1 00:00:03,139 --> 00:00:05,390 Heads up. There's our perp, looking all perpy, 2 00:00:05,474 --> 00:00:08,645 just perping his way down Perp Street. Take a picture! 3 00:00:08,729 --> 00:00:11,481 Give me one second. This light is really unflattering for his complexion. 4 00:00:11,565 --> 00:00:12,857 It doesn't have to be perfect. 5 00:00:12,941 --> 00:00:15,902 Tom Olson is a bad dude. He's held up four electronic stores at gunpoint. 6 00:00:15,986 --> 00:00:17,695 Man, I wish you hadn't read that Annie Leibovitz book. 7 00:00:17,779 --> 00:00:19,614 Quit calling it a book, it was a visual journey. 8 00:00:19,698 --> 00:00:21,950 You probably think I should shoot this in color instead of black and white. 9 00:00:22,034 --> 00:00:25,034 Yes! Shoot color. Why have you been shooting black and white? 10 00:00:25,538 --> 00:00:27,123 Where's he going now? Come on. 11 00:00:32,045 --> 00:00:34,297 Damn it. NYPD, freeze! 12 00:00:38,677 --> 00:00:41,263 He's trapped. Top-of-car foot chase. 13 00:00:41,347 --> 00:00:43,097 My birthday wish finally came true! 14 00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:45,351 [CARS HONKING] 15 00:00:48,687 --> 00:00:50,772 Keep it up, Jake! He's yours, he's yours, he's yours! 16 00:00:50,856 --> 00:00:53,902 I know! I feel like the coolest person in New York City! 17 00:00:54,235 --> 00:00:55,278 Arghhh! 18 00:00:55,654 --> 00:00:57,697 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 19 00:01:17,885 --> 00:01:20,053 Ooh! Ooh, nice pimp walk, pimp. 20 00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:21,806 Oh, well, thank you, pimpin' playa. 21 00:01:21,890 --> 00:01:25,059 Whoa. That is not a pimp walk, that's a limp walk. 22 00:01:25,143 --> 00:01:26,728 You sure you should be here today, Jake? 23 00:01:26,812 --> 00:01:27,979 You wiped out hard. 24 00:01:28,063 --> 00:01:29,480 It wasn't so much a wipe-out as it was 25 00:01:29,564 --> 00:01:31,232 a controlled power-fall, Sarge. 26 00:01:31,316 --> 00:01:34,403 [SQUEAKS] That's his disagreement squeak. 27 00:01:34,778 --> 00:01:36,530 You wiped out. What did the doctor say? 28 00:01:36,614 --> 00:01:38,574 "Welcome, we haven't seen you in 11 years." 29 00:01:38,658 --> 00:01:41,660 Haven't been to the doctor in 11 years. How trill is that? 30 00:01:41,744 --> 00:01:44,094 Your tone's braggy, but your words are real sad. 31 00:01:44,247 --> 00:01:45,748 Mmm. Did he clear you for active duty? 32 00:01:45,832 --> 00:01:47,666 First of all, the doctor was a woman. 33 00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:50,377 There's a such thing as women doctors, Sarge. 34 00:01:50,461 --> 00:01:51,713 I lied for effect. It was a man. 35 00:01:51,797 --> 00:01:53,841 And he said that I was perfectly fine. 36 00:01:54,341 --> 00:01:56,217 Except for three cracked ribs and a broken toe, 37 00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:57,552 which were right next to two other broken toes. 38 00:01:57,636 --> 00:01:58,678 Did he clear you or not? 39 00:01:58,762 --> 00:01:59,804 [LAUGHS] He did not. 40 00:01:59,888 --> 00:02:00,930 All right, let's get to work, guys. 41 00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:02,057 We got a perp to catch. 42 00:02:02,141 --> 00:02:04,059 Oh, forget that. Uh-uh. No, look. 43 00:02:04,143 --> 00:02:05,895 There's an APB out for your guy. 44 00:02:05,979 --> 00:02:07,271 Lots of cops are looking for him. 45 00:02:07,355 --> 00:02:08,648 You don't need to be here. 46 00:02:08,732 --> 00:02:10,358 Sarge, I know this case better than anyone. 47 00:02:10,442 --> 00:02:12,986 And I am this close to solving it. 48 00:02:13,403 --> 00:02:15,029 Your fingers are really far apart. 49 00:02:15,113 --> 00:02:17,281 Yeah, I also have a hairline fracture in my thumb, 50 00:02:17,365 --> 00:02:19,565 mankind's least important finger. Am I right? 51 00:02:20,536 --> 00:02:22,371 Sarge, please. Please, please, please, please. 52 00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:23,830 Just let me stay on the case, all right? 53 00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:24,956 I promise I won't go into the field 54 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,333 or do anything dangerous. 55 00:02:27,084 --> 00:02:29,294 Fine. You can work the case from right here. 56 00:02:29,378 --> 00:02:31,046 But you are tied to your desk. 57 00:02:31,589 --> 00:02:32,881 Tied to my desk? 58 00:02:32,965 --> 00:02:34,967 Mr. Grey will see you now, Sarge. 59 00:02:36,428 --> 00:02:37,728 You wanted to see me, sir? 60 00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:40,348 We have a situation. And it's bad. 61 00:02:40,432 --> 00:02:41,475 Check your email. 