1 00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:03,133 Has anyone seen the other half of my tuna melt? 2 00:00:03,133 --> 00:00:04,265 I was gonna eat it for dinner. 3 00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:06,049 - It's not in the fridge? - No. It was, 4 00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,008 but now it's filled with these eye masks? 5 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,314 Don't touch those. They're for my next shipment for my customers. 6 00:00:10,314 --> 00:00:12,925 Those bad boys stay cool for 11 hours on the face. 7 00:00:12,925 --> 00:00:15,058 And that's the Ava "Cold-man" guarantee. 8 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:16,668 Well, where's my sandwich? 9 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:19,019 Over on the window sill with the milk and the mayonnaise. 10 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,716 Janine: Oh. 11 00:00:20,716 --> 00:00:22,631 How long has it been sitting in the sun? 12 00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:24,372 I don't know. I'm not a weatherman. 13 00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:26,896 Janine, I've told you my Zimbabwe tapeworm story 14 00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:29,029 enough times for you to know not to eat that, right? 15 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,031 Jacob, you can just say "tapeworm story." 16 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,380 We know where you were. 17 00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,947 Well, good, 'cause it's relevant to the story. 18 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,080 [ Door opens ] Hey, Ava! 19 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,821 Thanks for using all the printer paper 20 00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:40,779 - to make your dumb fliers. - Ava: Don't thank me. 21 00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:42,825 Thank the trees that laid down their lives. 22 00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,392 They're the heroes. 23 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:48,700 Ava Cold-man's Pop Out Pop-Up: The Mask Stays On? 24 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,442 The hell even is this? A-Another pyramid scheme? 25 00:00:51,442 --> 00:00:53,618 It's only a scheme if you're at the bottom of the pyramid, 26 00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,273 and obviously... I'm a top. 27 00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,884 They're for my launch party. The future is eye masks. 28 00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:00,669 The future is gonna be unemployment 29 00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:02,497 if you don't quit scamming the school. 30 00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:04,412 I mean, at least replace the paper. 31 00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,501 I had to print a test for my kids for tomorrow. 32 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,807 All y'all do is complain. Damn! 33 00:01:08,807 --> 00:01:11,810 "Ava hogging the refrigerator. Ava used all the printer paper. 34 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:13,682 Ava forgot to sign our paychecks last week." 35 00:01:13,682 --> 00:01:15,423 You forgot to sign our paychecks?! 36 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,816 Yes! Why do I have to say things twice? 37 00:01:17,816 --> 00:01:20,471 Look, you teachers only have one class to worry about. 38 00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:23,126 I have a whole school. Do you ever hear me complain? 39 00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,302 - Literally all the time. - And I deserve to. 40 00:01:25,302 --> 00:01:27,043 My job is really hard. 41 00:01:27,043 --> 00:01:28,697 I don't see any of y'all trying to be principal! 42 00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:31,830 You know what? 43 00:01:31,830 --> 00:01:34,790 This is actually pretty good. 44 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:38,141 The sun heated it up for me. Nature's microwave. 45 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:40,448 [ Maker's "Hold'em" playing ] 46 00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:50,501 ♪ 47 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:55,158 "Eye mask smelled like old fridge and stale condiments, 48 00:01:55,158 --> 00:01:56,290 but I'll still buy again." 49 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,769 Okay. I'll take that. 50 00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:02,426 [ Cellphone rings ] Ugh. 51 00:02:02,426 --> 00:02:03,993 "Reduced puffiness." 52 00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:06,126 I'm about to retire from this bitch. 53 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,128 [ Cellphone rings ] Ugh! 54 00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,781 "Gave me freezer burn." 55 00:02:09,781 --> 00:02:11,305 Must be user error. 56 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,959 [ Cellphone rings ][ Groans ] 57 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,179 What do you want? I'm not doing jury duty. 58 00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,703 Ava, it's Janine. Do you not have my number saved? 59 00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:20,401 Of course not. What if I meet a better Janine? 60 00:02:20,401 --> 00:02:22,664 Okay, look, I might be a little bit late. 61 00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:26,189 That tuna melt you left out, it's, um, not sitting well. 62 00:02:26,189 --> 00:02:27,756 Get to the point, Janine. Wrap it up! 63 00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:30,759 Oh, God. Please don't do that with your phone. 64 00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,414 Ohh.