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BOYLE: ♪ Drying dishes, yeah ♪
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[WHISTLING]
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Man, Charles has been
so happy and confident
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ever since he hooked
up with that professor
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at the Captain's party.
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[HEAVY BREATHING]
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She has tenure and also has 10 years,
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times two, older than him.
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That sucked. Yeah.
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It's nice to see him like this.
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JEFFORDS: He's so confident.
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This morning, he finally
corrected the barista
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when she called him Charlize.
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He's been living as
Charlize Broil for five years.
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It's great. It's all so great.
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He could take it down just a smidge.
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♪ If you like piña coladas ♪
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-Dead guy, Charles.
-Sorry.
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But whatever. I can handle the singing.
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I'm just so happy for that guy.
It's about time he caught a break.
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Sexy Train is leaving the station.
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Check out this caboose!
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Later, sluts.
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Just let him have it.
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Great job, Boyle.
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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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Peralta, where are we
with the Black Cab Holdups?
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Well… I got this, Jakey.
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Oh, all right. Have at it, man.
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GINA: Nice jeans, Boyle.
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Those are surprisingly low-waisted.
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Eyes up here, Gina.
I'm more than just a piece of ass.
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ALL: Ooh! [LAUGHING]
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Not bad. Not bad.
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An unlicensed cab driver
has been picking up tourists.
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Driver takes the vics down under the BQE,
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robs them at gunpoint,
leaves them stranded.
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Unfortunately, because they're tourists
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and our perp is not Caucasian,
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we don't have a clear
idea of what he looks like.
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He was either Latino, Arab,
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or Mexican. Either way, very Muslim.
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We'll go undercover,
dressed as out-of-towners,
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and hope the perp picks us up.
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Don't worry, Sarge. We'll nail this guy.
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I can't believe I was just
briefly attracted to Boyle!
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Ugh! Ugh.
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A Mr. Brain Jensen here to see you, sir.
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It's Brian.
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Mmm, not according to this note
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I wrote on my hand very quickly. "Brain."
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Captain Holt.
We recently met at the African-American
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Gay and Lesbian New York
City Policeman's Association.
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Uh, yes, that name is quite a mouthful.
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Just call it the AAGLNYCPA.
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Your organization has
meant so much to me.
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Uh, well, it's not my organization.
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I mean, I did found it, and I've been
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president for the last 25 years,
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and I oversee every detail.
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But really, it's our organization.
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It's yours. And out of respect for you
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and everything that you've done,
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I wanted to stop by and let you
know I'll be running for president.
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I hate to run against you,
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but I have some ideas for change
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that will bring AAGLNYCPA
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into the 21st century.
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I see. Well,
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it's been good meeting you,
and, uh, I wish you the very best.
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Thank you. Goodbye, Brain.
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It's… It's Brian.
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Very nice man.
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Yes, he is.
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Now, let's figure out how to
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destroy him.
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How did the interview with the victim go?
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Went okay. Guy was from Canada,
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said it was probably his
fault for getting robbed
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and apologized for wasting my time.
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Oh, Canada.
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Truly Odie to America's Garfield.
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Mmm-hmm.
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?
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I think I can get us some Nets tickets.
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No go, amigo.
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Tomorrow is Vivi's and
my big 20-day anniversary.
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I'm pulling out all the stops.
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Dinner at Le Bonbon
with 300 roses at the table.
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No. Oh, man.
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Then, a gondola ride
along the Gowanus Canal.
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No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
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And then, a skywriter's going
to write "Charles Loves V."
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I couldn't afford her full name.
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Okay. First of all, "Charles Loves
V" means something very specific,
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and I'm gonna guess,
not what you're intending.
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But more importantly,
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you're going Full Boyle.
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Pfft! What? I am not.
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What's Full Boyle? Any time
Charles gets into a new relationship,
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he gets way too intense, way too fast,
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and it always ends in heartbreak.
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We met on the subway.
We went out to dinner,
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and I told her I loved her.
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And my mom was so happy.
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And then, the barbershop
quartet I hired started to sing…
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And then, she broke up with me.
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And then she broke up with you. Yes!
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[CRYING] Oh, Joanna! No!
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Courtney!
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Rhonda!
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I know when I'm going Full Boyle.
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Trust me, this is different.
I have it under control.
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Got to go, Jakey.
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[SIGHS]
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Excuse me. Are you a detective?
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Oh, uh, who's asking?
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I'm Super Dan, scourge
of Brooklyn's underworld.
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And I need to talk to
an officer of the law.
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I'm busy right now
working on this excuse.
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I think Santiago is free.
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Hi. I'm Super Dan.
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And I have a crime to report.
