1 00:00:02,588 --> 00:00:05,673 For the last time, the best cop movies, in order. 2 00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:08,635 Training Day, Lethal Weapon, and Fargo. 3 00:00:08,719 --> 00:00:10,419 -End of discussion. -PERALTA: Wrong. 4 00:00:10,512 --> 00:00:13,097 Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time. 5 00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:15,057 One cop heroically saving the day 6 00:00:15,141 --> 00:00:17,017 while everyone else stands around and watches. 7 00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:18,401 It's the story of my life. 8 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:22,732 I like Turner and Hooch. Tom Hanks, a reluctant friendship with a dog. 9 00:00:23,107 --> 00:00:24,857 That hits me where I live. No. 10 00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:27,944 RoboCop. It's got everything I like. Gratuitous violence. 11 00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:30,571 Oh, I thought you were listing things. 12 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:31,865 I was. I'm done. Okay. 13 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,616 Let's talk Bad Boys. That's the perfect cop movie. 14 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:36,493 Mr. Smith, looking fine. 15 00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:39,496 A hot cup of Tea Leoni. Come on. 16 00:00:40,122 --> 00:00:42,750 Francois Truffaut's Breathless. 17 00:00:42,875 --> 00:00:43,875 What? 18 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,543 Terry likes foreign films. 19 00:00:45,835 --> 00:00:46,919 Okay. 20 00:00:47,044 --> 00:00:49,213 There is a correct answer to this question, though. 21 00:00:49,297 --> 00:00:52,175 So, gather round for the greatest cop film of all time. 22 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:55,635 Please refrain from texting during our presentation. [CLICKS KEYBOARD] 23 00:00:55,719 --> 00:00:57,504 So, there's Hitchcock, and there's an old hooker. 24 00:00:57,588 --> 00:00:58,346 [HITCHCOCK GROANS] 25 00:00:58,430 --> 00:00:59,931 -[LAUGHS] -HITCHCOCK: Come on, guys. 26 00:01:00,015 --> 00:01:02,016 That happened four years ago. Shh. This is the best part. 27 00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,976 She comes back, takes the wallet, 28 00:01:04,143 --> 00:01:05,602 and here she goes! 29 00:01:05,686 --> 00:01:06,812 ALL: Oh! 30 00:01:08,147 --> 00:01:10,191 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 31 00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,150 PERALTA: Hey. I love the sweater. 32 00:01:31,335 --> 00:01:33,001 Who you slaying tonight, Lady Killer? 33 00:01:33,085 --> 00:01:36,255 Well, we shall see what we shall see. 34 00:01:36,339 --> 00:01:38,883 No, you're dressed exactly like "The Lady Killer." 35 00:01:39,509 --> 00:01:40,551 BOYLE: Damn it. 36 00:01:40,885 --> 00:01:43,345 This is Jeffrey Dahmer's corduroys all over again. 37 00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:45,806 All right. Let's get started. 38 00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:48,975 Scully, where are you on digitizing the old case files? 39 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,936 As of yesterday, I am officially 1 % done. 40 00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:54,394 JEFFORDS: Why are you smiling? That's nothing. 41 00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,273 Well, there's thousands of cases. And for each one, 42 00:01:56,357 --> 00:01:59,568 I have to fill out 200 little box thingies on 50 different screens. 43 00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,277 At least you get to sit on your butt all day. 44 00:02:01,361 --> 00:02:02,987 That's actually the worst part. 45 00:02:03,196 --> 00:02:05,030 My doctor said I have an anal canyon. 46 00:02:05,114 --> 00:02:06,240 -[ALL GROANING] -Oh, God. 47 00:02:06,324 --> 00:02:09,410 Scully, why are you always telling us about your disgusting body? 48 00:02:09,494 --> 00:02:12,162 I don't see anything. That's because it's all wart. 49 00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:13,664 [RETCHES] 50 00:02:15,916 --> 00:02:17,960 -How are you married? -HOLT: Peralta. 51 00:02:18,085 --> 00:02:19,919 Where are we on the Adams Street burglary? 52 00:02:20,003 --> 00:02:21,546 We are very close, Captain. 53 00:02:21,671 --> 00:02:25,090 Aside from a complete absence of evidence, suspects, or leads. 54 00:02:25,174 --> 00:02:27,134 So, in conclusion, not at all close. 55 00:02:27,468 --> 00:02:29,386 And the Vickers Street aggravated assault? 56 00:02:29,470 --> 00:02:30,845 PERALTA: Stalled out. 57 00:02:30,929 --> 00:02:32,805 And the Calloway robbery also remains unsolved, 58 00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:36,184 due to a lack of solving it, by me. 59 00:02:36,268 --> 00:02:38,770 Sounds like someone's in a little bit of a slump. 60 00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:40,020 I'm not in a slump. 61 00:02:40,145 --> 00:02:42,230 You're not? Scoreboard. 62 00:02:42,314 --> 00:02:44,191 PERALTA: I don't slump, people. 63 00:02:44,275 --> 00:02:45,568 I opposite-slump. 64 00:02:45,818 --> 00:02:50,572 I pmuls. That's slump, backwards and it's what I do. 65 00:02:50,947 --> 00:02:53,991 I pmuls all over this bitch. 66 00:02:54,075 --> 00:02:55,075 Dismissed. 67 00:02:55,159 --> 00:02:56,744 Slump. Pmuls. 