HI, SWEETHEART.
HI, CLIFF.
HOW WAS THE CHARMING AND BEAUTIFUL MRS. HUXTABLE'S DAY IN COURT?
UGH.
YOU'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME.
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID THE LAST TIME.
IN THAT CASE, YOU BLEW IT.
HI, MOM.
VANESSA, IT IS ALMOST DINNER TIME.
DAD MADE ME DO IT.
I SAID SHE COULD HAVE A SNACK
AFTER SHE PRACTICED THE CLARINET.
SO DID SHE?
DID YOU?
DID I WHAT?
PRACTICE THE CLARINET.
FOR THE RECITAL.
YOU DIDN'T MAKE ME.
WILL YOU TELL YOUR DAUGHTER HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS?
YOU PLANNING ON LEAVING TOWN RIGHT AWAY?
EXPLAIN TO THIS GIRL
SHE'S GOT A FEATURED SOLO IN FIVE DAYS.
THE GIRL IS STANDING RIGHT THERE.
AND DON'T LET HER GET OUT OF IT.
VANESSA, I WANT YOU TO PRACTICE.
I WILL
WHEN I FINISH MY HOMEWORK.
HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE?
I HAVE A HISTORY ESSAY ON THE HUNDRED YEARS' WAR.
HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE?
ABOUT FIFTEEN MINUTES.
THAT'S NOT BAD.
THAT'S SEVEN YEARS A MINUTE.
THAT'S IF I WANT A "D."
WHAT IF YOU WANT AN "A"?
ABOUT AN HOUR, TOPS.
GO FOR THE "A."
HI, DADDY.
HOW YOU DOING, PEACHES?
ARE YOU MAD AT ME?
SHOULD I BE?
THIS MORNING I GOT A KISS AND A HUG.
OKAY.
THERE. THAT BETTER?
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
WHEN MARY LOPEZ'S FATHER KISSES HER, HE SAYS
"I LOVE YOU, MARY."
I LOVE YOU, MARY.
NO, DAD.
I LOVE YOU, RUDY.
BUT HE SAYS IT IN SPANISH.
MR. LOPEZ IS A TROUBLEMAKER.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHAT?
MARY CAN HAVE A SNACK ANY TIME SHE WANTS.
OH, REALLY?
MOM'S IN THE KITCHEN.
OOPS.
MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY.
WELL?
VANESSA PROMISED TO PRACTICE.
WHEN WILL WE LEARN?
FIRST IT WAS DENISE'S ICE SKATING LESSONS.
WE BUY SKATES, OUTFITS...
SHE LASTS TWO WEEKS.
AND THEODORE'S KARATE-- ONE DAY.
BUT WE DIDN'T GO FOR TOO MUCH THERE--
A WHITE BATHROBE AND A COUPLE PIECES OF WOOD.
HOW MUCH DID WE GO FOR WITH THE CLARINET?
WE AGREED THAT WHEN A CHILD SHOWS AN INTEREST IN SOMETHING
IT'S OUR PARENTAL DUTY TO NURTURE IT.
WHAT DID IT RUN US?
IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE HARD UP FOR MONEY.
WHAT DID IT RUNUS?
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS--
IT'S CHEAPER THAN RENTING.
WHAT DID IT RUN US?
$245.
$245?!
THAT INCLUDED THE CASE.
IT BETTER INCLUDE A SET OF LIPS.
HA HA!
YOU'RE NOW DEAD MEAT.
(Ring)
CHECK.
(Ring)
LET'S GO.
TIME IS MONEY.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB.
WHAT MONEY?
TIME IS MONEY.
DON'T "TIME IS MONEY" ME.
YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB
NOT PLANNING ON GETTING A JOB
AND CAN'T EVEN SPELL "JOB."
NOW, DEAL WITH THAT.
(Ring)
QUEEN CHECK.
I KNOW A CHECK WHEN I SEE ONE.
I'M THE PERSON WHO TAUGHT YOU TO PLAY.
YOU REMEMBER?
YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
(Ring)
ARE YOU PLAYING CHESS
OR ARE YOU CALLING FOR THE BELLHOP?
(Clarinet Sounding Like Foghorn)
HAVE WE MOVED CLOSER TO THE RIVER?
(Clarinet Squeaking)
YOU THINK SHE'S BLOWING INTO THE RIGHT END?
(Squawking And Squeaking)
I THINK SHE JUST KILLED A GOOSE.
SHE IS AWFUL!
(More Squawking)
I THINK WE OUGHT TO SOUNDPROOF HER ROOM.
AND MOVE.
(Squawking)
THAT'S IT.
HALF TIME, MAN.
DAD, THERE'S NO HALF TIME IN CHESS.
THE BAND IS PLAYING, SO THAT'S HALF TIME.
OH, OH, PLEASE.
NO, COME HERE.
HERE, HERE, HERE!
WHERE DID YOU GET THIS FROM?
VANESSA SAID I COULD PLAY WITH IT.
THIS IS NOT A TOY.
THIS IS A GOOSE-KILLER.
HI, DADDY.
VANESSA
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COST?
$245. 2-4-5.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT CAN BE PURCHASED WITH $245?
YOU CAN GET BRAKES FOR SIX CHEVYS.
DAD, I DO APPRECIATE YOU BUYING THIS FOR ME.
SOME TIME AGO, YOUNG LADY
YOU CAME TO US AND YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING
IF WE WOULD ALLOW YOU TO TAKE UP THE CLARINET.
NOW WHAT HAPPENED?
I DON'T LIKE IT ANYMORE.
NEITHER DOES JANET MEISER.
SHE QUIT TWO WEEKS AGO.
SO THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO QUIT, TOO?
IT'S NO FUN WITHOUT JANET.
WE'RE LIKE THE THREE MUSKETEERS, EXCEPT THERE'S TWO OF US.
COULDN'T I SWITCH TO GYMNASTICS?
IF IT'S THE MONEY
JANET'S FATHER HOCKED HER CLARINET
AND GOT $40.
$40? I PAID $2...
YOU AGREED TO BE IN THAT RECITAL.
THEY ARE COUNTING ON YOU.
THEY WON'T EVEN MISS ME.
YOU CAN QUIT LATER.
BUT YOU HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY
TO GO THROUGH WITH THAT RECITAL.
YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT.
I WANT YOU TO PRACTICE.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU DO UNDERSTAND ME?
YES.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU OKAY?
I'M OKAY.
DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?
YOU SURE?
POSITIVE.
YOU DON'T WANT BRIGHTER LIGHTS IN THE ROOM?
HOW ABOUT A POT OF COFFEE?
DON'T FORGET, YOU'VE GOT A RESPONSIBILITY.
PRACTICE.
RIGHT?
I'LL DO MY BEST.
THAT'S ALL I'M ASKING FOR.
IT'S A PART OF RESPONSIBILITY.
(Squawk)
(Scale)
HE WOULDN'T LET YOU OUT OF IT?
DID YOU GET HIS "RESPONSIBILITY" SPEECH?
YEAH.
LONG OR SHORT VERSION?
THE LONG VERSION.
WITH THE POT OF COFFEE.
UH-HUH.
SO WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?
THAT I'D DO MY BEST.
WAS THAT YOUR BEST?
YEAH.
AND THE RECITAL'S WHEN?
IN FIVE DAYS.
I'M IN BIG TROUBLE.
(Squawking)
I'M NOT JOGGING WITH YOU.
YES.
YOU KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU WANT TO.
YOU KNOW THAT YOU'LL WAKE UP
WITH AN IRRESISTIBLE URGE TO GO JOGGING WITH YOUR HUSBAND.
WITH ALL THAT?
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING ON A SPACE WALK.
IN ORDER TO GO JOGGING AND DO IT PROPERLY
YOU MUST HAVE THE NECESSARY EQUIPMENT.
