1
00:00:02,991 --> 00:00:06,078
Whoo! Extreme! [CHUCKLING]
2
00:00:06,162 --> 00:00:08,747
Oh, you guys are
probably curious about this.
3
00:00:08,831 --> 00:00:13,044
It's no biggie. My car is in the shop
so I rode in on Rosa's motorcycle.
4
00:00:13,128 --> 00:00:15,630
I guess you could say
I'm a "gearhead" now.
5
00:00:15,714 --> 00:00:18,300
He held on to me so tight it
was like a two-mile Heimlich.
6
00:00:18,384 --> 00:00:20,134
Those things have no walls on them.
7
00:00:21,095 --> 00:00:23,431
Captain. Why are you sitting at my desk?
8
00:00:23,515 --> 00:00:28,311
Lieutenant Miller from Internal Affairs
is here. He's taken over my office.
9
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:30,346
Apparently someone
has been leaking classified
10
00:00:30,430 --> 00:00:32,023
information to a criminal syndicate.
11
00:00:32,107 --> 00:00:33,776
The entire squad is under investigation.
12
00:00:33,860 --> 00:00:36,279
That's crazy. No one here's a mole.
13
00:00:36,363 --> 00:00:37,405
How can you be so sure?
14
00:00:37,489 --> 00:00:39,866
Because I know these guys.
I know everything about them.
15
00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:42,953
Well, you're a poor police officer if you
don't think that people can surprise you.
16
00:00:43,037 --> 00:00:44,913
Not these people. Here, watch this.
17
00:00:44,997 --> 00:00:46,790
I know what everyone's gonna do tonight.
18
00:00:46,874 --> 00:00:49,085
It's Thursday, so
Gina's gonna leave early
19
00:00:49,169 --> 00:00:51,671
to rehearse with her new
dance group, Dancy Reagan.
20
00:00:51,755 --> 00:00:53,131
They're the first ladies of movement.
21
00:00:53,215 --> 00:00:55,050
Amy's gonna be going
over her weekly budget,
22
00:00:55,134 --> 00:00:58,345
and Charles will be attending
a pizza-for-one cooking class.
23
00:00:58,429 --> 00:01:00,181
Tonight's menu, Pepper-alone-i.
24
00:01:00,265 --> 00:01:02,392
And, if I run and leap at Terry,
25
00:01:02,476 --> 00:01:04,769
he will most certainly catch
me in his arms. Coming in!
26
00:01:04,853 --> 00:01:07,355
-No! I'm holding coffee!
-[SMASHING]
27
00:01:07,439 --> 00:01:09,484
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
28
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:30,966
Hey, I'm about to sit
down with Internal Affairs.
29
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,551
Figured that I'll charm them
30
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:33,761
with a couple of quips about
31
00:01:33,845 --> 00:01:35,638
my own "internal affairs."
32
00:01:35,722 --> 00:01:36,847
Talking about my "tum-tum."
33
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,225
Please don't joke around in there.
34
00:01:38,309 --> 00:01:39,601
I know you're used to riffing with me,
35
00:01:39,685 --> 00:01:41,102
but Internal Affairs detectives
36
00:01:41,186 --> 00:01:42,562
rarely have my sense of humor.
37
00:01:42,646 --> 00:01:44,397
Wow, you are really worried
38
00:01:44,481 --> 00:01:46,234
about this investigation.
39
00:01:46,318 --> 00:01:47,610
Okay, fine. I promise
40
00:01:47,694 --> 00:01:49,612
I will be stone cold
serious in my interview.
41
00:01:49,696 --> 00:01:52,157
I'll even use my serious face.
42
00:01:52,992 --> 00:01:54,743
If you're wondering
how I'm pulling this off,
43
00:01:54,827 --> 00:01:56,119
I'm thinking about the
time when I was eight
44
00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:57,996
and Don Mattingly
called me a little turd.
45
00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,250
Was he right? Yes.
46
00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:03,545
Hey there, Jake Peralta.
47
00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:08,551
I'm sorry. Handshakes are the
greatest avenues of germ transmission.
48
00:02:08,635 --> 00:02:11,929
I generally prefer simple nods. Okay.
49
00:02:12,013 --> 00:02:15,184
Would you, uh, pass me
that hand sanitizer, please?
50
00:02:15,851 --> 00:02:19,355
Yeah. No, no, no! Use your elbows.
51
00:02:20,105 --> 00:02:22,900
Keep your nostrils closed.
Don't breathe on it.
52
00:02:22,984 --> 00:02:24,527
Ah!
53
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,404
Forget it, I'll just use a wipe.
54
00:02:26,488 --> 00:02:29,032
Smart. Get off dem germs.
55
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:33,495
So. What information has
been leaked and by who?
56
00:02:33,579 --> 00:02:35,455
You don't need to know that.
57
00:02:35,539 --> 00:02:37,500
All you need to know is that
a felony has been committed
58
00:02:37,584 --> 00:02:40,461
by someone on your squad
and I'm gonna find out who did it.
59
00:02:40,545 --> 00:02:43,841
Now, have you ever taken
confidential information
60
00:02:43,925 --> 00:02:46,468
about an ongoing
investigation out of this precinct?
61
00:02:46,552 --> 00:02:50,431
[SCOFFS] No.
I would never do something that stupid.
62
00:02:50,515 --> 00:02:52,851
I did something really stupid.
