[Catherine] As soon as I got back to my room,
the stranger immediately disappeared from my mind.
I'd had such a special day with my son.
I mean, my husband hadn't been there, but I hadn't missed him that much.
And that slight dread that I felt of the long day ahead
and having to keep Nicholas occupied had just passed so easily,
and I'd slipped into just-- just being with him.
And I felt nourished and satisfied
from a day of simple pleasures with my son.
- I was happy. - [spoon clinking]
I do wonder if that was the last time I've ever been truly happy.
You know, if all the happiness after that has just been a pretense. [sighs]
[dog barking]
You know, because your wife wrote very accurately about, uh,
my hotel room and what I was wearing,
but she couldn't fathom what I was feeling.
I was happy.
- Nancy al-- - Shut up, I'm talking.
I've heard enough from you.
Yes, your wife was right about a lot of things...
including how your son died.
[Nicholas, distorted] Mummy. Mummy. Mummy.
[Catherine] I didn't sleep at all that night.
[Nicholas] Can we get a dinghy?
- [Catherine] My whole body was aching. - [Nicholas] Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy!
[Catherine] Nicholas, he was desperate to go to the beach.
[Nicholas] Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy!
- [Catherine] I could barely move... - [Nicholas] Dinghy! Dinghy! Dinghy!
...but we did go, uh, to the beach.
[Nicholas] Dinghy!
And on the way, I... [sighs] ...relented, and I bought him a-- a dinghy.
It was a--
a lifesaver I thought at the time, you know, keep him occupied on the sand
until I had enough energy to go into the water with him
because I was exhausted.
The night before had, uh, drained me.
I didn't mean to fall asleep,
but I did.
I shut down.
I just closed my eyes and I went to sleep. [sighs]
I only woke because the wind had picked up and the sand was just piercing my skin.
And I immediately knew that something was wrong.
And the sea was so rough. And Nicholas was just-- [sighing]
He was smiling. He was just lost in his own little world.
[distorted] Nicholas?
- And the waves were... - Nicholas!
...were getting bigger and the boat was bouncing.
And he was just being pulled further and further out.
And when the water reached my waist, I just-- I-- I froze.
You know, and I'd always, uh, been scared of the sea, but--
You know, and I was certain that if I-I went out-- swam out to him,
that-- that we'd both drown.
[meows]
[sighs] It always seems to be men who drown rescuing children.
It's not mothers, it's f-- it's fathers.
I don't know, there must have been some women who've done it,
but I-- I don't, uh, remember reading about it.
I mean, surely I'm not alone in lacking the courage
to have gone out after my son.
I keep asking myself, you know, if it had been a burning building
or if it had been someone pointing a gun, I mean, would it have been any different?
Would I-- Would I have found the courage then?
I mean, would I have-- have run through fire?
Or-- Or taken a bullet for Nick?
[sighs]
I don't know. All I know is that the-- the sea thwarted me.
I didn't risk my life for my child and that is something I have to live with.
[sniffles]
And then... [sighs]
...I saw him.
And he was running down the beach toward me
and as soon as he reached the sea, he just dove into the waves.
[Catherine, distorted] No, no, no! [speaks indistinctly]
And the words just came out of my mouth...
- No! No! - ...before I could stop them.
- I didn't want it to be him. Not him. - [speaks indistinctly]
Anyone but him.
And I just stood there, frozen.
And I just watched him as he swam one-armed,
pulling the boat through the waves looking heroic.
[cat meows]
But the sea was against him.
And, uh, then these, uh, two men,
they rushed into the water, and they swam out to them.
And then, finally, Nick was safe on the shore.
[beachgoers clamoring]
And everyone was focused on Nicky and the two men.
No one was looking at your son.
He was a hero. They assumed he was okay.
Yeah, well, your wife was right.
I did see your son struggling in the waves...
and I didn't do anything about it.
[cat meows]
His screams were lost in the wind,
and I didn't do a single thing to help him.
- [cat meows] - [sniffles]
[beachgoers clamoring]
So they got him into the boat and rowed him back to the shore,
and everyone leaped into action.
And all Nicholas said about the event was that he was freezing.
He seemed unaware that he could have drowned.
He never once sai-- said he was scared.
But I was.
I still am.
He just felt cold, wanted to go back to the beach,
and a stranger came and rescued him.
Simple as that.
And he never mentioned the incident again.
You know, the beach, the dinghy, your son again. Ever.
I don't care if Nicholas felt cold. My son was dead.
Yes. Yes, he was dead.
He drowned.
You watched him. You did nothing.
