1
00:00:01,981 --> 00:00:04,858
So, that's 20 cargo ships
in the last three months.

2
00:00:04,942 --> 00:00:06,861
Whoever's behind this
smuggling ring knows

3
00:00:06,945 --> 00:00:07,987
their way around the docks.

4
00:00:08,071 --> 00:00:10,032
So, we're going undercover
as longshoremen.

5
00:00:10,116 --> 00:00:14,412
I will be Vaughn Tom Tucker, a gruff,
spitting, punch you in the gut sailorman

6
00:00:14,496 --> 00:00:15,997
who's taking a little break on dry land.

7
00:00:16,081 --> 00:00:19,081
But just until my girlfriend,
Cangela, gets out of lady-jail.

8
00:00:20,044 --> 00:00:21,046
[SPITS]

9
00:00:22,173 --> 00:00:24,425
Did you just spit in my trash can?

10
00:00:24,550 --> 00:00:25,551
No, Vaughn did.

11
00:00:25,635 --> 00:00:26,969
There's some tobacco in there, too.

12
00:00:27,053 --> 00:00:28,931
Vaughn chews it, but it
makes Jake super dizzy.

13
00:00:29,015 --> 00:00:30,015
[INHALES]

14
00:00:30,099 --> 00:00:31,141
And I'm Twink Tucker.

15
00:00:31,225 --> 00:00:32,769
You cannot choose your own name anymore.

16
00:00:32,853 --> 00:00:35,021
I got a job at the docks
to support my drug habit.

17
00:00:35,105 --> 00:00:37,400
But I kept it because
I love the seagulls.

18
00:00:37,484 --> 00:00:39,235
What are you, Irish now? No. Mmm-hmm.

19
00:00:39,319 --> 00:00:40,904
Well, we better get going, Captain.
We don't want to be

20
00:00:40,988 --> 00:00:42,838
late for our shift down at the docks.

21
00:00:43,324 --> 00:00:45,618
Good news.
The leader of the cargo smuggling ring,

22
00:00:45,702 --> 00:00:46,911
turned himself in at the Eight-Three.

23
00:00:46,995 --> 00:00:48,998
The mafia was closing in on him.

24
00:00:49,874 --> 00:00:51,960
Oh.

25
00:00:52,044 --> 00:00:53,894
That's great. Yeah. That's good news.

26
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:57,842
Case closed.
I guess we'll just return these outfits.

27
00:00:57,926 --> 00:00:59,594
BOYLE: Great. Take this back.

28
00:00:59,678 --> 00:01:01,180
You have 10 minutes.

29
00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:04,559
Coffee, extra black, extra
no sugar, and real warm.

30
00:01:04,976 --> 00:01:06,394
It gets cold on them docks.

31
00:01:06,478 --> 00:01:07,855
And one Earl Gray tea for me,

32
00:01:07,939 --> 00:01:09,690
Twink Tucker. No, you ruined it.

33
00:01:10,734 --> 00:01:12,736
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

34
00:01:30,759 --> 00:01:31,843
Morning, detectives.

35
00:01:31,969 --> 00:01:33,387
Let's go over the
prisoner transfer upstate.

36
00:01:33,471 --> 00:01:34,972
The perp's name is Jesse Hermick.

37
00:01:35,056 --> 00:01:37,225
We arrested him for nine
counts of armed robbery,

38
00:01:37,309 --> 00:01:38,435
but he skipped bail.

39
00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:40,312
He was just picked up in.
Neustadter, New York,

40
00:01:40,396 --> 00:01:42,231
trying to pay for a hoagie with a gun.

41
00:01:42,315 --> 00:01:45,611
The sheriff is making us pick him
up tomorrow morning at 6:30 a.m.,

42
00:01:45,695 --> 00:01:47,863
so we're going up today
and spending the night.

43
00:01:47,947 --> 00:01:49,032
Here are the transfer forms.

44
00:01:49,116 --> 00:01:50,575
Please don't… Get any Jake on them?

45
00:01:50,659 --> 00:01:51,951
I'll put them in a sealed baggie.

46
00:01:52,035 --> 00:01:54,998
Good call.
All the drinks I'm bringing are blue.

47
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,918
Naturally. Call me if you need anything.

48
00:01:58,002 --> 00:01:59,837
Yes, sir, will do.

49
00:02:01,047 --> 00:02:04,384
Oh, hey, I hope this is cool with you,
but since we're not technically on duty

50
00:02:04,468 --> 00:02:07,639
till tomorrow morning, I invited
Sophia to join me upstate.

51
00:02:07,889 --> 00:02:09,432
The B&B we're staying
at looks really nice.

52
00:02:09,516 --> 00:02:12,061
It's almost like it's
haunted by fancy ghosts.

53
00:02:12,145 --> 00:02:15,023
I don't mind at all.
It's actually really cute of you.

54
00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:18,777
Teddy's never done anything
that spontaneous or romantic.

55
00:02:19,195 --> 00:02:20,530
That's not fair.

56
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:23,075
He did brew me a rose
infused pilsner once.

57
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,704
But it tasted like hand lotion
and the bubbles didn't happen.

58
00:02:26,788 --> 00:02:27,789
Sounds bad.

59
00:02:27,873 --> 00:02:28,873
DIAZ: Okay, I'll see you in the car.

60
00:02:28,957 --> 00:02:31,085
Okay. See you in a sec.

