1
00:00:04,853 --> 00:00:06,438
What you got there?

2
00:00:06,938 --> 00:00:09,107
Candle, perfume, bra?

3
00:00:09,483 --> 00:00:11,485
Someone's dropping off
a care package for Mom.

4
00:00:11,569 --> 00:00:12,945
Ew, no.

5
00:00:13,154 --> 00:00:15,280
It's the stuff that Sophia
left at my apartment.

6
00:00:15,364 --> 00:00:19,203
Oh, bud. Oh, bud. Breakups are the worst.

7
00:00:19,328 --> 00:00:21,663
Man, I just wanna walk up
to Sophia, slap her in the face

8
00:00:21,747 --> 00:00:23,123
and say, "Girl, you messed up."

9
00:00:23,207 --> 00:00:24,583
JEFFORDS: You need to destroy that stuff.

10
00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:26,001
You want me to crush that big box

11
00:00:26,085 --> 00:00:27,628
into a little ball with my bare hands?

12
00:00:27,712 --> 00:00:30,297
No. I'm gonna text Sophia
and give her her stuff back.

13
00:00:30,381 --> 00:00:31,507
That way I'll get to see her again

14
00:00:31,591 --> 00:00:33,218
and hopefully smell
the air around her hair.

15
00:00:33,302 --> 00:00:34,344
That'll make me feel better.

16
00:00:34,428 --> 00:00:36,430
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay, you need to embrace the pain

17
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:37,556
so you can get through it.

18
00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,100
You need catharsis.

19
00:00:39,434 --> 00:00:41,436
Sarge is right! You need to cathart.

20
00:00:41,561 --> 00:00:43,271
Cathart your brains out.

21
00:00:43,355 --> 00:00:44,773
Cathart all over the place.

22
00:00:44,898 --> 00:00:46,733
That is a great point, guys. Thank you.

23
00:00:46,817 --> 00:00:47,985
You know who would appreciate that a lot,

24
00:00:48,069 --> 00:00:49,403
is Sophia. I'm gonna text her.

25
00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:50,988
I'm gonna take that phone now, Jake.

26
00:00:51,072 --> 00:00:52,722
[SCOFFS] I'd like to see you try.

27
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:54,500
Well, you did that very easily.

28
00:00:54,701 --> 00:00:56,161
Look, I understand
that you're trying to help,

29
00:00:56,245 --> 00:00:59,080
but I promise you, the best thing
for me right now is to text Sophia.

30
00:00:59,164 --> 00:01:00,833
Give me my phone? Hmm?

31
00:01:01,292 --> 00:01:02,377
Thank you.

32
00:01:03,962 --> 00:01:05,213
And send.

33
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:08,133
Why hasn't she written back yet?

34
00:01:08,217 --> 00:01:09,843
God, this feels terrible!

35
00:01:10,219 --> 00:01:13,013
You two could have stopped
this, but you didn't, you monsters!

36
00:01:13,097 --> 00:01:15,100
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

37
00:01:33,954 --> 00:01:37,041
Hey. Any idea what this
emergency meeting is about?

38
00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:39,376
Probably about how all the
cell towers in the city are broken

39
00:01:39,460 --> 00:01:41,212
and that's why Sophia
hasn't texted me back.

40
00:01:41,296 --> 00:01:43,507
I keep checking my phone
every three seconds like a loser.

41
00:01:43,591 --> 00:01:44,967
Tread lightly, son.

42
00:01:45,593 --> 00:01:47,010
Jacob, have you done

43
00:01:47,094 --> 00:01:49,194
any of the catharting
exercises I gave you?

44
00:01:49,472 --> 00:01:51,140
Well, I don't own a bathtub,

45
00:01:51,224 --> 00:01:52,774
so the first two pages are out.

46
00:01:53,101 --> 00:01:56,188
And it's the middle of winter, so
where would I dance in a fountain?

47
00:01:56,272 --> 00:01:58,315
Indoor malls, Jake. Indoor malls.

48
00:01:58,399 --> 00:01:59,525
All right, squad.

49
00:01:59,609 --> 00:02:00,984
Every year, the Department

50
00:02:01,068 --> 00:02:03,738
of Homeland Security runs a multiagency

51
00:02:03,822 --> 00:02:05,198
counterterrorism drill.

52
00:02:05,282 --> 00:02:08,493
The team from the DOD had
to drop out at the last minute.

53
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:11,580
Thanks to our stellar scores
at last year's Tactical Village…

54
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:12,749
Nine-Nine!

55
00:02:15,460 --> 00:02:16,585
They want us to fill in.

56
00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:20,382
We are the only non-federal agency ever

57
00:02:20,466 --> 00:02:21,717
invited to this event.

58
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:25,472
This is a huge opportunity
and we are going to nail it.

59
00:02:25,805 --> 00:02:27,724
-Nine-Nine!
-ALL: Yeah!

60
00:02:29,142 --> 00:02:31,060
Charles, you know what I'm thinking?

61
00:02:31,144 --> 00:02:32,729
Yes, we should pack crepes for the road.

62
00:02:32,813 --> 00:02:35,065
No. This drill couldn't
have come at a better time.

63
00:02:35,149 --> 00:02:36,275
I'm gonna throw myself into it

64
00:02:36,359 --> 00:02:37,985
and focus solely on getting a win,

65
00:02:38,069 --> 00:02:39,946
and not whether or not
Sophia's texted me back.

66
00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:41,906
Which, she hasn't, in case
anyone was wondering.

