1
00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:03,817
We've busted murderers.
2
00:00:04,234 --> 00:00:05,902
We've taken down cartels.
3
00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:08,527
But today, we face the
worst New York has to offer.
4
00:00:09,322 --> 00:00:11,032
The Fire Department.
5
00:00:12,409 --> 00:00:14,578
Fire Marshall Boone, we meet again.
6
00:00:14,662 --> 00:00:17,456
Detective Peralta.
Your fly's down. I made you look.
7
00:00:17,540 --> 00:00:20,000
I didn't look, and I'm wearing shorts.
There is no fly.
8
00:00:20,084 --> 00:00:21,084
That's not what your mom said.
9
00:00:21,168 --> 00:00:22,169
You make no sense.
10
00:00:22,253 --> 00:00:23,921
And now I'm inside your head.
11
00:00:24,005 --> 00:00:25,006
Prepare to die.
12
00:00:25,881 --> 00:00:26,965
Blue 52!
13
00:00:27,049 --> 00:00:28,342
Hut!
14
00:00:29,844 --> 00:00:30,845
[GRUNTS]
15
00:00:33,806 --> 00:00:34,807
[ALL CHEERING]
16
00:00:42,189 --> 00:00:43,191
[ALL GRUNTING]
17
00:00:47,738 --> 00:00:49,989
You don't have to dance every time!
18
00:00:50,073 --> 00:00:52,951
True. But I choose to dance every time.
19
00:00:53,035 --> 00:00:54,036
[LAUGHS]
20
00:00:56,455 --> 00:00:58,665
You have one play.
You give the ball to Jeffords
21
00:00:58,749 --> 00:00:59,899
and he runs it in. I…
22
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,417
I'd like to see you score one.
23
00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:03,301
Good. 'Cause you're about to see it.
24
00:01:03,545 --> 00:01:05,545
You're about to see it straight to hell.
25
00:01:07,215 --> 00:01:08,216
Hut, hut!
26
00:01:09,926 --> 00:01:10,928
Now, Terry!
27
00:01:14,682 --> 00:01:15,766
Yeah!
28
00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:17,852
I did it! I did it alone!
29
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:21,147
I'm the king of the world! Whoo!
30
00:01:21,272 --> 00:01:23,274
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
31
00:01:41,460 --> 00:01:44,337
♪ Cream in my coffee and rock and rolli ♪
32
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:45,922
Peralta. Ah. Captain Holt.
33
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,007
You look very…
34
00:01:47,925 --> 00:01:49,025
Sad? I can never tell.
35
00:01:49,551 --> 00:01:51,052
Don't you have a murder
suspect to question?
36
00:01:51,136 --> 00:01:53,263
He's in the interrogation
room, as we speak,
37
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:55,307
sitting and, I assume, stewing.
38
00:01:55,808 --> 00:01:58,686
I put on a song that I think
sums up his situation nicely.
39
00:01:58,977 --> 00:02:00,062
[MUSIC PLAYING]
40
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:03,107
♪ I got you, babe ♪
41
00:02:03,774 --> 00:02:06,151
Because you see… You got him, babe.
42
00:02:06,443 --> 00:02:08,195
I understood the wordplay, yes. Huh.
43
00:02:08,279 --> 00:02:10,364
I've been chasing this
guy for three months.
44
00:02:10,448 --> 00:02:11,657
I've got him dead to rights.
45
00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:13,891
Fingerprints, witnesses… It's in the bag.
46
00:02:14,035 --> 00:02:16,871
So, I'm just gonna
grab a healthy breakfast.
47
00:02:16,955 --> 00:02:19,305
Are those gummy bears
wrapped in a fruit rollup?
48
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:22,252
Breakfast burrito. But, yeah.
49
00:02:22,377 --> 00:02:23,878
I pity your dentist. Ah.
50
00:02:24,087 --> 00:02:26,005
Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.
51
00:02:26,131 --> 00:02:27,132
SANTIAGO: Jake!
52
00:02:27,632 --> 00:02:29,232
Jake. Uh-oh. This can't be good.
53
00:02:29,676 --> 00:02:31,376
Major Crimes division just called.
54
00:02:31,845 --> 00:02:33,695
They're taking over your murder case.
55
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,891
The Vulture is on his way here now.
56
00:02:36,058 --> 00:02:37,059
No!
57
00:02:37,184 --> 00:02:39,227
Doesn't that guy get
tired of stealing our cases?
58
00:02:39,311 --> 00:02:41,261
He took one from me and Rosa last week.
59
00:02:41,647 --> 00:02:42,648
PERALTA: NYPD. Stop!
60
00:02:43,023 --> 00:02:45,823
Ugh! You made us run up
10 flights of stairs. It's over.
61
00:02:46,402 --> 00:02:48,362
Thanks, guys. I got it from here.
62
00:02:49,488 --> 00:02:52,366
Don't worry. We can stall him
until you get the confession.
63
00:02:52,450 --> 00:02:53,659
We rehearsed this, you guys.
64
00:02:53,743 --> 00:02:55,911
This isn't a drill.
Everyone know their assignments?
65
00:02:55,995 --> 00:02:56,996
All right, hands in.
66
00:02:58,038 --> 00:02:59,738
Commence Operation Broken Feather.
67
00:03:00,207 --> 00:03:01,208
And, go!
68
00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:03,044
Okay, Gus.
69
00:03:03,795 --> 00:03:06,895
I don't have a lot of time.
I need your full signed confession.
70
00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:08,591
We have four minutes. We can do this.
71
00:03:08,675 --> 00:03:09,676
But I'm not guilty.
72
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:10,761
Listen to me, Gus.
73
00:03:11,636 --> 00:03:13,889
We can do this, son.
74
00:03:14,681 --> 00:03:15,682
Yo!
