1
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:06,965
早安,霍爾老師

2
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:08,133
我是說,早安

3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:11,386
妳叫我在校外時不用拉長音

4
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,680
- 早安,珍妮
- 早安

5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,973
- 所以...
- 霍爾老師?

6
00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,560
- 我是
- 霍爾老師,真的是妳

7
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:22,105
老天!我以為妳早就退休了,沒想到...

8
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:26,151
天哪,我剛載我姪子來學校,然後...
妳一直是我最愛的老師

9
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:30,238
我一直找不到機會
謝謝妳在幼兒園為我做的一切

10
00:00:30,238 --> 00:00:32,949
小甜心,你不用謝我

11
00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,034
是你自己的努力

12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,827
我當然得謝謝妳

13
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:38,163
我進妳的班以前,所有人都認為

14
00:00:38,163 --> 00:00:40,665
「這小子哪天一定會被警察捉走」

15
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:43,501
但多虧妳,我現在成了一名警衛

16
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,672
我真是太以你為榮了

17
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:49,841
對了,你媽媽還好嗎?

18
00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:51,134
有點一言難盡

19
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:54,637
但我媽會非常開心霍爾老師問起她

20
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,599
好啦,小甜心,很高興遇見你

21
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,392
祝你有個美好的一天

22
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,061
- 妳也是,霍爾老師
- 走囉

23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,520
- 再見
- 再見

24
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:05,899
是不是,霍爾老師?

25
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,651
這正是我們從教的原因
為了陶冶那些年輕的心智

26
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:11,696
創造新的可能性、建立連結,真是...

27
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,532
小甜心,我根本不知道那小子是誰

28
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,409
早安

29
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:21,289
(威拉德艾培公立小學)

30
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,917
(團結、積極、創新、卓越、成就)

31
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:36,137
唉唷,看來今天是典型的夏滿蒂好心情日

32
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,222
妳說對了

33
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:40,475
我把車停在最愛的停車位
這杯瑪奇朵完美無瑕

34
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,143
我的鄰居終於找到她的貓

35
00:01:42,227 --> 00:01:44,604
我再也不用隔牆聽她的哭聲了

36
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,773
雅各,你好了嗎?

37
00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:50,985
- 我早就全副武裝,準備好了
- 好極了

38
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,862
準備好做什麼?怎麼了?

39
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:53,988
有個小傳統

40
00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:57,617
我們會大聲唸出
新收到的教師評語和分數

41
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:59,828
我收到的評論總令我受寵若驚

42
00:01:59,828 --> 00:02:01,371
有個老師版的Yelp?

43
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,581
對,要我教你建立個人頁面嗎?

44
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:04,791
因為,如這則評論所說

45
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:07,836
我十分善於解釋複雜的事情

46
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,171
不用了,謝謝,聽起來有點爛

47
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:14,676
- 老天,剛收到一個新的
- 天啊...

48
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,304
怎麼了?

49
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,389
我...沒事

50
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,473
- (經驗:
- C-)

51
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,978
我剛得到一個C-評價
會拉低我的平均分數

52
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,689
並且永遠損害我的名聲

53
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:29,941
你知道就像...不過沒什麼了不起

54
00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,193
如果傳統是件易事,大家都有傳統了

55
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:33,737
大家都有傳統啊

56
00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:39,617
「還不錯,但和另一位二年級老師相比
就比較缺乏經驗」

57
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:42,537
在說我呢,我就是另一位二年級老師

58
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,373
這不算差啊,我收過超沒禮貌的

59
00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,208
學區總長還得來我家安慰我

60
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,669
對,但那是你,我向來零負評

61
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,004
現在不是囉

62
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:54,257
小妞,拜託別說了,妳會害我噴咖啡

63
00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:55,467
聽著,別管這東西

64
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,845
一個設計不良的網站上面的評論
無法決定妳是個怎樣的老師

65
00:02:58,845 --> 00:02:59,929
對,我知道

66
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:03,516
我只是不敢相信
現在全世界都看得到我是個爛老師

67
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,851
孩子,聽好了

68
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:07,896
有進步空間不是什麼錯

69
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:11,816
聽我的話準沒錯,畢竟我就是那個
更優秀、更有經驗的老師

70
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,946
梅麗莎很會和小孩玩,也會開玩笑

71
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,240
她很擅長這些

72
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,993
另一個她比我厲害的地方

73
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:23,620
評論是這麼說的

74
00:03:24,829 --> 00:03:26,623
她是人見人愛的歡樂女神

75
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:31,378
老兄,你能告訴我郵筒在哪嗎?

