones that sound
like Rihanna kinda when they sing?

209
00:08:57,095 --> 00:08:58,888
I'm not familiar with who that is.

210
00:08:58,972 --> 00:09:00,306
They're like, "Eh, eh."

211
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:03,184
That sounds like that might
be a crested woodpecker.

212
00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:04,727
Or is it more like… [WHISTLING]

213
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:06,979
That's a, uh, crested tit-mouse, maybe?

214
00:09:07,063 --> 00:09:09,148
Oh, my God. That's it, Wayne!

215
00:09:09,232 --> 00:09:11,484
You are a damn treasure trove.

216
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:14,361
We got the letter.

217
00:09:14,445 --> 00:09:16,948
Well done. Now, get me Madeline

218
00:09:17,032 --> 00:09:18,825
and a bucket of water.

219
00:09:18,909 --> 00:09:21,120
It's time to melt a witch.

220
00:09:21,745 --> 00:09:22,788
DIAZ: Who else is going?

221
00:09:22,872 --> 00:09:25,499
Rosa, listen to me. There is no party.

222
00:09:25,791 --> 00:09:27,375
Just get off my donut already.

223
00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:28,710
Don't lie to me, Boyle,

224
00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:31,505
or you will be eating your bone
marrow custard through a straw.

225
00:09:31,589 --> 00:09:33,381
That's actually how you're
supposed to eat bone marrow…

226
00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:35,550
Charles! Ow! All right, there's a party.

227
00:09:35,634 --> 00:09:36,802
I can't give you details.

228
00:09:36,886 --> 00:09:39,554
All I can say is I know you and
I know you'll have a good time.

229
00:09:39,638 --> 00:09:41,807
If you knew me, you'd
know I hate surprise parties.

230
00:09:41,891 --> 00:09:44,560
So, clearly, you don't know me at all.

231
00:09:44,644 --> 00:09:46,604
What? We're friends.

232
00:09:46,688 --> 00:09:49,190
I was building up to calling
you Ro-Ro one of these days.

233
00:09:49,274 --> 00:09:50,424
That will never happen.

234
00:09:50,692 --> 00:09:52,527
In fact, you just lost Rosa privileges.

235
00:09:52,611 --> 00:09:54,529
From now on, you can
call me Diaz or Hey-you.

236
00:09:54,613 --> 00:09:55,655
Come on, Rosa.

237
00:09:56,239 --> 00:09:57,282
Come on, Hey-you.

238
00:09:58,450 --> 00:10:00,993
Wow, champagne and oysters.

239
00:10:01,077 --> 00:10:02,662
You really shouldn't have, guys.

240
00:10:02,746 --> 00:10:05,581
Well, it's a special night.
So, when did you guys meet?

241
00:10:05,665 --> 00:10:06,965
Last year. Five years ago.

242
00:10:07,792 --> 00:10:10,129
We first met five years ago.

243
00:10:10,213 --> 00:10:11,797
But we don't count it because…

244
00:10:11,881 --> 00:10:14,466
I was dating a speedboat
model at the time.

245
00:10:14,550 --> 00:10:18,637
And I was dating a super-handsome
comptroller of a major US city.

246
00:10:18,721 --> 00:10:21,473
Anyways, about a year ago, we
bumped into each other at a bar,

247
00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:23,892
and we haven't been able to
keep our hands off each other since.

248
00:10:23,976 --> 00:10:26,854
Mmm-hmm.
So, how did you know she was the one?

249
00:10:27,605 --> 00:10:30,358
[SIGHS] I'd love to answer that.
Um, you know.

250
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:34,236
Just whenever I look at her face

251
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,615
and the attached physique.

252
00:10:37,699 --> 00:10:38,825
And you?

253
00:10:39,117 --> 00:10:40,202
Uh.

254
00:10:42,955 --> 00:10:43,997
He makes me laugh.

255
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:48,418
And, you know, there's
really no one else's opinion

256
00:10:48,502 --> 00:10:50,504
who I care about more than hers, so.

257
00:10:52,506 --> 00:10:54,806
Okay, so, enough chit-chat.
Let's see the ring.

258
00:10:56,134 --> 00:10:58,053
I don't have it on me.

259
00:10:58,345 --> 00:11:00,640
She has gigantic fingers.

260
00:11:01,933 --> 00:11:06,437
What I mean to say is that the ring I
got would never have fit on her fingers

261
00:11:06,521 --> 00:11:10,024
because they are that of
a giant, behemoth person.

262
00:11:10,108 --> 00:11:11,526
[BOTH LAUGHING]

263
00:11:16,072 --> 00:11:17,323
Madeline, thank you for coming.

