1
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:06,069
Wait for it, wait for it. 9:01.
2
00:00:06,153 --> 00:00:08,903
Amy Santiago is officially
late for the first time ever!
3
00:00:09,407 --> 00:00:11,283
All right, let's do this,
who's got theories?
4
00:00:11,367 --> 00:00:12,994
Uh, alarm didn't go off.
5
00:00:13,245 --> 00:00:15,163
All three alarms?
All with battery backup?
6
00:00:15,247 --> 00:00:16,956
Come on, who wants
to take this seriously?
7
00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:18,875
Ooh! She was taken in her sleep.
8
00:00:18,959 --> 00:00:20,418
That's what I'm talking about.
9
00:00:20,502 --> 00:00:24,756
Super dark, Boyle, but way more plausible
than Sarge's idiotic alarm clock theory.
10
00:00:24,881 --> 00:00:27,675
I bet she tucked herself into
bed too tight and got stuck.
11
00:00:27,759 --> 00:00:30,720
Maybe she fell into another
dimension where she's interesting.
12
00:00:30,804 --> 00:00:33,431
It's 9 a.m. Why is no one working?
13
00:00:33,515 --> 00:00:36,601
Amy Santiago is a few minutes
late and we're all trying to guess why.
14
00:00:36,685 --> 00:00:37,854
I'd like to play.
15
00:00:38,980 --> 00:00:42,942
I'd say she's in line at the bank.
16
00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:45,402
This is fun.
17
00:00:45,486 --> 00:00:47,529
PERALTA: It is fun, but you're all wrong.
18
00:00:47,613 --> 00:00:49,490
She clearly slipped
through a subway grate
19
00:00:49,574 --> 00:00:51,909
and is having terrible
sex with a mole man.
20
00:00:51,993 --> 00:00:53,619
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
21
00:00:53,703 --> 00:00:57,414
There she is. Amy, where have you been?
We've been worried sick.
22
00:00:57,498 --> 00:00:58,874
Do you care to explain yourself?
23
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:01,543
I'm just 70 seconds late, it's not
a big deal. Don't worry about it.
24
00:01:01,627 --> 00:01:04,590
Santiago, you will tell us,
and you will tell us now.
25
00:01:06,175 --> 00:01:07,775
There was a problem at the bank.
26
00:01:07,885 --> 00:01:09,011
Hot damn!
27
00:01:09,595 --> 00:01:10,721
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
28
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:33,035
So, you nervous about the trial tomorrow?
29
00:01:33,119 --> 00:01:35,746
The jewelry store break-in?
Diamond heist.
30
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:36,914
It's like you're going out of your way
31
00:01:36,998 --> 00:01:38,348
to make it sound less cool.
32
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:40,459
I think the conviction's a slam dunk.
33
00:01:40,543 --> 00:01:42,738
Good, not to overstate
it, but I'm definitely
34
00:01:42,822 --> 00:01:44,797
gonna die alone and work is all I have.
35
00:01:44,881 --> 00:01:46,581
I take it dating's not going well.
36
00:01:46,925 --> 00:01:48,176
What?
37
00:01:49,093 --> 00:01:51,303
No! It's awesome.
38
00:01:51,387 --> 00:01:53,140
What happened with Rosa's friend, Katie?
39
00:01:53,224 --> 00:01:56,074
Yeah, she turned out to be
even more closed off than Rosa.
40
00:01:56,393 --> 00:01:57,853
So, how long have you known Rosa?
41
00:01:57,937 --> 00:01:59,897
None of your business. All right.
42
00:02:00,231 --> 00:02:03,275
But it's not just her. All the dates
I've been on lately have been lame.
43
00:02:03,359 --> 00:02:05,652
Maybe it's you. What are your moves?
44
00:02:05,736 --> 00:02:06,987
What do you talk about?
45
00:02:07,071 --> 00:02:09,865
Uh, my moves are fine, mom.
46
00:02:09,949 --> 00:02:12,033
I dazzle them with a badass cop story.
47
00:02:12,117 --> 00:02:15,217
Have you ever thought about
going with your non-work interests?
48
00:02:15,371 --> 00:02:16,664
On my first date with my wife,
49
00:02:16,748 --> 00:02:19,751
all we did was talk about
our mutual love of Meat Loaf.
50
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,169
The singer, not the food.
51
00:02:21,253 --> 00:02:23,380
Oh, so the weirder of the two choices.
52
00:02:24,714 --> 00:02:26,257
All right, fine, I get
what you're saying.
53
00:02:26,341 --> 00:02:27,675
Your wife is awesome
and I should do everything
54
00:02:27,759 --> 00:02:29,659
in my power to be with her physically.
55
00:02:30,178 --> 00:02:32,180
I mean, no, not that.
56
00:02:33,098 --> 00:02:36,852
Don't talk about being a cop.
Just talk about my own interests.
57
00:02:37,477 --> 00:02:38,645
Exactly.
58
00:02:39,771 --> 00:02:41,440
Hey, she's cute.
59
00:02:42,942 --> 00:02:45,278
And alone.
I'll try and find our Meat Loaf.
60
00:02:47,363 --> 00:02:49,281
Go get her, little man.
61
00:02:49,365 --> 00:02:51,200
Hello, there. Hi.
62
00:02:52,159 --> 00:02:54,661
Captain, we need to talk
about the Union Rep elections.
63
00:02:54,745 --> 00:02:56,830
Scully is running again, unopposed.