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Oh, gosh.
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I am so sorry. I literally just retired.
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This is my retirement cake.
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Mmm. Thank you, guys.
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I'm going to miss this place.
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Why aren't you guys taking me seriously?
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Your cape. And your tights.
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And your name is Super Dan.
And I can kind of see your penis.
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And it's just all a rich tapestry.
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Yeah, well, I'm a citizen.
I'm from this neighborhood.
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So, the only reason I'm wearing
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this costume is so
when I'm fighting crime
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to help you guys, people
will respect my authority.
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How's that working out for you?
[GIGGLING]
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Detectives, when a citizen
comes in off the street,
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it is NYPD policy to take a statement.
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This isn't enough of a statement?
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Yes, I wanted to inquire about
renting out the Statue of Liberty
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for a romantic evening? Mmm-hmm.
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Is there a bed in the torch?
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No. Okay.
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I'll get back to you.
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Hey, there, Charles.
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I thought maybe we
should have a little chat
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about how crazy you're acting and
how you're blowing this beyond repair.
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Are you really qualified
to give romantic advice?
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You're not exactly the
king of mature relationships.
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Fair enough. But I would argue
that I am like a beautiful angel of love,
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who has trouble finding love for himself.
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Admit that you would see that movie.
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I would. Thank you for your honesty.
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But this is not about me.
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It's about Charles.
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I've seen this before,
buddy, and it is bad.
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Jake. I'm nowhere near Full Boyle.
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Then, prove it. Just push your
anniversary dinner one night.
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Say "Vivian, tomorrow doesn't work for me.
Can we reschedule?"
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If this will convince you,
I'm more than happy.
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No problem. Great.
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Voicemail. Yeah.
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God, I love how she says
the words, "You've reached…"
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Hi, Vivi. It's Chucklebunny.
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Oof.
I'm just calling about dinner tomorrow.
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I can't wait to see you, my
luscious little breakfast quiche.
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I just want to draw you a bubble bath
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and spoon-feed you caviar.
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I think we should open
up a joint checking account.
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I love you. What am I doing?
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It's okay.
I hung up right after "Chucklebunny".
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Help me. I've gone Full Boyle.
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I need to focus on my
re-election campaign.
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Clear my schedule.
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You really care about
this little club, huh?
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It's not a club. It's an organization
that I founded over 25 years ago.
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I'm proud to say we now have 50 members,
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but it wasn't so easy in the beginning.
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I'd like to request discretionary funds
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to start an organization supporting
black gay and lesbian police officers.
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They never actually said no,
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so I just went ahead and did it.
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I've poured my heart and
soul into this organization,
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and I'm not gonna just
give up the presidency.
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You should make me your campaign manager.
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I was born for politics.
I have great hair,
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and I love lying.
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Find out everything you
can about this Jensen.
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I'll work on my speech.
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How's this for an opening joke?
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"You know what the toughest part
about being a gay black police officer is?
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"The discrimination."
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I believe that's what you
call observational humor.
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Probably. That's great.
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Ah.
All right, let's go over our disguises.
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I am Herbert Goffleman from San Diego.
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I came here to stand in the
cold outside The Today Show
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holding a sign with a
misspelled word on it.
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Oh, you know what? You win.
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That neon green fanny
pack screams gullible tourist.
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It's mine. I brought it from home.
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Oh.
Hey, can I have my phone back, please?
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00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:52,084
Uh, no. Because you will call Vivian,
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and you have the worst case
of Full Boyle I've ever seen.
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Huh? I found this, by the way.
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You wrote "Mr.
Charles Ludley" over a thousand times.
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Why would you take her last name, Boyle?
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00:08:00,466 --> 00:08:01,758
[SIGHS] Look.
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00:08:01,842 --> 00:08:04,844
For the last two years, I've
been directing all my love at Rosa.
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So, my emotions just piled up.
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And now, with Vivian, my
feelings are spraying out of me
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like a fire hose. Ugh!
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00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:11,348
That is overtly sexual.
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00:08:11,432 --> 00:08:12,932
Jake, I'm going to ruin it.
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You got to help me.
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All right, here's the plan.
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I'll text Vivian from your phone
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and tell her you want
it to be a double date.
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00:08:19,271 --> 00:08:20,730
That way, I can come with
you and hold your hand.
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Then, your hand will be on her butt
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because my hand will be on her butt.
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00:08:23,107 --> 00:08:24,483
You've got to get it together, man.
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00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:26,110
I told you I need help!
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Hey, can I get your file on
that Atlantic Avenue drug ring?
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00:08:29,654 --> 00:08:31,321
Sarge gave me and Scully the case.
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00:08:31,405 --> 00:08:32,823
What? Oh.
