1 00:00:04,033 --> 00:00:05,658 Charles, this is exciting. 2 00:00:06,284 --> 00:00:07,910 -Medal of Valor. -I know! 3 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:09,569 For getting shot in the butt. 4 00:00:12,123 --> 00:00:14,000 Oh, my butt. 5 00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:17,752 For exceptional acts of heroism or voluntary risk of personal safety. 6 00:00:17,836 --> 00:00:19,087 But you know, six of one. 7 00:00:19,588 --> 00:00:21,673 This is one of the NYPD's highest honors. 8 00:00:22,007 --> 00:00:23,757 Today is your day, Detective Boyle. 9 00:00:25,343 --> 00:00:27,762 Heroism can't be measured by a piece of metal, 10 00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:29,221 but what else can we do 11 00:00:29,305 --> 00:00:30,931 to recognize the brave officers 12 00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,040 that have put their lives on the line. 13 00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:34,518 It is my great honor 14 00:00:34,685 --> 00:00:36,135 to present the Medal of Valor 15 00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:38,021 to Detective Charles Boyle. 16 00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:42,067 And Sergeant Peanut Butter! 17 00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:45,527 [ALL CHEERING] 18 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,321 [WHISTLING] 19 00:00:50,824 --> 00:00:51,825 Oh, my God! 20 00:00:51,909 --> 00:00:54,109 Charles is getting the same medal as a horse. 21 00:00:54,328 --> 00:00:56,078 At least, Boyle was announced first. 22 00:00:56,162 --> 00:00:57,789 Because the horse outranks him! 23 00:00:58,081 --> 00:01:00,500 This is amazing! That's enough, Peralta. 24 00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:03,460 This is a huge honor, and nothing can take that away from him. 25 00:01:03,544 --> 00:01:05,244 The horse is pooping on the stage. 26 00:01:05,545 --> 00:01:07,297 Sergeant Peanut Butter is pooping on the stage! 27 00:01:07,381 --> 00:01:08,423 [NICKERING] 28 00:01:08,507 --> 00:01:10,509 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 29 00:01:31,611 --> 00:01:33,405 Peralta. Santiago. 30 00:01:33,780 --> 00:01:35,480 The bet ends today. Are you ready? 31 00:01:35,572 --> 00:01:36,948 I was born ready. To lose? 32 00:01:37,032 --> 00:01:38,617 The whole question was, "Are you ready to lose?" 33 00:01:38,701 --> 00:01:39,993 And you said you were born that way. 34 00:01:40,077 --> 00:01:41,661 Twist my words all you want… Okay. 35 00:01:41,745 --> 00:01:42,995 I'm winning this bet. No. 36 00:01:43,122 --> 00:01:44,747 What bet? What are you guys talking about? 37 00:01:44,831 --> 00:01:45,831 Seriously? 38 00:01:45,915 --> 00:01:47,875 The bet? They've been keeping score all year. 39 00:01:47,959 --> 00:01:50,502 It comes up all the time. What are you doing all day? 40 00:01:50,586 --> 00:01:52,338 Nothing. Why, you wanna hang out? 41 00:01:52,505 --> 00:01:54,505 A year ago today, Peralta and I made a bet 42 00:01:54,589 --> 00:01:56,174 to prove who's a better detective. 43 00:01:56,258 --> 00:01:58,218 Whoever makes more felony arrests wins. 44 00:01:58,927 --> 00:02:00,762 What are the stakes? And don't say money, 45 00:02:00,846 --> 00:02:02,388 because I know you're in debt. 46 00:02:02,472 --> 00:02:04,556 If you really knew anything about me, 47 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,016 you would've said "crushing debt." 48 00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,352 And I'll bet whatever, 'cause there's no way I'm losing. 49 00:02:08,436 --> 00:02:10,354 What about your car? Oh! 50 00:02:10,938 --> 00:02:12,314 That thing is a date-magnet. 51 00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:14,690 I mean, how many girls have you made out with in that car? 52 00:02:14,774 --> 00:02:17,276 Six? Well, I'm gonna win, so, sure. 53 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:18,361 Let's bet the car. 54 00:02:18,445 --> 00:02:20,155 No, no, no Jake. Yes. 55 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,730 BOYLE: No, Jakey. No! That car is your superpower. 56 00:02:23,116 --> 00:02:24,699 Thor would never wager his hammer. 57 00:02:24,783 --> 00:02:25,825 Neil Patrick Harris 58 00:02:25,909 --> 00:02:27,452 would never wager his showmanship! 59 00:02:27,536 --> 00:02:29,329 Losing that car will be the worst thing in the world for you. 60 00:02:29,413 --> 00:02:32,123 Well, what's the worst thing in the world for you, Santiago? 61 00:02:32,207 --> 00:02:33,916 Being one of those girls in Jake's car. 62 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,544 Okay. Okay. Okay. Then it is settled. 63 00:02:36,961 --> 00:02:39,505 If Peralta loses, Santiago gets his car. 64 00:02:39,964 --> 00:02:41,048 If Santiago loses, 65 00:02:41,132 --> 00:02:43,133 she goes for a date in said car. 66 00:02:43,383 --> 00:02:44,676 Game on. Game on. 67 00:02:45,927 --> 00:02:47,553 Wow, your handshake is quite firm. 68 00:02:47,637 --> 00:02:49,347 I took a seminar. Where? 