64
00:02:56,914 --> 00:02:58,707
He is incompetent.
65
00:02:58,791 --> 00:03:01,376
If there's one thing to take
away from the new contract,
66
00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:04,797
it's that holiday pay is now capped…
Or not capped.
67
00:03:05,298 --> 00:03:07,348
In conclusion, the
word "capped" was said.
68
00:03:08,719 --> 00:03:10,637
Whew, nailed it! Whoa.
69
00:03:10,929 --> 00:03:12,055
Oh. Ow.
70
00:03:12,848 --> 00:03:14,849
The only reason Scully
does the job is because
71
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,851
the annual union meeting has a party sub.
72
00:03:16,935 --> 00:03:20,685
He's been our rep for twelve years
and he still pronounces union as "onion."
73
00:03:21,231 --> 00:03:24,443
As management, I'm not
allowed to talk about union matters.
74
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:26,778
Scully doesn't know
anything about our pensions
75
00:03:26,862 --> 00:03:29,864
and he has no idea about
the new disciplinary guidelines.
76
00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,033
What do you think, Captain?
77
00:03:31,117 --> 00:03:35,287
What I think is, I will continue
to not talk about this issue.
78
00:03:35,371 --> 00:03:36,623
Hey, you should run.
79
00:03:37,206 --> 00:03:39,875
Going to meetings, writing stuff down..
. You love that nerd stuff.
80
00:03:39,959 --> 00:03:42,420
Writing things down is nerdy?
What do you do?
81
00:03:42,837 --> 00:03:44,380
I just forget stuff like a cool person.
82
00:03:44,464 --> 00:03:46,882
Come on, admit it,
you care about this crap.
83
00:03:46,966 --> 00:03:49,218
Maybe, but I want to be captain one day,
84
00:03:49,302 --> 00:03:51,345
and union reps are always
fighting with the brass.
85
00:03:51,429 --> 00:03:53,181
It's career suicide, right, sir?
86
00:03:53,306 --> 00:03:55,642
Stop trying to get me involved, Santiago.
87
00:03:55,726 --> 00:03:57,937
No! I'm already fighting with the brass!
88
00:03:58,562 --> 00:04:00,022
Look at what you've done.
89
00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:04,609
Oh, man, these look spicy.
We may die tonight.
90
00:04:04,693 --> 00:04:07,404
You know, I actually heard about a
guy who died while eating hot wings.
91
00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:10,240
Really? Yeah. He was terminally
ill beforehand, though. Unrelated.
92
00:04:10,324 --> 00:04:13,076
[GIGGLES] I always thought I'd
die at the hands of my own clone.
93
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,079
Well, that's why you have to brand
the number two into your clone's cheek.
94
00:04:16,163 --> 00:04:18,039
Yes. You shouldn't have a
clone if you don't know that.
95
00:04:18,123 --> 00:04:20,334
All right, you ready? Ready!
96
00:04:20,418 --> 00:04:21,544
Here we go.
97
00:04:23,838 --> 00:04:25,089
That's nothing. Amateur night.
98
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:27,258
I can't believe this had three
peppers next to it on the menu.
99
00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:28,426
Oh, my God!
100
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:29,927
Oh! Oh! So hot.
101
00:04:30,011 --> 00:04:32,138
That's so spicy! Drink the ranch!
Drink the ranch!
102
00:04:32,222 --> 00:04:34,057
[EXCLAIMING]
103
00:04:36,184 --> 00:04:37,894
Here's the stuff you left at my place.
104
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:41,689
Your Sounds of Ibiza sleep
CD, seven phone chargers
105
00:04:41,773 --> 00:04:44,150
and an empty jar labeled "Fire Spirit."
106
00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:45,820
No, it's not empty.
107
00:04:46,529 --> 00:04:48,822
Well, here's your stuff,
108
00:04:48,906 --> 00:04:50,782
so I guess it's officially over.
109
00:04:50,866 --> 00:04:53,076
It was slightly less
gross than I expected.
110
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,286
Hmm.
111
00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:56,372
Way to be. [CHUCKLES]
112
00:04:56,706 --> 00:04:58,207
Uh, there is one last thing.
113
00:04:58,541 --> 00:05:01,126
The luxury sex romp we
had planned this weekend.
114
00:05:01,210 --> 00:05:04,588
The hotel says the "Bubbles and
Bathrobes" package is non-refundable.
115
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,132
See, that's why I didn't
want to pre-pay, Charles.
116
00:05:07,216 --> 00:05:08,926
Yeah, but that's why
we got such a good deal.
117
00:05:09,010 --> 00:05:10,554
One hour of free Wi-Fi!
118
00:05:11,555 --> 00:05:14,474
Don't worry, you can have your half of
the money back and I'll take the room.
119
00:05:14,558 --> 00:05:19,187
Pause! Okay, if one of us is getting
pampered all night, it's gonna be me.
120
00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:21,105
I want that room, Gina.
121
00:05:21,189 --> 00:05:22,649
You can't push me around.
122
00:05:22,733 --> 00:05:24,359
We're not poke pals anymore!
123
00:05:24,443 --> 00:05:25,652
Ew!
124
00:05:28,447 --> 00:05:30,865
Amy Santiago, surprised
to see you walking around.
125
00:05:30,949 --> 00:05:32,533
Shouldn't you be on your belly?
You snake!
126
00:05:32,617 --> 00:05:34,202
Yeah, you snake!
