1
00:00:02,592 --> 00:00:05,095
Hey. Did you guys see
the dude I brought in today?
2
00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:07,432
The drug dealer? 81 -years-old.
3
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:10,101
I think it's the oldest
collar of my entire career.
4
00:00:10,185 --> 00:00:13,356
I once arrested a
96-year-old for flashing.
5
00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,694
I was terrified he'd die in my back seat.
Or flash me.
6
00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:18,905
My oldest collar was 78.
7
00:00:18,989 --> 00:00:21,200
But the PCP made her
fight like she was 20.
8
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,659
What about two 50-year-old twins?
9
00:00:22,743 --> 00:00:23,995
Does that count as a 100-year-old?
10
00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:25,163
SANTIAGO: No good. No.
11
00:00:25,247 --> 00:00:28,001
You talking oldest bags? 68.
12
00:00:28,126 --> 00:00:30,212
That's not that old.
Yeah, but I was only 20.
13
00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:31,713
Twenty? Were you even a cop then?
14
00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:34,342
No, man.
It was before I got into the academy.
15
00:00:36,011 --> 00:00:38,389
Charles isn't talking
about his oldest arrest.
16
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,308
ALL: Ew!
17
00:00:40,392 --> 00:00:41,518
No. Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
18
00:00:41,602 --> 00:00:43,145
Yeah, oldest arrest. 68. Like I said.
19
00:00:43,229 --> 00:00:46,525
God, you had sex with a 68-year-old
when you were in your 20s?
20
00:00:46,609 --> 00:00:47,609
You know how it is
21
00:00:47,693 --> 00:00:49,779
when you have a chance
to bed an older woman, you…
22
00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:51,614
No. That is not an older woman.
23
00:00:51,698 --> 00:00:54,327
That's an old woman.
That's someone's grandma.
24
00:00:54,535 --> 00:00:55,954
She was, actually. That's how I met her.
25
00:00:56,038 --> 00:00:58,332
Ugh. I went to college
with her grandson, Marvin.
26
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,295
Don't knock it until you try it.
She had a
27
00:01:00,379 --> 00:01:02,295
replacement hip with some serious torque.
28
00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:04,381
It was like having sex
with a Transformer.
29
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:06,009
That is no one's fantasy.
30
00:01:06,718 --> 00:01:08,763
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
31
00:01:27,579 --> 00:01:28,621
JEFFORDS: Peralta,
32
00:01:28,705 --> 00:01:30,458
where are we on the Lincoln Place murder?
33
00:01:30,542 --> 00:01:32,835
Well, like I told Captain
Holt earlier this week,
34
00:01:32,919 --> 00:01:34,296
we are at the one-yard line.
35
00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:35,589
It's a football reference.
36
00:01:35,673 --> 00:01:36,674
Yes, Jake.
37
00:01:36,758 --> 00:01:38,301
I played linebacker at Syracuse.
38
00:01:38,385 --> 00:01:41,096
Really?
In high school, I played center-field.
39
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:42,348
In the musical Damn Yankees.
40
00:01:42,432 --> 00:01:43,766
Yeah, you don't want to brag about that.
41
00:01:43,850 --> 00:01:45,936
Peralta, you want to loop everyone in?
42
00:01:46,020 --> 00:01:48,189
Eh. That was not a request.
43
00:01:48,606 --> 00:01:50,234
Fine. [GRUNTS]
44
00:01:50,442 --> 00:01:52,904
Get ready for some stuff on a screen.
45
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,116
Meet Fred Gorman.
46
00:01:55,408 --> 00:01:58,370
Prominent citizen, lawyer, corpse.
47
00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:01,123
Now, meet his wife, Ann Hoert.
48
00:02:01,374 --> 00:02:04,920
She did not take his last name,
but I believe she did take his life.
49
00:02:05,045 --> 00:02:06,463
Nice. Thank you, Charles.
50
00:02:06,547 --> 00:02:09,342
Now, Hoert had means,
motives, and opportunity.
51
00:02:09,426 --> 00:02:11,011
I just need to find the murder weapon.
52
00:02:11,095 --> 00:02:13,222
For some reason, the DA won't
move forward with the arrest
53
00:02:13,306 --> 00:02:14,599
until we find the knife she used.
54
00:02:14,683 --> 00:02:16,851
Is that reason that they
want to win the case?
55
00:02:16,935 --> 00:02:18,020
Yes.
56
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,230
Well, find it.
57
00:02:19,314 --> 00:02:20,440
The family's close to the Mayor,
58
00:02:20,524 --> 00:02:22,359
and I'm catching heat
from the higher-ups.
59
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:23,486
I'm going to ask you again.
60
00:02:23,570 --> 00:02:25,905
Do you need any resources or personnel?
61
00:02:26,323 --> 00:02:27,658
No, sir. I've got it.
62
00:02:27,742 --> 00:02:29,911
Okay. Dismissed.
63
00:02:30,287 --> 00:02:32,080
Sergeant Jeffords, my office.
64
00:02:32,164 --> 00:02:34,708
Uh-oh. He probably wants
to talk to you about how your
65
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:36,754
shirts aren't tight enough probably.
66
00:02:39,507 --> 00:02:41,050
Okay, how can we help? What do you need?
67
00:02:41,134 --> 00:02:42,302
I need nothing.