I need your help.
63
00:02:52,935 --> 00:02:56,062
You know how I'm kind of a sexy
bad boy who rides motorcycles into work
64
00:02:56,146 --> 00:02:57,939
and is always breaking the
rules in the name of justice?
65
00:02:58,023 --> 00:02:59,275
I don't like where this is going.
66
00:02:59,359 --> 00:03:02,695
Well, I also maybe sometimes bring home
case files to work on them after hours
67
00:03:02,779 --> 00:03:04,822
and I might not be that
great about returning them.
68
00:03:04,906 --> 00:03:07,826
[GASPS] Oh God! Are you aroused
because of what a bad boy I am?
69
00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:09,328
No! No.
70
00:03:09,412 --> 00:03:11,663
You could be suspended for that.
He could think you're the mole!
71
00:03:11,747 --> 00:03:12,891
[GROANING] Not so loud.
72
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:15,252
[LOUDLY] Yes Amy, I
do drink from the bowl.
73
00:03:15,669 --> 00:03:16,711
Definitely pulled that off.
74
00:03:16,795 --> 00:03:19,255
Look, I need to get those files.
Can you please give me a ride?
75
00:03:19,339 --> 00:03:22,635
Fine, I'll get my stuff, but this
better not bite me in the ass.
76
00:03:22,719 --> 00:03:24,470
"Better Not Bite Me in the Ass"
is the name of your sex tape,
77
00:03:24,554 --> 00:03:26,854
but seriously, thank you
so much for your help.
78
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:29,351
Peralta, how'd it go with Miller?
79
00:03:29,435 --> 00:03:30,685
Fantastic. He loved me.
80
00:03:30,769 --> 00:03:33,396
I would give you more details
but someone just came in to
81
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,483
try and find her Dalmatian coat.
82
00:03:36,776 --> 00:03:38,361
Hello, Raymond.
83
00:03:38,445 --> 00:03:42,449
Madeline. I had wondered why all
the birds had suddenly stopped singing.
84
00:03:42,533 --> 00:03:43,575
What brings you here?
85
00:03:43,659 --> 00:03:45,911
I heard you were under
investigation by Internal Affairs,
86
00:03:45,995 --> 00:03:47,037
didn't want to miss that.
87
00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:48,747
So much time with your
ear to the pavement,
88
00:03:48,831 --> 00:03:51,542
it's a pity a truck hasn't
run over your head.
89
00:03:51,626 --> 00:03:52,877
Very visual.
90
00:03:52,961 --> 00:03:56,882
When, oh, when will you quit police
work and pursue your dream of poetry?
91
00:03:56,966 --> 00:03:59,051
I'm looking for Detective Scully.
92
00:03:59,135 --> 00:04:02,638
You must be from IAB I'm Deputy
Chief Wuntch, nice to meet you.
93
00:04:03,891 --> 00:04:06,643
If you have a minute, I'd love a
detailed report of this investigation.
94
00:04:06,727 --> 00:04:10,981
IAB exists outside of department
hierarchy. I don't answer to you.
95
00:04:11,065 --> 00:04:12,525
Detective Scully, you're up.
96
00:04:12,609 --> 00:04:15,194
Oh, wow, okay, um…
97
00:04:15,278 --> 00:04:18,240
No.
You know, we'll do this over the phone.
98
00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:21,326
Oh, Raymond.
An Internal Affairs investigation?
99
00:04:21,410 --> 00:04:23,912
A Drug Task Force that
hasn't found any drugs?
100
00:04:23,996 --> 00:04:25,707
This precinct's a disaster.
101
00:04:25,791 --> 00:04:27,709
Maybe that's why the
birds stopped singing…
102
00:04:27,793 --> 00:04:29,919
Out of respect for the
death of your career.
103
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,296
Goodbye, Raymond.
104
00:04:33,591 --> 00:04:35,866
Detective Diaz, can
you give me even a shred
105
00:04:35,950 --> 00:04:38,095
of good news about your Drug Task Force?
106
00:04:38,179 --> 00:04:40,932
The good news is I can be brief about it.
We have nothing.
107
00:04:41,016 --> 00:04:44,269
Sorry, I had to talk my twins
into getting their hair done.
108
00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:48,607
There are some promises involving
lollipops I do not intend to keep.
109
00:04:48,691 --> 00:04:50,860
The Task Force has made some busts,
110
00:04:50,944 --> 00:04:54,448
but we still haven't found any
high-level dealers or major drug stashes.
111
00:04:54,532 --> 00:04:55,615
But we will soon.
112
00:04:55,699 --> 00:04:59,870
Is that a promise? Or just another
lollipop that no one's ever gonna lick?
113
00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:04,041
Wuntch is waiting for this Task
Force to fail. I need tangible results.
114
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:08,046
Sarge and I are going undercover
at Electric Library. It's a silent disco.
115
00:05:08,171 --> 00:05:10,632
Everyone wears headphones. It's
actually very respectful to the neighbors
116
00:05:10,716 --> 00:05:12,134
except for the lewd acts and vomiting.
117
00:05:12,218 --> 00:05:14,250
There's usually some
ecstasy at these things
118
00:05:14,334 --> 00:05:16,306
so hopefully, we'll find some giggle pig.
119
00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:18,890
Great, I hope there's a
lot of drug activity there.