127
00:05:34,287 --> 00:05:35,705
[MIMICS HISSING]
128
00:05:36,414 --> 00:05:37,539
What is happening?
129
00:05:37,623 --> 00:05:38,958
You're running against me.
130
00:05:39,042 --> 00:05:41,085
What? Rosa must've done this.
131
00:05:41,169 --> 00:05:42,294
I'll get her to stop.
132
00:05:42,378 --> 00:05:44,380
You know what really burns my pants?
133
00:05:44,464 --> 00:05:46,090
I considered you my best friend.
134
00:05:47,633 --> 00:05:48,718
BOTH: What?
135
00:05:50,762 --> 00:05:52,471
Hey. Hey, now.
136
00:05:52,555 --> 00:05:54,390
You are looking very happy.
137
00:05:54,474 --> 00:05:56,558
I am. Guess what happened last night?
138
00:05:56,642 --> 00:05:58,742
Spoiler alert. Sexy times!
Okay, now guess.
139
00:05:59,021 --> 00:06:00,647
Sexy times! Yes!
140
00:06:00,731 --> 00:06:02,691
The whole night was amazing.
We totally hit it off.
141
00:06:02,775 --> 00:06:04,484
I found our Meat Loaf. Wings.
142
00:06:04,568 --> 00:06:06,736
The band or the show? The food!
143
00:06:06,820 --> 00:06:09,823
We went back to her place, watched
Die Hards one through With a Vengeance,
144
00:06:09,907 --> 00:06:12,075
did some adult stuff, and spent
the rest of the night debating
145
00:06:12,159 --> 00:06:15,078
who was the better ping-pong player.
She was adorably wrong.
146
00:06:15,162 --> 00:06:16,454
How do you know if you didn't play?
147
00:06:16,538 --> 00:06:19,541
Oh, we played. Which was difficult,
since she didn't have a table or paddles.
148
00:06:19,625 --> 00:06:22,419
We had to use an avocado pit as the ball.
It was very messy.
149
00:06:22,503 --> 00:06:23,586
Hey, guys.
150
00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:25,423
Ah, hello, District Attorney Kurm,
151
00:06:25,507 --> 00:06:26,674
I got lucky last night.
152
00:06:26,841 --> 00:06:28,009
That's great. Yeah.
153
00:06:28,093 --> 00:06:31,262
So, we have a little delay. Gary, the
defense attorney, isn't gonna be here.
154
00:06:31,346 --> 00:06:34,140
Oh, is he sore from high-fiving
criminals he's gotten out of jail?
155
00:06:34,224 --> 00:06:36,684
Did he get a murderer off, who
then murdered him to celebrate?
156
00:06:36,768 --> 00:06:38,144
Yep. Anyway.
157
00:06:38,228 --> 00:06:40,062
Gary broke his leg,
so he's being replaced.
158
00:06:40,146 --> 00:06:43,024
Replaced?
He should be put down like a horse.
159
00:06:43,733 --> 00:06:46,486
So, who's the new sub-human
piece of human garbage?
160
00:06:46,903 --> 00:06:48,029
Sophia Perez.
161
00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:53,911
Oh, God.
162
00:06:58,499 --> 00:06:59,708
Jake, this is bad!
163
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,502
You slept with a defense attorney.
164
00:07:02,586 --> 00:07:04,254
You literally slept with the enemy.
165
00:07:04,338 --> 00:07:08,633
I know! It's like if John McClane
slept with Hans Gruber or even worse,
166
00:07:08,717 --> 00:07:10,635
Jeremy Irons from the third one!
167
00:07:10,719 --> 00:07:13,569
We didn't talk about our jobs.
How was I supposed to know?
168
00:07:14,432 --> 00:07:16,601
Wait, are you sure you want to do this?
169
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:19,437
Let's go over the events of tonight.
We got drunk together.
170
00:07:19,521 --> 00:07:22,023
I invited you up to my
apartment and I kissed you first.
171
00:07:22,107 --> 00:07:23,233
No further questions.
172
00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:24,776
Okay.
173
00:07:25,235 --> 00:07:27,570
Uh-oh. She's waving at you.
174
00:07:27,654 --> 00:07:30,282
Hey. All right, I'm gonna go talk to her.
175
00:07:31,158 --> 00:07:32,325
Be strong. Okay.
176
00:07:34,494 --> 00:07:36,621
Hey. Hey. So, this is weird, huh?
177
00:07:36,705 --> 00:07:38,207
Yeah. You never told me you were a cop.
178
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,459
Yeah, and you never
told me you were a lawyer.
179
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,252
Well, I didn't want to intimidate you.
180
00:07:42,336 --> 00:07:44,755
Intimidate?
Wow, okay, well, not to burst your bubble,
181
00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:47,841
but I'm only intimidated by
professions that have a moral compass.
182
00:07:47,925 --> 00:07:49,009
Like police officer.
183
00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:51,053
So, you're intimidated by your own job?
184
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:55,808
"Oh, look at me, I'm a lawyer.
I'm so good at word-using-itude."
185
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:58,018
And yes, I know that
that wasn't a word, right.
186
00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:01,105
Okay, you know what, I can't even
believe I have to deal with you all week.
187
00:08:01,189 --> 00:08:03,483
Not a problem.
This is clearly a conflict of interest,
188
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:06,027
so I'm just going to talk to the judge
and have you kicked off the case.
189
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,917
[LAUGHS] No, there's no conflict of
190
00:08:08,001 --> 00:08:10,323
interest because I'm
not interested in you.