68
00:02:42,386 --> 00:02:44,388
I'm about to solve this
case, meet the Mayor,
69
00:02:44,472 --> 00:02:46,766
and sell my life rights
to Channing Tatum,
70
00:02:46,850 --> 00:02:49,478
so he can play my less attractive
brother in the ensuing film.
71
00:02:49,562 --> 00:02:50,813
Come on, Peralta.
72
00:02:50,897 --> 00:02:53,358
Holt said to use the whole team.
We all want this solved.
73
00:02:53,442 --> 00:02:56,279
I appreciate the offer,
but I work best alone.
74
00:02:57,030 --> 00:02:58,949
Except when it comes to sex.
75
00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:01,118
Actually, sometimes including sex.
76
00:03:01,243 --> 00:03:02,620
Will you just let us help?
77
00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:03,705
Okay, fine.
78
00:03:03,789 --> 00:03:05,583
I will let one of you help me.
79
00:03:06,084 --> 00:03:07,795
Charles. Yeah!
80
00:03:08,003 --> 00:03:11,132
And I am choosing Charles, because
he's the least likely to steal my thunder.
81
00:03:11,216 --> 00:03:12,800
I would never steal his thunder.
82
00:03:12,884 --> 00:03:15,137
I'd be afraid to borrow it. [CHUCKLES]
83
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,851
Terry. I'd like you to
accompany me to a gun range.
84
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:23,565
You mean drive you there and wait outside?
Far away from the guns?
85
00:03:23,982 --> 00:03:25,984
I spent eight years in
the public affairs office,
86
00:03:26,068 --> 00:03:28,195
so my tactical skills are a little rusty.
87
00:03:28,279 --> 00:03:29,322
I need some pointers.
88
00:03:29,406 --> 00:03:31,806
Sir, I haven't fired a
weapon since the incident.
89
00:03:32,368 --> 00:03:34,413
The mannequin incident. I'm familiar.
90
00:03:35,122 --> 00:03:37,959
-[SCREAMING]
-[GUN FIRING]
91
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:39,837
[GUN CLICKING]
92
00:03:41,505 --> 00:03:44,467
Actually, there was
an incident after that.
93
00:03:44,551 --> 00:03:45,553
Another incident?
94
00:03:46,262 --> 00:03:48,890
-[SCREAMING]
-[GUN FIRING]
95
00:03:49,391 --> 00:03:51,059
You got to cool it, man.
96
00:03:53,020 --> 00:03:54,397
I'm gonna get some candy.
97
00:03:54,772 --> 00:03:57,067
Sir? I may not be the man for the job.
98
00:03:57,317 --> 00:03:59,362
You used to be the precinct's
champion marksman.
99
00:03:59,446 --> 00:04:00,821
I only want to take
pointers from the best.
100
00:04:00,905 --> 00:04:02,741
So, I'll keep it low-key.
101
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:06,246
We'll go after work to a private range.
No cops, no pressure.
102
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,126
Blam! Blam, blam! Gun range.
103
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:11,670
I told Gina she could join us.
104
00:04:11,754 --> 00:04:12,837
I want to get certified.
105
00:04:12,921 --> 00:04:15,299
There has been a ton of
crime in my neighborhood.
106
00:04:15,383 --> 00:04:17,433
And the cops in my precinct are very bad.
107
00:04:18,137 --> 00:04:19,221
You live in our precinct.
108
00:04:19,305 --> 00:04:21,433
Yeah. I know.
109
00:04:22,309 --> 00:04:25,479
I know we've gone over this
before, but I have to ask you again.
110
00:04:25,563 --> 00:04:28,066
Is there anywhere you
can think of in that hallway
111
00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:29,359
where a knife could be hidden?
112
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:32,321
Well, since I've already
told you, like, three times,
113
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,241
no, why don't I just record it,
114
00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:36,411
then I don't have to say it again.
[BEEPS]
115
00:04:36,578 --> 00:04:42,168
The hallway, like all other hallways,
does not have a secret knife-hiding place.
116
00:04:42,252 --> 00:04:44,003
Here, you want to hear it again? [BEEPS]
117
00:04:44,087 --> 00:04:45,673
[RECORDED VOICE] Idea for a novel.
118
00:04:45,757 --> 00:04:48,037
A mild-mannered
doorman gets bitten on the
119
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,429
penis by a radioactive spider and becomes
120
00:04:50,513 --> 00:04:52,098
the world's greatest lover.
121
00:04:52,182 --> 00:04:54,016
No, don't stop it.
I want to hear what happens.
122
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,354
BOYLE: This is terrific.
He saves the First Lady, if you must know.
123
00:04:57,438 --> 00:04:58,649
Sounds compelling.
124
00:05:01,903 --> 00:05:03,112
Oh, boy.
125
00:05:03,196 --> 00:05:07,326
Well, hello. I heard you guys
were making the rounds again.
126
00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:10,246
All right. This one's all you, tiger.
127
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:11,666
Come on.
128
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:14,920
Police.
129
00:05:16,421 --> 00:05:17,465
Hey, ma'am.
130
00:05:17,549 --> 00:05:20,677
Thank God. Here, hold this.
The lasagna's burning.
131
00:05:20,761 --> 00:05:22,012
Okay. Um…
132
00:05:22,096 --> 00:05:24,474
WOMAN: Get the dog!