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Why did you do that? I…
I know I deserved it, but why?
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Sarge, you reassigned our drug case?
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Diaz and I have been
working it for three months.
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Remember Super Dan?
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The guy you ignored and made fun of?
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He's been perching on rooftops at night,
secretly taking photos of drug deals.
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He has thousands of images
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and can ID the entire network of dealers.
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What?
But you refused to take his statement
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because he had a cape on.
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Luckily, Hitchcock
and Scully didn't mind.
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I didn't even notice
he was wearing a cape.
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You're a cop.
You should have noticed that.
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We screwed up. Message received.
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Yep. Be nicer to virgins.
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00:09:05,971 --> 00:09:06,971
She doesn't speak for me.
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00:09:07,055 --> 00:09:08,755
You're not getting your case back.
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00:09:09,765 --> 00:09:13,685
Okay. Here's what I found
out about our competition.
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"Brian Jensen, born 1899,
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00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:19,271
"served in the Navy during World War One.
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00:09:19,355 --> 00:09:21,691
"A hero at the Battle of Scimitar Hill,
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00:09:21,816 --> 00:09:24,516
"Jensen perished in a
factory fire in the Netherlands."
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00:09:25,776 --> 00:09:27,569
This may be a different Brian Jensen.
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00:09:27,653 --> 00:09:29,237
I've never been in this position before.
251
00:09:29,321 --> 00:09:31,031
I've always run unopposed.
252
00:09:31,281 --> 00:09:32,739
If you want to compete,
253
00:09:32,823 --> 00:09:36,076
you're gonna have to
have a little more pizzazz.
254
00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:37,785
Couple ideas for you.
255
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,869
The obvious place to start would be you
256
00:09:39,953 --> 00:09:43,580
in a silver suit, with
sunglasses and roller skates.
257
00:09:43,664 --> 00:09:45,499
The candidate of fun.
258
00:09:46,292 --> 00:09:47,375
What's your second idea?
259
00:09:47,459 --> 00:09:50,128
Nada. Thought I had a
slam dunk on the first one.
260
00:09:53,922 --> 00:09:56,674
Hi, there.
We'd like to go to the Times Square.
261
00:09:56,758 --> 00:09:58,133
We're brothers.
262
00:09:58,217 --> 00:09:59,425
[PHONE CHIMING]
263
00:09:59,509 --> 00:10:01,218
We're all set for the
double-date tonight.
264
00:10:01,302 --> 00:10:03,846
Vivian's bringing her friend Bernice.
265
00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,389
Bernice?
That sounds like a cartoon dump truck.
266
00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,348
Mmm. Whatever.
That's probably for the best.
267
00:10:08,432 --> 00:10:09,891
I don't need any distractions.
268
00:10:09,975 --> 00:10:11,559
My mission is to protect you.
269
00:10:11,643 --> 00:10:12,726
All right.
270
00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,103
Hey, this guy's going the right way.
271
00:10:14,187 --> 00:10:15,395
We should get out and try again.
272
00:10:15,479 --> 00:10:16,679
You can let us off here.
273
00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:23,443
Hey. We would like to buy some bagels.
274
00:10:23,693 --> 00:10:25,402
And where is the Sex and the City street?
275
00:10:25,486 --> 00:10:27,195
We wanna see where Carrie and Big live.
276
00:10:27,279 --> 00:10:29,071
I'm a Carrie. I think I'm a Carrie.
277
00:10:29,155 --> 00:10:30,865
BOTH: We're both Carries.
278
00:10:31,824 --> 00:10:33,408
PERALTA: All right, let's
prepare for the date tonight.
279
00:10:33,492 --> 00:10:35,410
Here's the things you're
not allowed to talk about.
280
00:10:35,494 --> 00:10:37,912
Love, poetry, music, or passion.
281
00:10:38,287 --> 00:10:39,412
We don't have to talk at all.
282
00:10:39,496 --> 00:10:40,955
I'll just stare into her eyes.
283
00:10:41,039 --> 00:10:44,082
They're like little drops of
cilantro reduction on lily white flan.
284
00:10:44,166 --> 00:10:45,960
Okay, now, see, no food talk.
285
00:10:46,126 --> 00:10:48,961
It sets off something primal
and disgusting in both of you.
286
00:10:49,045 --> 00:10:50,503
It makes me want to barf. You're right.
287
00:10:50,587 --> 00:10:51,880
But if you feel like you can't handle it,
288
00:10:51,964 --> 00:10:53,213
we need a signal.
289
00:10:53,297 --> 00:10:57,175
I'll do this. [IMITATING LASERS FIRING]
290
00:10:57,676 --> 00:10:59,886
-And how would you do that naturally?
