1
00:00:03,142 --> 00:00:04,310
Morning.
2
00:00:05,228 --> 00:00:06,562
Who are those for?
3
00:00:06,771 --> 00:00:08,481
Captain Holt's uncle passed away.
4
00:00:08,690 --> 00:00:11,090
They weren't close, but I
wanted to do something.
5
00:00:11,442 --> 00:00:14,570
Interesting.
Flowers are a bold choice, Santiago.
6
00:00:15,154 --> 00:00:16,404
But I can still beat you.
7
00:00:16,656 --> 00:00:18,574
Beat me at expressing condolences?
8
00:00:18,866 --> 00:00:21,159
Yep, it's on. Flowers are a gift,
9
00:00:21,243 --> 00:00:22,869
and Captain Holt hates gifts.
10
00:00:23,078 --> 00:00:25,580
I think a thoughtful email
is the way to go here.
11
00:00:26,039 --> 00:00:29,209
Dear Captain, we were
all so sorry for your loss.
12
00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:31,294
Group sentiment. Very meaningful.
13
00:00:31,628 --> 00:00:34,464
Please let us know if
there's anything we can do.
14
00:00:34,548 --> 00:00:36,550
Selfless act. Very respectful.
15
00:00:36,842 --> 00:00:39,594
Correct.
I am the king of respectfulness, bitches.
16
00:00:40,178 --> 00:00:43,056
Hey, did you send that from
your personal or work account?
17
00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:45,975
Personal. It's a personal
matter involving a personal friend
18
00:00:46,059 --> 00:00:47,101
and his personal uncle.
19
00:00:47,185 --> 00:00:49,785
So, you remembered to
turn off your signature, right?
20
00:00:50,063 --> 00:00:51,148
Oh, no.
21
00:00:52,399 --> 00:00:53,441
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
22
00:00:53,525 --> 00:00:55,818
Hey, Captain.
I just sent you an email. Uh…
23
00:00:55,902 --> 00:00:58,488
"Dear Captain, we were
all so sorry for your loss.
24
00:00:58,572 --> 00:01:00,530
"Please let us know if
there's anything we can do."
25
00:01:00,614 --> 00:01:02,742
"Sent from my stinky butt."
26
00:01:03,033 --> 00:01:04,076
I was hacked?
27
00:01:04,368 --> 00:01:06,618
Thank you for the email.
It means a lot to me.
28
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[SIGHS] You're very welcome.
29
00:01:08,539 --> 00:01:10,082
I was addressing your stinky butt.
30
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
31
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Okay, guys. Captain and I are going
to a charity event in Brighton Beach.
32
00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:37,450
Have a great Thanksgiving.
33
00:01:37,568 --> 00:01:39,860
[CLEARS THROAT] Sorry, Boyle. Turkey Day.
34
00:01:39,944 --> 00:01:41,404
Once Sergeant Jeffords and I are gone,
35
00:01:41,488 --> 00:01:43,114
Peralta will be the officer in command.
36
00:01:43,198 --> 00:01:45,992
Jake in charge. No-look five. Whoo!
37
00:01:46,659 --> 00:01:47,709
That's not your hand.
38
00:01:48,244 --> 00:01:51,039
[GASPS] Wait.
Is that a healed over earring hole?
39
00:01:51,289 --> 00:01:53,499
Do you have a scandalous past?
40
00:01:53,583 --> 00:01:55,251
I was stabbed in the line of duty.
41
00:01:55,335 --> 00:01:57,586
The scar extends through
the lobe into the neck.
42
00:01:57,670 --> 00:01:58,921
No one likes it when you do that.
43
00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:00,339
Anyway, thank you for taking command
44
00:02:00,423 --> 00:02:01,674
of the precinct over the holiday.
45
00:02:01,758 --> 00:02:04,343
Not a problem.
As you all know, I hate Thanksgiving.
46
00:02:04,427 --> 00:02:07,388
The pilgrims were murderers
and turkey tastes like napkins.
47
00:02:07,472 --> 00:02:10,767
I just hope that no Amys feel
bad that I was chosen over Amy.
48
00:02:11,601 --> 00:02:14,103
Actually, Captain asked
me first, but I had plans.
49
00:02:14,521 --> 00:02:16,981
Teddy brewed a Thanksgiving
pilsner and it's bottling day.
50
00:02:17,065 --> 00:02:19,115
Bottling day? Why did you come in at all?
51
00:02:19,275 --> 00:02:21,067
And frankly, sir, I'm a
little hurt that I wasn't
52
00:02:21,151 --> 00:02:22,277
your top choice to be in charge.
53
00:02:22,361 --> 00:02:25,488
I'd like to remind you of what happened
when I asked you to run the blood drive.
54
00:02:25,572 --> 00:02:28,366
So, I forgot to put up the
posters and no one came.
55
00:02:28,450 --> 00:02:32,245
But don't worry because I
donated five pints all by meself.
56
00:02:32,329 --> 00:02:33,371
[INHALES]
57
00:02:33,455 --> 00:02:34,540
[THUD]
58
00:02:34,790 --> 00:02:37,125
It's one twelve-hour shift.
What are you afraid is going to happen?
59
00:02:37,209 --> 00:02:39,127
Injury, death, general calamity…
60
00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:40,712
Just don't burn the place down.
61
00:02:40,796 --> 00:02:42,130
You can count on me, sir.
62
00:02:42,631 --> 00:02:44,132
Happy Thanksgiving! Turkey Day.
63
00:02:44,216 --> 00:02:45,300
Sorry, Boyle.
