1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:09,009
好,如果店裡有十顆馬鈴薯
被妳拿走了兩顆

2
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,636
請問店裡剩幾顆馬鈴薯?

3
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:13,346
我不喜歡馬鈴薯

4
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,724
別管那個,那不是重點

5
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,434
剩下八顆馬鈴薯

6
00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:21,771
瑪莉,我們都知道妳會,我是在問希妮

7
00:00:22,522 --> 00:00:25,483
妳何不幫我削色鉛筆呢?應該很好玩

8
00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:28,194
我的班上有很多小孩

9
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,780
有些孩子是聰明的小馬鈴薯

10
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:36,828
所以我會發揮創意
讓提早完成作業的孩子執行特別任務

11
00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,539
- 我削完鉛筆了,蒂格老師
- 好

12
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,709
那妳要不要...

13
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,211
幫我改其他學生的作業?

14
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,755
不要跟別人說

15
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:52,594
好,如果妳不喜歡馬鈴薯當例子

16
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,346
那假設他們是番薯呢?

17
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:57,057
我真的超討厭番薯

18
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,142
妳真的得配合一點,希妮

19
00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:02,145
珍妮,我不是說過
不要拿走餐廳的馬鈴薯嗎?

20
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:04,689
但視覺學習法有效多了

21
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:09,152
猜猜怎麼著?妳現在剩下零顆馬鈴薯了

22
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,862
好耶!

23
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,656
《小學風雲》

24
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,742
(威拉德艾培公立小學)

25
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,370
(團結、積極、創新、卓越、成就)

26
00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:25,168
- 大家早安
- 早安

27
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:27,629
請容我介紹我們的新學生,麥爾坎

28
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:28,713
他剛搬到這區域

29
00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:31,007
他之前讀那所菁英私校,艾維學院

30
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,302
上過管弦樂班和各種班,他是小貝多芬

31
00:01:35,303 --> 00:01:37,972
我爸媽希望我和其他黑人小孩一起上學

32
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:41,017
那你運氣很好,這裡有數不清的黑人小孩

33
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,396
麥爾坎是全科優等生,之前還念資優班

34
00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,107
- 歡迎你,麥爾坎
- 對,歡迎來艾培小學,麥爾坎

35
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,150
我以前也念資優班

36
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:51,152
妳念哪種資優班?討人厭資優班?

37
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,238
不是

38
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,115
總之,麥爾坎前途無量

39
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:58,493
我已經能想像他在白宮致詞
感謝艾娃伊娃柯爾曼老師

40
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,870
讓他成為科學界的歐普拉

41
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:04,332
你只需做科學界的麥爾坎,這樣就很棒了

42
00:02:04,416 --> 00:02:05,417
謝謝妳

43
00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:07,502
你要和其他小孩一起吃早餐嗎?

44
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:10,213
對,去看你的超級腦袋要補充什麼

45
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,048
我們有魚油之類的

46
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:16,386
讓路!聰明的小孩要通過
別用你們的普通智商盯著他看

47
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,849
這是垃圾

48
00:02:22,183 --> 00:02:25,520
哇賽,他真是聰明過人

49
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:29,107
艾娃,我希望妳別在孩子面前
這樣談論他們

50
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,234
艾培小學也有許多聰明的孩子

51
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,736
一直都有

52
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:36,072
我班上有個孩子用快樂兒童餐交換友誼

53
00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,491
早

54
00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,995
我想到了,我們應該開設資優班

55
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,582
我得讓我班上的孩子
幫我改作業以外有其他事可做

56
00:02:46,374 --> 00:02:47,542
我開玩笑的

57
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:51,379
但說真的,我很愛我求學時期的資優班

58
00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,923
我學到好多,那些經驗彌足珍貴

59
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,592
我也是資優班學生

60
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:58,595
我還寫了一首饒舌歌惡搞孟山都藥廠

61
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:01,097
歌名叫《孟山都越多,問題越多》

62
00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:06,603
我的小女兒吉娜念青年工程師資優課

63
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:10,231
她獲益匪淺,申請大學也會很加分

64
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:13,276
葛瑞格,你覺得呢?

65
00:03:14,277 --> 00:03:17,030
我剛到五分鐘,所以還沒什麼意見

66
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,032
你必須多發表意見

67
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:22,494
我們曾辦過一個棒棒堂資優班,但...