-[MUTTERS] I don't know.
291
00:10:59,970 --> 00:11:01,386
This guy's clean, by the way.
292
00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:02,888
Can we pull over, please?
293
00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:04,514
[BOYLE SIGHING]
294
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:05,765
There she is.
295
00:11:05,890 --> 00:11:07,016
I don't know if I can do this.
296
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,600
Listen to me. I am with you all night,
297
00:11:08,684 --> 00:11:11,560
and nothing will distract me from
my solemn vow to protect you.
298
00:11:11,644 --> 00:11:12,728
Okay? Okay.
299
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,438
Vivian, you look beautiful.
I love your dress.
300
00:11:15,563 --> 00:11:18,190
Oh, you too, Charlie.
You look so handsome.
301
00:11:18,357 --> 00:11:19,816
[GIGGLES]
302
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,651
Steady. Steady.
303
00:11:21,859 --> 00:11:23,861
Jake, this is my friend, Bernice.
304
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:26,405
Uh, hello. I'm Jack… tractive.
305
00:11:26,989 --> 00:11:28,198
"Jack-tractive?"
306
00:11:28,364 --> 00:11:31,075
Yes. My parents were hippies.
307
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,036
Let's eat.
308
00:11:37,705 --> 00:11:39,955
BERNICE: Okay. So, Jake, you're a cop?
309
00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:41,790
I wanted to be a cop when I was a kid,
310
00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:43,709
mostly because I love Die Hard.
311
00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:46,377
Die Hard. Really?
312
00:11:46,502 --> 00:11:48,045
Mmm-hmm. Well, that makes sense.
313
00:11:48,129 --> 00:11:50,338
Everyone loves that movie.
Oh, not like me.
314
00:11:50,588 --> 00:11:52,964
I sleep in a Nakatomi
Plaza Security t-shirt.
315
00:11:53,048 --> 00:11:55,134
Ah. Oh, no.
316
00:11:55,259 --> 00:11:56,759
What kind of dogs do you like?
317
00:11:56,926 --> 00:11:58,427
I mean, you know, just hypothetically.
318
00:11:58,511 --> 00:11:59,677
If we were to get a dog.
319
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:01,471
Oh, I love all dogs.
320
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:05,349
Uh, when I was a kid, I had the
cutest golden retriever named Rufus.
321
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,308
That is the most amazing
thing I've ever heard.
322
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:09,352
-I want to meet him.
-PERALTA: Charles.
323
00:12:09,894 --> 00:12:12,270
Why don't you tell Vivian
about the 10-day forecast?
324
00:12:12,354 --> 00:12:14,063
Oh. Good idea.
325
00:12:14,188 --> 00:12:15,189
-PERALTA: Sorry about that.
-BERNICE: Mmm-hmm.
326
00:12:15,273 --> 00:12:17,440
So, if you're not a cop,
then what do you do?
327
00:12:17,524 --> 00:12:19,943
I'm in grad school. I thought
about maybe being a sports reporter,
328
00:12:20,027 --> 00:12:22,611
but it would be impossible
for me to be objective.
329
00:12:22,695 --> 00:12:24,403
I love the Nets so much.
330
00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:25,947
You're a Nets fan? I love the Nets.
331
00:12:26,031 --> 00:12:28,532
Oh, my God.
This season has been a disaster, right?
332
00:12:28,741 --> 00:12:31,242
Yes.
And everybody blames it on Jason Kidd.
333
00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:33,285
PERALTA: Yes.
But it's like, at a certain point,
334
00:12:33,369 --> 00:12:34,953
Billy King is the one
who put the team together.
335
00:12:35,037 --> 00:12:36,329
-Yes.
-[BOYLE GIGGLING]
336
00:12:36,413 --> 00:12:37,705
I love rainy days.
337
00:12:37,789 --> 00:12:39,139
My mother loves rainy days.
338
00:12:39,373 --> 00:12:40,875
You should meet her.
339
00:12:41,584 --> 00:12:43,542
Excuse me…
[IMITATING LASERS FIRING] Our signal.
340
00:12:43,626 --> 00:12:45,502
Uh, here's a question for the group.
341
00:12:45,794 --> 00:12:48,339
What is the longest funeral
you've ever attended?
342
00:12:48,464 --> 00:12:49,464
Ladies first.
343
00:12:50,048 --> 00:12:52,507
GINA: On behalf of
Captain Holt, Floorgasm.
344
00:12:52,591 --> 00:12:54,259
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
345
00:12:55,010 --> 00:13:01,848
Hands in the air, fists
pumping like champs
346
00:13:02,223 --> 00:13:04,266
Pumping like champs, pumping like champs
347
00:13:04,475 --> 00:13:06,893
Tramp stamp, bam
348
00:13:08,269 --> 00:13:09,270
GINA: Did you like it?