191
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,117
God, I can't believe I slept with a cop.
192
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,785
It's like I had sex with Hans Gruber.
193
00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:16,019
What? I'm not the Gruber.
You're the Gruber!
194
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:18,332
Die Hard.
195
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:23,295
Captain, Rosa's trying to make me
run for Union Rep. You have to stop her.
196
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:26,506
I cannot do that. As I told you,
I'm not allowed to get involved.
197
00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:28,509
It's too late, anyway.
You already have a campaign slogan.
198
00:08:28,593 --> 00:08:30,136
"Pick Amy, dummies." I wrote that.
199
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:31,303
Tell her how good it is, Captain.
200
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:32,721
Again, I cannot.
201
00:08:32,805 --> 00:08:35,307
Look, I love campaigning
and making signs.
202
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:37,601
Lord knows I have enough
poster board at home.
203
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:40,563
But Captain, please tell her I
shouldn't run for Union Rep.
204
00:08:40,647 --> 00:08:42,231
I'm just going to turn
around in my chair.
205
00:08:42,315 --> 00:08:46,903
So, Amy, you're saying I should
just return this button-maker?
206
00:08:48,655 --> 00:08:51,866
You think you can tempt me
with the T-150 Button Maker?
207
00:08:51,991 --> 00:08:53,535
Sir, you've got to see this.
208
00:08:53,619 --> 00:08:56,913
It doesn't even make mirror-backs.
This is a joke.
209
00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,248
Still not participating.
210
00:08:58,332 --> 00:08:59,499
I'm enjoying a magazine.
211
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:00,750
Joke's on you, Amy.
212
00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:04,171
You and Scully are giving campaign
speeches in the briefing room tomorrow.
213
00:09:04,255 --> 00:09:08,175
What? Sir, permission to
arrest Diaz for being a jerk.
214
00:09:08,259 --> 00:09:10,427
Permission to shoot
Santiago for being a coward.
215
00:09:10,511 --> 00:09:11,679
Stop it, both of you.
216
00:09:12,846 --> 00:09:13,930
Now you've done it.
217
00:09:14,014 --> 00:09:15,464
You've made me turn my chair.
218
00:09:16,141 --> 00:09:18,769
I will not get involved
and I will not have
219
00:09:18,853 --> 00:09:23,525
this office transformed into
a house of snipes and jabs.
220
00:09:24,359 --> 00:09:25,527
Dismissed!
221
00:09:26,278 --> 00:09:27,695
Full disclosure, Your Honor.
222
00:09:27,779 --> 00:09:32,283
Last night, Miss Perez and I
got inebriated and we had colitis.
223
00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:33,701
Colitis? Coitus.
224
00:09:33,785 --> 00:09:34,869
Yeah, that.
225
00:09:34,953 --> 00:09:38,497
A cop and a defense attorney
sleeping together, that's highly unusual.
226
00:09:38,581 --> 00:09:40,791
At the time, I did not know
she was a defense attorney.
227
00:09:40,875 --> 00:09:45,839
I should have been able to guess, however,
based on her ability to lie all over me.
228
00:09:45,923 --> 00:09:47,716
[LAUGHS] Oh, a cop's
attempt to be clever.
229
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:49,760
It's like watching a
horse try to eat with a fork.
230
00:09:49,844 --> 00:09:53,388
Majestic and hilarious? Take a
cold shower, horn-dog. We're at work.
231
00:09:53,472 --> 00:09:54,973
But in all seriousness, Your Honor,
232
00:09:55,057 --> 00:09:56,808
I do think she should
recuse herself from the trial.
233
00:09:56,892 --> 00:09:59,436
Why, you think I might tell
everybody in the courtroom
234
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:00,729
that you like to be the little spoon?
235
00:10:00,813 --> 00:10:02,314
Everyone likes to be the little spoon.
236
00:10:02,398 --> 00:10:04,650
It makes you feel safe.
Carl, back me up on this.
237
00:10:04,734 --> 00:10:06,026
Yes, little spoon all the way.
238
00:10:06,110 --> 00:10:08,321
See? Look, I'm not recusing myself.
239
00:10:08,405 --> 00:10:10,782
I talked to my client and
he is fine with me staying on.
240
00:10:10,866 --> 00:10:14,577
If the defendant is okay with it, and
you two can be mature in the courtroom,
241
00:10:14,661 --> 00:10:16,704
then I see no reason
why we can't proceed.
242
00:10:16,788 --> 00:10:18,039
Great, I can be mature.
243
00:10:18,123 --> 00:10:20,500
Says the guy who uses a
sunglasses case as a wallet.
244
00:10:20,584 --> 00:10:22,043
Stuff can be two things!
245
00:10:22,127 --> 00:10:25,296
Open up your refrigerator. Boom!
Air-conditioner! Life hacked.
246
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,548
Carl, back me up.
I mean, it's not very green.
247
00:10:27,632 --> 00:10:28,925
Oh, Carl.
248
00:10:29,968 --> 00:10:31,888
Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
249
00:10:32,305 --> 00:10:35,975
My pizza reviews caught
the eye of a Mr. Matt Pittle
250
00:10:36,434 --> 00:10:38,978
of Pittle's Vittles,
my favorite food blog.
251
00:10:39,312 --> 00:10:41,981
Wow. A local food blog.
It's all happening.
252
00:10:42,065 --> 00:10:44,815
Pittle wants to have a
five-hour dinner with me tonight.
