Woman: Samantha Had The Opportunity, But She Had No Motive.
Man: Who's The Cop Here?
Besides, She Had No Training In The Crossbow.
(Mystery Movie Music Playing)
Commercial Announcer: For Cleaner, Brighter Laundry...
What Are You Doing?
Changing The Channel.
No. I Am Watching This Movie.
It's A Commercial.
I'm Going To Scan.
That's What You Do All The Time.
You Scan.
But It's A Commercial.
They'll Be There About A Minute And 30 Seconds.
You Can Count.
One Alligator, Two Alligator...
I Don't Want To Count Alligators, Cliff.
I Would Rather Watch The Commercial.
Well, Fine, Okay.
Watch The Commercial.
If You Want To Live A One-Channel Life...
You Probably Never Even Been Past Channel 41.
Here.
Thank You Very Much.
I Better Not Miss A Thing.
You're Not Going To Miss Anything.
(Flipping Through Channels)
(Bell Ringing)
Oh, All Right, The Fight!
The Fight.
Cliff, That's Pay-Per-View.
The Picture Is Scrambled.
I Know What It Is, Dear
But On Pay-Per-View
If You Do Your Head Like This And Your Eyes...
Wait, He's Down!
I'm Going Back To The Movie.
Huh?
Back To The Movie.
(End Credit Music Playing)
Now You See?
It's Finished.
Too Many Alligators.
Well, You Want To Watch Something Else?
No, Thank You.
Don't Get An Attitude.
Hey, Dad, Hey, Mom.
Oh, Tim, Nikki, How Are You?
Both: Hi, Dr. &Amp; Mrs. Huxtable.
You Remember Eugene?
Yes. How Are You, Eugene?
Hi, Dr. &Amp; Mrs. Huxtable.
Well, You Guys, The Rummage Sale
Was A Huge Success.
Dad, There's All Your Stuff Back.
What Do You Mean, All My Stuff Back?
You Couldn't Sell My Stuff?
What..? What About..?
Why Couldn't You Sell The Snack Captain?
Dad, It Was Broken.
It Is Not Broken.
All The Person Had To Do Was Buy It
And Take The Wires And Tighten It.
You Don't Have To Worry About That, Dr. Huxtable.
We Made Lots Of Money
With Everyone Else's Stuff.
We Even Made Enough Money
To Get The Computers At The Center Repaired.
And Buy New Computer Software, Right?
Come On, Mr. Megabyte.
Let's Take These Collectibles To The Basement.
I'll Help.
Thanks A Lot.
Sure.
There's Cake On The Counter.
Help Yourselves.
Be Careful With That Stuff.
Some Of It's Broken.
We're Very Glad Things Went Well Today.
Thanks A Lot, Mom And Dad, For Your Help.
Obviously, We Didn't Do Much.
No, I Didn't Mean The Rummage Sale.
I Meant This Piece Of Paper Here.
My Baby...
My Baby!
What? What? What? What?
This Says, "Dear Mr. Huxtable, I Am Pleased To Inform You..."
My Baby!
What?
My Baby!
What?!
Somebody Say What!
It Says That My Baby Has Been Admitted
As A Master Of Arts Candidate In The Department Of Psychology
At Nyu!
My Baby!
Thanks, Mom.
Thank You.
My Son.
All Right, My Son!
Thank You Very Much.
If You're So Smart
How Come You Couldn't Sell My Snack Captain?
Cliff, Please.
We Have To Celebrate.
You Know, You And Tim And Eugene And Nikki
Should Stay For Dinner.
Mom, I'd Love To, But I Have To Get Eugene Back
And Tim Has Another Recruiting Reception.
He's Getting His Degree And He Still Can't Find A Job.
It's Rough.
Yeah, It's Tough.
I Got A Lot Of Friends Who Are Out Of Work
But Thanks To You Guys
I Don't Have To Worry About That
For A While.
You're Still Paying For My Grad School, Right?
Graduate School?
Yeah, Remember Me?
