...A-T-E.
Come On, Rudy.
Okay.
Come On, Come On.
Okay. That's It.
Tangibility.
T- A-N-G-I-B-I-L-I-T-Y.
Tangibility.
You Know
What It Means?
No, I Just Have To Spell It.
Vanessa, What Does Q-N-G-H Spell?
Nothing.
Give Me Another Word.
What Does Z-R-B-T-T Spell?
Nothing!
How Come When You Spell It's A Word
And When I Spell It's Nothing?
Hey.
Dad, I'm Studying Very Hard For The Spelling Test
And She Keeps Asking Dumb Questions.
I Don't Think
Anybody Asks Dumb Questions.
What's Your Problem?
What Does Z-R-B-T-T Spell?
Z- R-B-T-T Spell?
Uh...
That's Zurbitt.
Zurbitt, Uh...
You Know What I Think A Zurbitt Is?
I Just Remembered.
A Zurbitt Is This.
That's A Zurbitt.
Yeah.
That's Right.
I Zurbitt You.
Besides Alternating Your Routine...
Hi.
Hi, Dear. How Was Your Day?
And Guess What I Discovered.
What's That?
Tomorrow Is The Anniversary Of The Day That You Proposed To Me.
Oh...
Uh, The What?
The Anniversary Of The Day You Proposed To Me.
I Proposed Several Times.
I'm Not Counting The Times Before You Were 15.
I Mean At The Lake
When You Put The Ring On My Finger.
That Was Special.
Yes.
And So, To Commemorate That Special Event
Tomorrow Night You And I Are Dining By Candlelight
At The Golden Dove.
My Wife Is Taking Me Out To Dinner?
Yes.
Who-O-O-O-Ho.
To The Golden Dove?
Yes.
Wh-O-O-O!
Then The Two Of Us
Should Be Dressed In The Finest Of The Finest
And That Restaurant Will Never Have Seen
Two Such Beautiful Creatures In Their Lives.
Don't Worry, I'll Be Gorgeous.
Oh...
And I Will Be Gorgeous-Er Than You.
I Am Going To Stop The People In Their Tracks.
Ha-Ha!
And I Will Be Looking So Good
That The Man Will Put Me
At A Table In The Center Of The Restaurant By Myself
And Put The Spotlight On Me!
Whoo!
Yes, But When The People Look, They're Going To Say:
"Who Is That Smooth, Gorgeous Woman
Sitting Next To That Pitiful Man In The Spotlight?"
Are You Saying That You Are Going To Look Smoother Than Me?
That's What I'm Saying.
Ha!
You Lie Through Your Face.
You Wish!
Would You Like
To Have A "Smooth" Contest?
You Are Challenging Me To A "Smooth" Contest?
We'll Get Dressed, Come Down
And We'll Be Judged To See Who Is The Smoothest?
By Whom?
By Our Children.
You're On.
One Thing:
You Can Only Wear What Is In Your Closet.
You Cannot Go Out Shopping... For Something New.
Except For Shoes.
You Think They'll Win For You?
These Shoes Are So Smooth
They Could Walk Down These Stairs
And Win The Contest On Their Own.
Yes!
Cliff, Get Out.
I Came For The Remote.
Why Can't You Turn On The Television By Yourself?
I Don't Want To Walk To The Tv.
You Would Rather Walk All The Way Up Here?
I Walked Up Here Because My Remote Is Up Here
And A Beautiful Woman.
With Her New Shoes.
Get Out.
This Is My Bedroom, Too.
You Shouldn't See How Smooth The Competition Is.
You'll Get Your Feelings Hurt And Give Up.
Oh!
Cliff!
What's The Matter?
I Just Banged My Foot On That Chest!
Let Me...
Ow!
Dear, I Didn't Touch It.
What Did You Hit?
I Hit That Toe Next To The Little One.
Bring It Down Here, Okay?
Now Just...
Come On, Now. Put It Down.
Okay, Now...
Dear
Come On.
Come On, Look.