62 00:02:43,935 --> 00:02:45,019 No. Yes. 63 00:02:45,103 --> 00:02:46,729 Kevin insists on you and Marcus 64 00:02:46,813 --> 00:02:48,106 joining us for dinner at our house. 65 00:02:48,190 --> 00:02:49,399 But we agreed to keep our personal 66 00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:50,776 and professional lives separate. 67 00:02:50,860 --> 00:02:52,695 It is weird enough I am dating your nephew 68 00:02:52,779 --> 00:02:55,072 without dragging your husband and dog into it. 69 00:02:55,156 --> 00:02:57,616 Do you think I want this? Because I do not want this. 70 00:02:57,700 --> 00:03:00,745 Sadly, Marcus and Kevin can be held off no longer. 71 00:03:01,662 --> 00:03:03,831 Okay. So, what's our play here? 72 00:03:04,165 --> 00:03:05,875 My stomach's a little off. I could say I'm sick. 73 00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:07,544 Well, I've used the "sick" excuse for you eight times. 74 00:03:07,628 --> 00:03:08,670 I think they're catching on. 75 00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,839 You could say you're sick. No one would ever believe that. 76 00:03:10,923 --> 00:03:14,718 No. This is happening. But don't worry, I have a plan to keep things from 77 00:03:14,802 --> 00:03:18,847 getting too personal. I'm inviting some intimacy buffers. 78 00:03:19,974 --> 00:03:23,144 Dinner party at your house? Oh, mama! 79 00:03:23,645 --> 00:03:25,419 I will be there. All I ask is that you 80 00:03:25,503 --> 00:03:27,606 clear the furniture out of your living room 81 00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:30,109 so I can show Kev some of my new dance opera. 82 00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:32,153 Why just some of it? Do the whole thing. 83 00:03:32,237 --> 00:03:35,366 Yes, nothing would make me happier. See you Thursday at 8:00. 84 00:03:36,158 --> 00:03:39,245 Copy that, Cap-i-tan. Later, skater. 85 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,165 Yes, this is wonderful. 86 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,168 The dinner's not for four days and you're already freaking out. 87 00:03:46,252 --> 00:03:49,881 Excuse me. Did you not just hear me say, "Later, skater"? 88 00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,967 All right, fine. There's a slight chance that 89 00:03:53,051 --> 00:03:55,344 in the past, I may have tried a little too hard around the Captain. 90 00:03:55,428 --> 00:03:58,639 So this time, I'm gonna be super chill. 91 00:03:58,723 --> 00:04:03,311 Good plan. Whoa. It just says you got uninvited. 92 00:04:03,395 --> 00:04:05,398 What? Oh, honey. 93 00:04:05,606 --> 00:04:11,487 Oh. I get it. You're joking. See? I'm cool. I get jokes. 94 00:04:12,321 --> 00:04:13,989 Boyle, have you seen Jake? 95 00:04:14,073 --> 00:04:18,368 No, I was out getting him some healing broth. I was torn between chicken or beef, 96 00:04:18,452 --> 00:04:20,455 but then it hit me. Goat. 97 00:04:20,914 --> 00:04:22,749 [LOUD CRASHING] 98 00:04:27,421 --> 00:04:28,588 What happened? I heard a bang. 99 00:04:28,672 --> 00:04:30,965 No. No bang. Everything's totally normal. 100 00:04:31,049 --> 00:04:33,394 Really? It looks to me like you did something 101 00:04:33,478 --> 00:04:35,638 stupid, like trying to lift a heavy box. 102 00:04:35,847 --> 00:04:38,182 Sarge, come on. In my condition? 103 00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:39,726 Suck it, MacGyver. 104 00:04:43,396 --> 00:04:44,688 Pretty elegant solution, right? 105 00:04:44,772 --> 00:04:47,066 No! Everything fell everywhere. 106 00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:50,654 All you had to do was sit at your desk. What is your problem? 107 00:04:50,738 --> 00:04:53,073 I don't have a problem. I'm just trying to solve this case, 108 00:04:53,157 --> 00:04:56,076 and everyone's making a huge deal because I have a few minor injuries 109 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,120 to my ribs, ankle, hand, toes, and jaw. 110 00:04:59,204 --> 00:05:00,372 Jaw? Yeah, that just happened. 