75
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,851
Is this a police station or a toilet?
Because all I see is turds.
76
00:03:18,935 --> 00:03:19,936
[LAUGHS]
77
00:03:20,187 --> 00:03:21,337
Oh, Detective Pembroke.
78
00:03:25,025 --> 00:03:27,527
Oh, no!
I spilled coffee on you by accident.
79
00:03:28,028 --> 00:03:29,878
Lucky for you this wipes off quickly.
80
00:03:30,113 --> 00:03:31,863
This coat's made out of whale skin.
81
00:03:32,158 --> 00:03:34,558
The Vulture still flies.
The Vulture still flies.
82
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,121
Hey, Pembroke.
83
00:03:37,205 --> 00:03:38,872
What do you say we go talk
about a case in the break room?
84
00:03:38,956 --> 00:03:40,082
Oh, yeah? What case is that?
85
00:03:40,166 --> 00:03:41,917
The case of how you got so damn sexy.
86
00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:44,378
God owed me a favor. Case solved.
87
00:03:45,296 --> 00:03:47,131
I told you. I didn't know the guy.
88
00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:48,215
You're lying.
89
00:03:48,299 --> 00:03:49,383
We have pictures of you two.
90
00:03:49,467 --> 00:03:50,884
Come on. We only have three minutes.
91
00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:52,845
It's like you're not
even trying to confess!
92
00:03:52,929 --> 00:03:54,054
The Vulture is coming!
93
00:03:54,138 --> 00:03:56,056
We need more time! Someone do something!
94
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:57,141
I got it.
95
00:03:57,975 --> 00:03:59,059
Tear gas.
96
00:03:59,143 --> 00:04:00,145
[ALL SHOUTING]
97
00:04:02,314 --> 00:04:03,732
HITCHCOCK: Scully! Scully!
98
00:04:03,816 --> 00:04:05,366
Wrap my shirt around your face!
99
00:04:08,362 --> 00:04:11,073
And out of the tear
gas rises the phoenix.
100
00:04:11,406 --> 00:04:12,407
[LAUGHS]
101
00:04:13,408 --> 00:04:14,409
Peralta.
102
00:04:14,493 --> 00:04:15,536
I got it from here.
103
00:04:15,911 --> 00:04:16,912
[SIGHS]
104
00:04:17,037 --> 00:04:18,038
All right, fine.
105
00:04:18,455 --> 00:04:19,498
I'll just go, then.
106
00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:22,084
With this fully signed confession!
107
00:04:22,209 --> 00:04:24,043
We did it, Gus! Whoo!
108
00:04:24,127 --> 00:04:25,462
Suck it, Vulture!
109
00:04:25,587 --> 00:04:27,088
I killed that guy and his neighbor,
110
00:04:27,172 --> 00:04:28,675
but you were too late!
111
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:31,017
[WHOOPING] Wait, you killed his neighbor?
112
00:04:32,345 --> 00:04:33,346
Amy.
113
00:04:33,471 --> 00:04:35,723
Check it out. Nice! You got it framed?
114
00:04:35,807 --> 00:04:38,058
Of course. It commemorates
our victory over the Vulture,
115
00:04:38,142 --> 00:04:40,186
the greatest day in human history.
116
00:04:40,645 --> 00:04:44,231
Sorry the tear gas made you look like a
demon dog at the end of Ghostbusters.
117
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:45,915
Brief me on the hotel robberies.
118
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:48,486
Helpful hint to the
scientists that program you.
119
00:04:48,570 --> 00:04:51,071
Most humans say "Hello" at
the beginning of a conversation.
120
00:04:51,155 --> 00:04:53,199
Manager of The Prentiss
Hotel told us that someone
121
00:04:53,283 --> 00:04:56,286
has been breaking into the rooms.
Stolen over $100,000 in jewelry.
122
00:04:56,370 --> 00:04:57,454
We're heading over there now.
123
00:04:57,538 --> 00:04:58,539
Keep me updated.
124
00:04:58,914 --> 00:05:00,414
Another helpful hint. Goodbye.
125
00:05:00,875 --> 00:05:02,025
[SOFTLY] It's learning.
126
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,086
What?
127
00:05:05,629 --> 00:05:08,007
Man, an hour of footage,
and we've got nothing.
128
00:05:08,424 --> 00:05:10,724
I have to admit, I do
love a thorough vacuumer.
129
00:05:11,176 --> 00:05:12,677
I'm a little OCD.
130
00:05:12,761 --> 00:05:14,346
What? No, you're not.
131
00:05:15,639 --> 00:05:16,640
Oop!
132
00:05:18,309 --> 00:05:19,309
I can leave it there.
133
00:05:19,393 --> 00:05:20,393
Totally.
134
00:05:20,477 --> 00:05:21,927
It doesn't bother me. I know.
135
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,233
There it is.
136
00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:27,276
JEFFORDS: All right. Let's get started.
137
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,653
So, we have good news
138
00:05:28,737 --> 00:05:29,737
and we have bad news.
139
00:05:29,821 --> 00:05:31,197
My nana always said bad news first
140
00:05:31,281 --> 00:05:33,281
because the good news is probably a lie.
141
00:05:33,575 --> 00:05:35,175
Fun fact, she made me cry a lot.
142
00:05:35,911 --> 00:05:38,913
Good news is, the sting we set
up to catch deadbeats went great.
143
00:05:38,997 --> 00:05:39,998
My name's Bill Voss.
144
00:05:40,248 --> 00:05:41,374
Just got this thing in the mail,
145
00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:43,126
said I won a free Bahamas cruise!
146
00:05:43,460 --> 00:05:44,836
Congratulations, Bill.
147
00:05:45,086 --> 00:05:47,797
You have six outstanding
warrants for credit fraud.
148
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:48,881
Aw, man!