120
00:05:20,185 --> 00:05:23,981
Of course, ideally, there will
be nobody taking drugs there
121
00:05:24,065 --> 00:05:26,859
or anywhere else in the district,
but if drugs must be found,
122
00:05:26,943 --> 00:05:30,446
let it be there.
Please God, let it be there.
123
00:05:31,198 --> 00:05:32,533
Trunk!
124
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:35,244
[GRUNTING]
125
00:05:36,453 --> 00:05:38,415
All right, that's it.
126
00:05:39,416 --> 00:05:43,461
One box of files and one box of
powdered doughnuts from under my bed.
127
00:05:43,545 --> 00:05:44,796
Oh cool, can I see those?
128
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,674
Yeah, sure. Thanks.
129
00:05:47,258 --> 00:05:48,592
PERALTA: Whoa! No, no, no!
130
00:05:48,676 --> 00:05:49,718
This is a new car.
131
00:05:49,802 --> 00:05:51,970
I won't have you Jake it
up with doughnut powder.
132
00:05:52,054 --> 00:05:53,098
[SCOFFING]
133
00:05:53,515 --> 00:05:56,059
I hate to say it, but we still
need to make one more stop.
134
00:05:56,143 --> 00:05:59,270
There's still some files at my
old place, AKA Gina's apartment.
135
00:05:59,354 --> 00:06:02,024
[GROANING] Fine, I'll call her.
136
00:06:02,108 --> 00:06:04,652
Wow, there's so many fancy
buttons on your steering wheel.
137
00:06:04,736 --> 00:06:07,072
It's like a spy car, that's cool.
Here, let me call her.
138
00:06:07,156 --> 00:06:08,532
-JAKE: Yeah.
-[BEEPING]
139
00:06:08,616 --> 00:06:11,535
-[DEEP VOICE] Car, call Gina Linetti.
-[PHONE RINGING]
140
00:06:11,619 --> 00:06:13,745
What is that voice? It's my spy voice.
141
00:06:13,829 --> 00:06:15,999
[DEEP VOICE] Car, initiate ghost mode.
142
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:17,792
That's a seat warmer.
143
00:06:17,876 --> 00:06:20,336
Wow, that's even better than rockets.
My butt gets very cold.
144
00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:22,256
GINA [ON PHONE]: It's Gina's
phone, leave me a voice mail.
145
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,633
I won't check it 'cause it's not 1993.
146
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:25,926
We should go there anyways.
147
00:06:26,010 --> 00:06:27,719
Her phone's probably off
because of dance rehearsal.
148
00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:30,014
God, this IAB guy is ruining my life.
149
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,393
But I do have some
good news in three, two…
150
00:06:33,477 --> 00:06:34,561
Pocket doughnut!
151
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:35,771
No!
152
00:06:36,648 --> 00:06:37,941
It's everywhere.
153
00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:39,734
Back up.
154
00:06:41,653 --> 00:06:43,905
[KNOCKING] Gina? Open up.
155
00:06:43,989 --> 00:06:45,782
[MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
156
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:48,493
[SIGHING] Well, luckily, I still
have a key from when I lived here.
157
00:06:48,577 --> 00:06:51,247
Hmm. [CLEARING THROAT] Here we go.
158
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:54,625
[GASPING]
159
00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:56,461
BOTH: Oh, my God!
160
00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:58,673
[SCREAMING]
161
00:06:58,798 --> 00:06:59,840
Oh, God!
162
00:07:01,801 --> 00:07:03,678
What is going on?
163
00:07:04,762 --> 00:07:06,055
Gina and I are casual lovers.
164
00:07:06,139 --> 00:07:07,181
[GROANING] Ick.
165
00:07:07,265 --> 00:07:08,308
Ew.
166
00:07:08,392 --> 00:07:09,809
How long has this been going on?
167
00:07:09,893 --> 00:07:12,083
We hooked up once
last summer and then the
168
00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:14,440
nightmare started
again about a month ago.
169
00:07:14,524 --> 00:07:16,025
Ever since then, it's been orgasm-city.
170
00:07:16,109 --> 00:07:17,151
[GROANING] Ick.
171
00:07:17,235 --> 00:07:19,403
Ew. Ugh, gross. Right, guys?
172
00:07:19,487 --> 00:07:22,115
Wait a minute, you lied to me?
173
00:07:22,199 --> 00:07:24,826
There was no pizza-for-one
cooking class tonight.
174
00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:26,610
You've been lying to me for weeks!
175
00:07:26,745 --> 00:07:29,874
Oh, I can't tonight. I'm teaching
inner city kids to make candles.
176
00:07:29,958 --> 00:07:32,794
Ooh, sorry, I'm going
to a prenatal yoga class.
177
00:07:33,128 --> 00:07:35,548
No can do.
Going to my adult tumbling class.
178
00:07:36,007 --> 00:07:37,799
Yes, Jake, those were lies,
179
00:07:37,883 --> 00:07:40,093
but the way you looked at me
when you thought I was a gymnast
180
00:07:40,177 --> 00:07:41,261
made me wish it were true.
181
00:07:41,345 --> 00:07:44,724
You came into work with
chalk on your hands, Boyle.
182
00:07:44,808 --> 00:07:46,559
I don't even know you anymore.
183
00:07:46,643 --> 00:07:49,688
I'm leaving. I just gotta
get some old case files first.