111 00:05:00,456 --> 00:05:03,209 I got hit in the face with a box. But, look, I'm fine. I promise you. 112 00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:08,632 No, you're not. I'm done with this, Peralta. Go home and get better. Now. 113 00:05:08,798 --> 00:05:11,175 All right, fine. But I'm taking this box of evidence with me. 114 00:05:11,259 --> 00:05:12,718 If you can pick it up, you can take it. 115 00:05:12,802 --> 00:05:14,262 Deal. 116 00:05:17,140 --> 00:05:23,230 [GROANING LOUDLY] 117 00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,402 See? I'm fine. 118 00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:34,075 Yo, yo, yo. Miss me, miss me, now you gotta kiss me. 119 00:05:34,159 --> 00:05:35,201 Talking to you. 120 00:05:35,285 --> 00:05:38,037 Jake, what are you doing here? It's only been four days. 121 00:05:38,121 --> 00:05:40,081 You're supposed to take a full week off of work. 122 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,208 Come on, Sarge, does it look like I'm on the job? 123 00:05:42,292 --> 00:05:43,918 Okay, then. What are you doing here? 124 00:05:44,002 --> 00:05:46,754 Taking your advice to rest and relax to the next level. 125 00:05:46,838 --> 00:05:48,257 Swinging by to pick up Charles and then we're headed 126 00:05:48,341 --> 00:05:49,425 to sunny, beachy, 127 00:05:49,509 --> 00:05:51,734 only recently devastated-by-financial-crisis 128 00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:52,553 Atlantic City. 129 00:05:52,637 --> 00:05:56,015 That's right, suckers. Jake and I are going on the coolest vacation ever. 130 00:05:56,099 --> 00:05:59,685 Official trip nickname, ACDC, Atlantic City Dudes Club. 131 00:05:59,769 --> 00:06:01,478 Yeah, that's gonna change. But check it out, Sarge. 132 00:06:01,562 --> 00:06:02,756 Boyle and I are staying at… 133 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,858 BOTH [HIGH-PITCHED VOICES]: The Ravenna. 134 00:06:04,942 --> 00:06:08,153 Damn. This place is lux. 135 00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:10,447 Yeah, I've been trying to get Jake down there forever. 136 00:06:10,531 --> 00:06:12,365 Had I known all it would take was a few broken bones, 137 00:06:12,449 --> 00:06:15,201 I would have hit him with a baseball bat years ago. [CLEARS THROAT] 138 00:06:15,285 --> 00:06:18,414 Sarge, it's a spa and a casino. A spa-sino. 139 00:06:18,498 --> 00:06:21,083 One of the room service options is a carving station. 140 00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,378 Talkin' prime rib in bed! 141 00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:26,631 And what's this? I'm using a blanket as a napkin. 142 00:06:26,715 --> 00:06:29,675 That's fancy. That's fancy. Real fancy. 143 00:06:29,759 --> 00:06:32,971 All right. Well, that sounds good, Jake. Sounds like you guys are gonna have fun. 144 00:06:33,055 --> 00:06:35,140 Oh. Oh, we will. Because we're staying at… 145 00:06:35,224 --> 00:06:37,518 BOTH [HIGH-PITCHED VOICES]: The Ravenna. 146 00:06:37,893 --> 00:06:39,811 Jake, this is not the Ravenna. 147 00:06:39,895 --> 00:06:44,608 No, it is not. But it is the world famous Seaf am Motel. 148 00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,100 I think the "O" fell off. Pretty cool, right? 149 00:06:47,195 --> 00:06:49,415 The Ravenna had a four-star restaurant. This 150 00:06:49,499 --> 00:06:51,699 place has a weird amount of dead seagulls, 151 00:06:51,783 --> 00:06:52,909 even for AC. 152 00:06:52,993 --> 00:06:57,163 All right, fine. It's not a vacation. It's a stakeout. 153 00:06:57,247 --> 00:06:58,831 My perp has a brother who lives in this dump, 154 00:06:58,915 --> 00:07:00,291 and I think he's hiding out with him here. 155 00:07:00,375 --> 00:07:04,213 Seriously? I was looking forward to this trip. I can't believe you lied to me. 156 00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:09,469 It wasn't a lie. It was… [DRAMATICALLY] an illusion! 157 00:07:10,178 --> 00:07:12,805 All right, it was a lie. I'm sorry. I had to make it sound really cool 158 00:07:12,889 --> 00:07:14,556 so you'd drop everything and come with me. 159 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,143 I can't let Olson walk and I can't catch him alone. 160 00:07:17,227 --> 00:07:20,522 Plus, this is gonna be super fun. New trip nickname… ACDC, 161 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:22,524 Atlantic City Detectives Club. 162 00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:26,820 Okay, fine. You know I can't say no to a good trip nickname. 163 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,615 There he is! Oh! Arm, rib, arm, rib, shoulder? 164 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,242 [RAPID PANTING] 165 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:33,035 Marcus, Detective Diaz, what a surprise. 166 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,538 I didn't expect you for another nine and a half minutes. 167 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:36,914 See? I told you it was rude to be early. 