68 00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:00,330 Wait. 69 00:03:00,455 --> 00:03:03,082 Before you say anything, I want to guess what happened based on your face. 70 00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:04,876 Someone died. No! 71 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,085 You won a prize! 72 00:03:06,169 --> 00:03:07,295 I'm not getting better at this. 73 00:03:07,379 --> 00:03:09,296 I'm concerned that the open-cases mound 74 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:10,422 of garbage on your desk 75 00:03:10,506 --> 00:03:11,715 has become so much higher 76 00:03:11,799 --> 00:03:13,509 than the closed-cases mound of garbage. 77 00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:15,719 All right. Sir, let me hit you with a little analogy. 78 00:03:15,803 --> 00:03:16,929 Are you familiar with race cars? 79 00:03:17,013 --> 00:03:18,305 Formula One or stock? 80 00:03:18,722 --> 00:03:20,389 That's already way more than I know about it. 81 00:03:20,473 --> 00:03:22,391 The point is, I am a super awesome race car, 82 00:03:22,475 --> 00:03:24,185 who's hit a couple of unlucky speed bumps. 83 00:03:24,269 --> 00:03:25,478 There are speed bumps on a race track? 84 00:03:25,562 --> 00:03:27,771 Is that not a part of car racing? It should be. 85 00:03:27,855 --> 00:03:29,855 All I'm saying is, it's open road again. 86 00:03:30,065 --> 00:03:31,650 I'm about to close a case. 87 00:03:31,901 --> 00:03:33,777 Missing grandma, Helen Sterrino. 88 00:03:34,153 --> 00:03:35,737 Last Sunday, her grandson, Judd, 89 00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:38,113 reported she went out for bagels and never came back. 90 00:03:38,197 --> 00:03:39,198 This morning, 91 00:03:39,282 --> 00:03:41,909 we picked up an old lady matching her description exactly. 92 00:03:41,993 --> 00:03:44,913 I showed her pictures of Judd, and she said, and I quote, 93 00:03:45,121 --> 00:03:48,332 [IMITATES OLD WOMAN] That's my grandson. 94 00:03:49,082 --> 00:03:50,375 What did I say about doing voices? 95 00:03:50,459 --> 00:03:52,628 I'm a storyteller, sir. It's my craft. 96 00:03:53,337 --> 00:03:55,088 Anyways, grandson's coming in, 97 00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:58,472 they reunite, and I throw another case on the old "solved it" pile. 98 00:03:58,966 --> 00:04:00,134 [THUDS] 99 00:04:01,802 --> 00:04:03,262 Hey, my croissant. 100 00:04:08,808 --> 00:04:10,308 You wanted to see me, Captain? 101 00:04:10,393 --> 00:04:12,311 Yes, the DA wanted me to personally thank you 102 00:04:12,395 --> 00:04:14,397 for your work on the Jay Street drug bust. 103 00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:15,856 That's why we do this, sir. 104 00:04:16,065 --> 00:04:17,066 For praise? 105 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,359 Uh… 106 00:04:18,609 --> 00:04:20,777 There's a community outreach program that's very important to me. 107 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,011 I was wondering if you'd like to head it up. 108 00:04:23,155 --> 00:04:24,698 Absolutely, sir. 109 00:04:25,074 --> 00:04:28,158 I won't just head it up, I will head and shoulders it up. 110 00:04:28,242 --> 00:04:31,287 I will dive in, swim around it, and just be 111 00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:33,998 all together good with it. 112 00:04:34,374 --> 00:04:36,541 Be more articulate when you speak to the children. 113 00:04:36,625 --> 00:04:38,418 Yes, sir. I will make better mouth. 114 00:04:40,921 --> 00:04:41,921 BOYLE: Hey, Sarge? 115 00:04:42,005 --> 00:04:43,381 I need someone to fill out a lineup. 116 00:04:43,465 --> 00:04:44,757 Will you be Scary Terry? 117 00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:47,009 Oh, I love being Scary Terry. 118 00:04:47,301 --> 00:04:49,177 He says what regular Terry's thinking. 119 00:04:49,261 --> 00:04:50,805 This is taking too long! 120 00:04:51,097 --> 00:04:52,997 I'm going to miss the farmer's market! 121 00:04:53,391 --> 00:04:54,474 But I'm too busy. 122 00:04:54,808 --> 00:04:56,601 I've got a special case I'm working on. 123 00:04:56,685 --> 00:04:57,852 Uh, Hitchcock, 124 00:04:57,936 --> 00:04:59,228 Boyle needs you to fill out a lineup. 125 00:04:59,312 --> 00:05:01,012 Oh, great. I'll take my shirt off. 126 00:05:01,147 --> 00:05:02,648 No one asked you to take your shirt off. 127 00:05:02,732 --> 00:05:04,649 Stop volunteering to take your shirt off. 128 00:05:04,733 --> 00:05:06,683 I can't hear you. Shirt's over my ears. 129 00:05:07,820 --> 00:05:08,821 Hi, Rosa. 130 00:05:08,946 --> 00:05:11,239 Oh, I like your shoes. They're a really pretty… What do you need? 131 00:05:11,323 --> 00:05:12,491 Color. Okay. 132 00:05:12,783 --> 00:05:14,909 You know how, every year, the precinct does that 133 00:05:14,993 --> 00:05:16,243 Junior Police Program seminar? 134 00:05:16,327 --> 00:05:18,037 That thing where we try to get a bunch of loser kids 135 00:05:18,121 --> 00:05:19,471 to become student snitches? 136 00:05:19,956 --> 00:05:22,374 Mmm. No. The thing where we try to get at-risk kids… 137 00:05:22,458 --> 00:05:22,937 Losers. 138 00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:24,542 to sign up to become Junior Police Officers. 