-Hi. -Hi.
Is This Your Science Project?
The Solar System--
The Nine Planets, Including Saturn With Its Rings.
And If That Isn't Enough, Check This Out.
It's Pretty Good.
Pretty Good?
Yeah. When's It Due?
Why Do You Ask?
You Should Make Each Planet Revolve Separately.
If This Was A Real Solar System
You Would Have Had A Four-Planet Collision.
Denise, This Is A Great Science Project.
It's As Good As Anything I've Ever Done
And I Always Get "A's."
You're In An Advanced Class Now.
How Much Time Did You Put Into This?
Four Nights.
When Were You Given The Assignment?
A Month And A Half Ago.
I'm Not Saying It's Not Good, I'm Just Saying I Don't Know.
Bye, Denise. Thanks.
Theo, You Almost Done?
When You're Finished, Wash Your Bowl
Because I'm Getting Ready To Start This Load.
Finished.
Oh, No. It's Broken.
Are You Sure?
Quick, Let's Wash These Dishes.
If Your Father Finds Out This Thing Is Broken
He'll Get That Tool Kit And Try To Fix It.
And Then He'll Have Me Help Him.
Remember The Refrigerator?
First, A Teeny Little Light Wouldn't Come On.
Four Days Later
Nothing Worked Except The Door Handle.
He Kept Saying, "I Almost Have It."
Good Morning.
Mom, You Know, Cleanup Is So Much Easier
By Using Modern Appliances.
This Isn't Full Enough.
Rather Than Wasting Energy, We'll Start It After Dinner.
Good Idea.
See You, Dad.
It's Broken, Isn't It?
Cliff, I'll Call The Repairman.
You'll Do No Such Thing.
I Can Fix That, And It's Cheaper.
You Call The Repairman, What Does He Do?
He Comes Here, Charges Us $35
To Tell Us That The Part That's Needed To Make It Run
Is Somewhere On A Mountaintop In Minnesota.
Dad...
When You Fix It
We Pay The Repairman Anyway.
"We"?
Since When Did You Become "We" For Paying Bills?
You Do Remember The Refrigerator?
I Almost Had It.
I Almost Had It, Dear, And You Kept Pressuring Me.
Because We'd Eaten Out Of Cans For Three Days.
I Have To Get To School.
What Are You Going To Do After School?
Does It Matter?
My Son, The Repairman's Helper.
Leave Me Alone, Rudy.
Let Me Carry Morris.
It's Not Morris, It's Mars, And You Can't Have It.
Please?
When You Carried It Before, You Bounced It.
Because Before It Was Mars, It Was My Ball.
Look At It This Way, Rudy.
You're Making A Contribution To Science.
Okay.
When Can I Have It Back?
After The Fair.
Okay.
(Whack)
Ooh.
Dad.
Huh?
You Like My Science Project, Don't You?
Do I Like It?
I Love It.
Clair, Look At This.
Is This Fantastic?
It's Fantastic.
And On Top Of That, Clair, The Piece De Resistance:
We Have A Nine-Page Report On The Solar System.
Stand Over Here, Genius Of Mine
Because The Brain Power Comes From The Huxtable Side.
Fire Away. Ask A Question.
Go Ahead.
What Is The Atmosphere Like On The Planet Saturn?
Read On.
"The Atmosphere On Saturn
"Is Composed Of Methane And Molecular Hydrogen.
"The Average Temperature Is 350 Degrees Below Zero
And The Wind Velocity Is 700 Miles Per Hour."
I'm Very Impressed.
Cliff: Yes, Indeed.
(Doorbell)
That's Janet.
Would You Let Her In?
Yes, Ma'am.
I'll Get A Box To Put This In.
Hello.
Hi, Dr. Huxtable.
Um...
Don't I Know You?
Did We Double-Date Together Somewhere?
Well, Who Are You?
Janet Meiser.
You're My Daughter's Giggling Partner.
I Have All Your Albums.
Yes.
What Do You Want?
My Parents Are Waiting Outside.
Is Vanessa Ready?
She's Getting Her Science Project.
Don't Tell Me What She Did.
We Swore To Secrecy Until The Science Fair.
Hi, Mrs. Huxtable.
Hi, Janet.
How Are You?
Fine.
Are You Nervous?
A Little.
I Was Putting My Project Together Until The Last Minute.
I Finished Mine Two Days Ago.
Wow. I Bet It's Good.
Vanessa Built A Life-Size Space Shuttle.
She Did?
Yeah.
Have Your Folks Got A Trailer Outside?
Dad...
He's Kidding.
Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad.
Wish Me Luck.
The Winner Gets A Trophy.
I Got A Space Right Here For It.
Thank You.
Bye, Vanessa.
Cliff, That Really Was Not Necessary.
What?
School Is Competitive.
Don't Put Extra Pressure On Her.