69 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:51,289 And now the score is all tied up. 70 00:02:52,017 --> 00:02:53,017 But not for long. 71 00:02:53,267 --> 00:02:55,217 For, in eight hours, I will win the bet 72 00:02:55,311 --> 00:02:56,687 and take Santiago on the worst date 73 00:02:56,771 --> 00:02:58,171 in the history of the world. 74 00:02:58,731 --> 00:02:59,774 HOLT: Attention. 75 00:02:59,899 --> 00:03:02,275 After today's shift, I'd like everyone to join me at the bar 76 00:03:02,359 --> 00:03:04,360 for drinks in honor of Detective Boyle 77 00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:05,886 and his Medal of Valor. 78 00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:08,030 Oh, my God, is Peanut Butter gonna be there? 79 00:03:08,114 --> 00:03:10,157 That horse is a damn hero. 80 00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:11,826 Peanut Butter will not be joining us. 81 00:03:11,910 --> 00:03:13,860 He's being feted by the United Nations. 82 00:03:14,703 --> 00:03:15,704 HOLT: As you were. 83 00:03:17,539 --> 00:03:18,916 Pen! You! Ow! 84 00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:22,043 Rolly chair! Gina's desk! Oh, Jake! 85 00:03:22,127 --> 00:03:23,127 No! 86 00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:27,507 Captain, hey. 87 00:03:27,882 --> 00:03:29,884 You're looking stoic today. Like a… 88 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,719 Wise old oak. 89 00:03:32,136 --> 00:03:35,638 I'm not gonna give you more cases so you can win your bet with Santiago. 90 00:03:35,722 --> 00:03:37,849 What? Oh, right, the bet. [LAUGHING] 91 00:03:38,225 --> 00:03:39,350 I totally forgot about that. 92 00:03:39,434 --> 00:03:41,561 Well, granted, this friendly competition has led to you 93 00:03:41,645 --> 00:03:43,345 and Santiago putting in more hours 94 00:03:43,437 --> 00:03:44,687 and arresting more perps. 95 00:03:44,855 --> 00:03:46,155 Especially this last week. 96 00:03:46,899 --> 00:03:48,192 Up by one, Peralta! 97 00:03:48,943 --> 00:03:52,862 Anything you wanna say to your car before you never see it again? Hmm? 98 00:03:53,446 --> 00:03:54,488 Hey, Santiago. 99 00:03:54,572 --> 00:03:57,992 Do you have any dietary restrictions that Medieval Times should know about? 100 00:03:58,076 --> 00:04:01,162 Yes, 311? What's the safest way to set a car on fire? 101 00:04:01,788 --> 00:04:03,831 Oh? Hmm. 102 00:04:04,248 --> 00:04:06,249 Both of you have done exemplary work, 103 00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:07,376 which I appreciate. 104 00:04:07,543 --> 00:04:10,670 And I can see that by the absolutely no indicators on your face. 105 00:04:10,754 --> 00:04:12,171 However, you are colleagues. 106 00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:14,256 And the fallout from this bet has the potential to put 107 00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:16,440 a strain on your professional relationship. 108 00:04:16,676 --> 00:04:17,677 Only if I lose. 109 00:04:18,135 --> 00:04:19,185 I'm a terrible sport. 110 00:04:19,345 --> 00:04:21,388 Cases will be assigned as they usually are. 111 00:04:21,472 --> 00:04:22,472 Dismissed. 112 00:04:28,395 --> 00:04:30,814 Captain! You look… No! 113 00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:37,402 Rosa, hey, would you like to share a cup of coffee with me? 114 00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,336 I got some gorgeous new coffee beans. 115 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,813 Sure. That sounds great. 116 00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,115 Isn't that like your fifth cup of coffee today? 117 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:46,077 I'm trying to counteract the drowsiness from my pain meds. 118 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,122 I took a double dose after the incident at the ceremony. 119 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:51,581 PHOTOGRAPHER: Bring Peanut Butter forward. 120 00:04:51,665 --> 00:04:52,666 Forward. 121 00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,752 Uh, can the little guy take a big step back, please? 122 00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:56,961 My name is Charles Boyle. 123 00:04:57,045 --> 00:04:58,839 I won the same medal as this horse! 124 00:04:59,631 --> 00:05:00,674 [SCREAMS] 125 00:05:01,174 --> 00:05:03,624 The footage from my fall led the local news, so… 126 00:05:03,885 --> 00:05:05,260 Who's the hero now, Peanut Butter? 127 00:05:05,344 --> 00:05:06,345 Peanut Butter. 128 00:05:06,596 --> 00:05:07,930 [SIGHS] Gina… 129 00:05:08,347 --> 00:05:12,247 You're just trying to hurt me to distract yourself from your own internal pain. 130 00:05:12,517 --> 00:05:14,769 Also, you should use less conditioner, 131 00:05:14,853 --> 00:05:16,688 because this is a flat mess. 132 00:05:19,107 --> 00:05:20,107 HOLT: What's going on with Boyle? 133 00:05:20,191 --> 00:05:21,817 His pain meds are making him weird. 134 00:05:21,901 --> 00:05:24,778 Oh! Okay. Yes. 135 00:05:24,945 --> 00:05:28,073 This happened to my dad when he got his vasectomy unreversed. 