64
00:02:46,677 --> 00:02:48,219
I know you're all leaving in an hour,
65
00:02:48,303 --> 00:02:49,929
but until that time, you're
under my command.
66
00:02:50,013 --> 00:02:51,765
And as leader, it is my job to make
67
00:02:51,849 --> 00:02:53,199
my employees' lives better.
68
00:02:53,475 --> 00:02:56,019
So. What can I do for you? Gina?
69
00:02:56,103 --> 00:02:57,937
I would like to answer the phone
70
00:02:58,021 --> 00:02:59,897
always just like, "Uh-huh?"
71
00:02:59,981 --> 00:03:01,148
Done. Charles.
72
00:03:01,232 --> 00:03:02,399
Lift the precinct-wide ban
73
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,193
on me saying the word "succulent".
74
00:03:04,277 --> 00:03:06,111
Done. I want to work in the
break room so I don't have to hear
75
00:03:06,195 --> 00:03:07,395
Charles say "succulent".
76
00:03:07,488 --> 00:03:09,323
Done. Done. "Done-zel Washington."
77
00:03:09,407 --> 00:03:10,449
If she's working in the break room,
78
00:03:10,533 --> 00:03:12,326
can I move my nap
couch out into the bullpen?
79
00:03:12,410 --> 00:03:13,494
Brooks and Done.
80
00:03:13,870 --> 00:03:16,246
Oh. So, your plan is to
not take this seriously at all.
81
00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:18,624
Oh, I am as serious as a heart attack.
No offense, Scully.
82
00:03:18,708 --> 00:03:21,710
Eh, mine are never that serious.
I call them "oopsies."
83
00:03:21,794 --> 00:03:24,421
You can't just grant wishes, Jake.
You're a boss, not a genie.
84
00:03:24,505 --> 00:03:26,089
I am both. I am a boss-genie.
85
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,466
And this office is my lamp.
86
00:03:27,550 --> 00:03:29,000
Who likes me being in charge?
87
00:03:30,386 --> 00:03:31,512
Succulent.
88
00:03:32,805 --> 00:03:34,765
Thanks for coming to
this event, Sergeant.
89
00:03:34,849 --> 00:03:36,558
Always happy to spend time with you, sir.
90
00:03:36,642 --> 00:03:38,560
Thank you. Plus, the longer I stay
91
00:03:38,644 --> 00:03:40,344
out of my house today, the better.
92
00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,438
My brother-in-law, Zeke, is in town.
93
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:43,731
Oh, I remember Zeke.
94
00:03:43,815 --> 00:03:46,609
Large gentleman. Calls you Tiny Terry.
95
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:50,279
Also Teensy Terry,
Teeny Weeny Terry-Berry,
96
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:51,615
and Little Dum-Dum.
97
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,783
You know, it's the lack
of effort on that last one
98
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:54,992
that really gets me.
99
00:03:55,076 --> 00:03:56,526
You're a grown man, Sergeant.
100
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:57,954
Strong like an oak.
101
00:03:58,538 --> 00:03:59,622
It's a pretty good tree.
102
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:00,874
It's a mighty tree.
103
00:04:01,583 --> 00:04:03,835
So, why not stand up to this Zeke?
104
00:04:04,794 --> 00:04:06,394
I get so intimidated around him.
105
00:04:08,173 --> 00:04:10,173
Thanks for the sandwich, Little Dum-Dum.
106
00:04:12,010 --> 00:04:13,302
If you wanted to get out of the house,
107
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:14,428
why didn't you just volunteer
108
00:04:14,512 --> 00:04:16,389
to run the precinct instead of Peralta?
109
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,890
I'd much rather have you in charge.
110
00:04:17,974 --> 00:04:20,559
Don't worry about Jake.
He's going to do great.
111
00:04:21,310 --> 00:04:23,160
You know, he can be very responsible.
112
00:04:23,312 --> 00:04:26,112
Okay, the elevator door is the goal.
Try and score on me.
113
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,069
Yeah! Yes.
114
00:04:30,736 --> 00:04:33,405
All right, it's noon. We're going home.
See you later, Boss-Genie.
115
00:04:33,489 --> 00:04:36,951
Succulent bossing, Jakey.
I am going to go home and stuff my goose.
116
00:04:38,827 --> 00:04:40,877
Wait, Boyle. Powder. What is that powder?
117
00:04:41,413 --> 00:04:43,463
I don't know. I don't know.
What do we do?
118
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:45,834
[INDISTINCT TALKING]
119
00:04:47,419 --> 00:04:49,504
PERALTA: Okay,
everyone, we are in lockdown.
120
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:52,299
Which means no one can
come in or out of the precinct.
121
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:53,925
Now, apparently, three other precincts
122
00:04:54,009 --> 00:04:55,802
received similar packages this month,
123
00:04:55,886 --> 00:04:57,429
and they were all baking powder.
124
00:04:57,513 --> 00:04:59,847
Nevertheless, Hazmat
has to run a quick test.
125
00:04:59,931 --> 00:05:02,224
But I anticipate we'll all
be out of here momentarily.
126
00:05:02,308 --> 00:05:07,605
In the meantime, I suggest we turn
this lockdown into a pop-and-lockdown.
127
00:05:07,772 --> 00:05:10,525
Right? Am I right? Huh?
128
00:05:11,109 --> 00:05:13,653
Okay. So, I'll keep everyone updated.
129
00:05:14,112 --> 00:05:15,962
And keep working on your dance moves.
130
00:05:16,531 --> 00:05:18,825
Jake, what are you doing?
This is a crisis.