349
00:13:09,354 --> 00:13:12,064
It was inspired by the city of New York,
350
00:13:12,230 --> 00:13:15,580
in that I stole it from some kids I
saw dancing in a subway station.
351
00:13:15,691 --> 00:13:17,901
All of you, go home immediately.
352
00:13:18,151 --> 00:13:19,151
Ugh.
353
00:13:19,235 --> 00:13:21,611
I appreciate the effort, Gina,
but I can't risk losing this election.
354
00:13:21,695 --> 00:13:23,697
The AAGLNYCPA means too much.
355
00:13:24,030 --> 00:13:25,730
Let me rehearse my speech. [SIGHS]
356
00:13:26,032 --> 00:13:28,449
Do you want a president
who struggled against all odds
357
00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:30,118
to create this great organization,
358
00:13:30,202 --> 00:13:31,827
or do you want a great nothing
359
00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,954
who struggled against
nothing-odds to create nothing?
360
00:13:35,330 --> 00:13:36,664
-Yikes.
-[DOOR OPENING]
361
00:13:38,082 --> 00:13:39,374
HOLT: The meeting is beginning.
362
00:13:39,458 --> 00:13:40,709
The stakes are very high for me.
363
00:13:40,793 --> 00:13:45,962
I'm getting nervous.
My stomach is in flux.
364
00:13:47,005 --> 00:13:48,547
You know, in the court of Louis XI,
365
00:13:48,631 --> 00:13:50,382
women would only eat consommé
366
00:13:50,466 --> 00:13:53,259
because they were worried that
chewing would give them wrinkles.
367
00:13:53,343 --> 00:13:55,511
I love it when you talk broth.
368
00:13:55,844 --> 00:13:58,430
Hey, Charles, remember that
dog we found on the train tracks?
369
00:13:58,514 --> 00:14:01,098
Was it inside-out or just
very badly burned? Inside-out.
370
00:14:01,182 --> 00:14:02,974
PERALTA: Yeah, 'cause there
were things on the outside that
371
00:14:03,058 --> 00:14:04,434
definitely should have
been on the inside.
372
00:14:04,518 --> 00:14:06,268
-Definition of inside-out.
-PERALTA: Bingo.
373
00:14:06,352 --> 00:14:07,561
Will you excuse us?
374
00:14:07,645 --> 00:14:09,270
Bernice and I are going to
going to use the ladies' room.
375
00:14:09,354 --> 00:14:10,397
Ooh.
376
00:14:10,522 --> 00:14:11,523
Hurry back.
377
00:14:12,065 --> 00:14:13,064
Uh. Oh, no.
378
00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:14,524
Jake, I can't stop looking at her butt.
379
00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:16,650
Yeah, you are definitely
making her uncomfortable.
380
00:14:16,734 --> 00:14:19,069
And this beautiful
basketball-loving Die Hard fan is
381
00:14:19,153 --> 00:14:20,737
tearing down my walls of defenses.
382
00:14:20,821 --> 00:14:22,238
If we find out that she is half-Jewish,
383
00:14:22,322 --> 00:14:24,022
-we are all doomed!
-[SIGHS] I know.
384
00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,949
I borrowed the waiter's
phone when you weren't looking
385
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,658
and bought me and Vivian
plane tickets to Rome.
386
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,452
What? We leave in two hours.
387
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,453
Terrible itinerary.
We connect through Vietnam.
388
00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:33,121
Just go home.
Get out of here and regroup.
389
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,039
I'll take of everything.
I'll tell them it was an emergency.
390
00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:36,124
Thank you.
391
00:14:36,707 --> 00:14:38,541
Can you make it a work emergency?
Not a bathroom one.
392
00:14:38,625 --> 00:14:40,375
Kinda wanna make it a bathroom one.
393
00:14:41,252 --> 00:14:43,086
Sarge, you made your point.
394
00:14:43,170 --> 00:14:44,879
We messed up. But this is a big case,
395
00:14:44,963 --> 00:14:46,672
and Hitchcock and Scully
are going to screw it up.
396
00:14:46,756 --> 00:14:48,256
I'm sure they can handle it.
397
00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:50,490
They have a combined
50 years of experience.
398
00:14:50,843 --> 00:14:53,052
This morning, I found
Scully's gun in the freezer,
399
00:14:53,136 --> 00:14:54,303
in the frozen yogurt.
400
00:14:54,429 --> 00:14:56,179
I think he was using it as a spoon.