But don't let it touch the baby!
133
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:25,850
-[DOG BARKING]
-[CRYING]
134
00:05:25,934 --> 00:05:28,729
-[CELL PHONE RINGING]
-Oh. Okay. Peralta.
135
00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:31,399
Yo. I looked at the photos
of your victim on your desk.
136
00:05:31,483 --> 00:05:33,236
Is that Rosa? Tell her I said hi.
137
00:05:33,611 --> 00:05:35,864
The puncture wounds are
similar to a case I had a while back.
138
00:05:35,948 --> 00:05:38,700
They aren't from a knife. I think it's
something spiral, like a corkscrew.
139
00:05:38,784 --> 00:05:39,827
[SHUSHING]
140
00:05:39,911 --> 00:05:41,511
Don't shush me. I'm helping you.
141
00:05:41,663 --> 00:05:44,041
No. No, I'm holding a baby.
That was actually very helpful.
142
00:05:44,125 --> 00:05:45,711
Thank you. Uh-oh.
143
00:05:46,295 --> 00:05:47,796
You better get back here. Now.
144
00:05:54,597 --> 00:05:56,600
Oh. Hello, Peralta.
145
00:05:58,603 --> 00:06:01,189
[GROANS] No, no, no.
146
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:02,690
I don't know why you're so upset, man.
147
00:06:02,774 --> 00:06:05,361
I'm the one that had to come
to this backwater stink hole.
148
00:06:05,445 --> 00:06:06,946
What's up, little man?
149
00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:08,740
What's up? Feeling sexy? Huh?
150
00:06:08,824 --> 00:06:09,950
Yeah, I feel sexy.
151
00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:11,869
You look sexy. You know I do.
152
00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:13,413
Watch out for that door.
153
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,793
Yo, how much you bench? Seriously.
154
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:20,548
Captain, please, please, pretty
please, do not let him take over my case.
155
00:06:20,632 --> 00:06:22,049
Major Crimes is stepping in.
156
00:06:22,133 --> 00:06:24,053
Nothing I can do. You're off the case.
157
00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:25,887
I can't believe you're
just rolling over and giving
158
00:06:25,971 --> 00:06:27,390
my murder away to the Vulture.
159
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:29,225
We call him the Vulture
because he swoops in
160
00:06:29,309 --> 00:06:31,979
and solves cases that are almost
solved and takes the credit for himself.
161
00:06:32,063 --> 00:06:34,399
Yes, Boyle, I put that
together from context.
162
00:06:34,942 --> 00:06:36,673
First of all,
Major Crimes has jurisdiction
163
00:06:36,757 --> 00:06:38,487
over any and all cases they want to take,
164
00:06:38,571 --> 00:06:42,034
but more importantly, you're the
one who insisted on working alone.
165
00:06:42,118 --> 00:06:45,372
I told you for weeks to use
the squad, and you refused.
166
00:06:45,456 --> 00:06:48,919
I used them. I mean, Rosa's the
one who figured out the corkscrew.
167
00:06:49,127 --> 00:06:50,587
Charles caught a dog.
168
00:06:51,673 --> 00:06:53,591
Well, congratulations, Detective Boyle.
169
00:06:53,675 --> 00:06:55,427
You should have involved them sooner.
170
00:06:55,511 --> 00:06:57,512
Turn over your files
to Detective Pembroke.
171
00:06:57,596 --> 00:07:00,474
Sir, call him the Vulture.
Giving him a name makes him human.
172
00:07:00,558 --> 00:07:02,728
Turn over the files.
173
00:07:03,437 --> 00:07:07,694
Fine. But in protest, I'm walking
over there extremely slowly.
174
00:07:14,953 --> 00:07:15,996
Thank you.
175
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,585
God, this is so boring.
176
00:07:20,669 --> 00:07:22,212
For both of us.
177
00:07:22,379 --> 00:07:24,395
Hey, before I solve
this case, I'd like to
178
00:07:24,479 --> 00:07:26,679
thank you for doing
all the super easy work.
179
00:07:26,802 --> 00:07:28,852
You know, the real
Nancy Drew-level stuff.
180
00:07:28,971 --> 00:07:30,932
Oh, yeah?
Did Nancy Drew solve a lot of murders?
181
00:07:31,016 --> 00:07:33,811
Yeah, she did. Murder on Ice.
Recipe for Murder.
182
00:07:33,978 --> 00:07:35,395
Nancy was a wonderful detective.
183
00:07:35,479 --> 00:07:36,856
I wanted to be her when I grew up.
184
00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:38,901
Thanks, Charles. That's helpful.
185
00:07:38,985 --> 00:07:42,489
Hey. Should we take odds
on how fast I'll solve this case?
186
00:07:42,573 --> 00:07:44,491
PERALTA: Nope.
I mean, what was it with Diaz's last
187
00:07:44,575 --> 00:07:46,369
"impossible" extortion case?
188
00:07:46,453 --> 00:07:48,079
What was it? Six hours?
189
00:07:48,163 --> 00:07:50,291
That's because it was 98% solved.
190
00:07:51,125 --> 00:07:53,086
The last 2% is the hardest to get.
191
00:07:53,295 --> 00:07:55,005
That's why they leave it in the milk.
192
00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,174
What?
193
00:07:56,299 --> 00:07:59,136
Oh. Wow. Looking good, Santiago.
