Rudy: Vanessa!
(Angrily) Vanessa!
Vanessa: Mom, Tell Rudy To Stop Saying My Name!
Cliff?
She Said, "Mom," Dear, Not "Dad."
That's Why They Have Different Names For Us--
So They Can Get Who They Want.
But I'm Doing Our Books.
I'll Do Them.
You? You Hate Doing Books.
When I See The Joy You Get From Doing Them
I Want To Do Books, Too.
Vanessa!
Vanessa: Mom!
♪ Clair. ♪
Cliff.
Should I Destroy Them Now?
Do Something.
Rudy?!
Yes?!
This Is Your Father Talking.
Get Down On Your Hands And Knees.
Now Put Your Ear To The Floor.
Can You Hear Me?
Rudy: Yes!
All Right. I'm Going To Say This Only One Time:
Stop It!
The Secret To Handling Rudy Is Just Ignore Her.
After That, Your Life Becomes Free.
Spoken Like A Person With No Children.
Listen.
Cliff: Hmm?
It's Quiet.
Dad Has Spoken.
There Will Be Peace In The Valley.
Rudy: Vanessa!
Vanessa: Mom!
Dad's Off The Couch.
He's Moving In...
Look Out!
Daa!
Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!
Now Where Are You Going?
To The Bathroom.
I Don't Think You Have To Go.
What If You're Wrong?
Then The Three Of Us Will Soon Find Out, Won't We?
You Are Bothering The Princess Vanessa
Aren't You?
No, Daddy.
Is It Your Voice That I Hear That's Saying, "Vanessa"?
Yes.
Is It Your Throat
That's Allowing Your Voice To Say, "Vanessa"?
Yes.
Is It Your Brain That Tells Your Throat
To Let The Voice Say, "Vanessa"?
Yes.
Then You Are Bothering Vanessa.
No, She's Bothering Me.
How?
By Not Answering When I Say, "Vanessa."
I'm Trying To Do My Homework
And She's Bothering Me.
I Understand That.
I'm Going To Separate You Two
And You'll Have The Room To Yourself.
Do You Understand?
Okay?
Okay.
Now, Listen.
You Know You Love To Play In Mom And Dad's Room.
Dad's Got A Biggie For You.
You Can Play In Our Room
Until Dad Comes To Get You, Okay?
Oh, Boy!
Hey!
Hi, Mom.
Hey, Dad.
Hey! What Time Does School Let Out?
3:00.
Cliff: Hey!
What Time Is It?
5:00.
Hey.
Want To Talk About Two Missing Hours?
I've Been Going To Football Tryouts.
Today I Found Out I Made The Team.
See, Look--
Here's Some Of Our Plays.
Me And The Guys Decided To Go For Football And Goof Around.
But The First Day, Sammy And Mouth Got Cut.
The Next Day, Joel And Cockroach Got Bounced.
Who?
Cockroach.
I Figured I'd Be Next, So I Didn't Tell You.
But They Never Cut Me.
They Kept Me. I'm On The Team.
Get Out Of Here.
Really!
It's The "Thirty-One Sweep."
I Ran This In College.
Back When They Didn't Wear Face Masks.
Is That What Happened To Your Nose?
(Giggle)
A Small Price To Pay For A First Down.
It's Okay If I Play?
This Won't Interfere With Schoolwork?
Mom, I'm Going To Work Real Hard... At Everything.
All Right.
You'd Better Do Your Homework.
Right, Dad. No Problem.
Happy?
My Boy.
My... Son.
Football.
My Son. My Boy.
In The Stands:
"Is That Your Son?"
"Yes, That's My Boy."
"Is He The One Running Down The Field For The Touchdown
With The Name Huxtable On The Back?"
"That's My Son.
"I Would Have Done It Myself, But I'm Too Old Now
So I Passed The Business On To Him."
Huxtable And Son.
Yes, Indeed.
Go To Dinners:
"And The Athlete Of The Century: Young Huxtable.
"Sitting Next To Him Was The Athlete Of The Old Century
Old Huxtable."
My Son.
I'm Telling You, My Prayers Have Been Answered
And The Circle Will Not Be Broken.
This May Be Impossible
But Do You Think You Can Calm Down?
Calm? Sure. Perfectly Calm.
Cliff, Your Eyes Are Dancing.
Are They?
Mm-Hmm.
Let Me See.
They Are.
Yes, They Are.
They Are Dancing!
Sit Down.
No. Do Me A Favor.
Say It Again.
I Want To See Them Dance.
Say It!
Football.
There They Go!
