1
00:00:02,322 --> 00:00:04,532
Oh, this is amazing. This is so amazing.
2
00:00:04,616 --> 00:00:05,699
Everything about this is amazing.
3
00:00:05,783 --> 00:00:06,827
What are you talking about?
4
00:00:06,911 --> 00:00:09,538
A virus got on the server
and sent all of us an email
5
00:00:09,622 --> 00:00:10,915
with everyone's search histories.
6
00:00:10,999 --> 00:00:12,166
Check this out.
7
00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:15,546
Sergeant Jeffords searched the
Internet for "undiscovered muscle."
8
00:00:15,630 --> 00:00:19,175
I was working out and saw a muscle
in my shoulder I'd never seen before.
9
00:00:19,259 --> 00:00:21,136
I thought it might have
been a scientific discovery.
10
00:00:21,220 --> 00:00:22,220
Listen to this.
11
00:00:22,304 --> 00:00:25,516
Scully searched for, "How
much fudge is in a calorie?"
12
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:28,100
I never found the answer,
but it's a good question.
13
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:30,063
Boyle looked up "How
to make desk yogurt."
14
00:00:30,147 --> 00:00:33,276
Yes, I did, and I am
thrilled with the results.
15
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:35,237
Although the jar is really hot.
16
00:00:35,321 --> 00:00:36,447
That's gross.
17
00:00:36,531 --> 00:00:40,076
And Amy searched for "Daniel
Craig hands plus close up."
18
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:41,244
Ugh.
19
00:00:41,328 --> 00:00:44,665
You should talk.
You searched for "Cheapest date possible."
20
00:00:44,749 --> 00:00:46,960
And I wear that search
like a badge of honor.
21
00:00:47,586 --> 00:00:50,005
So, ready for dinner? Here we go.
22
00:00:50,089 --> 00:00:51,340
[GRUNTS]
23
00:00:51,841 --> 00:00:54,844
Would you like something
sweet or maybe savory?
24
00:00:55,262 --> 00:00:56,806
Apple pie… And I'm stuck.
25
00:00:57,598 --> 00:00:58,933
I'm stuck!
26
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:01,436
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
27
00:01:21,420 --> 00:01:22,671
Peralta.
28
00:01:23,255 --> 00:01:25,800
Hey, Sal, to what do I owe the honor?
29
00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:30,264
Oh, my God. Yeah, we'll be right there.
30
00:01:31,056 --> 00:01:32,224
Boyle.
31
00:01:35,937 --> 00:01:36,939
No.
32
00:01:38,024 --> 00:01:39,691
I can't believe Sal's is gone.
33
00:01:39,775 --> 00:01:41,069
This place is an institution.
34
00:01:41,153 --> 00:01:42,737
It's the best pizza in the neighborhood.
35
00:01:42,821 --> 00:01:44,448
Well, eighth best.
36
00:01:45,158 --> 00:01:46,450
But, yeah, a tragedy.
37
00:01:46,534 --> 00:01:48,619
I mean, any food-related
crime is a tragedy.
38
00:01:48,703 --> 00:01:50,247
[SIREN BLARING]
39
00:01:50,331 --> 00:01:52,583
Oh, no. Heads up, Fire Marshall.
40
00:01:59,467 --> 00:02:00,635
Boone.
41
00:02:01,177 --> 00:02:02,804
What's that nimrod doing here?
42
00:02:03,347 --> 00:02:04,348
Hey, Peralta.
43
00:02:04,806 --> 00:02:07,601
Hey, Boone, what are you
doing here, you nimrod?
44
00:02:07,685 --> 00:02:09,019
Uh, there was a fire.
45
00:02:09,103 --> 00:02:11,106
The big question is,
what are you doing here?
46
00:02:11,190 --> 00:02:13,859
What, did somebody call in a
missing donut? [CHUCKLING]
47
00:02:13,943 --> 00:02:15,528
Uh, actually, someone reported
48
00:02:15,612 --> 00:02:16,779
they couldn't find your head.
49
00:02:16,863 --> 00:02:18,574
But we found it. It was up your butt.
50
00:02:18,658 --> 00:02:19,658
You're a fireman.
51
00:02:19,742 --> 00:02:21,034
You should know how to treat that burn.
52
00:02:21,118 --> 00:02:22,120
-[GRUNTS]
-BOONE: Joke's on you.
53
00:02:22,204 --> 00:02:23,413
'Cause this is a fire,
54
00:02:23,497 --> 00:02:25,665
which means it is fire
department jurisdiction.
55
00:02:25,749 --> 00:02:26,834
So, why don't you back off
56
00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:28,711
and let New York's bravest handle it?
57
00:02:28,795 --> 00:02:30,088
You know they only call you that because
58
00:02:30,172 --> 00:02:31,256
"New York's Best
59
00:02:31,340 --> 00:02:33,008
"At Spraying Stuff With
Water" is too wordy.
60
00:02:33,092 --> 00:02:34,176
[CHUCKLES] Oh, well, it's too bad
61
00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:37,054
we all can't be as awesome
as New York's Finest.
62
00:02:37,138 --> 00:02:39,141
Which, by the way, sounds like my mom
63
00:02:39,225 --> 00:02:40,642
describing her dishware.
64
00:02:40,726 --> 00:02:43,354
Which… And she's dead, so
let's tread lightly on the response.
65
00:02:43,438 --> 00:02:45,023
That's not fair. Yeah.
66
00:02:45,107 --> 00:02:46,525
Now, look, we heard this might be arson,
67
00:02:46,609 --> 00:02:47,943
so we wanted to check it out.