This Won't Hurt.
* Boop-Ee-Doo-Be-Doo Be-Doop-Ee-Doop *
Okay.
All Right, Now Just Wiggle It.
Come On, Wiggle It.
I Am Wiggling It.
No, I Mean Move It.
Cliff, I'm Moving It!
Don't Get Mad At Me.
It's Not You.
I'm Mad At Me And That Stupid Chest!
Everything Is Fine.
You Sure?
Yeah. I'll Put Ice On It And I'll Be Fi..!
Dear, You're Not All Right.
I'm Fine.
You're Going To The Emergency Room.
This Is Not An Emergency.
Okay, Walk.
You're Going To The Emergency Room.
No. Suppose They Tell Me It's Broken.
If Nobody Ever Tells You It's Broken
And It Is Broken
How Will You Know It's Broken?
This Would Be Much Easier
If You Had The Cane, Dear.
I Don't Need It. Thank You.
Okay.
I'll Help You
With Your Coat.
That's All Right.
I Can Get My Coat Off By Myself!
I See.
Okay.
Where...
Where Are We Going Now, Dear?
To The Couch.
Okay. Just Let Me Know.
Mom, Are You Okay?
Yes!
Is It Broken?
Yup, It's Broken!
Snappo!
Keep That Thing Elevated.
Get The Pillow For Your Mother's Foot.
I Can Get My Pillow For Myself, Theo.
Oh, Boy.
Whew!
Listen.
You Want To See Pictures Of Your Mother's Foot?
You Have To Do That Now?
Well, Sure. It's Educational.
Come Here.
This Is What Your Mother's Foot Looks Like With The Skin Off.
Cliff!
Look Right Here. See That?
Wait A Minute.
That Looks Like A Hair.
That's Right.
This Is Called A Hairline Fracture
Of The Proximal Phalanx Of The Fourth Toe.
Understand That?
That's Cool.
All Right, It Is.
Take My Foot Someplace Else And Leave Me Alone.
Okay. Want To Show It To Your Friends At School?
Cliff!
Mom, Don't Worry.
We'll All Help Out.
Thank You, But I Don't Need Your Help.
This Is Really Dumb.
Dear, Dear
Where Are You Going?
Upstairs To See The Kids
And To Look Over A Brief For Tomorrow.
You're Not Going To Work.
Not Another Word About This.
I'm Going To Work Tomorrow And To Dinner Tomorrow Night
And I Am Going To Win The "Smooth" Contest.
At Least Take The Cane.
Thank You Very Much!
Okay.
Okay?
Yeah, But You Got It In The Wrong Hand.
This Toe Is Broken.
Why Would I Put The Cane In This Hand?
Because You Don't Walk Like That.
When People Walk
They Go This Foot, This Hand
This Foot, This Hand.
If You Keep It In This Hand Here-
I'm Sorry-
If You Do Like This
You'll Walk Like This-
"The Walk Of The Drunken Mummy."
So Put It In That Hand.
When You Put That Foot Down
This Comes Down With It.
Boom- That's Your Support. Boom.
There You Go! Now You're Cooking.
All Right. Go Ahead.
I Am Not Going To Use That Cane.
I'm Going To Go Up These Stairs By Myself!
Mr. Barker.
Hello.
Ms. Kessler Will Be Joining Us Shortly.
What Happened To Your Foot?
Well, I Broke My Toe.
How Did You Do That?
I Banged It Against A Chest.
I'm Sorry. Are You Okay?
I'm Fine.
Won't You Sit Down?
With The Trial Next Week, We Should Review Your Case.
I Broke My Toe Last Summer.
Tripped On A Sprinkler Head.
I Was In Agony.
I Know What You Mean.
You Know What Made Me Mad?
They Said It Would Heal In Two Weeks.
It Took Nine Weeks.
Really?
What Did They Tell You?
Two Weeks.
Mine Still Hurts.
On Rainy Days
It Throbs Like Somebody's Hitting It With A Hammer.
