1 00:00:03,598 --> 00:00:05,017 Hey, Cap'n, got a second? 2 00:00:05,392 --> 00:00:06,768 It's "Captain." 3 00:00:06,852 --> 00:00:08,603 What did I say? "Cap'n." 4 00:00:08,687 --> 00:00:10,272 Like Cap'n Crunch. 5 00:00:10,356 --> 00:00:13,149 All right, but to be fair, Cap'n Crunch was a war hero, 6 00:00:13,233 --> 00:00:16,363 and the primary male role model in my house growing up, so… 7 00:00:17,822 --> 00:00:19,615 Anyways, Captain, 8 00:00:19,699 --> 00:00:22,285 you know that jewelry store robbery down by Grand Army Plaza? 9 00:00:22,369 --> 00:00:24,412 I know who did it. Dustin Whitman. 10 00:00:24,496 --> 00:00:26,081 I put him in Rikers two years ago. 11 00:00:26,165 --> 00:00:29,215 He just got out, and the crime scene matches his MO perfectly. 12 00:00:30,002 --> 00:00:31,295 PERALTA: Okay. What do we got? 13 00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:34,507 Well, a security cam shows a male suspect, 5'9". 14 00:00:34,591 --> 00:00:36,134 Wearing a black ski mask, 15 00:00:36,218 --> 00:00:39,262 and he bypassed the McConnell alarm by using the magnetic kill switch, 16 00:00:39,346 --> 00:00:41,556 and he only stole diamonds, nothing over two carats. 17 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,240 Yeah. Exactly. How did you know? 18 00:00:43,684 --> 00:00:46,479 I'm a detective. That's what I do. 19 00:00:47,689 --> 00:00:49,231 I'm just kidding. I need a lot more information, 20 00:00:49,315 --> 00:00:51,025 but that would have been a great exit line, right? 21 00:00:51,109 --> 00:00:53,611 Crime techs aren't done yet, but I'm 100% sure it's Whitman. 22 00:00:53,695 --> 00:00:55,447 Well, let's see what kind of physical evidence they turn up, 23 00:00:55,531 --> 00:00:57,157 and then we can talk arrest. 24 00:00:57,241 --> 00:00:59,909 Actually, hilarious story. 25 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:03,205 PERALTA: So, that is Dustin Whitman. 26 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:06,292 You already arrested him with insufficient evidence. 27 00:01:07,585 --> 00:01:11,464 By law, we have 48 hours to find that evidence, or we have to let him go. 28 00:01:12,132 --> 00:01:14,009 You just started the clock. 29 00:01:17,304 --> 00:01:19,306 What's up with this emergency meeting? 30 00:01:19,432 --> 00:01:21,933 Whoa, Detective Santiago! 31 00:01:22,017 --> 00:01:24,187 Big date tonight. How do I look? 32 00:01:24,354 --> 00:01:26,064 Well, I think you look… 33 00:01:26,189 --> 00:01:28,191 [CELL PHONE PLAYS DONKEY SOUNDS] 34 00:01:28,275 --> 00:01:31,444 Sorry, that was supposed to be a cat call. I don't know how this works. 35 00:01:31,528 --> 00:01:33,614 Hey, is this why you were getting make-up tips 36 00:01:33,698 --> 00:01:35,282 from the prostitute in the holding cell? 37 00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:37,785 I just wanted to know how she got such smoky eyes. 38 00:01:37,869 --> 00:01:39,620 Turns out it was an STD rash. 39 00:01:39,704 --> 00:01:42,456 Detective Peralta has made a collar in the jewelry store heist. 40 00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:44,334 Way to go, Jakey. Ah, that's okay. 41 00:01:44,418 --> 00:01:46,628 No! He didn't get sufficient evidence to make it stick. 42 00:01:46,712 --> 00:01:49,464 So we have the next 48 hours to fix his mistake. 43 00:01:49,548 --> 00:01:50,924 [ALL GROANING] 44 00:01:51,133 --> 00:01:53,594 What evidence did you have when you arrested this guy? 45 00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,138 Some pretty ironclad stuff. 46 00:01:55,472 --> 00:01:58,099 Dustin, it's been a while. 47 00:01:58,183 --> 00:01:59,684 Mind if I ask you a few questions? 48 00:01:59,768 --> 00:02:03,814 Well, well, well, if it isn't "Joke" Peralta. [LAUGHS] 49 00:02:03,939 --> 00:02:05,489 That's it, you're under arrest! 50 00:02:05,816 --> 00:02:07,150 Case closed? 51 00:02:07,234 --> 00:02:08,902 HOLT: If we don't find something conclusive, 52 00:02:08,986 --> 00:02:11,823 it jeopardizes the case and opens the department up to a lawsuit. 53 00:02:11,907 --> 00:02:14,409 So cancel your plans. We're here until this is over. 54 00:02:14,493 --> 00:02:16,202 Damn it, Peralta! Ow! 55 00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:19,706 Now, I know everyone is mad at Peralta for ruining their weekend. 56 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,627 But? That was it. 57 00:02:23,711 --> 00:02:26,964 I was just demonstrating for Detective Peralta what a fact is. 58 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:29,759 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 59 00:02:48,530 --> 00:02:49,864 Terry, you just pulled two doubles. 60 00:02:49,948 --> 00:02:51,283 You must be tired. 