264
00:11:17,407 --> 00:11:19,825
Raymond, always a pleasure
to call on a vanquished foe.

265
00:11:19,909 --> 00:11:21,493
I feel like Jackie Joyner-Kersee,

266
00:11:21,577 --> 00:11:23,579
congratulating one of
the other, slower runners.

267
00:11:23,663 --> 00:11:26,458
Buckle up.
It's going to be a hell of a ride.

268
00:11:26,542 --> 00:11:29,669
Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take
some weight off your cloven hooves.

269
00:11:29,753 --> 00:11:32,005
Calling me the devil?
How original, Raymond.

270
00:11:32,089 --> 00:11:34,507
Actually, I was calling
you a goat, you goat.

271
00:11:34,591 --> 00:11:36,510
-Oh!
-[BOTH LAUGHING]

272
00:11:37,636 --> 00:11:39,095
I'd like to talk about my promotion.

273
00:11:39,179 --> 00:11:42,432
Very well. But first, how do I
know you're not wearing a wire?

274
00:11:42,516 --> 00:11:43,666
I need to pat you down.

275
00:11:44,643 --> 00:11:45,686
If you must.

276
00:11:54,446 --> 00:11:55,947
What is going on?

277
00:11:56,781 --> 00:11:58,491
Shh. I'm watching something.

278
00:11:59,117 --> 00:12:00,826
Can you get the car from the valet, babe?

279
00:12:00,910 --> 00:12:03,410
I'm going to go in the
back and say hi to the chef.

280
00:12:06,291 --> 00:12:07,875
Good luck on your wedding, guys.

281
00:12:07,959 --> 00:12:10,002
Oh, have fun on your honeymoon.

282
00:12:10,086 --> 00:12:12,339
We will. We're going to Waco, Texas.

283
00:12:13,048 --> 00:12:14,632
Huh. Okay, bye.

284
00:12:15,425 --> 00:12:16,634
Bye.

285
00:12:16,718 --> 00:12:18,053
Waco, Texas?

286
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:19,429
I don't know. It was just on <i>Dateline.</i>

287
00:12:19,513 --> 00:12:21,390
All right.
Augustine took the laptop case with him.

288
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,374
He's going to make the drop. Let's go.

289
00:12:24,518 --> 00:12:26,062
Look. There's the buyer.

290
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:29,398
Or maybe he's just
actually saying hi to the chef.

291
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,983
Why isn't he making the handoff?

292
00:12:31,067 --> 00:12:32,234
PERALTA: Oh, crap. He saw us.

293
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:33,486
Uh…

294
00:12:37,156 --> 00:12:39,324
Excuse me. Oh. Hey.

295
00:12:39,408 --> 00:12:42,452
We were just looking for a place to, uh…

296
00:12:42,536 --> 00:12:43,745
Boink.

297
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,498
Yep. Boink.

298
00:12:45,582 --> 00:12:48,084
That's my preferred term for it, as well.
Mmm-hmm.

299
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,380
I get it. Newly engaged kids. Enjoy.

300
00:12:51,546 --> 00:12:52,756
Thanks.

301
00:12:55,967 --> 00:12:58,386
Good. Good, good, good, good.
We kept our cover intact. Nice work.

302
00:12:58,470 --> 00:12:59,721
Quick professional thinking out there.

303
00:12:59,805 --> 00:13:01,014
Very quick. Very professional.

304
00:13:01,098 --> 00:13:02,516
Detective. Detective.

305
00:13:02,808 --> 00:13:04,768
Let's get back on the case. Let's.

306
00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:14,237
So, how was the restaurant?
Such a normal time!

307
00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:16,613
Why are you being weird?

308
00:13:16,697 --> 00:13:17,740
Amy and I kissed.

309
00:13:18,116 --> 00:13:19,325
What?

310
00:13:19,409 --> 00:13:22,161
To keep our cover from being blown.
We didn't have a choice.

311
00:13:22,245 --> 00:13:23,829
Tell me everything!

312
00:13:23,913 --> 00:13:25,581
Charles, it was just a kiss.

313
00:13:25,665 --> 00:13:27,666
Okay? It was for work. It was nothing.

314
00:13:27,750 --> 00:13:31,128
Yeah, who cares about a kiss?
Call me if you grab each other's asses.

315
00:13:31,212 --> 00:13:32,755
He's pulling over. It's going down.

316
00:13:32,839 --> 00:13:35,382
BOYLE: You guys are so naive.
It's never nothing.

317
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:37,761
In high school, I played
Daddy Warbucks in <i>Annie.</i>

318
00:13:37,845 --> 00:13:41,222
Becca Murse played Annie and
we were supposed to hug onstage.