401
00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,688
The truth is, I had to
give them the case.
402
00:14:58,973 --> 00:15:00,266
You insulted Super Dan.
403
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,583
He refuses to cooperate with you.
404
00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:03,684
We weren't that bad.
405
00:15:03,768 --> 00:15:05,935
You told him his super power
was being so embarrassing
406
00:15:06,019 --> 00:15:07,771
that people laugh themselves to death.
407
00:15:07,855 --> 00:15:09,230
Yeah.
408
00:15:10,314 --> 00:15:12,149
For those of you who don't know me,
409
00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:13,483
I'm Officer Brian Jensen.
410
00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,403
Listen to him talk. He has no gravitas.
411
00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:19,988
Do you know what gravitas sounds like?
412
00:15:20,363 --> 00:15:22,657
Greetings, all.
413
00:15:22,781 --> 00:15:25,909
For example, details about this
organization should be included
414
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,576
in NYPD recruitment literature
415
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,244
-and on the website.
-[MURMURING]
416
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,120
He actually has some good ideas.
417
00:15:31,204 --> 00:15:33,747
Maybe you shouldn't be
so quick to dismiss him.
418
00:15:33,831 --> 00:15:36,231
Like you were with a
certain amazing dance troop.
419
00:15:36,459 --> 00:15:37,750
He isn't fit to be president.
420
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:40,960
He hasn't spent the last 25 years
fighting to build this organization.
421
00:15:41,044 --> 00:15:42,171
Right. Is that bad?
422
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:47,216
I thought you created
AAGLNYCPA or whatever,
423
00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:49,258
so people like him
wouldn't have to go through
424
00:15:49,342 --> 00:15:50,442
what you went through.
425
00:15:50,594 --> 00:15:52,928
Isn't it a good thing that
Brian Jensen didn't have
426
00:15:53,012 --> 00:15:56,973
to struggle for 25 years
just to get up on this stage?
427
00:15:57,599 --> 00:16:00,601
Thank you all for your time.
I hope you vote for me.
428
00:16:05,979 --> 00:16:07,355
Greetings, all.
429
00:16:08,856 --> 00:16:12,566
You know what the toughest part about
being a gay, black police officer is?
430
00:16:12,650 --> 00:16:13,651
The discrimination.
431
00:16:16,612 --> 00:16:17,696
What?
432
00:16:18,572 --> 00:16:20,406
At the very first meeting
of the AAGLNYCPA,
433
00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:22,365
I was elected president unanimously.
434
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,410
Because I was the only
member and I voted for myself.
435
00:16:25,494 --> 00:16:27,870
But after 25 years of struggle,
436
00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:30,371
I am no longer the only member,
437
00:16:30,455 --> 00:16:33,373
and I look forward to casting
my vote for someone else.
438
00:16:33,665 --> 00:16:37,502
That is why I withdraw my name
from consideration as president.
439
00:16:38,503 --> 00:16:39,794
Congratulations, Brian.
440
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,421
[CROWD APPLAUDS]
441
00:16:44,715 --> 00:16:46,591
If you screw this up, I will impeach you.
442
00:16:46,675 --> 00:16:48,775
I wrote the bylaws,
so I know how to do it.
443
00:16:49,052 --> 00:16:51,220
But I'm very happy for you.
444
00:16:52,012 --> 00:16:54,639
But I will impeach you if necessary.
445
00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:59,184
Anyways, Charles wanted
me to reiterate how sorry he is,
446
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,060
but he got an emergency call
447
00:17:01,185 --> 00:17:03,645
and that is plausible
because we're detectives.
448
00:17:03,729 --> 00:17:06,856
Well, is it a tough case? Because
Charlie was acting so weird tonight.
449
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:10,025
Mmm-hmm. Work has been so stressful.
450
00:17:10,234 --> 00:17:12,485
Speaking of, here is your coat.
451
00:17:12,777 --> 00:17:15,486
I've got to run.
If you wouldn't mind using the back exit,
452
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:17,071
it will be much safer.
Trust me, I'm a cop.
453
00:17:17,155 --> 00:17:18,505
New York, right? [LAUGHING]
454
00:17:20,282 --> 00:17:22,450
Charles. What are you doing here?
455
00:17:22,951 --> 00:17:24,285
I am so close to getting you out of this.
456
00:17:24,369 --> 00:17:25,410
They're putting their coats on.
457
00:17:25,494 --> 00:17:27,704
Funny story. I was walking
home, and I passed a pawn shop.
458
00:17:27,788 --> 00:17:30,289
And then, I went into a trance.
And now, I have this engagement ring.
459
00:17:30,373 --> 00:17:31,498
No! Charles!