67
00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:43,784
-Nine-Nine!
-ALL: Yeah!

68
00:02:44,409 --> 00:02:45,494
I don't get it.

69
00:02:46,663 --> 00:02:48,622
Santiago, Diaz. Before you go,

70
00:02:48,706 --> 00:02:50,624
both of you requested
to have this Saturday off,

71
00:02:50,708 --> 00:02:51,750
but I need one of you to work.

72
00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:52,877
Oh, I can take that shift.

73
00:02:52,961 --> 00:02:54,129
Well, last time you worked a Saturday,

74
00:02:54,213 --> 00:02:55,964
you watched cartoons the entire time.

75
00:02:56,048 --> 00:02:57,424
Well, that's when they're on.

76
00:02:57,508 --> 00:02:59,551
Work this out and get back to me.

77
00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:02,305
Sorry, I can't reschedule.

78
00:03:02,389 --> 00:03:04,682
I have tickets to a TED
Talk on power poses

79
00:03:04,766 --> 00:03:06,966
and getting what you
want by using your body.

80
00:03:07,436 --> 00:03:09,730
Uh-oh. I hope it doesn't get too sexual.

81
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:12,065
<i>Uh-Oh. I Hope It Doesn't Get
Too Sexual,</i> title of your sex tape.

82
00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:13,651
But seriously, what is taking so long?

83
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:15,111
Also the title of your sex tape.

84
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:16,613
Well, I have plans on Saturday, too.

85
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,947
I'm having dinner with my parents.

86
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,534
So? You don't even like your parents.

87
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,037
You call them smiley
morons and hug freaks.

88
00:03:23,121 --> 00:03:25,289
Plans are plans.
I'm a badass, not an anarchist.

89
00:03:25,373 --> 00:03:26,457
I don't buy it.

90
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,835
You know, if you told me
what you were really doing,

91
00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:30,546
I'd consider changing my plans.

92
00:03:30,754 --> 00:03:34,550
But you didn't, so I'm
getting Saturday off.

93
00:03:35,218 --> 00:03:36,761
Are you trying to power pose me?

94
00:03:36,845 --> 00:03:38,804
I don't know. Maybe I'm
supposed to be sitting in a chair.

95
00:03:38,888 --> 00:03:40,638
This is why I need to see the talk!

96
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:45,729
Captain, is the entire
squad at this dumb field trip?

97
00:03:45,813 --> 00:03:47,648
Yes, they are. Is there a problem?

98
00:03:47,732 --> 00:03:49,192
Uh, yeah.

99
00:03:49,651 --> 00:03:53,530
You know how I've been defying all
expectations by going back to school?

100
00:03:53,697 --> 00:03:54,781
I always knew you had it in you.

101
00:03:54,865 --> 00:03:57,118
[SIGHS] Can't you just
be blown away by me?

102
00:03:57,410 --> 00:04:00,705
I need someone to take this
personality test for my psych class.

103
00:04:01,164 --> 00:04:04,710
I was hoping to wow my
professor with a genuine psycho,

104
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,547
like Amy or Hitchcock or
Charles would be great.

105
00:04:08,922 --> 00:04:11,122
I'm not a psycho, but
I could take your test.

106
00:04:11,259 --> 00:04:12,594
That would be awesome.

107
00:04:13,178 --> 00:04:17,892
I do need to warn you that the
results can be a little unflattering.

108
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:21,061
It's okay. I'm no stranger
to unflattering test results.

109
00:04:21,812 --> 00:04:23,262
Your blood pressure's normal.

110
00:04:23,773 --> 00:04:25,609
Normal? Take it again.

111
00:04:26,067 --> 00:04:28,067
I'm not afraid to have my flaws exposed.

112
00:04:28,236 --> 00:04:30,718
But just to be clear
though, it is possible

113
00:04:30,802 --> 00:04:32,950
to get a result that shows no flaws?

114
00:04:33,785 --> 00:04:35,661
I guess? Good, good.

115
00:04:36,370 --> 00:04:37,455
Can't wait to begin.

116
00:04:39,416 --> 00:04:40,542
BOYLE: Did Sophia text you?

117
00:04:40,626 --> 00:04:43,726
No. It was just a lightly racist
email forward from my grandma.

118
00:04:44,004 --> 00:04:46,340
But, doesn't matter.
Because it's time to cathart.

119
00:04:46,424 --> 00:04:48,092
Check it out. Windbreaker City.

120
00:04:48,176 --> 00:04:52,012
ATF, marshals, ICE,
FBI, Homeland Security.

121
00:04:52,096 --> 00:04:53,557
Welcome to the big leagues, Boyle.

122
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,267
Oh, say that again! I want to record it

123
00:04:55,351 --> 00:04:56,951
and use it as my ring tone. Nah.

124
00:04:57,269 --> 00:04:59,564
Hey, there. Jake Peralta, NYPD.

125
00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:00,815
Pleasure to meet a colleague.

126
00:05:00,899 --> 00:05:03,777
Colleague? Dude, read the jacket.

127
00:05:03,944 --> 00:05:06,112
Homeland. We're not on the same level.

128
00:05:06,196 --> 00:05:07,948
Well, that was incredibly rude.

129
00:05:08,032 --> 00:05:10,367
No, no, no, no.
I've always admired people

130
00:05:10,451 --> 00:05:12,536
who decided what they wanted
to be when they were six years old

131
00:05:12,620 --> 00:05:13,747
and never wavered.

132
00:05:13,997 --> 00:05:17,584
Bus drivers, ice cream men, princesses.