61 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:53,660 I'll stay for this Whitman debacle. You go home. 62 00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:56,163 I'm not tired. Why would you think I was tired? 63 00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,207 [STRAINING] 64 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:01,002 [SNORING] 65 00:03:07,509 --> 00:03:10,972 I ended up doing 25 minutes of sleep chin-ups on muscle memory alone. 66 00:03:12,348 --> 00:03:15,048 Tired Terry still gets after it, that's all I'm saying. 67 00:03:15,685 --> 00:03:18,103 DIAZ: Hey, Gina, can you order food for us at the Flatbush Diner? 68 00:03:18,187 --> 00:03:19,605 They make the best pies in New York City. 69 00:03:19,689 --> 00:03:21,983 Oopsie. You said something super dumb. 70 00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,735 The best pie in the city is at Crust. 71 00:03:23,819 --> 00:03:25,904 Wrong. Ignorant and wrong. 72 00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:30,535 Uh, you think you can just bully people, but you can't. It's not okay. 73 00:03:30,785 --> 00:03:33,537 I'm the bully around here. Ask anyone. 74 00:03:33,621 --> 00:03:36,207 Boyle! You're always blogging on that foodie website. 75 00:03:36,291 --> 00:03:37,291 Which pie is better? 76 00:03:37,375 --> 00:03:39,126 Yeah, whose do you like better, mine or Rosa's? 77 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:41,087 [STUTTERS] Oh, uh, you know, I… 78 00:03:41,171 --> 00:03:43,549 I haven't been, uh, either, uh, place yet. 79 00:03:44,633 --> 00:03:46,051 Why is your eye twitching? 80 00:03:46,302 --> 00:03:48,386 [SCOFFS] Wouldn't you like to know? 81 00:03:48,470 --> 00:03:51,057 GINA: Could I see you for a second in the evidence lock-up? 82 00:03:51,141 --> 00:03:52,934 Charles, I know what's going on. 83 00:03:53,018 --> 00:03:55,937 You've tried both pies. You know mine is better. 84 00:03:56,479 --> 00:03:59,442 But you're scared to tell Rosa, 'cause you're into her. 85 00:04:00,234 --> 00:04:03,487 What? That is not true! [CHUCKLING] 86 00:04:03,571 --> 00:04:06,699 Okay? [STAMMERING] I don't even like food. 87 00:04:06,949 --> 00:04:08,408 What? Who's Rosa? 88 00:04:08,492 --> 00:04:10,495 She… You… You're the scared one! 89 00:04:12,873 --> 00:04:13,915 [DOOR SHUTS] 90 00:04:13,999 --> 00:04:15,458 Planning your strategy? 91 00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:17,669 No, I'm just making funny faces at him. 92 00:04:19,422 --> 00:04:22,007 This mirrored glass is awesome. It straight up works! 93 00:04:22,091 --> 00:04:24,093 An effective use of your limited time. 94 00:04:24,177 --> 00:04:26,804 It is, actually. That's how I got him last time. 95 00:04:26,888 --> 00:04:30,308 I let him stew for a little bit, got in his head and he confessed. 96 00:04:30,392 --> 00:04:32,770 You'd better be right. I am. 97 00:04:33,395 --> 00:04:35,188 Hey, make some funny faces while I'm in there, 98 00:04:35,272 --> 00:04:36,815 I wanna see if I can tell. 99 00:04:40,779 --> 00:04:42,697 I didn't do anything, Joke. 100 00:04:42,864 --> 00:04:44,157 [MOUTHING] 101 00:04:46,284 --> 00:04:49,413 That's funny. You said the exact same thing last time. 102 00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:52,750 And how'd that work out for you? Let's take a look. 103 00:04:53,292 --> 00:04:56,963 Okay, here's you at your trial, you in prison. 104 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:01,093 Me meeting Regis Philbin. That was fun. 105 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:04,804 You still in prison, me at Splash Mountain. 106 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,264 Just pepper these in here. 107 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:09,098 You in prison, you in prison, you in prison. You get it. 108 00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:10,687 You got the wrong guy. 109 00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,855 All right, not ready to confess? 110 00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:17,736 Fine by me. I've got all the time in the world. 111 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,824 No, you actually have 48 hours. I know the law. 112 00:05:23,784 --> 00:05:25,035 Nuh-uh! 113 00:05:25,869 --> 00:05:28,790 So, looks like we're gonna be here for a while. 114 00:05:28,915 --> 00:05:30,667 Should someone do a coffee run? 115 00:05:32,669 --> 00:05:34,546 You know what? Coffee's on me! 116 00:05:34,921 --> 00:05:38,621 Oh, but no froofy frappuccinos or anything. I've only got, like, ten bucks. 117 00:05:39,218 --> 00:05:40,344 Okay. 118 00:05:42,972 --> 00:05:46,099 Rise and shine, Detectives. Rise and shine. 119 00:05:46,183 --> 00:05:48,269 Peralta, I want you to bring everyone up to speed. 