[ Vomits] 65 00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:35,198 Well, sounds like you got it all out. 66 00:02:35,198 --> 00:02:37,461 I'll see you in an hour. Oh, no. Wait. 67 00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:40,812 I think, um-- I think I might, uh-- 68 00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,292 I don't think I'm gonna be able to come in today. 69 00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,512 So dramatic. Next time, start with that. 70 00:02:44,512 --> 00:02:47,210 Look, I have a binder I keep for subs. It has ev-- 71 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:49,995 Venus, call in a sub for Ms. Teagues' class. 72 00:02:49,995 --> 00:02:52,520 Preferably male. 6'2", 6'3" in boots. 73 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,870 A Gregory Eddie type. Headshots if you got 'em. 74 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:57,046 Ava, there's a county-wide sub shortage. 75 00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,048 It was in the memo the district sent last week. 76 00:02:59,048 --> 00:03:01,181 What? I have no record of that. 77 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,576 It says, "Attention Principal Coleman. 78 00:03:05,576 --> 00:03:07,752 Urgent. Must Read."They all say that. 79 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:10,799 This one says you should have a backup plan! 80 00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:12,801 Well, I hope you have a backup plan talking to me like that, 81 00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:15,151 'cause you're fired. 82 00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:16,848 She fires me once a week. 83 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:18,241 [ Faint buzzing ] 84 00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:21,418 It's so quiet, you can hear the fluorescent lights. 85 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:24,160 It is such a magical morning. 86 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,988 - You could hear a wig drop. - Hm. 87 00:03:25,988 --> 00:03:28,077 [ Door opens ] Janine has food poisoning! 88 00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:29,600 - Ah. And there it is. - That's it. 89 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,559 That's why it's so quiet in here. Uh-huh. 90 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,604 I mean, that's so sad about Janine. 91 00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:34,649 I know. 92 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,738 [ Tasha sighs ] Oh, hey, Tasha. 93 00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:40,263 Hey. Just wanna sit here and decompress, you know? 94 00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,483 Rough ride in? No. 95 00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:44,485 I just-- you know, I used to love sitting here 96 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:47,357 until a certain Cathy got a little too chatty for my tastes. 97 00:03:47,357 --> 00:03:50,708 Well.[ Chuckles ] Well, "Cathy" is a hilarious comic strip, 98 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,145 and Janine is a hilarious coworker. 99 00:03:53,145 --> 00:03:55,147 I think the word "hilarious" is doing a lot of work 100 00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:56,148 in that sentence. 101 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,281 [ Laughter ] Okay, guys, guys. 102 00:03:58,281 --> 00:04:01,284 Janine puts gas in the conversation tank, okay? 103 00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,460 She-- She starts the dialogue engine. 104 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:06,202 Well, I like to live my life by the acronym WAIT-- 105 00:04:06,202 --> 00:04:08,160 Why Am I Talking? 106 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,814 - [ Laughs ] - Yes. 107 00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:11,251 Melissa: Yeah! 108 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,775 See, I wish my boyfriend lived by that during the game. 109 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:15,255 I'd quit chucking the remote at his head. 110 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,343 [ Laughs ] 111 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:18,040 What? 112 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,390 Hey, girl. I know the last time you subbed at Abbott 113 00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,174 somebody stole your Invisalign, but we are desperate. 114 00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:23,480 Can you come in? 115 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,352 I'm already here. 116 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,570 For Mr. Morton. 117 00:04:26,570 --> 00:04:28,137 Then why am I using my minutes on you?! 118 00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,095 Get off the phone! Teach your class! 119 00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,797 Morning. Take your jackets off. 120 00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,712 I need to borrow Ashley to sub for the day. 121 00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,627 Oh, she's already covering for Ms. McGuinness. 122 00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,629 But I don't think Ashley knows what geometry is. 123 00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:44,022 I saw her in the hallway with a bunch of rocks. 124 00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:45,328 Agh! 125 00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:48,244 [ Indistinct conversations ] 126 00:04:50,028 --> 00:04:51,465 Hey, I don't know your name, 127 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:52,814 but it looks like you don't have a class right now, 128 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,816 so I'm gonna need you to cover for Ms. Teagues. 129 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:56,252 Ava, that's my student. 130 00:04:56,252 --> 00:04:57,862 I don't know what AAU coach lied to you, 131 00:04:57,862 --> 00:04:59,864 but this is a grown-ass-- Damn it! 132 00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:01,649 [ School bell rings ] 133 00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,739 Mr. Johnson, we need you to sub again. 