- You stood there-- - I am not finished!
You sit down!
Now, I want you to understand what happened the night before.
[breathes shakily] Your wife based this book on a few photographs,
but photographs are not reality.
You said yourself, they are a fragment of reality.
[breathes shakily] Now, the night before your son died,
I went back to my hotel room, and I was ready for a shower.
To fall asleep reading my book.
As I said before, I was happy.
No.
I was more than happy.
I was joyous.
I must have left the key in the door when I opened it,
trying not to spill my wine.
You know, I smelled him before I saw him.
His-- His aftershave was, um...
[distorted gasp]
- [whimpering] - Be quiet. Be quiet.
And I could... [sighs] ...taste his sweat.
I can still taste his sweat.
I don't know what it tasted of. Excitement, probably.
And I was surprised when I heard him speak
because earlier that day, when, uh...
[stammers] ...I'd been aware of him looking at me,
you know, when he smiled at me, I had imagined it differently.
I thought it would be gentle.
But it wasn't gentle.
It was hateful.
- But the photographs-- - Yes.
Yes, I am getting to the photographs.
[breathes deeply]
Lick it.
[distorted whimpering, grunting]
- [whimpering] - [grunts]
[groans, whimpers]
[Catherine] I'd never been hit before, so I was stunned.
My teeth crunched. My ears were ringing.
- I just... [sighs] - [cries] Please.
- ...couldn't believe what was happening. - If you do that again or you scream,
- I will fucking cut you and your son. - [crying]
I will mark your fucking faces for life. Do you understand?
[panting] So are you gonna do as I say?
[speaking indistinctly]
...and take off your fucking dress.
[Nicholas] Mummy. Mummy.
Please, please, please.
- Put him back to sleep. - Please. Don't hurt him.
- Put him back to fucking sleep. - It's okay. Darling--
- Darling, go back to sleep. I'm here. - [Nicholas] But you promised
- to keep the door open, Mummy. - Please.
- Shut him the fuck up. [exhales heavily] - [speaks indistinctly]
- Shut him the fuck up. - [Nicholas speaks indistinctly]
What's that smell?
[Catherine speaking indistinctly]
[no audible dialogue]
[Catherine speaks indistinctly, sniffles]
There we go.
[shushes] Go to sleep.
[speaks indistinctly]
[Catherine breathing shakily]
If Nick had woken...
I don't know what your son would have done.
So I was relieved when I left the room, and I could feel him following me.
And then he, uh--
he picked up the camera and I thought,
"Oh. Oh, he's trying to blackmail me."
And...
so, I thought, you know, "I'll win him over."
I didn't want him to hurt Nick.
Uh, but I didn't know what to do. What was I supposed to do? Pose?
And I was appalled because he chose the underwear
that my husband had given me for the, uh-- the holiday.
[distorted] Hurry up.
[Catherine breathing shakily]
[Jonathan] Faster.
[breathing shakily]
[distorted] Turn around.
[no audible dialogue]
Wipe them off your face and smile. Do you understand?
Now smile.
- Yeah, much better. Sit down. - [shutter clicks]
- [sniffling] - Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Come on. Come on.
[speaks indistinctly] ...bra. Hurry up. Take it off.
I closed my eyes.
I just felt like a dirty, shriveled thing.
And I could hear the click of the camera and the whine of the zoom
as he came closer and closer. [inhales shakily]
And...
I did exactly as he asked.
You know, I bit my top lip. I groaned. I moaned. I gasped.
You know, hoping that he'd be satisfied and he'd leave.
[distorted panting, speaking indistinctly]
[Catherine] And then I heard him sigh and groan...
- [speaks indistinctly] - ...and I waited. I was afraid to move.
[moaning]
[Catherine] And I thought that's all he wanted.
- So I said, "Please go now." - Please go now.
But I'd-- I'd made a mistake.
Shouldn't have said that.
Should have pretended it was what I wanted too.
No! No, don't!
- And I knew then that it wasn't over... - [speaking indistinctly]
...and I was terrified.
- He had a knife. - You better fucking smile.
[Catherine] And through it all, I just kept thinking
how do I get him out?
- How do I get him away from Nick? - [shutter clicking]
And I just thought-- I hoped somewhere he'd feel pity for us.
[Catherine speaks indistinctly]
[sobbing]
[groaning, grunting]
And then I heard this sound.
Sounded like a-- an injured animal.
And I realized...
it was me.
And my whole body was just in pain. Everywhere.