68
00:02:48,027 --> 00:02:51,281
No, I… I'm not letting you
onto my crime scene. Okay?
69
00:02:52,783 --> 00:02:54,534
All right, fine. You know what?
70
00:02:54,618 --> 00:02:56,871
You're not invited to our next murder.
71
00:02:58,456 --> 00:03:00,542
Good solve on the
Herman Avenue burglaries.
72
00:03:00,626 --> 00:03:02,336
Finish up the paperwork
as soon as possible.
73
00:03:02,420 --> 00:03:03,630
Your wish is my command.
74
00:03:04,172 --> 00:03:06,090
No, that was actually a command.
75
00:03:06,174 --> 00:03:08,052
So, my command is your command.
76
00:03:08,136 --> 00:03:11,096
Well, then, I guess you still
have all three of your wishes.
77
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:12,182
You're not a genie.
78
00:03:12,266 --> 00:03:14,351
I know that. Okay, we're leaving.
79
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:19,065
What was the name of the clerk we
questioned about the second burglary?
80
00:03:19,149 --> 00:03:20,276
"Where do farts go?"
81
00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,028
I was reading Scully's searches.
82
00:03:23,112 --> 00:03:26,283
Hey, why did you do a search
for "Magic-themed singles night"?
83
00:03:26,658 --> 00:03:30,108
My last four dates were really
boring, so I thought I'd mix things up.
84
00:03:31,999 --> 00:03:33,917
Oh, wow! [LAUGHS]
85
00:03:36,838 --> 00:03:39,007
Ta-da. Oh, no.
86
00:03:39,424 --> 00:03:40,509
What about you?
87
00:03:40,593 --> 00:03:43,553
Why were you looking for real
estate in Ropesburg, New Jersey?
88
00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:46,265
Ropesburg PD offered me a
job as their new police captain.
89
00:03:46,349 --> 00:03:47,434
I turned it down.
90
00:03:47,768 --> 00:03:51,522
Oh! You! Captain. [CHUCKLES]
91
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:52,941
Oh.
92
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,652
That's super, super, cool.
93
00:04:04,956 --> 00:04:06,374
If we're going to figure
out what happened at Sal's,
94
00:04:06,458 --> 00:04:07,709
we've got to get past those firemen.
95
00:04:07,793 --> 00:04:09,420
We need access.
96
00:04:09,504 --> 00:04:10,671
How about this?
97
00:04:10,755 --> 00:04:12,214
We light a bunch of
fires throughout Brooklyn,
98
00:04:12,298 --> 00:04:14,718
and when the firemen
go to fight the fires,
99
00:04:14,802 --> 00:04:15,885
we walk right into Sal's.
100
00:04:15,969 --> 00:04:17,012
The crime scene is ours.
101
00:04:17,096 --> 00:04:19,265
Why would we want to start a
turf war with the fire department?
102
00:04:19,349 --> 00:04:20,933
I feel very uncomfortable
saying this to you,
103
00:04:21,017 --> 00:04:23,228
but it doesn't seem like it's worth it.
Unless you think it is.
104
00:04:23,312 --> 00:04:24,521
I do. Like I said,
105
00:04:24,605 --> 00:04:27,275
Sal's is an institution and it's the
best pizza in the neighborhood.
106
00:04:27,359 --> 00:04:29,659
I'm sorry, Jake.
Sal's is only the eighth best.
107
00:04:29,862 --> 00:04:32,865
I put out a weekly Brooklyn
pizza ranking email blast.
108
00:04:32,949 --> 00:04:36,035
Sal's has the fourth best
texture, ninth best crust,
109
00:04:36,119 --> 00:04:39,419
12th best cheese, and honestly,
they're only seventh in mouth-feel.
110
00:04:39,624 --> 00:04:40,750
Mouth-feel? What is that?
111
00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:42,461
The inside of your
cheeks are very sensitive.
112
00:04:42,545 --> 00:04:44,504
It's like the inside of your
thighs, except with a tongue.
113
00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:47,967
Oh, God, look, no.
Sal's has a secret sauce recipe
114
00:04:48,051 --> 00:04:49,887
that puts all the other
pizza places to shame.
115
00:04:49,971 --> 00:04:52,556
But more importantly, Fire Marshall Boone
116
00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:55,143
is incapable of conducting
a crime investigation.
117
00:04:55,227 --> 00:04:56,978
All fire marshals are doofuses.
118
00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:59,274
But Boone is King
Doofus of Doofus Island.
119
00:04:59,816 --> 00:05:00,942
Gasoline?
120
00:05:01,359 --> 00:05:02,809
I'm pretty sure that's water.
121
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:04,488
Only one way to tell.
122
00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,118
There were more ways to tell.
123
00:05:08,827 --> 00:05:10,078
And he's their leader.
124
00:05:11,831 --> 00:05:14,581
Captain, here's the mope who
hacked our computer system.
125
00:05:14,793 --> 00:05:17,378
His mother turned him in.
His name is Corey Park.
126
00:05:17,462 --> 00:05:18,714
My name is Savant.
127
00:05:18,798 --> 00:05:20,592
His web handle is Savant.
128
00:05:21,009 --> 00:05:22,969
His people name is Corey Park.
129
00:05:23,053 --> 00:05:25,222
Why did you target us with
your computer virus, Corey?
130
00:05:25,306 --> 00:05:26,389
I don't know. I was bored
131
00:05:26,473 --> 00:05:28,559
and it was easy to break
into your weak-ass system.
132
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:30,102
It was like taking candy from a baby.
