1
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,507
Interesting.
2
00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:11,136
Very, very interesting.
3
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:14,140
Guys, Captain Holt has no pants on.
4
00:00:14,266 --> 00:00:16,101
Um… What?
5
00:00:16,434 --> 00:00:19,145
He has no pants on is what.
Here are the facts.
6
00:00:19,771 --> 00:00:23,985
PERALTA: At 11:55 a.m, Captain Holt
walked past us holding a hot bowl of soup.
7
00:00:24,235 --> 00:00:27,655
-At 12:03 p.m., I heard him yell.
-Ouch!
8
00:00:27,863 --> 00:00:31,075
Then, at 12:07, he
called Gina into his office.
9
00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:35,747
She entered holding nothing. One minute
later, she left holding an opaque bag.
10
00:00:36,373 --> 00:00:38,542
Captain Holt's pants were in that bag.
11
00:00:38,709 --> 00:00:41,295
His knees are in the breeze.
He's in his undies.
12
00:00:41,461 --> 00:00:43,005
That evidence is circumstantial.
13
00:00:43,089 --> 00:00:45,382
Oh, so, you guys want
visual confirmation.
14
00:00:45,466 --> 00:00:46,551
No. Not really.
15
00:00:46,676 --> 00:00:51,306
Done. Hey, Captain. I just need you
to sign something at my desk real quick.
16
00:00:51,390 --> 00:00:54,685
Just leave it on the couch.
Dismissed. Okay.
17
00:00:54,935 --> 00:00:56,520
Sir, you're going to freak.
18
00:00:56,604 --> 00:00:59,231
Yo-Yo Ma is in the precinct,
and he's giving out autographs.
19
00:00:59,315 --> 00:01:01,735
Yo-Yo Ma is on tour
in Australia right now.
20
00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:03,403
How did you know that?
21
00:01:03,987 --> 00:01:07,032
Sir, I'm choking on a lozenge.
I'm going to die.
22
00:01:07,907 --> 00:01:11,370
I got you, Jake! No! No!
Stop! I swallowed it!
23
00:01:11,454 --> 00:01:12,704
I swallowed it! It's fine.
24
00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:17,126
Hey, hey. I made you another bowl
of soup, since you spilled yours earlier.
25
00:01:17,335 --> 00:01:19,963
But you're going to have
to come over here to get it.
26
00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:21,881
All right, Peralta, I'm
sick of you wasting time.
27
00:01:21,965 --> 00:01:24,092
So, yes, I spilled some
minestrone on my pants
28
00:01:24,176 --> 00:01:26,803
and I'm sitting in my underwear.
Happy? Yes!
29
00:01:27,554 --> 00:01:28,973
[GROANS]
30
00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:31,016
Sir, I need you to sign off on…
31
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:32,226
Look at us.
32
00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:35,730
Just three people with pants
on having a normal conversation.
33
00:01:35,897 --> 00:01:37,523
Yep. No story here.
34
00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:40,235
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
35
00:01:57,755 --> 00:01:59,256
Hello, everybody.
36
00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:02,009
In my hands, I hold
the driving directions
37
00:02:02,093 --> 00:02:04,136
to this year's detectives-only getaway.
38
00:02:04,345 --> 00:02:07,140
Give it a cool name, Jake.
All right. Detectives-only getaway.
39
00:02:07,224 --> 00:02:11,102
"D-O-G," dog, dog party.
Dog Party 15. Woof, woof, woof!
40
00:02:11,186 --> 00:02:14,063
Big shout-out to Charles Boyle for
hosting us at his beach house this year.
41
00:02:14,147 --> 00:02:15,274
Yeah.
42
00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:18,902
You should really thank my ex-wife.
We split it in the divorce.
43
00:02:18,986 --> 00:02:21,071
I get it for December through February.
44
00:02:21,155 --> 00:02:23,073
Winter "B" house. Woof, woof, woof!
45
00:02:23,157 --> 00:02:25,076
Yeah, it's not really catching on. Ah.
46
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,538
As always, there will be no
spouses, no bosses, no work.
47
00:02:28,622 --> 00:02:31,124
No bedtimes. Within reason.
48
00:02:31,208 --> 00:02:34,086
All right, Santiago's feeling rowdy.
Who else is feeling it?
49
00:02:34,170 --> 00:02:35,755
I can't wait.
50
00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:37,757
This weekend, I am Vacation Terry.
51
00:02:37,841 --> 00:02:40,009
No kids, no responsibilities…
52
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:41,594
I'm just a balloon
53
00:02:41,678 --> 00:02:43,263
floating in the great blue sky.
54
00:02:43,347 --> 00:02:45,724
And I am untethered.
55
00:02:45,808 --> 00:02:46,975
And just to clarify,
56
00:02:47,059 --> 00:02:49,978
how untethered is
Vacation Terry from his wife?
57
00:02:50,062 --> 00:02:52,440
Very tethered. All right.
Anyone else have questions?
58
00:02:52,524 --> 00:02:54,774
Hitchcock, Scully,
you've been weirdly silent.
59
00:02:54,860 --> 00:02:56,944
Oh. We don't want to say
anything that would get us uninvited.