136 00:05:28,532 --> 00:05:30,659 You get all relaxed and you have no filter, 137 00:05:30,743 --> 00:05:33,293 and you just start dropping truth bombs on everyone. 138 00:05:33,536 --> 00:05:35,086 Oh. That explains the elevator. 139 00:05:37,081 --> 00:05:39,131 I'm worried you don't find me interesting. 140 00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:42,210 I'm gonna pretend someone texted me. Bloop! 141 00:05:44,046 --> 00:05:45,047 [CHUCKLES] 142 00:05:45,881 --> 00:05:47,931 Gina, please, keep an eye on Boyle today. 143 00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:50,385 He's gonna say something to the wrong person and get himself punched. 144 00:05:50,469 --> 00:05:52,302 Sure. I'd love to see Charles get punched. 145 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:53,387 Try again. 146 00:05:53,471 --> 00:05:55,848 I will stop Charles from getting punched. 147 00:05:56,098 --> 00:05:57,099 Correct. 148 00:05:57,308 --> 00:05:58,309 Great. 149 00:05:59,435 --> 00:06:01,143 [EXHALES] Ladies and gentlemen, 150 00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:04,731 I present Carl Laudson, who stole $3,000! 151 00:06:05,273 --> 00:06:07,473 Santiago takes the lead with one minute left! 152 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:08,902 Suck it, Peralta! 153 00:06:09,152 --> 00:06:10,320 Oh, no. That's right. 154 00:06:10,487 --> 00:06:11,487 "Oh, no!" 155 00:06:11,779 --> 00:06:13,738 Oh, no. You don't seem worried. Why aren't you worried? 156 00:06:13,822 --> 00:06:14,990 Bring in the johns! 157 00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,742 I ran a prostitution sting through Vice, 158 00:06:17,826 --> 00:06:19,626 and arrested 30 guys for soliciting. 159 00:06:19,787 --> 00:06:20,786 That's not a felony. 160 00:06:20,870 --> 00:06:22,162 It is when it's your second offense. 161 00:06:22,246 --> 00:06:24,791 Which is the case for 10 of these gentlemen. 162 00:06:24,958 --> 00:06:25,959 Fun fact, 163 00:06:26,084 --> 00:06:27,961 four of them are actually named John. 164 00:06:28,211 --> 00:06:29,211 Ironic. 165 00:06:29,295 --> 00:06:31,595 Anyhoo, ten more for Peralta. Accept your fate! 166 00:06:31,964 --> 00:06:33,131 Never! Five, 167 00:06:33,465 --> 00:06:36,885 four, three, two… Oh! 168 00:06:36,969 --> 00:06:37,969 One! 169 00:06:38,053 --> 00:06:39,095 Jake wins! 170 00:06:39,179 --> 00:06:40,346 Amy loses! 171 00:06:41,138 --> 00:06:45,267 Celebrate good times Come on! 172 00:06:45,393 --> 00:06:46,644 [ALL CHEERING] 173 00:06:47,728 --> 00:06:48,729 Look! 174 00:06:49,063 --> 00:06:52,857 Celebrate good times Come on! Whoo! 175 00:06:53,817 --> 00:06:54,901 Amy Santiago, 176 00:06:55,694 --> 00:06:57,794 you have made me the happiest man on Earth. 177 00:06:58,405 --> 00:07:00,572 I spent one whole dollar on this ring. 178 00:07:00,656 --> 00:07:02,574 Will you go on the worst date ever with me? 179 00:07:02,658 --> 00:07:03,826 You have to say yes! 180 00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:05,660 Yes. 181 00:07:05,744 --> 00:07:08,705 -She said yes! She said yes! -[ALL CHEERING] 182 00:07:08,789 --> 00:07:09,789 This is for you. 183 00:07:09,873 --> 00:07:12,417 …your party with you Come on now! 184 00:07:14,752 --> 00:07:15,920 [HORN HONKING] 185 00:07:18,006 --> 00:07:19,007 [SIGHS] 186 00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:20,340 Amy Santiago! 187 00:07:20,924 --> 00:07:21,925 Date time! 188 00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:23,051 Time to date! 189 00:07:23,260 --> 00:07:25,429 Peralta, this outfit is ridiculous. 190 00:07:25,762 --> 00:07:29,812 Chop, chop. There's plenty of embarrassing to do and only a few hours to do it in. 191 00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:33,978 Happy? Oh, yeah. 192 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:37,870 You look like every girl at every Bat Mitzvah I ever had a crush on. 193 00:07:38,232 --> 00:07:39,607 Let's see the bow. [LAUGHS] 194 00:07:39,983 --> 00:07:41,484 Just like Jenny Gildenhorn. 195 00:07:42,068 --> 00:07:43,518 Why do I wish you had braces? 196 00:07:43,611 --> 00:07:45,696 Should we get you braces? No, that's too much. 197 00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:46,781 Here I come. 198 00:07:48,950 --> 00:07:50,158 Nice shorts. Thank you. 199 00:07:50,242 --> 00:07:52,452 Believe it or not, they were not very expensive. 200 00:07:52,536 --> 00:07:53,828 Do I really have to wear this all night? 201 00:07:53,912 --> 00:07:56,373 You know the rules. The date starts now and ends at midnight. 202 00:07:56,457 --> 00:07:58,917 I decide what you wear, what you eat, and where we go. 203 00:07:59,001 --> 00:08:00,000 Oh! 204 00:08:00,084 --> 00:08:01,434 And there is one more rule. 205 00:08:02,712 --> 00:08:03,921 No matter what happens, 206 00:08:05,131 --> 00:08:07,231 you're not allowed to fall in love with me. 207 00:08:07,633 --> 00:08:08,676 Won't be a problem. 208 00:08:13,805 --> 00:08:16,455 Detective Boyle, I just wanted to say congratulations. 209 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,050 Your medal was well deserved. 