76
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,004
- 我帶你去
- 跟我說就行了

77
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,215
沒關係,沒事,我們可以一起去

78
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:39,761
講到郵件,我們來聊美國郵政吧?
你聽過信件通知功能嗎?

79
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,430
怎麼了,冏臉捲毛公視伯伯?

80
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,557
早安啊,拉希姆

81
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,393
你讓他們這樣和你講話?

82
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:47,477
我如果沒說錯的話

83
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:50,689
我和學生的感情因吐槽遊戲變得更親近

84
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:54,401
也可以說是冷嘲熱諷
又稱尖酸刻薄或挖苦鬥舌

85
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,027
好多四字成語

86
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,987
聽著,老弟,我老家在巴爾的摩

87
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:01,116
當有人吐你槽,你絕對要吐回去

88
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,367
我的老師會吐我們槽

89
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,327
如果不這樣,我們根本不甩他

90
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:07,414
- 你只是在出糗而已
- 我當然知道自己很糗,好嗎?

91
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,082
但我不知道怎麼吐槽

92
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,250
一點也不難

93
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,502
別人怎麼吐你,你就怎麼吐回去

94
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:15,672
例如,你才衰臉阿公背心小屁孩

95
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:20,427
簡單又傷人,了解,謝謝你

96
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:22,429
我還以為有多難

97
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,682
- 在《迪恩馬丁名人吐槽大會》...
- 郵筒在哪裡?

98
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:27,684
對喔,在這裡

99
00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:33,064
好,點名時間,沒來的人請舉手

100
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,610
很好,所以妮蔻沒來

101
00:04:38,820 --> 00:04:40,822
珍妮,請到我辦公室

102
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:44,325
好,各位同學,安靜

103
00:04:44,409 --> 00:04:48,038
請沒來的同學都乖乖坐著,知道嗎?

104
00:04:48,038 --> 00:04:49,289
我馬上回來

105
00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,332
她馬上回來

106
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:53,626
她看得見我嗎?

107
00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,840
- 小妞
- 艾娃

108
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,968
妳知道我不能把學生丟在教室裡吧?

109
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,679
五分鐘而已,是能發生什麼事?

110
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:07,974
- 能發生很嚴重的事
- 妳說是就是吧

111
00:05:08,058 --> 00:05:11,269
總之,梅麗莎有個學生要轉到妳的班級

112
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,812
真的嗎?為什麼?

113
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,023
我怎知道,世事變幻無常

114
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,941
也許她想離廁所近一點

115
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,068
也許她比較喜歡妳

116
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:21,613
也許她和同學支持不同的饒舌歌手

117
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:23,615
- 我不知道
- 也許她比較喜歡我

118
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,575
妳如果好奇,可以看她的檔案

119
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,160
我依學生爸爸的性感程度歸類

120
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,330
她叫柯特妮皮爾斯,她老爸是極品

121
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,750
沒關係,我不是很喜歡看學生的檔案

122
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,961
我喜歡好好認識學生,才不會先入為主

123
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:39,714
真是個逃避事前做功課的好藉口

124
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:43,718
不知道梅麗莎怎麼想,希望她別太難過

125
00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,303
妳可以現在去看看

126
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:48,223
梅麗莎,珍妮過去了

127
00:05:48,765 --> 00:05:50,850
妳很清楚那個是全校廣播

128
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,894
不是特定教室的廣播吧?

129
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,312
我說妳過去了

130
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,818
他應該是把妹界的榮恩

131
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:03,571
這傢伙像活在自己的播客節目

132
00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:11,746
你看看你,穿著過時藍襯衫卡其褲

133
00:06:14,457 --> 00:06:16,251
和白得發亮的球鞋

134
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:19,504
鞋帶綁著小小蝴蝶結

135
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:23,091
沒錯,緊得根本不可能會鬆掉

136
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,512
吸血鬼週末老師,我覺得很受傷

137
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:30,432
老天

138
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,810
拉希姆,我真的很抱歉

139
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:37,022
你當然感到抱歉了
因為你的嘴唇薄得像要演吸血鬼電影

140
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:38,648
騙到他了!

