I'm telling you, my homemade beef jerky,
the ultimate Super Bowl snack. It's protein rich.
Nah, dude, you're screwing with me.
No, no, no, no, if there's one snack
for Super Bowl, dude, nachos.
Nachos? Really?
Oh, my God. It's too many carbs. Where's the protein?
Why are you worried about carbs?
Dude, there's-there's protein in the cheese, dude.
Put some chicken on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, so the first time she has it, right?
I serve up some-some-some elk meat, and it's working.
- Everything's going great. - You catch that.
- You get that yourself, right? - Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Of course I do. All the time. I bone it. It's boned.
You do boned? Yeah.
Oh, man. All right, check it out. Check it out.
Soon as she has it, she gets violently ill,
pukes all over us, pukes all over the kid's car seat.
We can't go anywhere for a week!
Oh, that's sick, dude.
Oh, no, that's too bad. That's too bad.
Anyway...
This is Joan Huang.
She came allthe way from China.
Uh, take a seat right there next to Jeremy.
Everyone, let's rise.
Joan, you can just listen for now.
I pledge allegiance
to the flag of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.
Hello.
My name is Joan.
Ew! What is that?
Let's go.
Baba!
Roger, I'm sorry, but you have already agreed to work late.
Do I just swallow? Yeah, yeah.
I actually made it.
Prom King and Queen
is more than just a popularity contest.
Here at Clarksville High, the Prom Queen and King
represent American values
and who we all strive to be.
So without any further ado, this year's prom queen
is... Hannah Summers.
Hannah! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah! Hannah!
Hannah! Hannah!
...definition, and I zoomed you in here,
but I like how I can kind of have
a little bit of room to play.
So I'm taking that angled brush,
and I'm flicking it outward, and as you can see,
I already have my mascara on.
I like having my mascara done first so I really know...
Hi, my loves!
I have some exciting news to announce.
I just booked the lead role in a new TV show!
Ah! I can hardly believe it.
I'm still pinching myself.
I do have some sad news, though.
I'm not gonna be able to run for prom queen
'cause I'll be on set, making magic.
Oh.
♪ Watch me, girls with The real short bangs ♪
♪ Black eyeliner, Look at me, look at me... ♪
Hey, it's Brindha.
At the beep, hang up and text me, you weirdo.
Coming!
♪ Black eyeliner look at me, Look at me, look at me ♪
♪ The girls with Their nails done long ♪
♪ Dance real hot Watch me watch me ♪
♪ I got a past, do we really Need to bring it up? ♪
♪ It isn't bad, but it Is embarrassing enough ♪
♪ Keep on looking if You're looking for unique ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm an Abercrombie-looking-ass bitch ♪
♪ And I don't give a fuck, It isn't bad ♪
♪ But it is Embarrassing enough ♪
♪ Keep on looking if You're looking for unique ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm an Abercrombie-looking-ass bitch ♪
♪ And I don't give a fuck Watch me ♪
- Hey, mom. - Hey.
Speak English, mom.
The chorus sounds good.
Mmm. Oh.
Bye, dad.
- Mm. - Ah!
Pork floss, my favorite!
- My bad. - It's chill.
When are you gonna talk to him?
He doesn't like me like that.
How do you know if you never try to kiss him?
Okay, one, I would never just kiss him.
That's literally sexual harassment.
And two, I'm perfectly happy just fantasizing
about his hairless penis.
Ew. Why hairless?
Stop trying to distract me.
Did you watch it?
Watch what?
Bro, the video.
Yes, I did. Chill. I'm just kidding.
You know what this means?
I could actually win.
Okay, I sound like a broken record at this point,
but you don't need it.
You just don't think I can win.
No, I just think it's a waste of time.
Prom queen is worth my time.
When I get back, you better change your mind.
Hmm.
♪ I could get used to this ♪
♪ Yeah, 24/7 drip ♪
♪ I could get used to this ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
Hi, my loves.