There's Nothing Wrong With Competition.
I Don't Want Vanessa To Get Carried Away
Like Somebody I Know.
Are You Talking About Me?
Yes, I Am.
Now, Let's Take The Way You Play "Monopoly".
What Has "Monopoly" Got To Do With Science?
I'm Talking About The Way You Handle Competition.
To Most People, "Monopoly" Is A Game.
YouUse "Monopoly" To Crush Your Challengers.
If Somebody Gets A "Go To Jail" Card
You Applaud.
That's Right.
If Somebody Lands On Your Property
You Make Cash Register Sounds.
Ch-Zing.
That's Right.
When You Win
You Pile Your Money On The Floor And Roll In It.
You Are The Worst.
Now I Know What You're Talking About.
This Has Nothing To Do With Science.
You're Still Warm About The "Monopoly" Game We Played
And I Had "Boardwalk"
And You Rolled The Dice And Landed On My "Boardwalk"
And I Had About 5,000 Hotels And 600 Houses
And You Only Had $30.
And I Told You To Pay Up, And You Said:
"But I'm Your Wife!"
And You Better Pay.
Well, Who's Going To Set Up First?
Okay, I Guess I Will.
Wow!
Where Did You Get Those?
I Made Them.
You Did?
I Wasn't Sure I'd Be Able To
But As I Learned, I Got Into It.
Do They Do Anything?
Just This.
This One Is Different.
I Added A Sound Command.
Did Your Father Help You?
You Made Those By Yourself?
Uh-Huh.
Wow.
What's Your Project?
The Solar System.
I Did That In The Third Grade.
Had All The Planets
The 16 Moons Around Jupiter
And A Flaming Asteroid.
It's Nothing Compared To What's Under That Sheet.
Leon, Tell Us What It Is.
Promise Not To Tell Anyone?
Promise. Promise.
I Made A Working Tornado.
Wow.
Tornadoes Aren't Hard.
You Just Put A Low-Pressure, Warm Air System
Under A High-Pressure, Cold Air System.
Mine Destroys A Miniature Farm Community.
Wow! Wow!
What's Your Project, Janet?
Robotics.
Can I See?
Sure.
Um, Mr. Robertson?
Could I Wait Until Monday To Set Up My Project?
Why?
I'd Like To Work On It More.
I'm Sorry, But We're Judging In Half An Hour.
Get Yourself Ready.
Theo: I'm Home, Dad!
Hey, Dad.
What Time Do You Get Out Of School?
3:00.
It's Already 3:15!
I Asked You To Come Here As Soon As You Get Out Of School.
Sorry, Dad.
So How's It Going?
Mocking Theo: So How's It Going?
Just Fine -- I Fixed It.
Dad...
Is It Really Fixed?
Hi, Dad.
Frick And Frack, How Are You?
What Happened?
Life's Been Too Easy For Me.
I Want To Talk About The Science Fair.
Who Won?
Leon Haywood.
His Project Was Great.
He Had This Tornado In A Tube
And He Kept Throwing Little Cows And Tractors Into It.
And They Spin Up To The Top And Fly Out.
How Did You Do?
Janet Came In Third.
I'm Happy For You.
Third Place, All Right.
And Number Two...
Number Four...
Not Me, Dad.
What Were You?
Fourteenth.
Fourteenth?
But Her Project Was Really Great.
Get Them Next Time!
Right, Dad.
Okay.
Vanessa...
Yeah?
I'm Sorry You Came In 14th.
Well...
I'm Sorry I Came In Third.
You Don't Have To Apologize
Because You Had Someone Help You.
Nobody Helped Me.
Your Father's An Engineer-- He Must Have Helped You.
I Worked Hard On My Project.
Nobody Helped Me.
Don't You Believe Me?
If You Say So.
So What Do You Want To Do Now?
Nothing.
No, You Don't Understand-- I Don't Need A Repairman.
The Machine Is Past Repairman.
What I'm Asking For Is If You Have A Machine
That's The Same Model As The One That I Had.
You Do.
Can You Get A Man Here
To Put It In Before 5:30-- Before My Wife Gets Home?
Yes, I Want To Give Her A Present.
You Can?
Oh, You're Great.
Thank You.
Dr. Huxtable?
Mrs. Wizard!
I Think I Want To Go Home.
You Think You Want To Go Home?
Yes. Could You Take Me?
You Really Want To Go?
I Really Want To.
Well, Yeah.
I'll Go Get My Keys, Then I'll Take You Home.
Thank You, Dr. Huxtable.
Okay.
(Knocking)
Who Is It?
It's Dad.
Come In.
Hi, Dad.
Hi.
Everything Okay?
Yes, Dad.
Janet Wants Me To Take Her Home.
That's A Short Visit.
Yes, Dad.
What's Happening?
N...
Ever Since She Won Third Prize, She's Been Impossible.