168 00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,875 Well, let's cancel the entire evening and try again next year. 169 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:43,797 Baby. She is hilarious. I thought you might need some help setting up. 170 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,383 Oh. I'll put these in some water. Thank you. 171 00:07:46,467 --> 00:07:48,677 Marcus, you can help with the bœuf Bourguignon. 172 00:07:48,761 --> 00:07:50,721 I subbed shallots for onions in the mirepoix. 173 00:07:50,805 --> 00:07:55,184 No. Are you kidding? [WHISPERS] I have no idea what he's talking about. 174 00:07:57,353 --> 00:07:59,563 I'm sorry. We're screwed. I should just break up with him. 175 00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,108 No, no, no, no. Santiago is always on time. 176 00:08:02,192 --> 00:08:04,193 We only have to make small talk for… 177 00:08:04,277 --> 00:08:05,570 Eight minutes and 45 seconds. 178 00:08:05,654 --> 00:08:09,991 We better keep it impersonal. Acceptable topics include what constitutes a grain, 179 00:08:10,075 --> 00:08:14,412 the Hubble Space Telescope, orchid varietals, the birth of the transistor… 180 00:08:14,496 --> 00:08:15,581 We only have to fill eight minutes. 181 00:08:15,665 --> 00:08:20,002 Sure, but think about it as 480 seconds, and you'll see why I'm concerned. 182 00:08:20,503 --> 00:08:21,754 Oh, my God. 183 00:08:21,838 --> 00:08:27,051 Uh-oh, Amy. Train's moving real slow. We're gonna be epically late. 184 00:08:27,552 --> 00:08:30,930 Keep your reaction short and to the point. I'm running out of mem. 185 00:08:31,014 --> 00:08:34,517 Sorry, Gina. I hope we're late. That's how the fashionable crowd lives. 186 00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,603 I told you. Tonight, I'm gonna have fun. 187 00:08:37,354 --> 00:08:39,939 What? I'm being chill. 188 00:08:40,023 --> 00:08:41,274 Why are you looking at me like that? 189 00:08:41,358 --> 00:08:45,530 Because something stinks. And it's definitely the food you brought. 190 00:08:46,197 --> 00:08:49,701 I think it smells great. It's my mom's famous Niçoise salad. 191 00:08:49,868 --> 00:08:53,913 Amy, all your cooking stinks. Why would you even get involved with tuna and egg? 192 00:08:53,997 --> 00:08:55,623 No one else seems to mind it. 193 00:08:55,707 --> 00:08:59,085 We mind. We really, really mind. Just throw it out. 194 00:08:59,169 --> 00:09:04,383 I will not throw it out. But I will open a window. Because I'm a nice person. 195 00:09:06,969 --> 00:09:10,138 And I'm an even nicer person. Bye-bye, salad! 196 00:09:10,222 --> 00:09:11,265 No! 197 00:09:15,562 --> 00:09:19,065 Yo. Still no movement. How was the snack machine? 198 00:09:19,441 --> 00:09:20,984 Ah. Snacks abound. 199 00:09:21,234 --> 00:09:24,487 Told you this place was awesome. My theory is that Olson and his brother 200 00:09:24,571 --> 00:09:27,532 have been using it as a home base while they rob places up and down the coast. 201 00:09:27,616 --> 00:09:31,328 Fascinating, fascinating. Do you desire a crispened potato? 202 00:09:31,412 --> 00:09:34,832 Ah, don't mind if I doobie. Wait a minute. Crispened potato? 203 00:09:34,916 --> 00:09:36,083 Why are you fancy-talking? 204 00:09:36,167 --> 00:09:38,753 How dare you, sir? I speak the common tongue. 205 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,547 There it is again. You only do that when you're lying or hiding something. 206 00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:44,092 Hiding? Ha! Pish-posh. 207 00:09:44,426 --> 00:09:46,136 -[KNOCK AT DOOR] -JEFFORDS: Housekeeping! 208 00:09:46,220 --> 00:09:50,170 That's not housekeeping, that's betrayal! I can't believe you called the Sarge. 209 00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:55,103 Hey, Sarge. Don't "Hey, Sarge" me, Peralta. 210 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,355 I'm about to break the rest of your damn body. 211 00:09:57,439 --> 00:09:59,859 Okay, fine. I accept my fate. 212 00:09:59,943 --> 00:10:03,843 Just take a picture of my penis first for posterity, and then do what you must. 213 00:10:04,489 --> 00:10:06,577 Amy says that we should start dinner without 214 00:10:06,661 --> 00:10:08,784 her. And then, she writes "whatevs," colon, 215 00:10:08,868 --> 00:10:10,536 hyphen, closed parentheses. 216 00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:14,708 Great. It's much nicer just the four of us. We can really get into it. 217 00:10:14,792 --> 00:10:19,546 Yeah, let's do just that. Uh… So, Marcus, what, uh, orchids can you name? 218 00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:21,256 Oh, that's easy. None. 219 00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:25,385 Ah, well, here are the orchids that I can name. Beclardia, Beloglottis, Benthamia, 220 00:10:25,469 --> 00:10:27,345 Diphylax, Dipodium, Evotella… 221 00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:30,892 Raymond, you know how much I love hearing you talk about orchids. 