1
00:00:02,966 --> 00:00:06,301
Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!
2
00:00:06,593 --> 00:00:08,554
Ho, thank you, good sir!
3
00:00:08,804 --> 00:00:11,389
The elves will not starve this night!
4
00:00:11,514 --> 00:00:12,556
Any sign of our bogie?
5
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,683
Negative.
Are you sure our guy's gonna show?
6
00:00:14,767 --> 00:00:17,561
My CI said he walked this
route exactly the last three days.
7
00:00:17,645 --> 00:00:19,437
Fine, but in ten minutes
we're calling this.
8
00:00:19,521 --> 00:00:21,230
I have to get back to
my ecstasy task force.
9
00:00:21,314 --> 00:00:23,983
We have to bag a major giggle pig player
soon, or they're gonna shut us down.
10
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:27,903
Ho, ho, ho and a bottle of rum! Presents.
11
00:00:27,987 --> 00:00:29,837
DIAZ: God, you're bad at being Santa.
12
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,699
Jake, holy crap! Nine o'clock.
13
00:00:32,158 --> 00:00:35,243
PERALTA: The Pontiac
Bandit, aka Doug Judy.
14
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,127
Okay, Santa. Stay calm.
Just like we practiced.
15
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:42,082
Merry Judy, Mr. Doug Judy, Christmas.
16
00:00:42,166 --> 00:00:43,667
Damn it! Peralta?
17
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:44,959
No!
18
00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:47,129
Onion ring attack! Ah! Greasy!
19
00:00:48,671 --> 00:00:50,298
NYPD. Stop where you are!
20
00:00:50,715 --> 00:00:52,759
Come on, Santa. Why are you so fat?
21
00:01:01,141 --> 00:01:02,308
NYPD. Clear out.
22
00:01:03,058 --> 00:01:04,185
Where are you?
23
00:01:04,810 --> 00:01:05,895
[SCREAMS] Ah!
24
00:01:06,562 --> 00:01:08,022
-Got you.
-[GRUNTS]
25
00:01:12,734 --> 00:01:14,319
[GRUNTING]
26
00:01:14,652 --> 00:01:17,195
Doug Judy, you are under arrest.
27
00:01:17,279 --> 00:01:18,321
Put your hands in the air.
28
00:01:18,405 --> 00:01:20,740
Hey, Rosa. Merry Christmas, girl.
29
00:01:20,824 --> 00:01:21,867
Shut up.
30
00:01:22,159 --> 00:01:23,410
PERALTA: Take a good look, kids.
31
00:01:23,494 --> 00:01:26,287
This is what happens when you're naughty!
32
00:01:26,621 --> 00:01:28,623
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
33
00:01:47,263 --> 00:01:49,974
Attention, everyone.
Holidays of many cultures approach.
34
00:01:50,058 --> 00:01:51,851
This truly is a joyful time.
35
00:01:52,268 --> 00:01:54,352
Join me for a festive winter party
36
00:01:54,436 --> 00:01:56,604
at Shaw's Bar this
Friday, 7:00 till 9:00.
37
00:01:56,688 --> 00:01:58,190
Any questions? a.m. or p.m?
38
00:01:58,398 --> 00:01:59,898
I'm gonna let you figure that one out.
39
00:01:59,982 --> 00:02:02,192
Also, I'd like to
reiterate my gift policy.
40
00:02:02,276 --> 00:02:05,112
None allowed. Enjoy this merry season.
41
00:02:05,196 --> 00:02:07,322
Good people of the Nine-Nine.
42
00:02:07,489 --> 00:02:09,031
I present to you
43
00:02:09,115 --> 00:02:11,284
the seventh wonder of the world,
44
00:02:11,368 --> 00:02:14,287
Doug Judy, AKA the Pontiac Bandit,
45
00:02:14,371 --> 00:02:15,746
foiled at last!
46
00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:17,914
[ALL CHEERING, APPLAUDING]
47
00:02:17,998 --> 00:02:20,667
Wow, you guys. Thank you very much.
48
00:02:20,751 --> 00:02:21,959
All right. That's enough, Judy!
49
00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:24,253
This is my moment.
You are not to enjoy it.
50
00:02:24,337 --> 00:02:25,629
I can't help it. I'm proud of you.
51
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:28,466
You're like a son to me.
A white, crispy son.
52
00:02:28,550 --> 00:02:30,216
How would that even work? Am I adopted?
53
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:32,050
No. Your mother's just really pale.
54
00:02:32,511 --> 00:02:34,304
Almost invisible. Okay.
55
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:36,597
Anyways, it's a shame I
gotta ruin your celebration
56
00:02:36,681 --> 00:02:38,015
by cutting a deal and
getting out of here.
57
00:02:38,099 --> 00:02:39,475
Never! Right?
58
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:40,726
I'm just saying.
59
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:43,978
I know a lot of real,
high profile felons.
60
00:02:44,062 --> 00:02:46,523
Makes me a very desirable tattletale.
61
00:02:47,107 --> 00:02:48,941
We will never cut a deal with you.
62
00:02:49,025 --> 00:02:50,318
Not after you screwed us last year.
63
00:02:50,402 --> 00:02:53,278
You don't want any info on a
local burglary ring, perhaps?
64
00:02:53,362 --> 00:02:55,071
Not good enough. Testify, Captain!
65
00:02:55,155 --> 00:02:56,656
How about a guy who
makes fake credit cards?
66
00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:58,073
-Negative.
-PERALTA: You see that, Judy?
67
00:02:58,157 --> 00:03:00,410
No matter what you
say, you're going to jail.