This is Ms. Valentine.
She's my science teacher
and a fierce advocate for climate change.
She's actually the president of the Evergreen Committee,
a nonprofit dedicated to fighting global warming.
Can you say hi to my followers?
Okay, so as you all know,
I started the Feel the Burn Challenge three weeks ago
to raise awareness for climate change,
but really to show how quickly our skin burns
under the sun now compared to 30 years ago.
Since then, I've managed to raise
$1,000 to fight climate change.
Surprise!
How very thoughtful, Olivia.
Okay, I'm gonna need more out of you.
I'm gonna need more excitement. Can you scream?
Maybe shed a tear, talk about how this money
is gonna change your life?
Beautiful. Okay, phone.
Three, two, one.
We love you, Ms. Valentine!
Gag! Ugh.
I think what Olivia is doing is altruistic.
Feel the Burn?
You think it's altruistic?
It's fucking stupid. That's what it is. It's all for show.
Plus, it's fucking racist, too.
You think this brown skin's gonna burn like that white girl?
All she cares about is her followers.
So you think Olivia's racist and stupid?
And cringe. Very, very cringe.
So help me beat her friends for prom queen.
You are so fucking stubborn. You know that?
I have a whole plan.
♪ Blah, blah, blah, Blah, blah, blah ♪
Is Nasher Brian a part of that plan?
♪ Blah, blah, blah ♪
Oh, he's so fucking hot.
Hmm, okay, Joan, let's get it! Mm, yeah!
- I'd bang, bang his ass any day! - Mmm, mmm.
- Um...
Where are we?
- You must be Joan. - Hi, Mrs. Adams.
You are so pretty.
Do you know that?
Come on in.
Your dad is almost done.
If you wait here, I made you some tea.
We were just in Fujian.
It's where you're from, right?
Oh!
- Roger, what was that? - Dad?
Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god. - I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Accident. A-accident.
- What did he say? - He is very sorry.
He said it won't happen again.
Oh, God.
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo.
Okay. I never liked that print anyway.
But if it happens again, he will not be able to work here
or for any of my friends ever again.
Hmm?
So, uh, it should close away...
Uh...
Okay, okay, okay.
And now, this year's Stanwood Park prom queen
is Joan Huang!
Oh, my god!
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan,
Joan, Joan, Joan, Joan!
Coming.
I made cookies.
- Yo, yo. - Yo.
Sorry about your dad.
Hey, you still have time to campaign?
I feel horrible for saying this, but Americans don't clean.
- Hmm? - Immigrants clean.
I don't wanna be a stereotype.
- Aw. - What?
You look like a virgin.
- I ama virgin. - You are.
But people don't need to know that.
Thankfully, your bestie is a graphic design genius.
Dude!
Hmm?
Boop!
My lady!
Skadoosh!
Oh, it's super sick.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Nice - Hi.
Um, vote for me, Joan Hua...
Okay.
Hi. Vote for me, Joan Huang.
Hey, vote for me, please?
Ow.
Ow! Oh, my gosh.
Happy Lunar New Year.
Oh, wow.
Looks so, uh, b-badass.
I've gotta get to school.
Okay, mom.
Hey! Oh, my god.
- Sorry. - Olivia, hi!
I thought you were someone else.
Nice hair.
- It's so... Blonde. Uh... - You already said that.
I don't know what else to say.
Why didn't you tell me you were gonna do this?
It was spontaneous. I thought, as my friend,
- you'd support my new look. - I do. It's just...
What?
Never mind.
- Hey. - Hey.
Don't worry. I have the right person this time.
Feel free to say no, but a few of us
are getting our nails done after school.
If you're not doing anything, you should come.
- Yeah, I'd love to. - Cool.
Yeah. Happy New Year.
Okay, bye.
What do you think?
I think that would look really cute on you.
- Actually... - Yeah, just...
Okay.
- Hi. - Hey.