60
00:02:57,028 --> 00:02:58,655
Smart. All right, get pumped, people.
61
00:02:58,739 --> 00:03:02,660
-Dog Party 15. Ooh, ooh!
-[ALL CHEER]
62
00:03:04,954 --> 00:03:06,831
Two bottles of vodka.
63
00:03:07,039 --> 00:03:09,917
Is this going to be the weekend
we finally meet Six Drink Amy?
64
00:03:10,001 --> 00:03:12,420
"Six Drink Amy?" What does that mean?
65
00:03:12,504 --> 00:03:16,174
It's the pinnacle of the
Santiago drunkenness scale.
66
00:03:16,258 --> 00:03:19,052
One drink. Amy's a little spacey.
67
00:03:19,261 --> 00:03:20,555
Wait, what?
68
00:03:20,847 --> 00:03:24,267
GINA: Two drinks. Loud Amy.
You want to get a cab?
69
00:03:24,559 --> 00:03:27,436
Three drinks? Amy Dance Pants.
70
00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,731
Four Drink Amy is a bit of a pervert.
71
00:03:29,815 --> 00:03:31,066
Hey. Check it out.
72
00:03:33,277 --> 00:03:36,029
And Five Drink Amy is weirdly confident.
73
00:03:36,113 --> 00:03:38,282
Let's do this, little man.
74
00:03:39,284 --> 00:03:42,120
But I've never seen Six Drink Amy.
75
00:03:42,204 --> 00:03:45,207
Maybe she's the one I
can actually be friends with.
76
00:03:45,665 --> 00:03:48,669
AKA my Sasquatch.
77
00:03:55,259 --> 00:03:58,179
Hey there, beautiful. Marcus.
What are you doing here?
78
00:03:58,263 --> 00:04:00,724
Oh, I know you lost your phone
charger, so I got you a new one.
79
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,767
I want to make sure
your phone's all juiced up
80
00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:04,769
for some sweet long-distance texting.
81
00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:07,816
Thanks. What do I owe you? It's a gift.
82
00:04:08,066 --> 00:04:09,150
All you've got to say is thank you.
83
00:04:09,234 --> 00:04:11,736
I said thank you.
That was the first thing I said.
84
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:14,155
Sorry. You're nice.
85
00:04:14,239 --> 00:04:16,575
I'll text you. Can't wait.
86
00:04:16,659 --> 00:04:18,959
Inappropriate work kiss
too fast can't stop me.
87
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:26,962
Rosa D macking down
with her boo on the street.
88
00:04:27,254 --> 00:04:28,296
I love it.
89
00:04:28,380 --> 00:04:30,590
Say "boo" again and I will
shoot you in the stomach.
90
00:04:30,674 --> 00:04:32,133
Fine. Loverboy it is.
91
00:04:32,259 --> 00:04:33,259
What did I just say, Charles? You said…
92
00:04:33,343 --> 00:04:35,493
What did I just say?
You said not to say it.
93
00:04:37,265 --> 00:04:38,474
Peralta. I thought you already left.
94
00:04:38,558 --> 00:04:41,351
Yeah, I closed a couple of cases
and I had to finish up the paperwork.
95
00:04:41,435 --> 00:04:44,146
Also, I wanted to thank you
again for giving us this half day.
96
00:04:44,230 --> 00:04:47,567
Yes, of course. I understand how
important these extravaganzas are.
97
00:04:47,651 --> 00:04:50,528
I'm sure you'll have a hoot. Oh, yeah.
Although I'm sure our hoots
98
00:04:50,612 --> 00:04:53,364
pale in comparison to the hoots
that you had back in the day.
99
00:04:53,448 --> 00:04:55,284
I bet things got supes hoots.
100
00:04:55,368 --> 00:04:57,578
Actually, I wasn't privy to those events.
101
00:04:57,662 --> 00:05:01,291
As a gay black detective, I was
excluded from most social gatherings.
102
00:05:02,292 --> 00:05:03,794
You guys off to play some golf?
103
00:05:03,878 --> 00:05:05,754
Yeah. You want to caddy?
104
00:05:06,255 --> 00:05:08,090
No. I do not.
105
00:05:08,757 --> 00:05:11,427
Yeah, golf sucks.
106
00:05:11,802 --> 00:05:14,222
I know that wasn't the point of
your story. Those guys were jerks.
107
00:05:14,306 --> 00:05:17,809
Yes, but I do envy the
camaraderie they shared.
108
00:05:17,893 --> 00:05:20,102
I've always wanted to
josh around with my peers.
109
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:22,398
So, you've never joshed
around with anyone?
110
00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:23,774
Never.
111
00:05:24,150 --> 00:05:25,985
But go have fun with the squad.
112
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:27,612
Really josh around for me.
113
00:05:31,867 --> 00:05:34,118
Welcome to Château Boyle.
114
00:05:34,202 --> 00:05:37,622
Eleanor told me to keep the
place clean, but I don't care.
115
00:05:37,706 --> 00:05:40,250
Mommy's out of town
and we're going to party.
116
00:05:40,335 --> 00:05:43,212
You call your ex-wife Mommy?
Not consciously.