133
00:05:30,186 --> 00:05:31,522
Why are you giving candy
134
00:05:31,606 --> 00:05:33,056
to a baby in the first place?
135
00:05:33,816 --> 00:05:35,402
Don't give candy to a baby.
136
00:05:35,819 --> 00:05:36,945
They can't brush their teeth.
137
00:05:37,029 --> 00:05:40,283
Yes, Sergeant.
It is unwise to give babies candy.
138
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:42,743
If it's so easy for this gentleman
to break into our system,
139
00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:45,080
we may need to hire a new IT director.
140
00:05:45,164 --> 00:05:47,040
Why don't you and
Gina get together on that?
141
00:05:47,124 --> 00:05:48,751
I doubt I'll need Gina's help.
142
00:05:48,835 --> 00:05:50,185
I'm sure she's busy anyway.
143
00:05:54,634 --> 00:05:58,305
Use Gina, she's my assistant
and she has something to offer.
144
00:05:58,764 --> 00:05:59,806
Trust me.
145
00:06:01,309 --> 00:06:03,144
Man, don't be hacking into my stuff.
146
00:06:03,770 --> 00:06:05,522
BOYLE: Uh-oh. Jake. Firemen.
147
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,274
What are you two doing here?
148
00:06:07,358 --> 00:06:09,443
You're a detective. You detect it out.
149
00:06:09,527 --> 00:06:10,778
Good one, bro. [CHUCKLES] I know, bro.
150
00:06:10,862 --> 00:06:11,904
Yeah, bro.
151
00:06:11,988 --> 00:06:13,574
Wow, it's like watching Meet the Press.
152
00:06:13,658 --> 00:06:14,659
Boone reconsidered.
153
00:06:15,159 --> 00:06:17,209
He wants you to take a look at the files.
154
00:06:17,663 --> 00:06:19,456
Oh, that's unexpected, but…
155
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:21,083
All right, fine. I'll…
156
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:23,002
[LAUGHS] It's not a file, bro.
157
00:06:23,086 --> 00:06:24,253
It's a donut, because you're cops.
158
00:06:24,337 --> 00:06:25,339
You sure?
159
00:06:27,341 --> 00:06:30,344
All right. I don't care if it's not
our jurisdiction. We're solving this.
160
00:06:30,428 --> 00:06:32,597
Would you like me to,
uh, file that for you, Jake?
161
00:06:32,681 --> 00:06:33,849
Just ask for the donut, Scully.
162
00:06:33,933 --> 00:06:35,633
Can I have the donut, please? Yes.
163
00:06:36,143 --> 00:06:37,354
Thanks.
164
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:44,153
It's good to see you, Sal.
I'm so sorry about the fire.
165
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,699
I can't believe it's
gone, Jakey, all of it.
166
00:06:46,991 --> 00:06:48,033
The pizza oven.
167
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,942
The first dollar bill I ever made.
168
00:06:50,704 --> 00:06:51,746
The 7 Up fridge.
169
00:06:51,830 --> 00:06:54,333
Hey, it's going to be all right.
You'll rebuild.
170
00:06:54,417 --> 00:06:56,460
The fire department's been
asking a lot of questions.
171
00:06:56,544 --> 00:06:58,463
Oh, fire department questions.
Let me guess.
172
00:06:58,547 --> 00:07:00,882
"Uh, what part of my
face do I put food in?
173
00:07:00,966 --> 00:07:03,511
"How do you count to one?
What's air?" [CHUCKLES]
174
00:07:03,803 --> 00:07:05,513
They think I torched my own place.
175
00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:07,891
You know I wouldn't do
something like that, right?
176
00:07:07,975 --> 00:07:10,937
Yeah, of course, but can you think
of anybody who might have done it?
177
00:07:11,021 --> 00:07:13,481
I can think of 10 pizzerias
that want me out of the game.
178
00:07:13,565 --> 00:07:15,484
That jerk Mario comes to mind.
179
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:16,777
We share a delivery radius.
180
00:07:16,861 --> 00:07:19,781
Mario is number 10 overall
in Brooklyn, and rising fast.
181
00:07:19,865 --> 00:07:21,115
He might have wanted
to move up the ladder.
182
00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:23,786
Of one foodie weirdo's
personal pizza email blast?
183
00:07:24,037 --> 00:07:25,121
Yeah.
184
00:07:25,371 --> 00:07:26,623
Okay, we'll start with him.
185
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:28,083
Then, we'll move on to
the rest of your competition,
186
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:29,668
see if anything suspicious turns up.
187
00:07:29,752 --> 00:07:32,630
It will be the perfect opportunity
to update my rankings.
188
00:07:32,714 --> 00:07:33,923
Can we stop at home for a pizza bib?
189
00:07:34,007 --> 00:07:35,258
No, Charles. We got to go fast.
190
00:07:35,342 --> 00:07:36,802
Right, right, I'll just use my work bib.
191
00:07:36,886 --> 00:07:37,887
No, no bib.
192
00:07:38,805 --> 00:07:40,556
We're going to solve this for you, Sal.
193
00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:41,975
Sit tight.
194
00:07:43,227 --> 00:07:45,771
The guy who did the safe in the
second apartment, what was his name?
195
00:07:45,855 --> 00:07:49,485
Cone.
"C" as in captain, "O" as in overlooked.
196
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,654
What? Nothing.
197
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,864
She said "C" as in captain.
"O" as in over…
198
00:07:53,948 --> 00:07:55,367
Yeah, I know how to spell Cone.
199
00:07:55,451 --> 00:07:56,452
Okay.
200
00:07:57,286 --> 00:07:59,873
So, Ropesburg PD.