I'm so glad you could come.
This is Greta, and this is Cat.
What makes it move?
- Cat, babe. Can you take her? - Yeah, come sit down.
- Okay. - Come sit.
- You speak Mandarin, right? - Yeah.
I-I mean, I'm not fluent or anything.
But, like, you can speak it?
- Yeah. - Okay, cool. Come here.
Can you ask her for the gel deluxe mani
with the full design package?
Uh...
She said it's $100.
There's, like, a "locals" discount.
Um...
Girls, I was doing a cam read yesterday
with this guy who was like, a five, if I'm being generous.
We were in the middle of this audition.
I'm sorry. He was a four. I have to stop being so nice.
We were in the middle of this audition.
He's doing a line about, like,
his dead mom or something.
He's looking at me.
He gets a boner.
Greg freaks the fuck out.
The director throws him outside.
I almost lose the part because some four
with a man bun can't control his libido.
And I think I need to break up with Greg.
Your life is so hard.
Have you thought about endorsing someone for prom queen?
- Why would I do that? - You're Olivia Hammond.
Whoever you endorse will probably end up winning.
Imagine the bribes you'll get.
You could even feature the winner on your channel.
Completely unrelated, my parents just got me two tickets
to go see Blackbear. Wanna come?
O-M-G, that totally reminds me.
I was cleaning out my room the other day,
and I was totally gonna throw this away.
Do you want it?
It's so pretty.
- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.
Speaking of those Blackbear tix, can I have both?
Yeah.
Hi, my loves.
Okay, two things.
One, we just got our nails done,
look at how cute they are,
at the super cute nail shop.
Support local businesses.
Two, I've decided I'm gonna endorse one girl for prom queen.
She's gonna be gorgeous, someone we all want to be,
irregardless of prejudice.
I'll make my decision in a week.
Let the games begin.
Thank you so much for coming.
Yeah, of course.
I can see your black roots.
Ew.
This smells so good.
I don't drink water anymore.
Strictly green juice.
Oh, my God. Crystals are ten percent off!
Hello?
Hello. Welcome.
Hi.
I-I don't know if I have the right place.
Joan Huang?
You're in the right place. Come in.
Don't be shy.
If you go through this door, the nice ladies inside
will help you out.
What is this place?
A place where we help you reach your true potential.
Joan Huang?
After the surgery...
- Yes? - Come in.
Please take a seat. Dr. Singer will be right with you.
Before the surgery,
not one NBA player looked my way.
After the surgery, they're all up in my DMs.
Before the surgery, my girlfriend's parents
did not accept my proposal to marry their daughter.
But after the surgery, I pretended
to be someone entirely new.
And now, the wedding's in July.
Let's just hope we don't have any children.
After the surgery, I was finally promoted
to my dream job as veterinarian.
Mm.
Even the animals treat me different.
Joan Huang.
Mm.
After the surgery,
they're all up in my DMs.
Mmm, I love seeing young faces in here.
You know what I always say,
the younger the better.
Nancy, cue up the intro video for me.
Dim the lights. Have a seat, Joan.
Have you ever walked into a shoe store
only to have the shop manager ask you to leave,
even though you make 10 times as much a year as he does?
Have you ever had someone tell you how impressed they are,
how well you speak English without an accent?
Or are you just tired of the way white folks look at you?
You know what I'm talking about.
I'm Willie Singer.
I'm one of the founders of Ethnos Inc., the first company
dedicated to true equality.
Now, see, I was not always like this.
Once upon a time, I, too, suffered the injustice
of being a person of color in this world.
I fought for basic rights. I was passed over for promotions.
I was spat on in the street, and I got so tired of fighting.
But that's when I realized,
if you can't beat them,
bethem.
Let me show you around.
We use cutting-edge technology
called ethnic modification
to change your skin pigmentation.
We use advanced cell-growth technology on your face
and your body to alter your features quickly
and permanently. No pain, no recovery time.