68
00:03:00,535 --> 00:03:01,578
What about drugs?
69
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:03,413
You all ever heard of giggle pig?
70
00:03:05,706 --> 00:03:06,956
What do you know? We're listening.
71
00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,082
PERALTA: No, no, no, no.
72
00:03:08,166 --> 00:03:09,459
We're not listening. We can't hear him.
73
00:03:09,543 --> 00:03:11,443
Everybody, shoot your guns in the air!
74
00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:14,546
Gina, you need to see this!
75
00:03:14,630 --> 00:03:16,507
Oh, Charles. I can't take that.
76
00:03:16,591 --> 00:03:18,884
It's clearly not cash,
and I don't have time
77
00:03:18,968 --> 00:03:20,218
in my life to return things.
78
00:03:20,302 --> 00:03:22,178
I found this in my
dad's place last night.
79
00:03:22,262 --> 00:03:23,304
It's from him to your mom.
80
00:03:23,388 --> 00:03:25,264
[GASPS] No. Yes.
81
00:03:25,348 --> 00:03:26,599
Boyle, this is bad.
82
00:03:26,683 --> 00:03:28,975
I thought our parents were
just having a casual fling.
83
00:03:29,059 --> 00:03:31,269
But presents is like
old people third base.
84
00:03:31,353 --> 00:03:32,646
No. That's rubbing butts together.
85
00:03:32,730 --> 00:03:34,230
What? But this is very close.
86
00:03:34,522 --> 00:03:37,483
Gina, they may be getting serious.
87
00:03:37,567 --> 00:03:40,236
[GRUNTS] Don't you dare say that.
88
00:03:40,904 --> 00:03:42,654
Do you know how disgustingly
89
00:03:42,738 --> 00:03:43,988
entangled our lives will be
90
00:03:44,072 --> 00:03:45,740
if our parents turn into a real couple?
91
00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:47,700
Yes! You think I want you and your mom
92
00:03:47,784 --> 00:03:49,910
horning in on the Boyle
Boys mimosa brunches?
93
00:03:49,994 --> 00:03:51,161
That's our guy time!
94
00:03:51,245 --> 00:03:52,996
Ugh. We need to figure out
95
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,290
what is in this horrible package
96
00:03:55,374 --> 00:03:57,041
so we can determine where they're at
97
00:03:57,125 --> 00:03:58,877
in their relationship. [GASPS]
98
00:03:59,252 --> 00:04:00,753
What if it's a romantic book,
99
00:04:00,837 --> 00:04:03,129
or like a picture of the
two of them in a frame?
100
00:04:03,213 --> 00:04:05,632
Ugh, ugh. Oh, or "his and hers" pajamas?
101
00:04:05,716 --> 00:04:07,384
The kind that dissolve in your mouth.
102
00:04:07,468 --> 00:04:11,054
Ew. No. No, Charles. Ew.
103
00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:14,230
So, this is where all the tape went.
104
00:04:14,349 --> 00:04:16,684
I gotta put up these
pictures my daughters drew.
105
00:04:16,768 --> 00:04:19,269
And I need some 'cause I cut my hand.
Hitchcock!
106
00:04:19,478 --> 00:04:20,520
Go to the hospital!
107
00:04:20,604 --> 00:04:23,941
And give 100 bucks to some doctor
to give me the exact same tape?
108
00:04:24,107 --> 00:04:25,149
I don't think so.
109
00:04:25,650 --> 00:04:27,610
Wow. What's all this?
110
00:04:28,069 --> 00:04:30,070
I'm making a Christmas
present for Captain Holt.
111
00:04:30,154 --> 00:04:33,322
I know, I know.
He has a strict no gift policy,
112
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:35,450
but I found a loophole.
113
00:04:35,617 --> 00:04:37,077
Like your loophole last year?
114
00:04:37,369 --> 00:04:40,412
So, I was just gonna throw out
this brand new squash racquet,
115
00:04:40,496 --> 00:04:42,914
but then I thought, "Hey,
maybe the Captain could use it."
116
00:04:42,998 --> 00:04:44,040
I don't want your garbage.
117
00:04:44,124 --> 00:04:45,542
No, it was a very expensive gift!
118
00:04:45,626 --> 00:04:48,127
Aha! Suspicions confirmed.
119
00:04:48,628 --> 00:04:50,796
I asked the Captain
what qualified as a gift,
120
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,215
and he said anything I spent money on.
121
00:04:53,299 --> 00:04:56,635
Then I realized, my
time is worth nothing.
122
00:04:56,885 --> 00:04:59,429
Sounds like you're bragging,
but that's just a sad statement.
123
00:04:59,513 --> 00:05:02,055
I'm making a scrapbook of
his professional highlights.
124
00:05:02,139 --> 00:05:05,267
Newspaper clippings,
police reports, pictures.
125
00:05:05,351 --> 00:05:07,311
It's got every moment of his career.
126
00:05:08,645 --> 00:05:09,980
From Ray To Z.
127
00:05:10,313 --> 00:05:11,772
This is a very bad idea.
128
00:05:11,856 --> 00:05:14,150
I know!
I'm not happy with the title either,
129
00:05:14,275 --> 00:05:16,276
but my back-up was Keep Hotting On,
130
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,560
but that just makes
him sound like he's sick.
131
00:05:18,654 --> 00:05:21,490
All right, before we make a
deal with this evil monster,
132
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:23,074
can I just ask something?
133
00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,451
Is giggle pig really that important?
134
00:05:25,535 --> 00:05:28,495
My job, Rosa's job, and
the fate of this entire precinct
135
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,914
all depend upon the
outcome of this task force.