194
00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:00,804
Looking foxy, ma.
195
00:08:00,889 --> 00:08:03,683
Go rot in hell. This is your fault.
196
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:07,605
Thanks, champ. Good effort.
197
00:08:07,689 --> 00:08:09,983
I got it from here. And hey,
198
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,403
you feel free to call me any time
you need me to come down here
199
00:08:12,487 --> 00:08:14,637
and help powder that
big white ass of yours.
200
00:08:14,782 --> 00:08:16,033
[GRUNTS]
201
00:08:16,325 --> 00:08:19,245
Well. That's the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
202
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,543
[GROANS] I hate the Vulture so much.
203
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:26,004
Me, too. But he's kind of hot.
204
00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,884
What? You can hate people
and still think they're hot.
205
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:32,137
Case in point Manuel Noriega.
206
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:35,266
You know what?
I'm with you on this. Tonya Harding.
207
00:08:35,391 --> 00:08:36,476
Yeah, she's thick.
208
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:38,437
Right? Always classy, Jake.
209
00:08:38,562 --> 00:08:39,856
Mmm-hmm.
210
00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:42,540
Sorry you got Vultured.
It happens to the best of us.
211
00:08:43,027 --> 00:08:45,781
On my count. One, two…
212
00:08:46,198 --> 00:08:50,161
Three! I got it from here.
Yeah! Get up! Get up!
213
00:08:50,245 --> 00:08:52,081
Turn around! [LAUGHING]
214
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:53,790
You have the right to remain silent.
215
00:08:53,874 --> 00:08:55,626
Anything you say can and will be…
216
00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:57,170
Can and will be used
against you in a court of law.
217
00:08:57,254 --> 00:08:59,132
Thanks, guys, I got it from here.
218
00:08:59,882 --> 00:09:01,926
Skim white chocolate
macchiato for Charles?
219
00:09:02,010 --> 00:09:03,220
I got it from here.
220
00:09:03,804 --> 00:09:05,204
I used a gift card for that.
221
00:09:06,057 --> 00:09:08,435
God, I just, I wanna
get back at him so bad.
222
00:09:08,519 --> 00:09:12,190
I wish I could throw his cell
phone in the toilet or slash his tires.
223
00:09:12,274 --> 00:09:13,400
I don't know.
224
00:09:13,484 --> 00:09:14,693
Or slash his gorgeous throat.
225
00:09:14,777 --> 00:09:16,445
I cannot figure you out.
226
00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:20,618
Okay. I'm buying everyone drinks as long
as we're here thinking of a revenge plan.
227
00:09:20,702 --> 00:09:23,497
Best idea gets 50 bucks.
Throw them on out.
228
00:09:24,165 --> 00:09:27,293
What if you called him from a hospital
and said his whole family is dead?
229
00:09:27,377 --> 00:09:28,669
Like they died of cancer.
230
00:09:28,753 --> 00:09:32,049
Charles, that is so dark.
I'm putting it down.
231
00:09:33,218 --> 00:09:36,181
So, my stance feels good,
but I'm still not hitting center.
232
00:09:36,598 --> 00:09:39,142
All right. Back your left foot up a hair.
233
00:09:39,226 --> 00:09:40,852
GINA: Like this? [IMITATING GUNSHOTS]
234
00:09:40,936 --> 00:09:43,314
No. Gina, we've been over this.
235
00:09:43,398 --> 00:09:44,900
Well, show me.
236
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:48,280
Like, wrap your thick,
muscular arms around me and…
237
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:52,743
All right, look. Hands here.
Stand up straight. Chin forward.
238
00:09:52,827 --> 00:09:54,580
Hold on. My nose itches. Gina!
239
00:09:54,747 --> 00:09:58,043
Now, when I lock my shooting
arm, the other hand feels unstable.
240
00:09:58,460 --> 00:10:00,921
Now, what stance am I supposed
to be doing? Weaver or Isosceles?
241
00:10:01,005 --> 00:10:02,256
You guys did stances?
242
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:03,842
Like, oh… Yeah, everybody does stances.
243
00:10:03,926 --> 00:10:05,969
Listen… All right, look.
244
00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:07,847
Hey. Both of you, just watch.
245
00:10:08,389 --> 00:10:09,933
[GUN FIRING]
246
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:12,811
That's eight. He did it.
247
00:10:12,895 --> 00:10:14,231
That was only seven.
248
00:10:16,107 --> 00:10:17,610
Why are you counting my shots?
249
00:10:18,361 --> 00:10:20,446
Are you trying to have me recertified?
250
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:25,619
Yes. If you make eight of 10 shots, I
can sign off on you carrying a gun again.
251
00:10:25,703 --> 00:10:26,872
Gina's here as an official witness,
252
00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:29,792
and I thought it would be easier for
you in a no-pressure environment.
253
00:10:29,876 --> 00:10:31,377
I can't believe you tricked me.
254
00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:34,131
You're too good a cop
to be shackled to a desk.
255
00:10:34,215 --> 00:10:37,719
Now, you only have one
hit until you get re-certified.
256
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:39,931
So, deep breath. Huh?
257
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,268
Take the final shot.
258
00:10:44,311 --> 00:10:48,234
Don't over think it.
Just relax and breathe.
