1
00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:04,264
For you.
2
00:00:05,265 --> 00:00:06,349
And you.
3
00:00:07,099 --> 00:00:08,392
And you.
4
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:09,518
What are these?
5
00:00:09,602 --> 00:00:11,937
These, madam, are STDs.
6
00:00:13,938 --> 00:00:14,938
What are you talking about, buddy?
7
00:00:15,022 --> 00:00:18,190
STDs. Save the dates.
For Vivian and my wedding.
8
00:00:18,274 --> 00:00:21,235
Ah, yes. Hey, just out of curiosity,
9
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,152
how many people have you given STDs to?
10
00:00:23,236 --> 00:00:25,072
Lots. Like, 100.
11
00:00:25,237 --> 00:00:26,238
[ALL LAUGHING]
12
00:00:26,405 --> 00:00:29,949
What's going on? Uh… Oh, okay, I get it.
13
00:00:30,033 --> 00:00:31,993
STD has another meaning. That.
14
00:00:32,077 --> 00:00:34,369
You're gross.
No one else is going to think that.
15
00:00:34,453 --> 00:00:36,246
Everyone is going to think that.
16
00:00:36,330 --> 00:00:37,830
But it's sweet that your
mind didn't go there.
17
00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:39,665
Thank you. It is kind of sweet.
18
00:00:39,749 --> 00:00:42,125
Will your first dance be
to, You Give Me Fever?
19
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,793
Will you be serving
crabs at the reception?
20
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,210
Do you have herpes?
21
00:00:45,294 --> 00:00:48,629
Guys, this is my wedding.
This is important to me. No more jokes.
22
00:00:48,713 --> 00:00:50,213
You're right, and we're sorry.
23
00:00:50,674 --> 00:00:52,841
SANTIAGO: Yes.
We love you, buddy, warts and all.
24
00:00:52,925 --> 00:00:54,425
Sorry. I made a rash decision.
25
00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:57,261
I was itching to say it.
Okay, I'm done. [LAUGHING]
26
00:00:57,887 --> 00:00:59,013
I have an STD.
27
00:01:01,890 --> 00:01:02,974
So, just RSVP, or…
28
00:01:03,058 --> 00:01:05,142
-Yeah, the number's right on there.
-SANTIAGO: Great.
29
00:01:05,226 --> 00:01:07,227
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
30
00:01:25,783 --> 00:01:27,825
Whoo! Happy Tactical Village Day.
31
00:01:27,909 --> 00:01:32,162
Happy Tactical Village Day.
32
00:01:32,413 --> 00:01:33,996
Peralta, I'm surprised to
see you so excited about
33
00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,040
departmentally mandated
training exercises.
34
00:01:36,124 --> 00:01:37,874
It's the most fun day of the year.
35
00:01:37,958 --> 00:01:39,334
Something you wouldn't understand
36
00:01:39,418 --> 00:01:41,001
because you're not
programmed to feel joy.
37
00:01:41,085 --> 00:01:43,003
Yes. But my software is due
38
00:01:43,087 --> 00:01:44,171
for an exuberance upgrade.
39
00:01:44,255 --> 00:01:45,296
You know, when you play along
40
00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:47,465
with the robot jokes, it kind
of ruins my enjoyment of them.
41
00:01:47,549 --> 00:01:48,550
Yes, I know.
42
00:01:48,799 --> 00:01:51,552
Anyways, Tactical Village Day is awesome.
43
00:01:51,802 --> 00:01:53,677
We get to field test a
bunch of cool new weapons,
44
00:01:53,761 --> 00:01:55,512
and there's always a
new training situation.
45
00:01:55,596 --> 00:01:57,013
Last year's was Prison Break.
46
00:01:57,097 --> 00:01:59,266
It got super violent.
47
00:02:03,893 --> 00:02:05,478
It's like being in an action movie.
48
00:02:05,562 --> 00:02:07,063
It's also a good opportunity
49
00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:09,398
for us to let off steam
and bond as a unit.
50
00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:10,840
Everybody gets into it.
51
00:02:11,858 --> 00:02:18,858
I guess I didn't know Get hypnotized
52
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:23,199
I guess I didn't know Get hypnotized
53
00:02:23,283 --> 00:02:24,826
I guess I didn't know
54
00:02:28,996 --> 00:02:31,789
Needless to say, the Nine-Nine
has never had a perfect run.
55
00:02:31,873 --> 00:02:33,457
True, but Jake has been the finalist
56
00:02:33,541 --> 00:02:35,291
for coolest kill two years in a row.
57
00:02:35,375 --> 00:02:36,626
And that's every precinct
58
00:02:36,710 --> 00:02:38,794
sending around their
footage, and all the cops voting.
59
00:02:38,878 --> 00:02:40,379
It's not that big of a deal.
60
00:02:40,463 --> 00:02:43,048
All you win is a children's karate trophy.
So…
61
00:02:44,049 --> 00:02:45,299
You desperately want it, don't you?
62
00:02:45,383 --> 00:02:47,092
So badly. I will stop at nothing
63
00:02:47,176 --> 00:02:48,176
to get that trophy.
64
00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,410
I'll shoot you all in
the face if I have to!
65
00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:52,138
Go, team.
66
00:02:53,764 --> 00:02:54,847
Gina, the DA needs copies
67
00:02:54,931 --> 00:02:56,224
of our interrogation transcripts
68
00:02:56,308 --> 00:02:57,307
from the Adams case.
69
00:02:57,391 --> 00:02:59,141
-[GAME MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE]
-Gina?
