1 00:00:02,416 --> 00:00:04,584 BOYLE: ♪ Drying dishes, yeah ♪ 2 00:00:04,668 --> 00:00:05,668 [WHISTLING] 3 00:00:05,835 --> 00:00:08,337 Man, Charles has been so happy and confident 4 00:00:08,421 --> 00:00:09,671 ever since he hooked up with that professor 5 00:00:09,755 --> 00:00:10,905 at the Captain's party. 6 00:00:11,089 --> 00:00:12,882 [HEAVY BREATHING] 7 00:00:13,174 --> 00:00:16,259 She has tenure and also has 10 years, 8 00:00:16,343 --> 00:00:18,553 times two, older than him. 9 00:00:18,637 --> 00:00:19,761 That sucked. Yeah. 10 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:21,430 It's nice to see him like this. 11 00:00:21,764 --> 00:00:23,097 JEFFORDS: He's so confident. 12 00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:25,015 This morning, he finally corrected the barista 13 00:00:25,099 --> 00:00:26,599 when she called him Charlize. 14 00:00:26,683 --> 00:00:29,394 He's been living as Charlize Broil for five years. 15 00:00:29,478 --> 00:00:31,895 It's great. It's all so great. 16 00:00:31,979 --> 00:00:33,604 He could take it down just a smidge. 17 00:00:33,688 --> 00:00:35,898 ♪ If you like piña coladas ♪ 18 00:00:35,982 --> 00:00:37,525 -Dead guy, Charles. -Sorry. 19 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,526 But whatever. I can handle the singing. 20 00:00:40,610 --> 00:00:42,903 I'm just so happy for that guy. It's about time he caught a break. 21 00:00:42,987 --> 00:00:45,447 Sexy Train is leaving the station. 22 00:00:45,531 --> 00:00:47,282 Check out this caboose! 23 00:00:47,366 --> 00:00:48,532 Later, sluts. 24 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,742 Just let him have it. 25 00:00:49,826 --> 00:00:50,827 Great job, Boyle. 26 00:00:51,576 --> 00:00:53,578 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 27 00:01:11,967 --> 00:01:14,367 Peralta, where are we with the Black Cab Holdups? 28 00:01:14,552 --> 00:01:15,852 Well… I got this, Jakey. 29 00:01:16,553 --> 00:01:18,221 Oh, all right. Have at it, man. 30 00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,013 GINA: Nice jeans, Boyle. 31 00:01:20,138 --> 00:01:22,015 Those are surprisingly low-waisted. 32 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,725 Eyes up here, Gina. I'm more than just a piece of ass. 33 00:01:24,809 --> 00:01:26,309 ALL: Ooh! [LAUGHING] 34 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,978 Not bad. Not bad. 35 00:01:28,311 --> 00:01:30,896 An unlicensed cab driver has been picking up tourists. 36 00:01:30,980 --> 00:01:33,022 Driver takes the vics down under the BQE, 37 00:01:33,106 --> 00:01:34,815 robs them at gunpoint, leaves them stranded. 38 00:01:34,899 --> 00:01:36,649 Unfortunately, because they're tourists 39 00:01:36,733 --> 00:01:38,735 and our perp is not Caucasian, 40 00:01:38,986 --> 00:01:40,694 we don't have a clear idea of what he looks like. 41 00:01:40,778 --> 00:01:43,197 He was either Latino, Arab, 42 00:01:43,281 --> 00:01:46,491 or Mexican. Either way, very Muslim. 43 00:01:47,783 --> 00:01:49,910 We'll go undercover, dressed as out-of-towners, 44 00:01:49,994 --> 00:01:51,494 and hope the perp picks us up. 45 00:01:51,619 --> 00:01:53,619 Don't worry, Sarge. We'll nail this guy. 46 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,790 I can't believe I was just briefly attracted to Boyle! 47 00:01:58,165 --> 00:01:59,792 Ugh! Ugh. 48 00:02:02,627 --> 00:02:05,212 A Mr. Brain Jensen here to see you, sir. 49 00:02:05,296 --> 00:02:06,296 It's Brian. 50 00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:07,965 Mmm, not according to this note 51 00:02:08,089 --> 00:02:10,758 I wrote on my hand very quickly. "Brain." 52 00:02:11,092 --> 00:02:13,885 Captain Holt. We recently met at the African-American 53 00:02:13,969 --> 00:02:16,619 Gay and Lesbian New York City Policeman's Association. 54 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,222 Uh, yes, that name is quite a mouthful. 55 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:19,889 Just call it the AAGLNYCPA. 56 00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,516 Your organization has meant so much to me. 57 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:23,392 Uh, well, it's not my organization. 58 00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:25,018 I mean, I did found it, and I've been 59 00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:26,519 president for the last 25 years, 60 00:02:26,603 --> 00:02:28,020 and I oversee every detail. 61 00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:30,980 But really, it's our organization. 62 00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:33,190 It's yours. And out of respect for you 63 00:02:33,274 --> 00:02:34,441 and everything that you've done, 64 00:02:34,525 --> 00:02:37,318 I wanted to stop by and let you know I'll be running for president. 65 00:02:37,402 --> 00:02:38,528 I hate to run against you, 66 00:02:38,612 --> 00:02:40,195 but I have some ideas for change 67 00:02:40,279 --> 00:02:41,363 that will bring AAGLNYCPA 68 00:02:41,447 --> 00:02:42,823 into the 21st century. 69 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:44,365 I see. Well, 70 00:02:44,949 --> 00:02:47,367 it's been good meeting you, and, uh, I wish you the very best. 71 00:02:47,451 --> 00:02:49,286 Thank you. Goodbye, Brain. 72 00:02:49,411 --> 00:02:50,786 It's… It's Brian. 