259
00:10:50,111 --> 00:10:52,238
Bring air into your lungs,
260
00:10:52,322 --> 00:10:53,972
like you've done your whole life.
261
00:10:55,868 --> 00:10:58,956
[WHIMPERING] Oh, my God. Guys!
262
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:01,960
How do you breathe?
I forgot how to breathe!
263
00:11:02,460 --> 00:11:04,505
Is it two in, one out? [HUFFING]
264
00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:10,012
What if we wrap his motorcycle in plastic
wrap and melt it with a hair-dryer?
265
00:11:10,263 --> 00:11:12,807
Little trick I learned in
gift basket making class.
266
00:11:13,016 --> 00:11:15,166
PERALTA: All right,
here's what we're up to.
267
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:18,314
"Steal his kidney. Burn down his house.
268
00:11:18,398 --> 00:11:20,692
"Replace his aloe tissues
with regular tissues."
269
00:11:20,776 --> 00:11:21,944
Thank you, Charles. You're welcome.
270
00:11:22,028 --> 00:11:24,405
"Leave a dead cat in his cedar closet."
271
00:11:24,489 --> 00:11:26,408
Note.
He would have to own a cedar closet.
272
00:11:26,492 --> 00:11:27,701
He seems like he would.
273
00:11:27,785 --> 00:11:31,248
Uh, "Sneak into his apartment
and burn popcorn in the microwave."
274
00:11:31,332 --> 00:11:32,833
[LAUGHING] Thank you, Charles.
275
00:11:32,917 --> 00:11:36,547
Uh, Scully asked for mashed
potatoes, so I wrote that down.
276
00:11:36,756 --> 00:11:38,883
Well, I hate to say it,
but I think, by default,
277
00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:40,843
Charles's motorcycle idea is the winner.
278
00:11:40,927 --> 00:11:43,097
Yeah. Winning by default.
279
00:11:43,222 --> 00:11:44,515
PERALTA: Let's get into it.
280
00:11:44,599 --> 00:11:46,184
Anybody know where the Vulture lives?
281
00:11:46,268 --> 00:11:47,435
On Third, right near here.
282
00:11:47,519 --> 00:11:48,521
How do you know that?
283
00:11:48,605 --> 00:11:50,505
PERALTA: Shotgun, boys. We're rolling.
284
00:11:51,233 --> 00:11:52,526
[GRUNTING]
285
00:11:52,610 --> 00:11:54,111
Take that, Vulture.
286
00:11:54,196 --> 00:11:55,613
PERALTA: Let's melt this thing.
287
00:11:55,697 --> 00:11:57,700
All right. Give me your hair-dryer.
288
00:11:57,784 --> 00:11:58,951
What? What are you talking about?
289
00:11:59,035 --> 00:12:00,412
Don't you carry one in your purse?
290
00:12:00,496 --> 00:12:02,080
Have you ever met a human woman?
291
00:12:02,164 --> 00:12:04,542
There's a drugstore four blocks away.
I'm on it.
292
00:12:05,126 --> 00:12:08,755
Oh, no. Scully, traveling four blocks?
293
00:12:08,839 --> 00:12:10,384
That could take weeks.
294
00:12:11,927 --> 00:12:13,011
[PANTING]
295
00:12:13,096 --> 00:12:14,555
Take the shot, Sergeant.
296
00:12:14,639 --> 00:12:16,056
I just need a second.
297
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,935
You've had 18 minutes of seconds.
298
00:12:18,185 --> 00:12:19,979
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
299
00:12:21,481 --> 00:12:24,485
Gina's Authentic Stolen Police Badges.
How can I help?
300
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:26,612
Hey, it's Peralta. Oh, hey, Jake.
301
00:12:26,696 --> 00:12:28,614
Hey.
Do you carry a hair-dryer in your purse?
302
00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:30,201
Of course. I'm not an animal.
303
00:12:31,119 --> 00:12:33,872
Great. Uh, I need you to bring
it to the Vulture's apartment.
304
00:12:33,956 --> 00:12:36,292
There's someone named the Vulture?
Tell Rosa.
305
00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:38,379
She'd be into that. Come on.
306
00:12:38,796 --> 00:12:40,881
Peralta, why are you asking
Gina about Detective Pembroke?
307
00:12:40,965 --> 00:12:42,800
Oh. Captain, hello. Uh.
308
00:12:42,884 --> 00:12:46,305
We are preparing him
a gift basket of sorts.
309
00:12:46,472 --> 00:12:48,224
Look. I understand that you're upset.
310
00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:50,101
But if you want to keep
this from happening again,
311
00:12:50,185 --> 00:12:53,481
I suggest that you pull your team
together and solve these cases,
312
00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,443
before Major Crimes can step in.
313
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:57,862
Am I clear?
314
00:12:57,946 --> 00:13:01,367
Yes, sir. That is definitely clear.
Thank you, sir.
315
00:13:04,580 --> 00:13:08,001
You should be frowning.
Why is Jake smiling? Why are you smiling?
316
00:13:08,126 --> 00:13:11,046
Because the Captain just
gave us the perfect revenge plan.
317
00:13:11,130 --> 00:13:13,717
We team up and solve this case.
Right now.
318
00:13:14,217 --> 00:13:15,426
That is not what he meant.
319
00:13:15,510 --> 00:13:16,637
Think about it, Amy.