136
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,040
All right, fine.
137
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:33,583
Diaz, what's our status right now?
138
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:34,709
We've picked up a bunch of dealers,
139
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,294
but our main target is Tito Ruiz.
140
00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,878
We believe he runs the whole operation,
141
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,505
only we can't prove it because
none of his people will turn on him.
142
00:05:40,589 --> 00:05:43,467
Just because he bit off a few noses.
Babies.
143
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,718
I say the only way we
make a deal with Doug Judy
144
00:05:45,802 --> 00:05:48,179
is if he can give us
the top guy, Tito Ruiz.
145
00:05:48,471 --> 00:05:49,889
I can give you Tito Ruiz.
146
00:05:49,973 --> 00:05:51,265
Oh, come on, Judy!
147
00:05:51,349 --> 00:05:52,891
I mean, how do we even know this is real?
148
00:05:52,975 --> 00:05:54,075
This guy's a huckster!
149
00:05:54,268 --> 00:05:56,895
-He's a lie guy.
-HOLT: Peralta has a point.
150
00:05:56,979 --> 00:05:58,980
You have been a lie guy to us before.
Thank you.
151
00:05:59,064 --> 00:06:00,105
Give me some details.
152
00:06:00,189 --> 00:06:02,524
Ruiz and I were cellies
in Attica in the '90s.
153
00:06:02,608 --> 00:06:03,692
He texted me last week.
154
00:06:03,776 --> 00:06:05,736
He needs some cars
to deliver his product.
155
00:06:05,820 --> 00:06:09,197
I said no because drugs are stupid.
156
00:06:09,656 --> 00:06:12,075
Except for weed and sex pills.
A man has needs.
157
00:06:12,617 --> 00:06:15,327
♪ Rosa, Rosa, Rosa. ♪
158
00:06:15,745 --> 00:06:17,663
♪ Rosa ♪
159
00:06:18,122 --> 00:06:20,582
♪ I can't think of your last name, baby ♪
160
00:06:20,666 --> 00:06:22,166
[BANGS ON TABLE] Enough crooning.
161
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:24,085
Can you get us a face to face with Ruiz?
162
00:06:24,169 --> 00:06:27,004
Yeah, but you gotta
give me zero jail time.
163
00:06:27,088 --> 00:06:28,254
No, that's not gonna happen.
164
00:06:28,338 --> 00:06:29,923
[LAUGHS] Stupid Judy.
165
00:06:30,007 --> 00:06:32,258
The DA, however, will
offer a reduced sentence
166
00:06:32,342 --> 00:06:33,718
in return for Ruiz's arrest.
167
00:06:33,802 --> 00:06:35,636
Five years instead of 20.
168
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,513
Oh, that's tough, but fair.
169
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:40,349
I can see why you have such
intense daddy stuff with him.
170
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:42,309
Oh, yeah, the guy without a daddy
171
00:06:42,393 --> 00:06:43,434
is the one with daddy issues.
172
00:06:43,518 --> 00:06:44,978
Explain that logic.
173
00:06:45,103 --> 00:06:48,503
Since I'm going to jail, I want to
enjoy my time left on the outside.
174
00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:51,650
Put me up in a five-star
hotel, like the Royce,
175
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:53,944
unlimited room service
and minibar privileges.
176
00:06:54,028 --> 00:06:56,113
Three-star hotel, like the Brooklyner,
177
00:06:56,197 --> 00:06:58,364
$60 a day meal allowance, no minibar.
178
00:06:58,448 --> 00:07:00,282
DOUG: Four-star hotel, like the Oneida,
179
00:07:00,366 --> 00:07:02,952
$200 in food, no minibar or alcohol,
180
00:07:03,036 --> 00:07:05,579
but I get to go crazy on candy and nuts.
181
00:07:05,954 --> 00:07:07,288
Agreed. Ow!
182
00:07:07,372 --> 00:07:08,665
Oh, one last thing.
183
00:07:08,791 --> 00:07:11,126
Diaz has to be nice to me.
184
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,794
I want her to call me "Big Sugar".
185
00:07:13,878 --> 00:07:15,546
[SCOFFS] Huge mistake, bud.
186
00:07:15,630 --> 00:07:16,714
She'll never agree to that.
187
00:07:16,798 --> 00:07:19,716
No, I'm in. Let's do this, "Big Sugar".
188
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,384
-[WHIMPERS]
-PERALTA: What? All right, fine.
189
00:07:21,468 --> 00:07:23,219
If this is going down, I
wanna be on this case.
190
00:07:23,303 --> 00:07:25,055
And my sole focus is Doug Judy.
191
00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:26,889
He never leaves my sights.
192
00:07:27,056 --> 00:07:30,809
Love it! Pontiac Bandit and Jake.
P. B. and J ride again!
193
00:07:30,893 --> 00:07:35,146
♪ Reunited and it feels so good ♪
194
00:07:35,230 --> 00:07:36,630
It's a duet. Get in on this.
195
00:07:36,815 --> 00:07:41,610
♪ -Reunited 'cause we understood ♪
-No! No.
196
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,780
All right, Big Sugar.
197
00:07:45,864 --> 00:07:47,908
Four-star hotel room. You happy?
198
00:07:48,366 --> 00:07:51,410
Okay. Okay. Okay.
199
00:07:51,494 --> 00:07:54,538
Flat screen TV, king-sized bed,
200
00:07:54,622 --> 00:07:56,497
hangers you can take off the rod.
201
00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:59,084
This is what's up. This place is nice.
202
00:07:59,543 --> 00:08:00,960
We should settle down here, Rosa.