460
00:17:31,582 --> 00:17:33,374
Well, I'm going to go
ask Vivian to marry me.
461
00:17:33,458 --> 00:17:34,584
Bye. No.
462
00:17:34,668 --> 00:17:35,793
Give me that. Jake!
463
00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:38,044
Give that back!
I'm doing this for your own good.
464
00:17:38,128 --> 00:17:39,795
You've gone Full Boyle!
I'm helping you out!
465
00:17:39,879 --> 00:17:41,338
Give me that ring or I'm
going to pepper spray you.
466
00:17:41,422 --> 00:17:43,472
Pepper spray me, I will pepper spray you!
467
00:17:44,925 --> 00:17:45,926
Huh? Mmm.
468
00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:48,928
-No!
-[BOTH SCREAMING]
469
00:17:55,266 --> 00:17:56,349
Crap! Crap!
470
00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:57,475
BOTH: Crap! Oh, crap!
471
00:17:57,559 --> 00:17:58,643
Ah, crap! Crap!
472
00:18:02,229 --> 00:18:03,605
Hey, buddy.
473
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:05,606
I got you that fancy coffee you like.
474
00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:07,983
I don't want it. Oh, so expensive.
475
00:18:08,316 --> 00:18:09,526
How you holding up?
476
00:18:09,693 --> 00:18:11,234
I don't know, Jake. I've been better.
477
00:18:11,318 --> 00:18:14,668
Right. Look, I'm sorry I threw
your ring in that boiling pork water.
478
00:18:14,988 --> 00:18:16,906
Yeah. Sorry I pepper sprayed you.
479
00:18:17,031 --> 00:18:18,615
I'm sorry I pepper sprayed you.
[CHUCKLING]
480
00:18:18,699 --> 00:18:19,991
Burned like hell, right? Yeah.
481
00:18:20,075 --> 00:18:21,275
Thank God for that soda.
482
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,702
[BOTH GRUNTING]
483
00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:27,330
Oh. It's so sticky, but it feels so good.
484
00:18:28,372 --> 00:18:29,456
Ooh, cab.
485
00:18:29,665 --> 00:18:31,542
After you. Yes, sir.
486
00:18:34,335 --> 00:18:36,878
What are you two still doing here?
Isn't your shift over?
487
00:18:36,962 --> 00:18:38,505
Something we need to take care of.
488
00:18:38,589 --> 00:18:40,589
Oh. Super Dan, over here.
489
00:18:40,673 --> 00:18:42,216
Thanks for coming. [SIGHS]
490
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,842
Great. You two?
491
00:18:44,134 --> 00:18:45,259
Look, if you guys want to make fun of me,
492
00:18:45,343 --> 00:18:47,928
just come down to Pita
Paradise like everyone else does.
493
00:18:48,012 --> 00:18:49,386
We need your help. Why?
494
00:18:49,470 --> 00:18:50,596
What happened to Scully and Hitchcock?
495
00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:52,580
They're busy cleaning Hitchcock's ear.
496
00:18:54,057 --> 00:18:55,058
SANTIAGO: Yeah.
497
00:18:55,392 --> 00:18:57,977
Did you witness any of
these men selling narcotics?
498
00:18:58,227 --> 00:18:59,853
This is so official.
499
00:19:00,478 --> 00:19:01,896
Yeah, this guy.
500
00:19:02,022 --> 00:19:04,231
Number three.
That's the mope we brought in.
501
00:19:05,024 --> 00:19:06,066
Yeah. Okay.
502
00:19:06,191 --> 00:19:07,691
We're going to need
to take your statement.
503
00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:08,943
Spare no detail.
504
00:19:09,277 --> 00:19:10,444
Really? Mmm-hmm.
505
00:19:10,694 --> 00:19:12,195
Yeah. Okay.
506
00:19:12,654 --> 00:19:14,280
Um. All right.
507
00:19:14,405 --> 00:19:16,740
Well, uh, I was driving
around my neighborhood
508
00:19:16,824 --> 00:19:18,908
in the DanMobile, which is my bike.
509
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,076
Um, and… I know what we did wrong.
510
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,036
Yeah, we should have followed the rules,
511
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,662
but more importantly,
512
00:19:25,163 --> 00:19:27,665
we're supposed to help out
everyone, no matter what.
513
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:30,042
That's right. Nice work on the arrest.
514
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:32,501
I got vaccinated that year.
515
00:19:33,002 --> 00:19:35,086
But then, I still got the flu. [LAUGHING]
516
00:19:35,170 --> 00:19:36,171
Whoa.
517
00:19:36,630 --> 00:19:38,922
Look, don't be bummed, man.
It's going to be okay.