131
00:05:19,075 --> 00:05:20,451
I'm trying to keep morale up,
132
00:05:20,535 --> 00:05:22,411
because Hazmat said it's
almost definitely a hoax.
133
00:05:22,495 --> 00:05:24,914
Almost? What if it's anthrax?
134
00:05:24,998 --> 00:05:27,048
We are all a hundred
percent going to die.
135
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:28,918
Guys, you're freaking people out.
136
00:05:29,002 --> 00:05:31,712
Can you please calm it down?
We're doing fine here!
137
00:05:31,796 --> 00:05:34,632
Not Hitchcock.
He got trapped out on the balcony.
138
00:05:35,008 --> 00:05:37,176
I don't like him alone out there.
Not with his history.
139
00:05:37,260 --> 00:05:38,552
I mean, what if he gets up on a ledge?
140
00:05:38,636 --> 00:05:39,677
What, do you think he's going to jump?
141
00:05:39,761 --> 00:05:41,512
No, he's just always falling off things.
142
00:05:41,596 --> 00:05:44,140
He's got a worm living in his
ear that affects his balance.
143
00:05:44,224 --> 00:05:47,602
Oh. Well, then, he's not
truly alone out there. Right?
144
00:05:48,311 --> 00:05:50,146
Okay, I'm going to call Holt.
You want to come?
145
00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:52,880
Yeah. Too bad. You're not invited.
I'm in charge. Bye!
146
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:55,027
HOLT: Okay, keep me posted.
147
00:05:56,153 --> 00:05:59,453
Peralta seems to have it under control.
He said things were "dope".
148
00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:02,674
I want to monitor the situation.
149
00:06:03,076 --> 00:06:06,376
I need to get somewhere with an
Internet connection and a landline.
150
00:06:07,330 --> 00:06:09,624
You live out here.
Do you have a home office?
151
00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:12,001
Well, yeah, but Zeke is in that room.
152
00:06:12,085 --> 00:06:13,285
Perfect. Let's go there.
153
00:06:13,462 --> 00:06:14,629
Or my neighbors are out of town.
154
00:06:14,713 --> 00:06:16,313
We could break into their place.
155
00:06:17,466 --> 00:06:19,091
Fine. We'll go to my house.
156
00:06:20,051 --> 00:06:23,721
Or as Zeke calls it,
"Tiny Terry's hobbit hole."
157
00:06:25,556 --> 00:06:28,225
All right.
Sorry for the delay, but I have some news.
158
00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:30,709
I've got to say, your
Hazmat suit is super scary.
159
00:06:30,811 --> 00:06:33,271
You should talk in a silly voice
so you seem less terrifying.
160
00:06:33,355 --> 00:06:34,606
Well, we ran our test.
161
00:06:34,690 --> 00:06:37,567
See, even that would be much less
ominous if you just did a Grover voice.
162
00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:39,111
[IMITATING GROVER]
"Well, we ran our tests."
163
00:06:39,195 --> 00:06:41,780
And it's not baking powder.
There's a chance it's toxic.
164
00:06:41,864 --> 00:06:42,948
What?
165
00:06:47,870 --> 00:06:49,454
-We know it's not baking powder.
-What is it?
166
00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:51,331
We don't know yet, sir, but we are…
167
00:06:51,415 --> 00:06:55,165
Sir, you shouldn't have to be below
eye-level. So, I'm going to hold you up.
168
00:06:55,669 --> 00:06:57,880
Okay.
You do look good in Amy's purple shirt.
169
00:06:58,005 --> 00:07:01,508
Anyways, it's Thanksgiving, so
the emergency services lab is closed.
170
00:07:01,674 --> 00:07:02,883
They're going to
reopen them, but it will be
171
00:07:02,967 --> 00:07:05,261
at least five hours until
they can run detailed tests.
172
00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:06,470
Boyle, status report?
173
00:07:06,554 --> 00:07:09,974
We're locked down with 42
civilians, divided into four factions.
174
00:07:10,058 --> 00:07:12,643
First, we have 12 perps
locked up in holding.
175
00:07:12,727 --> 00:07:14,854
Okay, we will call them The Dirty Dozen.
176
00:07:14,938 --> 00:07:15,980
Oh, I love it.
177
00:07:16,064 --> 00:07:19,150
Second faction is the innocent people
who just had the bad luck of being here.
178
00:07:19,234 --> 00:07:20,860
Some witnesses, some mugging victims,
179
00:07:20,944 --> 00:07:22,486
a couple of food delivery guys.
180
00:07:22,570 --> 00:07:24,739
Great.
We'll refer to them as the "Normies."
181
00:07:25,115 --> 00:07:27,658
Third faction is trouble.
Your snitches, your suspects,
182
00:07:27,742 --> 00:07:29,910
a couple of gang members
here to pick up their friends.
183
00:07:29,994 --> 00:07:31,120
Permission to give them a nickname, sir.
184
00:07:31,204 --> 00:07:33,372
Permission granted. The Naughty Boys.
185
00:07:33,456 --> 00:07:37,585
Permission denied. We will refer to
them exclusively as the "Doinkmeisters."
186
00:07:37,669 --> 00:07:41,255
Way better. The last faction is the worst.
Six lawyers.
187
00:07:41,547 --> 00:07:43,298
Ugh. You know what?
I'm just going to call them
188
00:07:43,382 --> 00:07:46,176
the Vegetable Medley, because
that's the grossest thing I can think of.
189
00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:47,302
So, what's the plan?
190
00:07:47,886 --> 00:07:50,180
Sir?
