1 00:00:06,047 --> 00:00:08,174 {\an8}Set portside jettison. Hit that baby! 2 00:00:08,174 --> 00:00:11,177 {\an8}We just jettisoned from the portside airlocks. 3 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:13,179 {\an8}We're gonna be home in six months, baby! 4 00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:14,597 {\an8}No, the whole point 5 00:00:14,597 --> 00:00:16,516 {\an8}is to jettison from the back of the ship 6 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:18,351 {\an8}because that's what pushes you forwards. 7 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,895 You have knocked us off course. 8 00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:22,731 Our new trajectory, eight years. 9 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,235 Don't touch my stuff! 10 00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:30,447 ♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 11 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,912 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 12 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:42,208 ...stand on deck four. Please report to reception. 13 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,960 Welcome. 14 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,004 Yeah, I have seen the actual security footage. 15 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,797 - Of you? - Yes. Yes. 16 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,215 Climbing into a dumpster like a raccoon? 17 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,385 Like-- like an inebriated, sexy raccoon. 18 00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,680 Ooh, my kind of raccoon. 19 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:56,806 The chicken's good. 20 00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,141 - It's not bad, is it? - Yeah. 21 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,060 When you think that it's just reconstituted eel protein, 22 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,520 it's actually-- it's actually all right. 23 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,855 But are the portions getting smaller? 24 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:06,649 No, I think you're just eating it from farther away, 25 00:01:06,649 --> 00:01:08,276 so it looks... 26 00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:11,279 But we've got enough for, like, the next four weeks? 27 00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:12,489 - Definitely. - Yeah. 28 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,449 We've got beef and chicken coming out of our ears. 29 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,825 Coming out of our eels, in fact. 30 00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:17,702 Oh, I love it when you talk eels to me. 31 00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:19,287 - Because I am captain... - Yeah? 32 00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,956 ...anything I say is automatically seductive. 33 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,125 - Hmm. - Pass the salt. 34 00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:25,251 Oh, yeah, condiment man. 35 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,878 Afraid grandma's not gonna make it. 36 00:01:26,878 --> 00:01:28,296 Oh, poor grandma. 37 00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:30,298 Honey, I'm filing for divorce. 38 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:35,053 Oh. I'm sorry. That was... 39 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,180 Captain Blunder Gob strikes again. 40 00:01:37,180 --> 00:01:38,848 No, no, it's okay. Ignore my face. 41 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:41,684 Charles is history. He jumped ship a long time ago, so... 42 00:01:41,684 --> 00:01:43,353 I'm sorry, I'm just so-- 43 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:45,855 I'm so not match fit at this kind of thing. 44 00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:47,273 No, you really are. 45 00:01:47,273 --> 00:01:49,484 (OVER TV) I made these waffles this morning. 46 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:52,654 - And look at that. - He's so funny. 47 00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:54,531 - You got your batter. - There he goes. 48 00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,324 We got our ice cube tray for the mold. 49 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:58,660 Doing recipes out of bits of his cabin. 50 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:01,120 And pour the mixture onto our preheated iron. 51 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,706 - The kids love his show. - So do I. 52 00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:05,375 - Do you? - I absolutely love it. 53 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,627 It sounds crazy, but crazy happens 54 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,920 when you crank up the Frank. 55 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,840 And the kids, I'd love to get to know them better. 56 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:13,007 Give them a tour of the ship. 57 00:02:13,007 --> 00:02:15,134 Oh, my God, the kids would love that. 58 00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:17,804 So maybe this could be more than four weeks? 59 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:21,558 I think it could be a lot more than four weeks. 60 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,268 Yeah. 61 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:25,061 - I think I should get this. - Mm-hmm. 62 00:02:25,061 --> 00:02:27,355 Hey, Ryan, uh, this is just your daily reminder 63 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:29,232 to tell the passengers that they're gonna be stuck 64 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,985 on this elegant space finger for nearly a decade. 65 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,528 It's Matt. 66 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,322 You know, I'm going to put this on do-not-disturb. 67 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:38,867 Well, they seem to be taking it well. 68 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,994 - What? - Did he tell you? 69 00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,746 Uh, no-- no, I was just-- 70 00:02:43,746 --> 00:02:45,456 - Would you excuse me a moment? - Sure. 71 00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,500 ♪ It's time For a royal announcement ♪ 72 00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,794 - No, no, no. - Oh, my God, what is it? 73 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,838 - Duty calls. Duty howls, in fact. - Thank you. 74 00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,382 You have to tell the truth, Ryan. 75 00:02:54,382 --> 00:02:56,551 Should I use a more aggressive tack? 76 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,927 Because I find that British people 77 00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,096 often respond better to abuse than encouragement. 78 00:03:00,096 --> 00:03:01,431 Now, look, Matt, 79 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:04,475 you telling me that my breath smells like a cat's back passage 80 00:03:04,475 --> 00:03:06,561 is not gonna make me tell them any quicker. 81 00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,271 Okay, just humor me. 82 00:03:08,271 --> 00:03:09,898 Craptain Ryan, Craptain Lying. 83 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,524 Oh, is this-- You've started, have you? 84 00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:12,609 - Mm-hmm. - All right. 85 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:15,278 Yeah, you depressed, anorexic Santa Claus. 86 00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:16,821 - That's what you are. - Mm-hmm. 87 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,865 How do you shave that face of lies? 88 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,241 - I use an electric. - Yeah? 89 00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:22,076 Well, you're a pissy little mummy's boy. 90 00:03:22,076 --> 00:03:23,995 - Mummy's boy! - My mother's dead. 91 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:27,874 Yes, because she hated you, so she exploded. 