139 00:05:24,626 --> 00:05:25,877 Snitches. What about it? 140 00:05:25,961 --> 00:05:28,296 Captain specifically asked me to run it this year. 141 00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:29,964 And I signed you up to do it with me. Here's the info. 142 00:05:30,048 --> 00:05:31,648 Now, I've got to read something? 143 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:33,634 Greetings. Fine. 144 00:05:33,718 --> 00:05:35,886 I guess I can help you with those at-risk kids. 145 00:05:35,970 --> 00:05:37,429 [SCOFFS] I don't need your help. 146 00:05:37,513 --> 00:05:39,113 It's nothing personal, it's just 147 00:05:39,223 --> 00:05:41,642 you're not a cop, so I'm not really sure you can help. 148 00:05:41,726 --> 00:05:44,518 Mmm-kay. No hard feelings, but I hate you. 149 00:05:44,602 --> 00:05:46,146 Not joking. Bye. 150 00:05:48,023 --> 00:05:49,024 PERALTA: Ah. 151 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,067 Mr. and Mrs. Sterrino, I'm glad you're here. 152 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,443 May I present to you… [IMITATES TRUMPET SOUND] 153 00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,988 Oh, my darlings. Thank God I found you. 154 00:05:57,072 --> 00:05:59,950 Oh, look at those beautiful cheeks. 155 00:06:00,159 --> 00:06:01,759 I have no idea who this lady is. 156 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,869 I've never seen her before in my life. 157 00:06:03,953 --> 00:06:06,038 What? No, she recognized you. 158 00:06:06,122 --> 00:06:08,165 This is Helen. Who is Helen? 159 00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:09,291 HELEN: Oh! 160 00:06:09,375 --> 00:06:12,335 There's my husband. Solomon. 161 00:06:12,586 --> 00:06:14,186 I'm, I'm not really her husband. 162 00:06:14,379 --> 00:06:17,132 You're so much shorter than you used to be. 163 00:06:17,257 --> 00:06:19,426 What did the Japanese do to you? 164 00:06:19,885 --> 00:06:21,260 Different generation. 165 00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:25,389 Okay. This is Ethel Musterberg from the Prospect Heights Senior Center. 166 00:06:25,556 --> 00:06:27,556 There was an ID card in her back pocket. 167 00:06:27,892 --> 00:06:29,726 Why was your hand in her back pocket? 168 00:06:29,810 --> 00:06:32,061 Well, she told me she didn't have any ID. 169 00:06:32,145 --> 00:06:35,245 And unlike Boyle, my first instinct was not to caress her butt. 170 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:37,442 Frisked. I frisked her butt. 171 00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:40,611 It looks like this case remains unsolved, Peralta. 172 00:06:41,070 --> 00:06:42,362 Oh, my God. 173 00:06:42,905 --> 00:06:44,198 I'm in a slump! 174 00:06:49,036 --> 00:06:51,161 Oh, cool. You're all here in the break room. 175 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,955 You asked us to come in here. What? 176 00:06:53,039 --> 00:06:54,623 Here's a hypothetical question. 177 00:06:54,707 --> 00:06:56,208 Let's say I knew someone that, 178 00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:57,584 for the first time in their career 179 00:06:57,668 --> 00:07:00,337 was experiencing, like, a minor slump. 180 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,630 What do you think you would suggest to that person 181 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,798 if they were going through that? 182 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:06,259 Well, I haven't really been in a slump since my divorce. 183 00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,678 So, I'd tell this person to maybe get divorced. 184 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,095 He'd have to get married first. 185 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:13,432 Okay. So, the suggestion to beat is, "Get married and then divorced." 186 00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,599 Rosa? 187 00:07:14,683 --> 00:07:16,435 Fly to Montreal, hit a classy hotel bar, 188 00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,919 bone a stranger. Slump over. 189 00:07:18,145 --> 00:07:19,311 PERALTA: Wow, that sounds amazing. Yeah. 190 00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:20,438 That's a good one. 191 00:07:20,522 --> 00:07:21,689 Sarge, what would you do? 192 00:07:21,773 --> 00:07:22,982 Ten thousand sit-ups. 193 00:07:23,191 --> 00:07:26,402 Okay. Do you have a backup plan in case my hypothetical person 194 00:07:26,486 --> 00:07:28,946 can only do 9500? Or three? 195 00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:30,780 -What's going on in here? -PERALTA: [SIGHS] Oh, no. 196 00:07:30,864 --> 00:07:32,741 We're helping Jake's friend get out of a slump. 197 00:07:32,825 --> 00:07:34,909 HOLT: Or try working a case until it's solved, Peralta. 198 00:07:34,993 --> 00:07:38,496 I always find that closing cases is the best way to end a slump. 199 00:07:39,997 --> 00:07:42,083 -Thank you, Captain. -JEFFORDS: He's right. 200 00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:43,501 You just need a win. 201 00:07:43,626 --> 00:07:46,128 Pick your easiest, no-brainer case, and work it until it's done. 202 00:07:46,212 --> 00:07:47,212 PERALTA: Fine. 203 00:07:47,296 --> 00:07:49,964 Right after I do Rosa's Montreal sex thing. That sounds fun. 204 00:07:50,048 --> 00:07:51,133 Yeah. 205 00:07:52,425 --> 00:07:53,468 Okay. 206 00:07:53,552 --> 00:07:56,930 This is the Junior Police Program, aka 207 00:07:57,222 --> 00:07:58,388 "Mission Possible." 