201
00:08:00,332 --> 00:08:01,482
You know someone there?
202
00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:03,752
Nope. So, you were looking for a new job?
203
00:08:03,836 --> 00:08:04,837
Nope.
204
00:08:05,379 --> 00:08:09,343
Weird. They just offered you captain,
without considering anyone else?
205
00:08:10,761 --> 00:08:13,472
Like Scully, because he's
got so many years on the force.
206
00:08:13,556 --> 00:08:17,356
Hey, guys, I think I put my gun in one
of these boxes and I don't know which.
207
00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,354
Do you have a problem with
me that you want to talk about?
208
00:08:19,438 --> 00:08:23,360
Me? No. I am just filing evidence, sir.
209
00:08:24,070 --> 00:08:26,614
I found my gun. It was in my holster.
210
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,490
My holster is on my butt.
211
00:08:29,118 --> 00:08:30,285
Good solve, Scully.
212
00:08:31,537 --> 00:08:32,997
Mario, this pie needs work.
213
00:08:33,373 --> 00:08:34,540
Good consistency on the crust.
214
00:08:34,624 --> 00:08:36,774
But the cheese-to-sauce
ratio is a travesty.
215
00:08:37,795 --> 00:08:38,796
[SPITS]
216
00:08:39,088 --> 00:08:41,132
Do you have to spit? In a word, yes.
217
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:44,636
Amateurs go tasting, they fill up and
they lose their palate by the third slice.
218
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:46,221
I take this very seriously.
219
00:08:46,305 --> 00:08:48,975
So, Mario, let me tell
you what I think happened.
220
00:08:49,059 --> 00:08:52,659
Your credit card transactions are
down by a third in the last six months.
221
00:08:52,897 --> 00:08:56,735
Meanwhile, over at Sal's, there's a
bunch of smiling faces and happy stomachs.
222
00:08:56,819 --> 00:08:58,987
One night you snapped. A little gasoline.
223
00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,697
Fah! A little match.
224
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:01,991
And poof!
225
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,869
No more Sal's. How right am I?
226
00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:06,163
The night of the fire, I
was at my father's funeral.
227
00:09:06,247 --> 00:09:08,457
Oh, my condolences.
228
00:09:09,668 --> 00:09:10,669
Ugh!
229
00:09:11,253 --> 00:09:14,381
Gino, this pizza is much
better than last time.
230
00:09:14,465 --> 00:09:17,665
You've always ranked dead last
in structural integrity and sauce.
231
00:09:17,928 --> 00:09:20,806
But way more importantly,
I did a little research.
232
00:09:20,890 --> 00:09:23,643
And it turns out you did
six months in prison for B&E.
233
00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:24,727
I did.
234
00:09:24,811 --> 00:09:26,313
The night of the fire,
I was at the prison
235
00:09:26,397 --> 00:09:27,606
giving a motivational speech
236
00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:29,609
on how parolees can
turn their lives around.
237
00:09:29,693 --> 00:09:32,993
Well, it's good to hear that the
system works. And you are welcome.
238
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,909
Have a good one.
239
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,660
This is a dead end.
240
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,496
We've got to check out that crime scene.
241
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:41,080
Can't. Firemen locked it down.
242
00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:42,792
Grab your spit bucket, Boyle.
243
00:09:42,876 --> 00:09:44,526
Those hose monkeys can't stop us.
244
00:09:46,923 --> 00:09:49,258
Ah, you must be Simon Walker.
245
00:09:49,342 --> 00:09:50,885
Have a seat.
246
00:09:50,969 --> 00:09:54,515
It says here you were an IT specialist
with the Board of Ed for 10 years.
247
00:09:54,599 --> 00:09:56,767
Well, I know my way around a computer.
That's for sure.
248
00:09:56,851 --> 00:09:59,313
Query. What's your favorite Jay-Z song?
249
00:09:59,647 --> 00:10:00,689
I'm sorry?
250
00:10:00,773 --> 00:10:03,023
-Favorite Jay-Z song?
-[CHUCKLES] She's kidding.
251
00:10:03,193 --> 00:10:05,236
[LAUGHS] No, I'm not. What is it?
252
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,320
I don't know.
253
00:10:06,404 --> 00:10:08,199
I'm sorry about her. Okay.
254
00:10:08,783 --> 00:10:10,827
What's your experience
with cyber-security?
255
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:13,204
Uh, well, I added, uh,
encryption software…
256
00:10:13,288 --> 00:10:14,999
But seriously, what's your
favorite Jay-Z song? I don't know.
257
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:16,834
Big Pimpin'. It's Big Pimpin'.
258
00:10:16,918 --> 00:10:19,588
Mmm, wrong answer, friend.
259
00:10:20,673 --> 00:10:23,385
And that's, um, how I got involved in,
260
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,262
you know, systems analysis.
261
00:10:26,096 --> 00:10:27,764
I'm sorry. I'm really nervous.
262
00:10:27,848 --> 00:10:29,348
There's no need to be nervous.
263
00:10:29,892 --> 00:10:32,937
Yeah.
We're all just calm, cool, collected…
264
00:10:33,021 --> 00:10:34,022
[SCREAMS]
265
00:10:34,106 --> 00:10:35,315
[LAUGHS]
266
00:10:35,733 --> 00:10:38,278
Oops. Was that a little sudden?
267
00:10:39,445 --> 00:10:42,240
What would you say is your
biggest weakness as an employee?
268
00:10:42,324 --> 00:10:43,450
Um…
269
00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:46,329
I'm sorry. What was the question again?
270
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,917
He said, "What's your biggest
weakness as an employee?"