"Your Baby! Your Baby!"
That's What Your Mother Said.
How About, "My Son! My Son!"
You Want To Pick Up His Tab For Grad School?
I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way.
Thanks, Mom.
Dad, Thank You.
And That Celebration Dinner--
Let's Do It Next Week, On Me.
Actually, It Will Be On You 'Cause It's Your Money
But I'll Make The Reservations.
Oh, Man.
You Got The Checkbook Blues?
I Raised $1,800 For The Community Center
But I Can't Find More Than $4.50 In My Own Checkbook.
Come With Me To This Reception.
Free Food At The Best Thai Restaurant.
I Am Not Going To Just Crash A Corporate Mixer.
There Will Be Plenty Of People.
No One Will Notice You.
Did You Say Free Food?
I Told You This Was A Great Restaurant.
I'll Be Over By The Food.
Put A Name Tag On.
You've Got To Blend In.
Okay.
Not So Sloppy, Theo.
Your Handwriting Says A Lot About You.
And This Says, "Which Way Is The Buffet Table?"
Ahh... Well, Hello, Mr. Shrimp.
(Tapping Glass)
May I Have Your Attention Please?
I'm Gwen Graham...
And I'm Andy Anderson.
Welcome To The Tartan Company's Reception.
I'd Like To Thank You
For Your Interest In Our Company.
Before We Start Eating...
(Clanging)
...We'd Just Like To Say A Few Words.
I'm Sure Many Of You Were Raised On Our Soups
But As Our Slogan Says, "We're Not Just Soup Anymore."
We're Into Everything From Broadcasting
To Agri-Business To Major League Baseball.
(Silverware Clattering)
Um... Now, If You'd Like To, Stop By The Buffet
And Help Yourself To Whatever's Left.
Enjoy.
Excuse Me.
Well, Mr.... Hurtable
You Certainly Are A Self-Starter.
Thank You.
So, Ms. Graham, You Live In San Francisco.
The Home Office, Right?
Uh-Huh.
I Love Those Cable Cars.
And Fisherman's Wharf.
Speaking Of Fishermen
I Understand You Reeled In A High Earnings Last Quarter.
We Were Very Pleased With Our Bottom Line, Mr....
Coyle. Archie Coyle.
Mr. Hurtable
You're Awfully Quiet Over There.
Oh, I'm Just Taking It All In.
What I Think Hurtable's Trying To Say Is
This Is Some Restaurant.
It's Not Your Typical Cuisine--
It's Off The Beaten Path.
That Shows A Willingness To Take Risks.
That's What Archie Coyle Is All About.
Excuse Me, Guys.
Don't Miss The Noodles.
How About You, Ms. Ladly?
What Are You About?
Money.
I Like It.
It's Necessary To Survive
And If I'm Making Money, You're Making Money.
We Pay Very Fair Salaries.
You Seem Marketing-Oriented.
What Areas Interest You?
Which Areas Have The Highest Salary?
I Can Answer That.
I Bet You Can, Mr....
Coyle. Archie Coyle.
Anyone Else Care To Share Their Interest?
Mr., Uh... Huntable.
I Like Working With People Who Help People.
Tartan Has Foundations Dedicated To Charity.
And I Admire Tartan's Stand On The Ecology.
We Have State-Of-The-Art Environmental Programs.
Everybody's For Ecology
But Isn't The Goal Of Corporations To Make Money?
They Can't Exist Unless They Do.
It's A Question Of Balance.
A Corporation Is A Group Of Citizens.
They Have To Be Responsible
Inside The Corporation And In The Real World.
That's Very True, Leo
But You'd Be Surprised How Difficult It Is
To Get People To Understand That Concept.
But It's So Clear.
As Long As You Respect People As Individuals
What Else Is There?
For Example, It's Obvious
That You Do Not Respect Your Customers By Your Slogan.
Oh, Gwen?
Go On, Leo.
Actually, It's Theo.
Excuse Me.