And to make sure that the transformation is complete,
even your voice sounds different.
Voila! It really is that simple.
Remember, life doesn't have to be this hard.
What you're describing is impossible.
Oh, it's a lot, I know.
But I assure you, it is very much possible.
How?
Come.
Nancy used to look like this.
Dexter.
I want you to show Joan what you used to look like.
It's like a giant weight has been lifted.
I finally feel like I belong.
Different people do it for different reasons.
This was me ten years ago.
I was a bio engineer
with the number one health manufacturing firm
in all of America.
I worked hard. I kissed ass.
But I knew from the second that I was born that my success
would always be limited.
So when the tenth white turd who only got into Harvard
because of daddy's money got the promotion I deserved, well,
that's when I realized if I was gonna have equality,
I was gonna have to create it myself.
So that's when the three of us, a bioengineer,
a molecular biologist, and a biophysicist,
started Ethnos Inc.
And we started it for people like us
to give us a true, fair shot.
I am so thankful that you found us early in life.
How does it all work?
The whole procedure takes about two hours.
You pick the features that you want.
Everything's customizable.
Since you're a minor, we have to have a parental signature
before we proceed.
- Okay. - Okay, great.
We're not in it for the money. We're in it for you.
And since we have a promotion today,
I would be more than happy to throw in a hair transplant
free of charge.
Now you can give it a test run.
If you don't like it, dye it back.
But if you do, bring in your parental signature
and your deposit.
And we will complete the transformation.
No more black roots. How does that sound?
Welcome.
Come, have a seat, Joan.
Are you ready?
Excellent.
You'll just get a little sleepy.
Mm.
Goodnight.
Ugh.
Okay.
Oh, look, it matches your hair.
Um, Eliza threw a little party
with all of her silly friends.
And I'm pretty sure somebody puked in there.
Someone did puke in here.
Yeah. Oh.
Oh, how is your father's hand doing?
Not great.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Please tell him if he would like
to have the number to my hand doctor,
I'm happy to give it.
Okay, he is the best.
And he's doing some pro bono work right now
because of a DUI.
We're good.
Are you sure?
Positive.
Actually, if you would tell your father
that next week's clean is canceled.
We are going on a little vacay to Peru.
There's an incredible artist there
doing painting on cacao beans
in protest of the children who risk their lives
during the harvest.
It's just so brave.
Cool.
Um, okay.
Field trip.
Sign there.
Hm.
Are you ready?
Okay.
All right, now, you're just gonna count backwards
from 20 for me, okay?
Twenty, nineteen, eighteen...
seventeen...
♪ It's good to be white ♪
♪ Whoa-oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ It's good to be white ♪
♪ Whoa-oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ It's good to be white ♪
♪ Whoa-oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ It's good to be white ♪
How are you feeling?
It's good to be white.
Isn't that dream just the best?
Hmm.
Are you ready to see yourself?
Hmm.
This is my favorite part.
Three, two, one.
Hi.
Excuse me.
Is that you?
No.
Thank you.
Who are you?
Ha, wrong.
It's me.
Sorry, uh, you have wrong house.
Uh, wrong house. Please, leave.
Dad, dad, it's me.
- Hey, mom. - Leave.
Hey, you have a birthmark on your left thigh.
Uh, your favorite dessert is the dried taro cake
from down the street.
Uh, I-I, your, your favorite CD.
You were asking me to make dumplings with you last week.
And, uh, dad, we were writing a song here a few days ago.
Mom, grandma took this with me when I was five.
We were sitting right there
when-when you sliced your hand open,
and we had to sew it up,
and you asked me to take over
your cleaning duties.
I had surgery to look like this.
Y-y-you're...
- You're not my daughter. - Dad! Dad! Uh...
Qiqi?
I knew that you'd both freak out.
So I, uh, here I got you this.
Mm.
Mom signed it.