184
00:07:49,772 --> 00:07:52,524
Don't be mad, Jake, you still know me.
185
00:07:52,608 --> 00:07:55,778
I'm still Charles.
I just have four extra sex moves.
186
00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:57,822
Five. I forgot about boy on top.
187
00:07:57,906 --> 00:07:58,949
-Ugh!
-SANTIAGO: Ick.
188
00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:00,116
GINA: Ew.
189
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:02,250
[TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH HEADPHONES]
190
00:08:03,913 --> 00:08:04,997
[MUSIC STOPS]
191
00:08:05,081 --> 00:08:06,248
[MUSIC RESUMES]
192
00:08:06,332 --> 00:08:07,417
[MUSIC STOPS]
193
00:08:09,878 --> 00:08:11,338
[MUSIC RESUMES]
194
00:08:12,465 --> 00:08:14,759
Terry. Terry.
195
00:08:15,176 --> 00:08:18,054
I can't believe they
call this a silent disco.
196
00:08:18,138 --> 00:08:19,764
This is not a disco.
197
00:08:19,848 --> 00:08:21,898
And I should know, I was raised on disco.
198
00:08:22,017 --> 00:08:25,688
[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
199
00:08:26,022 --> 00:08:28,691
Little Terry loved the Hustle.
200
00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:31,151
Excuse me, can I get a bottle of water?
201
00:08:31,235 --> 00:08:33,613
Good move, Giggle
dehydrates the hell out of you.
202
00:08:33,697 --> 00:08:36,533
Yeah, I don't do that stuff.
I don't even drink.
203
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:39,536
Hey, your shirt.
My daughters go to The Learning Grove.
204
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,205
Did you get that from a
vintage store or something?
205
00:08:41,289 --> 00:08:43,792
No, I went there.
I was in the Dolphins class.
206
00:08:44,209 --> 00:08:46,127
And you don't do drugs or drink.
207
00:08:46,211 --> 00:08:48,047
Have a water on the house.
208
00:08:50,216 --> 00:08:51,258
Well, she was useless.
209
00:08:51,342 --> 00:08:53,635
Not entirely, I learned that
my babies are on the right track
210
00:08:53,719 --> 00:08:55,680
because their preschool
turns out nice kids.
211
00:08:55,764 --> 00:08:58,864
Yeah, I can't wait to tell Holt
that at the Task Force meeting.
212
00:08:59,392 --> 00:09:03,648
Now, let's go look for some bad
kids that went to sub-par preschools.
213
00:09:05,108 --> 00:09:06,442
That was insane.
214
00:09:06,526 --> 00:09:08,318
I mean, who else is hooking
up that we don't know about?
215
00:09:08,402 --> 00:09:11,156
Rosa and Terry? Holt and Scully?
You and Hitchcock?
216
00:09:11,824 --> 00:09:13,450
You need to forget about Charles, okay?
217
00:09:13,534 --> 00:09:15,118
You need to get inside
and put those files back.
218
00:09:15,202 --> 00:09:16,328
Fine.
219
00:09:16,412 --> 00:09:18,330
Wait, wait, wait. Why'd I get Hitchcock?
220
00:09:18,414 --> 00:09:20,249
Because you're the girl version of him.
221
00:09:20,333 --> 00:09:22,793
[GASPS] Thanks again for all your help.
Okay, bye.
222
00:09:22,877 --> 00:09:23,963
Wha…
223
00:09:24,588 --> 00:09:27,299
Hey, Captain. Mind if we sit?
224
00:09:28,092 --> 00:09:29,677
Is everything okay?
225
00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:32,556
Nothing's okay.
226
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:38,104
Wuntch circling me like
a shark frenzied by chum,
227
00:09:39,105 --> 00:09:42,524
the Task Force turning into a
career threatening quagmire,
228
00:09:42,608 --> 00:09:45,779
an Internal Affairs investigation
casting doubt upon my integrity.
229
00:09:45,863 --> 00:09:48,656
And you ask, "Is everything okay?"
230
00:09:48,740 --> 00:09:51,367
I am buffeted by the
winds of my foes' enmity,
231
00:09:51,451 --> 00:09:55,707
and cast about by the
towering waves of cruel fate.
232
00:09:56,249 --> 00:10:00,253
Yet I, a captain, am no longer
able to command my vessel,
233
00:10:00,337 --> 00:10:03,006
my precinct, from my
customary helm, my office.
234
00:10:03,090 --> 00:10:05,717
And you ask, "Is everything okay?"
235
00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:09,263
I've worked the better part of my years
on Earth overcoming every prejudice
236
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:11,015
and fighting for the position I hold,
237
00:10:11,099 --> 00:10:14,604
and now I feel it being
ripped from my grasp,
238
00:10:15,313 --> 00:10:21,235
and with it, the very essence
of what defines me as a man.
239
00:10:23,655 --> 00:10:27,784
And you ask… "Is everything okay?"
240
00:10:30,830 --> 00:10:33,332
Yeah, I hear you.
241
00:10:33,416 --> 00:10:36,253
My dog has taken over my favorite chair.
242
00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:38,714
It's like, how did it all slip away?
243
00:10:41,717 --> 00:10:43,553
Gentlemen.
244
00:10:44,888 --> 00:10:45,972
GINA: Damn it, Charles.