117
00:05:43,296 --> 00:05:46,174
This will do just fine.
You brought pineapple?
118
00:05:46,674 --> 00:05:48,300
Well, the fanny runs deep.
119
00:05:48,384 --> 00:05:50,763
I am prepared for any vacation situation.
120
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:54,224
I've got a bottle opener,
sunscreen, inflatable neck pillow.
121
00:05:54,308 --> 00:05:57,937
Wait. Are we having fondue?
122
00:05:58,062 --> 00:05:59,397
Tight. Gina.
123
00:05:59,731 --> 00:06:01,081
You ready to party or what?
124
00:06:01,191 --> 00:06:03,025
Don't mind if I… Oh!
125
00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:04,527
Whoa.
126
00:06:04,611 --> 00:06:06,112
Mmm. Dang.
127
00:06:06,196 --> 00:06:07,656
Ugh.
128
00:06:08,198 --> 00:06:09,992
You're two shots behind, Linetti.
129
00:06:10,409 --> 00:06:11,953
What up, party people?
130
00:06:12,078 --> 00:06:13,662
[ALL CHEER]
131
00:06:13,746 --> 00:06:16,081
You know how I'm always
saying it ain't a real party
132
00:06:16,165 --> 00:06:18,293
until your boss shows up unexpectedly?
133
00:06:18,543 --> 00:06:21,505
Well, it's a party.
What are you talking about?
134
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,466
Hello, party people.
135
00:06:25,258 --> 00:06:27,679
Peralta told me to say that. Yeah, I did.
136
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,014
♪ Ain't no party like
a Captain Holt party ♪
137
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,226
♪ Because a Captain Holt party
is a total surprise to everyone ♪
138
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:41,026
Okay, well, Captain, the only
free bedroom is my ex-wife's,
139
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,527
which is strictly off-limits.
140
00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,571
She locks the door and takes
the handle home with her.
141
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:47,617
All right, you can have my bed.
Charles, I'll take yours.
142
00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:51,454
Problem solved. I'll sleep on the floor.
Captain, come with me.
143
00:06:53,790 --> 00:06:55,960
What the hell, Jake? No bosses.
144
00:06:56,085 --> 00:06:59,838
Look, he told me this story about
how his squad always excluded him.
145
00:06:59,922 --> 00:07:03,884
And I know I come across
as a cynical, badass cop
146
00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:06,471
with a checkered past and a thirst for…
147
00:07:06,555 --> 00:07:08,807
I felt bad. You would have, too.
148
00:07:09,224 --> 00:07:11,768
Guys, he just wants to josh around.
Is that so bad?
149
00:07:11,852 --> 00:07:13,687
I'm dating his nephew.
150
00:07:13,771 --> 00:07:16,357
Now, we're hanging out on weekends?
What is next?
151
00:07:16,858 --> 00:07:18,734
[SCOFFS] Small talk.
152
00:07:18,818 --> 00:07:21,362
Okay. Amy, you've got to
be glad that Holt's here, right?
153
00:07:21,446 --> 00:07:23,615
I mean, you're basically in love with him.
I love him.
154
00:07:23,699 --> 00:07:25,367
I'm not in love with him.
155
00:07:25,451 --> 00:07:28,328
But I'm definitely not comfortable
being drunk around him.
156
00:07:28,412 --> 00:07:30,121
Ames, please keep the volume down. Okay?
157
00:07:30,205 --> 00:07:32,583
Sorry. Two drinks. I can't help it.
158
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:34,210
That's it. I'm cutting myself off.
159
00:07:34,294 --> 00:07:37,630
So, Jake messes up
and you punish me for it?
160
00:07:37,714 --> 00:07:39,674
Come on, Amy, you're better than that.
161
00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:41,300
You guys, this is going to be fine.
162
00:07:41,384 --> 00:07:43,470
I mean, Terry's our boss, and
he comes with us every year.
163
00:07:43,554 --> 00:07:48,017
Correction. You bring Vacation
Terry, and he is no man's boss.
164
00:07:48,184 --> 00:07:49,643
When the slippers are filled,
165
00:07:49,894 --> 00:07:51,980
Terry is chilled.
166
00:07:52,064 --> 00:07:53,606
We're happy the Captain is here.
167
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,233
Thank you, Scully and Hitchcock,
168
00:07:55,317 --> 00:07:56,526
the voice of reason.
169
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,403
Holt's the big fish
we've been waiting for.
170
00:07:58,487 --> 00:08:00,739
We have an exciting investment
opportunity to pitch him.
171
00:08:00,823 --> 00:08:02,658
What? It's an offshore casino
172
00:08:02,742 --> 00:08:04,660
that's currently sunk off
the coast of Delaware.
173
00:08:04,744 --> 00:08:06,150
No.
All right, you guys are both officially
174
00:08:06,234 --> 00:08:07,413
uninvited from this whole weekend.
175
00:08:07,497 --> 00:08:09,248
Too late. We drove up as a group.
176
00:08:09,332 --> 00:08:11,376
There's no getting rid of us. Ugh.
177
00:08:11,502 --> 00:08:12,919
Sorry, Jake.
This weekend's going to suck.