134 00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,784 And this time, don't tell them that there's a colony of 135 00:05:06,784 --> 00:05:08,699 lizard people living underneath the Denver Airport. 136 00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:11,093 I thought we were here to educate. 137 00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:14,662 But I can't sub. Janitorial emergency. 138 00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,228 Mr. Johnson: The emergency is... 139 00:05:16,228 --> 00:05:18,535 I don't feel like it right now. 140 00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:20,842 I feel a lot better, actually. 141 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:23,235 Yeah, I've calmed down the tuna sweats, 142 00:05:23,235 --> 00:05:26,978 and I managed to get my work clothes on. 143 00:05:26,978 --> 00:05:29,372 Most of them. [ Exhales heavily ] 144 00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,113 I have never missed a day of work. 145 00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:33,202 Even when Tariq gave me a migraine from playing 146 00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:36,597 "Call of Duty" for 48 hours straight, I still went in. 147 00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,817 He said that if the good guys do nothing, 148 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,689 then the terrorists win. 149 00:05:43,212 --> 00:05:45,432 My kids have a spelling test today. 150 00:05:46,171 --> 00:05:47,172 [ Stomach gurgles ] 151 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:53,048 It's gonna take a lot more than a bacteria sandwich to stop me. 152 00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:55,442 [ Stomach gurgles ] 153 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:58,096 Okay. Stomach's just a little bit rumbly still. 154 00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:05,103 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Mnh. 155 00:06:05,103 --> 00:06:07,323 Could you just turn the cameras off for a little bit, please? 156 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,846 Thank you! 157 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:11,719 Okay. Red and yellow make what color, class? 158 00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,155 Hi, Trinity! 159 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,550 What are you doing out of class? 160 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,856 We have recess now. Can Jason come play? 161 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:22,207 It's 8:30. Who said you could have recess? 162 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,823 [ Students giggling ] 163 00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:31,478 [ Rhythmic knocking ] 164 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:32,827 [ Door opens ] 165 00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,698 Janine, your kids are-- 166 00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:38,572 My eyes are up here, Mr. Eddie. 167 00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,182 I was expecting, uh... 168 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:42,967 I've played out this very scenario in my head many times. 169 00:06:47,885 --> 00:06:48,973 Okay, y'all. I get it. Ms. Teagues is gone today, 170 00:06:48,973 --> 00:06:50,105 and we are all very excited about that, 171 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:52,063 but you have got to stay in this room. 172 00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,630 Other than that, do whatever you do. 173 00:06:53,630 --> 00:06:55,850 You don't bother me, and I won't bother you. 174 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,025 Filling in for Ms. Teagues? 175 00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:59,549 It's no Christopher Wallace. No Biggie. 176 00:06:59,549 --> 00:07:01,246 Can we have some stickers? 177 00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:02,944 What do I care? Go nuts. 178 00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,641 Need anything else, ask each other. 179 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:05,947 It takes a village and whatnot. 180 00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,470 Yes! 181 00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:08,950 Why y'all following me? 182 00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:10,734 That's the story time chair. 183 00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:13,433 Well, now it's the chair I'm using to hack into Chet Hanks' Instagram. 184 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,260 You know he don't have two-step verification. 185 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:16,392 What about this book? 186 00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,263 No! This one! 187 00:07:18,263 --> 00:07:21,484 How about y'all read whatever you want, alone? 188 00:07:21,484 --> 00:07:23,704 [ Cellphone rings, warbles ] 189 00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,140 Who is it? 190 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,402 Just create my contact. 191 00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:28,143 Ugh. What do you want? 192 00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,624 Look, Gregory texted that you were covering for me, 193 00:07:30,624 --> 00:07:32,321 but I'm pretty sure the medicine is just making me 194 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:33,627 hallucinate that, right? 195 00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,672 No, Janine, once again I am your savior. 196 00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,152 Your kids are acting really weird, by the way. 197 00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,849 They've been hanging around you too much. 198 00:07:38,849 --> 00:07:41,504 Listen to me very carefully. 