68
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,245
讓我猜,因為沒錢了

69
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,456
不對,我們學校戶頭裡有錢錢

70
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,875
我們只是動不了那些錢,相信我,我試過

71
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:33,338
申請一些數理課花費

72
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,841
總之,我們的問題在於沒人有空教資優班

73
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,844
- 你們的課表都很滿
- 這倒是真的

74
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:43,264
等我們點名都午休了,誰還有時間?

75
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,938
捨棄資優班計畫會是最容易的做法

76
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,649
但我以前在資優班學到一個法則

77
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:56,403
「PIE法則」
PIE代表毅力、機智、以及努力

78
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,489
我很愛PIE,雖然我不太能吃派

79
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,573
吃了傷胃

80
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,661
但我仍吃了好多年,這便是毅力的表現

81
00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:07,122
正因如此,我們必須開設資優班

82
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:10,792
它是足膜,就像面膜,但是用來敷腳的

83
00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:13,128
了解,那我也試試

84
00:04:15,380 --> 00:04:17,007
- 你好,蓋瑞
- 妳好

85
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:20,468
這禮拜沒有我要的覆盆子冰茶?
你故意不讓我喝嗎?

86
00:04:20,552 --> 00:04:23,054
不是,我車上還有另外一箱

87
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,265
我只是...

88
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:27,767
先幫妳保管

89
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,061
我離開時別太想我

90
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:31,229
你想得美

91
00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,357
小妞,他喜歡妳,快約他出去

92
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,608
別想

93
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:39,612
我的前任是消防員,他教我的一件事
就是別跟穿制服的男人交往

94
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:42,198
因為妳最後會落得幫他繳車貸的下場

95
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,409
跟他吵完架還得借住在姊妹家

96
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:47,412
我的傑瑞德也穿制服,但他好得不得了

97
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,664
拜託,妳該為自己找點樂子

98
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,004
這給妳,從卡車上掉的

99
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,676
基本上,開設資優班最重要的事

100
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,887
就是找個充滿熱忱又很閒的人

101
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,263
我想我找到人選了

102
00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,020
這只是一部分的副歌

103
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,566
我找到能教資優班的老師了

104
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,151
妳的呼吸聲怎麼那麼大?

105
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,445
- 因為我很興奮
- 有點奇怪

106
00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:22,530
- 妳最好去檢查一下
- 好

107
00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:26,868
雅各願意在他的空檔時間教資優班

108
00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:30,622
我很樂意耕耘肥沃的土壤
培育明日的思想

109
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:33,375
我就像那部電影裡的人物

110
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,585
- 《卡特教頭》
- 不對

111
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,295
- 《壽司之神》?
- 不對

112
00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,672
那部攀岩電影叫什麼?

113
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,340
- 先別說
- 不對,都不是,是...

114
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,883
艾娃,妳覺得呢?

115
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:43,134
(資優班課程表)

116
00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:45,136
創造科學界歐普拉的機會?

117
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,431
那部攀岩電影叫《27小時》

118
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,516
- 我就知道
- 不對

119
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,975
- 艾娃...
- 電影裡有...

120
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,103
- 對,資優班
- 沒錯

121
00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,815
你們知道嗎?我大學姐妹會的人老愛吹噓

122
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,734
她們生的小孩有多聰明

123
00:05:59,818 --> 00:06:01,528
我能像X教授,但不坐輪椅

124
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:05,323
旗下有數以百計的聰明小孩
當然都不是我親生的

125
00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,451
去進行你們的小小變種人學院吧

126
00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:10,578
太好了,謝謝妳

127
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,498
看招吧,克莉絲朵

128
00:06:17,043 --> 00:06:20,046
我打去預約,但他們說沒有足膜服務

129
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,341
- 他們說是足部護理
- 奧茲醫生的節目不是這麼說

130
00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:24,843
她在這兒啊

131
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:28,263
妳知道嗎?每週四我都期待不已

132
00:06:28,263 --> 00:06:31,099
不只是因為要補齊半滿的洋蔥圈零食

133
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:34,394
半滿,這傢伙是個樂觀主義者

134
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,272
所以,你忙些什麼,蓋瑞?你有夢想或...

135
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,441
我從事販賣機的生意

136
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,525
我樂此不疲

137
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,610
沒錯,樂在其中吧

138
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,488
記得你上次給我一瓶冰茶嗎?

139
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:46,698
我在想

140
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:49,200
我讓你請我吃頓晚飯如何?

