Fresh-Squeezed Orange Juice For My Lady.
Thank You.
To Celebrate The Most Important Day Of The Year.
Both: The First Day Of School.
We Have Survived Yet Another Summer.
Yes.
No More Friends Of Our Children Running Through Our House
Going Into Our Refrigerator Like Locusts
Leaving Nothing For You Or For Me
Except A Box Of Arm And Hammer.
No More Little Children Hiding In Fireplaces
Breaking Things And Then Saying
"I'm Sorry, I Have No Money."
No More, I Tell You.
Pretty Soon, This Will All Be Behind Us
Because They're Getting Out!
Yes, And You And I Will Be Here
To Smell Our Own House.
You Asked Me To Help...
Yes!
Here They Come!
Look At That!
And Once Again, Our Children
Are Forced To Leave The House, Whether They Want To Or Not.
Everybody Goes!
And Look At This One Here--
So Enthused, So Excited--
Who Went To Summer School To Graduate Early
So She Could Go To Lincoln University.
Get The Rest Of The Stuff.
Hurry. Everybody Goes.
Ah, Look At The Pace Of This One.
A Slower One
But Still Has To Go.
Ha-Ha!
Are Your Summer Clothes Packed Away?
Mom, I Have Enough On My Mind.
I'm Starting Sixth Grade.
What Is Wrong With Her?
There's Nothing Wrong.
They've Got A Union.
"If We Look Like This
"Opening Day Of School
Maybe The Parents Will Go Cancel The School Out
And We Won't Have To Go."
We Know We're Tired Of Them.
Well, I'm Ready.
Yes!
Our Daughter, Off To Lincoln University.
♪ Get It Off, Get It Off, There You Go, Vanessa ♪
♪ There You Go, Pow, Pow ♪
♪ There You Go, Vanessa. ♪
Mom, I Just Said Good-Bye To Rudy And Denise And Olivia.
Isn't This Sad, Me Going Away?
Yeah!
Dad, All The Way To Pennsylvania.
She's Afraid She'll Be Lonely, Cliff.
We Gave You A List Of Relatives This Long.
Call People And Say, "I'm Lonely.
Please Cook Me Something."
Your Cousin Thornhill
Loves To Cook.
We Sent Him A Wok For Christmas.
You Love Chinese Food.
He's Got A Wok, He Loves To Cook.
Call Him Up.
Say, "Cousin Thornhill, Get Out The Wok!"
(Car Horn Honking)
That's Beth.
Yes!
We're Coming With The Bags.
I Didn't Get To Say Good-Bye To Theo.
I'm Sorry, Honey.
Theo Was Supposed To Get Back From Europe Today.
He'll Call You As Soon As He Can.
Listen, I Know You're A Little Nervous About Leaving Home
But You'll Do Just Fine At Lincoln.
You Think So?
Honey, I Know It.
I'm Going To Miss You.
I'll Miss You Too.
Hey, College Girl.
I Can't Believe It.
Have A Good Time.
Thank You.
The Car Is Running Out Of Gas.
All Right, I'm Going, I'm Going.
Do You Need Money?
Take This Just In Case.
All Right.
Bye.
Bye, Vanessa.
All Right.
Hey, You!
Number Two.
Next College Person.
Medgar Evers.
Out The Door.
Yes, I'm Looking Forward To It.
No, You're Not Looking Forward Anymore.
We're Walking Forward.
Dad, I've Been Doing Some Thinking.
Oh, Please Don't Think, Dear.
I Won't Get To School Today.
Why Not?
It's Olivia.
Olivia.
Today Is Her First Day Of Preschool.
Remember My First Day?
You Guys Were With Me The Whole Day.
I've Given This Some Thought.
I Know That If I Drop Her Off
She'll Cry From The Moment I Leave
Until I Come Back And Get Her.
This Could Scar Her For Life.
Denise, Just Point Me In The Direction Of That School
And I Am Out Of Here.
Let's Go.
Excuse Me, Miss I'm-Out-Of-Here.
Do You Think You Have Time For Some Breakfast?
Can I Have Breakfast At School?
No, You'll Eat In The Kitchen.
Okay, But Let's Get A Move On.
Okay, She Doesn't Need Me.
She Could Probably Get A Job And An Apartment.
Next Time Tell Her To Take You With Her.
Ha Ha Ha.
All Right!
Let's Move It, Mopey.
Can You Please Give Me A Chance To Get My Stuff Together?
I'm Sorry.
I Lost My Head.
She's Acting Awfully Funny This Morning.
She's Starting The Sixth Grade.
She's Just Nervous.
All Ready For Preschool, Huh?
Yeah!
Why Are You So Excited About Preschool?
Well, You Read And You Write And You Get Smart.
But You Also Have Some Fun.
You Play Games, Huh?
Sometimes.
But Not Little Kids' Games Anymore.
Big People's Games.
Like What?
Poker!
You Play Poker In Preschool?
Yeah, That's Right.
And You Must Think That This Is A Lot Of Fun.
It Is, Except For One Thing.
What's That?
Naps.