73 00:02:51,162 --> 00:02:52,287 Very nice man. 74 00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:53,372 Yes, he is. 75 00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:55,624 Now, let's figure out how to 76 00:02:57,082 --> 00:02:58,250 destroy him. 77 00:02:59,793 --> 00:03:01,627 How did the interview with the victim go? 78 00:03:01,711 --> 00:03:03,420 Went okay. Guy was from Canada, 79 00:03:03,504 --> 00:03:05,088 said it was probably his fault for getting robbed 80 00:03:05,172 --> 00:03:06,506 and apologized for wasting my time. 81 00:03:06,590 --> 00:03:07,714 Oh, Canada. 82 00:03:07,798 --> 00:03:09,550 Truly Odie to America's Garfield. 83 00:03:09,634 --> 00:03:11,133 Mmm-hmm. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night? 84 00:03:11,217 --> 00:03:12,385 I think I can get us some Nets tickets. 85 00:03:12,469 --> 00:03:13,594 No go, amigo. 86 00:03:13,678 --> 00:03:16,555 Tomorrow is Vivi's and my big 20-day anniversary. 87 00:03:16,931 --> 00:03:18,138 I'm pulling out all the stops. 88 00:03:18,222 --> 00:03:20,572 Dinner at Le Bonbon with 300 roses at the table. 89 00:03:20,808 --> 00:03:21,892 No. Oh, man. 90 00:03:22,017 --> 00:03:24,978 Then, a gondola ride along the Gowanus Canal. 91 00:03:25,102 --> 00:03:26,144 No. No, no, no, no, no, no. 92 00:03:26,228 --> 00:03:29,021 And then, a skywriter's going to write "Charles Loves V." 93 00:03:29,105 --> 00:03:30,356 I couldn't afford her full name. 94 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,817 Okay. First of all, "Charles Loves V" means something very specific, 95 00:03:33,901 --> 00:03:35,734 and I'm gonna guess, not what you're intending. 96 00:03:35,818 --> 00:03:36,868 But more importantly, 97 00:03:36,986 --> 00:03:38,279 you're going Full Boyle. 98 00:03:38,446 --> 00:03:40,196 Pfft! What? I am not. 99 00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,990 What's Full Boyle? Any time Charles gets into a new relationship, 100 00:03:43,074 --> 00:03:44,825 he gets way too intense, way too fast, 101 00:03:44,909 --> 00:03:46,826 and it always ends in heartbreak. 102 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,828 We met on the subway. We went out to dinner, 103 00:03:48,912 --> 00:03:50,078 and I told her I loved her. 104 00:03:50,162 --> 00:03:51,956 And my mom was so happy. 105 00:03:52,081 --> 00:03:54,832 And then, the barbershop quartet I hired started to sing… 106 00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:56,000 And then, she broke up with me. 107 00:03:56,084 --> 00:03:57,667 And then she broke up with you. Yes! 108 00:03:57,751 --> 00:04:00,920 [CRYING] Oh, Joanna! No! 109 00:04:01,253 --> 00:04:02,296 Courtney! 110 00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:03,422 Rhonda! 111 00:04:03,713 --> 00:04:05,339 I know when I'm going Full Boyle. 112 00:04:05,423 --> 00:04:08,023 Trust me, this is different. I have it under control. 113 00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:09,134 Got to go, Jakey. 114 00:04:09,259 --> 00:04:10,260 [SIGHS] 115 00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,096 Excuse me. Are you a detective? 116 00:04:13,596 --> 00:04:15,430 Oh, uh, who's asking? 117 00:04:16,014 --> 00:04:18,933 I'm Super Dan, scourge of Brooklyn's underworld. 118 00:04:19,475 --> 00:04:21,559 And I need to talk to an officer of the law. 119 00:04:21,643 --> 00:04:24,853 I'm busy right now working on this excuse. 120 00:04:24,937 --> 00:04:26,187 I think Santiago is free. 121 00:04:27,106 --> 00:04:29,357 Hi. I'm Super Dan. 122 00:04:29,565 --> 00:04:30,900 And I have a crime to report. 123 00:04:30,984 --> 00:04:32,108 Oh, gosh. 124 00:04:32,192 --> 00:04:35,444 I am so sorry. I literally just retired. 125 00:04:36,404 --> 00:04:37,754 This is my retirement cake. 126 00:04:38,239 --> 00:04:39,906 Mmm. Thank you, guys. 127 00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:42,315 I'm going to miss this place. 128 00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:44,408 Why aren't you guys taking me seriously? 129 00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,535 Your cape. And your tights. 130 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:49,162 And your name is Super Dan. And I can kind of see your penis. 131 00:04:49,246 --> 00:04:51,664 And it's just all a rich tapestry. 132 00:04:51,748 --> 00:04:54,374 Yeah, well, I'm a citizen. I'm from this neighborhood. 133 00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:55,918 So, the only reason I'm wearing 134 00:04:56,002 --> 00:04:58,753 this costume is so when I'm fighting crime 135 00:04:58,837 --> 00:05:01,505 to help you guys, people will respect my authority. 136 00:05:01,672 --> 00:05:03,088 How's that working out for you? [GIGGLING] 137 00:05:03,172 --> 00:05:05,758 Detectives, when a citizen comes in off the street, 138 00:05:05,842 --> 00:05:08,010 it is NYPD policy to take a statement. 139 00:05:08,260 --> 00:05:09,910 This isn't enough of a statement? 140 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,972 Yes, I wanted to inquire about renting out the Statue of Liberty 141 00:05:15,056 --> 00:05:16,891 for a romantic evening? Mmm-hmm. 142 00:05:17,391 --> 00:05:19,101 Is there a bed in the torch? 143 00:05:19,393 --> 00:05:20,768 No. Okay. 144 00:05:20,893 --> 00:05:22,020 I'll get back to you. 145 00:05:22,145 --> 00:05:23,646 Hey, there, Charles. 146 00:05:23,730 --> 00:05:25,229 I thought maybe we should have a little chat 147 00:05:25,313 --> 00:05:28,106 about how crazy you're acting and how you're blowing this beyond repair. 148 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:30,692 Are you really qualified to give romantic advice? 149 00:05:30,776 --> 00:05:33,861 You're not exactly the king of mature relationships. 150 00:05:33,945 --> 00:05:37,405 Fair enough. But I would argue that I am like a beautiful angel of love, 151 00:05:37,489 --> 00:05:38,864 who has trouble finding love for himself. 