61
00:02:37,593 --> 00:02:40,346
Hi, can I speak with
Detective Teddy Wells, please?

62
00:02:40,430 --> 00:02:43,809
You can just tell him it's Cupid calling.
Wait, no, that's insane.

63
00:02:43,893 --> 00:02:46,354
Tell him it's Detective
Peralta from the Nine-Nine.

64
00:02:46,438 --> 00:02:47,564
Hello, Boyle.

65
00:02:47,648 --> 00:02:49,316
After you're done here,
meet me in my office.

66
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,943
I have something I need to ask you.

67
00:02:51,027 --> 00:02:52,111
It's food related.

68
00:02:53,447 --> 00:02:55,198
I will bring my "A" game.

69
00:02:55,282 --> 00:02:57,514
Oh, my God, Gina.
Captain Holt just asked me

70
00:02:57,598 --> 00:02:59,913
into his office for a
food-related question.

71
00:03:00,038 --> 00:03:02,500
Yes, I heard.
And that's how I know I don't care.

72
00:03:02,667 --> 00:03:04,794
I've wanted to build a rapport
with him since he got here.

73
00:03:04,878 --> 00:03:07,428
But until now, all we've had
in common was our bank.

74
00:03:09,217 --> 00:03:10,259
Guess who.

75
00:03:10,385 --> 00:03:12,262
[SCREAMING] NYPD! Hands up!

76
00:03:12,346 --> 00:03:16,643
This is great. I had no idea
Captain Holt was interested in food.

77
00:03:17,060 --> 00:03:18,894
I have zero interest in food.

78
00:03:18,978 --> 00:03:23,735
If it were feasible, my diet would consist
entirely of flavorless beige smoothies,

79
00:03:23,819 --> 00:03:27,072
containing all the nutrients
required by the human animal.

80
00:03:28,491 --> 00:03:30,660
So, our bank got some new ATMs, huh?

81
00:03:30,827 --> 00:03:31,870
I wouldn't know. I've switched banks.

82
00:03:31,954 --> 00:03:32,996
Oh, no.

83
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,500
Anyway.
Tomorrow's my anniversary with Kevin.

84
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:39,213
I'd like to cook him an
impressive breakfast.

85
00:03:39,338 --> 00:03:41,840
Could you help orient
me with that process?

86
00:03:41,924 --> 00:03:42,926
I'd be honored.

87
00:03:43,051 --> 00:03:46,889
Preparing food for one's lover
is the most intimate gift of all.

88
00:03:47,890 --> 00:03:49,390
Aside from washing their hair.

89
00:03:51,145 --> 00:03:55,483
Okay. I have a perp in the interrogation
room. I need all the files on…

90
00:03:55,608 --> 00:03:56,942
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

91
00:03:57,026 --> 00:03:58,904
What's going on, Diaz? Are you sick?

92
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:03,118
Do you have cholera?
Is it typhoid? Are you a vampire?

93
00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:06,330
My horoscope said to wear a
cowl neck today and I laughed.

94
00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:09,208
I'm fine. Diazs don't get sick.

95
00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:10,502
[SNEEZES]

96
00:04:12,755 --> 00:04:13,923
This is allergies.

97
00:04:14,007 --> 00:04:17,094
No, that's what killed the dinosaurs.
You need to go home.

98
00:04:17,178 --> 00:04:18,804
Can't. My drug task force needs a win.

99
00:04:18,888 --> 00:04:20,890
That perp in there has the
name of a giggle pig supplier.

100
00:04:20,974 --> 00:04:22,809
I leave when I get a name.

101
00:04:22,893 --> 00:04:23,894
[COUGHS]

102
00:04:24,019 --> 00:04:27,569
Well, at least let me buy you some
matzoh ball soup. It's very soothing.

103
00:04:28,065 --> 00:04:33,031
Know what? I'm going to go to the
deli, anyway. Terry loves Kreplach.

104
00:04:33,865 --> 00:04:35,241
SANTIAGO: <i>Hey, Sophia.</i>

105
00:04:35,325 --> 00:04:37,077
Hey. There you are.

106
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:39,038
Hey, hey.

107
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,874
So, I already checked us in.
And I hope you don't mind,

108
00:04:41,958 --> 00:04:44,002
but I got us
"The Room of a Thousand Dolls."

109
00:04:44,086 --> 00:04:45,879
Oh. Sounds creepy.

110
00:04:45,963 --> 00:04:46,964
Super creepy.

111
00:04:47,048 --> 00:04:48,258
Oh.

112
00:04:48,342 --> 00:04:50,051
So, I'm going to go unpack,
and then I'm going to take

113
00:04:50,135 --> 00:04:53,431
a bath, and then we
have dinner, and then…

114
00:04:53,515 --> 00:04:54,765
Doing it.

115
00:04:54,849 --> 00:04:55,976
I was going to say dessert.

116
00:04:56,060 --> 00:04:57,936
Oh. Synonym. Cool. Better.

117
00:04:58,020 --> 00:04:59,063
Hey, Amy. I'll see you later.

118
00:04:59,147 --> 00:05:00,606
Okay. See you later.

119
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:02,776
Oh. Hey, before I forget.

120
00:05:02,860 --> 00:05:05,738
Try to be in the lobby in about a
half an hour. I got you a little surprise.

121
00:05:05,822 --> 00:05:08,366
No. Your surprises are always terrible.