141
00:06:39,357 --> 00:06:42,110
我們全都這樣穿,這是制服

142
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,570
觀察力有待加強,老兄

143
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:47,490
大家都說第一年教書是最難熬的

144
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,578
但都已經第二年了

145
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:54,330
- 減一元會等於...
- 梅麗莎

146
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,415
- 我來了
- 什麼?

147
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,168
抱歉,我知道妳和艾娃談過了,可真尷尬

148
00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,377
什麼事情很尷尬?

149
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:02,881
就是妳的學生比較喜歡我的那件事呀

150
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,508
原來是那件事,不尷尬啊,只是...

151
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,510
妳帶走柯特妮以前

152
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,388
- 最好先知道幾件事
- 我知道妳比我有經驗

153
00:07:10,472 --> 00:07:12,932
但妳的學生要求轉班

154
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:16,853
說明了我的班級有迷人之處
讓這些孩子趨之若鶩

155
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,231
柯特妮,過來,小寶貝

156
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:27,155
妳準備要和這位
自信滿滿的蒂格老師去新班級囉

157
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,907
去收拾東西吧

158
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:31,576
我是教師界的籃球戰神

159
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,703
而我從妳身上一腳跨了過去

160
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,164
妳說我是NBA的三屆冠軍泰隆魯?

161
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,500
- 是這意思?
- 沒錯,妳很懂籃球

162
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:41,419
但我重點是,也許我教得不錯

163
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,213
也許妳才教得不好

164
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:45,215
好了

165
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,175
柯特妮

166
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:52,180
我要妳在蒂格老師身邊
繼續做最棒的自己,知道嗎?

167
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:56,351
我相信妳在她的班級會過得很開心

168
00:07:56,351 --> 00:07:57,435
好吧

169
00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,604
玩得開心

170
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:03,358
很好

171
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,612
看看你們,自律的好孩子

172
00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,948
為我們的新同學樹立好榜樣

173
00:08:09,948 --> 00:08:12,826
- 大家好,我是珍妮
- 妳好,珍妮

174
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,286
不是,她不是珍妮,她叫...

175
00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:18,790
- 我叫珍妮蒂格
- 妳好,珍妮

176
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:21,042
- 她不叫珍妮
- 是,我叫珍妮

177
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:23,211
柯特妮?

178
00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:26,339
她是我遇過最頭痛的學生之一

179
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,299
她絕對會把珍妮活活生吞

180
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,012
好,大家起立,我們要唸效忠宣誓詞了

181
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:36,266
安德魯除外,他的立場是反對民族主義

182
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,517
沒錯,很好

183
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:39,227
大家一起...

184
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,854
我...

185
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:46,109
我宣誓效忠於柯特妮合眾國的旗幟

186
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:49,821
以及柯特妮所代表的共和國

187
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:54,617
柯特妮庇佑下的國家一體,不可分割

188
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:58,038
我只為柯特妮,柯特妮是唯一

189
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,751
沒有錯,做得很好

190
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,086
沒有錯,做得很好

191
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:06,755
柯特妮,回妳的座位

192
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:09,215
- 但我已經寫完了
- 回去

193
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,302
(叫我臭大頭)

194
00:09:12,302 --> 00:09:14,346
下一個字是「順利」

195
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,430
快上...

196
00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:19,684
- 加油!
- 好了

197
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:21,770
(叛逆)

198
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,813
- 叛逆者?
- 我寫的是動詞

199
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,483
(順利)

200
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,737
柯特妮...快住手

201
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,447
柯特妮

202
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,909
是妳呀,怎麼了嗎?

203
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,370
我剛好經過,想看看柯特妮的情況

204
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,955
柯特妮適應得很好

205
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,832
事實上,全班都適應得很好

206
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,877
她就像失而復得的拼圖,讓我們班變完整

207
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:49,005
那太好了,我很驚訝妳沒遇到任何問題

208
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,634
我當初花了好幾個月
才成功讓她不干擾其他同學

209
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,011
妳看妳,只花幾個鐘頭就成功了

210
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,263
妳真的比我厲害很多

211
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:06,022
我正在教他們重力

212
00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:08,900
有個小祕密

213
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:12,112
柯特妮之所以轉班,不是因為我管不了她

214
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,697
是她向爸媽要求轉班的

215
00:10:13,697 --> 00:10:16,783
因為我已經看穿她所有小伎倆了

216
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,451
大部分伎倆

217
00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,413
除了通心粉那次,沒人料得到

218
00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,289
我說:「我沒有要載你

219
00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,084
但我打算送你去謝謝再連絡」

220
00:10:26,084 --> 00:10:27,752
我就知道會這樣

221
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,713
女士們,抱歉打個岔

222
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,549
妳之前和我提過
有柯特妮皮爾斯的檔案對吧?