199 00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:43,288 In the bottom drawer of my desk 200 00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:46,378 is a binder I made in case I need a sub. 201 00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:49,077 It has everything you need to get through the day. 202 00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:51,514 Just follow the binder, Ava. Uh-huh. 203 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:54,299 And it's Friday, so you've gotta give them their spelling test. 204 00:07:54,299 --> 00:07:56,388 Promise me you will give them that test, Ava. 205 00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:58,303 Okay. I get it. If it happens, it happens. 206 00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:00,175 And if it doesn't, you'll just do it when you get back. 207 00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:01,959 No, no, no, no. They're expecting it today. 208 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:04,571 They studied for it. It's all printed out. 209 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,486 All you have to do is help them through it. 210 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,836 Just remember, everything you need is in the binder, 211 00:08:08,836 --> 00:08:11,316 and you can just call me if you need anything. 212 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,927 I don't have your number. 213 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,276 Ava--[ Cellphone warbles ] 214 00:08:14,276 --> 00:08:15,364 [ Chuckles ] 215 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,105 So, I just gave up on finding it. 216 00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:19,847 - It's not my problem. - Amen to that. 217 00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:22,502 Even the good Lord rested on the seventh day. 218 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,852 And you know what? Giving up is underrated. 219 00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:28,246 Tanking is how the Sixers got Joel Embiid. 220 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,814 Ow! [ Inhales sharply ] 221 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:33,469 [ Groans ] Of course our coffee maker leaks. 222 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,949 You know, if Janine was here, 223 00:08:34,949 --> 00:08:37,125 she would not only fix that coffee maker, 224 00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,605 she'd give you aloe for the burn. 225 00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:41,172 Yeah, and then we'd have to have 17 meetings 226 00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,784 so we could discuss how getting burnt made us feel. 227 00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,176 Hm! 228 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,744 And then, before she'd fix the problem, 229 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:50,965 she would find five more... and make it worse. 230 00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,270 Melissa: Yes. 231 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:53,924 Wow, excuse her for reaching for solutions. 232 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:55,665 Ah. Here's my solution-- 233 00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:57,493 Sounds like a Mr. Johnson problem. 234 00:08:57,493 --> 00:08:59,451 This girl gets it. 235 00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:03,151 Tasha, we were thinking about going out for lunch today. 236 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,369 Would you like to join us? 237 00:09:04,369 --> 00:09:05,806 Uh, okay. 238 00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,808 Alright, then. 239 00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:09,113 Jacob: I don't like it. 240 00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:12,203 She comes in here. She sits in Janine's spot. 241 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:14,554 I mean, that's just, like, spitting in the face 242 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,685 of teacher code. 243 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:16,773 Oh, and then, all of a sudden, 244 00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:18,383 they have room for a third at lunch? 245 00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:19,863 Do you know how many times they've told Janine 246 00:09:19,863 --> 00:09:22,344 that their restaurant refuses to seat tables of three? 247 00:09:23,824 --> 00:09:25,521 [ Toilet flushes ][ Sighs ] 248 00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:31,222 [ Stomach gurgling ] 249 00:09:35,444 --> 00:09:37,098 [ Ava sighs ] 250 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,403 "First of all, good morning." 251 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,623 Ugh. Shut up, Janine. 252 00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:43,495 "Step one, write the date on the board." 253 00:09:43,495 --> 00:09:45,759 And get my hands all chalky? No. 254 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:47,543 "Step two, turn on the lights." 255 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,937 Now, what kind of idiot wouldn't immediately turn on the... 256 00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:53,549 [ Chuckles ] Oh, yeah. I was just about to do that. 257 00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,029 [ Light switch clicks ] 258 00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:57,118 Now, I was the last one in here, so that was on y'all. 259 00:09:58,554 --> 00:10:01,383 Okay. "Step three. 260 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,646 Play this DVD"? 261 00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:05,648 Where the hell she get this from? Blockbuster? 262 00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:06,997 [ Giggles ] 263 00:10:06,997 --> 00:10:08,825 [ Disc drive clacks ] 264 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:11,828 Hi, students. It's me, Ms. Teagues. 