253
00:10:44,901 --> 00:10:47,362
Attention, skeezy nobodies!
254
00:10:48,321 --> 00:10:50,281
Tina Knowles, Beyoncé's mom-ager,
255
00:10:50,365 --> 00:10:53,575
has contacted me and
wants to audition me tonight.
256
00:10:53,659 --> 00:10:55,035
I've transcended you now.
257
00:10:55,119 --> 00:10:57,869
Sounds like both of you
have pretty great plans tonight.
258
00:10:59,166 --> 00:11:02,836
No. You wrote the email from
Pittle so I'd drop my claim to the room.
259
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,170
That blog is sacred.
260
00:11:04,254 --> 00:11:07,757
You defiled the most
sacred and most high,
261
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:10,886
Miss Tina Knowles.
262
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:14,764
How dare you, Charles?
How'd you get your voice so high?
263
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:16,391
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
I can take it higher.
264
00:11:16,475 --> 00:11:18,143
I wish you wouldn't.
265
00:11:18,227 --> 00:11:21,314
The room is mine, you scab.
266
00:11:21,398 --> 00:11:22,774
No, it's mine, Gina.
267
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:24,866
I'm not backing down this time.
268
00:11:25,443 --> 00:11:27,111
I'm backing up.
269
00:11:27,195 --> 00:11:29,572
Beep, beep, beep.
270
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:30,740
[CHOKING]
271
00:11:32,742 --> 00:11:34,285
You nervous? Nope.
272
00:11:34,369 --> 00:11:37,080
I have an unimpeachable
eyewitness who saw everything.
273
00:11:37,205 --> 00:11:39,457
Plus, I've got a little something
planned for our lawyer friend.
274
00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:41,625
Every time she looks over, I'm
gonna hit her with one of these.
275
00:11:41,709 --> 00:11:43,294
[KISSING SOUNDS]
276
00:11:43,378 --> 00:11:46,548
It'll remind her that we kissed
and that's how I get in her head.
277
00:11:46,632 --> 00:11:50,232
I like it. You want me to flex and
make all the buttons pop off my shirt?
278
00:11:50,553 --> 00:11:52,054
Yes! You can do that?
279
00:11:52,721 --> 00:11:55,140
The challenge is keeping the buttons on.
280
00:11:55,224 --> 00:11:56,874
Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
281
00:11:58,227 --> 00:11:59,978
And you're sure this is the man you saw
282
00:12:00,062 --> 00:12:02,189
leaving the store at the
time of the diamond heist?
283
00:12:02,273 --> 00:12:04,149
Nice. "Diamond heist." Catching on.
284
00:12:04,233 --> 00:12:05,442
Uh, yeah. That's the guy.
285
00:12:05,526 --> 00:12:08,195
Now, Mr. Wells, it says
here you have a 2006
286
00:12:08,279 --> 00:12:10,782
conviction for perjury, is that correct?
287
00:12:10,866 --> 00:12:12,200
Uh… Yeah.
288
00:12:12,284 --> 00:12:13,368
It's okay. I knew about that.
289
00:12:13,452 --> 00:12:17,330
And is Sidney Wells actually
your name or is it Brian Davidson?
290
00:12:17,414 --> 00:12:18,831
Uh-oh, did not know about that one.
291
00:12:18,915 --> 00:12:22,001
As in the Brian Davidson who is
facing fraud charges in New Jersey?
292
00:12:22,085 --> 00:12:23,419
Yeah. Or that.
293
00:12:23,503 --> 00:12:26,047
Oh, God.
Okay, time to bust out the big guns.
294
00:12:26,423 --> 00:12:27,507
[KISSING SOUNDS]
295
00:12:28,175 --> 00:12:30,093
This is bad! Only the judge saw me.
296
00:12:30,177 --> 00:12:31,827
No further questions, Your Honor.
297
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:34,556
Ugh, winking. Real mature.
298
00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:38,104
Judge gave us a
recess, but if we don't get
299
00:12:38,188 --> 00:12:39,812
new evidence by tomorrow,
we have no chance.
300
00:12:39,896 --> 00:12:41,355
Great pep talk, Carl.
301
00:12:41,439 --> 00:12:43,023
Don't worry. We'll get some evidence.
302
00:12:43,107 --> 00:12:44,275
Excuse me one second.
303
00:12:45,735 --> 00:12:48,195
Hey, that wasn't cool.
304
00:12:48,279 --> 00:12:50,823
No. What wasn't cool was you
trying to air make-out with the judge.
305
00:12:50,907 --> 00:12:52,908
Those kisses were meant for you!
306
00:12:52,992 --> 00:12:55,035
Not in a romantic way,
they were psych-out kisses.
307
00:12:55,119 --> 00:12:56,537
Look, you know your client did it.
308
00:12:56,621 --> 00:12:58,372
It doesn't matter if
my client did it or not.
309
00:12:58,456 --> 00:13:00,875
That's what I've been
saying, it doesn't matter.
310
00:13:00,959 --> 00:13:02,461
All right, Scott, beat it.
311
00:13:02,794 --> 00:13:04,087
Scott.
312
00:13:04,338 --> 00:13:06,381
All right, look.
My job is to make you prove he did it.
313
00:13:06,465 --> 00:13:08,174
It's the basis of our
entire justice system.
314
00:13:08,258 --> 00:13:10,385
What, you think John
Adams was just some idiot?
315
00:13:10,469 --> 00:13:12,637
No, I think John Adams was
a mini-series I didn't watch
316
00:13:12,721 --> 00:13:14,055
because it looked like a book.