245
00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:49,100
This is a crisis. Step one, termination.
246
00:10:49,184 --> 00:10:51,019
You and I will never touch again.
247
00:10:51,103 --> 00:10:54,690
Damn. If I'd known it was our last
time, I would have moaned more.
248
00:10:54,774 --> 00:10:57,067
Step two, containment.
249
00:10:57,151 --> 00:11:00,155
We need to make sure
that no one else finds out.
250
00:11:00,239 --> 00:11:02,657
Yeah, Jake won't tell
anyone if I ask him not to.
251
00:11:02,741 --> 00:11:04,409
I'll handle him. You take care of Amy.
252
00:11:04,493 --> 00:11:06,453
But how to make it look like an accident?
253
00:11:06,537 --> 00:11:09,498
I'm not saying murder, just
talk to her like a normal person.
254
00:11:09,582 --> 00:11:12,460
Right, even better.
Get her to tell me all her little secrets.
255
00:11:12,544 --> 00:11:15,544
Then if she tries anything…
[GRUNTING] We can destroy her.
256
00:11:24,182 --> 00:11:25,266
Hello, Peralta.
257
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:26,851
Oh, my God! Hi.
258
00:11:26,935 --> 00:11:28,187
What's going on here?
259
00:11:28,271 --> 00:11:31,607
Funny story.
I took these files home a while ago,
260
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:35,069
even though I shouldn't have,
and now I'm bringing them back.
261
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:38,031
Isn't that funny?
Are you laughing behind the mask?
262
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,284
No.
263
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,250
Kev! Jake, it's after midnight.
264
00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:49,628
This had better be about a murder.
265
00:11:49,712 --> 00:11:53,632
No, I wish. Look, I'm really sorry,
but I have to talk to Captain Holt.
266
00:11:53,716 --> 00:11:55,592
Raymond, your work life is here.
267
00:11:55,676 --> 00:11:57,637
Please come in. Take off your shoes.
268
00:11:57,721 --> 00:11:59,889
Neither of us want that.
269
00:12:00,765 --> 00:12:04,269
What is going on, Peralta?
This has been a long day.
270
00:12:04,353 --> 00:12:07,356
Well, IAB caught me
returning some classified files
271
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,983
and I am now the prime
suspect in the mole investigation,
272
00:12:10,067 --> 00:12:11,736
and Miller said I would be
suspended in the morning.
273
00:12:11,820 --> 00:12:16,199
But more importantly, what does
the "J" stand for? James? John.
274
00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:17,910
Jojo?
275
00:12:17,994 --> 00:12:20,329
My middle name is more important
to you than being suspended?
276
00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:22,122
If it's Jojo, yes.
277
00:12:22,206 --> 00:12:24,959
Look, I came here because
we have to figure this thing out.
278
00:12:25,043 --> 00:12:26,962
Miller is sure there's
a mole in the precinct
279
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:29,714
and the only way to prove it's
not me is to figure out who it is.
280
00:12:29,798 --> 00:12:30,840
You said there was no mole.
281
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,010
You said you knew
everything about these people.
282
00:12:33,094 --> 00:12:34,845
Well, it turns out I don't.
283
00:12:34,929 --> 00:12:37,098
I've learned some truly
horrible things tonight.
284
00:12:37,182 --> 00:12:38,732
You were right and I was wrong.
285
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:41,520
Goodness. Boyle is sleeping with Gina?
286
00:12:41,604 --> 00:12:43,814
What? How could you possibly know that?
287
00:12:43,898 --> 00:12:45,524
"You were right and I was wrong."
288
00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:47,819
You must have been shaken
to your core to say that to me.
289
00:12:47,903 --> 00:12:50,697
Boyle is your most trusted
friend, so he has to be involved.
290
00:12:50,781 --> 00:12:53,992
Your use of the word "horrible" leads
me to believe that the matter was sexual
291
00:12:54,076 --> 00:12:56,245
in nature given your obvious immaturity.
292
00:12:56,329 --> 00:12:57,705
[SCOFFS] I've had sex.
293
00:12:57,789 --> 00:13:00,708
And, of course, you would
be most upset if Boyle were to
294
00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:02,544
have slept with someone
you knew from your childhood,
295
00:13:02,628 --> 00:13:06,131
thus the solve. Gina and Charles.
296
00:13:06,215 --> 00:13:07,632
That was amazing.
297
00:13:07,716 --> 00:13:10,804
Come into my study.
Let's figure out who that mole is.
298
00:13:11,513 --> 00:13:13,180
I took all the Giggle I had,
299
00:13:13,264 --> 00:13:16,393
but there might be some left in
my mouth if you want to make out.
300
00:13:16,477 --> 00:13:20,063
That sounds amazing. I'd love to
make out with you once I'm super high.
301
00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:21,232
Where can I get some?
302
00:13:21,524 --> 00:13:23,943
That girl over there sold it to me.
303
00:13:24,027 --> 00:13:27,530
What happened, Ava? I thought
you said you didn't drink or do drugs?
304
00:13:27,614 --> 00:13:30,534
I don't. Do you know how much
math is involved in dealing drugs?
305
00:13:30,618 --> 00:13:31,660
You gotta keep a clear head.
306
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:35,497
Look, this doesn't have to be a big deal,
just give us the name of your supplier.
307
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:36,874
How'd you get involved in dealing Giggle?