Aren't you guys at least, like, a little bit happy for me?
I'll finally be treated the same
as everybody else... get the same opportunities.
I mean, isn't that what you always wanted for me?
Hey-hey-hey!
Hello?
Hello? Hi.
Mom, there's no one here.
Hi!
- Hello. How can I help you? - Doctor?
Doctor! Now!
Uh, yes, one moment please.
- Singer. - Hello.
- I'm Dr. Singer. How are you? - Doctor?
It's so good to...
Oh, how is life treating you?
Do yourself a favor.
Get tickets to a Michael Bublé concert.
That experience as a white person will change your life.
Change. Change her. Change her back.
I am very sorry, um, that you're unhappy with our services.
Unfortunately, the procedure is quite permanent.
That's why we require a parental signature
if they are under 18.
She tricked me. Tricked me.
Our daughter lie.
I am truly sorry to hear that.
Unfortunately, even if that is the case,
there's just nothing I can do.
- It's a, it's a perm-- - Ch-change her back.
Chinese daughter. I want--
- It's a permanent-- - Shh, stop it.
How do you say permanent procedure?
Per... How do you say permanent?
It's per... It's permanent.
No, I know, but change, please.
- I cannot. - Change and refund.
- Refund. - Um, I am very sorry.
- Doctor. - There's nothing you can do.
I am confident that you will come to understand
how positive a change
that this is gonna be for your daughter's life
and for your own lives as well.
So much so that perhaps you and your husband
will come back and get the surgery yourself.
We do offer family discounts.
Thank you so much for comin' in.
- No. - Uh, where's security?
- I really do appreciate it. - Get doctor back.
- Okay, mom, please!
You stop it! Doctor!
I told you, I'm tired of feeling like I don't belong.
I'm still Joan. I just gave myself an upgrade.
Being Chinese was what made me weak.
And I don't wanna be judged for somebody that I'm not.
I don't want, I don't want people to hate me
for things that I haven't done.
Now, whenever I go to school or I walk into a store,
I don't have to worry about animosity
or people judging me
because of the way that my eyes slant.
Huh?
I-I know this is a surprise to both of you,
but I have been very unhappy for a very long time.
And I know that you think I'm erasing my culture or whatever,
but we live here in America.
And now is the first time in my life
I don't have to be Asian-American
or Chinese-American. I can just be American.
You're wrong.
The only mistake I made was not doing this sooner.
Uh, hey-hey-hey.
Ay.
Ah.
♪ La-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ Hips start to slip Into a locomotion ♪
♪ Hair flips like A tornado's comin' ♪
♪ Chasing down the weatherman ♪
♪ Ragin' all the way To Amsterdam ♪
♪ Sway, sway, sway ♪
♪ La-la-la-la-la-la ♪
Everyone, this is Jo Hunt from?
California.
Why don't you go find a seat?
Okay, everybody, let's open up our notebooks
and continue with unit three, The American Revolution.
So California, huh?
Are you all into, you know,
juice cleanses and hot yoga?
How else am I supposed to look like this?
Look.
I messed up.
Oh, my gosh, no way.
- You did that. - Oh.
- Apologize. - I'm sorry.
- Thank you.
- Yeah. - It's cool.
That was actually humiliating.
I hate her.
Hey.
Hey, new girl.
Guys, this is Jo. She just moved here from California.
Oh, no, shit.
- What part? - LA.
I'm there all the time. The sunsets are really pretty.
- What brings you here? - My dad.
He's, like, a movie producer or whatever.
So I guess he's shooting a show here.
- What's his name? - Henry... Hunt.
Henry Hunt.
I've never heard of him.
Really?
Come sit.
I'm Olivia.
- This is my boyfriend, Greg. - Hi.
You've obviously met Nash.
- And Greta, Cat. - Hey.
I'm actually an actress.
I mean, I'm not supposed to share this yet,
but I did just book the new lead
- on a superhero show. - Congrats!