222 00:10:30,976 --> 00:10:32,435 Great. Then there's Eriaxis… 223 00:10:32,519 --> 00:10:35,647 But I would love to hear more about our guest. 224 00:10:36,314 --> 00:10:38,149 Rosa, tell us about your family. 225 00:10:40,777 --> 00:10:41,820 I have one. 226 00:10:42,112 --> 00:10:44,281 You've got to give him more deets than that. 227 00:10:44,365 --> 00:10:47,159 Her father's a teacher. They're from Bensonhurst. 228 00:10:47,326 --> 00:10:50,204 Speaking of which, have they finished repairing the Hubble Space Telescope? 229 00:10:50,288 --> 00:10:53,749 Yes, six years ago. So, do you have siblings? 230 00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:56,836 I have… 231 00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,048 Two sisters. 232 00:11:02,759 --> 00:11:03,885 I have to leave this. 233 00:11:06,930 --> 00:11:08,015 [CLEARS THROAT] 234 00:11:10,183 --> 00:11:14,272 Whoo. Great idea, take a breather. That was way too personal. 235 00:11:14,397 --> 00:11:18,943 No one needs to know you have sisters. New topic. The moons of Jupiter. 236 00:11:20,236 --> 00:11:21,636 I think I might be pregnant. 237 00:11:23,323 --> 00:11:24,365 Oh. 238 00:11:26,367 --> 00:11:27,870 Oh! 239 00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:32,958 Oh… No. 240 00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,981 I came down here to stop you from doing 241 00:11:36,065 --> 00:11:38,630 something stupid. I called the ACPD and told 242 00:11:38,714 --> 00:11:42,218 them we had a possible perp at this motel. They're sending a squad car. 243 00:11:42,552 --> 00:11:45,721 Wow, Boyle. The fact that you would sell me out after 244 00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:50,518 I brought you to Atlantic City on a half-expenses-paid best friends trip. 245 00:11:50,602 --> 00:11:54,313 I know, I'm sorry, it's just… I was worried about you getting hurt. 246 00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:57,985 No, Charles, don't apologize! We're mad at him! 247 00:11:58,527 --> 00:12:01,196 I had to miss family dinner to drive my ass out here. 248 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,739 Well, no one asked you to do that. 249 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,409 Actually, I did. Remember? I betrayed you. 250 00:12:05,493 --> 00:12:08,412 Charles. What are you doing, bud? I just dug you out of this. 251 00:12:08,496 --> 00:12:11,332 Peralta, we're going home as soon as that squad car gets here. 252 00:12:11,416 --> 00:12:13,167 Until then, you sit tight. 253 00:12:13,251 --> 00:12:15,587 You're on time-out. That's your time-out chair. 254 00:12:15,712 --> 00:12:18,423 Fine. But first, I have to go to the bathroom. 255 00:12:18,507 --> 00:12:20,842 And it will be work due to my injured tailbone 256 00:12:20,926 --> 00:12:22,844 and bruised bladder. 257 00:12:23,553 --> 00:12:25,180 Yeah. Yeah. 258 00:12:29,644 --> 00:12:36,025 What the hell? Please be Olson. Please be Olson. Please be Olson. 259 00:12:37,026 --> 00:12:38,361 You're not Olson. 260 00:12:40,154 --> 00:12:41,198 Oh, no. 261 00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:43,617 [GRUNTS] 262 00:12:45,536 --> 00:12:46,578 Uh-oh. 263 00:12:49,748 --> 00:12:50,790 JEFFORDS: This stinks! 264 00:12:50,874 --> 00:12:54,377 I should be at home taking care of my real babies, not some big, dumb, work baby. 265 00:12:54,461 --> 00:12:56,274 I know you're upset, Sarge, but I think the 266 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,299 fact that you came all the way down here has 267 00:12:58,383 --> 00:12:59,759 really taught Jake a lesson. 268 00:12:59,843 --> 00:13:00,885 -[BANGING ON WINDOW] -JAKE: Help! 269 00:13:00,969 --> 00:13:02,969 And I'm wrong. He's done something dumb. 270 00:13:03,471 --> 00:13:04,680 JAKE: Help! Help! Cover yourself, Jake! 271 00:13:04,764 --> 00:13:06,864 It's your friend, Charles Boyle, from work! 272 00:13:08,351 --> 00:13:10,061 Hey, guys. 273 00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:14,108 What the hell are you doing out there, Peralta? 