317
00:13:14,139 --> 00:13:17,225
Look, without a credible
witness, your case is a mess.
318
00:13:17,309 --> 00:13:18,935
Kinda like your ping-pong serve.
319
00:13:19,019 --> 00:13:21,062
Oh, my God, she smelled so good.
320
00:13:21,146 --> 00:13:23,273
That avocado pit was not regulation!
321
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:26,110
I wish that had sounded cooler.
322
00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:27,778
Come on, Terry, let's go save the day.
323
00:13:27,862 --> 00:13:29,196
Carl, you want to come? No, thank you.
324
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,365
All right.
325
00:13:31,449 --> 00:13:34,827
All right, listen up, we need
more evidence on this guy
326
00:13:34,953 --> 00:13:36,912
and we need it quick,
so no time for chit-chat.
327
00:13:36,996 --> 00:13:39,123
What's going on? You love chit-chat.
328
00:13:39,207 --> 00:13:42,751
Yeah, also, your posture
seems off, like it's good.
329
00:13:42,835 --> 00:13:46,255
Because I'm being serious
because I don't want this perp to walk.
330
00:13:46,339 --> 00:13:48,383
This isn't about the perp.
331
00:13:49,175 --> 00:13:51,511
It's about this woman.
Jake slept with her.
332
00:13:51,595 --> 00:13:55,182
Oh, she's so pretty. She looks
like the woman on an olive oil bottle.
333
00:13:55,266 --> 00:13:56,433
Way to go, Jake.
334
00:13:56,517 --> 00:13:57,684
She's a defense attorney.
335
00:13:57,768 --> 00:13:58,852
Oh, my God! What?
336
00:13:58,936 --> 00:14:00,020
Are you kidding? Boo!
337
00:14:00,104 --> 00:14:02,522
Hey guys, let's take it easy on him.
338
00:14:02,606 --> 00:14:03,773
Thank you, Terry.
339
00:14:03,857 --> 00:14:06,026
But seriously, I think you
need to get checked for rabies.
340
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:07,611
Hey, I have a good
rabies guy, if you need one.
341
00:14:07,695 --> 00:14:09,404
Uh-huh, all right, listen.
342
00:14:09,488 --> 00:14:11,948
Can we focus up? Our witness is useless,
343
00:14:12,032 --> 00:14:15,532
so we either need to recover the
stolen gems or find the break-in tool.
344
00:14:15,662 --> 00:14:17,454
What year was the perp's house built in?
Some
345
00:14:17,538 --> 00:14:19,248
of those old brownstones had dumbwaiters.
346
00:14:19,332 --> 00:14:20,432
A perfect hiding spot.
347
00:14:20,625 --> 00:14:21,751
Good thinking, Amy.
348
00:14:21,835 --> 00:14:23,920
All right, I'm gonna win this
case, and then we can put
349
00:14:24,004 --> 00:14:26,088
my horrible sexual
experience behind us forever.
350
00:14:26,172 --> 00:14:27,963
I don't know, Jake.
I'm afraid I'm gonna think
351
00:14:28,047 --> 00:14:29,759
about it every time
I look at your crotch.
352
00:14:29,843 --> 00:14:32,012
Then stop looking at my crotch!
353
00:14:35,181 --> 00:14:36,432
What are you doing?
354
00:14:36,516 --> 00:14:39,728
Just pointing people to the one detective
who actually wants to run for Union Rep.
355
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:42,147
Welcome to my nightmares,
Amy-Scully Minotaur.
356
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:44,441
Pretty clever signing me up
for the speech this afternoon.
357
00:14:44,525 --> 00:14:48,862
But guess what?
Mine is epically bad and way too long.
358
00:14:48,946 --> 00:14:52,449
There's a section where I just pick
people out of the crowd and insult them.
359
00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:54,451
It gets really personal.
360
00:14:54,535 --> 00:14:57,120
Did you know that Hitchcock
is technically a bastard?
361
00:14:57,204 --> 00:14:59,164
Santiago, can I talk to you in my office?
362
00:14:59,248 --> 00:15:00,458
Mmm-hmm.
363
00:15:03,377 --> 00:15:06,423
Blinds closed? Are we having a pow-wow?
364
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:13,221
As you know, I shouldn't be talking about
this election with any of my detectives,
365
00:15:13,305 --> 00:15:15,306
but I will with you.
366
00:15:15,390 --> 00:15:17,600
Of course. Because you trust me.
367
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:20,228
Because you're royally screwing up.
368
00:15:20,312 --> 00:15:22,689
Oh, no, this isn't a
pow-wow, it's a haranguing.
369
00:15:22,773 --> 00:15:25,567
You bet it is.
Stop trying to tank this election.
370
00:15:25,651 --> 00:15:28,654
You know damned well
you'd make a great Union Rep.
371
00:15:28,738 --> 00:15:30,322
But, sir, I want to be captain one day,
372
00:15:30,406 --> 00:15:32,656
and clashing with the
brass is career suicide.
373
00:15:33,076 --> 00:15:38,164
Not for me. By my very nature, I was
constantly in conflict with my superiors.
374
00:15:38,748 --> 00:15:40,990
Listen, you're black
and gay, so I think you
375
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:43,294
should just take all
the black, gay cases.
376
00:15:43,378 --> 00:15:44,754
You know, the weird stuff.
377
00:15:45,588 --> 00:15:47,757
I strongly disagree.