It's, like, it's, like, so slay of you.
Thank you.
Um...
What do you guys think of Blackbear's new album?
- You like Blackbear? - Yeah, he's, like, fire.
Super fire.
Are you okay? I'm so sorry.
No, you-you're good.
So what are you guys doing on Saturday?
Oh, my God, guys.
- We could go to Mickey D's. - Mickey D's?
She said Saturday night, not when hell freezes over.
Um, my brother's got a new semi-automatic we could try.
What the fuck, Greta?
No, in, like, a "girl power boom boom" kind of way.
My parents are out of town this weekend.
Cheers!
♪ Savages ♪
Hey, so, I've been meaning to talk to you, I, uh...
really like you.
You think Olivia's gonna endorse somebody soon?
What?
I'll be right back.
Excuse me.
- Olivia. Over here! - Um...
I think I've got this.
Olivia.
Three, two, one.
- Go, go, go! - Go, go!
What the fuck? My phone!
Olivia.
I-I have towels.
Come on.
You're so lucky you get to borrow your mom's clothes.
Why can't you?
She's not around anymore.
Shit. I'm sorry.
Sure your mom won't mind?
Yeah, she won't even notice it's gone.
Is this her?
Yeah, and my dad.
You have your mom's eyes.
What are you gonna do when this is all over?
Um...
My, uh, my dad, he wanted to be a musician.
Uh, before he was a movie producer, you know?
I guess I...
I guess I wouldn't mind giving that a shot.
So you go to music school?
Yeah.
Write my own songs.
Can you write one for me?
Right now?
Yeah, I mean, actors and musicians
have to work under pressure all the time.
Yeah.
♪ All eyes on you ♪
♪ Perfection yet so blue ♪
♪ All you've ever Wanted is to be seen ♪
♪ Endorse me for prom queen ♪
I know your secret.
Yeah, when you whispered to those guys by the pool?
Bitch move, but I appreciate your tenacity.
I like you, Jo.
Prove to me that you're trustworthy,
you'll get my endorsement.
Um...
♪ Hit you with the venom, I'ma go and get 'em ♪
♪ Break it while I bend 'em ♪
♪ Uh, what you want? I'ma fuck it up ♪
I knew it.
- Do I, do I know you? - I-it's you, isn't it?
I don't know who you are, but you need to back off.
Admit it. I saw your lunchbox.
What the fuck did you do?
- Joan? Joan? - Shut up. Leave me alone!
Go away.
Hey, hey, hey!
♪ I'ma party with a nosebleed, A nosebleed ♪
♪ All these vegan Bitches want beef ♪
It's still the same passcode.
♪ These bitches all Disgust me, disgust... ♪
What happened?
- How? - I-I don't know. Science.
Now what? You're stuck like this?
I'm not stuck. This is what I want.
All because you want Olivia's endorsement?
No, because life is easier.
I'm popular. Nash wants to fuck me.
I called you like a hundred times, dude.
I went by your house.
I thought you left without saying goodbye.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
We're here for the party.
This is a private party.
Says who?
Me.
- Is this your house? - No.
But this is my party. You wanna know whose house it is?
Jo, how about you kindly tell these party crashers to leave?
Hey, you're being real rude to my friend.
And last time I checked,
the person who owns this house
is the host of the party.
Your friend, Jo, personally invited us here.
Jo?
You have to leave.
Excuse me?
This is a private party.
And I'm asking you guys to leave.
You're really doing this?
Let's go, guys. Fucking waste of time.
Everyone, I have an announcement to make.
I've finally decided who I'm endorsing for prom queen.
I'm endorsing...
Jo Hunt.
All I do is clean and do school.
How do you translate, I am miserable?
Just, just-just at a friend's house.
It's not...
I don't smell anything.
No.
It's mine.
I didn't--
No, dad. Dad!
I didn't do anything!
Dad! I didn't. Dad!