70
00:02:59,852 --> 00:03:00,893
Gina.
71
00:03:00,977 --> 00:03:02,562
VOICE: Cupcake Match.
72
00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:07,232
Gina.
73
00:03:08,067 --> 00:03:09,867
Sorry, I was playing Kwazy Cupcakes.
74
00:03:10,193 --> 00:03:14,070
-Crazy Cupcakes?
-Kwazy with a "W." A backwards "W."
75
00:03:14,154 --> 00:03:16,113
There's no such thing as a backwards "W."
[LAUGHS]
76
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:17,948
Yeah, there is. See?
77
00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:19,032
[MUSIC RESUMES]
78
00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:20,449
Okay, how you play. You just line up
79
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:22,786
three cupcakes with
the same color frosting.
80
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,494
Kaboom.
81
00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:27,538
And this little game of yours, it's
more interesting to you than your work?
82
00:03:27,622 --> 00:03:31,416
Yeah, Kwazy Cupcakes is a
lot more interesting than this.
83
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:32,709
Stop saying "kwazy."
84
00:03:33,376 --> 00:03:36,128
And stop playing this inane garbage.
It's embarrassing.
85
00:03:36,212 --> 00:03:37,295
Say it to my face.
86
00:03:37,379 --> 00:03:38,921
I did. You were looking at your phone.
87
00:03:39,005 --> 00:03:40,715
Oh, cool. My B.
88
00:03:41,591 --> 00:03:45,260
Great news. I think I figured out my
persona for this year's tactical village.
89
00:03:45,344 --> 00:03:47,644
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Introducing Rex Buckingham.
90
00:03:48,054 --> 00:03:50,263
British secret agent, ballistics expert,
91
00:03:50,347 --> 00:03:52,474
and ladies' man.
92
00:03:52,849 --> 00:03:54,558
Yeah, because what
woman doesn't love a guy
93
00:03:54,642 --> 00:03:56,101
who's super into make-believe?
94
00:03:56,185 --> 00:03:58,269
[NORMAL ACCENT] This whole
training simulation is make-believe.
95
00:03:58,353 --> 00:03:59,979
We shoot paint at fake, bad guys.
96
00:04:00,063 --> 00:04:01,230
It's called acting.
97
00:04:01,314 --> 00:04:02,772
Tell me how I'm any
different than George Clooney.
98
00:04:02,856 --> 00:04:03,898
He has a sexy voice.
99
00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:05,109
I have a sexy voice.
100
00:04:05,359 --> 00:04:08,611
[IMITATING GEORGE CLOONEY]
Champagne. Mountain Range. Hugs.
101
00:04:09,195 --> 00:04:10,194
Mountain range?
102
00:04:10,278 --> 00:04:11,946
[NORMAL VOICE] I couldn't
think of anything sexy to say.
103
00:04:12,030 --> 00:04:15,240
What? Mountain range is
the sexiest geological feature.
104
00:04:15,324 --> 00:04:17,867
No, wait, sorry. Deep sea trench.
105
00:04:19,202 --> 00:04:20,902
I think I'm gonna go talk to Rosa.
106
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:23,038
You try to think of some sexier words.
107
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:28,126
[IMITATING GEORGE CLOONEY] Jesuit.
Horticulture. Lamb.
108
00:04:28,458 --> 00:04:30,544
What is going on with you two?
109
00:04:30,794 --> 00:04:32,210
[NORMAL VOICE] Oh, come on, Boyle.
Not this again.
110
00:04:32,294 --> 00:04:33,587
You got to admit there's a spark.
111
00:04:33,671 --> 00:04:34,755
How many times do I have to say it?
112
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:35,921
She's like a sister.
113
00:04:36,005 --> 00:04:37,339
That's what Luke said about Leia.
114
00:04:37,423 --> 00:04:39,509
Hey. Luke didn't know! No one knew!
115
00:04:42,136 --> 00:04:44,720
Okay, Stella. All right.
Oh, no, no. No problem.
116
00:04:44,846 --> 00:04:46,180
Okay. All right. Bye.
117
00:04:46,806 --> 00:04:50,016
Damn! Our baby-sitter is busy
the night of Boyle's wedding.
118
00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:51,892
She's going to be in her
high school talent show.
119
00:04:51,976 --> 00:04:54,102
Which she's going to
lose, unless her talent is
120
00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:56,062
leaving potato chip crumbs
all over Terry's couch.
121
00:04:56,146 --> 00:04:57,521
Wait, Boyle set a date already?
122
00:04:57,605 --> 00:04:59,705
Yeah, he gave out
save the dates yesterday.
123
00:05:00,691 --> 00:05:01,841
He didn't give you one?
124
00:05:02,859 --> 00:05:04,359
I think he's been avoiding me.
125
00:05:06,028 --> 00:05:07,028
Hey.
126
00:05:07,863 --> 00:05:09,364
Uh-oh. I hate pizza.
127
00:05:10,072 --> 00:05:11,448
He didn't invite me to his wedding
128
00:05:11,532 --> 00:05:12,949
and he's scared like a little bitch.
129
00:05:13,033 --> 00:05:15,659
Well, maybe Vivian was
uncomfortable with you coming.
130
00:05:15,743 --> 00:05:18,443
Look, Boyle was in love with
you until a few weeks ago.
131
00:05:19,371 --> 00:05:20,914
Oh. Don't be angry.
132
00:05:21,998 --> 00:05:23,833
I'm not angry. I think it's funny.