152 00:05:38,948 --> 00:05:40,616 Admit that you would see that movie. 153 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,325 I would. Thank you for your honesty. 154 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:43,826 But this is not about me. 155 00:05:43,910 --> 00:05:45,160 It's about Charles. 156 00:05:45,244 --> 00:05:47,287 I've seen this before, buddy, and it is bad. 157 00:05:47,371 --> 00:05:49,289 Jake. I'm nowhere near Full Boyle. 158 00:05:49,414 --> 00:05:52,499 Then, prove it. Just push your anniversary dinner one night. 159 00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:55,800 Say "Vivian, tomorrow doesn't work for me. Can we reschedule?" 160 00:05:56,377 --> 00:05:58,671 If this will convince you, I'm more than happy. 161 00:05:58,755 --> 00:05:59,921 No problem. Great. 162 00:06:00,464 --> 00:06:01,465 Voicemail. Yeah. 163 00:06:02,215 --> 00:06:04,424 God, I love how she says the words, "You've reached…" 164 00:06:04,508 --> 00:06:05,759 Hi, Vivi. It's Chucklebunny. 165 00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,511 Oof. I'm just calling about dinner tomorrow. 166 00:06:10,387 --> 00:06:12,681 I can't wait to see you, my luscious little breakfast quiche. 167 00:06:12,765 --> 00:06:14,306 I just want to draw you a bubble bath 168 00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:15,808 and spoon-feed you caviar. 169 00:06:15,892 --> 00:06:17,642 I think we should open up a joint checking account. 170 00:06:17,726 --> 00:06:19,310 I love you. What am I doing? 171 00:06:19,394 --> 00:06:21,744 It's okay. I hung up right after "Chucklebunny". 172 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:25,065 Help me. I've gone Full Boyle. 173 00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:32,403 I need to focus on my re-election campaign. 174 00:06:32,487 --> 00:06:33,487 Clear my schedule. 175 00:06:33,571 --> 00:06:35,363 You really care about this little club, huh? 176 00:06:35,447 --> 00:06:39,741 It's not a club. It's an organization that I founded over 25 years ago. 177 00:06:39,825 --> 00:06:41,993 I'm proud to say we now have 50 members, 178 00:06:42,827 --> 00:06:44,703 but it wasn't so easy in the beginning. 179 00:06:44,787 --> 00:06:46,454 I'd like to request discretionary funds 180 00:06:46,538 --> 00:06:50,188 to start an organization supporting black gay and lesbian police officers. 181 00:06:56,462 --> 00:06:58,422 They never actually said no, 182 00:06:58,506 --> 00:07:00,298 so I just went ahead and did it. 183 00:07:00,799 --> 00:07:03,216 I've poured my heart and soul into this organization, 184 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,802 and I'm not gonna just give up the presidency. 185 00:07:05,927 --> 00:07:08,095 You should make me your campaign manager. 186 00:07:08,179 --> 00:07:10,513 I was born for politics. I have great hair, 187 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,890 and I love lying. 188 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,474 Find out everything you can about this Jensen. 189 00:07:14,558 --> 00:07:15,851 I'll work on my speech. 190 00:07:16,351 --> 00:07:17,901 How's this for an opening joke? 191 00:07:18,937 --> 00:07:22,981 "You know what the toughest part about being a gay black police officer is? 192 00:07:23,481 --> 00:07:24,732 "The discrimination." 193 00:07:26,733 --> 00:07:29,110 I believe that's what you call observational humor. 194 00:07:29,194 --> 00:07:31,028 Probably. That's great. 195 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,824 Ah. All right, let's go over our disguises. 196 00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:38,617 I am Herbert Goffleman from San Diego. 197 00:07:38,742 --> 00:07:41,118 I came here to stand in the cold outside The Today Show 198 00:07:41,202 --> 00:07:43,352 holding a sign with a misspelled word on it. 199 00:07:43,871 --> 00:07:44,871 Oh, you know what? You win. 200 00:07:44,955 --> 00:07:47,248 That neon green fanny pack screams gullible tourist. 201 00:07:47,332 --> 00:07:48,331 It's mine. I brought it from home. 202 00:07:48,415 --> 00:07:49,833 Oh. Hey, can I have my phone back, please? 203 00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:52,084 Uh, no. Because you will call Vivian, 204 00:07:52,168 --> 00:07:54,420 and you have the worst case of Full Boyle I've ever seen. 205 00:07:54,504 --> 00:07:56,212 Huh? I found this, by the way. 206 00:07:56,296 --> 00:07:58,881 You wrote "Mr. Charles Ludley" over a thousand times. 207 00:07:58,965 --> 00:08:00,382 Why would you take her last name, Boyle? 208 00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:01,758 [SIGHS] Look. 209 00:08:01,842 --> 00:08:04,844 For the last two years, I've been directing all my love at Rosa. 210 00:08:04,928 --> 00:08:06,261 So, my emotions just piled up. 211 00:08:06,345 --> 00:08:08,430 And now, with Vivian, my feelings are spraying out of me 212 00:08:08,514 --> 00:08:09,597 like a fire hose. Ugh! 213 00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:11,348 That is overtly sexual. 