320
00:13:16,721 --> 00:13:18,664
We go back to the
scene of the crime, find the
321
00:13:18,748 --> 00:13:20,642
murder weapon, and
out-Vulture the Vulture.
322
00:13:20,726 --> 00:13:22,876
No one gets in trouble
if we crack the case.
323
00:13:23,313 --> 00:13:24,730
Okay. Screw it. I'm in.
324
00:13:24,814 --> 00:13:25,941
Yes, that's right.
325
00:13:26,025 --> 00:13:27,526
All right. We're angry.
326
00:13:27,610 --> 00:13:29,988
We're getting revenge.
We're a little bit tipsy.
327
00:13:30,113 --> 00:13:32,157
We should not be driving.
We're taking the bus.
328
00:13:32,241 --> 00:13:33,576
I love the bus.
329
00:13:37,998 --> 00:13:40,418
So, the waitress heard
the couple arguing at dinner.
330
00:13:40,502 --> 00:13:43,797
Apparently, he was having an
affair and it was not the first time.
331
00:13:44,048 --> 00:13:46,426
Two years ago, she caught
him with the dog walker,
332
00:13:46,510 --> 00:13:49,221
who was "walking his dog,"
if you know what I mean.
333
00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:50,305
I do. Right?
334
00:13:50,389 --> 00:13:51,933
Yes. I got it. Sex times.
335
00:13:52,017 --> 00:13:54,017
Mmm-hmm. Anyways, we know it's the wife.
336
00:13:54,771 --> 00:13:57,232
You're real talkative now
that you want our help.
337
00:13:57,316 --> 00:14:01,571
All right, it is possible that I should
have brought you guys in sooner,
338
00:14:01,655 --> 00:14:04,741
but I just get so excited wrapped
up in wanting to solve stuff.
339
00:14:04,825 --> 00:14:06,034
You know? I get it.
340
00:14:06,118 --> 00:14:08,539
You want to be the best. We all do.
341
00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:12,210
You just don't have to be
such a butthead about it.
342
00:14:13,254 --> 00:14:14,337
What?
343
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,549
I just can't believe you would
call me a butthead. Shut up.
344
00:14:16,633 --> 00:14:17,801
So harsh.
345
00:14:21,305 --> 00:14:23,308
Hitchcock farts non-stop.
346
00:14:25,728 --> 00:14:26,979
Still waiting, Sergeant.
347
00:14:27,063 --> 00:14:29,608
Well, it's just, the target looks
exactly like a friend of mine.
348
00:14:29,692 --> 00:14:30,985
It's freaking me out.
349
00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:33,822
You have a friend
who's just a silhouette?
350
00:14:34,322 --> 00:14:36,867
Yes. Let's all just count to a million.
351
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:38,620
One, two, three, four, five, six.
352
00:14:38,704 --> 00:14:40,479
So, then, Ice Man says, "You can be my
353
00:14:40,563 --> 00:14:42,666
wing man any day."
And then, Maverick says…
354
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:44,168
I've seen the film, Sergeant.
355
00:14:44,252 --> 00:14:45,921
I haven't. What happens next?
356
00:14:46,005 --> 00:14:48,383
Goose comes back, right?
He's not really dead.
357
00:14:48,508 --> 00:14:51,178
[SIGHS] Goose is gone.
358
00:14:51,304 --> 00:14:52,680
No. I know.
359
00:14:53,514 --> 00:14:54,516
PERALTA: All right.
Here's how it went down.
360
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,976
9:45, a man screams.
361
00:14:57,060 --> 00:14:59,855
Ninety seconds later, wife
goes down to the doorman.
362
00:14:59,939 --> 00:15:02,567
Says a guy murdered her
husband and then ran off.
363
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,070
We know she's lying.
364
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,990
We've just got to find the
corkscrew to make our case air-tight.
365
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,577
I say we role-play,
see if something sparks.
366
00:15:09,745 --> 00:15:11,454
Darling, thank you for a lovely dinner.
367
00:15:11,538 --> 00:15:14,250
Perhaps we should have
one more drink before bed.
368
00:15:14,334 --> 00:15:16,378
Don't you "darling" me, you philanderer.
369
00:15:16,462 --> 00:15:18,797
No, you're the husband.
The husband had the affair.
370
00:15:18,881 --> 00:15:20,424
I'm always the victim.
I don't want to be the victim.
371
00:15:20,508 --> 00:15:21,759
Okay. Charles is the door.
372
00:15:21,843 --> 00:15:24,012
No. I'll be the victim.
Don't make me a door again.
373
00:15:24,096 --> 00:15:27,767
Great. Okay. So, wife goes into
the drawer. Gets the corkscrew.
374
00:15:27,851 --> 00:15:29,812
Stab, stab, stab.
375
00:15:30,313 --> 00:15:32,107
What does she do with the corkscrew?
376
00:15:32,191 --> 00:15:34,401
She dumps it in the hallway trash
chute on the way to the doorman.
377
00:15:34,485 --> 00:15:36,070
No, we checked the trash, like, 10 times.
378
00:15:36,154 --> 00:15:37,738
We would have seen a bloody corkscrew.
379
00:15:37,822 --> 00:15:39,658
All right, Hitchcock, you're up.
380
00:15:39,742 --> 00:15:41,453
[SCREAMING]
381
00:15:42,496 --> 00:15:46,083
The body.