271
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:51,251
That's just gross.
272
00:10:51,335 --> 00:10:53,838
I'm sorry.
I just have a skootch of gingivitis.
273
00:10:53,922 --> 00:10:55,840
So, I'm trying to treat
that as best I can.
274
00:10:55,924 --> 00:10:57,343
Sorry, you seem disgusted.
275
00:10:58,344 --> 00:11:01,431
Here's an itemized list of everything
taken from the garden apartment.
276
00:11:01,515 --> 00:11:04,226
"TV, computer, sterbeo."
277
00:11:04,811 --> 00:11:06,688
Uh-oh, spelling error.
278
00:11:07,314 --> 00:11:08,523
That's not very captain-y.
279
00:11:08,607 --> 00:11:10,318
Oh, my God. Enough!
280
00:11:10,901 --> 00:11:13,488
I just think that you
meant stereo, not sterbeo.
281
00:11:13,572 --> 00:11:15,698
Did you mean sterbeo… Captain?
282
00:11:15,782 --> 00:11:18,535
That's it. Get in my car, now!
283
00:11:18,619 --> 00:11:21,957
And if you say another word, I
promise you, you will regret it.
284
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,084
Aye-aye, Cap…
285
00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:25,920
Ow! Okay, fine. I regret it.
286
00:11:26,004 --> 00:11:27,297
Ah, I'll go. I'm going.
287
00:11:27,672 --> 00:11:30,009
[SIGHS] These firemen are not moving.
288
00:11:30,509 --> 00:11:31,677
We've got to distract them.
289
00:11:31,761 --> 00:11:33,763
Tell them your little boy's
cat got stuck up in a tree.
290
00:11:33,847 --> 00:11:35,932
Ooh, undercover work. I love it.
291
00:11:36,016 --> 00:11:37,226
I need more back story.
292
00:11:37,310 --> 00:11:39,270
First off, can it be my daughter's cat?
293
00:11:39,354 --> 00:11:41,439
Okay, but if you get made
because of that, it's on you.
294
00:11:41,523 --> 00:11:43,108
Fine, let's talk about the cat.
295
00:11:43,192 --> 00:11:44,943
Short hair? Long hair? Tabby?
296
00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:48,448
Short hair, calico, the son is
adopted, your wife is in a coma.
297
00:11:48,823 --> 00:11:50,409
Oh, that's brutal. I like it.
298
00:11:52,787 --> 00:11:56,041
Hey, guys? Guys, I…
I really need your help.
299
00:11:56,375 --> 00:11:58,460
My little boy Brian, my angel…
300
00:11:58,544 --> 00:12:01,547
I bought him a shorthaired
calico after my wife fell into a coma.
301
00:12:01,631 --> 00:12:02,632
Motorcycle crash.
302
00:12:02,716 --> 00:12:04,092
And now the cat's stuck in a tree.
303
00:12:04,176 --> 00:12:06,762
He's a cute kid. Kind of looks like you.
Handsome guy.
304
00:12:06,846 --> 00:12:07,930
Handsome little guy.
305
00:12:08,014 --> 00:12:10,935
Oh, hey, just got locked out, so..
. He doesn't care.
306
00:12:11,602 --> 00:12:13,020
[GRUNTS]
307
00:12:13,104 --> 00:12:15,690
Brian was adopted, so he
has abandonment issues.
308
00:12:15,774 --> 00:12:17,525
Just struck out at T-ball last week.
309
00:12:17,609 --> 00:12:19,259
Everyone called him Crying Brian.
310
00:12:21,614 --> 00:12:22,658
Hello, Peralta.
311
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:24,868
[YELLS]
312
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,119
Are you looking for something?
313
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,873
What is the deal with you and
this second-rate pizza joint?
314
00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,792
This place is a Brooklyn institution.
315
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:33,211
And I'm here because you
think Sal did it and you're wrong!
316
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:34,296
He did do it.
317
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:35,798
Sal was in financial trouble.
318
00:12:35,882 --> 00:12:37,383
He has no alibi.
319
00:12:37,467 --> 00:12:40,804
And in cases of arson,
the owner always did it.
320
00:12:40,888 --> 00:12:42,348
[CLEARS THROAT] What's going on, sir?
321
00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:45,602
What's going on is that Peralta
has screwed with me for the last time.
322
00:12:45,686 --> 00:12:46,978
And now he's going to pay.
323
00:12:47,062 --> 00:12:49,065
Oh, you know what, Boone?
Any time you want a…
324
00:12:49,149 --> 00:12:50,232
[GRUNTS]
325
00:12:50,316 --> 00:12:51,777
Oh! That escalated fast.
326
00:12:52,027 --> 00:12:53,028
[GROANS]
327
00:12:53,612 --> 00:12:54,822
[GRUNTS]
328
00:12:55,281 --> 00:12:57,981
They're getting nervous, Jake.
They're getting nervous.
329
00:12:59,537 --> 00:13:02,289
Get off him! Boone, you big marshmallow!
330
00:13:02,373 --> 00:13:04,542
Okay, break it up! Now!
331
00:13:04,626 --> 00:13:06,294
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't tell my guys what to do.
332
00:13:06,378 --> 00:13:08,130
Don't tell me what to
tell people what to do.
333
00:13:08,214 --> 00:13:09,715
Well, make me not do it, tough guy.
334
00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:10,967
Uh-oh.
335
00:13:12,428 --> 00:13:13,428
[GRUNTS]
336
00:13:13,512 --> 00:13:15,112
OFFICER: Hey! Break it up!
337
00:13:19,644 --> 00:13:22,481
I apologize, Marshall Boone,
for Detective Peralta's actions.