141
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:50,535
那就太棒了

142
00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:53,705
我會帶妳徹夜狂歡,讓妳永生難忘

143
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,166
我們兩個去電動遊樂場如何?

144
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,793
這個嘛,我剛好...

145
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:01,421
我最近剛好比較忙

146
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,673
不如我們還是算了吧

147
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,758
我試過了

148
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,220
聽著,我已經學會
只要苗頭不對就要馬上撤退

149
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,974
如果第一次約會就去個鳥地方
妳最後一定會甩了他

150
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,768
我前任當初帶我去脫衣舞廳

151
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,481
聰明小孩集合囉!

152
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:23,276
泰瑞,娜蒂雅和丹尼爾過來我這裡

153
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,404
- 妳要幹嘛?
- 資優班啊

154
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,156
他們是我班上唯一發言的小孩

155
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,532
那可真不巧

156
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,618
快搭上啟蒙列車囉

157
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,999
我覺得資優班怎麼樣?

158
00:07:38,083 --> 00:07:40,085
如果大家都感興趣,那很好

159
00:07:40,085 --> 00:07:42,253
我只是覺得孩子們搞不懂結局

160
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,672
但有人在意結局嗎?

161
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:47,217
大家看電影不都只看開頭,中間還有...

162
00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,513
孩子們,小聲一點,安靜

163
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,765
我們來算數學平穩思緒

164
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,475
羅納德,九乘以十是多少?

165
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,893
- 小雞
- 什麼?

166
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,646
圖書館裡有小雞

167
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:03,525
這些小雞有卵巢和輸卵管

168
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,235
當母雞成熟時

169
00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:08,279
這些卵子會一次發育成好幾個卵黃

170
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:12,534
等蛋孵化完成後,會變什麼?
我們就有早餐吃了,對吧?

171
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,285
非常簡「蛋」

172
00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:16,454
開始了,牠們在孵化!

173
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,707
看看牠們

174
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:22,085
他們看見雞從炸雞店以外的地方出現了

175
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:25,171
我重出江湖,為了環境保護

176
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,048
我愛農場,樸實無華

177
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,883
但是基因改造,別相信它

178
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:32,095
蒂格老師,我很聰明,我能去小雞班嗎?

179
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:34,639
- 我也要!
- 我也要!

180
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,808
- 基因改造...
- 食品

181
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:37,726
非常好

182
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:43,064
好,各位,我知道我們大家一開始
都支持開資優班...

183
00:08:44,441 --> 00:08:46,693
妳又來了,講話像一台老火車

184
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:49,529
親愛的,妳走路得放慢速度

185
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:54,034
我覺得那些沒上資優班的孩子
會感覺被排除在外

186
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,118
同意

187
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,787
而且會發言的小孩都不在
現在班上只剩我講話

188
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,497
我們可以想解決辦法

189
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:02,333
我們只要確保那些沒上資優班的孩子

190
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,753
仍在成功的正軌上,懂嗎?

191
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,254
上大學,做大事

192
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,131
不上大學也能成功啊

193
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:10,508
不是,我的天,我不是那個意思

194
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,302
- 我只是說...
- 我個人很愛這課程

195
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:17,682
我覺得自己結合了羅賓威廉斯
在《春風化雨》和《心靈點滴》的角色

196
00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,185
《心靈點滴》裡的孩子
最後不都死於癌症嗎?

197
00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:22,270
無知才是真正的毒瘤

198
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:24,439
真正的毒瘤就是癌症

199
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:27,192
聽著,資優班本身並沒什麼錯

200
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:30,195
我們只需妥善規劃,讓那些平庸的孩子...

201
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,365
沒天分的孩子...

202
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,284
別有所長的孩子

203
00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:38,870
- 我們拉其他孩子一把
- 對,說得好

204
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:41,581
聽著,如果資優班讓其他孩子不舒服

205
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,957
那就不值得我們繼續

206
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:47,796
各位,一定有什麼方法
能提升其他孩子的體驗

207
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,589
讓他們也覺得自己很特別

208
00:09:49,673 --> 00:09:53,051
我相信妳能找出解方,珍妮
妳以前是資優班的嘛?

209
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,761
我是啊

210
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,889
我不知道,也許重開機看看?

211
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,225
你以為我沒試過嗎?電器小子?

212
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:01,434
艾娃

213
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,561
還有麥爾坎

214
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,481
- 你不是應該在上課嗎?
- 我也一直這樣說

215
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:09,067
艾娃,我們需要增加自主預算

216
00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:10,860
我要幫我的班級買小雞

217
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:14,239
因為我的學生們
只能坐旁邊看雅各的資優班孵蛋...