133
00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:19,377
So when exactly did you decide

134
00:05:19,461 --> 00:05:21,422
you wanted to be a butt? Was it college?

135
00:05:21,506 --> 00:05:25,009
Law school. Just wanted to let
you know that I went to law school.

136
00:05:25,260 --> 00:05:26,970
At Butt University? [CHUCKLING]

137
00:05:27,387 --> 00:05:28,472
What are you doing?

138
00:05:28,931 --> 00:05:30,266
I'm standing up for us.

139
00:05:30,432 --> 00:05:31,892
Don't worry about it.
That guy doesn't matter.

140
00:05:31,976 --> 00:05:33,894
KENDRICK: All right, everybody.
Take their seats.

141
00:05:33,978 --> 00:05:36,522
My name is Agent
Kendrick, Homeland Security,

142
00:05:36,606 --> 00:05:37,940
and I am in charge here.

143
00:05:38,024 --> 00:05:39,859
Sarge, I was wrong. He totally matters.

144
00:05:39,943 --> 00:05:42,446
This year's scenario,
terrorists have stormed

145
00:05:42,530 --> 00:05:45,699
the Capitol Trust Bank building
and have taken hostages.

146
00:05:45,783 --> 00:05:46,868
Nice.

147
00:05:47,034 --> 00:05:48,160
Oh. Cool trick.

148
00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:51,036
I don't have a ton of free
time to practice high-fiving.

149
00:05:51,456 --> 00:05:52,832
You just made fun of us for that.

150
00:05:52,916 --> 00:05:55,043
For practicing.
That's the first time we've ever tried it.

151
00:05:55,127 --> 00:05:56,337
Here are your assignments.

152
00:05:56,421 --> 00:05:58,881
ATF, you will be our terrorists.

153
00:05:58,965 --> 00:06:00,132
Oof. That's a rough draw.

154
00:06:00,216 --> 00:06:02,928
Homeland Security,
you are command control.

155
00:06:03,012 --> 00:06:05,138
Marshals, strike team alpha.

156
00:06:05,222 --> 00:06:06,640
And NYPD…

157
00:06:06,765 --> 00:06:08,809
Helicopter snipers, helicopter snipers.

158
00:06:08,934 --> 00:06:11,771
Says here you will be our hostages.

159
00:06:11,897 --> 00:06:14,065
What?
So you just want us to lie on the ground

160
00:06:14,149 --> 00:06:15,525
and do nothing like a bunch of losers?

161
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:16,861
Yes. Precisely.

162
00:06:17,069 --> 00:06:18,654
No! Jackpot!

163
00:06:23,659 --> 00:06:24,744
Oh, can you leave me some wiggle room

164
00:06:24,828 --> 00:06:26,287
so I can check my phone periodically?

165
00:06:26,371 --> 00:06:28,373
Why? You waiting for your mom to text?

166
00:06:28,457 --> 00:06:31,877
No, actually. I'm waiting for a
girl who broke up with me to text.

167
00:06:31,961 --> 00:06:34,255
That's way worse. Yeah. It's bad.

168
00:06:34,797 --> 00:06:35,881
This sucks.

169
00:06:35,965 --> 00:06:37,424
I just got dumped by a mega fox

170
00:06:37,508 --> 00:06:39,511
and no one's letting me
shoot a big gun about it!

171
00:06:39,595 --> 00:06:40,929
All right, you know what? Screw this.

172
00:06:41,013 --> 00:06:42,889
I'm not gonna just sit here like a loser.

173
00:06:42,973 --> 00:06:45,268
Boyle, free me, then I'll free you.
We're fighting back.

174
00:06:45,352 --> 00:06:46,435
No, Jake.

175
00:06:46,519 --> 00:06:48,896
We are behaving so we can
be invited again next year.

176
00:06:48,980 --> 00:06:50,982
Sarge, with all due respect,

177
00:06:51,483 --> 00:06:54,283
I am going to completely
ignore everything you just said.

178
00:06:54,403 --> 00:06:55,487
Okay, Charles. Our hands are tied,

179
00:06:55,571 --> 00:06:56,738
so we're gonna have to use our mouths.

180
00:06:56,822 --> 00:07:00,076
Smart. Wet the tape down with
my saliva until you can slip right out.

181
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,412
No! Bite it! Obviously bite it!

182
00:07:02,829 --> 00:07:04,873
I don't like it. Something stinks.

183
00:07:05,123 --> 00:07:07,251
Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to mask

184
00:07:07,335 --> 00:07:09,420
my natural musk with
a bunch of chemicals.

185
00:07:09,504 --> 00:07:14,009
Ugh. I was talking to Rosa about
her "dinner" with her "parents."

186
00:07:14,218 --> 00:07:16,178
I am having dinner with my parents.

187
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:19,139
Okay, liar. What restaurant you going to?

188
00:07:19,223 --> 00:07:20,850
I don't know. Some Italian place.

189
00:07:20,934 --> 00:07:24,145
Oh, Italian? Makes sense, Pinocchio.

190
00:07:24,813 --> 00:07:26,564
He's a liar, too. And Italian.

191
00:07:27,065 --> 00:07:28,275
I overexplained it.

192
00:07:29,276 --> 00:07:33,030
Okay, last question. What body
of water do you most identify with?

193
00:07:33,114 --> 00:07:35,742
A, lake. B, river. C, ocean.

194
00:07:35,826 --> 00:07:38,286
Oh, they can't be serious.
Of course I choose ocean.