You Say That Tartan Isn't Just Soup Anymore
But In These Tough Times, Soup Is What People Need.
It's Highly Economical, Nutritious, And Filling.
Believe Me, I Know.
Yes, I Can See That.
I Would Change The Slogan From "Tartan's Not Just Soup Anymore"
To "We're Still Soup."
Theo, Hold That Thought.
Wait Here A Minute.
You Mind If I Have
One Of These Chicken Things On A Stick?
Knock Yourself Out.
So, Mr. Hurtable...
It's Huxtable, Actually. Theo.
Sorry.
I Have To Thank You For A Wonderful Evening.
Well, You're Welcome
And I Think You Have A Wonderful Future...
At The Tartan Company.
Well, Thank You.
(Classical Music Playing)
(Humming)
What?
Don't You Want To See
What Else Is On?
I Beg Your Pardon?
Would You Like To See What Is On?
This Is The Ballet.
You Said Do I Want To See What's On?
Well, You Live Here Too.
Here.
Are You Angry With Me?
I Did Something Wrong?
We're All Right?
We're Fine.
I'm Going To Change.
Go Ahead, Cliff.
It's Fine, Really.
You Got A Stick Or Something?
If I Change It, You'll Hit Me.
No.
You Really Think You're Cute.
You Do.
You Think You're Cute.
Okay, Okay, So You Got Me Good.
You Got Me Good.
Okay, So We'll Just Sit Here And Watch The Ballet.
(Flipping Through Channels)
Cliff.
Huh?
You Bought Another Remote, Didn't You?
Maybe I Did. Maybe I Didn't.
No, No, No.
You Bought A Little Tiny Remote, Didn't You?
Where?
What's In Your Pocket?
What's In My Pocket?
Go Ahead. Search My Pocket.
It's In Your Hand.
Ahh, There It Is!
Come On, No, No, No.
Cliff, Don't! Stop!
I Got A Remote For You.
(Laughing Hysterically)
Don't! Don't!
Yee-Haw!
Whoo!
Time Out, Time Out, Time Out.
Uh, Excuse Me, Guys. Is This A Bad Time?
No, We Do This All The Time When You're Not Here.
We Weren't Expecting You.
Obviously.
Well, Can't A Son Come Visit His Parents?
Can't A Son See It's Snowing And Know
His Parents May Need Help Shoveling The Sidewalk?
Can't A Parent Wonder Why A Son Would Volunteer The Trek
All The Way To Brooklyn To Shovel His Parents' Snow?
Uh, Well, Can't A Son Decide That It's Time
To Stop Taking From His Parents And Time To Start Giving Back?
I'll Take This One.
I Believe You, And The Shovel Is In The Garage.
Well, You Know What?
I'll Get Right To It.
You're Just Going To Hang Around And Wait For It To Accumulate?
Well, The Snow's Not Going Anywhere.
I Figured I'd Come And Sit Down
And Talk To My Parents.
All Right.
Okay, Here's The Thing.
I Went To This Recruiting Reception Last Night With Tim
Only 'Cause I Was Hungry.
The Food Was Excellent
But As I Was Eating, I Inadvertently Said Some Things
That Impressed These Executives At The Tartan Company.
They Want To Fly Me To San Francisco
For A Job Interview.
Tartan-- Weren't They The Soup Company?
Were, Are, And Will Be.
That's Where I Come In.
Where Are You Coming... As What?
In Industrial Psychology.
See, Dad, They Use Psych Majors For Everything From Marketing
To Advertising To Dealing With Executive Stress.
That's Not What You're Studying In Grad School.
But Ask Me How Much I'll Be Making.
Both: How Much..?
$30,000 A Year.
You're Kidding.
No, Not At All.
That's $576 A Week For Me.
That Means I Can Stop Sponging Off Of You Guys.
That Means Independence.
That Means That I Can Be The First Huxtable
To Leave This House And Stay Gone.
Um, The Word "Sponge"--
That's Your Word.
You've Never Heard Us Say Sponge.