203
00:08:01,044 --> 00:08:03,211
Now if you all excuse me,
I'm gonna go freshen up.
204
00:08:03,295 --> 00:08:04,964
I'm feeling stanky.
205
00:08:05,256 --> 00:08:07,007
Hold it. Not so fast.
206
00:08:07,550 --> 00:08:08,592
What?
207
00:08:09,552 --> 00:08:11,219
Let's make out. Not yet.
208
00:08:12,345 --> 00:08:14,180
All right. There's no windows.
You can go in.
209
00:08:14,264 --> 00:08:16,640
But leave the door open
and I'm hanging onto this.
210
00:08:16,724 --> 00:08:17,974
What in the world would I do with that?
211
00:08:18,058 --> 00:08:19,851
Point it at my face
until my eyeballs dry out
212
00:08:19,935 --> 00:08:21,019
and I lose my sense of sight.
213
00:08:21,103 --> 00:08:23,146
Then shove it in my
mouth so I can't yell for help,
214
00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:25,147
and finally run out the front
door and disappear forever.
215
00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:27,775
Nah, I was just gonna use it
to dry my undercarriage later.
216
00:08:27,859 --> 00:08:30,486
Would you just relax? Okay?
Stop being so paranoid.
217
00:08:30,570 --> 00:08:32,779
I'm playing ball. I got you.
218
00:08:33,655 --> 00:08:34,755
If you'll excuse me…
219
00:08:36,074 --> 00:08:37,533
All right. We can't be too careful.
220
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:38,659
Let's go over the plan one more time.
221
00:08:38,743 --> 00:08:40,327
Doug Judy texts Ruiz to set up a meet.
222
00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,204
We each have a hidden
wire and we record Ruiz
223
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:44,122
talking about giggle pig,
then take him down.
224
00:08:44,206 --> 00:08:46,290
Tac team is on call for backup.
What are you doing?
225
00:08:46,374 --> 00:08:47,500
You look like a pervert.
226
00:08:47,584 --> 00:08:49,168
[WHISPERS] Putting a
GPS tracker in his shoe.
227
00:08:49,252 --> 00:08:50,795
He is not getting away from me again,
228
00:08:50,879 --> 00:08:54,329
even if it means putting my favorite
hand into this rotten stink-boot.
229
00:08:54,756 --> 00:08:56,049
-PERALTA: Okay.
-DOUG: Whoo-hoo!
230
00:08:56,133 --> 00:08:57,467
Did you see the menu?
231
00:08:57,843 --> 00:09:00,137
Lobster Thermidor. Baked Alaska.
232
00:09:00,470 --> 00:09:02,554
It's so fancy it doesn't
even sound like food!
233
00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:03,972
Here. Come on. Order something.
234
00:09:04,056 --> 00:09:05,182
Order. Do it. Order it.
235
00:09:05,266 --> 00:09:06,433
No, thanks. I'm on duty.
236
00:09:06,517 --> 00:09:09,567
Come on, Peralta. You gonna
let the criminal have all the fun?
237
00:09:10,562 --> 00:09:11,605
All right, fine.
238
00:09:12,272 --> 00:09:14,774
I'll have one Lobster Thermidor.
239
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,858
Extra thermidor on the side.
240
00:09:16,942 --> 00:09:18,193
I have no idea what I'm ordering.
241
00:09:18,277 --> 00:09:20,613
Me neither!
We're like culinary Magellans!
242
00:09:20,779 --> 00:09:22,363
You know how we take
this to the next level?
243
00:09:22,447 --> 00:09:24,365
Robes! Robes!
244
00:09:25,283 --> 00:09:30,537
Reunited and it feels so good
245
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,332
Reunited
246
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,792
Okay, we just unwrap
it, we see what's inside,
247
00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:38,377
then we perfectly rewrap it.
248
00:09:38,461 --> 00:09:39,503
Our parents never know what happened.
249
00:09:39,587 --> 00:09:42,422
Ugh. Lord. You're starting to sweat.
250
00:09:42,506 --> 00:09:44,257
You're gonna blemish the wrapping paper!
Oh.
251
00:09:44,341 --> 00:09:46,384
Oh. You're dabbing me really hard.
You know what?
252
00:09:46,468 --> 00:09:49,053
This is taking too long.
Just scooch, ya pooch.
253
00:09:49,137 --> 00:09:50,180
[SIGHS]
254
00:09:53,599 --> 00:09:55,892
You are amazing. How did you do that?
255
00:09:55,976 --> 00:09:57,602
I always open my gifts in advance,
256
00:09:57,686 --> 00:09:58,936
so I can rehearse my reactions
257
00:09:59,020 --> 00:10:01,814
and nail those Christmas morning candids.
258
00:10:02,065 --> 00:10:04,400
Check it out. Be-wonderment. [GASPS]
259
00:10:04,943 --> 00:10:07,069
Disbe-loving it! [GIGGLES]
260
00:10:08,654 --> 00:10:09,696
Sparkle surprise.
261
00:10:10,656 --> 00:10:11,698
I like that.
262
00:10:11,782 --> 00:10:14,951
Now, focus up. Your dad got my mom…
263
00:10:15,743 --> 00:10:18,370
BOYLE: A digital scale? That's bad.
264
00:10:18,454 --> 00:10:20,705
So bad, so wonderfully bad.
265
00:10:20,789 --> 00:10:22,206
Your dad might as well have circled
266
00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:24,876
all the parts of my mom's
body he didn't like, with a marker.
267
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,002
You did that to me.
268
00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:28,295
And it didn't help at all. No.
269
00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,547
My mom is gonna hate this gift.