223
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,176
是啊,厚得像字典、重得像石頭

224
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,513
妳和柯特妮之間有什麼問題嗎?

225
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,723
稱不上是問題...

226
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:43,143
她要幫忙,妳看她臉上寫著「幫幫我」

227
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,687
不對,我臉上寫的不是「幫幫我」

228
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:50,191
而是「遊刃有餘」,我全身上下寫滿...

229
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:53,319
那太好了,因為我無法幫妳

230
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:56,322
艾娃和我打了個小賭

231
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:59,451
賭妳能不能成功化解柯特妮危機

232
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,036
所以我不能左右結果

233
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,079
等等,什麼,妳們拿我當賭注?

234
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,164
是呀

235
00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:08,168
妳們將我的教學表現視為娛樂?

236
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,172
很好,妳們聽好,我會贏走妳們全部的錢

237
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:14,716
珍妮

238
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,261
妳應該知道打賭不是這樣玩的,對吧?

239
00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:22,432
艾娃,我一定要看那份檔案

240
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,393
好,妳不必一副不屈不饒的樣子

241
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:28,313
沒人說妳不能看檔案,我昨天有問妳

242
00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,065
直接去我辦公室看吧

243
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,025
好

244
00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,240
- 你還好嗎?
- 不...算了

245
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,831
(柯特妮皮爾斯)

246
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,708
(父親:派翠克,顏值:9分)

247
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:54,964
(心理戰)

248
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,092
「心理戰」?

249
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:01,805
「她某天能成為一名出色的邪教領袖
梅麗莎夏滿蒂」

250
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:05,892
我找到柯特妮的檔案,這可是重大發現

251
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,561
我不敢相信梅麗莎向我隱瞞這些事

252
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:11,064
但我現在知道,就能對付她了

253
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,066
我只需要和柯特妮溝通...

254
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,109
(第二部分)

255
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:15,735
...跟她說這樣做不對

256
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,780
我敢說從沒有人和她好好溝通過

257
00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:20,657
聆聽她的感受

258
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,330
來點果汁?

259
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,125
蘋果汁,妳有事嗎?

260
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:32,627
好吧

261
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:39,467
柯特妮,妳知道人的情感中樞
不在心的位置,而是在大腦嗎?

262
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:43,054
- 沒興趣
- 好啦,坐下,等等,好吧

263
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:46,558
妳是天生的領袖,柯特妮

264
00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:50,103
或許以前的老師們看不見妳的特質

265
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,563
但我看見了

266
00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:56,818
我知道,妳把同學們的鞋帶綁一起
然後叫他們跳舞

267
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,820
妳只是想獲得肯定

268
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,531
柯特妮,我就是肯定妳的人

269
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,742
我們可以促膝長談

270
00:13:03,742 --> 00:13:06,703
或一起玩拼圖,我敢說妳跟我一樣愛拼圖

271
00:13:07,871 --> 00:13:11,291
我們可以一起交流內心的感受和想法

272
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,335
- 好
- 好

273
00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,097
我說嘛...

274
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,936
所以我去找她,和她好好坐著談

275
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,939
因為教育終究是一門溝通的學問

276
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,483
這是我堅信的

277
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,735
- 我不是跟誰比較,但...
- 芭芭拉

278
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,863
妳有被妳的學生吐槽過嗎?

279
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:45,200
第一,他們才五歲,第二,他們很尊重我

280
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,911
第三,他們能說什麼?

281
00:13:51,081 --> 00:13:53,375
我需要找人聊聊,朋友談心那種

282
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:59,464
你有過那種被狗追趕
但你分不出狗是想玩或想咬你的經驗嗎?