195
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:42,291
I hate the ocean. That's where
that stuck up bitch Rose let Leo die.

196
00:07:42,417 --> 00:07:44,251
There was plenty of room on that door!

197
00:07:44,335 --> 00:07:45,377
[GINA TYPING]

198
00:07:45,461 --> 00:07:48,297
-Okay, the computer is tabulating.
-[COMPUTER DINGS]

199
00:07:48,381 --> 00:07:49,591
Oh!

200
00:07:50,009 --> 00:07:52,344
You got category I9C3G6.

201
00:07:52,428 --> 00:07:54,596
I9C3G6.

202
00:07:55,305 --> 00:07:56,432
Is that as good as it sounds?

203
00:07:56,516 --> 00:07:58,100
You have a robust sense of self

204
00:07:58,184 --> 00:08:00,102
and are well suited
to leadership positions.

205
00:08:00,186 --> 00:08:04,400
Characteristics: strength,
determination, tenacity.

206
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,151
Yes. I suppose that's accurate.

207
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:09,071
They do call me Tenacious
Ray down at the country club

208
00:08:09,196 --> 00:08:12,283
because for the past 10 years, I've
been suing them for discrimination.

209
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,160
I am very pleased with this assessment.

210
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,328
You should be.

211
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:19,834
I took the test, too, and
I also got an I9C3G6.

212
00:08:20,209 --> 00:08:21,335
What?

213
00:08:22,045 --> 00:08:23,170
We got the same score?

214
00:08:23,254 --> 00:08:25,549
It's just crazy how
accurate this thing is.

215
00:08:25,841 --> 00:08:28,010
Yes. Crazy.

216
00:08:28,343 --> 00:08:30,638
-[TAPE RIPPING]
-All right, Sarge, now to cut you loose.

217
00:08:30,722 --> 00:08:32,348
No. I'm staying tied up.

218
00:08:32,557 --> 00:08:34,517
I don't care how much
of a jerk Kendrick is.

219
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,602
I want it to be clear
I had no part in this.

220
00:08:36,686 --> 00:08:39,231
No offense, but you are
a huge waste of muscles.

221
00:08:39,523 --> 00:08:41,441
Okay, Boyle.
There's two guards outside this door

222
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:44,069
and we need their guns.
You know what to do. Beat 'em up?

223
00:08:44,153 --> 00:08:46,447
Pretend to be sick and lure them in here.
Right. The Charles.

224
00:08:46,531 --> 00:08:47,616
There we go.

225
00:08:48,075 --> 00:08:50,994
Help! I need help! I'm sick!

226
00:08:51,078 --> 00:08:52,955
GUARD: Is this part of the drill?
What's wrong?

227
00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:55,290
I have Seasonal Affective Disorder! What?

228
00:08:55,374 --> 00:08:57,626
It's a serious condition that
affects millions of Americans.

229
00:08:57,710 --> 00:08:58,795
[DOOR UNLOCKING]

230
00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:00,798
What the hell?

231
00:09:02,925 --> 00:09:05,468
We're fighting back,
you terrorist crap sack.

232
00:09:05,552 --> 00:09:08,473
Also, thank you for
including us in this event.

233
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:11,181
You got a partner outside, right?
Call him in here.

234
00:09:11,976 --> 00:09:13,020
I need help.

235
00:09:15,731 --> 00:09:17,190
Ow! Shh.

236
00:09:17,274 --> 00:09:19,276
You're dead. See you later, losers.

237
00:09:19,735 --> 00:09:23,740
Again, opportunity of a lifetime.
Just a real positive experience.

238
00:09:28,121 --> 00:09:29,371
All right. We need to distract them.

239
00:09:29,455 --> 00:09:30,622
Do you have anything I can throw?

240
00:09:30,706 --> 00:09:33,459
I have a dog tag. Wow.
That is badass, Boyle.

241
00:09:33,835 --> 00:09:35,628
Nope, it's an actual tag for a dog.

242
00:09:35,712 --> 00:09:38,132
Yup, Molly. She was my poodle growing up.

243
00:09:38,382 --> 00:09:39,632
You never forget your first.

244
00:09:39,716 --> 00:09:40,800
Your first what?

245
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:43,763
Dog.
That is never what people mean by that!

246
00:09:46,558 --> 00:09:47,642
[DOG TAG CLINKING]

247
00:09:48,894 --> 00:09:50,103
[GRUNTING]

248
00:09:50,187 --> 00:09:52,356
When you get to hell, say hi to Molly.

249
00:09:52,481 --> 00:09:54,524
What? Why is Molly in hell?

250
00:09:54,608 --> 00:09:55,902
'Cause it sounds cooler than heaven.

251
00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:57,195
-Hiya!
-[BOTH YELLING]

252
00:09:57,279 --> 00:09:58,321
Door kick.

253
00:09:58,405 --> 00:09:59,739
What's up, dude? Is it lunchtime?

254
00:09:59,823 --> 00:10:01,491
Is the drill over?
We're freeing you guys.

255
00:10:01,575 --> 00:10:03,827
Jake, can you hear me? Is it lunchtime?

256
00:10:03,911 --> 00:10:06,455
No it's not lunchtime.
It's 10:30 in the morning!

257
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:07,581
No wonder I'm starving.

258
00:10:07,665 --> 00:10:10,919
Look. We came here to win and
they're not even giving us a chance.

259
00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:12,837
I think it's fair to say that no
one in the history of America

260
00:10:12,921 --> 00:10:14,380
has been discriminated against more.