265 00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:14,875 And if you're watching this, it means it's too late for me. 266 00:10:14,875 --> 00:10:16,006 [ Students gasp ] 267 00:10:16,006 --> 00:10:17,660 To come in today. 268 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,923 Nobody wants to see some creepy ghost Janine 269 00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,359 crawl through that screen. 270 00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:22,839 Good Lord, Janine. 271 00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:25,494 No wonder you ain't got no friends. [ Chuckles ] 272 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,756 Boring. 273 00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,410 Not gonna do that. That's dumb. 274 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:29,498 Oh! Here we go. 275 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:30,673 "Step eight, 276 00:10:30,673 --> 00:10:33,067 play my creativity mix while they draw." 277 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,591 Now, music I can get with. But not these Kidz Bop beats. 278 00:10:35,591 --> 00:10:37,332 [ Keyboard clacks ] 279 00:10:37,332 --> 00:10:39,073 ♪ You said that I've been actin' different, yeah♪ 280 00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,465 ♪ Funny how I finally flipped the script on ya♪ 281 00:10:40,465 --> 00:10:42,076 Alright, kids, time to take your spelling test. 282 00:10:42,076 --> 00:10:44,078 We didn't finish story time! 283 00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,906 You didn't even write the date on the board! 284 00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:47,211 Why do you need to know the date? 285 00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:49,692 You got a meeting later? Use your imagination. 286 00:10:49,692 --> 00:10:50,954 Just take the test. 287 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:53,304 I am never having kids. 288 00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:56,830 [ Music playing loudly] 289 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,701 ♪ 290 00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:01,051 Uh, a-alright, now, um, 291 00:11:01,051 --> 00:11:03,140 everybody turn to the other side of your math sheets. 292 00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:06,143 Mr. Eddie! I can't even hear myself think! 293 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:07,492 Yeah. 294 00:11:07,492 --> 00:11:09,146 ♪ Don't leave no pieces♪ 295 00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:12,062 Damn. More frostbite face? That's not good. 296 00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:13,977 Ava, can you turn the music down? 297 00:11:13,977 --> 00:11:15,675 Wait. It's the hook.♪ Yeah♪ 298 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,764 ♪ While I'm up cleaning♪ 299 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:21,855 ♪ Boy, please, ooh, I don't need you♪ 300 00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:23,291 [ Music shuts off ] 301 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,858 Now run along. My kids are taking a test. 302 00:11:24,858 --> 00:11:26,555 Oh, so you're actually doing the lesson plan? 303 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:28,862 Of course I am. And I'm making it look effortless. 304 00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:32,648 Why'd you draw - the Babadook? - That's my mom! 305 00:11:32,648 --> 00:11:34,781 You weren't supposed to draw at all. Why didn't you take the test? 306 00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:37,653 You played music. Music means we get to draw. 307 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:41,178 Ms. Teagues says music enhances crea-divity. 308 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:43,964 Looks effortless. 309 00:11:43,964 --> 00:11:45,617 Who's watching your kids, Mr. Eddie? 310 00:11:47,184 --> 00:11:49,317 When is Ms. Teagues coming back? 311 00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,362 Yeah, I miss Ms. Teagues. 312 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:53,234 Well, Ms. Teagues thought a soggy tuna melt 313 00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:55,453 was more important than you, so you got an upgrade. 314 00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:57,891 You're not good at this. 315 00:11:57,891 --> 00:12:00,632 You know what? I don't need this. 316 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:03,070 Insidious, you got Ms. Teagues' phone number? 317 00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:06,682 [ Cellphone buzzing ] 318 00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,121 I took some medicine. 319 00:12:11,121 --> 00:12:12,470 [ Cellphone buzzing ] 320 00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:14,342 Imodium... 321 00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,039 melatonin... 322 00:12:16,039 --> 00:12:17,780 Pepto... 323 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:19,651 Bismol... 324 00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:22,480 and something Erika brought back from Mexico. 325 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,352 [ Cellphone buzzing ] 326 00:12:24,352 --> 00:12:26,223 And I'm feeling better already. 327 00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:28,791 [ Chuckles ] 328 00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:32,403 I'm pretty sure "Space Jam" was based on a true story, though, 329 00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:34,188 and they just don't want you to know. 330 00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:36,233 [ Chuckles ] 331 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,757 Mmm! 332 00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:45,808 I said it's non-refundable! 333 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,505 You need to get your ears and eyes checked. 