And then he turned me over and he--
he, uh, kissed me and I--
I could taste his teeth and his-his spit
and his aftershave was just-- It was just revolting.
I could--
It made me feel sick.
It was the same aftershave I smelt on you at the-- at the hospital.
And then he...
[clicks tongue]
...pressed his knee, and he... [sniffles] ...he shoved it really hard into my thigh,
and he pushed himself into me again. [sniffles]
And I--
He collapsed on top of me, and I just--
He just stayed there and I was trapped. I couldn't move. [sniffles]
And I thought, "Please, God, let this be over." [sniffles]
But he started in again.
Yeah.
Did I fight?
No.
Did I scream? No, I-I couldn't.
But all you need to know is that... [sniffles]
...your son raped me again and then again,
for three and a half hours.
Your son brutalized me for three and a half hours.
And then, uh, he stopped. He'd had enough.
[panting, distorted]
Turn over.
Smile.
[shutter clicks]
[Catherine] And then he said to me,
- "Thank you. That was nice." - Thank you. That was nice.
[groans]
And when he said that,
I wanted him to die. [sniffles]
Yeah, that evening,
I would have given anything to watch him die.
So, when he drowned...
I walked away.
That's the truth.
And I-I can't pretend to be sorry for that.
- I don't believe you. You're lying. - [inhales deeply]
- So what is it you don't believe? - Any of it. You-- You-- [stammers]
You would have told Nancy when you met her if it was-- if it were true.
- What? I would have told your dying wife... - [sighing]
...that I had been raped by the son she'd lost?
[stammers] What would have been the point?
The only reason I am telling you is because I want you to stop.
I want you to leave me and my son alone.
You have no proof!
What? [stammers] I can give you the forensic evidence.
Is that what you want? Is that what you need?
All right. Well, after he left,
I emptied out a pot of, um, face cream and I pressed it against myself
and I pushed his disgusting glob out of my body,
and I screwed on the lid,
and then I took photographs of, uh, my injuries, you know, my... [stammers]
...the bruises on my thighs and the bites on my neck,
in case I needed them for evidence later because...
I didn't know what I wanted to do yet.
I didn't have the strength to go to the police,
and I did-- I didn't want to put Nicky through that.
So, I thought, you know,
I'll pull myself together, and I'll do it later, you know?
Tomorrow. The next day.
But then he died.
Do you understand? He died.
[inhales shakily] And I thought...
"Thank God he's dead."
I don't have to prove myself innocent to anyone.
I don't have to talk about it if I don't want to.
I don't have to relive it if I don't want to.
I don't have to stand up in court and be called a liar.
You know, to say that I'd, uh... [sniffles] ...enticed a man to my room.
You know, that I'd known him, and he bought me a-a drink in the bar
and I'd flirted with him as your disgusting book suggests.
[sniffles] So I, uh, threw away the pot.
And when I developed my photographs of my holiday,
I erased all of the... [sniffles] ...evidence of my injuries,
and I just kept the happy snaps of, uh... [sniffles]
...Nicholas, and Robert and me. [sniffles]
And then, if you must know...
[sniffles]
...when I got back to London, I disco--
[breathes deeply]
I realized I was pregnant.
Now, it-it could have been Robert's, and, uh...
[sniffles] ...we'd wanted another child so badly...
but not knowing... [sniffles] ...if its father was the man who raped me,
I terminated. [sniffles]
[breathing heavily]
What did you put in my tea?
[breathing heavily]
What did you put in my tea, you crazy fuck?
[moaning, groaning]
[shushes]
Don't fight it.
You're going to fall asleep, but you'll be fine.
I'm going back to the hospital now.
[Catherine] No.
I'm going to put an end to all this.
[groaning, panting]
Hello. Yes. Could you send a taxi, please?
- To 87 Harrington Road. - [groans]
[groaning]
[groaning, gagging]
Oh, fuck.
[panting, retches]
Nicholas. Hi, I'm Dr. Keith. Can you open your eyes for me, please?
[rhythmic beeping]
Well done, Nicholas. Can you squeeze my hand, please?
Can you squeeze, squeeze, squeeze? Well done.
Nicholas, you have a tube in your mouth.
We're going to try and move that, okay? Is that okay?
Let me see. Give me a thumbs-up. Thank you.
Nurse. Can we please extubate?
I've turned off the ventilator.
Nicholas, I'm going to count from one to three
and then I want you to cough, okay?
- One, two, three. Cough for me. Cough. - [coughing]
Well done, Nicholas. Well done.
- Breathe for me, Nicholas. Breathe. - Just relax.