319
00:13:41,306 --> 00:13:44,809
At first, that seemed like
nothing, too, but by opening night,

320
00:13:44,893 --> 00:13:46,644
we were full-on making out.

321
00:13:46,728 --> 00:13:48,146
As Daddy Warbucks and Annie?

322
00:13:48,230 --> 00:13:50,690
Mmm-hmm. The audience was not onboard.

323
00:13:50,774 --> 00:13:52,192
The playwright sued the school.

324
00:13:52,276 --> 00:13:55,076
Guys, guys, it's not a handoff.
He's leaving the package.

325
00:13:57,865 --> 00:13:59,616
Okay, you and Rosa follow Augustine.

326
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:01,535
Right.
And you and Amy follow your hearts.

327
00:14:01,619 --> 00:14:03,287
No. We're going to stay with the package.

328
00:14:03,371 --> 00:14:04,580
And each other. Forever.

329
00:14:04,664 --> 00:14:05,999
Come on, man!

330
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:08,084
So, here's how I see this going down.

331
00:14:08,168 --> 00:14:11,212
You plead for your job back, I refuse,
you start weeping like a war widow.

332
00:14:11,296 --> 00:14:12,630
Does that sound about right?

333
00:14:12,714 --> 00:14:17,177
Don't count your gross fish-babies
before they've hatched, Madeline.

334
00:14:23,683 --> 00:14:24,767
How did you get this?

335
00:14:24,851 --> 00:14:26,602
GINA [OVER PA]:
<i>Gina and Terry got it, you grackle.</i>

336
00:14:26,686 --> 00:14:28,481
It doesn't matter how I got it.

337
00:14:28,689 --> 00:14:31,859
Sorry, sir, didn't realize that
was how you wanted to play it.

338
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:34,569
I see you've got an
audience for this little stunt.

339
00:14:34,653 --> 00:14:37,603
Yes, well, who wouldn't want
to see a man fight a crocodile?

340
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:41,911
Now, Madeline, before one of us
starts weeping like a war widow,

341
00:14:42,161 --> 00:14:43,995
would you like to give
me my precinct back?

342
00:14:44,079 --> 00:14:46,832
It's not that simple.
I can't just reverse your promotion.

343
00:14:46,916 --> 00:14:48,876
You have until tomorrow.

344
00:14:49,919 --> 00:14:51,253
You grackle.

345
00:14:51,587 --> 00:14:53,881
DIAZ: We can't pull him
over this close to the drop-site.

346
00:14:53,965 --> 00:14:56,300
It will alert the buyer.
I say we follow him for a mile.

347
00:14:56,384 --> 00:14:58,636
Copy that. How's your mom
enjoying the new phone you got her

348
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,138
for her birthday on March 16?

349
00:15:00,222 --> 00:15:02,974
Dude, stop saying random
facts to try to prove you know me.

350
00:15:03,058 --> 00:15:06,436
That's not what I'm doing. I am simply
making small talk with my friend, Rosa,

351
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,603
who went skydiving once.

352
00:15:07,687 --> 00:15:09,397
Enough. I'm going to the dumb party,

353
00:15:09,481 --> 00:15:11,232
but only because I
don't want to hurt Marcus.

354
00:15:11,316 --> 00:15:12,525
I'm still super mad at you.

355
00:15:12,609 --> 00:15:14,151
Mmm. Like how you're still super mad at

356
00:15:14,235 --> 00:15:16,028
<i>Gilmore Girls</i> for how
the finale went down?

357
00:15:16,112 --> 00:15:18,823
I just want to see Lorelai happy.
And shut up!

358
00:15:19,951 --> 00:15:22,870
See? I know you so well, I
knew what was coming. Ow!

359
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,502
Hey. Seriously. We're cool, right?

360
00:15:30,586 --> 00:15:33,172
Yeah. Totally. We're fine. Good.

361
00:15:33,256 --> 00:15:35,299
Gosh, you know, I'm
actually a little bit hungry.

362
00:15:35,383 --> 00:15:37,968
I never ended up eating at
that dumb fancy restaurant.

363
00:15:38,052 --> 00:15:39,511
Know what I'm getting on my way home?

364
00:15:39,595 --> 00:15:41,513
Yeah, you're going to go to the
Polish place and get pierogies,

365
00:15:41,597 --> 00:15:43,682
potato pancakes, and
a cup of hot chocolate.

366
00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:45,866
That's exactly what I'm going to get.
Yeah.