120 00:05:48,353 --> 00:05:51,856 You slept in your office and you look exactly the same. How? 121 00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:53,900 What are you talking about? My hair is a mess. 122 00:05:53,984 --> 00:05:56,153 Oh, yeah. Briefing room, five minutes. 123 00:05:56,529 --> 00:05:58,031 How long were we asleep? 124 00:05:58,448 --> 00:06:01,325 Just long enough for me to squeeze in a quick workout. 125 00:06:01,409 --> 00:06:03,536 So, like, three hours. 126 00:06:04,162 --> 00:06:05,329 -Morning. -[PERALTA GROANS] 127 00:06:05,413 --> 00:06:08,667 I can't believe you live nearby and you won't let anyone crash at your place. 128 00:06:08,751 --> 00:06:10,585 You people already know too much about me. 129 00:06:10,669 --> 00:06:12,462 I know exactly three facts about you, 130 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:15,758 and one of them is that you won't let any of us crash at your place. 131 00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:17,942 -Is that a nightgown? -JEFFORDS: That's mine. 132 00:06:18,053 --> 00:06:19,804 It's a T-shirt from my fat phase. 133 00:06:20,096 --> 00:06:24,225 "If at first you don't secede, try, try again." 134 00:06:24,309 --> 00:06:26,603 JEFFORDS: When you're that big, you buy anything that fits. 135 00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,065 A lot of fat guy clothes have racist overtones. 136 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,608 PERALTA: Okay, a couple of quick announcements. 137 00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:34,236 First, I met our night janitor, Ronald. 138 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:37,324 If any of you are missing hand sanitizer, he drank it. 139 00:06:37,532 --> 00:06:39,784 Second, our warrants finally went through. 140 00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:41,619 We've got to place Whitman at the scene, 141 00:06:41,703 --> 00:06:43,871 and prove that he either possessed or sold those diamonds. 142 00:06:43,955 --> 00:06:46,709 I know you're all tired, but don't forget why we're here. 143 00:06:46,793 --> 00:06:48,293 Because we're dedicated detectives. 144 00:06:48,377 --> 00:06:49,628 Because Peralta jumped the gun. 145 00:06:49,712 --> 00:06:51,380 Yep. Get to work. 146 00:06:51,964 --> 00:06:54,049 So, we both had good answers. 147 00:06:54,133 --> 00:06:56,177 This isn't a joke. You're ruining our weekend. 148 00:06:56,261 --> 00:06:58,930 Okay, I'm sorry you had to cancel dinner with your dad. 149 00:06:59,014 --> 00:07:00,890 Date. I had a date. 150 00:07:00,974 --> 00:07:04,144 Hey, if Jake says the guy did it, that usually means the guy did it. 151 00:07:04,228 --> 00:07:06,105 Thank you. Everyone listen to Rosa. 152 00:07:06,189 --> 00:07:07,481 No. I'm still furious at you. 153 00:07:07,565 --> 00:07:10,484 Okay, no one listen to Rosa. She's clearly an accomplice to this crime. 154 00:07:10,568 --> 00:07:12,236 I'm gonna go take another crack at Whitman. 155 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,656 You've been in there, like, five times. What are you gonna do, 156 00:07:14,740 --> 00:07:16,158 annoy him into talking? 157 00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:17,535 Ha-ha. 158 00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:19,119 Two! Three! Four! 159 00:07:19,203 --> 00:07:20,746 [PLAYS OFF TUNE] 160 00:07:22,832 --> 00:07:24,209 [SHRIEKING] 161 00:07:29,422 --> 00:07:31,967 Didn't work. Thank you. Did not work. 162 00:07:35,847 --> 00:07:38,348 Hey, Captain, will you please let everyone else go? 163 00:07:38,432 --> 00:07:41,518 I feel bad that I ruined their weekend, and I can tell they're pissed at me. 164 00:07:41,602 --> 00:07:43,772 I mean, Charles hasn't tried to high-five me all morning. 165 00:07:43,856 --> 00:07:45,523 Yes. I've taken the brunt of that. 166 00:07:45,607 --> 00:07:47,067 Kitchen buds! 167 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,486 Are you sure Whitman did it? 168 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,612 Yes. I'm positive. 169 00:07:50,946 --> 00:07:54,346 Then the whole team stays. We have a better shot with everyone on it. 170 00:07:54,868 --> 00:07:56,619 Fine. Will you at least tell Hitchcock to go home? 171 00:07:56,703 --> 00:07:58,703 His mouth smells like rotten trout milk. 172 00:07:58,830 --> 00:07:59,872 Is there such a thing? 173 00:07:59,956 --> 00:08:01,082 I'm just telling you what it smells like. 174 00:08:01,166 --> 00:08:02,500 Get out. 175 00:08:03,377 --> 00:08:05,128 You have the bank records? Mmm-hmm. 176 00:08:05,212 --> 00:08:08,965 Good thing I didn't reschedule my date for tonight. We're never leaving here. 177 00:08:09,049 --> 00:08:11,218 Well, maybe that's a good thing, you know? 178 00:08:11,343 --> 00:08:14,055 Saved you from another lame Internet date with some lame guy, 179 00:08:14,139 --> 00:08:17,642 named Dirk or Margerine. 