274 00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:18,487 Would you believe that my urine stream was so powerful that it shot… 275 00:13:18,571 --> 00:13:19,946 Nope. Okay. 276 00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:23,075 I thought I saw our perp. And I know I'm not supposed to be working, 277 00:13:23,159 --> 00:13:26,996 but technically, I wasn't working, because it wasn't our guy. 278 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,353 Get out of the bathroom! We're gonna go sit 279 00:13:29,437 --> 00:13:31,793 on those gross beds and talk about the fact 280 00:13:31,877 --> 00:13:33,086 that you have a real problem! 281 00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:35,797 Okay. I get that you're mad, and we are definitely gonna talk. 282 00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:38,633 But I still haven't technically gotten to go pee, so if you wouldn't mind… 283 00:13:38,717 --> 00:13:42,317 I don't care. You have lost the right to pee. You can fidget, little man. 284 00:13:43,806 --> 00:13:47,184 Well… It's gonna be on you when we're all covered in my whizz. 285 00:13:47,268 --> 00:13:48,603 Get your ass out there. 286 00:13:49,270 --> 00:13:52,732 Are your bosoms tender? 287 00:13:53,149 --> 00:13:54,776 I'm gonna pretend that you didn't just ask me that. 288 00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:56,820 Are your senses heightened? 289 00:13:56,904 --> 00:14:00,054 I think I might be pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider. 290 00:14:01,533 --> 00:14:04,119 Kevin asked me about my sister. She just told me she's pregnant. 291 00:14:04,203 --> 00:14:05,353 And that made me think. 292 00:14:05,787 --> 00:14:08,581 I've been feeling rundown lately, my stomach's been weird, 293 00:14:08,665 --> 00:14:11,001 and I just did the math in my head and I think I'm a little bit late. 294 00:14:11,085 --> 00:14:14,672 Late to, uh… Oh, right. Right. Your, um… 295 00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:18,634 What if I'm pregnant? Do I tell Marcus? What do I do with a baby? 296 00:14:18,718 --> 00:14:20,719 How do you take care of those things? Why are their heads so soft? 297 00:14:20,803 --> 00:14:23,389 Before you spiral any more, you should take a pregnancy test. 298 00:14:23,473 --> 00:14:24,975 Yes, smart. Immediately. 299 00:14:25,976 --> 00:14:28,603 Oh, immediately, immediately. 300 00:14:28,687 --> 00:14:30,605 Uh, very well. I'll figure out a way to get 301 00:14:30,689 --> 00:14:32,691 you out of here without arousing suspicion. 302 00:14:32,775 --> 00:14:35,975 Now I'm regretting blowing through my orchid material so quickly. 303 00:14:36,529 --> 00:14:39,908 Jake, you put work ahead of everything else and it's not healthy. 304 00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:42,536 Remember Cagney and Lacey's third birthday party? 305 00:14:42,702 --> 00:14:45,246 I hired you as Jakels the Clown? How'd that go? 306 00:14:45,330 --> 00:14:50,001 [SILLY VOICE] And Jeremy the Giraffe has a very long neck. 307 00:14:50,669 --> 00:14:53,881 That's it! The hooker was strangled! 308 00:14:54,423 --> 00:14:56,592 You were thinking that at a kid's party. 309 00:14:56,676 --> 00:14:58,844 Life is more than just whatever case you're working on. 310 00:14:58,928 --> 00:15:00,888 If you don't figure out how to balance things, 311 00:15:00,972 --> 00:15:03,807 you're gonna burn out or get hurt. Oh, look, you did get hurt. 312 00:15:03,891 --> 00:15:08,354 Okay. Fine. You guys make some great points. But counter-point, 313 00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:10,488 I am right all the time. There's our perp. 314 00:15:13,235 --> 00:15:14,653 All right. Let's go! 315 00:15:15,028 --> 00:15:17,530 Jake! Observe him from a safe distance 316 00:15:17,614 --> 00:15:19,491 while we wait for the Atlantic City PD to show up. 317 00:15:19,575 --> 00:15:22,077 My exact instinct as well, Sarge. Good thinking. 318 00:15:22,828 --> 00:15:24,997 Oh, no. Are you certain we have to cut the party short? 319 00:15:25,081 --> 00:15:26,999 Uh, yes, unfortunately, Detective Diaz has an 320 00:15:27,083 --> 00:15:29,168 unexpected emergency to take care of. 321 00:15:29,252 --> 00:15:30,920 All right. Do you need to go as well? 322 00:15:31,004 --> 00:15:32,704 No, it's not quite Captain-worthy. 323 00:15:33,006 --> 00:15:36,217 But still advanced enough that Detective Diaz's 324 00:15:36,301 --> 00:15:39,513 talents are best qualified to handle the, um… 325 00:15:39,597 --> 00:15:41,139 Non-emergency emergency. 326 00:15:41,223 --> 00:15:43,434 Yes. Precisely. See? She's great. 