Okay, Now, Who Is This?
You. Again.
Well, At Least You Could Look...
You Know. All Right
Here We Go: The Groverton Game. 1958.
Backfield Of Harry Jefferson
Don Consul, Toby Wilson And Me.
We Are Down By Six Points
800,000 People In The Stands
Three Seconds Left To Go
Our Ball On Their Two-Yard Line
And Who Did They Go To?
Toby Wilson.
Right! And We Lost!
Should Have Gone To You.
That's Right.
When We Went To The Class Reunion
People Didn't Say
"How You Doing? You Look Wonderful."
First Thing Out Of Their Mouths Was
"They Should Have Gone To You."
For The Past Two Hours
It's Been Football Non-Stop.
Theo's Half Mine.
I Might Have Plans For Him.
Like What?
Like Follow In My Footsteps And Become A Lawyer.
No Better Way To Prepare For Law Than Football.
Wait A Minute. Time Out.
What I'm Saying Is Like Me In Med School.
Now, Final Exams
People Are Running
Up And Down The Hallway
Jumping Out Of Windows, Setting Themselves On Fire
"Oh, My Goodness, I Don't Know What I'm Going To Do."
Me, I'm Dancing In The Hallways
Saying, "Pour It On. Give Me Tougher Exams.
What? Is This The Best You Can Hand Me?"
People Said
"You're Not Scared?"
I Said, "No."
They Said, "Why?"
I Said, "Football."
I Read An Article About Teenage Boys And Football.
Know What They Said Their Biggest Problem Is?
Naughty Cheerleaders On The Bus.
Fathers.
Look, I Am Not Going To Put Pressure On The Boy.
If He's Good, Great.
If He's Bad...
But If He Quits, He's Dead.
Dad.
My Boy.
Can You Give Me Some Football Pointers?
Son, I'll Be Happy To Teach You All I Know.
Cliff.
Of Course, It's Been A Long Time.
After Dinner.
About The Game Of Football.
Is Rudy Coming?
I Haven't Seen Her.
I Forgot. I Left Her Up In The Room.
Huh?
Ready! Thirty-Five! Hut!
Play!
Cliff: What Do You Mean, I Forgot About You?
It's Only Been A Few Hours.
Nobody Likes Me.
Are You Kidding?
Everybody's Waiting For You.
Vanessa Refused To Eat Until You Showed Up.
Great Dinner, Mom.
It Was Delicious.
All Right, Then Just The Two Of Us
Will Sit Down And Have A Lovely Dinner.
I Don't Eat With Fibbers!
I'll Get Her.
Well, The Fibber Will Just Have To Eat Alone.
Are You Really Going To Wear That?
This Is A Real Football Uniform--
The Kind That Men Wore.
This Is All The Protection We Needed.
Tell Him How You Were CarriedOff The Field.
Only To Get Your Attention.
My Boy, You Are About To Become A Part
Of The Huxtable Tradition.
Starting With Your Great Great Grandfather--
General Theo Huxtable.
My Great Great Grandfather Was A General?
No, That Was His Nickname.
General?
He Gave It To Himself Because He Was A Big Man
And A Man That Size
When He Said, "Call Me General" Everybody Said, "Okay."
So Here We Go.
Hey, That's Real Interesting.
Tell Me More.
No, We Don't Have Time.
We Have To Get Out There.
Here We Go!
Hut Two!
No, Don't Rub It.
That's The Calcium Deposit Building Up.
Play Ball!
Hut! Hut! Hut!
(Groan)
Move The Feet! Move The Feet!
General, I'm Sending You One.
Rudy?
Rudy, Please Talk To Me.
I Could Come In, If You Like.
Hi.
You Know, Rudy, You've Really Got It Rough.
You're The Youngest In The Family
And Nobody Wants To Play With You.
They Tease You.
You Wonder If There's Anything Worse Than Being Five.
There Is--
Four.
Five Is Better Than Four?
Yes. They're Babies.
So Be Proud Of Being Five--
Like "Yay, Five."
Think Of All The Things Five-Year-Olds Can Do.
You Can Tie Your Own Shoelaces.
You Can Dial The Phone...
Go To Kindergarten.
Last Year You Couldn't Do That.
Because I Was Nothing.
No, You Were Never Nothing.
You Just Weren't Five.
I'm Five Now.
And You Can Do Things You Couldn't Do Before.
What About That?
Yay, Five.
Mommy, How Old Are You?
Old.
Yay, Old.
All Right, Just Remember--
Keep Your Center Of Gravity Low
Shoulders Square.
Got It, Dad. You've Got It.