WHY CAN'T YOU BE SATISFIED WITH A PLEASANT JOG IN THE PARK?
BECAUSE SERIOUS JOGGERS
ARE NOT SATISFIED WITH A PLEASANT JOG IN THE PARK.
JOGGING WITH YOU IS NOT FUN.
YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FUN?
WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT IS FUN?
THIS IS THE WAY I JOG.
SEE, I'M SERIOUS.
I HAVE THE PEPPER.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
THIS IS THE WAY I MOVE IT.
THIS IS THE WAY MY WIFE JOGS.
MUST HAVE AT LEAST THREE OF THESE
TUCKED HERE.
AND THEN SHE BURSTS OUT.
OH, CLIFF...
CLIFF...
YOU'RE MOVING TOO FAST.
NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU CAN BURN OFF THERE
OTHER THAN THESE TISSUES.
CLIFF, I DO NOT ENJOY JOGGING FULL SPEED
CARRYING 59 POUNDS OF UNNECESSARY EQUIPMENT
WHILE YOU SCREAM, "MOVE IT, CLAIR!"
"NO PAIN, NO GAIN!"
WE ALWAYS END UP ARGUING, I WALK HOME ALONE, AND...
I HATE JOGGING WITH YOU.
(Knocking)
WHOEVER'S UP THIS LATE BETTER HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE.
I CAN'T SLEEP. GOOD ENOUGH?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, HONEY?
I DON'T THINK I CAN BE IN THIS RECITAL.
WHY?
(Raspy) I HAVE A SORE THROAT.
YOUR RECITAL'S IN FOUR DAYS.
IT'S ONE OF THOSE SLOW-BUILDING SORE THROATS.
VANESSA, IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT.
WHAT'S WRONG?
MOM, I'M WORRIED.
ABOUT WHAT?
YOU'VE HEARD ME PRACTICING.
I'M BAD, AREN'T I?
YOU'RE DOING PRETTY WELL.
YOU'RE ONLY 11 YEARS OLD.
NOBODY'S ASKING YOU TO PLAY LIKE BENNY GOODMAN.
WHO?
YOU'RE GOING TO BE JUST FINE.
I HAD THE SAME DOUBTS WHEN I WENT ON MY FIRST DATE.
THAT'S NOT THE SAME.
YOU HAVE TO PRACTICETHIS.
I'M TELLING YOU, MY FIRST DATE, I HAD TO PRACTICE.
WHEN I WAS 13 1/2 YEARS OLD, MY VOICE WAS CHANGING
AND I WAS EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT.
PEOPLE WOULD SAY, "WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"
(Cracking) AND I'D SAY, "MY NAME IS HEATHCLIFF HUXTABLE."
I DIDN'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE THAT.
I WANTED TO SOUND SMOOTH, SO I PRACTICED--
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
(Cracking) HEATHCLIFF HUXTABLE.
(Cracking Less) HEATHCLIFF HUXTABLE. HEATHCLIFF HUXTABLE.
AND THEN I BEGAN TO PRACTICE MY SMILES.
I HAD THREE OF THEM.
I HAD A FULL SMILE.
I HAD A THREE-QUARTER SMILE.
AND THEN I HAD A QUARTER SMILE.
AND I'D PRACTICE
ALL OF THOSE THINGS, AND THEN...
THE NIGHT OF MY DATE.
I WAS NERVOUS, BUT I HAD PRACTICED.
I RANG THE DOORBELL, HER FATHER OPENED THE DOOR.
HE SAID, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
(Cracking) I SAID, "MY NAME IS..."
AND I RAN AWAY.
I RAN FOR ABOUT A BLOCK, AND I STOPPED MYSELF.
I SAID, "NO, NO, YOU'VE PRACTICED.
GO BACK THERE, GIVE IT TO HIM."
I WENT BACK, RANG THE BELL. HE SAID, "WHO ARE YOU?"
(Not Cracking) AND I SAID, "MY NAME IS HEATHCLIFF HUXTABLE."
NOW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
YES.