218
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,991
珍妮,妳新來的嗎?
經費只花在菁英小孩身上

219
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,619
妳以為我如果有錢會讓妳買雞蛋?

220
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:22,414
麥爾坎,你跟我走吧

221
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:25,041
好,該帶你回班上了

222
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:26,334
- 我知道
- 好吧

223
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:30,046
你期待上希爾老師的超讚資優課嗎?

224
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,256
- 期待
- 太好了

225
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,466
- 去吧
- 「哦,船長,我的船長」

226
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:38,930
華特惠特曼緬懷林肯的經典句子
你們可以叫我希爾船長

227
00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,598
沒錯,希爾船長

228
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,268
拿出課本

229
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,061
謝謝你,老公

230
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,438
你們真是可愛的一對

231
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:49,357
女士們,我為妳們準備了墨西哥捲當午餐

232
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:50,984
搭配酸奶油,濃淡都有

233
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,402
真是謝謝你

234
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,029
義式火腿三明治

235
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:55,321
我的最愛

236
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:59,367
還有墨西哥脆餅,但這是我的

237
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,121
這就是好男人,我挑男人就要挑這種的

238
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:06,124
- 他就是我的標準
- 聽見沒,寶貝?我是標準

239
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,168
我跟妳說傑瑞德的小八卦

240
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,420
我剛開始認識他時,他才不是這樣

241
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,006
既不正經又油條

242
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:16,051
我很冒險,把自己託付給這個人

243
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,470
但我很高興我賭了這一把

244
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:22,015
好姊妹,有時候妳只需要放手一搏

245
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,391
芭芭拉,謝謝妳

246
00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:26,895
我知道妳想幫我,但我不是妳

247
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,565
我是個離過婚又老大不小的女人

248
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,276
也許我只能這樣了

249
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,370
我有打擾到你們嗎?

250
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,997
妳覺得蓋瑞人怎麼樣?那個販賣機大哥

251
00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,500
他都把水果軟糖補齊,我喜歡

252
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:50,126
妳不是25歲了嗎?

253
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,961
又九個月,沒錯

254
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:55,840
好,我剛執行資優班計畫時
我這麼說:「珍妮...」

255
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,175
跳過,妳要什麼?

256
00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,010
我要一些能孵出小雞的雞蛋

257
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,554
我要教我的學生小雞的繁殖過程

258
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,766
給我一週

259
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:15,694
好,當雲裡充滿水滴時,會發生什麼事?

260
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,987
蒂格老師,有一顆蛋在破殼

261
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:20,115
天哪,老天,要孵出小雞了

262
00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:22,659
好,所有人快來,過來這裡

263
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,286
大家靠近點,開始了

264
00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:29,457
仔細看,小朋友們,要上演生命的奇蹟了

265
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:31,126
你們看,是不是超酷?

266
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,628
我們班也能做很好玩的事情

267
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,380
它濕濕的

268
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:39,050
對,那就是羊水,胎兒的天然抱枕

269
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,135
可以保護胎兒

270
00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:42,053
它還有鱗片

271
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,347
對,它的鱗片可以...鱗片?

272
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:46,808
是蛇!

273
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,276
後退,快跑

274
00:12:56,943 --> 00:12:59,988
這就對了,及時行樂,船長

275
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,659
自由飛吧,小小鳥

276
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:10,248
(危險)
(有毒爬蟲類)

277
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,375
- 真的很謝謝妳
- 這是我該做的

278
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,794
對了,這些蛇其實是瀕危物種

279
00:13:14,878 --> 00:13:16,421
我能問妳怎麼來的嗎?

280
00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:23,845
我在52街的一間快閃店買的
不在那了,妳找不到的

281
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,348
對,我聽說蛇的事了

282
00:13:26,348 --> 00:13:28,516
是這樣的,我認識賣蛇蛋的雞仔

283
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,018
也認識賣雞蛋的阿蛇

284
00:13:30,018 --> 00:13:32,937
我打電話給雞仔,但我其實應該找阿蛇

285
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:34,439
真不小心

286
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,775
聽著,蛇真的太嚇人了

287
00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:38,902
但我覺得這是很棒的教訓

288
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,696
即便是對我而言,一名資優班老師

289
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,699
- 你要不要回你的桌上站好?
- 那些聰明的...