214 00:08:11,432 --> 00:08:12,932 Jake, I'm going to ruin it. 215 00:08:13,016 --> 00:08:14,017 You got to help me. 216 00:08:14,101 --> 00:08:15,435 All right, here's the plan. 217 00:08:15,519 --> 00:08:17,102 I'll text Vivian from your phone 218 00:08:17,186 --> 00:08:19,187 and tell her you want it to be a double date. 219 00:08:19,271 --> 00:08:20,730 That way, I can come with you and hold your hand. 220 00:08:20,814 --> 00:08:21,814 Then, your hand will be on her butt 221 00:08:21,898 --> 00:08:23,023 because my hand will be on her butt. 222 00:08:23,107 --> 00:08:24,483 You've got to get it together, man. 223 00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:26,110 I told you I need help! 224 00:08:26,860 --> 00:08:29,570 Hey, can I get your file on that Atlantic Avenue drug ring? 225 00:08:29,654 --> 00:08:31,321 Sarge gave me and Scully the case. 226 00:08:31,405 --> 00:08:32,823 What? Oh. 227 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:36,367 Why did you do that? I… I know I deserved it, but why? 228 00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:39,118 Sarge, you reassigned our drug case? 229 00:08:39,202 --> 00:08:41,536 Diaz and I have been working it for three months. 230 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:42,829 Remember Super Dan? 231 00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:44,713 The guy you ignored and made fun of? 232 00:08:44,998 --> 00:08:48,500 He's been perching on rooftops at night, secretly taking photos of drug deals. 233 00:08:48,584 --> 00:08:50,210 He has thousands of images 234 00:08:50,294 --> 00:08:52,503 and can ID the entire network of dealers. 235 00:08:52,837 --> 00:08:54,629 What? But you refused to take his statement 236 00:08:54,713 --> 00:08:55,963 because he had a cape on. 237 00:08:56,089 --> 00:08:57,798 Luckily, Hitchcock and Scully didn't mind. 238 00:08:57,882 --> 00:08:59,591 I didn't even notice he was wearing a cape. 239 00:08:59,675 --> 00:09:01,775 You're a cop. You should have noticed that. 240 00:09:02,177 --> 00:09:04,345 We screwed up. Message received. 241 00:09:04,429 --> 00:09:05,887 Yep. Be nicer to virgins. 242 00:09:05,971 --> 00:09:06,971 She doesn't speak for me. 243 00:09:07,055 --> 00:09:08,755 You're not getting your case back. 244 00:09:09,765 --> 00:09:13,685 Okay. Here's what I found out about our competition. 245 00:09:14,269 --> 00:09:16,937 "Brian Jensen, born 1899, 246 00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:19,271 "served in the Navy during World War One. 247 00:09:19,355 --> 00:09:21,691 "A hero at the Battle of Scimitar Hill, 248 00:09:21,816 --> 00:09:24,516 "Jensen perished in a factory fire in the Netherlands." 249 00:09:25,776 --> 00:09:27,569 This may be a different Brian Jensen. 250 00:09:27,653 --> 00:09:29,237 I've never been in this position before. 251 00:09:29,321 --> 00:09:31,031 I've always run unopposed. 252 00:09:31,281 --> 00:09:32,739 If you want to compete, 253 00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,076 you're gonna have to have a little more pizzazz. 254 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:37,785 Couple ideas for you. 255 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,869 The obvious place to start would be you 256 00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:43,580 in a silver suit, with sunglasses and roller skates. 257 00:09:43,664 --> 00:09:45,499 The candidate of fun. 258 00:09:46,292 --> 00:09:47,375 What's your second idea? 259 00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:50,128 Nada. Thought I had a slam dunk on the first one. 260 00:09:53,922 --> 00:09:56,674 Hi, there. We'd like to go to the Times Square. 261 00:09:56,758 --> 00:09:58,133 We're brothers. 262 00:09:58,217 --> 00:09:59,425 [PHONE CHIMING] 263 00:09:59,509 --> 00:10:01,218 We're all set for the double-date tonight. 264 00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:03,846 Vivian's bringing her friend Bernice. 265 00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,389 Bernice? That sounds like a cartoon dump truck. 266 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,348 Mmm. Whatever. That's probably for the best. 267 00:10:08,432 --> 00:10:09,891 I don't need any distractions. 268 00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:11,559 My mission is to protect you. 269 00:10:11,643 --> 00:10:12,726 All right. 270 00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,103 Hey, this guy's going the right way. 271 00:10:14,187 --> 00:10:15,395 We should get out and try again. 272 00:10:15,479 --> 00:10:16,679 You can let us off here. 273 00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:23,443 Hey. We would like to buy some bagels. 274 00:10:23,693 --> 00:10:25,402 And where is the Sex and the City street? 275 00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,195 We wanna see where Carrie and Big live. 276 00:10:27,279 --> 00:10:29,071 I'm a Carrie. I think I'm a Carrie. 277 00:10:29,155 --> 00:10:30,865 BOTH: We're both Carries. 278 00:10:31,824 --> 00:10:33,408 PERALTA: All right, let's prepare for the date tonight. 279 00:10:33,492 --> 00:10:35,410 Here's the things you're not allowed to talk about. 280 00:10:35,494 --> 00:10:37,912 Love, poetry, music, or passion. 281 00:10:38,287 --> 00:10:39,412 We don't have to talk at all. 282 00:10:39,496 --> 00:10:40,955 I'll just stare into her eyes. 283 00:10:41,039 --> 00:10:44,082 They're like little drops of cilantro reduction on lily white flan. 284 00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:45,960 Okay, now, see, no food talk. 285 00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:48,961 It sets off something primal and disgusting in both of you. 286 00:10:49,045 --> 00:10:50,503 It makes me want to barf. You're right. 287 00:10:50,587 --> 00:10:51,880 But if you feel like you can't handle it, 288 00:10:51,964 --> 00:10:53,213 we need a signal. 289 00:10:53,297 --> 00:10:57,175 I'll do this. [IMITATING LASERS FIRING] 290 00:10:57,676 --> 00:10:59,886 -And how would you do that naturally? -[MUTTERS] I don't know. 291 00:10:59,970 --> 00:11:01,386 This guy's clean, by the way. 292 00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:02,888 Can we pull over, please? 