I think we should separate the factions
191
00:07:50,264 --> 00:07:51,556
so we don't become outnumbered.
192
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,308
We should start rationing the food now,
193
00:07:53,392 --> 00:07:55,101
and we should tell people
that we're in for a long night,
194
00:07:55,185 --> 00:07:56,686
because the substance
is not baking powder.
195
00:07:56,770 --> 00:07:58,730
Whoa, whoa.
That's just going to freak everyone out.
196
00:07:58,814 --> 00:08:00,614
We want people to be happy and calm.
197
00:08:00,774 --> 00:08:02,525
[GASPS] We should play them Sade.
198
00:08:02,609 --> 00:08:04,152
HOLT: Keeping the peace is important.
199
00:08:04,236 --> 00:08:06,029
I'm not there to read the situation.
200
00:08:06,113 --> 00:08:09,616
But… And I can't believe
I'm actually saying this,
201
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,785
I did leave Peralta in charge.
202
00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:13,745
So, call me if you need anything.
203
00:08:13,829 --> 00:08:17,082
Oh. Sir, one other thing.
Hitchcock got trapped out on the balcony.
204
00:08:17,166 --> 00:08:18,707
Good.
Sounds like we dodged a bullet there.
205
00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:21,002
Yeah. Well, that's settled.
206
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:22,878
Diaz, Santiago, I want
you out there with me,
207
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:24,046
keeping people's morale up.
208
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:25,714
Boyle, you go through security footage
209
00:08:25,798 --> 00:08:27,424
and see if you can see
who brought in that box.
210
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,384
Okay. But I mean, I thought
since you were in charge,
211
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,553
maybe I could be your right-hand man.
Your Tinker Bell.
212
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:32,721
Tinker Bell?
213
00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:34,223
Let me tell you something
about Tinker Bell.
214
00:08:34,307 --> 00:08:37,893
Tinker Bell is a loyal lieutenant and a
real thorn in the side of Captain Hook.
215
00:08:37,977 --> 00:08:41,327
All right, fine. Done. You're my
number two. Yes! I made number two.
216
00:08:41,606 --> 00:08:43,456
I hear it. Why would I ever say that?
217
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:45,151
-[DOOR OPENS]
-Thank you.
218
00:08:46,444 --> 00:08:48,445
I just got a hold of ESU.
The lab tech is en route
219
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,929
from his home in New Jersey.
220
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,366
Sergeant, is there any
way you can replace
221
00:08:52,450 --> 00:08:55,328
this large ball with a chair
that is actually a chair?
222
00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:57,621
I'm sorry, sir, that's all I've got.
223
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:58,913
But it's good for your core.
224
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,166
Yes. My core. It's engaged.
225
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,416
[ZEKE CHUCKLES]
226
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,750
I wouldn't take fitness
tips from this shrimp.
227
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:08,256
Sir, you remember my brother-in-law, Zeke.
Yes, hello.
228
00:09:08,673 --> 00:09:09,758
Hey.
229
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,843
What happened to the game I was DVR-ing?
230
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:13,511
-[INAUDIBLE TV]
-I was recording it for later.
231
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:17,195
Well, the Captain wanted to have
the news on, so I stopped the recording.
232
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:19,684
Well, the game was a blowout, anyway.
233
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,020
I mean, everyone died.
Sports are canceled.
234
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,920
You better hope that's true.
235
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,195
Good, he's gone.
Now, let's get serious and focus up.
236
00:09:33,949 --> 00:09:35,649
Just trying to get to the printer.
237
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:38,953
Hey, hey, hey, people!
238
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:42,370
How about everyone come
on, bring it in here, gather round…
239
00:09:42,539 --> 00:09:44,416
So. How are we all holding up?
240
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,717
Not good. We're trapped on Thanksgiving.
What's going on, man?
241
00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,505
Okay. Great.
First off, Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
242
00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:51,715
Shout-out to turkey.
243
00:09:51,799 --> 00:09:53,217
Whoo!
244
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:55,385
Thank you. All right.
So, here's the deal.
245
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:57,637
We are still awaiting
the initial test results.
246
00:09:57,721 --> 00:09:59,723
But hopefully, we'll hear
soon that it's all harmless
247
00:09:59,807 --> 00:10:00,849
and we can all go home soon.
248
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,475
[WHISPERS] You're doing a great job.
What are you doing?
249
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:03,602
I'm whispering in your ear.
250
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:06,146
It's what a number two does.
Okay, it was way too close.
251
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,814
Can you say it quietly to me, please?
252
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,648
[SOFTLY] This is going really well.
253
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:10,901
Okay.
254
00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:12,527
At any rate,
255
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:15,113
I figured we could pass the
time and do something fun.
256
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:16,239
Maybe a movie night.
257
00:10:16,323 --> 00:10:19,617
Our options are a bootleg
copy of the Diane Keaton classic
258
00:10:19,701 --> 00:10:20,743
Something's Gotta Give.
259
00:10:20,827 --> 00:10:21,869
Movie's hilarious.
260
00:10:21,953 --> 00:10:23,996
Okay. Surprising opinion.
We'll talk about that later.
261
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,332
And our second option
is surveillance footage
262
00:10:26,416 --> 00:10:29,585
of Detective Amy Santiago soliciting
drugs, using perfect grammar.
263
00:10:29,669 --> 00:10:32,171
It's not that weird to say,
"May I have some cocaine?"
264
00:10:32,255 --> 00:10:34,006
It is. Those options suck.
265
00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:36,342
Fair enough.
Why don't we have a talent show, then?
266
00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:37,551
Who has a special talent?