338
00:13:22,565 --> 00:13:24,609
It's something I find myself
doing quite frequently.
339
00:13:24,693 --> 00:13:26,152
In my defense, I was the only one
340
00:13:26,236 --> 00:13:27,736
saying we should stop hitting.
341
00:13:27,988 --> 00:13:29,407
Stop hitting them!
342
00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:31,493
Kicking them will hurt more!
343
00:13:33,162 --> 00:13:36,012
Okay, I'm a reasonable man,
so I'm just going to say this.
344
00:13:36,332 --> 00:13:38,126
Fire Peralta immediately!
345
00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:41,088
He started a fight, he
overstepped his jurisdiction.
346
00:13:41,172 --> 00:13:42,840
And he's obsessed with this pizza place.
347
00:13:42,924 --> 00:13:45,510
What I'm obsessed with is how
you're bungling this investigation.
348
00:13:45,594 --> 00:13:47,053
Oh.
They should write a song about it called
349
00:13:47,137 --> 00:13:48,388
Welcome to the Bungle.
350
00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:50,975
Seriously, why are you dragging
Sal's Pizza through the mud?
351
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:52,059
That place is special.
352
00:13:52,143 --> 00:13:53,145
Why is it special?
353
00:13:53,229 --> 00:13:54,813
Because it's the best
pizza in the neighborhood.
354
00:13:54,897 --> 00:13:56,857
Well… According to Charles' email blast,
355
00:13:56,941 --> 00:13:57,984
it's actually number eight.
356
00:13:58,068 --> 00:13:59,152
The Captain reads my blast.
357
00:13:59,236 --> 00:14:00,945
Of course, it's the only one
that measures mouth-feel.
358
00:14:01,029 --> 00:14:02,030
What, are you kidding right now?
359
00:14:02,114 --> 00:14:03,532
This isn't about pizza.
360
00:14:03,616 --> 00:14:04,866
What's it actually about?
361
00:14:07,371 --> 00:14:09,999
When I was a kid, I was
shortstop on my Little League team.
362
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,683
-Oh, my God.
-PERALTA: It's the truth. It's not a brag.
363
00:14:13,462 --> 00:14:16,798
My dad was the coach. And after every
game, he would take the team to Sal's.
364
00:14:16,882 --> 00:14:19,582
Halfway through our last
season, he left me and my mom.
365
00:14:19,970 --> 00:14:23,770
And the worst part about it was that I
couldn't go with him to Sal's anymore.
366
00:14:24,058 --> 00:14:26,811
Well, that's certainly not what
I expected this to be about.
367
00:14:26,895 --> 00:14:29,106
[SOBS] I'm sorry.
368
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,151
I'm sorry that happened to you.
369
00:14:32,235 --> 00:14:33,903
I mean, what kind of dad just…
370
00:14:33,987 --> 00:14:35,573
Just leaves his son like that?
371
00:14:37,241 --> 00:14:39,827
Look, you're a… You're a cop.
372
00:14:39,911 --> 00:14:41,746
And… And I'm a firefighter.
373
00:14:41,830 --> 00:14:44,833
But underneath all of it, we're just
374
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:47,670
two boys whose dads abandoned them.
375
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:52,426
And you and I, we're going to
solve this thing together. Okay?
376
00:14:52,510 --> 00:14:53,595
Okay. Okay.
377
00:14:54,095 --> 00:14:56,181
But first, let's hug like men.
378
00:14:56,265 --> 00:14:58,475
[SOBBING] Oh, boy, this is happening.
379
00:15:00,020 --> 00:15:02,063
Captain, you get in here.
380
00:15:03,691 --> 00:15:04,817
There, there.
381
00:15:05,276 --> 00:15:07,362
There, there. There.
382
00:15:08,071 --> 00:15:09,113
I'm coming in.
383
00:15:09,197 --> 00:15:11,576
-[CONTINUES SOBBING]
-Oh, Boyle.
384
00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:14,828
What's going on?
Did you drive me out here to kill me?
385
00:15:14,912 --> 00:15:17,662
I thought about it.
But then I put that thought on hold.
386
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,293
I wanted to show you Ropesburg.
387
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:20,629
This is Ropesburg?
388
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,787
You wanted this offer so badly, I
thought I'd give you a chance at the job.
389
00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,471
Miss Diaz, are you here to reconsider?
390
00:15:28,555 --> 00:15:30,515
We've bought the deputies
bullets like you suggested.
391
00:15:30,599 --> 00:15:33,352
Hi, Sergeant.
No, I'm still not interested…
392
00:15:33,436 --> 00:15:34,478
At all.
393
00:15:34,562 --> 00:15:35,772
But this is Detective Santiago.
394
00:15:35,856 --> 00:15:37,399
She's one of our top detectives,
395
00:15:37,483 --> 00:15:39,109
and she really wants the job.
396
00:15:39,401 --> 00:15:41,571
I… [CHUCKLES] Yes.
397
00:15:42,405 --> 00:15:44,575
Can I ask what happened
to the last captain?
398
00:15:44,659 --> 00:15:46,368
He quit to start a
carpet cleaning business,
399
00:15:46,452 --> 00:15:47,953
because that was better
than being captain here,
400
00:15:48,037 --> 00:15:50,337
because this is the most
boring place on Earth.
401
00:15:50,582 --> 00:15:53,169
[LAUGHS] She doesn't mean that.
402
00:15:53,503 --> 00:15:55,337
It's okay. It's true.
403
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:56,548
Got to be known for something.