208 00:07:58,472 --> 00:07:59,598 [MUSIC PLAYING] 209 00:08:02,309 --> 00:08:04,979 Your mission, should you choose to accept it, 210 00:08:05,104 --> 00:08:07,313 is to get your life back on track. 211 00:08:07,397 --> 00:08:09,190 GINA: [COUGHS] Narc! 212 00:08:09,315 --> 00:08:10,900 -[ALL LAUGH] -SANTIAGO: Hey, Gina. 213 00:08:10,984 --> 00:08:12,443 -What are you doing? -GINA: Oh, hi, Amy. 214 00:08:12,527 --> 00:08:14,737 Since I have nothing to offer, since I'm not a cop, 215 00:08:14,821 --> 00:08:16,780 I thought I'd just show up and learn. 216 00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:18,239 You want to help me out here? 217 00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:19,491 No, I think I'm good. 218 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:20,742 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 219 00:08:20,951 --> 00:08:23,829 I know you think getting in trouble is cool. 220 00:08:23,954 --> 00:08:25,580 But let me show you what can happen 221 00:08:25,664 --> 00:08:27,415 if you continue down this path. 222 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:31,376 Hey, yo. I'm an at-risk kid, and I think it's cool to sell drugs. 223 00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:34,505 Hold up. Why does the kid selling drugs sound like he's black? 224 00:08:34,589 --> 00:08:36,089 He's not. Well, why not? 225 00:08:36,173 --> 00:08:38,925 Are you saying that black people can't sell drugs? 226 00:08:39,009 --> 00:08:40,301 No, I'm not saying that. 227 00:08:40,385 --> 00:08:43,387 If we have a black president, why can't black people sell drugs? 228 00:08:43,471 --> 00:08:44,722 I'm so confused. 229 00:08:44,806 --> 00:08:46,807 Black people can sell drugs. 230 00:08:46,891 --> 00:08:49,059 ALL [CHANTING]: Black people can sell drugs! 231 00:08:49,143 --> 00:08:56,143 Black people can sell drugs! Black people can sell drugs! 232 00:08:57,942 --> 00:08:58,943 [GRUNTS] 233 00:08:59,569 --> 00:09:00,945 [GROANS] 234 00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,179 JEFFORDS: Don't make me hit you again. 235 00:09:05,616 --> 00:09:08,327 Um, I'm building this doll house for my girls. 236 00:09:08,452 --> 00:09:09,661 It's their birthday tomorrow. 237 00:09:09,745 --> 00:09:11,246 I told my wife I'd get it done. 238 00:09:11,330 --> 00:09:13,380 I had the same exact one when I was a kid. 239 00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:16,792 Mom! Charles is hogging my doll house! 240 00:09:16,876 --> 00:09:18,794 Grandma bought it for the both of us! 241 00:09:19,170 --> 00:09:20,770 You want some help, big man? No. 242 00:09:20,963 --> 00:09:22,089 I can do this. 243 00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:23,382 [SIGHS] 244 00:09:23,466 --> 00:09:25,266 It's just driving me a little crazy. 245 00:09:25,717 --> 00:09:27,817 Where do I affix the princess tower, Boyle? 246 00:09:28,428 --> 00:09:29,638 Where do I affix it? 247 00:09:29,888 --> 00:09:31,938 On the side of the turret. Not now, Boyle. 248 00:09:32,641 --> 00:09:33,741 Let a brother breathe. 249 00:09:34,934 --> 00:09:36,268 Let a brother breathe. 250 00:09:38,187 --> 00:09:39,787 Why would I swap cases with you? 251 00:09:39,897 --> 00:09:42,482 I got multiple calls that a guy in the Sackett Towers 252 00:09:42,566 --> 00:09:45,317 is dealing meth out of his apartment. It's a guaranteed arrest. 253 00:09:45,401 --> 00:09:47,611 And, therefore, will have a ton of paperwork, 254 00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:48,988 which I know you hate. 255 00:09:49,072 --> 00:09:51,908 I have a murder here with no leads and no evidence. 256 00:09:52,075 --> 00:09:53,283 It's unsolvable. 257 00:09:53,617 --> 00:09:55,994 And thus, shall have no paperwork. 258 00:09:56,995 --> 00:09:58,663 You had me at "no paperwork." 259 00:09:58,747 --> 00:10:00,647 That was the very end of the sentence. 260 00:10:00,874 --> 00:10:02,833 All right, Boyle. Let's hit it. 261 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,543 So, where are you going, Peralta? 262 00:10:04,627 --> 00:10:06,545 I am on my way to ending the slump. 263 00:10:06,671 --> 00:10:08,589 I got a dunker, Captain. Nothing but net. 264 00:10:08,673 --> 00:10:11,523 Hey, Slump. You're about to get nailed by the Jake-hammer. 265 00:10:11,759 --> 00:10:13,426 So, you haven't solved any of your old cases 266 00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:15,052 and yet, you've taken on a new one. 267 00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,721 I mean, shouldn't you at least solve this 268 00:10:16,805 --> 00:10:18,347 Helen Sterrino missing-grandmother case first? 269 00:10:18,431 --> 00:10:20,224 Or I could solve this super easy one, 270 00:10:20,308 --> 00:10:22,642 get my mojo back, and move on to catching the Zodiac killer. 271 00:10:22,726 --> 00:10:24,603 Am I getting ahead of myself? No, you are not, Jake-rabbit. 272 00:10:24,687 --> 00:10:26,687 I like Jake-hammer better. Let's go. Ah. 273 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:32,484 I did not think getting these kids to sign up would be this hard. 274 00:10:32,568 --> 00:10:34,486 [SCOFFS] These kids don't want to listen to you. 275 00:10:34,570 --> 00:10:36,697 You're, like, smart and articulate. 276 00:10:36,781 --> 00:10:39,158 So are you. Why am I offended by that? 277 00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:42,202 They don't identify with you because you're not from the streets. I am. 278 00:10:42,286 --> 00:10:43,912 Follow. Watch. Learn. 