210 00:08:18,143 --> 00:08:19,143 Thank you, sir. 211 00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:20,435 Your breath is terrible. 212 00:08:20,519 --> 00:08:22,019 Charles, can I speak with you? 213 00:08:22,688 --> 00:08:24,482 BOYLE: Hey, where's Rosa? 214 00:08:24,732 --> 00:08:26,149 I haven't seen her all night. 215 00:08:26,233 --> 00:08:27,609 Did you know my wife pays me alimony? 216 00:08:27,693 --> 00:08:29,360 Okay, let's take a seat. 217 00:08:29,652 --> 00:08:31,654 I'm gonna keep an eye on you all night, little buddy. 218 00:08:31,738 --> 00:08:32,738 BOYLE: Okay. Thanks! 219 00:08:32,822 --> 00:08:33,823 Hey, baby. 220 00:08:33,907 --> 00:08:36,159 Hey, baby, happy you made it! 221 00:08:36,826 --> 00:08:39,076 Captain, I'd like you to meet my wife, Sharon. 222 00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:40,370 Oh, it's so wonderful to meet you. 223 00:08:40,454 --> 00:08:41,663 I've heard such great things about you. 224 00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:43,791 And you. Your husband is a real hero. 225 00:08:44,666 --> 00:08:47,043 If you ask me, he should've been up there with Detective Boyle today. 226 00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,128 What for? 227 00:08:48,337 --> 00:08:49,712 For saving my life. 228 00:08:50,505 --> 00:08:52,923 He means metaphorically, you know. [NERVOUS CHUCKLING] 229 00:08:53,007 --> 00:08:54,633 Saving him from all that paperwork. 230 00:08:54,717 --> 00:08:56,469 Paper cuts are a slow death, baby. 231 00:08:56,677 --> 00:08:58,220 No, I was referring to how he threw his body 232 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:01,055 at an emotionally disturbed criminal who was trying to kill me. 233 00:09:01,139 --> 00:09:02,182 No! 234 00:09:05,143 --> 00:09:06,144 He did what? 235 00:09:07,979 --> 00:09:09,438 Are you back in the field? 236 00:09:11,607 --> 00:09:13,192 Oh. I have caused a problem. 237 00:09:14,193 --> 00:09:16,195 I think I am… 238 00:09:17,154 --> 00:09:18,304 Getting a text message. 239 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,282 Bloop! Ah, there it is. 240 00:09:23,618 --> 00:09:25,202 Why is this the first I'm hearing about this? 241 00:09:25,286 --> 00:09:26,621 I thought I told you. 242 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,164 Uh, remember when you were half asleep, 243 00:09:29,289 --> 00:09:32,167 watching the news and the babies were crying and I said real low, 244 00:09:32,251 --> 00:09:34,002 "Hey, baby, I'm back in the field. You want something to eat?" 245 00:09:34,086 --> 00:09:35,378 And you were like, "What?" And I was like, 246 00:09:35,462 --> 00:09:37,672 "You want something to eat?" And you said, "Sure." 247 00:09:37,756 --> 00:09:39,590 And I got you an oatmeal cookie. 248 00:09:40,424 --> 00:09:41,467 Remember? 249 00:09:41,551 --> 00:09:43,970 You are a piece of work, Terrance. 250 00:09:45,304 --> 00:09:46,430 Oh, damn. 251 00:09:46,889 --> 00:09:47,930 She called me Terrance. 252 00:09:48,014 --> 00:09:49,015 I'm doomed. 253 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,893 [HONKING] 254 00:09:52,978 --> 00:09:54,813 PERALTA: Hot date, comin' through. 255 00:09:55,063 --> 00:09:56,773 Hey, attention, everyone! 256 00:09:57,524 --> 00:10:01,318 Now, I know that tonight is Boyle's big night. 257 00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:02,570 [ALL CHEERING] 258 00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,453 But let's forget about that completely for a moment, 259 00:10:05,698 --> 00:10:06,699 and admire, 260 00:10:06,824 --> 00:10:09,701 and comment on every terrible aspect of this. 261 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,452 [ALL CHEERING] 262 00:10:12,954 --> 00:10:14,246 Permission to go to the bathroom? 263 00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:16,499 Granted. First of three. Use them wisely. 264 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:19,501 Hey! 265 00:10:20,169 --> 00:10:22,519 Congrats again, buddy, I really am proud of you. 266 00:10:23,172 --> 00:10:24,339 Still wearing the medal, huh? 267 00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:26,423 Yes, I want women to be impressed by me. 268 00:10:26,675 --> 00:10:28,176 All right. 269 00:10:28,634 --> 00:10:30,427 Well, I'm sorry that I can't stay, but I have 270 00:10:30,511 --> 00:10:32,180 a terrible night planned for Amy. 271 00:10:32,513 --> 00:10:34,640 First up, is the mall photo studio 272 00:10:34,724 --> 00:10:36,558 where we'll take our official date portrait. 273 00:10:36,642 --> 00:10:38,142 The picture will be the two of us 274 00:10:38,226 --> 00:10:39,519 playing one saxophone. 275 00:10:39,853 --> 00:10:40,895 Then… 276 00:10:40,979 --> 00:10:43,106 Some peel-and-eat shrimp for dinner at a dangerously 277 00:10:43,190 --> 00:10:44,440 cheap seafood restaurant. 278 00:10:44,691 --> 00:10:47,651 And then I've contracted a youth choir to serenade us. 279 00:10:48,527 --> 00:10:50,612 ALL: ♪ Santiago! ♪ 280 00:10:50,696 --> 00:10:54,574 ♪ Santiago! ♪ 281 00:10:54,658 --> 00:10:58,286 -♪ You suck so bad ♪ -Yes! 282 00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:01,497 They'll sing to her at midnight in the middle of Times Square. 