122
00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:09,743
What's going on? You have to tell me.

123
00:05:09,827 --> 00:05:11,412
You're going to love this.

124
00:05:11,496 --> 00:05:13,456
Remember how you said
that Teddy would never be

125
00:05:13,540 --> 00:05:15,917
so romantic as to turn
a work trip upstate into

126
00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:17,294
a lover's retreat to the country?

127
00:05:17,378 --> 00:05:18,463
Oh, no.

128
00:05:18,547 --> 00:05:22,051
Oh, yes. I called him before we left.
He's on his way here now.

129
00:05:22,176 --> 00:05:24,219
Uh, uh, you're welcome.

130
00:05:24,303 --> 00:05:29,017
Jake. I don't want to see Teddy right now.
I'm about to break up with him.

131
00:05:29,394 --> 00:05:30,227
Oh, nooo.

132
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:42,868
Jake, why did you invite Teddy up here?

133
00:05:42,952 --> 00:05:44,746
You poured blue soda all over my life.

134
00:05:44,830 --> 00:05:47,580
I know. I'm sorry, all right?
I was just trying to help.

135
00:05:47,666 --> 00:05:49,168
Two maple-tints.

136
00:05:49,377 --> 00:05:51,880
Look at that. Is that real syrup?

137
00:05:53,215 --> 00:05:55,593
Right. Sorry. Disaster at hand.

138
00:05:56,011 --> 00:05:58,346
Look, what happened with you guys?
I thought you were solid.

139
00:05:58,430 --> 00:06:00,480
Didn't you just get a joint library card?

140
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,018
Don't remind me. I'm going to be
untangling that web for a month.

141
00:06:03,102 --> 00:06:04,229
Okay.

142
00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:08,484
There's just no spark between us anymore.
We have different interests.

143
00:06:08,818 --> 00:06:11,863
All he wants to do with his free
time is make and bottle pilsners.

144
00:06:11,947 --> 00:06:13,847
Yeah, that guy is obsessed with yeast.

145
00:06:13,991 --> 00:06:15,535
It's all we talk about.

146
00:06:15,619 --> 00:06:17,703
Jake, this is going to be a disaster.

147
00:06:17,787 --> 00:06:19,206
This is fine, all right?
I'll figure it out.

148
00:06:19,290 --> 00:06:21,667
I'm just going to call Teddy and
tell him to turn around and go home.

149
00:06:21,751 --> 00:06:23,336
No. He's a really good detective.

150
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:24,921
He'll figure out something's wrong.

151
00:06:25,005 --> 00:06:27,258
I had an airtight breakup plan in place.

152
00:06:27,342 --> 00:06:31,192
I made a reservation next Thursday at
a well-lit Korean restaurant in Midtown.

153
00:06:31,555 --> 00:06:32,931
It's the least romantic
place I could think of.

154
00:06:33,015 --> 00:06:34,308
Scully's bathroom, but go on.

155
00:06:34,392 --> 00:06:36,060
Teddy is a really good
guy, and I don't want to say

156
00:06:36,144 --> 00:06:38,438
the wrong thing and hurt
him more than I have to.

157
00:06:38,522 --> 00:06:40,774
That's why I started writing
out a breakup speech.

158
00:06:40,858 --> 00:06:41,901
But now he's on his way,

159
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,987
and I'm only halfway through the outline.

160
00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,113
All right, look.
This is totally my fault.

161
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:47,366
So, I promise I'll do
everything I can to help.

162
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,828
Tonight, I will focus
solely on you and Teddy.

163
00:06:49,995 --> 00:06:50,996
[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

164
00:06:51,121 --> 00:06:53,291
And my very naked girlfriend.

165
00:06:53,708 --> 00:06:58,005
Wow. Sophia does not
care about the cloud at all.

166
00:07:00,049 --> 00:07:02,099
I'm going to just head
up there for a sec.

167
00:07:02,886 --> 00:07:06,557
Hey. What did you do to that perp?
I heard he's claiming police brutality.

168
00:07:07,016 --> 00:07:08,852
He's an idiot. I didn't touch him.

169
00:07:08,936 --> 00:07:10,645
I just coughed on him a little.

170
00:07:10,729 --> 00:07:11,855
Just let me help you.

171
00:07:11,939 --> 00:07:14,567
I'll get your perp to talk.
I can be very persuasive.

172
00:07:15,485 --> 00:07:18,535
I just negotiated my baby girls
down from a pony to a hamster.

173
00:07:18,990 --> 00:07:19,992
Little fools.

174
00:07:20,117 --> 00:07:23,496
I don't need your help,
because I am not sick.

175
00:07:23,705 --> 00:07:26,081
Gina, where is the cold medicine?

176
00:07:26,165 --> 00:07:29,586
I hate to point out the obvioso, but why
do you need the meds if you're not sick?

177
00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:30,754
Hmm?

178
00:07:31,464 --> 00:07:35,970
To fight off the cold symptoms
that my healthy body is exhibiting.

179
00:07:38,055 --> 00:07:39,141
[GULPS]

180
00:07:41,018 --> 00:07:42,018
Ah.

181
00:07:42,102 --> 00:07:44,981
I'm going back in there once
this crap dries my head up.

182
00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:47,693
Demon.

183
00:07:47,985 --> 00:07:51,322
Okay. If Diaz won't accept our
help, we've got to go behind her back.