133
00:05:24,417 --> 00:05:26,668
[FAKE LAUGH]
134
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,795
VOICE: Cupcake Match.
135
00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:34,549
One hot pile of boring, coming in.
136
00:05:35,341 --> 00:05:38,343
Thank you, Gina. Dismissed.
You're dismissed.
137
00:05:38,969 --> 00:05:40,119
What you doing in here?
138
00:05:41,137 --> 00:05:42,137
Nothing.
139
00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:43,764
Okay, cool.
Can I just see your phone for a second?
140
00:05:43,848 --> 00:05:47,517
I…
I may have been playing Crazy Cupcakes.
141
00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:49,935
Okay, Captain, I think
we're past the point of you
142
00:05:50,019 --> 00:05:51,687
being too proud to say the "W."
143
00:05:51,895 --> 00:05:54,480
Fine. I might have been playing…
144
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:57,816
Kwazy Cupcakes.
145
00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:01,777
It's so addictive, right? I play so
much that when I close my eyes at night,
146
00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:03,737
I just see cupcakes now.
147
00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:06,770
Instead of my normal
dizzying array of flashing lights.
148
00:06:06,865 --> 00:06:10,034
Yes, well, I have a tremendous
amount of self-control.
149
00:06:10,534 --> 00:06:13,619
I don't think I'll have any
problem resisting this silly game.
150
00:06:13,703 --> 00:06:16,746
Mmm-hmm.
As a matter of fact, I've deleted
151
00:06:16,830 --> 00:06:19,665
the application there. Hmm.
152
00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:22,366
Does…
Does this mean I've lost my progress?
153
00:06:22,626 --> 00:06:25,337
Well, doesn't matter, because I'm done.
154
00:06:27,504 --> 00:06:29,506
The Nine-Nine is in the Village.
155
00:06:29,715 --> 00:06:31,132
BOYLE, SANTIAGO: Nine-Nine.
156
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:34,968
Hey, Ronnie. They upgraded you
from bystander to perp. That's great, man.
157
00:06:35,052 --> 00:06:37,252
Thank you.
I'm going to blow your brains out.
158
00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:40,223
TEDDY: Amy Santiago.
159
00:06:40,514 --> 00:06:42,933
Teddy. Oh, my God. Hey.
160
00:06:43,642 --> 00:06:45,892
It's been so long.
What are you doing here?
161
00:06:45,976 --> 00:06:48,145
I'm with the Eight-Two now.
We're paired with you today.
162
00:06:48,229 --> 00:06:50,521
Yeah. Quick. 10-54 I.
163
00:06:50,855 --> 00:06:53,565
[INHALES SHARPLY]
Ambulance case. Severed limb.
164
00:06:53,649 --> 00:06:54,650
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
165
00:06:55,192 --> 00:06:56,484
What is going on here?
166
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,443
Uh, Teddy and I met at Code Camp.
167
00:06:58,527 --> 00:07:00,945
It was a voluntary refresher
course on police codes.
168
00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:04,031
Oh.
Some long nights of intense memorizing.
169
00:07:04,448 --> 00:07:05,574
It was pretty dope.
170
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:06,659
Sounds dope.
171
00:07:06,825 --> 00:07:07,867
PERALTA: Nice to meet you.
172
00:07:07,951 --> 00:07:09,118
TEDDY: Nice to meet you.
173
00:07:09,202 --> 00:07:11,078
Well, I'm going to go sign in,
but we should catch up later.
174
00:07:11,162 --> 00:07:12,579
Yeah. Great seeing you.
175
00:07:12,663 --> 00:07:13,747
You, too.
176
00:07:15,249 --> 00:07:16,290
Who was that guy?
177
00:07:16,624 --> 00:07:19,792
Uh, that was Teddy.
We went on, like, five dates last year.
178
00:07:19,876 --> 00:07:22,712
I liked him, but he was stationed out
in Queens, so I never got to see him.
179
00:07:22,796 --> 00:07:24,129
And it sort of fizzled.
180
00:07:24,296 --> 00:07:26,047
Right. That's the guy you
said the lame stuff about,
181
00:07:26,131 --> 00:07:27,256
like, he's a good listener.
182
00:07:27,340 --> 00:07:29,466
I'm sorry. What do you look for in a guy?
183
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,427
I don't know. Real stuff.
The shape of his ass.
184
00:07:34,137 --> 00:07:35,304
All right.
185
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:38,764
It's so weird that Amy dated that guy.
186
00:07:38,848 --> 00:07:41,048
[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Why do you care so much?
187
00:07:41,226 --> 00:07:42,976
Okay.
First of all, your insinuating voice
188
00:07:43,060 --> 00:07:44,644
is way too high. It's creepy.
189
00:07:44,728 --> 00:07:47,855
And second, I don't care.
I'm just curious why she would like him.
190
00:07:47,939 --> 00:07:51,149
Whatever you say. [NORMAL VOICE] Oh, yeah.
No, I hear it now.
191
00:07:51,483 --> 00:07:53,683
Yeah, I sound like Meryl
Streep in Mamma Mia!
192
00:07:58,488 --> 00:08:01,156
Oh, this is so cool.
You can shoot around corners.
193
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:03,826
I love guns.
I'm going to make such a good dad.
194
00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:05,034
Not even going to touch that.
195
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:06,786
The Amy Santiago story.
196
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,206
Santiago. Got one for you. 10-51.
197
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:14,291
Roving gang. Specify direction
of travel and number in group.
198
00:08:14,375 --> 00:08:15,825
At least make me work for it.