283 00:11:01,581 --> 00:11:03,499 She and 500 German tourists 284 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,600 will savor that memory for all times. 285 00:11:05,877 --> 00:11:09,170 Jake, do you know why little boys pull little girls' pigtails on playgrounds? 286 00:11:09,254 --> 00:11:10,296 'Cause they're so easy to grab, 287 00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:11,631 they're just begging to be pulled. 288 00:11:11,715 --> 00:11:13,007 Because they like the girls 289 00:11:13,091 --> 00:11:15,593 and that's the only way they know how to get their attention. 290 00:11:15,677 --> 00:11:16,678 What are you saying? 291 00:11:16,762 --> 00:11:18,846 All of this teasing, this elaborate date… 292 00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:20,630 Somewhere down deep, you like Amy. 293 00:11:20,723 --> 00:11:22,073 Like, "like her," like her. 294 00:11:22,225 --> 00:11:23,925 Okay, that's straight-up insanity. 295 00:11:24,227 --> 00:11:25,602 How much did you spend on tonight? 296 00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,771 $1,400, but all of it's on credit card. 297 00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:30,064 So it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years. 298 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,149 I do not like Amy! 299 00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,942 You're putting a lot of effort into a joke. 300 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,153 Why don't you just sit down and have a real conversation with her? 301 00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:36,238 Okay, Boyle, 302 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,204 you live in your ex-wife's new boyfriend's basement. 303 00:11:39,573 --> 00:11:40,907 I'm not taking advice from you. 304 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:41,992 [GRUNTS] 305 00:11:43,244 --> 00:11:45,204 I'm ashamed of my living situation! 306 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:47,205 Rosa? 307 00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:49,922 Why are you sequestered over by this old cell phone? 308 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,991 I'm avoiding Boyle and his truth bombs. 309 00:11:52,377 --> 00:11:54,327 I sometimes worry I'm gonna become you. 310 00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:58,006 He keeps saying he wants to talk to me. 311 00:11:58,090 --> 00:11:59,841 I'm afraid he's going to tell me he loves me 312 00:11:59,925 --> 00:12:01,259 or propose marriage or something. 313 00:12:01,343 --> 00:12:04,054 Oh, my God, that makes me kinda wanna cry. 314 00:12:04,179 --> 00:12:05,805 He dove in front of those bullets 315 00:12:05,889 --> 00:12:06,889 for me. 316 00:12:06,973 --> 00:12:08,123 I can't be mean to him. 317 00:12:08,933 --> 00:12:11,583 I watched him make coffee for 28 minutes this morning. 318 00:12:11,978 --> 00:12:13,353 But I also can't lead him on. 319 00:12:13,437 --> 00:12:16,189 Captain Holt told me not to let him get hurt tonight, 320 00:12:16,273 --> 00:12:17,873 so, I'll keep him away from you. 321 00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:21,652 Have you seen Rosa? 322 00:12:21,736 --> 00:12:23,363 Rosa died eight years ago. 323 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:24,822 Come on. 324 00:12:24,906 --> 00:12:26,006 Let's get you a drink. 325 00:12:26,699 --> 00:12:28,158 PERALTA: Uh, excuse me, everyone! 326 00:12:28,242 --> 00:12:32,371 Santiago and I will be performing the steerage jig from the film Titanic, 327 00:12:32,871 --> 00:12:35,541 which we have prepared for in no way, shape, or form. 328 00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,041 Romantic. 329 00:12:37,125 --> 00:12:38,292 -No. Embarrassing. -[MUSIC PLAYING] 330 00:12:38,376 --> 00:12:39,377 Milady. 331 00:12:46,049 --> 00:12:47,749 Do the spinning! I hate your guts. 332 00:12:47,843 --> 00:12:49,928 Channel that passion into the dance. 333 00:12:50,053 --> 00:12:51,805 Peralta! Scully. Tag in. 334 00:12:52,014 --> 00:12:53,265 Okay! Keep spinning. 335 00:12:54,057 --> 00:12:55,058 Yes? 336 00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,308 One of our informants just called. 337 00:12:56,392 --> 00:12:58,644 We've been tracking a crew that lifts cargo out of LaGuardia. 338 00:12:58,728 --> 00:13:00,229 The CI knows where the trucks unload, 339 00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,022 so I need you to stake out the drop site. 340 00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:03,190 Oh… 341 00:13:03,399 --> 00:13:06,317 Sir, I'm right in the middle of this date and I cannot reschedule. 342 00:13:06,401 --> 00:13:08,820 I have far, far too many nonrefundable deposits. 343 00:13:09,237 --> 00:13:11,072 I'm renting a tiger cub by the hour. 344 00:13:11,406 --> 00:13:12,741 For what? Don't even know. 345 00:13:12,866 --> 00:13:13,908 Waiting for inspiration. 