267
00:10:37,635 --> 00:10:39,595
Oh.
I just learned the Single Ladies dance.
268
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:40,763
Hey! Yes!
269
00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:42,223
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
270
00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:44,558
People love it. Look at that.
271
00:10:44,642 --> 00:10:46,477
Two painted ladies just joined in.
272
00:10:47,061 --> 00:10:50,161
You've got to admit, Boyle really
knows how to move his pelvis.
273
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:54,360
I can't believe this is one of the
last things I'm ever going to see.
274
00:10:54,444 --> 00:10:56,195
Actually, with anthrax,
the last things you'll see
275
00:10:56,279 --> 00:10:58,529
will be doctor, blood, doctor,
276
00:10:58,613 --> 00:11:02,075
pus, scab, nothing.
Why are you saying that?
277
00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:03,910
Because you're being melodramatic,
so I'm making fun of you.
278
00:11:03,994 --> 00:11:05,703
Fine. I'm writing you out of my will.
279
00:11:05,787 --> 00:11:09,540
Say goodbye to my sculpture
of two jaguars making love.
280
00:11:09,624 --> 00:11:12,377
Whoo! This is why I became a cop.
281
00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:14,261
Really? People love the talent show.
282
00:11:14,921 --> 00:11:16,339
That lawyer guy's doing stand-up.
283
00:11:16,423 --> 00:11:17,465
He's got really good material.
284
00:11:17,549 --> 00:11:18,591
Oh.
285
00:11:18,675 --> 00:11:22,136
There are two jobs where you have total
control over the people that pay you.
286
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:25,265
President of a country and cleaning lady.
287
00:11:25,349 --> 00:11:26,474
[ALL LAUGH]
288
00:11:26,558 --> 00:11:28,977
I can't believe you gave
the mob a megaphone.
289
00:11:29,061 --> 00:11:31,312
Okay. First of all, we didn't have a mic.
290
00:11:31,396 --> 00:11:35,024
And second, it's not a mob.
It's a happy group of unlikely friends.
291
00:11:35,108 --> 00:11:38,058
Well, maybe not so happy.
People are starting to get hungry.
292
00:11:38,819 --> 00:11:42,323
Oh. Okay, not a problem.
Let's get them some food!
293
00:11:42,823 --> 00:11:46,159
Voilà! A Thanksgiving feast
from the two delivery guys
294
00:11:46,243 --> 00:11:47,327
who are trapped in here with us.
295
00:11:47,411 --> 00:11:49,955
And paid for by me with Boyle's money.
296
00:11:50,039 --> 00:11:51,164
Put it on the tab.
297
00:11:51,248 --> 00:11:53,000
-[KNOCKS ON WINDOW]
-What about me?
298
00:11:53,209 --> 00:11:55,669
Uh, I guess I could
have a friend throw some
299
00:11:55,753 --> 00:11:58,714
pretzels up to you from the street?
And soda, too?
300
00:11:58,798 --> 00:12:01,425
Fine.
I'll have someone blindly throw ice cold
301
00:12:01,509 --> 00:12:02,809
metal cans of soda at you.
302
00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:06,680
Jake.
I know you think this is going well,
303
00:12:06,764 --> 00:12:08,849
but you can't keep putting
out fires as they come up.
304
00:12:08,933 --> 00:12:10,309
You need to set down some rules.
305
00:12:10,393 --> 00:12:12,185
It's fine. Everyone is happy.
306
00:12:12,269 --> 00:12:14,062
Now we just coast until the all-clear.
307
00:12:14,146 --> 00:12:16,315
We're freezing in here! We want heat!
308
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:22,737
ALL [CHANTING]: We want heat!
We want heat! We want heat! We want heat!
309
00:12:23,113 --> 00:12:26,763
What? I'm glad I gave them the megaphone.
It helps me hear their concerns.
310
00:12:27,283 --> 00:12:31,955
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need
to go find a couple of bags of heat.
311
00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:37,543
Charles and I arrested a
guy a couple of years ago
312
00:12:37,627 --> 00:12:39,754
that was selling
knock-off designer coats.
313
00:12:39,838 --> 00:12:41,172
We've just got to find the box they're in
314
00:12:41,256 --> 00:12:42,715
and everyone will be warm and happy.
315
00:12:42,799 --> 00:12:45,301
You can't let them gang up on you.
You need to man up.
316
00:12:45,385 --> 00:12:50,098
Man up? Sexist.
I'm sorry, but I don't see gender, sir.
317
00:12:50,432 --> 00:12:52,016
Tell them the truth about the powder,
318
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,601
tell them that they're
going to be here a while,
319
00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:56,228
and tell them that they might
have to be a little uncomfortable.
320
00:12:56,312 --> 00:12:58,862
Uncomfortable because of
how amazing I look in this?
321
00:13:00,941 --> 00:13:03,151
Hey, Zeke? I'm sorry, but the
Captain thinks we're going to
322
00:13:03,235 --> 00:13:05,028
have to use your
room for a little longer.
323
00:13:05,112 --> 00:13:06,488
No problem. Really?
324
00:13:06,697 --> 00:13:09,950
Yeah. I feel you. I've got a
boss that's a jerk like that too.
325
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,745
Right. The Captain's the worst.
326
00:13:14,621 --> 00:13:17,499
Sometimes, I call him, "Holt the Dolt."
327
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:20,502
[LAUGHS] That's cold.
Stay tough, brother.
328
00:13:21,295 --> 00:13:25,132
Brother? Brother. I will, brother.