92 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,250 - Hmm. - Is this getting us anywhere? 93 00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:30,460 - It's not, no, no. - Okay. 94 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:33,296 I'll tell you why. Because if I tell the passengers 95 00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:35,381 that we are stuck up here for another eight years 96 00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,633 and the food is running out, 97 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,135 I'm gonna become the next all-you-can-eat buffet. 98 00:03:39,135 --> 00:03:42,305 I will tell them when I've seen the food shortage plan 99 00:03:42,305 --> 00:03:43,556 that Rav is working on. 100 00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:46,809 Ping! Sounds like Rav's food shortage plan is ready. 101 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:49,228 Yes, that is exactly what me being here signifies 102 00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:51,356 and presumably what that pinging sound was about. 103 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,691 Oh, here's someone who knows what a long time looks like. 104 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:56,027 Spike Martin, come join us please. 105 00:03:56,027 --> 00:03:59,364 Yes, I certainly will. Totally impromptu. 106 00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:01,157 This is feeling to me like an intervention. 107 00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:04,869 Ryan, it's time to retract your head from your ass. 108 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:08,998 - Don't be afraid of the truth. - I'm not afraid of the truth. 109 00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:11,167 I'm just afraid of it leaving my lips. 110 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:15,004 - ♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ - Jell-O in a shower cap mold. 111 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:17,423 Check out Frank's Kitchen every day at 3:00. 112 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:20,259 It's home cooking, without the home. 113 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,428 Love that jiggle. 114 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:24,889 Food's taken a dive. 115 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:28,017 I had a one-season four seasons pizza yesterday. 116 00:04:28,017 --> 00:04:29,143 - Winter. - Ah, the worst. 117 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,812 I like the food being all the same color. 118 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:32,939 It's less confusing for my mouth. 119 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,607 - God, I miss real tomatoes. - Tell me about it. 120 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:36,150 - I know, right? - Tell me about it. 121 00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,820 I am so desperate for... 122 00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,989 ...relatable vegetables myself. 123 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:42,448 I don't know how you're still eating that. 124 00:04:42,448 --> 00:04:43,950 - You have to stop. - Well, the good news is, 125 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:46,160 is we only have to deal with four more weeks of that. 126 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,079 I mean, Captain Ryan would've told us if the trip 127 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,414 - is gonna be any longer. - Yeah. 128 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,000 Unless he has a good reason not to, which he doesn't. 129 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,044 Not that I'd know. Why are you asking? 130 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:57,046 - Isn't this your ship? - What? 131 00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:59,590 - Isn't this your ship? - Ship... 132 00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:01,634 Yeah, name only. 133 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,553 You know, you could just as easily blame 134 00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:06,014 Martin Luther King for king-sized beds. 135 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,682 - Blame him for kings. - Or kings. 136 00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,642 - Or sizes. - Can I grab you? 137 00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,227 Rav is ready with the food report 138 00:05:11,227 --> 00:05:12,478 in the boardroom. 139 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:14,522 That sounds more like a Ryan kind of thing. 140 00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:16,941 I don't even know where the, uh, boardroom is. 141 00:05:16,941 --> 00:05:19,193 That's true, I was in the boardroom once, 142 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,404 and Mr. Judd came in, and he said, 143 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:23,614 "Oh, what is this room?" 144 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:28,369 Um, I'm not good at whatever this-- 145 00:05:28,369 --> 00:05:30,371 Your face-- What-- What are you doing? 146 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:33,791 Nothing. Like my role on this ship. 147 00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:37,920 Well, I hear that it's good news and that you will like it. 148 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,756 - I should take that. - Later. 149 00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,007 See you later. 150 00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,300 What's the good news? 151 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,968 It's not good news, and the boardroom is this way. 152 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,429 Don't patronize me, I know where the fucking boardroom is. 153 00:05:46,429 --> 00:05:47,555 Oh, my God. 154 00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:50,475 Tomorrow, I'm cooking steak in a trouser press. 155 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:54,103 Remember, folks, anything can be a garnish 156 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:55,646 if you're brave enough. 157 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,941 Honey, I'm done filming my show! 158 00:05:58,941 --> 00:06:00,276 It's not a show, Frank. 159 00:06:00,276 --> 00:06:04,072 It's you on a video feed making popcorn with a hairdryer. 160 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:07,241 God, I've been here for months. 161 00:06:07,241 --> 00:06:09,410 When can I leave this cabin? 162 00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,704 You know what? I'm done. 163 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:13,623 I'm done. It's time to get out of here. 164 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:15,208 - What? No! - Let me go and talk to them. 165 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,417 - Honey, you can't! - I can just-- 166 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:17,585 I can beg forgiveness. 167 00:06:17,585 --> 00:06:19,962 I can be very, very humble when I need to be. 168 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,465 Do you remember when I ran over your sister's foot? 169 00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:26,844 Karen, you knocked us off course for eight years. They hate you. 170 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:28,805 - They hate me? - I... 171 00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:32,308 Hate is such a strong word. Uh... 172 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:35,311 Which is why it's so appropriate for how they feel about you. 173 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:37,355 Okay? 174 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:40,316 I have to go bowling with the guys. I'm going to see 175 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,652 if they're still drawing your face on the pins. 176 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,780 ♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 177 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:50,743 Hey, I saw you making them waffles. They looked good. 178 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,078 - Didn't they? - Yeah. 179 00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:53,246 I'm glad you watched. 