279 00:10:45,789 --> 00:10:46,839 All right, listen up. 280 00:10:47,207 --> 00:10:49,167 I know you think you're badasses. Ow. 281 00:10:49,251 --> 00:10:50,701 But deep down, you're scared. 282 00:10:50,961 --> 00:10:52,211 How do I know? 283 00:10:52,628 --> 00:10:54,578 Because I've been that same scared kid. 284 00:10:55,131 --> 00:10:56,840 And if you don't get your crap together, 285 00:10:56,924 --> 00:10:59,718 I'm going to end up busting you and throwing you in jail. 286 00:10:59,802 --> 00:11:00,802 Got it? 287 00:11:02,012 --> 00:11:03,638 Remix, yo. [BEEPS] 288 00:11:03,722 --> 00:11:05,306 -[PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC] -♪ Throwing you in jail ♪ 289 00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:08,018 -♪ Throwing you in jail ♪ -[ALL LAUGH] 290 00:11:08,518 --> 00:11:10,185 ♪ Throwing you in jail throwing you in jail ♪ 291 00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:12,479 What's happening? I think they're laughing at you. 292 00:11:12,563 --> 00:11:14,013 That's never happened before. 293 00:11:15,482 --> 00:11:16,483 I don't like it. 294 00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:17,693 ♪ Got it? ♪ 295 00:11:20,403 --> 00:11:21,571 [WHISPERS] Okay. 296 00:11:22,322 --> 00:11:23,781 PERALTA: Freeze! NYPD Hands where I can see them. 297 00:11:23,865 --> 00:11:26,075 Hands! Don't shoot! I was just practicing my minuets, 298 00:11:26,159 --> 00:11:27,284 but I'll hold it down. 299 00:11:27,368 --> 00:11:28,911 All right, flute man. Who else is in this apartment? 300 00:11:28,995 --> 00:11:30,120 Where's the dealer? 301 00:11:30,287 --> 00:11:32,080 -I live here alone with my birds. -[BIRDS SCREECHING] 302 00:11:32,164 --> 00:11:33,748 PERALTA: What, you don't think I know this MO? 303 00:11:33,832 --> 00:11:35,875 These are mules. They're drug mules. 304 00:11:35,959 --> 00:11:37,460 They're bird mule drugs. 305 00:11:37,544 --> 00:11:38,878 Drug-bird mules. 306 00:11:38,962 --> 00:11:40,003 BOYLE: Apartment's clear. 307 00:11:40,087 --> 00:11:41,755 We got multiple calls about a dealer here. 308 00:11:41,839 --> 00:11:44,258 I bet it's the silly kids down the hall. 309 00:11:44,383 --> 00:11:45,733 They love prank calling me. 310 00:11:45,968 --> 00:11:48,637 The only drugs in this apartment are for my heart, 311 00:11:48,763 --> 00:11:50,096 my liver, my kidney, 312 00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:51,597 my salivary glands, [SIGHS] 313 00:11:51,681 --> 00:11:53,266 And my penis, and my feet. 314 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,062 Oh. The bird pooped on your shoulder. 315 00:11:57,354 --> 00:12:01,315 No, wait. It pooped on your head, then dripped onto your shoulder. 316 00:12:03,442 --> 00:12:05,235 BOYLE: I'm telling you, it's good luck. 317 00:12:05,319 --> 00:12:06,779 No, it isn't. Okay? 318 00:12:06,945 --> 00:12:09,196 That's just something people say when a bird poops on you 319 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,948 to make you feel better because it's terrible. 320 00:12:11,032 --> 00:12:12,825 Four coming in! 321 00:12:12,950 --> 00:12:14,494 Oh, come on. 322 00:12:14,994 --> 00:12:16,036 I was at the crime scene. 323 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,747 This guy comes up out of nowhere, confesses. 324 00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,415 Well, he says he's got to make things right, 325 00:12:20,499 --> 00:12:23,001 so he helps me track down his accomplices. 326 00:12:23,085 --> 00:12:24,628 That is so great, man. 327 00:12:25,712 --> 00:12:27,862 Looks like everything's coming up Hitchcock. 328 00:12:29,965 --> 00:12:32,259 Hey, Jake, you busy? 329 00:12:32,343 --> 00:12:34,637 Yes, I very clearly am busy. 330 00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:37,054 The medical examiner's office just called, 331 00:12:37,138 --> 00:12:38,889 they mishandled some evidence, 332 00:12:38,973 --> 00:12:41,892 so the DA is going to have to dismiss your last two busts. 333 00:12:41,976 --> 00:12:43,269 [GROANS] Great. 334 00:12:43,353 --> 00:12:44,813 And the slump gets worse. 335 00:12:45,397 --> 00:12:48,398 I don't think it's a slump. Honestly, you are straight-up cursed. 336 00:12:48,482 --> 00:12:49,650 Good to know. 337 00:13:00,451 --> 00:13:02,620 Can you hand me a paper towel, please, Gina? 338 00:13:04,372 --> 00:13:05,623 There's no more left. 339 00:13:05,748 --> 00:13:07,374 Yeah, that sounds right. 340 00:13:08,792 --> 00:13:10,251 -Uh. -[SQUELCHING] 341 00:13:10,335 --> 00:13:11,378 Hey. 342 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,212 You're dripping on my carpet. 343 00:13:13,296 --> 00:13:15,496 Oh, don't worry, sir. It's just urinal water. 344 00:13:16,215 --> 00:13:17,466 Clean urinal water. 345 00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:18,950 You could eat off his shirt. 346 00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:20,885 Why would I ever eat off his shirt? 347 00:13:21,262 --> 00:13:24,097 Look. Sir, I don't know what's going on, but I think I'm cursed. 