290
00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:53,416
好吧,這挫敗是否比我預期得嚴重?

291
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,501
是的

292
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:57,420
但也許柳暗花明又一村?

293
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,881
聽著,我知道妳想說什麼,珍妮

294
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,758
可是沒用的

295
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,843
我覺得我們該停辦資優班

296
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,387
葛瑞格

297
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,472
我不敢相信你說這種話

298
00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,308
我還以為你喜歡這課程,就像你一開始...

299
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,936
好吧,你好像從沒說過你喜歡

300
00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:14,979
但是,聽我說...

301
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:18,316
我試著給那些沒上資優班的孩子們

302
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,236
多一點關注,但這次失敗了

303
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,697
但我仍覺得
如果能培養那些最優秀的孩子...

304
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:27,450
珍妮,我小時候不是資優班的學生

305
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,160
我根本沾不上邊

306
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,456
讓我覺得學校只適合那些會考試的學生

307
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,791
不適合我

308
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,501
所以我放棄努力

309
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,422
我不知道能說什麼

310
00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:44,259
我的重點是,當妳給了某些孩子小雞

311
00:14:44,926 --> 00:14:47,178
其他孩子只能得到毒蛇

312
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:51,016
久而久之,得到毒蛇的孩子
會以為那才是他們應得的

313
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,937
但沒有人應該得到毒蛇

314
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,025
我明白了,那我們該怎麼做?

315
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,819
妳得了解聰明有不同的表現方式

316
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,364
妳聽過嘉德納的多元智能理論嗎?

317
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:10,076
好,例如說,妳看這邊這個孩子

318
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:13,663
他也許數學不好
但他的自然觀察智能或許很棒

319
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,707
- 意思是他擅長自然領域
- 了解

320
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:19,169
還有這個女生,她的音樂智能也許很強

321
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:20,545
然後這孩子...

322
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,214
- 好吧,她在睡覺
- 對,她睡著了

323
00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:25,508
看看那裡

324
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:28,094
這孩子很有照料智能

325
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,140
- 妳說總共有八顆蛋對吧?
- 對

326
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,600
我們只抓到六隻蛇

327
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,561
還剩兩隻蛇

328
00:15:36,561 --> 00:15:39,856
沒錯,希妮,妳答對了,太棒了

329
00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:42,817
哈囉

330
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,736
梅麗莎,今天是星期四

331
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,696
妳準備好見妳的男人了嗎?

332
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,032
得了,芭芭拉,算了,我還沒準備好

333
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,785
梅麗莎安夏滿蒂,我了解妳

334
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:55,705
妳還沒準備好
因為妳一直告訴自己妳還沒準備好

335
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,500
不過沒關係,妳想怎樣就怎樣

336
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,879
喂,你這傢伙

337
00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:06,007
妳是要問度假房的分配時間吧?
我想要六月使用

338
00:16:06,091 --> 00:16:09,803
好,不是,我要說別的事
但都可以,反正我喜歡七月去

339
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:10,970
聽我說

340
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:15,600
我們離婚之後,你不是開始和誰約會嗎?

341
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,143
妮娜之類的?

342
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:18,937
你不會擔心...

343
00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:24,484
你不怕會再次落得我們兩人的結局嗎?

344
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:25,568
我當然擔心過

345
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,113
一朝被蛇咬,十年怕草繩

346
00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:30,281
怎麼?你想找條猛蛇了嗎?

347
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:34,744
我在考慮試試新品種

348
00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:37,330
聽著,我們當初年少輕狂加上我是白癡

349
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,250
妳值得更好的機會

350
00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,252
老天,你變溫柔了

351
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,337
妳真的很討厭

352
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:46,131
你更討厭

353
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:47,966
再見,喬

354
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:55,682
這就是為什麼
我認為海鷗是最值得尊敬的鳥類

355
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,475
- 牠絕處逢生
- 同意

356
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,771
真意外,這不是那位落荒而逃的小姐嗎?

357
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,690
對,我當時狀況不好

358
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:07,235
- 我遇過更糟的狀況
- 對,我很抱歉

359
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,696
聽我說,我明白,妳魅力十足

360
00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:11,740
分數爆表

361
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:15,368
妳值得做選擇,而我就有各式選擇

362
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:18,955
烤洋芋片、經典洋芋片、杯子蛋糕
酸糖果、烤穀麥...