Take A Shower.
Dad, You Really Showed Me A Lot Out There.
You've Got Some Great Moves For A Guy Your Age.
I Figure I Won't Completely Fall Apart
Until Next Week Sometime.
How Does He Look?
Cliff, Your Eyes.
I Don't Think They're Going To Dance For A While.
Tell Me About It.
I Went Out There With No Preconceived Ideas.
Do You Understand?
I Just Wanted To See What The Boy Has.
The Boy Has Nothing.
He Made The Team.
There Are 45 People On The Football Team.
Only 22 Of Them Get To Play.
The Other 23 Are To Keep The Bench From Flying Up In The Air
When The Real Players Go Out There.
Start From The Beginning.
We Get Out To The Field.
The Boy Snatches The Ball From Me
Runs Down To The End Zone, Spikes The Ball
And Then Starts To Do Some Kind Of Dance.
For 20 Minutes He Danced.
I Thought Rain Was Going To Fall.
Then The Boy Comes Running Back
And Says To Me, "How Do You Like My Dance For After I Score?"
I Said, "Great!"
The Boy Is Not Going To Score.
He Must Have Some Skills.
I Threw The Ball To Him, He Caught It.
There You Go.
No-- I Said, "Son, It's Better
To Catch The Ball Before It Hits Your Face."
Okay, So He's Not A Receiver.
I Said, "Okay, Punt."
He Took The Ball, Kicked It.
The Ball Went Backwards.
In Order For Him To Kick In The Game
They Center The Ball To Him, He Catches It
Turns Around, Then He Kicks The Ball.
I See You Shaking Your Head, Saying "Football Father."
You're Not One?
Aha. Aha What?
The First Sign Of Being One Is Denial.
I Know What A Football Father Is.
I'm Telling You That Right Now, Theo Is Terrible.
He's 13 And If You Tell Him That, It Will Destroy Him.
I Didn't Tell Him.
I'm Telling You.
Is He Really That Bad?
Worse.
Dad?
Yes, Theo, My Boy.
I've Been Thinking About The Huxtable Football Tradition.
Is There Room In It For A Guy Who's Not A Star?
Sure.
I Might Not Get Much Playing Time At All--
Like Maybe None.
Whatever You Do, We'll Be In The Stands Cheering You On.
Thanks, Mom.
You, Too, Dad?
What Was The Question?
Will You Be Cheering?
Oh, I'll Have Your Mother On My Shoulders.
I've Got A Lot To Learn, Huh?
Well, You Know, You Have Your Dance Down Pat.
You've Got That Covered.
Now All You Have To Do Is Learn The Skills
That Will Put You Into The End Zone
So You Can Do Your Wonderful Dance.
That Could Take Weeks.
Years.
Years?!
Not Real Years.
I Mean, You Play In The Fall Only.
The Question You Have To Ask Yourself Is:
Is It Worth It?
I'm Just Happy To Be On The Team.
Really?
When We're Practicing, Kids Come Around And Watch.
They Can't Come On The Field Because They're Not On The Team.
I May Never Make First String, But I'm On The Field.
Okay.
But You Better Keep That Bench From Flying Up.
What?
No, I'm Dead Serious.
When That Team Runs Out There
You Let That Bench Fly Up And Hit Somebody In The Head
I'll Come Down There, Boy...
Mom, What's He Talking About?
Listen, Show Mom The Dance That You...
You Know, When You...
There It Is-- The Groverton Game
And I Still Cannot Understand
Why They Didn't Go To Me.
I Think I Can.
You're Kidding. Why?
Five Minutes Left On The Clock
And Your Team Has The Ball.
They Hand It To Someone Who Breaks Through The Line.
He Gets Hit.
But That Doesn't Stop Him
Because He's Got Some Moves.
He's Spinning By The Tacklers, Leaping Over The Linebackers.
I Won't Say Who The Someone Is.
But The Someone Is In This Room.
In This Room?
Now, There Is No One Between The Someone And The Goal Line
And As He's Racing Down The Field
He Turns To Look At His Fiancee.
He Holds The Ball Up And Waves To Her.
What A Man.
As He Brings The Ball Down, His Knee Comes Up
Knocks The Ball Backwards
Into The Hands Of The Groverton Tackler
Who Runs In The Opposite Direction And Scores.
Now, Who Did That?
Toby Wilson.
He's Not Here.
Clair Huxtable.
I Was Just Trying To Show You That I Loved You.
You Were Showing Off.
It Will Be A Cold Day
The Next Time I Wave Anything At You...
Miss Thing.