184
00:07:51,406 --> 00:07:53,032
We definitely should go behind her back.

185
00:07:53,116 --> 00:07:55,911
That's the opposite side of
where the germs are coming from.

186
00:07:55,995 --> 00:07:59,916
Knock, knock. And I… Oh! Dolls!

187
00:08:00,042 --> 00:08:01,710
Dolls! Too many dolls!

188
00:08:01,794 --> 00:08:05,674
I know. I thought it would be
funny, but it's just really scary.

189
00:08:06,258 --> 00:08:07,550
One of them watched me bathe.

190
00:08:07,634 --> 00:08:09,595
Yeah.
We should definitely turn them around.

191
00:08:09,679 --> 00:08:10,805
Yeah.

192
00:08:11,181 --> 00:08:13,726
Oh, no.
They have their names written on the back.

193
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:17,522
"I'm Meredith. Will you be my mother?"

194
00:08:17,606 --> 00:08:18,815
Agh!

195
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:22,111
Oh, God. Oh, okay, look.
The dolls are gross,

196
00:08:22,195 --> 00:08:25,490
but I think once we bury them,
this place could be kind of romantic.

197
00:08:25,574 --> 00:08:26,616
Mmm. Yeah.

198
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:27,784
Totally.

199
00:08:27,868 --> 00:08:28,869
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

200
00:08:28,953 --> 00:08:30,997
But you know, what would
be even more romantic,

201
00:08:31,081 --> 00:08:33,291
is hanging out fully clothed with

202
00:08:33,375 --> 00:08:35,753
two other people who
have fallen out of love.

203
00:08:36,671 --> 00:08:38,131
What did you do?

204
00:08:38,215 --> 00:08:40,801
All right, don't be mad.
I invited Teddy up to surprise Amy,

205
00:08:40,885 --> 00:08:42,553
but it turns out she
wants to break up with him.

206
00:08:42,637 --> 00:08:44,889
And now, I promised her
that I would run interference.

207
00:08:44,973 --> 00:08:47,893
And I feel like I let you and
all of our demon children down.

208
00:08:47,977 --> 00:08:51,523
Oh, it's okay. You were just trying to
do something really nice for a friend,

209
00:08:51,607 --> 00:08:53,066
and it blew up in your face.

210
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:54,902
Rather spectacularly.

211
00:08:54,986 --> 00:08:55,987
Everything I do is spectacular.

212
00:08:56,071 --> 00:08:57,363
It's a curse.

213
00:08:57,447 --> 00:08:58,699
Thank you for being understanding.

214
00:08:58,783 --> 00:09:01,202
Yeah. Well, for the
record, very cool girlfriend.

215
00:09:01,369 --> 00:09:02,454
The coolest.

216
00:09:02,538 --> 00:09:04,456
Hey, and Teddy doesn't get
here for another 30 minutes.

217
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,665
Until then?

218
00:09:05,749 --> 00:09:07,669
Let's make out? Great plan.

219
00:09:08,002 --> 00:09:09,087
Uh!

220
00:09:09,379 --> 00:09:10,631
Ahhh!

221
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,091
Uhhh.
In the closet where they can't watch us?

222
00:09:13,175 --> 00:09:14,386
Yep. Smart.

223
00:09:14,928 --> 00:09:16,304
Ah, puppets!

224
00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:18,141
Ah, so many puppets in there!

225
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,959
Now, the first step in learning
how to cook is learning how to taste.

226
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:26,025
So, close your eyes and open your mouth.

227
00:09:26,109 --> 00:09:28,403
This isn't Burning Man, Boyle.

228
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:29,780
Tell me what I'm eating.

229
00:09:29,864 --> 00:09:31,699
Fine. It's a sharp Vermont Cabot.

230
00:09:34,536 --> 00:09:36,121
Now, describe what you taste.

231
00:09:37,123 --> 00:09:38,374
Cheese.

232
00:09:38,916 --> 00:09:40,001
And.

233
00:09:41,086 --> 00:09:42,087
Cheese.

234
00:09:42,254 --> 00:09:45,508
Okay, that's good.
But try being more descriptive.

235
00:09:46,009 --> 00:09:48,971
I know you love peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches.

236
00:09:49,263 --> 00:09:50,347
Why?

237
00:09:51,056 --> 00:09:53,601
Their components have a long shelf life.
They're cost effective

238
00:09:53,685 --> 00:09:55,935
and they're so simple a
child could make them.

239
00:09:56,689 --> 00:09:59,860
Okay. I was looking for more
of an emotional connection.

240
00:10:00,027 --> 00:10:04,949
For example, my favorite meal is a
simple roast chicken and potatoes.

241
00:10:05,283 --> 00:10:07,533
It's the only dish my
mother knew how to cook,

242
00:10:07,620 --> 00:10:12,083
and when I eat it, I feel as though
I am once again inside her womb.

243
00:10:12,626 --> 00:10:14,586
What's your story behind a PB&J?

244
00:10:15,213 --> 00:10:19,760
I want a sandwich. I make a sandwich.
I eat the sandwich.

245
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,056
Come on, Claire!
I thought you came to play!

246
00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,810
Yikes. Where's Teddy?

247
00:10:27,144 --> 00:10:30,022
He's in the shower. I said hi to
him, we chatted for like a minute,

248
00:10:30,106 --> 00:10:31,315
and I almost blew it.