283
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,548
沒有

284
00:14:00,632 --> 00:14:02,258
你同時不想停下腳步

285
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,886
因為如果狗不是在玩,你就會被咬

286
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:07,555
我今天回學生的吐槽,但不管用

287
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:12,352
- 事情越演越烈,還莫名地一針見血
- 拜託,哪能這麼糟

288
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:15,063
他們叫我晨間讀報機同性戀部長

289
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,108
既乏味死板又具冒犯性

290
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:21,236
那家晨報負責人離職後
我根本一個字都不想讀了

291
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,029
你也許得試著服輸,老弟

292
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,948
你玩他們的遊戲,永遠別想贏

293
00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:26,741
就好比他們想向你挑戰...

294
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,536
《龍與地下城》

295
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,539
你無法找人挑戰《龍與地下城》

296
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,082
那是一款合作遊戲

297
00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:36,209
重點是集體經歷而不是輸贏

298
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,548
謝謝,你這個
情深意厚、拔刀相助的老朋友

299
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,262
一切還好嗎?

300
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:50,890
妳說呢?妳這裡有隻瞌睡蟲呢

301
00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:55,603
想知道我班上有瞌睡蟲的時候
我都怎麼做嗎?

302
00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:56,896
當然

303
00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,066
沒怎麼做,因為從沒發生過
我的小孩都很樂在其中

304
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:04,529
妳有空嗎?我想讓妳看看柯特妮的狀況

305
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,283
好吧,小老鷹們

306
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:10,493
今天自習時間提早開始,知道嗎?

307
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:12,412
知道了,夏滿蒂老師

308
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:15,623
妳把我從課堂叫出來不是為了吹噓而已吧

309
00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:17,083
不是,當然不是

310
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,089
柯特妮在教我們新單字

311
00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,427
(...的拼圖)

312
00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:30,096
柯特妮

313
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:32,682
都別看了

314
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,479
好吧,同學們

315
00:15:37,479 --> 00:15:40,148
我們要去夏滿蒂老師的教室待一會兒

316
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,150
讓強森先生幫我們清白板

317
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,737
因為柯特妮用麥克筆寫白板

318
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:50,825
即便白板筆就在旁邊
她明明知道,明知故犯

319
00:15:50,909 --> 00:15:54,329
我聽說有個賭注,我還來得及下注嗎?

320
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:02,712
我從原本一位老師變兩位老師
是不是超...?

321
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,297
- 柯特妮!
- 柯特妮!

322
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,299
我很開心她轉到妳的班級

323
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:08,468
這樣妳們兩個可以一起鬧脾氣

324
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:13,181
不好意思
妳沒先警告我柯特妮的狀況,就把她送來

325
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,974
妳這不也是鬧脾氣嗎?

326
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,976
沒錯,我看到妳寫的註記

327
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,770
我有要警告妳,妳這老頑固

328
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:22,315
但妳太自以為是,什麼都聽不進去

329
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:25,110
要不是妳昨天那樣嘲笑我

330
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:28,905
- 我戒心不會這麼重
- 珍妮,我開玩笑的

331
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:32,659
不像妳說我教得不好,我才不會這樣說妳

332
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:36,871
我知道那則評論讓妳很難過
但妳不該這樣對我

333
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:42,669
好吧,我很抱歉

334
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:45,213
妳說得對,沒錯

335
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,675
那則評論真的很傷我的心

336
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,218
而我遷怒於妳

337
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:53,555
那則評論根本沒什麼
上面只說妳「比較缺乏經驗」

338
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:57,475
聽著, 妳如果上臉書評論 看我舅舅羅科的三明治店

339
00:16:57,559 --> 00:16:59,936
妳會以為他在賣餿掉的三明治

340
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:03,606
但他還是繼續做三明治,為什麼?

341
00:17:04,232 --> 00:17:05,567
因為大多數人愛吃

342
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,236
妳也要繼續做妳的三明治

343
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,573
我們現在該拿她怎麼辦?

344
00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,620
謝謝您的惠顧

345
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,622
(亞伯拉罕林肯)

346
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,459
這傢伙會是灌籃高手但當時沒籃球

347
00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:24,419
十九世紀瘦長人鬼臉

348
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,504
很好,講得很有趣

349
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:29,382
但試著把課堂上學到的加進吐槽裡

350
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:32,093
在福特劇院頭部中彈的老傢伙

351
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,889
這老頭已逾八十有七載沒闔眼睡過覺

352
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:36,973
眼袋都快垂下來

353
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:39,059
亞伯拉罕林肯,林肯總統,希爾老師

354
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,311
沒錯,幹得好,夢幻團隊!