180 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,956 We got to get you watching, man. Come on. 181 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:01,337 Hey, new faces and some old ones I haven't seen in so long, 182 00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:02,588 they seem like new ones. 183 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,215 Just stop it, will you? We're not buying it. 184 00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:05,341 Buying what? 185 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:06,843 The whole "I don't know what's going on" thing. 186 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,470 Is there something going on, Ryan, that I don't know about? 187 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,056 Judd, shut your bit. Rav, let's hear it. 188 00:07:12,056 --> 00:07:13,432 I've put some numbers into the model, 189 00:07:13,432 --> 00:07:16,352 and the results are... Whoo! 190 00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:20,106 Relax, nobody's gonna shoot you. You're just the messenger. 191 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,316 Oh, I'm sorry, I just get quite nervous when I'm... 192 00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:23,609 ...nervous. 193 00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:25,111 That's an eclectic outfit. 194 00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:27,196 Are you trying to, uh, flummox predators? 195 00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:28,614 All right, well, I arrived on the ship 196 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,782 with a limited wardrobe, 197 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:31,993 so I had to borrow a few items from the deceased. 198 00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:33,661 And technically, it's not even really borrowing 199 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,621 'cause it's unlikely they'll want it back. They're-- 200 00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:37,540 - Rav, the plan. - Sorry, yes, okay. 201 00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,333 Obviously, we're all aware 202 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:42,503 of the food and resources shortage issue. 203 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,921 No. 204 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,090 I'm sorry. I really am dropping it now. 205 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,550 And so... 206 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:49,844 The passengers will be split into two groups. 207 00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,470 The first group... 208 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:54,724 the Guaranteed... 209 00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,143 will be fed. 210 00:07:58,477 --> 00:08:01,814 The second group will be given a chance to... 211 00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:04,192 manifest their own... 212 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:06,444 destiny... 213 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:09,864 sealed below deck. 214 00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,284 What? 215 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,036 That's it? That's your plan? 216 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,705 That we turn half the passengers into a screaming, 217 00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:19,373 underfloor heating system? 218 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:22,418 Oh, this is going to put a stain on my record. 219 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:25,171 We would obviously provide them with some initial supplies, 220 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:28,341 seeds, sourdough cultures, a urine filtration system. 221 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,344 And then to benefit the mental health 222 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:36,682 of the Guaranteed, we would cease all communication with... 223 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,603 - the Pioneers. - "Pioneers"? 224 00:08:40,603 --> 00:08:43,231 What-- Pioneers of what? Pop-up cemeteries? 225 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,066 Okay, if you could just take some of that rage 226 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:46,859 and direct it towards the model. 227 00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,194 Did you know about this? 228 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:51,614 I knew that we would have to make some difficult decisions. 229 00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,325 I just didn't know it'd be explained with stickers. 230 00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:55,743 Why would people do this? 231 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:58,079 Uh, you said there'd be no judgement here. 232 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,706 That was before you suggested industrial slaughter. 233 00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:03,251 I have a question. What the fuck? 234 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,670 Look, I don't like this, but something's got to give. 235 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,339 - It's either die or die. - I vote against Rav's plan. 236 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,926 Okay, but yeah, let's not call Rav's plan "Rav's Plan." 237 00:09:11,926 --> 00:09:14,178 - Okay, stop saying "Rav's plan." - What would you prefer? 238 00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:17,056 "Rav Mulcair's Festival of Murder"? 239 00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:20,768 Look, is it not better that half of us die quickly 240 00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,770 than that all of us starve slowly, 241 00:09:22,770 --> 00:09:24,981 - just to play devil's advocate? - And that's okay, is it? 242 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,941 Advocating for the devil. I'm not sure if you're aware, 243 00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,986 Matt, but the devil's generally agreed to be a bad egg. 244 00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,487 Well, thanks, Rav. 245 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:33,281 Turns out it's not so easy, is it? 246 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:34,991 Raining blood on people's dreams? 247 00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,492 You're gonna have to tell them 248 00:09:36,492 --> 00:09:38,369 we're not going home in a month, Ryan. 249 00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,997 Yes, that is something I do know. 250 00:09:40,997 --> 00:09:43,666 Not going to do it. You can't make me tell them. 251 00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,668 I'm going to go and gargle some bleach now, 252 00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,503 so my voice box packs in. 253 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,338 No, that will actually kill you. 254 00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:50,631 Added bonus. 255 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:55,052 ♪ (MAJESTIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 256 00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:58,681 If these are the Heavens, Mr. Judd, are we then gods? 257 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:02,351 Or stardust returning home? 258 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,020 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 259 00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:06,856 After a freak accident, Avenue 5 is stuck in space, 260 00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:09,817 but a new streaming drama imagining life on the ship 261 00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,236 is fuckin' hella trending. 262 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:16,991 Iris, turn around. Talk to me. Let me see your lying face! 263 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,076 Is that what you wanted? 