348 00:13:24,181 --> 00:13:25,264 Cursed, huh? 349 00:13:25,348 --> 00:13:26,807 The freakiest things have been happening to me. 350 00:13:26,891 --> 00:13:28,225 I mean, I can't solve a case to save my life, 351 00:13:28,309 --> 00:13:30,061 birds are unloading on me left and right, 352 00:13:30,145 --> 00:13:31,604 and two seconds ago… 353 00:13:32,147 --> 00:13:34,497 Hey, Sarge, do we have any old T-shirts in here? 354 00:13:34,607 --> 00:13:35,816 [CRASHES] 355 00:13:36,150 --> 00:13:37,443 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 356 00:13:39,695 --> 00:13:40,696 Cursed. 357 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,871 Yeah, I've seen this kind of thing before. 358 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:45,032 It happened to a friend of mine back in the One-Eight. 359 00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,241 Detective Smith. 360 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:47,493 We called him Smitty. 361 00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,788 He thought he was cursed and, because cops are superstitious, 362 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,456 the whole precinct thought he was cursed. 363 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,290 But then, he found a case and he solved it, 364 00:13:54,374 --> 00:13:55,875 and now he's married to Kate Upton. No. 365 00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:57,293 No one would go out on calls with him. 366 00:13:57,377 --> 00:13:59,879 He responded to a riot at a gym without backup 367 00:13:59,963 --> 00:14:02,048 and got beaten up by a girls' volleyball team. 368 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:05,134 -It was actually quite violent. -BOYLE: Man! 369 00:14:05,384 --> 00:14:06,844 Girls are so scary. 370 00:14:07,678 --> 00:14:09,679 HOLT: I don't want you out in the field again, Peralta. 371 00:14:09,763 --> 00:14:10,764 I'm pulling you from case work. 372 00:14:10,848 --> 00:14:13,350 You can digitize old files with Scully. You're benching me? 373 00:14:13,434 --> 00:14:15,101 No, no, no. Look. I've got a plan. 374 00:14:15,185 --> 00:14:16,811 Give all my open cases to Hitchcock, 375 00:14:16,895 --> 00:14:19,021 who's suddenly on a roll, and assign me 20 fresh ones. 376 00:14:19,105 --> 00:14:20,398 Eventually, my luck will turn. 377 00:14:20,482 --> 00:14:22,691 No, I don't think that's what's best for you or the squad. 378 00:14:22,775 --> 00:14:25,026 Not until this blows over. And how long will that be? 379 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:27,112 Could be a week, could be a month. 380 00:14:27,488 --> 00:14:29,281 Could be a year, could be a decade. 381 00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:32,590 Sorry, we were just saying bigger and bigger numbers. 382 00:14:33,659 --> 00:14:35,327 I don't know how to connect with these kids. 383 00:14:35,411 --> 00:14:38,206 They're mean and shallow, and respect nothing. 384 00:14:38,414 --> 00:14:40,124 I mean, what kind of person would they even listen to? 385 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:41,375 GINA: Hitchcock, 386 00:14:41,876 --> 00:14:43,876 stop bringing your food in little Tupperware containers. 387 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:45,962 It hurts my fingers when I'm trying to open it. 388 00:14:46,046 --> 00:14:47,088 HITCHCOCK: Sorry. 389 00:14:49,633 --> 00:14:52,717 Hey, Gina. That's a super cute… 390 00:14:52,801 --> 00:14:54,845 -What do you want? -sweater. Okay. 391 00:14:55,221 --> 00:14:58,306 Rosa and I think it would be great if you'd talk to the kids. 392 00:14:58,390 --> 00:15:00,601 Mmm. I thought only cops could help. 393 00:15:00,768 --> 00:15:03,060 In this case, not being a cop might actually be better. 394 00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:04,687 Mmm. That's true in all cases. 395 00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:06,731 Cops are the worst. 396 00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:10,901 "Enter the numbers from this report [KEYBOARD CLACKING] 397 00:15:10,985 --> 00:15:12,694 "Into the corresponding boxes on this screen. 398 00:15:12,778 --> 00:15:15,447 "Then, fill out these fields." And I'm in a coma. 399 00:15:15,989 --> 00:15:17,157 Hey, Hitchcock. 400 00:15:17,241 --> 00:15:18,700 Help me out, man. I'm so bored. 401 00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,076 Let me jump back on that murder with you. 402 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:21,869 No, I got it. 403 00:15:21,994 --> 00:15:23,745 Come on, man. Let me just see the file. No, don't touch it! 404 00:15:23,829 --> 00:15:25,873 You're contagious. Everything could fall apart! 405 00:15:25,957 --> 00:15:27,374 Peralta, leave Hitchcock alone. 406 00:15:27,458 --> 00:15:28,501 HOLT: Come here. 407 00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:31,752 [SIGHS] Now, I got in touch with Smitty. 408 00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:34,589 He says that you should rub this rabbit's foot with your left forefinger 409 00:15:34,673 --> 00:15:37,050 and your pinky like this for good luck. 410 00:15:37,425 --> 00:15:39,135 Okay? Now, you try it. 411 00:15:39,761 --> 00:15:40,928 Okay. 412 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:42,805 Yep. 413 00:15:43,430 --> 00:15:45,432 It's definitely helping. I can feel it. 414 00:15:46,225 --> 00:15:48,226 The curse is lifting off of me. 415 00:15:48,310 --> 00:15:49,519 Ah, hand cramp. 