308
00:13:36,958 --> 00:13:39,878
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
We gotta back this up.
309
00:13:39,962 --> 00:13:42,881
After preschool, did you go to
private or public elementary?
310
00:13:42,965 --> 00:13:44,924
-Private.
-JEFFORDS: When were you potty trained?
311
00:13:45,008 --> 00:13:47,720
That's so random. Sarge. The giggle pig.
312
00:13:47,846 --> 00:13:50,097
All right, let's go through
the squad one by one.
313
00:13:50,181 --> 00:13:53,602
Rosa is very secretive. I don't
know anything about her personal life.
314
00:13:53,686 --> 00:13:55,645
Charles has expensive tastes.
315
00:13:55,729 --> 00:13:57,064
Gina has said many times
316
00:13:57,148 --> 00:13:59,776
that she would sell us all out
for five minutes with Blake Griffin.
317
00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:02,779
Let's see, Terry wants to
send his twins to private school,
318
00:14:02,863 --> 00:14:04,447
but on his salary, that's difficult.
319
00:14:04,531 --> 00:14:07,952
Mmm. Plus, with twins,
one of them is always evil.
320
00:14:09,203 --> 00:14:10,371
So, it's Cagney.
321
00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:14,918
Gina, is everything okay?
You never text me.
322
00:14:15,043 --> 00:14:18,046
Look, last message I got
from you was August 3rd, 2009.
323
00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:21,675
You wrote, "Sup, Rosa?"
Followed by, "Never mind."
324
00:14:21,759 --> 00:14:25,179
It's over between me and Charles.
I'm so upset.
325
00:14:25,263 --> 00:14:27,582
Amy, when will I ever find a relationship
326
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:30,186
as perfect as the one
you have with Freddy?
327
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:33,605
It's Teddy and it's not perfect.
Believe me.
328
00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:36,234
All his underwear are lined
with mesh like a bathing suit.
329
00:14:36,318 --> 00:14:38,444
Is it medical? How do you even ask that?
330
00:14:38,528 --> 00:14:40,572
I don't know but keep talking.
331
00:14:41,198 --> 00:14:43,492
PERALTA: What else? What else? What else?
332
00:14:43,576 --> 00:14:45,411
[SNAPPING FINGERS] Wait a minute.
333
00:14:45,495 --> 00:14:47,830
One time, I saw Rosa eating watermelon,
334
00:14:47,914 --> 00:14:49,790
but then, when I asked her about it,
335
00:14:49,874 --> 00:14:53,002
she said she'd never eaten
that or any other kind of melon.
336
00:14:53,086 --> 00:14:54,879
Now that I say it out loud,
it doesn't seem like much.
337
00:14:54,963 --> 00:14:57,926
No, put it on the board. Oh!
338
00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:00,052
PERALTA: Hey, check it out.
339
00:15:00,136 --> 00:15:05,142
Dog bra. Dog bra.
340
00:15:05,434 --> 00:15:08,479
Uh, I'm so tired I can't
keep my eyes open.
341
00:15:09,021 --> 00:15:10,897
Here, I need you to slap me.
342
00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:12,400
I'm not gonna do that, Peralta.
343
00:15:12,484 --> 00:15:15,153
Ow! [GROANING]
344
00:15:15,237 --> 00:15:17,989
I thought perhaps the
element of surprise would help.
345
00:15:18,073 --> 00:15:19,115
It did.
346
00:15:19,199 --> 00:15:22,077
PERALTA [GROANING]: I can't believe
we can't figure out who the mole is.
347
00:15:22,161 --> 00:15:25,205
Well, there is someone
we haven't talked about yet.
348
00:15:25,289 --> 00:15:26,665
Detective Jake Peralta.
349
00:15:26,749 --> 00:15:30,920
What? Someone's got a
case of the sleepover jokies.
350
00:15:31,004 --> 00:15:32,213
Why would I be the mole?
351
00:15:32,297 --> 00:15:35,634
You were just caught sneaking
classified material into the precinct.
352
00:15:35,718 --> 00:15:40,639
You spent six months undercover in the
mafia and have many criminal contacts.
353
00:15:40,723 --> 00:15:43,393
You've been known to flaunt
departmental rules and regulations
354
00:15:43,477 --> 00:15:45,354
and you are deeply in debt.
355
00:15:45,646 --> 00:15:48,589
Well, if you hadn't
tricked me into getting
356
00:15:48,673 --> 00:15:51,278
car insurance, I wouldn't be in debt.
357
00:15:52,028 --> 00:15:55,531
You want to do me?
I'll do you right back, tit for toot.
358
00:15:55,615 --> 00:15:58,744
I've been on the force for 30 years and
I've never been accused of impropriety.
359
00:15:58,828 --> 00:16:00,120
Oh, is that a fact?
360
00:16:00,204 --> 00:16:02,789
Because I heard you call Deputy
Chief Wuntch by her first name,
361
00:16:02,873 --> 00:16:05,752
and after that, you told her you
hoped she got carried off by crows.
362
00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:07,378
That is gross insubordination.
363
00:16:07,462 --> 00:16:09,047
Madeline is irrelevant.
364
00:16:09,131 --> 00:16:13,010
Our battles extend beyond
the confines of NYPD rules.
365
00:16:13,094 --> 00:16:14,845
You're being ridiculous. Am I?