Please!
Uh...
♪ Walking on my face, Left my keys at your place ♪
♪ But my keys are at my place ♪
♪ Walking on my face, walking ♪
♪ Wa-walking on my face face ♪
♪ Running on lady legs ♪
♪ Ru-running on lady legs I wish I did better ♪
♪ I'm sitting in my room Being bitter a little ♪
♪ I'm big, I'm fat, I'm a quitter ♪
♪ Build a mirror, disappear, And pity ourselves ♪
♪ I'm not the lucky one ♪
♪ Everything cool Is already done ♪
♪ Whatever I do Attracts no one ♪
Good afternoon.
I will now announce the students
who were voted into the prom court.
You will choose your final Prom King and Queen
from these names.
Cat Fisher.
Bianca Peterman.
Bianca!
Millie Wolf.
- Is it in alphabetical order? - I can't believe it!
And last but not least...
Jo Hunt.
- Oh, my gosh! - Ah! You're so lucky.
Hey, my loves, I just took Jo thrifting,
and I found her the perfect prom dress.
The big reveal will be in Friday's video.
And more importantly, I just found out
I got time off set to make a special appearance at prom
to cheer my girl on.
Are you going to the party on Friday?
Hey, Olivia, I was wondering
if we could go thrifting...
Hey. Hey.
Hey, can we talk?
Please?
Look at what you've done to yourself.
How do you think that makes me feel?
I don't understand.
Okay.
You thought you were ugly. Hmm?
You think I'm ugly, too?
What? No, I, of course not.
Sure. Yeah.
- Good luck at prom. - You're not goin'?
It'll just be another clone winning.
As a white woman, the amount of things you can get away with
is absurd.
The other day, I claimed my waiter was a threat to my life.
I received a free meal and a personal apology from the chef.
How may I help you, ma'am?
My name is Joan Huang, and I need to see Dr. Singer.
Of course, dear. Do you have an appointment?
No, but it's an emergency.
Yes, of course. Let me just see here.
Dr. Singer's first available appointment is February 20.
- Great. That's tomorrow. - Of next year.
- Of next year? - Yes, ma'am.
Would you like for me to schedule you in?
No, I, I need to see him now.
Oh, this is a common side effect. Please hold.
Please spread a thin layer of cream over the affected areas.
What is this?
When things start to droop,
use one of these little suckers to pick back up.
- What? - It's like getting a facelift.
Thank you. Next!
I'm busy!
Hey-hey!
I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy!
Okay, okay, okay, okay. Yes, what?
Yeah, but she was a bitch.
I know you're better off working for somebody else, anyways.
What do you mean?
No.
No, I... Of course not.
Now you're accusing me of trashing her house?
No, I can't believe you would even accuse me
of something like this.
You know, m-maybe you should take this as a blessing.
Now you can finally learn English and get a real job.
That's not what I meant.
Dad, I'm sorry.
What are we celebrating?
♪ Let's go, Jump in the middle ♪
♪ Move around Shake it a little ♪
♪ Let's go, Jump in the middle ♪
♪ Move around Shake it a little ♪
Jo, you look stunning!
- Shut up! - Oh, my God, you.
It's seriously so boorish.
I'm having so much fun. I heard you were in a limo.
Yeah, was that, like, the worst experience ever?
I'm so jealous.
Oh, I love this song.
Come dance.
♪ I should've known better ♪
♪ Should've known better By now ♪
♪ Ah-ah, ah-ah ♪
♪ I should've never ♪
♪ And now I can't Figure it out ♪
♪ Ah-ah ♪
Are you okay?
Your face is...
Uh...
Fuck!
Okay. Fuck!
- Hey, gorgeous girl. - Ah!
We're about to announce the winners.
Okay.
- Jo, are you okay? - Yeah. Yeah.
I'm, I'll meet you right out there.
It's fine.
- Jo. Jo. - Hey.
Jo.
Hey.