180 00:08:18,226 --> 00:08:20,686 He's not lame, okay? He works with a friend of mine, 181 00:08:20,770 --> 00:08:23,690 he has a human name, and I'm not telling you what it is, 182 00:08:23,774 --> 00:08:25,526 because you'll look him up and make fun of him. 183 00:08:25,610 --> 00:08:27,861 I can't believe you think so little of me 184 00:08:27,945 --> 00:08:30,030 [TYPING] that you would just automatically assume. 185 00:08:30,114 --> 00:08:31,573 Is it Luke Mueller? 186 00:08:31,657 --> 00:08:32,700 How did you do that? 187 00:08:32,784 --> 00:08:35,036 Well, you only have one friend, Kylie, 188 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:36,496 and she has seven male coworkers. 189 00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:40,291 Goatee, goatee, jaunty fedora, profile pic is a sunset, 190 00:08:40,375 --> 00:08:42,294 Tasmanian Devil tattoo, goatee. 191 00:08:42,378 --> 00:08:45,297 Leaving Luke as the only viable option. 192 00:08:45,381 --> 00:08:49,218 Well, he's nice, and he uses proper punctuation in texts. 193 00:08:49,302 --> 00:08:51,137 Dreamboat. And I wanted to go out with him. 194 00:08:51,221 --> 00:08:52,806 All right, you know what? Reschedule for tonight. 195 00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:54,558 I promise I will get us out of here in time. 196 00:08:54,642 --> 00:08:56,309 Fine. I'm holding you to that. 197 00:08:56,393 --> 00:08:57,435 Where's he taking you? 198 00:08:57,519 --> 00:08:59,312 Terrific, let's get everyone involved. 199 00:08:59,396 --> 00:09:00,939 Dinner and a movie. 200 00:09:01,023 --> 00:09:02,651 [FARTING NOISE] 201 00:09:02,859 --> 00:09:05,069 Dinner and a movie is the perfect first date. 202 00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:08,114 I think the perfect first date doesn't feel like a first date at all, 203 00:09:08,198 --> 00:09:10,074 because you've known each other for a few years, 204 00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:13,412 maybe even work together, and then one night you're laughing, 205 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:16,707 and then all of a sudden it's like, blammo! Kissing. 206 00:09:16,832 --> 00:09:20,628 For me, cheap dinner, watch basketball, bone down. 207 00:09:20,962 --> 00:09:23,590 So pretty much the same as what I said. 208 00:09:25,759 --> 00:09:27,635 None of the partials match Whitman. 209 00:09:27,719 --> 00:09:30,096 If he did it, he didn't leave any prints. 210 00:09:30,180 --> 00:09:32,516 Maybe he doesn't have any. Interesting fact about me, 211 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,810 I once burnt my fingerprints off on a wok. 212 00:09:34,894 --> 00:09:37,272 Hi. Hello. 213 00:09:37,563 --> 00:09:39,607 What are you doing? Holt said you didn't have to come in here. 214 00:09:39,691 --> 00:09:41,443 You don't come in on days you're supposed to work. 215 00:09:41,527 --> 00:09:44,321 Because I'm so nice, I brought two pies. 216 00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:46,240 One is from Crust, 217 00:09:46,448 --> 00:09:49,243 and one is also from Flatbush Diner. 218 00:09:49,743 --> 00:09:51,955 Hey, you know what might be fun? 219 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:54,498 Charles could try them and tell us which one is better. 220 00:09:54,582 --> 00:09:56,542 How fun is that? So fun. 221 00:09:56,626 --> 00:10:00,005 Yay! Yum! Yum! Yum! Yummy! 222 00:10:01,090 --> 00:10:02,633 You got a second, Captain? Yeah. 223 00:10:02,717 --> 00:10:04,885 I've got these overtime forms for you to… 224 00:10:07,054 --> 00:10:08,556 Are you stifling a yawn? 225 00:10:09,891 --> 00:10:12,102 No, sir. Go home, Sergeant. 226 00:10:12,352 --> 00:10:15,564 I'm fine. I filled this out. I just need you to… 227 00:10:22,238 --> 00:10:23,740 Permission to yawn, sir? 228 00:10:23,906 --> 00:10:25,700 Go home. 229 00:10:26,534 --> 00:10:27,827 [EXHALES] 230 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,999 Please. I'm begging you. 231 00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,752 [SNIFFS, GROANS] 232 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,336 Fair enough. Yeah. 233 00:10:36,420 --> 00:10:38,547 [CHUCKLES] That's for women. 234 00:10:40,842 --> 00:10:42,677 These your glasses? Uh-huh. 235 00:10:42,761 --> 00:10:43,844 They're gigantic. 236 00:10:43,928 --> 00:10:45,972 My contacts dried out, thanks to you. 237 00:10:46,056 --> 00:10:48,266 And they're cool. No, they're not. 238 00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:50,895 Wow, you are blind blind. Yeah. 239 00:10:51,312 --> 00:10:52,813 You're a blind cop. 240 00:10:52,897 --> 00:10:55,315 How has there not been a made-for-TV movie about your struggles? 241 00:10:55,399 --> 00:10:57,109 Give those back. Yep. 242 00:10:59,071 --> 00:11:01,990 Wait a minute. I did it. 243 00:11:02,783 --> 00:11:04,075 I got Whitman, dead to rights. 