249
00:10:31,399 --> 00:10:32,942
Well, I'm sure you're overstating that.

250
00:10:33,026 --> 00:10:35,279
He said he was really looking
forward to a romantic evening,

251
00:10:35,363 --> 00:10:37,699
and I panicked and yelled "LOL."

252
00:10:37,824 --> 00:10:38,867
[LAUGHS]

253
00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:39,993
Oh. Oh.

254
00:10:40,077 --> 00:10:42,288
I'm going to be weird, he's going
to ask why, we're going to break up,

255
00:10:42,372 --> 00:10:43,747
and it's going to be super messy.

256
00:10:43,831 --> 00:10:46,001
Just calm down.
We're going to get you through this. Okay?

257
00:10:46,085 --> 00:10:47,732
Here's the plan. The four of us will dine

258
00:10:47,816 --> 00:10:49,589
together and keep
things super unromantic.

259
00:10:49,673 --> 00:10:50,923
I'm great at that. Yeah, he is.

260
00:10:51,007 --> 00:10:52,425
Whoo!

261
00:10:52,676 --> 00:10:53,969
Wait, should we have high-fived that?
I don't know.

262
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,137
It doesn't matter Oh. Also,

263
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:56,931
if you feel like you're losing control,

264
00:10:57,015 --> 00:10:59,977
just say the word "Jericho"
and I'll pull out all the stops.

265
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,062
Aw, "Jericho." Safe word.

266
00:11:02,146 --> 00:11:03,689
I love that. Right?

267
00:11:03,773 --> 00:11:05,525
All right.
So, after dinner, pretend you're sick

268
00:11:05,609 --> 00:11:06,860
and say you want to go straight to bed.

269
00:11:06,944 --> 00:11:08,863
Me and you have to pick up the
perp super early in the morning,

270
00:11:08,947 --> 00:11:11,157
so you only have to act normal
around Teddy from the elevator

271
00:11:11,241 --> 00:11:12,826
to the room.
Do you think you can do that?

272
00:11:12,910 --> 00:11:13,994
Yes?

273
00:11:14,078 --> 00:11:16,164
Yes. Say, "Yes, I can do it.
I can be normal."

274
00:11:16,248 --> 00:11:19,209
Yes. I can do it. I can be normal.

275
00:11:19,293 --> 00:11:20,377
There you go.

276
00:11:20,461 --> 00:11:21,754
I can totally be normal.

277
00:11:21,838 --> 00:11:22,880
Hey, everybody.

278
00:11:22,964 --> 00:11:26,302
There he is! Teddy in the house!

279
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:33,143
Who knew a prisoner transfer
could be like a mini-vacation, huh?

280
00:11:33,227 --> 00:11:34,938
Hey, man. Thanks a lot for
telling me to come up here.

281
00:11:35,022 --> 00:11:37,149
Yep. That was great of me.

282
00:11:37,274 --> 00:11:38,525
This place is really romantic.

283
00:11:38,609 --> 00:11:39,777
Mmm-hmm.

284
00:11:39,861 --> 00:11:42,071
Uh, not that romantic, actually.

285
00:11:42,155 --> 00:11:44,699
The radiator in our room
sounds like a woman screaming.

286
00:11:44,783 --> 00:11:48,287
Yeah. Oh, and there was
a dead crow in our toilet.

287
00:11:48,371 --> 00:11:49,956
You should complain about that.

288
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,250
Our place is really nice.

289
00:11:51,334 --> 00:11:52,501
It's got a fireplace.

290
00:11:52,585 --> 00:11:53,585
I want to snuggle up
next to that thing with you.

291
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:55,004
No, I don't want to do that.

292
00:11:55,088 --> 00:11:57,090
Because of the cancer risks.

293
00:11:57,174 --> 00:11:59,020
Most people don't know this, but sitting

294
00:11:59,104 --> 00:12:01,178
by a fire is actually
worse than sucking on

295
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,014
the tailpipe of a bus.

296
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,266
Ah, because of the germs.

297
00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:05,393
Fumes.

298
00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:06,728
Oh!

299
00:12:07,187 --> 00:12:08,896
You know, when we first started dating,

300
00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:10,649
Amy and I found this really nice B&B

301
00:12:10,733 --> 00:12:12,025
up in the Poconos.

302
00:12:12,109 --> 00:12:13,278
We got that sweet city employee discount.

303
00:12:13,362 --> 00:12:14,362
Remember that, babe?

304
00:12:14,446 --> 00:12:15,446
Teddy, think fast.

305
00:12:15,530 --> 00:12:17,075
Ow. Drink menu.

306
00:12:17,367 --> 00:12:19,351
I'm sorry, man.
Chucked that right at you.

307
00:12:19,435 --> 00:12:21,454
I just thought you really wanted a drink.

308
00:12:21,538 --> 00:12:22,789
Oh, I never need a drink menu.

309
00:12:22,873 --> 00:12:25,793
I've got the thrills for the pils.
Because I'm a pilsner man.

310
00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:27,086
Yeah. Oh, I hadn't heard.

311
00:12:27,170 --> 00:12:29,965
That's it. I can't stop myself.

312
00:12:30,174 --> 00:12:31,717
Jericho, Jericho, Jericho!

313
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,846
Ow! That's pulling out all the stops?

314
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,390
What's going on?

315
00:12:36,474 --> 00:12:38,183
I want to break it up.