149
00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:50,883
Can't it wait until I get
back from the Bahamas?
150
00:05:50,967 --> 00:05:52,637
I won a cruise!
151
00:05:52,803 --> 00:05:54,471
You're not very bright, are you, Bill?
152
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,098
Now, I know you'd all
prefer to go to a bar,
153
00:05:56,182 --> 00:05:59,226
drink beer, and eat
chips of various textures.
154
00:05:59,310 --> 00:06:01,520
But our CompStat numbers
are due tomorrow morning.
155
00:06:01,604 --> 00:06:04,481
So, I need these arrests
on the books today.
156
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:05,607
[ALL GROANING]
157
00:06:05,691 --> 00:06:07,526
Darn it. I had a belly dancing class.
158
00:06:07,610 --> 00:06:09,069
Tonight was Egyptian undulation.
159
00:06:09,153 --> 00:06:10,488
Oh, show us some moves.
160
00:06:10,947 --> 00:06:12,047
-Sure.
-HOLT: Dismissed.
161
00:06:15,117 --> 00:06:18,245
First batch of arrest files
is done-zo Washington.
162
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:19,788
There's only three files here.
163
00:06:19,872 --> 00:06:20,915
It's been an hour.
164
00:06:20,999 --> 00:06:23,499
Yeah, I know.
It has not been a productive morning.
165
00:06:23,919 --> 00:06:26,838
For example, somebody used
the toaster in front of Boyle.
166
00:06:27,130 --> 00:06:28,256
No. No, no, no, no, no.
167
00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:29,340
Tommy.
168
00:06:29,424 --> 00:06:31,134
GINA: And then, Boyle spent 30 minutes
169
00:06:31,218 --> 00:06:33,470
lecturing him on how to make a sandwich.
170
00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:37,974
I'd describe the workflow today as dismal
171
00:06:38,058 --> 00:06:39,976
with a tiny little splash of pathetic.
172
00:06:40,060 --> 00:06:41,520
MAN: Hey, I want my lawyer!
173
00:06:42,104 --> 00:06:43,397
Get me out of here, man.
174
00:06:44,064 --> 00:06:45,065
HOLT: I'm worried.
175
00:06:45,399 --> 00:06:48,277
The CompStat numbers are due
tomorrow at 9 a.m. But at this rate,
176
00:06:48,361 --> 00:06:50,362
we won't be finished until your
daughters are grown and married.
177
00:06:50,446 --> 00:06:51,614
I may have a solution.
178
00:06:52,323 --> 00:06:54,200
We need to CompStat the office.
179
00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:55,451
What is CompStat?
180
00:06:55,785 --> 00:06:59,205
It's just using data to identify
problem spots in the neighborhood.
181
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:03,334
Now, I have been taking
notes on points of friction
182
00:07:03,418 --> 00:07:05,210
in this office for years.
183
00:07:05,294 --> 00:07:07,839
The red areas are places
where no work gets done.
184
00:07:08,631 --> 00:07:11,550
If we can fix these problems
without anyone knowing
185
00:07:11,634 --> 00:07:14,220
what we're doing, we will finish on time.
186
00:07:14,971 --> 00:07:17,849
Are you saying you want to
secretly perform scientific experiments
187
00:07:17,933 --> 00:07:21,102
on your friends and co-workers
to increase efficiency?
188
00:07:21,186 --> 00:07:22,187
Yes.
189
00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:24,430
Sounds fun. Let's do it.
190
00:07:25,482 --> 00:07:27,525
PERALTA: Hey, hand me some peanuts.
I'm snacky.
191
00:07:27,609 --> 00:07:29,809
I have something I
need to talk to you about.
192
00:07:30,696 --> 00:07:32,530
I might get a promotion to Major Crimes.
193
00:07:32,614 --> 00:07:35,014
They asked me to come
in and interview for a job.
194
00:07:35,409 --> 00:07:37,703
What?
You're gonna go work for the Vulture.
195
00:07:38,037 --> 00:07:39,872
Have you forgotten how awful he is?
196
00:07:41,415 --> 00:07:43,417
The Vladimir Putin collection?
197
00:07:43,542 --> 00:07:45,295
Yeah, $70 a pair.
198
00:07:45,545 --> 00:07:47,145
And they only increase in value.
199
00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:52,093
I guess that's your new
best friend now, Santiago.
200
00:07:52,177 --> 00:07:54,387
Emphasis on "Iago," backstabber.
201
00:07:55,180 --> 00:07:56,347
I'm surprised you read Othello.
202
00:07:56,431 --> 00:07:57,598
What the hell's Othello?
203
00:07:57,682 --> 00:07:59,682
I'm calling you the parrot from Aladdin.
204
00:07:59,768 --> 00:08:01,268
I wouldn't be working for the Vulture.
205
00:08:01,352 --> 00:08:03,855
I'd be working with him in data analysis.
206
00:08:04,147 --> 00:08:05,147
Oh!
207
00:08:05,231 --> 00:08:06,941
It's just a lousy desk job?
208
00:08:07,650 --> 00:08:08,651
Okay. Never mind.
209
00:08:08,735 --> 00:08:11,362
You're not gonna do that.
You love working cases too much.
210
00:08:11,446 --> 00:08:13,365
Here's the plan.
We're going to catch this perp,
211
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:15,033
you're going to remember
how much you love your job,
212
00:08:15,117 --> 00:08:17,577
you're going to skip that interview,
and that's a Peralta guarantee.
213
00:08:17,661 --> 00:08:20,861
Your last Peralta guarantee was
that you could dunk a basketball.
214
00:08:21,082 --> 00:08:22,666
I never said I couldn't use a ladder.
215
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:24,126
Peralta guarantee achieved.