416 00:15:49,603 --> 00:15:51,187 Rub, rub, rub. 417 00:15:51,271 --> 00:15:52,271 [JEFFORDS GROANING] 418 00:15:52,355 --> 00:15:53,564 [SIGHS] 419 00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:54,983 [SOBBING] 420 00:15:55,692 --> 00:15:56,776 You okay? 421 00:15:57,527 --> 00:16:00,112 The Fairy Princess Castle has defeated me. 422 00:16:00,696 --> 00:16:01,989 I'm a grown man 423 00:16:02,406 --> 00:16:04,491 with man-hands and a man-brain. 424 00:16:04,575 --> 00:16:07,577 I should be able to put together a doll house in less than four hours. 425 00:16:07,661 --> 00:16:09,954 Why does it have to be so hard? 426 00:16:10,997 --> 00:16:12,039 Look. 427 00:16:12,123 --> 00:16:14,250 This screw has three pointy sides 428 00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:16,627 and nowhere to screw it in! 429 00:16:16,961 --> 00:16:18,045 -[SCREW CLATTERS] -[SOBBING] 430 00:16:18,129 --> 00:16:19,671 And there's wheels. 431 00:16:20,088 --> 00:16:23,133 What kind of castle has wheels? 432 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,552 Ahhh! 433 00:16:26,845 --> 00:16:28,096 [GROANING] 434 00:16:29,263 --> 00:16:31,515 117A. Yes. 435 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:32,849 117B. Yes. 436 00:16:32,933 --> 00:16:34,226 18A. 437 00:16:36,437 --> 00:16:37,855 Wait a minute. 438 00:16:42,358 --> 00:16:43,359 PERALTA: Hey. 439 00:16:43,484 --> 00:16:44,652 Just heading to the can. 440 00:16:44,736 --> 00:16:46,112 Take the rabbit's foot. 441 00:16:47,779 --> 00:16:48,780 Roger that. 442 00:16:53,702 --> 00:16:54,994 Hey. Hey. What's going on? 443 00:16:55,078 --> 00:16:56,538 Well, I'm not allowed to leave my desk, 444 00:16:56,622 --> 00:16:57,871 so we have to meet in here. 445 00:16:57,955 --> 00:17:00,455 So, what you're saying is that this is kind of a… 446 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:03,377 No. For the last time, Charles, we don't need a clubhouse! 447 00:17:03,461 --> 00:17:04,712 Clubhouse! 448 00:17:05,129 --> 00:17:07,505 [SINGSONG] Clubhouse. 449 00:17:08,006 --> 00:17:10,091 You know what I'm thinking. No clubhouse. 450 00:17:11,176 --> 00:17:13,636 I need you to make these calls for me. Don't let Holt see you. 451 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,763 But if my hunch is right, the slump is over. 452 00:17:15,847 --> 00:17:17,847 Come through for me, Boyle. All right. You know I will. 453 00:17:17,931 --> 00:17:19,849 I'm just saying, put a couple of leather chairs in here. 454 00:17:19,933 --> 00:17:20,976 Go! 455 00:17:23,771 --> 00:17:24,771 Children. 456 00:17:24,855 --> 00:17:28,399 Your problem is not that you're troubled or at-risk 457 00:17:28,650 --> 00:17:30,860 or bad dressers. Is that a trucker hat? 458 00:17:31,277 --> 00:17:32,820 Still? Come on. 459 00:17:33,321 --> 00:17:36,948 Your problem is that you don't have passion for anything. 460 00:17:37,407 --> 00:17:41,244 My life turned around when I found my passion. 461 00:17:41,870 --> 00:17:45,165 And today, well, I hope to inspire you with it. 462 00:17:46,957 --> 00:17:48,042 [MUSIC PLAYING] 463 00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:50,753 Mmm-mm-mm 464 00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:57,467 You are beautiful no matter what they say 465 00:17:57,842 --> 00:18:01,846 Words can't bring you down 466 00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:04,391 No, no 467 00:18:05,099 --> 00:18:09,978 You are beautiful in every single way 468 00:18:10,062 --> 00:18:11,438 -[MUSIC STOPS] -[CHUCKLES] 469 00:18:11,522 --> 00:18:13,023 [SIGHS] What are we thinking? 470 00:18:13,482 --> 00:18:14,690 Yes, in the denim. 471 00:18:14,774 --> 00:18:16,066 I think I speak for everyone 472 00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:18,528 when I say your weird dancing was just weird. 473 00:18:18,778 --> 00:18:19,987 -[ALL MURMURING] -Fine. 474 00:18:20,113 --> 00:18:23,491 Cops make $52,000 a year, you never have to stop at a red light, 475 00:18:23,783 --> 00:18:26,493 and you get to carry a gun. Who wants in? 476 00:18:27,202 --> 00:18:29,037 Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yes. 477 00:18:29,538 --> 00:18:31,706 Oh, my God. You got eight kids to sign up. 478 00:18:31,790 --> 00:18:32,915 How did you know that would work? 479 00:18:32,999 --> 00:18:34,958 That's what made me sign up when I was a kid. 480 00:18:35,042 --> 00:18:37,044 You did this program? Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 481 00:18:37,169 --> 00:18:38,838 It does not work. 482 00:18:41,382 --> 00:18:42,633 They're here. 483 00:18:43,508 --> 00:18:45,593 Fantastic. Too dramatic? No. 484 00:18:45,677 --> 00:18:47,554 Hi. Why are we in the bathroom? 485 00:18:47,679 --> 00:18:50,014 I thought you might ask that, and I will answer in due time. 486 00:18:50,098 --> 00:18:53,142 But first, I know what happened to your grandma. Nothing. 487 00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:54,434 What are you talking about? 488 00:18:54,518 --> 00:18:57,103 The reason I couldn't find her is because she never existed. 489 00:18:57,187 --> 00:18:58,938 I had Detective Boyle make some calls, 490 00:18:59,022 --> 00:19:01,072 and it turns out you've done this before. 491 00:19:01,525 --> 00:19:04,277 Five missing persons reports in five different states. 492 00:19:04,402 --> 00:19:06,552 Recognize this? What are you accusing us of? 493 00:19:06,654 --> 00:19:09,448 Probably insurance fraud. Definitely filing a false report 494 00:19:09,532 --> 00:19:10,866 and obstruction of justice. 