366
00:16:14,929 --> 00:16:16,106
If you're such a great cop, how come you
367
00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:17,640
didn't know there was
a mole in your precinct?
368
00:16:17,724 --> 00:16:20,810
That's right, because you did!
Because you are the mole, you mole!
369
00:16:20,894 --> 00:16:22,437
I've heard enough.
370
00:16:22,521 --> 00:16:25,942
Please return your guest pajamas,
guest toothbrush and guest slippers,
371
00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,818
and get out of here.
372
00:16:27,902 --> 00:16:30,238
It's time for you to be suspended.
373
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,662
Peralta, shouldn't you
be suspended by now?
374
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,705
Yes, and I know that
you're mad that I'm here,
375
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:42,126
but you're about to get over it
because I know who the mole is.
376
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,588
Lieutenant Miller.
I don't think he's with IAB at all.
377
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,341
I think he's spying for Wuntch.
378
00:16:47,425 --> 00:16:49,093
Wuntch? You said it yourself.
379
00:16:49,177 --> 00:16:52,012
Your battles extend beyond
the confines of NYPD rules.
380
00:16:52,096 --> 00:16:55,350
She wants information about your
Task Force but she can't get access,
381
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:56,977
so she sent in a spy.
382
00:16:57,061 --> 00:16:59,521
That's why Miller was
skulking around the file room
383
00:16:59,605 --> 00:17:01,231
when I was supposed
to be the only skulker.
384
00:17:01,315 --> 00:17:04,569
That's interesting. I did notice something
odd when he and Wuntch first met.
385
00:17:04,653 --> 00:17:07,703
She just nodded at him.
She didn't even try to shake his hand.
386
00:17:10,826 --> 00:17:15,539
She already knew he was a
germaphobe because they'd met before.
387
00:17:15,623 --> 00:17:17,041
Yes. Unfortunately,
388
00:17:17,125 --> 00:17:19,460
we don't have any hard proof
that they're working together.
389
00:17:19,544 --> 00:17:23,131
Well, lucky for you,
proof is my middle name.
390
00:17:24,425 --> 00:17:27,637
And yours is Jared. Juicebox.
391
00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:30,724
Jellyfish. [GASPING] Jamiroquai.
392
00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:34,728
Lieutenant Miller.
393
00:17:34,812 --> 00:17:36,229
What do you want, Peralta?
394
00:17:36,313 --> 00:17:37,481
I want to play ball.
395
00:17:37,606 --> 00:17:40,568
Clear my name and I'll give you
information about Captain Holt.
396
00:17:40,652 --> 00:17:43,029
Well, I'm interested.
What kind of information?
397
00:17:43,488 --> 00:17:45,490
It's all on this.
398
00:17:45,574 --> 00:17:48,828
Pretty dope drive, right?
It's a USB shaped like a gun.
399
00:17:49,161 --> 00:17:50,204
Boink.
400
00:17:52,374 --> 00:17:55,460
All right, I'll give it to my
superiors and I'll be in contact.
401
00:17:55,544 --> 00:17:58,546
Hey, I know you only wanted to
hang out last night so you could
402
00:17:58,630 --> 00:17:59,673
find out dirt on me.
403
00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:01,592
What? Uh-uh.
404
00:18:01,676 --> 00:18:03,678
Look,
405
00:18:03,970 --> 00:18:05,137
you don't have to be worried.
406
00:18:05,221 --> 00:18:07,932
I will never tell anyone
about you and Charles,
407
00:18:08,016 --> 00:18:10,769
but honestly, it's not as
embarrassing as you think.
408
00:18:10,853 --> 00:18:14,691
It was shocking, but then I got
over it and it seemed normal,
409
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,778
except for seeing how
hairless Charles' legs are.
410
00:18:18,862 --> 00:18:20,321
I mean, does he shave them?
411
00:18:20,405 --> 00:18:22,324
No, he wears really cheap pants
412
00:18:22,408 --> 00:18:25,118
and as far as I can tell,
he's been chafed smooth.
413
00:18:25,202 --> 00:18:26,286
Yikes.
414
00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:28,497
Imagine that wrapped around you. Okay.
415
00:18:29,666 --> 00:18:32,460
Okay, I could get in
a lot of trouble for this,
416
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:35,422
but the big secret about Captain Holt is…
417
00:18:36,215 --> 00:18:39,135
That I have a flair for the dramatic.
418
00:18:39,427 --> 00:18:41,053
Look behind you, Madeline.
419
00:18:42,638 --> 00:18:43,973
[HOLT CLEARING THROAT]
420
00:18:44,057 --> 00:18:45,642
PERALTA: We're actually in front of you.
421
00:18:45,726 --> 00:18:47,852
That's my fault. I thought the
layout was gonna be different.
422
00:18:47,936 --> 00:18:50,021
Didn't know how you guys were
gonna be sitting. I took a chance.
423
00:18:50,105 --> 00:18:53,484
Miller may be in Internal Affairs,
but he wasn't here on official business.
424
00:18:53,568 --> 00:18:54,944
You sent him to spy on us.
425
00:18:55,028 --> 00:18:59,116
That's a flagrant ethics violation,
Madeline, and it could sink you.
426
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,535
Fine, you're right.
But you can't prove that.
427
00:19:01,619 --> 00:19:03,453
It's just your word against mine.