216
00:08:25,836 --> 00:08:26,837
[SCREAMS]
217
00:08:27,505 --> 00:08:28,880
The subtext of the guarantee
218
00:08:28,964 --> 00:08:30,090
was that you would be entertained,
219
00:08:30,174 --> 00:08:31,175
and you were.
220
00:08:31,342 --> 00:08:32,384
Let's go!
221
00:08:34,136 --> 00:08:35,762
JEFFORDS: Okay.
So, I've already taken care
222
00:08:35,846 --> 00:08:37,181
of a few obvious problems.
223
00:08:37,515 --> 00:08:39,224
I moved the toaster to the break room,
224
00:08:39,308 --> 00:08:40,309
far away from Boyle.
225
00:08:40,726 --> 00:08:42,979
Good. What's this red
area here, the Diaz Triangle?
226
00:08:43,063 --> 00:08:45,732
Right.
So, you know about Rosa's anger incidents?
227
00:08:46,566 --> 00:08:48,693
It's my birthday. I hate birthdays.
228
00:08:48,944 --> 00:08:50,361
If you wish me a happy birthday,
229
00:08:50,445 --> 00:08:51,946
I will punch you.
230
00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:53,614
You're a funny little bird, Diaz.
231
00:08:53,698 --> 00:08:55,366
Happy birthday. Oh!
232
00:08:55,450 --> 00:08:57,119
Any time Mount Diaz erupts,
233
00:08:57,661 --> 00:08:59,120
everyone in the squad avoids her.
234
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:00,789
Mount Diaz. Humorous. Yes.
235
00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:02,790
Tell me. What room is
236
00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:04,524
just down the hall from her desk?
237
00:09:05,377 --> 00:09:07,003
The bathroom.
238
00:09:07,337 --> 00:09:09,507
If people are afraid to walk by Diaz,
239
00:09:10,049 --> 00:09:11,899
bathroom breaks will be to a minimum.
240
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:15,012
Hey, Diaz.
241
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,755
I just need to make sure I've
got the details right in this file.
242
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:21,769
Yeah, the guy was passing bad checks.
243
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,603
JEFFORDS: But is this the same guy?
244
00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:26,940
Yeah. The name here is the same name on…
245
00:09:27,024 --> 00:09:29,151
-[CAWING]
-JEFFORDS: Okay. All right. Thank you.
246
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,695
Thank you. Got it.
247
00:09:34,532 --> 00:09:36,325
Come on! I'm so sick of these
248
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:37,744
sucky computers.
249
00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,038
[SCREAMS]
250
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,501
One more step and you're next.
251
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:50,322
-PERALTA: [KNOCKING ON DOOR] NYPD.
252
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,301
Yes? Melipnos?
253
00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:54,385
Oh, boy.
254
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:55,678
NYPD, sir.
255
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,612
Have you seen anything unusual today?
256
00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,100
-Oh, no.
-[ETHNIC MUSIC PLAYING]
257
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:01,851
This was nice, thank you.
258
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:02,936
Wait, wait, wait.
259
00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:04,855
What is this music?
260
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,693
Oh, this is from my country.
Uh, Leirkrakeegovnia. Do you like it?
261
00:10:08,985 --> 00:10:10,028
I weirdly do.
262
00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:12,620
[BOTH SINGING FICTITIOUS
FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
263
00:10:19,954 --> 00:10:21,954
See, Amy? Fun thing about working cases,
264
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,999
you meet people from all over the world.
265
00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:25,584
This song is a celebration song
266
00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:27,795
for when a dog loses his virginity.
267
00:10:28,004 --> 00:10:29,297
Who checks that?
268
00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:30,847
I was having a smoke,
269
00:10:31,174 --> 00:10:34,427
and I saw a bellboy take his jacket
off and throw it in the dumpster,
270
00:10:34,511 --> 00:10:35,512
then go back inside.
271
00:10:35,638 --> 00:10:36,805
Well, that's unusual.
272
00:10:36,931 --> 00:10:38,306
Yeah, that's why I'm telling you.
273
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:40,517
Looks like we are going dumpster diving.
274
00:10:40,768 --> 00:10:41,810
Great.
275
00:10:41,894 --> 00:10:44,813
♪ Come with me, Amy to the dumpster ♪
276
00:10:44,897 --> 00:10:47,358
♪ Me and Amy going
diving in the dumpster ♪
277
00:10:47,942 --> 00:10:50,318
I can't believe you would
ever consider leaving this job.
278
00:10:50,402 --> 00:10:51,654
This is real police work.
279
00:10:51,820 --> 00:10:52,821
And you love it.
280
00:10:52,905 --> 00:10:54,990
Remember that time you had to shove
your hand down that woman's throat
281
00:10:55,074 --> 00:10:56,075
to get her car keys?
282
00:10:57,284 --> 00:10:58,884
Why do you even care if I leave?
283
00:10:59,995 --> 00:11:01,329
Because the Vulture is the worst.
284
00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:03,749
That whole division is the worst.
They steal cases.
285
00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:04,917
It's the lowest of the low.
286
00:11:05,001 --> 00:11:07,295
So, if I transferred somewhere
else, you wouldn't care at all?
287
00:11:07,379 --> 00:11:08,880
No. Of course not.
288
00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,306
Do whatever you want, you know?
289
00:11:11,508 --> 00:11:12,509
It's your life.
290
00:11:14,511 --> 00:11:15,512
Ah-ha!
291
00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:16,680
The jacket.
292
00:11:17,097 --> 00:11:18,640
This case is heating up! Ooh!
293
00:11:18,765 --> 00:11:20,391
Receipt in the pocket.
Dust it for prints.
294
00:11:20,475 --> 00:11:21,517
And send a scan to Boyle.
295
00:11:21,601 --> 00:11:23,103
Yes! You're feeling it now.
296
00:11:23,353 --> 00:11:24,354
Whoo!
