Who's There?
(Screams)
Whoa!
Hey, Dad.
What Are You Doing Out Here?
I'm Just Taking Some Topsoil.
You're...
Taking Our Dirt?
Dad, It's Not For Me.
We're Having A Plant Sale At The Center.
Consider It A Donation. Mom Did.
I Don't Understand Why
You Have To Come Here For Everything!
Between Here And The Center
I Know That There's Got To Be 120 Empty Lots.
You Could Have Dug There.
Why Here?
Dad, I Can't Go Around Stealing Public Property.
I Mean... Come On.
Wh... What's A Bag Of Dirt?
Okay.
Go Ahead, Man.
Take It.
Take It All
And Dig A Hole Deep Enough
That You Can Just Throw Me
Right On In.
Take It And Be My Guest.
Tell The People At The Center
Donated By Your Father.
Well, Dad, Okay, Dig This.
I Think I Have Some News
That Might Bring You A Little Bit Of Comfort.
What?
You Remember The Tartan Company?
They've Been Pressuring Me
To Give Them An Answer About The Job Offer.
Yeah, Yeah.
Big Move-- San Francisco.
I'm Turning The Job Down.
I'm Going To Grad School
Like I Planned
And I'm Going To Continue Volunteering
At The Center.
You're Not Going?
Nope.
Clair!
He's Not Going!
But... I Mean...
You're Staying, Right?
Yes, Yes, I'm Staying.
Of Course, I Would Have Been Just As Happy If You...
If You Were Going To Go...
But You're Staying?
And You're Staying In The City?
Not In This House?
Yeah, Yeah.
No, No, Not In The House.
Oh, Well, Then...
In That Case, Then...
This... This Is On Me.
Good Morning.
Both: Good Morning.
Are You Ready?
Ready For What?
Don't You Remember?
We're Making A Picture Book About You For School.
Oh, That's Right.
The Life Story Of A Parent Or Guardian.
Not The Whole Life Story.
What Were You Like At Age Six?
Yeah, What Did You Look Like?
What Did I Look Like?
I Was Handsome.
Well, Not Really Handsome.
Sort Of... Dashing.
Dashing? What Does That Mean?
Dashing Is Handsome, Only Faster.
Yeah, Yeah.
What Are You Drawing?
Is That..?
Pardon Me.
Is This Supposed To Be Me?
And This Is The Best You Can Do Is Draw..?
I Am...
You're Going To Have To Do Better Than This.
Dr. Huxtable, Marlon Is The Best Drawer In My Class.
You Got Some Sad Drawers In Your Class.
What Else Can You Draw?
I Can Draw A Bike, A Seesaw, And A Balloon.
Now You're Cooking Because Those Three Things
Happen To Be The Most Important Things In My Life
When I Was That Age.
That's Great.
Tell Us About Your Bike.
Well, I Named The Bike "Bob."
Bob The Bike.
Did You Ride Fast?
Oh, Fast?
Man, Let Me Tell You Fast.
I Rode So Fast
That People In The Neighborhood Would Say... Would Say...
"There Goes Bob-And-Cliff."
Whenever A Wind Came Up, They Said
"That Must Be Bob-And-Cliff."
I Rode So Fast, The Police Said
"Cliff, We're Going To Have To Create
A Special Lane For You."
And Henceforth Came
What Is Known In America Today As The Bike Lane.
Where Is Bob Now?
He's In The Smithsonian.
Bob The Bike Is Hanging On A Right Angle
Held By Two Wires, Next To The Spirit Of St. Louis.
Looks Like A Rocket.
Thank You Very Much, Dr. Huxtable.
Well, You Know...
There Are Other Things That I Have.... I Have Done.
For Instance
When I Was A Child
I Invented...
What Is Called Today "Recess."
Now...
In The Beginning, It Was Called "Heathcliff."
Iinvented That.
Now, You Start To Write About It.
Think About Those Things.
You're Not Talking To An Ordinary Human Being.
Hey, Hello, Honey.
How Are You?
Heathcliff...
All Right, You Heard Her--
Take A Break.
Olivia: Mrs. Huxtable
If You Were Doing A Book
About Somebody When He Was Little
And You Don't Believe What He Says
What Do You Do?
Uh, You Go To Another Source.
What's A Source?
A Source Is Someone
Who Knows That Person Very Well.
That Would Be You.
No, That Would Be Someone Who Knew That Person
When That Person Was A Child...
I Mean, A Little Boy.
I Bet Grandpa Huxtable Would Know Him.
Let's Call And Ask Him.
And Then We'll Take A "Heathcliff."
Oh, Lord.
I'll Dial.
Oh, Snap!
This Is Unbelievable!
What's That?
Money, Man!
You Know, It Must Be At Least $500!
Wait, Let Me See That.
Hey, Yo, That's $600!
Yes!
Whoa!
You're Going To Give It Back To Him?
Well, Yeah, Rahim Found It.
What He Does Is His Decision.
I'm Out Of Here!
No, Wait. Wait. Wait.
I'm Sure You Would Like To Discuss With Us
What To Do With It.
What's To Discuss?