199
00:08:16,251 --> 00:08:18,586
Hey, I got one. How about 10-69?
200
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:19,712
That's easy. Message received.
201
00:08:19,796 --> 00:08:22,798
And simultaneously given.
Am I right? Up top.
202
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:24,882
Sixty-nine.
203
00:08:24,966 --> 00:08:26,091
Got it. Yeah.
204
00:08:26,175 --> 00:08:28,218
So, uh, they've got the new handguns in.
You want to check them out?
205
00:08:28,302 --> 00:08:29,386
Totally. Of course.
206
00:08:30,512 --> 00:08:33,262
Oh, I see what happened.
I thought he was talking to me.
207
00:08:33,639 --> 00:08:35,598
And he clearly was. Chop-chop, Ted.
208
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:37,183
Let's roll. Hold down the fort.
209
00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,310
Uh…
210
00:08:40,060 --> 00:08:43,313
That's a PUW, or
portable ultrasonic weapon.
211
00:08:43,938 --> 00:08:45,689
It emits a focused beam of sound,
212
00:08:45,773 --> 00:08:48,358
which can disorient and
even incapacitate a perp.
213
00:08:48,734 --> 00:08:50,109
So, it shoots sound? Mmm-hmm.
214
00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:51,193
Is this the trigger?
215
00:08:51,277 --> 00:08:52,819
Yes, but you want
to be careful with that.
216
00:08:52,903 --> 00:08:53,904
[HUMMING]
217
00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:55,155
[GROANS]
218
00:08:55,613 --> 00:08:56,864
I thought it would be louder.
219
00:08:56,948 --> 00:08:58,073
It's highly directional.
220
00:08:58,157 --> 00:09:00,700
If it were pointed at you, you'd
be in incredible pain right now.
221
00:09:00,784 --> 00:09:02,952
-[LOUD HUMMING]
-[GROANING]
222
00:09:04,954 --> 00:09:09,415
Why is this happening?
I can taste my thoughts!
223
00:09:09,623 --> 00:09:10,707
Enough, Diaz.
224
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:13,668
BOYLE: Oh, my God. [BREATHES HEAVILY]
225
00:09:13,918 --> 00:09:14,919
It's pretty cool.
226
00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:23,050
Captain Holt? Have you seen Captain Holt?
227
00:09:23,134 --> 00:09:26,094
Tall, handsome gentleman,
dressed like an airline pilot?
228
00:09:26,470 --> 00:09:28,929
No. Okay.
229
00:09:31,223 --> 00:09:32,932
VOICE: Cupcake Match.
230
00:09:34,726 --> 00:09:36,676
GINA: Your pants are up. I'm coming in.
231
00:09:38,354 --> 00:09:39,521
Captain.
232
00:09:39,605 --> 00:09:40,729
I think you might have a little bit
233
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:41,963
of a problem here, boo.
234
00:09:42,940 --> 00:09:44,274
I have this under control.
235
00:09:45,108 --> 00:09:46,526
You should leave. This is the men's room.
236
00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:48,193
This is no longer a men's room.
237
00:09:48,277 --> 00:09:50,613
It is now a liar's den.
238
00:09:51,613 --> 00:09:54,532
I am Captain of this precinct
and you are my assistant.
239
00:09:54,616 --> 00:09:56,666
I have given you a direct order to leave.
240
00:09:56,825 --> 00:09:59,702
I do not have a problem.
If I want to play Kwazy Cupcakes,
241
00:09:59,786 --> 00:10:01,954
I will play Kwazy Cupcakes.
242
00:10:04,373 --> 00:10:07,457
Kwazy is a difficult
word to say in anger,
243
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:09,391
but I think I made my feelings clear.
244
00:10:11,753 --> 00:10:14,755
Nice.
Have you noticed they moved the trigger?
245
00:10:14,922 --> 00:10:16,590
Oh. Real exciting finger feel.
246
00:10:16,924 --> 00:10:18,466
Finger feel? Really?
247
00:10:20,259 --> 00:10:22,928
Nice! Two to the chest.
Textbook shooting.
248
00:10:23,053 --> 00:10:24,805
Yeah, and his overalls fell down.
249
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:26,513
I can't believe you would kill a farmer,
250
00:10:26,597 --> 00:10:28,474
the backbone of our nation's economy.
251
00:10:29,432 --> 00:10:31,809
May I?
When it comes to shooting patterns,
252
00:10:31,893 --> 00:10:34,353
I like to go "P, B, and J."
Penis, Brain, Jaw.
253
00:10:36,605 --> 00:10:39,315
Nice shooting, man. But do you
think the penis is an effective target?
254
00:10:39,399 --> 00:10:42,108
Interesting fact, a man can
run half a mile with no genitals.
255
00:10:42,192 --> 00:10:44,242
That's a weird thing to know a lot about.
256
00:10:46,362 --> 00:10:49,989
Hey, hey.
Okay, so, I know you're pissed at Boyle.
257
00:10:50,698 --> 00:10:53,658
I told you. Shooting him with
that sonic cannon was an accident.
258
00:10:53,742 --> 00:10:54,743
It's not just that.
259
00:10:57,578 --> 00:10:58,829
Ah!
260
00:10:58,913 --> 00:11:00,496
[GROANING]
261
00:11:00,580 --> 00:11:02,498
Whoops. Sorry. Net gun.
262
00:11:02,582 --> 00:11:04,291
My cafe con leche!