270
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,048
And she'd hate it even more
271
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,217
if we were both there when she opened it.
272
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:37,094
Should we do a gift exchange
dinner tonight with both our parents?
273
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,220
Great idea.
274
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,389
Maybe she'll slap him in the
face and never talk to him again.
275
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,557
[LAUGHS] Sparkle surprise!
276
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:44,059
For real!
277
00:10:44,893 --> 00:10:47,312
Three Lobster Thermidors.
Spaghetti and meatballs.
278
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:49,438
Caesar salad with tater
tots instead of croutons.
279
00:10:49,522 --> 00:10:51,816
Oh, that's me.
Salad, trying to eat healthy.
280
00:10:51,941 --> 00:10:54,193
I hear that. Your body's a temple.
281
00:10:54,277 --> 00:10:55,677
All right. I'm searching it.
282
00:10:56,028 --> 00:10:57,695
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
283
00:10:57,779 --> 00:10:58,946
Peralta. What you doing?
284
00:10:59,030 --> 00:11:01,230
Putting your fingers in my fancy feast?
What?
285
00:11:01,366 --> 00:11:03,075
How am I supposed to
escape using a lobster?
286
00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:04,826
Squeeze the lemon in
my eyes so I can't see,
287
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,119
stab me in the jugular with a claw,
288
00:11:06,203 --> 00:11:08,580
and then shove the tail down my
throat so I can't scream for help.
289
00:11:08,664 --> 00:11:11,248
I gotta keep my eye on you, Judy.
You're a slippery guy.
290
00:11:11,332 --> 00:11:12,708
Fair enough. That I am.
291
00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:14,877
But for right now, I'm
all about helping you,
292
00:11:14,961 --> 00:11:17,379
so why don't you just chill
and eat some sexy ass lobster?
293
00:11:17,463 --> 00:11:21,257
Okay, we held up our end of the bargain.
Text Ruiz now, friend.
294
00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:22,384
Fine.
295
00:11:22,801 --> 00:11:24,928
-[PHONE CHIMES]
-Tito, dot, dot, dot.
296
00:11:25,012 --> 00:11:27,847
You around, question mark.
Want to meet up, period.
297
00:11:28,806 --> 00:11:30,807
Speech to text. We live in a magical age.
298
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:31,934
It's like The Jetsons.
299
00:11:32,018 --> 00:11:35,311
By the way, this Tito dude,
he spooks real easy, so… No!
300
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,605
There's no way you're going in alone.
We're coming with you.
301
00:11:37,689 --> 00:11:39,273
I've already got my
cover story worked out.
302
00:11:39,357 --> 00:11:40,982
My name is Dante Thunderstone.
303
00:11:41,066 --> 00:11:43,818
I stole my first car at
the tender age of nine.
304
00:11:43,902 --> 00:11:46,446
You had to fend for yourself since
your mother was struck by lightning.
305
00:11:46,530 --> 00:11:49,281
While she was pregnant with me.
She passed, I lived.
306
00:11:49,365 --> 00:11:51,283
Some say that makes Zeus my dad.
307
00:11:51,367 --> 00:11:52,618
Aw! Mythic.
308
00:11:52,702 --> 00:11:55,829
That is dope.
And, Rosa, you could be my wife.
309
00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:00,667
Rosa.
Why would you take your wife with you
310
00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:01,792
to meet a drug dealer?
311
00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:04,127
Because we're partners
in everything we do. Aw.
312
00:12:04,211 --> 00:12:06,130
-[PHONE CHIMES]
-Whoa!
313
00:12:06,756 --> 00:12:07,798
Tito wants to meet up.
314
00:12:07,882 --> 00:12:09,340
Great! Tell him to meet us over here.
315
00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:11,050
We'll get him a lobster and a robe.
316
00:12:11,134 --> 00:12:14,346
I mean, no, let's go
catch him in the act.
317
00:12:16,472 --> 00:12:18,473
Sarge, I'm freaking out
318
00:12:18,557 --> 00:12:20,433
about my gift that's
not technically a gift.
319
00:12:20,517 --> 00:12:22,143
Somehow that doesn't surprise me.
320
00:12:22,227 --> 00:12:24,770
Something horrible's happened
and I don't know what to do.
321
00:12:24,854 --> 00:12:27,439
Has Captain Holt ever told
you about the Brooklyn Broiler?
322
00:12:27,523 --> 00:12:31,860
Yeah. Arsonist.
Burned down 12 buildings in Crown Heights.
323
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:34,135
Captain's told me about it many times.
324
00:12:35,072 --> 00:12:36,448
You flamed out.
325
00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:39,950
Dirtbag.
326
00:12:40,368 --> 00:12:43,579
Well, I think the Captain
may have made a mistake.
327
00:12:44,288 --> 00:12:45,496
What are you talking about?
328
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,373
I was doing follow up
research on the case
329
00:12:47,457 --> 00:12:49,166
for a fun "where are they now?" section,
330
00:12:49,250 --> 00:12:51,544
and I don't think the
Broiler set three of the fires
331
00:12:51,628 --> 00:12:52,669
he was charged with.
332
00:12:52,753 --> 00:12:55,088
I gotta tell the Captain.
Do you think he'll be upset?
333
00:12:55,172 --> 00:12:58,425
Probably not. I mean, he seems
like the kind of laid-back guy
334
00:12:58,509 --> 00:13:00,676
who delights in having
his mistakes exposed.
335
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,219
[GROANS] Maybe next year,
336
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:05,181
you can do a collage about
low points in his marriage.
337
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,016
I know you're being sarcastic, Sarge,
338
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:08,950
but I really do love making collages.