Except That Fate Has Found Rahim At Last!
Well, Rahim, The Money Obviously Belongs To Someone.
Yeah, Those Look Like Initials On That Clip--
"Y.E.Z."
No, See, Those Aren't Initials.
It's A Message From The Heavens.
See, I Looked Up And Silently Prayed
"Is This Money Really For Me?"
And The Answer Came Thundering Down
"Yez, Rahim, Yez."
You're Not Really Going To Keep The Money?
I'll Give It To My Father.
It'll Make Up For What He Lost When He Got Laid Off.
(Chattering)
Okay, Hold On.
I See That We Have
A Difference Of Opinions Here.
But We Have One Fact, Right?
$600.
Now Maybe Rahim Wouldn't Mind A Little Input From His Friends
About What To Do With His Money Here.
Okay, I'll Hear Just A Few Opinions.
He Should Keep It. Thanks!
Whoa, Rahim, Okay.
Stanley, You Say He Should Keep It.
Let's Get This Down, All Right?
Louise, Help Me With The Blackboard.
All: Not The Blackboard!
Theo: Yes, The Blackboard.
It's About Time You Knuckleheads Learn Something Today.
Okay, Now, Stanley, You Say He Should Keep It.
Why Should Rahim Keep The Money?
I Say It's Part Of The Loss Money Pool.
What?
The Loss Money Pool.
See, When We Lose Money
We're Making Deposits Into The Pool
And When We Find Money, We're Making A Withdrawal.
See, Rahim Here Was Swimming In The Deep End Of The Pool
When The Money Floated Right Into His Little Hands.
Right, My Partner?
Leticia, You Think We Should Find The Owner?
I Agree. Yeah.
That Money Could Belong To Some Poor Old Lady With 13 Cats.
Okay. Cat Woman.
Or It Could Belong To A Drug Dealer.
Ah, Right, Drug Dealer.
Luis: Wait A Minute.
We Don't Want The Drug Dealer To Have It.
We Don't Return The Money If The Owner Is A Drug Dealer?
Yes. Yes. Yes.
It Could Be
Some Poor Family's Rent Money.
So You Are Saying
That If It's A Rich Person, We Keep The Money
But If It's A Poor Person, Give It Back?
Look, You Guys.
It Doesn't Matter Whose It Is.
You Know It's Not Yours, Rahim.
I Found It.
Yo, Look.
Leticia's Right.
We Should Look For The Owner, No Matter Who It Is.
Really, Eugene?
That's Very Refreshing.
Well, It Is The Honorable Thing To Do
Isn't It?
(Kids Arguing)
Why Is It That
I'm The Only One Telling The Truth Around Here?
You Know That If Theo Wasn't Here
You'd All Say, "Keep The Money."
(Kids Arguing)
I Think I Might Have Left Something Here.
Can I Help You?
I'm Theo Huxtable.
Yes. My Name Is Yasmin Zander.
(Groans)
(Laughing)
Wait A Minute.
What's Your Middle Name?
Edward.
Dang.
Yo, Rahim?
(Groans)
(Sighs)
Well, Here You Are.
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know
About Young Heathcliff Is Right In This Box.
All Right!
What Do You Have, Grandpa?
Well, Let's See, Uh...
Here's A Picture Of Heathcliff
When He Was Eight Years Old On Halloween.
He Was Standing
On The Front Stoop Of Our House In Philadelphia.
What's He Dressed As?
A Cheese Steak Hoagie.
Hoagie?
What Kind Of Costume Is That?
Turn The Picture On Its Side
To Get The Full Effect.
Oh!
Oh, Let's See...
What Else Have We Got In Here?
Oh, Hmm-Hmm!
Heathcliff's First Grade Report Card.
There's Writing On The Back.
Oh, That's, Uh, The Teacher's Comments.
"Heathcliff Has An Active Imagination
"But Has A Tendency To Disrupt The Class
"And Due To The Length Of His Presentations
He Has Been Banned From Show-And-Tell."
Ooh, He Got In Trouble!
Well, Now, That Was Only One Side Of Heathcliff.
Here's Another Side.
Now, Here's Heathcliff Taking His First Bath In The Big Tub.
Ooh, Dr. Huxtable's Naked!
And Look At His Belly Button!
He Has An Outie!
And Look!
He's Got That Same Smile!
Well, Heathcliff Always Had A Capacity
For Entertaining Himself.
When We Put Him To Bed At Night, He Never Cried.
He Would Just Sit Up In That Crib For Hours, Going...
"Yabba-Yabba-Yabba-Yabba Yabba-Yabba-Yabba."
(Chanting:) We Saw You Naked!
What You Got There, Dad?
These Children Are Doing A Book About You.
They Wanted To Check
Their Facts.
What's This?
Uh, Why Don't You Read It To Him, Dad.
Mm-Hmm.
The Adventures Of Bob And Cliff.
That Is Correct-- Bob And Cliff.
And, Uh, If You Notice The Photograph There...
Oh, Excuse Me, Is That A Photograph Of Me?
And I'm Standing Beside
Bob The Bike, Huh?
I Can Still Feel The Wind In My Face.