355
00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:48,818
我覺得這個讚現在是我們之間的默契

356
00:17:49,694 --> 00:17:52,030
- 再見,別忘了寫作業
- 夏滿蒂老師

357
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,282
- 什麼事?
- 柯特妮說我是雞翅

358
00:17:54,366 --> 00:17:57,202
才不是,我說你很機智,你這白癡

359
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,661
- 柯特妮!
- 告訴妳們

360
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,123
我要回家倒頭就睡
因為我一整個筋疲力盡

361
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,292
她說了什麼?

362
00:18:04,376 --> 00:18:07,337
我覺得這孩子的字彙程度非常高級

363
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,172
她上禮拜還糾正我的數學

364
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:12,217
她先丟釘書機,但她的數學是對的

365
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:15,428
我先前看了柯特妮第二部分的檔案

366
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:17,681
我發現她的成績從沒退步

367
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,475
通常孩子有一些行為問題時

368
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:21,976
妳能從他們的成績看見端倪

369
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,937
沒錯,這就是問題所在

370
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:26,648
成績優異的問題學生都難以管束

371
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,067
好了

372
00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:31,653
如果我們給她獎勵呢?

373
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,198
妳似乎突破盲點了,小菜鳥

374
00:18:35,699 --> 00:18:36,700
(時鐘、街區、羊群)

375
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,953
- 好,B會唸成「街區」,
- C該怎麼唸?

376
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:42,580
不對,再試試

377
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,333
答對了,做得好

378
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,586
當你以為你很了解某人

379
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:50,880
他卻用他的大拇哥背叛了你

380
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:55,927
用一對大姆哥唱雙簧的大屁孩

381
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:57,429
很好

382
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,515
妳想讓那個寫髒話的孩子跳級?

383
00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:01,599
沒錯

384
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:05,103
我和梅麗莎聊過她讓柯特妮聽話的方式

385
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:08,231
我們發現唯一有用的方法
就是讓她覺得有挑戰性

386
00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,775
妳確定妳不是想把柯特妮丟給別的老師?

387
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:13,903
不是...我認為只有增加學習難度

388
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,322
才能有效處理柯特妮的問題

389
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,658
這樣她才沒時間干擾其他同學

390
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:21,369
為什麼聽起來很熟悉?

391
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,372
等一下

392
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,125
第三部分?

393
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,252
是我不好,她應該跳過二年級的

394
00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:32,422
但他們在音樂節期間跟我說的
我那個月漏了很多工作

395
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,049
音樂節不就一個週末嗎?

396
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,592
那是對妳而言

397
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,430
芭芭拉,這裡沒什麼好看的

398
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:44,184
珍妮只不過不停地抱怨柯特妮有多難應付

399
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,478
以及她有多應接不暇

400
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,521
是這樣嗎?

401
00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:51,191
好吧

402
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,026
我猜嚴格來說,珍妮成功了

403
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:56,321
她想到可以讓柯特妮跳一級

404
00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,031
這局算妳贏了

405
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,409
芭芭拉?

406
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:03,745
妳對我有信心?

407
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:06,331
珍妮,妳要不要快去處理跳級的事?

408
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:10,168
否則妳那混亂的班都快人仰馬翻了

409
00:20:11,586 --> 00:20:12,587
好的

410
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,303
這是愛心,我跟柯特妮學的

411
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,891
我以為芭芭拉賭我輸,但她沒有

412
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:29,104
原來她認為我是好老師,說不定勝過...

413
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,690
柯特妮!

414
00:20:31,690 --> 00:20:33,358
柯特妮...

415
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:36,194
妳是怎麼跑回來的?柯特妮!

416
00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,828
幾乎全乾,怎樣,妳是疾管局嗎?

417
00:20:44,828 --> 00:20:49,207
我不要有妳胸罩味的錢,明天就要給我

418
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,418
- 因為,艾娃...
- 幹嘛?

419
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:55,213
妳不會想欠我錢的

420
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:04,848
可惡!

421
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:11,938
怎樣?

422
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:19,532
字幕翻譯:李羽婷