367
00:15:46,186 --> 00:15:49,772
I will be having pizza.
Two slices of meat supreme from Tony's,

368
00:15:49,856 --> 00:15:51,441
served display temperature.

369
00:15:51,942 --> 00:15:53,318
Meat Supreme is a million red flags.

370
00:15:53,402 --> 00:15:54,819
And eating it cold is just insane.

371
00:15:54,903 --> 00:15:57,363
No, no, no, no. It's not cold.
It's display temperature.

372
00:15:57,447 --> 00:15:58,990
Jake. There's a difference, Amy.

373
00:15:59,074 --> 00:16:00,992
No. Jake, he's looking at us.

374
00:16:01,076 --> 00:16:03,120
Well, this is happening. Huh?

375
00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:12,338
NYPD! Freeze! We are police colleagues!

376
00:16:12,422 --> 00:16:14,674
You're under arrest!
This is a work event!

377
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:22,097
Hey. Can you sign this arrest
report for Augustine and the buyer?

378
00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:24,142
Sure. Great.

379
00:16:25,893 --> 00:16:27,978
Man, I forgot how long
your signature takes.

380
00:16:28,062 --> 00:16:30,439
I'm just going to watch
<i>Braveheart</i> on my phone real quick.

381
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:31,649
[CHUCKLES]

382
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:34,902
Uh, given the circumstances, I
could see how that might have seemed

383
00:16:34,986 --> 00:16:37,197
like flirty teasing or something.

384
00:16:37,323 --> 00:16:40,618
But I was legit being critical.
You have a problem.

385
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,621
No, even that sounded like banter now.

386
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:45,956
All right, there's only
one way out of this for me.

387
00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,165
I've just got to get super cruel.

388
00:16:47,249 --> 00:16:49,125
Prepare to have your
physical flaws pointed out, Amy.

389
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,909
I'm talking about your tall
butt and your weird elbows.

390
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:53,630
Jake, it's okay.

391
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:55,090
[SIGHS] Thank you.

392
00:16:55,549 --> 00:16:57,300
This whole night was really weird.

393
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:59,344
I know. I just… [SIGHS]

394
00:16:59,428 --> 00:17:02,180
I want everything to go back how it was.
You know?

395
00:17:02,264 --> 00:17:03,766
It's awkward. Yeah.

396
00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:07,478
You're right. We shouldn't date cops.
Because we're a great team.

397
00:17:07,562 --> 00:17:10,314
We work great together.
I don't want to mess that up.

398
00:17:10,398 --> 00:17:12,108
Yeah, I don't want everything to change.

399
00:17:12,192 --> 00:17:13,276
Yeah. Me, neither.

400
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:15,111
Okay. Then, that's that.

401
00:17:15,945 --> 00:17:17,113
Detective Peralta.

402
00:17:17,530 --> 00:17:19,199
Detective Santiago.

403
00:17:19,449 --> 00:17:21,909
See you around the precinct.

404
00:17:21,993 --> 00:17:23,078
Yep.

405
00:17:23,411 --> 00:17:24,537
Tall butt.

406
00:17:26,164 --> 00:17:30,002
Okay, before we go in, remember
you have to pretend to be surprised.

407
00:17:30,086 --> 00:17:31,295
How's this?

408
00:17:31,379 --> 00:17:34,923
Oh, my God, it's so much
worse than I imagined!

409
00:17:35,007 --> 00:17:37,009
The energy was great, but
the message was flawed.

410
00:17:37,093 --> 00:17:38,893
All right, let's get this over with.

411
00:17:40,638 --> 00:17:41,681
Surprise.

412
00:17:42,556 --> 00:17:43,599
What's going on?

413
00:17:43,933 --> 00:17:46,852
I rented this entire bar so
you and I could celebrate

414
00:17:46,936 --> 00:17:49,104
with no people anywhere near us.

415
00:17:49,188 --> 00:17:50,689
I probably should have
hired a bartender, though.

416
00:17:50,773 --> 00:17:52,473
I have no idea how to make drinks.

417
00:17:52,566 --> 00:17:53,609
This is incredible.

418
00:17:54,193 --> 00:17:55,487
It was all Charles' idea.

419
00:17:56,738 --> 00:17:58,088
Told you I knew you, Ro-Ro.

420
00:17:58,615 --> 00:17:59,950
Thank you.

421
00:18:01,535 --> 00:18:03,536
But never call me Ro-Ro again.

422
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:05,330
Oh, but I will. I've earned this.

423
00:18:06,498 --> 00:18:08,291
Happy B-day, Ro-Ro!

424
00:18:09,126 --> 00:18:10,252
Whoo!

425
00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:15,548
Welcome, Madeline.
Have you thought things over?