293 00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:04,514 [BOYLE SIGHING] 294 00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:05,765 There she is. 295 00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:07,016 I don't know if I can do this. 296 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,600 Listen to me. I am with you all night, 297 00:11:08,684 --> 00:11:11,560 and nothing will distract me from my solemn vow to protect you. 298 00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:12,728 Okay? Okay. 299 00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,438 Vivian, you look beautiful. I love your dress. 300 00:11:15,563 --> 00:11:18,190 Oh, you too, Charlie. You look so handsome. 301 00:11:18,357 --> 00:11:19,816 [GIGGLES] 302 00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,651 Steady. Steady. 303 00:11:21,859 --> 00:11:23,861 Jake, this is my friend, Bernice. 304 00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,405 Uh, hello. I'm Jack… tractive. 305 00:11:26,989 --> 00:11:28,198 "Jack-tractive?" 306 00:11:28,364 --> 00:11:31,075 Yes. My parents were hippies. 307 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,036 Let's eat. 308 00:11:37,705 --> 00:11:39,955 BERNICE: Okay. So, Jake, you're a cop? 309 00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:41,790 I wanted to be a cop when I was a kid, 310 00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:43,709 mostly because I love Die Hard. 311 00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:46,377 Die Hard. Really? 312 00:11:46,502 --> 00:11:48,045 Mmm-hmm. Well, that makes sense. 313 00:11:48,129 --> 00:11:50,338 Everyone loves that movie. Oh, not like me. 314 00:11:50,588 --> 00:11:52,964 I sleep in a Nakatomi Plaza Security t-shirt. 315 00:11:53,048 --> 00:11:55,134 Ah. Oh, no. 316 00:11:55,259 --> 00:11:56,759 What kind of dogs do you like? 317 00:11:56,926 --> 00:11:58,427 I mean, you know, just hypothetically. 318 00:11:58,511 --> 00:11:59,677 If we were to get a dog. 319 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,471 Oh, I love all dogs. 320 00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:05,349 Uh, when I was a kid, I had the cutest golden retriever named Rufus. 321 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,308 That is the most amazing thing I've ever heard. 322 00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,352 -I want to meet him. -PERALTA: Charles. 323 00:12:09,894 --> 00:12:12,270 Why don't you tell Vivian about the 10-day forecast? 324 00:12:12,354 --> 00:12:14,063 Oh. Good idea. 325 00:12:14,188 --> 00:12:15,189 -PERALTA: Sorry about that. -BERNICE: Mmm-hmm. 326 00:12:15,273 --> 00:12:17,440 So, if you're not a cop, then what do you do? 327 00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:19,943 I'm in grad school. I thought about maybe being a sports reporter, 328 00:12:20,027 --> 00:12:22,611 but it would be impossible for me to be objective. 329 00:12:22,695 --> 00:12:24,403 I love the Nets so much. 330 00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:25,947 You're a Nets fan? I love the Nets. 331 00:12:26,031 --> 00:12:28,532 Oh, my God. This season has been a disaster, right? 332 00:12:28,741 --> 00:12:31,242 Yes. And everybody blames it on Jason Kidd. 333 00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,285 PERALTA: Yes. But it's like, at a certain point, 334 00:12:33,369 --> 00:12:34,953 Billy King is the one who put the team together. 335 00:12:35,037 --> 00:12:36,329 -Yes. -[BOYLE GIGGLING] 336 00:12:36,413 --> 00:12:37,705 I love rainy days. 337 00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,139 My mother loves rainy days. 338 00:12:39,373 --> 00:12:40,875 You should meet her. 339 00:12:41,584 --> 00:12:43,542 Excuse me… [IMITATING LASERS FIRING] Our signal. 340 00:12:43,626 --> 00:12:45,502 Uh, here's a question for the group. 341 00:12:45,794 --> 00:12:48,339 What is the longest funeral you've ever attended? 342 00:12:48,464 --> 00:12:49,464 Ladies first. 343 00:12:50,048 --> 00:12:52,507 GINA: On behalf of Captain Holt, Floorgasm. 344 00:12:52,591 --> 00:12:54,259 [HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 345 00:12:55,010 --> 00:13:01,848 Hands in the air, fists pumping like champs 346 00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:04,266 Pumping like champs, pumping like champs 347 00:13:04,475 --> 00:13:06,893 Tramp stamp, bam 348 00:13:08,269 --> 00:13:09,270 GINA: Did you like it? 349 00:13:09,354 --> 00:13:12,064 It was inspired by the city of New York, 350 00:13:12,230 --> 00:13:15,580 in that I stole it from some kids I saw dancing in a subway station. 351 00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,901 All of you, go home immediately. 352 00:13:18,151 --> 00:13:19,151 Ugh. 353 00:13:19,235 --> 00:13:21,611 I appreciate the effort, Gina, but I can't risk losing this election. 354 00:13:21,695 --> 00:13:23,697 The AAGLNYCPA means too much. 355 00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:25,730 Let me rehearse my speech. [SIGHS] 356 00:13:26,032 --> 00:13:28,449 Do you want a president who struggled against all odds 357 00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:30,118 to create this great organization, 358 00:13:30,202 --> 00:13:31,827 or do you want a great nothing 359 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,954 who struggled against nothing-odds to create nothing? 