334 00:12:47,505 --> 00:12:49,290 Uh, Ava, what are you doing? 335 00:12:49,290 --> 00:12:51,118 Damage control. My eye masks are giving people 336 00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:52,946 freezer burn, and they're leaving bad reviews. 337 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,469 And you're just ditching Janine's class? 338 00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:55,818 I'm not ditching. I'm pivoting. 339 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,298 Besides, those kids are unhinged. 340 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,474 I'm done with teaching. Time to throw in the towel. 341 00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:01,302 And I'm the towel. 342 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:02,956 I'm your sub, Mr. Johnson. 343 00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:05,523 Have any of you ever flown into Denver Airport? 344 00:13:05,523 --> 00:13:08,222 Or have a fondness for lizards the size of humans? 345 00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:09,223 Anybody? 346 00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:13,705 - S-So you're just quitting? - Mr. Johnson: Go on, now. 347 00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,098 Quitting? This class isn't my problem. 348 00:13:15,098 --> 00:13:16,621 Did you at least get them to retake their tests? 349 00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:18,319 Who cares? They can take it on Monday. It's just one day. 350 00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:20,538 Ava, that's what I thought when I was a sub, 351 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,280 that just one day wouldn't matter, but it does. 352 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,849 Janine works really hard to prepare them for these tests. 353 00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:28,851 And it's important that the kids see their progress, okay? 354 00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:31,332 They're second graders. Every day matters in school. 355 00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:32,812 If not, they'll just fall behind. 356 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,248 Well, falling behind is great. 357 00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,771 You get to walk at your own pace 358 00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,468 and talk and nobody's shushing you. 359 00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:39,253 Did you at least do everything in the binder? 360 00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,124 Damn. You know about her little nerd binder, too? 361 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:44,867 Parts of it. Some of it was dumb. 362 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:46,260 Like putting the date on the board. 363 00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,870 You didn't put the date on the board? 364 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,003 It's the start of their routine. No wonder they're unmoored. 365 00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,395 Stop using fake words. 366 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:54,485 Ava, the date is how they start every day. 367 00:13:54,485 --> 00:13:56,357 It's important. It's a process. 368 00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,967 There's a reason why we build a routine. 369 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,143 Each step builds upon the last. 370 00:14:00,143 --> 00:14:02,406 - Like a Beyoncé playlist. - Sure. 371 00:14:02,406 --> 00:14:04,408 You wouldn't put "Love on Top" in front of "Church Girl." 372 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,889 Look, we work really hard to build a curriculum, 373 00:14:06,889 --> 00:14:08,673 and I know it's boring, but tomorrow you can get 374 00:14:08,673 --> 00:14:11,807 right back to making TikToks or whatever else it is that you do. 375 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,635 But today we need your help. 376 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,898 They just need you for a few more hours... 377 00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,292 and for you to follow everything that's in that binder. 378 00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:24,254 I hear what you're saying. I just have one question. 379 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:25,386 Mm-hmm. 380 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,779 Does school end at 2:30 or 3:00? 381 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:32,741 Let's be safe and say 3:00. 382 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,482 Where are you going? Uh-huh. 383 00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:35,831 Mm-hmm. 384 00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:38,312 Why build an airport 25 miles from the city 385 00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:40,183 if you aren't trying to hide anything? 386 00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:42,446 Alright, Man in Black, I'm tappin' back in. 387 00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:45,101 Now go home and tell your parents what I taught you, kids. 388 00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,450 It starts with you. 389 00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:50,585 [ Chuckles ] Okay, class. Let's do this. 390 00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,935 "Step one, date on board." 391 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,895 Why can't you just look at your phones like normal people? 392 00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:00,769 Alright. [ Chuckles ] 393 00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,253 Alright. 394 00:15:06,253 --> 00:15:08,951 Come on. What are y'all doing? Get over here. It's story time. 395 00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:11,214 [ Students chattering ] 396 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,959 Amelia Bedelia? Who wants to read about 397 00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:19,309 an annoying woman that can't follow simple instructions? 