297
00:11:25,105 --> 00:11:26,981
The thief's name is Benjamin DiSanto.
298
00:11:27,065 --> 00:11:28,107
Here's an old mug shot.
299
00:11:28,191 --> 00:11:29,483
He's surprisingly photogenic.
300
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:31,195
A lot of criminals are, strangely.
301
00:11:31,279 --> 00:11:32,329
He doesn't work here.
302
00:11:32,446 --> 00:11:34,196
Must have stolen a bellhop uniform.
303
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:36,116
Receptionist just
spotted DiSanto entering
304
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,951
the Salieri Ballroom.
What's going on in there?
305
00:11:38,035 --> 00:11:39,494
An auction of Greek antiquities.
306
00:11:39,578 --> 00:11:41,628
Ah. I believe it's pronounced "antiques".
307
00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:44,956
I'm sorry about my partner.
He's never been to a museum.
308
00:11:45,167 --> 00:11:47,003
Have so. Wax museums don't count.
309
00:11:47,378 --> 00:11:49,546
Then why are they called museums?
It's right there in the name.
310
00:11:49,630 --> 00:11:50,923
Oh, my God. Come on.
311
00:11:51,382 --> 00:11:53,050
It's going really well, sir.
312
00:11:53,134 --> 00:11:55,434
We've gone from 10
cases per hour to almost 20.
313
00:11:55,678 --> 00:11:57,378
That's good. But we can do better.
314
00:11:57,973 --> 00:12:00,392
Tell me about the Boyle-Linetti Reaction.
315
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,200
JEFFORDS: Boyle gets cold a lot,
316
00:12:02,561 --> 00:12:03,811
because of what he calls his…
317
00:12:03,895 --> 00:12:05,564
Medically diagnosed thin skin.
318
00:12:06,231 --> 00:12:09,731
So, he goes to the lost and found
and he grabs something that's usually
319
00:12:10,027 --> 00:12:11,069
unflattering.
320
00:12:11,528 --> 00:12:13,280
That's when Gina gets involved.
321
00:12:14,072 --> 00:12:15,073
[CHUCKLES]
322
00:12:15,198 --> 00:12:16,658
Sweet sweater, Charles.
323
00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:20,119
You look like you're starring in an
Albanian remake of The Cosby Show.
324
00:12:20,203 --> 00:12:21,371
Dr. Huxtable!
325
00:12:21,788 --> 00:12:23,081
Dr. Huxtable!
326
00:12:23,874 --> 00:12:25,751
Gina is completely useless
327
00:12:25,917 --> 00:12:28,045
when Boyle is wearing
lost and found clothes.
328
00:12:28,129 --> 00:12:30,130
Well, I really can't
blame her on this one.
329
00:12:30,214 --> 00:12:32,466
Maybe we should just, uh,
empty the lost and found.
330
00:12:32,550 --> 00:12:33,550
Already done, sir.
331
00:12:33,634 --> 00:12:35,094
Detective. Yeah, I'm ready.
332
00:12:35,178 --> 00:12:36,512
JEFFORDS: Good Lord!
333
00:12:36,596 --> 00:12:37,638
Where did he get that?
334
00:12:37,722 --> 00:12:38,972
Oh, my God. We're doomed.
335
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:40,740
Boyle looks like a lesbian.
336
00:12:41,184 --> 00:12:43,852
He must have gotten it from
the evidence locker or something.
337
00:12:43,936 --> 00:12:44,937
Don't worry.
338
00:12:45,021 --> 00:12:46,022
I had a backup plan.
339
00:12:47,106 --> 00:12:49,156
I distracted her with a mirror. [GIGGLES]
340
00:12:49,650 --> 00:12:51,319
She's like a cockatiel, sir.
341
00:12:51,611 --> 00:12:53,738
Fascinated by her own reflection.
342
00:12:54,072 --> 00:12:56,909
Mmm. Hello, sexy. How are you?
343
00:12:57,117 --> 00:12:58,243
Right back at ya.
344
00:12:58,494 --> 00:12:59,661
Well done.
345
00:13:03,457 --> 00:13:05,083
Good afternoon, sir.
I'm Detective Peralta.
346
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:06,710
This is Detective Always-Stays-Loyal.
347
00:13:06,794 --> 00:13:08,586
She's named after her
father Alvin-Stays-Loyal.
348
00:13:08,670 --> 00:13:11,631
We're tracking a thief that's stolen
thousands of dollars' worth of jewelry.
349
00:13:11,715 --> 00:13:12,966
We think he's scouting auction winners
350
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,301
so he can rob their rooms.
351
00:13:14,385 --> 00:13:16,635
We called for backup,
but we need to move now.
352
00:13:16,970 --> 00:13:18,179
And we have to keep it quiet.
353
00:13:18,263 --> 00:13:19,363
What can I do to help?
354
00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:21,016
There's too many people in here.
355
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,351
I need a better vantage point.
356
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,270
Any way I can get up
on stage by the podium?
357
00:13:24,354 --> 00:13:27,273
You'll blow our cover if you go up there.
You don't exactly blend in.
358
00:13:27,357 --> 00:13:28,358
Yeah.
359
00:13:29,901 --> 00:13:30,901
Irwin…
360
00:13:30,985 --> 00:13:32,528
How would you like to
have the honor of being
361
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:35,062
the first man to undress
in front of Amy Santiago?
362
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:36,491
Okay.
363
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:40,620
Here we go.
364
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:42,956
Hello, everyone.
365
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,082
My name is Roger Strikewell,
366
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:47,418
and I will be your guest
auctioneer this evening.
367
00:13:47,502 --> 00:13:49,921
So many faces to look at.
368
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,799
I won a radio contest,
369
00:13:51,966 --> 00:13:53,300
and I'm so excited to be here tonight
370
00:13:53,384 --> 00:13:56,011
to sell you all of these
cool old Greek things.