ALL RIGHT.
YOU FEEL BETTER?
NO.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, VANESSA.
(Fighter Plane Noises)
(Explosion Sounds)
CHECK MATE.
THAT'S FOUR
FOR THE MAN ON THE COMEBACK TRAIL.
YOU'RE A BAD LOSER, BUT YOU'RE A WORSE WINNER.
AND NOW ON MY DRIVE FOR FIVE
I AM GOING TO, MY BOY, LET YOU HAVE THE FIRST MOVE.
WAIT A MINUTE, HOLD ON.
SOMETHING TROUBLING YOU, SON?
WHAT?
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR RAIN?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, FORGET IT.
SHE'S NOT PLAYING UNTIL MR. HAMPTON GETS HERE.
WHEN IS THAT?
SOON.
HALF TIME.
WHY IS MR. HAMPTON COMING?
MR. HAMPTON IS COMING
TO GIVE YOUR SISTER SOME INSTRUCTIONS ON THE CLARINET.
HE TOLD ME
HE KNEW YOU WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE.
THAT'S TRUE.
HE'S AN OLD FRIEND.
HE WAS THE MUSIC TEACHER WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL.
THEY HAD MUSIC WHEN YOU WENT TO SCHOOL?
SOME.
DID THEY HAVE POTATO CHIPS?
YES, WE HAD POTATO CHIPS.
DID THEY HAVE TV?
NO, THEY DIDN'T HAVE TV.
WHAT DID YOU WATCH WHILE YOU ATE POTATO CHIPS?
RADIO.
(Doorbell)
HI, MR. HAMPTON.
HI, DOC.
HI, MR. HAMPTON.
HI, RUDY. LONG TIME NO SEE.
DO IT, DO IT.
DO WHAT?
YOU KNOW--
YOU ALWAYS ASK ME TO DO THAT.
DADDY, DADDY, LOOK!
HIS FACE IS GOING TO EXPLODE!
OH, NO, NO, NOT OLD RUBBER FACE.
CAN HE STAY FOR DINNER?
UH-HUH.
I WANT TO WATCH HIM PUT A CHICKEN IN HIS MOUTH.
IF YOU'RE NICE, I'LL DO SOMETHING FOR YOU.
(Rubber Band Music)
♪ LOVE
♪ YOU
♪ RUDY.
♪ LOVE
♪ YOU
♪ RUDY.
I LOVE YOU, TOO, MR. HAMPTON.
VANESSA!
YES, DAD.
COME ON DOWN, PLEASE.
MR. HAMPTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
GOT US A LITTLE INSURANCE POLICY ON THE RECITAL.
HE'S GOING TO TAKE MY PLACE?
NO, HE'S GOING TO GIVE YOU PRIVATE LESSONS.
COME ON, LET'S GET STARTED.
THANK YOU, DADDY.
IT WON'T HELP.
(Bassoon Playing)
BRAVO! BRAVO!
THANK YOU, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
THAT WAS BOBBY TUCKER ON THE BASSOON
GIVING YOU HIS RENDITION OF "THE FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE."
IT WAS MORE LIKE "THE WOUNDED MOTH."
IN JUST A MOMENT WE WILL HEAR FROM OUR BEGINNER'S CLASS.
THAT'S ME.
GOOD LUCK.
BETTER BE GOOD.
I GAVE UP HANGING OUT WITH MY FRIENDS TO SEE THIS.
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MY KID ALREADY PLAYED.
THE BUMBLEBEE?
NO, SIT DOWN. MY KID'S GOING ON.
I'M PAYING $4 AN HOUR FOR PARKING.
$4? I PAID $6.
COME ON, WATCH MY KID.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OUR BEGINNER'S CLASS
WITH THEIR MEDLEY OF POPULAR SONGS
WITH A SOLO BY MISS VANESSA HUXTABLE.
(Cheering)
(Terrible Clarinet Playing)
I WANT TO GO HOME.
(Band Playing Out Of Tune)
ENCORE! ENCORE!
EN...