- [Dr. Keith] You're doing very well. - [breathing deeply]
[nurse] I'm gonna give you some oxygen through your nose.
[Dr. Keith] Are you okay, Nicholas?
[groans] Where am I?
What happened to me?
- Nicholas, you're in hospital. - [breathing deeply]
You're in safe hands.
We will explain to you what happened later, okay?
Well. Good morning, handsome.
[groaning, panting]
[gulping]
[speaking Mauritian Creole]
- [tires screeching] - [exclaims, yelling in Mauritian Creole]
You see that? He cut into me as if I don't exist.
People don't know how to drive.
[phone chimes]
[groans]
[driver speaking Mauritian Creole]
[Dr. Keith] Hello, sir. Can you come with me, please? Thank you.
Emma, can you get me Dr. Junta's cardiology notes, please?
- Thank you. - Okay.
Is he okay?
He woke up. He's relatively aware. So that's good news.
Is he, um-- is he talking?
Yes. He's a bit sedated.
However, we are still treating him for endocarditis,
which can recur if he continues to inject drugs.
I understand. I understand, but c-- could he make a full recovery?
- Want a coffee, Doctor? - He's awake and he's aware...
Thank you very much, Emma.
...which is positive news.
Tomorrow, we'll do some new bloods on him, but he needs to rest for the moment.
- Can I-- Can I talk to him, please? - [beeper rings]
You may see him, but please do not make him tired.
- [beeper rings] - I must go now. My beeper's going.
- I understand. Thank you, Doctor. - You're welcome. Thank you.
Mmm. Thank you, Emma. Can you let cardiology know
- that I'm on my way, please? Thank you. - [cell phone ringing]
[automated voice] Please leave your message after the tone.
To rerecord your message, key hash at any time.
- [line beeps] - Robert. This is serious.
Stephen Brigstocke is on the way to the hospital.
Now you cannot let him near Nicholas.
Okay? At any time. Please, Robert.
This is very important.
He's dangerous.
- [car horns honking] - [jackhammer drilling]
[driver speaking Mauritian Creole]
What? [stammers]
[driver speaking Mauritian Creole]
[Robert] I was so, so scared, Nick.
I can't tell you how happy I am that you're back.
We're gonna get through this.
Okay?
That's fine, Nick.
In your own time.
You should get some rest.
- I'm fine here. - He needs rest.
He's gonna be okay.
Go get some air.
I'll be back in a bit, mate.
All right, mate.
- [driver speaking Mauritian Creole] - [jackhammer drilling]
[driver chuckles]
- [speaks Mauritian Creole] - [car horns honking]
[sighs]
- I'll be outside if you need me. - [nurse 2] Okay.
[message tone dings]
I'm sorry, can't you go any faster?
- [driver 2] There are cameras everywhere. - Yes. It's a hospital emergency.
Sorry, I can't get any more points on my license.
I've got a family to feed.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
[electronic voice] Doors closing.
[sighs]
[car horns honking]
- How long's this gonna take? - You're almost there.
- [sighs] - [jackhammer drilling]
[driver 2] Hey! Where are you going? Shut the door.
[car horns honking]
- [elevator dings] - [electronic voice] Doors opening.
And you're back.
Is Mr. Ravenscroft still here?
[nurse 2] He just stepped out, actually.
Ah, thank you.
[nurse 2 stammers] Sorry. Visiting is 8:00 to 8:00.
Uh, Robert asked me to sit with Nicholas for a bit.
Only-Only for a minute.
All right, just one minute. But please check with the ICU nurses first, okay?
Yes. Of course. Thank you.
[panting]
[nurse 1] You shouldn't be here.
You should be resting, my dear.
[stammers] I-I couldn't sleep. I-I was too worried about Nicholas.
[stammers] I don't think I could bear it if-if...
Nicholas has woken up.
That's very good news.
It is.
Stay only for a moment, okay?
He needs to rest.
Of course.
Yes. Thank you.
You are a good woman.
[panting]
Mum?
[breathing shakily]
Mum.
I wanna go.
Mum. Please.
[breathes heavily]
I wanna go.
[breathing shakily]
[inhales shakily] I wanna go, please.
[breathes shakily]
[Brigstocke sobbing]
[sighs]
- [breathing heavily] - [nurse 3] Uh, sir, are you okay?
I'll take him.
Mr. Brigstocke, are you okay?
[sighs]
- It's Robert. - [stammers] I'm sorry.
- [stammers] I'm so sorry. - So-- S--
Sorry about what?
[sighs] I was wrong.