346 00:13:13,992 --> 00:13:15,842 Well, this is not a negotiation. So… 347 00:13:16,076 --> 00:13:17,077 Go! 348 00:13:17,411 --> 00:13:19,496 All right, fine. But I'm taking Santiago with me. 349 00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:21,730 As soon as we're done it's back to the date. 350 00:13:22,249 --> 00:13:23,250 Darling. 351 00:13:23,417 --> 00:13:25,501 Brief pause. Duty calls. Oh, thank God. 352 00:13:26,919 --> 00:13:27,920 [SIGHS] 353 00:13:28,338 --> 00:13:29,338 Gina, tag in? 354 00:13:29,422 --> 00:13:31,591 No. Not even if it would cure cancer. 355 00:13:31,883 --> 00:13:32,967 Okay. 356 00:13:39,848 --> 00:13:41,767 Look, baby, I'm sorry. 357 00:13:42,184 --> 00:13:44,227 But Captain's life was in danger. 358 00:13:44,853 --> 00:13:46,395 I just did what I had to do. 359 00:13:46,854 --> 00:13:48,731 It was an impulse decision. 360 00:13:49,523 --> 00:13:51,323 Well, I guess I can understand that. 361 00:13:52,193 --> 00:13:53,194 HOLT: Sharon? 362 00:13:53,861 --> 00:13:54,902 I have to apologize. 363 00:13:54,986 --> 00:13:56,195 I want to assure you that 364 00:13:56,279 --> 00:13:58,114 the call to put Sergeant Jeffords back in the field 365 00:13:58,198 --> 00:13:59,699 wasn't a spur of the moment, 366 00:13:59,908 --> 00:14:00,950 impulse decision. 367 00:14:01,451 --> 00:14:03,953 It's been in the works for a few months now. 368 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:07,122 Terry said it just happened. 369 00:14:07,998 --> 00:14:10,626 I think you two need to get your stories straight. 370 00:14:13,629 --> 00:14:16,547 Perhaps I should stop talking to your wife. 371 00:14:16,756 --> 00:14:19,217 That's a good call, Captain. 372 00:14:19,884 --> 00:14:20,885 Sharon! 373 00:14:22,970 --> 00:14:24,971 I'm so happy to be out of that dress. 374 00:14:25,180 --> 00:14:26,389 It was weirdly hot. 375 00:14:26,473 --> 00:14:29,809 Oh, yeah, that's probably because it was a cotton and plastic blend. 376 00:14:29,893 --> 00:14:30,935 But, not to worry, 377 00:14:31,019 --> 00:14:32,520 we're gonna catch these guys and get back to 378 00:14:32,604 --> 00:14:33,896 the worst date of your life. 379 00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:34,980 Mmm, no. 380 00:14:35,106 --> 00:14:38,400 Nothing will ever be worse than the date I had with my aunt's dentist. 381 00:14:38,484 --> 00:14:39,884 You should try some of this. 382 00:14:40,277 --> 00:14:41,278 Okay. 383 00:14:42,071 --> 00:14:43,322 Oh, okay. Hold on. 384 00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,447 Wait… Huh? 385 00:14:44,656 --> 00:14:46,506 Yeah, dessert is out of the question. 386 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,201 [LAUGHING] 387 00:14:48,493 --> 00:14:49,869 What was your worst date ever? 388 00:14:49,953 --> 00:14:51,653 I think it's like a fifty-way tie. 389 00:14:52,539 --> 00:14:56,389 The last lady I went out with burst into tears when I told her I was a Gemini. 390 00:14:57,501 --> 00:14:58,544 Wow. 391 00:14:58,752 --> 00:15:00,652 Hey, those people left that door open. 392 00:15:00,754 --> 00:15:02,756 I bet there's a better vantage point from the roof. 393 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,466 Hmm. And I bet it doesn't smell like old cheese. 394 00:15:06,092 --> 00:15:07,176 Okay, that's hurtful. 395 00:15:07,635 --> 00:15:08,928 Shall we? Yeah. 396 00:15:09,095 --> 00:15:10,596 So, what else don't I know? 397 00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:12,765 You cooking meth? Are you Breaking Bad? 398 00:15:12,849 --> 00:15:14,266 How many phones do you have? 399 00:15:14,433 --> 00:15:17,436 I'm sorry. I need to clarify something I said earlier. 400 00:15:17,644 --> 00:15:19,812 Sergeant Jeffords was correct when he said 401 00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:23,399 that his choice to go back in the field that night was an impulse decision. 402 00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:26,533 He didn't even take the time to stop and gear up. So… What? 403 00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:28,102 You didn't have your vest on? 404 00:15:28,446 --> 00:15:29,447 Oh, no! 405 00:15:30,156 --> 00:15:32,032 Oh, goodness. I shouldn't have said that. 406 00:15:32,116 --> 00:15:34,166 I feel I may have made things worse. Wait! 407 00:15:34,742 --> 00:15:35,743 I can fix this, Ray. 408 00:15:35,827 --> 00:15:37,495 Now's not the time, Boyle. Hush! 409 00:15:37,787 --> 00:15:38,788 I wanna hear this. 410 00:15:38,872 --> 00:15:40,414 Boyle, let's not make big… Hush! 411 00:15:40,498 --> 00:15:41,499 Truth time. 412 00:15:42,417 --> 00:15:43,467 We love your husband. 413 00:15:43,625 --> 00:15:44,626 He's a great cop. 414 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:46,627 We will do anything to protect him. 415 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,970 And you have incredibly attractive hands. 416 00:15:49,131 --> 00:15:50,131 And you! 417 00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:52,384 What the hell are you doing, lying to your wife? 418 00:15:52,468 --> 00:15:54,134 Unless you wanna end up moving into my ex-wife's 419 00:15:54,218 --> 00:15:55,761 new boyfriend's basement with me, 420 00:15:55,845 --> 00:15:56,970 you better man up! 421 00:15:57,054 --> 00:15:58,639 Don't you ever keep anything 422 00:15:58,723 --> 00:16:00,323 from this beautiful woman again! 