178
00:08:13,003 --> 00:08:16,089
All right. You know what?
You guys are being a bunch of racist,
179
00:08:16,173 --> 00:08:17,674
homophobic golf cops.
180
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,969
And I, for one, think this
weekend is going to be even
181
00:08:20,053 --> 00:08:21,846
more fun because Holt is here.
182
00:08:22,639 --> 00:08:24,932
Hey, what are you doing down here?
Lunch is ready.
183
00:08:25,016 --> 00:08:27,935
I'm texting Marcus. Mmm. Texting.
184
00:08:28,019 --> 00:08:32,066
That's the most intimate thing you
can do to a lover with your fingers.
185
00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:34,776
Other than washing their hair.
186
00:08:34,860 --> 00:08:37,112
So, I texted Marcus and
he hasn't texted me back.
187
00:08:37,196 --> 00:08:39,198
I can't believe I'm asking
this, but can you help me?
188
00:08:39,282 --> 00:08:40,992
Oh, Rosa, yes.
189
00:08:41,118 --> 00:08:43,120
I am the perfect person for this job.
190
00:08:43,245 --> 00:08:44,579
Okay, let's get busy.
191
00:08:44,663 --> 00:08:45,830
What was his initial text?
192
00:08:45,914 --> 00:08:48,292
"Can't believe I miss you this
much after three hours. XO"
193
00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:51,796
"XO?" Girl, marry him.
What did you write back?
194
00:08:52,004 --> 00:08:53,464
"Ha, ha. Lame."
195
00:08:53,756 --> 00:08:56,456
It was a joke. I was insulting him.
You know, flirting.
196
00:08:56,802 --> 00:08:58,902
You think he's mad?
I bet he's heartbroken.
197
00:08:59,263 --> 00:09:00,680
No, no. We can fix this.
198
00:09:00,764 --> 00:09:02,891
We just have to write a very sweet,
199
00:09:02,975 --> 00:09:05,979
very heartfelt text that will
jump start the conversation.
200
00:09:06,771 --> 00:09:08,564
"Hey, baby." I don't call people "baby."
201
00:09:08,648 --> 00:09:09,816
You do now.
202
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,277
So, how do you all
typically blow off steam?
203
00:09:13,361 --> 00:09:15,781
Does anyone have any formal
complaints about the work environment?
204
00:09:15,865 --> 00:09:18,408
-No, no. We usually just gossip. Right?
-ALL: Yeah.
205
00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:21,578
Hey, did everyone see Dave from
downstairs this week? He shaved his beard.
206
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:24,040
Oh, my God.
His whole face looks like a butt.
207
00:09:24,124 --> 00:09:26,168
[ALL LAUGH]
208
00:09:26,418 --> 00:09:27,668
Ha, ha, butt face Dave.
209
00:09:27,752 --> 00:09:29,629
Butt Face Dave.
That's his new name, Butt Face Dave.
210
00:09:29,713 --> 00:09:32,013
-Because his face looks like a butt.
-[ALL LAUGH]
211
00:09:32,174 --> 00:09:34,218
I like David. He's a good cop.
212
00:09:37,555 --> 00:09:38,847
Yeah. David is great.
213
00:09:38,931 --> 00:09:41,391
-He's a good dude, I like that guy.
-[ALL CHATTER IN AGREEMENT]
214
00:09:41,475 --> 00:09:42,727
-I'd like to propose a toast.
-[ALL CHATTER]
215
00:09:42,811 --> 00:09:44,354
Mmm… Great idea.
216
00:09:44,438 --> 00:09:47,232
Amy, you don't have a drink?
Oh, no, it's okay, I don't need a…
217
00:09:47,316 --> 00:09:50,652
The Captain is making a toast.
Don't be rude, prude.
218
00:09:50,736 --> 00:09:53,030
Okay, I guess I'll have one more.
219
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:54,573
You're on vacation. Who's counting?
220
00:09:54,657 --> 00:09:56,034
[WHISPERS] I am.
221
00:09:56,701 --> 00:10:01,331
Thank you for inviting me up.
To joshing around together. Cheers.
222
00:10:01,415 --> 00:10:04,418
-To joshing!
-ALL: To joshing!
223
00:10:05,794 --> 00:10:08,005
Oh, you know what
we could do after lunch?
224
00:10:08,297 --> 00:10:10,465
Walk on the beach.
But it's the middle of winter.
225
00:10:10,549 --> 00:10:13,720
Which is ideal. You know?
Not too hot, no crowds,
226
00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:16,722
the sand doesn't get everywhere
because it's basically frozen.
227
00:10:16,806 --> 00:10:18,766
Exactly. Who brought their beach boots?
228
00:10:18,850 --> 00:10:20,311
"I did."
229
00:10:20,978 --> 00:10:23,105
Spot-on Rosa impression.
230
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:27,860
HOLT: This is nice.
231
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:29,988
I mean, the wind is unexpected.
232
00:10:30,072 --> 00:10:32,490
But welcome and bracing.
233
00:10:32,574 --> 00:10:37,788
Yeah. It's like a thousand little needles
of happiness shooting into your face.
