( Intercom Buzzes )
Hello.
There's A Ray Palomino Here To See You.
Would You Send Him In, Please?
Mr. Palomino.
Yeah.
How Are You?
Make Yourself Comfortable.
Thank You, Doctor.
The People Who Take My Messages
Said You Wanted To See Me.
Yes.
You're A Baby Doctor.
Yeah.
No Matter What
Any Woman Told You
It Wasn't Me.
That Isn't Why...
That Isn't Why I Asked You To Come Down Here.
Do You Know A Louisa Sanchez?
Louisa Sanchez?
She Says That She's Your Granddaughter.
Oh, Yeah.
Yeah, But I Haven't Seen Her Since She Was A Little Thing.
Okay.
Me And My Family
We Haven't Been In Touch For A Long Time.
I Was A Professional Boxer.
Ray Palomino?
I Never Fought Under My Own Name, Doc.
When I Got Into Boxing
"Kid Chocolate" Had Been Used Already.
That Name.
Yeah, The Name.
So I Became "Kid Caramel."
I Lost 12 Straight Fights Under That Name.
Then I Went Down To Cuba.
Fought Down There For A While.
I Fought Under The Name Of "Kid Jalapeno."
But You Didn't
Call Me To Talk About Boxing.
No, I Wanted You To Know Your Granddaughter Louisa
Is Having A Baby.
I Didn't Know She Was Married.
Well, She Isn't.
See, You Can Have A Child And Not Be Married.
Where's The Father?
He's Gone.
Dead?
No, Just Flat Out Disappeared.
We Don't Know
Where The Rest Of The Family Is
And You're The Only One Who Responded.
So, I'm Pretty Sure She Will Deliver Tonight.
Let Me Get This Straight.
The Husband Disappeared.
You Tried To Find Some Family Members
And I'm The Only One You Could Find?
Right.
You're Trying To Set Me Up.
As Many Times As You've Been Knocked Out, I'm Sure You Can
Recognize A Setup.
Louisa Is Alone And Frightened.
Let Me Tell You Something.
I've Been Poor All My Life.
And Now, That's All Going To Change
Because I Finally Met Somebody.
Met Me A Beautiful Woman.
Her Name Is Helen.
Owns A Beauty Parlor.
I Lay This Baby Thing On Her
That's The End Of My Smooth Sailing.
You Understand Me?
My Boat Will Sink.
Are You Finished?
Yeah, I'm Finished.
No Baby.
No Baby?
All Right?
Do Me A Favor.
This Number We Reached You At-- Is This Where You Live?
No, That's Clancy's Gym.
They Take My Messages.
Write Down Your Home Address And Phone Number
So I Can Reach You.
You Write It Down.
You Can Understand Your Own Writing.
All Right.
It's 3412...
36th Street...
Astoria.
The Telephone Number
Is 555-7298.
Thank You Very, Very Much.
It Would Be Nice If You Could Come To The Hospital
Because I'm Pretty Sure She Will Deliver Tonight.
Well, I'll Try.
Okay, Thank You.
Thank You.
0=G=Gñoñ= ? Atonight.Ñ@Oññ@O=@O=@O Oñ@Oñoñw=Oo Oño= =@N
Sometime Tonight.
You're Ready, Right?
I'm Ready.
She's Fired Up.
All Right.
Nurse Gilmore?
May I Go In Now?
Yes.
Thank You.
And Incidentally, Thank You For Being So Kind
To My Granddaughter.
You're Welcome.
I Got Somebody To Come To See You.
Wait A Minute.
I Know What You're Thinking.
You're Saying To Yourself She Don't Look Nothing Like Me.
I Never Said...
Ah-Taht-Tah-Tah-Taht.
But She Does Look Like Her Grandmother
And She Is Beautiful.
And You Better
Know What You're Doing, Doc.
You Didn't Just Get Out Of Medical School, Did You?
I Have One More Year To Go.
You Okay? 00 8 (808888$0 0(
I Ain't Seen No Member Of My Family In 18 Years
And In There Lies My Granddaughter.
She's About To Make Me
A Great-Grandfather.
Do You Know If It's A Boy Or A Girl?
Tell Me What You Want
And I'll Get It.
You're Joking.
Things Have Changed Now.
All You Do Is Put In The Order
We Deliver.
What Do You Want?
A Great-Granddaughter.
You Got It.
She's Going To Have One Heck Of A Time
Trying To Raise That Kid All By Herself.
Why Don't You Talk To Your Fiancee
And See How She Feels About Helping With The Baby?
What Fiancee?
The Lady, Helen, With The Beauty Parlor.
Smooth Sailing.
I Made All That Up.
Pardon Me?
I Made It Up
To Keep The Women From Going After Me.