What's Wrong With Naps?
Naps Are For Old People.
I'm Young And I'm Up.
But You Have To Understand.
Naps Are Good And Healthy For You.
Not If You're Not Sleepy.
You See, Dr. Huxtable
They Say Close Your Eyes And Go To Sleep.
Right.
I Close My Eyes
And I Lay There And Nothing Happens.
And When I Finally Do Fall Asleep
They Wake Me Up Again.
I See.
Dad, Rudy Says She's Not Going To School.
Something About Her Glands.
She Doesn't Need Glands To Go To School.
She Needs Books.
Hurry Up And Finish Your Cereal.
Okay, Here We Go.
I Don't Feel Good.
I Don't Think I Can Go To School Today.
What's The Matter?
My Glands.
Your Glands Don't Feel Swollen, Honey.
That's The Problem.
I Think They Shrunk.
Just Say "Ah."
Everything Looks Okay.
I Knew It.
They Shrunk So Much, Now They're Gone.
You Know What's Good For Shrunken, Gone Glands?
Get Up And Go To School.
Dad, There's Nothing Wrong With My Glands.
I Have An Even Bigger Problem.
Let's Talk About It.
This Is Woman Stuff.
I Need Mom For This.
I'm A Gynecologist.
You Want To Talk To A Lawyer.
Look, Sometimes If There's Something Difficult
That A Person Can't Really Get Out
If They Whisper It, They Feel A Little Better.
We'll Keep It Between Us, And Nobody Else Will Know.
All Right.
Yeah.
Now Tell Me What It Is.
Don't Worry About That.
Some Girls Develop Them Later Than Others.
But What If I Don't Develop Them At All?
But You Will.
When?
Well, I Don't Know.
But Dad, I Waited All Summer For Them.
You See, Some People Don't Get Summer Ones.
They Get The Ones...
And I Have Heard That The Fall Ones Are Much Better.
But Dad, Look At Me.
I'm A Sixth Grader In A Fifth Grader's Body.
There's Something Perhaps The Two Of Us Can Share.
There Was A Boy In Our Class.
Sixth Grade, Had A Moustache.
And Man, I Just Admired That So Much.
I Wanted A Moustache
And My Little Bald Upper Lip Was Just Shining Out There.
And He Had A Comb.
He Would Comb It.
Sometimes He Would Trim It Till It Was Real Thin.
Sometimes He'd Let It Go, And He'd Drink Milk
And It Was Still Around His Mouth.
My Milk Fell In My Mouth.
But Then I Developed Something
That This Guy With The Moustache Didn't Have
And The Others Didn't Have.
What?
One Day, I Did An Imitation
Of Our Vice-Principal, Mrs. Mars
And All The Girls Loved It.
And It Was Something That That Guy Couldn't Do.
Mrs. Mars, She Talked Like This:
(Deep Voice:) Huxtable.
Huxtable, I Want You To Put On Your Thinking Cap.
Dad, You're Funny.
Yeah, Well, Thank You.
So The Two Of Us Have Something In Common.
But Dad, I Don't Want A Moustache.
Somehow You Missed The Point.
My Point Is It Doesn't Make Any Difference.
You See, What It Is Is Your Personality.
I Tell You, And Not Because I'm Your Father
But When You Smile, You Can Light Up A Room.
You Have A Great Brain, Great Smile.
Look, The Smile Makes Me Smile.
I Was Depressed Until You Smiled.
If You Go Outside And Smile, And The Bus Goes By
I Bet You The Bus Will Smile.
Look At You.
(Deep Voice:) Let's Go.
Yes, Sir.
Here We Go.
Get Your Stuff.
And Tell It Like It Is.
Tell It Like It Is.
Out The Door.
Cliff: Huxtable.
Rudy: Huxtable.
What Are You Doing?
Get Your Homework Done.
Tell It Like It Is.
What Is The Matter, Rudy?
She's 11, Going On 12
Hoping For 12 Right Now, If You Know What I Mean.
(Doorbell Rings)
Hit It!
Hey!
Hi, Margie.
Hi, Rudy.
Did You Have A Good Summer?
Sorry, Margie.
I'm Not Going To School Today.
My Glands Are Bothering Me.
What Are We Going To Do?
We've Been Through This Before
With Sondra, Denise And Vanessa.
What Did We Do?
It Was So Long Ago, I Forgot.
You Ought To Write These Things Down
So You Know What To Do...
(Doorbell Rings)
Amy, Hello.
Hi, Mrs. Huxtable.
Rudy Is Upstairs In Her Room, But...
Rudy Called.
There's An Emergency.
She's Expecting Me.
Oh.
Okay.
Amy, Did You Bring It?
This Is It.
One Of The Great Medical Discoveries
Of The 20th Century.
"Lady Rondell's Cream For Bust Enhancement.
Guaranteed Results In 48 Hours Or Your Money Back."
You Know It Works When They Say
They'll Give You Your Money Back.
And Here's Proof:
Before And After.
Whoa.
You Probably Won't Look Like That In Two Days.
How Long Have You Used It?