360 00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:36,664 -Yikes. -[DOOR OPENING] 361 00:13:38,082 --> 00:13:39,374 HOLT: The meeting is beginning. 362 00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:40,709 The stakes are very high for me. 363 00:13:40,793 --> 00:13:45,962 I'm getting nervous. My stomach is in flux. 364 00:13:47,005 --> 00:13:48,547 You know, in the court of Louis XI, 365 00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:50,382 women would only eat consommé 366 00:13:50,466 --> 00:13:53,259 because they were worried that chewing would give them wrinkles. 367 00:13:53,343 --> 00:13:55,511 I love it when you talk broth. 368 00:13:55,844 --> 00:13:58,430 Hey, Charles, remember that dog we found on the train tracks? 369 00:13:58,514 --> 00:14:01,098 Was it inside-out or just very badly burned? Inside-out. 370 00:14:01,182 --> 00:14:02,974 PERALTA: Yeah, 'cause there were things on the outside that 371 00:14:03,058 --> 00:14:04,434 definitely should have been on the inside. 372 00:14:04,518 --> 00:14:06,268 -Definition of inside-out. -PERALTA: Bingo. 373 00:14:06,352 --> 00:14:07,561 Will you excuse us? 374 00:14:07,645 --> 00:14:09,270 Bernice and I are going to going to use the ladies' room. 375 00:14:09,354 --> 00:14:10,397 Ooh. 376 00:14:10,522 --> 00:14:11,523 Hurry back. 377 00:14:12,065 --> 00:14:13,064 Uh. Oh, no. 378 00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:14,524 Jake, I can't stop looking at her butt. 379 00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:16,650 Yeah, you are definitely making her uncomfortable. 380 00:14:16,734 --> 00:14:19,069 And this beautiful basketball-loving Die Hard fan is 381 00:14:19,153 --> 00:14:20,737 tearing down my walls of defenses. 382 00:14:20,821 --> 00:14:22,238 If we find out that she is half-Jewish, 383 00:14:22,322 --> 00:14:24,022 -we are all doomed! -[SIGHS] I know. 384 00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,949 I borrowed the waiter's phone when you weren't looking 385 00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,658 and bought me and Vivian plane tickets to Rome. 386 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,452 What? We leave in two hours. 387 00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,453 Terrible itinerary. We connect through Vietnam. 388 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,121 Just go home. Get out of here and regroup. 389 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,039 I'll take of everything. I'll tell them it was an emergency. 390 00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:36,124 Thank you. 391 00:14:36,707 --> 00:14:38,541 Can you make it a work emergency? Not a bathroom one. 392 00:14:38,625 --> 00:14:40,375 Kinda wanna make it a bathroom one. 393 00:14:41,252 --> 00:14:43,086 Sarge, you made your point. 394 00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:44,879 We messed up. But this is a big case, 395 00:14:44,963 --> 00:14:46,672 and Hitchcock and Scully are going to screw it up. 396 00:14:46,756 --> 00:14:48,256 I'm sure they can handle it. 397 00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:50,490 They have a combined 50 years of experience. 398 00:14:50,843 --> 00:14:53,052 This morning, I found Scully's gun in the freezer, 399 00:14:53,136 --> 00:14:54,303 in the frozen yogurt. 400 00:14:54,429 --> 00:14:56,179 I think he was using it as a spoon. 401 00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,688 The truth is, I had to give them the case. 402 00:14:58,973 --> 00:15:00,266 You insulted Super Dan. 403 00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,583 He refuses to cooperate with you. 404 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:03,684 We weren't that bad. 405 00:15:03,768 --> 00:15:05,935 You told him his super power was being so embarrassing 406 00:15:06,019 --> 00:15:07,771 that people laugh themselves to death. 407 00:15:07,855 --> 00:15:09,230 Yeah. 408 00:15:10,314 --> 00:15:12,149 For those of you who don't know me, 409 00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:13,483 I'm Officer Brian Jensen. 410 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,403 Listen to him talk. He has no gravitas. 411 00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:19,988 Do you know what gravitas sounds like? 412 00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:22,657 Greetings, all. 413 00:15:22,781 --> 00:15:25,909 For example, details about this organization should be included 414 00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,576 in NYPD recruitment literature 415 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,244 -and on the website. -[MURMURING] 416 00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,120 He actually has some good ideas. 417 00:15:31,204 --> 00:15:33,747 Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to dismiss him. 418 00:15:33,831 --> 00:15:36,231 Like you were with a certain amazing dance troop. 419 00:15:36,459 --> 00:15:37,750 He isn't fit to be president. 420 00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:40,960 He hasn't spent the last 25 years fighting to build this organization. 421 00:15:41,044 --> 00:15:42,171 Right. Is that bad? 422 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:47,216 I thought you created AAGLNYCPA or whatever, 423 00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:49,258 so people like him wouldn't have to go through 424 00:15:49,342 --> 00:15:50,442 what you went through. 425 00:15:50,594 --> 00:15:52,928 Isn't it a good thing that Brian Jensen didn't have 426 00:15:53,012 --> 00:15:56,973 to struggle for 25 years just to get up on this stage? 