327 00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:45,811 I should go do that. Now. Yes. 328 00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:51,816 Hey, what's up? Hi. Hi. Sorry we're so late. 329 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,695 Actually, the party is over. What? 330 00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:57,156 The party is over! Oh, I see. 331 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:02,287 You heard me, you were just taken by surprise. Very well. Um, goodnight. 332 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,039 But… Oh… 333 00:16:06,041 --> 00:16:07,250 [SIGHS] 334 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,629 All I wanted to do was impress Captain Holt, and you know what? 335 00:16:10,713 --> 00:16:13,215 It didn't matter. It didn't matter that we were late. 336 00:16:13,299 --> 00:16:15,008 It didn't matter that I was chill. 337 00:16:15,092 --> 00:16:16,969 And it didn't matter that the rats ate my salad. 338 00:16:17,053 --> 00:16:19,555 Oh, no. I definitely saw them running away from it. 339 00:16:25,729 --> 00:16:28,529 You know what, my friend? It's time to be chill for real. 340 00:16:32,235 --> 00:16:35,364 Mmm. Yes, Gaga! Yes, that's the spirit! 341 00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:37,200 [GIGGLING] 342 00:16:37,617 --> 00:16:39,410 We should go. Yep. 343 00:16:40,161 --> 00:16:42,664 Damn ACPD. They should be here by now. 344 00:16:43,748 --> 00:16:45,749 He's looking at us. Pretend to use the ice machine, Boyle. 345 00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:48,794 Gladly. Why is it so fun to get hotel ice? 346 00:16:48,878 --> 00:16:52,478 It feels wasteful, but also like, I bought this room, I deserve this ice. 347 00:16:52,841 --> 00:16:54,301 Shh. He's on the move. 348 00:16:55,469 --> 00:16:58,019 JEFFORDS: Okay, I'll follow until the ACPD get here. 349 00:16:59,473 --> 00:17:01,224 Damn it! Stay put, Peralta! 350 00:17:01,308 --> 00:17:03,643 I will! Don't worry! I'm just gonna let Sarge follow him. 351 00:17:03,727 --> 00:17:05,812 I'm gonna stay here. I can't do it. I'm gonna cut him off in the alley. 352 00:17:05,896 --> 00:17:07,273 Ow, ow, ow. 353 00:17:08,858 --> 00:17:11,486 Ha! Short cut. You just got "Jaked." 354 00:17:13,697 --> 00:17:15,990 Oh! Oh, Jake! Oh… 355 00:17:17,325 --> 00:17:19,452 Jake! You okay? 356 00:17:19,536 --> 00:17:22,039 No, Sarge. I got hit by a car. 357 00:17:25,584 --> 00:17:27,268 Are you happy now? Broken ribs and a 358 00:17:27,352 --> 00:17:29,463 million broken toes weren't enough for you? 359 00:17:29,547 --> 00:17:32,424 In retrospect, they were plenty. Yes. 360 00:17:32,508 --> 00:17:34,217 The worst part is, Olson got away. 361 00:17:34,301 --> 00:17:37,221 That's the worst part? You could have died, man. 362 00:17:37,305 --> 00:17:40,892 I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. 363 00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:43,059 That's where the blood's supposed to be. 364 00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:45,897 Look, I know you're angry because I disrespected you as a boss. 365 00:17:45,981 --> 00:17:50,031 No! I'm upset my friend doesn't want my help because he insists on being an idiot. 366 00:17:50,402 --> 00:17:54,824 You know what? You're a lost cause. I'm done trying to help you. Terry's leaving. 367 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,743 Wait. 368 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:02,539 My second year on the force, I was working a drug case. 369 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,500 Tracking this drug dealer for months. 370 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,629 And then, suddenly, he disappeared right before Memorial Day. 371 00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:10,799 Which I was supposed to take off for a guys' weekend with some friends. 372 00:18:10,883 --> 00:18:12,833 But how? We didn't know each other yet. 373 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,762 Oh, other friends. 374 00:18:15,846 --> 00:18:18,098 While I was gone, the dude resurfaced and got into 375 00:18:18,182 --> 00:18:21,519 a shootout with another drug dealer. Two civilians got shot. 376 00:18:21,978 --> 00:18:24,355 Meanwhile, I was sipping piña coladas in Philly. 377 00:18:24,856 --> 00:18:27,956 From that day on, I vowed to never take time off during a case. 378 00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:30,236 Also, I don't love Philly. 379 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,655 Jake, I get it. Philly sucks. 380 00:18:32,989 --> 00:18:34,573 Yeah. But why didn't you ever tell us? 381 00:18:34,657 --> 00:18:38,036 I was embarrassed about the choice I made. People got hurt because of me. 382 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,870 Perps get away. People get hurt. That's part of the job. 383 00:18:41,373 --> 00:18:44,668 But if you don't give yourself a break, you'll be no use to anyone. 