263
00:11:05,042 --> 00:11:06,043
[GROANS]
264
00:11:06,669 --> 00:11:08,086
Sorry. Misfire.
265
00:11:10,547 --> 00:11:11,922
Right in my breasts!
266
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:13,674
So many accidents.
267
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,574
Look, I get it if Vivian
doesn't want me to come.
268
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:19,260
But Boyle should have said something.
We're supposed to be friends.
269
00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:20,636
We're finally getting along.
270
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,929
Well, talk to him.
That's what friends do.
271
00:11:23,013 --> 00:11:24,848
Nope. I'm going to wait
until I'm on my deathbed,
272
00:11:24,932 --> 00:11:27,141
get in the last word,
and then die immediately.
273
00:11:27,225 --> 00:11:28,684
That's your plan for dealing with this?
274
00:11:28,768 --> 00:11:30,101
That's my plan for
dealing with everything.
275
00:11:30,185 --> 00:11:32,435
I have 77 arguments
I'm going to win that way.
276
00:11:33,188 --> 00:11:34,397
Seems like a bad plan.
277
00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:36,482
Now I have 78.
278
00:11:42,153 --> 00:11:44,703
[BRITISH ACCENT] Rex
Buckingham, at your service.
279
00:11:44,822 --> 00:11:45,821
That was majestic.
280
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:48,575
Custom knee pads to
help me win coolest kill.
281
00:11:48,783 --> 00:11:52,494
What? Don't tell me old Buckingham's
the only chap here with a signature move.
282
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,995
Uh, no. I'm working on a thing where,
283
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:57,163
when I'm out of ammo, I release my mag
284
00:11:57,247 --> 00:11:59,597
and drop-kick it straight
into someone's throat.
285
00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:02,918
Oh, my buttholes! Ooh.
286
00:12:03,002 --> 00:12:05,461
Okay. I know you have two
bullet wounds in your butt,
287
00:12:05,545 --> 00:12:07,671
but you've got to stop
calling them your buttholes.
288
00:12:07,755 --> 00:12:10,605
You know how people hold
their guns sideways to look cool?
289
00:12:10,799 --> 00:12:14,260
It got me thinking.
What if you held your gun upside down?
290
00:12:14,802 --> 00:12:15,802
You can use that.
291
00:12:15,886 --> 00:12:17,512
That will never happen,
my American friend.
292
00:12:17,596 --> 00:12:18,597
[ALARM BUZZING]
293
00:12:18,722 --> 00:12:20,072
Eight-Two's done. Heads up.
294
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:22,474
Hey. How did it go?
295
00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:23,682
-It went well.
-SANTIAGO: Mmm-hmm.
296
00:12:23,766 --> 00:12:24,893
We had a perfect run.
297
00:12:25,310 --> 00:12:26,477
And not to brag, but I think we just set
298
00:12:26,561 --> 00:12:28,111
an NYPD course record for time.
299
00:12:28,645 --> 00:12:29,646
[NORMAL ACCENT] Definitely a brag.
300
00:12:29,730 --> 00:12:32,147
A course record? That is so cool.
301
00:12:32,231 --> 00:12:33,982
Oh, thanks, I'm psyched.
Hey, good luck in there.
302
00:12:34,066 --> 00:12:35,316
-Thanks.
-TEDDY: All right.
303
00:12:39,653 --> 00:12:41,488
All right. Huddle up.
This is how it's going down.
304
00:12:41,572 --> 00:12:42,780
What happened to your accent, Rex?
305
00:12:42,864 --> 00:12:44,073
Forget that crap.
We're taking this seriously.
306
00:12:44,157 --> 00:12:45,324
All right. On three.
307
00:12:45,408 --> 00:12:47,992
Let's break that course record and
be the best precinct here. Ready?
308
00:12:48,076 --> 00:12:49,369
One, two, three!
309
00:12:49,495 --> 00:12:52,454
ALL: Let's break that course
record and be the best precinct here!
310
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,988
Yeah, I agree, it was too many words.
Let's do it!
311
00:12:56,625 --> 00:12:59,209
Okay.
I've got the details for this simulation.
312
00:12:59,293 --> 00:13:01,335
A group of armed men entered an embassy
313
00:13:01,419 --> 00:13:02,503
and have taken hostages.
314
00:13:02,587 --> 00:13:03,629
Which embassy?
315
00:13:03,713 --> 00:13:04,754
Doesn't matter.
316
00:13:04,838 --> 00:13:05,881
Fine. Canada, then.
317
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,340
So, take out the perps,
clear the civilians,
318
00:13:07,424 --> 00:13:08,549
rescue the hostages?
319
00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:11,093
Affirmative.
This is an active shooter situation.
320
00:13:11,177 --> 00:13:12,885
You're cleared for maximum engagement.
321
00:13:12,969 --> 00:13:14,470
Maximum engagement? What is this?
322
00:13:14,554 --> 00:13:15,889
Jurassic Park: The Ride?
323
00:13:16,097 --> 00:13:17,931
Diaz and Boyle, perimeter security.
324
00:13:18,015 --> 00:13:19,015
Me and Boyle?
325
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:20,767
Yeah. Just the two of you.
326
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,477
Peralta and Santiago,
you're the assault team.
327
00:13:23,561 --> 00:13:24,811
I'll be in the command center.
328
00:13:24,895 --> 00:13:26,563
Scully, I want you to do nothing.
329
00:13:26,813 --> 00:13:28,564
Just stand next to me
and say, "Yes, Sarge."
330
00:13:28,648 --> 00:13:29,648
Okay, Sarge.