316
00:12:38,267 --> 00:12:40,312
Us. I want to break us up.

317
00:12:41,105 --> 00:12:44,025
Hey, folks, welcome
to the Maple Drip Inn.

318
00:12:44,401 --> 00:12:46,901
Everyone excited to be here?
We having a good time?

319
00:12:48,072 --> 00:12:49,532
We are not.

320
00:12:50,241 --> 00:12:52,327
All right, Gina. We have to act soon.

321
00:12:52,452 --> 00:12:55,914
That cold medicine Diaz chugged?
It was the non-drowsy kind.

322
00:12:55,998 --> 00:12:57,207
She's all over the place.

323
00:12:57,291 --> 00:12:59,502
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey. Guess what.

324
00:12:59,586 --> 00:13:04,259
I've got a new lead to ask my perp about.
It's a drug dealer on State Street.

325
00:13:04,592 --> 00:13:08,389
Oh! Why doesn't someone answer that phone?
I'll get it, I'll get it.

326
00:13:08,931 --> 00:13:11,351
Hello? No, there's no Michael here.

327
00:13:11,435 --> 00:13:12,727
You have the wrong number. Goodbye.

328
00:13:12,811 --> 00:13:13,979
I'm Michael.

329
00:13:14,063 --> 00:13:16,231
That's a dumb name. But it's
yours and you should be proud of it

330
00:13:16,315 --> 00:13:18,318
because you are the greatest
detective I have ever known.

331
00:13:18,402 --> 00:13:20,362
No doy, Diaz. No doy.

332
00:13:20,446 --> 00:13:23,575
Where is my file? Yeah.

333
00:13:23,908 --> 00:13:26,328
She's so hopped up on that
stuff, her brain's going to blow.

334
00:13:26,412 --> 00:13:29,457
I'm going to interrogate the perp.
You keep Diaz occupied.

335
00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:32,043
I don't want to get near her germ face.

336
00:13:32,127 --> 00:13:34,129
Permission to lock her in a distant room?

337
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:35,840
No. Just distract her.

338
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:38,802
Yes, that is what I will do.

339
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,472
Rosa, come here.
I've got to tell you something.

340
00:13:41,556 --> 00:13:42,640
It's a secret.

341
00:13:42,724 --> 00:13:44,976
Okay.
But I have a lot of stuff to do and I…

342
00:13:45,060 --> 00:13:46,061
It's a secret.

343
00:13:46,145 --> 00:13:48,356
Need to start by doing… Oh, my god.

344
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:49,440
It's a secret. Here it is. See?

345
00:13:49,524 --> 00:13:52,124
Let me out of here.
I've got to talk to my perp. Shh.

346
00:13:52,528 --> 00:13:53,821
You know, many people think that,

347
00:13:53,905 --> 00:13:56,783
scrambled eggs are
the easiest food to make,

348
00:13:56,867 --> 00:13:59,745
but that is incredibly foolish.

349
00:13:59,829 --> 00:14:03,542
They are a highly nuanced
and complicated dish.

350
00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:10,466
Okay. Now, go ahead and pour your
eggs right into the pan, nice and slow.

351
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:11,718
[SIZZLES]

352
00:14:11,802 --> 00:14:13,011
Oh.

353
00:14:13,095 --> 00:14:14,430
Okay. Now, what do I do?

354
00:14:14,514 --> 00:14:16,182
Oh, boy.
Okay, well, you hear that sizzle?

355
00:14:16,266 --> 00:14:19,395
That means the heat is a
little too high on those eggs.

356
00:14:19,479 --> 00:14:21,856
Well, the, the higher the
heat, the faster the eggs cook,

357
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:24,401
the sooner Kevin eats. Am I incorrect?

358
00:14:24,485 --> 00:14:26,529
No, you make an excellent point.

359
00:14:26,613 --> 00:14:29,491
But we don't want to feed
Kevin burned garbage.

360
00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:32,411
Cooking is about patience.

361
00:14:32,745 --> 00:14:38,043
Are you completely insane?
You never salt can to pan.

362
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:41,381
The hand. The hand is the middle man.

363
00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:46,638
Okay? What you did is the culinary
equivalent of unprotected sex.

364
00:14:47,430 --> 00:14:48,557
[EXHALES]

365
00:14:49,267 --> 00:14:50,559
You know what?

366
00:14:50,643 --> 00:14:53,772
You, sir, are not ready to scramble eggs.

367
00:14:55,107 --> 00:14:56,651
Hand over your spatula.

368
00:14:57,277 --> 00:14:58,570
Fine.

369
00:14:59,904 --> 00:15:01,740
I only wish, in return, I
could get back all the time

370
00:15:01,824 --> 00:15:04,286
I just wasted on this futile project.

371
00:15:05,412 --> 00:15:07,830
I'm just going to make
Kevin plain toast for breakfast.

372
00:15:07,914 --> 00:15:10,585
Oh. That is low.

373
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:15,132
Hey, Boyle. I smell burning. Is Hitchcock
roasting corn on the radiator again?

374
00:15:15,592 --> 00:15:19,763
No. What you smell is the burning
wreckage of my relationship with Holt.

375
00:15:20,097 --> 00:15:22,182
So, there's no corn on the cob?

376
00:15:23,435 --> 00:15:26,521
The main reason you want to
break up with me is the pilsners?

377
00:15:27,148 --> 00:15:30,568
I, I like other drinks. [CHUCKLES] Mmm.