427 00:15:57,599 --> 00:16:00,601 Thank you all for your time. I hope you vote for me. 428 00:16:05,979 --> 00:16:07,355 Greetings, all. 429 00:16:08,856 --> 00:16:12,566 You know what the toughest part about being a gay, black police officer is? 430 00:16:12,650 --> 00:16:13,651 The discrimination. 431 00:16:16,612 --> 00:16:17,696 What? 432 00:16:18,572 --> 00:16:20,406 At the very first meeting of the AAGLNYCPA, 433 00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:22,365 I was elected president unanimously. 434 00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,410 Because I was the only member and I voted for myself. 435 00:16:25,494 --> 00:16:27,870 But after 25 years of struggle, 436 00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:30,371 I am no longer the only member, 437 00:16:30,455 --> 00:16:33,373 and I look forward to casting my vote for someone else. 438 00:16:33,665 --> 00:16:37,502 That is why I withdraw my name from consideration as president. 439 00:16:38,503 --> 00:16:39,794 Congratulations, Brian. 440 00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,421 [CROWD APPLAUDS] 441 00:16:44,715 --> 00:16:46,591 If you screw this up, I will impeach you. 442 00:16:46,675 --> 00:16:48,775 I wrote the bylaws, so I know how to do it. 443 00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:51,220 But I'm very happy for you. 444 00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,639 But I will impeach you if necessary. 445 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:59,184 Anyways, Charles wanted me to reiterate how sorry he is, 446 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,060 but he got an emergency call 447 00:17:01,185 --> 00:17:03,645 and that is plausible because we're detectives. 448 00:17:03,729 --> 00:17:06,856 Well, is it a tough case? Because Charlie was acting so weird tonight. 449 00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:10,025 Mmm-hmm. Work has been so stressful. 450 00:17:10,234 --> 00:17:12,485 Speaking of, here is your coat. 451 00:17:12,777 --> 00:17:15,486 I've got to run. If you wouldn't mind using the back exit, 452 00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:17,071 it will be much safer. Trust me, I'm a cop. 453 00:17:17,155 --> 00:17:18,505 New York, right? [LAUGHING] 454 00:17:20,282 --> 00:17:22,450 Charles. What are you doing here? 455 00:17:22,951 --> 00:17:24,285 I am so close to getting you out of this. 456 00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:25,410 They're putting their coats on. 457 00:17:25,494 --> 00:17:27,704 Funny story. I was walking home, and I passed a pawn shop. 458 00:17:27,788 --> 00:17:30,289 And then, I went into a trance. And now, I have this engagement ring. 459 00:17:30,373 --> 00:17:31,498 No! Charles! 460 00:17:31,582 --> 00:17:33,374 Well, I'm going to go ask Vivian to marry me. 461 00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:34,584 Bye. No. 462 00:17:34,668 --> 00:17:35,793 Give me that. Jake! 463 00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:38,044 Give that back! I'm doing this for your own good. 464 00:17:38,128 --> 00:17:39,795 You've gone Full Boyle! I'm helping you out! 465 00:17:39,879 --> 00:17:41,338 Give me that ring or I'm going to pepper spray you. 466 00:17:41,422 --> 00:17:43,472 Pepper spray me, I will pepper spray you! 467 00:17:44,925 --> 00:17:45,926 Huh? Mmm. 468 00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:48,928 -No! -[BOTH SCREAMING] 469 00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:56,349 Crap! Crap! 470 00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:57,475 BOTH: Crap! Oh, crap! 471 00:17:57,559 --> 00:17:58,643 Ah, crap! Crap! 472 00:18:02,229 --> 00:18:03,605 Hey, buddy. 473 00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:05,606 I got you that fancy coffee you like. 474 00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:07,983 I don't want it. Oh, so expensive. 475 00:18:08,316 --> 00:18:09,526 How you holding up? 476 00:18:09,693 --> 00:18:11,234 I don't know, Jake. I've been better. 477 00:18:11,318 --> 00:18:14,668 Right. Look, I'm sorry I threw your ring in that boiling pork water. 478 00:18:14,988 --> 00:18:16,906 Yeah. Sorry I pepper sprayed you. 479 00:18:17,031 --> 00:18:18,615 I'm sorry I pepper sprayed you. [CHUCKLING] 480 00:18:18,699 --> 00:18:19,991 Burned like hell, right? Yeah. 481 00:18:20,075 --> 00:18:21,275 Thank God for that soda. 482 00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,702 [BOTH GRUNTING] 483 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:27,330 Oh. It's so sticky, but it feels so good. 484 00:18:28,372 --> 00:18:29,456 Ooh, cab. 485 00:18:29,665 --> 00:18:31,542 After you. Yes, sir. 486 00:18:34,335 --> 00:18:36,878 What are you two still doing here? Isn't your shift over? 487 00:18:36,962 --> 00:18:38,505 Something we need to take care of. 488 00:18:38,589 --> 00:18:40,589 Oh. Super Dan, over here. 489 00:18:40,673 --> 00:18:42,216 Thanks for coming. [SIGHS] 490 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,842 Great. You two? 491 00:18:44,134 --> 00:18:45,259 Look, if you guys want to make fun of me, 492 00:18:45,343 --> 00:18:47,928 just come down to Pita Paradise like everyone else does. 493 00:18:48,012 --> 00:18:49,386 We need your help. Why? 494 00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:50,596 What happened to Scully and Hitchcock? 495 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,580 They're busy cleaning Hitchcock's ear. 496 00:18:54,057 --> 00:18:55,058 SANTIAGO: Yeah. 497 00:18:55,392 --> 00:18:57,977 Did you witness any of these men selling narcotics? 