331
00:13:29,732 --> 00:13:30,774
Come on, man.
332
00:13:30,858 --> 00:13:31,983
PERALTA: All right, focus up.
333
00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:34,110
We've got 18 minutes, 41
seconds to break this record.
334
00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:35,194
No screwing around.
335
00:13:35,319 --> 00:13:37,669
Whoa.
You're really not going to do a character?
336
00:13:37,863 --> 00:13:40,197
[FORCED BRITISH ACCENT]
What about Rex Buckingham?
337
00:13:40,281 --> 00:13:42,032
Okay, never ever do an accent again.
338
00:13:42,116 --> 00:13:43,658
And I am playing a character.
339
00:13:43,742 --> 00:13:45,368
A no-nonsense detective whose only goal
340
00:13:45,452 --> 00:13:47,077
is to set this course record.
341
00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:48,287
His name is Vic Kovac.
342
00:13:48,371 --> 00:13:50,329
He's an ex-Navy SEAL who was
double crossed and left for dead.
343
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,956
I don't have time for his backstory.
Sarge?
344
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,000
Okay, guys. And go!
345
00:13:59,754 --> 00:14:02,464
-Captain. Captain.
-[GAME MUSIC PLAYING]
346
00:14:06,926 --> 00:14:08,261
Captain? Sorry.
347
00:14:09,553 --> 00:14:12,389
[CHUCKLES] I'm just
about to enter Sprinkle City.
348
00:14:12,722 --> 00:14:14,264
They break the game
into these idiotic worlds
349
00:14:14,348 --> 00:14:16,398
to give you some false sense of progress.
350
00:14:16,892 --> 00:14:18,518
So, just stop playing.
351
00:14:20,228 --> 00:14:23,188
But I'm just about
to enter Sprinkle City.
352
00:14:24,314 --> 00:14:25,690
Gina, I got a problem.
353
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,232
This game has started to affect my work.
354
00:14:28,316 --> 00:14:30,216
Numbers three and four, switch places.
355
00:14:34,363 --> 00:14:35,531
Cupcake match.
356
00:14:36,322 --> 00:14:38,824
I don't understand why I can't stop.
357
00:14:38,908 --> 00:14:40,825
I've never had a problem
controlling myself.
358
00:14:40,909 --> 00:14:42,411
Do you know I love milk?
359
00:14:42,661 --> 00:14:43,785
Mmm… No.
360
00:14:43,869 --> 00:14:45,329
Well, I do. But it hurts my stomach.
361
00:14:45,413 --> 00:14:47,788
So, I haven't had milk, a
beverage I love, for 19 years.
362
00:14:47,872 --> 00:14:50,708
Nineteen milk-less years I've gone.
363
00:14:50,792 --> 00:14:54,545
But for some reason, I
can't quit Kwazy Cupcakes?
364
00:14:55,211 --> 00:14:56,337
I know what to do.
365
00:14:56,838 --> 00:14:59,339
Hitchcock, you ever play Kwazy Cupcakes?
366
00:14:59,464 --> 00:15:03,259
I love that game.
I just got up to Sprinkle City.
367
00:15:03,509 --> 00:15:05,719
Oh, my gosh. Interesting.
368
00:15:05,803 --> 00:15:07,603
What level are you on, Captain Holt?
369
00:15:09,889 --> 00:15:10,889
Sprinkle City.
370
00:15:11,390 --> 00:15:13,183
We have so much in common.
371
00:15:15,852 --> 00:15:17,052
Look at that. I'm cured.
372
00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:28,778
Turn around! Clear!
373
00:15:34,782 --> 00:15:35,783
Clear.
374
00:15:39,369 --> 00:15:40,370
Clear.
375
00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:46,333
Nice.
376
00:15:46,541 --> 00:15:48,709
Okay, only three perps left.
377
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:52,920
We might actually do this. I like Vic
Kovac so much more than Jake Peralta.
378
00:15:53,004 --> 00:15:56,756
Oh, yeah, Kovac. Let's, uh, find
the man who stabbed my sister
379
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,967
and get revenge for ruining
my life and everything.
380
00:15:59,051 --> 00:16:00,467
You were double-crossed
and left for dead.
381
00:16:00,551 --> 00:16:02,135
I can't believe you remembered that.
382
00:16:02,219 --> 00:16:04,220
I also can't believe I didn't
go with the sister stabbing.
383
00:16:04,304 --> 00:16:06,264
Emotionally, that is much richer.
384
00:16:06,348 --> 00:16:07,889
JEFFORDS: Peralta, we got intel.
385
00:16:07,973 --> 00:16:09,766
There's a hostage in room 4-0-9.
386
00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:10,851
PERALTA: Copy that.
387
00:16:13,353 --> 00:16:15,103
I love how it always
smells like fresh paint here.
388
00:16:15,187 --> 00:16:16,938
Reminds me of how
often I moved as a child.
389
00:16:17,022 --> 00:16:19,072
No talking.
You'll give away our position.
390
00:16:20,816 --> 00:16:21,817
BOYLE: Look out!
391
00:16:22,859 --> 00:16:23,985
Come on.
392
00:16:24,903 --> 00:16:27,003
That was close.
There's paint in your hair.
393
00:16:27,863 --> 00:16:30,323
Okay, here it goes. I'm pissed at you.
394
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:31,657
Oh, boy.
395
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,075
I thought I wanted to
do this on my death bed,
396
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:36,559
but apparently, I could die randomly
in some hallway somewhere. So…
397
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:39,705
You didn't invite me to your
wedding, and it hurt my feelings.