518
00:19:39,006 --> 00:19:40,006
No, it isn't.
519
00:19:40,090 --> 00:19:42,424
You can't be with me
every minute of every day.
520
00:19:42,508 --> 00:19:44,260
I'm in love with this woman for real,
521
00:19:44,344 --> 00:19:46,386
and I'm going to go Full
Boyle and scare her off.
522
00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:48,596
No. We can figure this out. All right?
523
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,180
I've still got your phone,
so you're good there.
524
00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:52,514
Hey, hey, hey.
I think we're gonna get robbed.
525
00:19:52,766 --> 00:19:53,808
I need to pull over.
526
00:19:54,643 --> 00:19:55,727
Flat tire.
527
00:19:57,811 --> 00:19:59,229
Give me your wallets. NYPD!
528
00:19:59,354 --> 00:20:00,938
You're under arrest for armed robbery!
529
00:20:01,022 --> 00:20:02,064
Little to the left, Charles.
530
00:20:02,148 --> 00:20:05,148
Yeah, I'm still not seeing great
because of the pepper spray.
531
00:20:06,776 --> 00:20:09,487
Hey.
Cab driver's in the interrogation room.
532
00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:11,488
You ready? Let's do it.
533
00:20:12,989 --> 00:20:15,324
Oh, no. What's this? What is this?
534
00:20:15,574 --> 00:20:17,200
Hey. I checked your phone.
535
00:20:17,325 --> 00:20:19,660
There were a hundred texts
from Vivian, worried about you,
536
00:20:19,744 --> 00:20:21,327
a selfie that I can never unsee,
537
00:20:21,411 --> 00:20:22,829
and dozens of voice mails.
538
00:20:23,913 --> 00:20:25,414
VIVIAN [ON PHONE]:
Hey, Chucklebunny, it's me.
539
00:20:25,498 --> 00:20:28,165
You disappeared last night,
and you were acting weird and…
540
00:20:28,249 --> 00:20:30,649
And I'm worried it's
because I'm moving too fast.
541
00:20:31,043 --> 00:20:33,169
I really want to see you
and I know it's 3 a.m.,
542
00:20:33,253 --> 00:20:35,462
but we should feed each
other falafel in our underwear…
543
00:20:35,546 --> 00:20:36,547
Okay.
544
00:20:37,048 --> 00:20:38,756
I know it when I hear it.
545
00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:39,841
She's Full Boyle.
546
00:20:40,008 --> 00:20:41,258
Full Boyle for Boyle.
547
00:20:41,342 --> 00:20:44,094
I took the liberty of texting her and
telling her to come meet you here.
548
00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:46,262
I thought you might
want to give her this.
549
00:20:46,596 --> 00:20:48,306
Or something considerably nicer.
550
00:20:48,472 --> 00:20:50,056
That is definitely not platinum.
551
00:20:50,140 --> 00:20:51,558
You really think this is a good idea?
552
00:20:51,642 --> 00:20:52,891
Buddy, I honestly don't know.
553
00:20:52,975 --> 00:20:55,060
But you're definitely
not gonna scare her off.
554
00:20:55,144 --> 00:20:56,561
I say do whatever makes you happiest.
555
00:20:56,645 --> 00:20:57,937
Jakey, you're the best.
556
00:20:58,021 --> 00:20:59,188
Ah. [EXCLAIMING]
557
00:20:59,522 --> 00:21:01,440
Your body is trembling like a leaf.
558
00:21:01,524 --> 00:21:03,316
I'm so excited.
559
00:21:05,318 --> 00:21:06,985
Yes! Yes! Yes?
560
00:21:07,486 --> 00:21:10,488
Aw. Charles is engaged.
561
00:21:11,656 --> 00:21:13,657
You handled this really well, Peralta.
562
00:21:13,949 --> 00:21:16,075
I take back what I said
about you being immature.
563
00:21:16,159 --> 00:21:18,452
Oh. Apology accepted, fart monster.
564
00:21:19,286 --> 00:21:20,536
Okay.
565
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:21,996
Oh. Okay. Oh, boy.
566
00:21:23,455 --> 00:21:25,290
Yeah, this is turning
into a live sex show.
567
00:21:25,374 --> 00:21:26,374
Yeah. Let's go.
568
00:21:26,458 --> 00:21:28,042
Oh, no, I wasn't saying it in a bad way.
569
00:21:28,126 --> 00:21:29,127
Jake. Yep.
570
00:21:29,544 --> 00:21:30,544
[HEAVY BREATHING]
571
00:21:31,128 --> 00:21:32,629
Although they can't see us.
572
00:21:32,713 --> 00:21:33,714
SANTIAGO: Jake! Yep.