426
00:18:15,632 --> 00:18:18,885
I have. But first, how do I
know you're not wearing a wire?

427
00:18:30,523 --> 00:18:32,232
So, I've thought it over,

428
00:18:32,316 --> 00:18:33,859
and perhaps you should go ahead

429
00:18:33,943 --> 00:18:35,653
and show that letter to the commissioner.

430
00:18:35,737 --> 00:18:37,196
[CHUCKLES] And let him fire you?

431
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,405
I'll deny I wrote it.

432
00:18:38,489 --> 00:18:40,450
It will take months to authenticate.

433
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:44,286
Which will give me plenty of time to
make some personnel changes around here.

434
00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:47,290
There's an opening for a
detective down in Brighton Beach.

435
00:18:47,374 --> 00:18:49,209
I think I'll transfer Diaz there.

436
00:18:49,293 --> 00:18:51,879
Detective Boyle, I'll
send to Long Island City.

437
00:18:52,212 --> 00:18:54,715
Santiago would be a
great fit for Pelham Bay.

438
00:18:55,215 --> 00:18:58,385
And Peralta, your little pet project?

439
00:18:59,344 --> 00:19:02,306
I'm going to ship him
off to Staten Island.

440
00:19:02,598 --> 00:19:06,769
Hope he likes breaking
up tanning salon fist-fights.

441
00:19:07,936 --> 00:19:11,064
Looks like you've got a
decision to make, Raymond.

442
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,151
What are you going to do?

443
00:19:13,693 --> 00:19:15,943
Squad.
If I could have your attention, please.

444
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,825
I am being transferred to
the Public Relations office.

445
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:22,702
I am leaving the Nine-Nine
effective immediately.

446
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,662
What the hell? I don't understand.

447
00:19:24,746 --> 00:19:26,372
What the hell? Why are you doing this?

448
00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:27,499
What the hell?

449
00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:31,001
I want to say it has been a
pleasure to work alongside all of you

450
00:19:31,085 --> 00:19:33,170
for the past twenty-one
and a half months.

451
00:19:33,254 --> 00:19:35,172
I'm sorry for getting so emotional.

452
00:19:35,256 --> 00:19:36,674
Pretty consistent tone, actually.

453
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,302
These have been the…

454
00:19:40,054 --> 00:19:43,098
These have been the
best years of my career.

455
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,391
Oh, no. This is new.

456
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:50,564
And I know that every one of
you gave me everything you had.

457
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,277
And I will never forget it.

458
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,961
Go back to being robot, Captain.

459
00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,530
[CHUCKLES]

460
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:00,866
[ROBOTIC VOICE] Meep-morp. Zeep.

461
00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:04,162
[CLEARS THROAT] Dismissed.

462
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:11,837
Sir!

463
00:20:13,505 --> 00:20:15,548
I'm coming with you. Thank you, Gina.

464
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:18,218
I'm also coming. Not necessary.

465
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,639
Hey. Hey.

466
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,016
I thought I might find you in here.

467
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,393
I just needed to process
the Captain's news.

468
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,645
I feel so bad for him.

469
00:20:28,979 --> 00:20:30,690
So, how are you holding up?

470
00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:33,401
I don't know. I'm still in shock.

471
00:20:33,651 --> 00:20:34,819
You?

472
00:20:35,194 --> 00:20:38,071
I'm basically handling it the
way I dealt with my dad leaving.

473
00:20:38,155 --> 00:20:40,116
Just repressing the hell out of it.

474
00:20:43,703 --> 00:20:45,553
So, a lot of change around here, huh?

475
00:20:56,466 --> 00:20:57,509
[KNOCKS]

476
00:20:57,593 --> 00:20:59,720
BOYLE: Hey, Jake, the new captain's here!

477
00:21:05,684 --> 00:21:07,310
Who do you think it's going to be?

478
00:21:07,394 --> 00:21:08,520
I have no idea.

479
00:21:08,604 --> 00:21:10,146
I bet it's me.

480
00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:12,024
I just hope I'm ready.

481
00:21:12,399 --> 00:21:13,483
Wow.

482
00:21:13,567 --> 00:21:14,818
Come on, guys.

483
00:21:14,902 --> 00:21:16,945
I know you're sad, but let's do our best

484
00:21:17,029 --> 00:21:18,822
to make a good first impression here.

485
00:21:18,906 --> 00:21:21,158
Smart. Good call. Jake, you be up front.

486
00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:24,119
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

487
00:21:24,203 --> 00:21:25,747
[SIGHS] Okay.

488
00:21:26,331 --> 00:21:27,749
Here we go.