244 00:11:04,159 --> 00:11:05,285 I can still make my date? 245 00:11:05,369 --> 00:11:07,245 As I promised. Go get changed. 246 00:11:07,913 --> 00:11:10,165 And by that, of course, I mean, throw your glasses in the garbage, 247 00:11:10,249 --> 00:11:12,543 then get laser surgery, then recuperate… 248 00:11:12,627 --> 00:11:14,087 And she left the room. 249 00:11:16,714 --> 00:11:18,341 It's all right. Six out of 12. 250 00:11:18,425 --> 00:11:19,551 Out of 12? Why? 251 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:21,845 For the twelve components of food satisfaction. 252 00:11:21,929 --> 00:11:25,224 Salty, sweet, sour, bitter, umami, odor, sound… 253 00:11:25,349 --> 00:11:28,395 Sound? Come on, Charles. Try her nasty pie. 254 00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:36,778 Oh, wow. That's the best pie I've ever had. 255 00:11:36,903 --> 00:11:39,656 [LAUGHING] No, no, no, no, no, no. 256 00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,074 What's this? 257 00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,827 We were running calls to pawn shops and then waiting for them to call back. 258 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:47,916 I didn't ask what you were doing. I asked what you are doing. 259 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,751 Pie taste test. It's over. I won. 260 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,919 It's unacceptable. 261 00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,589 If you want to know which restaurant has better pies, 262 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:57,844 you can't just have one guy try one pie from each place. 263 00:11:58,261 --> 00:12:02,932 Everybody needs to try all the pies from both places. 264 00:12:04,434 --> 00:12:06,102 We gonna be here a while. 265 00:12:07,771 --> 00:12:09,189 [SIGHS] Debit card statement. 266 00:12:09,273 --> 00:12:11,483 You were at a parking meter two blocks from the jewelry store, 267 00:12:11,567 --> 00:12:12,985 an hour before the robbery. 268 00:12:13,735 --> 00:12:17,490 Oh, no. You found out about my wife. 269 00:12:17,907 --> 00:12:20,076 We both have cards, because we share a joint account, 270 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:21,160 because we love each other. 271 00:12:21,244 --> 00:12:23,329 You're incapable of love and I'll prove it! 272 00:12:23,413 --> 00:12:26,249 [SIGHS] I'm very tired. I want my lawyer now. 273 00:12:26,417 --> 00:12:27,626 [GROANS] 274 00:12:29,086 --> 00:12:31,686 You have changed! You used to go straight to prison! 275 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:33,840 Did Whitman talk? 276 00:12:33,924 --> 00:12:35,468 Oh, he talked all right. 277 00:12:36,428 --> 00:12:38,346 -He asked for his lawyer. -PERALTA: By using words. 278 00:12:38,430 --> 00:12:40,682 Which is technically talking. 279 00:12:41,308 --> 00:12:43,559 We can't ask him any more questions till we find his lawyer, 280 00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:46,043 and we can't find his lawyer anywhere. I'm sorry. 281 00:12:46,939 --> 00:12:49,900 Oh, come on, why is there pie here? 282 00:12:49,984 --> 00:12:51,777 PERALTA: That's not good. 283 00:12:52,236 --> 00:12:54,780 I think the world of you as a colleague and friend. 284 00:12:54,864 --> 00:12:56,325 Shut up, Peralta. Yep. 285 00:12:58,202 --> 00:13:00,454 Yes! Another one for Crust. 286 00:13:00,662 --> 00:13:02,914 It's not looking good for Flatbush Diner. 287 00:13:02,998 --> 00:13:04,207 Oh, come on! 288 00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:06,920 You went home and showered? That's so unfair. 289 00:13:07,337 --> 00:13:08,671 I'm just glad I keep a toothbrush here. 290 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,339 Oh, cool. Hey, can I borrow it? 291 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:12,299 Uh, why do you want to borrow a toothbrush? 292 00:13:12,383 --> 00:13:14,844 What possible answer could he give that would make you say yes? 293 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:16,930 I want to brush my teeth. Jake, it's been in my mouth. 294 00:13:17,014 --> 00:13:18,348 That's the grossest thing I've ever heard! 295 00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:20,350 That's the grossest thing you've ever heard? 296 00:13:20,434 --> 00:13:23,019 You caught a guy on the subway with a bag of human ears. 297 00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,064 Your thing's grosser. Bring out the meringues! 298 00:13:25,148 --> 00:13:27,776 I brought a few more. That's so many. 299 00:13:30,028 --> 00:13:31,320 You wanted something, sir? 300 00:13:31,404 --> 00:13:32,905 Look, it's impossible to make you leave, 301 00:13:32,989 --> 00:13:35,785 but you do have to sleep, and that's an order. 