398
00:16:39,789 --> 00:16:41,089
I thought we were friends.
399
00:16:41,498 --> 00:16:42,749
I'm sorry. It's just…
400
00:16:43,208 --> 00:16:46,251
Vivian thought it might be weird
to invite you because I used to be,
401
00:16:46,335 --> 00:16:49,535
you know, all consumed by my
passionate love for you or whatever.
402
00:16:50,588 --> 00:16:52,173
It's okay. I understand.
403
00:16:53,215 --> 00:16:54,915
Hey, thanks for shooting that guy.
404
00:16:55,008 --> 00:16:56,509
Hey, my pleasure.
405
00:16:57,343 --> 00:16:59,928
Your pleasure?
This was a human being you just killed.
406
00:17:00,012 --> 00:17:01,346
Bill "Perp" had a family.
407
00:17:03,515 --> 00:17:04,598
Whoa! Ow!
408
00:17:05,474 --> 00:17:06,574
Hostages are in there.
409
00:17:06,934 --> 00:17:09,018
Intel says there's a couple of
heavily armed perps with them.
410
00:17:09,102 --> 00:17:10,502
You want to wait for backup?
411
00:17:10,937 --> 00:17:13,787
No time. We only have a
minute, twelve to beat the record.
412
00:17:14,272 --> 00:17:15,439
[EXHALES] I'm going in.
413
00:17:16,107 --> 00:17:18,400
Don't worry.
I have a plan on how to beat them.
414
00:17:18,484 --> 00:17:20,193
Give up. What?
415
00:17:20,985 --> 00:17:23,029
Trust me. Or don't. I'm doing it anyway.
416
00:17:23,278 --> 00:17:24,822
NYPD. Don't shoot.
417
00:17:25,781 --> 00:17:26,905
I'm here to surrender.
418
00:17:26,989 --> 00:17:29,408
Let the hostages go and take me instead.
419
00:17:29,492 --> 00:17:30,492
Not happening.
420
00:17:30,576 --> 00:17:31,576
Drop the weapons.
421
00:17:31,660 --> 00:17:33,911
All right, all right.
My fingers are off the triggers.
422
00:17:33,995 --> 00:17:37,695
I'm just going to slowly put them
down in front of me. Slowly putting them.
423
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,207
Oh, man.
424
00:17:39,499 --> 00:17:40,499
Terry, time.
425
00:17:40,583 --> 00:17:42,917
Eighteen minutes, twenty-eight seconds.
426
00:17:43,001 --> 00:17:44,044
You broke the record.
427
00:17:44,128 --> 00:17:45,129
Yes! Nice!
428
00:17:45,754 --> 00:17:46,754
Well done.
429
00:17:46,838 --> 00:17:50,298
All in a day's work, elderly lady.
All in a day's work.
430
00:17:52,884 --> 00:17:54,051
Ah, there he is!
431
00:17:54,135 --> 00:17:55,469
[ALL CHEERING]
432
00:17:55,678 --> 00:17:57,138
The record is ours.
433
00:17:57,804 --> 00:17:58,972
So amazing, Jake.
434
00:17:59,222 --> 00:18:01,098
Check it out. I got us prizes.
435
00:18:01,473 --> 00:18:02,850
Sweet. Victim.
436
00:18:03,308 --> 00:18:04,643
SANTIAGO: I can't believe your final kill
437
00:18:04,727 --> 00:18:05,893
came with Scully's move.
438
00:18:05,977 --> 00:18:07,144
You went upsy-downsies?
439
00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:09,562
That's what I call it because
you hold the gun upside-down.
440
00:18:09,646 --> 00:18:11,189
Yes, Scully, I went upsy-downsies,
441
00:18:11,273 --> 00:18:13,106
and none of you will
ever speak of it ever again.
442
00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:15,776
But I want to speak of it.
You looked really dumb.
443
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:17,568
Man, I feel so good.
444
00:18:17,652 --> 00:18:20,070
It almost makes me want to start
taking things seriously all the time.
445
00:18:20,154 --> 00:18:22,823
But then, I'm like, boobs,
fart, boobs, whatever.
446
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,782
All right, let's go. Drinks are on me.
447
00:18:24,866 --> 00:18:25,991
[BRITISH ACCENT] Oh! Nice!
448
00:18:26,075 --> 00:18:27,575
Here we go, Nine-Nine!
449
00:18:27,659 --> 00:18:29,535
Actually, Teddy asked me to get dinner.
450
00:18:29,619 --> 00:18:31,870
So, maybe I can meet up
with you guys afterwards?
451
00:18:31,954 --> 00:18:35,457
Oh. Neat. Yeah. Of course.
452
00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:38,168
Cool. Boobs, fart, boobs, whatever.
453
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:44,588
So, I just talked to Vivian.
454
00:18:44,672 --> 00:18:46,340
I told her I really want you
to come to the wedding,
455
00:18:46,424 --> 00:18:47,423
and she said okay.
456
00:18:47,507 --> 00:18:49,176
Thanks. I'm excited to go.
457
00:18:49,718 --> 00:18:52,344
Also, STD stands for
sexually transmitted disease.
458
00:18:52,428 --> 00:18:54,180
That is correct. It is, however,
459
00:18:54,304 --> 00:18:55,763
very expensive to reprint those cards,
460
00:18:55,847 --> 00:18:57,097
so we're leaning into it.
461
00:18:57,724 --> 00:19:00,266
Rosa Diaz, will you accept my STD?