Wait A Minute.
You Said This Bike Is Hanging
In The Smithsonian.
I... I... I Did Not.
I...
I Said That I Gave The Bike To My Friend Tom Smith...
And That The Bike Is "In The Smith Home, Man."
But You Said It Was Hanging There
Like A Rocket.
I Said That They Put The Bike Near A Rocker.
Well, You Did Say
It Was Hanging Next To The Spirit Of St. Louis.
I Said That The Smith Family Moved To St. Louis
And That Is The Spirit.
See, You Children Don't Listen To Me.
Yo, Rahim, What's Up?
I'll Tell You What's Up... Ten Bucks.
That's My Reward.
Ten Bucks!
Well, Hey, Man, Ten Bucks Is...
Not Much.
But Listen, It's More Than What You Came In With.
Things Have Not Been So Great For My Family Lately.
That Money Could Have Helped Us.
The Money Wasn't Yours To Begin With.
Do You Know How Mr. Zander Got That Money?
He Won It
Betting On Horses.
What Justice!
You're Right. There Is None.
No, "What Justice" Is The Name Of The Horse.
Can You Believe It?
That Was Free Money To Zander.
It Could Have Been Free Money To Me.
That's Wack.
Would You Feel Better
If The Money Went To Homeless People?
Yeah! The People Who Need It Most Never Get It.
Other People Get It.
Like Politicians
Movie Stars, Ball Players, Preachers...
They're All Taking Down Big Bucks.
Yeah, You're Right.
But They're Not All Good People.
Some Do Drugs, Some Steal It
Some Lie All The Time Just To Keep Their Money.
How Does That Affect Rahim?
This Rahim Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut
And Walked Out Of Here
With That Money.
But Nooo...
This Rahim Is The Last Honest Fool.
Oh, Come On, Now.
You Are The Only One Calling Yourself A Fool.
Say You Did Take The Money Home.
What Would Your Father Do?
First, He Would Have Asked Me Where I Got The Money.
Then He Would Have Made Me Return It.
Maybe That's Because He's A Fool Too.
I Must Be A Fool Too
Because I Would Have Returned It.
So That Makes Three Of Us, Right?
Then There's Deirdre, Leticia, Eugene...
That Brings The Fool Count Up To Six.
See, But You Stand Out, Rah.
You're The Fool Who Had To Prove It.
And Also, You Got
Ten Dollars For It.
I Guess You're Right.
Be Careful, Because Leticia Might Start Liking You.
Oh, Man!
Well, Hello There.
Hello.
Hello There
My Tiny Little Scribes.
(Sighs)
Both: Yabba-Yabba, Yabba-Yabba, Yabba-Yabba...
Now, What Was That All About?
Maybe They're Taking A Heathcliff.
Two Six-Year-Olds Come To You For A Bit Of Personal History--
For A School Project, And What Happens?
A 76-Year-Old Man Has To Drive 40 Miles
To Unspin Your Yarns.
Now, Now, Just Hear Me Out...
Has There Been A Day In Life
When You Did Not Embroider The Truth Beyond Recognition?
Well, Look...
Didn't I Tell You, In 1967...
Yabba-Yabba-Yabba-Yabba
Yabba-Yabba-Yabba-Yabba...
Well, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait...
Don't Leave, Don't Leave, Don't Leave, Okay?
All Right, Now, If You Want
A True Story
I'll Be Happy To Tell You A True Story.
No More Kidding Around.
Okay, Tell Us Your Story.
It Was Nineteen Forty...
Three!
I Was Six Years Old
And We Had Entered World War Ii.
I... I Actually Joined In The Fight.
You Were A Soldier When You Were Six?
Actually...
I...
Was Not A Soldier.
However, They Asked The Civilians
To Do Certain Things.
What Did You Do?
I Was Put In Charge Of Collecting Tinfoil.
The Cigarette Packs Had Tinfoil On Top Of The Paper
And My Job Was To Take That And Take...
Peel Off That Tinfoil.
I Was Good At It.
Candy Bars Were Like That.
Cracker Jacks-- That Was My Job.
I'd Make A Little Ball, And Then A Bigger Ball
And I'd Walk Around The City
And I Was Always Like This--
Always Looking For Tinfoil Everywhere I Went
And It Got So People In Philadelphia Said
"There's Heathcliff The Magnet
The... The American Patriot."
They Did Call Him Heathcliff The Magnet
And He Was A Patriot.
And I Collected And Balled Up So Much
I Had A Ball Of Tinfoil This High.
No, Heathcliff, It Was This High.
Absolutely.
I Remember
You Could Hardly See Over It
When The Paper Took That Picture.
There You Go.
Your Picture Was In The Paper?
Yes.
Anna Sent It To Me Overseas.
Now, That's A Great Story.
So Make Sure You Write All The Facts Down--
Get Everything Straight.
Ooh!
I Have A Silver Crayon!
I'm Drawing The Tinfoil Ball.
Uh, Look, Son...
Son, Let Me Help You Here.
See, You Have To Make It Bigger Than That.
That Ball Was Big.
That Was Bigger, All Over...