Your old face fights back at first.
But it gets better.
Settle down, everyone.
Now to announce the prom queen and king
is Vice Principal Owens.
Welcome to Stanwood Park High's prom night!
I have in my hand this year's winner of prom king and queen.
Just to recap, these are the nominations for Prom Queen.
Cat Fisher...
Bianca Peterman...
Millie Wolf, and Jo Hunt.
And this year's prom queen is...
Jo Hunt.
With that, Jo, come on up here.
Come on up, Jo.
Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo,
Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo, Jo!
♪ I love you I love you ♪
♪ I really love you ♪
♪ I adore you, adore you ♪
♪ Let me in your heart ♪
♪ I need you so badly ♪
Hey, you're awake.
What happened?
You fainted. Hey, don't worry.
Only a few people in the front got clear videos.
I'll make sure they get buried.
My face.
♪ I love you ♪
♪ I really love you ♪
Jo.
♪ Adore you ♪
It'll heal.
It always does.
Oh.
Okay. I know, I know.
Oh.
It's not very often we meet a fellow Ethnos Inc. enthusiast.
Why don't you stay for dinner, Jo?
I insist.
Here, Jo. You can have the leg.
- It's really okay. - Uh, no need to be polite here.
Here you go, sweetheart.
- Thank you. - Here you go. Mm-hmm.
Absolutely.
So, Jo...
how wonderful is it to be white?
Um...
what race were you guys before the surgery?
Uh, we don't use that word here.
What word?
Race.
Daddy says true equality knows no race.
Yeah. Yeah.
Go ahead.
We used to be Cuban.
But when we moved here from Miami,
Dad thought it would be a great idea to start a new life.
When I learned of Dr. Singer's work,
I immediately demanded to be one of his first customers.
I just think that he's doing something that everyone else
is too scared to do.
He's erasing color to achieve true equality.
I think that's worthy of a Nobel Prize.
We've referred five families already.
So, uh, did your parents have it done as well?
No.
Oh.
Oh, that's a shame.
Um, well, you know,
eventually people who don't share the same ideologies,
uh, they fade away.
Um...
What do you mean?
Well...
you, Olivia, and I,
we believe in equality.
True equality.
We were even willing to change our, uh,
y-y-you know what, to achieve it.
People who don't feel the same way, well, eventually they, uh,
well, they're no longer in your life.
And good riddance, I say.
I haven't spoken to my mom in years
because she refused to change.
I mean, it's sad, really.
She could have had all of this.
You never miss your old life?
Never.
Oh.
Being American...
not the goal.
The goal is opposite.
I stop follow other people,
and I become my own American.
And you will find your own American, too.
I have to try.
Welcome to Ethnos Inc.,
your one-stop shop to the life you've always wanted.
Be sure to check out our new locations in Richmond,
Pittsburgh, and Spokane.
And remember, if you can't beat them,
be them.
Excuse me, excuse me.
I wanna be white!
I-I need to see Dr. Singer.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey! Hey, get off of me!
Hey! Get off! Ah!
Hey!
Let me in!
Please.
- Let me! - It's okay.
It's okay.
I wanna change back.
You read the contract. It's impossible.
Please, please.
You have been blessed.
There are thousands that would kill to have what you have.
I am a monster.
Uh, how do I put it?
For a new plant to grow...
and flourish, the seed has to die.
♪ Island off the coast ♪
♪ Whatever feels The most like dreaming ♪
♪ It's like you weren't real ♪
♪ Somehow I feel now ♪
♪ When you lay by me ♪
♪ Till morning ♪
♪ It's just a dream ♪
♪ A faded dream ♪
♪ Photographed in time ♪
♪ Every kiss combined And fleeting ♪
♪ Now that I'm waking ♪
♪ Your voice is fading ♪
♪ When you lay by me ♪
♪ Till morning ♪
♪ It's just a dream ♪
♪ A faded dream ♪