302 00:13:36,327 --> 00:13:38,412 Sir, this is not necessary. 303 00:13:38,663 --> 00:13:41,374 Also, I can't sleep without my whale songs. 304 00:13:41,874 --> 00:13:45,879 Terry, I've seen this before. Problems at home, so you stay late at the job. 305 00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:47,422 But that only makes it worse. 306 00:13:47,506 --> 00:13:50,383 Everything's great with my wife, it's just… 307 00:13:50,467 --> 00:13:53,262 My brother-in-law's in town and we do not get along. 308 00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:55,848 He thinks I'm a weakling. 309 00:13:55,932 --> 00:13:57,016 You? 310 00:13:58,935 --> 00:14:00,562 Let me get that for you. 311 00:14:00,687 --> 00:14:02,021 I can do it. 312 00:14:02,939 --> 00:14:04,733 Tiny Terry loves his pickles. 313 00:14:06,986 --> 00:14:08,612 He makes me feel so small. 314 00:14:08,737 --> 00:14:12,991 Who cares what he thinks? You're a police sergeant. You're a grown man. 315 00:14:13,075 --> 00:14:14,411 Now take your nap. 316 00:14:14,953 --> 00:14:18,753 And if I see the lights on in here, I'm going to be very disappointed in you. 317 00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:23,670 Are you the idiot that made a Friday night arrest? 318 00:14:23,754 --> 00:14:26,548 I was in the Poconos with my wife. You ruined my entire weekend. 319 00:14:26,632 --> 00:14:29,343 Get in line, because that's their attitude. 320 00:14:29,427 --> 00:14:31,011 Get your own attitude! 321 00:14:31,095 --> 00:14:32,930 He has an alibi, geniuses. 322 00:14:33,222 --> 00:14:35,767 He was at Torque. It's a nightclub in Cape May, New Jersey. 323 00:14:35,851 --> 00:14:37,602 -All night. -PERALTA: Nice try. 324 00:14:37,686 --> 00:14:40,188 You think I'm gonna waste six hours driving to the Jersey Shore and back, 325 00:14:40,272 --> 00:14:42,649 on some fake alibi? It's up to you. 326 00:14:42,733 --> 00:14:45,403 But in 10 hours, he walks. 327 00:14:47,238 --> 00:14:50,533 More like in 10 hours he walks into prison, 328 00:14:51,034 --> 00:14:52,368 when we bust him. 329 00:14:52,452 --> 00:14:53,620 Let's follow up on his alibi. 330 00:14:53,704 --> 00:14:55,497 Yep, you heard him, Scully. Hit the road. 331 00:14:55,581 --> 00:14:58,416 No. You should've looked into this before you made the arrest. 332 00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:00,335 -You go. -SCULLY: Oh, Captain, I'm happy to go. 333 00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:01,836 I love the salt water taffy down there. 334 00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:03,339 Scully loves the salt water taffy down there. 335 00:15:03,423 --> 00:15:04,632 No. Peralta is going. 336 00:15:04,716 --> 00:15:05,758 Go, Peralta. 337 00:15:05,842 --> 00:15:07,218 Look, I know I caused this problem. 338 00:15:07,302 --> 00:15:09,512 But I can fix it. We just got some new security footage in. 339 00:15:09,596 --> 00:15:11,097 Let me stay here and go through it. 340 00:15:11,181 --> 00:15:13,016 I'm gonna prove that Whitman was at the scene of the crime, 341 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:14,769 even if it kills me. 342 00:15:14,977 --> 00:15:16,771 This is killing me. 343 00:15:16,937 --> 00:15:18,855 Good. Die. 344 00:15:18,939 --> 00:15:21,776 [SIGHS] You know, if it does come to that, 345 00:15:22,778 --> 00:15:25,030 I have but one wish before I go. 346 00:15:26,031 --> 00:15:30,131 Can I please put your glasses on my penis? I just think that would be really funny. 347 00:15:31,244 --> 00:15:34,094 Hey, can you make copies of these warrant requests for me? 348 00:15:34,457 --> 00:15:35,708 I'm not your secretary. 349 00:15:35,792 --> 00:15:37,418 You're everyone's secretary. 350 00:15:37,502 --> 00:15:39,086 That's literally your job. 351 00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:41,590 And your job is lying about your taste buds? 352 00:15:41,924 --> 00:15:44,509 [SIGHS] I'm sorry about the whole pie blow-up thing. 353 00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:47,345 You're right, the Flatbush Diner pie is awful. 354 00:15:47,429 --> 00:15:49,306 Thank you. It's just… 355 00:15:50,891 --> 00:15:52,393 I want Rosa to like me. 356 00:15:52,477 --> 00:15:54,437 All right, do whatever you want, 357 00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:58,274 but most women don't really like it when dudes lie to them. 358 00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:03,614 Except for me, but I'm wired to thrive on dysfunction. 359 00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:06,951 Nothing. 360 00:16:07,660 --> 00:16:09,119 Hey, wait, this guy. 361 00:16:09,203 --> 00:16:11,372 5'9" or 5'10", black knit cap. 362 00:16:11,456 --> 00:16:13,625 Come on, come on, come on, got you! 363 00:16:14,126 --> 00:16:16,461 [GROANS] It's not him. 364 00:16:17,504 --> 00:16:20,173 Let's just arrest this guy. Who even cares anymore? 