378
00:15:34,406 --> 00:15:35,574
It's delicious. I want more.

379
00:15:35,658 --> 00:15:39,496
It's not just the pilsners. There are
so many reasons I want to break up.

380
00:15:39,788 --> 00:15:41,164
That sounded bad, didn't it?

381
00:15:41,248 --> 00:15:43,835
As a lawyer, it's my
duty to tell you to shh.

382
00:15:44,753 --> 00:15:49,300
Okay, look.
There's just no spark between us.

383
00:15:49,467 --> 00:15:51,053
That's vague.

384
00:15:51,553 --> 00:15:53,388
Uh, you're boring.

385
00:15:53,890 --> 00:15:56,976
No, that's too harsh.
This is why I wanted to write it down.

386
00:15:57,603 --> 00:16:00,772
Can I maybe just have two hours alone
with my laptop so I can type up a draft?

387
00:16:00,856 --> 00:16:03,609
Great idea.
In the meantime, we can just chat.

388
00:16:03,693 --> 00:16:05,571
You know what? We should go.

389
00:16:05,655 --> 00:16:07,447
No, actually, I think you should stay.

390
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,409
So we can all talk about the real reason

391
00:16:09,493 --> 00:16:10,660
there's a problem in my relationship

392
00:16:10,744 --> 00:16:12,194
with Amy, which is you, Jake.

393
00:16:12,329 --> 00:16:13,789
The, what now, huh?

394
00:16:13,873 --> 00:16:16,960
About how you told her that you
liked her before you went undercover.

395
00:16:17,044 --> 00:16:18,545
You liked Amy?

396
00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:22,967
Um. I did, but that was many moons ago.

397
00:16:23,343 --> 00:16:25,929
Was it? Because I know for a fact
you also told her when you got back.

398
00:16:26,013 --> 00:16:28,516
And every time you would, she would
get confused and then our relationship

399
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:29,934
would get out of sync.

400
00:16:30,018 --> 00:16:32,918
And if you ask me, I think it's
because Amy liked you back.

401
00:16:34,357 --> 00:16:35,651
Did you?

402
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,612
Maybe. Yes.

403
00:16:40,198 --> 00:16:46,538
A little. I mean. I was confused,
and, I really need my laptop right now.

404
00:16:46,622 --> 00:16:49,500
You know what?
This is, uh, officially too much for me.

405
00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:52,463
So, I'm going to go upstairs
and rip the heads off some dolls.

406
00:16:52,547 --> 00:16:54,674
Goodnight. I'm going to leave, too.

407
00:16:54,758 --> 00:16:57,552
If you'd please leave my toothbrush
and my home brewing kit at the doorstep,

408
00:16:57,636 --> 00:16:59,055
I will pick them up tomorrow.

409
00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:02,976
Well. I guess that's the last
time I invite Teddy on a trip.

410
00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:04,270
Right?

411
00:17:04,729 --> 00:17:06,440
Drama.

412
00:17:09,861 --> 00:17:10,987
I'm going to go.

413
00:17:11,112 --> 00:17:12,488
Yeah, me, too.

414
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,331
[SIGHS]

415
00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,711
Hey, it's me. Please open the door.

416
00:17:25,255 --> 00:17:27,257
Come on. Let's talk. I'm sorry.

417
00:17:28,926 --> 00:17:30,052
Can I help you?

418
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,887
Oh, no, you're not Sophia.

419
00:17:31,971 --> 00:17:34,182
Psst. Jake. Over here, man.

420
00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:36,727
Oh. I am so sorry, sir.

421
00:17:36,811 --> 00:17:40,316
You were a wrong door.

422
00:17:40,566 --> 00:17:41,567
[SCOFFS]

423
00:17:42,109 --> 00:17:43,568
That's a very angry man.

424
00:17:43,652 --> 00:17:45,468
Look, I know what that sounded like at

425
00:17:45,552 --> 00:17:47,752
dinner, but I promise
you I am not into Amy.

426
00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:50,369
It's not what I heard, Jake.
It's what I saw.

427
00:17:50,453 --> 00:17:53,331
You should have seen the look on your
face when you found out Amy liked you.

428
00:17:53,415 --> 00:17:55,417
Gah! Listen to me.

429
00:17:55,543 --> 00:17:59,632
"Liked." I'm an adult. All this "who
likes who" stuff sounds very high school.

430
00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:03,887
I know, it's stupid. You're totally right.
But the point is, I like you.

431
00:18:04,513 --> 00:18:06,139
And you're sure you're over Amy?

432
00:18:06,223 --> 00:18:09,273
Yes. I mean, I didn't knock on Amy's door.
I knocked on yours.

433
00:18:10,394 --> 00:18:12,272
Actually, you knocked on his door.

434
00:18:12,356 --> 00:18:13,606
And I'm pretty sure he's listening.

435
00:18:13,690 --> 00:18:16,444
No, I'm not! Who's Amy?

436
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:18,028
Yeah. Come on in.

437
00:18:18,112 --> 00:18:20,908
Thank you. Ah!
The puppets are on the bed.

438
00:18:24,454 --> 00:18:25,455
Good morning, Boyle.

439
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,166
Oh. Good morning, Captain Holt.

440
00:18:27,291 --> 00:18:29,168
After our disagreement
yesterday, I went online

441
00:18:29,252 --> 00:18:31,338
to read your culinary blogs and scoff.