264 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,038 Who are you? 265 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:24,999 Now, we're gonna meet a real-life survivor 266 00:10:24,999 --> 00:10:29,628 and all-around girly boss bad bitch, Iris Kimura. 267 00:10:29,628 --> 00:10:30,755 {\an8}- Whoo! - ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 268 00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,214 {\an8}- Hi, Dawn. - Come on, some love! 269 00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:34,508 {\an8}Whoo-hoo! Whoo! 270 00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:36,719 Your cough is the best. 271 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,472 {\an8}The government has abandoned us, and we need your-- 272 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,931 {\an8}- Iris, spill the tea. - Yeah. 273 00:10:40,931 --> 00:10:45,478 {\an8}Is the real Avenue 5 anything like this new streaming drama? 274 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:48,356 {\an8}Well, the real captain has a beard. 275 00:10:48,356 --> 00:10:51,025 {\an8} And, uh, I'm here. 276 00:10:51,025 --> 00:10:53,069 {\an8}- Yeah. - You know, not in space, uh-- 277 00:10:53,069 --> 00:10:54,487 {\an8}DALAI LAME-ASS: I don't get it. 278 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,989 {\an8}But-- but more importantly, the government has abandoned us, 279 00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:59,033 {\an8}- and we need-- - Don't fuck off while she's talking. 280 00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,326 {\an8}Stick around. In thirty minutes, 281 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,703 {\an8}I will be unpacking a suitcase I found on my driveway. 282 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,080 I love suitcases. 283 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,539 {\an8}Back to Iris. 284 00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,292 {\an8}Uh, yes, the-- the government has abandoned us, 285 00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,627 {\an8}so we need to fund a-- 286 00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,295 {\an8}JOHN-THE-BAP-FIST: Fuck the government. 287 00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:14,882 {\an8}Yes, John-The-Bap-Fist, uh, I'm here to raise awareness, 288 00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:17,676 {\an8}- by which I mean money. And-- - Show us your feet. 289 00:11:17,676 --> 00:11:19,762 {\an8}Really? Are they gonna keep interrupting every time-- 290 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:21,514 {\an8}Why are the comms down, Iris? 291 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,391 {\an8}- I-- I don't know. - Spit it, sister. 292 00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,725 {\an8}Well, because the comms are down, 293 00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:26,435 {\an8}- I don't-- It's hard to-- - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 294 00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:28,020 Why doesn't her face move? 295 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,438 I can move my face. 296 00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:30,606 {\an8}- Show 'em, Iris. - No. 297 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,149 {\an8}Do it. 298 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:33,901 {\an8}Will she take the cheese cracker challenge then? 299 00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,069 {\an8}- Yes. - No. No. 300 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,737 {\an8}How are the passengers coping with the news 301 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:38,197 {\an8}they're stuck for eight years? 302 00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:39,740 Did they freak the fuck out? 303 00:11:40,908 --> 00:11:43,953 {\an8}They took it with dignity, StinkyRick. 304 00:11:43,953 --> 00:11:46,247 {\an8}I mean, I imagine. I wasn't there. 305 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:48,499 {\an8}And also, the comms are down. 306 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,501 {\an8}Right, but they know they're stuck for eight years. 307 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,836 {\an8}They-- they have been told. 308 00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,088 ♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪ 309 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:57,299 {\an8}Should we do the, uh, just do the cracker challenge now, 310 00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:59,301 {\an8}- get it over with? - She wants those crackers. 311 00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:02,471 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ 312 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:05,057 {\an8}Question one. If you could go back in time 313 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:06,517 {\an8}and murder one historical figure, 314 00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:07,643 {\an8}who would it be? 315 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,062 {\an8}Jay Leno. 316 00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,439 ♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 317 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,149 I mean, you can only work with the options you're given. 318 00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,067 Mass death or selective death. 319 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,652 There's no vegan option. I'm sorry. 320 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,529 But I do think we owe it to the passengers 321 00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:20,197 to prepare them for the possibility 322 00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:21,907 - that it's gonna be eight years. - No. 323 00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:24,785 - Let's utterly not do that. - Yeah, I'm going to. 324 00:12:24,785 --> 00:12:27,455 What the shaved dickens are you doing? 325 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:29,623 - Sir, hey. - No! 326 00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,542 We are doing a little survey of the passengers... 327 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:32,835 - Hi. - ...about what they are 328 00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:34,712 least looking forward to back on Earth. 329 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,172 There's nothing I'm not looking forward to. 330 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,008 I hate it up here. Breathing recycled farts. 331 00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,010 Well, that was a lovely chat. Let's go. 332 00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:42,595 No, no, no. Come on, come on. 333 00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,597 Maybe there's a coworker you work with, right? 334 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,849 Where you think, "Ugh, if I didn't see that prick again 335 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:49,059 for eight years, that would be perfect." 336 00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:51,604 What? Eight years? That's a crazy number. 337 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:52,897 Sorry, what is this? 338 00:12:52,897 --> 00:12:56,859 This? This is just a short, one-question hypothetical. 339 00:12:56,859 --> 00:12:58,652 That was great feedback. 340 00:12:58,652 --> 00:13:00,029 Oh, you want some feedback? 341 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,864 The kettle in my cabin stopped whistling. 342 00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:04,992 It just splutters like a sea otter being choked out. 343 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:06,827 Um, so there's a suggestion box 344 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:09,288 - on, um, deck five. -'Course there is. 345 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,748 - Off you go. - Thanks. 346 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,833 The dumpling mold is the pocket of your pants. 347 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:14,835 Just make sure you're not wearing the pants. 