404
00:15:56,632 --> 00:15:57,633
Ah…
405
00:15:58,967 --> 00:16:01,429
So, of all the candidates
that you interviewed today,
406
00:16:01,513 --> 00:16:02,930
who do you think I should hire?
407
00:16:03,014 --> 00:16:05,726
Well, the interviews
got a little off-track.
408
00:16:06,268 --> 00:16:08,520
But I'd go with Simon Walker.
409
00:16:08,604 --> 00:16:09,689
Computer Science degree,
410
00:16:09,773 --> 00:16:11,024
worked for the Board of Ed for 10 years.
411
00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:12,651
That guy? No way.
412
00:16:12,735 --> 00:16:13,944
He yelled at me
413
00:16:14,028 --> 00:16:16,655
when I asked him the same question
about Jay-Z three times in a row.
414
00:16:16,739 --> 00:16:17,789
Why does that matter?
415
00:16:17,991 --> 00:16:21,287
Because whoever takes this IT job
is going to have to deal with Hitchcock
416
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:25,251
asking how to log into his
email every single day, forever.
417
00:16:25,793 --> 00:16:28,295
How do you think Professor
Short Fuse is going to handle that?
418
00:16:28,379 --> 00:16:29,839
JEFFORDS: Fine. What about this guy?
419
00:16:29,923 --> 00:16:32,842
No, he was scared of everything.
420
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:35,926
Do you remember Rosa's reaction
last time the printer jammed?
421
00:16:41,395 --> 00:16:42,480
I'll pay for that.
422
00:16:43,732 --> 00:16:45,859
Fine, what was with the flossing?
423
00:16:45,943 --> 00:16:49,029
Mmm, a precinct is a
pretty gross place, Ter-bear.
424
00:16:49,405 --> 00:16:51,950
There's blood, wounds, Scully's feet.
425
00:16:52,451 --> 00:16:55,538
You need a strong stomach
and that lady did not have one.
426
00:16:55,788 --> 00:16:58,583
Plus, we already have the
perfect candidate already.
427
00:16:58,667 --> 00:16:59,834
Savant.
428
00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:01,169
That punk who hacked us?
429
00:17:01,253 --> 00:17:02,464
Precisely.
430
00:17:03,173 --> 00:17:07,010
Captain, turn your greatest
weakness into your greatest strength.
431
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:09,346
Like Paris Hilton, re her sex tape.
432
00:17:09,430 --> 00:17:10,473
Get to the point.
433
00:17:10,557 --> 00:17:14,520
Savant tore our walls down,
but he can build them back up,
434
00:17:15,062 --> 00:17:17,022
taller and thicker than ever.
435
00:17:17,106 --> 00:17:19,192
But how can we be
sure he won't turn on us?
436
00:17:19,276 --> 00:17:20,944
His mom ratted him out,
437
00:17:21,028 --> 00:17:23,447
so I bet he'd love a steady paycheck
438
00:17:23,531 --> 00:17:25,731
to get out of that snitch's house.
[CHUCKLES]
439
00:17:26,326 --> 00:17:28,913
If I had a mic right now, I'd drop it.
440
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:33,126
[LAUGHS] There we have it.
441
00:17:35,004 --> 00:17:37,048
Here's the file you wanted.
442
00:17:38,382 --> 00:17:40,677
Well, it's hard to believe
I'm going to say this
443
00:17:40,761 --> 00:17:42,345
because I've spent most of my adult life
444
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:44,056
hating you and everything you stand for,
445
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:45,850
but thanks.
446
00:17:46,267 --> 00:17:47,767
I'm not going to lie. My, uh…
447
00:17:48,771 --> 00:17:50,522
Therapist is going to
be very proud of me.
448
00:17:50,606 --> 00:17:51,607
That's weird.
449
00:17:51,691 --> 00:17:52,900
Any reason you can
think of one of your guys
450
00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:55,445
would have forced this cabinet open
while they were putting the fire out?
451
00:17:55,529 --> 00:17:56,656
No, no. I can't.
452
00:17:57,281 --> 00:17:59,531
Looks like it was jimmied
open with a crowbar.
453
00:18:00,118 --> 00:18:02,704
Oh, my God. I know who did it.
454
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,749
Come on. I'll explain it on the way down.
455
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,459
Wait, wait, wait.
456
00:18:06,918 --> 00:18:09,547
I can't believe I'm
offering this to a cop, but…
457
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:11,631
Do you want to take the pole down?
458
00:18:11,715 --> 00:18:13,301
Oh, my God, yes.
459
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,554
Whee!
460
00:18:16,389 --> 00:18:17,973
Let justice be served.
461
00:18:18,057 --> 00:18:19,057
Did you get it?
462
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,691
Uh-huh, my turn? Nope, no time.
463
00:18:26,109 --> 00:18:27,235
Whoo!
464
00:18:30,364 --> 00:18:32,240
We know you burned down Sal's, Gino.
465
00:18:32,324 --> 00:18:34,452
You hated him because his
pizza was better than yours.
466
00:18:34,536 --> 00:18:35,620
That's not true.
467
00:18:35,704 --> 00:18:37,539
Gino's pizza has
always been the tastiest.
468
00:18:37,623 --> 00:18:41,420
Wrong. According to Boyle's email
blast, it was downright lousy before.
469
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:44,506
That's what made it so suspicious
when he suddenly loved it.
470
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:47,218
[DISTORTED] Much better than last time.
471
00:18:48,887 --> 00:18:51,973
The crust was charred, the
cheese was stringy and flavorless.
472
00:18:52,057 --> 00:18:55,103
But the sauce… Oh. Madonna, the sauce.