442
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,549
To my dismay, I actually
learned something.

443
00:18:33,633 --> 00:18:37,220
About how food tells a story.
So, I made Kevin this.

444
00:18:38,597 --> 00:18:40,640
It's warm. It's a croque-monsieur.

445
00:18:40,724 --> 00:18:43,269
Kevin and I shared one
on a rainy afternoon in Paris,

446
00:18:43,353 --> 00:18:44,813
on our first anniversary.

447
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:47,649
It's one of our most treasured memories.

448
00:18:47,733 --> 00:18:51,321
I'm sure it's not up to your standards,
but Kevin seemed to enjoy it.

449
00:18:51,655 --> 00:18:54,701
So, thank you for your guidance.

450
00:19:01,293 --> 00:19:02,502
Mmm.

451
00:19:02,586 --> 00:19:04,422
It's gross, huh?

452
00:19:04,672 --> 00:19:09,177
No. It's perfect. He's a natural chef.

453
00:19:11,305 --> 00:19:13,600
Now I know how Salieri felt.

454
00:19:14,142 --> 00:19:15,142
Everything okay with Diaz?

455
00:19:15,226 --> 00:19:17,896
Yeah. She fell asleep five
minutes after I locked her in,

456
00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:20,233
and she hasn't moved
in the past 10 hours.

457
00:19:20,650 --> 00:19:22,318
She talks in her sleep.

458
00:19:22,402 --> 00:19:27,200
I'm going to rip your head off. I'm
going to rip your damn head off, Grandma.

459
00:19:27,284 --> 00:19:29,994
Oh Tare Bear, what if she sleeps forever?

460
00:19:30,078 --> 00:19:31,581
[BOTH SCREAMING]

461
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:34,292
Oh, God!

462
00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:37,128
Oh, look, it's Rosa.

463
00:19:37,212 --> 00:19:39,757
You look great, girl.
I've got to get out of here. Bye.

464
00:19:39,841 --> 00:19:41,759
You better not run,
because I will catch you.

465
00:19:41,843 --> 00:19:44,143
After I'm done crushing
that perp, you're next.

466
00:19:44,305 --> 00:19:45,681
I already interrogated the perp for you.

467
00:19:45,765 --> 00:19:46,766
You what?

468
00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:49,394
I got him to name his giggle pig supplier.
It's all good.

469
00:19:49,478 --> 00:19:51,230
Now, go home and get better.

470
00:19:51,314 --> 00:19:52,314
I could have done it myself.

471
00:19:52,398 --> 00:19:56,362
No, you couldn't have. You literally
have been in a coma since yesterday.

472
00:19:56,987 --> 00:20:00,533
Now, I know you like to act like
you don't need any help, but we all do.

473
00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:03,517
Look, I ask five dudes to spot
me when I'm doing my squats.

474
00:20:03,788 --> 00:20:06,291
Terry paid me $20 to lock you up.

475
00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:07,542
No, I did not.

476
00:20:07,626 --> 00:20:10,296
But I took that cheddar
and I made you this special

477
00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:14,468
"Rosa's Going to Make This
Cold Her Bitch" care package.

478
00:20:17,389 --> 00:20:21,018
Now is the time when you say,
"Thank you for all your help."

479
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,147
Thank you for all your help.

480
00:20:25,732 --> 00:20:27,902
Wait, is that a smile I see?

481
00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:33,742
Possibly. My immune system is too
weak to fight off my smile muscles.

482
00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:41,752
You okay? Want some blue?

483
00:20:42,253 --> 00:20:43,380
Sure.

484
00:20:45,674 --> 00:20:46,843
[GULPING]

485
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,346
Wow. Last night really broke you, huh?

486
00:20:50,639 --> 00:20:52,182
Actually, I think it was
probably for the best.

487
00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:53,892
I'm glad I got it over with.

488
00:20:53,976 --> 00:20:56,354
Totally. Sometimes, you've
got to just rip off the Band-Aid,

489
00:20:56,438 --> 00:20:58,488
and let the scab
bleed all over the place.

490
00:20:59,316 --> 00:21:00,943
That's not the expression at all.

491
00:21:01,027 --> 00:21:02,571
I'm a 100% it is.

492
00:21:04,406 --> 00:21:06,701
So, how did it go with Sophia?

493
00:21:06,993 --> 00:21:09,621
Good. We made up. We're still together.

494
00:21:09,747 --> 00:21:11,665
I told her, you know,
everything between me and you

495
00:21:11,749 --> 00:21:13,949
is in the past, and we're just friends.
So…

496
00:21:16,463 --> 00:21:19,841
I mean, don't get me wrong,
I am thrilled to know that

497
00:21:19,925 --> 00:21:22,303
you used to like me, and
I will bring it up constantly.

498
00:21:22,387 --> 00:21:23,554
Great.

499
00:21:23,638 --> 00:21:26,976
Hey, should we make a left up here,
at "You Used to Like Me Lane"? Or…

500
00:21:27,060 --> 00:21:28,311
Ha, ha.

501
00:21:28,436 --> 00:21:30,188
I could always just cut across at

502
00:21:30,272 --> 00:21:31,356
"Amy Used to Like Jake Boulevard."

503
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,775
Okay. Stop it or I'll crash the car!

504
00:21:32,859 --> 00:21:34,509
-Don't do that.
-[TIRES SCREECHING]