234
00:10:38,581 --> 00:10:41,375
Well, we've been walking
for about 20 minutes, so…
235
00:10:41,459 --> 00:10:43,878
So, we should probably
turn around in another 20.
236
00:10:44,003 --> 00:10:47,756
Good plan.
An 80 minute walk on the beach. Mmm.
237
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,426
I'm so cold.
238
00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:52,388
Even my fiery dance moves
aren't keeping me warm.
239
00:10:52,513 --> 00:10:54,848
The trick is you've got to be prepared.
240
00:10:54,932 --> 00:10:59,020
Mini-cognac, ladies? Oh, yeah!
241
00:10:59,479 --> 00:11:01,647
Warm me up, you little bastard.
242
00:11:01,731 --> 00:11:03,774
Mmm. Four drinks!
243
00:11:03,858 --> 00:11:04,943
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
244
00:11:05,068 --> 00:11:07,154
Thank you, Terry's fanny.
245
00:11:07,238 --> 00:11:09,323
And thank you, Poseidon,
246
00:11:09,532 --> 00:11:12,743
great god of the sea!
247
00:11:15,204 --> 00:11:17,749
What are you wearing? A T-shirt.
248
00:11:18,792 --> 00:11:19,792
I only brought a bikini.
249
00:11:19,876 --> 00:11:21,836
Seems weird to be in front of
the Captain in a bathing suit.
250
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,839
Got to cover up them thangs, yeah?
251
00:11:24,881 --> 00:11:27,051
FYI, you can still see
them through your shirt.
252
00:11:27,135 --> 00:11:31,973
So, here we all are, finally relaxing
as a squad together in the tub.
253
00:11:32,557 --> 00:11:34,601
It's fun, huh? I can't hear anyone.
254
00:11:34,685 --> 00:11:37,146
Can we please turn off the jets? Yeah.
255
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:42,860
That's better.
256
00:11:43,027 --> 00:11:44,737
No more disturbed water.
257
00:11:44,821 --> 00:11:48,700
Good call. Wow, without the
bubbles, you can really see everything.
258
00:11:49,451 --> 00:11:50,660
Eyes up here, Peralta.
259
00:11:52,829 --> 00:11:54,831
And… Snip.
260
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,625
Mazel tov!
261
00:11:56,751 --> 00:11:59,753
Captain, I bet you used to smoke
cigars on the job all the time, right?
262
00:11:59,837 --> 00:12:01,463
No, but I had a partner who did.
263
00:12:01,547 --> 00:12:03,467
Had one burning all day long.
264
00:12:03,717 --> 00:12:04,801
Dan Hammer.
265
00:12:04,885 --> 00:12:06,886
That name is so cool, it
doesn't need a nickname.
266
00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:08,347
Ah, but he had one.
267
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,932
Snake Eyes.
Oh, Snake Eyes is a great one.
268
00:12:11,558 --> 00:12:14,645
Oh, yeah. He was the toughest
son of a bitch I ever met.
269
00:12:14,729 --> 00:12:16,647
When he died, he stuck
out his middle finger
270
00:12:16,731 --> 00:12:19,081
so he'd be flipping
everyone off at his funeral.
271
00:12:19,484 --> 00:12:21,653
-That rules.
-BOYLE: Yeah.
272
00:12:21,737 --> 00:12:25,198
Who killed him? Don't say a white
tiger on cocaine, because I will lose it.
273
00:12:25,282 --> 00:12:28,660
No. Cancer.
Of the mouth, tongue, lip, and cheek.
274
00:12:29,787 --> 00:12:30,789
Hmm.
275
00:12:31,664 --> 00:12:33,833
Well, still, the middle
finger thing is cool.
276
00:12:33,917 --> 00:12:36,043
Actually, no one got to see that.
It was a closed casket,
277
00:12:36,127 --> 00:12:38,671
because the doctors had
removed so much of his face.
278
00:12:38,755 --> 00:12:39,965
All right. That's that.
279
00:12:42,176 --> 00:12:45,026
All right. I admit it.
It's weird having the Captain here.
280
00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:46,805
It straight up sucks.
281
00:12:46,889 --> 00:12:49,142
Should we just go home?
What do you think, Terry?
282
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:51,769
I am not going anywhere.
283
00:12:51,853 --> 00:12:53,771
I'm playing Kwazy Cupcakes,
284
00:12:53,855 --> 00:12:57,234
I'm hydrated as hell, and
I'm listening to Sheryl Crow.
285
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,028
I've got my own party going on.
286
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:02,156
Wait a minute.
Vacation Terry, you're a genius.
287
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:06,452
We'll have two parties.
A fun one down here with just us,
288
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:09,080
and then an awkward, uncomfortable
one in the living room with Holt.
289
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,790
He doesn't even have to know about it.
290
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:13,209
Separate parties. Separate but equal!
291
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,753
Forget I said that phrase.
292
00:13:16,672 --> 00:13:18,132
Okay, we don't have much time.
293
00:13:18,216 --> 00:13:20,843
Captain's in the bathroom and we
all know how efficient he is in there.
294
00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:23,637
Here's the plan. The boring
Holt party will be in the living room.
295
00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:26,223
At least three of us must be
with him in that room at all times.