384 00:18:44,752 --> 00:18:45,902 Because you'll be dead. 385 00:18:46,629 --> 00:18:47,979 Real talk alert. [CHUCKLES] 386 00:18:49,423 --> 00:18:50,467 Okay. 387 00:18:50,842 --> 00:18:54,804 I get it. I'd give you a hug, but right now, my body has the structural integrity 388 00:18:54,888 --> 00:18:57,015 of a chocolate soufflé. Ooh. 389 00:19:00,769 --> 00:19:05,649 I am so hungover. Did we steal these sunglasses last night? 390 00:19:05,733 --> 00:19:11,196 No, you paid the bodega guy $200 for them. And his shirt. 391 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:15,368 Ugh. That explains why I have a XXXL Scarf ace hoodie on my couch. 392 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:19,121 Eh, worth it. It was a pretty fun night. 393 00:19:19,205 --> 00:19:22,709 Hey. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for canceling the party so abruptly. 394 00:19:22,793 --> 00:19:26,129 There was a non-emergency emergency. 395 00:19:26,213 --> 00:19:31,676 Your loss. Amy made a salad and a cake, and they were… Amazing. 396 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,012 Well, let's put a make-up dinner in the calendar. 397 00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:38,559 Or we could just go with the flow. See what happens. I don't give a what. 398 00:19:38,643 --> 00:19:39,685 Too much. 399 00:19:39,769 --> 00:19:41,919 I mean, that would be great. Thank you, sir. 400 00:19:44,774 --> 00:19:46,776 Captain. Detective Diaz. 401 00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:49,405 I'm not pregnant. 402 00:19:50,030 --> 00:19:52,449 I see. I just wanted to say thank you. 403 00:19:53,242 --> 00:19:54,942 Talking to you was really helpful. 404 00:19:55,578 --> 00:19:59,498 Maybe mixing our personal and professional lives isn't as disgusting as it sounds. 405 00:19:59,582 --> 00:20:02,001 Yes, I agree. And… 406 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,297 I'm glad I could help. 407 00:20:06,047 --> 00:20:08,842 Now, let's never talk about… 408 00:20:10,427 --> 00:20:12,345 Stop pointing at it. Yes, of course. 409 00:20:12,429 --> 00:20:13,680 Um… 410 00:20:14,472 --> 00:20:15,557 Dismissed? 411 00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:24,024 Yo. Welcome back, Peralta. You look rested. 412 00:20:24,108 --> 00:20:27,569 Thank you, I am. I caught up on a lot of very important daytime television, 413 00:20:27,653 --> 00:20:29,905 I tried grapefruit juice for the first time, terrible, 414 00:20:29,989 --> 00:20:32,450 and one day, I even bought the newspaper. 415 00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:35,036 It was raining, and I needed a cheap umbrella. 416 00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:37,705 Impressive. And how's your broken everything? 417 00:20:37,789 --> 00:20:39,457 Doctor gave me the all-clear to come back to work. 418 00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:41,681 And I'm allowed to have light, non-strenuous 419 00:20:41,765 --> 00:20:43,837 sex, provided I stretch before and after. 420 00:20:44,463 --> 00:20:45,589 Nice. 421 00:20:48,301 --> 00:20:51,137 Well, it's, uh, great to have you back. 422 00:20:52,305 --> 00:20:54,765 Your perp got picked up by some uniforms in the 78. 423 00:20:54,849 --> 00:20:57,434 But I have a couple other B&Es you could jump on. 424 00:20:57,518 --> 00:21:01,021 Oh. Actually, Sarge, I'm not back-back just yet. 425 00:21:01,105 --> 00:21:03,192 I decided to take two more vacation days. 426 00:21:03,525 --> 00:21:04,568 A friend of mine said I needed 427 00:21:04,652 --> 00:21:05,944 to experience life outside of work. 428 00:21:06,028 --> 00:21:07,070 Smart friend. 429 00:21:07,154 --> 00:21:09,739 Anyways, I figure I owe Boyle a legit trip to AC. So… 430 00:21:09,823 --> 00:21:10,866 That's right, y'all. 431 00:21:10,950 --> 00:21:13,243 It's time for ACDC part 2, 432 00:21:13,327 --> 00:21:15,663 Atlantic City Destruction Crew. 433 00:21:15,913 --> 00:21:16,955 Yeah, actually not bad. 434 00:21:17,039 --> 00:21:20,042 Because we are going to destroy eight different 435 00:21:20,126 --> 00:21:24,922 taffy crawls and one "Ghosts of the Boardwalk" bus tour. 436 00:21:25,006 --> 00:21:27,133 Not where I saw that going, but I'm still excited. 437 00:21:27,217 --> 00:21:28,259 Ha-ho! 438 00:21:28,343 --> 00:21:29,844 This is gonna be epic, bro. 439 00:21:30,428 --> 00:21:33,078 Quick, Sarge, punch me in the ribs as hard as you can.