348 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:17,213 Hey, Rav, what if we used Frank 349 00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,632 to tell the passengers about the eight years? 350 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,301 Frank, the guy who made a haggis in a condom? 351 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,427 Yeah, it was delicious. 352 00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:26,305 His show has reach, right? We could use him 353 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:29,850 to help the passengers acclimate to the coming blunder-fuck. 354 00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:31,268 ♪ (TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 355 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,604 - Sorry about earlier - Which earlier? 356 00:13:33,604 --> 00:13:35,648 Yeah, good point. All of them, I suppose. 357 00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:38,234 Everything all right with the eels? 358 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,528 Apart from the fact that we get all our food from them. 359 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,279 Yeah, they're still not reproducing at the rate 360 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,364 that we need them to, 361 00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:46,367 so we may have to stimulate reproduction. 362 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:48,786 Manually? Like-- like they do with horses? 363 00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,788 Yeah, not totally out of the question. 364 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,331 No, I would say that it is, 365 00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:54,875 but that's because I'd always imagined my fate hinging 366 00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:57,086 on something nobler than wanking an eel. 367 00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,295 But there you go. 368 00:13:58,754 --> 00:13:59,797 Life is pain. 369 00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:02,675 I've got to go and tell the passengers. 370 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:03,968 - You're what? - Yep. 371 00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:05,844 I'm going to tell them that we're not going to get home 372 00:14:05,844 --> 00:14:07,763 - for eight years. - Really? 373 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,057 You're gonna do it? You-- You-- You're gonna tell them? 374 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:12,268 I am resisting with every fiber of my being, 375 00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:14,478 which is how I know it's the right thing to do. 376 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,274 Wow, that could be a mob. 377 00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,276 Sweetie, you should go hide in the bathroom. 378 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,487 Nice. Put the troll back in the cave. 379 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:24,572 - Hi. - Hey. 380 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:25,906 Bit of an urgent situation. 381 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,367 We were wondering if you would do some public outreach work 382 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:29,910 for us on your show. 383 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,954 Consider it done, of course. Yeah, happy to. 384 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,122 - Well, thank you. - Yeah, um-- 385 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,082 Hold on, why would you wanna use Frank? 386 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:37,835 - Oh, God. - I mean, his audience must be tiny, 387 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:40,004 and I'm guessing most of them watch it on mute, so... 388 00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,380 All right, sweetie, why don't you 389 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,174 maybe go take a nap or write in your penance journal. 390 00:14:44,174 --> 00:14:45,217 Okay? 391 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:47,595 Okay, the-- the passengers love Frank, 392 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:49,722 so we can use that to tell the people 393 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:52,016 that it's gonna be eight years till we're back to Earth. 394 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:54,727 Everyone knows we're eight years from Earth. 395 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,604 I mean, why would you pick at that scab? 396 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,647 Exactly, that's why we need Frank to soften-- 397 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:00,691 - Wait, sorry. - I'm sorry? 398 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,943 - You think the passengers know? - Of course they know. 399 00:15:02,943 --> 00:15:04,987 That's why Frank's bricked me up in here, 400 00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,781 -'cause everybody blames me. - Oh, my God. 401 00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:09,908 - Hmm. - You kept her in here? 402 00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,785 Uh, kept-- kept is-- That's a strong word. 403 00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,204 It's-- it's like a shrouding. 404 00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,414 Wait a minute. 405 00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:18,334 The passengers don't know? Ryan hasn't told them yet? 406 00:15:18,334 --> 00:15:20,961 No, they think we're four weeks from Earth because of you. 407 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,464 Karen, you could be out there living like a GI 408 00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:26,425 who liberated Paris right now with garlands of flowers 409 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:27,801 and multiple STDs. 410 00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:30,137 You told me 411 00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:33,807 that I couldn't leave the cabin because the passengers wanted 412 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:36,560 to use my sphincter as a hockey puck. 413 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,687 - Ooh. - I was protecting her. 414 00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:39,855 It's like, you know, 415 00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:41,857 sometimes the best way of protecting someone 416 00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:45,069 - is by subjugating them. - Oh, Frank. 417 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:47,988 Okay, but, Frank, the vow is "to have and to hold," right? 418 00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,574 - Not "hold hostage." - It's always the quiet ones. 419 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,409 I just had the chance to be me. 420 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,495 - What? - I know now that that was wrong. 421 00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:57,331 I have to tell these guys the truth. 422 00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,083 - Everybody needs to know. - No! No, no, no. 423 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,501 No, look, I don't deal well with chaos! 424 00:16:00,501 --> 00:16:02,461 Um, please, can somebody get me a weighted blanket 425 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,545 and a red inhaler? 426 00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:05,714 You're gonna be inhaling my red fist... 427 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:09,301 ...if somebody doesn't bring me Captain Ryan 428 00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,762 - right here, right now! - Help. 429 00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,806 Wow, I am so proud of you. 430 00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,057 Well, that's a first. 431 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:18,310 Yeah, it's like watching my child learn how to walk. 432 00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:19,728 But how you gonna tell 'em? 433 00:16:19,728 --> 00:16:22,231 Uh, I was thinking very badly. 