296
00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:28,060
It's not a party if there
aren't four people.
297
00:13:28,144 --> 00:13:30,187
Especially between the sheets.
298
00:13:30,271 --> 00:13:31,521
The other party will be in here.
299
00:13:31,605 --> 00:13:34,316
Shifts at each party will be
20 minutes and staggered.
300
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,194
Any questions?
How do you get your hair like that?
301
00:13:36,278 --> 00:13:37,800
Born this way. Also, Hitchcock and Scully
302
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,530
are not to be left
alone with the Captain.
303
00:13:39,614 --> 00:13:42,575
They'll annoy him into leaving his
party with their weird sunken casino idea.
304
00:13:42,659 --> 00:13:45,120
It's not an idea. It's a scheme.
305
00:13:45,204 --> 00:13:46,998
Okay, that is way worse.
306
00:13:47,415 --> 00:13:49,750
I think this is going to work.
And who knows?
307
00:13:49,834 --> 00:13:52,336
Maybe the Holt party will even be fun.
308
00:13:53,129 --> 00:13:56,257
Now, the recorder is generally thought
of as a training instrument for children.
309
00:13:56,341 --> 00:13:58,134
-[RECORDER MUSIC PLAYS]
-But listen to it
310
00:13:58,218 --> 00:14:01,430
in the hands of an expert
like Joram Leifgrum.
311
00:14:02,764 --> 00:14:04,934
The passion is
312
00:14:05,768 --> 00:14:06,936
breathtaking.
313
00:14:07,395 --> 00:14:09,313
Okay, so, Marcus wrote,
314
00:14:09,397 --> 00:14:10,815
"What you doing right now?"
315
00:14:10,899 --> 00:14:12,599
Then a smiley face blowing a kiss.
316
00:14:12,775 --> 00:14:15,404
Oh, he's good. We could say,
317
00:14:16,030 --> 00:14:17,155
"Thinking about you."
318
00:14:17,239 --> 00:14:21,076
Forget it, that's stupid.
No, Rosa. It's poetry.
319
00:14:21,285 --> 00:14:22,286
Whoo!
320
00:14:22,704 --> 00:14:24,456
First shift is done.
321
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:27,333
How was it? I'm not going
to lie, it was pretty brutal.
322
00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:30,211
But on the plus side, I now
hate a whole new genre of music.
323
00:14:30,295 --> 00:14:32,297
All right.
Boyle, Rosa, and Amy, you're up.
324
00:14:32,381 --> 00:14:35,592
Come on, get on it.
And under it. Bangarang.
325
00:14:35,676 --> 00:14:37,136
GINA: Ames, Ames, Ames. Mmm?
326
00:14:37,220 --> 00:14:39,805
You don't want to be around
Holt in your current state. Mmm.
327
00:14:39,889 --> 00:14:42,684
Say hello to the most
confident woman alive.
328
00:14:44,353 --> 00:14:45,353
Gah.
329
00:14:45,437 --> 00:14:48,356
Drink number five.
330
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:52,779
You are a true friend
and a hot little piece.
331
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,784
Goodbye, Four Drink Amy, sloppy sicko.
332
00:14:58,826 --> 00:15:01,038
His name is…
333
00:15:01,872 --> 00:15:05,208
Blair Underwood. The man I saw in
the grocery store was Blair Underwood.
334
00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:07,294
Hey, Ray. It's time.
335
00:15:07,962 --> 00:15:10,131
For what, Detective Santiago?
336
00:15:10,298 --> 00:15:13,718
For you to give me a
promotion and a 40% raise.
337
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:19,141
I've been carrying this squad for
two years and my back's getting tired.
338
00:15:19,225 --> 00:15:21,935
Excuse me, Captain. Hey, Amy,
can I talk to you for one second?
339
00:15:22,019 --> 00:15:24,813
Uh, you just did. Burn.
340
00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:28,276
Ah, so good. So, listen. I don't think
Over-Confident Amy is working out.
341
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,777
Maybe you should go back downstairs.
342
00:15:29,861 --> 00:15:32,155
Oh, maybe I should
just have another drink.
343
00:15:32,239 --> 00:15:35,074
Get ready, America. Here comes six.
344
00:15:35,158 --> 00:15:37,412
Oh. What? Okay, that's…
345
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:41,583
Wait a minute.
Why is Scully up here? Hey, Captain,
346
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,293
how much does it cost
to raise a sunken ship?
347
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:47,339
Answer. Less than a casino
makes in a year. Hopefully.
348
00:15:47,423 --> 00:15:49,174
[CHUCKLES] What a funny riddle.
349
00:15:49,258 --> 00:15:52,344
Hey, Scully, there's this sandwich
in the other room I want to show you.
350
00:15:52,428 --> 00:15:54,013
Say no more. Oh, that was easy.
351
00:15:54,179 --> 00:15:55,388
What the hell, guys?
352
00:15:55,472 --> 00:15:58,143
You can't just let Scully
go wherever he wants.
353
00:15:58,310 --> 00:16:00,228
We lost track of who was where. Sorry.
354
00:16:00,312 --> 00:16:02,813
Guys, if we're going to pull
this off, we need to focus.