261
00:10:14,464 --> 00:10:16,717
Buddy. Yeah.
That's my adrenaline talking.

262
00:10:16,801 --> 00:10:18,969
So, you guys in? I don't know.
I don't want to get in trouble.

263
00:10:19,053 --> 00:10:20,596
Oh, wow. You sound like a real Terry.

264
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,015
Why don't you just take your shirt off
and make your pecs bounce around.

265
00:10:23,099 --> 00:10:24,351
Again, the adrenaline. Don't sue me.

266
00:10:24,435 --> 00:10:27,735
Look, you two are still arguing
about who gets Saturday off, right?

267
00:10:27,938 --> 00:10:28,980
Highest body count wins?

268
00:10:29,064 --> 00:10:31,442
Done. I'm gonna vape you like my e-cig.

269
00:10:31,526 --> 00:10:33,069
Okay, you basically just lost.

270
00:10:33,278 --> 00:10:35,864
Nine-Nine, we are hostages no longer.

271
00:10:37,992 --> 00:10:41,620
Oh. Really meant to rip off the
whole thing, but I say we go with it!

272
00:10:41,704 --> 00:10:42,830
Come with me, hos!

273
00:10:47,502 --> 00:10:48,587
Two-one, Diaz.

274
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:56,721
Four-two, Santiago.

275
00:10:56,846 --> 00:11:00,267
Jake, this is great. I shot a guy
in the face! He is so mad at me!

276
00:11:00,351 --> 00:11:03,186
Nice. All right, this hallway's clear.
I think we killed 'em all.

277
00:11:03,270 --> 00:11:05,940
It's a regular paint bath.
Like bubble bath.

278
00:11:06,024 --> 00:11:07,525
No! Like blood bath. Yeah. Right.

279
00:11:07,609 --> 00:11:09,259
Meet in the basement. Here we go!

280
00:11:09,986 --> 00:11:11,071
Yeah! Ow.

281
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:14,367
Okay, me and Boyle took down six,

282
00:11:14,575 --> 00:11:16,577
Rosa and Amy got 14!

283
00:11:16,702 --> 00:11:19,079
Hitchcock and Scully…
Were killed immediately.

284
00:11:19,163 --> 00:11:20,249
Yeah, we're dead.

285
00:11:20,415 --> 00:11:23,168
We also disarmed and
captured all these guys.

286
00:11:23,252 --> 00:11:24,794
So, is that all the terrorists?

287
00:11:24,878 --> 00:11:28,174
Not quite. Drop your weapons, everybody.
Drop 'em right now.

288
00:11:28,258 --> 00:11:29,676
It's over. You lost.

289
00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:31,761
Drop 'em now or this…

290
00:11:32,762 --> 00:11:33,930
You're dead, crap sack.

291
00:11:34,014 --> 00:11:35,432
All right, Sarge!

292
00:11:35,516 --> 00:11:36,766
You decided to be cool!

293
00:11:36,850 --> 00:11:38,102
I'm always cool!

294
00:11:38,435 --> 00:11:39,853
I also couldn't spend another second

295
00:11:39,937 --> 00:11:42,315
listening to those ATF
wads bitch and moan.

296
00:11:42,607 --> 00:11:45,526
Leave it to the NYPD to
screw up being hostages.

297
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:46,944
I thought cops loved to sit around

298
00:11:47,028 --> 00:11:48,822
on their fat asses all
day and do nothing.

299
00:11:48,906 --> 00:11:51,284
That's it! [GRUNTING] Ahhh!

300
00:11:51,450 --> 00:11:53,744
Whoa! My ass is not fat!

301
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,623
It kind of sounds like it was
just about your weight issues.

302
00:11:56,707 --> 00:11:58,541
I'm not gonna lie,
that did strike a chord.

303
00:11:58,625 --> 00:12:01,211
But I also didn't like the stuff
they were saying about us.

304
00:12:01,295 --> 00:12:02,714
Look, I'm proud to be a cop!

305
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:05,966
This drill is over. Let's get the
hell out of here. Drinks on me!

306
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:07,593
-Nine-Nine!
-ALL: Yeah!

307
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:08,803
Oh, my God. It worked.

308
00:12:09,471 --> 00:12:10,556
Let's go.

309
00:12:11,056 --> 00:12:12,224
And nothing from Sophia.

310
00:12:12,308 --> 00:12:15,978
Uh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Um, we're not quite finished yet.

311
00:12:16,563 --> 00:12:19,690
I know I, for one, am
not done kicking bootay.

312
00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:21,067
Dude, there's no more terrorists.

313
00:12:21,151 --> 00:12:23,153
No, but there is more catharting to do.

314
00:12:23,237 --> 00:12:27,158
We could make everyone regret ever
taping us to chairs in the first place.

315
00:12:27,408 --> 00:12:30,203
Sarge?
It seems unnecessary to piss everyone off.

316
00:12:30,287 --> 00:12:32,789
I heard one of the marshals
call you Jiggly Jeffords.

317
00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:34,833
What? Give me another clip!

318
00:12:35,042 --> 00:12:36,626
Now we're talking.
You two are tied, right?

319
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:38,379
BOTH: Yeah. Mmm-hmm. Settle that score.

320
00:12:38,463 --> 00:12:40,339
Jake, what do you say?
Wanna go after the marshals

321
00:12:40,423 --> 00:12:41,840
and this butt from Homeland?

322
00:12:41,924 --> 00:12:43,259
Get yourself a real win?

323
00:12:43,343 --> 00:12:45,428
I don't know, Boyle.
I mean, they're the good guys.