371
00:13:56,095 --> 00:13:59,598
Our first item up for
bid is lot number 344.
372
00:14:00,099 --> 00:14:02,893
It is this old vase.
373
00:14:02,977 --> 00:14:04,186
A "vahse," if you're nasty.
374
00:14:04,270 --> 00:14:06,147
It was made in the year…
375
00:14:07,231 --> 00:14:08,274
Five.
376
00:14:08,399 --> 00:14:11,527
And depicts the classic Greek fable,
377
00:14:12,361 --> 00:14:13,362
Boy Meets Girl,
378
00:14:13,612 --> 00:14:14,905
Boy Has Goat Legs.
379
00:14:14,989 --> 00:14:15,990
And on the back,
380
00:14:16,532 --> 00:14:17,932
just a whole bunch of wheat.
381
00:14:18,367 --> 00:14:20,953
So, let's start the bidding at $10.
382
00:14:21,037 --> 00:14:22,246
[ALL CLAMORING]
383
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:24,082
Okay, started way too low.
384
00:14:25,834 --> 00:14:26,918
We've done it, sir.
385
00:14:27,169 --> 00:14:29,880
If we stay on this pace, I
think we'll finish on time.
386
00:14:30,088 --> 00:14:31,214
I think we should keep going.
387
00:14:31,298 --> 00:14:33,717
Make the office even more efficient.
388
00:14:34,050 --> 00:14:36,761
Sir, are you familiar
with the story of Icarus?
389
00:14:37,053 --> 00:14:38,453
He didn't know when to quit.
390
00:14:38,847 --> 00:14:40,598
He flew too close to the sun
391
00:14:40,682 --> 00:14:43,017
and his wax wings melted, and he died.
392
00:14:43,101 --> 00:14:45,395
Are you familiar with
the story of Moneyball?
393
00:14:45,854 --> 00:14:49,066
A man uses statistics and logic
to win several baseball games.
394
00:14:49,233 --> 00:14:50,333
It's my favorite film.
395
00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:52,028
The statistical analysis.
396
00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:55,573
[SOBS] It's so beautiful.
397
00:14:56,157 --> 00:14:57,658
This office is becoming a powerhouse
398
00:14:57,742 --> 00:14:58,992
of paperwork processing.
399
00:14:59,076 --> 00:15:00,661
I'm flying high, Sergeant.
400
00:15:01,162 --> 00:15:02,246
And I'm never
401
00:15:02,955 --> 00:15:03,956
coming down.
402
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,835
I have $85. Do I have $90?
403
00:15:08,377 --> 00:15:11,756
I have $90 from the man
with the face at table four.
404
00:15:12,006 --> 00:15:13,106
MAN: This is terrible.
405
00:15:13,424 --> 00:15:14,425
You don't know what you're doing.
406
00:15:14,509 --> 00:15:16,386
Adam Sandier? Yeah, that's right.
407
00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:17,971
I collect antiquities.
408
00:15:18,138 --> 00:15:19,188
I'm a serious person.
409
00:15:19,348 --> 00:15:20,723
I'm writing a movie right now
410
00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:22,100
about the Russian Revolution.
411
00:15:22,184 --> 00:15:23,935
Oh, really?
Who does Kevin James play in it?
412
00:15:24,019 --> 00:15:26,169
[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]
It's a serious movie.
413
00:15:27,105 --> 00:15:28,774
Trotsky. Ah, there it is.
414
00:15:28,982 --> 00:15:30,942
But he's got a wife
who never wears a bra.
415
00:15:31,026 --> 00:15:32,476
I think you're gonna like it.
416
00:15:32,819 --> 00:15:33,987
Thanks for dressing up, by the way.
417
00:15:34,071 --> 00:15:35,488
All right, back to this plate.
418
00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:37,740
I think you could use
it for a variety of things.
419
00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:38,825
New item up there.
420
00:15:38,951 --> 00:15:40,160
Uh, how much do you
guys want to pay for me
421
00:15:40,244 --> 00:15:42,036
to stick my socks in this moron's mouth?
422
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:42,495
I will.
423
00:15:42,579 --> 00:15:43,789
PERALTA: Did football
legend, Joe Theismann,
424
00:15:43,873 --> 00:15:45,958
just bid $1,000 to put
a sock in my mouth?
425
00:15:46,042 --> 00:15:47,042
You bet.
426
00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:48,836
Okay, but let's get it going.
A little higher. Seriously,
427
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,129
back to the porno plate.
428
00:15:50,213 --> 00:15:51,922
Uh, 1,200 bucks. Who wants this plate?
429
00:15:52,006 --> 00:15:53,048
Sock in the mouth, boom!
430
00:15:53,132 --> 00:15:54,758
Okay, the idiot gets the
sock in the mouth for…
431
00:15:54,842 --> 00:15:56,844
I'd say $1,300 would be even better.
432
00:15:56,928 --> 00:15:57,928
$1,300.
433
00:15:58,012 --> 00:15:59,930
Joe Theismann coming in strong.
434
00:16:00,014 --> 00:16:01,307
I've got $1,300. $25,000 from…
435
00:16:01,391 --> 00:16:03,267
And a one, and a two and a boom!
436
00:16:03,351 --> 00:16:05,770
Sold to Joey Theismann!
437
00:16:05,937 --> 00:16:07,771
Congratulations.
You're getting a sock in your mouth.
438
00:16:07,855 --> 00:16:09,315
Thirteen hundred bucks. Joe Theismann.
439
00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:11,849
Can I stick the sock in his mouth?
I'll pay extra.
440
00:16:11,944 --> 00:16:14,238
Yes, you may. Because I just sold my item
441
00:16:14,822 --> 00:16:16,872
to the man in the gray shirt at table 18.