428
00:19:03,537 --> 00:19:06,625
Ooh, actually it's your word against you.
429
00:19:07,375 --> 00:19:08,835
Pardon me.
430
00:19:08,919 --> 00:19:13,173
I put a recording device in this dope
drive so I got your whole conversation.
431
00:19:13,257 --> 00:19:16,009
You're going to leave my
precinct and my Task Force alone
432
00:19:16,093 --> 00:19:20,098
or else you're… Wuntchmeat.
433
00:19:21,308 --> 00:19:22,684
You sure you want to go with that one?
434
00:19:22,768 --> 00:19:24,102
Absolutely, it's hilarious.
435
00:19:24,186 --> 00:19:25,270
Oh. All right.
436
00:19:25,354 --> 00:19:28,023
Hey, I'm sorry about last night.
437
00:19:28,107 --> 00:19:29,942
I let my personal stuff affect the job.
438
00:19:30,026 --> 00:19:32,027
It's okay. No, it's not.
439
00:19:32,111 --> 00:19:34,114
This morning, I did
some real police work.
440
00:19:34,198 --> 00:19:35,741
I called The Learning Grove.
441
00:19:35,825 --> 00:19:39,202
They never had an Ava
Watson so I faxed them a picture.
442
00:19:39,286 --> 00:19:41,581
They identified her as Rebecca Lubbock.
443
00:19:41,665 --> 00:19:44,096
I pulled her phone records and I think we
444
00:19:44,180 --> 00:19:46,878
have some good leads
on a possible supplier.
445
00:19:46,962 --> 00:19:48,756
Wow, nice work.
446
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:51,300
And hey, you should
never worry about your kids.
447
00:19:51,384 --> 00:19:53,093
You're the best dad I know.
448
00:19:53,177 --> 00:19:54,720
Cagney and Lacey are gonna grow up great.
449
00:19:54,804 --> 00:19:56,431
You think so? 100%.
450
00:19:56,515 --> 00:19:57,682
You're right.
451
00:19:57,766 --> 00:19:59,517
They're gonna be twin presidents.
452
00:19:59,601 --> 00:20:01,686
They'll either run as one
person and trick everyone,
453
00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:05,024
or they'll run as two and
serve for 16 consecutive years.
454
00:20:05,942 --> 00:20:07,944
It's a damn dynasty.
455
00:20:08,486 --> 00:20:10,405
Excuse me.
I have an announcement to make.
456
00:20:10,489 --> 00:20:12,491
Can I have everyone's attention, please?
457
00:20:13,284 --> 00:20:14,993
Charles Boyle and I had sex.
458
00:20:15,077 --> 00:20:18,080
What the hell? Gina, what are you doing?
459
00:20:18,164 --> 00:20:20,583
Amy was right. People will be
shocked and then they'll get over it
460
00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:21,834
and we can move on.
461
00:20:21,918 --> 00:20:24,420
At least this way, I get
to control how it gets out.
462
00:20:24,504 --> 00:20:26,381
I'm about to Olivia Pope this sitch.
463
00:20:26,465 --> 00:20:30,844
First off, I would like to remind you all
about several notable men from my past.
464
00:20:30,928 --> 00:20:33,765
The rock climbing backpacker,
the underwear model,
465
00:20:33,849 --> 00:20:35,767
the guy who looked like Tywin Lannister.
466
00:20:35,851 --> 00:20:39,980
I bring these men to mind so you can
appreciate this dalliance for what it was,
467
00:20:40,064 --> 00:20:41,190
an outlier.
468
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,775
I will now take questions.
469
00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:44,777
How was the sex? Gross.
470
00:20:44,861 --> 00:20:46,237
The sex was gross or I'm gross?
471
00:20:46,321 --> 00:20:48,281
You're gross. The sex was adequate.
472
00:20:48,365 --> 00:20:49,699
How many times did you do it?
473
00:20:49,783 --> 00:20:52,369
Sixteen and a third.
Don't ask. Can't explain.
474
00:20:52,453 --> 00:20:55,373
I have a question.
Do you have any regrets?
475
00:20:56,583 --> 00:20:58,752
No, it was pretty fun.
476
00:21:00,754 --> 00:21:01,839
[MOUTHING]
477
00:21:02,298 --> 00:21:04,466
Thank you so much for coming out today.
478
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:07,094
Hey, I should have
said this last night but,
479
00:21:07,178 --> 00:21:09,722
your first casual relationship!
Nice work.
480
00:21:09,806 --> 00:21:11,856
I know.
I didn't even propose to her once.
481
00:21:12,643 --> 00:21:14,602
Jake, I'm so sorry I lied to you.
482
00:21:14,686 --> 00:21:16,397
I mean, I wanted to tell you so badly,
483
00:21:16,481 --> 00:21:17,815
but I promised Gina
I wouldn't tell anyone.
484
00:21:17,899 --> 00:21:19,233
You kept a promise to a friend.
485
00:21:19,317 --> 00:21:21,318
That sounds like the Charles I know.
486
00:21:21,402 --> 00:21:23,989
Just like I know everyone here.
487
00:21:24,073 --> 00:21:25,115
Yes, you do.
488
00:21:25,199 --> 00:21:27,799
Although there is something
you didn't know about me.
489
00:21:28,661 --> 00:21:32,707
My middle name is Jacob.
490
00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,542
Wha…