398 00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:21,616 I'm not Ms. Teagues. If you have something mean to say, 399 00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:23,226 just say it. 400 00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:25,272 What about Eloise? 401 00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,448 That little girl at the New York Plaza? 402 00:15:27,448 --> 00:15:29,929 She's alright, but I got some real Plaza stories for you. 403 00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:32,148 You ever heard of Ghostface Killah? 404 00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,977 So, it's me and Redman. It's nineteen ninety-- 405 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,983 You know what? Let's save that for another time. 406 00:15:40,983 --> 00:15:42,506 Who's ready for story time?! 407 00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,292 Come on, y'all. This ain't some white concert. 408 00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:46,249 Make some noise! 409 00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,555 Students: Yay! 410 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:48,991 Yes! 411 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:52,125 Alright, then. Let's get into it. 412 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:55,563 Okay. Maybe the binder isn't so dumb. 413 00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:58,696 I really wanted to hear the Ghostface story. 414 00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:01,395 Barbara: Ooh, look at us, 415 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:04,398 sneaking out in between periods to get coffee. 416 00:16:04,398 --> 00:16:06,400 - Tasha, you're on lookout. - Yeah. 417 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:07,836 Ants! Oh! 418 00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,056 Oh, and their tiny little caffeinated bodies 419 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,275 are headed straight for the refrigerator. 420 00:16:12,275 --> 00:16:14,538 We can't lose the fridge, Barb! We can't lose the fridge! 421 00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,540 Wow. Yeah. This is a bummer. 422 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,107 Uh, but I don't know. 423 00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:20,849 Nothing we can do about it, right? 424 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:22,372 Well, I'm out. 425 00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:23,460 Melissa: Wh-- [ Scoffs ] 426 00:16:23,460 --> 00:16:24,635 [ Door opens ] 427 00:16:26,028 --> 00:16:28,465 It's okay. You can say it.[ Door closes ] 428 00:16:28,465 --> 00:16:30,728 You wish Janine was here. 429 00:16:30,728 --> 00:16:32,339 To do something about it. 430 00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:38,910 [ Car alarm beeping ] 431 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:41,087 [ Janine groaning ] 432 00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,654 "I absolutely love the Plaza." 433 00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:45,569 Whew. That little girl's wild. 434 00:16:45,569 --> 00:16:47,789 You got a dog and a turtle? That's crazy. 435 00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:50,618 Alright. Who's ready for that spelling test? 436 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:52,446 I know that little nerd is. 437 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,754 Oh, dang. 438 00:16:56,754 --> 00:16:59,105 I forgot they had your little demon markings on them. 439 00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:01,803 I'm gonna have to print some new ones. 440 00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,979 Spell in your heads. I'll be right back. 441 00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,462 Gregory: ...the colors of the rainbow in order. 442 00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,333 Hold on. 443 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,641 - Well, that didn't last long. - Shut up. 444 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:15,469 I need you to watch my class for five minutes. 445 00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:17,384 Five minutes or five "Ava" minutes? 446 00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:18,820 Stop flirting with me. 447 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,955 [ Telephone ringing, indistinct conversations ] 448 00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:28,090 [ Copier beeping ] 449 00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,613 Out of paper? 450 00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,661 Come on! Who used all the paper?! 451 00:17:39,580 --> 00:17:42,409 Y'all gettin' this? Most selfless person alive here. 452 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:48,850 [ Copier beeps, whirs ] 453 00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:54,725 [ Chuckles ] 454 00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,249 [ Copier whirring ] 455 00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:06,302 Ms. Cold-man? Is this you? 456 00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:09,131 Unless you got $14.95 and you want the luxury of a spa 457 00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:11,960 in the comfort of your home, flip that over. 458 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,702 Okay, so it looks like you guys are supposed to spell out 459 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,270 what's in these pictures, so... go ahead. 460 00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:22,144 Ms. Principal? I don't know what this is a picture of. 461 00:18:22,144 --> 00:18:23,406 That's a bee. 462 00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:25,278 Like... the letter? 