442
00:16:17,199 --> 00:16:19,034
NYPD. You're under arrest.
443
00:16:19,118 --> 00:16:20,468
SANTIAGO: Heading your way!
444
00:16:23,831 --> 00:16:24,832
[PEOPLE GASPING]
445
00:16:26,959 --> 00:16:28,001
[BONE SNAPPING]
446
00:16:28,085 --> 00:16:29,127
[GROANS] Gotcha!
447
00:16:29,211 --> 00:16:30,212
My leg!
448
00:16:30,671 --> 00:16:31,713
My leg!
449
00:16:31,797 --> 00:16:33,674
You broke my other leg!
450
00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:37,469
Uh… Oh!
This was supposed to be a safe event.
451
00:16:37,553 --> 00:16:38,637
Nothing to see here.
452
00:16:38,762 --> 00:16:40,806
Except for the bone. [GROANS]
453
00:16:40,890 --> 00:16:42,142
Sticking out of the leg.
454
00:16:42,434 --> 00:16:44,311
Joe! I videoed it!
455
00:16:45,103 --> 00:16:46,104
What a day, huh?
456
00:16:46,354 --> 00:16:48,648
Met Adam Sandier,
broke Joe Theismann's leg,
457
00:16:48,732 --> 00:16:50,233
and solved an awesome case together.
458
00:16:50,317 --> 00:16:51,401
Yeah. Good day.
459
00:16:51,568 --> 00:16:53,368
Hell, yeah, it is. Drinks are on me.
460
00:16:53,528 --> 00:16:55,530
Jake. I'm still doing the interview.
461
00:16:56,031 --> 00:16:57,032
What?
462
00:16:57,574 --> 00:16:58,575
No.
463
00:16:59,159 --> 00:17:00,160
Don't do that.
464
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:01,869
We still have to process the perp.
465
00:17:01,953 --> 00:17:03,079
You love processing.
466
00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:05,039
It's your favorite thing,
after organizing your emails
467
00:17:05,123 --> 00:17:06,541
and replacing toilet paper rolls.
468
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:08,919
This job would be a
great opportunity for me.
469
00:17:09,045 --> 00:17:10,087
Okay, whatever.
470
00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:11,421
You know what?
471
00:17:11,505 --> 00:17:12,855
You're being a bad partner.
472
00:17:13,507 --> 00:17:15,175
You're joining forces with the enemy.
473
00:17:15,259 --> 00:17:17,427
And from now on, I'm
gonna call you "The Cheetah."
474
00:17:17,511 --> 00:17:19,179
They're scavengers, just like vultures.
475
00:17:19,263 --> 00:17:20,472
And I kind of wish I hadn't said it,
476
00:17:20,556 --> 00:17:21,890
'cause they're pretty cool.
477
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:23,024
Come on, jewel thief.
478
00:17:24,352 --> 00:17:25,978
You're my only friend now.
479
00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:32,633
Scully, what are you doing at my desk?
480
00:17:32,902 --> 00:17:33,902
And working?
481
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:35,112
What is going on today?
482
00:17:35,196 --> 00:17:36,396
The Captain put me here.
483
00:17:36,531 --> 00:17:38,831
Says I waste time when
I sit next to Hitchcock.
484
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,246
Okay. Well, go work in the break room.
485
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:46,708
Hello, Peralta. Ah!
486
00:17:46,792 --> 00:17:47,875
A human greeting. Nicely done.
487
00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:48,960
Updates on the case.
488
00:17:49,044 --> 00:17:50,086
Well, you're gonna love this one.
489
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,970
We busted the guy for grand larceny.
490
00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:54,924
And to celebrate, Santiago is
taking a job interview at Major Crimes.
491
00:17:55,008 --> 00:17:56,175
Mmm. Can you believe that?
492
00:17:56,259 --> 00:17:57,427
Yes. She told me yesterday.
493
00:17:57,511 --> 00:18:00,180
What?
Why didn't you try and talk her out of it?
494
00:18:00,472 --> 00:18:02,890
She would literally shave
her head if you asked her to.
495
00:18:02,974 --> 00:18:04,643
Which, by the way, is
a great idea for a prank,
496
00:18:04,727 --> 00:18:06,020
if you're looking to prank her.
497
00:18:06,104 --> 00:18:07,813
Santiago wants to make captain one day.
498
00:18:07,897 --> 00:18:09,898
I know, because I've frequently
caught her wearing my hat
499
00:18:09,982 --> 00:18:11,282
and looking into a mirror.
500
00:18:11,776 --> 00:18:13,111
Dismissed.
501
00:18:15,988 --> 00:18:17,490
I support her decision.
502
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:19,074
That's what good detectives do.
503
00:18:19,158 --> 00:18:20,558
They have each other's back.
504
00:18:21,035 --> 00:18:22,036
No matter what.
505
00:18:28,543 --> 00:18:29,543
All right.
506
00:18:29,627 --> 00:18:31,827
Let's move on to your
unpaid parking tickets.
507
00:18:32,923 --> 00:18:35,133
Dude. Fire.
508
00:18:35,217 --> 00:18:36,343
Oh, my. Fire.
509
00:18:36,593 --> 00:18:38,011
Uh, hey! Fire!
510
00:18:39,555 --> 00:18:41,355
Oh! Oh! I got it! Okay. Here we go.
511
00:18:41,557 --> 00:18:42,850
Here we go. Here we go.
512
00:18:44,226 --> 00:18:45,227
[SIGHS]
513
00:18:45,436 --> 00:18:46,478
What happened, Scully?
514
00:18:46,562 --> 00:18:47,771
I didn't know there was a toaster there.
515
00:18:47,855 --> 00:18:49,405
Why… Why is the toaster there?
516
00:18:49,815 --> 00:18:51,024
Uh-oh. Oh! My fringe!