329
00:13:25,716 --> 00:13:29,720
All right. I'll talk to you later,
brother. Okay. See you, brother.
330
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:31,805
Bye, brother.
331
00:13:33,807 --> 00:13:35,558
Okay. I have finished
332
00:13:35,642 --> 00:13:37,601
my last will and testament.
333
00:13:37,685 --> 00:13:40,521
To Rosa, I leave you nothing.
334
00:13:40,605 --> 00:13:43,148
Pass.
You can't pass on me leaving you nothing.
335
00:13:43,232 --> 00:13:44,984
Just did. Not today, Rosa.
336
00:13:45,818 --> 00:13:49,489
To Charles, I leave you the
memories of my supple form.
337
00:13:49,989 --> 00:13:53,367
I'm reminding everyone of
my embarrassing sexual past
338
00:13:53,451 --> 00:13:56,578
because I'm hoping it's the act of
charity that gets me into heaven.
339
00:13:56,662 --> 00:13:58,247
Why is she talking about heaven?
340
00:13:58,331 --> 00:13:59,790
Is there something wrong
here we don't know about?
341
00:13:59,874 --> 00:14:03,252
No, no, no. She's just being a
funny weirdo. Everything is fine.
342
00:14:03,336 --> 00:14:06,046
More importantly, I was
not able to find any "heat"
343
00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:09,216
because it's more of a concept,
but we did find these beauties.
344
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:11,677
They're all faux fur,
and all the best brands.
345
00:14:11,761 --> 00:14:15,722
We've got Chanelb,
Grucci, Stella McCarkeys.
346
00:14:15,806 --> 00:14:16,849
I want the one with the muff.
347
00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:19,225
Great choice, sir, but
there's actually only five coats,
348
00:14:19,309 --> 00:14:20,852
so we're going to have to
figure out a way to share them.
349
00:14:20,936 --> 00:14:22,437
I was thinking maybe a trivia contest.
350
00:14:22,521 --> 00:14:24,221
Screw the coats. I want more food.
351
00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:27,567
Interesting fact, there.
It turns out the one-time only feast was
352
00:14:27,651 --> 00:14:29,110
all the food that we had.
353
00:14:29,194 --> 00:14:30,903
What? You didn't ration the food?
354
00:14:30,987 --> 00:14:32,405
I'm not going to sit here and starve.
355
00:14:32,489 --> 00:14:33,865
It's Thanksgiving.
You said it was a hoax.
356
00:14:33,949 --> 00:14:35,992
We're only here because
of some dumb protocol.
357
00:14:36,076 --> 00:14:38,537
I'm leaving. I'm walking out that door.
358
00:14:38,703 --> 00:14:39,954
Jake, you have to arrest him.
359
00:14:40,038 --> 00:14:41,581
No. It will only make things worse.
360
00:14:41,665 --> 00:14:44,165
Look. We're doing this my way.
I'm the Captain now.
361
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:47,336
That totally sounded like a movie
ref, but I was actually being serious.
362
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:48,588
Excuse me. Sir? Hi.
363
00:14:48,672 --> 00:14:50,339
Can I talk to you in my office for a sec?
364
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:52,323
It's nothing serious, just a fun chat.
365
00:14:53,468 --> 00:14:56,012
[WHISPERS] Look. If you don't
come with me, she's going to arrest you.
366
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:57,721
[WHISPERS] Hey, are you guys whispering?
367
00:14:57,805 --> 00:15:00,855
I'm Charles Boyle. I'm sort of
the number two guy around here.
368
00:15:02,309 --> 00:15:05,729
Okay. So, first of all, I'm just going
to set the mood for this meeting.
369
00:15:05,813 --> 00:15:07,398
Perhaps a smooth jam?
370
00:15:07,731 --> 00:15:08,881
-[SIGHS]
-[MUSIC PLAYING]
371
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:10,901
Yeah, it's good.
372
00:15:11,902 --> 00:15:14,237
All right, here's the deal.
The Hazmat guys did run some
373
00:15:14,321 --> 00:15:17,532
preliminary tests and the
substance is not baking powder.
374
00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:18,909
Oh. Was it anthrax?
375
00:15:19,159 --> 00:15:22,120
They don't know yet. But I
promise you, as soon as they tell me,
376
00:15:22,204 --> 00:15:23,455
you'll be the first to know.
377
00:15:23,539 --> 00:15:26,489
Well, second after me.
So, third overall. Still pretty good.
378
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:27,918
I just don't want people to panic.
379
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:30,378
So, I'm asking for your
help to keep this thing quiet
380
00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:33,507
so we can have the chillest
biohazard lockdown in Brooklyn.
381
00:15:33,716 --> 00:15:35,216
Yeah? Of course. I understand.
382
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:38,386
Great. Thank you. See?
383
00:15:38,761 --> 00:15:41,388
If you talk to people like
humans, they'll be reasonable.
384
00:15:41,472 --> 00:15:43,224
I mean, it's just good.
Why is he standing on that chair?
385
00:15:43,308 --> 00:15:46,852
Hey, everyone. They lied to us!
It's friggin' anthrax!
386
00:15:46,936 --> 00:15:48,479
[ALL CLAMORING]
387
00:15:53,985 --> 00:15:55,319
Oh, what you making, a snack?
388
00:15:55,403 --> 00:15:58,072
Oh. The Captain wants four sandwiches.
389
00:15:58,573 --> 00:16:00,491
A spoonful of mayo, spread evenly,
390
00:16:00,617 --> 00:16:04,287
middle-loaf pieces of bread only.
What an ass.