463 00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,280 No. Like a bee. Bzz-bzz. 464 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:29,238 Can't spell a word with just one letter. 465 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:32,023 - What about "A"? - What about it? 466 00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:37,203 Let's sound it out. 467 00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:41,511 What other letters can go after beeee? 468 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,124 Oh! "B." 469 00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:50,129 Happy Monday, everyone! 470 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,218 Oh. Hey. How you feeling? 471 00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:56,309 Oh. I am good now, but Friday was gross. 472 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,746 Mm. Well, here. It's got electrolytes in it. 473 00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:00,530 It's good to stay hydrated while you're recovering. 474 00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:01,575 Oh. 475 00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,925 - I'm glad you're okay. - Thanks. 476 00:19:03,925 --> 00:19:06,232 Whew! It is good to be back. 477 00:19:06,232 --> 00:19:08,059 Yeah, it's good to have you back, kid. 478 00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,931 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 479 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,976 And we missed you. 480 00:19:11,976 --> 00:19:15,676 And your... infectious energy. 481 00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:19,201 Wow. Getting food poisoning was totally worth it. 482 00:19:19,201 --> 00:19:22,204 I think I'll start ordering my chicken medium rare. 483 00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:24,554 [ Gasps ] Oh, my goodness, Tasha! 484 00:19:24,554 --> 00:19:27,514 I have not seen you in so long! 485 00:19:27,514 --> 00:19:28,689 Can I join you? 486 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:29,951 I'm all done. 487 00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:32,301 Okay. I'll see you again soon. 488 00:19:32,301 --> 00:19:33,868 [ Breathes deeply ] 489 00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:36,175 Nothing good can last. 490 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,047 Guys, how long has the coffee maker been broken? 491 00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:40,048 - Oh. - Oh. 492 00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:40,831 I mean, I'm gone for one day, 493 00:19:40,831 --> 00:19:41,963 and this happens. 494 00:19:41,963 --> 00:19:43,660 Don't worry. I will fix it. 495 00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,314 Mm-hmm. 496 00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,186 Oh, what happened to all the eye masks? 497 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,709 Eye-mask game took a turn. 498 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:51,233 If anybody asks, I have never heard of Ava Cold-man 499 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:52,756 or any burns that her eye masks 500 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,237 may or may not have allegedly caused. 501 00:19:55,237 --> 00:19:57,805 Well, thank you for covering for me, Ava. 502 00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,198 Did everything go okay? 503 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,069 Oh, yeah. It was easy as hell. 504 00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:02,940 I don't know why y'all teachers whine so much. 505 00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:10,339 Taking these to storage, Ava. We're swimming in printer paper. 506 00:20:10,339 --> 00:20:11,993 Did you order those for us? 507 00:20:11,993 --> 00:20:13,212 Don't look at me like that. 508 00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,909 We were short, so I got some more. 509 00:20:14,909 --> 00:20:17,390 Acting like I'm not the most responsible one in here. 510 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,566 Oh, and the city called. They're gonna turn off the power 511 00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,481 in the gym so they can fix the fire alarm. 512 00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:23,613 It was in a memo. That's short for "memorization." 513 00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,746 So you guys should remember that. 514 00:20:25,746 --> 00:20:28,836 Hm. No. 515 00:20:28,836 --> 00:20:30,403 Just helping out a little. 516 00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,622 Don't read too much into it. It was mostly for me. 517 00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:35,451 Just making sure I am never put in that position again. 518 00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:37,975 Substitute teaching. Yet another doomsday scenario 519 00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:40,064 Young Ava is prepped for! 520 00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:44,199 [ Whirring ] 521 00:20:48,856 --> 00:20:50,118 What do you need? 522 00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:53,077 We need to talk about one of your products. 523 00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:57,299 Ugh! Uh... 524 00:20:57,299 --> 00:21:00,128 W-W-What product are you referring to? 525 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,608 Ava! 526 00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:04,611 Can you at least just reimburse me for my topical gel? 527 00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:06,439 I think you'll find that the corporation responsible 528 00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:08,615 for your... unfortunate situation 529 00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,617 has since been dissolved. 530 00:21:10,617 --> 00:21:12,358 You're lucky I don't report your little thievery. 531 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,707 Now get out!