517
00:18:51,191 --> 00:18:52,651
My beautiful fringe!
518
00:18:52,776 --> 00:18:53,976
SCULLY: Boyle's on fire!
519
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,281
Icarus!
520
00:18:57,573 --> 00:18:59,366
Extinguisher's empty. Morons!
521
00:19:04,789 --> 00:19:06,089
Back to the drawing board.
522
00:19:08,752 --> 00:19:10,920
Sir, I'm begging you.
Please. We have to stop.
523
00:19:11,004 --> 00:19:12,171
Boyle is still smoldering!
524
00:19:12,255 --> 00:19:14,882
The problem is we didn't
take Peralta into account.
525
00:19:14,966 --> 00:19:17,552
-In our next trial…
-[WOMAN CLEARS THROAT]
526
00:19:20,138 --> 00:19:21,222
Hello, boys.
527
00:19:21,306 --> 00:19:22,849
Welcome to your own office.
528
00:19:23,224 --> 00:19:26,024
I hear you're trying to make
the precinct more efficient.
529
00:19:26,144 --> 00:19:27,687
Gina, what are you doing
in the Captain's chair?
530
00:19:27,771 --> 00:19:30,071
Please.
I'm open to any ideas about efficiency.
531
00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:33,194
I have narrowed the
problem down to one location.
532
00:19:33,736 --> 00:19:35,738
The Holt-Jeffords vortex.
533
00:19:36,113 --> 00:19:38,198
Things would go a lot
faster if the two of you
534
00:19:38,282 --> 00:19:40,659
did less experimenting and more working.
535
00:19:40,743 --> 00:19:42,793
And I'm not the only one who thinks that.
536
00:19:45,247 --> 00:19:47,082
You melted my fringe.
537
00:19:47,875 --> 00:19:49,042
You think I have an anger problem?
538
00:19:49,126 --> 00:19:50,961
I don't. You are both dead to me.
539
00:19:51,378 --> 00:19:54,214
Well, I suppose it's
possible we may have been
540
00:19:54,298 --> 00:19:56,802
a tad enthusiastic in
our pursuit of efficiency.
541
00:19:57,052 --> 00:19:58,052
Really?
542
00:19:58,136 --> 00:19:59,595
A tad, Icarus?
543
00:19:59,679 --> 00:20:00,680
Fine.
544
00:20:00,764 --> 00:20:01,765
Message received.
545
00:20:02,432 --> 00:20:04,332
Jeffords and I will get right to work.
546
00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:07,145
Great. That will be all. Thank you.
547
00:20:07,646 --> 00:20:08,896
Get the hell out of my chair.
548
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:10,648
All right, I pushed it
a little bit on that one.
549
00:20:10,732 --> 00:20:12,150
Okay. Bye.
550
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,321
Santiago.
551
00:20:16,905 --> 00:20:18,990
Before you go in there,
there's something I have to say.
552
00:20:19,074 --> 00:20:21,074
I'm sorry I said you were a bad partner.
553
00:20:21,284 --> 00:20:22,384
I was the bad partner.
554
00:20:23,078 --> 00:20:25,038
The truth is, our job isn't always great.
555
00:20:25,122 --> 00:20:26,666
I mean, sometimes, it sucks.
556
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:29,918
But it sucks a little less
when I get to do it with you.
557
00:20:30,002 --> 00:20:32,337
So, when you said you were gonna leave,
558
00:20:32,421 --> 00:20:33,756
I freaked out, and that was dumb.
559
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,590
I should have been more supportive.
560
00:20:36,008 --> 00:20:37,009
You're a great detective,
561
00:20:37,093 --> 00:20:38,693
and they'd be lucky to have you.
562
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:40,721
In fact,
563
00:20:40,972 --> 00:20:43,522
if it helps, I wrote you a
letter of recommendation.
564
00:20:44,058 --> 00:20:45,893
Which is riddled with
spelling errors, I might add.
565
00:20:45,977 --> 00:20:47,854
Including the word "recommendation."
566
00:20:47,979 --> 00:20:50,314
Which is just…
I don't have to tell you about that.
567
00:20:50,398 --> 00:20:52,065
There's no way there's
four "M's" in that word, right?
568
00:20:52,149 --> 00:20:53,649
I already turned down the job.
569
00:20:54,778 --> 00:20:56,613
Seriously? In the end, you were right.
570
00:20:56,697 --> 00:20:58,197
I don't want to sit at a desk.
571
00:20:58,615 --> 00:20:59,783
And right now,
572
00:21:00,075 --> 00:21:01,076
I like where I am.
573
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:03,161
Ah.
574
00:21:03,245 --> 00:21:04,788
[CHUCKLES] But thanks
for thinking I'm great.
575
00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,915
No.
I take back all the things I just said.
576
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:09,542
Uh-uh. You said I was a good detective.
577
00:21:09,626 --> 00:21:11,295
And you were nice.
578
00:21:11,461 --> 00:21:12,511
This is my nightmare.
579
00:21:12,963 --> 00:21:13,964
Lookie, lookie.
580
00:21:14,590 --> 00:21:17,050
I thought I saw your big,
white ass lumbering around.
581
00:21:17,134 --> 00:21:18,134
As for you, Santiago,
582
00:21:18,218 --> 00:21:20,888
well, now, you certainly showed
your true colors, didn't you?
583
00:21:20,972 --> 00:21:22,681
And they're a shade
of pink called "loser."
584
00:21:22,765 --> 00:21:24,517
All right. Everybody, just calm down.
585
00:21:24,601 --> 00:21:26,227
There's no reason we can't be friends.
586
00:21:26,311 --> 00:21:28,161
Here. I brought you a peace offering.
587
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:29,522
Run!
588
00:21:31,107 --> 00:21:32,108
PEMBROKE: Uh-oh.