I'm Confused.
I'd Like To Help
But What Do I Know About Raising Babies?
No Problem.
We Have Pamphlets.
There You Go.
Take These Pamphlets, Read Up On It.
That Will Show You A Whole Lot.
As You Go, You Can Read More.
Why Do I Need Pamphlets Anyway?
I Can Learn More By Going In The Park
And Seeing A Lady With A Baby Carriage
And Saying, "How Do You Raise That Kid?"
She'd Tell Me.
I'll Learn More From Her Than From Your Pamphlets.
Wait.
The Other Relatives.
If You Could Help Us With The Names
I'd Appreciate It.
I'll Try To Think Of Somebody.
Do It Fast, Because She'll Deliver Tonight.
Hey, I Told You I'd Do It.
I'll Do The Best I Can.
When I Say I'll Do It, I'll Do It.
You Understand Me?
Don't Get Pushy.
I Don't Like People Pushing Me.
And Another Thing, Doc.
Instead Of Standing Out Here Giving Me A Bad Time
How Come You Ain't In There Doing What You're Supposed To Do
Which Is Take Care Of My Granddaughter?
In Other Words, Do Your Job, Doc.
Mrs. Gilmore.
Louisa Was So Happy To See Him.
He Was So Encouraging.
He Held Her Hand.
The Humanity Of That Man.
He Says, "Good Evening, Mrs. Gilmore"
And She's Just Smiling And He's Looking
And The Next Thing I Know She Says
"And, Dr. Huxtable, He's Such Humanity."
There Was A Man Who Worked In Our Office Once
Who Acted Like That.
He Was Very Defensive And Nasty.
Was His Last Name Palomino?
I'm Trying To Tell You Something.
If You Gave Him An Order Form To Read
Like The Pamphlet You Tried To Give Mr. Palomino
He'd Throw Them Back.
And He'd Never Write Anything Down.
After Three Months, We Discovered His Problem--
He Couldn't Read Or Write.
Mr. Palomino Came To See You.
He Rang The Front Doorbell, Right?
There's A Sign Outside That Says
"Doctor's Office Downstairs."
The Man Cannot Read.
No, No.
Just Stop And Think How Terrifying That Would Be
If You Had To Raise A Child And You Couldn't Read.
Suppose The Child Came To You With A Book
And Said, "Read This To Me."
You Could Never Leave A Note
Or Read A Note.
I Feel Sorry For The Man.
If He Can't Read
Then Why Is He Picking On Me?
That's Easy.
Why?
Because You're Cute.
No, That Man Can Read And Write.
He's Just Nasty, That's All.
( Doorbell )
I'll Get It.
Mrs. Huxtable, We Meet Again.
Mr. Palomino, How Nice To See You.
Do Come In.
Thank You.
I'll Take Your Coat And Hat.
Thank You.
That Is A Stunning Outfit.
Thank You.
You Know, When I Was In Paris
Many, Many Years Ago
There Was A Cafe In Montmartre
Where All The Musicians, Artists, Models Would Gather.
All The Chic People Of Paris.
Josephine Baker Walked Into That Club.
May I Say You In That Outfit, Mrs. Huxtable
Would Have Fit In Exquisitely.
Thank You.
Did You Come Here To Tell My Wife
She Looks Like Josephine Baker?
No, You Asked Me
To See If I Could Think Of Any Names Of The Family.
I Made A List.
Aha.
So You Wrote Down The List.
I Will Give This To The Social Worker.
Thank You For Writing This Down For Me.
May I See That List, Please?
Thank You.
I Have A Problem With This Third Name.
I Can't Make Out The Handwriting.
Well, Let Me...
My Word, I Seem To Have Forgotten My Glasses.
Well, It Looks Like It Could Be "Tom Mitchell."
Tom Mitchell?
It Is Tom Mitchell.
Louisa's Great-Uncle.
Are You Spelling This Tom With One "A" Or Two?
That Would Be Two.
Thank You.
Well, Having Done What I Was Asked To Do
I Take My Leave Of You Both.
It Is So Nice To Share Your Company Again.
And, Doctor, May I Say Your Wife Is Beautiful And Charming.
You Are Indeed A Lucky Man.
Thank You.
And I Put The Emphasis On Lucky.
Oh, Thank You, Mrs. Huxtable.
How Kind Of You.
Thank You.
Till We Meet Again, Perhaps In Paris.
Oh, My!
A Tout A L'heure.
Case Closed.
And I Should Have Been In Paris.
Yeah.
That Man's Been Knocked Out So Many Times
He Wouldn't Know If He Was
In Pittsburgh.
Stop!
Hey!
I Am Doing My Homework.
But I Said, "Hey!"