355
00:16:02,897 --> 00:16:04,357
You want to play? Yeah, I want to play.
356
00:16:04,441 --> 00:16:05,567
It's quarters. What am I, a monster?
357
00:16:05,651 --> 00:16:07,986
Terry, tag me in.
You're on Holt party duty.
358
00:16:08,070 --> 00:16:10,406
It seems to me all-wheel drive
359
00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:13,367
is four-wheel drive.
360
00:16:13,451 --> 00:16:15,329
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
361
00:16:17,414 --> 00:16:20,375
I know they say it's not good
to have a TV in the bedroom.
362
00:16:20,959 --> 00:16:22,252
Which is…
363
00:16:22,919 --> 00:16:24,047
Why I don't.
364
00:16:24,464 --> 00:16:26,382
[ALL CHEERING]
365
00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:29,427
I am the King of Jordan!
366
00:16:31,429 --> 00:16:34,140
See, I told you guys we'd
still have fun this weekend.
367
00:16:34,224 --> 00:16:36,560
Wait, Terry, aren't you
supposed to be upstairs?
368
00:16:36,644 --> 00:16:38,562
Not now. It's Schnapps time.
369
00:16:39,313 --> 00:16:42,149
Okay, Amy and Hitchcock are
still upstairs. I think we're still good.
370
00:16:42,233 --> 00:16:45,612
Six Drink Amy
371
00:16:45,987 --> 00:16:48,281
is so alone.
372
00:16:48,406 --> 00:16:50,199
Oh, no!
373
00:16:50,283 --> 00:16:54,037
Six Drink Amy isn't fun.
She's just sad. Damn it.
374
00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:56,331
Guys, this is really bad.
I've got to get up there.
375
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:59,502
Now, where is everyone? Ah, Detectives.
376
00:17:02,005 --> 00:17:03,631
You're having a party without me.
377
00:17:03,715 --> 00:17:05,592
Captain. No need to explain.
378
00:17:10,013 --> 00:17:11,265
This is going to sound controversial,
379
00:17:11,349 --> 00:17:13,476
but I think that went pretty good.
380
00:17:15,812 --> 00:17:18,063
Man, I've never seen
Captain Holt that upset before.
381
00:17:18,147 --> 00:17:20,025
He looks like a sad block of granite.
382
00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:22,986
What are we going to do?
How do you cheer up granite?
383
00:17:23,487 --> 00:17:26,656
Well, you can salvage it, much
like the casino we've been talking…
384
00:17:26,740 --> 00:17:28,533
-Seriously, stop.
-JEFFORDS: I feel awful.
385
00:17:28,617 --> 00:17:30,912
My fanny is not deep enough to fix this.
386
00:17:31,371 --> 00:17:33,039
Vacation Terry
387
00:17:34,541 --> 00:17:36,125
is dead. The fanny.
388
00:17:36,209 --> 00:17:37,209
I'm going to go talk to Captain Holt.
389
00:17:37,293 --> 00:17:39,171
No, don't do that.
390
00:17:39,296 --> 00:17:41,674
I invited him up here.
I should go talk to him.
391
00:17:42,341 --> 00:17:45,052
Okay. What? I really thought
you were going to fight me on that
392
00:17:45,136 --> 00:17:47,639
and that we'd have a whole back
and forth and eventually you'd go,
393
00:17:47,723 --> 00:17:49,682
"Jake, I respect you,
but I gotta to do this."
394
00:17:49,766 --> 00:17:52,352
No. It's uncomfortable.
I'd much rather you do it.
395
00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:54,146
All right, fine.
396
00:17:54,479 --> 00:17:55,480
Here I go.
397
00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:00,236
You're walking in place. All right!
398
00:18:01,112 --> 00:18:02,821
Hey, we need to write Marcus back fast.
399
00:18:02,905 --> 00:18:04,990
He's already freaked out by how
long it takes me to text him back.
400
00:18:05,074 --> 00:18:08,370
Listen, Rosa.
There's nothing I'd rather do in my life
401
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:10,504
than write a sexy text to your boyfriend.
402
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:12,666
But I think this is something
you've got to do on your own.
403
00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:15,168
Why? You're so good at
being lame, and I'm not. Yeah.
404
00:18:15,252 --> 00:18:17,254
Look, I like him. I really like him.
405
00:18:17,338 --> 00:18:18,798
I don't want to screw this crap up.
406
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,383
That's what you should say.
407
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:23,767
Just take that sentiment, remove
the word "crap," and then send it.
408
00:18:27,433 --> 00:18:30,102
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gah. I sent it.
409
00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:32,786
He didn't write back, so he hates it.
No, wait, look.
410
00:18:33,147 --> 00:18:36,026
Okay. Oh, okay. Dot, dot, dot.
411
00:18:36,443 --> 00:18:39,154
-It's happening. It's a shirtless pic.
-[PHONE DINGS]
412
00:18:39,321 --> 00:18:41,865
We did it. We did it!
413
00:18:42,324 --> 00:18:45,452
Thanks, Boyle. Okay.
I'm going to leave. Don't follow me.
414
00:18:45,536 --> 00:18:47,789
Things are about to get intense.