I Got It In The Mail Yesterday
But I Can Feel It Kicking In Already.
What Do You Think They're Doing?
I Think Amy's Convincing Rudy To Go To School.
Bye, Dr. And Mrs. Huxtable.
The Emergency's Over.
Amy, Thank You So Much
For Stopping By On Your Way To School.
You're Welcome.
Mom, Dad, Can I Ask You Guys A Favor?
What Is It?
Do You Mind If I Don't Go To School
For 48 Hours?
Rudy, You Have To Go To School Today. Now.
Please, Mom, Just Till Wednesday.
What Is Important About Wednesday?
On Wednesday, All My Troubles Will Be Over.
All Right, Young Lady, Sit Down Here.
Now What Is This About?
Promise You Won't Laugh?
We Won't. What Is It?
This.
Lady Rondell's Cream For Bust Enhancement?
In 48 Hours, I'll Be A Woman.
Rudy, That Is Not Possible, Honey.
Development Is A Natural, Biological Process.
I Knew You Wouldn't Want Me To Use It.
Maybe I Shouldn't Have Done That.
It Might Make My Nose Grow.
I'm A Doctor, Honey.
Trust Me.
There's Nothing In Here That Is Going To Enhance Anything.
You Could Get The Same Results
Putting Mayonnaise On Your Chest.
You're Just Saying That
Because You Want Me To Be Your Little Girl Forever.
But I'm Not A Little Girl Anymore.
Rudy?
Yes.
Rudy.
Honey, Nothing Is Going To Change About You
In Two Days.
You Get What You'll Get When You Get It.
Mom, Can't We Just Wait And See?
Oh, Baby, I Know What You're Going Through.
How Could You?
You Got Them Already.
But I Wasn't Born With Them.
I Went Through The Same Thing.
So Did Your Sisters.
You Should See Some Of The Stuff
That Has Come Through This House.
Sondra Had Blossom's Bust Booster.
Denise Showed Up With Dr. Jim's Growth Capsules.
And Vanessa Had The Best Of All:
Bailey's Bust-O-Matic.
The Thing Looked Like Two Plungers On A Power Cord.
And She Was About To Plug It In And Shock Her Chest.
But Mom, The Stuff In The Jar Really Works
Or They'll Give You Your Money Back.
You Better Get Your Money Back Because You Heard Your Father.
I Can't Go To School.
The Boys Will Laugh At Me.
They'll Laugh If You Get Them And If You Don't.
And You Know Why?
Because That's How Boys Are At This Age.
They're Just Dumb.
That's Not Your Problem.
It's Theirs.
It Is?
Yes.
So Now What Are You Going To Do?
Are You Going To Go To School
Or Do I Have To Write A Note To Your Principal Saying
"Please Excuse Rudith Lillian Huxtable From School Today.
She's Waiting For Her Breasts To Arrive"?
Well?
I Guess This Is What They Mean
When They Say Growing Up's Tough.
I Guess.
Clair: Cliff.
La-Da.
Hasn't This Been A Nice Day?
Ever Since Rudy Left For School
It's Been Heavenly.
Aren't You Happy
You Decided To Work At Home Today?
Thank You Very Much.
Yes, Indeed.
It's Official.
We Have Taken The House Back.
Mmm... Yes.
Would You Like Some Tea?
You Know I Don't Want Any Tea.
Mmm. Mmm.
That's The First Time In A Long Time
I've Heard You Go "Mmm."
Mmm. Mmm.
Mom, Dad.
It's So Good
To Be Home.
Oh, You Guys, I Just Saw All Of Europe
In 17 Days.
Everything Was A Blur.
What Did You See?
We Saw...
We Saw Westminster Abbey.
We Saw The Louvre.
Saw The Leaning Tower Of Pisa.
The Bus Let Us Off For That One.
Everybody Got Out And Said, "Oh, It Really Leans."
And The Tour Guide Said, "Time To Get Back On The Bus."
But I Got You Guys A Gift.
Oh, Really?
Here You Go.
Thank You.
Matching Wristwatches.
Thank You.
Those Have Genuine Swiss Movement.
Really?
Son, They're Kind Of Light.
That's Because The Parts Aren't Inside.
The Guy I Bought Those From Is Smart.
They Can't Charge Duty For Just The Case
So What He Does Is Mail The Insides Later.
Well, That's, Um...
That's Very Thoughtful Of You, Son.
You Look Tired.
And Confused.
Well, I Am.
But I'm Also Hungry.
After All Those Heavy, Rich Sauces
I Just Want Some Plain American Food.
Jersey Corn, Wisconsin Cheese
Idaho Potatoes, Florida Oranges.
God Bless America.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
How Was Your First Day Of School?
Fine.
Come Back Here.
Please.
How Was Your First Day Of School?
"Fine."
All You Can Say Is "Fine"?
You Know, Teachers, Students
First Day Of School, Books.
This Morning, We Weren't Going To School
Because There Was A Disaster.
What Happened?
It's Like What Mom Said.
"You Get What You Get When You Get It."
And A Lot Of Us Haven't Got Them Yet.