495 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,034 Now, you were wondering why we did this in the bathroom. 496 00:19:13,118 --> 00:19:14,202 It's because you're full of crap. 497 00:19:14,286 --> 00:19:15,986 Blammo. Jake-hammer strikes again. 498 00:19:16,079 --> 00:19:17,829 PERALTA: Jake-hammer strikes again. 499 00:19:18,039 --> 00:19:19,040 Detectives. 500 00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,584 I see we got eight recruits for the Junior Police Program? 501 00:19:21,668 --> 00:19:23,001 Outstanding. 502 00:19:23,085 --> 00:19:24,294 Thank you, sir. 503 00:19:24,378 --> 00:19:26,546 But as important as your praise is to me, 504 00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:28,215 it should actually go to Gina. 505 00:19:28,299 --> 00:19:29,591 She's the one that got through to the kids. 506 00:19:29,675 --> 00:19:31,302 Yes. I am amazing. 507 00:19:31,634 --> 00:19:33,762 And I only ask for one thing in repayment. 508 00:19:34,471 --> 00:19:35,763 A 600% raise. 509 00:19:35,847 --> 00:19:38,140 Or I could give you a 0% raise 510 00:19:38,224 --> 00:19:41,143 and make you my personal assistant, which is what I'm doing. 511 00:19:41,227 --> 00:19:42,602 I think you have hidden talents, 512 00:19:42,686 --> 00:19:44,437 which will make you surprisingly good at the job. 513 00:19:44,521 --> 00:19:47,274 No. I have no talents. You start Monday. 514 00:19:48,150 --> 00:19:49,151 Ugh. 515 00:19:49,651 --> 00:19:52,069 Constantly getting Holt's approval is the worst. 516 00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:54,238 Yes. I can only imagine. 517 00:19:54,822 --> 00:19:57,658 Well. The curse is over. The slump is done. 518 00:19:57,742 --> 00:19:58,742 Jake is back. 519 00:19:58,826 --> 00:20:01,369 Permission to take a selfie of the two of us, sir? Permission denied. 520 00:20:01,453 --> 00:20:02,662 Too late. [CAMERA CLICKS] 521 00:20:02,746 --> 00:20:04,206 Ah. That was a good one. 522 00:20:04,998 --> 00:20:06,708 So, the rabbit's foot worked, huh? 523 00:20:06,792 --> 00:20:07,917 Ah, maybe. 524 00:20:08,001 --> 00:20:09,502 All I know is, my mind was so numb 525 00:20:09,586 --> 00:20:11,086 from doing all that boring data entry 526 00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:13,422 that my brain kind of rebooted and I had an inspiration 527 00:20:13,506 --> 00:20:14,840 about one of my old cases. 528 00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,719 And I now see that that was your plan all along. 529 00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:20,177 And that you're capable of smiling. 530 00:20:20,261 --> 00:20:23,306 All talented detectives have their ups and downs, Peralta. 531 00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,891 So, you think I'm talented. You said it, no take-backs. 532 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,685 You know why Boyle doesn't slump? 533 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:28,978 Because his whole life is a slump? 534 00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,937 Because he doesn't let adversity get him down. 535 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,731 He keeps grinding. 536 00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,649 If I had given you those new cases, 537 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:37,193 the second you hit a snag, you would have spiraled again. 538 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:39,427 You need to stay out of your own head. Okay. 539 00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:41,238 But, sir, I don't get it. If that was your plan, 540 00:20:41,322 --> 00:20:42,948 why bother with Smitty and the rabbit's foot? 541 00:20:43,032 --> 00:20:44,366 Well, there's a very good reason for that. 542 00:20:44,450 --> 00:20:45,784 I was, uh… 543 00:20:45,868 --> 00:20:49,204 I believe the term is, uh, "messing with you." 544 00:20:49,913 --> 00:20:51,164 Oh. 545 00:20:51,498 --> 00:20:52,999 I see what's going on here. 546 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,168 We're becoming homies. 547 00:20:56,169 --> 00:20:58,319 Office Christmas card candidate, right here. 548 00:20:58,504 --> 00:21:00,089 Me and Holt are homies! 549 00:21:01,215 --> 00:21:02,508 Hey, Sarge. 550 00:21:02,758 --> 00:21:04,343 I assembled the castle for you. 551 00:21:04,677 --> 00:21:05,886 Here it is. 552 00:21:06,512 --> 00:21:08,262 [CHUCKLES] What? What happened to all 553 00:21:08,346 --> 00:21:09,388 the princess flourishes? 554 00:21:09,472 --> 00:21:10,806 BOYLE: Well, they were destroyed, 555 00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:12,641 so I turned it into a princess police station. 556 00:21:12,725 --> 00:21:14,268 You know, some jobs take brains, 557 00:21:14,352 --> 00:21:15,853 some jobs take muscles, 558 00:21:15,937 --> 00:21:18,856 some jobs take dainty little fingers. 559 00:21:19,147 --> 00:21:21,441 Did I ever tell you I had to wear a woman's wedding ring? 560 00:21:21,525 --> 00:21:23,694 Thank you, Boyle. I appreciate it. 561 00:21:23,944 --> 00:21:25,069 You're a good dad. 562 00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:27,103 Don't put so much pressure on yourself. 563 00:21:27,405 --> 00:21:28,655 Oh, check this out. 564 00:21:28,739 --> 00:21:30,574 -Working siren. -[SIREN WAILING] 565 00:21:30,658 --> 00:21:32,608 I'll fix that! I'll fix, I'll fix that.