324
00:12:45,512 --> 00:12:48,724
I mean, that would make us the bad guys.

325
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,142
Nice. So you're in?

326
00:12:51,226 --> 00:12:53,855
Oh, I'm in. I'm in all the way to hell.

327
00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:57,359
And when I get there, I'm
gonna see your dog Molly!

328
00:12:57,776 --> 00:12:58,861
Let's go, squad!

329
00:12:58,986 --> 00:13:00,946
That was really unnecessary.

330
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:04,948
JEFFORDS: Jake, come outside.
I have Kendrick here.

331
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,620
Peralta, what are you doing? You're NYPD.

332
00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:09,331
You're supposed to be hostages.

333
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:12,835
Supposed to be, but we rose
up and took down the terrorists.

334
00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:14,879
That's right. We're the bad guys now.

335
00:13:15,004 --> 00:13:16,755
Is this some sort of game to you?

336
00:13:16,839 --> 00:13:18,424
Does this sound like a game?

337
00:13:18,508 --> 00:13:21,344
I am a terrorist leader.
My name is Francis Gruber.

338
00:13:21,428 --> 00:13:24,764
My brother Hans died in Nakatomi
Tower at the hands of John McClane.

339
00:13:24,848 --> 00:13:27,184
Also, I'm related to Jeremy
Irons from the third one.

340
00:13:27,268 --> 00:13:28,770
Okay, so it is a game.

341
00:13:29,062 --> 00:13:31,272
Well, I'm not playing. Drill's over.

342
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:33,191
Drill's over, boys.

343
00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:36,028
Yeah. That sounds right.
We're not on the same level.

344
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:39,120
And apparently, you're at
the level that can't handle us.

345
00:13:41,535 --> 00:13:43,245
You trying to goad me, Peralta?

346
00:13:43,412 --> 00:13:46,832
'Cause I'm in charge here and I
don't have to engage with mall cops.

347
00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:50,461
But I will. Say it. Don't spray it.

348
00:13:50,753 --> 00:13:52,880
I'm in. What are your demands?

349
00:13:53,005 --> 00:13:56,155
A guarantee that this drill
doesn't end until one of us is dead.

350
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:59,304
Also, one large pizza
with fennel sausage,

351
00:13:59,388 --> 00:14:01,223
brick oven, otherwise it's sog city.

352
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,893
And Scully needs some
Gasonex, extra strength.

353
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:07,772
SCULLY: Chewable! Okay.
So a fight to the death, pizza,

354
00:14:08,231 --> 00:14:10,109
-and Gasonex?
-SCULLY: Chewable!

355
00:14:10,526 --> 00:14:12,194
You have 30 minutes to meet our demands.

356
00:14:12,278 --> 00:14:15,155
After that, we paintball a
hostage every 15 minutes.

357
00:14:15,239 --> 00:14:16,989
You've got yourself a deal, Gruber.

358
00:14:17,242 --> 00:14:19,192
Get us those demands. We'll be waiting.

359
00:14:19,494 --> 00:14:20,745
We're not waiting one second.

360
00:14:20,829 --> 00:14:22,414
Those demands were a ruse.

361
00:14:22,539 --> 00:14:24,792
They were? I really need that Gasonex.

362
00:14:24,876 --> 00:14:27,503
I think there was some dairy in the
cheesecake that I ate for breakfast.

363
00:14:27,587 --> 00:14:29,838
We're not gonna hang
around like sitting ducks.

364
00:14:29,922 --> 00:14:31,549
We're gonna take the fight to them,

365
00:14:31,633 --> 00:14:32,926
like some waddling ducks.

366
00:14:33,093 --> 00:14:35,261
If the waddling was super fast and cool.

367
00:14:35,345 --> 00:14:37,598
Like some boss-ass penguins. Yes!

368
00:14:37,682 --> 00:14:39,934
I'm so glad you're
back on our side, Sarge!

369
00:14:40,018 --> 00:14:42,270
Okay. Let's destroy some good guys.

370
00:14:44,064 --> 00:14:45,190
Gina, I was outside on business,

371
00:14:45,274 --> 00:14:48,944
and I purchased a box of assorted
sweet treats. I give you the first pick.

372
00:14:49,069 --> 00:14:51,071
Don't mind if I doodle.

373
00:14:51,615 --> 00:14:53,241
Curious. On your personality test,

374
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:55,577
you said your favorite
shape was a square.

375
00:14:55,744 --> 00:14:56,953
And yet now, when you're given a choice

376
00:14:57,037 --> 00:14:59,581
between round cookies
and square bloodies,

377
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:03,293
you opt for the cookie.
You opt for the circle.

378
00:15:03,377 --> 00:15:05,003
Yes, but it's not about shapes.

379
00:15:05,087 --> 00:15:07,174
I'm choosing a cookie over a blondie.

380
00:15:07,799 --> 00:15:10,093
I'm whimsical, but I'm not a lunatic.

381
00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:14,641
Well, butter, eggs, flour, sugar,
baking soda, chocolate, salt, vanilla.

382
00:15:14,807 --> 00:15:16,807
The basic building blocks are identical.

383
00:15:17,018 --> 00:15:18,418
The only salient difference,

384
00:15:19,897 --> 00:15:21,397
-their shape.
-[COOKIE DROPPING]

385
00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:25,486
You're trying to get me
bumped out of I9C3G6.

386
00:15:25,611 --> 00:15:28,411
You don't like that the test
put us in the same category.