She Only Won It Just A Couple Minutes Ago.
She Won't Admit It, But Her Dad Helped Her.
Did You Ask Her About It?
Yes.
What Did She Say?
She Said He Didn't.
And Do You Believe Her?
Every Time I Sat Down To Work, Rudy Was Always Bothering Me.
I Asked Mom If I Could Work At The Kitchen Table
And She Said No.
I Don't Even Think Mr. Robertson Likes Me.
Are You Finished?
And You Only Gave Me $10 To Do My Project.
So A Whole Lot Of People Ruined This Project For You?
Look At Me.
You Know There's Two People In This Room
Who Really Know Better Than That, Don't We?
Come Here.
Come On, Now.
Come Over Here.
You Tell Me, What Is The Real Problem Now?
Dad, I Thought What I Did Was Good Enough
But When I Saw What Those Other Kids Did
I Knew I Could Have Done A Lot More.
How Much More?
A LotMore.
Why Didn't You?
I Don't Know.
"I Don't Know."
Come On, Level With Me.
I Guess I Just Didn't Work Hard Enough.
Is That Class Too Fast For You?
Do They Ask Too Much Of You?
Uh-Uh.
How Much More Could You Have Done?
I Could Have Done 75% More.
Denise Was Right.
I Should Have Made Each Planet Rotate By Itself.
Mm-Hmm.
I Should Have Put Moons Around Mars And Jupiter.
I Should Have Put Comets And Satellites.
I Could Have Put The Starship Enterprise.
Okay, That's My Girl.
Dad?
Yeah?
Could I Borrow $20?
Why? Do You Want To Run Away From Home?
No, I Want To Finish My Science Project.
The Competition Is Over, Honey.
I Know.
You Want To Do It To Show Mr. Robertson, Right?
You Want To Do It To Show Dad.
I Want To Do It For Me.
That's My Girl.
Dad...
Hmm?
I Can't Breathe.
You Have To Understand, Dear, That Love Hurts Sometimes.
Janet Is Downstairs.
Do You Want Me To Take Her Home?
Okay.
Can She Stay For Dinner?
Did Her Father Help Her?
We'll Go Out For Pizza.
Can I Have Your Crust?
You're Pushing It.
Dad, Vanessa Said We're All Going Out For Pizza.
Yeah.
Can I Stay Home?
You've Only Missed Pizza When Your Tonsils Were Removed.
Whenever Vanessa And Janet Come Along, They Make Fun Of Me.
That's Because You're Funny.
Listen, When The Pizza Comes, Everybody Waits Except You.
And We All Say The Same Thing: "Please, It's Hot."
You Say, "I Don't Care."
You Reach In, Grab The Slice, Pull It Up.
The Cheese Is Still Clinging To The Thing.
It's Got A Long Line Of It.
You Turn, Open Up Your Mouth And You Bite Down.
The Heat Is Coming Out Of Your Mouth.
Then You Say, "Har... La... Har... "
Then You Pull It Away.
There's Cheese Coming From The Pizza.
There's Cheese Down Here.
And Then You Grab Anything.
Remember When You Grabbed That Cup
And It Belonged To People That Had Just Left The Table
And It Had Cigarette Butts In It?
You Drank It!
I'll Get My Coat, Dad.
Yeah.
We're Ready.
Thanks For Inviting Me To Dinner.
Don't Thank Me, You're Buying.
(Giggling)
He, He, He, He.
Do You Have Money, Young Lady?
Credit Cards?
You Go Upstairs And Get Your Sister.
And You Go Get The Car.
Ho, Ha, Ho, Ha.
Hey.
Don't Take Your Coat Off Because We're Going Out For Pizza Now.
Okay.
Where Are You Going?
To The Kitchen.
What For?
A Glass Of Juice.
They Sell Juice In The Restaurant.
How Did Vanessa Make Out In Her Science Fair?
She Came In 14th.
I Asked Her If She Was In Over Her Head.
She Said No.
She Asked Me For $20
So She Could Go Back And Do The Project All Over Again.
She Is Not In Over Her Head.
Very Good.
Ah...
Now If We Could Just Do Something
About The Other Child In The Family
Who Is In Over His Head, But Refuses To Admit It.
Tell Me Theo's Problem, And I'll Help.
Theo Is Not The Child I'm Referring To.
The Child I'm Speaking Of Wears An Engineer's Cap
Coveralls, Has A Toolbox And Has Never Fixed Anything.
Go Straight Up To Your Room
And Vanessa Will Talk With You
About Being In Over Your Head.
Can I Have Some Pizza First?
Only If You Promise Never, Ever Again
As Long As We Both Shall Live, To Try To Fix Anything.
I...
Promise...
Not To Ever Try To Fix Anything In This House Again.
I Promise Not To Try To Fix Anything In This House Again.
I...