423 00:16:00,892 --> 00:16:02,142 Seriously, you are beautiful. 424 00:16:02,226 --> 00:16:03,851 Oh! If he ever lies to you again, 425 00:16:03,935 --> 00:16:04,936 you can call me. 426 00:16:07,063 --> 00:16:08,148 I'm sorry, honey. 427 00:16:08,648 --> 00:16:09,774 I just didn't want you to worry. 428 00:16:09,858 --> 00:16:12,110 Baby, I am always gonna worry about you. 429 00:16:12,652 --> 00:16:13,902 But if you feel like you're ready, 430 00:16:13,986 --> 00:16:16,086 then get your ass back in the field. But… 431 00:16:16,864 --> 00:16:18,448 If you ever keep anything from me again, 432 00:16:18,532 --> 00:16:19,700 I will leave you 433 00:16:19,867 --> 00:16:23,077 for this short earnest man and his ex-wife's new boyfriend's apartment. 434 00:16:23,161 --> 00:16:26,247 I know you're kidding, but Hercules is actually a very good landlord. 435 00:16:26,331 --> 00:16:28,249 Sometimes when they go on nice vacations, 436 00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,883 I'm allowed to use the hot tub. 437 00:16:33,004 --> 00:16:36,047 Man, I don't know how Batman does it. It is super scary up here. 438 00:16:36,131 --> 00:16:38,425 Hey, will you grab the binoculars? They're in my stakeout bag. 439 00:16:38,509 --> 00:16:41,178 Your stakeout bag is 98% nuts. 440 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:42,846 I get snacky. 441 00:16:43,012 --> 00:16:45,612 Besides, nuts are super healthy. They're like 0% fat. 442 00:16:46,224 --> 00:16:47,599 Jake, that's not true at all. 443 00:16:47,683 --> 00:16:49,184 It's actually the opposite. 444 00:16:49,268 --> 00:16:51,687 What? That nut vendor lied to me. 445 00:16:54,856 --> 00:16:56,774 I think a pigeon just flew out of your car. 446 00:16:56,858 --> 00:16:59,110 Yeah, the windows don't exactly roll up. 447 00:16:59,694 --> 00:17:00,994 The car's a piece of crap. 448 00:17:01,279 --> 00:17:02,629 Why do you love it so much? 449 00:17:03,572 --> 00:17:05,172 [SIGHS] You really want to know? 450 00:17:06,867 --> 00:17:09,202 I was two days out of the academy, super nervous. 451 00:17:09,286 --> 00:17:11,580 I saw this guy run out of a bodega clutching a bunch of cash. 452 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,456 So, I pursued him, on foot. 453 00:17:13,706 --> 00:17:14,707 Eleven blocks. 454 00:17:15,542 --> 00:17:17,126 Finally catch him, cuff him, 455 00:17:17,585 --> 00:17:19,963 throw him up against that car. 456 00:17:20,755 --> 00:17:22,714 Turned out there was a "for sale" sign in the window. 457 00:17:22,798 --> 00:17:25,298 And, it being the best day of my life, I bought it. 458 00:17:26,301 --> 00:17:27,636 Thus, began the debt. 459 00:17:28,136 --> 00:17:29,179 "Crushing debt." 460 00:17:30,264 --> 00:17:31,314 Yeah. You do know me. 461 00:17:31,848 --> 00:17:32,848 Nut? 462 00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,266 Only if you throw it. 463 00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:36,477 Ready? Ready? Mmm-hmm. 464 00:17:37,853 --> 00:17:38,896 Nice. 465 00:17:39,522 --> 00:17:40,523 Ready? Uh-huh. 466 00:17:42,524 --> 00:17:44,568 [BOTH LAUGHING] 467 00:17:45,777 --> 00:17:46,861 What are you doing? 468 00:17:47,529 --> 00:17:48,821 Trying to catch it in your nose? 469 00:17:48,905 --> 00:17:51,105 -[PHONE RINGING] -I got it. I got it. I got it. 470 00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:53,074 All right. It's Holt. Keep practicing. 471 00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:54,159 Okay. 472 00:17:54,743 --> 00:17:56,370 Peralta. Oh, good news, Peralta. 473 00:17:56,704 --> 00:17:59,331 I found someone from the night shift to relieve you on your stakeout. 474 00:17:59,415 --> 00:18:01,125 Oh, I can still make Times Square. 475 00:18:02,417 --> 00:18:03,459 Um… 476 00:18:05,420 --> 00:18:08,631 You know, Captain, hold off on the relief team. We're already here. 477 00:18:08,715 --> 00:18:10,341 Plus, I'm curious to see what happens. 478 00:18:10,425 --> 00:18:12,025 Okay. It's your call. All right. 479 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,220 [SIGHS] 480 00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:16,596 What did Holt want? 481 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,848 Just checking in. How you doing? Any progress? 482 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,267 Yep, watch. 483 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,062 The key is volume. I see that. 484 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,859 So be honest, if you'd won the bet, 485 00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:32,793 were you really gonna destroy my car? 486 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,030 No. I was gonna drive it. 487 00:18:35,697 --> 00:18:36,847 So I could learn stick. 488 00:18:38,366 --> 00:18:39,701 You wouldn't. I would. 