339
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,895
DOUG: Ruiz's bodyguards.
340
00:13:12,979 --> 00:13:15,773
Prepare to be touched in
some real intimate places.
341
00:13:16,899 --> 00:13:17,941
Clean.
342
00:13:18,025 --> 00:13:20,236
Watch it.
Where'd you get those shoes, man?
343
00:13:21,362 --> 00:13:22,404
There he is.
344
00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:24,196
Tito. What's up, my man?
345
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:26,491
Doug Judy. Who are they?
346
00:13:26,699 --> 00:13:28,243
That's my bodyguard, Selena.
347
00:13:28,785 --> 00:13:30,244
We doing it on the D. I.
348
00:13:30,452 --> 00:13:32,329
He's an amazing lover. I'm pregnant.
349
00:13:32,538 --> 00:13:34,540
Aw, nice!
350
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,875
And this here is my
partner, Dante Thunderstone.
351
00:13:37,959 --> 00:13:39,961
The one and only. Braat, braat, braat.
352
00:13:41,504 --> 00:13:43,546
Okay, Judy. If we're gonna do business,
353
00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:45,381
I gotta see how good you really are.
354
00:13:45,465 --> 00:13:48,218
This is a test.
Go jack that car right now.
355
00:13:48,635 --> 00:13:49,678
Give him the tools.
356
00:13:52,179 --> 00:13:53,221
No worries.
357
00:13:53,305 --> 00:13:56,100
That is a cinch to pinch.
358
00:13:57,101 --> 00:13:58,893
[SOFTLY] There's no way
you're getting in that car alone.
359
00:13:58,977 --> 00:14:01,312
Hey, where are you going, Thunderstone?
360
00:14:01,396 --> 00:14:02,438
PERALTA: To steal the car.
361
00:14:02,522 --> 00:14:04,691
I jack the rides, Judy holds my tools.
362
00:14:04,983 --> 00:14:06,941
Fine. Then you have two minutes.
363
00:14:07,025 --> 00:14:08,193
Only need one.
364
00:14:09,194 --> 00:14:11,613
That was tight.
You played him like a boss.
365
00:14:11,697 --> 00:14:14,747
Thanks. Now I just need to
magically learn how to steal a car.
366
00:14:14,949 --> 00:14:15,992
Braat, braat.
367
00:14:19,328 --> 00:14:21,496
Okay, okay.
All I have to do is break into this car
368
00:14:21,580 --> 00:14:22,622
and drive it away without a key.
369
00:14:22,706 --> 00:14:24,040
-Something wrong?
-PERALTA: Nope!
370
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,460
Just, uh, warming up my stealing fingies!
371
00:14:26,877 --> 00:14:29,128
Relax, Thunderstone. It's easy. Here.
372
00:14:30,045 --> 00:14:31,088
What are you talking about?
373
00:14:31,172 --> 00:14:34,340
Oh, just, uh, telling Thunderstone
how I move it on the dance floor.
374
00:14:34,424 --> 00:14:36,884
Yeah.
I always start with a side to side sway.
375
00:14:36,968 --> 00:14:40,554
Real smooth, real slow.
Real smooth and real slow.
376
00:14:40,638 --> 00:14:41,805
But when I feel that groove,
377
00:14:41,889 --> 00:14:42,931
I pop it. Hot!
378
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,057
[GRUNTS] Yeah!
379
00:14:44,141 --> 00:14:45,683
And I pull it. Pull it back. Yeah!
380
00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:47,268
Pull it back hard. Whoo!
381
00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:48,520
Yeah. [LAUGHS]
382
00:14:48,604 --> 00:14:50,855
Yes, I love the way you dance, Doug Judy.
383
00:14:52,064 --> 00:14:55,567
All right.
This next part is like French kissing.
384
00:14:55,651 --> 00:14:58,101
Got it.
Jam it in there and move it around wildly.
385
00:14:58,361 --> 00:14:59,737
I gotta ask, Peralta,
386
00:14:59,821 --> 00:15:01,739
do the ladies enjoy that technique?
387
00:15:01,823 --> 00:15:02,949
Ten seconds!
388
00:15:03,282 --> 00:15:04,325
Come on.
389
00:15:06,202 --> 00:15:07,828
-[ENGINE STARTING]
-PERALTA: Ah, yes!
390
00:15:07,912 --> 00:15:09,413
Oh!
391
00:15:09,497 --> 00:15:10,538
Okay, let's go.
392
00:15:12,749 --> 00:15:17,211
Thank you, Charles, Regina,
for inviting us on this double date.
393
00:15:17,295 --> 00:15:20,672
It's kinda like a fun
Christmas four-way, right?
394
00:15:20,756 --> 00:15:21,923
Well put, Lynn. Yeah.
395
00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:23,591
DARLENE: A very sweet sentiment.
396
00:15:23,675 --> 00:15:26,844
Oh, my God! I have an idea.
Let's open presents! Okay.
397
00:15:26,928 --> 00:15:29,304
Oh.
I wanna see what everyone got everyone
398
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,181
and how everyone reacts poorly.
399
00:15:31,265 --> 00:15:33,934
Fun, fun. I just hope you like it.
I don't know.
400
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,438
A digital scale?
401
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,690
Lynn Boyle, you're a
horrible, horrible man.
402
00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:44,401
You went way over our price limit.
403
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,944
Yes, I did. And I love it!
404
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,863
Yay. It's gonna go so
great in the guest bathroom!
405
00:15:48,947 --> 00:15:49,989
What? What?
406
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:51,782
Lynn and I are moving in together.
Mmm-hmm.