473
00:18:55,645 --> 00:18:57,445
Continue. And that was your mistake.
474
00:18:57,773 --> 00:18:59,107
You didn't just burn Sal's down.
475
00:18:59,191 --> 00:19:01,319
You also stole his secret sauce recipe.
476
00:19:01,403 --> 00:19:05,157
Here's a picture of the cabinet
in which said recipe was held.
477
00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:07,660
Busted open with a crowbar.
Look familiar?
478
00:19:07,744 --> 00:19:10,789
Also, your so-called motivational speech
479
00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:12,833
down at the prison ended at 5 p.m.,
480
00:19:12,917 --> 00:19:16,295
leaving you plenty of time to get
back to Sal's and burn it to the ground.
481
00:19:16,379 --> 00:19:18,679
So, I guess there's
only one thing left to say.
482
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:20,926
BOTH: Gino Bianucci, you're under arrest.
483
00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:22,178
-Do you mind?
-[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me…
484
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:25,098
Look, I can handle this. No.
This is my collar if I'm not wrong.
485
00:19:25,182 --> 00:19:27,184
Yeah, but I actually did all the work.
486
00:19:27,268 --> 00:19:28,978
See, I knew you would…
You know what? Fine.
487
00:19:29,062 --> 00:19:30,105
Go ahead. I don't care.
488
00:19:30,189 --> 00:19:32,023
Gino Bianucci, you're
under arrest for arson. Yes!
489
00:19:32,107 --> 00:19:34,318
I said it first. Nice.
Real mature, very mature.
490
00:19:34,402 --> 00:19:35,570
PERALTA: Off we go!
491
00:19:36,446 --> 00:19:38,323
So, what did you think of Ropesburg?
492
00:19:39,867 --> 00:19:42,453
It's, uh… Quaint.
493
00:19:42,746 --> 00:19:44,373
It's wack and you know it.
494
00:19:45,207 --> 00:19:47,257
Their number one crime is tricycle theft.
495
00:19:47,752 --> 00:19:49,378
There's a bakery
attached to the precinct.
496
00:19:49,462 --> 00:19:50,881
Come on, Santiago.
497
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:52,257
You never would have taken that job,
498
00:19:52,341 --> 00:19:54,092
so why did you even care
that they offered it to me?
499
00:19:54,176 --> 00:19:56,513
I can't help it. I'm competitive.
500
00:19:57,222 --> 00:19:59,349
I have seven brothers
and I was the only girl.
501
00:19:59,433 --> 00:20:01,435
I always had to fight
for a place at the table.
502
00:20:01,519 --> 00:20:04,069
Well, you're not the only
girl at the table anymore.
503
00:20:04,189 --> 00:20:06,482
We work in a police force full of dudes.
504
00:20:06,566 --> 00:20:08,566
We got to have each other's backs, okay?
505
00:20:09,529 --> 00:20:10,529
You're saying you have my back?
506
00:20:10,613 --> 00:20:11,782
Yeah, I got your back.
507
00:20:12,408 --> 00:20:13,867
Don't smile. I'm still mad at you.
508
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,118
I thought we were having a moment.
509
00:20:15,202 --> 00:20:16,454
Moment's over, shut up.
510
00:20:18,331 --> 00:20:20,835
Hey, Sarge, he made my computer smarter.
511
00:20:21,127 --> 00:20:22,878
All I have to do is put
my thumb on that thing,
512
00:20:22,962 --> 00:20:24,589
and it opens up all my electric mails.
513
00:20:24,673 --> 00:20:27,384
[LAUGHS] You seem real smart, man.
514
00:20:28,177 --> 00:20:30,304
Oh, look, and you play with toys.
515
00:20:30,388 --> 00:20:33,100
Savant, you're part of the Nine-Nine now.
516
00:20:33,434 --> 00:20:34,684
We look after each other.
517
00:20:35,269 --> 00:20:39,023
Hey, ball, if Savant was to do
anything to harm this precinct,
518
00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:40,526
would I destroy him?
519
00:20:42,945 --> 00:20:45,449
"Answer uncertain. Try again."
520
00:20:47,409 --> 00:20:49,453
Peralta, Fire Marshall Boone just called.
521
00:20:49,537 --> 00:20:51,539
He told me you should check your drawer.
522
00:20:54,334 --> 00:20:55,502
Well, look at that.
523
00:20:57,338 --> 00:20:58,965
I've been Booned.
524
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,634
Well, the joke's on him.
525
00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:02,386
Because I was out of shaving cream.
526
00:21:02,470 --> 00:21:03,804
I see we are once again at war
527
00:21:03,888 --> 00:21:05,138
with the fire department.
528
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:06,598
You are not to retaliate.
529
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,059
Oh, I wouldn't dream of it, sir.
530
00:21:08,143 --> 00:21:11,021
In fact, I'm going to send
over a little peace offering.
531
00:21:11,105 --> 00:21:12,983
Some of Sal's famous sauce.
532
00:21:13,067 --> 00:21:14,150
Now, Boyle!
533
00:21:14,234 --> 00:21:15,402
[SIREN BLARING]
534
00:21:15,486 --> 00:21:18,448
Fire! Fire! Fire!
535
00:21:19,407 --> 00:21:21,033
[LAUGHING] Pleasure
working with you, Boone!
536
00:21:21,117 --> 00:21:22,495
Run, Charles!
537
00:21:22,787 --> 00:21:24,330
[BOTH LAUGHING]
538
00:21:25,332 --> 00:21:26,457
Come on. Whoa!
539
00:21:26,541 --> 00:21:27,626
Get that guy!