434 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,566 No, no, no. Come on. You're gonna be great. 435 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,193 You want to rehearse the whole thing with me? 436 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:29,446 No thanks. You don't rehearse expelling kidney stones. 437 00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:32,199 No, I just, uh, I've got to go in there and just do it. 438 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,535 Yes. You just got to do it. You just got to take the leap, 439 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:36,495 - and you got to just do it! - I'm going to do it! 440 00:16:36,495 --> 00:16:38,330 You tell the truth, and you make me proud! 441 00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,915 - I'm gonna make myself proud. - Yes. 442 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,917 I'm gonna confront all my weaknesses. 443 00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:44,086 All previous wrongs will be corrected. 444 00:16:44,086 --> 00:16:45,754 Karen has entered the game. 445 00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,840 After I've dealt with this. 446 00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:53,053 ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 447 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:57,307 - What is it, Iris? - Is this love? What we have? 448 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,437 If love is mostly darkness, yes. 449 00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:03,772 ♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES OVER TV) ♪ 450 00:17:03,772 --> 00:17:05,190 Oh. 451 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:07,234 Uh, we saw the interview. 452 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,402 {\an8}Fun, right? 453 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:10,738 {\an8}You don't think the lighting made me look severe? 454 00:17:10,738 --> 00:17:12,614 {\an8}- Uh... - Yeah, just put it down there. 455 00:17:12,614 --> 00:17:13,699 Can I help you? 456 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,200 Uh, no, I'm good. 457 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,330 Oh, God, that is-- that is well gone. 458 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,291 Get me a ginger snap and an update. 459 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,918 Okay, take the science project and go home. 460 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:28,547 I say home. I assume wherever you sleep has a license plate. 461 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:31,842 Okay, first up, I'm here to fix the delay with the ship's comms. 462 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:33,927 I like the delay. 463 00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:36,764 This is an algorithm generator. It analyses your chat profile 464 00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:38,515 to accurately predict what you're going to say, 465 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:39,641 and then says it. 466 00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:41,310 All you need is a big enough user data set. 467 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,644 So, if you'd pass me your tablet? 468 00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:44,688 - Under no circumstances. - Okay, give me your tablet. 469 00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,982 Absolutely. There you are. 470 00:17:46,982 --> 00:17:48,317 What are you-- 471 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,444 See, it now knows enough about Alan 472 00:17:50,444 --> 00:17:53,030 to predict how he'll respond in any situation. 473 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:55,491 Try it. Have a chat. 474 00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:56,784 I don't chat with Alan. 475 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,786 Oh, go on. Cross something off your bucket list. 476 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:03,665 Hi. 477 00:18:03,665 --> 00:18:05,793 That's it? Hi? 478 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,503 How are you? 479 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,671 Uh, nervous. 480 00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:11,882 Anything else to say for yourself? 481 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,926 Yes. Can I go now? 482 00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,679 That was uncanny. 483 00:18:17,679 --> 00:18:19,681 Except I would have started with "Can I go now?" 484 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:20,933 Right. 485 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,559 What is that, your victim's ears? 486 00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:25,145 Ah, there it is. 487 00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:26,980 You're from the Office of the Other President? 488 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:30,234 TOTOPOTUS, yeah. You'd think I'd buy a nicer tie. 489 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,194 I'm just, uh, accessing the ship's comms. 490 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,987 - Uh, uh, no-- - Um... 491 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,781 Yep. As I thought. 492 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:39,743 Someone, I'm guessing you and Judd, turned off comms. 493 00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:41,161 You're not authorized to think that. 494 00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:43,247 So those passengers, they don't know they're marooned 495 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:47,459 in space for eight years. Well, this is a ball ache. 496 00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,879 I think you need to go, now, to hell. 497 00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,130 On behalf of TOTOPOTUS, 498 00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,841 I'm commandeering your operation. 499 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,176 The room is ours. 500 00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:57,594 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 501 00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:59,221 Uh... 502 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:00,389 - Up, up, up. - No, no. 503 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:03,392 Yeah, just, uh, harvest it. Take it all. 504 00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:06,687 Hey! Those are our wires! You don't deserve them! 505 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,355 Oh, no, they're mine now. 506 00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:10,148 And I'm reopening comms with Avenue 5. 507 00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:12,901 So you've got 30 minutes until showtime. 508 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:16,697 And this is the bridge, I think. 509 00:19:16,697 --> 00:19:19,366 I don't actually know. I've never been here before. 510 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:21,410 Oh. What's the maximum speed of this craft? 511 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,036 Good question. What a good question. 512 00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:25,414 And one I wish I could answer, but I feel like it would be 513 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,666 culturally insensitive to our captain, 514 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:31,628 Captain Ryan, who is in charge of this ship and this voyage 515 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,755 and any changes that happen to the voyage 516 00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:37,259 that cannot be known by us, or specifically by me. 517 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:39,094 - Okay? You getting all that? - I think so. 518 00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:40,637 What is that? What do-- 519 00:19:40,637 --> 00:19:42,055 How do I get rid of this? 520 00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:43,891 - Iris? - It's me. 521 00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,934 Got some new tech to fix the delay. 