407
00:15:51,866 --> 00:15:53,159
And the rent's a little steep,
408
00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:56,495
so we promised we would only
exchange small gifts. Mmm-hmm.
409
00:15:56,870 --> 00:16:00,748
But you had to push it, didn't you,
you naughty boy? I did. [CHUCKLING]
410
00:16:00,832 --> 00:16:03,960
I had to get my pookums
a present, pookums.
411
00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:07,379
Okay. Well, this is wonderful.
412
00:16:07,463 --> 00:16:09,464
But I am needed elsewhere.
413
00:16:09,548 --> 00:16:11,507
So, I'm going to take off now.
414
00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:12,842
Thank you so much.
415
00:16:15,345 --> 00:16:18,430
Nog, nog. A little Christmas humor.
[CHUCKLING]
416
00:16:18,514 --> 00:16:19,639
Yes, the "nog" from "egg nog",
417
00:16:19,723 --> 00:16:20,973
used in place of "knock".
418
00:16:21,183 --> 00:16:23,184
I stand corrected. He loved it.
419
00:16:23,685 --> 00:16:26,228
So, I was just looking
through some old files
420
00:16:26,312 --> 00:16:29,648
and I think I may have found a
mistake in a closed case. Which one?
421
00:16:29,732 --> 00:16:32,358
It was… Actually, now that I think of it…
422
00:16:32,442 --> 00:16:34,527
If I'm remembering correctly, and…
[EXHALES]
423
00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:36,988
I could be wrong on this, but..
. It's the Brooklyn Broiler.
424
00:16:37,072 --> 00:16:38,989
What? That dirtbag flamed out ages ago.
425
00:16:39,073 --> 00:16:40,199
Why were you looking at that case?
426
00:16:40,283 --> 00:16:41,950
She was making you a gift.
427
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,578
Not a gift, snitch.
428
00:16:43,744 --> 00:16:46,913
It didn't cost me anything,
just my worthless man hours.
429
00:16:47,414 --> 00:16:49,416
"From Ray to Z"?
430
00:16:49,874 --> 00:16:51,374
I thought I told you no gifts.
431
00:16:51,626 --> 00:16:53,251
Take this away, and
bring me the Broiler's file.
432
00:16:53,335 --> 00:16:54,503
I'll look into this mistake.
433
00:16:54,587 --> 00:16:56,546
Actually, the evidence
is part of the scrapbook,
434
00:16:56,630 --> 00:16:57,923
so I have to leave the whole thing.
435
00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:01,007
Fine, I'll look at the relevant pages.
But as for the rest…
436
00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:03,511
I will not peruse.
437
00:17:06,555 --> 00:17:08,848
Wow. Sweet set up. What do you make here?
438
00:17:08,932 --> 00:17:10,225
Don't worry about it.
439
00:17:10,309 --> 00:17:12,352
Oh, cool, cool.
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
440
00:17:12,436 --> 00:17:14,186
We need 20 cars a week.
441
00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:16,856
I want to use them each
once, then dump 'em.
442
00:17:17,189 --> 00:17:19,358
Ah, well, you picked the right man.
443
00:17:19,692 --> 00:17:21,492
So are we gonna make a deal or what?
444
00:17:21,610 --> 00:17:23,310
Or do I need to talk to your boss?
445
00:17:23,612 --> 00:17:24,737
You can talk to me.
446
00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:26,489
So, you're the boss? Yeah.
447
00:17:26,573 --> 00:17:28,907
I'm the boss. And this is my place.
448
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:33,621
And in my place, people know they
shouldn't ask dumb questions. Got it?
449
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:35,746
Yeah, I got it.
450
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,332
I tried to tell him, Tito.
451
00:17:38,499 --> 00:17:39,899
All right. Let's talk deets.
452
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,755
Is that us? No!
We gotta go right now! Go, go, go!
453
00:17:45,839 --> 00:17:47,341
OFFICER: On the ground! NYPD!
454
00:17:47,591 --> 00:17:48,967
NYPD! Nobody move!
455
00:17:49,593 --> 00:17:50,801
[GRUNTING]
456
00:17:50,885 --> 00:17:52,052
Diaz! Don't need help.
457
00:17:52,136 --> 00:17:54,513
Behind you! Bye, bye, Peralta.
Here's your GPS.
458
00:17:54,972 --> 00:17:56,015
No!
459
00:17:58,516 --> 00:17:59,559
Let's go!
460
00:17:59,851 --> 00:18:01,686
Ah! [LAUGHS] I gotcha!
461
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:04,120
Yeah, you did.
But your boy Tito's getting away.
462
00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:10,027
Oh, damn it! Damn you, Doug Judy!
463
00:18:13,946 --> 00:18:16,949
I'll never forget you,
Dante Thunderstone!
464
00:18:20,869 --> 00:18:22,079
[GRUNTING]
465
00:18:25,374 --> 00:18:27,375
You have the right to remain Doug Judy.
466
00:18:27,625 --> 00:18:30,975
Anything you Doug or Judy can be
used against you in a Doug of Judy.
467
00:18:31,212 --> 00:18:34,714
Sorry, I'm preoccupied by
someone who will remain nameless.
468
00:18:34,798 --> 00:18:35,840
I'll start over.
469
00:18:38,343 --> 00:18:39,386
Santiago.
470
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,595
I want to thank you for my gift.
471
00:18:41,679 --> 00:18:42,971
You like the scrapbook?
472
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:47,059
I don't know.
I'm a man of my word, so I did not peruse.
473
00:18:47,184 --> 00:18:50,034
The gift I'm referring to was
you pointing out my mistake.