378
00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:52,053
But I still managed to
rise through the ranks.
379
00:15:53,722 --> 00:15:55,265
Run for Union Rep, Amy.
380
00:15:56,392 --> 00:15:57,768
Okay. I'll do it.
381
00:16:00,312 --> 00:16:04,525
But never tell anyone about this pow-wow.
382
00:16:04,942 --> 00:16:06,193
You called it a pow-wow!
383
00:16:07,403 --> 00:16:11,281
So, Detective Peralta, you found
some "new" evidence last night.
384
00:16:11,365 --> 00:16:15,035
Correction, I found some
damning new evidence last night.
385
00:16:15,119 --> 00:16:17,663
It was hidden in an old
dumbwaiter in the defendant's house.
386
00:16:17,747 --> 00:16:19,378
All his burglary tools, including a
387
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:21,667
glass-cutter he used
to break into the store.
388
00:16:21,751 --> 00:16:25,046
Yes, but isn't it possible my client
could have used the glass-cutter
389
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:27,256
for something other than a robbery?
390
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:31,093
I mean, after all, stuff
can do two things, right?
391
00:16:31,177 --> 00:16:33,179
Hey, I say that! That's my saying!
392
00:16:33,263 --> 00:16:34,847
Your Honor, she stole my saying.
393
00:16:34,931 --> 00:16:36,349
People don't own sayings.
394
00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:38,434
Please answer the question, Detective.
395
00:16:38,518 --> 00:16:42,188
Fine, in the same bag as the burglary
tools, we also found shards of glass.
396
00:16:42,272 --> 00:16:45,567
And you expect us to believe that
you found this "new evidence" yesterday,
397
00:16:45,651 --> 00:16:48,070
just as your case was
collapsing around you?
398
00:16:48,154 --> 00:16:50,197
I certainly hope so,
because it's the truth.
399
00:16:50,281 --> 00:16:54,201
In fact, I believe it was the
great John Adams who once said,
400
00:16:54,285 --> 00:16:59,123
"To believe all men honest is folly,
but to believe none is something worse."
401
00:16:59,915 --> 00:17:01,523
Let the record show Miss Perez looks
402
00:17:01,607 --> 00:17:03,627
stunned and defeated.
No further questions.
403
00:17:03,711 --> 00:17:04,836
You're not allowed to say that.
404
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,005
Yep.
405
00:17:06,589 --> 00:17:10,176
Hey, Captain, I have a juicy little
Boyle nugget I'd like to drop on you.
406
00:17:10,260 --> 00:17:12,220
Okay, please, drop the nugget.
407
00:17:12,304 --> 00:17:15,932
I think that this squad could
really increase its efficiency
408
00:17:16,016 --> 00:17:20,812
if Gina spent the night re-logging
all our files with keywords.
409
00:17:20,896 --> 00:17:23,147
The lady doth have the skills.
410
00:17:23,231 --> 00:17:26,231
Funny, she was just telling me
how you should work all night.
411
00:17:26,526 --> 00:17:27,778
Say what? Gina?
412
00:17:28,361 --> 00:17:29,821
Yes?
413
00:17:29,905 --> 00:17:32,074
You've both made compelling
points about the amount of work that
414
00:17:32,158 --> 00:17:35,285
needs to be done around here, so
you'll both be pulling overnight shifts.
415
00:17:35,369 --> 00:17:39,081
Before you complain, I am once again
416
00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:40,583
turning in my chair.
417
00:17:41,250 --> 00:17:44,586
Ooh, sweet chair turn.
That's a real power move.
418
00:17:44,670 --> 00:17:46,714
[SIGHS] So good.
419
00:17:47,173 --> 00:17:49,925
We, the jury, find the
defendant not guilty.
420
00:17:50,009 --> 00:17:51,385
No! Come on!
421
00:17:51,469 --> 00:17:56,432
[GRUNTS] Oh, I'm in too much pain to care
how cool and strong that made me look.
422
00:17:56,516 --> 00:17:57,726
It was already splintering.
423
00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,260
Don't take this away from me!
424
00:18:02,856 --> 00:18:06,985
Wow, well done. Another criminal walks
free, I hope you're proud of yourself.
425
00:18:07,069 --> 00:18:10,447
Maybe stop calling my client a
criminal, since he was found "not guilty"?
426
00:18:10,531 --> 00:18:14,325
Well, I find myself not guilty
of never seeing you again.
427
00:18:14,409 --> 00:18:16,078
So, you will see me again?
428
00:18:16,954 --> 00:18:20,123
No! Why, what did I say?
You know what, you're the worst.
429
00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:23,502
Jake, what are you doing, man?
430
00:18:23,586 --> 00:18:27,047
Walking angrily away towards a door
that I now see says, "emergency exit only"
431
00:18:27,131 --> 00:18:29,258
on it so I'm turning
around, but I'm still ticked.
432
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,927
Look, man, don't screw this up.
433
00:18:31,386 --> 00:18:34,472
Look, I hate defense attorneys
as much as any rational adult,
434
00:18:34,556 --> 00:18:36,724
but you obviously
have feelings for Sophia.
435
00:18:36,808 --> 00:18:38,142
Yeah, anger.
436
00:18:38,226 --> 00:18:39,477
I don't know,
437
00:18:39,561 --> 00:18:41,562
it just seems to me
like you met your match.
438
00:18:41,646 --> 00:18:43,856
You said yourself how
boring your dates have been.