489 00:18:40,035 --> 00:18:41,868 Would have been like… [SCREECHING] 490 00:18:41,952 --> 00:18:43,621 No, no! 491 00:18:44,371 --> 00:18:45,372 Hey, hey. 492 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:48,083 There's our guys. 493 00:18:48,167 --> 00:18:49,217 What's the play here? 494 00:18:49,668 --> 00:18:50,669 Just follow my lead. 495 00:18:50,961 --> 00:18:51,961 Give me the ring. 496 00:18:53,421 --> 00:18:54,589 Now give me some nuts. 497 00:18:55,548 --> 00:18:56,549 I'm snacky. 498 00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,927 All right, fine, darling. I'll ask him. 499 00:19:00,011 --> 00:19:01,553 Will that make you happy? Excuse me, sir. 500 00:19:01,637 --> 00:19:02,720 Uh, we're kinda busy here. 501 00:19:02,804 --> 00:19:04,904 Yeah. My girlfriend here thinks we're lost. 502 00:19:05,223 --> 00:19:08,060 No. I know we're lost. I think he's an idiot. 503 00:19:08,226 --> 00:19:11,770 Idiot? You know why we're out here in the middle of the night, Susan? 504 00:19:11,854 --> 00:19:13,604 I was gonna propose to you. [GASPS] 505 00:19:13,773 --> 00:19:15,816 On the Brooklyn Bridge, where we met. 506 00:19:16,150 --> 00:19:18,402 Brooklyn Bridge? We met on the Manhattan Bridge! 507 00:19:18,486 --> 00:19:20,154 You know what? This is over. 508 00:19:20,613 --> 00:19:22,989 Say goodbye to the ring and everything it represents! 509 00:19:23,073 --> 00:19:25,659 Oh! You son of a bitch! 510 00:19:25,825 --> 00:19:27,910 Hey! Hey! Stop yelling! 511 00:19:27,994 --> 00:19:29,829 Hey, no one talks to Susan like that. 512 00:19:29,913 --> 00:19:32,664 And you know what… On the ground. NYPD! NYPD! You're under arrest! 513 00:19:32,748 --> 00:19:33,749 Nice work. 514 00:19:34,041 --> 00:19:35,042 You, too. 515 00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:37,434 I'm sad you're all arresting me, 516 00:19:37,836 --> 00:19:40,136 but I gotta say, I'm glad you're back together. 517 00:19:44,801 --> 00:19:46,511 Hey, I need to talk to you. 518 00:19:47,011 --> 00:19:48,346 Uh-oh. It's happening. 519 00:19:50,181 --> 00:19:52,015 Remember when I took those bullets for you? 520 00:19:52,099 --> 00:19:53,517 Okay, let's do this. 521 00:19:54,101 --> 00:19:55,101 I think you're sweet. 522 00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:56,435 I didn't know it was you. 523 00:19:57,771 --> 00:20:00,981 When I jumped in front of those bullets, I didn't know who I was protecting. 524 00:20:01,065 --> 00:20:04,568 I just saw a gun and an NYPD vest, and so I dove on instinct. 525 00:20:05,194 --> 00:20:07,946 You've been extra nice to me because you thought I risked my life for you, 526 00:20:08,030 --> 00:20:10,365 but, I only did what every good cop would do. 527 00:20:12,033 --> 00:20:13,409 When you finally go out with me, 528 00:20:13,493 --> 00:20:14,494 and you will, 529 00:20:14,619 --> 00:20:17,669 it'll be because I do things that only Charles Boyle would do. 530 00:20:24,044 --> 00:20:26,380 Um, actually, I have a coat in here. 531 00:20:26,588 --> 00:20:27,589 It's, uh… 532 00:20:27,756 --> 00:20:29,758 It's like… Actually, I see it. It's like… 533 00:20:29,842 --> 00:20:31,392 It's blue… It's like right… 534 00:20:33,886 --> 00:20:35,936 Excellent job on the stakeout last night. 535 00:20:36,139 --> 00:20:37,306 I'm glad to see you two 536 00:20:37,390 --> 00:20:39,932 still work well together despite that ridiculous bet. 537 00:20:40,016 --> 00:20:41,059 Thanks. Me, too. 538 00:20:41,393 --> 00:20:43,519 And I appreciate you turning down the relief team. 539 00:20:43,603 --> 00:20:45,653 I'm not sure they could've made that bust. 540 00:20:46,022 --> 00:20:47,190 Yeah… Right. 541 00:20:48,024 --> 00:20:49,025 The relief team. 542 00:20:50,609 --> 00:20:51,610 SANTIAGO: So… 543 00:20:52,445 --> 00:20:54,445 Sorry you lost so much money last night. 544 00:20:54,905 --> 00:20:56,990 Guess you can add it to your list of bad dates. 545 00:20:57,074 --> 00:20:59,124 Nah, it still goes on the good date list. 546 00:20:59,993 --> 00:21:01,993 You know, 'cause we caught the bad guys. 547 00:21:03,371 --> 00:21:04,622 That's very mature of you. 548 00:21:04,706 --> 00:21:06,416 Well, I am a very mature man. 549 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:08,750 MAN: Package for Amy Santiago. 550 00:21:09,419 --> 00:21:11,295 That's me. Special Delivery from… 551 00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:13,130 Jake Peralta to say, 552 00:21:13,630 --> 00:21:14,714 "Thanks for last night." 553 00:21:14,798 --> 00:21:16,383 Oh, no. I forgot to cancel. 554 00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:18,609 -♪ Here I am ♪ -Cancel what? 555 00:21:18,719 --> 00:21:20,511 PERALTA: Sir, you don't have to… Oh! 556 00:21:20,595 --> 00:21:23,139 -♪ Rock you like a hurricane ♪ -PERALTA: All right. So… 557 00:21:25,850 --> 00:21:26,850 No! Okay. Ah, okay. 558 00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:27,935 No, no, no, no, no. 559 00:21:28,019 --> 00:21:29,019 Stepping in. Stepping in. 560 00:21:29,103 --> 00:21:30,603 I'll take this bullet for you. 561 00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:32,980 Hitchcock, what are you doing? 562 00:21:33,106 --> 00:21:35,192 I thought… Aren't we all gonna… No?