391
00:16:04,579 --> 00:16:06,581
Tell me about it. Brother?
392
00:16:10,376 --> 00:16:13,546
Almost forgot. He wants a whole pie, too.
393
00:16:14,213 --> 00:16:15,548
This dude is the worst.
394
00:16:17,424 --> 00:16:19,474
I don't always
understand Peralta's texts.
395
00:16:19,593 --> 00:16:21,678
He says they're still waiting on the lab,
396
00:16:21,762 --> 00:16:24,640
and "It's allz good." "Allz" with a "Z."
397
00:16:25,182 --> 00:16:27,475
Then, a box with a question mark inside,
398
00:16:27,559 --> 00:16:30,186
another box with a question mark,
another box with a question mark,
399
00:16:30,270 --> 00:16:31,521
another box with a question mark,
400
00:16:31,605 --> 00:16:33,147
another box with a question mark,
401
00:16:33,231 --> 00:16:35,567
and yet another box with a question mark.
402
00:16:35,651 --> 00:16:38,987
Then, a box with a question mark.
What does that mean?
403
00:16:39,071 --> 00:16:41,271
It means you don't have
emojis on your phone.
404
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,284
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
405
00:16:44,618 --> 00:16:48,121
All right. Everyone, calm down!
Just calm down.
406
00:16:48,497 --> 00:16:50,873
Let us out or I'm going
to start breaking things.
407
00:16:50,957 --> 00:16:53,960
This is a human rights violation.
You can't keep us here.
408
00:16:54,044 --> 00:16:58,047
I'm 23, I'm a celebrity,
and today, I'm going to die.
409
00:16:58,214 --> 00:16:59,548
Not one word of that is true.
410
00:16:59,632 --> 00:17:00,675
Ow!
411
00:17:02,009 --> 00:17:03,176
Ooh, Hitchcock's bleeding.
412
00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:06,360
He got hit in the head with a soda can.
He never saw it coming.
413
00:17:06,555 --> 00:17:08,473
Jake, we have to start
putting people in detention.
414
00:17:08,557 --> 00:17:09,641
We have to quash this.
415
00:17:09,725 --> 00:17:11,351
No. We need them to calm down.
416
00:17:11,435 --> 00:17:13,228
We need to put on Something's Gotta Give.
417
00:17:13,312 --> 00:17:14,689
Great idea. Great movie.
418
00:17:14,814 --> 00:17:17,566
Also, we should
probably put out that fire.
419
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,276
[ALARM BEEPS]
420
00:17:26,033 --> 00:17:28,869
So, Captain, I have some news
421
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:30,203
What happened?
422
00:17:30,287 --> 00:17:33,337
Well, remember when you told
me not to burn down the precinct?
423
00:17:33,457 --> 00:17:34,625
You burned down the precinct?
424
00:17:34,709 --> 00:17:38,127
No.
I had the fire put out almost immediately.
425
00:17:38,211 --> 00:17:39,504
This is a success story.
426
00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:41,213
Tell me exactly what happened.
427
00:17:41,548 --> 00:17:44,258
Well, it started with Boyle
wanting to say the word "succulent".
428
00:17:44,342 --> 00:17:45,426
HOLT: Oh, no.
429
00:17:45,510 --> 00:17:46,969
And it ended with a small riot,
430
00:17:47,053 --> 00:17:49,653
in which a dirtbag set
Hitchcock's nap couch on fire.
431
00:17:49,806 --> 00:17:52,434
Enough.
Jeffords and I will come right away.
432
00:17:53,643 --> 00:17:55,895
I'm very disappointed in you.
433
00:17:57,522 --> 00:17:59,815
What's he saying?
He said he's very disappointed in you.
434
00:17:59,899 --> 00:18:01,025
Oh, man.
435
00:18:04,028 --> 00:18:05,154
You wanted to see me?
436
00:18:05,238 --> 00:18:08,908
Yeah. I know you're too
proud to say "I told you so".
437
00:18:08,992 --> 00:18:11,243
So, I'm just going to…
Told you so. Not too proud.
438
00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:13,412
Yeah, that seems right.
Look, I screwed up.
439
00:18:13,496 --> 00:18:15,373
And I think you should take
over command of the precinct.
440
00:18:15,457 --> 00:18:17,040
I've been waiting to
hear you say that all day.
441
00:18:17,124 --> 00:18:19,209
I know.
Which is why you shouldn't say it.
442
00:18:19,543 --> 00:18:21,920
Huh?
You're still trying to make people happy.
443
00:18:22,838 --> 00:18:26,716
Don't apologize to me. Be a leader,
and tell me what you need me to do.
444
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:28,927
Tell everyone what you need them to do.
445
00:18:30,262 --> 00:18:31,512
You're the Captain, Jake.
446
00:18:32,139 --> 00:18:33,348
I'm the Captain now.
447
00:18:34,433 --> 00:18:36,851
[SNAPS FINGERS] Captain Phillips.
448
00:18:36,935 --> 00:18:38,269
That's what it was.
[DEEP VOICE] Look at me. Look at me.
449
00:18:38,353 --> 00:18:39,853
[NORMAL VOICE] Right? Yeah.
450
00:18:40,481 --> 00:18:42,148
All right, guys, listen up.
All right, listen up, people.
451
00:18:42,232 --> 00:18:44,234
Boyle, you're no longer my number two.
[SIGHS]
452
00:18:44,318 --> 00:18:47,028
What did you say to him, Amy?
You've been after my job this whole time.
453
00:18:47,112 --> 00:18:49,155
It's not Amy. I don't need a Tinker Bell.