- Wrong in what way? - I was wrong about everything.
[panting]
[grunts, panting]
[panting]
[nurse 2] Excuse me, you can't run in here.
[Catherine] No.
[pants] What did you do to my son?
I'm sorry.
[whimpers, wails]
Cath! Cath!
Cath, I'm so sorry. Cath, I'm so sorry.
- Oh, my son! My son! - I'm so sorry. Cath, look at me.
- My beautiful son. - I should have listened to you, Cath.
I'm so sorry.
- Nicky! Nicky! Nicky! - This is my fault. No, no. Nicky's fine.
- [sobbing] Nicky! - He's fine. I'm so sorry, Catherine.
No, no. Nick-- Cath, listen. Nick's fine. He woke up.
He's safe. He's safe.
He's safe, don't worry.
What? He's-- He's awake?
[sobs] He's awake.
[groans]
- Nicky. - [nurse 1] Excuse me.
- [sobbing] - [nurse 1 speaks indistinctly]
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
It's okay. Please, it's okay.
Wait, why didn't you tell me before?
Why didn't you say anything-- anything before?
I had never met your wife before.
I didn't know the truth until today.
But surely you knew what your son was.
No one wants to believe their son is capable of doing such a thing.
But you sent that book to my family.
You gave me those photographs, and I felt sorry for you.
- I felt grateful to your fucking son. - [electronic voice] Doors opening.
How could you not know?
Why didn't you question it?
No, Mr. Ravenscroft, why didn't you?
- [beeps] - [electronic voice] Doors closing.
[narrator] You always knew that Nancy dressed Jonathan up
into someone he was not,
and you colluded with her,
ignoring all the clues that should have made you uneasy about him.
You have been as guilty of delusion as she was.
Your only defense is that you did it out of love,
but that is not much of a defense.
You were weak.
You have left nothing but a trail of pain behind you.
You know you'll never find forgiveness.
Nothing can atone for a wasted life.
Nothing can purify you.
Nothing can absolve you.
Ahead of you, there's nothing.
Only the void awaits.
I'm so sorry.
I can't even begin to imagine the horror that you went through back then.
And now.
I was so s-- so stupid.
I'll never-- I'll never forgive myself, Cath.
I didn't know.
Mmm.
Why didn't--
Why did you never tell me?
[stammers] I--
I suppose...
I didn't want it to enter our lives.
No, I wanted to protect you and Nick... [chuckles] ...from it, you know.
And from how angry, you know, I-I-I felt and I...
[inhales sharply] I suppose I...
I didn't want you to see me differently, you know?
I didn't want you to have to think about it, you know,
every time that you looked at me.
'Cause I didn't just-- I didn't want to look at myself, you know?
I was just so... [inhales sharply, groans] just so humiliated.
When-- When the book, um...
Mmm?
...and those photographs came into our life,
why didn't you-- Why wouldn't you just tell me then, Cath?
I did try, Robert.
You know? But I-- I suppose that when you--
you've never spoken about something like that, well, I--
[groans] I didn't know where to start.
I needed help to, you know, to pick the pieces apart.
[stammers, sighs] Make sense of it. I couldn't do it on my own.
And you were just... just so angry and betrayed
and, you know, disgusted.
You know, all those things I feared you would be, and...
You didn't hear me out. You-- You know, I couldn't think.
I just--
Talking to you just made me feel guilty all over again.
So...
- I'm so sorry. - Yeah.
Please understand that I was-- I was deceived, Cath.
No, I-I do understand that.
I understand that the photos were-- were confusing.
[softly] Please.
Cath, please forgive me.
I know I should forgive you.
But the truth is I can't.
'Cause you-- You're managing the idea of me having been violated by someone
far more easily than-- than the idea of that someone bringing me pleasure.
You know, it's almost like you-- you're relieved that I was raped.
[sighs]
And I just... Sorry, I...
I don't know how to forgive that.
[sighs]
[narrator] Catherine and Robert finalized the agreement of their divorce.
Catherine knows that her future is uncertain,
but she doesn't mind it.
She's not in a hurry to decide anything now.
It's Nicholas and the present she wants to concentrate on.
[Catherine speaking indistinctly]
Catherine is overcome with gratitude for the chance her son is giving her
to fully embrace his love.
I don't remember.
I know.
I'm so sorry, Nick.
- I don't remember anything. - [sighs] I'm so sorry.
- [clicks tongue] - [sniffles] I'm sorry.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry.
[sighs]
- [sniffles] - I love you.
Yep.
I know. I love you too.
[breathing deeply]