Mr. Barker, We Should Get Started Here.
Certainly.
Now, On The 15th Of October...
Hello, Mr. Barker.
Hello, Ms. Kessler.
Clair. Hi, Carla.
What Happened To Your Foot?
She Broke Her Toe.
How?
Ran Into A Chest.
Oh!
Clair, That's Awful!
It's Not That Bad.
Really, It's Just A Slight Fracture.
They Said It Would Heal In Two Weeks.
I Say Nine.
My Cousin Broke Her Toe.
It Took Eighteen Weeks.
Eighteen? That's Terrible.
She Was Grocery Shopping With Her Husband.
She Stopped At The Canned Vegetables.
He Rammed Into Her With A Shopping Cart.
No!
Yes!
Dropped A 16-Ounce Can Of Green Beans On It.
She Still Hasn't Gotten All The Feeling Back.
Mine Still Gets Numb Occasionally.
You Broke Your Toe?
Yeah, Last Summer.
Never Healed Right.
It's Still Crooked.
My Cousin's Isn't Crooked
But It's Turned Up At The End Like This.
Mr. Barker And I Were Beginning To Review His Case.
Will This Toe Be A Problem In Court?
No, I Can Walk.
I'll Cover For You.
Nope, I Want Mrs. Huxtable In That Courtroom.
Thank You For Your Confidence.
If You Ask Me, That Toe's Our Ticket.
I Beg Your Pardon?
When The Jury Sees You Hobbling Around
Forget About It-
They're Yours.
Play Into It. Let Them Know It Really Hurts.
Maybe We Should Wrap Your Foot.
Excuse Me, Mrs. Huxtable.
Here Are The Papers You Wanted.
Thank You.
What Happened?
I Broke My Toe.
I Bet You Know Somebody Who Broke Their Toe.
Yes. Me.
How Soon Did It Heal?
Ten Days.
Yay!
For Your Information, They Fit Just Fine.
Put It On.
I'll Put It On When I Feel Like It.
What Do You Want?
Well...
I Don't Want You To Have Any Pain
So, Knowing That You Are Not Going To Use The Cane
I Bought You These.
And They're Ugly.
I'll Have You Know
That All Of The Fashionable Women In Paris
Who Have Broken Toes
Wear These.
They'll Ruin The Look Of My Entire Outfit.
Well, Do What You Want To Do.
Doesn't Make Any Difference To Me
But These Are Here
If You Ever Need Them, Okay?
It Doesn't Make Any Difference
What Your Little Feet Look Like.
You'll Lose The Contest Anyway.
That's All Right.
You'll Want To Kiss Me Sometime Later.
They're Ugly.
Yes? Who Is It?
It's Russell. Can I Come In?
Of Course You Can Come In.
What Are You Doing Here?
Oh, I Heard About Your Broken Toe
So I Brought You This.
Oh, It's Very Lovely.
It Might Come In Handy.
That's Very Thoughtful Of You.
It Belonged To My Father.
He Got It When He Was Working On The Railroad.
One Day At The Train Station In Schenectady
A Pullman Car Came Unhooked And Started Rolling Backwards.
My Father Saw A Small Child Walking On The Track.
He Ran Over
And Snatched Him Away In The Nick Of Time.
When He Did It
He Twisted His Knee.
The Child's Parents Were So Grateful
They Gave My Father This Cane.
It's From Kenya.
Hand-Carved.
He Must Have Been Proud.
He Loved Walking With This Cane
Because People Asked Him About His Injury.
Dad Said He Didn't Like The Attention, But He Did.
Not Like Some Other People
That Are The Opposite.
They Want To Pretend Nothing Happened.
They Want To Keep Doing What They Always Do.
What I'm Trying To Say Is
Sometimes You Need Some Help.
You Need To Lean On Someone Or Something.
You Know, Support Can Be A Beautiful Thing.
Thank You.
Thank You Very Much.
It's Very Nice.
I'd Be Proud To Use Your Father's Cane.
Whew!