363
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,665
在地品牌或大廠牌

364
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,543
整個世界都是妳的販賣機

365
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:27,922
你有興趣的話,我還是想去吃晚餐

366
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:32,177
太棒了,我們吃史奇尼丘義式餐廳如何?

367
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:37,223
這個嘛,我前任在那間餐廳向我提離婚的

368
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:40,477
所以,別去那,我們找別的地方就好

369
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,272
我就知道洋芋片的隱喻會成功

370
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,859
對了,說到選擇

371
00:17:47,859 --> 00:17:54,032
如果你能重新將無糖餅乾上架
我會感激不盡的,拜託了

372
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,409
- 我盡力而為
- 沒問題

373
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,833
他會讓妳如願的,我分數爆表

374
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:09,631
你真聰明,我的科學界小歐普拉
對「足物學」感興趣

375
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,132
妳是說「植物學」嗎?

376
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:12,258
我就是這麼說的

377
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:17,764
總之,我朋友克莉絲朵
老愛吹噓她的小孩有多聰明

378
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,933
但很明顯,我有最聰明的孩子

379
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:24,104
也許可以錄個你背元素週期表之類的影片

380
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,188
寄給克莉絲朵看

381
00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:27,565
- 妳在這裡做什麼的?
- 我是校長啊

382
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,776
但妳什麼也沒做

383
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,706
我們要終結資優班,他知道太多了

384
00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:47,168
不,等等,我們其實才在討論資優班的事

385
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:48,294
我們找到辦法了

386
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,923
很好,因為那位黑人界的鮑比菲舍爾
在挑戰我的極限

387
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,175
是這樣的

388
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:58,430
我們覺得與其讓少數孩子每週上資優班

389
00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:01,558
不如讓每個孩子
每隔幾週都能上特別的課程

390
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:02,976
這樣沒人會被排除在外

391
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,186
我們將各種智能都納入考量

392
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:06,771
讓每個孩子對學習充滿熱忱

393
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:09,649
雅各仍會主導教學,我們會一起幫忙

394
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,943
沒錯,我們都是「哦,船長,我的船長」

395
00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:15,488
如果人人都很特別,就沒人是特別的了

396
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,992
我沒意見

397
00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,914
- 你放學後都做什麼?
- 健身、看益智節目

398
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,916
- 邊健身邊看?
- 對,一起進行

399
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,335
- 能同時強健體魄和心智
- 真有趣

400
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:31,838
你沒事嗎?

401
00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,131
對,我...

402
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:36,509
- 我無法開門,不然牠們會逃跑
- 誰會逃跑?

403
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,428
我找到第七和第八條蛇了

404
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:40,347
- 牠們原本在我包包裡
- 糟了

405
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,431
然後...

406
00:19:42,390 --> 00:19:43,433
牠們現在在我車裡

407
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:44,601
老天

408
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:50,857
這傢伙是資優班老師

409
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:52,359
別說了

410
00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:57,572
你在成長的過程覺得自己很平庸
感覺肯定爛透了

411
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:01,409
我意思是,我真心希望你能放下

412
00:20:01,493 --> 00:20:03,495
因為我覺得你天資聰穎

413
00:20:04,579 --> 00:20:05,872
只是沒我那麼聰明

414
00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,084
- 好啊,是這樣嗎?好吧
- 對,就是這樣

415
00:20:10,585 --> 00:20:14,214
但是講真的,葛瑞格

416
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,257
我只是在想

417
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,594
你要我幫你倒車嗎?

418
00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:21,221
我真的能幫你,你知道嗎?

419
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:24,849
- 以我的聰明才智,這點難不倒...
- 好了,祝妳有個愉快的夜晚

420
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,851
- 好吧,明天見
- 再見

421
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,359
我很開心葛瑞格願意敞開心胸

422
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:39,572
我的意思是,他是很棒的人
在學校裡能多個朋友是好事

423
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,785
怎麼了?

424
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:48,581
我今天學習到蛇蛋和雞蛋長得很像

425
00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:52,001
我的上一所學校都沒有這種好玩的活動

426
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:54,421
天啊

427
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:58,758
我喜歡柯爾曼校長,她像個大孩子

428
00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:01,136
她又蠢又無所事事

429
00:21:07,559 --> 00:21:11,271
有一種天賦總是被人忽略

430
00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:14,232
所以我開設了照料資優班

431
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:16,443
就像反過來的《心靈捕手》

432
00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:24,784
你看見一位在打掃的天才
但我看見了一位打掃天才