439
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:46,340
But you have to admit,
Sophia wouldn't be boring.
440
00:18:46,694 --> 00:18:48,445
I will admit, she's not boring,
441
00:18:48,529 --> 00:18:53,450
and we do have fun together, and I guess
you could say she is passably attractive.
442
00:18:53,534 --> 00:18:54,826
All right, fine, she's super-hot.
443
00:18:54,910 --> 00:18:57,910
God, I can't believe I'm about
to ask out a defense attorney.
444
00:18:58,038 --> 00:19:01,833
And we all know that Amy
Santiago wants to be captain one day,
445
00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:04,419
which means she will never
stand up to management.
446
00:19:04,503 --> 00:19:07,103
I don't want to be captain.
I just want my party sub.
447
00:19:07,882 --> 00:19:10,843
Please, just give me back my sub.
448
00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:12,012
Vote Scully.
449
00:19:15,348 --> 00:19:19,477
I'm gonna make this quick. Scully
said that I want to be captain, and I do.
450
00:19:19,561 --> 00:19:21,813
But that won't stop me
from standing up for you.
451
00:19:21,897 --> 00:19:25,817
He also said if you voted for
him, you'd get a "golden boat."
452
00:19:25,901 --> 00:19:27,151
That's not real.
453
00:19:27,235 --> 00:19:31,030
If I get elected, I'll go to all the
union meetings, actually pay attention,
454
00:19:31,114 --> 00:19:34,117
and most importantly, I'll
bring back party sub leftovers.
455
00:19:34,492 --> 00:19:35,577
[APPLAUDING LOUDLY]
456
00:19:35,661 --> 00:19:36,746
Thank you, Scully.
457
00:19:37,747 --> 00:19:38,789
Pick Amy, dummies.
458
00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:43,669
PERALTA: Hello.
459
00:19:45,296 --> 00:19:47,381
Hey, how'd you find me?
460
00:19:47,715 --> 00:19:49,015
I'm a detective, remember?
461
00:19:49,133 --> 00:19:51,802
I also went into a bunch
of wrong offices first.
462
00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:53,428
Stole hella peppermints.
463
00:19:53,512 --> 00:19:55,764
So what's up? You here to yell
at me again for doing my job?
464
00:19:55,848 --> 00:19:58,475
No, I'm here to ask you out. Oh.
465
00:19:58,559 --> 00:20:01,312
Yeah, there's a bar in the West Village
that has a bunch of ping-pong tables.
466
00:20:01,396 --> 00:20:03,064
So I thought we could head
over there and have a drink,
467
00:20:03,148 --> 00:20:07,110
talk, and then with any luck, things
will get uncomfortably competitive.
468
00:20:07,569 --> 00:20:08,695
That sounds fun.
469
00:20:08,779 --> 00:20:11,489
Look, if we're going to do this, we're
going to have to have a couple rules.
470
00:20:11,573 --> 00:20:14,742
Rule number one, starting
right now, no work talk.
471
00:20:14,826 --> 00:20:17,876
Perfect, we can just skip straight
to making out on your desk.
472
00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:23,001
Yeah, that's not my desk. This is.
473
00:20:24,378 --> 00:20:27,298
Copy that. Blame it on the
janitor and make a break for it?
474
00:20:27,382 --> 00:20:28,800
Absolutely. After you.
475
00:20:31,427 --> 00:20:34,597
Charles, I'm sorry that
neither of us have the room.
476
00:20:34,681 --> 00:20:39,143
Yes, I, too, am disappointed
by this unfortunate stalemate.
477
00:20:39,227 --> 00:20:41,353
Why are you talking all Victorian?
478
00:20:41,437 --> 00:20:43,564
You're lying about something,
that's what that means.
479
00:20:43,648 --> 00:20:46,317
Nonsense, my lady. Okay, fine.
480
00:20:46,401 --> 00:20:50,363
I might not be in that hotel room
right now, but my gene pool is.
481
00:20:50,447 --> 00:20:52,782
Ew, what'd you do in there?
482
00:20:52,866 --> 00:20:56,620
I gave the hotel room to my father
and told him to check in under my name.
483
00:20:56,704 --> 00:21:00,290
What? No! I gave my key to my mom!
484
00:21:00,374 --> 00:21:01,458
[DOOR SHUTS]
485
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:02,626
Hey.
486
00:21:02,793 --> 00:21:05,086
Oh! I'm sorry.
I must have the wrong room.
487
00:21:05,170 --> 00:21:07,589
[CHUCKLES] Hey, wait a second.
488
00:21:07,673 --> 00:21:08,798
Do we know each other?
489
00:21:08,882 --> 00:21:10,008
Is your daughter Gina?
490
00:21:10,092 --> 00:21:13,303
Yes, and you're that
little man's father, Boyle!
491
00:21:13,387 --> 00:21:14,471
Yeah.
492
00:21:14,555 --> 00:21:16,223
We met at the Family Food Drive.
493
00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:17,767
Oh. I'm Darlene Linetti.
494
00:21:17,851 --> 00:21:21,312
Lynn Boyle, pleased to re-meet you.
495
00:21:21,396 --> 00:21:23,230
So, what do you think is going on here,
496
00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:24,523
a mix-up or something?
497
00:21:24,607 --> 00:21:26,943
I don't know.
Regina's been encouraging me
498
00:21:27,027 --> 00:21:30,030
to have some romantic adventures.
499
00:21:31,656 --> 00:21:32,782
Holy cow.