The corkscrew's still in the body.
382
00:15:46,167 --> 00:15:48,044
No, you're terrible at this. Go sit down.
383
00:15:48,128 --> 00:15:49,254
You're up, Diaz.
384
00:15:49,338 --> 00:15:50,506
Stab!
385
00:15:51,341 --> 00:15:55,596
Then I toss the corkscrew out the
window and it lands on a passing car.
386
00:15:55,846 --> 00:15:59,183
Security cams showed no one driving by
at that time, and nothing on the street.
387
00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:02,063
Okay, I want in.
But I only want to stab you.
388
00:16:02,897 --> 00:16:04,566
Fine. Charles, door.
389
00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:05,901
Right.
390
00:16:06,569 --> 00:16:10,032
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay. Uh, sweetheart…
391
00:16:10,449 --> 00:16:12,576
Time to die. That seems a little harsh.
392
00:16:14,287 --> 00:16:16,332
What if it was a magnetic corkscrew?
393
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:19,753
If the corkscrew was on a magnet…
394
00:16:19,837 --> 00:16:21,421
It's stuck halfway down
the inside of the trash chute.
395
00:16:21,505 --> 00:16:22,923
I figured it out first. [GRUNTS]
396
00:16:23,007 --> 00:16:24,676
Wow. What's happening?
397
00:16:25,803 --> 00:16:29,103
You have a 10-pound flashlight
in your purse, but not a hair-dryer?
398
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,685
I can't see far enough down.
399
00:16:31,769 --> 00:16:33,187
Someone's going to
have to go down in there.
400
00:16:33,271 --> 00:16:35,023
Someone with narrow shoulders.
401
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:39,279
No. I have broad shoulders.
I have narrow hips, but broad shoulders.
402
00:16:41,699 --> 00:16:42,992
God!
403
00:16:43,242 --> 00:16:45,120
-See anything?
-BOYLE: A little lower.
404
00:16:46,371 --> 00:16:48,416
Freeze. Hands in the air.
405
00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:50,334
We're cops.
406
00:16:50,418 --> 00:16:52,045
BOYLE: Broad shoulders. Stuck!
407
00:16:52,171 --> 00:16:53,672
Told you. Broad shoulders.
408
00:16:55,216 --> 00:16:57,135
Apparently, our detective
squad has gotten drunk,
409
00:16:57,219 --> 00:17:00,969
compromised a crime scene, and an
officer has gotten stuck in a trash chute.
410
00:17:01,808 --> 00:17:04,958
I need you to lead this squad,
Terry, and I mean really lead it.
411
00:17:07,566 --> 00:17:09,067
I hope you take the shot.
412
00:17:09,986 --> 00:17:11,737
PEMBROKE: What kind of
precinct are you running here?
413
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:13,907
Would you like to sit down, Detective?
You seem upset.
414
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,200
Hell yeah, I'm upset.
415
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:21,250
Your team disrupted a crime scene over
which they have zero, zero jurisdiction.
416
00:17:21,375 --> 00:17:22,711
They were publicly drunk.
417
00:17:22,795 --> 00:17:26,174
Apparently, one of them pressed
all the buttons on the elevator.
418
00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:29,261
Well, maybe he just bumped up against
the panel with that big white ass of his.
419
00:17:29,345 --> 00:17:31,595
SANTIAGO: What now?
Holt is going to kill you.
420
00:17:31,723 --> 00:17:33,641
I don't think he will.
421
00:17:33,725 --> 00:17:35,353
Because… Voila!
422
00:17:35,478 --> 00:17:37,856
You actually found the
corkscrew in the trash chute?
423
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,067
Stuck to the side, just like you said.
424
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,403
PERALTA: Boyle, I'm pulling you out!
425
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,824
Whoa!
426
00:17:48,787 --> 00:17:50,706
This is the proudest moment of my career.
427
00:17:50,790 --> 00:17:52,041
-[CRASHES]
-Ah!
428
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:55,754
Oh, my God.
You guys, we out-Vultured the Vulture.
429
00:17:55,838 --> 00:17:57,298
[CAWING]
430
00:17:57,382 --> 00:17:58,424
What the hell was that?
431
00:17:58,508 --> 00:18:00,094
What? It's a vulture.
432
00:18:00,594 --> 00:18:02,804
Now, if you'll excuse
me, I'm going to take this
433
00:18:02,888 --> 00:18:06,977
corkscrew over to the DA, so we
get the collar, not Major Crimes.
434
00:18:07,061 --> 00:18:08,896
Peralta. Now.
435
00:18:12,568 --> 00:18:14,528
Okay. Before you get mad…
436
00:18:14,612 --> 00:18:17,657
Shut it. Holt was right.
I've been so worried about my own kids,
437
00:18:17,741 --> 00:18:19,827
I forgot about my stupid, grown-up kids.
438
00:18:19,911 --> 00:18:21,329
Well, that's insulting.
439
00:18:21,413 --> 00:18:22,706
I should have been on you guys more.
440
00:18:22,790 --> 00:18:24,667
And starting now, I will be.
441
00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,670
But if you ever do this again,
442
00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:30,508
I swear I will crush
your head in one hand.
443
00:18:30,592 --> 00:18:32,052
You don't mean that. Try me.