522 00:19:45,934 --> 00:19:48,186 Predicts your speech by collating everything you ever said, 523 00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:49,646 then predicts what you're gonna say. 524 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:53,650 Cool. Um, how much money do I have left? Please say lots. 525 00:19:53,650 --> 00:19:55,193 You have enough to eat. Be happy. 526 00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:56,403 Welcome back, Iris. 527 00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:58,113 Restoring smart-seat to your default settings. 528 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,157 Are you calling me from the toilet? 529 00:20:00,157 --> 00:20:01,867 When I do that, I'm a goddamn animal. 530 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,953 The Office of the Other POTUS know we've been blocking the comms. 531 00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:05,913 What? 532 00:20:05,913 --> 00:20:07,039 They're switching them back on. 533 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,374 And I'm calling you from, not during. 534 00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,209 Your pH levels are normal. 535 00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:12,294 Oh, that's ironic, 536 00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,837 since you're kind of acidic as a person. 537 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:15,297 Wait. You've been blocking the comms? 538 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,548 Ryan needs to tell everyone 539 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:18,258 they're stuck up there for eight years. 540 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:19,426 We're not almost home? 541 00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:21,470 Oh, shit, she's not supposed to know that. 542 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:23,889 Oh, that's not me confirming the information, by the way. 543 00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,058 But they need to be told in a sensitive way. 544 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,309 That's great. You mean like this? 545 00:20:27,309 --> 00:20:28,435 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 546 00:20:28,435 --> 00:20:29,811 Hey, Cap! When we're home, 547 00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:32,272 I'm getting a tattoo of you on my glute. 548 00:20:32,272 --> 00:20:34,107 That is so humbling. 549 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:36,610 Hey. Whoa, Captain, where's the fire? 550 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:39,613 Uh... Oh, Spike, can you give these guys 551 00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,698 a VIP tour of the bridge? Would that be okay? 552 00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:44,868 For sure. Come on. Let's go eat space! 553 00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:47,120 Are you delegating spending time with us? 554 00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,247 - No. - Yeah. 555 00:20:49,247 --> 00:20:51,041 Spike is the best... 556 00:20:52,125 --> 00:20:53,293 that we have. 557 00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,588 She said eight years. 558 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:59,341 No, I think you misheard. I believe she said eight... 559 00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:01,301 Eight ears. She had eight ears. 560 00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:03,303 His English is not good English. 561 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,930 I heard what she said, and that wasn't it. 562 00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,265 She's a hologram. She's not a real person, by definition. 563 00:21:07,265 --> 00:21:09,935 - Okay, but I definitely heard her say-- - She's not a real person. 564 00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,728 You guys don't want to watch an argument about reality. 565 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,897 - Let's check out something cooler. - Is there gonna be a fight? 566 00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,565 Well, if there is, we do not have tickets. 567 00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:18,318 Hey, kids, how about some hot chocolate with sprinkles? 568 00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:20,612 Hmm? Man, I wish we had some. 569 00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:25,367 Ryan, is it true? 570 00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:29,037 That nobody knows we're here for eight years? 571 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:32,749 See, I-- I thought I was doing the passengers a service. 572 00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:34,209 They've had five months 573 00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,836 in a state of blissful ignorance. 574 00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,462 How could you do that to me 575 00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:39,798 after all we've been through together? 576 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,550 We haven't been through anything together. 577 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:42,676 Exactly. 578 00:21:46,054 --> 00:21:49,307 You are a small, small man. 579 00:21:51,143 --> 00:21:53,437 And I am going to grate you... 580 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:55,856 like a nutmeg. 581 00:21:55,856 --> 00:21:58,692 Honey, what are you-- No, no! 582 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,402 - Um, do something. - Nah, um... 583 00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,653 No! 584 00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:03,113 - No, no. - Go on. You're a captain. 585 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,615 If you can marry people, you can restrain them as well. 586 00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:08,577 That's-- None of that. No, Karen, Karen, Karen. 587 00:22:08,577 --> 00:22:09,995 Oh! 588 00:22:10,787 --> 00:22:12,205 - Foot! - Eff your foot. 589 00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:14,374 Dig deep, sister. This is your time. 590 00:22:14,374 --> 00:22:16,835 - Whose side are you on? - The winner's. 591 00:22:16,835 --> 00:22:19,087 Always the winner's. 592 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:21,798 Do we have any tranquilizers? She needs tranq-ing! 593 00:22:21,798 --> 00:22:23,925 Let this take place. This needs to happen. 594 00:22:23,925 --> 00:22:26,094 Karen, don't-- don't-- 595 00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:34,311 He trapped me, Ryan, like a hog in a pen. 596 00:22:38,398 --> 00:22:41,318 Is she crying or orgasming? 597 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,362 Is she asleep? 598 00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:45,697 Just stay focused because there may be 599 00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:47,491 an anaconda squeeze coming. 600 00:22:47,491 --> 00:22:49,576 Okay, kids, uh, listen, 601 00:22:49,576 --> 00:22:52,496 same rules as life drawing class. 602 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:53,789 You look, don't touch. 603 00:22:53,789 --> 00:22:55,290 Well, I like what you've done with the place, 604 00:22:55,290 --> 00:22:57,542 which seems to be to cover it in dirt. 605 00:22:57,542 --> 00:22:59,669 Yeah, we're going for a subtle layered look. 606 00:22:59,669 --> 00:23:01,171 Uh, guys? Spike? 607 00:23:01,171 --> 00:23:03,048 I didn't know we were running a daycare. 608 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,716 No, actually, the captain organized us 609 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:05,967 a little tour, so... 610 00:23:05,967 --> 00:23:08,637 Oh, that's-- They're playing with all the buttons. Nope. 611 00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:10,514 No, no, no. No. 612 00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:16,645 She's locked it. 613 00:23:16,645 --> 00:23:18,563 - Oh, like when you locked Daddy's car, remember? - Right. 614 00:23:18,563 --> 00:23:20,899 And she's-- What? She-- she's-- 615 00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:22,901 - She switched our course. - She's what? 616 00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:24,236 She switched our course. 