387
00:15:28,698 --> 00:15:29,824
That is so rude.

388
00:15:29,908 --> 00:15:32,285
Do you know how many
basic bitches would kill

389
00:15:32,661 --> 00:15:34,371
to have the same personality as me?

390
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:37,333
Gina, you know I appreciate
you, but you have to admit,

391
00:15:37,667 --> 00:15:39,293
we're not exactly cut
from the same cloth.

392
00:15:39,377 --> 00:15:42,547
Apparently not.
I, of course, am exotic silk,

393
00:15:42,631 --> 00:15:44,967
whereas you, sir, are snakeskin.

394
00:15:45,259 --> 00:15:48,721
So you can keep your box of
deception and leave me alone.

395
00:15:49,347 --> 00:15:53,601
It's a box of shapes and
it contains only the truth.

396
00:15:54,143 --> 00:15:55,479
-[PAINTBALL GUN FIRING]
-Oh!

397
00:15:56,981 --> 00:15:58,681
Fennel sausage. Jake, they did it!

398
00:15:59,441 --> 00:16:01,591
-Balcony's over there.
-[PAINTBALL GUN FIRING]

399
00:16:05,699 --> 00:16:06,849
How many are out there?

400
00:16:07,617 --> 00:16:09,453
Six marshals. We're pinned down.

401
00:16:09,537 --> 00:16:12,037
Great. It's over, and
we're still tied eight-eight.

402
00:16:13,708 --> 00:16:16,669
What the hell? Nine-eight.
Saturday's mine!

403
00:16:16,753 --> 00:16:19,353
You said body count, you
didn't say whose body. Boom!

404
00:16:19,631 --> 00:16:21,299
-Power pose!
-[PAINTBALL GUN FIRING]

405
00:16:21,383 --> 00:16:22,467
Argh!

406
00:16:27,557 --> 00:16:28,683
Aw.

407
00:16:31,895 --> 00:16:32,980
Mmm.

408
00:16:33,355 --> 00:16:34,940
They got me. I'm dead, too.

409
00:16:38,570 --> 00:16:40,739
Kendrick! Come out!

410
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,491
It's just you and me.

411
00:16:45,745 --> 00:16:48,706
Okay, okay. I'm out of ammo. Be cool.

412
00:16:48,831 --> 00:16:51,459
Well, well, well. Hello, Agent.

413
00:16:51,543 --> 00:16:54,003
You don't actually have to shoot me.
We can just say that you won.

414
00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:55,380
But I wanna shoot you.

415
00:16:55,464 --> 00:16:57,382
No way. This is brick oven.

416
00:16:57,466 --> 00:16:58,816
They were playing us, Jake.

417
00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:00,636
Right, you're having a moment.

418
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,055
So, any last words?

419
00:17:03,139 --> 00:17:04,306
Just don't shoot me in the face.

420
00:17:04,390 --> 00:17:06,685
I've got a date tonight
and I don't want it to puff up.

421
00:17:06,769 --> 00:17:09,062
I'm already 10 pounds heavier
than the picture she saw.

422
00:17:09,146 --> 00:17:13,025
Okay. Uh, just to clarify,
those are your last words?

423
00:17:13,109 --> 00:17:14,443
Because I'm about to shoot you…

424
00:17:14,527 --> 00:17:15,654
Ow!

425
00:17:15,779 --> 00:17:17,781
What? No!

426
00:17:17,947 --> 00:17:20,826
[LAUGHING] Gun taped to the back.

427
00:17:20,993 --> 00:17:23,663
All these <i>Die Hard</i>
references gave me the idea.

428
00:17:24,288 --> 00:17:25,956
I got John McClane'd.

429
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,461
That is so much worse than any paintball.

430
00:17:31,421 --> 00:17:33,048
Interesting tactic, detectives.

431
00:17:33,132 --> 00:17:36,218
Show up at your first inter-agency
drill and mess the whole thing up.

432
00:17:36,302 --> 00:17:39,305
Less of a tactic, and more of
a series of incredible events.

433
00:17:39,389 --> 00:17:40,807
And what was the most incredible event?

434
00:17:40,891 --> 00:17:42,726
When I shot you in
front of all your friends?

435
00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:45,145
[SCOFFS] I have other friends. Who?

436
00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:48,608
I knew it was a dumb idea to
invite the NYPD to a federal drill.

437
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:49,901
Seriously, man?

438
00:17:50,151 --> 00:17:53,655
You took all our guns, taped us
to a bunch of chairs, called us fat,

439
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,822
and we still took almost all of you out.

440
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,868
Next year, we're winning this thing.

441
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,620
Oh, you're not coming next year.

442
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:02,654
But maybe I'll see you at
the Pentagon Christmas party.

443
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:05,669
Oh, right.
You guys aren't invited to those.

444
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:07,379
Kid Rock was there.

445
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,004
Those are my last words, bro. [CHUCKLES]

446
00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:14,345
Man, he is just a really bad dude.

447
00:18:14,762 --> 00:18:16,598
Jake, I'm sorry you didn't get your win.

448
00:18:16,682 --> 00:18:18,767
Are you kidding? This was a total win.

449
00:18:18,851 --> 00:18:20,751
I haven't checked my phone in forever.

450
00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:23,314
Now that I've said that, I do
kind of wanna check it though.

451
00:18:23,398 --> 00:18:24,448
I'm gonna just do it.

452
00:18:25,316 --> 00:18:29,236
No text, but I'm probably
20% less devastated

453
00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,657
than I would've been this morning.
And that's thanks to you guys.