Touch Me Again, And You're On The Floor.
I Have To Talk To You.
What?
Mom Said Mr. Palomino Can't Read Or Write.
Really?
He's 67
And Spent His Life
Not Knowing How To Read Or Write.
What Do You Think?
About What?
We're Doing Homework For No Reason.
We Can Do Fine Without Reading Or Writing.
You Can't Stop Reading.
For The Rest Of Your Life, You'd Read Like A Fourth Grader.
So?
Let's Say You're An Adult.
You Go To A Restaurant With A Menu Full Of Big Words
That A Fourth Grader Wouldn't Understand.
How Would You Order?
I'd Point To The Next Table And Ask For
What He's Having.
What If You're The Only Person There?
Then I'd Say
"Get Something Dead And Cook It."
So You'd Be Able To Eat.
But You Would Never Get A Good Job
With A Fourth-Grade Education.
Yes, I Would.
What Would You Do?
I'd Teach Third Grade.
The Social Worker Got Back To Us.
They Can't Locate Anybody On Mr. Palomino's List.
Most Of Them Moved Away Years Ago.
We Tried.
One Other Thing.
Mr. Palomino Is Here.
Now We've Got Good News And Bad News.
He Showed Up Two Hours Ago, Bless His Heart.
He Is So Nervous.
He Said He Wanted To Be In The Delivery Room With Louisa.
I Said He'd Have To Wait
In The Lounge.
He Wasn't Allowed In The Delivery Room.
He's Been Through A Lot Today.
Poor Man.
You Think Somebody Would Get In Touch With You--
Let You Know What's Going On.
I've Been Here For Two Hours.
Somebody Tell Me Something.
Ahem.
Excuse Me.
What?
You're Making Me Very Nervous.
What Do You Mean?
This Constant Pacing.
Knock It Off.
Look, Mister.
I Am 67 Years Old, And I'm About To Have A Baby.
Wow!
How Old Is The Mother?
Twenty.
Twenty?!
Yeah.
My Girlfriend Is 63.
I Go Every Week For Vitamin E Shots.
What Am I Going To Do With A Baby?
How Am I Going To Raise A Baby?
You Should Have Thought Of That Before Fooling Around.
Get Involved With Women Closer To Your Age.
I Am Involved With Women My Own Age.
You Are?
With That Pregnant Woman Lying In There?
I'm Shocked!
Who Do You Think You Are-- Ferdinand The Bull?
I Don't Want To Discuss This.
Well?
Great-Grandfather, It's A Boy
Seven Pounds, Eight Ounces.
All Right!
Congratulations.
But, Doc, You Promised Me A Girl.
Sue Me.
How Is My Granddaughter?
She's Fine.
You Can See Them Soon.
That's Great.
Congratulations.
Wait A Minute.
I Want To Talk To You.
It's Okay.
I Want To Talk To You, Man.
I Told You Once Before Don't Get Pushy.
Let Me Say What I Got To Say.
I'm A Lot Smarter Than You Think I Am.
You're An Educated Man, But I Got Street Smarts.
I Know That You And Your Wife Found Out I Can't Read.
Yeah.
But I'm 67 Years Old.
Who Cares?
I Do Not Care.
It's No Big Thing With Me.
Hey, Everybody.
My Name Is Ray Palomino, I'm 67 Years Old
And I Can't Read.
See?
It Don't Matter.
But I Will Say One Last Thing To You.
Thank You Very Much.
You're Welcome.
In A Half Hour, You Can See Them.
Round Three.
Great-Grandfather.
Yeah, I Can Dig It.
Hey, Grandpa.
You Really Don't Know How To Read?
Not A Word.
I Used To Be An English Teacher.
I Could Teach You To Read.
You Teach Me How To Read English
And I'll Teach You How To Pronounce It Correctly.
You Got A Deal.
All Right.
"Once More Into The Breach, Dear Friends, Once More."
"Oh, Gods And Worms, What A Mockery."
Shall We Go See My Great-Grandson?
Okay.
All Right.
Here We Go.
One Last Thing.
Do You Spell Tom With One "A" Or Two?
Oh, We Got A Lot Of Work To Do.
How Did It Go?
It Was Wonderful.
Mr. Palomino Is The Funniest Person I've Ever Met
And One Of The Nicest.
He's A Great-Grandfather.
Baby Boy, Seven Pounds, Eight Ounces.
And He Gave Me A Present.
I Told You He Was Charming.
Yes.
I Haven't Opened It.
I Waited Until I Got Home.
He Was Telling Me How...
What Is This?
Try It On.
Good Evening.
My Name Is Mr. Palomino
And I Was Just Wondering...
Do You Spell Tom With Four A's Or Two Z's?