462
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:01,975
I look forward to having it forever.
463
00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:03,186
Mmm.
464
00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:04,479
[CHUCKLES]
465
00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:07,481
Well, congratulations,
everyone, on a perfect run,
466
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:09,232
and a new course record.
467
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:10,941
[ALL CHEERING]
468
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,818
And congratulations to you, Captain,
469
00:19:12,902 --> 00:19:14,986
on beating your Kwazy Cupcakes addiction.
470
00:19:15,278 --> 00:19:16,320
ALL: Captain Holt!
471
00:19:16,404 --> 00:19:19,031
Okay. I had to tell them.
It's in my nature.
472
00:19:19,865 --> 00:19:20,906
You helped me today,
473
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:24,243
so I'll give you a pass on
embarrassing me publicly. Thank you.
474
00:19:24,576 --> 00:19:27,412
I feel that the reason I was
so vulnerable to this game
475
00:19:27,496 --> 00:19:29,746
was because technology
has evolved at a faster…
476
00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:33,291
Yeah, I don't know. I think it's
just bright and stupid and fun.
477
00:19:33,625 --> 00:19:36,585
So fun. So fun.
478
00:19:37,211 --> 00:19:39,338
[INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY]
479
00:19:40,671 --> 00:19:42,757
What's going on, Vic Kovac?
480
00:19:43,174 --> 00:19:44,799
What do you think Amy sees in Teddy?
481
00:19:44,883 --> 00:19:46,843
So, you do like her. I'm just curious.
482
00:19:47,093 --> 00:19:49,428
I mean, I guess he's
okay-looking and he's a good cop
483
00:19:49,512 --> 00:19:51,220
and they're both kind of
dorky about police stuff.
484
00:19:51,304 --> 00:19:53,222
Also, he set the course
record, but that's nothing.
485
00:19:53,306 --> 00:19:55,057
I broke it, like, 20 minutes later.
486
00:19:56,016 --> 00:19:57,892
You want to know why she
went out with him and not you?
487
00:19:57,976 --> 00:19:59,018
Yeah.
488
00:19:59,602 --> 00:20:01,302
Because he actually asked her out.
489
00:20:05,273 --> 00:20:06,440
Hey, Vivian.
490
00:20:06,649 --> 00:20:09,443
Rosa.
I'm here to celebrate with the team.
491
00:20:09,652 --> 00:20:11,952
Look.
I'm not really good at this stuff, but…
492
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,612
Thank you for inviting
me to your wedding.
493
00:20:14,696 --> 00:20:17,073
I'm really happy I can come, and
I promise it won't be weird at all.
494
00:20:17,157 --> 00:20:18,615
Yeah, I'm really happy you can come, too.
495
00:20:18,699 --> 00:20:20,242
Because I didn't think
it was going to happen.
496
00:20:20,326 --> 00:20:21,326
What do you mean?
497
00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:23,161
Well, Chuck told me you were
going to be out of town that weekend.
498
00:20:23,245 --> 00:20:26,246
And then, you know, he just told
me that your plans changed. So, uh…
499
00:20:26,330 --> 00:20:28,123
So, yeah. So, that's great news.
500
00:20:28,666 --> 00:20:29,916
Why would it be weird?
501
00:20:30,542 --> 00:20:33,043
Um, it would be weird because I'm weird.
502
00:20:33,293 --> 00:20:34,294
Oh.
503
00:20:34,378 --> 00:20:36,796
Whoo…
504
00:20:38,172 --> 00:20:39,382
I'm leaving.
505
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:43,600
SANTIAGO: Night, everyone.
506
00:20:43,802 --> 00:20:44,926
Hey, Amy. Hmm?
507
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:47,387
Check it out. No way!
You won coolest kill?
508
00:20:47,471 --> 00:20:48,637
Not even close.
509
00:20:48,721 --> 00:20:51,599
It turns out anyone can just buy
themselves a children's karate trophy.
510
00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:52,891
Smart. Yeah.
511
00:20:52,975 --> 00:20:56,143
Hey, before you go, I
wanted to ask you something.
512
00:20:56,477 --> 00:20:57,519
SANTIAGO: Of course.
513
00:20:57,603 --> 00:21:00,814
I was just wondering…
Are you wearing lipstick?
514
00:21:01,439 --> 00:21:03,289
Yeah. I'm going out with Teddy again.
515
00:21:03,524 --> 00:21:05,358
Does it look weird?
I called my 13-year-old niece
516
00:21:05,442 --> 00:21:06,443
for makeup tips,
517
00:21:06,527 --> 00:21:07,818
but I don't know if I trust her.
518
00:21:07,902 --> 00:21:09,487
She is so sexual.
519
00:21:10,238 --> 00:21:11,321
You look great.
520
00:21:11,655 --> 00:21:12,656
Thank you.
521
00:21:14,157 --> 00:21:15,157
So, what's up?
522
00:21:15,867 --> 00:21:17,201
Oh. It's not important.
523
00:21:17,285 --> 00:21:18,451
I just had a question about a work thing.
524
00:21:18,535 --> 00:21:19,535
But have a great date,
525
00:21:19,619 --> 00:21:20,819
and we'll talk tomorrow.
526
00:21:21,663 --> 00:21:23,121
Okay. Bye.
527
00:21:23,205 --> 00:21:24,290
Bye.
528
00:21:27,792 --> 00:21:29,842
I'll help you with
your work stuff, Jakey.
529
00:21:31,628 --> 00:21:32,629
Perfect.