365 00:16:21,259 --> 00:16:24,959 So, how did my new best friend Luke take it when you canceled on him again? 366 00:16:25,513 --> 00:16:27,765 Don't know. Hasn't called me back. 367 00:16:28,057 --> 00:16:29,475 Which is what always happens, 368 00:16:29,559 --> 00:16:32,187 because it's impossible to be a cop and date. 369 00:16:32,688 --> 00:16:35,649 Amy, look, there is a guy out there 370 00:16:35,816 --> 00:16:39,528 with incredibly low standards and a super-weird soul patch 371 00:16:40,155 --> 00:16:42,073 and he is waiting for you. 372 00:16:42,157 --> 00:16:45,702 Amy, my patch tingles for you. 373 00:16:46,327 --> 00:16:48,997 We will wed on the Isle of New Jersey. 374 00:16:49,164 --> 00:16:51,208 Our first dance will be to Jessie's Girl, 375 00:16:51,292 --> 00:16:53,710 because my name is definitely Jesse. 376 00:16:53,794 --> 00:16:55,337 It's so romantic. Hey, guys. 377 00:16:55,504 --> 00:16:58,591 Hey. Yeah, there's good news and there's bad news. 378 00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:02,095 The bad news is my salt water taffy place was closed. 379 00:17:02,846 --> 00:17:03,930 And the good news? 380 00:17:04,139 --> 00:17:05,640 Whitman's alibi checked out. 381 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:08,268 Security footage from Torque shows he was there. 382 00:17:08,435 --> 00:17:10,938 That's not good news. That's bad news. 383 00:17:11,314 --> 00:17:13,149 Right. That is bad news. 384 00:17:13,608 --> 00:17:14,776 Sorry. It's on me. 385 00:17:15,359 --> 00:17:17,152 No, Detective Scully, it's on Peralta. 386 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,240 No, Captain, that's on Santiago. 387 00:17:20,991 --> 00:17:22,951 It's on me. It's still on me. 388 00:17:25,162 --> 00:17:26,788 JEFFORDS: This is such a disaster. 389 00:17:26,872 --> 00:17:29,292 It's not good. DA's furious. 390 00:17:29,626 --> 00:17:32,294 Whitman and his lawyer are in my office right now, gunning for a lawsuit. 391 00:17:32,378 --> 00:17:33,713 No, not that. 392 00:17:33,797 --> 00:17:37,300 My brother-in-law is coming to have dinner with me on his way to JFK. 393 00:17:40,054 --> 00:17:44,517 But also, the botched investigation, that's bad, too. 394 00:17:47,311 --> 00:17:48,938 Okay. What can I do? 395 00:17:49,022 --> 00:17:51,524 Oh, your services will not be necessary, 396 00:17:51,608 --> 00:17:54,193 because you need to go home and change for your date. 397 00:17:54,277 --> 00:17:55,903 What? I called handsome Luke. 398 00:17:55,987 --> 00:17:58,991 I explained the weekend was entirely my fault, partially, 399 00:17:59,075 --> 00:18:00,576 and he wants to go out with you tonight. 400 00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,536 Thanks, Peralta. You're welcome. 401 00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:05,330 Promise me you won't use the condoms in the secret pocket of your purse, okay? 402 00:18:05,414 --> 00:18:07,458 They're expired. How do you know what's in my purse? 403 00:18:07,542 --> 00:18:09,545 I needed concealer for a zit. 404 00:18:10,212 --> 00:18:12,422 Plus, you know, we spend so much time together here, 405 00:18:12,506 --> 00:18:14,340 I know everything about everyone. 406 00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:16,760 Hitchcock went bald at 15. 407 00:18:17,219 --> 00:18:19,264 Scully used to date Hitchcock's wife. 408 00:18:19,514 --> 00:18:21,891 Charles has a bike with a little basket on the front. 409 00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:23,267 How else would you carry baguettes? 410 00:18:23,351 --> 00:18:25,936 And Rosa has a shower in her apartment, I think. 411 00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:27,857 I got nothing on her. Good. 412 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,682 Well, I guess we did just spend 48 hours locked in here together. 413 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:38,410 Holy crap. What? 414 00:18:38,535 --> 00:18:39,577 Locked in here together. 415 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:42,831 So, we will be filing a wrongful arrest suit against the NYPD. 416 00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:46,668 And when I win, I'm gonna buy Club Torque. 417 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,254 Put a statue of Jake Peralta right in the middle of the dance floor. 418 00:18:49,338 --> 00:18:51,465 [SIGHS] First off, that's a terrible threat. 419 00:18:51,549 --> 00:18:54,426 I would love to have a statue of myself in the middle of a dance club. 420 00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:55,636 Second… [CLEARS THROAT] 421 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,890 Do me a favor. Take a look at this picture and tell me what you see. 422 00:18:58,974 --> 00:19:00,016 You and Regis Philbin? 