444
00:18:32,553 --> 00:18:33,721
Okay.
445
00:18:35,473 --> 00:18:36,974
Where are you going?
446
00:18:37,058 --> 00:18:40,145
Boss is taking heat for
something that's not even his fault.
447
00:18:40,229 --> 00:18:42,190
I can't let that happen.
448
00:18:42,357 --> 00:18:46,529
Wait. Damn it. Look.
It's not your fault, either.
449
00:18:47,238 --> 00:18:49,658
And it's not the Vulture's fault.
450
00:18:51,494 --> 00:18:52,495
It's Amy's.
451
00:18:52,579 --> 00:18:55,707
I know. I know. It's mine.
It's mine. Okay?
452
00:18:55,791 --> 00:18:57,920
God, I do not love how this worked out.
453
00:19:00,423 --> 00:19:01,591
Detective Pembroke.
454
00:19:01,716 --> 00:19:02,759
God. Now what?
455
00:19:02,884 --> 00:19:04,845
I'd like to cordially
invite you to calm down.
456
00:19:04,929 --> 00:19:09,309
Especially considering that this
case has already been solved. By you.
457
00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:12,396
Looks like you found the murder weapon.
458
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,494
It's a good thing you
realized was magnetically
459
00:19:14,578 --> 00:19:16,318
stuck to the inside of the trash chute.
460
00:19:16,402 --> 00:19:18,029
Congratulations.
461
00:19:18,404 --> 00:19:22,577
Hmm. You cracked the case all by yourself.
We done here?
462
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:28,084
Yeah. Yeah, we're done here.
463
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,380
Hey. Keep up the bad work, champ.
464
00:19:31,464 --> 00:19:33,257
-Here it comes. [GRUNTS]
-[SLAPPING]
465
00:19:34,718 --> 00:19:36,418
Why does he keep touching my butt?
466
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,392
Stay foxy. Die lonely.
467
00:19:40,642 --> 00:19:43,521
Well. Case closed. Good work, everyone.
468
00:19:43,896 --> 00:19:46,024
Let's, uh, call it a night
without any further discussion.
469
00:19:46,108 --> 00:19:50,488
No. All of you broke into a crime
scene under the influence of alcohol,
470
00:19:50,572 --> 00:19:53,622
overstepped your jurisdiction,
and disobeyed my direct orders.
471
00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:56,037
Everyone involved tonight
is going to get written up.
472
00:19:56,121 --> 00:19:59,458
Okay, fine.
Here's everyone who was there.
473
00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:03,547
Jake Peralta, J.
Peralta, Dr. Jacob Peralta,
474
00:20:03,631 --> 00:20:07,553
who has a PhD in Slow Jam Studies
from Funktown State University.
475
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,805
Also involved was the right honorable…
476
00:20:09,889 --> 00:20:11,015
Okay, enough.
477
00:20:11,099 --> 00:20:13,268
My point is, it was
a Peralta special, sir.
478
00:20:13,352 --> 00:20:14,520
No one else was there.
479
00:20:15,354 --> 00:20:19,054
Well, Detective, I'm happy to see
you're learning how to be part of a team.
480
00:20:20,361 --> 00:20:22,114
Everybody, go home. Sleep it off.
481
00:20:24,908 --> 00:20:26,911
And, sir? Thank you.
482
00:20:27,412 --> 00:20:30,082
Ultimately, it was our
raw sexual chemistry
483
00:20:30,166 --> 00:20:32,794
that helped him
overcome his crippling fear.
484
00:20:33,003 --> 00:20:37,760
You should just stay in the office
all day everyday and be my bestie.
485
00:20:38,177 --> 00:20:40,805
You could join my dance troupe Floorgasm.
486
00:20:40,930 --> 00:20:43,224
We're looking for a
man of precisely your…
487
00:20:43,308 --> 00:20:44,560
[GUN FIRING]
488
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:49,065
It's going to be a long road, but I'm
ready to get myself back in the game.
489
00:20:49,149 --> 00:20:50,442
I know you will.
490
00:20:50,526 --> 00:20:52,862
I mean, eventually. Not tonight.
491
00:20:54,782 --> 00:20:57,660
I need to go hug my baby girls.
Excuse me.
492
00:21:00,331 --> 00:21:02,207
Jake, I have to say, the
way you handled things
493
00:21:02,291 --> 00:21:04,293
with the Vulture
yesterday was very mature.
494
00:21:04,377 --> 00:21:07,381
Well, sometimes in life, you
just have to take the highroad.
495
00:21:07,465 --> 00:21:09,259
-[ALARM RINGING]
-Whoo, time's up.
496
00:21:09,384 --> 00:21:11,553
I can't wait to see it. Here we go.
497
00:21:11,637 --> 00:21:13,223
That's good suction. Oh!
498
00:21:13,807 --> 00:21:14,932
Ah!
499
00:21:15,016 --> 00:21:17,019
Check it out. Perfect, right?
500
00:21:17,144 --> 00:21:18,479
Yeah.
501
00:21:18,855 --> 00:21:21,024
"Dear Vulture.
502
00:21:22,110 --> 00:21:25,864
"Enjoy my big white ass. Jake."
503
00:21:27,116 --> 00:21:30,119
There you are.
Always take the highroad, Charles.
504
00:21:30,203 --> 00:21:31,453
Always take the highroad.