Look At That.
It Does Make Me Feel Better.
You Got Her To Use The Cane?
Sure Did.
I've Tried To Persuade Her For Two Days
And It Takes You Two Minutes.
How Did You Do It?
Charm, Son.
How Did You Do It?
I Said It Was My Father's.
The Story Even Had A Child And A Train.
Where Did You Really Get It From?
I Got It From An African Store On Flatbush Avenue.
It Was On Sale.
I'll Buy You A Grapefruit Juice.
Come On.
Calling All Judges!
Judges, Come On.
The Contestants Are Ready
And The Smooth Contest Shall Begin.
Grandpa, Are You Voting?
No, I Learned Long Ago
To Stay Out Of Family Affairs.
Ladies And Gentlemen
Contestant Number One- Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.
No Flourishing, Dad.
That Was A Turn.
A Turn With Raised Arms Is A Flourish.
Judges, No Points For The Flourish.
Since We're Talking About Points
I Want To Bring Up Walking.
I Want The Judges To Notice Walking
When They're Viewing The Next Contestant.
Ladies And Gentlemen
Contestant Number Two- Mrs. Clair Huxtable.
Flourish.
Dad, Look...
That Was A Turn.
Okay, What About The Brown Paper Bag?
That's Ugly!
Now, Points For Ugly For Brown Paper Bag.
Hah!
Will The Contestants Please Line Up For The Judging?
Now, Judges
Your Applause Will Determine The Winner.
We Have Contestant Number One.
Yay!
Walking!
Look At Those Shoes!
And Contestant Number Two.
Yay!
Okay. Yes, Yes. The Winner...
And Still Champion.
Mrs. Clair Huxtable.
And...
For The Winner Of The Smooth Contest...
A Lovely Wrist Corsage.
If I Had Won
This Is What You Were Going To Put On Me?
Cliff, We're Going To Be Late For Dinner.
The Only Reason I'm Going With You
Is Because You're Paying For The Dinner.
You Know What?
It Was The Cane That Did It.
You Like This?
This Was Your Great-Grandfather's.
He Twisted His Knee
Saving A Child From An Oncoming Train.
The Parents
Were So Grateful
They Bought Him This Hand-Carved Cane...
That Was Made In Hong Kong?!
Let's Go To Dinner.
Have A Good Time.
What A Perfect Evening.
Everything Was Perfect-
The Music, The Food, And The Company.
Yes, Indeed.
You Know What I Especially Liked?
What?
I Especially Enjoyed The Part
Where They Came To Me With The Check
Put It In Front Of Me
And My Wife Said
"I'm Sorry, Darling, But The Check Goes Here."
Thank You.
Did You Notice
The Way Everybody Stared At Us
When We Danced?
It's Because They Had Never Seen People
Sit At A Table And Dance Before.
We Are The World's Smoothest Table Dancers.
That Is Correct.
The People Didn't Even Know That We Were The Greatest
And Even Some Of Them Tried To Table Dance.
And Now That That Is Over
I Think, Dear
It's Time To Talk About The Matter Of My Apology.
Why Are You Apologizing To Me?
No.
You Have To Apologize To Me.
For What?
Because You Are A Pain.
When?
For The Last Two Days.
You Wouldn't Use Your Cane.
You Hopped Up The Steps.
You Stuck Your Tongue Out At Me.
I Said, "Don't Go To Work."
You Yelled At Me!
You Owe Me An Apology.
Oh, Cliff.
You Do.
You Got The Most Beautiful Little Turtle-Brown Eyes.
You Owe Me An Apology.
Those Flecks Of Gray In Your Hair
Make You Look So Distinguished And Handsome.
You Owe Me An Apology.
I Love Your Ears-
Especially This One Over Here.
You Owe Me An Apology.
When I See That Little Spot Right There
I Want To Nibble On It.
Oh...
Uh... Cliff?
Mm-Hmm?
I'm Sorry.
Do You Remember The Dip?
Yes.
Mm-Hmm.