423 00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:01,309 PERALTA: Awesome, right? 424 00:19:01,393 --> 00:19:03,023 Surprisingly down-to-earth guy and definitely 425 00:19:03,107 --> 00:19:04,479 not the picture I meant to show you. 426 00:19:04,563 --> 00:19:06,064 But, take a look at this. 427 00:19:06,189 --> 00:19:09,089 That's right. It's you and your old cell mate, Marcus Cole. 428 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:12,363 And here he is again, outside the jewelry store. 429 00:19:12,530 --> 00:19:14,448 The two of you planned this together in prison. 430 00:19:14,532 --> 00:19:16,660 You taught him your MO, he pulled off the robbery, 431 00:19:16,744 --> 00:19:19,496 you got yourself an alibi, and you split the loot. 432 00:19:19,872 --> 00:19:22,207 Oh, man! I can't believe he caught us! 433 00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:24,793 [REGIS' VOICE] Of course he did! Peralta is the best! 434 00:19:24,877 --> 00:19:26,754 Ah, thanks, Reege! That's enough. 435 00:19:26,838 --> 00:19:27,964 Yeah, I gotta work on my Regis. 436 00:19:28,048 --> 00:19:29,716 Anyway, see you in jail, Whitman! 437 00:19:30,091 --> 00:19:31,551 You got anything else to say? 438 00:19:32,928 --> 00:19:35,889 Hey, Rosa? The Flatbush Diner's pie is terrible. 439 00:19:35,973 --> 00:19:38,684 It's inedible. Food is supposed to be edible. 440 00:19:38,851 --> 00:19:40,811 So you were lying? What the hell, Boyle? 441 00:19:40,895 --> 00:19:44,398 [LAUGHING] Put it in the suck-it bucket. 442 00:19:44,982 --> 00:19:49,321 Crust isn't any better. It's fancier, but it's all bells and whistles. 443 00:19:49,529 --> 00:19:51,949 Desserts don't need to be clever. 444 00:19:52,157 --> 00:19:53,867 They just need to be good. 445 00:19:53,951 --> 00:19:57,288 This is the best pie in New York City. 446 00:19:57,664 --> 00:20:02,085 Apple, from Argos Bakery, founded 1910. 447 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,381 Recipe unchanged. Taste it! 448 00:20:09,885 --> 00:20:11,094 Damn it. This is amazing. 449 00:20:11,178 --> 00:20:12,929 This pie is so good I hate it. 450 00:20:13,013 --> 00:20:14,974 You just graduated Pie School, bitches! 451 00:20:15,058 --> 00:20:17,351 Sorry I said bitches. I'm just really worked up. 452 00:20:17,435 --> 00:20:19,435 -[EXCLAIMS EXCITEDLY] -GINA: What is that? 453 00:20:19,938 --> 00:20:22,315 Sorry for screwing up everyone's weekend. 454 00:20:23,108 --> 00:20:25,903 Hey, uh, drinks on me. Who's in? 455 00:20:25,987 --> 00:20:27,529 Oh, no way. I got a date. I gotta change. 456 00:20:27,613 --> 00:20:29,699 Come on. Everyone's tired, Peralta. 457 00:20:29,865 --> 00:20:31,116 They just want to go home. 458 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,785 Yeah, but I have to prove I'm not selfish, so I don't care what they want. 459 00:20:33,869 --> 00:20:35,372 That sounded bad. 460 00:20:38,041 --> 00:20:41,628 And, to make up for what I did, I'll cover one shift, each for all of you. 461 00:20:41,712 --> 00:20:43,296 Well, good. Except Santiago. 462 00:20:43,380 --> 00:20:45,215 What? I got you your date back. 463 00:20:45,299 --> 00:20:47,199 One nice thing from me is all you get. 464 00:20:48,386 --> 00:20:49,929 So, this is my desk. 465 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:51,848 Desk jockey, huh? 466 00:20:52,056 --> 00:20:53,725 You just sit here, eat your pickles, 467 00:20:53,809 --> 00:20:55,894 wait for the criminals to turn themselves in? 468 00:20:55,978 --> 00:20:57,771 Actually, I don't like pickles that much. 469 00:20:57,855 --> 00:20:59,147 Terry, I'm glad I found you. 470 00:20:59,231 --> 00:21:01,608 There's been a development in the Russian mob case. Oh? 471 00:21:01,692 --> 00:21:03,151 Yeah, our killer has been spotted 472 00:21:03,235 --> 00:21:04,612 in a warehouse down by the canal. 473 00:21:04,696 --> 00:21:05,696 Get your gear. 474 00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:07,573 So you want me first through the door, sir? 475 00:21:07,657 --> 00:21:09,992 Oh, it's just you. The SWAT team is on another call. 476 00:21:10,076 --> 00:21:11,626 So, you'll have to do it alone. 477 00:21:12,871 --> 00:21:14,790 Hey, I'm not gonna be able to make dinner tonight. 478 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:17,918 Hey, no. Do your thing. Do your thing. Go, Terry. 479 00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:21,297 You can crash on my couch. 480 00:21:21,922 --> 00:21:24,467 I even downloaded you some whale songs. 481 00:21:24,551 --> 00:21:26,887 Thank you, sir. I'll never forget it. 482 00:21:27,054 --> 00:21:28,889 [WHALE SONG PLAYING] 483 00:21:30,766 --> 00:21:32,059 Good night, Terry.