454
00:18:49,239 --> 00:18:51,324
I need you to find out where
that powder came from.
455
00:18:51,408 --> 00:18:52,951
Scully, I need you to help Boyle.
456
00:18:53,035 --> 00:18:54,953
Don't worry about Hitchcock.
He'll be fine.
457
00:18:55,037 --> 00:18:57,037
I once saw him fall down
three flights of stairs, get up,
458
00:18:57,121 --> 00:18:58,872
and keep eating his hot
dog like nothing happened.
459
00:18:58,956 --> 00:19:00,874
You're right.
He is the strongest man we know.
460
00:19:00,958 --> 00:19:03,210
Now, Gina, I know you're
scared, but you've got to stop
461
00:19:03,294 --> 00:19:04,644
freaking out the civilians.
462
00:19:04,796 --> 00:19:06,380
Yes, I am very influential.
463
00:19:06,756 --> 00:19:09,049
And, Diaz, you need to stop
making fun of Gina and help her.
464
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:10,175
Fine.
465
00:19:10,259 --> 00:19:11,385
All right, everyone, listen up.
466
00:19:11,469 --> 00:19:12,636
I know this is tough to hear,
467
00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:14,138
but we still don't know
what that powder is
468
00:19:14,222 --> 00:19:15,514
and we may be here for a while yet.
469
00:19:15,598 --> 00:19:18,267
Also, the copy room is
now a detention center
470
00:19:18,351 --> 00:19:19,601
for anyone who gets out of line.
471
00:19:19,685 --> 00:19:22,479
This is a police station in a
lockdown, not a summer camp.
472
00:19:22,563 --> 00:19:23,897
Ooh, should we play Capture the flag?
473
00:19:23,981 --> 00:19:25,149
Jake. Right.
474
00:19:25,566 --> 00:19:28,216
Stay tuned for more details.
That will be all for now.
475
00:19:28,986 --> 00:19:32,686
I'm just going to go downstairs and
thank your family for accommodating us.
476
00:19:35,284 --> 00:19:36,884
You will do nothing of the sort.
477
00:19:37,911 --> 00:19:40,204
Zeke is being nice to me
for the first time ever because
478
00:19:40,288 --> 00:19:42,373
he thinks you're a
jerk just like his boss.
479
00:19:42,457 --> 00:19:44,907
When we go downstairs, I
want you to scream at me.
480
00:19:45,085 --> 00:19:47,838
I want you to really degrade
me in front of my family.
481
00:19:48,213 --> 00:19:49,663
And this will make you happy?
482
00:19:50,131 --> 00:19:52,681
That's the best Thanksgiving
gift you could give me.
483
00:19:53,218 --> 00:19:55,386
What an idiotic thing to say.
484
00:19:55,470 --> 00:19:56,820
What's a Thanksgiving gift?
485
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,975
I'm just getting in the zone.
486
00:20:01,059 --> 00:20:05,063
I love it.
Also, I said you ate all that pie.
487
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:07,522
Can you put some around your mouth?
488
00:20:08,149 --> 00:20:09,818
Fine. Crumb me up.
489
00:20:12,904 --> 00:20:17,616
I have news, everyone.
The powder was not harmful.
490
00:20:17,908 --> 00:20:18,951
[ALL CHEERING]
491
00:20:20,619 --> 00:20:22,913
Scully! [LAUGHS]
492
00:20:22,997 --> 00:20:25,040
Oh, I've got to say, that's pretty sweet.
493
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:27,000
-[DOOR CLOSES]
-Oh, the door closed behind him.
494
00:20:27,084 --> 00:20:28,543
Now they're both locked outside.
495
00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:29,753
What happened? What's going on?
496
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:32,839
Lockdown's officially over.
Squad is heading home for Thanksgiving.
497
00:20:32,923 --> 00:20:35,926
I don't understand.
Last I heard, the precinct was on fire
498
00:20:36,176 --> 00:20:38,428
and we wouldn't get lab
results for another three hours.
499
00:20:38,512 --> 00:20:39,722
Boyle sped things up.
500
00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:44,190
I noticed an IT guy we fired two
years ago in surveillance footage.
501
00:20:44,351 --> 00:20:46,478
Turns out he was also
fired from the other precincts.
502
00:20:46,562 --> 00:20:47,938
PERALTA: ESU raided his home
503
00:20:48,022 --> 00:20:50,858
and found bacillus streptomoo…
504
00:20:51,609 --> 00:20:53,360
Kokomo. I can't pronounce it.
505
00:20:53,444 --> 00:20:54,611
Regardless, he confessed,
506
00:20:54,695 --> 00:20:55,903
and it wasn't poisonous.
507
00:20:55,987 --> 00:20:58,531
All right.
It seems like you've turned it around.
508
00:20:58,615 --> 00:21:00,491
Yeah. Actually, we're trying
to clean up here, Captain.
509
00:21:00,575 --> 00:21:02,159
So, unless you have something
meaningful to contribute,
510
00:21:02,243 --> 00:21:03,494
you can get the hell out.
511
00:21:03,995 --> 00:21:05,246
Oh, right, sorry.
512
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,372
You weren't here when I switched up
513
00:21:06,456 --> 00:21:07,498
my management style.
514
00:21:07,582 --> 00:21:09,083
That must be so confusing for you.
515
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:10,626
Anyways, everyone, head on home!
516
00:21:10,710 --> 00:21:12,628
Happy Thanksgiving, guys! Jake.
517
00:21:12,712 --> 00:21:14,912
Happy Turkey Day, guys.
I'll be in my office.