454
00:18:31,741 --> 00:18:33,367
[GASPS] I catharted.

455
00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:34,952
You catharted hard.

456
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:40,875
Gina, I've been thinking long and
hard about what happened yesterday.

457
00:18:40,959 --> 00:18:45,422
Oh, pray tell. But remember, I'm not
at your level, so do speak down to me.

458
00:18:45,506 --> 00:18:46,674
I owe you an apology.

459
00:18:46,799 --> 00:18:50,094
The test was wrong to
classify us both as I9C3G6s.

460
00:18:50,219 --> 00:18:52,514
That's a terrible apology,
from content to tone.

461
00:18:52,598 --> 00:18:56,351
I meant I don't deserve to be an I9C3G6.

462
00:18:56,435 --> 00:19:00,440
I should be an I9C3G4 or an I8C5G3.

463
00:19:00,565 --> 00:19:04,861
Or even an I7C7G8. Or I2C1G3.

464
00:19:04,945 --> 00:19:06,697
Is this a <i>Rain Man</i> impression?

465
00:19:06,906 --> 00:19:08,115
No. Oh.

466
00:19:08,324 --> 00:19:11,076
Those are all personality types
not well suited to leadership,

467
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,245
just as I have not been.

468
00:19:12,329 --> 00:19:14,622
A good leader should never
diminish those around him.

469
00:19:14,706 --> 00:19:15,957
It was devastating.

470
00:19:16,124 --> 00:19:18,961
Gina, you're tenacious, you're strong,

471
00:19:19,045 --> 00:19:21,380
you're a great leader,
and most importantly,

472
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:24,008
any basic bitch would
be lucky to be like you.

473
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:25,676
Apology accepted.

474
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:27,762
Can I have a huge raise?

475
00:19:27,846 --> 00:19:29,724
No, but I am expanding
your responsibilities

476
00:19:29,808 --> 00:19:31,057
to match your great promise.

477
00:19:31,141 --> 00:19:34,019
You are now in charge of all
scheduling decisions and budget tracking.

478
00:19:34,103 --> 00:19:35,939
No! You can do it. Trust me.

479
00:19:36,147 --> 00:19:39,985
From one I9C3G6 to another.

480
00:19:42,822 --> 00:19:45,241
It's crazy how much he flirts with me.

481
00:19:46,242 --> 00:19:49,162
Hey. So, I told Captain
Holt I'd work on Saturday.

482
00:19:49,287 --> 00:19:51,873
Wait, why? You won, fair and square.

483
00:19:51,998 --> 00:19:54,544
I mean, I murdered you.
That was pretty shady.

484
00:19:55,211 --> 00:19:57,629
Also, it was crazy assertive

485
00:19:57,713 --> 00:20:00,382
and I feel like maybe I don't
actually need power pose training.

486
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:03,679
You don't. Mostly because
nobody needs power pose training.

487
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:08,768
The dinner with my parents on
Saturday is to introduce them to Marcus.

488
00:20:08,852 --> 00:20:09,936
What?

489
00:20:10,436 --> 00:20:13,439
Why didn't you just tell me? I didn't
know stuff was getting that serious.

490
00:20:13,523 --> 00:20:16,193
Yeah.
It's very embarrassing, having feelings.

491
00:20:16,694 --> 00:20:18,362
Anyway, thank you.

492
00:20:18,779 --> 00:20:19,905
You're welcome.

493
00:20:21,031 --> 00:20:23,285
Rosa's in love! [GIGGLING]

494
00:20:23,618 --> 00:20:26,872
[GASPS] Power pose.

495
00:20:27,873 --> 00:20:29,623
Dropping this off for Sophia Perez.

496
00:20:29,917 --> 00:20:31,335
Oh, no. You don't have to call her.

497
00:20:31,419 --> 00:20:33,069
I'll just leave it here with you.

498
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:35,214
SOPHIA: Jake?

499
00:20:36,592 --> 00:20:38,092
Hey. Hi.

500
00:20:38,176 --> 00:20:40,220
Uh, sorry I didn't text you back.

501
00:20:40,762 --> 00:20:42,262
Thanks for bringing my things.

502
00:20:42,556 --> 00:20:47,896
Well, I need to move on, and having this
stuff around makes that difficult. So…

503
00:20:48,479 --> 00:20:50,105
Including this multi-surface cleaner?

504
00:20:50,189 --> 00:20:52,985
Well, I only bought that to impress you.
And it worked.

505
00:20:54,904 --> 00:20:56,604
All right. Well, I should probably

506
00:20:56,906 --> 00:20:58,616
get back to arresting bad guys.

507
00:20:58,700 --> 00:20:59,993
Yeah. I should, uh,

508
00:21:00,118 --> 00:21:02,068
get back to proving they're not so bad.

509
00:21:02,954 --> 00:21:05,707
Jake and Sophia. Enemies for life.

510
00:21:05,791 --> 00:21:06,991
Like McClane and Gruber.

511
00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:08,752
BOTH: You're the Gruber.

512
00:21:08,836 --> 00:21:09,921
You're the Gruber.

513
00:21:10,671 --> 00:21:11,923
I'll see you in court, Jake.

514
00:21:12,007 --> 00:21:13,383
Okay. Bye.

515
00:21:16,803 --> 00:21:19,140
Tell me if she turns
back for one last look.

516
00:21:20,224 --> 00:21:21,309
Is she turning?

517
00:21:21,684 --> 00:21:23,895
Did she turn? Did she turn?