617 00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:25,278 - Where to? - She's-- 618 00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:26,446 Still Earth. Please say still Earth. 619 00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:28,115 Is it "bad" bad? 620 00:23:28,115 --> 00:23:29,866 No, Spike, it is much, much worse. 621 00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:33,120 Okay, I think we're gonna go, so let's say thank you. 622 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,455 - Thanks. - Thank you. Gracias. 623 00:23:35,455 --> 00:23:37,082 Thanks, kids! See you in hell! 624 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,875 This is exactly why I don't want children! 625 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,418 Can we use, uh, the old fuel-burn... 626 00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:41,837 - Uh... - ...get back in the old course? 627 00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:44,464 Uh, well, we've got-- That's six fuel burns left. 628 00:23:44,464 --> 00:23:45,841 So, we use one to get back... 629 00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:48,844 No, we'll be 400 years old by the time we get home. 630 00:23:48,844 --> 00:23:50,804 We're just gonna have to go with the new course. 631 00:23:54,432 --> 00:23:56,226 There he is. Ryan! Hey! 632 00:23:56,226 --> 00:23:59,980 Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! Ryan! 633 00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:02,023 - Four more weeks! - Okay, okay. 634 00:24:02,023 --> 00:24:04,067 - Four more weeks! - All right, all right. 635 00:24:04,067 --> 00:24:05,652 All right, look. Ladies and gentlemen, 636 00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:08,655 I do have an announcement. 637 00:24:08,655 --> 00:24:12,659 Uh, it appears that we may not be returning 638 00:24:12,659 --> 00:24:16,580 to Earth for a considerable number of months. 639 00:24:16,580 --> 00:24:19,332 Oh! See? You see? 640 00:24:19,332 --> 00:24:21,376 How long have you known that, you bag of shit? 641 00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:23,920 We're heading towards the Sun! 642 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,881 We're headed towards the Sun. 643 00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:27,382 - What? - That's the spirit! 644 00:24:27,382 --> 00:24:29,217 Whoo! We're heading for the Sun! 645 00:24:29,217 --> 00:24:30,385 Walking on sunshine, baby! 646 00:24:30,385 --> 00:24:32,512 No, no, no. It's not a-- a euphemism. 647 00:24:32,512 --> 00:24:35,348 We are actually heading towards the actual Sun. 648 00:24:35,348 --> 00:24:36,600 Oh, fuck. 649 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,476 What do you mean, the-- You mean the Sun? 650 00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:40,228 - Yes, the-- - The hot one? The one in the sky? 651 00:24:40,228 --> 00:24:41,396 - That one? - Yes, that one. Yes. 652 00:24:41,396 --> 00:24:42,564 We're heading for the Sun! 653 00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:44,065 Look, can we just-- 654 00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:46,318 Can we just park the Sun news momentarily? 655 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:47,777 I realize that's a big ask, but-- 656 00:24:47,777 --> 00:24:51,198 What else have you been keeping from us, you preppy cocksucker? 657 00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:52,532 You drove us into the Sun! 658 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:54,492 - That was not me! - How could you miss it? 659 00:24:54,492 --> 00:24:56,411 Spike! 'Cause Spike was at the wheel. 660 00:24:56,411 --> 00:24:59,206 - I'm no snitch, but, uh... - It was my sister's fault! 661 00:24:59,206 --> 00:25:00,457 Raf, cállate! 662 00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:02,000 Your kids are gonna kill us! 663 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,836 Get that stunted shit out of the ship! 664 00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:07,589 Lock her up! 665 00:25:09,007 --> 00:25:12,052 I always knew I'd be killed by a child. 666 00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:14,846 Look, look, whatever-- whatever happens, 667 00:25:14,846 --> 00:25:18,266 I promise you everything will be okay. 668 00:25:18,266 --> 00:25:19,935 Warning. 669 00:25:19,935 --> 00:25:24,356 Warning. Warning. Warning. 670 00:25:24,356 --> 00:25:27,567 Oh, shit. We should probably, um... 671 00:25:27,567 --> 00:25:28,944 - Take a cold shower? - No. 672 00:25:28,944 --> 00:25:30,111 - No? - No. Run. 673 00:25:30,111 --> 00:25:33,240 Uh, there's a real language barrier here. 674 00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:35,408 I promise you, I-- your safety, 675 00:25:35,408 --> 00:25:38,370 the safety of your kids, is my number one priority. 676 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:40,914 Oh, you're our hero. 677 00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:42,290 - Who are you? - I'm Charles. 678 00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:43,416 I'm just her husband. 679 00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:45,961 And I-- I hope I'm your top priority as well. 680 00:25:45,961 --> 00:25:48,255 You-- you said he jumped ship. 681 00:25:48,255 --> 00:25:49,464 I mean, not literally. 682 00:25:49,464 --> 00:25:52,342 I-- I'm sorry. I should've-- I should have told you. 683 00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:54,761 Wow. You are both so spineless. 684 00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:56,346 The sex must be amazing. 685 00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:57,472 Come on, kids. 686 00:25:57,472 --> 00:26:00,517 So, um, we are gonna have a conversation. Yes? 687 00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:01,893 - Huh? - Yes. 688 00:26:04,604 --> 00:26:07,524 Well, I am glad that you finally know about Charles 689 00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:09,901 because... ...really, that was killing us. 690 00:26:11,194 --> 00:26:13,530 What do you mean "us"? What us? 691 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:18,326 Why didn't you tell me? 692 00:26:18,326 --> 00:26:21,454 Oh, please, pot-calling-kettle-fuck. 693 00:26:21,454 --> 00:26:22,622 You didn't tell the passengers 694 00:26:22,622 --> 00:26:23,957 that we're up here for eight years. 695 00:26:23,957 --> 00:26:25,792 I was doing it! What did you think I was doing? 696 00:26:25,792 --> 00:26:27,127 Yeah, but you didn't quite manage it, 697 00:26:27,127 --> 00:26:28,837 - did you? We all have secrets. - I was doing it 698 00:26:28,837 --> 00:26:30,839 when you came running in with this whole Sun thing. 699 00:26:30,839 --> 00:26:33,633 Hello, Avenue 5! This is mission control. 700 00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:36,052 Comms are back up. Is everything okay? 701 00:26:36,052 --> 00:26:39,306 Yeah. Everything's fine. 702 00:26:39,306 --> 00:26:41,433 Just one small issue. 703 00:26:41,433 --> 00:26:45,478 Okay. Everyone here has your best interests at heart. 704 00:26:45,478 --> 00:26:49,899 Mission control. Families. The list is endless. 705 00:26:51,568 --> 00:26:52,777 All right. That's enough. 706 00:26:54,529 --> 00:26:58,992 Did he say "small issue"? What small issue? 707 00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:01,077 Well, I guess it's space-related. 708 00:27:01,077 --> 00:27:03,496 Okay, you two, can we lose Hansel and Gretel? 709 00:27:03,496 --> 00:27:05,040 ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 710 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,249 Tut, tut, tut. 711 00:27:09,294 --> 00:27:10,337 You can stay. 712 00:27:12,380 --> 00:27:14,215 A dangerous situation 713 00:27:14,215 --> 00:27:16,051 is being taken under control. 714 00:27:16,051 --> 00:27:19,971 Warning. Do not panic. Stay calm. 715 00:27:19,971 --> 00:27:23,767 {\an8}A dangerous situation is being taken under control. 716 00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:27,228 {\an8}Warning. Warning. 717 00:27:27,228 --> 00:27:30,815 Stay calm. A dangerous situation is being... 718 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:36,780 ♪ (ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 719 00:28:01,638 --> 00:28:05,266 ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 720 00:28:25,328 --> 00:28:28,581 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