474
00:18:50,228 --> 00:18:52,355
Do you know why I don't accept gifts?
475
00:18:52,522 --> 00:18:55,189
Because you're so evolved,
you don't need material things?
476
00:18:55,273 --> 00:18:56,441
Because I don't like brown-nosing.
477
00:18:56,525 --> 00:18:59,110
Oh. Youch. That was hard to watch.
478
00:18:59,194 --> 00:19:00,903
You told me to my face
that I made a mistake,
479
00:19:00,987 --> 00:19:03,238
and that's as far from
brown-nosing as one can get.
480
00:19:03,322 --> 00:19:04,406
I respect you for that.
481
00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:05,616
Now, I have a gift for you.
482
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,827
I have the complete
Brooklyn Broiler files.
483
00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:09,411
He was give three life sentences,
484
00:19:09,495 --> 00:19:10,536
and it should have been two.
485
00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:13,164
So I've already contacted
the DA about the error.
486
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,875
Will you please help me figure
out who set those other fires?
487
00:19:15,959 --> 00:19:18,335
Ooh! More work!
488
00:19:18,961 --> 00:19:20,795
I know that sounded sarcastic, but…
489
00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:22,672
Nobody thought that. Not for a moment.
490
00:19:22,756 --> 00:19:23,799
Great.
491
00:19:25,174 --> 00:19:26,217
[MOUTHING]
492
00:19:28,553 --> 00:19:31,055
Chaz-ma-taz! How we doin', baby?
493
00:19:31,139 --> 00:19:33,097
[CHUCKLING] I thought
you'd be in an awful mood.
494
00:19:33,181 --> 00:19:35,808
Why would I be upset when
I've never had more purpose
495
00:19:35,892 --> 00:19:37,310
in my entire life?
496
00:19:37,519 --> 00:19:38,603
Are you gonna poison my dad?
497
00:19:38,687 --> 00:19:40,604
No! Our parents say they're in love,
498
00:19:40,688 --> 00:19:42,397
but we both know that's just their
499
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:44,400
old brains disintegrating.
500
00:19:44,608 --> 00:19:46,192
We need to break them up.
501
00:19:46,276 --> 00:19:48,737
For their sake, for our sake,
502
00:19:48,945 --> 00:19:51,239
for the sake of this great nation.
503
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,032
Agreed.
504
00:19:53,907 --> 00:19:57,703
Ew. I forgot how clammy your hands are.
505
00:19:57,870 --> 00:20:00,288
[GASPS] Mood unaffected.
506
00:20:00,372 --> 00:20:01,664
Oh. Mood unaffected.
507
00:20:02,457 --> 00:20:04,459
HOLT: Attention, please! Attention!
508
00:20:04,917 --> 00:20:09,087
I'm sorry to interrupt your holiday
revelry. It truly is a fun night.
509
00:20:09,296 --> 00:20:12,882
I'd like to propose a toast to
Detective Diaz and her task force,
510
00:20:12,966 --> 00:20:17,469
who successfully brought down Tito
Ruiz and his entire giggle pig network.
511
00:20:17,553 --> 00:20:19,012
Great work everyone, drink up!
512
00:20:19,096 --> 00:20:20,806
ALL: Yeah!
513
00:20:23,558 --> 00:20:25,559
Hey. So, I checked again.
514
00:20:25,643 --> 00:20:26,977
Doug Judy still hasn't surfaced.
515
00:20:27,061 --> 00:20:29,855
Yeah, he has. He just sent me this.
516
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,111
What's up, Peralta?
Greetings from paradise.
517
00:20:36,487 --> 00:20:38,737
Actually, I'm a little
disappointed in the hotel.
518
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,155
How do you mess up an omelet?
519
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,116
It's just a flat egg.
520
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,784
He pretty much just talks about
the omelet for the next 10 minutes.
521
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,037
But… About my escape.
522
00:20:47,370 --> 00:20:49,039
This is my associate, Kyle.
523
00:20:51,916 --> 00:20:52,958
He drove the garbage truck.
524
00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:54,983
You may also remember him as the room
525
00:20:55,067 --> 00:20:57,421
service waiter I had
you tip so generously.
526
00:20:57,755 --> 00:20:59,047
Son of a bitch.
527
00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:02,758
Yep. And when he ordered the lobster,
it was code for Kyle to follow him.
528
00:21:02,842 --> 00:21:05,386
Anyway, tell Diaz she loves me.
Merry Christmas.
529
00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:06,720
[SIGHS]
530
00:21:06,804 --> 00:21:08,054
Hey. First things first,
531
00:21:08,138 --> 00:21:10,724
I swear to you we are
gonna catch Doug Judy.
532
00:21:10,808 --> 00:21:12,058
Yeah, I know.
533
00:21:12,142 --> 00:21:13,517
We did it once, we can do it again.
534
00:21:13,601 --> 00:21:15,645
No. We will catch him.
535
00:21:15,937 --> 00:21:17,480
More importantly, thank you.
536
00:21:18,105 --> 00:21:19,148
I know how hard that was
537
00:21:19,232 --> 00:21:20,857
to make that choice and let him get away.
538
00:21:20,941 --> 00:21:22,651
No. It was an easy call.
539
00:21:23,026 --> 00:21:24,819
I know how much this
task force means to you.
540
00:21:24,903 --> 00:21:26,738
It means so much and
it's been so stressful
541
00:21:26,822 --> 00:21:27,947
and it went so well.
542
00:21:28,364 --> 00:21:30,564
Seriously, look at me.
I cannot stop smiling.
543
00:21:30,658 --> 00:21:32,608
How do people do this with their faces?