And Paying For Your Education--
Well, That's Our Privilege And Our Investment.
And Our Decision.
Now, Your Future...
Your Decision.
Thanks, Guys.
Cliff: Okay.
I Knew You Guys Would Say That.
And I Know
That I Can Always Depend On Mom And Dad.
See, But That's What I've Got To Stop Doing.
If You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Go Into The Garage
I'm Going To Find That Shovel
And I'm Going To Shovel Your Sidewalk.
Take This And Run That Back--
Not The Part Where He Say's He's Going To Shovel The Sidewalk--
The Part About $30,000 A Year And $576 Just For Him
Because He's Going To Hear A Different Song
When The Tax Man Cometh.
(Classical Music Playing)
May I Have
My Remote, Please?
Please, Shh!
We're At A Concert.
(Laughing)
Theo, Mr. Megabyte's Here For You.
Oh, Man.
I'm On Time, Theo.
We're Just Going To Buy Software.
You Don't Have To Pack A Suitcase.
No, Eugene, I'm Sorry.
I Forgot About The Software.
When I Get Back, We'll Go.
Where You Going?
To San Francisco.
I Guess We Took In
More Money At The Rummage Sale Than We Thought.
Funny. No, I'm Going For A Job Interview.
A Job Interview?
For When I Graduate.
In June.
Yeah.
You Already Have A Job At The Center.
I Want To Explore My Options While I Have The Chance.
What Kind Of Job Is It?
With The Tartan Company.
The Soup Guys?
Yeah.
I'll Be Doing
Something Called Industrial Psychology.
What Is That?
Well, It's Helping People, But Helping People
In A Corporation Rather Than The Community Center.
Oh, I Get It.
You Going For The Bank, Huh?
You'll Be Bicoastal--
Slick Apartment, New Car, A Convertible, Huh?
Hey, Slow Down, Kid.
Why? That's The First Thing I'd Get.
Then I'd Get New Clothes.
And Ladies?
Mmm.
Lots Of Ladies.
That's What Everybody Wants.
You Know What's The Best Part?
You're Going To Be Doing It Legit.
You Won't Even Have To Risk Going To Jail.
Eugene, One-- I'm Not Going To Be Bicoastal.
And Two-- Life Isn't
About Getting Things. You Know That.
Sure It Is.
That's What It's All About, Man--
Money, Things, Getting Out, Moving On.
If That's What You Think
I Haven't Done Much Of A Job At The Center.
Then Why Are You Leaving?
Look, Man, I Want To Explore Other Options.
Yeah, Yeah.
I Got That Part.
No, Hey, Hey, Eugene.
Look, Man.
I Want To Take An Opportunity To Look At Something New
Rather Than Spend The Rest Of My Life
Staying In The Same Place.
Come On, The World Is More Than Our Neighborhood.
I Don't Even Know
If I'll Accept The Job In San Francisco
Which They Haven't Offered Me.
Then Why Go?
I Have To Know What I'm Turning Down.
Didn't I Teach You To Look At All Possibilities
Before Focusing On Something?
How Do I Know You're Coming Back?
Eugene, My Clothes Are Here.
You And I Have To Buy Software.
I Have To Finish My Finals
Or I'm Not Going To Graduate.
Why Am I Even Arguing With You?
You're In Seventh Grade.
You Haven't Graduated.
I'm On The Honor Roll.
Who Helped You Get On The Honor Roll?
You Did.
I'm Proud Of You.
You're Getting An Education
Which Is The Best Way To Give Yourself Options.
All Right.
You Look At Your Options And Then You Decide
'Cause I Know One Thing--
You Ain't Choosing Soup Over Me.
We'll Talk About It When I Get Back From Frisco.
Okay.
Good Luck, Man.
Thanks.
Ooh, No, God.
Okay, All Right.
Now Take A Sweater
'Cause I Hear It's Chilly Out There.
Oh, And One More Thing.
Don't Call It Frisco.
The Locals Hate It.