498 00:18:58,227 --> 00:18:59,853 This is so official. 499 00:19:00,478 --> 00:19:01,896 Yeah, this guy. 500 00:19:02,022 --> 00:19:04,231 Number three. That's the mope we brought in. 501 00:19:05,024 --> 00:19:06,066 Yeah. Okay. 502 00:19:06,191 --> 00:19:07,691 We're going to need to take your statement. 503 00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:08,943 Spare no detail. 504 00:19:09,277 --> 00:19:10,444 Really? Mmm-hmm. 505 00:19:10,694 --> 00:19:12,195 Yeah. Okay. 506 00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:14,280 Um. All right. 507 00:19:14,405 --> 00:19:16,740 Well, uh, I was driving around my neighborhood 508 00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:18,908 in the DanMobile, which is my bike. 509 00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,076 Um, and… I know what we did wrong. 510 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,036 Yeah, we should have followed the rules, 511 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,662 but more importantly, 512 00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:27,665 we're supposed to help out everyone, no matter what. 513 00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,042 That's right. Nice work on the arrest. 514 00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,501 I got vaccinated that year. 515 00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:35,086 But then, I still got the flu. [LAUGHING] 516 00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:36,171 Whoa. 517 00:19:36,630 --> 00:19:38,922 Look, don't be bummed, man. It's going to be okay. 518 00:19:39,006 --> 00:19:40,006 No, it isn't. 519 00:19:40,090 --> 00:19:42,424 You can't be with me every minute of every day. 520 00:19:42,508 --> 00:19:44,260 I'm in love with this woman for real, 521 00:19:44,344 --> 00:19:46,386 and I'm going to go Full Boyle and scare her off. 522 00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:48,596 No. We can figure this out. All right? 523 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,180 I've still got your phone, so you're good there. 524 00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:52,514 Hey, hey, hey. I think we're gonna get robbed. 525 00:19:52,766 --> 00:19:53,808 I need to pull over. 526 00:19:54,643 --> 00:19:55,727 Flat tire. 527 00:19:57,811 --> 00:19:59,229 Give me your wallets. NYPD! 528 00:19:59,354 --> 00:20:00,938 You're under arrest for armed robbery! 529 00:20:01,022 --> 00:20:02,064 Little to the left, Charles. 530 00:20:02,148 --> 00:20:05,148 Yeah, I'm still not seeing great because of the pepper spray. 531 00:20:06,776 --> 00:20:09,487 Hey. Cab driver's in the interrogation room. 532 00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:11,488 You ready? Let's do it. 533 00:20:12,989 --> 00:20:15,324 Oh, no. What's this? What is this? 534 00:20:15,574 --> 00:20:17,200 Hey. I checked your phone. 535 00:20:17,325 --> 00:20:19,660 There were a hundred texts from Vivian, worried about you, 536 00:20:19,744 --> 00:20:21,327 a selfie that I can never unsee, 537 00:20:21,411 --> 00:20:22,829 and dozens of voice mails. 538 00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:25,414 VIVIAN [ON PHONE]: Hey, Chucklebunny, it's me. 539 00:20:25,498 --> 00:20:28,165 You disappeared last night, and you were acting weird and… 540 00:20:28,249 --> 00:20:30,649 And I'm worried it's because I'm moving too fast. 541 00:20:31,043 --> 00:20:33,169 I really want to see you and I know it's 3 a.m., 542 00:20:33,253 --> 00:20:35,462 but we should feed each other falafel in our underwear… 543 00:20:35,546 --> 00:20:36,547 Okay. 544 00:20:37,048 --> 00:20:38,756 I know it when I hear it. 545 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:39,841 She's Full Boyle. 546 00:20:40,008 --> 00:20:41,258 Full Boyle for Boyle. 547 00:20:41,342 --> 00:20:44,094 I took the liberty of texting her and telling her to come meet you here. 548 00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:46,262 I thought you might want to give her this. 549 00:20:46,596 --> 00:20:48,306 Or something considerably nicer. 550 00:20:48,472 --> 00:20:50,056 That is definitely not platinum. 551 00:20:50,140 --> 00:20:51,558 You really think this is a good idea? 552 00:20:51,642 --> 00:20:52,891 Buddy, I honestly don't know. 553 00:20:52,975 --> 00:20:55,060 But you're definitely not gonna scare her off. 554 00:20:55,144 --> 00:20:56,561 I say do whatever makes you happiest. 555 00:20:56,645 --> 00:20:57,937 Jakey, you're the best. 556 00:20:58,021 --> 00:20:59,188 Ah. [EXCLAIMING] 557 00:20:59,522 --> 00:21:01,440 Your body is trembling like a leaf. 558 00:21:01,524 --> 00:21:03,316 I'm so excited. 559 00:21:05,318 --> 00:21:06,985 Yes! Yes! Yes? 560 00:21:07,486 --> 00:21:10,488 Aw. Charles is engaged. 561 00:21:11,656 --> 00:21:13,657 You handled this really well, Peralta. 562 00:21:13,949 --> 00:21:16,075 I take back what I said about you being immature. 563 00:21:16,159 --> 00:21:18,452 Oh. Apology accepted, fart monster. 564 00:21:19,286 --> 00:21:20,536 Okay. 565 00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:21,996 Oh. Okay. Oh, boy. 566 00:21:23,455 --> 00:21:25,290 Yeah, this is turning into a live sex show. 567 00:21:25,374 --> 00:21:26,374 Yeah. Let's go. 568 00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:28,042 Oh, no, I wasn't saying it in a bad way. 569 00:21:28,126 --> 00:21:29,127 Jake. Yep. 570 00:21:29,544 --> 00:21:30,544 [HEAVY BREATHING] 571 00:21:31,128 --> 00:21:32,629 Although they can't see us. 572 00:21:32,713 --> 00:21:33,714 SANTIAGO: Jake! Yep.