Makes sense.
415
00:18:49,916 --> 00:18:50,958
Ames.
416
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:52,753
Gina.
417
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:55,380
You got to see the Sasquatch.
418
00:18:55,464 --> 00:18:56,798
Was it everything you drumpt?
419
00:18:56,882 --> 00:18:59,342
It was the stuff drumps are made of.
420
00:18:59,426 --> 00:19:02,722
Can you hold my eyes
still, till things stop spinning?
421
00:19:02,847 --> 00:19:06,476
Okay, let's sit you up. There…
Easy does it. There… Oh.
422
00:19:06,601 --> 00:19:09,646
There you go.
Now, drink this entire glass of water.
423
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:12,482
You're taking care of me.
424
00:19:12,566 --> 00:19:14,443
Just because I know
you won't remember it.
425
00:19:14,527 --> 00:19:16,904
Mmm-mmm. Nope.
426
00:19:17,655 --> 00:19:18,697
You like me.
427
00:19:18,948 --> 00:19:21,701
Six Drink Amy is your friend.
428
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:27,498
And…
And she's going to be very sick right now.
429
00:19:27,582 --> 00:19:28,583
Okay.
430
00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:30,127
Argh.
431
00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:33,881
I heard you were out here.
432
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:35,215
Really hate those jets, huh?
433
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,468
I'm not a child.
I don't need a bubble bath.
434
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:42,348
So, listen… Before you say anything,
435
00:19:42,432 --> 00:19:44,643
I want to say I'm sorry. You're sorry?
436
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,896
Wow. I can't believe I
almost made Terry do this.
437
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:49,190
Apology accepted.
438
00:19:49,274 --> 00:19:51,942
I was so eager to make up for
all the joshing around I missed,
439
00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:54,445
I forgot this getaway is
really for you detectives.
440
00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:57,573
And one of the things you
are striving to get away from
441
00:19:57,657 --> 00:19:59,242
is your Captain. Yeah.
442
00:19:59,326 --> 00:20:02,370
I mean, it's nothing
against you as a person.
443
00:20:02,454 --> 00:20:03,705
Everyone loves you.
444
00:20:03,789 --> 00:20:05,207
But you're our Captain.
445
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:08,961
And normally, we get really
drunk and act like crazy idiots
446
00:20:09,045 --> 00:20:11,380
and play stupid games
where we make fun of the boss.
447
00:20:11,464 --> 00:20:13,925
Which is hard when the boss is present.
448
00:20:14,926 --> 00:20:16,344
Yeah.
449
00:20:18,306 --> 00:20:19,849
But not impossible.
450
00:20:20,266 --> 00:20:22,393
I think instead of us
rising to your level,
451
00:20:22,685 --> 00:20:25,354
it's maybe time for you
to stoop down to ours.
452
00:20:26,064 --> 00:20:27,316
[CHUCKLES]
453
00:20:32,446 --> 00:20:35,783
And that's just the start.
454
00:20:36,117 --> 00:20:39,161
I call the game "Real Ray or Fake Ray?"
455
00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:41,247
And joining us is a
very special contestant,
456
00:20:41,331 --> 00:20:44,250
-Captain Ray Holt himself.
-[ALL CHEER]
457
00:20:46,211 --> 00:20:48,380
All right. Here's how the game works.
458
00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:51,383
I will say a phrase.
You tell me if I made it up or
459
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:54,178
if it's something that Captain
Holt actually said in real life
460
00:20:54,262 --> 00:20:55,721
to an actual human being.
461
00:20:55,805 --> 00:20:57,223
I understand the logic of this game.
462
00:20:57,307 --> 00:20:59,267
Great. Phrase number one.
463
00:20:59,809 --> 00:21:01,978
[IMITATING HOLT] "The
futility of lighting candles
464
00:21:02,062 --> 00:21:04,439
"only to blow them out
immediately is just one reason
465
00:21:04,523 --> 00:21:08,277
"I find children's birthday
parties impractical."
466
00:21:08,361 --> 00:21:10,153
That's Holt. Mmm. Fake.
467
00:21:10,237 --> 00:21:11,280
I say fake, too.
468
00:21:11,364 --> 00:21:13,324
I don't remember saying
it, so it must be fake.
469
00:21:13,408 --> 00:21:15,410
-It was real!
-ALL: Oh!
470
00:21:15,494 --> 00:21:17,495
Terry's kids at their birthday party.
471
00:21:17,579 --> 00:21:19,706
DIAZ: Nice. Oh, I remember now.
Okay. Do another one.
472
00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:21,374
Do another one.
All right, phrase number two.
473
00:21:21,458 --> 00:21:22,960
"Any smile
474
00:21:23,044 --> 00:21:25,045
"that lasts longer than
a second and a half
475
00:21:25,129 --> 00:21:27,214
"is a con man's ruse."
476
00:21:27,298 --> 00:21:29,091
JEFFORDS: Fake.
That's fake. That's a fake one.
477
00:21:29,175 --> 00:21:30,426
I said it.
478
00:21:30,510 --> 00:21:31,970
And I meant it!
479
00:21:32,054 --> 00:21:33,639
[ALL CHEER]